WEBVTT - “I TRAIN HOPPED AMERICA FOR 12 YEARS” 0:00:02.320 --> 0:00:04.160 Hello, Hey, what's up man? How you doing? 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:07.880 I'm good man. Yeah, it's my day off from work, 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:08.879 hanging out. 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:11.040 What Uh what's your name, sir? 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:13.520 My name is Steve. 0:00:14.040 --> 0:00:17.680 What's going on, Steve? What are you doing with your 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:18.120 day off? 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:26.400 Uh? Right now, I'm just feeding all my animals and 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:29.360 I'm gonna go. There's like this natural spring that I 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:32.200 go to to fill up water jugs. So I'm gonna 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:33.280 go fill up my water. 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:36.320 Oh cool? How many jugs do you think you're gonna 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:36.760 fill up? 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:42.120 I got these glass five gallon jugs, and I got 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:45.479 I got three big glass five gallon jugs. Then I 0:00:45.520 --> 0:00:48.040 got five one gallon jugs. 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:52.080 So how many gallons are that in total? 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:56.200 Like twenty gallons? Dude? 0:00:56.200 --> 0:01:00.840 What's how big is a five gallon jug? That sounds huge? 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.040 I mean yeah, it's yeah, and it's made it they're 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:05.520 all glass, so yeah, they're pretty heavy. 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.679 How is how close is the stream to your house? 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:20.440 It's like a thirty minute drive. But like when they 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:23.600 were making the road the highway, the people that were 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:26.720 making the road just like tapped into these natural springs 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:30.520 and put these like fountains on top of it, and 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:34.399 it's just delicious clean water just coming out of the ground. 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:36.320 You can just people just pull over off the side 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:37.640 of the road and fill up their water. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.920 And there's no sediment in there, there's no dirt, there's 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:44.760 no aids. 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:48.440 No, it's yeah, I mean, do you see the water 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:51.560 coming out? It's just crystal clear cold, fright. It's like 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:56.440 it's literally the best water ever. It's great. 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:59.680 You kind of sound like you have a very cheats 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:01.639 and show vibe in your voice. 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.280 Oh yeah, man, I mean I got yeah, I got 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:09.560 dreads like past like almost to my stomach, like creamage 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:10.240 to my stomach. 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:18.200 Why why do you fill up these jugs with water 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:22.240 instead of just like what's wrong with the tap? You know, 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:26.959 because and I this water sounds fucking delicious? But half 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.200 hour drive is I mean that's an hour that's an 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:29.880 hour commute. 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:33.680 Yeah, It's not like I do it every week. You know. 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:37.880 We probably go there like every two months, you know, 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:40.920 like every other month. Well, and we just make like 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:42.960 a family trip out of it, like, oh, we just 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:45.119 go on the dry we fill up the jug. It's 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:47.320 just kind of like, you know, I could see how 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:50.480 it could be seen as inconvenient, but for us, like, yeah, 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:53.359 the water's really good. It's free, it's from the earth, 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:55.600 and you know we kind of just make like a 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:56.800 little trip out of it. 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:00.520 Who's we. 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:05.079 Uh, me and my girlfriend and my daughter? You have 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:06.600 this seven year old daughter? 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:09.520 Oh, very nice house. Having a daughter. 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:18.080 I mean, like it's cool. It's hard. It's not easy 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.800 because you know, I feel like it's just you know, 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.000 it's hard being just two people and a baby, not 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:28.960 really having like a big family or like support system. 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:32.560 So there's things that are hard about it. But then 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:34.520 there's things that I really like about it. You know, 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:38.200 like you can kind of like, you know, like I 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:39.880 look at her and I kind of see like a 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:43.240 younger me, you know, and it's like I'm able to 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:46.440 heal my inner child by having a child sometime, you know, 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:47.560 if that make sense? 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:53.120 Yeah, sure, sure, How what uh maybe this might be 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:58.200 a loaded question, but wh what do you need to 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:01.200 heal about your inner child? 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.760 Well? I feel like I feel like when I was 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:09.560 a kid, I wasn't really like, uh nurtured, you know, 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:12.640 like my parents are really cold and harsh and like 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:15.880 didn't really do things with me. And I feel like 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.120 I was kind of like, you know, my inner child 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:21.040 was stifled a little bit like, no, you need to 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:23.919 grow up. You need to you know, like like I 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:26.440 feel like I missed out on a lot of childhood things, 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:31.800 so you know, I like to be there with her 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:35.320 and like do things with her instead of just like, oh, 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:37.200 I give you food, I give you a roof, I 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.800 give you clothes, that's it. That's kind of how my 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:43.479 parents were, you know, like they're like, Okay, you know, 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:46.680 we provide you with life and that's it, you know, 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:48.440 so I try to do like more. 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:56.560 Mmmmmmm right. Yeah, you had parents that just kind of 0:04:56.880 --> 0:05:00.159 gave you the things that they were legally obligated to 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:02.680 give you, but didn't actually want to hang out. 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:08.440 Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah my uh yeah, yeah. I 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:12.479 left home when I was sixteen, you know, but I 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.760 started running away when I was probably twelve thirteen years old. 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:18.320 But I didn't leave for good twelve sixteen. 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:24.080 Why did you start running away? 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:28.960 My dad is an alcoholic and he's in the military, 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:32.120 and he was like he wasn't very good at separating 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.320 his work from his home, you know, like he would 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:38.960 come home and just act still like a drill sergeant, 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:41.160 you know what I mean. Like he was treated his 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:46.560 family kind of like how he would treat the Marines 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:49.120 that he was in charge of. You know, he was 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:54.800 a very harsh man, you know, like my way or 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:59.280 the Highway kind of deal, you know, and like, yeah 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.320 he was, yeah, he was. He was pretty mean, you know. So, 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:12.240 and I was homeschooled all of junior high Yeah, yeah, man. 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:15.279 So I started running away just because it felt like 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:17.679 I had a better chance out there than I did 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:24.320 where I was. But ultimately, is like when I was 0:06:24.360 --> 0:06:27.040 a young team, like thirteen fourteen running away, eventually I 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.159 would have to come home because I would needed food 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:32.800 like that. That. Like there was times where I would 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:34.440 be gone for you know, a couple of weeks, but 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:37.040 I just never could get enough food, so I would 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:38.080 like come crawling back. 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:43.880 Basically, So you were twelve and you ran away. When 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:44.960 you ran away, where'd you go? 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:50.000 I mean I was really I used to read so 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:52.279 many books, and I would read a lot of like 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:57.240 wilderness survival books like My Side of the Mountain and like, 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:02.480 you know, just just books whether fantasy or fiction or 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:06.040 like nonfiction where like you know, someone did that where 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:08.000 they could just live off in the woods and like 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:11.440 take care of themselves and stuff. And I mean I 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:14.400 would run away and like be in the woods under 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:20.960 a bridge, you know, like sneaking out, stealing food, you know, 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.120 trying to find berries, you know, trying it just never 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:26.400 would work out. You know, it's not really how it 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:28.400 is in the books. You know, you read a book 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:32.040 and there's always like, you know, people always figure because 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.840 the story. It's not real life, so people always find 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:38.880 a way. But you know, it's a lot harder than 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:41.440 it seems. And I would always tell myself, you know, 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:43.360 when I'm big enough to take care of myself, I'm 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:47.200 gonna go and I'm not gonna come back. And it 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.720 was like probably a month after my sixteenth birthday, I 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:51.880 was like, you know this is you know, I'm old 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:53.560 enough now I can take care of myself. I don't 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:56.560 have to be here. And I mean my parents didn't 0:07:56.560 --> 0:08:00.400 try and stop me. I was just like, you know, 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:02.760 I was like, I'm ready to go. I want to go, 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:10.200 and they packed me a backpack and I remember my 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.240 mom looked at me. She's the last thing she said 0:08:12.240 --> 0:08:14.720 to me, She said, well, what are you going to do? 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:17.760 And I remember looking at her and I just said, 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.040 I don't know, but I'm going to do it, you know, 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:23.840 And like That's how it was. I had no idea. Yeah, 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:29.000 my very very strict Christian household, very very sheltered, very 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:32.480 very like in a bubble, you know, like not outside influence. 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:37.320 Like we didn't have cable, we didn't have internet. I'd 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:41.680 never used the computer, you know, Like we were like 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:45.600 very sheltered, you know. So I just went out into 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:49.240 the world, not really knowing what was going to happen, 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:52.080 but I just knew that, like, whatever it was out 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:53.800 there had to be better than where I was at. 0:08:56.040 --> 0:09:00.000 What did you leave with what you have on you? 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.800 I mean I didn't even get to pick. My dad 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:06.360 packed my backpack for me, and it was like my 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.719 I had like this oversized school backpack, and I mean 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:14.480 he threw like some clothes in there. I didn't have 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:18.640 a phone, I didn't have a birth certificate, I didn't 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:21.040 have an ID, I didn't have a Social Security card. 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:24.040 It was like a bag with some clothes in it. 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:27.720 And my mom snuck me a twenty dollar bill because 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:29.520 my dad would have freaked out if he knew she 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:32.440 gave me any money. And she gave me a twenty 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:34.680 dollars bill. So that's how I know, That's how I 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.520 started my life at sixteen, you know, I had a 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:41.360 backpack with my old school backpack in like sixth grade, 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:43.920 with some clothes in it and a twenty dollar bill. 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:46.840 And I mean, I didn't I didn't know anybody because 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:49.080 I was homeschool. I didn't have any friends to go to. 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:54.559 We were living in Japan at the time. So they 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:56.800 flew me back to the States. 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:00.280 Wait, you were living in Japan during all this? 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:04.680 Yeah, oh for a year. Yeah, for a year. My 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:07.240 dad was in the Marines and we were stationed in Japan, 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:11.240 and I lived in Japan, and we lived in Japan, 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:16.040 and he just put out coming on a plane, flew 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:17.000 me back to the States. 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:22.960 Okay. So they so when you and when you were 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.480 so when you were twelve thirteen and you were first morning, 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:30.480 well yeah it was that was in California, Okay. And 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:34.880 then you're in Japan and you're like, I cannot be 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:39.679 with these people anymore. And so your dad says, well, okay, 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.959 then you don't have to, and he packs your bag 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:45.240 with some clothes. Your mom slips you twenty dollars. They 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:51.280 put you on a plane from Japan to to back 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:56.640 to California to lax Okay, and so you land in 0:10:56.840 --> 0:11:00.640 Lax and you have no money, you don't know anyone. 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:01.880 Where do you go? 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.320 What do you do? I ended up on skid row? 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:18.400 How'd you get there? He walks, He's walk from LA I. 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:24.000 Mean, I met this guy from Boston out there and 0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:27.040 he was basically like, kid, what are you doing? Where 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.319 are you going? I was like I don't know? And 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:30.360 he was like, well, I'm going this way to do this. 