Speaker 1: I Suck At Dating with de Nungler and Jared Haven
Speaker 1: and I heard radio podcast Welcome everyone to Thursday special
Speaker 1: edition of Help I Suck at Dating, as we've been
Speaker 1: doing lately. I think we've been doing lately since I've
Speaker 1: been gone for so long. We've got some callers calling
Speaker 1: in with some dating issues for lack of a better word,
Speaker 1: that they need some help with, so we're here to
Speaker 1: help them. First caller is Emma, and I think she
Speaker 1: might be in the room with us now, I'm all
Speaker 1: right here. Hello, Hello, How are you good? Good? What's
Speaker 1: going on in Emma's world? Oh? Okay? Um? So I've
Speaker 1: been seeing a new guy for about two weeks um,
Speaker 1: and I don't like to text, like just to chat, um,
Speaker 1: Like I don't care to like just check in and
Speaker 1: see what the other person is up to during the
Speaker 1: day or vice versa. Um. And it's not that I
Speaker 1: don't care about them. I'm like fully present with the
Speaker 1: other person. I just like prefer to connect like in
Speaker 1: person basically, Like I hate having like a running text
Speaker 1: conversation all day. It's just like not my style. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I actually just like despise texting and I only
Speaker 1: want to do it for logistical reasons like making plans. So, um,
Speaker 1: I know open communication is like the answer here, but UM,
Speaker 1: I'm just struggling with how to how to phrase. It's
Speaker 1: like what exactly do I say, like, Hi, I like you,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to text you or anyone all
Speaker 1: day long? You know, I don't know. It just sounds rude,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to text you, but it's true.
Speaker 1: So I don't know. Are there any ideas on like
Speaker 1: how to tell a new partner how I feel about this.
Speaker 1: I remember I used to date a girl who is
Speaker 1: very similar to you never never texted during the day,
Speaker 1: and as someone who really enjoys texting, like I would
Speaker 1: rather text and be on the phone, it's stressed me
Speaker 1: the heck out. And I think up until I had
Speaker 1: the conversation from a thor about why she never texted
Speaker 1: during the day, I was just constantly stressed. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, you kind of nailed on the head. In
Speaker 1: my opinion, I think the best thing to do is
Speaker 1: just be like, listen, I'm not going to text you,
Speaker 1: and it's kind of like if you don't like it,
Speaker 1: tough cookies sort of thing. Um, But I think as
Speaker 1: long as you describe what's going on, that's most That's
Speaker 1: basically the most important thing in my opinion. Otherwise, like
Speaker 1: if you just keep being kind of vacant and not
Speaker 1: there when he's texting, I think it's just gonna lead
Speaker 1: to more stress for him. But I hope Jared maybe
Speaker 1: has a better answer than that, because I know that
Speaker 1: that's kind of the answer that you already knew was
Speaker 1: the one that I was going to say, Jared, what
Speaker 1: do you got? I would just say I'm a detext
Speaker 1: her and I don't text back and I am terrible
Speaker 1: at it. And then as long as you're showing him
Speaker 1: that you like him in real life and you're fine,
Speaker 1: just say hey you, I mean, there's I don't overthink it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I also don't I'm not a
Speaker 1: big texter like people sometimes text me. Remember somebody just
Speaker 1: texted me from work and I was like, hey, I
Speaker 1: saw so and so at the airport. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I didn't even respond. It took me hours to respond
Speaker 1: because I was like, what do I say? I literally
Speaker 1: responded cool. It's like, I don't understand why people sometimes
Speaker 1: feel like the need it's I I can't have a
Speaker 1: conversation over text. So I agree with you, but I'll
Speaker 1: tell you what though, I would weigh rather that than
Speaker 1: someone call me with nothing to say, because that's why
Speaker 1: I don't talk on the phone anymore, because people just
Speaker 1: call you and they're like hey, like how are you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm good, what's up? And they're like, oh, nothing,
Speaker 1: just want to talk. And that's my biggest fear I
Speaker 1: think in life. So just text me how are you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I don't pick up the phone anymore. And what
Speaker 1: does this help you at all? I'm sorry I have
Speaker 1: not does Yeah? Actually, I mean yeah, I just I
Speaker 1: don't like like the sort of slow drip of texting
Speaker 1: all day. Um, but yeah, I can see how it
Speaker 1: would be sort of like aggressive to like just call
Speaker 1: all the time. So yeah, I guess I just have to.
