WEBVTT - The Five Love Languages

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<v Speaker 1>League Bus has all the knowledge you want. League has

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<v Speaker 1>all the knowledge you need. Chat.

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<v Speaker 2>They have all the books that the whole wild world

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<v Speaker 2>one up Readleague Bus. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malik's Bookshow.

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<v Speaker 1>Bringing a world together with books, culture and community.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, my name is Malik, your host of Malik's bookshel

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you're going to enjoy this episode.

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<v Speaker 2>I brought back the fam and we talked about the five.

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<v Speaker 1>Love languages because I read.

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<v Speaker 2>A book and it was called the Five Love Languages

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<v Speaker 2>by Gary Chapman, PhD.

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<v Speaker 1>Now let's give him his prop. Now, doctor Master.

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<v Speaker 2>Psychologists interview hundreds and hundreds of people, well, not necessarily interview,

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<v Speaker 2>but counsel as a psychologist and.

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<v Speaker 1>Wrote a book.

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<v Speaker 2>But he found a common denominator of five love languages.

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<v Speaker 2>And I thought it would just make good conversation to

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<v Speaker 2>have a talk with my fam, April, Mecca and Zaire.

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<v Speaker 2>And it was a very engaging and very insightful and

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<v Speaker 2>enlightening conversation where we all got a chance to just

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<v Speaker 2>talk about these five love languages.

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<v Speaker 1>As usual.

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<v Speaker 2>I took my fan by surprise and they didn't have

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<v Speaker 2>time to process. You know, me, I got a chance

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<v Speaker 2>to read doctor Gary Chapman's book at least, so they

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<v Speaker 2>didn't get a chance to really process.

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<v Speaker 1>And you get a chance to.

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<v Speaker 2>Hear two teenagers and two mature parents adults discuss love

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<v Speaker 2>in a very spontaneous and organic way. I was quite

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<v Speaker 2>surprised with some of their answers and some of the

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<v Speaker 2>statements that they made. You know, as a teenager, you

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<v Speaker 2>think different than someone who is twenty thirty just lived

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<v Speaker 2>a lot longer. You know, twenty is not really that

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<v Speaker 2>much from a teenager. You know, nineteen twenty, but someone

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<v Speaker 2>in their thirties and forties who experienced children, marriages, professional

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<v Speaker 2>a career, college, or any other type of endeavor did

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<v Speaker 2>take place in your life, because experience is going.

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<v Speaker 1>To be the best teacher.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm going to feature that conversation, which I thought

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<v Speaker 2>was just refreshing. I do have an interview that took

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<v Speaker 2>place in Eligue Books with a young lady named sin

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<v Speaker 2>Fabrie that wrote a book that created a Benny war

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<v Speaker 2>Apple ended up winning out. But the book is out

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<v Speaker 2>and it's Wolf Hustle, A Black Woman on Wall Street.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a memoir about a young black woman, a cent

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<v Speaker 2>on male dominated Wall Street. Now the batdrop of this

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<v Speaker 2>book is from and I don't know if any of

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<v Speaker 2>you ever saw the movie The Wolf of Wall Street

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<v Speaker 2>starring Leonardo DiCaprio is the backdrop and timeframe of this book.

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<v Speaker 2>The Young Lady Sinning Fred Brie is a black woman

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<v Speaker 2>working on Wall Street during this time when all of

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<v Speaker 2>this took place.

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<v Speaker 1>So this is gonna be a movie.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a book that's out now and I got

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<v Speaker 2>a chance to interviewer for a few minutes at Malik Books.

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<v Speaker 1>The book is available and signed at Malitite Books.

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<v Speaker 2>But it makes for a good read and it makes

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<v Speaker 2>gonna make for a good movie because I love the

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<v Speaker 2>Wolf of Wallshirt.

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<v Speaker 1>I watched that movie all the day time. It's just

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<v Speaker 1>one of those classics.

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<v Speaker 2>Now hit you know, A lot went on, a lot

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<v Speaker 2>was happening, was a lot happening.

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<v Speaker 1>They was living a life.

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<v Speaker 2>But I enjoy the hustle in that movie. And I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure this new book out.

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<v Speaker 1>Wolf Hustle is gonna be a great read.

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<v Speaker 2>Pick up a cop Comingleebooks dot com, and now let's

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<v Speaker 2>enjoy the episode. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to Malik's bookshelf. Bringing

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<v Speaker 2>a world together with books, culture and community. I want

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<v Speaker 2>to have a conversation with the fam about the five

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<v Speaker 2>love languages. What's happening is this psychiatrist he realized that

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<v Speaker 2>most people in relationships, whether it be marital boyfriend and girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship with kids, friendships, it all boils down to

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<v Speaker 2>five love languages. So I'm spontaneously want to just talk

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<v Speaker 2>about this without the faun thinking about it, so that

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<v Speaker 2>we can just have an organic, natural conversation about the

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<v Speaker 2>five love languages. And at some point I'll get back

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<v Speaker 2>to the psychiatrist's name. But in the meantime, let me mention.

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<v Speaker 1>The five love languages.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, So we are words, we have service, gifts, touch,

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<v Speaker 2>and time.

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<v Speaker 1>These are the five love languages.

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<v Speaker 2>Now we talk about words, okay, affirmations.

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<v Speaker 1>Everything that comes out of your mouth.

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<v Speaker 2>Is intentional or unintentional, and they have consequences the reality.

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<v Speaker 2>So the words you choose are important in terms of

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<v Speaker 2>the relationship that you're trying to create because words are powerful.