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:34.640 And I was just like following behind him, and I 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.360 mean he led me to skid row and fucking he 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:42.559 turned out to be a crackhead. And uh so we're 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:44.520 like going all up and down skid row. I mean 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.600 there's like people laying in their own ship and piss 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:51.079 on the sidewalk and we're like stepping over them. And 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.559 like he ends up buying crack. He's sitting there smoking 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:56.719 crack and I remember asked. I was like, hey, can 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:58.200 I have it? He was like I wanted to get 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.959 I was like, oh, can I smoke some? And he 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:03.599 was like have you ever smoked this before? And I 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:06.040 said nope, and he said, then you're not going to 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:11.240 do it. And I think about that guy sometimes cause 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:13.360 I'm like, man, you know, my life could have been 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:16.719 on a lot different trajectory if he had it, just 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:19.000 like not given a fucking ben Like, yeah, man here 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.040 smoked his crack. Because I was a dumb kid. I 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:24.840 was like, I just lost left my family. I had 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:27.480 smoked weed before. I didn't really know what was going on, 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.280 you know. So yeah, he was like, no, you're not 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.760 going to smoke this. You've never done it. And he 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:35.280 was like, so what do you do? Like all right, 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:36.599 I smoked weed and he was like all right, And 0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:38.839 we went on on skid road just like looking for 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.000 a bag of weed. And you wouldn't believe how hard 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:43.800 it was to find a bag of weed. On skid row. 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.319 You could find anything but a bag of weed. We 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:53.360 finally found some and I smoked some weed and I 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:57.199 ended up hitting up someone that because I was homeschool 0:12:57.320 --> 0:12:59.480 for junior high. But then I went to high school 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:02.560 and I ended up hitting up someone that I went 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:04.600 to high school losing. He came and picked me up 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:08.920 and I stayed with his family for maybe a year 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:15.480 or two. But yeah, and then then my life pretty 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:19.760 much changed completely, all because of a Facebook ad. So 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:24.440 I was like living in southern California. I had been 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:26.360 so I got off skid Row. I was because I 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:27.880 told this guy that I went to go. I was like, man, 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:30.360 I'm on skid Row. I don't know what to do. 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:32.320 So he came and got me. I stayed with him 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:34.120 and his family. Him and his family were really cool. 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:39.760 I ended up getting a job, and I don't know, 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:43.120 life just wasn't I don't know, it was just boring. 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:46.160 And I remember sitting there and I was on Facebook 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:48.800 and I seen this ad for the four twenties Festival 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:52.520 in Denver, Colorado. You know. It was just like I'm 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.640 gonna go to this. And my friend was like, dude, 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:58.559 you don't know anybody in Colorado, You've never been to Colorado. 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:01.880 Don't do this. And I just like got two hundred 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:05.800 dollars together, got on a Greyhound and just went to 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:09.760 Denver for the four twenty festival. And like, you know, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.719 I I was always very spontaneous, you know, like I'm 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:15.880 just gonna do something. It doesn't matter what anyone's saying. 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:17.760 I'm just gonna do it, you know what I mean, 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:19.600 Like it doesn't matter how impossible it is, I'm just 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:23.080 gonna do it. That was always my mentality. And so 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.680 I go to Denver. And on the bus, I meet 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:30.280 this juggler. Dude. He's covered in face tattoos like you 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:32.520 would like like if you saw me, be like, oh, 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:35.040 this guy is sketchy, this guy, but he was really nice. 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:38.520 He's like this tall guy covering face tattoos. He had 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.760 like clown tattoos, like the upside him, triangles under his 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:45.440 eyes and like, you know, like this guy looked crazy. 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.160 And he was like, hey, man, like you know, me 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.360 and my friends are gonna have this four twenty barbecue. 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:54.080 And I was like, dude, hell yeah, and he's like, 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:55.800 you want to come with me? I mean, we had 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.760 been talking on the bus from California to Colorado and 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:04.200 he invited me to their barbecue. So when I got 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:06.640 to Colorad, I didn't even sleep outside one night because 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:09.600 I went straight to their house. It was like this 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:12.800 big Juggalo house where like everybody in there is a 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:15.920 Juggalo and they're having this huge barbecue and smoking weed 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:19.040 and like everyone was super cool, and I like slept 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:26.920 under their kitchen table. Yeah. Sorry, that was a lot. 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.480 No Jesus, no, oh my no, this is this is 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:34.640 uh no, this is a super super fascinating. It's funny 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.720 that you bring up Juggalos because you know what, it's 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.320 so funny you bring up Juggaloes because as you were, 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:48.160 I'm I'm making a little uh documentary about uh going 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:53.520 to the gathering of the Juggalos last month and everything 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:55.840 you're talking about. I don't know, I don't know why. 0:15:56.440 --> 0:16:00.680 But actually, before you even said that you met a Juggalo, 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:05.160 I was thinking about just like your story is kind 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:10.040 of making me think about the gathering of the Juggalos. 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:11.560 So it's weird that I was thinking about it and 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:15.840 then you mentioned that you met a Juggalo because the 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:21.120 Juggalo culture is very like, uh, like bohemian and welcoming 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:25.320 towards you know, people who are are like, you know, 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:29.960 kind of trying to get their footing, you know, so 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:32.040 it's interesting you met one of them. 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:32.360 Did you. 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:36.280 Start to get involved in the Juggalo culture at all. 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:40.480 I've always been a Deadhead, so I was like the 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:45.200 grateful dead and the dead Heads and the Juggalos. We 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:48.960 used to say that they're like they're like brothers, They're 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.040 like step brothers. We got the same mom with different deads, 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:56.400 and like on like the service level. You might not 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.000 think that dead Heads and Juggalos would get along or 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:02.440 have a lot in common. But like there's a lot 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.520 of jugglos and deadheads who were like tight as folks, 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:07.639 you know, like they're like best friend. Like, yeah, I 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:10.159 have a lot of good friends that are Jugglers. You know. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.040 I listened to the music a little bit, but yeah, 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:16.080 definitely more of a deadhead, you know. So I didn't 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:18.720 really get absorbed into it, but I was like alongside 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:19.120 with them. 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:25.760 So you were, I mean, yes, So you took a 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:32.040 greyhound from California to Colorado, met this juggal on a whim, 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:34.800 the juggle guy. He invites you to this house. There's 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:38.000 all these uh Juggalo people. They're having a party. You 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:40.640 sleep there for a little bit, just on a whim. 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:43.640 The plan was, but I mean, if you hadn't met 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:45.920 this guy, the plan was to just kind of sleep outside. 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:49.159 Yeah, like I had. Yeah, it was just go to 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:53.159 the four twenty event, and I'm I can talk to 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.879 pretty much anybody. I can just walk up to somebody. 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:58.359 I can just see somebody and just like start talking 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:01.800 to them, and you know, so I was just like, yeah, 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:05.280 I'm just gonna go there. It feels right. You'll talk 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:07.439 to some people, you know, but yeah, it was basically 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:11.040 just you know, I've slept outside in California. I was like, yeah, 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:15.000 it's summertime, there's early spring, you know, it's warm enough. 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:18.840 But yeah, I ended up staying with them, and then 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.520 I ended up getting a job with a tree service company, 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:25.880 and then I got my own apartment right next door 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:31.959 to there, so like in the same apartment complex, and uh, 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:37.639 which was cool working tree service. I did that in 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:42.719 Denver for like a year, but then yeah, I mean 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:45.760 all all of my roommates and all my coworkers were 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:47.880 drug addicts, so they have to tell like a lot 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:51.760 of things about like you know, like roofing, a lot 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:56.200 of people that do roofing, or like matheaddicts and opiate 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:58.600 addicts and kind of same with like tree service. At 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:00.520 least in my experience, a lot of the people were 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:05.600 meth addicts and heroin addicts. And I still just smoked weed, 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:10.240 didn't drink. But that's how I lost it all was. 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.440 I mean, my roommates were my coworkers, we all worked 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:18.400 for the same company, and basically the landlord had enough 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:23.479 of their bullshit, you know, having people coming over at 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.080 all weird hours, you know, just cops being called, just 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:30.680 random you know, just random things when you're living with 0:19:30.800 --> 0:19:33.440 drug addicts, you know what I mean. So we ended 0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:36.080 up my boss ended up well, he was on parole 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:39.879 and he ended up violating his probation because he was 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:43.480 doing drugs, went back to prison, and then none of 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.440 us had jobs, and then we lost our apartment. And 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:51.160 because I really wish I had saved more money, because 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:54.719 I was making really good money working for Tree Service, 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:57.080 but I had never had that kind of money before, 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:00.359 so I was just spending it as fast as I 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:03.120 could make it, you know. I didn't have like I'd 0:20:03.200 --> 0:20:05.399 never had a reference for the money like that, like 0:20:05.480 --> 0:20:08.159 I was. I mean, there was days where we'd make 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:12.040 I'd make a thousand dollars in a day, you know, 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:14.440 and I had no idea what to do with that 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:18.879 kind of money, you know. And at the end of 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:21.040 the day when we got kicked out, I'm sitting there 0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:25.000 with all my bags and my cat, and I'm sitting outside. 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:27.680 I don't have nothing. I don't have any money, I 0:20:27.760 --> 0:20:30.080 don't have anywhere, you know. So that, yeah, that that 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:32.880 was kind of a life lesson. Was like just because 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:35.160 it's good doesn't mean it always will be good. 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:37.240 What we tell. 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:43.040 Oh man. Just like my girlfriend at the time, Like 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:46.320 I like, I like met this girl online that we 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:49.040 were I was mutual friends with, and I like paid 0:20:49.119 --> 0:20:50.920 for her to come out there and live with me. 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:55.280 And I mean I was just so I was buying 0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:57.560 her so she I didn't she didn't work, so I 0:20:57.560 --> 0:20:59.320 would just like go to work and like leave her 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:01.920 money and we eat cigarettes and like go to work 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:09.080 all day. I'd buy dab break, expensive dab brigs, expensive bongs, acid, 0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:17.320 you know, shoes, clothes, just like movies, just blowing it, 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:19.679 man like, like literally just spending it. As soon as 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:21.720 I would get it, I would pay rent and I 0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:26.280 would just spend it. But yeah, pretty much any day 0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:32.240 off I would be downtown, and that's where I met 0:21:32.359 --> 0:21:38.160 dirty kids for the first time, like travelers, like basically hippies, 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:42.280 but people that live outside by choice and kind of 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:45.720 just like travel around with what's in their backpack. And 0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:50.879 like I would hang out with them, drop some acid 0:21:50.960 --> 0:21:54.959 in the park, smoke some weed, and everybody seems so happy. 0:21:55.119 --> 0:21:59.159 Man Like, everybody just seems happy. And I was like, 0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:01.679 they have nothing. They got no, they don't own anything, 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:03.320 they don't have any stuff. They don't have a house, 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:07.840 and it just seems so happy and like running around 0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:10.600 barefoot in the grass with their dogs smoking weed. And 0:22:10.680 --> 0:22:12.919 I'd be like I saw that, and I was envious 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:15.760 of it, because like I have to go back to 0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:19.600 my apartment. I have to I have to go do 0:22:19.800 --> 0:22:22.040 this job. I have to go shovel wood chips all day. 0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:24.040 I have to go cut trees, you know what I mean. 0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:25.520 I have to go do all these things. But these 0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:29.200 people are completely happy just hanging out in the grass. 