1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,199 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 12 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 3: If you think about yourself having sex with another person, 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 3: you're looking for is joy, pleasure, memories, experience, And I 14 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 3: think a lot of times we look for those things 15 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 3: outside of ourselves, and we need to look for that 16 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 3: stuff inside of ourselves. 17 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 18 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 19 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 20 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 21 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,400 Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 22 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our 23 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 24 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 25 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a 26 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 27 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 28 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 29 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 30 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 2: five Roads to fake friends, and create a safe space 31 00:01:52,960 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 2: where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's here 32 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 2: from Cultivating her Space. Are you tired of working hard 33 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 2: for your money? Do you want your business to run 34 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,679 Speaker 2: smoothly when you're out of office? If you want to 35 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,359 Speaker 2: learn how to automate your business cash flow and increase 36 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 2: your impact and influence, join me from our free workshop 37 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 2: at brandwi Terry dot com. Again, that's brand with Terry 38 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 2: dot Com. My name is spelled Teubri. I hope to 39 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 2: see you there, lady. All right, lady, today we have 40 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 2: a very special guest in Cultivating her Space. We are 41 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 2: so excited. I'm going to do my best to contain myself. 42 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 2: So let's just go ahead and jump on into our 43 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 2: intro and we're going to dive into the juicy conversation. 44 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:47,959 Speaker 2: Okay so. Nina Joiner is an award winning adult film director, author, activist, 45 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 2: and owner of feel More Adult, a sex shop in 46 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 2: downtown Oakland. Nina has won two Feminist Porn Awards for 47 00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 2: the films Hella Brown, Real Sex and The City and 48 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 2: Type Places A Drop of Color, which have screened in 49 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 2: countless cities across the globe. Ten years of owning Filmore 50 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 2: has challenged Nina just your normal socioeconomic troublemaker, to become 51 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,239 Speaker 2: a community advocate and small business champion. In twenty sixteen, 52 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 2: Nina ran a successful campaign to become a Democratic National 53 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,639 Speaker 2: Convention delegate and is currently a member of the DNC 54 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 2: LGBT Caucus. Nina, welcome to cultivating her space. 55 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 3: Hey guys, thanks for having me. 56 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 2: You are so welcome. We're so excited you're here. 57 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 3: So am I ruculy on this day? Yes, let's give 58 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 3: it up. Look, I ain't even planned. I'm thinking about. 59 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 2: It, lady. 60 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 1: For those of you who are listening, know that what 61 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: we're referencing is we are recording on anauguration day, and 62 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: so there is just a vibe and an energy and 63 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: an excitement with us today, what I am more excited 64 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: about is this conversation that we're about to dive into. 65 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: So I'm going to start us off with our quote 66 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: of the day, and Nina, you will recognize this quote 67 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: because this is one of yours. There's a form of 68 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: sex or intimacy that you must have with yourself to 69 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 1: bring your visions to life. 70 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 3: That's what's said. I like that you want to get 71 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 3: reminded about what you say. 72 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: You know, yes, And what I'm curious about is what 73 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: was the context, Like where were you in life? What 74 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,960 Speaker 1: led to that beautiful quote? 75 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,919 Speaker 3: So what I was thinking about when I was envisioning 76 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 3: that quote, I don't remember where I was in I 77 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 3: think that's what quotes are about. You know, things that 78 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,039 Speaker 3: remind you to find your north star is to think 79 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 3: about not just another person, but an act in your 80 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 3: life and how you want your life to go. And 81 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 3: if you think about yourself having sex with another person, 82 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 3: who you're looking for is joy, pleasure, memories, experience. And 83 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 3: I think a lot of times we look for those 84 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 3: things outside of ourselves, and we need to look for 85 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 3: that stuff inside of ourselves. And so I wanted to 86 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 3: make sure in my life that I can have that 87 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 3: stuff myself, and it's not that I'm just talking about 88 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 3: self pleasuring, but I'm also talking about fulfillment and wanting 89 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 3: to create a space for myself that i can just play. 90 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,480 Speaker 3: And I think that quote gives me an opportunity to play. 91 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 2: We love it. That is absolutely amazing, and we were 92 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,359 Speaker 2: trying to figure out where should we dive in first, 93 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,919 Speaker 2: because your background is so unique. I feel like you 94 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 2: live a life and you are in a field where 95 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 2: people talk about this kind of stuff behind closed doors 96 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 2: and they have questions about it and they're just like, 97 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 2: this is so dope. So tell us how did you 98 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,799 Speaker 2: even get started in this sex toy industry? 99 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 3: I honestly started selling sex toy I got off out 100 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 3: of a dream. I was laying in the bed and 101 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,840 Speaker 3: probably I was with a lover at the time, and 102 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,360 Speaker 3: I got out of the bed and I said, this 103 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,039 Speaker 3: is what I want to do. And for whatever reason, 104 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 3: I just feel that I'm a PK. My stepfather is 105 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 3: a PK. So going to church, I was in that 106 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 3: routine myself, even when my parents didn't go or they 107 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 3: disconnected from God, and it was like my safe space. 108 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 3: And I've always had this relationship with God, and I 109 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 3: don't you know, some people think God out there, but 110 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 3: I'm talking about the God inside where it just manifested 111 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 3: and it just these thoughts, these dreams just came about 112 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,359 Speaker 3: and I acted upon it. And yeah, God is so 113 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 3: funny that he wants me to sell dildos for a living. 