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<v Speaker 2>Words can create life or be destructive towards life. Then

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<v Speaker 2>we're talking about service, acts of kindness or doing something

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<v Speaker 2>that around the house like domestic cleaning or fixing, or

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<v Speaker 2>you know your tires is damaged and you fix the tires.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, these are acts of service. Okay, Now, these

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<v Speaker 2>are all things that makes people smile or make people,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, cry, or make people feel good or happy.

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<v Speaker 2>Then the other one I mentioned words service, all right,

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<v Speaker 2>And then we have gifts, all right. Some people like

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<v Speaker 2>to give gifts to people, and it makes people feel good.

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<v Speaker 1>It makes people feel desired, wanted, appreciated. So gifts.

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<v Speaker 2>These are all languages, and you have to be on

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<v Speaker 2>the same pain because everybody's different. Now the question is

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<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna be asking them, is which one means more

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<v Speaker 2>than them?

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<v Speaker 1>What's their number one?

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<v Speaker 2>Because that's a love language, that's what they desire. And

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<v Speaker 2>so the other two is the other two is time.

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<v Speaker 2>The other one is time right, time, all right? Sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>people want time, They want you to spend time with them. Oftentimes,

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<v Speaker 2>when you meet somebody, court, somebody, whether it's friends or relationship, time,

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<v Speaker 2>you spending time, and then all of a sudden you

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<v Speaker 2>stop spending time.

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<v Speaker 1>What kind of effect that would that have on the relationship? See,

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<v Speaker 1>because you're not spending any more time. And then the

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<v Speaker 1>other one is touch right.

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<v Speaker 2>Touch here you Actually, some people are affectionate and they

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<v Speaker 2>like you to touch them, you know, or you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and they could be spiritual touch, physical touch.

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<v Speaker 1>But they feel that you're present. They feel that you're

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<v Speaker 1>there and in a way that is stimulating and very enjoyable.

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<v Speaker 1>So you have the touch.

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<v Speaker 2>So since I'm talking already, I'm gonna and broke down

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<v Speaker 2>the five. I'm gonna go around the round table. April,

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<v Speaker 2>Zayir Mecca. That's the faun. So who want to go first?

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<v Speaker 2>Which one out of those five?

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<v Speaker 1>All right?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay?

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<v Speaker 4>So for me, I think that time is the most important,

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<v Speaker 4>like the sign of affection, because you like, you're taking

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<v Speaker 4>your time to see like the things they like, the

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<v Speaker 4>stuff like their pet peeves and their their own love language.

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<v Speaker 4>And you're putting like the time and effort into being

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<v Speaker 4>present for them and going to important things stuff they

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<v Speaker 4>would like really want you to go to m and

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<v Speaker 4>just being there, you know, makes them feel appreciated and

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<v Speaker 4>wanted and like like you actually care for them.

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<v Speaker 1>And uh yeah, I mean time matters.

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<v Speaker 2>Time build you know, history, it builds companionships, it builds.

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<v Speaker 1>Future, you know, one step, one brick at a time.

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<v Speaker 2>So you saying time, and I think that you explained

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<v Speaker 2>that very well, the importance of time.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, who's next?

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<v Speaker 5>My love language.

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<v Speaker 6>I think everyone can agreements its gifts.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone here can agree.

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<v Speaker 6>To gifts is my personal love language. And I know

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<v Speaker 6>you only said five, but my but I believe laughter

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<v Speaker 6>is like if you can't if we can't laugh together

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<v Speaker 6>with each other at each other, it's so dull to okay,

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<v Speaker 6>So what words gifts and love gifts and words for sure?

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<v Speaker 6>Gifts is my first point of a love language. I

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<v Speaker 6>enjoy getting gifts. I enjoy giving gifts. It works both ways.

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<v Speaker 6>To me, I've blessed so many people by giving, and

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<v Speaker 6>I've been blessed with so many gifts from people's and

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<v Speaker 6>it makes me feel like really good inside.

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<v Speaker 5>Gifts, like because because Mary made a good point, like

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<v Speaker 5>words for me too was like a love lames for me,

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<v Speaker 5>like one bad thing or will like change my entire

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<v Speaker 5>mood and my entire.

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<v Speaker 1>Perspective of the person.

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<v Speaker 4>And if they say a good thing about me, well

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<v Speaker 4>I'll feel like really happy and like like I'm actually

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<v Speaker 4>doing really good.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, real talk, real talk, real talk. So I have.

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<v Speaker 7>Two of them, which is time and gifts. For time

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<v Speaker 7>is uh and what you say about people being there

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<v Speaker 7>and sometimes they don't be there, but you know they're

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<v Speaker 7>in the same household or where you're at. Even if

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<v Speaker 7>you don't see them, you know, you can feel them

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<v Speaker 7>in anywhere. Uh. And for gifts, sometimes when you give

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<v Speaker 7>stuff to people, sometimes they don't give them back to you,

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<v Speaker 7>but they know that it's out of love and curiosity.

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<v Speaker 7>And and when I get gifts, uh, it just changed

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<v Speaker 7>my whole day.

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<v Speaker 2>And yeah, I remember, I mean you just had a birthday,

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<v Speaker 2>and I remember we.

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<v Speaker 1>Rolled the scooter out in the look on your face,

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<v Speaker 1>you know.

