WEBVTT - Some Life Advice from “The Moth” 0:00:14.956 --> 0:00:31.996 Pushkin. Hey everyone, it's me Maya. You might have heard 0:00:32.036 --> 0:00:35.156 me talk about The Moth before. It's the long standing, 0:00:35.276 --> 0:00:39.636 critically acclaimed podcast where storytellers stand alone under a spotlight 0:00:39.796 --> 0:00:42.716 and tell a true story to a room full of strangers. 0:00:43.116 --> 0:00:47.676 Moth stories are funny, heartbreaking, and enlightening, and sometimes all 0:00:47.676 --> 0:00:50.796 three at the same time, and they celebrate something we 0:00:50.916 --> 0:00:53.436 care a lot about. Here at a slight change of plans, 0:00:54.076 --> 0:00:57.356 real people talking about their own lives in their own words. 0:00:57.716 --> 0:01:01.196 If you like the mix of curiosity, vulnerability, and human 0:01:01.236 --> 0:01:04.356 transformation that we explore on our show, we think you'll 0:01:04.436 --> 0:01:08.276 like the Moth too. The episode I'm sharing now, called Advice, 0:01:08.836 --> 0:01:11.796 is all all about wise counsel, listening to your gut 0:01:11.956 --> 0:01:14.596 and learning to practice what you preach. I hope you 0:01:14.716 --> 0:01:32.476 enjoy it. This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, 0:01:32.796 --> 0:01:38.596 Chloe Sammon, as an older sister. I love giving advice. 0:01:39.076 --> 0:01:41.596 My brothers might say I love telling them what to do, 0:01:41.676 --> 0:01:44.996 but I object your honor. I say, there's a lot 0:01:44.996 --> 0:01:47.676 of value in having someone pull up a chair, look 0:01:47.716 --> 0:01:50.036 you in your eyes, and give you their honest and 0:01:50.116 --> 0:01:54.556 objective take on whatever ails you Now, acting on that 0:01:54.676 --> 0:01:59.156 advice another thing entirely, and I think that's okay. If 0:01:59.196 --> 0:02:01.996 we always did the sensible thing, I expect there would 0:02:02.036 --> 0:02:03.916 be far fewer good stories in the world. 0:02:04.076 --> 0:02:08.276 And who wants that. So in this episode stories of advice, 0:02:08.716 --> 0:02:12.556 give it taken and not so taken, and a chance 0:02:12.596 --> 0:02:15.116 to ponder your own wisdom, giving chops. When I sit 0:02:15.156 --> 0:02:18.516 down with one of our storytellers who's also an advice columnist, 0:02:18.796 --> 0:02:21.316 who brought in some juicy questions to share with us, 0:02:21.836 --> 0:02:28.716 let's get going. First up is Stacy Nicholson. She told 0:02:28.716 --> 0:02:31.796 this story at a main stage in Fargo, North Dakota, 0:02:31.956 --> 0:02:36.396 where we partnered with Prairie Public Broadcasting. Here's Stacy live 0:02:36.476 --> 0:02:37.036 at them off. 0:02:47.156 --> 0:02:49.756 I don't have a single memory of ever having lunch 0:02:49.836 --> 0:02:52.196 in the lunch room during my entire four years of 0:02:52.276 --> 0:02:56.076 high school. I must have, but if I did, I 0:02:56.236 --> 0:02:59.116 likely ate my lunch as quickly as possible and then 0:02:59.156 --> 0:03:01.716 spent the rest of the lunch period roaming the hallways, 0:03:02.356 --> 0:03:04.436 because I do have a lot of memories of roaming 0:03:04.476 --> 0:03:08.876 the hallways. In my mind, the table's in the lunch 0:03:08.956 --> 0:03:12.356 room were reserved for the cool kids, the big groups 0:03:12.396 --> 0:03:15.316 of friends who sat around laughing and making plans for 0:03:15.356 --> 0:03:18.516 the weekend ahead, and I was definitely not one of 0:03:18.516 --> 0:03:23.276 the cool kids. I was a shy, weird, introvert, but 0:03:23.356 --> 0:03:25.276 I wished I could be the kind of person who 0:03:25.356 --> 0:03:28.756 could sit around a table, laughing and making plans with friends. 