0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:35.240 And basically that's where I went when I got kicked 0:22:35.240 --> 0:22:38.560 out of the apartment, didn't have the job, had all 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:41.720 my bags around me, had my little cat. I was 0:22:41.840 --> 0:22:43.719 like what do I do? And I was like, all right, 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:46.520 I'm just gonna go down to the park and talk 0:22:46.560 --> 0:22:48.159 to those guys. And I went down there and I 0:22:48.280 --> 0:22:50.600 was like, hey, you know, I just lost my job. 0:22:51.640 --> 0:22:54.320 I just lost my apartment and I don't know what 0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:57.160 to do. And they were like, oh, dude, youd hang 0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:00.480 out with us. And you know, at the at that point, 0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:02.560 still in my mind was like, oh, if you need money, 0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:05.920 you get a job. So like I immediately like went 0:23:06.400 --> 0:23:08.919 restaurant to restaurant, store, store, Hey, I need a job. Hey, 0:23:08.920 --> 0:23:11.960 I need a job. Got a job under the table 0:23:12.000 --> 0:23:16.600 at a sushi place in downtown Denver, making cash. The 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:19.440 guy never even asked me my name. I never filled 0:23:19.480 --> 0:23:21.479 out a job application. He was just like, oh, can 0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:24.439 you start tomorrow. And I started working there, and then 0:23:24.480 --> 0:23:26.159 I would just like I would work at the sushi 0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:29.400 place and then get on my skateboard and just skate 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:32.200 down to the park, sleep in the park with everybody, 0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:39.960 drop acid, smoke weed. Uh. My boss eventually found out 0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:42.359 that I was homeless. I didn't tell him, and I 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:44.360 thought I was gonna get fired. He was like, oh, 0:23:44.400 --> 0:23:46.000 why didn't you tell me you live outside, because he 0:23:46.080 --> 0:23:49.119 seen me out there one night and I was like, oh, 0:23:49.160 --> 0:23:51.280 I didn't want you to, you know, fire me. And 0:23:51.400 --> 0:23:53.359 he was like, oh well, And then after that he 0:23:53.440 --> 0:23:56.479 started getting me a meal every day. So every day 0:23:56.480 --> 0:23:58.280 i'd go into work, he'd let me have a meal, 0:23:58.800 --> 0:24:02.720 and he'd let me leave my backpack there. He was 0:24:02.800 --> 0:24:05.000 really cool. I felt bad when I quit that job, 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:07.600 you know, I really, I really did. I when I 0:24:07.960 --> 0:24:09.639 when I told him I was quitting, you know, I 0:24:09.760 --> 0:24:16.280 felt I felt pretty bad. But I was like, I 0:24:16.359 --> 0:24:18.119 don't know, I was ready. I wanted to go to 0:24:18.200 --> 0:24:22.000 San Francisco. And it's kind of crazy, but you hear 0:24:22.040 --> 0:24:25.960 about San Francisco and you're like, Oh, it's like a 0:24:26.040 --> 0:24:28.719 hippie paradise. You know, that's what you would think. At 0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:31.679 least that's what I thought, you know. I was like, Oh, 0:24:31.680 --> 0:24:33.280 I'm gonna get there and it's gonna be a bunch 0:24:33.320 --> 0:24:38.000 of people like here, smoking weed, hanging out. So I 0:24:38.119 --> 0:24:41.960 quit my job and I fucking I started hitchhiking to 0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:50.440 San Francisco. And I remember, yeah, I had I didn't 0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:54.480 have a backpack. All I had was a pair of shorts, shoes, 0:24:54.600 --> 0:24:57.600 a shirt, and a bed sheet because someone stole all 0:24:57.680 --> 0:25:00.920 my stuff and I I just like looked at the 0:25:01.040 --> 0:25:03.679 map and followed the high start walking down the highway 0:25:03.720 --> 0:25:07.879 with my thumb out, and it took me less than 0:25:07.920 --> 0:25:10.200 a week to get to San Francisco from Denver. My 0:25:10.280 --> 0:25:12.520 first time. That was my first time, like, that was 0:25:12.600 --> 0:25:16.600 my first real hitchhiking trip. I had done small ones, 0:25:16.720 --> 0:25:18.760 like fifty miles, one hundred miles, but that was my 0:25:18.920 --> 0:25:22.840 first real getting your feet wet into it. It was 0:25:22.960 --> 0:25:29.480 Denver to San Francisco, and I got to San Francisco 0:25:29.560 --> 0:25:31.399 and it was not what I thought. It was cold. 0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:35.520 It was very The air is very wet, it's very damp, 0:25:35.560 --> 0:25:38.720 it's very cold. In the streets are very harsh. There's 0:25:38.760 --> 0:25:41.480 a lot of a lot of hard drugs, a lot 0:25:41.520 --> 0:25:44.520 of people with mental illness problems, and a lot of 0:25:44.560 --> 0:25:48.920 people on drugs, and just like it wasn't that safe 0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:51.879 and it wasn't that fun. So then I I was like, 0:25:51.880 --> 0:25:54.639 all right, it's cold, I'm gonna start hitchhiking south. And 0:25:55.080 --> 0:25:58.359 that's literally how it all unraveled. Like there was always 0:25:58.359 --> 0:26:00.520 another place to go to. There was it was another 0:26:00.640 --> 0:26:03.840 thing to do. Like I never like set out like, oh, 0:26:03.960 --> 0:26:05.680 this is how I'm gonna live my life. Like it 0:26:05.840 --> 0:26:07.879 was just like, oh, I'm gonna go here and do 0:26:08.000 --> 0:26:10.000 this thing. And I was like, Oh, this kind of sucks. 0:26:10.000 --> 0:26:13.159 I'm gonna go here and do this thing. And so 0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:20.040 I ended up in Arizone at the gem Shows, which 0:26:20.080 --> 0:26:21.520 I don't know if you've heard about it, but the 0:26:21.640 --> 0:26:26.320 Tucson Gem Show is like the world's largest rock and 0:26:26.440 --> 0:26:30.000 mineral exhibition, and people from all over the world have 0:26:30.119 --> 0:26:34.439 all these different minerals and rocks and gemstones, and everybody's 0:26:34.560 --> 0:26:38.480 like hanging out it's a huge thing. It's it's crazy. 0:26:38.640 --> 0:26:42.560 And so I was there working at the gem show, 0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:47.479 like unloading boxes of rocks, setting up boots, because if 0:26:47.480 --> 0:26:49.480 you show up there earlier and you just walk around, 0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:50.959 you're like, hey man, you need a hand, you need 0:26:51.000 --> 0:26:52.800 a hand, and like you can get a job just 0:26:52.880 --> 0:26:56.359 on yeah, unloading rocks, setting up boots. You don't need 0:26:56.400 --> 0:27:01.439 an id, just under the tablework. And at the end 0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:06.479 of that I heard about a rainbow gathering. I had 0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:08.760 never heard. When I first heard about it, I thought 0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:10.520 it was a gay thing, and I don't have anything 0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:13.359 against gay people, but I was like, oh, you know, 0:27:13.480 --> 0:27:16.080 that's probably not for me, and then I realized that 0:27:16.200 --> 0:27:19.359 what it was like it's just called rainbow gathering, but 0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:25.399 it's like meant to be what society would be like 0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:30.960 if there wasn't money or like like it kind of 0:27:30.960 --> 0:27:33.399 shows you how like okay, see they pick like a 0:27:33.520 --> 0:27:37.520 national forest. Everybody shows up and you learn how to 0:27:37.640 --> 0:27:40.920 dig a latrine and put lie in it so everybody 0:27:41.000 --> 0:27:43.639 can shit in it and not spread disease. And they 0:27:43.680 --> 0:27:45.639 show you how to get water from the river and 0:27:45.800 --> 0:27:49.840 purify the water. And you know, there's different kitchens that 0:27:49.960 --> 0:27:53.720 show up and make food and you help get firewood, 0:27:53.920 --> 0:27:58.280 and they call it leaving Babylon, so you like leave 0:27:58.359 --> 0:28:00.320 the sidewalk and you go in the wood and you're 0:28:00.359 --> 0:28:02.680 like living in like a little mini society for a 0:28:02.720 --> 0:28:06.560 little while. And then they have these gatherings all over 0:28:06.640 --> 0:28:09.520 the world, not just the United States. They have them 0:28:10.400 --> 0:28:12.600 all over the world, and I went to a lot 0:28:12.680 --> 0:28:21.280 of them and they're a lot of fun. But yeah, 0:28:21.359 --> 0:28:25.159 I was doing that for probably five years, just hitchhiking 0:28:25.240 --> 0:28:29.600 around the United States, going to different rainbow gatherings, doing 0:28:29.680 --> 0:28:33.680 different seasonal work, like oh, let's go harvest potatoes, let's 0:28:33.760 --> 0:28:38.200 go harvest sugar beets, let's go prim marijuana. You know. Yeah, 0:28:38.200 --> 0:28:41.240 I'd do jobs like that, like go to the Pacific 0:28:41.360 --> 0:28:45.120 Northwest when I knew everybody was pulling their weed plants, 0:28:46.280 --> 0:28:48.480 and you just hang out outside home depots. So like 0:28:48.960 --> 0:28:51.520 these towns where people are growing weed up in the mountains, 0:28:51.840 --> 0:28:55.640 there's only one home depot for like hundreds of miles, 0:28:56.160 --> 0:28:58.200 you know, so any weed farmer has to go to 0:28:58.280 --> 0:28:59.959 this home depot. So I would just hang out there 0:29:01.280 --> 0:29:04.320 with like some weed trimming scissors in my hand, and 0:29:04.480 --> 0:29:06.360 eventually someone will pick you up and be like, oh, 0:29:06.400 --> 0:29:09.320 how many pounds can you trim in a day? And 0:29:09.520 --> 0:29:11.280 if they like your answer, they'll take you up to 0:29:11.360 --> 0:29:15.160 the mountain, provide you with food, room and board, and 0:29:15.240 --> 0:29:17.760 you just trim weed all day. And I mean sometimes 0:29:17.800 --> 0:29:23.640 for months. You just you're just way up on this mountain, 0:29:23.840 --> 0:29:30.560 like no cell phone service, no roads anywhere, like the 0:29:30.640 --> 0:29:32.440 type of mountain where in the winter people got to 0:29:32.480 --> 0:29:36.760 use snowmobiles to get off it, and you basically just 0:29:36.840 --> 0:29:42.880 trust these farmers that they're gonna pay you. And I 0:29:42.960 --> 0:29:44.800 mean it was it was nice to get a break 0:29:44.840 --> 0:29:47.680 from living on the road, and you know, like for 0:29:48.040 --> 0:29:51.840 for at while you can just live in this little 0:29:51.920 --> 0:29:54.080 shack on a mountain and trim weed. And it was 0:29:54.120 --> 0:29:57.520 cool because I mean there'd be like twelve foot weed 0:29:57.600 --> 0:30:01.000 plants hanging from the ceiling. I'd wake up just surrounded 0:30:01.120 --> 0:30:04.120 by hanging weed. You wake up and you can smoke 0:30:04.160 --> 0:30:05.720 as much weed as you can as long as you 0:30:05.760 --> 0:30:09.800 can keep working, and I would just I would just 0:30:09.920 --> 0:30:13.400 wake up fucking there'd be like a mason jar full 0:30:13.440 --> 0:30:16.760 of oil, dab oil, a roll of fat joint with 0:30:16.960 --> 0:30:20.640 some oil on it, smoke it, and you're just covering weed. 0:30:20.720 --> 0:30:23.040 Like if the weed sticks to everything, sticks to your socks, 0:30:23.080 --> 0:30:26.880 your clothes. I would just wake up twelve foot weed 0:30:26.920 --> 0:30:29.080 plants hang from the sea and just grab some colas 0:30:29.160 --> 0:30:34.600 start trimming. Yeah, and that was like, yeah, I see 0:30:34.680 --> 0:30:37.520 different seasonal jobs Like that is basically how I stayed alive. 0:30:38.920 --> 0:30:40.200 So for those five. 0:30:40.120 --> 0:30:46.080 Years that you were doing this, did you hang on 0:30:46.560 --> 0:30:52.280 to anyone or was it really just you for five years? 0:30:52.520 --> 0:30:58.000 Like, do you have any sort of recurring people in 0:30:58.120 --> 0:30:59.520 your life over that time? 0:31:01.880 --> 0:31:04.160 I was out there for a total of twelve years. 0:31:07.920 --> 0:31:08.480 Not really. 0:31:08.560 --> 0:31:11.360 I mean the most constant thing in my life was 0:31:11.440 --> 0:31:11.840 my dog. 0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:17.200 Your dog went with you everywhere? 0:31:18.200 --> 0:31:18.320 Uh? 0:31:18.440 --> 0:31:21.920 Yeah, I didn't have them in the beginning. I ended 0:31:22.000 --> 0:31:24.120 up getting my first dog because I was tired of 0:31:24.160 --> 0:31:29.400 getting robbed. Like sleeping was the most dangerous part of 0:31:29.480 --> 0:31:34.480 living out there is because people that don't sleep, they're 0:31:34.640 --> 0:31:37.400 just out scheming at night looking for people that are 0:31:37.480 --> 0:31:41.640 sleeping that they can take advantage of. Like sleeping was 0:31:41.760 --> 0:31:44.240 hands down the most dangerous part of living out on 0:31:44.320 --> 0:31:48.360 the road, Like, like you just get accustomed to survival, 0:31:48.480 --> 0:31:51.800 Like I would have to position my head a certain 0:31:51.840 --> 0:31:53.960 way every night when I went to bed, just to 0:31:54.160 --> 0:31:56.640 limit the ways that people could walk up on me, 0:31:56.720 --> 0:31:58.320 because you don't want someone to just be able to 0:31:58.360 --> 0:32:01.040 walk right up on your head, you know. So I 0:32:01.120 --> 0:32:04.200 would sleep like with my head to like a big 0:32:04.320 --> 0:32:06.360 wall or a rock or a big tree or like 0:32:07.200 --> 0:32:11.040 and people. It was serious, man, because you don't know 0:32:11.120 --> 0:32:13.080 if you could be sleeping and then all of a 0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:18.680 sudden someone's stealing your shoes in your backpack and like whatever. 0:32:18.880 --> 0:32:21.080 You know, So I got I got tired of waking 0:32:21.160 --> 0:32:25.640 up with no shoes, waking up with no backpack. So 0:32:25.800 --> 0:32:29.600 I got my first dog and I never got robbed 0:32:29.600 --> 0:32:31.920 in my sleep again. I made a deal with my dog. 0:32:31.960 --> 0:32:34.520 I was like, hey, you know, I'll love you. I'll 0:32:34.560 --> 0:32:38.000 give you the comfort that you need, the food, the water. 0:32:38.320 --> 0:32:40.640 You just help me and not get robbed in my 0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:45.800 sleep anymore. But I have my dog, go Ryd. He's 0:32:45.840 --> 0:32:48.320 my second. My first dog that I had on the 0:32:48.400 --> 0:32:55.600 road got stolen and it was one of the hardest 0:32:55.640 --> 0:32:59.920 things I had to go through. Yeah, I hopped my 0:33:00.200 --> 0:33:04.200 very first freight train with that dog because that's the day. 0:33:04.240 --> 0:33:09.160 I went hitchhiking for maybe five years and then I 0:33:09.280 --> 0:33:16.200 met some trainhoppers. So I was in Manitou Springs, Colorado, 0:33:16.360 --> 0:33:22.920 which is this beautiful little mountaintown and Pike's Peak National Floors. 0:33:24.560 --> 0:33:28.680 That place has natural soda water, so like kind of 0:33:28.720 --> 0:33:31.360 like the water that I have here in Oregon, it's 0:33:32.160 --> 0:33:37.680 instead over there, it's carbonated, so it's like natural soda 0:33:37.800 --> 0:33:39.760 mineral water just coming out of the ground. And there's 0:33:39.760 --> 0:33:43.600 all these fountains, and different fountains have different levels of 0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.360 carbonation and like minerals, so they all taste different. 0:33:48.920 --> 0:33:51.880 Did I asked real quick about So this first dog 0:33:52.000 --> 0:33:53.520 that was stolen, what kind of dog was it? 0:33:54.920 --> 0:33:57.680 She was like, uh, what people would call like a 0:33:57.800 --> 0:34:02.840 red dog like she kind of looked like coyote mixed 0:34:03.440 --> 0:34:07.800 like random desert looking dog like. She was like she 0:34:08.000 --> 0:34:11.640 was vicious because she's like a tiny little like I 0:34:11.680 --> 0:34:14.759 don't even like a brown dog with plenty years, like 0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:18.760 kind of like the dogs that you'll see like around 0:34:18.880 --> 0:34:22.520 native reservations in the south, what like in the desert areas. 0:34:23.080 --> 0:34:25.799 How did you connect with this dog? How'd you find her? 0:34:27.120 --> 0:34:30.800 Oh? I was at this truck stop and there was 0:34:30.920 --> 0:34:34.880 these other travelers there, and I walked up and there 0:34:35.080 --> 0:34:38.399 and the dog ran away from them and jumped into 0:34:38.440 --> 0:34:41.160 my arms, and I'm holding his dog I'm like, what 0:34:41.320 --> 0:34:44.400 the fuck, And the people were like, dude, that's not 0:34:44.520 --> 0:34:47.719 our dog. We rescue that dog. That dog hates everybody. 0:34:48.440 --> 0:34:50.360 And I didn't really understand what they meant by this 0:34:50.520 --> 0:34:53.440 dog hates everybody, because this dog's in my arms, and 0:34:53.640 --> 0:34:57.080 like the night we all camped together, and in the 0:34:57.160 --> 0:34:59.480 next day they're like, dude, you know you can have 0:34:59.640 --> 0:35:02.840 that dog. So I kept the dog, and then I 0:35:03.000 --> 0:35:06.040 realized what they meant by she hates. She would bite anybody, 0:35:06.160 --> 0:35:10.560 a child, an old lady, a woman, a man, anyone. 0:35:10.680 --> 0:35:13.080 And she wouldn't growl, she wouldn't bark. She would just 0:35:13.320 --> 0:35:16.920 lunge and attack them. And like like if someone was 0:35:16.960 --> 0:35:18.879 trying to hand me money, I would have to walk 0:35:18.920 --> 0:35:21.320 away from the dog and take the money. If like 0:35:21.440 --> 0:35:23.000 someone was trying to give me a fist bump or 0:35:23.000 --> 0:35:25.120 a handshake or anything, I would have to walk away 0:35:25.160 --> 0:35:29.520 from the dog. Like people like drunk people like drunk 0:35:29.520 --> 0:35:30.880 women would come out of the bars and be like, 0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:33.719 oh my god, can I pet your dog. I'd be 0:35:33.840 --> 0:35:36.040 like no, and then they would be like no, dogs 0:35:36.120 --> 0:35:39.279 love me, and then it get bit or people wouldn't ask. 0:35:39.360 --> 0:35:42.040 I'd be standing there and like turn away and someone 0:35:42.080 --> 0:35:44.920 would try to pet my dog, and I mean that 0:35:45.040 --> 0:35:47.560 was the dangerous part. She wouldn't give any warnings. She 0:35:47.560 --> 0:35:51.600 wouldn't growl, she wouldn't bark, she would just bite. So 0:35:51.800 --> 0:35:54.919 then I understood what those people meant by this dog 0:35:55.040 --> 0:35:58.200 hates everybody. Like I don't know, It was like that 0:35:58.360 --> 0:36:01.640 dog knew me. It was like like I just walked 0:36:01.680 --> 0:36:03.560 up the truck stop and it just ran and jumped 0:36:03.600 --> 0:36:08.280 into my arms. And like I didn't understand how important 0:36:08.320 --> 0:36:09.920 that was when I first met the dog, but then 0:36:09.960 --> 0:36:12.319 after being with her for so long, I was like, Oh, 0:36:12.440 --> 0:36:16.400 that was really special, you know, like this dog hates everything. 0:36:17.239 --> 0:36:21.439 Wow, that's so fast. I truly wonder what it must 0:36:21.520 --> 0:36:25.880 have been. Do you have any idea, any hypothesis, anything 0:36:25.960 --> 0:36:28.200 at all about what it was about you as a 0:36:28.320 --> 0:36:32.560 stranger in that moment that she connected with you over 0:36:32.680 --> 0:36:33.359 anyone else. 0:36:34.440 --> 0:36:36.560 I don't. I had never even had a dog, Like 0:36:36.640 --> 0:36:38.560 when I was a kid, my parents never got me 0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:43.800 a dog. I had only ever had cats. I have 0:36:44.040 --> 0:36:46.719 literally no It was like the dog knew me. It 0:36:46.840 --> 0:36:48.719 was like I just walked up and it was like 0:36:48.880 --> 0:36:50.719 it knew me, and it just ran to me and 0:36:50.880 --> 0:36:55.040 just jumped in my arms and like, and then they 0:36:55.239 --> 0:36:57.840 we were camping, and I remember like laying there in 0:36:57.960 --> 0:37:02.360 my camp just thinking about that dog. I'm like, message, 0:37:02.360 --> 0:37:05.879 an awesome dog. She's so cool. And then the next 0:37:06.000 --> 0:37:08.239 morning they were like, man, we thought about it, and 0:37:08.360 --> 0:37:10.839 we think you should have this dog because they had 0:37:10.920 --> 0:37:13.680 their own dogs, and that was like it was like 0:37:13.719 --> 0:37:16.440 a dog that they were just like helping out because 0:37:16.480 --> 0:37:25.440 they needed them at that moment. And yeah, and I 0:37:25.640 --> 0:37:29.600 hitchhiked around with her and then yeah, like I said, 0:37:29.600 --> 0:37:31.719 we were in Manitu Springs and I was living in 0:37:31.800 --> 0:37:37.880 a cave in the mountains. There's like and there was 0:37:37.960 --> 0:37:39.600 like a stream in front of the cave, and I 0:37:39.640 --> 0:37:41.880 would wash my clothes in there. If I'd take my clothes, 0:37:41.920 --> 0:37:43.799 put them in the river, put the rocks on them, 0:37:44.400 --> 0:37:47.000 and he just let the river be like a washing 0:37:47.080 --> 0:37:49.880 machine and wash my clothes. And the cave was like 0:37:50.719 --> 0:37:52.719 made of clay and it went really deep, so it 0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:55.680 was nice and cool in the summer. And there'd be 0:37:55.920 --> 0:37:59.840 like a dozen of us in there eating mesculine, eating acid, 0:38:00.840 --> 0:38:03.839 eating mushrooms, just living in this cave. And then we'd 0:38:03.920 --> 0:38:05.839 go out at night into the town and like play 0:38:06.040 --> 0:38:10.480 music and get leftovers, bring the food back to the cave, 0:38:10.600 --> 0:38:14.600 share it with everybody. But I ended up meeting some 0:38:14.719 --> 0:38:18.399 train hoppers and they came there staying in the cave 0:38:18.480 --> 0:38:21.000 and we had a fire and we're all sitting around 0:38:21.000 --> 0:38:23.080 the fire and they're telling me all these stories about 0:38:23.120 --> 0:38:26.879 Ryan trains and I was like hanging on every word, 0:38:27.120 --> 0:38:30.480 like it sounded like the ultimate adventure, you know, like 0:38:30.600 --> 0:38:34.839 it was insane. Like I was like wow. And then 0:38:35.480 --> 0:38:37.120 I hung out with them for a couple of days 0:38:38.120 --> 0:38:39.880 and then they were going to leave, and I was like, Oh, 0:38:39.960 --> 0:38:42.480 where are you guys going And they're like, oh, we're 0:38:42.480 --> 0:38:46.880 going to Pleblu, Colorado to hop out of here. And 0:38:47.000 --> 0:38:49.080 then and then they were like, do you want to 0:38:49.120 --> 0:38:52.880 come with us? And me, I was like yes. And 0:38:53.000 --> 0:38:56.960 so many times in my life I'm glad I took 0:38:57.040 --> 0:39:01.560 opportunities like this where it's just like it changed and 0:39:01.760 --> 0:39:04.799 it changed the entire trajectory of my life. Just saying yes. 0:39:05.120 --> 0:39:08.000 It was like taking a chance, you know what I mean, Like, 0:39:08.600 --> 0:39:11.040 even if it seems crazy, even if everyone's telling you 0:39:11.160 --> 0:39:14.000 not to, just taking that chance because you never know 0:39:14.080 --> 0:39:20.440 how what doors it's going to open. And yeah, hopping 0:39:20.520 --> 0:39:23.680 my first train was one of the most terrifying things 0:39:23.719 --> 0:39:30.759 I've ever done. It was very scary. Yes, uh, he 0:39:30.880 --> 0:39:34.120 has a guy. His name was Scruffle up Agains, and 0:39:34.239 --> 0:39:37.920 then the lady, her name was Mama Red. And they 0:39:38.000 --> 0:39:41.360 brought me on my first train. Why it's so scary, 0:39:42.640 --> 0:39:44.920 It was scary. Okay. So there was like eight of 0:39:45.040 --> 0:39:50.080 us with just as many dogs. Okay, in the nighttime. 