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<v Speaker 4>For touch, I think that for some people, touch only

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<v Speaker 4>gets you so far. Depending on that person and how

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<v Speaker 4>their attitude is, they may just like you know, how

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<v Speaker 4>some people are insecure, it may just think they may

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<v Speaker 4>just think that touch like you're only with them for

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<v Speaker 4>their body and stuff. And if you don't, like I said,

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<v Speaker 4>if you don't pay them enough time, they'll think you're

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<v Speaker 4>only taking advantage of them. But I guess some people

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<v Speaker 4>they appreciated as well.

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<v Speaker 6>But that's what I was saying.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, the touch is very important because none of

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<v Speaker 2>us will be here without it.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's how procreation occurs.

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<v Speaker 2>That the sex oftentimes causes people momentarily to forget their problems.

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<v Speaker 2>What if they had an argument or a situation because

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<v Speaker 2>it changed the chemicals in your body, at least for

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<v Speaker 2>a moment.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a release where you feel you.

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<v Speaker 2>Fought and your state of mind has changed now depending

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<v Speaker 2>on the severity of a situation. But sex is one

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<v Speaker 2>of the most important things in relationships and it keeps

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<v Speaker 2>people together.

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<v Speaker 1>When you're in a relationship and you're not having.

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<v Speaker 2>Sex, it's the beginning and the end because if you're young,

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<v Speaker 2>your hormones are raging, your hormones on an epic level.

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<v Speaker 2>And if you're not having sex with that person and

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<v Speaker 2>you young twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, you know, when you're young,

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<v Speaker 2>touch is more important in a relationship than.

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<v Speaker 1>When you're old or older. Older. It's a big difference,

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<v Speaker 1>and it changes over time.

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<v Speaker 6>Yes, sometimes touch don't even equal to sex, Like I

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<v Speaker 6>have we've been together for so long. When you touch

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<v Speaker 6>me or touch my head, rub my head, it's like

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<v Speaker 6>a sleeping pill. It's a sleeping pill to me, and

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<v Speaker 6>it makes my body feel a certain type of way.

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<v Speaker 6>So and it don't even lead to sex. It's like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 6>I'm relaxed just by that touch. And when you just

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<v Speaker 6>rubbing my head.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you know, maybe, and we're a lot older,

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<v Speaker 2>and so the touching a person in their early years

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<v Speaker 2>or early in the relationship has a different effect on

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<v Speaker 2>touching a person in a lot of years. And now,

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<v Speaker 2>in terms of those five love languages, that's what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to express my order of these five, all right,

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<v Speaker 2>And I think the order would be different if I

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<v Speaker 2>was younger. But I think one thing is consistent, no

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<v Speaker 2>matter for me, no matter what age. Because now the

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<v Speaker 2>thing is, you want to guess mine, I'm gonna let

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<v Speaker 2>before I say, I'm gonna let you guess it.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think that it's very important that.

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<v Speaker 2>That the one I want to express is I think

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<v Speaker 2>number one, no matter how old I am, because I

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<v Speaker 2>think that it's the foundation of.

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<v Speaker 1>Any type of relationship, whether it's.

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<v Speaker 2>Your wife, your girlfriend, your mother, your father, a relationship

0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.160
<v Speaker 2>with your children. I think that this is number one.

0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:21.760
<v Speaker 2>And I've had to learn that over the years. I

0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:27.360
<v Speaker 2>have to learn that just by maturing. So I need

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:28.840
<v Speaker 2>you to tell me what you think it is.

0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:36.080
<v Speaker 1>Words being go, being go, that's number one. Words.

0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:41.920
<v Speaker 2>Words are number one, and they are to meet the

0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:48.920
<v Speaker 2>building blocks to every relationship. If I meet a person, yes,

0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:53.160
<v Speaker 2>looking at them with my eyes is one reaction.

0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:58.080
<v Speaker 1>But the relationship ain't gonna be built on looking. It's

0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:02.240
<v Speaker 1>gonna be built on the visation, the communication.

0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:06.560
<v Speaker 2>And that's the key to the success of any relationship

0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:07.919
<v Speaker 2>is how you communicate.

0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:10.840
<v Speaker 1>And a language is.

0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:16.440
<v Speaker 2>A group of words, and it does affect every facet

0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:18.399
<v Speaker 2>in every relationship.

0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:23.880
<v Speaker 1>Now, word's the number one for me. Then I feel.

0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:34.080
<v Speaker 2>That if I want to build a relationship, whatever type, business, professional, marital, children,

0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:38.320
<v Speaker 2>it's my service now because.

0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:40.879
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling a certain way.

0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:43.760
<v Speaker 2>And when you feel a certain way, that doesn't to

0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.719
<v Speaker 2>me translate in giving gifts.

0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:52.280
<v Speaker 1>That to me translating me saying hey, you know I

0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.240
<v Speaker 1>want to do this for you. I want to do

0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:54.800
<v Speaker 1>that for you.

0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:57.360
<v Speaker 2>Like I said earlier about a car, if I say, oh,

0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.960
<v Speaker 2>I like to bry you know you want.

0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:02.680
<v Speaker 1>To respect, to protect, prod to protect.

0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:04.480
<v Speaker 2>If I look at your car and see your tires

0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:06.200
<v Speaker 2>are flat, I'm gonna help you change it.

0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:08.080
<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm not gonna say, oh, you need your

0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:10.600
<v Speaker 1>tires change. I'm gonna do something right. That's service.

0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:14.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm in your house, Hey, this is broke, let me

0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.280
<v Speaker 2>fix that. And for some women and for some that's

0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:21.840
<v Speaker 2>a turn on. For other women's it's not to be

0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.560
<v Speaker 2>a handy man a maintenance man in that way.