114 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 3: But I think that the journey that I'm on is 115 00:06:56,640 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 3: one that's really self revealing to see what I'm made of. 116 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 3: And I know that selling sex boys is fun, Don't 117 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 3: get me wrong. It has a lot of layers to it, 118 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 3: like an onion. But the person you have to be 119 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 3: to do certain things in life is very telling, you know. 120 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 3: It's about the journey. It's not about the destination. So 121 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 3: the destination is some sex tools. But what I have 122 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 3: to do every day to get up, I had to 123 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 3: put things in my trunk, go sit out on the 124 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 3: street corners, go to the parking lots in the Bay 125 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,680 Speaker 3: Area for y'all, and get out there and talk to 126 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 3: people who as a person who has had sexual trauma, 127 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 3: go back to some of those same people who looked 128 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 3: like those aggressors and ask them to participate in something 129 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 3: so sacred, you know. And then so every day was 130 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 3: like I was talking to that child and myself about 131 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 3: it's okay, it's okay, it's not everyone, and learning how 132 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 3: to let go of some of those layers that come 133 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 3: along with being a victim, but also having been a 134 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,680 Speaker 3: healed victim who kind of dabs in victimhoods sometimes. 135 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 1: Oh, okay, I just have to take a moment because 136 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: that was beautiful on so many levels. And now I 137 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: have like a ton of other questions that aren't necessarily 138 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: related to the questions that we sin to you ahead 139 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: of time. My biggest question right now, in this moment, 140 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: is I want to know the work that you really 141 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 1: did and that you I'm sure continue to do in 142 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:50,559 Speaker 1: regards to interacting with people who look like your aggressives. 143 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,679 Speaker 3: Right, it's taken me so many years to even get 144 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 3: to talk about this part of my life. People like, oh, 145 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 3: what made you want to start sell sex toys? And 146 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 3: you know the line you hear from everybody, it's like, 147 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 3: I wanted to make a space for women to feel welcome. 148 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 3: Fuck y'all, it's about me. If you can't, if you 149 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,680 Speaker 3: can't do for you, you can't do for someone else. And 150 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 3: you're just hoping that with goodness, you want to experience 151 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 3: for yourself can also be shared by other people. And 152 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 3: a lot of times we want to like I want 153 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 3: to do this for them, I want to do this 154 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 3: for them. No, you got to you got to do 155 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 3: for self first. The oxygen is for you first. The 156 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 3: work that I had to do to get to that 157 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 3: part is you know, you have to grab on to 158 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 3: whatever whatever it is that fees your soul. And for 159 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 3: me it was definitely God and spirituality. I did Science 160 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 3: and mind that Baptist background, but I did Science of 161 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 3: Mind in the first class I ever did in the church. 162 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 3: I would go back and volunteer at church and I'm like, 163 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,440 Speaker 3: what is this? You know, it's a space? 164 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 2: Is this? 165 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 3: When you keep showing up every day? Things change and 166 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 3: you keep like your podcast, if you keep doing the 167 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,439 Speaker 3: same thing, things will change, you know. And it doesn't 168 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 3: change until you just show up. Doesn't change before you 169 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,679 Speaker 3: get there, change as you as you pass back to 170 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 3: the next point and the next point. And for me, 171 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 3: it was like going to church all of these days 172 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 3: and practicing hugging people. So one of the things that 173 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 3: we don't get to do now during COVID is touched people. 174 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 3: We get to experience boundaries at six feet. Now we 175 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 3: can talk to kids about boundaries at six feet, like 176 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 3: keep if they ain't got their mask on, don't come 177 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 3: near you, you know, be like stranger danger they ain't 178 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 3: got their mask on. So we're teaching kids about in 179 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:45,559 Speaker 3: a way about sex and predatory behavior without even talking, 180 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 3: without really naming it. But now we can talk about 181 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 3: those behaviors. Now they have a true foundation. It's not 182 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 3: just about president wearing a mask. It's about the president 183 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 3: wearing a mask because now it puts into a child's 184 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 3: mind that you're supposed to follow rules, that people are 185 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 3: supposed to stay six feet away, that you should be 186 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 3: doing these things and spacing and all of this. And 187 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 3: for me to go back to church, was I get 188 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 3: to hug people every day. Every day I went back 189 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 3: to some hugging to ask people, you know what I mean, 190 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 3: like you be like wait a minute, you know I 191 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 3: smell like pa truly and Palo Santo. I did not 192 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 3: want to smell like that all the time. But the 193 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 3: fact is if I didn't get any army, I did 194 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 3: not get touched that day. And did I want to 195 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 3: not be touched or be touched? I wanted to be touched. 196 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 3: I wanted to hug out and re experience the dreams 197 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,599 Speaker 3: that I have for myself as an adult, for my 198 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 3: child's self that I didn't get to experience. And so 199 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 3: it's like we get to do these things over and 200 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 3: over and over again. And so in the sex shop, 201 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,439 Speaker 3: you're not just selling sex toys, but I'm getting to 202 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 3: the experience of talking to people about sex without it 203 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 3: feeling shameful, making them feel shameful, and also in a 204 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:08,520 Speaker 3: way that I can still keep their privacy without it 205 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 3: being so descriptive when they're five or ten people. If 206 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 3: you will in the space at one time, you know, 207 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 3: can you imagine talking to a male of black male 208 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 3: about anal in a space where these other people don't 209 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 3: like men who do anal, you know, and be able 210 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 3: to talk to them without being so descriptive. Is giving 211 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 3: me an opportunity. And not only that, but as my 212 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 3: parents were both addicts. I lost my father when I 213 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 3: was younger to the crack epidemic and my mother several 214 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 3: years ago from alcoholism. And as a kid, I would 215 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 3: always tell my parents, y'all need to go my mom, 216 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 3: you needed to go to Triple A with Triple A 217 