0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:53.359 We've been waiting in this train yard for days. We're 0:39:53.400 --> 0:39:58.880 trying to go east. And so Scruffy had told me, 0:39:58.960 --> 0:40:02.880 he said, hey, the railroad police, the railroad workers, the 0:40:03.000 --> 0:40:07.120 bull they're like a t rex. If you don't move, 0:40:07.680 --> 0:40:11.359 they won't see you. That's what he told me. He said, 0:40:11.400 --> 0:40:13.680 don't move. If you don't move, they're not gonna see you. 0:40:14.360 --> 0:40:17.279 And like everybody wore like neutral colors, you know, like 0:40:17.560 --> 0:40:23.640 earth tones, browns, grays, dark greens. Everybody had like a 0:40:23.760 --> 0:40:26.640 bandana over their face and a hood pulled up and 0:40:26.960 --> 0:40:29.960 you know what I mean, like it was serious. We're 0:40:29.960 --> 0:40:34.319 all hiding in the shadows. Well, the train pulls up 0:40:34.320 --> 0:40:36.439 and it's an old junk train, like a grain train 0:40:36.520 --> 0:40:39.440 that they filled with grains, and you know, they got 0:40:39.480 --> 0:40:44.560 oil tankers, maybe a couple of box cars. Now we 0:40:44.680 --> 0:40:47.520 all climb on this train and we're laying there on 0:40:47.640 --> 0:40:52.759 the grainer porch. It's hard to describe. It's like they 0:40:52.840 --> 0:40:55.400 got these cars that they filled with good. They opened 0:40:55.440 --> 0:40:57.799 the top and fill them with grain. But then at 0:40:57.840 --> 0:41:00.440 the bottom there's like a ladder in some there's a 0:41:00.480 --> 0:41:03.800 little platform right there you can lay on. And so 0:41:03.920 --> 0:41:06.840 we're laying there. And as I'm laying there waiting for 0:41:06.960 --> 0:41:09.080 the train to leave, I got my dog, I got 0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:12.200 my backpack on. I'm holding my dog to my chest, 0:41:12.320 --> 0:41:14.040 I got my bandan over my face, I got my 0:41:14.120 --> 0:41:17.680 hood pulled up. And I'm laying there and I hear 0:41:17.840 --> 0:41:20.480 the rocks crunching, because there's all these rocks along the 0:41:20.520 --> 0:41:23.520 railroad tracks. And I hear him crunching. Someone's walking towards me, 0:41:24.440 --> 0:41:26.640 and I look down the side of the train and 0:41:26.760 --> 0:41:29.280 I see a railroad worker coming down with a lantern. 0:41:29.400 --> 0:41:32.720 He's shining his light at each of the grainer porches, 0:41:32.800 --> 0:41:37.120 walking closer and closer and closer. And I walked up 0:41:37.120 --> 0:41:38.600 the guy next to me. I was like, dude, I'm 0:41:38.640 --> 0:41:40.439 gonna get out of here. Because on the other side 0:41:40.440 --> 0:41:43.080 of the train there was like an opening in the 0:41:43.200 --> 0:41:45.120 fence and there was a big abandoned building and I 0:41:45.200 --> 0:41:46.520 was like, I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go. 0:41:47.120 --> 0:41:49.640 And he said, no, remember what Scruffy told you. If 0:41:49.680 --> 0:41:52.239 you don't move, they won't see you. And I was like, dude, 0:41:52.280 --> 0:41:56.160 that's crazy, Like just lay down. So I'm laying there. 0:41:56.280 --> 0:41:59.440 My heart's racing. I'm holding my dog and the crunching 0:41:59.520 --> 0:42:01.840 is getting left and the louder and the udder and 0:42:02.000 --> 0:42:04.080 I'm laying there and I'm eye level to this guy. 0:42:04.239 --> 0:42:07.360 He shines the light right on me. He's looking me 0:42:07.480 --> 0:42:09.759 dead in my eyes. And then he just puts the 0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:13.920 light down and just keeps walking. My heart felt like 0:42:13.960 --> 0:42:15.800 it was gonna come out of my mouth, like it 0:42:15.920 --> 0:42:19.319 was like and I'm just holding my dog as tight 0:42:19.400 --> 0:42:24.000 as I can, and then the train shakes. We go backwards, 0:42:24.040 --> 0:42:27.800 and then it screeches, and then we start moving and 0:42:27.880 --> 0:42:31.640 then we start moving faster, and the wind's blowing and 0:42:31.719 --> 0:42:34.719 remem I was just I'm holding the railing and I'm 0:42:34.800 --> 0:42:38.400 like sticking my head out and the wind's blowing and 0:42:38.640 --> 0:42:40.920 the brake dust. You can smell the brake dust on 0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:44.319 the train, and like every time it goes around a curve, 0:42:44.400 --> 0:42:49.520 he like screeches and like, oh man, that first train 0:42:49.640 --> 0:42:54.480 ride was just like exhilarating. I was. As soon as 0:42:54.520 --> 0:42:56.440 I did, I was like, I am gonna do more 0:42:56.520 --> 0:43:00.360 of this. And it was kind of crazy because the 0:43:00.440 --> 0:43:04.920 train didn't go east. It went back to Denver, and 0:43:05.040 --> 0:43:07.719 I had tried so hard to leave Denver, like I 0:43:08.440 --> 0:43:12.120 it took me forever to get to Manitu Springs, and 0:43:12.320 --> 0:43:14.640 I just ended up all the way back in Denver. 0:43:17.640 --> 0:43:20.040 But those guys, they drank too much alcohol for me, 0:43:20.920 --> 0:43:25.560 so they like, you know, they it was funny. Everybody 0:43:25.600 --> 0:43:29.000 has like a funny name out there, and they were 0:43:29.080 --> 0:43:31.680 calling me. My name is Trip out there, and they 0:43:31.680 --> 0:43:34.960 would call me Trip to Shwilly because like a swilly 0:43:35.080 --> 0:43:36.840 kid is someone that drinks a lot of alcohol. And 0:43:36.920 --> 0:43:40.520 I didn't drink any alcohol, so they gave me the 0:43:40.600 --> 0:43:44.440 name Trip the Swilly, which was funny because I just 0:43:44.520 --> 0:43:47.080 didn't drink at all and everyone drank a lot of booze. 0:43:47.719 --> 0:43:51.280 So I like left and like the first few trains 0:43:51.320 --> 0:43:55.160 I hopped, I just like I was terrified of doing 0:43:55.200 --> 0:43:57.239 it during the daytime, so I'd only do it at night. 0:43:58.800 --> 0:44:00.920 And I didn't even know which way it was going, 0:44:02.520 --> 0:44:04.520 you know, like that was a beautiful time in life, 0:44:04.600 --> 0:44:09.120 like not having anywhere to go, You're just living, You're 0:44:09.200 --> 0:44:11.520 just going to go, you know what. Like I would 0:44:11.560 --> 0:44:13.960 just get on the train just because I know it's leaving. 0:44:15.040 --> 0:44:19.399 And it took me years to like figure out which 0:44:19.440 --> 0:44:22.600 ones are going, what way, why they're going that way? 0:44:22.800 --> 0:44:29.040 You know. Yeah, all in all, I was out there 0:44:29.160 --> 0:44:30.040 for twelve years. 0:44:36.719 --> 0:44:36.879 Man. 0:44:38.239 --> 0:44:41.160 Yeah. I rode trains every corner of the United States. 0:44:41.320 --> 0:44:46.440 I rode freight all throughout, all through the United States 0:44:46.680 --> 0:44:52.920 and Canada. I eventually did Canada because I was like bored. 0:44:53.200 --> 0:44:55.960 It was kind of like riding a taxi, Like it 0:44:56.080 --> 0:44:59.560 got so predictable. I just knew. I knew where the 0:44:59.600 --> 0:45:01.360 train was stop, I knew where it was going to go. 0:45:02.080 --> 0:45:04.240 I knew what to expect. I knew when to hide, 0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:05.960 I knew when not to hide. I knew when to run. 0:45:06.160 --> 0:45:07.719 That's the thing you got to when you're riding freight. 0:45:07.760 --> 0:45:09.359 You gotta know when to run and when to hide. 0:45:10.480 --> 0:45:12.800 And it just got blady, got mundane to me. It 0:45:12.920 --> 0:45:15.680 was like I know what to expect. This was after 0:45:15.840 --> 0:45:21.480 years and years. So then me and my current dog, 0:45:21.560 --> 0:45:25.279 my dog O'Ryan, where I still have him. He's he's 0:45:25.280 --> 0:45:30.440 eleven years old now. But me and him rode into Canada, 0:45:31.760 --> 0:45:38.640 no idea, no passport, and we started Vermont, rode into Montreal, 0:45:38.840 --> 0:45:41.560 and then we rode all the way to Vancouver and 0:45:41.640 --> 0:45:47.839 then walked over the border. And it's one it's one 0:45:47.880 --> 0:45:50.839 of my greatest achieved Honestly, I think it's my best 0:45:50.880 --> 0:45:55.920 adventure ever, you know, because everybody told me not to 0:45:56.040 --> 0:45:59.799 do it. They're like, dude, don't do it. You're gonna 0:45:59.800 --> 0:46:02.920 get deported. Don't do that. It's insane. And I was like, 0:46:03.000 --> 0:46:07.920 I gotta do it. And I pretty much asked anybody 0:46:08.000 --> 0:46:11.520 I could, any trainhoper I met before I went up there, 0:46:11.560 --> 0:46:13.960 I was like, hey, have you ever been to Canada? 0:46:14.680 --> 0:46:17.200 Do you know anybody that's been to Canada? You know, 0:46:17.360 --> 0:46:20.719 I wanted to know, how'd you get up there? How 0:46:20.880 --> 0:46:22.880 long did you stay up there? Did you get deported? 0:46:22.960 --> 0:46:25.160 Why'd you get deported? How'd you get caught? You know. 0:46:25.280 --> 0:46:28.440 I just talked to anybody I met, you know, and 0:46:28.520 --> 0:46:32.760 I just put all the information together and I learned 0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:35.319 a lot, you know. I learned, you know, Canada really 0:46:35.360 --> 0:46:38.359 doesn't like public drinking. So a lot of these kids 0:46:38.440 --> 0:46:41.560 that were riding trains up there. They were getting arrested 0:46:41.600 --> 0:46:44.160 and deported because they were like publicly intoxicated. 0:46:48.000 --> 0:46:51.400 But where would they even send you when you got deported. 0:46:52.760 --> 0:46:55.960 I mean they would hold Like I didn't get deported, 0:46:56.000 --> 0:46:57.919 but they I mean they would hold you in jail 0:46:58.040 --> 0:47:00.879 and then send you back to America. I'm not sure 0:47:00.920 --> 0:47:03.759 where exactly, but maybe just right over the border. I'm 0:47:03.800 --> 0:47:07.040 not sure exactly, but I know that they Yeah, they 0:47:07.040 --> 0:47:10.279 would just hold you and then bring you back. And 0:47:12.360 --> 0:47:15.440 that's like the ultimate failure. You fail, you know, I 0:47:16.000 --> 0:47:19.680 wanted My goal was yeah, Montreal to Vancouver, and I 0:47:19.719 --> 0:47:23.440 did it in three trains, and I mean I had to. 0:47:24.480 --> 0:47:27.120 I ran from the Mounties three times, lied to them 0:47:27.160 --> 0:47:30.080 and got out of it once. One other time. I 0:47:30.200 --> 0:47:33.840 was up there for like two months. I met some 0:47:34.040 --> 0:47:37.120 amazing people, dude people up there. But you hear that 0:47:37.200 --> 0:47:41.960 Cano Canadians are stereotypically nice. They fucking work. Like I met, 0:47:42.440 --> 0:47:45.080 I met some like I'd just be walking and people 0:47:45.120 --> 0:47:48.120 would just like put money out the window. They'd just 0:47:48.200 --> 0:47:51.080 be like, here, man, I'm just walking down this show. 0:47:51.080 --> 0:47:53.719 I'm like, man, I must look rough, I must look 0:47:53.840 --> 0:47:59.480 like I need it. Fucking yeah, I met some amazing people. 0:48:00.400 --> 0:48:03.080 I met people that that's the thing about living out there, 0:48:03.200 --> 0:48:08.399 man with no money and just like you just got 0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:11.680 what's on your back. The people that hang out with 0:48:11.760 --> 0:48:13.560 you and the people that stopped to talk to you, 0:48:14.440 --> 0:48:17.080 you know that it's because they actually want to talk 0:48:17.160 --> 0:48:19.360 to you and you they think you're a cool person. 0:48:19.440 --> 0:48:22.600 It's not because you've got something they needs, not because 0:48:23.719 --> 0:48:25.880 you've got coke at a party. It's not because you 0:48:25.960 --> 0:48:27.759 got a nice car. It's not because you got a 0:48:27.880 --> 0:48:30.520 nice job. It's not because they think that you you're 0:48:30.600 --> 0:48:33.359 well loved. You know. Like I felt like I've met 0:48:33.400 --> 0:48:35.839 a lot more down to earth and real people because 0:48:35.880 --> 0:48:38.080 it put me in those situations to meet those people. 0:48:38.200 --> 0:48:42.480 Because I mean, dude, for so long, I was the 0:48:42.560 --> 0:48:44.560 kind of person that you if someone saw me, they 0:48:44.680 --> 0:48:46.560 usually didn't look at me twice. They weren't even look 0:48:46.560 --> 0:48:50.160 at me once. So if someone stopped and got on 0:48:50.280 --> 0:48:53.120 my level to talk to me, a lot of times 0:48:53.120 --> 0:48:55.320 they'd be like, dude, you're fucking cool as hell. They're like, 0:48:55.320 --> 0:48:58.560 you're an actual person, you know. And that's the thing 0:48:58.680 --> 0:49:01.240 is like it's easy to look out your car window 0:49:01.320 --> 0:49:04.279 and see someone on the streets and be like, oh, 0:49:04.400 --> 0:49:07.279 I know what their situation is. Oh, they could have 0:49:07.360 --> 0:49:09.000 done X, Y and Z to get out of this. 0:49:09.200 --> 0:49:11.879 They could, you know, but you don't know what they're 0:49:11.920 --> 0:49:13.840 going through. You don't know what kind of childhood trauma 0:49:13.920 --> 0:49:16.840 they got. You don't know how hard it is to 0:49:16.960 --> 0:49:19.840 get a Social Security card when you've been chronically homeless 0:49:19.880 --> 0:49:24.360 for over a decade. You know, there's a lot. I 0:49:24.520 --> 0:49:27.520 just wish people had more compassion, and I wish that 0:49:27.600 --> 0:49:30.520 they could see that they're you know, the people living 0:49:30.560 --> 0:49:35.520 outside aren't your enemy. Those are your neighbors. You know, 0:49:36.280 --> 0:49:39.759 those are your neighbors. Like we're all, You're not any 0:49:39.960 --> 0:49:42.439 better than anyone just because you have something and they don't. 0:49:43.480 --> 0:49:48.880 So well, I want to get into this. So you 0:49:48.960 --> 0:49:52.239 were doing this for twelve years from yes, like from 0:49:52.320 --> 0:49:53.799 about sixteen to twenty eight. 0:49:54.840 --> 0:49:57.319 Yeah, and now you have. 0:49:58.800 --> 0:50:01.480 A kid, and it sounds like you got a you know, 0:50:01.640 --> 0:50:04.799 you got a car, and you are like, I. 0:50:06.960 --> 0:50:10.960 Still haven't got a That's the crazy thing is I'm yeah, 0:50:11.000 --> 0:50:14.279 I've never had a driver's license, and I'm kind of I. 0:50:14.280 --> 0:50:17.480 Guess, sorry, I guess I I only I only assumed 0:50:17.560 --> 0:50:19.399 that because I thought you were driving to this uh, 0:50:19.560 --> 0:50:21.760 spring when we first started talking with THEE. 0:50:22.719 --> 0:50:25.320 Yeah, my girlfriend does the drive. I mean, I have 0:50:25.440 --> 0:50:27.840 a bike, and I bike, but we live in a 0:50:27.960 --> 0:50:31.040 small town where I can pretty much, you know. I 0:50:31.120 --> 0:50:33.959 bike to work, I bike to the food bank. I bike. 0:50:34.719 --> 0:50:38.319 I bike a lot, and I don't know cars giving 0:50:38.320 --> 0:50:41.560 me a lot of anxiety and I and I never 0:50:41.719 --> 0:50:44.040 learned how to drive, and I just don't really have 0:50:44.200 --> 0:50:46.439 an interest in doing it. And my life's not really 0:50:47.600 --> 0:50:50.040 you know, like I get around, I don't really. I 0:50:50.120 --> 0:50:52.720 don't know a lot of people, you know, their cars, 0:50:52.800 --> 0:50:56.080 like their personality and like their manness and like their 0:50:56.160 --> 0:50:58.600 masculine you know what I mean. But I don't. I 0:50:58.680 --> 0:51:02.239 don't attach that to to yeah, a big piece of machinery. 0:51:02.560 --> 0:51:04.880 So well, what I was gonna say is, Okay, so 0:51:05.120 --> 0:51:08.759 when you were twenty eight, like, uh, how'd you meet 0:51:09.320 --> 0:51:11.880 uh the person you're with now? And then how do 0:51:11.920 --> 0:51:14.759 you have a kid? And you see it, is it 0:51:14.840 --> 0:51:19.919 accurate to say that you're less nomadic than you were 0:51:20.680 --> 0:51:21.919 at that time? 0:51:22.840 --> 0:51:25.400 Now? Yeah? Yeah, definitely. 0:51:25.760 --> 0:51:27.359 How do you know kind of I want to hear 0:51:27.360 --> 0:51:28.240 about that transition. 0:51:35.520 --> 0:51:39.160 Oh it's kind of funny. I met my girlfriend on 0:51:39.320 --> 0:51:45.880 Instagram and I like followed one of her friends on Instagram, 0:51:46.200 --> 0:51:48.080 and then I seen her in a picture and I 0:51:48.239 --> 0:51:52.640 was like, man, she's cute, like little, dark haired, dready girl. 0:51:53.160 --> 0:51:55.960 And I was like, I just messaged her and I 0:51:56.080 --> 0:51:58.880 was I didn't even say anything. I just sent her 0:51:58.920 --> 0:52:02.040 a picture of me a cardboard sign that said blah 0:52:02.160 --> 0:52:06.759 blah bump stuff, and I just sent it to her. 0:52:06.920 --> 0:52:09.440 And then we started talking and I asked her. I 0:52:09.480 --> 0:52:11.719 was like, hey, you ever ride trains? And that was 0:52:11.800 --> 0:52:14.120 like my pickup line, was like, hey, you ever ride freight? 0:52:15.600 --> 0:52:18.399 And she had only ever hitchhiked, and so we met 0:52:18.520 --> 0:52:25.800 up to ride trains. And when we were living inside 0:52:25.840 --> 0:52:32.680 of a bridge, like uh like literally inside of it, 0:52:32.800 --> 0:52:34.920 Like a lot of the infrastructure around the city is 0:52:34.960 --> 0:52:38.640 built hollow to make it cheaper. And we had found 0:52:38.719 --> 0:52:40.960 a little door that led inside of a bridge, and 0:52:41.040 --> 0:52:44.239 I got my own walk and replaced it, and we 0:52:44.360 --> 0:52:47.680 were just living in there, and she got pregnant, and 0:52:51.080 --> 0:52:53.640 you know, she asked me if I would go back 0:52:53.719 --> 0:52:58.040 home to her home in Ohio and be a dad, 0:52:58.200 --> 0:53:02.640 and I at the time, I was, you know, I 0:53:02.880 --> 0:53:05.600 was like, no, I'm gonna ride trains. I'm gonna keep 0:53:05.760 --> 0:53:08.080 riding trains, Like, you're crazy to think that we can 0:53:08.160 --> 0:53:10.719 be parents. I don't even have I was like, how 0:53:10.760 --> 0:53:12.680 could I That was the main thing in my head, 0:53:12.760 --> 0:53:15.000 was like, how could I be a dad if I 0:53:15.040 --> 0:53:17.360 don't even know what it's like to be to have 0:53:17.480 --> 0:53:21.560 a good dad. You know, my parents were terrible little mods. 0:53:21.600 --> 0:53:24.480 I didn't know, Like I still have problems with my 0:53:24.600 --> 0:53:26.920 own dealing with my own childhood. How could I be 0:53:26.960 --> 0:53:28.239 a dad? You know? Those are all the things that 0:53:28.280 --> 0:53:30.759 were running I'm like, we live in a wall, we 0:53:30.920 --> 0:53:34.320 eat garbage, I shower once a month. I'm like, you 0:53:34.480 --> 0:53:39.200 cannot be parents, you know what I mean? And those, yeah, 0:53:39.239 --> 0:53:41.040 those are the kinds of things that were running through 0:53:41.120 --> 0:53:44.560 my head. And so I told her no, I said, 0:53:44.560 --> 0:53:49.600 I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna keep Ryan trains. So she 0:53:49.719 --> 0:53:52.040 went to the Greyhound and she got a Greyhound. She 0:53:52.160 --> 0:53:56.320 went home to Ohio, and then a while later she 0:53:56.440 --> 0:53:58.600 told me, hey, I'm gonna have the baby. The baby 0:53:58.719 --> 0:54:02.279 was born December third, when I rode trains in the 0:54:02.320 --> 0:54:06.040 middle of winter to Ohio and I saw the baby 0:54:06.120 --> 0:54:10.520 being born. I held my daughter and then I left. 0:54:10.719 --> 0:54:12.680 And you know a lot of people say they're like, oh, 0:54:12.840 --> 0:54:15.200 when you hold your kid for the first time, something changes, 0:54:15.280 --> 0:54:18.520 you know what I mean. It didn't change for me 0:54:18.719 --> 0:54:21.040 right away, you know. It wasn't like this magic thing like, 0:54:21.120 --> 0:54:23.799 oh you see the kid, all of a sudden, You're 0:54:23.840 --> 0:54:25.439 gonna make it work. And I feel like it would 0:54:25.440 --> 0:54:27.040 have been selfish of me to try to make it 0:54:27.120 --> 0:54:30.160 work because I knew I wasn't ready, Like I knew. 0:54:30.400 --> 0:54:34.040 I knew if I stay, I'm gonna go. And I 0:54:34.120 --> 0:54:35.880 didn't want to do that to them, you know what 0:54:36.000 --> 0:54:38.480 I mean. I felt like it was better to be 0:54:38.920 --> 0:54:42.239 away than to be there just to rip it all away, 0:54:42.320 --> 0:54:47.240 you know what I'm saying. So so I kept Bryan trains, 0:54:49.680 --> 0:54:55.680 kept traveling, and I probably would still be out there 0:54:55.680 --> 0:54:57.759 if it wasn't for some really nice people that I 0:54:57.880 --> 0:55:02.879 met off Reddit, of all places. But yeah, I mean, yeah, 0:55:03.600 --> 0:55:06.200 there was this. I used to post a lot on Reddit. 