0:03:30.276 --> 0:03:34.316 Then in my twenties, I developed an almost crippling social anxiety, 0:03:34.956 --> 0:03:37.396 to the point where I might make myself physically ill 0:03:37.436 --> 0:03:40.356 if I had to go anywhere, especially if somewhere where 0:03:40.396 --> 0:03:43.516 I might not know anybody, because I had decided that 0:03:43.556 --> 0:03:46.956 the world was divided into two groups of people, the 0:03:46.996 --> 0:03:49.596 people who thought I was weird and the people who 0:03:49.676 --> 0:03:54.716 knew I was weird. And since I wasn't going to 0:03:54.716 --> 0:03:57.116 be welcome at any of the cool tables and I 0:03:57.156 --> 0:03:59.596 didn't want to spend my time roaming the halls, it 0:03:59.676 --> 0:04:04.156 was easier to just stay home. But eventually I realized 0:04:04.236 --> 0:04:05.956 that if I was ever going to have the life 0:04:05.956 --> 0:04:08.316 I wanted to have, I was going to have to 0:04:08.316 --> 0:04:11.716 make myself leaper the house, which is how I found 0:04:11.756 --> 0:04:15.436 myself being introduced to my now husband's Skip at Ralph's 0:04:15.436 --> 0:04:28.436 Corner Bar. Skip played bridge, and despite its reputation for 0:04:28.516 --> 0:04:30.756 being a difficult card game, I thought it might be 0:04:30.796 --> 0:04:33.756 something fun that we could do together. So I signed 0:04:33.836 --> 0:04:39.036 up for beginning bridge class three times because bridge is hard, 0:04:39.316 --> 0:04:44.036 but I was determined to learn. The last bridge class 0:04:44.036 --> 0:04:46.316 I took was held in one of the meeting rooms 0:04:46.356 --> 0:04:51.996 of the Bowler. There were four or five tables with 0:04:52.196 --> 0:04:55.196 four bridge players per table, and we would sit around 0:04:55.236 --> 0:04:58.636 practicing with whoever had ended up at our table, raising 0:04:58.636 --> 0:05:02.076 our hands frequently to ask the teacher questions about how 0:05:02.116 --> 0:05:06.436 to bid, or score or play a hand. I was 0:05:06.476 --> 0:05:15.836 twenty six and everyone else was at least sixty. It 0:05:15.876 --> 0:05:20.316 was mostly women, mostly widowed or divorced, and mostly retired, 0:05:21.076 --> 0:05:24.556 and I liked these women, but I was intimidated by them, 0:05:25.156 --> 0:05:27.916 so I would usually sit quietly and listen while they 0:05:27.996 --> 0:05:32.156 told stories between the hands. And these women told great stories, 0:05:32.836 --> 0:05:35.396 like when one was explaining how her husband had left 0:05:35.436 --> 0:05:38.356 him after his high school reunion for his high school sweetheart, 0:05:38.796 --> 0:05:41.676 and another one piped up, you're kidding The exact same 0:05:41.716 --> 0:05:46.916 thing happened to me, And I was finally feeling like 0:05:46.996 --> 0:05:50.116 I was getting the hangar bridge, and I probably could 0:05:50.156 --> 0:05:53.556 play socially, but the people in the class and Skip 0:05:53.596 --> 0:05:56.356 were the only people I knew who played bridge, and 0:05:56.436 --> 0:05:59.716 he worked nights and I worked days, so I was 0:05:59.836 --> 0:06:01.876 sad when the class was ending and I wasn't going 0:06:01.956 --> 0:06:05.316 to have anyone to play with anymore. But I completely 0:06:05.356 --> 0:06:08.276 shocked myself when at the end of that last class 0:06:08.436 --> 0:06:11.996 I looked around and blurted out, does anyone want to 0:06:12.076 --> 0:06:15.716 come to my house next week and just play bridge? 0:06:16.196 --> 0:06:18.556 And before I could even think to myself, what have 0:06:18.636 --> 0:06:22.996 I just done, seven of the ladies said they'd be 0:06:23.036 --> 0:06:24.796 happy to come to my house the next week and 0:06:24.836 --> 0:06:28.556 play bridge. And that's when the real terror set in. 0:06:31.956 --> 0:06:33.756 I was going to have to go home and tell 0:06:33.796 --> 0:06:36.276 my roommate, who was even younger than I was, that 0:06:36.396 --> 0:06:51.996 I had invited seven senior citizens over for a bridge 0:06:51.996 --> 0:06:57.156 party the following Monday night. Eight