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 3: car company, but AA is alcoholics anonymous, and so I 218 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 3: had to go through those rooms not as an alcoholic myself, 219 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 3: but a child an alcoholic, and to find my room. 220 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 3: So I didn't need to go into that room. I 221 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 3: needed to go into the codependent room to figure out 222 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 3: where I was latching on the people who look like, 223 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,440 Speaker 3: did like, or fed me in places that I was 224 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 3: being fed as a child for familiarity. And so those 225 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 3: experiences has helped me to be able to sell sex 226 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,560 Speaker 3: toys keep people's privacy because the more connected you are 227 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 3: the community, the more opportunity you have to see the 228 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:28,200 Speaker 3: faces and also talked. You know, you do have an 229 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 3: opportunity to talk about people's business. But when I leave there, 230 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 3: I forget, you know what I mean, like to leave 231 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 3: it all out in the space, like it's a sacred 232 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 3: space for me. 233 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 2: I don't get out on the. 234 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 3: Street and talk about y'all. We don't. My team don't 235 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 3: get out because they got other lives, things to do 236 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 3: in life, you know what I mean. Like you just 237 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,000 Speaker 3: want somebody who takes in your information, like people Sometimes 238 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 3: people don't know I own the store and they were like, yeah, 239 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 3: I want the other girl. Where is she at? I'd 240 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,240 Speaker 3: be like, well, she gonna make her interest anytime. Now, 241 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 3: she's coming, and then she comes and then I move 242 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 3: out the way. It's not about me, it's about people there. 243 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 3: What I also get to learn is not about me. 244 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,319 Speaker 3: It's that person's comfort and just creating a space that 245 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 3: every day I get to practice getting better, in practice 246 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,959 Speaker 3: being a parent to my child. 247 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 2: What a beautiful healing journey and bringing it full circle 248 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 2: because at the surface, people are like, oh, you sell 249 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 2: deal those and sex toys. But it's like so much 250 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 2: deeper than that. But can you talk about the support? 251 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 2: Because you had support from your mother, Sharon Jones, and 252 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 2: you said something so it's so dope that you open 253 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 2: the shop February fourteen, twenty eleven. And with such a 254 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 2: non traditional you know, pursuit and being a PK right 255 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 2: a pastor's preacher's kid. It's like you wouldn't expect to 256 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 2: get that much support, but your mom said something really 257 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 2: powerful to you and said you have nothing to lose 258 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 2: and whatever's lost, you could always get it back. Talk 259 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 2: about what that meant having support for a non traditional journey. 260 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 3: I think one because I lost my father so early, 261 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 3: I didn't get those quotes or those breads of life 262 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 3: if you will, that would carry me through. And I 263 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 3: think God definitely knows what they're doing. She whatever the 264 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 3: spirit knows what it's doing. Because I was able to 265 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 3: experience my mother up until her passing a long time 266 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 3: to heal our relationship as a kid. Because when she 267 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 3: moved out here to the Bay Area, I could have 268 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 3: one either treated her like my child self or two 269 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 3: chose to forgive her like a woman a woman she was, 270 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 3: and so I chose her not to be my parent, 271 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 3: but to be a woman in my life who happened 272 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 3: to be my mother and understood that what she went 273 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 3: through with her love and some some substance abuse comes 274 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 3: along with relationships, you know what I mean, Like the 275 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 3: codependency and doing things together and all of a sudden 276 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 3: one starts doing one more than the other. That I'm 277 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 3: able to disconnect from everything and allow my mother to 278 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 3: be that friend that I needed. And she gave me 279 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 3: those breads of life, like I I like right now, 280 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 3: I got her Bible quotes, you know what I mean, 281 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 3: Like the last one I was reading was Matthew twenty 282 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 3: five one and thirteen. Maybe was just talking about staying 283 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 3: ready because you don't know what the out of the 284 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 3: day is like. When they talk about I know I'm 285 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 3: talking about God and I'm queer and all of that, 286 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 3: but talking about staying ready for what the possibilities are. 287 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 3: You never know in the moment, so you have to 288 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 3: stay ready. And I don't take in. She always taught me, 289 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 3: don't think about it in a biblical sense, thinking about 290 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 3: it in the New Testament sense of where we're living 291 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 3: today and how you can take those principles and do better. 292 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 3: And she just taught me that, don't take it so personal. 293 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 3: Laugh at yourself like I laugh at myself. I cry 294 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 3: a lot more, you know, even being a queer person 295 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 3: and a masking and identify, people think you can't queer. 296 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 3: You can't excuse me and cry. But the truth is 297 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 3: I cry a lot and I want to cry more. 298 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 3: I want to experience all of the emotions God gave me. 299 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 3: We have all of these emotions, that you have to 300 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 3: experience them on your own instead of being coaxed into 301 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 3: being something that the world says you are because the 302 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,000 Speaker 3: world don't care about you, but it will, it will 303 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:16,680 Speaker 3: confine you. 304 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 1: Yes, as I'm listening to you, I am realizing like 305 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: just how deep and beautiful intimacy with oneself can be, 306 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: and how our societal perception and expectations around sex feel 307 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: so surface, feels so trivial, And the way you've described 308 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 1: your relationship with self and your journey is so beautiful 309 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:03,880 Speaker 1: and so so far. I've just been really like surprised 310 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: at the complexity. As I'm having this conversation, I'm thinking, 311 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: like rethinking some of my own perceptions around sex and intimacy. Right, 312 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: And so when you think about the work that you 313 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: do and the people that come into your shop, what 314 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:27,439 Speaker 1: has been the most surprising thing that you have witnessed 315 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: or learned? 