0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:25.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay.

0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.440
<v Speaker 2>So that's why I feel like service acts of service

0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:32.280
<v Speaker 2>would be number two, because now I'm demonstrating to you

0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:41.520
<v Speaker 2>my my ability or what's the word, my importance in you.

0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:46.480
<v Speaker 1>You know said, wow, you know that it brings it Yes, yes.

0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:49.359
<v Speaker 6>It brings out value not only for you, but to

0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:52.119
<v Speaker 6>that person, like, oh wow, I value this person because

0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.720
<v Speaker 6>of this that and that it brings out a value

0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:55.720
<v Speaker 6>like you.

0:18:55.680 --> 0:19:02.399
<v Speaker 1>Know, it's I did times. That's right, you know, and.

0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:05.359
<v Speaker 6>I still remember that, you still remember that a service.

0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:09.160
<v Speaker 2>And if I come to your house and let's say

0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:12.080
<v Speaker 2>you got kids, right, and I'm dating you, right, and

0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:14.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm coming in your house and just eating your food,

0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:16.480
<v Speaker 2>why not bring some food to you?

0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.440
<v Speaker 1>Why not put some food in your refrigerator?

0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:24.040
<v Speaker 2>See, And I've experienced that, and that's one of the

0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:27.080
<v Speaker 2>things I remember. The young lady I was dating, she said,

0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:30.000
<v Speaker 2>he said, man, you the only one that would come

0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:32.480
<v Speaker 2>back gifts. I mean, she didn't look at his gift.

0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:36.720
<v Speaker 2>But I'm bringing something. I'm bringing food to the house.

0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:38.639
<v Speaker 2>Now that could be looked at as a circle if

0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:41.480
<v Speaker 2>you looked at as a gift. But after service. Right,

0:19:41.880 --> 0:19:46.560
<v Speaker 2>then I feel that I've established something. So I think

0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:51.080
<v Speaker 2>gifts in touch and time. You see what I'm saying,

0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:54.359
<v Speaker 2>they get interchange and so forth. But you gotta spend

0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:56.919
<v Speaker 2>time to know somebody. You got to spend time to

0:19:56.920 --> 0:19:59.280
<v Speaker 2>build a relationship to a kid, You got to spend

0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:03.200
<v Speaker 2>time to I have a relationship with anyone or anything

0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:07.720
<v Speaker 2>or business. So I think time with after service. Time

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:09.880
<v Speaker 2>is there you're putting into work, You're putting in the time,

0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:15.359
<v Speaker 2>all right, Then you know now that I've sparked a

0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:24.120
<v Speaker 2>a I guess, and an abundance of joy and laughter

0:20:24.840 --> 0:20:30.480
<v Speaker 2>and smile and connection. See now we like filling each

0:20:30.520 --> 0:20:35.600
<v Speaker 2>other or I'm loving the business and I'm building. Then

0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.280
<v Speaker 2>I feel like, you know, then the touch, you know

0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:41.439
<v Speaker 2>what I'm saying, the touch, and I think after that

0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:44.479
<v Speaker 2>then followed by, you know, the gifts, because you know

0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:47.080
<v Speaker 2>you want to continue to nurse the very thing that

0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:49.359
<v Speaker 2>you have fell in love with or loved, you know,

0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:50.280
<v Speaker 2>so then the gifts.

0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:51.720
<v Speaker 1>So that's kind of you know.

0:20:53.840 --> 0:20:56.400
<v Speaker 2>How I see the five lovel But I'll say that

0:20:56.880 --> 0:21:00.600
<v Speaker 2>if you can't get on the same page with those

0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:05.199
<v Speaker 2>five love languages then and not able to communicate with

0:21:05.240 --> 0:21:07.240
<v Speaker 2>each other through those five love languages.

0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:09.960
<v Speaker 1>You in for a whirl when what I'm saying.

0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:15.479
<v Speaker 6>That goes into wanting to please one another's when you're

0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:18.800
<v Speaker 6>talking about it in a relationship. My top love language

0:21:19.000 --> 0:21:21.800
<v Speaker 6>is not your top love language. And I get that

0:21:21.920 --> 0:21:25.159
<v Speaker 6>and you get that. So whatever I'm not getting from you,

0:21:25.440 --> 0:21:28.080
<v Speaker 6>and you know my love love language is the gifts,

0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:30.119
<v Speaker 6>and you're trying to give me what your love language is.

0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:31.840
<v Speaker 6>It's not gonna work, it's not gonna write.

0:21:31.880 --> 0:21:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I need to meet you with your love and vice versa.

0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:39.720
<v Speaker 6>If yours is words, I have to give you the words.

0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:44.040
<v Speaker 6>And if miss gifts, you know, you might say words

0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:47.000
<v Speaker 6>to me. I'm like, oh that's okay, that's nice, that's fine.

0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:49.480
<v Speaker 6>It just doesn't trigger the same emotions.

0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:51.159
<v Speaker 1>Yes, you know a lot of people.

0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:53.200
<v Speaker 2>You know, people go to work, they work a lot,

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:58.320
<v Speaker 2>and they don't see each other that much. And there's

0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:00.879
<v Speaker 2>they don't put any time any work. They don't go

0:22:00.960 --> 0:22:05.000
<v Speaker 2>out and date, they don't do nothing together. You know,

0:22:05.840 --> 0:22:08.119
<v Speaker 2>a father don't spend time with his children because he

0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:12.879
<v Speaker 2>out here with his buddies. You know, people get divorced

0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:19.640
<v Speaker 2>and the kids, you know, don't have the quality time

0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:23.440
<v Speaker 2>that they said, because it's two households and that could

0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:27.640
<v Speaker 2>affect them. I mean the kids to find the language,

0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:31.160
<v Speaker 2>and for whoever you're around, to understand what your language is.