0:55:06.360 --> 0:55:09.439 I don't anymore, but I used to post a lot 0:55:09.560 --> 0:55:13.160 on a lot on there about me riding trains and stuff, 0:55:13.200 --> 0:55:16.759 and people would follow my adventures and donate money to 0:55:16.840 --> 0:55:20.720 me because I'd be you know, And there's this person 0:55:21.400 --> 0:55:25.560 who lived in Sacramento, and it was like pretty much 0:55:25.640 --> 0:55:28.760 every week she'd send me like fifty to one hundred dollars, 0:55:29.000 --> 0:55:31.240 Like it was crazy. I was like, this is insane. 0:55:31.280 --> 0:55:39.160 And then I'm in Oregon picking mushrooms around Thanksgiving and 0:55:39.360 --> 0:55:41.919 she messages me and she's like, hey, do you want 0:55:41.920 --> 0:55:45.800 to come to Thanksgiving dinner? And I sat there and 0:55:45.920 --> 0:55:48.560 thought about it. I was like, I literally could not 0:55:48.680 --> 0:55:51.920 remember the last time anybody had invited me to a 0:55:51.960 --> 0:55:55.719 Thanksgiving dinner, Like it had been years and years and 0:55:55.800 --> 0:55:57.920 years and years. Like every holiday for me was just 0:55:58.000 --> 0:56:01.400 a Wednesday, it was just a Tuesday. It was Oh, 0:56:01.440 --> 0:56:06.120 I'm behind this gas station, you know, And it meant 0:56:06.160 --> 0:56:08.520 a lot that they invited me. So I went down there. 0:56:08.640 --> 0:56:12.440 I got on the train, rode down the Sacramento from 0:56:12.520 --> 0:56:16.280 Portland and I got there and I was only supposed 0:56:16.320 --> 0:56:17.879 to be there for a day or two. These people 0:56:17.920 --> 0:56:22.840 had a nice house, tons of money, kids, just regular 0:56:23.000 --> 0:56:27.040 people and they liked me so much, and I liked 0:56:27.080 --> 0:56:29.920 them that they were like, you know, she asked me, 0:56:30.080 --> 0:56:33.040 she said, you know, if you can have anything, what 0:56:33.160 --> 0:56:36.120 do you need right now? And like she asked me, 0:56:36.360 --> 0:56:39.040 like what do you need? And I told her I 0:56:39.160 --> 0:56:43.320 was like, I'm tired, you know, I'm tired. I was 0:56:43.360 --> 0:56:46.160 like I need to rest. I need to just I 0:56:46.280 --> 0:56:51.840 need to just relax and rest. And so they literally 0:56:51.920 --> 0:56:54.920 sold their house and bought a bigger house that had 0:56:54.960 --> 0:56:58.640 an extra bedroom, and I stayed with them for a 0:56:58.719 --> 0:57:02.399 couple of years and learned how to live inside again. 0:57:02.560 --> 0:57:04.880 It was hard because I would I would pack all 0:57:04.920 --> 0:57:07.720 my stuff and leave it and I'd go ride trains 0:57:08.960 --> 0:57:11.680 and then I'd just like feel like I was stuck 0:57:11.719 --> 0:57:13.840 in this revolving door. You know. I was like, there's 0:57:13.880 --> 0:57:15.799 nothing out here from me. I've already done it, I've 0:57:15.800 --> 0:57:18.600 already seen it. And I would end up going back 0:57:20.400 --> 0:57:24.600 and staying with them, and that kind of went on 0:57:24.760 --> 0:57:30.760 for a couple of years, just going back, leaving, going back. Well, 0:57:30.960 --> 0:57:32.640 you know, I had to I had to learn how 0:57:32.680 --> 0:57:36.800 to be stagnant. I had to learn how to because 0:57:36.840 --> 0:57:39.200 that's the thing is when you're when you're go, go go. 0:57:39.400 --> 0:57:41.680 Because I would never stay anywhere more than three days. 0:57:41.800 --> 0:57:45.720 Usually anytime anything got bad, you just go. And you 0:57:46.360 --> 0:57:50.160 when you stop, everything you were going from catches up 0:57:50.200 --> 0:57:52.800 to you. You think you have to deal with stuff, 0:57:52.880 --> 0:57:57.080 you know. So like if I didn't have that time 0:57:57.960 --> 0:58:01.120 to be in that safe space with them, I don't 0:58:01.160 --> 0:58:02.760 know if I could have been to Dad and been 0:58:02.840 --> 0:58:06.440 here with my family, because you know, I would have 0:58:06.560 --> 0:58:08.240 just left. If I had gone there, I wouldn't have 0:58:08.280 --> 0:58:11.440 been ready and I would have just left. So they 0:58:11.560 --> 0:58:15.760 gave me, like the no judgmental, unconditional love. I had 0:58:15.800 --> 0:58:18.840 never known unconditional love. They gave me unconditional love like 0:58:19.920 --> 0:58:22.120 you know, you deserve love. That was a lot of things. 0:58:22.240 --> 0:58:24.160 Was my self worth, you know, I felt like I 0:58:24.320 --> 0:58:27.720 deserved to live on the streets. I felt like I 0:58:27.880 --> 0:58:30.800 deserved to be on the sidewalk. I felt like I 0:58:30.920 --> 0:58:34.400 deserved to be cold. I felt like, you know, like 0:58:36.080 --> 0:58:38.520 my self worth was so little, you know, like I 0:58:38.720 --> 0:58:41.880 just I thought, that's always my life was always supposed 0:58:41.920 --> 0:58:50.040 to be. And anyway, I had this room I had. 0:58:50.640 --> 0:58:53.280 They paid for my food like weed, They paid for 0:58:53.480 --> 0:58:55.480 everything is Yeah, this is. 0:58:55.600 --> 0:58:58.960 Just a random family that you met on Reddit from 0:58:59.160 --> 0:59:01.680 from sharing adventures on one. 0:59:03.480 --> 0:59:07.160 They showed me more love than my own family ever had. Yeah, 0:59:07.200 --> 0:59:11.720 they showed they showed me compassion, They showed me that 0:59:11.840 --> 0:59:16.720 I could love myself like and it just blowed my 0:59:16.840 --> 0:59:20.480 mind like my own family. Because that's why I struggled 0:59:20.480 --> 0:59:23.240 with so long. Was like, you know, I don't deserve love. 0:59:23.320 --> 0:59:26.480 My own family could love me. My own family doesn't 0:59:26.520 --> 0:59:30.200 know if I'm alive or dead, you know, and like 0:59:30.280 --> 0:59:34.600 how could anyone else, hm, you know, the so I 0:59:34.760 --> 0:59:40.480 had to deal with that. But yeah, they gave me 0:59:40.560 --> 0:59:43.560 the space to just work everything out, work through the drama. 0:59:44.560 --> 0:59:48.000 It gave me the space to just be myself, you know. 0:59:48.120 --> 0:59:51.680 And and I still but I got through it, and 0:59:51.760 --> 0:59:54.160 I still wasn't happy. I felt like something was missing, 0:59:54.320 --> 0:59:58.960 Like I was sitting there sun shining, a beautiful house, 0:59:59.200 --> 1:00:02.680 fridge full of food, I mean, and I still wasn't happy, 1:00:02.840 --> 1:00:05.479 like there was something there was something missing in my life. 1:00:05.520 --> 1:00:09.680 And I realized, you know, ten years are gonna go 1:00:09.760 --> 1:00:12.760 buy it quick. My kid's gonna grow up, not gonna 1:00:13.000 --> 1:00:17.080 know me, not gonna want to know me. You know. 1:00:17.200 --> 1:00:22.320 The time's gonna go by fast. And so yeah, me 1:00:22.400 --> 1:00:27.520 and their mom reconnected, and so he asked me if 1:00:27.560 --> 1:00:29.840 I wanted to come see them, And I thought that 1:00:29.920 --> 1:00:32.200 I was only gonna visit, like I didn't think that 1:00:32.280 --> 1:00:36.120 it was gonna be a whole thing. And so I 1:00:38.520 --> 1:00:40.520 I went to one last music festival I went to 1:00:40.560 --> 1:00:43.280 Hardly Strictly in San Francisco. It's one of the only 1:00:43.320 --> 1:00:45.160 things I'll go. I used to go to San Francisco's 1:00:45.200 --> 1:00:49.680 four was there's an annual free bluegrass show and Golden 1:00:49.720 --> 1:00:53.959 Gate Park called Hardly Strictly, and it's it's like three 1:00:54.080 --> 1:00:56.760 days of live music. They got all the live stages 1:00:56.880 --> 1:01:00.640 and food and like it's a really chill time. They 1:01:00.720 --> 1:01:02.800 clean out Golden Gate Park and then it's just like 1:01:03.040 --> 1:01:07.520 a bluegrass show. It's been free forever, like since they've 1:01:07.560 --> 1:01:10.720 been having it. It's awesome. And I went there, had 1:01:10.760 --> 1:01:14.600 a great time, went to the day, hopped out and 1:01:14.720 --> 1:01:21.440 I rode trains from basically Oakland to Florida, and then 1:01:21.480 --> 1:01:23.720 I got on a bus from Florida up to North 1:01:23.760 --> 1:01:29.680 Carolina where they were staying in Section eight housing and 1:01:29.840 --> 1:01:33.480 I mean, man, they were they were like living in 1:01:33.600 --> 1:01:38.200 the projects. They were like living off government vouchers and 1:01:38.440 --> 1:01:44.120 like this giant Honeycomb apartment complex. My kid was running around. 1:01:44.480 --> 1:01:47.200 There's I've never seen a cockroach infestations so bad. My 1:01:47.320 --> 1:01:51.480 kid's running around just like catching cockroaches, you know. And 1:01:52.160 --> 1:01:55.160 I'm there and I'm like, you know, I couldn't leave. 1:01:56.000 --> 1:01:58.200 Like I thought. I was just going there to see 1:01:58.240 --> 1:02:00.400 them and the visit. But once I got out there, 1:02:00.520 --> 1:02:04.160 like I'm looking at my daughter and she's looking at me, 1:02:05.680 --> 1:02:07.600 and it was like I was looking at myself, and 1:02:07.720 --> 1:02:10.240 I couldn't just leave, you know, like I couldn't just 1:02:10.400 --> 1:02:18.080 leave them to live like that. And I stayed there 1:02:18.160 --> 1:02:25.920 for a year. Yeah. Now we live in Oregon and 1:02:26.080 --> 1:02:29.160 we live we live in like a duplex, so it's 1:02:29.280 --> 1:02:33.320 not like a giant apartment. We have like a shared backyard. 1:02:34.360 --> 1:02:37.360 We live less than a mile from the beach. I 1:02:37.520 --> 1:02:41.720 live like right on the beach, you know. I work 1:02:41.760 --> 1:02:46.920 at a resort as a housekeeper. And that was the 1:02:46.960 --> 1:02:49.680 hard thing, is you know, living that long without having 1:02:49.720 --> 1:02:53.800 a job or like being a part of society, and 1:02:54.040 --> 1:02:58.840 like that's probably some of the hardest parts. It's just yeah, 1:02:59.040 --> 1:03:03.959 like and I got a problem with authority, so having 1:03:04.040 --> 1:03:07.919 people telling me what to do, and just like it's 1:03:07.960 --> 1:03:10.400 hard working for money. When i'd be you know, like 1:03:10.480 --> 1:03:12.640 when you're on When I would live on the road, 1:03:12.760 --> 1:03:14.800 people would see me and they'd be like, oh, you're 1:03:14.840 --> 1:03:17.960 a road warrior. You're traveling. Like a lot of people 1:03:18.040 --> 1:03:21.760 didn't see me like a regular homeless person per se. 1:03:22.000 --> 1:03:24.120 You know, they would be like, oh, you're the traveler, 1:03:24.200 --> 1:03:25.720 you know, So they'd want to help me out because 1:03:25.720 --> 1:03:28.560 I'm leaving. So it's hard sometimes when it's like, yeah, 1:03:28.560 --> 1:03:30.440 people used to just throw money in food at me, 1:03:31.640 --> 1:03:34.840 but now I fucking scrub toilet's first food and money. 1:03:36.680 --> 1:03:41.200 But but it's worth it, man, It's word. That's all 1:03:41.200 --> 1:03:43.200 I got to keep telling myself is that it's worth it. 1:03:43.400 --> 1:03:46.680 Because you know, when I was out there on the 1:03:46.760 --> 1:03:49.280 road one time, this older guy told me, he said, 1:03:49.640 --> 1:03:53.480 you know, it's their good adventure, but it's not a 1:03:53.560 --> 1:03:57.280 good life. And I laughed in his face and I said, 1:03:57.360 --> 1:03:59.760 you're an idiot, old man, you don't know what you're 1:03:59.800 --> 1:04:03.040 talking talking about. And then the older I got, the 1:04:03.240 --> 1:04:06.200 more I realized he was right, Like it's it's not 1:04:06.320 --> 1:04:10.840 sustainable to live like that. Like I think everyone should, 1:04:11.160 --> 1:04:14.640 you know, maybe hitch like a thousand miles. Maybe you know, 1:04:14.840 --> 1:04:17.480 like maybe go maybe you could just take a break 1:04:17.560 --> 1:04:21.160 and just like rely on yourself and go have an adventure. 1:04:21.320 --> 1:04:23.400 But I don't think it's a good it's not a 1:04:23.480 --> 1:04:27.880 good life. And yeah, it took some grown up to 1:04:28.000 --> 1:04:33.040 kind of come to those towns, you know, m it's 1:04:33.080 --> 1:04:40.120 a good life, yeah man, yeah, yeah, And almost everybody 1:04:40.280 --> 1:04:48.040 that I knew is dead, like from alcoholism or fetanyl, 1:04:49.080 --> 1:04:52.320 or they're in prison, or they got cut in half 1:04:52.400 --> 1:04:54.880 by a train. Like there was a lot like a 1:04:54.920 --> 1:04:58.040 lot of people that I knew would drink a lot 1:04:58.120 --> 1:05:01.440 of alcohol, do heroin and go hop and then get 1:05:01.480 --> 1:05:03.800 their arm cut off, get their leg cut off, get 1:05:03.840 --> 1:05:10.680 cut in half, get paralyzed, like yeah, I got yeah. 1:05:12.880 --> 1:05:15.080 And the crazy thing is like I knew that I 1:05:15.120 --> 1:05:18.880 could die any moment out there, but I didn't really 1:05:19.000 --> 1:05:21.200 have I was just living to live. I didn't really 1:05:21.320 --> 1:05:25.040 like think about five years in the future or ten 1:05:25.120 --> 1:05:26.760 years in the future. It was just day to day, 1:05:26.880 --> 1:05:30.000 like what do I need today? What does my dog 1:05:30.120 --> 1:05:33.560 need today? You know, like but now and now I worry. 1:05:33.680 --> 1:05:35.400 But now I sit here and I think about ten 1:05:35.480 --> 1:05:38.800 years from now, I think about five years from now. 1:05:40.960 --> 1:05:47.960 It's yeah, it's a lot different. And yeah, the other 1:05:48.120 --> 1:05:52.520 day I saw some train hoppers here just like hang 1:05:52.640 --> 1:05:55.600 I was. I got off work, went to bike home 1:05:55.680 --> 1:05:59.200 and I seen I just start crying, and I was like, 1:05:59.280 --> 1:06:02.520 can I just talk cold you guys, because like they 1:06:02.600 --> 1:06:04.280 got up there, liked you, gonna give you a hug, 1:06:04.280 --> 1:06:06.120 and you're just like the random you was just hugging 1:06:06.200 --> 1:06:09.120 me and I'm like, like, man, I wish I could 1:06:09.440 --> 1:06:13.200 be still just sitting here with my dog, but at 1:06:13.200 --> 1:06:16.240 the same time, like I know that I have to 1:06:16.360 --> 1:06:19.360 be here in that part of my life's over. M 1:06:19.560 --> 1:06:26.840 hmmmm mm hmm. Yeah, man, I've wanted to talk to 1:06:26.880 --> 1:06:27.720 you for a long time. 1:06:29.000 --> 1:06:33.720 I'm so glad you did. Oh man, oh man, hm 1:06:33.760 --> 1:06:38.640 hmmm mm hmmm. So you've been with your family for 1:06:40.240 --> 1:06:40.640 a year. 1:06:43.120 --> 1:06:44.960 Yeah, you know, it's been about a year. 1:06:46.800 --> 1:06:54.600 And hm hmm. How are you feeling like when you so, 1:06:54.720 --> 1:06:58.040 you say you haven't Uh, you're kind of new to 1:06:58.160 --> 1:07:01.080 thinking about the future. And when you are thinking about 1:07:01.080 --> 1:07:06.720 the future, what are your feelings about it? Are you excited? 1:07:06.800 --> 1:07:09.240 Are you nervous? Are you you know? How do you 1:07:10.120 --> 1:07:11.760 How do you feel when you think about the future. 1:07:13.160 --> 1:07:18.840 I'm excited because there's you know, like I used to 1:07:18.880 --> 1:07:22.400 be really suicidal, you know. I used to I just 1:07:22.520 --> 1:07:25.040 want to die, and now I just want to live. 1:07:25.160 --> 1:07:27.080 And I wish that I could go and tell myself 1:07:27.640 --> 1:07:29.520 in the past, like, hey, it's not always going to 1:07:29.560 --> 1:07:32.840 be like this. It's going to get better, you know, 1:07:33.040 --> 1:07:35.640 because it does. And it's hard when you're in it 1:07:35.800 --> 1:07:39.040 to see that. But I worry man, I worry because 1:07:41.640 --> 1:07:42.400 I don't. I don't. 1:07:42.520 --> 1:07:43.200 I don't want my. 1:07:45.160 --> 1:07:47.640 I work so hard, and I just want my daughter 1:07:47.720 --> 1:07:49.640 to like do good in life. And I don't want 1:07:49.640 --> 1:07:51.400 her to work as hard as I do, and like 1:07:52.040 --> 1:07:54.280 I wanted life to be as hard as mine is, 1:07:54.640 --> 1:07:58.720 and like I just worry that no matter how hard 1:07:58.800 --> 1:08:02.880 I try, that it's just like genetic where because we're poor, 1:08:03.560 --> 1:08:05.800 they're like, she's not gonna have a good chance in life, 1:08:06.200 --> 1:08:08.280 you know, And I know I can't think like that, 1:08:08.560 --> 1:08:10.840 but like, you. 1:08:10.920 --> 1:08:14.959 Know, well, ok, well bro, I mean we'll think about 1:08:14.960 --> 1:08:19.720 it like this, man, I mean, you know, well, well, 1:08:19.760 --> 1:08:21.080 I have a few things I want to say, but 1:08:21.479 --> 1:08:25.960 I want to have you. Have you seen your parents 1:08:26.080 --> 1:08:29.080 since you were sixteen? Have you talked to them at all? 1:08:30.200 --> 1:08:33.840 I went, yeah. They lived in North Carolina. And when 1:08:33.840 --> 1:08:37.400 I went to see my my daughter and my girlfriend, 1:08:37.520 --> 1:08:41.240 I just showed up. I didn't tell them I was 1:08:41.320 --> 1:08:43.439 coming because I had no contact with him, and I 1:08:43.640 --> 1:08:47.200 just showed up. And I confronted my dad with a 1:08:47.280 --> 1:08:51.200 lot of things. And I just really don't like the 1:08:51.320 --> 1:08:53.240 answer that he had for me, because I was, you know, 1:08:53.360 --> 1:08:55.960 I was like, dude, I was basically like, why were 1:08:56.000 --> 1:09:01.120 you so hard on me? Like, you know, like why 1:09:01.200 --> 1:09:03.719 did you just throw me around? Why did you scream 1:09:03.800 --> 1:09:07.479 at me? Why why were you sent me? Like? Well, 1:09:07.720 --> 1:09:09.800 and he's all he had to say was that his 1:09:10.000 --> 1:09:12.680 dad was an alcoholic and his dad was meaning him. 1:09:13.640 --> 1:09:16.800 He was like, that's not good enough because my dad 1:09:16.960 --> 1:09:19.760 was an alcoholic. My dad beat the shit out of me, 1:09:19.800 --> 1:09:23.840 and I don't do that to my kid, you know. 1:09:24.000 --> 1:09:26.120 So I just felt like it just wasn't good enough, 1:09:26.479 --> 1:09:29.400 like and I told him, I don't forgive you, like 1:09:29.479 --> 1:09:31.960 that's not but that's not good enough. That's not enough. 1:09:33.560 --> 1:09:33.760 Wow. 1:09:34.200 --> 1:09:36.960 I thought I would have closure, but it's just like 1:09:39.160 --> 1:09:40.840 you know, and I would tell him things like, oh, 1:09:41.720 --> 1:09:44.080 you know, this traumatic thing that happened in my childhood 1:09:44.800 --> 1:09:47.240 still affects me today. And I would tell him about it, 1:09:47.240 --> 1:09:49.200 and then he'd just say, oh, I don't remember that, 1:09:49.640 --> 1:09:53.519 Oh that didn't happen, and what do you mean it 1:09:53.680 --> 1:09:56.760 did happen? Like this, this is something that shaved my 1:09:56.880 --> 1:10:01.519 whole life and you're telling me it didn't happen. And 1:10:02.040 --> 1:10:07.360 you know, they're really really really like ultra evangelical Christians, 1:10:07.439 --> 1:10:11.920 So like all he ever says is, Oh, that's the devil. 