316 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 3: Old people have a lot of sex, I have, yes, 317 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,600 Speaker 3: I add, you know, downtown Oakland, a lot of people 318 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 3: will think of if you guys are out there, wherever 319 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 3: you are at the Bay Area beyond. If you read 320 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 3: about Oakland, you will hear a lot about gentrification. Oakland 321 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 3: is a black city, downtown has always been a black 322 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 3: city and a black part of Oakland, and many of 323 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 3: the businesses in the bars that you see down there 324 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 3: were once owned by black people. Don't forget that. And 325 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 3: these white people still will frequent so in the early days, 326 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,199 Speaker 3: not much had changed, but it started to change and 327 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 3: I would get a lot of black old people. And 328 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 3: one woman came in. She came in a couple times 329 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 3: high heel, you know, church angles, you know what I'm 330 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 3: talking about. They little big cake, They don't flex no more. 331 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 3: She would buy four bottles of Flavor lubric and I 332 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 3: had I was just floored every time she came in. 333 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 3: Every time she came in, and I really wanted to 334 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,280 Speaker 3: ask her what you're doing with this right? That ain't 335 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 3: my business. And she never offered and will never asked. 336 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 3: But to see that, let me know one someone recognized 337 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 3: us as a Bible shop and that she trusted us. 338 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 3: And her money is in Black money is just as 339 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 3: good as anybody else's money. And people of color are 340 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 3: looking for luxury as well, and not just out in 341 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 3: their city, not just outside of the city, in their 342 00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,040 Speaker 3: city where they lived. And it's not a luxury that 343 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 3: many people are thinking about as far as like a 344 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 3: Gucci or prod or something like that. Dignity is being luxury. 345 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 3: Respect is a luxury. If I can give you that 346 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 3: all day loan, That's all we do all day long, 347 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,400 Speaker 3: is give people dignity and respect. That's a luxury because 348 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,160 Speaker 3: a lot of people in businesses just don't get it. 349 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 3: They don't take the time to complete the sentence with 350 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 3: the period, they don't take the time to ask you 351 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,239 Speaker 3: your name. Be there consistently. We set our schedule if 352 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 3: the store is consistently so we can have the same person. 353 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 3: So if that's your person, you know when your person 354 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 3: is going to be there and make sure they're there. 355 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 3: I want people to know that when we're hiring or 356 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,320 Speaker 3: hiring for somebody for the long term. To develop your clients, 357 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,160 Speaker 3: so maybe your client gonna tip you one hundred thirty 358 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,400 Speaker 3: one hundred dollars. That's another thing for the people who 359 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,400 Speaker 3: have to you know. If that was a surprising thing. 360 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 3: Another thing was I started to use a space for 361 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,280 Speaker 3: like the old guys coming by to help them find housing, 362 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,440 Speaker 3: get on a housing list because I had time. One 363 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,720 Speaker 3: of the things I learned from Northstrom was they took 364 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 3: back a set of tires, but they didn't even sell tires. 365 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 3: So I wanted our store to be that in the community. 366 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 3: And if I had time, I made time, and those 367 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 3: guys came by there to see me and check on me. 368 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 3: So if not one customer came by that person would 369 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,640 Speaker 3: come by every day and way to say hello. So 370 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 3: I owed that to the community for keeping me sane 371 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 3: while we ventured through and found people who had the 372 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,159 Speaker 3: money to keep the door open. 373 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 2: Talk about customer service, I mean that is so powerful. 374 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 2: And the schedule when you talked about the you strategically 375 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,600 Speaker 2: scheduling your staff. That is amazing. Like some piss someone 376 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,440 Speaker 2: said like, fuck y'all, whoever's here is who you're gonna get. 377 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 2: And you're like, we're gonna schedule this, and that you 378 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 2: feel comfortable coming in here to buy your four packs 379 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,159 Speaker 2: of flavored loube Okay, Like, ain't no judgment, yo, you 380 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,399 Speaker 2: could do your thing now. I just want to be 381 00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 2: nosy because you were in the adult filmmaker industry. What 382 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 2: juicy details can you tell us about that? Because I know, lady, 383 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 2: don't be shy. You're listening on the podcast, but you 384 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 2: know people indulged in porn tell us about that experience 385 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 2: because many of us don't. We're not close to it. 386 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,320 Speaker 2: So you got the inside school. 387 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 3: The inside school, I would say the first time, the 388 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,160 Speaker 3: first one was on a porn set because I wanted 389 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,480 Speaker 3: to shoot for a long time ago. I had the 390 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 3: access in the skill, but I didn't. I wasn't able 391 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,960 Speaker 3: to put the play together. I answered the Craigslist and 392 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 3: this person was doing porn. And at the end of that, 393 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,880 Speaker 3: I was like, I would never do this again. When 394 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,239 Speaker 3: women don't want it, they know they don't want it. 395 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,640 Speaker 3: Like it was very, very degrading, and I think because 396 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 3: I had put myself in a position, I felt just 397 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 3: as captive, you know what I mean. It wasn't that 398 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,959 Speaker 3: it was a person that that person was engaging with. 399 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,239 Speaker 3: It was it was it was a cucomfert you can 400 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 3: use fruit for in vegetables for whatever. But it was 401 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 3: the commands. It was the the and everything that made 402 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 3: the moment more redemptive for me to do better the 403 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:09,080 Speaker 3: next time. You know, one out like I said, just 404 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,879 Speaker 3: a small female body in comparison people were there, and 405 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,120 Speaker 3: You're like, do I say no? Can I say no? 406 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,639 Speaker 3: What are the risks saying no? Like a lot of 407 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 3: times we want to say no. We want to say 408 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 3: no in those situations, but the risk comes along with 409 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 3: the risk of saying no, you know, And how do 410 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 3: you keep your body safe? Like we can come out 411 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 3: with a couple of scars, but we don't want to 412 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,880 Speaker 3: get wounds, you know what I mean. But from there 413 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 3: I started