0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:33.760
<v Speaker 2>And if you can understand each other's language.

0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:36.000
<v Speaker 1>You better you could be better communicate it. You got

0:22:36.040 --> 0:22:36.600
<v Speaker 1>some more to say.

0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:41.080
<v Speaker 7>Language said for a service, even if they don't want

0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:48.600
<v Speaker 7>the service, it's out of someone's hard So even if

0:22:48.600 --> 0:22:52.720
<v Speaker 7>they still don't want it, you have nothing to do.

0:22:54.119 --> 0:22:58.320
<v Speaker 7>You can help them fix and fix something that's broken

0:22:58.680 --> 0:23:00.359
<v Speaker 7>or that doesn't word.

0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:04.040
<v Speaker 2>Do you think cooking for a person is an active service?

0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:08.880
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, it's active service because, uh do you know.

0:23:08.880 --> 0:23:11.800
<v Speaker 2>They say the way do a man's uh is do

0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:14.399
<v Speaker 2>his stomach. Yeah, the way through a man's heart is

0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:16.600
<v Speaker 2>through his stomach. And cooking how important that is?

0:23:20.960 --> 0:23:22.560
<v Speaker 1>Like that too, You used to do that for me

0:23:22.640 --> 0:23:24.399
<v Speaker 1>too as a walking head. Yo.

0:23:24.760 --> 0:23:27.880
<v Speaker 6>She pull of cookies like, oh this is great. Your

0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:31.040
<v Speaker 6>first meal you ever made me was lasagna. You did

0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:35.399
<v Speaker 6>it from scratch lasagna and cookies, cookies. It was so delicious.

0:23:35.880 --> 0:23:38.240
<v Speaker 1>What we talk what we tell mack to the day she.

0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:39.320
<v Speaker 6>Wanted to learn how to cook.

0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:43.000
<v Speaker 3>Hell you to say what they said? Huh?

0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:47.000
<v Speaker 4>I actual if about family traditions and stuff. And I

0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:50.760
<v Speaker 4>went to German mama cooking for Thanksgiving because my.

0:23:50.880 --> 0:23:52.760
<v Speaker 1>Daddy said I should learn how to cook.

0:23:52.920 --> 0:23:53.560
<v Speaker 3>So I want to.

0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:54.200
<v Speaker 1>I want to.

0:23:54.200 --> 0:23:56.119
<v Speaker 4>If I'm gonna learn, one might as well learn the tradition.

0:23:57.520 --> 0:23:58.560
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, cooking.

0:23:59.040 --> 0:24:00.600
<v Speaker 2>I think it's very import And you know, I grew

0:24:00.680 --> 0:24:04.280
<v Speaker 2>up around with Sunday dinners the whole family. But more important,

0:24:04.280 --> 0:24:06.480
<v Speaker 2>I learned how to cook by watching my mom, my,

0:24:06.560 --> 0:24:07.800
<v Speaker 2>whole brother, sister.

0:24:07.960 --> 0:24:09.080
<v Speaker 1>We all learned how to cook.

0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:13.120
<v Speaker 2>And all of us cook well, all of us cook good,

0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:16.480
<v Speaker 2>but we wanted to learn how to cook. That's the

0:24:16.560 --> 0:24:21.639
<v Speaker 2>key in the importance of learning, and and and and

0:24:21.960 --> 0:24:23.840
<v Speaker 2>But that's an act of service to getting to me,

0:24:23.880 --> 0:24:29.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, assistant. You know a lot of times people

0:24:29.640 --> 0:24:32.640
<v Speaker 2>think that the duty of a woman is to clean

0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:35.640
<v Speaker 2>the home and the man shit around and do nothing

0:24:35.680 --> 0:24:36.320
<v Speaker 2>but go to work.

0:24:37.080 --> 0:24:39.119
<v Speaker 1>It's I mean, what's your thoughts on that?

0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:44.280
<v Speaker 6>That ain't happening nowadays. They don't have Some man today

0:24:44.400 --> 0:24:46.359
<v Speaker 6>still like that, But majority of the time it's not

0:24:46.480 --> 0:24:49.800
<v Speaker 6>like that anymore. Everybody have a duty. And that's saying

0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:52.119
<v Speaker 6>that that duty it might be the same thing. You

0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:55.119
<v Speaker 6>might get home earlier than me, so it's your your

0:24:55.320 --> 0:24:58.920
<v Speaker 6>duty to get home and do chores and cook the dinner,

0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:01.800
<v Speaker 6>and I might get home late. So don't leave that

0:25:01.960 --> 0:25:03.200
<v Speaker 6>only up to a woman.

0:25:04.440 --> 0:25:08.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, are there a lot of relationships where they

0:25:08.640 --> 0:25:09.320
<v Speaker 2>out of balance.

0:25:09.640 --> 0:25:11.879
<v Speaker 6>Yes, I've been in relationship, but the men cooked and

0:25:11.960 --> 0:25:15.160
<v Speaker 6>clean for me. I've been in those relationships. My first

0:25:15.160 --> 0:25:17.440
<v Speaker 6>relationship was like that. I didn't watch clothes at I

0:25:17.520 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 6>was twenty one years old.

0:25:19.400 --> 0:25:19.720
<v Speaker 7>I didn't.

