Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: This week's Thursday Therapy. We've got Roseanne Austin. She's got
Speaker 1: a book coming out in August, The Feminine Fertility Cure,
Speaker 1: which is discover your innate power to have a baby,
Speaker 1: regardless of age, diagnosis, or scary statistics. Let's get her on.
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 2: I am fantastic. I have to admit little starstruck.
Speaker 1: Oh you're so sweet. I'm so happy to have you
Speaker 1: on because I feel like this is, you know, a
Speaker 1: topic that is relatable to a lot of women out there,
Speaker 1: and it is June is infertility Awareness month. So I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm very happy to have you on.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad to be here. It's quite an honor.
Speaker 1: Oh you're sweet. So you live in Austin, Yeah? Or no, No,
Speaker 1: you live Woodlands, Texas?
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, just outside of Houston.
Speaker 1: So we'll just hop right into it. But do you
Speaker 1: have one child?
Speaker 2: Yes, he's my miracle boy. He's turning seven this month.
Speaker 1: Okay, so that was kind of my first question was
Speaker 1: you know, did you have trouble conceiving which is why
Speaker 1: you you know, have this book coming out?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, yes, woman necessity is the mother of invention,
Speaker 2: and that's how all of this started.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what was your journey like to having your son?
Speaker 2: So this all started back when I was a prosecutor
Speaker 2: in California, So I prosecuted domestic violence and sexual assault
Speaker 2: cases for a very long time. And when my husband
Speaker 2: and I met, and he was in law enforcement as well,
Speaker 2: we were already in our mid thirties and so this I,
Speaker 2: you know, heard through the grapevine that it was going
Speaker 2: to be harder for me to have a baby because
Speaker 2: I was quote unquote old. I don't know where exactly
Speaker 2: I picked that up, but that was the idea going
Speaker 2: into it, like, hurry up, we got to do this,
Speaker 2: you know, fast, before I'm over the hill, right and
Speaker 2: very quickly. I mean I had no idea what to expect, Jannam,
Speaker 2: because I entered a world that I was not prepared for. So, yes,
Speaker 2: I could pass the California bar, Yes I was prosecuting
Speaker 2: serious violent felonies, but I had no idea what the
Speaker 2: world of fertility was going to be like. Because the
Speaker 2: minute we started trying, like I had seen my doctor
Speaker 2: before just letting her know, hey, this is what I'm
Speaker 2: about to embark on you know, what should I be
Speaker 2: prepared for. I didn't get that much information other than
Speaker 2: start a prenatal but that was the beginning of a
Speaker 2: seven year journey to my son. So we were trying,
Speaker 2: like we tried naturally for six months and then we're
Speaker 2: scared out of our wits because you know, of our
Speaker 2: age and everything.
Speaker 1: We were hearing how old again were you at that time?
Speaker 2: So around that time, I was about thirty seven, and
Speaker 2: it was crazy because everything we were hearing is hey,
Speaker 2: the door is closing, you better hurry up. So then
Speaker 2: we started going to fertility clinics. I mean we spared
Speaker 2: no expense. I was trying every treatment, diet, lotion, potion
Speaker 2: I get get my hands on, and nothing was working.
Speaker 2: And we were traveling hundreds of miles a week. I
Speaker 2: was going to a top ten teaching hospital in northern California,
Speaker 2: like seeking antsers. Nobody could tell us anything except, you know,
Speaker 2: point to our age, and I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 2: You know, I'm otherwise healthy, you know, have a reasonably
Speaker 2: good diet, but nothing was working. So I had to
Speaker 2: get to a point where I was like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: a trial attorney. I solve problems. I strategized, I said,
Speaker 2: what isn't clean in all of this? Because I wasn't
Speaker 2: letting dairy or gluten sugar, anything cross my lips. I
Speaker 2: was if you told me, Jane, that's standing on my
Speaker 2: head would get me pregnant. I did exactly that. Okay,
Speaker 2: I was a very good student. But what I didn't
Speaker 2: understand is I wasn't leveraging the most powerful asset I had,
Speaker 2: and that was my mind, my belief system, because I
Speaker 2: was going into every single one of our treatments expecting
Speaker 2: to fail and expecting you know, I felt shame. I
Speaker 2: felt guilt, Like here I am, I'm accomplished in these
Speaker 2: external ways and I can't do a biological basic of
Speaker 2: having a baby. And it hit me. I'm like, I
Speaker 2: can't look at all this stress I'm creating, Like I'm
Speaker 2: terrified that my husband's going to leave me and find
Speaker 2: somebody younger, who's more fertile. I'm hiding this big secret
Speaker 2: from my colleagues because in the office that I was in,
Speaker 2: you couldn't talk about trying to conceive because you might
Speaker 2: not get the best cases or you might lose your assignment.