people means two tables 0:06:57.156 --> 0:06:59.836 at bridge, and all I had was my dining room 0:06:59.876 --> 0:07:04.036 table in four chairs. I had never thrown an adult 0:07:04.076 --> 0:07:06.916 party before, and I was going to be entertaining women 0:07:06.956 --> 0:07:09.636 who had been entertaining for longer than I had been live, 0:07:11.116 --> 0:07:12.756 so I was worried I was going to make a 0:07:12.756 --> 0:07:16.396 fool of myself. But I borrowed a beat up old 0:07:16.436 --> 0:07:19.636 card table and four folding chairs for my parents. I 0:07:19.676 --> 0:07:21.956 knew food was an important part of the success of 0:07:21.996 --> 0:07:24.316 any party. So I loaded up on everything I could 0:07:24.356 --> 0:07:32.836 think of, chips, nuts, candy, meat, cheese, crackers, veggies, fruit, coffee, soda, tea, dessert. 0:07:37.236 --> 0:07:40.556 I got the required four decks of bridge cards, tallies 0:07:40.596 --> 0:07:45.196 and scoresets, and I waited, and on Monday night, I 0:07:45.276 --> 0:07:48.276 was a nervous wreck and nauseous, and I wanted to 0:07:48.316 --> 0:07:52.036 call the whole thing off. But in my panic following 0:07:52.036 --> 0:07:55.116 my surprise invitation, I didn't get any of their phone numbers. 0:07:55.676 --> 0:08:01.156 So I was stuck waiting and worrying and hoping for 0:08:01.196 --> 0:08:05.996 the best. And they all showed up all together, right 0:08:06.036 --> 0:08:10.636 on time at seven o'clock. There wasge A selvishured take 0:08:10.756 --> 0:08:18.196 charged Lady Sally, a barely five foot tall sweetheart, Greta, Sheila, Gail, Helen, 0:08:18.436 --> 0:08:20.796 and Janet, whose husband had left her after his high 0:08:20.796 --> 0:08:26.356 school reunion. I invited them in and we all had 0:08:26.356 --> 0:08:28.516 to squeeze around the card table in the middle of 0:08:28.556 --> 0:08:31.876 my little living room in my little apartment. I showed 0:08:31.876 --> 0:08:35.676 them around, I invited them to help themselves to the refreshments. 0:08:36.276 --> 0:08:38.836 We divided between the two tables and we started to 0:08:38.836 --> 0:08:41.996 play bridge and get to know each other. We played 0:08:42.036 --> 0:08:45.196 twenty four hands a bridge, six hands with one partner, 0:08:45.276 --> 0:08:48.876 then rotate to another. We weren't very confident, and we 0:08:48.876 --> 0:08:51.676 weren't very good. We went back and forth between the tables, 0:08:51.676 --> 0:08:54.316 showing each other our hands and saying, what should I 0:08:54.356 --> 0:08:58.316 do with this hand? How should I bid this? And 0:08:58.396 --> 0:09:02.676 we gave each other a lot of questionable advice, but 0:09:02.796 --> 0:09:05.756 we laughed and we had fun, and they were eating 0:09:05.796 --> 0:09:09.436 my snacks, so I couldn't believe I had pulled it off. 0:09:11.596 --> 0:09:13.836 And at the end of the night, Sally stood up 0:09:13.916 --> 0:09:16.196 and said, does anyone want to come to my house 0:09:16.276 --> 0:09:19.236 next week and play bridge? And we did so. The 0:09:19.236 --> 0:09:22.676 next week we played at Sally's same routine, twenty four 0:09:22.716 --> 0:09:26.516 hands a bridge, lots of questions, lots of questionable advice, 0:09:26.676 --> 0:09:29.476 and lots of laughs. And at the end of that 0:09:29.596 --> 0:09:31.676 night somebody else asked if we wanted to come to 0:09:31.756 --> 0:09:33.916 their house the next week. So we played the week 0:09:33.916 --> 0:09:36.156 after that, and the week after that and the week 0:09:36.196 --> 0:09:39.516 after that, with someone volunteering at the end of each 0:09:39.636 --> 0:09:43.636 night to host the following week. Sometimes someone would have 0:09:43.676 --> 0:09:47.876 to miss, so our group expanded to include regulars and subs. 0:09:48.756 --> 0:09:51.596 I lived in constant fear that they would replace me 0:09:51.876 --> 0:09:57.436 as a