1:10:12.240 --> 1:10:15.240 That's the devil in your head telling you things. Anything 1:10:15.320 --> 1:10:18.799 good that happens, oh that was God. Anything bad that happens, 1:10:18.840 --> 1:10:22.000 Oh that's the devil. That's the devil putting lines in 1:10:22.120 --> 1:10:26.479 your head to trick you. And it's like the ultimate 1:10:26.880 --> 1:10:30.759 you gotta gaslight me with some fucking demons and shit, 1:10:32.760 --> 1:10:37.760 you know. So it was just they basically acted like 1:10:37.880 --> 1:10:39.960 I died, Like they had all these pictures of me 1:10:40.360 --> 1:10:43.760 from when I was a kid, and just like they've 1:10:43.880 --> 1:10:47.360 just always been waiting, like the product the story of 1:10:47.400 --> 1:10:50.280 the Prodigal Sun, you know, like waiting for the son 1:10:50.360 --> 1:10:52.920 to just like come back. And my dad told me, 1:10:53.000 --> 1:10:56.559 you know, like he kept setting like timelines. Okay, by 1:10:56.600 --> 1:10:58.920 the time he's twenty, he'll come back and he'll have 1:10:59.080 --> 1:11:01.960 his share, he'll he'll have his fellow sin out there 1:11:02.000 --> 1:11:04.000 in the world and he'll just come back. Oh nope, 1:11:04.080 --> 1:11:07.320 okay by twenty two, he'll oh by twenty five. And 1:11:09.120 --> 1:11:12.400 I'm like, yeah, I've always been here. But I mean, 1:11:12.560 --> 1:11:15.120 like who I am is who I am. They just 1:11:15.200 --> 1:11:20.000 don't accept me for who I am. And it's okay 1:11:20.080 --> 1:11:22.400 to cut off your family, you know, that's what is. 1:11:22.479 --> 1:11:26.880 It's hard, but sometimes your family is just like it's 1:11:26.960 --> 1:11:28.760 better to be away from them and it's better to 1:11:28.840 --> 1:11:35.040 not talk to them, and it's hard, you know. Like 1:11:35.240 --> 1:11:37.639 like the other day, I was biking home from work 1:11:37.680 --> 1:11:40.960 and I saw this guy my age in a driveway 1:11:41.080 --> 1:11:43.800 with an older guy that looked like his dad, and 1:11:43.840 --> 1:11:46.920 they're sitting shooting some hoops, and I just I just 1:11:47.040 --> 1:11:49.720 think about I'm like, what would it be like, you know, 1:11:50.040 --> 1:11:51.960 to just build a thing out with my dad and 1:11:52.040 --> 1:11:58.559 you just like talk to him just like normal people. 1:11:58.680 --> 1:12:00.360 That's all I ever wanted. They just wanted to be 1:12:00.439 --> 1:12:02.280 a normal person having life. 1:12:03.360 --> 1:12:10.240 Mm hmm, well let me let me, let me let 1:12:10.280 --> 1:12:13.760 me I mean, well, let me tell you something, man. 1:12:13.960 --> 1:12:17.880 This is just from my vantage point here is like 1:12:20.479 --> 1:12:24.320 I can tell how uh, I can tell how deeply 1:12:24.439 --> 1:12:29.400 you you really really really care about your daughter, uh 1:12:29.880 --> 1:12:32.519 not having had it as as rough as you and 1:12:32.560 --> 1:12:38.880 I'm I'm I'm really really sorry that you had to 1:12:40.720 --> 1:12:45.479 you had it this rough. But I'll say that the 1:12:46.640 --> 1:12:49.400 good news is is that I know that you're like 1:12:50.800 --> 1:12:53.880 really anxious and worried about your daughter having a nice 1:12:54.760 --> 1:12:57.559 life and not having to have dealt with the things 1:12:57.680 --> 1:13:02.439 that you had to tear with but you're in a 1:13:02.720 --> 1:13:06.479 really like great position where like I mean, bro, like 1:13:06.680 --> 1:13:11.320 you you're fucking there, you know, like you're fucking there, 1:13:11.600 --> 1:13:16.240 you know, and whether or not regardless of of of 1:13:17.320 --> 1:13:22.760 whatever material resources you you you do or don't have, 1:13:23.040 --> 1:13:26.400 or your daughter, like you're you're sucking there. Man, You're 1:13:26.439 --> 1:13:30.120 there and you care and you love her, you know, 1:13:30.640 --> 1:13:38.120 and that's that's it, right, So I think that like 1:13:38.400 --> 1:13:42.120 I don't, I don't think you have to worry about 1:13:47.479 --> 1:13:51.960 whether or not your daughter is gonna feel like you 1:13:52.040 --> 1:13:54.960 were there for her and and and it's and it's nice, man, 1:13:55.520 --> 1:13:59.200 it's it's like, it fucking sucks ship that your your 1:13:59.400 --> 1:14:01.880 dad came back to you with like, oh well my 1:14:02.040 --> 1:14:03.920 dad was like this and his dad was like that. 1:14:04.000 --> 1:14:06.280 I'm sure his fucking dad was. And I'm sure you're 1:14:06.520 --> 1:14:09.760 a part of a fucking long cycle of like you know, 1:14:13.760 --> 1:14:17.640 absentinis and it's like it's fucking sucks shit. And I 1:14:17.840 --> 1:14:20.400 I really I'm sorry. I feel your pain that you 1:14:21.040 --> 1:14:24.720 are a part of that cycle. But you have this 1:14:25.360 --> 1:14:27.599 I'm not even gonna say opportunity because it's it's something 1:14:27.640 --> 1:14:29.639 you're doing. It's not even an opportunity. It's just it's 1:14:29.760 --> 1:14:32.800 it's your life, you know, it's it's it's it's embodied 1:14:32.840 --> 1:14:36.920 and expressed by the decisions that you've made to be 1:14:37.040 --> 1:14:45.040 there with your kid where you're doing this really tremendously powerful, beautiful, 1:14:45.080 --> 1:14:49.160 amazing thing, where you're breaking the cycle because you're fucking 1:14:49.240 --> 1:14:53.240 there for your daughter. You know, you got you get 1:14:53.320 --> 1:14:55.560 in the car and you're going to the spring and 1:14:55.640 --> 1:14:58.880 you're filling up water, you know, like you're fucking there, 1:14:59.360 --> 1:15:04.479 you know. So again, I'm I'm really I'm really sorry 1:15:04.560 --> 1:15:08.080 that you, like I can feel that you feel a 1:15:08.120 --> 1:15:11.000 lot of pain at being part of the cycle. But uh, brother, 1:15:11.040 --> 1:15:15.800 I'm I'm very very proud of you and very I 1:15:16.320 --> 1:15:20.920 deeply deeply commend you for breaking the cycle and being 1:15:21.000 --> 1:15:23.479 there for your daughter and giving a ship and going 1:15:23.600 --> 1:15:26.680 back and you know and being here. And I and 1:15:26.840 --> 1:15:30.360 I hope that you know, I know from what you've 1:15:30.400 --> 1:15:35.200 expressed that you've had a lot of you know, self image, 1:15:36.240 --> 1:15:40.519 uh problems, and I and I really hope and I really, 1:15:41.160 --> 1:15:47.360 uh I want you to understand that, like, bro, you're 1:15:47.520 --> 1:15:49.320 like you're you're beautiful, you know, like it's it's a 1:15:49.439 --> 1:15:53.920 beautiful thing that you're you're. I I don't even want 1:15:53.920 --> 1:15:56.160 to say doing. It's like you're it's like you're living it. 1:15:57.240 --> 1:15:59.320 Uh And and I hope you feel good. I hope 1:15:59.320 --> 1:16:00.840 that makes you feel good. I hope that makes you, 1:16:01.520 --> 1:16:05.000 uh sleep easy at night when when you're when you're 1:16:05.040 --> 1:16:07.519 in the house with your family, with your daughter, that 1:16:07.680 --> 1:16:11.479 you're you're there and uh I and life gets hard 1:16:11.520 --> 1:16:13.479 and you sometimes you try to do shit and it 1:16:13.520 --> 1:16:16.719 doesn't always work, but like you're trying, you know, you're. 1:16:16.600 --> 1:16:17.080 Not just like. 1:16:19.920 --> 1:16:22.280 Doing what your dad did, like your your dad came 1:16:22.360 --> 1:16:23.760 back to you man with it, with the yeah, with 1:16:23.800 --> 1:16:25.760 the bullshit excuse of like, well my dad was like 1:16:25.840 --> 1:16:27.800 this and that that that that fucked you up and 1:16:27.880 --> 1:16:31.000 you and you know you could have easily done that 1:16:31.120 --> 1:16:33.760 to your daughter, but you didn't because you're because you're 1:16:34.200 --> 1:16:39.560 because you're a fucking because you're a great guy. So 1:16:39.880 --> 1:16:42.640 I I uh, I hope I hope you recognize that 1:16:42.680 --> 1:16:45.439 about yourself and and that you feel that and you 1:16:45.600 --> 1:16:49.080 understand that, and you let that be a thing that 1:16:49.880 --> 1:16:53.040 lets you live your life a little bit lighter and 1:16:53.200 --> 1:17:01.160 a little bit less anxious and heavy. That you understand 1:17:01.240 --> 1:17:06.120 that you're you're doing all the right stuff and that you, 1:17:06.280 --> 1:17:09.000 and you and you and you don't don't beat yourself 1:17:09.080 --> 1:17:12.200 up if everything doesn't go fucking perfectly, you know. 1:17:13.840 --> 1:17:19.080 Yeah, trouble is I think when when things are going 1:17:19.200 --> 1:17:21.720 really good, I'm just always worried that they're about to 1:17:21.800 --> 1:17:24.960 fall apart. And I think, I think that's just that's 1:17:24.960 --> 1:17:27.320 something I got to work through, you know. I'm always 1:17:27.360 --> 1:17:29.720 like like like when things are good, I'm like, oh no, 1:17:30.720 --> 1:17:34.280 you know, I'm like, oh no, what's what's gonna happen? 1:17:34.360 --> 1:17:37.840 And then nothing happens. I think that it's just it's 1:17:38.000 --> 1:17:38.920 just it's just me. 1:17:42.160 --> 1:17:45.320 You said your daughter is seven, now, yeah, she's. 1:17:45.120 --> 1:17:48.559 About to be. Yeah, she's almost seven to start first grade? 1:17:49.640 --> 1:17:56.000 Cool, how's she doing? Like, what's what's she? What's she into? 1:17:56.160 --> 1:17:59.320 What's her? What's her? How's she doing? 1:18:01.200 --> 1:18:06.080 She's doing good? I just she is struggling in school already, 1:18:06.840 --> 1:18:09.000 and I see a lot of myself and her, and 1:18:10.040 --> 1:18:11.720 I just, yeah, I just want her to do good 1:18:11.800 --> 1:18:14.760 in school. But she and I mean, the problems that 1:18:14.880 --> 1:18:17.320 she has is like what I think would be normal. 1:18:17.439 --> 1:18:21.519 She just like wants to be a kid. She wants 1:18:21.560 --> 1:18:23.759 to do what she wants to do, and she has trouble, 1:18:23.920 --> 1:18:28.400 like listening to authority and like following structure and guide 1:18:28.439 --> 1:18:31.240 and you know, they're just trying to put her into 1:18:31.280 --> 1:18:33.479 the meat grinder of school. You know how, you know, 1:18:33.840 --> 1:18:36.120 you either stit or you don't. So I feel like, 1:18:38.360 --> 1:18:40.599 like I like that she can socialize with other kids 1:18:40.600 --> 1:18:43.439 because that was something I missed out on. You know, 1:18:43.560 --> 1:18:45.960 I didn't really get to have friends or socialize with 1:18:46.040 --> 1:18:50.360 people my own age, So I think that's important for her. 1:18:50.439 --> 1:18:53.840 But yeah, she I mean, at this stage, she's just 1:18:54.040 --> 1:19:01.680 like obsessed with like cats and legos and uh, we 1:19:01.800 --> 1:19:07.240 have pet roly polis, which is pretty cool. Most people 1:19:07.360 --> 1:19:09.360 are like, what what do you mean? You have petroly 1:19:09.680 --> 1:19:14.479 like little isopods, little roly pulleys. We have like there's 1:19:14.560 --> 1:19:17.320 like a community of people that keep like exotic ones 1:19:17.400 --> 1:19:21.719 that have different colors, and we have like white ones 1:19:21.920 --> 1:19:25.559 with yellow and black spots, and we have zebra ones 1:19:25.600 --> 1:19:30.280 that are black with white stripes. And I don't know. 1:19:30.439 --> 1:19:32.320 When I was a kid, I was really into bugs 1:19:32.360 --> 1:19:34.559 and shit, and dude, if my dad had to show 1:19:34.720 --> 1:19:37.280 any interest in anything that I like like that, that 1:19:37.360 --> 1:19:42.600 would have been huge. So yeah, we live in like 1:19:43.400 --> 1:19:46.880 a tiny town with a lot of like trees, and 1:19:47.040 --> 1:19:49.560 forests and stuff around. So I take her out on 1:19:49.680 --> 1:19:54.439 hikes and go on hikes and I try to teach her. 1:19:54.520 --> 1:19:57.439 We feed the crows. There's crow met here. We'll go 1:19:57.600 --> 1:19:59.720 feed the crows together, and I try to teach her 1:20:00.080 --> 1:20:03.960 know to respect nature and all life is valuable, even 1:20:04.000 --> 1:20:08.479 if it's small, its life still has value, you know. 1:20:08.720 --> 1:20:12.679 So we go rock hound. I bring her to look 1:20:12.720 --> 1:20:16.519 for fossils. There's like certain areas near us where you 1:20:16.520 --> 1:20:18.920 can find a lot of like marine fossils, like shells 1:20:18.960 --> 1:20:25.800 and stuff. Who go and do that. He likes wearing 1:20:25.880 --> 1:20:30.160 little cat ears and cat tails, and it's just funny 1:20:30.200 --> 1:20:32.760 with people. What is she intellect? She's into cats, so like, 1:20:32.840 --> 1:20:36.160 I don't know, she really likes cats. 1:20:36.840 --> 1:20:44.240 That sounds appropriate for a seven year old. Yeah, you 1:20:44.320 --> 1:20:45.519 sound you sound like a great dad. 1:20:45.600 --> 1:20:45.760 Man. 1:20:46.240 --> 1:20:47.920 You're doing all this great stuff. 1:20:49.240 --> 1:20:53.280 Try man, I try. I just tried. And my dad, 1:20:53.400 --> 1:20:56.320 my dad saw his wife and his children his property, 1:20:56.840 --> 1:20:59.200 you know, like like they were like they were a 1:20:59.400 --> 1:21:02.080 dresser or a night stand, you know, like they were 1:21:02.160 --> 1:21:05.479 his things that he could do with thatever he wanted, 1:21:05.560 --> 1:21:07.720 because they're his, you know. And I try to I 1:21:07.880 --> 1:21:10.120 treat my girlfriend and my daughter like through their own 1:21:10.200 --> 1:21:13.800 individual people. And you know, she tells me how I 1:21:13.840 --> 1:21:16.160 don't want to hug you right now. Okay, well I 1:21:16.200 --> 1:21:18.400 don't want to do that. You know. I treat her 1:21:18.479 --> 1:21:22.640 like she's a person, you know, I ask her, I 1:21:22.760 --> 1:21:24.519 try and talk to her like a human being. And 1:21:26.320 --> 1:21:28.160 you know, that's one thing I never understood is I 1:21:28.240 --> 1:21:32.920 told my dad, you know, like, my life's been really hard, man, 1:21:33.000 --> 1:21:36.000 my life's been I've been struggling, and he just told me, oh, 1:21:36.240 --> 1:21:39.840 my life was hard too, And he just kind of 1:21:39.920 --> 1:21:42.760 has that mentality of like, oh, if my life was hard, 1:21:43.240 --> 1:21:46.000 your life should be hard because it'll build character or whatever. 1:21:46.280 --> 1:21:49.240 Like no one helped me, why should anyone help you. 1:21:49.439 --> 1:21:52.000 But I'm under the impression. I'm like I think of 1:21:52.080 --> 1:21:55.000 it like you're supposed to make it easier on the 1:21:55.120 --> 1:21:58.320 next generation. So the next drink becomes more educated and 1:21:58.439 --> 1:22:00.599 their life is a lot easier. In the next air, 1:22:00.800 --> 1:22:03.960 they're even more educated, and they have they make more money, 1:22:04.000 --> 1:22:07.080 and they're like, it's easy. You're not supposed to make 1:22:07.160 --> 1:22:09.960 it harder on the next generation because it was hard 1:22:10.000 --> 1:22:11.600 for you and it was hard for your dad. Like 1:22:12.479 --> 1:22:16.720 that's just going nowhere. So I my parents were really 1:22:16.760 --> 1:22:19.280 young when they had me too, So I try, like 1:22:19.360 --> 1:22:21.479 I try to look in perspective, like my parents were 1:22:21.560 --> 1:22:25.320 sixteen when they had me, So it's kind of crazy 1:22:25.400 --> 1:22:27.800 to think, like when I left home, my parents were 1:22:27.880 --> 1:22:29.800 like my age, and it's hard to think of like 1:22:30.880 --> 1:22:33.760 why was my dad such an asshole so young? Like 1:22:33.840 --> 1:22:36.640 why was he such a dick so young? Like he like, 1:22:37.840 --> 1:22:41.000 I don't know, it's just it's hard to think, like, oh, dude, 1:22:41.000 --> 1:22:44.679 he was like twenty two being that much of an asshole, 1:22:45.640 --> 1:22:50.920 Like come on, man, you know I was supposed to 1:22:50.960 --> 1:22:53.560 make it harder on the next generation. We're supposed to 1:22:53.600 --> 1:22:58.240 make it easier. Build generational wealth, build heal generational trauma. 1:23:03.240 --> 1:23:05.040 Do you do you? 1:23:05.600 --> 1:23:10.000 I know it's uh maybe maybe it's hard to do, 1:23:10.120 --> 1:23:12.840 but for whatever reason, but do you you know, I 1:23:13.200 --> 1:23:18.519 hope you acknowledge yourself as uh uh having a lot 1:23:18.640 --> 1:23:22.600 of power and strength. Again, like I've been saying, to 1:23:24.960 --> 1:23:28.880 form your own beliefs about how this ship should go 1:23:29.080 --> 1:23:29.560 and live it. 1:23:31.960 --> 1:23:35.720 Yeah. I feel like a lot of people just like, oh, 1:23:35.920 --> 1:23:40.280 they're my parents, this is how things are. But you know, 1:23:41.479 --> 1:23:43.800 I've always been like, no, yeah, I'm gonna make my 1:23:43.880 --> 1:23:47.240 own past. You know, if they're not gonna treat me right, 1:23:47.280 --> 1:23:49.240 I'm gonna go make my own past. I'm gonna go 1:23:49.320 --> 1:23:53.439 make my own family traditions. I'm gonna just because you're 1:23:54.040 --> 1:23:56.639 your family is toxic, just because of your family doesn't 1:23:56.640 --> 1:23:58.880 mean you have to put up with it, you know, 1:23:59.040 --> 1:24:01.160 like you can set boundaries, you can be like, no, 1:24:01.280 --> 1:24:03.320 I'm not going to be treated like that. My daughter's 1:24:03.360 --> 1:24:06.400 not going to be treated like that. We're not going 1:24:06.479 --> 1:24:09.280 to live like that. So it is. It does. It 1:24:09.400 --> 1:24:14.400 does take a lot of strength. And that's kind of 1:24:14.479 --> 1:24:16.320 like what I learned from being on the road for 1:24:16.479 --> 1:24:19.840 so long is like I had that sense, you know, 1:24:19.920 --> 1:24:23.080 I look around, I look behind me, nobody's there. I 1:24:23.200 --> 1:24:26.679 look around nobody nobody knew if I had food, nobody 1:24:26.720 --> 1:24:28.880 knew if I had sheltered nobody knew if I had clothes, 1:24:28.960 --> 1:24:32.960 only me, only me. I got myself there. So I 1:24:33.000 --> 1:24:36.360 feel like that strength I continue now because I'm like, oh, 1:24:37.120 --> 1:24:41.960 I know I can do it, and it is. Yeah. 1:24:41.960 --> 1:24:44.000 I feel I feel like I had pulled myself out 1:24:44.080 --> 1:24:49.000 from under the sidewalk, you know, like I started with 1:24:49.240 --> 1:24:51.600 less than nothing. Because I feel like I'm catching up 1:24:51.640 --> 1:24:53.559 to a lot of people my age, But I try 1:24:53.640 --> 1:24:57.120 not to compare myself too much because I'll start feeling 1:24:57.160 --> 1:25:00.960 about like, oh, like when will I ever own a house? 1:25:01.040 --> 1:25:05.640 When will I? You know this or that? But not 1:25:05.800 --> 1:25:09.240 everybody starts at the same spot, you know what I mean, Like, 1:25:10.520 --> 1:25:14.559 not every not everybody starts at go some people start 1:25:15.400 --> 1:25:15.960 behind me. 1:25:18.120 --> 1:25:18.439 M m. 1:25:19.240 --> 1:25:21.519 It's not fair to compare yourself to it. Even if 1:25:21.600 --> 1:25:23.519 someone's the same age. It's not fair to compare yourself 1:25:23.560 --> 1:25:27.160 because not everybody had the same opportunities, you know. 1:25:29.080 --> 1:25:37.920 Hmm, you know, I uh, I actually don't know if 1:25:38.720 --> 1:25:47.160 I ever caught your name, Steve, Steve, Steve, hm, hmm. 1:25:48.760 --> 1:25:49.040 How do you? 1:25:49.600 --> 1:25:51.280 I have a lot of questions for you. 1:25:51.760 --> 1:25:52.400 How do you? Uh? 1:25:54.600 --> 1:25:56.799 How do you feel? Having talked about all this stuff 1:25:58.280 --> 1:26:01.920 for the last let's see, almost hour and a half. 1:26:03.560 --> 1:26:06.120 Well, I didn't realize though, Well, I mean, I feel 1:26:06.520 --> 1:26:08.880 I feel better. I feel like I got some stuff 1:26:08.920 --> 1:26:12.600 off my chest. I feel better just talking about it. 1:26:12.640 --> 1:26:16.920 I've been yeah, a long time listener, first time called yeah. 1:26:17.040 --> 1:26:20.920 I mean, I've listened for so I it kind of 1:26:21.000 --> 1:26:24.040 helps me. I like listening so much to your show 1:26:24.160 --> 1:26:28.519 because it helps me not think about my own problems 1:26:28.560 --> 1:26:31.280 sometimes like listen to other people's problems and kind of 1:26:31.320 --> 1:26:34.080 helps me put it in perspective. You know, everybody's got 1:26:34.160 --> 1:26:36.720 different things going on. You never know what someone's got 1:26:36.920 --> 1:26:39.719 going on, you know, you just see them in that moment, 1:26:41.240 --> 1:26:43.240 and that that's all. That's all the reference you have. 1:26:43.479 --> 1:26:46.080 So I like, yeah, just hearing people's stories, hearing what 1:26:46.160 --> 1:26:50.200 people are going through, you know, any day. Like I've 1:26:50.320 --> 1:26:53.519 thought about it so much, like what would I talk about? 1:26:53.560 --> 1:26:55.800 What would I say? And yeah, I mean I got 1:26:55.840 --> 1:27:00.920 a lot to say, but it just came naturally once 1:27:00.960 --> 1:27:03.320 I started talking. Yeah, you're very easy to talk to you, 1:27:03.720 --> 1:27:05.439 you know, once I started talking, you just. 1:27:07.240 --> 1:27:10.640 You know, Brah, have you ever thought about, uh, have 1:27:10.760 --> 1:27:15.200 you ever thought about like writing a book or a 1:27:15.439 --> 1:27:20.639 memoir or a I'm sure I mean after I mean, 1:27:20.760 --> 1:27:23.880 I mean, I'll tell you this and this has got 1:27:24.040 --> 1:27:26.439 to be I mean, I've been doing this show for 1:27:26.560 --> 1:27:29.000 five years. This has got to be one of one 1:27:29.040 --> 1:27:32.639 of my favorite conversations I think I've ever had doing 1:27:32.720 --> 1:27:36.480 this show. It's uh, I mean, it's it's it's it's fascinating. 