Speaker 2: You've been working so hard for that's a whole nother conversation.
Speaker 2: But I just felt so much pressure to make this happen,
Speaker 2: that I was creating this insane stress. And it doesn't
Speaker 2: surprise me today when I look back on it all
Speaker 2: these years later that I wasn't getting pregnant. So what
Speaker 2: I did was I immediately began working on cleaning up the
Speaker 2: way that I thought, so that, I mean, that's what
Speaker 2: mindset is, is what you think and what you believe.
Speaker 2: And I had to change my belief about myself, belief
Speaker 2: about my what possible for me on this journey. And
Speaker 2: the end result was, I mean, none of our treatments worked,
Speaker 2: but I became more fertile in my forties because I
Speaker 2: had my son when I was almost forty four, Jenna,
Speaker 2: So I was technically more fertile in my forties than
Speaker 2: I was in my thirties by cleaning up what was
Speaker 2: going on in my mind.
Speaker 1: So I love the idea of that, right, and and
Speaker 1: that's a that it's amazing. And I do think you
Speaker 1: know the power of positivity and the power of you know,
Speaker 1: thinking positive thoughts, and there's also many women that still
Speaker 1: have infertility issues. You know, it's like just because you
Speaker 1: think positive doesn't mean Okay, you know my friend who's
Speaker 1: who's been having miscarriage after miscarriage, like you know, she's
Speaker 1: the most positive person there is, and like you know,
Speaker 1: she's like I'm going to put it out to the
Speaker 1: universe that I'm going to do it. So it's like,
Speaker 1: so I get that and I love that. And the
Speaker 1: same time, it's like the woman that's probably like had
Speaker 1: her you know, tenth miscarriage listening being like I've been positive,
Speaker 1: you know, like give me something else, you know, Like
Speaker 1: I know it's changing the thought, but also it is
Speaker 1: like we lose our certain amount of eggs when we
Speaker 1: get to you know, the certain age, Like what do
Speaker 1: you you know? I don't know. I guess I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the question is in that. It's more
Speaker 1: just like a do you see what I'm saying?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, let's talk about that because when I when
Speaker 2: I come from the perspective that mindset isn't just positive thinking.
Speaker 2: Positive thinking is not enough. It's absolutely not enough. It's
Speaker 2: a way you think. So I look at it this
Speaker 2: way thoughts, beliefs, actions, results, It's logical and it's linear.
Speaker 2: So I mean I've worked with women who have had
Speaker 2: ten miscarriages, like that's that Those are the women that
Speaker 2: come to me. So I women typically come to me
Speaker 2: when they're well into their journey, and it's not like
Speaker 2: positive thinking like Okay, I'm not going to have a
Speaker 2: miscarriage again. What I'm talking about when we're talking about
Speaker 2: a fertile mindset is a way of strategic thinking, because
Speaker 2: you can be positive all day, but if that doesn't
Speaker 2: change the behavior, or you get stuck in a story
Speaker 2: of self pity, or you get stuck in a story
Speaker 2: that I'm not enough or this is never going to
Speaker 2: happen for me, that is going to directly impact the
Speaker 2: action you take. So my heart goes out to your
Speaker 2: friend that had ten miscarriages. I mean, it's a blessing
Speaker 2: that she's still in the game at this point, right,
Speaker 2: But if you have a history that way that includes
Speaker 2: that kind of devastating loss, then you have you're at
Speaker 2: a kind of a turning point. Do you use that
Speaker 2: to stop or do you use that to propel you forward?