to work with other queer people, started to 414 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 3: find out more about porn and sit in on sets. 415 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,680 Speaker 3: And one of the best adult film sets I said 416 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 3: in was Diana Debaux. She's old school, still beautiful. I 417 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 3: love this lady just because I fell in love with 418 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 3: her because she never said anything on camera that I 419 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 3: can't remember. But I saw her at an adult film 420 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 3: convention in Las Vegas and she was fully clothed and 421 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,119 Speaker 3: just like his goddess, you know what I mean. Like 422 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 3: it just gave me this extra layer of respect. And 423 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 3: when I got an opportunity to talk to her, she 424 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 3: was actually doing her own film production company. And a 425 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 3: lot of people will say, yeah, I'm doing porn to 426 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,920 Speaker 3: get people to do it. But her husband at the time, 427 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 3: I think her cousbin, he was shooting porn. So his 428 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 3: thing was like thirteen inches Johnny Depth is his name, 429 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 3: and she would I went over their house because I 430 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 3: was shooting my own porn. I needed somebody to help me, 431 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 3: and she was like, come on down. But I learned 432 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,680 Speaker 3: so much from her. One you can shoot in your home, 433 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,239 Speaker 3: have a beautiful house, but also use it in the 434 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 3: form of business or is it born probably is one 435 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:45,160 Speaker 3: of the most original at home businesses there is. And 436 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 3: they had somebody in between scenes. You know, the guy 437 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,399 Speaker 3: would go down, he would get soft, they bring in 438 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 3: somebody else or you know, he'd get it up and 439 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 3: then to cut and you go into the next scene 440 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 3: and to cut, it's going to the next scene. But 441 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 3: the sets that I was on very serious. They took 442 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 3: it serious, and they were very professional in it. And 443 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,639 Speaker 3: she was very ethical in shooting the porn to make 444 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 3: sure that the person I felt confident in being. 445 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 2: In that room. 446 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,439 Speaker 3: I want to be in rooms where and I suggest 447 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,400 Speaker 3: anybody who wants to do porn either if you're doing 448 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,639 Speaker 3: it for yourself, you don't have to work for nobody nomore. 449 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 3: You can do it for yourself. You can put your 450 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 3: own place together with only fans and other sites. But 451 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:29,880 Speaker 3: be in rooms where your no is taken into consideration. 452 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 3: You know, some of the porn that's put out there, 453 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,119 Speaker 3: you can get a sense for what it's like behind 454 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 3: the camera. Sometimes you can't. But the whole thing is 455 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 3: you hope that everybody has said yes to being a 456 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 3: part of it, you know, And that's where the government 457 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 3: comes in and make sure that everybody's out there should 458 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 3: be doing porn at an age they should be doing poor. 459 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 3: But yeah, I just got to tell you, like one 460 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,120 Speaker 3: of the things important that I really like is going 461 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,399 Speaker 3: to the conventions. This week, I'm online and a convention. 462 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,800 Speaker 3: Last week, I was online Invention where we were up 463 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,640 Speaker 3: for best Retail Boutique and Experience We've wanted before, We've 464 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 3: wanted ABM before in Best Retail Boutique. I've been nominated 465 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 3: in a couple categories on best Marketing Campaigns for our 466 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,480 Speaker 3: billboards that we've done two times, and I'm really excited 467 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,920 Speaker 3: because I don't think a brown person a blouse or 468 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 3: a black person has won that award. And I think 469 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 3: Candy Burst her company was listening there even though she's 470 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 3: a face of that company. But if I can win 471 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,240 Speaker 3: that marketing award, it would mean a lot. And as 472 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 3: a business, who first won the adult boutique then someone 473 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,160 Speaker 3: else winning the adult boutique that matters for me because 474 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 3: now it's like other people get an opportunity to be 475 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,679 Speaker 3: in there. But porn is very boring to shoot, is 476 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 3: very exciting to see to watch, and for all those 477 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 3: out there, you don't have to go through the regular 478 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 3: channels of porn anymore. Like that stuff doesn't exist much anymore. 479 00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,960 Speaker 3: It's like, really, cam girls Only Fans to be in 480 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 3: someone's car and all of a sudden they start doing 481 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:06,400 Speaker 3: something like that was unheard of back in the day. 482 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:06,800 Speaker 1: You know. 483 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,440 Speaker 3: Now it's people are just doing it where they can 484 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 3: to make the content, to make it look different, to 485 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 3: keep it solacious, to keep it funny, to keep it 486 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,600 Speaker 3: out of sight. So people are like, oh my god, 487 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,360 Speaker 3: y'all see this, like you know, like this be Nasty 488 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 3: is one of the top ones out there on only 489 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 3: Fans and she helps me sell a lot of sex 490 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 3: toys because I can repurpose her content and it helps 491 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,120 Speaker 3: me on social media to sell products that I have. 492 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,879 Speaker 3: So there, it's a whole ecosystem out there. You know. 493 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 3: My favorite is porn Hub. Can I say. 494 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: Yes, I appreciate this in depth behind the scenes information 495 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 1: around what we're watching when we are consuming porn. So 496 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,159 Speaker 1: I want to shift it just a little bit. So 497 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: you've talked about scent, you've talked about boundary setting, and 498 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:11,560 Speaker 1: you've talked about still engaging in sexual pleasure as an elder. 499 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 1: What else would you say are the priorities for healthy 500 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,760 Speaker 1: sexual expression. 501 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 3: That's a good that's a really good question. That's a 502 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 3: really good question. Priorities for a healthy expression. I was 503 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 3: just saying, good mental health number one, you got to 504 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 3: be in a good space. Good space number two, positive 505 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 3: body image, positive body image about yourself, making sure that 506 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:47,440 Speaker 3: you're confident wherever you are, because where you are still beautiful. 507 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 3: Just accepting that and then fucking the shit at yourself. 