Speaker 1: Why don't you like texting so much? What's your beef
Speaker 1: with texting? I think it's just like it's sort of
Speaker 1: like a one ft in, one ft out kind of communication,
Speaker 1: and um, I kind of just like wanted to be
Speaker 1: like a real communicating, like real communication or nothing. I
Speaker 1: guess I don't know. I just feel like it's just
Speaker 1: like a little bit all day long. Just seems like, um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, not enough, or it's like distracting for
Speaker 1: no reason, kind of half in, half out, and I
Speaker 1: want to be like the whole. And that's probably why
Speaker 1: I like it so much, because I'm so flighty. So
Speaker 1: it's like noncommittal. I don't have to commit to a conversation,
Speaker 1: can just kind of like step in what I want
Speaker 1: to and step out when I want to. It's kind
Speaker 1: of you know, now that I'm talking about it sounds
Speaker 1: pretty nice. Um, but no, I can see why you'd
Speaker 1: want that. I think. Yeah, best thing you could possibly
Speaker 1: do is maybe call him and tell him and don't
Speaker 1: text him and tell him, or just tell or just
Speaker 1: tell him in person. I guess one of the two.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, the most important thing,
Speaker 1: as you've kind of already mentioned, is just making that
Speaker 1: very clear to him, because otherwise he's just left in
Speaker 1: the dark wondering why he's not getting a text all
Speaker 1: day long or anything that makes sense. Yeah, that's all
Speaker 1: that's all I got. I hope that helps. Um, you
Speaker 1: can tell him listen to this podcast help a Second Dating,
Speaker 1: and he'll probably get the hint. Maybe eventually too. So
Speaker 1: I'll just tell him about this. But am I thank
Speaker 1: you for calling. We appreciate it. Best of luck, Thank you,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Hello Tess, welcome to the podcast. Thanks
Speaker 1: for having me. Oh yeah, what an honor. Thanks for
Speaker 1: joining us. What's going on? Oh, just trying to get
Speaker 1: through this monday? You know, yeah, I feel you. What's
Speaker 1: what's your dating woe for the week? Well, Um, I
Speaker 1: like this guy and I think he's I mean, he's
Speaker 1: kind of expressed interest in me. I guess you know,
Speaker 1: I've been flirting with me and stuff, and he recently
Speaker 1: asked me out. But I just noticed that he interacts
Speaker 1: with like a lot of girls, I guess, a lot
Speaker 1: of different women. And I went to social media and
Speaker 1: I see he kind of he follows a out of them. Um,
Speaker 1: And I mean I heard about his summer. I think
Speaker 1: he like was with multiple different women this summer. He
Speaker 1: was like in Europe, and he just likes a lot
Speaker 1: of bikini models and stuff. So it's not like he
Speaker 1: hasn't done anything for me to me like where I'm
Speaker 1: going to judge him about it. I guess he's not
Speaker 1: like he's not like gross or sleazy or anything. But um,
Speaker 1: I mean, I just don't know if these are like
Speaker 1: red flags or I mean, is he just like lady crazy?
Speaker 1: Like I don't know if that's something I should be
Speaker 1: concerned about. You know, I got a question for all
Speaker 1: these guys out there that like these bikini as models.
Speaker 1: For lack of a better way of saying it, photos,
Speaker 1: just lie. Just look at the picture. Why are you
Speaker 1: liking it? Why tap? Don't double tap? Are you think
Speaker 1: that you're gonna get her attention from this, that she's
Speaker 1: gonna see that Joe Blow liked this photo? I don't.
