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Speaker 1: It's time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you

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Speaker 1: need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more, please

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Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

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Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're going to read

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Speaker 1: this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Nephew's subject I should tell him before marriage.

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a twenty nine year old engaged woman,

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Speaker 1: but my husband doesn't know. I have a big secret.

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Speaker 1: We've been dating for almost seven years, and before we met,

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Speaker 1: I slept with two of his brothers in his fraternity.

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Speaker 2: God it was.

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Speaker 1: Graduation night and we had a house party and things

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Speaker 1: got wild in the bathroom with two of my girlfriends

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Speaker 1: and the two guys. There were five of us, so

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Speaker 1: it wasn't like I'm meant to sleep with his return

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Speaker 1: ternity brothers. My boyfriend was at this party too, but

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Speaker 1: he had no idea where I was. We were all

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Speaker 1: so wasted that we could not remember all the details

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Speaker 1: to tell anyone about it. A few months after that happened,

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend told me that he cheated on me with

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Speaker 1: someone I knew, and I was very hurt, but I

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Speaker 1: could not break up with him because I knew what

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Speaker 1: I had done to him. I let it go and

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Speaker 1: we moved in with each other and have been together

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Speaker 1: for years. Just a week ago, I ran into one

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Speaker 1: of the guys that I had sex with, and he

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Speaker 1: was joking about that wild night we had in the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: He said, it is amazing that I got a good

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Speaker 1: man like my fiance. I told him what we did

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Speaker 1: was once in a lifetime. It was a once in

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Speaker 1: a lifetime thing when I was younger, and I haven't

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Speaker 1: done anything like that since then. He made me feel

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Speaker 1: nasty by the way he looked at me. He said,

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Speaker 1: he's planning to come to our wedding. I want to

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Speaker 1: tell my fiance how crazy the guy talked to me,

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Speaker 1: but I can't because I have to tell I'd have

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Speaker 1: to tell the whole story. I decided to tell my

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Speaker 1: fiance that I was so wasted that all I remember

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Speaker 1: was going to the bathroom and guys were in there.

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Speaker 1: But he'll want to know what guys were in there.

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Speaker 1: When I tell him, do I have to tell everything? Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: once you started, I mean he's going to be asking

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Speaker 1: you questions and all of that. It's going to open

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Speaker 1: the door and it's going to all come to light

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Speaker 1: if you start that it was a long time ago

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Speaker 1: and you were very young. Okay, you said you don't

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Speaker 1: remember everything that happened that night. It's not an excuse.

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Speaker 1: It's just that everyone when they're young does really really

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Speaker 1: stupid stuff, especially when alcohol is involved. And you do

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Speaker 1: know there's a double standard, and your man will judge

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Speaker 1: you not only because of what you did, but who

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Speaker 1: you did. His frat brothers are off limits. But what's

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Speaker 1: done is done now and that's that. However, you are

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Speaker 1: under no obligation to tell him about your past. I

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Speaker 1: mean the passage is that the past, and you can't

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Speaker 1: change what happened. So don't dwell on it. Don't tell him.

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Speaker 1: Ask yourself, what is telling him gonna do? What is

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Speaker 1: that gonna do? If you do tell him, be prepared

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Speaker 1: that he's gonna be mad and he might leave you

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Speaker 1: because he can't deal with the fact that the guys

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Speaker 1: you were with were his fraternity brothers.

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Speaker 2: Steve, all right, this is a real simple letter. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how I can take a long time with this.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how I can draw this out into

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Speaker 2: two breaks, because this is not a two break letter.

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Speaker 2: You are twenty nine years old back in college. You

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Speaker 2: were twenty twenty one graduation night. You was in the bathroom,

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Speaker 2: you and two of your girlfriends and two guys at

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Speaker 2: a party. Some guy out of hand. All y'all had sex.

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Speaker 2: Your boyfriend was at the party. Two It just so

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Speaker 2: happened that two of the dudes that was in the

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Speaker 2: bathroom was his frat brothers. Horrible judgment, just a bad judgment. Call.

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Speaker 2: You just made a poor decision that night. Prisons are

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Speaker 2: full of good people who made bad decision, full of man.