0:25:19.720 --> 0:25:23.320
<v Speaker 6>I didn't watch clothes. He washed the clothes. That that's

0:25:23.400 --> 0:25:27.480
<v Speaker 6>something that he did. And after that I was in

0:25:27.640 --> 0:25:32.359
<v Speaker 6>relationships and they cooked very good and cleaned very good,

0:25:33.200 --> 0:25:33.680
<v Speaker 6>very good.

0:25:34.000 --> 0:25:34.920
<v Speaker 7>So I enjoyed that.

0:25:35.480 --> 0:25:36.200
<v Speaker 2>I enjoyed it.

0:25:37.720 --> 0:25:41.879
<v Speaker 1>Some men are not domestic, and that is a challenge

0:25:42.040 --> 0:25:42.440
<v Speaker 1>for men.

0:25:42.680 --> 0:25:45.400
<v Speaker 2>Men aren't. But I've had a few.

0:25:49.520 --> 0:25:54.320
<v Speaker 1>I've hung out with women that wasn't domestic, and it

0:25:54.440 --> 0:25:55.240
<v Speaker 1>was a turn off for me.

0:25:56.080 --> 0:25:59.760
<v Speaker 6>But that's you, though, that that's but that's that, that's you.

0:26:00.880 --> 0:26:04.240
<v Speaker 6>Everybody is different, everybody. That's what makes everyone different.

0:26:04.520 --> 0:26:05.119
<v Speaker 1>I enjoyed it.

0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:06.359
<v Speaker 6>I enjoy it both ways.

0:26:06.720 --> 0:26:07.800
<v Speaker 7>I enjoy cooking.

0:26:08.960 --> 0:26:12.240
<v Speaker 1>I've heard that people say women have the cooking geen.

0:26:12.400 --> 0:26:15.080
<v Speaker 1>Is that a thing? I don't know, No, because.

0:26:14.840 --> 0:26:16.399
<v Speaker 4>That's what I hear people saying, what is that's what

0:26:16.600 --> 0:26:16.879
<v Speaker 4>to mean?

0:26:18.160 --> 0:26:22.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, well, here's the thing is that women have a

0:26:22.280 --> 0:26:29.360
<v Speaker 2>natural maternal instinct, and when it comes to a being domestic,

0:26:29.560 --> 0:26:33.080
<v Speaker 2>meaning the house, being the woman of the house and

0:26:33.200 --> 0:26:35.159
<v Speaker 2>taking care of the house and the cleaning and all that,

0:26:36.200 --> 0:26:39.520
<v Speaker 2>it seems that they do it more effortlessly.

0:26:39.040 --> 0:26:43.720
<v Speaker 1>And naturally, whereas whereas we struggle as men more.

0:26:43.840 --> 0:26:45.720
<v Speaker 2>Now that's not to say that a lot of men

0:26:46.520 --> 0:26:51.280
<v Speaker 2>are not naturally good at it, but we found I mean,

0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:55.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, that's just the age old conversation were living

0:26:55.359 --> 0:26:58.840
<v Speaker 2>in at a different time where where men and women

0:26:58.960 --> 0:27:02.359
<v Speaker 2>are working. They're not at home like they used to be,

0:27:02.480 --> 0:27:05.200
<v Speaker 2>one at home, one working. We're living in a time

0:27:05.280 --> 0:27:09.600
<v Speaker 2>when both out hustling and bustling and trying to make

0:27:09.640 --> 0:27:10.560
<v Speaker 2>it make ends me.

0:27:10.760 --> 0:27:16.160
<v Speaker 1>So you know, that definition of the household and who

0:27:16.280 --> 0:27:17.720
<v Speaker 1>does this has to.

0:27:20.440 --> 0:27:23.600
<v Speaker 2>Change because we don't live in those times where the

0:27:23.640 --> 0:27:26.159
<v Speaker 2>women is just sitting at home or a man just

0:27:26.200 --> 0:27:29.200
<v Speaker 2>sitting at home. We're living in a time we're both

0:27:29.359 --> 0:27:32.680
<v Speaker 2>out of the home, so both have to participate in

0:27:33.320 --> 0:27:37.280
<v Speaker 2>domestic chores of the house. Final thoughts, anyone, final thoughts

0:27:37.320 --> 0:27:41.680
<v Speaker 2>on this? This was spontaneous, the five Love Languages. I

0:27:41.800 --> 0:27:45.800
<v Speaker 2>hope y'all got something out of it. That's what Malie's Bookshelf,

0:27:46.000 --> 0:27:50.280
<v Speaker 2>bringing a world together with books, culture and community is.

0:27:50.800 --> 0:27:56.080
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I think that having a group conversation can add

0:27:56.160 --> 0:28:00.680
<v Speaker 2>more value to the subject. And thank you for the opportunity,

0:28:00.760 --> 0:28:03.800
<v Speaker 2>thank you for this time, thank you, thank you, thank you.

0:28:09.000 --> 0:28:11.840
<v Speaker 1>The Wolf Hustle A Black Woman on Wall Street.

0:28:12.240 --> 0:28:12.639
<v Speaker 7>That's right.

0:28:13.040 --> 0:28:18.359
<v Speaker 2>New book tell us a little deeply about why is parallels.

0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:18.920
<v Speaker 1>The Wolf of Wall Street.