1:27:36.560 --> 1:27:36.680 Man. 1:27:36.680 --> 1:27:40.679 You're really really good at you know, telling your story. 1:27:42.439 --> 1:27:44.840 Have you ever I mean, after twelve fucking years of 1:27:45.680 --> 1:27:48.160 riding trains. You must have so many stories. Have you 1:27:48.200 --> 1:27:52.600 ever thought about like doings? I mean, you know, I 1:27:52.680 --> 1:27:55.720 mean it's awesome. I really appreciate you, uh coming on 1:27:55.840 --> 1:27:58.200 here and and and telling your story because I think 1:27:58.240 --> 1:28:04.840 it's I think it's fucking and incredible. Have you ever 1:28:04.920 --> 1:28:08.600 thought about writing a memoir or even like doing you know, 1:28:08.720 --> 1:28:12.840 a little YouTube things or anything like that. I don't 1:28:12.880 --> 1:28:15.040 know why that's where my brain goes, but I just 1:28:16.320 --> 1:28:19.519 I just like, I love I love your stories. You've 1:28:19.560 --> 1:28:21.120 lived in a wild life. 1:28:23.479 --> 1:28:26.240 I have thought about it, and I've had I've even 1:28:26.320 --> 1:28:29.760 had different people reach out to me asking if they 1:28:29.840 --> 1:28:34.040 could make something with me about it, or nothing ever 1:28:34.120 --> 1:28:39.880 really panned forward with it. I write poetry sometimes I 1:28:40.040 --> 1:28:43.599 do write like in a journal when I write things, 1:28:44.600 --> 1:28:47.479 but I've never tried to organize it. I gave you 1:28:47.680 --> 1:28:53.720 like the short version of everything. I'm sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, 1:28:53.800 --> 1:28:58.160 I would like to just so it's not lost, just 1:28:58.160 --> 1:29:02.479 because I do like sharing my story and I feel like, yeah, 1:29:02.520 --> 1:29:05.120 there's other people that maybe could take use, you know, 1:29:05.200 --> 1:29:09.040 maybe they're going through really hard time. They don't. When 1:29:09.080 --> 1:29:11.639 you're in something, you don't see how it could get better. 1:29:12.120 --> 1:29:13.720 You know that. That's the thing is like when you're 1:29:13.840 --> 1:29:16.320 going through it, you don't see how it could possibly 1:29:16.400 --> 1:29:21.280 get any better different, you know, and it gets overwhelming. 1:29:22.520 --> 1:29:25.960 But think things really do take wild turns. You can 1:29:26.080 --> 1:29:28.519 change your life. You know, Like a few years ago, 1:29:28.520 --> 1:29:30.240 I would have thought for sure, you know, I'm gonna 1:29:30.280 --> 1:29:32.240 I'm gonna die outside on the side of the road 1:29:32.320 --> 1:29:36.679 somewhere and now here I am, I'm you know, so yeah, 1:29:37.880 --> 1:29:40.920 I uh, I don't even know where I would start, 1:29:42.800 --> 1:29:45.920 you know. I. I guess I should think about it more. 1:29:46.960 --> 1:29:51.160 But do you do you do you do? 1:29:51.240 --> 1:29:54.519 You do you if like it's it's okay, it's okay 1:29:54.600 --> 1:29:57.040 if not, and you know, if you want if you 1:29:57.520 --> 1:30:00.679 if you want to make something, well, I was gonna 1:30:00.680 --> 1:30:04.439 ask you do you have do you do you post 1:30:04.520 --> 1:30:06.840 anything anyway? I know you said you write poems? Right, 1:30:06.880 --> 1:30:09.240 do you do you post anything anywhere? Like if if 1:30:09.360 --> 1:30:13.360 people who are listening to this wanted to keep up 1:30:13.400 --> 1:30:15.880 with you or anything like that, if that's something you want. 1:30:16.439 --> 1:30:19.640 You know, not you don't have to feel obligated to, 1:30:19.920 --> 1:30:22.920 but if that was something you want, do you have 1:30:23.120 --> 1:30:25.040 a thing that anyone listening to this? 1:30:26.080 --> 1:30:26.240 Uh? 1:30:27.240 --> 1:30:29.439 I want to catch up with you on I. 1:30:29.520 --> 1:30:31.840 Mean, I used to get quite a bit of traction 1:30:32.000 --> 1:30:37.160 on Reddit and Instagram, and I just like I got 1:30:37.240 --> 1:30:39.559 rid of it. I deleted every I don't. It's kind 1:30:39.600 --> 1:30:45.040 of crazy because yeah, man, I I completely hopped off 1:30:45.600 --> 1:30:48.280 social media because it was not doing so good for 1:30:48.400 --> 1:30:49.120 my mental health. 1:30:49.240 --> 1:30:50.400 Like I understand that too. 1:30:50.560 --> 1:30:55.120 Yeah, yeah, Like I I don't have Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, Snap, 1:30:55.240 --> 1:30:57.080 none of those on my phone. I don't use any 1:30:57.120 --> 1:31:00.800 of those. And like when I got rid of them, dude, 1:31:00.880 --> 1:31:03.679 my thumb would go and click on the empty space 1:31:03.720 --> 1:31:06.760 where those apps used to be. Like like anytime I 1:31:06.840 --> 1:31:09.120 had my I had a down moment, my thumb would 1:31:09.160 --> 1:31:13.559 just go to click those empty spaces at one. Yeah, 1:31:13.680 --> 1:31:16.680 I used to like, you know, yeah, I just I 1:31:17.080 --> 1:31:20.840 don't right now. It would be awesome because I wish 1:31:20.880 --> 1:31:23.240 I could show you some pictures, Uh, show you some 1:31:23.360 --> 1:31:27.519 pictures riding trains and stuff. Well, yeah, people used to. 1:31:27.760 --> 1:31:30.000 I felt it was kind of a debating thing when 1:31:30.040 --> 1:31:33.360 I deleted everything. I thought about it for a long time. 1:31:33.680 --> 1:31:35.840 I have a lot of the photos and videos saved. 1:31:36.040 --> 1:31:38.880 But well, well well let me let me let me 1:31:38.960 --> 1:31:41.120 tell you that if you if you ever do well, 1:31:41.240 --> 1:31:44.120 if and you again no pressure to ever, you know, 1:31:44.680 --> 1:31:47.040 do anything, because I also I also understand why people, 1:31:47.760 --> 1:31:50.120 you know, I mean, we had the I remember, I 1:31:50.160 --> 1:31:52.360 don't know if you heard this episode, but we talked 1:31:52.400 --> 1:31:54.280 to the guy a little bit of a similar story 1:31:54.280 --> 1:31:56.280 to yours who went to go live in a cave 1:31:56.439 --> 1:31:58.400 in the tenery violence. 1:31:59.280 --> 1:31:59.479 Yeah. 1:31:59.760 --> 1:32:03.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And he he started Instagram. But 1:32:03.640 --> 1:32:05.479 then I think he was kind of like, I want 1:32:05.520 --> 1:32:07.479 to stay offline, but it's up to you. But I 1:32:07.600 --> 1:32:11.280 just wanted to say, if you ever want to, uh, 1:32:11.680 --> 1:32:14.439 you know, do something, you can always I don't know 1:32:14.439 --> 1:32:17.519 if you have me on Instagram or whatever, but I 1:32:17.840 --> 1:32:21.040 check my dms and ships. So if you ever want 1:32:21.080 --> 1:32:24.120 to send me an email, or if you ever want 1:32:24.640 --> 1:32:27.360 to start posting anything or whatever, you can send me 1:32:27.439 --> 1:32:30.160 a d M or an email and I'll shout it 1:32:30.240 --> 1:32:32.439 out on you know, one of one of the future 1:32:32.479 --> 1:32:36.320 episodes of the podcast or on Instagram or something. So 1:32:36.439 --> 1:32:38.800 you know, invitation is open if you ever think about 1:32:38.840 --> 1:32:41.479 it and you want to start doing something like that. 1:32:42.720 --> 1:32:43.800 I appreciate this. 1:32:44.160 --> 1:32:46.559 I also wanted to, uh, you know, I'm live. We're 1:32:46.600 --> 1:32:49.960 live on twitch right now. If it's cool, I guess 1:32:50.000 --> 1:32:52.920 I'm you know, before we go, I could ask the 1:32:52.960 --> 1:32:56.120 twitch chat if they have any uh questions they want 1:32:56.120 --> 1:32:56.519 to ask you? 1:32:56.680 --> 1:33:00.160 Is that yah? Yeah? Yeah, I closed the chat when 1:33:00.200 --> 1:33:01.600 I when I when I answered the. 1:33:01.680 --> 1:33:06.160 Call, So I'm it's okay. I'll I'll give it the 1:33:06.200 --> 1:33:11.960 twitch chat a second to write some questions and I'll pick. 1:33:13.840 --> 1:33:17.599 I'll pick some stuff we have. One person said, tell 1:33:17.720 --> 1:33:24.960 Steve he is awesome. Keep doing what he's doing. A 1:33:25.040 --> 1:33:28.519 little pig boy says what was his favorite state from 1:33:28.600 --> 1:33:29.559 going coast to coast? 1:33:30.520 --> 1:33:37.720 Oh? Man, Really, it's hard to pick the I have 1:33:37.920 --> 1:33:44.440 like a top three. My top three is Colorado, Montana, 1:33:44.560 --> 1:33:49.360 and Oregon. But it's really hard for me to pick 1:33:49.400 --> 1:33:52.840 a pick. Like I love Colorado, but I also really 1:33:52.960 --> 1:33:56.519 love the ocean. I love the mountains. I love the 1:33:56.720 --> 1:33:59.920 nature of the forest. But yeah, like Montana, Oregon, call 1:34:00.000 --> 1:34:04.680 Colorado or just like the southeast never really hit my 1:34:04.880 --> 1:34:08.160 vibe that well, Like I went there a bunch, you know, 1:34:08.280 --> 1:34:12.160 it's just never really felt it, you know. But in 1:34:12.360 --> 1:34:17.240 like Montana, oh my gosh, fucking beautiful. You just open 1:34:17.360 --> 1:34:21.200 sky is beautiful. The people there are cool. Like I 1:34:21.240 --> 1:34:23.400 could just walk into a town and just be like, hey, 1:34:23.479 --> 1:34:26.400 I need work. I need a job, and I'd find like, oh, 1:34:27.200 --> 1:34:30.000 so and so down at the furnire stores renovating, you know, 1:34:30.160 --> 1:34:32.840 like it was like like people are always really cool 1:34:32.960 --> 1:34:37.080 up there. Oh I like the land up there. Yeah, Montana, 1:34:37.600 --> 1:34:40.120 Oregon and Colorado is my favorite, for sure. 1:34:46.200 --> 1:34:50.880 Someone wants to know, Uh, what was the other if 1:34:50.920 --> 1:34:55.280 you had any other, Like what the other scariest encounter 1:34:55.640 --> 1:35:00.960 was besides almost getting caught by the rail worker. 1:35:03.320 --> 1:35:05.559 Oh yeah, I mean that was just the very first 1:35:05.680 --> 1:35:12.599 train I ever got on. I mean there was times. Yeah, 1:35:12.640 --> 1:35:15.839 I mean I got taken to jail twice for riding trains. 1:35:16.000 --> 1:35:17.800 But I used to tell people, you know, if you're 1:35:17.840 --> 1:35:21.599 scared to go to jail, don't ride trains, because that's 1:35:21.640 --> 1:35:23.200 not the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing 1:35:23.240 --> 1:35:27.160 I can even fucking die, you know what I mean. So, uh, 1:35:28.520 --> 1:35:30.920 that's not the scariest thing. I mean, I've had people 1:35:30.960 --> 1:35:35.800 I've been robbed at gunpoint, like had I literally just peeple. 1:35:35.840 --> 1:35:37.720 I'm like, man, I'm not gonna get shot over there. 1:35:37.920 --> 1:35:39.559 Like you know, like I've had people be like, oh 1:35:39.640 --> 1:35:42.120 what do we didn't do anything, and it's like, bro, 1:35:42.320 --> 1:35:44.400 you do what you want. To get shot over your 1:35:44.479 --> 1:35:47.800 fucking backpack, but you want to fucking die, you know, 1:35:48.080 --> 1:35:53.760 and it's not worth it, really, I bet yeah. I 1:35:53.880 --> 1:35:56.920 had the one time this guy with a machete. I 1:35:57.040 --> 1:35:59.040 was sitting there with this kid that'd never hopped a train. 1:35:59.120 --> 1:36:00.680 That was one of my favorite things to do is 1:36:00.800 --> 1:36:04.960 bring people that never rode trains Ryan trains, because I 1:36:05.080 --> 1:36:07.480 love to just look in their face, you know, when 1:36:07.520 --> 1:36:09.640 you start going and you just look at them and 1:36:09.840 --> 1:36:13.639 you can see that glint in their eye and it's just, yeah, 1:36:13.680 --> 1:36:17.120 it's magical. And this guy with a machete was just 1:36:17.240 --> 1:36:20.840 like walking around us all tweaked out on myth and 1:36:20.920 --> 1:36:23.519 he's just like, oh, you know how many of you 1:36:23.720 --> 1:36:26.240 are there? And I told I was like, oh, there's 1:36:26.240 --> 1:36:28.360 about four or five of us at the liquor store 1:36:28.400 --> 1:36:31.160 right now. And then he like walked away. And the 1:36:31.600 --> 1:36:34.640 greenhorn when you're new to something like Ryan trains to 1:36:34.720 --> 1:36:37.240 call them greenhorns. He was like, man, why'd you say 1:36:37.320 --> 1:36:39.200 that there was more of us? And I was like, bro, 1:36:39.360 --> 1:36:40.920 that guy does not need to know that it's just 1:36:41.040 --> 1:36:45.280 me and you down here, because we're like, I mean, 1:36:45.360 --> 1:36:48.080 that's the hardest thing is like getting off the train, 1:36:49.280 --> 1:36:52.160 because then you've got the cops fucking with you. You 1:36:52.320 --> 1:36:55.639 got people all kinds of crazy, tweaked out homeless people 1:36:55.720 --> 1:36:58.880 fucking with you, you know what I mean, Like you're 1:36:58.960 --> 1:37:01.280 just trying to get some food and water and supplies 1:37:01.360 --> 1:37:05.000 and go. So that was like the hardest part. I mean, 1:37:05.000 --> 1:37:09.280 I almost died riding trains now that I mean that 1:37:09.400 --> 1:37:11.680 will still give me nightmares, Like I still wake up 1:37:11.800 --> 1:37:17.880 sometimes with nightmares from that. I almost died of dehydration, 1:37:19.840 --> 1:37:22.439 and it was, I mean, it got It was so serious. 1:37:22.479 --> 1:37:26.720 I was having auditory and visual hallucinations just from dehydration, 1:37:28.040 --> 1:37:30.600 and my press real vision was gone. It was like 1:37:31.240 --> 1:37:33.519 someone was holding their hands over my eyes, like it 1:37:33.600 --> 1:37:35.599 was all black all around my eyes and I could 1:37:35.640 --> 1:37:38.720 only see right in front of me. I basically I 1:37:38.800 --> 1:37:43.120 hopped onto a coal train and I thought it was 1:37:43.200 --> 1:37:44.960 going one way, but we ended up going towards a 1:37:45.040 --> 1:37:49.160 coal mine and we sided out. So the train stopped 1:37:49.720 --> 1:37:51.519 and I was on an empty coal train and I 1:37:51.600 --> 1:37:54.479 look and there's a what I thought was a full 1:37:54.560 --> 1:37:57.240 train loaded with coal. So I got off and got 1:37:57.280 --> 1:37:58.920 on that one because I'm like, oh, this loaded coal 1:37:59.000 --> 1:38:02.320 is gonna leave, and mind you, it's over one hundred degrees. 1:38:02.320 --> 1:38:06.160 It's like one hundred and eight degrees. And the next 1:38:06.240 --> 1:38:08.960 day we're still there. And I walked to the front 1:38:08.960 --> 1:38:10.479 of the train, walk to the back of the train. 1:38:10.560 --> 1:38:14.479 There's no engines. It's just a string of coal in 1:38:14.560 --> 1:38:17.000 the middle of nowhere. And I look all around. There's 1:38:17.040 --> 1:38:20.200 no bushes, there's no trees, there's no shade, there's no 1:38:20.439 --> 1:38:23.320 power lines, there's no pupp of smoke. I'm like out 1:38:23.400 --> 1:38:28.080 in the open planes, just on this string of loaded coal. 1:38:30.120 --> 1:38:34.000 And I run out of water quick and at one 1:38:34.040 --> 1:38:38.120 point I started walking away and then I was like no. 1:38:38.320 --> 1:38:39.920 I was like, I need to go back to the train, 1:38:39.960 --> 1:38:41.880 because they're not just going to leave a loaded coal 1:38:41.960 --> 1:38:45.640 train there forever. They'll eventually come back for it. And 1:38:45.760 --> 1:38:47.280 I was like, if I just walk where am I 1:38:47.320 --> 1:38:49.200 walking to it? Ut to the horizon, I'm gonna die. 1:38:49.280 --> 1:38:51.720 So I walked back to the string of trains and 1:38:53.000 --> 1:38:54.760 did I tell the story to people and they're like, man, 1:38:54.840 --> 1:38:57.559 you probably drank your piss, huh. And I'm like, dude, 1:38:57.600 --> 1:39:00.960 I was so dehydrated I couldn't piss. Like I was trapped. 1:39:01.040 --> 1:39:03.400 One point, I had my dog bowl and I was 1:39:03.479 --> 1:39:05.400 trying to pee into the dog bowl to drink it. 1:39:05.439 --> 1:39:09.200 And I couldn't even pee anything there was. I couldn't 1:39:09.200 --> 1:39:11.320 even it was so bad, I couldn't even piss. And 1:39:11.360 --> 1:39:15.000 then like I'm hearing voices, I'm hearing people laughing at me, 1:39:15.760 --> 1:39:20.000 mocking my condition. I'm seeing like shadow people running in 1:39:20.040 --> 1:39:23.920 front of my vision, and like I thought I was 1:39:24.040 --> 1:39:28.400 gonna die, gag. I had came to peace with my 1:39:28.600 --> 1:39:31.000 leg I was like, this is it, this is my 1:39:31.120 --> 1:39:34.840 last train. I fucked up. I'm gonna die, this is it, 1:39:35.640 --> 1:39:39.840 and I had I was so out of it that 1:39:39.960 --> 1:39:42.559 I thought I was cold, and I had every layer 1:39:42.640 --> 1:39:45.320 of clothing on me. So they eventually did come for 1:39:45.479 --> 1:39:51.640 the train, and the railroad workers saved my life. I 1:39:51.760 --> 1:39:53.479 was in and out of consciousness. I was going in 1:39:53.560 --> 1:39:56.720 and out of consciousness, and I it was over one 1:39:56.760 --> 1:39:59.240 hundred degrees and I had every article. I had my 1:39:59.400 --> 1:40:02.600 thermal un to wear on, I had my being on, 1:40:03.000 --> 1:40:05.280 I had my hoodie on, I had my jacket, I 1:40:05.360 --> 1:40:08.479 had everything on because I thought I was freezing. I 1:40:08.960 --> 1:40:12.439 thought it was freezing cold. And they found me. They 1:40:12.520 --> 1:40:17.519 brought me the hospital. They fucking but yeah, man, every 1:40:17.600 --> 1:40:19.840 day since then's been extra for me, I've been like 1:40:19.920 --> 1:40:24.320 every day since. Then's an extra. That was my first 1:40:24.520 --> 1:40:26.800 first couple of years Ryan trains, and it happened because 1:40:26.800 --> 1:40:29.840 I was arrogant and coffee and I just thought I 1:40:29.880 --> 1:40:31.840 could get on and off whenever I wanted. I was like, 1:40:31.920 --> 1:40:34.040 I'm in control, you know. But you went to know 1:40:34.200 --> 1:40:37.519 that the trains in control. There's no such thing as 1:40:37.560 --> 1:40:40.360 the wrong train. You just went a way you didn't 1:40:40.360 --> 1:40:42.160 want to go. You know, the trains goes where the 1:40:42.200 --> 1:40:47.519 train goes. But dude, I'll wake up like screaming for 1:40:47.720 --> 1:40:52.519 water and shit gets bad. I'll feel like I'm still 1:40:52.680 --> 1:40:56.280 there on that cold train, fucking with no water. I 1:40:56.400 --> 1:40:59.559 had food, I had weed, I had everything except water. 1:41:00.160 --> 1:41:00.599 Mm hmm. 1:41:02.360 --> 1:41:04.280 I know it was probably a longer answer than you were. 1:41:04.880 --> 1:41:04.920 No. 1:41:05.400 --> 1:41:08.679 No, no, no, no no no. Yeah. It's real out there, man. 1:41:08.800 --> 1:41:11.600 It's like like people will ask me, oh, what's the 1:41:11.640 --> 1:41:13.040 worst thing that happened to you out there? And then 1:41:13.080 --> 1:41:14.639 when I tell them, I can just see the look 1:41:14.680 --> 1:41:16.720 in their faith they like they didn't really expect it 1:41:16.760 --> 1:41:21.479 to be that deep. I'm like, the highs are really high. 1:41:21.960 --> 1:41:24.679 The lows are like I've seen the worst that humanity 1:41:24.760 --> 1:41:26.679 has to offer, but I've also seen the best. 1:41:27.479 --> 1:41:29.599 Well like that kind of actually, well, what you're saying 1:41:29.600 --> 1:41:33.360 actually brings me into the next question that somebody asked that. 1:41:34.280 --> 1:41:34.400 Uh. 1:41:35.120 --> 1:41:40.519 I'm also a little bit curious about as someone said. 1:41:44.960 --> 1:41:48.160 Basically they were like, you know, someone in the chat 1:41:48.280 --> 1:41:50.800 was like, I want to get into hopping trains. How 1:41:50.840 --> 1:41:53.400 should I get into it? But I want to ask you, uh, 1:41:54.120 --> 1:41:56.439 you know, in light of a comment like that, like 1:41:57.000 --> 1:42:01.479 after everything, if somebody came to you and said, I 1:42:01.560 --> 1:42:03.519 want to start hopping trains, how should I get into it? 1:42:03.880 --> 1:42:07.960 Would you recommend that they that they that they that 1:42:08.040 --> 1:42:09.759 they start, that they go on the journey. 1:42:11.200 --> 1:42:14.680 I don't regret it at all. Man, it was the 1:42:14.760 --> 1:42:16.800 best thing I could have made, that choice could go. 1:42:17.120 --> 1:42:19.120 But it's not for everybody. And I used to tell 1:42:19.160 --> 1:42:22.160 people out there, you know, like if you've got somewhere 1:42:22.200 --> 1:42:24.600 to go back to, if you got people that love you, 1:42:24.720 --> 1:42:27.200 if you've got a family, if you got a support system, 1:42:27.240 --> 1:42:29.320 if you got good for you will eventually go home. 1:42:30.320 --> 1:42:33.160 You know, like like there's no ifans there, but if 1:42:33.160 --> 1:42:35.800 you've got that support system, eventually you'll go home because 1:42:35.800 --> 1:42:39.760 you'll get tired of being hungry, cold, fucking whatever, you know, 1:42:39.920 --> 1:42:44.519 But this whole time, ain't Lots of people have asked 1:42:44.560 --> 1:42:47.240 me this question and I always tell them the same thing. 1:42:47.360 --> 1:42:51.320 You cannot learn how to do this by watching YouTube videos. 