regular. So any anytime I had to miss 0:09:57.476 --> 0:10:00.356 a week, I made sure to volunteer to host the 0:10:00.396 --> 0:10:09.836 next week so they couldn't exclude me. And at the 0:10:09.956 --> 0:10:13.596 end of every night, we had dessert. Sometimes we had 0:10:13.636 --> 0:10:16.236 dessert at ten thirty or eleven o'clock at night, but 0:10:16.316 --> 0:10:20.156 we always had dessert. And depending on where we were, 0:10:20.316 --> 0:10:22.636 we might be having dessert at two tables of four 0:10:22.996 --> 0:10:26.476 or one big table of eight. But I finally had 0:10:26.596 --> 0:10:30.076 a big group of friends sitting around a table, laughing 0:10:30.276 --> 0:10:34.956 and making plans. Maybe we weren't making plans about boys 0:10:35.076 --> 0:10:37.996 or parties, but we were at least making plans for 0:10:38.116 --> 0:10:42.516 next Monday night. And at some point, I don't know 0:10:42.556 --> 0:10:45.876 how or when, I looked around and realized I wasn't 0:10:45.876 --> 0:10:59.796 at the cool table. I was the cool table. Anytime 0:10:59.836 --> 0:11:02.916 anybody knew came into our group, I was introduced as 0:11:03.076 --> 0:11:05.876 this is Stacy, the young wanner. This is Stacy, she 0:11:05.956 --> 0:11:09.836 keeps us young. These women were I'm sitting with me 0:11:09.916 --> 0:11:12.156 because they had to, or because there was no room 0:11:12.236 --> 0:11:15.276 at another table. These women were sitting with me because 0:11:15.316 --> 0:11:18.956 they wanted to. Somehow I had become the life of 0:11:18.956 --> 0:11:23.876 the party, and I loved it we played Bridge on 0:11:23.956 --> 0:11:35.796 Monday nights for twenty one years. Who my ticket to 0:11:35.836 --> 0:11:38.316 the cool table has been a Bridge tally. 0:11:39.316 --> 0:11:40.196 But even more. 0:11:40.036 --> 0:11:42.716 Important than that, I've learned there's a third group of 0:11:42.756 --> 0:11:46.356 people out there. Besides the people who think I'm weird 0:11:46.836 --> 0:11:49.436 and the people who know I'm weird, there are the 0:11:49.476 --> 0:11:53.396 people who know I'm weird and love my weird And 0:11:53.436 --> 0:11:56.276 that has been the true gift of Bridge. Thank you. 0:12:07.436 --> 0:12:11.956 That was Stacy Nicholson. She spent seventeen years as a 0:12:11.996 --> 0:12:15.996 legal assistant, turning other people's lives into affidavits for the court. 0:12:16.676 --> 0:12:20.076 Stacy ventured into live storytelling, hoping to build the courage 0:12:20.116 --> 0:12:23.036 and skill to share stories at funerals and overcome her 0:12:23.036 --> 0:12:27.596 fear of public speaking. Most of the practical advice she 0:12:27.636 --> 0:12:30.596 got from her newfound friends was Bridge related, how to 0:12:30.596 --> 0:12:35.436 play bid, bridge etiquette and so on helpful. Even more 0:12:35.476 --> 0:12:39.556 helpful was the unspoken advice in her Bridge ladies. Stacey 0:12:39.676 --> 0:12:42.596 found a blueprint for how to get older without getting old, 0:12:43.156 --> 0:12:50.156 Keep learning, have fun, and laugh a lot. In a moment, 0:12:50.276 --> 0:12:53.396 a stranded teenager gets some words of wisdom from his mom. 0:12:53.796 --> 0:12:56.156 When the Moth Radio Hour continues. 0:13:05.636 --> 0:13:09.316 The Moth Radio hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media 0:13:09.396 --> 0:13:12.756 in Woodshole, Massachusetts. 0:13:15.316 --> 0:13:18.956 This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Chloe Salmon. In 0:13:19.036 --> 0:13:23.916 this episode stories of advice, both given and taken. Our 0:13:23.916 --> 0:13:27.116 next storyteller gets some guidance from that bottomless well of 0:13:27.156 --> 0:13:31.316 wisdom moms. Honestly, if I had started listening to my 0:13:31.356 --> 0:13:34.316 mom's advice fifteen years ago, I might be president now. 0:13:35.116 --> 0:13:38.276 Mike Falan told this at a story slam in Burlington, Vermont, 0:13:38.316 --> 0:13:41.356 where we partner with Vermont Public. Where's Mike. 0:13:47.036 --> 0:13:52.756 So this was a junior year of high school. I 0:13:52.916 --> 0:13:57.356 had just been dumped for the first time, and I decided. 