Speaker 2: And my work is about helping women propel themselves forward
Speaker 2: because I have women that I've worked with that have
Speaker 2: had similar histories that are now holding babies today. And
Speaker 2: I assure you it's not because they just thought positive.
Speaker 2: It's because they allowed their history to work for them
Speaker 2: and seek different solutions and allow themselves to say, look,
Speaker 2: if I have this desire, it must be meant for me.
Speaker 2: There will be a way. If there is a desire,
Speaker 2: there must be a way. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah? That tracks more. I get, like that makes sense
Speaker 1: to me. Through your journey, what diet did do you
Speaker 1: think helped with your fertility?
Speaker 2: You know? Funny enough, I call it the joy diet
Speaker 2: because I was trying every diet. I did, gluten free,
Speaker 2: dairy free, all of these things. But what really made
Speaker 2: a difference for me, quite honestly, was enjoying my life
Speaker 2: and to stop agonizing over every single detail. Now, obviously
Speaker 2: that's going to be different for someone that actually has
Speaker 2: a diagnosis of a food allergy or food sensitivity, Like
Speaker 2: then great, observe that, but at the same time, like
Speaker 2: allow yourself to have some joy in that process. So
Speaker 2: that's a mindset shift to be able to say, oh, I,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm restricted from having dairy. It's shifting that
Speaker 2: into saying, oh, I want to have a baby. So
Speaker 2: what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna avoid dairy for
Speaker 2: this period of time. It's less about deprivation and more
Speaker 2: about a decision to be in alignment with what's going
Speaker 2: to help bring this baby in.
Speaker 1: How do you because I get asked this question, you know,
Speaker 1: you know even when someone I just someone else recently,
Speaker 1: I know, just had a miscarriage, and I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: it's hard because I've been there, like I've had I've
Speaker 1: had my multiple miscarriages, but I've also i also have
Speaker 1: three healthy children, and so it's easy for me, like
Speaker 1: I don't even sometimes know what to say because I'm like,
Speaker 1: it'll in my mind, i just think it'll happen for
Speaker 1: our everyone, you know, if it's if that's God's plan
Speaker 1: and that's what's supposed to happen, but I don't. But again,
Speaker 1: it's it's easy for me to say because I've got
Speaker 1: I have my rainbow babies. I have had the chance
Speaker 1: of having a baby at forty and so it's like,
Speaker 1: what do you say to the girl that has no kids,
Speaker 1: that has had miscarriages, that has lost the hope Because
Speaker 1: it's like, again, it's easy for me to say, like
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen, You're gonna have your rainbow baby. Well,
Speaker 1: actually I don't know that. I don't know if she's
Speaker 1: got you know, some infertility that is, or the sperm
Speaker 1: or whatever, like I don't, I don't know. But that's
Speaker 1: like all that I know what to say, and then
Speaker 1: I just pray and hope for that person to have
Speaker 1: the baby, because that's you know, in their heart they
Speaker 1: want a family. So like, what do you say to
Speaker 1: that person?
Speaker 2: So I don't. I I typically will ask what do
Speaker 2: you need to hear right now? Because I don't like
Speaker 2: to assume and and I mean, I have my son
Speaker 2: is a rainbow baby too, so I know that devastation
Speaker 2: of the loss. And I like to come from the
Speaker 2: perspective that women know exactly what they need and holding
Speaker 2: space and giving permission for that woman to be heard
Speaker 2: and say, hey, what do you need to hear right now?
Speaker 2: I want to be here with you in this moment.
Speaker 2: How can I be there for you? What do you
Speaker 2: need to hear? And to allow her to express that,
Speaker 2: because that's what I write about in my new book,
Speaker 2: The Feminine Fertility Cure, is we get so stuck in
Speaker 2: these very masculine measures of success Jannet, that we use
Speaker 2: numbers against us. Right, So, like a woman who has
Speaker 2: ten miscarriages that you know that may sound devastating to her,
Speaker 2: like there's no hope, but I promise you on a
Speaker 2: planet of almost eight billion people, there's a woman that
Speaker 2: had eleven and is now holding a baby. Right, So
Speaker 2: there's always and there's always space for hope and expectation.
