WEBVTT - Whine About It: Maybe Baby 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:05.400 Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:09.680 This week's Thursday Therapy. We've got Roseanne Austin. She's got 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:12.840 a book coming out in August, The Feminine Fertility Cure, 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:15.640 which is discover your innate power to have a baby, 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:20.319 regardless of age, diagnosis, or scary statistics. Let's get her on. 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:22.160 How are you? 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:27.640 I am fantastic. I have to admit little starstruck. 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:33.320 Oh you're so sweet. I'm so happy to have you 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.000 on because I feel like this is, you know, a 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:41.800 topic that is relatable to a lot of women out there, 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:47.000 and it is June is infertility Awareness month. So I'm 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:48.599 just I'm very happy to have you on. 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:50.960 I'm so glad to be here. It's quite an honor. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:54.040 Oh you're sweet. So you live in Austin, Yeah? Or no, No, 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:55.440 you live Woodlands, Texas? 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:57.880 Yes, yes, just outside of Houston. 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.520 So we'll just hop right into it. But do you 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:02.400 have one child? 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:06.320 Yes, he's my miracle boy. He's turning seven this month. 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:08.679 Okay, so that was kind of my first question was 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:11.720 you know, did you have trouble conceiving which is why 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:13.760 you you know, have this book coming out? 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:18.360 Oh? Yes, yes, woman necessity is the mother of invention, 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:20.200 and that's how all of this started. 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:24.160 Yeah, so what was your journey like to having your son? 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:27.880 So this all started back when I was a prosecutor 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:32.520 in California, So I prosecuted domestic violence and sexual assault 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.760 cases for a very long time. And when my husband 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:38.800 and I met, and he was in law enforcement as well, 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.959 we were already in our mid thirties and so this I, 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:45.920 you know, heard through the grapevine that it was going 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:47.760 to be harder for me to have a baby because 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:50.160 I was quote unquote old. I don't know where exactly 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:53.760 I picked that up, but that was the idea going 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:55.680 into it, like, hurry up, we got to do this, 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:59.800 you know, fast, before I'm over the hill, right and 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:04.080 very quickly. I mean I had no idea what to expect, Jannam, 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.600 because I entered a world that I was not prepared for. So, yes, 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.760 I could pass the California bar, Yes I was prosecuting 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:14.000 serious violent felonies, but I had no idea what the 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:17.079 world of fertility was going to be like. Because the 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:19.840 minute we started trying, like I had seen my doctor 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:22.280 before just letting her know, hey, this is what I'm 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.560 about to embark on you know, what should I be 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:27.600 prepared for. I didn't get that much information other than 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.280 start a prenatal but that was the beginning of a 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:34.680 seven year journey to my son. So we were trying, 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.160 like we tried naturally for six months and then we're 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.040 scared out of our wits because you know, of our 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:41.280 age and everything. 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:43.680 We were hearing how old again were you at that time? 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:47.200 So around that time, I was about thirty seven, and 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:50.040 it was crazy because everything we were hearing is hey, 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:53.320 the door is closing, you better hurry up. So then 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.800 we started going to fertility clinics. I mean we spared 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:59.200 no expense. I was trying every treatment, diet, lotion, potion 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.640 I get get my hands on, and nothing was working. 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.240 And we were traveling hundreds of miles a week. I 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.880 was going to a top ten teaching hospital in northern California, 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:14.400 like seeking antsers. Nobody could tell us anything except, you know, 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:16.880 point to our age, and I was like, what's going on? 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:20.079 You know, I'm otherwise healthy, you know, have a reasonably 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:23.320 good diet, but nothing was working. So I had to 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:25.120 get to a point where I was like, Okay, I'm 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:29.920 a trial attorney. I solve problems. I strategized, I said, 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:33.480 what isn't clean in all of this? Because I wasn't 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.720 letting dairy or gluten sugar, anything cross my lips. I 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:39.280 was if you told me, Jane, that's standing on my 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:42.120 head would get me pregnant. I did exactly that. Okay, 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:44.840 I was a very good student. But what I didn't 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:48.800 understand is I wasn't leveraging the most powerful asset I had, 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:52.040 and that was my mind, my belief system, because I 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.400 was going into every single one of our treatments expecting 0:03:55.440 --> 0:04:00.520 to fail and expecting you know, I felt shame. I 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.960 felt guilt, Like here I am, I'm accomplished in these 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:07.280 external ways and I can't do a biological basic of 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.560 having a baby. And it hit me. I'm like, I 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:13.880 can't look at all this stress I'm creating, Like I'm 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:16.080 terrified that my husband's going to leave me and find 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:20.480 somebody younger, who's more fertile. I'm hiding this big secret 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.880 from my colleagues because in the office that I was in, 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:26.560 you couldn't talk about trying to conceive because you might 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:29.680 not get the best cases or you might lose your assignment. 