1:42:51.360 --> 1:42:54.080 You cannot learn how to just do You will die. 1:42:54.520 --> 1:42:57.800 You will fucking die. Like the only way that I 1:42:57.960 --> 1:43:01.880 recommend anybody get into this, and it's hard to do this, 1:43:02.040 --> 1:43:04.400 but it's to find someone that knows what they're doing 1:43:04.439 --> 1:43:07.160 and is already doing it, you know what I mean? 1:43:07.280 --> 1:43:09.600 Like that, like that can show you, hey, if you 1:43:09.680 --> 1:43:12.479 step there, you don't want to step there, because when 1:43:12.560 --> 1:43:14.800 the train buckles, your foot will get caught and you 1:43:14.840 --> 1:43:18.679 will fucking die, you know. Like like there's just certain things, 1:43:19.439 --> 1:43:21.960 like it goes beyond just getting on the train, hiding 1:43:22.080 --> 1:43:26.280 and getting off the train. Like you know, there's shipping facilities. 1:43:26.360 --> 1:43:28.479 Your train could get pulled into a shipping facility and 1:43:28.560 --> 1:43:31.720 all of a sudden you're surrounded by barbed wire and 1:43:31.840 --> 1:43:35.000 watch towers and they're fucking yanking all the cargo containers 1:43:35.040 --> 1:43:36.320 off the train with cranes. 1:43:37.360 --> 1:43:37.560 You know. 1:43:37.800 --> 1:43:41.000 They they got railroad police that won't arrest you. They'll 1:43:41.040 --> 1:43:43.559 take a box cutter and cut the straps of your backpack. 1:43:43.960 --> 1:43:46.160 Leave you there with a backpack you can't wear, take 1:43:46.160 --> 1:43:48.120 your sleeping bag, cut your sleeping bag up, leave you 1:43:48.200 --> 1:43:53.519 there like that. Uh, it's if you're gonna do it, 1:43:53.880 --> 1:43:55.800 you gotta go with somebody. And the best way to 1:43:55.880 --> 1:43:59.160 meet I think the best way to meet someone like 1:43:59.240 --> 1:44:02.680 that is, like I said those Rainbow gatherings in the 1:44:02.720 --> 1:44:06.400 beginning of my story that I was talking about, you 1:44:06.560 --> 1:44:09.320 go to enough Rainbow. You're gonna meet some train hoppers 1:44:10.200 --> 1:44:12.240 and they might not like you at first day. You 1:44:12.320 --> 1:44:14.960 know what, the first train hoppers I've ever very met 1:44:15.760 --> 1:44:19.360 made fun of me because I was a hitchhiker and 1:44:19.439 --> 1:44:22.040 train hoppers think hitchhikers are stupid. 1:44:24.760 --> 1:44:28.639 But that's a very interesting, Uh, that's a very weird rivalry. 1:44:28.720 --> 1:44:29.920 I never even thought about that. 1:44:30.960 --> 1:44:35.280 Well, dude, dude out there, like there's like cast systems almost, 1:44:35.439 --> 1:44:38.479 you know what I mean, Like like like the train 1:44:38.560 --> 1:44:43.160 hoppers think that they're better than the people that drive 1:44:43.200 --> 1:44:44.960 around in cars and putting cars, and they think that 1:44:45.000 --> 1:44:48.200 they're better than like the hitchhikers. And also the people 1:44:48.280 --> 1:44:51.080 we call them home bums, the people that are just 1:44:51.840 --> 1:44:54.240 homeless in one town and don't go anywhere and don't 1:44:54.280 --> 1:44:56.639 do anything like we kind of hold it. We won't 1:44:56.680 --> 1:44:59.200 hang out with those people usually like you know what 1:44:59.280 --> 1:45:01.679 I mean, it's like, uh knows in the air. Fuck 1:45:01.760 --> 1:45:05.200 you get away from me, because you're the reason everybody 1:45:05.320 --> 1:45:07.479 hates us is because you're just sitting here in one 1:45:07.600 --> 1:45:11.439 spot making a miss. You know. But any train hopper 1:45:11.520 --> 1:45:14.720 that tells you he doesn't hitchhike is a liar. You've 1:45:14.720 --> 1:45:17.320 got to hitchhike when you're Ryan train. Eventually you're gonna 1:45:17.320 --> 1:45:20.479 have You're gonna have to hitchhike. But yeah, you know, 1:45:20.640 --> 1:45:23.040 train hoppers are like, oh, why would you just stand 1:45:23.080 --> 1:45:25.400 there with your thumb ow? You can just fucking ride freight. 1:45:25.560 --> 1:45:28.400 But like Ryan frays, not for any but everybody. Like, 1:45:29.360 --> 1:45:31.960 when it's hot, it's hot. When it's cold, it's cool. 1:45:32.000 --> 1:45:34.320 I've rode trains in negative ten, and i rode trains 1:45:34.360 --> 1:45:39.920 in one hundred and ten. I'd rather ride in negative 1:45:39.960 --> 1:45:43.400 ten than one hundred and ten, honestly, which surprises a 1:45:43.439 --> 1:45:48.519 lot of people. But yeah, when when it's negative ten, 1:45:48.920 --> 1:45:51.800 if you got the right gear, you're fine. But one 1:45:51.880 --> 1:45:56.280 hundred and ten there is no right gear. Like you're 1:45:56.360 --> 1:46:01.000 on a fucking piece of metal, no shade that the 1:46:01.080 --> 1:46:03.760 metal is hot as fuck. It's like burning up. You 1:46:03.960 --> 1:46:07.880 touch it at all, and you're yeah, so I'd much 1:46:08.000 --> 1:46:12.200 rather ride and negative can. But and it's never the 1:46:12.280 --> 1:46:14.920 answer people want to hear. No one ever wants to hear. Oh, 1:46:15.080 --> 1:46:19.559 go find a train hopper and fucking get bullied by 1:46:19.680 --> 1:46:23.439 them and like either greenhorn and carry their water and 1:46:23.560 --> 1:46:26.599 stuff and go and learn the ropes. But really, that's 1:46:26.640 --> 1:46:29.800 how you do it and keep your limbs, you know, 1:46:30.080 --> 1:46:34.799 like you gotta find somebody, you gotta get caught the waves, 1:46:34.920 --> 1:46:39.560 because you can't just watch some YouTube videos and be 1:46:39.720 --> 1:46:46.160 like I'm gonna do it. It's just too dangerous. Hitch hiking. Yeah, 1:46:46.240 --> 1:46:50.200 go out hitchhiking, and fucking you'll run into people. Man 1:46:50.320 --> 1:46:51.880 Like when I went out, I didn't know that people 1:46:52.040 --> 1:46:54.120 lived out there doing that. I didn't know that there 1:46:54.200 --> 1:46:59.200 was like a whole subculture of people just like by choice, 1:46:59.320 --> 1:47:01.880 living out there on the road with their backpack. When 1:47:01.920 --> 1:47:04.599 I went out, I had no idea. So like, that's 1:47:04.600 --> 1:47:06.200 the best way to get into it. Just go out 1:47:06.240 --> 1:47:08.519 here chiking, Go to some rainbow gatherings, go to the 1:47:08.600 --> 1:47:12.160 gem shows, go to the Tucson gem Show. Check out something, 1:47:12.280 --> 1:47:14.880 go to hardly strictly, do you know, like you go 1:47:15.120 --> 1:47:18.360 places where the culture is and you'll meet people, you know. 1:47:21.320 --> 1:47:28.360 M hmmm, Steve, this has been I said it again, 1:47:28.439 --> 1:47:30.599 but I you know, I mean, I'm sorry I said 1:47:30.640 --> 1:47:31.960 it before, but I'll say it again. Yeah, this is 1:47:32.080 --> 1:47:34.919 this has been. Yeah, one of my you know, favorite 1:47:36.000 --> 1:47:38.720 conversations that I've had doing this. I would say, I 1:47:38.840 --> 1:47:42.360 really appreciate you sharing your story. I'm like, you know, 1:47:42.479 --> 1:47:45.920 I I know that you haven't had the chat open, 1:47:46.040 --> 1:47:48.080 but there's a lot of people in the chat who 1:47:48.160 --> 1:47:51.600 are just you know, uh, giving you your flowers on 1:47:52.000 --> 1:47:55.360 you know, uh getting to where you are from where 1:47:55.360 --> 1:47:58.400 you've been and you know, doing you and being you. 1:47:58.520 --> 1:48:01.200 So I hope, uh helpe you recognize that you got 1:48:01.240 --> 1:48:02.280 a lot of support out there. 1:48:03.560 --> 1:48:04.560 I appreciate that. 1:48:04.800 --> 1:48:04.960 You know. 1:48:05.200 --> 1:48:07.280 I don't got enough people in my life telling me 1:48:07.479 --> 1:48:09.719 I'm doing a good job, you know, like so sometimes 1:48:09.800 --> 1:48:15.280 the reference is out of sight for me because I'm like, oh, yeah, 1:48:15.320 --> 1:48:16.880 I appreciate that, bro. 1:48:17.080 --> 1:48:21.280 Yeah. I again, everyone in this chat is like really 1:48:21.400 --> 1:48:25.000 really really supportive, and you know, I hope I don't 1:48:25.040 --> 1:48:30.640 what do I hm hm hmmm, this, I don't I 1:48:30.680 --> 1:48:34.280 don't know how there's some guy commented being like, I 1:48:34.400 --> 1:48:37.200 can help you tell your story if you want to 1:48:38.320 --> 1:48:39.840 tell it. I don't know, I got I'd let you 1:48:39.920 --> 1:48:42.720 know here. I'll do this because I know that, like 1:48:42.880 --> 1:48:44.840 I I I already said this, but I'll say it 1:48:44.880 --> 1:48:49.040 again if you want to. You know, I don't know 1:48:49.080 --> 1:48:50.920 if you have me on Instagram or you have me 1:48:51.000 --> 1:48:54.280 on whatever, but if you want to create some form 1:48:54.400 --> 1:48:58.240 of line of communication for anyone who hears this to 1:48:58.960 --> 1:49:01.080 get in touch with you, you can hit me up 1:49:01.360 --> 1:49:04.040 and I'll figure out a way to Yeah. 1:49:04.080 --> 1:49:08.600 I only listen to the Spotify Okay, I mean I 1:49:08.720 --> 1:49:12.240 have an email and I have Blue Sky, but yeah, 1:49:12.280 --> 1:49:12.920 that's about it. 1:49:13.760 --> 1:49:15.439 You can, I mean, you can drop your email if 1:49:15.479 --> 1:49:17.880 you want, you know, if you if you I'm sure, 1:49:18.000 --> 1:49:20.599 I'm I'm like one hundred percent sure that there will 1:49:20.640 --> 1:49:22.040 be people who want to get in touch with you 1:49:22.120 --> 1:49:23.880 after this, and if that's something you're open to, you're 1:49:23.880 --> 1:49:25.720 totally welcome to drop your email on here. 1:49:26.680 --> 1:49:29.160 Yeah, I mean, I like talk. Like I said in 1:49:29.240 --> 1:49:31.080 the beginning, man, I'm one of those people I can 1:49:31.200 --> 1:49:34.240 just walk up to anybody and start talking to them. 1:49:34.400 --> 1:49:36.160 So it does help me to talk to people and 1:49:36.320 --> 1:49:38.479 just you know, so my email is kind of long, 1:49:39.520 --> 1:49:44.280 but there's no like all right, So it's trip Trap 1:49:45.479 --> 1:49:49.160 tramp trash at gmail dot com. 1:49:49.560 --> 1:49:53.960 Okay, trip t r I p t r I p 1:49:55.240 --> 1:49:55.680 t r. 1:49:55.800 --> 1:50:02.160 A p so trip trap, trip trap tramp p r 1:50:02.320 --> 1:50:07.719 A M p mm HM trash, trip trap tramp trash. 1:50:07.840 --> 1:50:10.880 That's that was my full name on the road that 1:50:11.000 --> 1:50:14.040 I gave myself was trip Trap tramp Trash, trip. 1:50:14.120 --> 1:50:16.559 Trap tramp trash at gmail. 1:50:17.520 --> 1:50:19.200 Yes at gmail dot com. 1:50:19.560 --> 1:50:24.639 Okay, trip trap tramp trash at gmail dot com. 1:50:25.120 --> 1:50:29.080 Okay, no underscores or dots or anything. Yeah, just all 1:50:29.200 --> 1:50:29.800 under case. 1:50:30.479 --> 1:50:33.720 Yeah man, trap tramp trash. Yeah, let me know if 1:50:35.320 --> 1:50:37.880 me I'm curious if people reach out to you, that'd 1:50:37.920 --> 1:50:39.360 be cool, that'd be cool. 1:50:39.479 --> 1:50:43.599 Yeah. Yeah, we'll see how this goes. I don't get 1:50:43.600 --> 1:50:44.120 too any of you. 1:50:47.479 --> 1:50:50.680 Steve Man. Once again, dude, thank you. This is this 1:50:50.760 --> 1:50:52.880 is this actually might be the longest phone call I've 1:50:53.040 --> 1:50:57.000 had on this show. At How long is this? Like 1:50:57.080 --> 1:51:00.880 fucking we've been going for on for almost two hours? 1:51:00.960 --> 1:51:02.280 I really I appreciate your time. 1:51:02.320 --> 1:51:02.479 Man. 1:51:02.560 --> 1:51:05.760 Thank you so much for uh for for getting on 1:51:05.880 --> 1:51:08.720 here with me and telling your story. It was super fascinating. 1:51:08.800 --> 1:51:13.320 It was uh and dude, I wish you the best 1:51:13.360 --> 1:51:16.920 of luck. I think you're doing a fucking great job 1:51:18.479 --> 1:51:20.439 being a father, being there for your kid, making the 1:51:20.479 --> 1:51:22.599 decisions you got to make to be there for your family. 1:51:22.920 --> 1:51:26.600 I think you're doing awesome. I'm excited for you for 1:51:26.720 --> 1:51:31.040 the future. And you know, thanks, thanks again for your time, man, 1:51:31.120 --> 1:51:34.280 Thanks for thanks for chat with us. I'm sure I'm 1:51:34.320 --> 1:51:35.920 sure a lot of people will listen to this and 1:51:36.720 --> 1:51:41.599 you know, gain some form of camaraderie if they themselves 1:51:41.680 --> 1:51:46.240 feel like they're not doing so hot. Is there anything 1:51:46.280 --> 1:51:47.720 else you want to say to the people of the 1:51:47.800 --> 1:51:48.720 computer before we go? 1:51:50.320 --> 1:51:53.760 Just keep going. You know you got it. Even if 1:51:53.840 --> 1:51:56.320 you can't see it. There's light at the end of 1:51:56.360 --> 1:51:59.760 the tunnel. You'll get through it. Just because you can't 1:51:59.760 --> 1:52:02.479 see it now, it doesn't even it's not there. You 1:52:02.560 --> 1:52:04.479 know that. That's probably the biggest thing. And I know 1:52:04.600 --> 1:52:07.600 it's hard to see it when you're in it, but 1:52:07.760 --> 1:52:10.720 you just keep going. You just keep you just persevere, 1:52:11.240 --> 1:52:15.679 you know, like we're all gonna die anyway. You only 1:52:15.720 --> 1:52:18.839 get this one life, so like, just live it because 1:52:18.920 --> 1:52:21.240 then it's over, you know what I mean, Like you 1:52:21.439 --> 1:52:24.160 just live it like you got this one life, you 1:52:24.240 --> 1:52:27.519 got this one chance. It's gonna be over anyway, so 1:52:27.800 --> 1:52:28.240 just live it. 1:52:30.479 --> 1:52:32.560 Books gig, Thank you, Steve. I appreciate you. 1:52:32.640 --> 1:52:32.760 Man. 1:52:32.800 --> 1:52:35.439 You have the rest of the day you toobe books 1:52:35.960 --> 1:52:44.080 by Steve. What a what a What a phone call? Folks? 1:52:45.000 --> 1:52:47.519 What a phone call? Folks. I wasn't just blowing smoke 1:52:47.600 --> 1:52:49.439 up up Steve's ass. I really that was one of 1:52:49.520 --> 1:52:53.479 the my favorite episodes of the show I think I've recorded. 1:52:53.520 --> 1:52:56.720 I mean, he was you know, he had such an 1:52:57.800 --> 1:53:05.200 amazing story and he told it so well, and it's 1:53:05.320 --> 1:53:10.439 just wild, man. I mean, twelve fucking years of of 1:53:10.560 --> 1:53:17.320 hopping trains and you know, dealing with like fucking family 1:53:17.479 --> 1:53:25.639 shit and then uh, it's really it's beautiful to hear 1:53:25.720 --> 1:53:28.240 about someone like going out and breaking the cycle and 1:53:28.360 --> 1:53:31.920 trying to like be the father that they didn't have. 1:53:32.240 --> 1:53:34.240 Like I think that's so I think that's so cool, 1:53:35.200 --> 1:53:37.120 you know, I think that's so cool because it's so 1:53:38.400 --> 1:53:43.720 easy to let life smack you around and mold you 1:53:43.880 --> 1:53:51.280 into something, and just to to talk to someone who 1:53:51.400 --> 1:53:55.240 who through sheer like force of fucking will, right, Like 1:53:55.520 --> 1:53:58.760 I don't I always wonder, I always there's so much 1:53:58.880 --> 1:54:02.919 that shapes us as people that's out of our fucking control. 1:54:03.960 --> 1:54:06.120 You know, there's so much that shapes this as people 1:54:06.160 --> 1:54:11.200 that's out of our fucking control, Like who our parents are, weird, 1:54:13.200 --> 1:54:16.880 neurological synaps, firing, whatever, the fuck shit that I don't 1:54:16.880 --> 1:54:23.760 know about, environment, time, random chance, whatever. There's so much 1:54:23.920 --> 1:54:27.599 that's beyond us that like shapes who we are. 1:54:28.320 --> 1:54:28.840 And then. 1:54:30.360 --> 1:54:33.080 You know, I hear a story like Steve's and it's 1:54:33.200 --> 1:54:36.840 like and and little shit about it where he's like, yeah, 1:54:36.920 --> 1:54:39.760 fucking guy offered me crack and I wanted to try 1:54:39.840 --> 1:54:43.320 it and this guy was like, I'm not gonna give 1:54:43.360 --> 1:54:45.960 you your first hit of crack, and like that just 1:54:46.280 --> 1:54:49.560 you know, saved his ass. And you know, everyone around 1:54:49.600 --> 1:54:53.720 him was drinking and he wasn't into drinking, and is 1:54:54.200 --> 1:54:57.280 you know, dad was shitty to him and he ended 1:54:57.360 --> 1:55:00.400 up being a good dad regardless, and like, bro, just 1:55:00.480 --> 1:55:06.120 the story of a guy just like encountering every pitfall 1:55:06.800 --> 1:55:11.320 that was possible to knock him down and still like 1:55:14.000 --> 1:55:19.120 creating a beautiful life for himself. It's cool. It makes 1:55:19.280 --> 1:55:26.200 me question my often deterministic viewpoint about life and and 1:55:27.320 --> 1:55:29.600 lean more heavily into the idea that we have free 1:55:29.680 --> 1:55:34.120 will over who we want to become and not letting 1:55:34.360 --> 1:55:38.640 the ship that happens to us or the world we 1:55:38.720 --> 1:55:42.920 live in or whatever like shape us permanently. It's cool. 1:55:42.920 --> 1:55:47.080 It's an inspiring story. I appreciate I appreciate you staring 1:55:47.080 --> 1:55:54.360 at sharing it. Steve once again, Yeah, what is it again? Trip? 1:55:54.880 --> 1:55:59.920 I wrote it down trip Trap tramp Trash a GMI 1:56:00.240 --> 1:56:03.720 dot com. I don't know. Sometimes I like the idea 1:56:03.800 --> 1:56:05.680 that you know, I mean, we had We've had a 1:56:05.720 --> 1:56:11.120 few callers on this podcast that uh wires have crossed 1:56:11.680 --> 1:56:17.880 somehow by people listening to it, and uh, cool things happen. 1:56:18.000 --> 1:56:20.880 So I like, I like throwing it. I like throwing 1:56:20.920 --> 1:56:27.600 it out there for that to happen. Anyway. Uh, this 1:56:27.720 --> 1:56:30.560 has been the the Therapy Gecko podcast. Thank you all 1:56:30.680 --> 1:56:33.240 very much for listening. This was This was great. 1:56:33.520 --> 1:56:33.640 Uh. 1:56:34.160 --> 1:56:36.200 If you enjoyed this episode, share it with your friends. 1:56:36.960 --> 1:56:38.600 I'd like, I'd like people to hear this. I think 1:56:38.640 --> 1:56:40.240 this is a really cool story. I think this is 1:56:40.280 --> 1:56:42.720 a good uh you know, I mean I've been doing 1:56:42.920 --> 1:56:44.560 I've been doing this like two episodes a week for 1:56:44.680 --> 1:56:48.120 five years, and sometimes I'm like, are we out of 1:56:48.160 --> 1:56:52.200 stories and then something comes, something comes by the desk 1:56:53.200 --> 1:56:56.640 and I'm like, oh shit, you know, uh this this 1:56:57.040 --> 1:57:00.960 this thing keeps uh given and given interesting stuff. So, 1:57:02.400 --> 1:57:05.680 you know, I'm proud to be doing this show. I'm 1:57:05.760 --> 1:57:11.440 honored to have you guys listening to it. And anything else. 1:57:11.480 --> 1:57:12.760 I don't know if I have anything else to say. 1:57:13.600 --> 1:57:17.600 I think that's it, all right, Thank you all for 1:57:17.720 --> 1:57:22.800 listening gek bless see you around the universe. Hello, folks, 1:57:23.080 --> 1:57:26.360 it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But 1:57:26.560 --> 1:57:31.560 get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, 1:57:31.760 --> 1:57:36.040 an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can 1:57:36.120 --> 1:57:40.000 listen to. By becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko 1:57:40.400 --> 1:57:45.200 over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers 1:57:45.240 --> 1:57:48.480 get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad 1:57:48.720 --> 1:57:52.280 free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings 1:57:52.320 --> 1:57:55.680 from my live shows, members only streams, and they help 1:57:55.760 --> 1:57:59.520 support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's 1:57:59.520 --> 1:58:03.880 a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. So 1:58:04.720 --> 1:58:10.160 you have these uh bass gastric distress as you call it, 1:58:12.680 --> 1:58:14.880 and it says here that this causes you to shit 1:58:14.920 --> 1:58:17.880 your pants. Uh in several inopportune situations. 1:58:18.440 --> 1:58:21.400 Yeah, I went to a I went to a show, 1:58:21.840 --> 1:58:26.280 and I, uh, I ship myself right before we went 1:58:26.360 --> 1:58:28.760 into the show. I just to give some context, I 1:58:28.960 --> 1:58:32.000 ate a cheeseburger, and at the time I didn't know, 1:58:32.160 --> 1:58:32.680 but now I know. 1:58:32.840 --> 1:58:36.120 I'm lactose intolerant. It's kind of embarrassing, but I kind 1:58:36.120 --> 1:58:37.840 of tell it to my friends with a funny story. 1:58:37.920 --> 1:58:41.080 The mouse sagure it on here. I'm kind of like, 1:58:41.200 --> 1:58:43.400 dam like, it's kind of fucked up. 1:58:44.720 --> 1:58:46.600 No, I think it's pretty funny. If you want to 1:58:46.640 --> 1:58:49.040 hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become 1:58:49.080 --> 1:58:53.360 a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, 1:58:54.080 --> 1:58:57.600 or find the link in the episode description that's therapy 1:58:57.720 --> 1:59:02.560 Gecko dot supercast dot All right, I have nothing else 1:59:02.680 --> 1:59:03.040 to say. 1:59:04.240 --> 1:59:07.680 There. Repeat goes on the line, taking your phone calls 1:59:07.760 --> 1:59:08.360 every night. 1:59:08.680 --> 1:59:10.600 The repink Can goes doing his ride. 1:59:10.720 --> 1:59:12.840 He's teaching you aloud in the middle of your life, 1:59:13.200 --> 1:59:15.400 but he's not really an expert.