Speaker 2: But I think the number one thing is to allow
Speaker 2: a woman to express and not to be afraid. We
Speaker 2: don't have to know exactly what to say. I think
Speaker 2: the better thing is to ask the question.
Speaker 1: Right, No, that makes sense, but what do you do
Speaker 1: for the person that like is having that Because I feel,
Speaker 1: as we all know, stress affects the body. It's so
Speaker 1: much easier again, easier said than done, being like, don't
Speaker 1: stress about it, it's going to happen. But the problem
Speaker 1: is is you've got like one week window a month
Speaker 1: to get pregnant, and so that stress is it's like,
Speaker 1: even if you're like trying not to be stressed out,
Speaker 1: it's stressful because in that then you're stressing about what
Speaker 1: the test is going to look like, you know, and
Speaker 1: then then oh my gosh, now we're starting over, and
Speaker 1: then get a plan those times to make sure you
Speaker 1: know it works for everybody. So I mean, how do
Speaker 1: you how do you take away the stress when when
Speaker 1: that's what you you know, when you're stressed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't think it's so much taking away
Speaker 2: the stress than it is learning how to manage it
Speaker 2: in a completely different way. So this is why I
Speaker 2: was talking about getting out of masculine measures of success
Speaker 2: because most of us and I coach women that are
Speaker 2: lovably type A control freaky professionals, physicians, lawyers, teachers, nurses,
Speaker 2: you name it, and we're typically focused on a very
Speaker 2: linear result. But as you well know from your own
Speaker 2: life and you have three beautiful children, that the process
Speaker 2: of getting there is not exactly linear, and we kind
Speaker 2: of expect an immediate result. So one of the things
Speaker 2: that I really encourage women to do to at least
Speaker 2: bring the stress down to a manageable point so they
Speaker 2: can use it to their advantage is to be able
Speaker 2: to say, look, just because this isn't happening right now,
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it won't. Okay. That's the number one thing,
Speaker 2: because when we're in the middle of it, it's like chaos.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So the first thing is is, hey, what's happening is real. Okay,
Speaker 2: it didn't happen this month, but that doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 2: I mean, I had eighty four negative tests before I
Speaker 2: had a positive one, so that's a long time and
Speaker 2: that's a lot of negative tests. And none of those
Speaker 2: previous tests meant that my son wasn't coming, not one
Speaker 2: of them. So the other thing is we also get
Speaker 2: really wrapped up in statistics, and I really encourage women
Speaker 2: across the board just take the statistics as one piece
Speaker 2: of data, not as a verdict, not at all. It's
Speaker 2: a piece of data, it's not all of it. And
Speaker 2: that also can dramatically drop the amount of stress, because
Speaker 2: once a woman hears you've got a ten percent chance like,
Speaker 2: it's you know, full on distraction at that point. And
Speaker 2: then the other thing is, you know, we get really
Speaker 2: worried about our age, like time passing and the window
Speaker 2: is narrowing. And the reality is is women in their
Speaker 2: forties are having babies. I mean, women in their forties
Speaker 2: are leading the charge right now, according to the most
Speaker 2: recent census state.
Speaker 1: Which is interesting because the percentage I remember looking this
Speaker 1: up after thirty seven, fertility begins to reduce rapidly and
Speaker 1: at age forty, your chances conceiving are just over twenty percent,
Speaker 1: so it's the worst odds for getting pregnant. But I
Speaker 1: mean look at us, we both you know, my due
Speaker 1: date was on my fortieth birthday, so yeah, but yet
Speaker 1: we were geriatric thirty five on which I think is
Speaker 1: that is so unfair to women that that's where labeled
Speaker 1: that at thirty five years old.