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:32.360 You've been working so hard for that's a whole nother conversation. 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:36.320 But I just felt so much pressure to make this happen, 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:40.640 that I was creating this insane stress. And it doesn't 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:43.400 surprise me today when I look back on it all 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:46.520 these years later that I wasn't getting pregnant. So what 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:50.640 I did was I immediately began working on cleaning up the 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:52.480 way that I thought, so that, I mean, that's what 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.719 mindset is, is what you think and what you believe. 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:58.440 And I had to change my belief about myself, belief 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:02.520 about my what possible for me on this journey. And 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:05.640 the end result was, I mean, none of our treatments worked, 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:08.440 but I became more fertile in my forties because I 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.640 had my son when I was almost forty four, Jenna, 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:14.400 So I was technically more fertile in my forties than 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.000 I was in my thirties by cleaning up what was 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:18.000 going on in my mind. 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:21.880 So I love the idea of that, right, and and 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:24.600 that's a that it's amazing. And I do think you 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:28.320 know the power of positivity and the power of you know, 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:34.320 thinking positive thoughts, and there's also many women that still 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:37.400 have infertility issues. You know, it's like just because you 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:41.200 think positive doesn't mean Okay, you know my friend who's 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:45.239 who's been having miscarriage after miscarriage, like you know, she's 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.800 the most positive person there is, and like you know, 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:49.320 she's like I'm going to put it out to the 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:50.839 universe that I'm going to do it. So it's like, 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:54.039 so I get that and I love that. And the 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:56.920 same time, it's like the woman that's probably like had 0:05:56.920 --> 0:06:01.080 her you know, tenth miscarriage listening being like I've been positive, 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:03.320 you know, like give me something else, you know, Like 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:08.440 I know it's changing the thought, but also it is 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:10.960 like we lose our certain amount of eggs when we 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:15.599 get to you know, the certain age, Like what do 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.560 you you know? I don't know. I guess I don't 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:20.320 even know what the question is in that. It's more 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:23.039 just like a do you see what I'm saying? 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:25.320 Yeah, well, let's talk about that because when I when 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:28.360 I come from the perspective that mindset isn't just positive thinking. 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:31.760 Positive thinking is not enough. It's absolutely not enough. It's 0:06:31.760 --> 0:06:34.400 a way you think. So I look at it this 0:06:34.480 --> 0:06:39.200 way thoughts, beliefs, actions, results, It's logical and it's linear. 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:41.800 So I mean I've worked with women who have had 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:45.400 ten miscarriages, like that's that Those are the women that 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:47.600 come to me. So I women typically come to me 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:52.240 when they're well into their journey, and it's not like 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:54.520 positive thinking like Okay, I'm not going to have a 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:57.760 miscarriage again. What I'm talking about when we're talking about 0:06:57.760 --> 0:07:02.440 a fertile mindset is a way of strategic thinking, because 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:05.159 you can be positive all day, but if that doesn't 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:08.240 change the behavior, or you get stuck in a story 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:10.840 of self pity, or you get stuck in a story 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:12.600 that I'm not enough or this is never going to 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:15.600 happen for me, that is going to directly impact the 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:18.240 action you take. So my heart goes out to your 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:22.080 friend that had ten miscarriages. I mean, it's a blessing 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.640 that she's still in the game at this point, right, 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:30.720 But if you have a history that way that includes 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:34.720 that kind of devastating loss, then you have you're at 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.160 a kind of a turning point. Do you use that 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:42.160 to stop or do you use that to propel you forward? 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.760 And my work is about helping women propel themselves forward 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:48.120 because I have women that I've worked with that have 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.600 had similar histories that are now holding babies today. And 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:55.120 I assure you it's not because they just thought positive. 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:59.000 It's because they allowed their history to work for them 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:03.520 and seek different solutions and allow themselves to say, look, 0:08:04.000 --> 0:08:06.280 if I have this desire, it must be meant for me. 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:08.880 There will be a way. If there is a desire, 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:10.560 there must be a way. Does that make sense? 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.640 Yeah? That tracks more. I get, like that makes sense 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:18.840 to me. Through your journey, what diet did do you 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:21.560 think helped with your fertility? 