Speaker 1: It boggles my mind. I'm like all their profiles Republic
Speaker 1: if you want to look, just look. I I'll never
Speaker 1: I don't get it because honestly, what happened. This happened
Speaker 1: to um a friend of mine years ago, where her
Speaker 1: boyfriend at the time was liking these photos and it's like,
Speaker 1: I like, you have to have it be like, bro,
Speaker 1: why are you liking these girls photos? Like? What are
Speaker 1: you doing anyway? Uh So I disagree with you, Tessa.
Speaker 1: I think he has done something to you because it's
Speaker 1: always just weird, Like why you know, if you're seeing
Speaker 1: this guy, things are going well, It's like it's all
Speaker 1: public knowledge. He must know that people are seeing what
Speaker 1: he likes or doesn't or what he likes on social media.
Speaker 1: So uh, and then if he's had a you know,
Speaker 1: quite a summer that you know of how how do
Speaker 1: you know these things? By the way, I mean, he's
Speaker 1: like he's a friend of a friend, so I've I mean,
Speaker 1: I've met him several times. We just have never hung
Speaker 1: out before together. So and I mean, you know, so
Speaker 1: one or two he did take a make a few posts,
Speaker 1: like we had been following each other because we had
Speaker 1: met before. So I saw some girls and you know,
Speaker 1: Paris or something I don't even remember. But and then
Speaker 1: another friend I remember saying some stuff about him, just
Speaker 1: about some hookups the summer and stuff. So I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean he's cute. So like I get it, and
Speaker 1: I take advantage if you can, I guess, But like
Speaker 1: it doesn't make me feel super confident with him asking
Speaker 1: me out that he's like not just going to go
Speaker 1: onto the next you know, Yeah, I personally I think
Speaker 1: that it's totally okay to do what he's done, And
Speaker 1: it seems like you're kind of in the same thing
Speaker 1: to like, go have fun, go do what you gotta do. Um.
Speaker 1: I think it's up to you to really decide if
Speaker 1: it's something you're comfortable with, and if it's not, at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, then it's just maybe not
Speaker 1: worth dating someone like that because, uh, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: the philandering won't stop as much as you might want
Speaker 1: it to, especially in the early stages of relationship when
Speaker 1: things are ill defined, it can be a little dicey
Speaker 1: and tricky. So uh, I think at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, it's really just it. It comes down to
Speaker 1: you and whether or not it's something that you can
Speaker 1: a look past, because it would suck for you, guys,
Speaker 1: to get into a relationship and then you still have
Speaker 1: like any bearing of resentment towards him for you know,
Speaker 1: his scandalous summer in Europe. I guess which I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think you would do that, but you know,
Speaker 1: I know I know of some people that have like
Speaker 1: maybe held it over a person's head because of their past,
Speaker 1: and it's always like, come on, you, you guys don't
Speaker 1: even know each other then, you know, so, um, something
Speaker 1: to consider. But it sounds like it might be something
Speaker 1: that bothers you a little bit, And that's totally Okay,
Speaker 1: like it's not really your responsibility to tell him what
Speaker 1: he can and can't do. But if you are bothered
Speaker 1: by it, like maybe just uh just don't consider the
Speaker 1: option of dating him at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: That's that's kind what I think. Um, but if you
Speaker 1: can look past it and you do think he could change,
Speaker 1: then by all means, go for it. I mean I
Speaker 1: have some friends who kind of do that same thing,
Speaker 1: like the jets setting European traveling lifestyle, and um, I
Speaker 1: personally wouldn't want them to date my sister because it
Speaker 1: does seem like they're they're a little flighty and they
Speaker 1: you know, they love to do all that kind of
Speaker 1: stuff and it might not be out of their system yet.
Speaker 1: So maybe it just as something that uh, you have
Speaker 1: to make the decision for yourself there. I think, well,
Speaker 1: this is like maybe a for fun kind of a
Speaker 1: situation and not like a long term Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: know how many times do those fun situations turn on
Speaker 1: turn into uh, you know, maybe more long term stuff,
Speaker 1: So so you never know, want to feelings and then
Speaker 1: it's going to be like, well then you just just
Speaker 1: keep yourself protected a little bit, you know, don't dive
Speaker 1: all the way in. Just ease in, weide in and uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's you know, maybe just just play
Speaker 1: it slow and see what happens. Yeah, that's all I
Speaker 1: got for you. Or you or you could do the
Speaker 1: same thing he's doing and give him the option to
Speaker 1: like see it firsthand and uh, you know, give him
Speaker 1: a taste of his own medicine sort of thing. I guess. Yeah,
Speaker 1: start liking some Thunder from down Under photos. You know.