Speaker 2: It's lunacy. It's absolute lunacy. I mean, just this last
Speaker 2: Saturday in my coaching program, there is a forty eight
Speaker 2: year old woman that announced her natural pregnancy. So my
Speaker 2: reality from the trenches from seeing these women, I mean,
Speaker 2: women are getting pregnant in their forties all the time.
Speaker 1: M h.
Speaker 2: And it's it's incredible. So, I mean, this is why
Speaker 2: it's so important that when women are looking to take
Speaker 2: the stress out is so let's look at the full
Speaker 2: constellation of facts, right, not just the scary ones but
Speaker 2: the ones which tend to be a little harder to find.
Speaker 2: But they are out there, and there's living proof everywhere
Speaker 2: that women are having healthy, wonderful babies. They're having enjoyable
Speaker 2: pregnancies well into their forties and beyond. Sure, So you know, yes,
Speaker 2: it's painful. Yes, it's scary, but if you start taking
Speaker 2: control of your thought process and say, Okay, this is true.
Speaker 2: I'm struggling right now, but I also know that I
Speaker 2: can look at this differently. Right, two things can be
Speaker 2: true at the same time. Jan And this is what
Speaker 2: I'm yelling at my ladies all the time. Yes, you
Speaker 2: could be struggling with fertility, and you can know it's
Speaker 2: possible for you. Like, in ten years of doing this work,
Speaker 2: I have not seen a single woman who was absolutely
Speaker 2: committed to all opening all possible doors to being a
Speaker 2: mom not end up with a baby in her arms.
Speaker 2: Now exactly how she gets there, that's God's will, Okay, sure,
Speaker 2: but she will get there. And so I think when
Speaker 2: women tuck that into their back pocket as they move
Speaker 2: through their day, like focus on finding the good stories.
Speaker 2: The bad ones and the scary ones are so easy
Speaker 2: to find, but make a commitment to look for the good.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent agree with that. And I also, you know,
Speaker 1: just thinking back on it too, there's I it makes
Speaker 1: me sad. I understand why it's expensive, but it makes
Speaker 1: me sad how expensive IVF is. I mean, I was
Speaker 1: fortunate to do it twice, but it's a very expensive option,
Speaker 1: and you know, some people can't afford that. A lot
Speaker 1: of people can't afford that. So it's I just wish
Speaker 1: it was more accessible to people that were struggling with
Speaker 1: infertility to be able to have have those options, because
Speaker 1: it's just it feels like a very closed door without
Speaker 1: that option at times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that there are a lot of
Speaker 2: clinics that are looking at creative and interesting ways to
Speaker 2: fund those things, and I think, you know, people are
Speaker 2: opening up. I mean, it's also a shift in priority,
Speaker 2: isn't it, Like you know, we don't have a problem
Speaker 2: dropping I mean, you know, looking at the price of
Speaker 2: SUVs these days, like people don't have a problem dropping
Speaker 2: fifty six ground on an SUV, brand new suv. And
Speaker 2: I think it's a shift in our priorities. And people
Speaker 2: drop hundreds of thousands of dollars into an education, some
Speaker 2: they don't use right, So it's like I think that
Speaker 2: it's a culture shift as well into looking at how
Speaker 2: we treat our families and family building, making that okay,
Speaker 2: taking some of the shame out of that, you know,
Speaker 2: encouraging people to be resourceful work with their clinics, ask
Speaker 2: their clinics for help, right, because there are so many
Speaker 2: clinics out there that are willing to consider that.
Speaker 1: Right. What do you want your biggest takeaway to be
Speaker 1: with your book?