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.760 You know? Funny enough, I call it the joy diet 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:29.239 because I was trying every diet. I did, gluten free, 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:33.360 dairy free, all of these things. But what really made 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:37.679 a difference for me, quite honestly, was enjoying my life 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:42.880 and to stop agonizing over every single detail. Now, obviously 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.080 that's going to be different for someone that actually has 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:49.280 a diagnosis of a food allergy or food sensitivity, Like 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:52.680 then great, observe that, but at the same time, like 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:55.559 allow yourself to have some joy in that process. So 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.480 that's a mindset shift to be able to say, oh, I, 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:04.600 you know, I'm restricted from having dairy. It's shifting that 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.400 into saying, oh, I want to have a baby. So 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:08.960 what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna avoid dairy for 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.559 this period of time. It's less about deprivation and more 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:16.560 about a decision to be in alignment with what's going 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:17.720 to help bring this baby in. 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:34.800 How do you because I get asked this question, you know, 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:39.920 you know even when someone I just someone else recently, 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:42.600 I know, just had a miscarriage, and I'm like, it's 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:44.959 it's hard because I've been there, like I've had I've 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:48.840 had my multiple miscarriages, but I've also i also have 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:54.680 three healthy children, and so it's easy for me, like 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.000 I don't even sometimes know what to say because I'm like, 0:09:57.120 --> 0:09:59.800 it'll in my mind, i just think it'll happen for 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.800 our everyone, you know, if it's if that's God's plan 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:07.000 and that's what's supposed to happen, but I don't. But again, 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:09.120 it's it's easy for me to say because I've got 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:12.040 I have my rainbow babies. I have had the chance 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:15.440 of having a baby at forty and so it's like, 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:17.640 what do you say to the girl that has no kids, 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:22.199 that has had miscarriages, that has lost the hope Because 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:24.599 it's like, again, it's easy for me to say, like 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:26.520 it's gonna happen, You're gonna have your rainbow baby. Well, 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.320 actually I don't know that. I don't know if she's 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:33.000 got you know, some infertility that is, or the sperm 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.040 or whatever, like I don't, I don't know. But that's 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:38.319 like all that I know what to say, and then 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.280 I just pray and hope for that person to have 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:43.559 the baby, because that's you know, in their heart they 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:45.200 want a family. So like, what do you say to 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:45.720 that person? 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:50.880 So I don't. I I typically will ask what do 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:53.200 you need to hear right now? Because I don't like 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:56.400 to assume and and I mean, I have my son 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:59.679 is a rainbow baby too, so I know that devastation 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:02.360 of the loss. And I like to come from the 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:06.559 perspective that women know exactly what they need and holding 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.679 space and giving permission for that woman to be heard 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:12.240 and say, hey, what do you need to hear right now? 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:15.120 I want to be here with you in this moment. 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:17.240 How can I be there for you? What do you 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:20.760 need to hear? And to allow her to express that, 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:24.679 because that's what I write about in my new book, 0:11:24.760 --> 0:11:29.000 The Feminine Fertility Cure, is we get so stuck in 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:33.800 these very masculine measures of success Jannet, that we use 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:37.400 numbers against us. Right, So, like a woman who has 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:42.760 ten miscarriages that you know that may sound devastating to her, 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:45.520 like there's no hope, but I promise you on a 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:48.040 planet of almost eight billion people, there's a woman that 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:51.120 had eleven and is now holding a baby. Right, So 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:56.040 there's always and there's always space for hope and expectation. 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.000 But I think the number one thing is to allow 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:01.160 a woman to express and not to be afraid. We 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.480 don't have to know exactly what to say. I think 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:05.040 the better thing is to ask the question. 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:09.440 Right, No, that makes sense, but what do you do 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:13.280 for the person that like is having that Because I feel, 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:17.120 as we all know, stress affects the body. It's so 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.840 much easier again, easier said than done, being like, don't 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.560 stress about it, it's going to happen. But the problem 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.280 is is you've got like one week window a month 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:28.240 to get pregnant, and so that stress is it's like, 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:31.320 even if you're like trying not to be stressed out, 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:34.040 it's stressful because in that then you're stressing about what 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:35.840 the test is going to look like, you know, and 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:37.960 then then oh my gosh, now we're starting over, and 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:40.600 then get a plan those times to make sure you 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:44.160 know it works for everybody. So I mean, how do 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.680 you how do you take away the stress when when 0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:48.840 that's what you you know, when you're stressed. 