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Speaker 2: There's some great dudes and women sitting in prisons all

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Speaker 2: over this country that made a bad decision. You made

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Speaker 2: a bad decision, w'ch twenty nine years old, and now

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Speaker 2: you're marrying the guy who was at the party. But

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Speaker 2: what happened is you run up into the guy you

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Speaker 2: had sex with, and now he looking at you crazy,

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Speaker 2: made you feel nasty, talk to you a little bit crazy.

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Speaker 2: Now you say you want to go tell your boyfriend

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Speaker 2: about this secret. Now you didn't tell him in the beginning,

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Speaker 2: because he ended up telling you he cheated with one

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Speaker 2: of your friends, a girl you knew, and you was

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Speaker 2: hurt by it, but you didn't want to. You let

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Speaker 2: it go because you knew what you had did to him.

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Speaker 2: Now rose had reversed. You're about to get married. This

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Speaker 2: frat brother told you he coming to the wedding. He

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Speaker 2: can't believe you got a good guy like that. You

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Speaker 2: told him it was a once in a life time thing.

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Speaker 2: And now we at what the letter is about. I

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Speaker 2: decided to tell my fiance that I was so wasted

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Speaker 2: that all our men was going to the bathroom and

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Speaker 2: guys were in there. But he'll want to know what

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Speaker 2: guys were in there when I tell him, do I

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Speaker 2: have to tell him everything? I have one word for you,

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Speaker 2: Why come on? Why? Why why are you talking about this?

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Speaker 2: So what you ran up into that dude. That's what

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Speaker 2: I'm telling you right now that.

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Speaker 3: Y'all lying, Lying is so important.

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Speaker 2: Lying. I can't stress to you how important it is

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Speaker 2: to lie. All is truth at all costs is the

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Speaker 2: most ignorant ass thing you could say.

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Speaker 1: The truth doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: Though, truth does not matter. The truth is oval rating.

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Speaker 2: It is overrated. If you told him the truth about

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Speaker 2: that night, whack. And now, do you know what happens

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Speaker 2: after you do that? No, you don't know what's gonna happen.

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Speaker 2: But do you want Uncle Steve to tell you what

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Speaker 2: could potentially happen if you say this to this man

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Speaker 2: on I'll tell you when we come back.

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Speaker 1: Save that. Okay, we'll have part two of Steve's response

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Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter, subject I should tell him before marriage. We'll

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Speaker 1: get back into it right after.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you're listening, Morning show.

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Speaker 1: All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject I should tell him before marriage.

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Speaker 2: Twenty nine year old woman about to get married. Been

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Speaker 2: living with a boyfriend a few years now. They was

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Speaker 2: dating in college. On graduation night, she went into a

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Speaker 2: bathroom and two of her girlfriends, two of his frat brothers,

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Speaker 2: was in there. They all had sex together. The thing

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Speaker 2: of it was, he was at the party two that night,

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Speaker 2: her boyfriend downstairs, on stairs somewhere like that. Fast forward.

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Speaker 2: Years later, he admitted to her that he cheated on

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Speaker 2: her with a girl. She knew she was hurt, but

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Speaker 2: she didn't. She let it go and let it slide

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Speaker 2: because she realizes what she had did to him on

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Speaker 2: graduation night. Okay, I four and I tip for attack.

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Speaker 2: Got it done over with. Years later, right before the

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Speaker 2: marriages had about to happen, she runs into one of

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Speaker 2: the guys that was in the bathroom, who is also

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Speaker 2: her fiance's frat brother. He said, reminded her that wild

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Speaker 2: night and can't believe she got such a good guy

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Speaker 2: like this and was talking to her crazy, looking at

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Speaker 2: her like she was nasty where you was all y'all

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Speaker 2: was nasty in that bathroom. It was nasty up in there.

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Speaker 2: It was five of y'all in there, So something nasty happened.

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Speaker 2: You have decided, for some ungodly reason, that you want

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Speaker 2: to now tell your fiance that you got wasted one

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Speaker 2: night and was in that bathroom and some other people

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Speaker 2: was in there. But you don't want to tell him everything.