Speaker 2: I want women to allow themselves to trust that if
Speaker 2: they have the desire in their heart to be a mom,
Speaker 2: that it was meant for them, that everything can change
Speaker 2: on their journey if they allow themselves to really lean
Speaker 2: into that belief, I honestly believe that they'll become more resourceful,
Speaker 2: they'll see opportunities everywhere and to trust themselves. You know,
Speaker 2: getting pregnant having a baby is one of the most
Speaker 2: incredibly feminine things we will ever experience as women. It's
Speaker 2: a beautiful thing, and it's difficult to do that when
Speaker 2: we're stuck, you know, trying to conceive like men. And
Speaker 2: I know that makes that's kind of a funny statement,
Speaker 2: but it's something that we say, you know, are you
Speaker 2: trying to get pregnant like a man? Allow yourself to
Speaker 2: have this feminine experience by getting in touch with your femininity,
Speaker 2: taking some of the pressure off, allowing yourself to rest
Speaker 2: and to ask the people around you for what your
Speaker 2: needs are so that you can get that support and
Speaker 2: I see this time and again, Janna, that the more
Speaker 2: women lean into their femininity, this is not about gender roles,
Speaker 2: it's about feminine masculine energy. But they allow themselves to receive.
Speaker 2: They drop the shame, they drop the competition, that they
Speaker 2: allow miracles to happen in their lives.
Speaker 1: And that's my.
Speaker 2: Prayer for them.
Speaker 1: And that's what your fertility superpower is.
Speaker 2: Well, right, absolutely, absolutely, it's like if we just allow ourselves.
Speaker 2: And this was hard for me. Look, I mean as
Speaker 2: a prosecutor, it was hardcore in my masculine right, like
Speaker 2: constant do do do Well.
Speaker 1: You're surrounded by dudes too, so you had to kind
Speaker 1: of I'm sure you had to put on a very
Speaker 1: strong exterior.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I really want to encourage women to like say,
Speaker 2: you know, look, because if having babies and being having
Speaker 2: these feminine experiences were pass you wouldn't have women in
Speaker 2: their forties scrambling to do it. Sure, it's part of
Speaker 2: who we are naturally. So I think encouraging women to
Speaker 2: trust themselves at a higher level, lean into their faith
Speaker 2: and allow people to support them, like it's incredible.
Speaker 1: What can happen for the woman that feels like she's
Speaker 1: not a woman that because I remember that's how I
Speaker 1: felt when I miscarried so many times. It was like,
Speaker 1: I'm how do I even call myself a woman? Like
Speaker 1: I can't even have a baby. I can't you know,
Speaker 1: I'm broken. I'm the one to blame I killed my baby,
Speaker 1: you know, like because I had a you know, a
Speaker 1: you know, a hemorrhage or whatever it was. What do
Speaker 1: you say to that woman?
Speaker 2: The number one thing is, let's let's dial that back
Speaker 2: a little bit, sister. Let's have some compassion, because no
Speaker 2: woman would ever wish that experience on another, the devastation
Speaker 2: and the heartbreak, and it's one of those things where
Speaker 2: instead of completely crucifying yourself, you've got to have some compassion.
Speaker 2: I mean. That's another aspect of femininity that I talk
Speaker 2: about in the book, is like, we have to relearn compassion, Janna,
Speaker 2: because we've made making mistakes or having our bodies do
Speaker 2: things that we hadn't expected, like in a miscarriage or
Speaker 2: you know, I've worked with women who have late losses,
Speaker 2: like very late losses, and it's our first instinct is
Speaker 2: to blame, I mean, which is part of the grieving process.
Speaker 2: But we've got to make room for more compassion. And
Speaker 2: you know, I think the impulse is to tell a woman, oh,
Speaker 2: that's not true and all this. You know, we have
Speaker 2: to respect where she's at in her grief process, but
Speaker 2: when she's ready, is to remind her that she's a
Speaker 2: good person. There's no way she would ever consciously create
Speaker 2: that and remind her that she deserves compassion and forgiveness
Speaker 2: of herself, her body and things like that. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's the first place I would go, is compassion.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I am so thankful that you came on
Speaker 1: the podcast to talk about your book that's coming on August,
Speaker 1: The Feminine Fertility Cure. Thank you for everything you do.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of women that will not only love
Speaker 1: this book, but get a lot of tips and hopefully
Speaker 1: have their rainbow babies. So thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming on the show.
Speaker 2: And thank you Jana. Thank you for bringing this topic
Speaker 2: to light and using your platform to do so much good.
Speaker 1: So thank you, No, thank you, girl. I appreciate you.