Speaker 1: I agree with Jared Man the liking thing. I see
Speaker 1: some of my friends like some of these pictures, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing, especially like after you
Speaker 1: go on on the Bachelor at the first time, and
Speaker 1: people like look at everything under a magnifying glass and
Speaker 1: I'll see like some of not you specifically, but like
Speaker 1: other of our friends, and I'm like, what a waste, Like,
Speaker 1: what a silly thing to be doing. You're really just
Speaker 1: setting yourself up for some scrutiny here. But um, none
Speaker 1: of that pertains to Test, I guess. So I'm sorry
Speaker 1: about to ramble well side track there, but Test, thanks
Speaker 1: for calling. I hope that helped. Best of luck with
Speaker 1: your Thank you, said her boyfriend. Yeah, how are you Terrence,
Speaker 1: I'm good. How are you guys doing good? We're doing good.
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling. What's going on? So guys? Um? I um,
Speaker 1: I've been working on myself a little bit. I have
Speaker 1: I have a decent amount of like hutzpah and guts
Speaker 1: to go up to women at bars and talk to them.
Speaker 1: And uh, at first, it's GE's good and when I
Speaker 1: when I go up there smiling and they're pretty forthcoming
Speaker 1: and welcoming and everything. Um. But then I noticed that
Speaker 1: I keep on asking really boring questions, like like I
Speaker 1: keep on asking what do you do for work? And
Speaker 1: I kind of see their eyes blaze over, and like
Speaker 1: I see their energy go down. And I cringe at
Speaker 1: the fact that I say it all the time. It's
Speaker 1: just I don't know what happens. I just it automatically.
Speaker 1: It automatically, it just comes out that way. Um. And
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm asking all the wrong questions,
Speaker 1: you know. I feel like I really can't connect with
Speaker 1: with with ladies. And I don't know. I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess my question is what can I ask a girl
Speaker 1: when I approached for the first time, and how can
Speaker 1: I kind of get her to be interested? Wait? Sorry, Terrence.
Speaker 1: I I spaced out a little bit there. You might
Speaker 1: have to repeat the question. I'm just kidding. Yes, sorry, man,
Speaker 1: it's um, I know, I'm just I'm just messing up there. Okay, okay, okay, Oh, Jared,
Speaker 1: you could answer that pretty well. I feel like you
Speaker 1: used to be pretty boring and then somehow you were
Speaker 1: able to land. Actually, so you must have kept her
Speaker 1: interest just enough, right, h Yeah, it's pretty much just
Speaker 1: not caring. Uh. Yeah, the less you care, the more
Speaker 1: they want you. Um. I don't know, man, there's no
Speaker 1: good questions. I mean, the biggest thing is, don't talk
Speaker 1: about the weather. Good God in heaven. I remember one
Speaker 1: guy in The Bachelor, and I won't say who it is,
Speaker 1: but I was talking to Kalin and she was like,
Speaker 1: I can't talk to him anymore. We only talk about
Speaker 1: the weather. Who is it? I got not saying it.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you all fair for uh. But it was
Speaker 1: like when she was admitting it to me, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh that's not good. Uh good for me honestly, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say, just be interested in what they have
Speaker 1: to say. I mean, whether it's about work or where
Speaker 1: they're about it their friends. Just be interested in what
Speaker 1: they're saying and bounce off the conversation. I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of people they just ask questions, to ask
Speaker 1: questions to get focus on the conversation, you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've had conversations with girls where you just talk about
Speaker 1: this stupid ish for hours, you know, because it's like
Speaker 1: you talk about one thing. It's kind of like this
Speaker 1: podcast with Diana and I where we talking about one
Speaker 1: thing and then this comes up, and then that it
Speaker 1: looks like, you know, you start playing pinball in your
Speaker 1: head a little bit and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: three hours goes by. So I wouldn't just don't focus
Speaker 1: on it too much. Just have a conversation. Relax. You've