0:28:19.680 --> 0:28:23.560
<v Speaker 3>First book memoir. This is a this is like almost

0:28:23.560 --> 0:28:26.160
<v Speaker 3>a coming of age story. But it starts when I'm sixteen,

0:28:26.320 --> 0:28:28.920
<v Speaker 3>and I am at nineteen, the youngest black Stockbrook on

0:28:29.000 --> 0:28:31.600
<v Speaker 3>Wall Street. And if anybody watched The Wolf of Wall Street,

0:28:31.640 --> 0:28:33.000
<v Speaker 3>they're going to get an idea of the guys I

0:28:33.080 --> 0:28:35.200
<v Speaker 3>worked for at that time. But I tell you about

0:28:35.240 --> 0:28:36.720
<v Speaker 3>how I did my own hustle, how I made a

0:28:36.760 --> 0:28:38.800
<v Speaker 3>ton of money, lost a lot of money. But I

0:28:38.840 --> 0:28:40.800
<v Speaker 3>think people will get wrapped into the story because they'll

0:28:40.800 --> 0:28:43.760
<v Speaker 3>see parallels of themselves in this, so it'll resonate with folks.

0:28:44.400 --> 0:28:47.360
<v Speaker 3>I mean, if anybody saw the debauchery, I think it

0:28:47.480 --> 0:28:50.400
<v Speaker 3>was the high pressure sales tactics we learned. I think

0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:52.560
<v Speaker 3>it was the perseverance, like you never get up, no

0:28:52.640 --> 0:28:55.040
<v Speaker 3>matter what your state is, no matter what your beginnings are,

0:28:55.240 --> 0:28:57.520
<v Speaker 3>no matter where you end up. It's all about what

0:28:57.640 --> 0:28:59.040
<v Speaker 3>you want. And I think for me, it was all

0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:01.640
<v Speaker 3>about my passion and how much I love doing this

0:29:01.800 --> 0:29:03.960
<v Speaker 3>and talking to people. So I think, you know, for me,

0:29:04.320 --> 0:29:07.320
<v Speaker 3>the messages here, whatever it is that you're doing in life,

0:29:07.360 --> 0:29:08.960
<v Speaker 3>if you really want to go for it, just go

0:29:09.120 --> 0:29:11.240
<v Speaker 3>for it. You know, it's brick by brick, don't give up.

0:29:11.840 --> 0:29:13.800
<v Speaker 1>And what year, what time of the year was just

0:29:13.920 --> 0:29:15.600
<v Speaker 1>it just took place on Wall Street.

0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:18.720
<v Speaker 3>This was the early nineties early It might be before

0:29:19.160 --> 0:29:22.560
<v Speaker 3>some of you folks, depending on what streaming media you're

0:29:22.560 --> 0:29:25.720
<v Speaker 3>getting this on. But yeah, this was the early nineties,

0:29:26.560 --> 0:29:28.720
<v Speaker 3>I think, which was the best time of the year,

0:29:28.760 --> 0:29:30.160
<v Speaker 3>the best time, the best decade.

0:29:30.520 --> 0:29:33.160
<v Speaker 1>I said, well, how many black women was on Wall

0:29:33.240 --> 0:29:35.040
<v Speaker 1>Street at this during this time?

0:29:35.160 --> 0:29:38.560
<v Speaker 3>I mean, it says women. So that's why I think

0:29:38.560 --> 0:29:41.160
<v Speaker 3>I'm the only woman that I know of.

0:29:41.560 --> 0:29:44.680
<v Speaker 1>So you ain't seen no women there were black on

0:29:44.760 --> 0:29:45.320
<v Speaker 1>Wall Street?

0:29:45.400 --> 0:29:46.200
<v Speaker 2>Were you? Yeah?

0:29:46.560 --> 0:29:49.720
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I mean I didn't think about it until

0:29:49.840 --> 0:29:52.720
<v Speaker 3>after the fact. During the time, I was just like

0:29:52.800 --> 0:29:55.480
<v Speaker 3>I didn't care. I was like, I'll be the dark horse.

0:29:55.560 --> 0:29:56.360
<v Speaker 3>No one seas coming.

0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:58.920
<v Speaker 1>So that's the way I did it.

0:29:59.000 --> 0:30:01.600
<v Speaker 3>And I think for anything anybody wants to do, just

0:30:01.760 --> 0:30:03.080
<v Speaker 3>do that. Stick to whatever it is.

0:30:03.520 --> 0:30:08.000
<v Speaker 2>And so and so did you at that time experienced,

0:30:08.160 --> 0:30:12.800
<v Speaker 2>like on Wall Street racism or you know, what's your

0:30:12.880 --> 0:30:14.920
<v Speaker 2>thoughts about that being the only black woman. I mean,

0:30:15.000 --> 0:30:16.360
<v Speaker 2>that's that's history in.

0:30:16.440 --> 0:30:19.560
<v Speaker 3>The sense, you know, I grew up in the Caribbean household,

0:30:19.720 --> 0:30:23.440
<v Speaker 3>and so in the Caribbean we're the majority, not the minority.

0:30:23.840 --> 0:30:25.800
<v Speaker 3>And so for me to be on Wall Street at

0:30:25.840 --> 0:30:28.040
<v Speaker 3>that time, I never thought anything of it. You know,

0:30:28.200 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 3>the racism obviously was there. There was misogyny, There was

0:30:32.400 --> 0:30:34.280
<v Speaker 3>a lot, but I think for me, I looked at

0:30:34.320 --> 0:30:36.960
<v Speaker 3>that at that time good old fashioned hazing. I didn't

0:30:37.000 --> 0:30:39.840
<v Speaker 3>know what it was, and so I think, to me

0:30:40.000 --> 0:30:41.880
<v Speaker 3>that was actually a great thing because I lived in

0:30:41.960 --> 0:30:44.080
<v Speaker 3>this world where no one was going to throw me

0:30:44.160 --> 0:30:47.720
<v Speaker 3>off my game. So I wouldn't recommend it for everyone,

0:30:47.800 --> 0:30:48.400
<v Speaker 3>but it worked for me.