0:13:57.396 --> 0:13:59.356 I was like, oh, you know, I'll give myself a 0:13:59.356 --> 0:14:02.356 little vacation. So I went down to Florida to visit 0:14:02.396 --> 0:14:04.916 my grandparents and it was like February. 0:14:06.276 --> 0:14:06.956 Weather's great. 0:14:06.996 --> 0:14:12.396 I had a good time, and I'm coming back and 0:14:12.436 --> 0:14:16.236 I fly from like Florida to like Atlanta to La 0:14:16.276 --> 0:14:20.356 Guardia and then Burlington. I get to La Guardia at like, 0:14:20.556 --> 0:14:24.076 I think, like seven thirty or something, and I mean, 0:14:24.116 --> 0:14:25.476 I didn't know it at the time, but we were 0:14:25.516 --> 0:14:29.516 in the middle of the of the winter's biggest snowstorm 0:14:29.596 --> 0:14:34.036 that year. And so I'm I'm in the airport and 0:14:34.076 --> 0:14:38.276 it's snowing and flight from LaGuardia to Burlington and delayed 0:14:38.396 --> 0:14:41.516 like two hours or something. It's like nine thirty now 0:14:41.676 --> 0:14:43.636 and it gets delayed again. I'm like, okay, it's getting 0:14:43.676 --> 0:14:47.996 a little late. Call my mom and I was like, hey, 0:14:48.116 --> 0:14:52.196 like the flight's been delayed a little bit. It's snowing 0:14:52.236 --> 0:14:57.036 pretty hard. And she panics, and so she's like trying 0:14:57.036 --> 0:14:58.516 to find all these ways to get me home. And 0:14:58.876 --> 0:15:02.756 she's like, you know what, like just go get a 0:15:02.796 --> 0:15:04.876 hotel somewhere in New York. I'm like, She's like, go 0:15:04.916 --> 0:15:06.716 talk to the front desk, like they'll get you something. 0:15:07.396 --> 0:15:08.956 I go. I go up to the front desk and 0:15:08.956 --> 0:15:13.356 I'm I'm like, hey, you know, I can't get home. 0:15:13.396 --> 0:15:14.196 I'm sixteen. 0:15:14.956 --> 0:15:19.036 And they were like, I can't do anything. It's it's 0:15:19.076 --> 0:15:19.756 weather related. 0:15:19.756 --> 0:15:22.876 We can't get you a hotel. We wait some more 0:15:22.996 --> 0:15:27.276 and it's like eleven thirty eleven forty five and they 0:15:27.396 --> 0:15:31.716 just cancel the flight completely. And so I'm like, Mom, like. 0:15:31.756 --> 0:15:34.556 I I don't know what to do. 0:15:34.756 --> 0:15:37.396 I can just sleep on the on the floor, not 0:15:37.436 --> 0:15:39.916 even sleep, just like hang out here. And she's like, Okay, 0:15:39.916 --> 0:15:43.436 maybe like Wednesday night, next light go up again. I 0:15:43.436 --> 0:15:46.436 think it was a Monday, and they say our next 0:15:46.516 --> 0:15:50.476 light to Burlington's on Wednesday. And so I was like, okay, 0:15:50.516 --> 0:15:53.236 I can't do this, mom, I'll just get an hotel room. 0:15:53.356 --> 0:15:57.116 Like I'll figure it out. I had like three hundred 0:15:57.116 --> 0:15:59.756 dollars maybe to my bank in my bank account, like 0:15:59.916 --> 0:16:01.076 any other sixteen year old. 0:16:02.196 --> 0:16:07.476 But I'm on the phone with my mom and she says. 0:16:08.836 --> 0:16:12.236 She and she's like she's run out of option. She's like, 0:16:13.556 --> 0:16:17.156 just go find a mom. And I was like, I 0:16:17.196 --> 0:16:19.316 was like, what what do you mean. She's like, just 0:16:19.356 --> 0:16:20.476 look around, find a. 0:16:20.476 --> 0:16:22.276 Mom, like in your in your gate. 0:16:22.956 --> 0:16:23.956 And I was like okay. 0:16:24.796 --> 0:16:28.436 So so I walk around and I'm like like stort 0:16:28.476 --> 0:16:30.196 of looking at all these people and I see this, 0:16:30.716 --> 0:16:33.636 like I see this kind of young couple maybe like 0:16:33.676 --> 0:16:39.756 thirty some forty with her two