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.720 Yeah, so I don't think it's so much taking away 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:54.040 the stress than it is learning how to manage it 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.440 in a completely different way. So this is why I 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.880 was talking about getting out of masculine measures of success 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.319 because most of us and I coach women that are 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:07.960 lovably type A control freaky professionals, physicians, lawyers, teachers, nurses, 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:11.760 you name it, and we're typically focused on a very 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:15.040 linear result. But as you well know from your own 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:18.280 life and you have three beautiful children, that the process 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:22.760 of getting there is not exactly linear, and we kind 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:26.040 of expect an immediate result. So one of the things 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:28.439 that I really encourage women to do to at least 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:31.040 bring the stress down to a manageable point so they 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:33.000 can use it to their advantage is to be able 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.480 to say, look, just because this isn't happening right now, 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:39.960 doesn't mean that it won't. Okay. That's the number one thing, 0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:43.239 because when we're in the middle of it, it's like chaos. 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:44.200 Right. 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.920 So the first thing is is, hey, what's happening is real. Okay, 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:50.959 it didn't happen this month, but that doesn't mean anything. 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.560 I mean, I had eighty four negative tests before I 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.760 had a positive one, so that's a long time and 0:13:56.800 --> 0:13:59.440 that's a lot of negative tests. And none of those 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:02.520 previous tests meant that my son wasn't coming, not one 0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:06.160 of them. So the other thing is we also get 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.880 really wrapped up in statistics, and I really encourage women 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:14.000 across the board just take the statistics as one piece 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.480 of data, not as a verdict, not at all. It's 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:20.280 a piece of data, it's not all of it. And 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.440 that also can dramatically drop the amount of stress, because 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.080 once a woman hears you've got a ten percent chance like, 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:30.040 it's you know, full on distraction at that point. And 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.480 then the other thing is, you know, we get really 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:35.840 worried about our age, like time passing and the window 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.720 is narrowing. And the reality is is women in their 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:42.920 forties are having babies. I mean, women in their forties 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:45.440 are leading the charge right now, according to the most 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:46.720 recent census state. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.360 Which is interesting because the percentage I remember looking this 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:53.040 up after thirty seven, fertility begins to reduce rapidly and 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.640 at age forty, your chances conceiving are just over twenty percent, 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:00.600 so it's the worst odds for getting pregnant. But I 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.800 mean look at us, we both you know, my due 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.280 date was on my fortieth birthday, so yeah, but yet 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.480 we were geriatric thirty five on which I think is 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:15.600 that is so unfair to women that that's where labeled 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:17.480 that at thirty five years old. 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.760 It's lunacy. It's absolute lunacy. I mean, just this last 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:24.720 Saturday in my coaching program, there is a forty eight 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:28.520 year old woman that announced her natural pregnancy. So my 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:32.520 reality from the trenches from seeing these women, I mean, 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:35.160 women are getting pregnant in their forties all the time. 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:35.960 M h. 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:39.560 And it's it's incredible. So, I mean, this is why 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.280 it's so important that when women are looking to take 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.400 the stress out is so let's look at the full 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.920 constellation of facts, right, not just the scary ones but 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.920 the ones which tend to be a little harder to find. 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:57.200 But they are out there, and there's living proof everywhere 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:01.840 that women are having healthy, wonderful babies. They're having enjoyable 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:07.600 pregnancies well into their forties and beyond. Sure, So you know, yes, 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.760 it's painful. Yes, it's scary, but if you start taking 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:14.080 control of your thought process and say, Okay, this is true. 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.080 I'm struggling right now, but I also know that I 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.840 can look at this differently. Right, two things can be 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:21.400 true at the same time. Jan And this is what 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:23.560 I'm yelling at my ladies all the time. Yes, you 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.120 could be struggling with fertility, and you can know it's 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:30.560 possible for you. Like, in ten years of doing this work, 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:34.520 I have not seen a single woman who was absolutely 0:16:34.520 --> 0:16:37.840 committed to all opening all possible doors to being a 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.080 mom not end up with a baby in her arms. 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:44.280 Now exactly how she gets there, that's God's will, Okay, sure, 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.280 but she will get there. And so I think when 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:49.880 women tuck that into their back pocket as they move 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:53.880 through their day, like focus on finding the good stories. 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.280 The bad ones and the scary ones are so easy 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.479 to find, but make a commitment to look for the good. 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.320 One hundred percent agree with that. And I also, you know, 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.920 just thinking back on it too, there's I it makes 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:08.760 me sad. I understand why it's expensive, but it makes 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.879 me sad how expensive IVF is. I mean, I was 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:16.400 fortunate to do it twice, but it's a very expensive option, 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:21.280 and you know, some people can't afford that. A lot 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.280 of people can't afford that. So it's I just wish 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.919 it was more accessible to people that were struggling with 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:33.080 infertility to be able to have have those options, because 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:36.439 it's just it feels like a very closed door without 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:37.639 that option at times. 