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Speaker 2: But suppose he wants to know more? Do I tell

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Speaker 2: him everything? My one word question for you is why

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Speaker 2: why would you do that? Why would you open your

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Speaker 2: damn mouth? Why let's go to what's wrong with that?

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Speaker 2: Why would you tell the truth. Let's just explore it

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Speaker 2: from the woman angle who always wants to know every

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Speaker 2: damn thing. See y'all want to see y'all. I always

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Speaker 2: want to know every damn thing. But then you, your

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Speaker 2: dumb ass, wanna tell every damn thing. Shut show damn mouth.

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Speaker 2: This ain't the time for truth. He ain't suspected nothing.

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Speaker 2: He didn't bust you. They aint went to him and say,

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Speaker 2: hey man, we got something to tell you. Ain't none

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Speaker 2: of that happened. You have been forgiven. Move on. Now

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Speaker 2: you gonna go in here and tell him. I was

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Speaker 2: in the bathroom with two of your friends on graduation,

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Speaker 2: and then they ain't got out here. And then we

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Speaker 2: all him and five of us in there and we

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Speaker 2: had sex, and that was there. They will be there.

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to stop because it was good, and

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Speaker 2: they were a while we was graduating, so I was

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Speaker 2: celebrating in there. Your friend brother Hall, he was all

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Speaker 2: over me. He just kept on. And then I saw

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Speaker 2: Hale and he told me about the little girl. What

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Speaker 2: you did that bad judgment night as a young woman.

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Speaker 2: You a grown woman. Now shut your damn mouth. I

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Speaker 2: keep telling you all about this truth over rate it.

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Speaker 2: It ain't the time for you. There are times when

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Speaker 2: lies are absolutely necessary. Now if now, and I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: tell you how you could lie. If the frat brother

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Speaker 2: went to his frat brother and say, hey, man, I

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Speaker 2: can't let you do this. I had your girl that night.

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Speaker 2: We was in the bathroom. Guess what you say. I

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Speaker 2: wasn't in no damn bathroom. Okay, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Get hear me bring I wasn't in no damn bathroom

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Speaker 2: with you. You like, I promise you I'll be in there.

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Speaker 2: I know that's right. And you ain't even got to

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Speaker 2: lie because guess what all you got to do is

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Speaker 2: not bring it up right. This is not being deceitful.

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Speaker 2: This is called forgiveness. That's what it is. This is

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Speaker 2: called grace. Let me tell you something, young lady. I

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Speaker 2: can assure you that all of us have done something

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Speaker 2: that God has allowed us to slide on. Thank you Lord.

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Speaker 2: All all of us donedone something that we hope would

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Speaker 2: never get out there, and it just didn't get out

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Speaker 2: especially those of us who lived in the time before

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Speaker 2: social media and phone camels. I can't tell you how

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Speaker 2: grateful I am to God that the seventies and eighties

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Speaker 2: and nineties and early two thousands. No proof that run

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Speaker 2: I made from seventy seven to two thousand and five

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Speaker 2: was epic. Oh what my Space wasn't even out then?

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Speaker 2: The Hall King tour is undocumented. Thank you Jesus. Now, wow,

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Speaker 2: would I take my family and sit them down and say,

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Speaker 2: let me tell you I can't live like this. I'm

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Speaker 2: fin to tell you everything. Man, my kids, let me

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Speaker 2: tell you so my kids will leave me, not my

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Speaker 2: kids would leave me, Daddy? What my grandkids are quick

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Speaker 2: calling me? Paupaul? Hang it out to man, Lady lady,

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Speaker 2: don't open your mouth. It's okay. And trust me, everybody

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Speaker 2: listening has done something that God has given them some

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Speaker 2: grace for and just let it slide. Eat that alone,

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Speaker 2: all right?

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Speaker 1: Your comment? Thank you Steve on Today's Strawberry Letter. On

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Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook, It's Steve Harvey FM. And check us

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Speaker 1: out on the Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app.

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Speaker 1: Coming up next it is Junior and Sports Talk. Right

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Speaker 1: after this, you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show