young boys, and and 0:16:39.836 --> 0:16:42.076 so I was like, mom, like, I think I found 0:16:42.116 --> 0:16:49.196 another mom. And so so I go up and yeah, 0:16:49.236 --> 0:16:51.676 this lady's like on the floor with her two little 0:16:51.756 --> 0:16:54.236 kids and uh. 0:16:54.276 --> 0:16:55.156 And then I go up. 0:16:55.196 --> 0:16:58.636 I'm like hey, like my mom told me to find you, 0:17:00.756 --> 0:17:03.156 and she's like okay, and I hear my I have 0:17:03.196 --> 0:17:06.076 my mom on the punch and I'm like here, and 0:17:06.116 --> 0:17:09.596 I give her the phone and uh and she talking 0:17:09.636 --> 0:17:11.716 to this and she's like yep, yep. And I'm just 0:17:11.716 --> 0:17:15.596 like sitting there like really awkward, like I see the dad. 0:17:15.636 --> 0:17:21.556 I was like, how's it going, and and so she's 0:17:21.596 --> 0:17:24.076 like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, and and gives. 0:17:23.796 --> 0:17:24.476 The phone back. 0:17:24.556 --> 0:17:26.316 And I talked to my mom and she's like, all right, 0:17:26.996 --> 0:17:29.796 this lady's gonna give you a ride home. They're from Virgins. 0:17:30.156 --> 0:17:31.276 I live in Underhill. 0:17:31.636 --> 0:17:36.756 I was like, okay, this is like it's now like midnight. 0:17:36.996 --> 0:17:42.196 And they rent a car and I get in the 0:17:42.236 --> 0:17:47.876 car with this family, as my mom instructed me to do, 0:17:48.356 --> 0:17:54.596 and and I drive five hours back. I tried, I 0:17:54.676 --> 0:17:57.716 remember like distinctly, like I try to. She put her 0:17:57.716 --> 0:18:00.356 two young kids in the back and I'm like climbing 0:18:00.356 --> 0:18:00.676 in the back. 0:18:00.756 --> 0:18:01.876 She's like, oh, you can go up front. 0:18:01.956 --> 0:18:03.756 I was like, that makes sense, that's fair. 0:18:05.036 --> 0:18:07.196 And so I sit up front and I'm talking to 0:18:07.316 --> 0:18:13.276 this guy who's like older obviously, and to put things 0:18:13.276 --> 0:18:16.156 into perspective, he seemed like the kind of guy who 0:18:16.236 --> 0:18:19.396 was into country music, where I was listening to a 0:18:19.396 --> 0:18:22.036 lot of Nirvana at the time, and so we weren't 0:18:22.076 --> 0:18:26.396 really relating much. We're just like, oh, like crazy storm. 0:18:26.516 --> 0:18:28.836 Huh and uh. 0:18:28.476 --> 0:18:32.556 So it's a really awkward, awkward drive five hours. 0:18:32.596 --> 0:18:33.556 It's it's a long time. 0:18:35.556 --> 0:18:37.996 We get home or we get to Virgin's at like 0:18:38.036 --> 0:18:40.436 five am. My mom meets us at this gas station 0:18:41.156 --> 0:18:43.076 and uh oh, thank you so much. 0:18:43.116 --> 0:18:45.636 Blu blah driving me back. I get home at. 0:18:45.476 --> 0:18:50.476 Like six am or something, fall asleep. But all I 0:18:50.516 --> 0:18:52.916 can say is that Lady Luck must be a mother. 0:18:59.956 --> 0:19:02.916 Mike Falan is a twenty five year old special educator 0:19:02.956 --> 0:19:06.956 from Vermont who spends his non working time rock climbing, traveling, 0:19:07.036 --> 0:19:12.516 and exploring nature. Find a mom is honestly some all 0:19:12.596 --> 0:19:16.876 time advice. The second best advice he's ever been given. 0:19:17.596 --> 0:19:21.316 Never mop yourself into a corner. This from his boss 0:19:21.356 --> 0:19:24.076 at his first pizza joint job, after Mike cleaned the 0:19:24.116 --> 0:19:27.676 floor in the wrong direction at closing. Applicable in mopping 0:19:28.076 --> 0:19:40.236 and in life. Our next storyteller finds her love advice 0:19:40.356 --> 0:19:44.156 in the world of telenovelas For Better and for Worse. 0:19:45.076 --> 0:19:47.956 Jersey Garcia told this story at a Grand Slam in Miami, 0:19:48.116 --> 0:19:52.836 where we partner with public radio station WLRN. Here's Jersey 0:19:53.156 --> 0:19:53.876 live at the mop. 0:19:58.996 --> 0:19:59.356 Hello. 