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:40.480 Yeah, And I think that there are a lot of 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:44.080 clinics that are looking at creative and interesting ways to 0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.800 fund those things, and I think, you know, people are 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:51.080 opening up. I mean, it's also a shift in priority, 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:53.960 isn't it, Like you know, we don't have a problem 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:56.679 dropping I mean, you know, looking at the price of 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.320 SUVs these days, like people don't have a problem dropping 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:03.200 fifty six ground on an SUV, brand new suv. And 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.200 I think it's a shift in our priorities. And people 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:09.679 drop hundreds of thousands of dollars into an education, some 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:13.639 they don't use right, So it's like I think that 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:18.920 it's a culture shift as well into looking at how 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:22.919 we treat our families and family building, making that okay, 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:25.520 taking some of the shame out of that, you know, 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:29.200 encouraging people to be resourceful work with their clinics, ask 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.240 their clinics for help, right, because there are so many 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:34.159 clinics out there that are willing to consider that. 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:37.720 Right. What do you want your biggest takeaway to be 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:38.760 with your book? 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:44.520 I want women to allow themselves to trust that if 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:47.000 they have the desire in their heart to be a mom, 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:50.840 that it was meant for them, that everything can change 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:54.520 on their journey if they allow themselves to really lean 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:58.879 into that belief, I honestly believe that they'll become more resourceful, 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:03.520 they'll see opportunities everywhere and to trust themselves. You know, 0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:06.480 getting pregnant having a baby is one of the most 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:09.880 incredibly feminine things we will ever experience as women. It's 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:14.040 a beautiful thing, and it's difficult to do that when 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:17.720 we're stuck, you know, trying to conceive like men. And 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:19.760 I know that makes that's kind of a funny statement, 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.000 but it's something that we say, you know, are you 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:24.359 trying to get pregnant like a man? Allow yourself to 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:28.640 have this feminine experience by getting in touch with your femininity, 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:32.200 taking some of the pressure off, allowing yourself to rest 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:35.720 and to ask the people around you for what your 0:19:35.760 --> 0:19:39.120 needs are so that you can get that support and 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:41.520 I see this time and again, Janna, that the more 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:45.040 women lean into their femininity, this is not about gender roles, 0:19:45.040 --> 0:19:49.040 it's about feminine masculine energy. But they allow themselves to receive. 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.840 They drop the shame, they drop the competition, that they 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.560 allow miracles to happen in their lives. 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:56.520 And that's my. 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:57.160 Prayer for them. 0:19:57.640 --> 0:20:00.000 And that's what your fertility superpower is. 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:05.440 Well, right, absolutely, absolutely, it's like if we just allow ourselves. 0:20:05.440 --> 0:20:07.120 And this was hard for me. Look, I mean as 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:10.200 a prosecutor, it was hardcore in my masculine right, like 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:12.520 constant do do do Well. 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:14.560 You're surrounded by dudes too, so you had to kind 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:17.520 of I'm sure you had to put on a very 0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:19.520 strong exterior. 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:22.600 Yeah, And I really want to encourage women to like say, 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:26.359 you know, look, because if having babies and being having 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:30.680 these feminine experiences were pass you wouldn't have women in 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:33.639 their forties scrambling to do it. Sure, it's part of 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:36.800 who we are naturally. So I think encouraging women to 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:40.560 trust themselves at a higher level, lean into their faith 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:44.920 and allow people to support them, like it's incredible. 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:50.640 What can happen for the woman that feels like she's 0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:52.760 not a woman that because I remember that's how I 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:55.919 felt when I miscarried so many times. It was like, 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:58.080 I'm how do I even call myself a woman? Like 0:20:58.119 --> 0:21:00.119 I can't even have a baby. I can't you know, 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:03.639 I'm broken. I'm the one to blame I killed my baby, 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:07.480 you know, like because I had a you know, a 0:21:09.240 --> 0:21:12.879 you know, a hemorrhage or whatever it was. What do 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:13.879 you say to that woman? 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:17.560 The number one thing is, let's let's dial that back 0:21:17.600 --> 0:21:20.840 a little bit, sister. Let's have some compassion, because no 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:27.640 woman would ever wish that experience on another, the devastation 0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:31.800 and the heartbreak, and it's one of those things where 0:21:32.400 --> 0:21:37.520 instead of completely crucifying yourself, you've got to have some compassion. 0:21:37.600 --> 0:21:40.480 I mean. That's another aspect of femininity that I talk 0:21:40.520 --> 0:21:44.680 about in the book, is like, we have to relearn compassion, Janna, 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:48.960 because we've made making mistakes or having our bodies do 0:21:49.080 --> 0:21:52.399 things that we hadn't expected, like in a miscarriage or 0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:55.840