508 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 3: I would say three is disconnecting from the world, Disconnecting 509 00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 3: from the world. Those three. Yeah, mental health as anybody image, 510 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 3: and disconnecting from the world. A lot of us used 511 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,479 Speaker 3: to use our homes for sex, and now we just 512 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 3: use it for podcasts, creation and everything else. Like my 513 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 3: partners in the other room right now, she's teaching a 514 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 3: class and she's a professor at school teaching a class. 515 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:21,120 Speaker 3: Like yo, Like, if what work does become fun in 516 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 3: your home, you know, so you know, just carving out 517 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 3: that space as well to be sexy and to turn 518 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 3: off turn off from the world. 519 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, those are so great. And lady, I 520 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 2: hope you're taking no as you're listening to the podcast, 521 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 2: because those are really powerful too. I don't think we 522 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,920 Speaker 2: think about that often, like how do I express myself 523 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 2: sexually in a healthy way? Now, one thing we haven't 524 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 2: talked about on the podcasting is that I think you 525 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 2: could provide a lot of insight into is decriminalizing sex workers. 526 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 2: I know that I think we live in such a 527 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,680 Speaker 2: judgy environment when it comes to sex workers, and people 528 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,440 Speaker 2: are just people seem to be very bothered by how 529 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 2: other people delies. But can you just talk to us 530 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,400 Speaker 2: about what is sex work and just a fresh perspective 531 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 2: one sex work in general for those of us that 532 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 2: may not really understand it. 533 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:13,400 Speaker 3: If you marry you a sex worker, you're a waitress. 534 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 3: He was a sex worker. If you trying to get 535 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 3: the postman to get a letter out the mailbox that 536 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 3: you shouldn't have dropped in there after hours, be a 537 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,920 Speaker 3: sex worker. And I'm only saying that there is some 538 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 3: searchism the truth in there because there's an exchange. I 539 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 3: think America has criminalized everything that brings in extra revenue 540 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:38,680 Speaker 3: under the sun. Right, you know, drugs is always bad, 541 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,520 Speaker 3: you know, depending on the schedule, And once was cocaine 542 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 3: and weed. Now it's just cocaine, heroin, opium, all of 543 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 3: that stuff. And weed is Okay, I think you can't 544 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 3: dissect sex from a body. 545 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,040 Speaker 1: You have to. 546 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 3: It's either sex or it ain't sex. You know, you 547 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 3: either getting paid. If you're getting paid and you're exchanging 548 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 3: space and time, they call that sex work. But sex 549 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 3: work has been criminalized more black women, black men have 550 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,640 Speaker 3: been criminalized around sex work because we've been holed, we've 551 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 3: been on the stroll, we've been pimped, you know what 552 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:18,160 Speaker 3: I mean. Like the whole, the whole ecosystem around black 553 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 3: sexuality as a whole has been criminalized and heard. You 554 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:25,239 Speaker 3: can lynch a man in the media without even call 555 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:29,200 Speaker 3: him the nigga. So we've been criminalized even though we 556 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 3: ain't got no money, we ain't up went to jail 557 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 3: for You've never seen somebody in prison for prostitute, but 558 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 3: just for pimping, you know. But when it comes to 559 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 3: the counterpart of white people versus people of color, the 560 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:47,400 Speaker 3: ecosystem that they fit into tends to be escorts, sex workers. 561 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 3: You know, a little bit more positive, authoritarian, independent word vocabulary, 562 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 3: like you've worked for yourself. You know this, this Ashan Fay, 563 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 3: this this extreme level of upper echelon, and we can 564 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,080 Speaker 3: thank the eighties for that. You know, you had call 565 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 3: girls and hookers. Those were the two names at the time. 566 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 3: Everybody wanted to be a call girl. But you have 567 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 3: to be beautiful, this, this, this. But I appreciate technology 568 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 3: equalizing sex work and that kids have access to technology. 569 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,840 Speaker 3: There's a form of there's formal prostitution that starting earlier, 570 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,120 Speaker 3: there used to be a lot of women and men 571 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,560 Speaker 3: grooming kids to do that. Internet can room it just 572 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 3: as simple as just an article, Like it's so easy. 573 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 3: Like I look at people. I was like, I talked 574 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 3: to my sister. I was like, she is your daughter. 575 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 3: She at their home and I was serious, I'm in 576 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,200 Speaker 3: a sexual When am I going sugarcoate it. I have 577 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 3: to ask these things because it's possible. It's possible how 578 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 3: kids are moving these days, and that's not a spite 579 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,320 Speaker 3: to her motherhood. She was kind of taken aback as 580 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 3: I asked that, and I'm like, I have sex workers 581 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 3: in my family, So what do you want me to 582 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:04,720 Speaker 3: put her with? 583 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 2: Somebody? 584 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 3: Because if she wants to use herself like that, I'm going. 585 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 2: To support her. 586 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,120 Speaker 3: She's going to know that there's clanics out there give 587 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,920 Speaker 3: her health care where she can do with her money like, 588 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,880 Speaker 3: there are people out there in your families that can 589 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 3: tell you how to how to do these things, and 590 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 3: so let's stop being afraid of getting paid for free 591 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 3: shit we've taken from us for a long time. You 592 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,200 Speaker 3: go to work, you do work, you want to raise right, 593 00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 3: you want to be paid accordingly. Right. People go out 594 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,040 Speaker 3: and sit with people they don't really like. They want 595 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 3: to get paid too, just because someone is just sitting 596 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 3: with someone and not having sex. It's all called sex 597 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,920 Speaker 3: work because it's easy work that you want to degrade 598 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 3: what's easy. I know women out there who are doing 599 00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,400 Speaker 3: fifteen hundred dollars two thousand, three thousand dollars. You see 600 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,240 Speaker 3: the internet, you see the rappers, you see the conversations 601 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 3: that are happening. Do they want to go out and 602 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:03,160 Speaker 3: get a minimum way job? I think not. Do they 603 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,160 Speaker 3: want to get a corporate job? And these are the 604 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:10,919 Speaker 3: women who are going to cons at film festival. You know, no, 605 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 3: they don't. These are certain type of people who want 606 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,280 Speaker 3: to do this, and that's a certain type of people person. 