0:20:00.756 --> 0:20:05.876 So I am Dominican. My parents raise me in New 0:20:05.956 --> 0:20:11.236 York City. I'm from the Heights, Washington Heights. What that 0:20:11.356 --> 0:20:14.476 means is also that I was taught from an early 0:20:14.556 --> 0:20:18.956 age that you should never fall in love and if 0:20:18.996 --> 0:20:23.396 you have the unfortunate event, or that unfortunate event happens 0:20:23.436 --> 0:20:26.196 to you, you should never let anybody know about it, 0:20:26.476 --> 0:20:29.796 especially the person you fell in love with. How I 0:20:29.876 --> 0:20:33.276 learned this was because my mom told me and my cousins, 0:20:33.876 --> 0:20:36.316 and also because I used to watch the telenae last 0:20:36.356 --> 0:20:39.036 with her and there I was sitting next to her 0:20:39.116 --> 0:20:44.516 and she's seeing Susana Juaquing and Susana it's Juaquin just 0:20:44.596 --> 0:20:46.476 cheated on her. I don't know what he did, but 0:20:46.956 --> 0:20:48.356 she was there crying and. 0:20:50.196 --> 0:20:53.076 Pleading with him, don't leave me. 0:20:53.596 --> 0:20:55.956 I love you so much. And my mom is sitting 0:20:55.996 --> 0:20:58.356 there Kip and they had this girl is just like 0:20:58.556 --> 0:21:02.836 I can't don't you ever? Don't you ever? And I'm 0:21:02.876 --> 0:21:07.236 there seven years old with my little you know, bunitos happening, 0:21:07.316 --> 0:21:09.556 and just trying to learn from my mom and from 0:21:09.836 --> 0:21:13.996 telenovelas what not to do. And also you also learned 0:21:13.996 --> 0:21:16.876 from the telenovelas that if something happened, you had to 0:21:16.956 --> 0:21:21.316 make an exit. You had to cry out in this fashion, out, 0:21:21.756 --> 0:21:24.876 oh my god, I almost die, Come and follow me. 0:21:25.036 --> 0:21:27.356 Because the idea is that you had to play hard 0:21:27.356 --> 0:21:29.236 to get and they had to come and get you. 0:21:30.076 --> 0:21:32.916 So when I first fell in love, I was in 0:21:32.956 --> 0:21:36.156 my sophomore year in high school and I fell in 0:21:36.156 --> 0:21:39.436 love with Adrian Greeves. After dating him for a week, 0:21:42.076 --> 0:21:44.636 number day seven, he called me and broke up with me. 0:21:46.076 --> 0:21:49.156 So I went to my room and started crying, and 0:21:49.756 --> 0:21:52.036 my mom stands at the door of the room and 0:21:52.036 --> 0:21:56.916 she's like, Francco, come and see Come and see this tobacco. 0:21:57.716 --> 0:22:02.836 She's crying for a boy, the disgust in her voice. 0:22:03.636 --> 0:22:06.516 But I did not tell Adrian, although I was looking 0:22:06.556 --> 0:22:09.956 for him in the hallways of the school, looking for him, 0:22:09.996 --> 0:22:13.036 to just get a glimpse of him, because I spent 0:22:13.156 --> 0:22:17.156 two years afterwards really like hurting, and because I was 0:22:17.196 --> 0:22:20.356 in love with this kid. But I will never show 0:22:20.436 --> 0:22:23.436 him that I was in love or that I even 0:22:23.436 --> 0:22:26.916 missed him. The second time I fell in love, I 0:22:27.036 --> 0:22:29.476 was in college and I went to visit this young 0:22:29.516 --> 0:22:31.676 man who I was dating already for like a year 0:22:31.756 --> 0:22:35.156 or something, and I don't know what happened. I found 0:22:35.196 --> 0:22:39.556 a letter. It became a blur. I tried to remember 0:22:39.676 --> 0:22:42.436 what that deelenovelas told me to do, and that was 0:22:42.516 --> 0:22:46.396 to run out of the room in desperation, hoping that 0:22:46.476 --> 0:22:49.036 he will follow me and come and get me. 0:22:49.316 --> 0:22:52.116 No, don't leave, Jersey, don't leave, don't leave me. 0:22:52.276 --> 0:22:53.476 I love you so much. 0:22:54.796 --> 0:22:58.756 I went outside. He never came out to get me. 0:22:59.036 --> 0:23:02.356 I was it was cold, it was very cold. I 0:23:02.396 --> 0:23:05.796 