0:30:49.360 --> 0:30:52.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to get an interview, so yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:30:53.520 --> 0:30:56.600
<v Speaker 2>what did you talk about that in the book The

0:30:56.720 --> 0:30:57.760
<v Speaker 2>Misogyny RS.

0:30:57.920 --> 0:30:59.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I explore all of it there was so

0:30:59.760 --> 0:31:02.200
<v Speaker 3>many things that happened. But I also, I'm no victim

0:31:02.240 --> 0:31:04.600
<v Speaker 3>in the story. You know, I'm winning and I'm wanting

0:31:04.640 --> 0:31:07.880
<v Speaker 3>people to get inspired. So there's no I'm not a victim.

0:31:07.960 --> 0:31:10.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm still winning. So it's all about the hustle. And

0:31:10.960 --> 0:31:13.640
<v Speaker 3>if you can connect with that, then you're gonna love

0:31:13.680 --> 0:31:15.240
<v Speaker 3>the story. There's no way you want.

0:31:15.640 --> 0:31:18.800
<v Speaker 1>So this is a memoir. It's a memoir, and it's about.

0:31:20.320 --> 0:31:23.240
<v Speaker 2>About you and your journey as a black woman on

0:31:23.360 --> 0:31:27.360
<v Speaker 2>Wall Street, things that you experienced, and and that's a

0:31:27.480 --> 0:31:30.760
<v Speaker 2>that's an interesting world because you know, you know, we

0:31:30.920 --> 0:31:33.000
<v Speaker 2>every day we wake up and we hear about stock market,

0:31:33.400 --> 0:31:35.960
<v Speaker 2>and we hear about the Dow, and we hear about

0:31:36.400 --> 0:31:37.200
<v Speaker 2>the Nash Deck.

0:31:37.600 --> 0:31:40.200
<v Speaker 1>And here you lived it in the nineties.

0:31:40.320 --> 0:31:42.200
<v Speaker 3>I lived it. And you know what's funny is I

0:31:42.280 --> 0:31:45.400
<v Speaker 3>walked into this business not having that much of financial

0:31:45.560 --> 0:31:49.240
<v Speaker 3>education as far as financial literacy, and years later after

0:31:49.320 --> 0:31:52.560
<v Speaker 3>the business, I still didn't have that information was not accessible.

0:31:52.960 --> 0:31:55.600
<v Speaker 3>And part of the things I talk about in my office, notice,

0:31:55.840 --> 0:31:58.640
<v Speaker 3>you know, get that financial literacy, get those resources, go

0:31:58.720 --> 0:32:01.280
<v Speaker 3>to school, find out that inform Because I made a

0:32:01.360 --> 0:32:03.040
<v Speaker 3>ton of money and I lost a majority of it

0:32:03.120 --> 0:32:05.560
<v Speaker 3>because I didn't have that, and so what I would like,

0:32:05.720 --> 0:32:07.320
<v Speaker 3>you know, one of the things I do talk about

0:32:07.400 --> 0:32:09.719
<v Speaker 3>is just, you know, educate yourself. You have every all

0:32:09.760 --> 0:32:13.120
<v Speaker 3>the resources and the tools in the world. There's no excuse, so.

0:32:15.520 --> 0:32:16.680
<v Speaker 1>Most people to invest it.

0:32:16.840 --> 0:32:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'll say this is that a lot of

0:32:20.360 --> 0:32:22.560
<v Speaker 2>people made a lot of money in the stand mark

0:32:23.120 --> 0:32:24.200
<v Speaker 2>a lot of people lost.

0:32:24.040 --> 0:32:28.320
<v Speaker 1>A lot of money. Yeah you lost a lot wow

0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:30.040
<v Speaker 1>wow where it sounds.

0:32:31.080 --> 0:32:33.520
<v Speaker 2>What I'm gathering just for this short conversation is that

0:32:34.880 --> 0:32:36.520
<v Speaker 2>a major part of your drive.

0:32:36.480 --> 0:32:39.160
<v Speaker 1>Was that you like to hustle. I love it. You know,

0:32:39.360 --> 0:32:40.360
<v Speaker 1>are you hustling today?

0:32:40.400 --> 0:32:42.400
<v Speaker 3>And whatever you're doing, I'm about to hustle these books

0:32:42.440 --> 0:32:47.320
<v Speaker 3>right here bookstores, so come through. They're signed and thank

0:32:47.360 --> 0:32:49.480
<v Speaker 3>you for the support. And yeah, and I'd love to

0:32:49.640 --> 0:32:51.240
<v Speaker 3>hear people's thoughts and comments and.

0:32:51.320 --> 0:32:53.320
<v Speaker 1>Hit me up on the ground if you can, bingo.

0:32:53.720 --> 0:32:54.040
<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

0:32:55.640 --> 0:32:58.840
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for listening to Maleik's Bookshelf, where topics on the

0:32:58.920 --> 0:33:01.200
<v Speaker 2>shelf are books, culture, and community.

0:33:01.480 --> 0:33:04.360
<v Speaker 1>Be sure to subscribe and leave me a review. Check

0:33:04.400 --> 0:33:07.440
<v Speaker 1>out my instagram at maleak Books. See you next time.