607 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,440 Speaker 3: I totally support it. I think it's attractive. I think 608 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 3: it's beautiful when a person can decide to go to 609 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:25,799 Speaker 3: that extreme because I knew it would kind of work. 610 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 3: It took me just to get to the point of 611 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 3: selling sex toys the shame that comes along with it. 612 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,839 Speaker 3: I can sell sex toys, they'd be like, oh, that's 613 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,319 Speaker 3: that sex. You know, she sells sex toys. Of saying 614 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,799 Speaker 3: stuff behind my back and stuff like that, I can 615 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:44,439 Speaker 3: only imagine with holes, professional holes go through. It's a 616 00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,799 Speaker 3: real thing. And so any woman out there and man 617 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:51,200 Speaker 3: out there, I applaud you for doing it. Do it safely, 618 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,319 Speaker 3: put your own place together. You don't need nobody to 619 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 3: be your agent, because technology can do all the things 620 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 3: you need for it, and I'm an advocate for it, 621 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 3: you know. But the criminalization if you can't circumvent you know, 622 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 3: a certain level of black community dealing with sex work 623 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 3: and technology, you ain't talking about criminalization. They're like, we're 624 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,000 Speaker 3: goin to jump on this site and do this, and 625 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,720 Speaker 3: you're gonna put this play together. Things are still happening. 626 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 3: Well for everybody else, it's criminalization because you're blocked in 627 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,800 Speaker 3: a certain way. Some people are just circumventing doing different 628 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,520 Speaker 3: things and putting different plays together. 629 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 2: Okay, so you said a lot mean it. I was 630 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,279 Speaker 2: just like, oh my gosh, so the thing. I could 631 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,480 Speaker 2: imagine that folks are thinking as they listen, while some 632 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,600 Speaker 2: are like, yo, I'm with it. I get it. I 633 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,120 Speaker 2: support that. I support that. I'm an advocate. I can 634 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 2: see some people like, but I don't want my daughter 635 00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 2: doing that. You probably already think of, well, she's already 636 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,719 Speaker 2: doing something. But I don't my daughter doing that, or 637 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,360 Speaker 2: you know what about having dignity and being you know, 638 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,280 Speaker 2: doing this and that. I guess what is your feedback 639 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 2: for folks that are like anti sex work in the 640 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,439 Speaker 2: world where it's presented in our face in a tiar 641 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,799 Speaker 2: You got to play Devil's advocates. I know someone's like, dag, 642 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:02,080 Speaker 2: what's going on here? 643 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,600 Speaker 3: You know they're like, oh, hell na, I'm finna dropped 644 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,520 Speaker 3: this podcast, or somebody like, oh yo, y'all gonna watch this. 645 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:12,800 Speaker 3: Y'all gotta listen to this. I think the Devil's advocate 646 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,399 Speaker 3: is like, you know, save your child. If you can 647 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,400 Speaker 3: save your child, you know what I mean, do things 648 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,399 Speaker 3: be that hero for your child so that that child 649 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,480 Speaker 3: looks at you as a reflection on who they want 650 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,400 Speaker 3: to be. Right. But then there are some kids who 651 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 3: don't have a mother or a father or a good 652 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:33,200 Speaker 3: parent or a stable household. Who are they supposed to reflect, 653 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,799 Speaker 3: you know? And so they reflect their environment, and some 654 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 3: people just choose. Some people say, you know what, I 655 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 3: got my pension coming, I got time. I ain't got 656 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,319 Speaker 3: to do nothing, but he can rub my feet, and 657 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:48,840 Speaker 3: I'm getting ten g's and a plane ticket out of 658 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 3: it to come back and forth in noose sex Like 659 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,920 Speaker 3: why not? I'm telling you, I'm looking for somebody to 660 00:36:53,920 --> 00:37:00,359 Speaker 3: come pay me. Who I get, I get is toushi too. Look, hey, 661 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 3: if somebody gonna pay me thirty forty thousand, because that's 662 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,240 Speaker 3: my price. If you can get to that price in cash, 663 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,240 Speaker 3: cash is check, we can talk and I'm not playing 664 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 3: with it either. It takes a lot in a woman 665 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,360 Speaker 3: or a person to get to that level to want 666 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,359 Speaker 3: to do sex work. It takes a mental journey. It 667 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:24,479 Speaker 3: takes detachment from the exterior from people and what they're 668 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 3: gonna say. You know what I mean. But as you 669 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 3: see a lot of people who are who are loud 670 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,960 Speaker 3: proud about being sex workers, they're they're paying their own bills, 671 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 3: they're doing very well, and they're also reinvesting their money. 672 00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 3: And this is what I say too. You're looking at 673 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:44,240 Speaker 3: a profession that is a stopping point along the journey. 674 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 3: I ain't never been no old hole, like like, if 675 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,040 Speaker 3: y'all can find me, I'm going to Europe. So I 676 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,839 Speaker 3: know it's a lot more old holes over there in 677 00:37:55,840 --> 00:38:00,520 Speaker 3: the United States. But somebody somewhere is doing something to 678 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,640 Speaker 3: get something. Think about a lot of the strippers in Atlanta. 679 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 3: Those are sex workers too. I don't know what else 680 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,960 Speaker 3: they do, but those are former sex worker. Those women 681 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:13,800 Speaker 3: are in the strip clubs meeting contacting rappers, legitimate business 682 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,319 Speaker 3: people to get to a different level. Do you think 683 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,759 Speaker 3: they gonna have to go back out and dance? Some 684 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:20,719 Speaker 3: of them might have to dance. We guess what now, 685 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:24,120 Speaker 3: they're getting thirty forty thousand dollars just to dance versus 686 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,839 Speaker 3: a rapper who gets thirty forty thousand dollars gonna sit 687 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 3: on stage and say a couple songs. So what's the difference. 