came back to the room and he was sleeping. But 0:23:05.836 --> 0:23:09.556 that's fine, that's fine. And I did what years opposed 0:23:09.596 --> 0:23:12.516 to do, which is give back everything that he gave 0:23:12.556 --> 0:23:15.316 you and leave the room and don't talk to him 0:23:15.316 --> 0:23:18.356 anymore and never tell him that you were really in 0:23:18.396 --> 0:23:22.316 love and yet your heart was broken. So the third 0:23:22.356 --> 0:23:26.836 time that I fell in love was recently after as 0:23:26.876 --> 0:23:31.756 an adult and dating after divorce, I met a man 0:23:32.356 --> 0:23:36.476 who I fell in love with. And after like eleven 0:23:36.476 --> 0:23:39.156 months of dating, he came up to me and he 0:23:39.236 --> 0:23:44.276 said something about having cold feet and some song. Some song. 0:23:44.996 --> 0:23:48.236 So I'm like, okay, here, let's see what is the 0:23:48.276 --> 0:23:50.596 telenovela script that I'm going to do on this one. 0:23:51.156 --> 0:23:54.636 I got a sadana's back, took all his items that 0:23:54.676 --> 0:23:56.276 he had left in my house, put them in a 0:23:56.316 --> 0:24:00.796 sadana's back, handed to him, gave him a coupon for 0:24:00.876 --> 0:24:05.236 the special on socks they had in Walmart because God, 0:24:06.276 --> 0:24:08.156 and I gave him also the Christmas card that he 0:24:08.236 --> 0:24:10.796 gave me. And he will never see in me that 0:24:10.956 --> 0:24:14.116 I was suffering and that I was in love with 0:24:14.196 --> 0:24:18.236 him and that my heart was broken. The irony of 0:24:18.276 --> 0:24:20.996 my behavior is that I am a licensed marriage and 0:24:21.076 --> 0:24:30.876 family therapist. So what do I tell my clients that 0:24:30.956 --> 0:24:35.676 come to me and are heartbroken or in this type 0:24:35.716 --> 0:24:39.436 of situation. No, you need to go back out there 0:24:39.476 --> 0:24:42.636 and tell that person how you feel you besket for me, 0:24:42.756 --> 0:24:46.396 You're gonna go out. It's about vulnerability, it's about opening 0:24:46.436 --> 0:24:49.156 your heart, is about sharing. Not this girl right here, 0:24:51.276 --> 0:24:55.436 No way, I won't do that. And it's funny because 0:24:55.636 --> 0:24:59.236 that summer that this gentleman had broken up with me, 0:24:59.356 --> 0:25:02.276 I had like it was like the summer of heartbreaks, 0:25:02.476 --> 0:25:06.436 and everybody that was coming in my office was experiencing heartbreak. 0:25:07.236 --> 0:25:10.316 But the interesting thing too, is that this gentleman that 0:25:10.396 --> 0:25:14.996 broke up with me a year and so ago. He 0:25:15.116 --> 0:25:18.636 will always keep texting me just to say to check 0:25:18.676 --> 0:25:22.516 in and say hello. And every time he checked in 0:25:23.156 --> 0:25:26.636 my and said hello, Hi, Jersey, how you doing. I 0:25:27.036 --> 0:25:29.596 my heart just broke a little bit more and I 0:25:29.676 --> 0:25:32.636 just got so sad. I will just you know, respond 0:25:32.676 --> 0:25:36.356 with me. I'm totally fine. Everything is fine, kids are fine, 0:25:36.516 --> 0:25:42.996 life is fine. I yes, but recently, actually a couple 0:25:42.996 --> 0:25:48.276 of weeks ago, he text and he asked that question, Hey, Jersey, 0:25:49.036 --> 0:25:56.476 how you're doing? And I responded, I said, I haven't 0:25:56.476 --> 0:26:00.556 forgotten you. I think about you every day since the 0:26:00.636 --> 0:26:04.796 day we broke up. Every time you text me, my 0:26:04.876 --> 0:26:08.156 heart breaks just a little bit. And one thing that 0:26:08.356 --> 0:26:11.676 I regret not telling you when we were together was. 0:26:11.676 --> 0:26:12.276 That I love you. 0:26:21.956 --> 0:26:24.956 That was Jersey Garcia. She's a divorce mother of two 0:26:25.036 --> 0:26:30.076 who facilitates therapeutic healing for couples and individuals. She obsesses 0:26:30.196 --> 0:26:32.756