Speaker 1: talked to hundreds thousands of people in your life. You
Speaker 1: know how to talk to people. I think the more
Speaker 1: you think about it, the worst it's going to get. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess that might be my problem right now. I
Speaker 1: kind of go in and I'm already just like, all right,
Speaker 1: let you screwed this up. So yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: that's positively. I read this book when I was nineteen
Speaker 1: years old. It's called The Game by Neil Strauss. Have
Speaker 1: you heard of this book I haven't. It is unequivocally
Speaker 1: the worst book ever written, but it was the first
Speaker 1: book I ever enjoyed reading as as a kid because it,
Speaker 1: like it tastes basically talks about like picking up girls. Um,
Speaker 1: now all of a sudden, Dean's life makes much more
Speaker 1: sense to me. It's very interesting, especially at that age. Uh, Terence,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you could use the help, but it
Speaker 1: does like help shed a light on certain things. And
Speaker 1: it's obviously a fiction book and it's all like ridiculously
Speaker 1: blown out of proportion and all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: so take it with a huge grain of sault, but
Speaker 1: it does help like like randomness, like Jared is saying,
Speaker 1: it's like super helpful. Uh. Spot in eighty I think
Speaker 1: is really important too. And just like I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I'm sure we've all had issues going up to
Speaker 1: a girl and having a conversation. Some girls simply just
Speaker 1: like aren't easy to have a conversation with. So maybe
Speaker 1: like don't get down on yourself about that specifically, Um
Speaker 1: like maybe if a girl, I can't imagine the number
Speaker 1: of dates that I've been on where I've been struggling
Speaker 1: for conversation, uh, which for me to struggle in conversation
Speaker 1: and is kind of insane to think about because I
Speaker 1: feel like I could just I could talk to a
Speaker 1: wall for the most part. Um, So some people just
Speaker 1: are harder to talk to. And I guess maybe the
Speaker 1: dynamic isn't there, so it's not entirely on you at all. Um,
Speaker 1: But yeah, there's just you know, like Jared said, there's
Speaker 1: there's many ways around it. I think you just got
Speaker 1: to find the right one that clicks with you. And
Speaker 1: it's what's kind of nice about it is once you
Speaker 1: do find that click, you'll realize how special it is
Speaker 1: and maybe it'll you know, be the only one that
Speaker 1: you need it for the rest of life. So cool, alright, cool, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great. Yeah, Yeah, hopefully that helps. Uh, maybe you
Speaker 1: just have a couple of extra shots next time too.
Speaker 1: That always helps loosen everyone up and let's a little better. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But Terence, thanks for calling and we are all right.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be it for the callers for this week. Um, Jared,
Speaker 1: thank you for letting Dawston actually join in as much
Speaker 1: as they did. There. He is right there, just in
Speaker 1: his little harness there he is cuty and the harness um,
Speaker 1: and again, thanks for filling in for me for all
Speaker 1: those three weeks. I love you. I appreciate you anytime,
Speaker 1: but I love you too bad for Uh, well, we're
Speaker 1: not we're not. We're signing off the podcast. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what. Oh I thought she wanted to say something
Speaker 1: of the podcast. No, it doesn't matter. Tune in next week.
Speaker 1: Were hopefully we all suck just a little less, including
Speaker 1: Ashley just constantly interrupting our podcast. You know, for someone
Speaker 1: that's co hosted to podcasts for like seven years, she's
Speaker 1: pretty funny with the interruption. Unbelievable. This is why we
Speaker 1: need to We need a podcast studio in the house
Speaker 1: that I can lock the door. Oh that's very nice. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like Jared said, thanks for tuning in this week. Be
Speaker 1: sure to tune in next week. We're maybe we suck
Speaker 1: just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: podcast