688 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,959 Speaker 3: Why does a man get to or someone in rap 689 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:37,400 Speaker 3: is to use misogyny and the same lyrics unattached to 690 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:41,239 Speaker 3: a person to sell bodies and talk about bodies, and 691 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,120 Speaker 3: then I'm gonna go out and do it, and I'm 692 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,560 Speaker 3: looked at it any less. And I know we got 693 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,840 Speaker 3: to have to save and sanctified. You know level you 694 00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:53,080 Speaker 3: got the Mulatto instagrams, you got the Anna Douglas instagram 695 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,360 Speaker 3: She does everything on church. You know what I'm saying, 696 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,360 Speaker 3: Love the lady. Everybody has a journey, you know what 697 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 3: I mean, Like everybody has a step in life. And 698 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,320 Speaker 3: so there are some people who used to be former 699 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:07,040 Speaker 3: drug dealers, some people used to former crackheads now to 700 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,200 Speaker 3: vote to their life to Christ. And you've got to 701 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:13,319 Speaker 3: use something to get you out. But don't demonize and 702 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,759 Speaker 3: condemn the people who are in a spot that you 703 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,560 Speaker 3: don't want to be in and think it's illegitimate because 704 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,960 Speaker 3: there is somewhere that you're not and they're not somewhere 705 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,319 Speaker 3: close to Christ, you know what I mean. I think 706 00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,080 Speaker 3: that's that's. 707 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,680 Speaker 2: The problem for me. Like you got you got. 708 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,040 Speaker 3: When you're dealing sex work, you're dealing with your community, 709 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,840 Speaker 3: and you're dealing with the law, you know, And a 710 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,320 Speaker 3: lot of times if we talk about the law, and 711 00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,959 Speaker 3: we ain't even gotten to that part, but we deal 712 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,880 Speaker 3: a lot of eighty percent ninety percent around what our 713 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,120 Speaker 3: community is going to say and sex work before we 714 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:45,879 Speaker 3: get to the law. 715 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:54,600 Speaker 1: I mean, Nina you have just dropped us so many gems, 716 00:39:54,640 --> 00:40:01,120 Speaker 1: so much knowledge, and I'm so appreciative of this. I 717 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:05,799 Speaker 1: think that, no matter what journey our listeners may be on, 718 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:10,319 Speaker 1: I think that there was something for everybody in this 719 00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,440 Speaker 1: conversation that we had this evening. 720 00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 3: Praise God. I have. 721 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:25,600 Speaker 1: One more question. You are often interviewed. What is something 722 00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:31,240 Speaker 1: that people do not ask you about that you wish 723 00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 1: people would ask you about because you're just like I 724 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,399 Speaker 1: just wish people would ask me this because I need 725 00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: to get into this conversation. 726 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:39,680 Speaker 3: What was my first hustle? 727 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:44,759 Speaker 2: Well, you ask your first hustle and tell us about 728 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 2: that first hustle. 729 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,920 Speaker 3: When as a kid I would tell candy in school, 730 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:54,000 Speaker 3: I did very well, and as a teenager actually sold drugs. 731 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 3: Yeah I was. I was out there in the street 732 00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 3: and I had I had a I had a dream. 733 00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 3: You know, guys to me, so deal those So when 734 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:02,920 Speaker 3: we stay out the streets and I want to go 735 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:03,359 Speaker 3: to jail. 736 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:09,120 Speaker 2: He was out in the streets. Yeah, but selling something different. Okay, 737 00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,280 Speaker 2: that was your first house. So that is so interesting. 738 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,279 Speaker 2: So we went from candy to drugs to the deal. Doal, 739 00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:19,400 Speaker 2: so you've cleaned up your life. Nice to God, Nina, 740 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,000 Speaker 2: this was such an insightful conversation and it was so 741 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 2: good that we skipped our oh you clatchet segment, so 742 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,879 Speaker 2: we mad they have you back on so we could 743 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:29,520 Speaker 2: dive into that another time. But we really wanted to 744 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,560 Speaker 2: dive into that conversation around the sex workers because it's 745 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,640 Speaker 2: something we haven't talked about. You provided a fresh perspective 746 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:37,920 Speaker 2: on that, and so we really appreciate you. So we 747 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,040 Speaker 2: want to let our listeners know where they can find 748 00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,760 Speaker 2: you and connect with you. Buy us some sex toys, 749 00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,400 Speaker 2: get a copy of them corns that you already you know, released, 750 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,279 Speaker 2: So tell us where they can connect with you. 751 00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,320 Speaker 3: Hey, guys, you can connect with us at our open 752 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,279 Speaker 3: store or our Berkeley store. We have two locations now. 753 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,799 Speaker 3: We're on all social media at feel More Adults and 754 00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,239 Speaker 3: they'll drop that in the show notes and all. We'll 755 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:04,000 Speaker 3: add Fieldmore five to ten dot com. I'm also on Clubhouse. 756 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,719 Speaker 3: You know what else is there to do? We've been 757 00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:09,960 Speaker 3: a JT called it. She called it a walkie talkie, 758 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,480 Speaker 3: So yeah, that's where you guys can pick it up. 759 00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:16,360 Speaker 3: We deliver in the Bay Area Postmates. We postmade our 760 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,080 Speaker 3: products to you and same day delivery, we get it 761 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,400 Speaker 3: to you, and I just want to say thank you 762 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:25,080 Speaker 3: guys for providing me this opportunity. I hope you don't 763 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,840 Speaker 3: lose listeners because of this episode and make sure you 764 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:33,040 Speaker 3: guys follow me as well through Feel More Adult on Instagram. 765 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,760 Speaker 3: Definitely Instagram. I got to get my Instagram and Twitter 766 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 3: because I got to get my followed with up. 767 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,839 Speaker 2: Thank you so much. We will definitely add those links 768 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,600 Speaker 2: in the show notes. We had such a great time 769 00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,200 Speaker 2: and thank you for all that you do for the community. Nina. 770 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:45,000 Speaker 3: Thank you guys. 771 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,880 Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's doctor Dom here from the Cultivating her 772 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,680 Speaker 1: Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're dying 773 00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:57,400 Speaker 1: to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective 774 00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:02,760 Speaker 1: on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatingheirspace dot 775 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:07,520 Speaker 1: com and click ask doctor Dom under the start here option. 776 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,479 Speaker 1: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them 777 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:17,640 Speaker 1: at random. You thanks for joining us today. Please note 778 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:22,360 Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 779 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:27,240 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but is by no means 780 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:31,360 Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship 781 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:35,200 Speaker 1: with a trained mental health provider. If you are someone 782 00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,600 Speaker 1: you know is in need of mental health care, please 783 00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:43,839 Speaker 1: visit a Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or 784 00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,560 Speaker 1: contact your insurance provider. 785 00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,120 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 786 00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:52,719 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website, cultivatinghurspace dot com and 787 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,360 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 788 00:43:55,400 --> 00:44:00,239 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and 789 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:04,360 Speaker 2: before we meet again, repeat after me, I am aligned 790 00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:06,200 Speaker 2: with my inevitable outcome. 791 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,680 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady,