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Speaker 1: Who is more respectful of you in the future. Her

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Speaker 1: character flaws finally revealed themselves, and she was not a

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Speaker 1: great partner to you. I am sorry, and I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: that that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: I've been hiding my homelessness for my girlfriend and it's

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Speaker 2: getting hard.

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Speaker 3: It's getting hard.

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Speaker 1: It's probably been hard the whole time.

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Speaker 2: I'm eight seed mail and I'm dating my girlfriend who

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Speaker 2: just turned twenty. I've been in Foster Hare since I

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Speaker 2: was thirteen. I lucked out when I was younger. I

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Speaker 2: had some good homes, but the most recent one I

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Speaker 2: had was really bad. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: Icy Residence seven seven two, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the hour slash Okay

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Speaker 2: story Time. Supp run it and we'll read it. So

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Speaker 2: I've been homeless for one month now. It's been exhausting

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Speaker 2: hiding it for my girlfriend. And one of the jobs

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Speaker 2: I work is at a local martial arts gym in

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Speaker 2: my city, which I sneak back into at night because I.

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Speaker 3: Have keys for lock up.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that the owner knows that I'm sleeping

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Speaker 2: here because there are cameras. He hasn't said anything, though

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Speaker 2: sometimes he leaves me food. So I'm doing okay for

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Speaker 2: being homeless. I'm saving up and I'm trying to find

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Speaker 2: another job so I can make money faster and find

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Speaker 2: a place to live. I'm staying out of trouble. I

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Speaker 2: don't drink booze and I don't do substances. My girlfriend

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Speaker 2: lives in a university dorm with a roommate. She goes

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Speaker 2: to a prestigious school that she worked really hard to

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Speaker 2: get into. Tonight, she said I have sad eyes, and

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Speaker 2: she asked me if something was wrong. I wanted to

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Speaker 2: break down and tell her everything. Instead, I said I

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Speaker 2: was sleepy and hugged her, then made a joke, which

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Speaker 2: distracted her and changed the topic. I know in a

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Speaker 2: relationship you're supposed to be honest, but I guess I

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Speaker 2: have pride or something. All these years growing up, there

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Speaker 2: were so many times that I felt like I had

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Speaker 2: no dignity. So it's really hard for me to let

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Speaker 2: go of this pride or whatever you want to call it.

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Speaker 2: It's hard to explain. Besides, she can't really help me.

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Speaker 2: It would just be adding to her stress. So am

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Speaker 2: I the a hole for thinking that I can find

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Speaker 2: a place get settled? In and basically fix this problem

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Speaker 2: and then tell her I see these on TikTok all

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Speaker 2: the time, and I know what I'm asking is not

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Speaker 2: the same as wedding drama or marriage drama, but I

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Speaker 2: thought I would give it a shot. With this being

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Speaker 2: anonymous and all, I mean, there are some comments joyful

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Speaker 2: stitches ninety six is not the a hole, but it

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Speaker 2: sounds like you're focking yourself out of opening up to

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Speaker 2: her about this. She might not be able to fix everything,

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Speaker 2: but she can offer support. It sounds like you could

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Speaker 2: really use that right now, angry dresser says agreed. Also,

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Speaker 2: op I'm sorry I've been homeless myself, but this. You

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Speaker 2: don't deserve to be eighteen dealing with all this. No

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Speaker 2: one does. But you are just in a position that

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Speaker 2: I know many go through, but I wish no one experienced.

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Speaker 2: Opie says, I'm sorry you had to deal with homelessness too.

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Speaker 2: Deep down, I know I'm lucky for the circumstances I

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Speaker 2: do have, like the ability to crash my boss's jym.

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Speaker 2: It's a lot better than being in a shelter. Those

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Speaker 2: honestly scare me. Bbe four oh one for real, says

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Speaker 2: my now husband was living between friends' houses and a

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Speaker 2: direct provision center when we met. He is a very

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Speaker 2: proud man and was vague or wouldn't discuss where he

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Speaker 2: lived or allow me to drop him anywhere, and said

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Speaker 2: things like he was going to visit friends at night.

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Speaker 2: And he was always so upbeat and caring towards me

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Speaker 2: that it seemed like a small thing, so I didn't

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Speaker 2: push it. He's also a really hard worker and works

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Speaker 2: day and night. I initially worried that he didn't trust

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Speaker 2: me to see his house in case I turned stalker

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Speaker 2: or something. I thought, wait, with all the working hours,

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Speaker 2: maybe he had already had a family or something like that.

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Speaker 2: Except he added me on his social media and openly

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Speaker 2: walked around town with me, so that didn't make sense.

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Speaker 2: I totally didn't realize the things he must have been

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Speaker 2: going through till way later we had our own place,

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Speaker 2: and I accidentally saw an old document that he had

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Speaker 2: with the DP address as his address, and it all

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Speaker 2: made sense. How he is always helping people who he

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Speaker 2: meets to have a hard time, bringing friends and getting

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Speaker 2: them a couch to sleep on, et cetera. At the time,

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Speaker 2: he helped me with any problems I was having but

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Speaker 2: is very religious and used to tell me that he

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Speaker 2: shared his problems with God. And me, being in my

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Speaker 2: little happy self and spending time with him, it was

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Speaker 2: enough for me to do to help him back. From

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Speaker 2: the woman's perspective, I respect.

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Speaker 3: Him so much.

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Speaker 2: He didn't lie to me, but he kind of made

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Speaker 2: it clear what he did and didn't want to talk about.

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Speaker 2: And I respected and accepted that I have a good

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Speaker 2: job and my own money. But he always liked to

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Speaker 2: pay for things like if we got coffee, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: Things were probably very hard for him, but I'm glad

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Speaker 2: that I didn't push it and forced him to be

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Speaker 2: vulnerable with me about his fears and circumstances, because because

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Speaker 2: I know him, and that would have damaged his pride

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Speaker 2: in himself. Sorry for the long rambling reply. I suppose

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Speaker 2: what I'm trying to say is, once you don't make

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Speaker 2: her a question how you feel about her, it's okay

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Speaker 2: to struggle and be man and keep your pride in

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Speaker 2: her eyes. Yeah, I feel like it's definitely up to

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Speaker 2: you what you want to talk about, for sure. I

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Speaker 2: hate that that makes you feel like opening up about

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Speaker 2: that makes you feel less prideful. You know, because it's

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Speaker 2: not really your fault any of this, you know, but

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Speaker 2: it's like, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, it's the messaging we're giving her a lot of

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Speaker 1: our lives. It's like, you know, to be a provider.

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Speaker 1: And then it's like, well, if you can't provide yourself

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Speaker 1: with the basic still, you know, and then there's yeah,

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Speaker 1: people out there who are really shallow, and there are

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Speaker 1: people out there who would go, oh, all right, bye,

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Speaker 1: right brokie, like.

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Speaker 3: Right, stuff happens, it's horrible. So yeah, makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm sure that, like I mean, if she's

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Speaker 2: a good girlfriend, then hopefully she would still support you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, of course I should give my actual take along

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Speaker 1: with that. You should talk to your girl because you

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Speaker 1: would want to know either way if she was someone

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Speaker 1: who would just leave you.

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Speaker 3: Or if she's someone who would help you. So true,

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Speaker 3: you still have to just talk to her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean it's okay to like lean on

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Speaker 2: your girlfriend for support, you know, that's what they're there for. Mope,

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Speaker 2: your response to that comment this was really inspiring. I'm

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Speaker 2: really glad that you shared this with me. I actually

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Speaker 2: read it over two times because it made me feel

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Speaker 2: less bad about myself. I want to be that kind

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Speaker 2: of man one day. Like your husband, I try to

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Speaker 2: show up for my girlfriend and the few people in

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Speaker 2: my life, not as a burden, but someone that they

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Speaker 2: can rely on. Normally, I'm really good at presenting myself

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Speaker 2: a certain way, no matter what's happening to me. I

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Speaker 2: will go as far as to hide injuries, and I

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Speaker 2: think I have a really high pain tolerance.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 2: I'm always smiling and I like to focus on other people,

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Speaker 2: not myself. But lately I'm working a lot more, and

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Speaker 2: even though I have a place to sleep every night,

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Speaker 2: there's this stress that never leaves. So I guess I'm

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Speaker 2: not as convincing as I usually am because I'm too tired. Like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm saying right now. What was

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Speaker 2: the point I was trying to make. I need to sleep,

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Speaker 2: But you said quote He didn't lie to me, but

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Speaker 2: he kind of made it clear what he did and

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Speaker 2: didn't want to talk about, and I respected and accepted

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Speaker 2: that maybe I could try approaching it somehow, just like that.

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Speaker 2: So the consensus from the comments is that opia is

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Speaker 2: not the a whole.

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Speaker 1: Well, thank god they're not saying that the eighteen year

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Speaker 1: old the homeless boy is an a hole.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that thing I feel like, obviously this is

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Speaker 2: like a hard time for him right now. But like so,

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Speaker 2: you know, you probably don't have the time or the

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Speaker 2: mental space to address like you know, keeping things in,

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Speaker 2: But that might be something to think about later in

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Speaker 2: life and reflect on. You don't have to keep things

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Speaker 2: in and just be happy all the time for other people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, because that'll make you go insane.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you'll break down. But we do have an update, howdy.

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Speaker 2: I just wanted to come back and share that I

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Speaker 2: ended up confiding in my girlfriend about my homelessness. She

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Speaker 2: was devastated for me, but ultimately I'm really glad that

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Speaker 2: I pushed myself to tell her the truth. It was

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Speaker 2: really eating at me, and it was a huge relief

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Speaker 2: in itself to no longer be carrying that around On

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Speaker 2: top of everything else.

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Speaker 3: We're still together.

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Speaker 2: Also a huge relief my girlfriend is keeping my homelessness

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Speaker 2: a secret. One thing I haven't shared with her or

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Speaker 2: anyone really outside of you guys, is that I continue

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Speaker 2: to struggle with feelings of shame and inadequacy about the situation.

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Speaker 2: But I know those are more my internal dialogue and

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Speaker 2: not necessarily how others perceive me given that they don't

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Speaker 2: really know. I'm trying really hard to keep my head

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Speaker 2: up and maintain my self worth and convince myself that

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Speaker 2: I'm not trash. I also ended up telling the owner

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Speaker 2: of the gym that I've been crashing at what I've

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Speaker 2: been doing, as I suspected he knew about it, but

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Speaker 2: doesn't want to acknowledge it for insurance purposes. So essentially

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Speaker 2: this conversation didn't happen. He said that I can keep

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Speaker 2: doing it given that I find housing asap. I have

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Speaker 2: to move on to a new place to sleep if

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Speaker 2: I'm still homeless in a few weeks. There is a

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Speaker 2: little bit more into the story we have any final

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Speaker 2: thoughts before we move on.

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Speaker 1: Keeping secrets is a burden, and there's people who literally

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Speaker 1: like take stuff all the way to their deathbed and

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Speaker 1: then they'll be.

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Speaker 4: Like, h wait, this is one thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's like, yeah, get in front of it.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to have a secret your whole life

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Speaker 1: for you to keep, and you shouldn't. You know, I

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Speaker 1: have to keep this a secret from Yeah, your girlfriend

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Speaker 1: maybe not let it go on the first date, right.

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Speaker 2: Sure, but you know, Yeah, I think in general, like

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Speaker 2: if you're putting on this work in a being there

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Speaker 2: for other people, like you can let yourself lean on

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Speaker 2: them in exchange, you know, Like that's kind of the

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Speaker 2: give and take of friendships and girlfriends, people that are

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Speaker 2: close to you, like, you know, if you're there for them,

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Speaker 2: there for you, So take advantage of that. Maybe don't

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Speaker 2: take advantage of them, but like, you know, let yourself

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Speaker 2: relax a bit. Okay, there's a little bit more into

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Speaker 2: the story. So I've got two places pending that I

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Speaker 2: know are strongly considering me. I'd happily take either one.

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Speaker 2: Affordable housing here is really difficult to come by and

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Speaker 2: very competitive. There's a lot of interest per listing. I

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Speaker 2: started expanding my search area and this helped, although my

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Speaker 2: commute is going to be rough. Thanks again to everyone

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Speaker 2: who commented on my other post. Some more comments are

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Speaker 2: from race Walk. You have people in your life that

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Speaker 2: care about you. Keep your head up and you will

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Speaker 2: get through this. Cherry Snuggles says, absolutely. The support Op's

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Speaker 2: gotten proved that they're not alone this, even if it

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Speaker 2: feels like it. Sometimes owning the truth like that takes

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Speaker 2: serious strength, and it's clear that they've got people who

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Speaker 2: truly care one step at a time. They've got this.

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Speaker 2: Puns and Roses four twenty says, honestly, man, I'm so

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Speaker 2: sorry here that you're going through this, and I'm sending

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Speaker 2: you an air hug. Sometimes just being able to confide

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Speaker 2: in people about the awful things that happen can be

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Speaker 2: a source of relief and just help with relieving the

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Speaker 2: intense pressure and stress. If nothing else, and even if

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Speaker 2: the problems aren't fixed, being open about your situation is tough,

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Speaker 2: but for whatever it's worth, I'm honestly proud of you

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Speaker 2: for being brave enough to do it. Being eighteen in

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Speaker 2: the world is already hard enough. Having to face it

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Speaker 2: out of an unpleasant foster situation and with the stack

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Speaker 2: you've been given isn't fair or right. But I can

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Speaker 2: tell from what you've written that you've been fighting to

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Speaker 2: get to where you need to go. You'll get there.

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Speaker 2: You deserve to be happy and have a place to

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Speaker 2: call yours. You deserve to feel safe and get away

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Speaker 2: from the stress that you've been under. Op says, thank

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Speaker 2: you so much man, from the bottom of my heart,

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Speaker 2: I feel really glad that I posted here. I know

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Speaker 2: the we're all strangers but it's been so impactful for

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Speaker 2: me to read the comments. Thank you for taking time

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Speaker 2: to do that. It's hard to explain, but I needed

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Speaker 2: the boost that you gave me. It rewired how I

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Speaker 2: view myself for the better. And that's the story with

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Speaker 2: a lovely ending.

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Speaker 4: Zah, hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to

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Speaker 4: this episode, but a quick three minute break with Asthramur sponsors.

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Speaker 4: I think my girlfriend is cheating on me through her

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Speaker 4: Dungeons and Dragons game.

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Speaker 3: I guess she year old and nat one on deception.

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Speaker 4: I twenty seven male, have been going out with my girlfriend,

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Speaker 4: twenty five female for almost four years, and we've been

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Speaker 4: living together for a few months. She's funny and wonderful

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Speaker 4: and kind and honestly pretty much everything I've ever wanted

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Speaker 4: in a girl. She's also a bit of a D

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Speaker 4: and D type NERD, which I don't think is a

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Speaker 4: bad thing. It's good that she has her own friends

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Speaker 4: and hobbies. By the way, this comes from leaving questions

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Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay storytime separateding. So she tried

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Speaker 4: getting me into it, but I don't really get it.

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Speaker 4: She tried teaching me about Dungeons and Dragons, but there

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Speaker 4: were just too many weird rules in dice and I

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Speaker 4: just didn't see the fun in it.

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Speaker 3: That's a red flag. Maybe she's a bad teacher.

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Speaker 4: We tried playing boulders Gate three together, thinking that it

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Speaker 4: would be easier to get into for me and for

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Speaker 4: me to experience her world in a way, but I

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Speaker 4: got really bored, really fast, and at that point it

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Speaker 4: was better to let her do her own thing. We've

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Speaker 4: got plenty of other stuff that we do together, and

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Speaker 4: as I said, it's not a big deal for her

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Speaker 4: to have hobbies that don't include me, and she does

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Speaker 4: love her hobby, and she gets very excited about her

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Speaker 4: weekly games and sometimes tells me about the epic adventures

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Speaker 4: they gone, which admittedly sounds pretty fun secondhand, but is

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Speaker 4: not really fun for me. We live in a two

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Speaker 4: bedroom apartment, so we have a bedroom and a home

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Speaker 4: office that we share where our laptops are. Her Dungeons

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Speaker 4: and Dragons games are online and usually happen in the evening,

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Speaker 4: so I just hang out in the living room or

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Speaker 4: go out when she plays, so it's not too intrude.

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Speaker 4: But a few weeks ago, I noticed that she locks

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Speaker 4: the door when she plays interesting it.

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Speaker 5: Depends how intense the D and D sessions are.

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Speaker 4: I thought it was a little weird, because why would

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Speaker 4: you lock the door to play Dungeons and Dragons? And

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Speaker 4: it didn't sit right with me. So I did what

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Speaker 4: I now think might have been very sad and pathetic,

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Speaker 4: but I genuinely didn't know what else to do. The

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Speaker 4: last few weeks when she had her game, I sat

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Speaker 4: out in the hall by the door and I listened.

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Speaker 3: I understand that he's coming from a place of, you know, suspicion.

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Speaker 3: I do think we could have just been like, hey,

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Speaker 3: can I come listen to one of your games.

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Speaker 4: She uses headphone, so I could only really hear her

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Speaker 4: side of the game, and at first it was just

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Speaker 4: some stuff about rolling dice, joking around with her friends

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Speaker 4: and spells doing whatever. But I kept at it. I

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Speaker 4: sat there for four hours last week. She also said

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Speaker 4: that me sitting outside to listen in on our game

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Speaker 4: was a violation of her privacy and showed that he

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Speaker 4: didn't trust her, which was why she felt like she

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Speaker 4: needed to lock the door in the first place. I

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Speaker 4: apologize for that, but at the same time, I said

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Speaker 4: that me being wrong to Eavesdrop doesn't justify what she did,

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Speaker 4: to which she said she didn't do anything wrong. It

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Speaker 4: was just what the game was and it was just

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Speaker 4: a game. But that made me feel even worse. Maybe

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Speaker 4: I'm being whiny or misreading it, but she is the

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Speaker 4: first person that I was ever really vulnerable with like that,

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Speaker 4: and the way she spoke to me when she told

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Speaker 4: me how much she loved me, it was just so

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Speaker 4: similar to the way she spoke as her character that

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Speaker 4: it made me uncomfortable. It made me feel like something

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Speaker 4: was only mine and only for me was just being

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Speaker 4: given to someone else for a game, and it felt

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Speaker 4: like it cheapened it. Was she faking it with me?

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Speaker 4: Was she genuinely feeling that for another person. I don't

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Speaker 4: know what exactly it is that's bothering me, because technically

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Speaker 4: she's not wrong, But I don't care if she's technically

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Speaker 4: not cheating. I just feel like there are certain sides

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Speaker 4: of my girlfriend that should be reserved only for me,

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Speaker 4: shouldn't there. I couldn't really verbalize it to her, and

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Speaker 4: after a bunch of arguing back and forth, we just

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Speaker 4: went to bed, and for the past few days we've

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Speaker 4: been in this weird state of limbo where we're both

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Speaker 4: going on like nothing happened, but also there's clearly tension. Today,

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Speaker 4: I couldn't take it anymore and said that we needed

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Speaker 4: to talk about it. I said that I understood her

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Speaker 4: hobbies are important to her, but I am her boyfriend

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Speaker 4: and there should be certain things that are just for me.

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Speaker 4: I can't go on knowing that she's talking like that

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Speaker 4: to some other guy. So I told her that I

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Speaker 4: support her going on with the games, but I ask

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Speaker 4: that she no longer locks the door and no longer

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Speaker 4: do whatever romantic stuff that she does in game. Why

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Speaker 4: I even play?

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Speaker 3: Why even play?

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Speaker 4: She said, I didn't mind when she talked to me

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Speaker 4: at length about her romance with the Astereon guy in

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Speaker 4: Balder's Gate. I told her again that that's not the same.

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Speaker 4: I don't mind her playing at romance with a bunch

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Speaker 4: of pixels and being moved by fiction, but that her

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Speaker 4: D and D game isn't just fiction. It's her telling

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Speaker 4: those things to an actual person, and that bothers me,

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Speaker 4: so I want her to stop. She said I was

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Speaker 4: being possessive and controlling, and that I can't tell her

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Speaker 4: to not have hobbies or how to behave. I told

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Speaker 4: her that's true, but if she doesn't understand how I

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Speaker 4: feel about this, we might not have a future together.

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Speaker 4: She got angrier and said, I'm clearly not in a

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Speaker 4: state to be having this discussion, and we'll talk again

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Speaker 4: when I've calmed down and we went to school. She's

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Speaker 4: getting her MA. But in the time since I've been

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Speaker 4: the opposite of calming down, I just get more upset

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Speaker 4: the more I think about it. Clearly, me being upset

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Speaker 4: should at least make her consider stopping, even if she

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Speaker 4: isn't actually cheating out right. Shouldn't my feelings matter on

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Speaker 4: this issue? But also maybe I'm not being reasonable, maybe

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Speaker 4: I am overreacting. Help.

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Speaker 3: Oh boy, I can't wait for the comments to roast you.

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Speaker 4: We have a very charged up Sophia Donner. Sophia, the

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Speaker 4: floor is yours.

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Speaker 3: I'm upset again. She is acting. She is playing a

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Speaker 3: character in a game that is completely different from her. However,

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Speaker 3: a lot of who she is comes probably because she's

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Speaker 3: not like a professional actor. Even if she was, a

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Speaker 3: lot of who you are comes out in the characters,

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Speaker 3: because you don't necessarily if you're not like a professional.

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Speaker 3: You don't know how to create an entirely different person

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Speaker 3: from you who's like so far removed. So she's pulling

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Speaker 3: from what she knows to create and play a character

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Speaker 3: for a game. The fact that, I mean, okay, I

377
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Speaker 3: don't think that this is like they have to break up.

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Speaker 3: I think that there is a way they can get

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Speaker 3: out of this. If she makes him watch just hours

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Speaker 3: of D and D podcasts. I need him to go.

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Speaker 3: His homework is to go watch D and D podcasts

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Speaker 3: to understand that these are actors playing characters and that

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Speaker 3: everything that happens in the worlds as long as all

384
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Speaker 3: of the players are you know, consenting and everything, and

385
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Speaker 3: it's not like icky, you.

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Speaker 4: Know, like stuff that makes everyone's on board, everyone's comfortable.

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Speaker 3: Everyone's on board, everyone's comfortable. Then it has nothing to

388
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 3: do with your relationship outside. Yeah, it's just completely different. Again,

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Speaker 3: This is the same as actors acting in a play

390
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Speaker 3: and confessing love to someone in a play. I mean,

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Speaker 3: like in his whole thing about like, oh, well, you're

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Speaker 3: reading lines. Okay, Well what if I'm improvising in the

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Speaker 3: scene and I confess love to someone.

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Speaker 5: That's not real And guess what, D and D is improv.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a really interesting scenario because it's like I

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Speaker 4: think again, like me not understanding D and D at

397
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Speaker 4: all the actors example, I'm like, I get it instantaneously, right, Yeah, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's like, hey, if this is acting, I will say too, though,

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Speaker 4: And I'm curious on both of your perspective of specifically

400
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,080
Speaker 4: U Sophia, Like I could see someone saying and I

401
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,119
Speaker 4: think this would be reasonable where it's like, hey, I

402
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,120
Speaker 4: understand like people who are actors, like you have scenes

403
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,520
Speaker 4: where you're confessing love or maybe like there's like scenes

404
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 4: or whatever in a movie, in a play or whatever,

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Speaker 4: and it's like I totally respect that and salute to that,

406
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 4: but I don't know if I'm built for that, if

407
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Speaker 4: my partner is doing that. But you just don't like

408
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,080
Speaker 4: that's just like a misalignment and you don't like try

409
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,200
Speaker 4: to make something work that doesn't work. There, We've got

410
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,480
Speaker 4: some other relement commis, Lads and gentlemen. What a breakdown,

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Speaker 4: So low Flight thirty seven and one says, I'm sorry

412
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,000
Speaker 4: to say this, but yes absolutely I don't play Dungeons

413
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,359
Speaker 4: and Dragons anymore and don't like it. But people do

414
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 4: all sorts of things to maintain an atmosphere where they

415
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 4: feel safe. Role Playing is incredibly vulnerable, and it's easy

416
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,639
Speaker 4: to feel stupid if someone overhears. You should have asked

417
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:11,440
Speaker 4: why she locked it if you were curious, again, get curious, Yeah,

418
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 4: get curious before invading privacy always, or just don't invade privacy.

419
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,440
Speaker 4: Try that. Your post implies that, rather than her having

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Speaker 4: an actual emotional affair, which is possible but unlikely, the

421
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,119
Speaker 4: point of contention is the act of saying it to

422
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Speaker 4: someone else hurt your feelings. I can see why it would, honestly,

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Speaker 4: but you hit her with a double whammy. You invaded

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00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,479
Speaker 4: her privacy and then made an accusation. She's not going

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Speaker 4: to be in a state to be considerate of your

426
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Speaker 4: feelings after that. Do you want a relationship to still

427
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 4: be there after you win the argument? I don't want

428
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,720
Speaker 4: to be harsh, but this seems like a bad situation.

429
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Speaker 4: You're probably a decent person and you're hurt right now,

430
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 4: but there are times when you have to recognize that

431
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 4: you're the transgressor tild art. Yes, if you had asked

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Speaker 4: about the lock, or asked more about what the games

433
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 4: are like before eavesdropping, you would likely not be surprised

434
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 4: and hurt.

435
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 3: I agree if you had gotten a little bit more curious.

436
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 3: I mean like she's trying to teach him, and I

437
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:06,560
Speaker 3: think probably every time she's talked about it, he's like, yeah, okay,

438
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,879
Speaker 3: it so many rules, and I feel like if you

439
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 3: have asked a couple more questions about what was normal

440
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,359
Speaker 3: or even done in little research before he made all

441
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 3: of those you know, demands.

442
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,560
Speaker 4: I accept that I probably appt up here, maybe a lot,

443
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 4: and I will apologize for it. But I just can't

444
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,800
Speaker 4: be okay with her simulating a romantic relationship with another person.

445
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 4: I can't. And if I just apologize and let it go,

446
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 4: I'm going to be spending the rest of our time

447
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 4: together feeling like I have to share her emotional vulnerability,

448
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 4: if that makes sense. I don't want to be apprude,

449
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 4: but I can't get comfortable with my girlfriend telling other

450
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 4: people she loves them romantically, even in the context of

451
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 4: a game. It hurts too much. And we have an update,

452
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 4: ladies and gentlemen. So, having read the comments y'all gave,

453
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 4: I thought I maybe was actually overreacting and really did

454
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 4: f up. Especially helpful I thought was a comment someone

455
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 4: made about asking her about maybe keeping the door unlocked

456
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 4: and being allowed to listen in on the session to

457
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 4: get content and learn to accept her hobby and let

458
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 4: her still enjoy it without me spiraling. So when she

459
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,400
Speaker 4: came home from school, I made an apology dinner, homemade

460
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 4: pizza from scratch, her favorite. When I saw pizza at first,

461
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, I'm like homemade pizza.

462
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 3: Okay, pizza from unnamed.

463
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 4: Jane, and so we then sat down to talk. She

464
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 4: started by demanding an apology because whatever else I say,

465
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 4: eavesdropping and not trusting her were huge f ups on

466
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 4: my part. I agreed and apologized immediately because that was

467
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 4: crappy behavior on my part. No question. That helped her

468
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 4: to be more open to hearing me out. So I said,

469
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 4: more calmly and tactfully, that it bothers me that she

470
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 4: is simulating romantic love with a person I don't know

471
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 4: in a context I don't understand. I said that I

472
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 4: can and do apologize for my actions, but I can't

473
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 4: change how I feel, and that also needs to be discussed.

474
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 4: So she asked what I had in mind. I told

475
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,439
Speaker 4: her I think that trust should go both ways, so

476
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 4: me trusting that the game is just a game and

477
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 4: it doesn't mean anything is well and good. But in return,

478
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 4: I'd like for her to keep the door unlocked and

479
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 4: let me sit in for a few sessions. I promised

480
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 4: not to be disruptive, not to overreact or interrupt the game,

481
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,879
Speaker 4: and to bring up any issues I had privately with

482
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 4: her until after the game was over. She seemed relieved

483
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 4: because she was so worried I'd demand she'd drop the

484
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,159
Speaker 4: game or break up with her, and she said personally

485
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,399
Speaker 4: she didn't mind, but she needed to bring it up

486
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 4: with her group, which I thought was very reasonable. The

487
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 4: rest of the evening, though, she was constantly on her phone,

488
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 4: constantly getting Discord notifications and seemed more and more upset.

489
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 4: This lasted for literally hours well into the night passed.

490
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 4: When I was asleep. I asked if anything was wrong,

491
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 4: and she said maybe, but not to wait up, and

492
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 4: she promised to tell me everything in the morning.

493
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,880
Speaker 3: She's getting all these notifications.

494
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, and maybe she even shared like yeah.

495
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 3: She might have said like he's not really comfortable, so

496
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 3: he wants to listen in and they were like no.

497
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 4: So I didn't get much sleep, but I also didn't

498
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 4: want to pry too much, having just promised not to

499
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 4: good boy. So come morning, when I asked what happened,

500
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 4: since she clearly didn't get much sleep and was clearly nervous,

501
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 4: she said she brought it up with the group, and

502
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 4: reactions were mixed. I'm going to give these people fake

503
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 4: names to track. So when she brought it up, everyone

504
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 4: seemed okay with me listening in except Joe. Now, this

505
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 4: obviously made my girlfriend respond that seeing the relationship between

506
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 4: their characters was the whole point of me listening in,

507
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 4: to which he said that I'm being unreasonable and violating

508
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 4: his boundaries by making unreasonable demands. This was already pretty

509
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 4: bad in my eyes, but then she told me about

510
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,400
Speaker 4: the private messages after the group exchange. She got three messages.

511
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:31,160
Speaker 4: One was from Joe. Joe wrote a long, really really

512
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 4: long message about how much he cared about her, how

513
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 4: much it hurt him to see her dim her light

514
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 4: to appease a controlling, harmful boyfriend who stifled her creativity,

515
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 4: and how she should be with someone who appreciated her,

516
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 4: and that he was available if she wanted to talk.

517
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 4: He finished with a paragraph about how women like her

518
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 4: always go for the selfish a holes and don't appreciate

519
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 4: all the wonderful guys around them. How he felt such

520
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 4: a connection with her through their characters, and how could

521
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 4: she ignore it. I genuinely couldn't believe I was seeing

522
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 4: one of these in the wild. I don't usually get

523
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 4: secondhand embarrassment, but that crap is so cringe. I almost

524
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 4: passed away, like I genuinely laughed. I couldn't really be

525
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 4: angry because that crap was just so sad. She also

526
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,880
Speaker 4: got messages from Jenny, another player, who said Joe seemed

527
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,880
Speaker 4: way too invested in the romance for her taste, and

528
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 4: she thought that those segments were taking up a lot

529
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 4: of game time, which she thought was better used elsewhere.

530
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 4: She never said anything because she thought that my girlfriend

531
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 4: was really into it, but now that it became an issue,

532
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 4: she thought that she should. She also mentioned she found

533
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 4: Joe creepy, which I personally appreciate. Jenny's a girls girl.

534
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,719
Speaker 4: I don't know any of these people irl because it's

535
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 4: an online group, but I certainly think Jenny might be

536
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 4: my new best friend. Finally, there was a message from Mitch,

537
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 4: the man running the game, who said that Joe reached

538
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 4: out to him demanding I not be allowed and this

539
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 4: is a quote to violate the intimacy of the group,

540
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 4: and he should talk to my girlfriend too to get

541
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 4: her to drop me listening in and possibly drop me

542
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,120
Speaker 4: all together. I don't even know how or why Mitch

543
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 4: would even attempt to do that. Mitch make her breakup

544
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,640
Speaker 4: with her boyfriend, nigger, break up with him?

545
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 3: You wait, Mitch, you're the DM mitge, come on, roll.

546
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 4: The dice and piket all. This resulted in them canceling

547
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,959
Speaker 4: the next game as they work it out. My girlfriend

548
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,359
Speaker 4: didn't respond to Joe yet, but at least she seems

549
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 4: relieved that I am taking this well. I told her,

550
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 4: of course I am. I'm not going to be upset

551
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 4: over some guy being into her. This is good. She's wonderful.

552
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 4: Of course, guys are going to be into her wherever

553
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 4: she goes. The issue I was worried about was that

554
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 4: she was into him back, and these messages convinced me

555
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 4: that that is clearly not the case, which seems to

556
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 4: have made her feel a lot better. We talked a

557
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 4: bit more, and now she seems to agree that locking

558
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 4: the door in context might have seemed suspicious and that

559
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 4: going forward, our ground rule should be that character dynamics

560
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 4: that make her feel like she should lock the door

561
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 4: might be the exact dynamics she should make me aware of,

562
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 4: which I promised to trust her to tell me these

563
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 4: things and to not eat drop anymore into approach her

564
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 4: openly about listening in on sessions. Also, the romance with

565
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 4: Joe's character isn't going to continue.

566
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 3: I think Joe should be like out of the group.

567
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, Joe sounds like a terrible person to have in

568
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 4: the group.

569
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 3: Like again, like in past D and D experiences and stuff,

570
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 3: where like I've had a couple of moments where someone

571
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 3: has kind of cross boundaries or like made someone else

572
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 3: uncomfortable and the DM was super recepted. Like, as a DM,

573
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 3: I think you are kind of like HR. You are

574
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 3: like the boss, You're a game kind of, but you're

575
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 3: also HR. And so people come to you. Hopefully you're

576
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 3: a good person, but people come to you, and so

577
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 3: you have to make sure that everyone feels comfortable. And

578
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 3: so I think that they should get rid of Joe.

579
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 4: Imagine Joe's the duender Master.

580
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:49,479
Speaker 3: And that does happen.

581
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 4: Everyone you must love me and break up with their boyfriends.

582
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, that is a thing that happened.

583
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 5: There are some really power or crazy dms out there.

584
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 3: Especially when you have like women in a group, you

585
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 3: have to be very careful.

586
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 4: Now. Also, the romance with Joe's character isn't going to continue,

587
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 4: but seeing how she feels about Joe now, I think

588
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 4: I do trust her to do character romance going forward,

589
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 4: just to not hide it from me or be selective

590
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 4: who she does it with. I don't know how this

591
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 4: Joe situation is going to be handled within the group,

592
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 4: but I guess that's up to them, since playing with

593
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 4: him is obviously going to be very awkward for her guests.

594
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 4: Since she doesn't intend to keep up the romance, it

595
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,880
Speaker 4: doesn't really matter. Small edit since the situation has basically

596
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 4: resolved itself now, Joe didn't like being left on Red,

597
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 4: so he wrote my girlfriend a very rude message here

598
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 4: we go about how I kid you not she was

599
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 4: going to pass away alone with cats because her a

600
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 4: whole boyfriend is going to leave her when she loses

601
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 4: her looks. He literally never saw her in person, to

602
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 4: be clear, uncovering my secret plan, I guess. So she

603
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 4: blocked him and sent a screenshot to Mitch. Joe isn't

604
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 4: going to be part of the group anymore. I'm sorry,

605
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 4: but like just the very first, if I'm like Dungeon Master, yeah,

606
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 4: block absolutely second that Don.

607
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 3: Joe comes to anyone and says they have to break

608
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 3: up with their girlfriend and I am in love with

609
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 3: or like whatever you said.

610
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 4: Bye bye, abay girlfriend, apologize for not recognizing how absolutely

611
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 4: unhinged this guy was. We reasserted that in any game

612
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 4: interaction she isn't comfortable having in front of me is

613
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 4: probably one that she shouldn't be having. Relevant comments Familiar

614
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 4: Barraque to forty three says, I'm glad everything seems well,

615
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 4: but I feel like you still need to have a

616
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 4: discussion about why she was locking the door in the

617
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,640
Speaker 4: first place, because to me, that says on some level

618
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 4: she knew it was wrong and that it would hurt you,

619
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,719
Speaker 4: And if I was you, I'd be unable to not

620
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 4: cope with that until I get the full truth.

621
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 3: I mean, I disagree with that because I feel like

622
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 3: they've already addressed it. Yes, and also we know that

623
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 3: the first four hour session nothing happened. Yeah, so it's

624
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 3: not like you know.

625
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 4: She didn't like this is something that she very much loves.

626
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 4: She wants to be able to do it and express

627
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 4: herself fully without limitation.

628
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, it's clearly not that every time she has

629
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 3: a session she's like romancing someone or whatever. It's like

630
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 3: we already know she got watched or listened to. It

631
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 3: was fine.

632
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,360
Speaker 4: I feel like it. I was like she got uncomfortable

633
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 4: because she's like, oh, I don't want to feel like

634
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 4: I have to change myself or something like that, Opie says.

635
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 4: From what she said, since it basically wasn't so much

636
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,160
Speaker 4: about knowing this was wrong, since she supposedly was locking

637
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 4: her door at her parents' home too, which is where

638
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 4: she lived before and before the romance even took place,

639
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 4: and more about feeling safe to get into the headspace

640
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,879
Speaker 4: to perform. Since I explained that this was part of

641
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 4: what made it feel so off to me, and given

642
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 4: how Joe clearly had a very different view of the

643
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 4: situation than her, she agreed that going forward, the door

644
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 4: should remain unlocked, and she will work on getting more

645
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 4: comfortable performing even in my presence, be it with me

646
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 4: in voice chat or president in the room. Since Joe's

647
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 4: reaction clearly didn't happen to a void unhinged as it was,

648
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 4: and we have this relevant comment. Pea Buns says, you

649
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 4: were very valid with your feelings of being uncomfortable with

650
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 4: your partner emulating love with another, even if it was

651
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 4: just role playing. I myself played D and D and

652
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 4: would be super uncomfort if my partner was sitting there

653
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 4: flirting at the table with someone else quote unquote in character.

654
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 4: So it's understandable that you would be two. I'm not

655
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: sure why people thought your boundaries you're wrong on your

656
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 4: initial post. Glad you guys could figure it out. Nonetheless,

657
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 4: and Opie says, I'm not saying this is going to

658
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 4: be easy, but I love her and if this is

659
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 4: important to her, I feel I owe her at least

660
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 4: the benefit of giving her that grace.

661
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 3: Don't fully agree with that last commenter. Again, like an

662
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 3: excellent example of this is the D and D show

663
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 3: that I watched to mention twenty, the original group that

664
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 3: they have. There is a married couple in it and

665
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 3: they both romance. You know, different characters all the time,

666
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 3: so it's you know, at the.

667
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 4: End of the day, don't control people, don't control, don't

668
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 4: be doing it, but.

669
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 3: You can still express as long as you're truthful and

670
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 3: you don't eavesdrop on their conversations for six hours. If

671
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 3: OPI had gone to his partner and said, Hey, why'd

672
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 3: you lock the door? It makes me a little bit insecure.

673
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 3: Probably would have solved things way earlier.

674
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 4: Would have all come out for ladies and gentlemen. That's

675
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 4: the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam. We're going

676
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 4: to get back to these stories. But here's three minutes

677
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 4: of ads for our sponsors.

678
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 3: I gave my boyfriend an engagement ultimatum. I want to

679
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 3: take it back.

680
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 5: Hmmmmm.

681
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and I are both young professionals in our

682
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 3: late twenties who moved in together six months ago after

683
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 3: graduating from professional school and relocating to a new city

684
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 3: for work. We have been together for four years and

685
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 3: have had no issues adjusting to living together. We're happy together,

686
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: want the same things out of life, and take excellent

687
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 3: care of each other. By the way, this comes from

688
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 3: dangerous grocery and if you want to smit your own stories,

689
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: good with the arslash. Okay, storytime hubvered it. So. The

690
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 3: issue is that I have known for a while that

691
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 3: he's the person that I want to spend my life

692
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 3: with and I would like to settle down and hopefully

693
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 3: start a family soon. I have been in a serious

694
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 3: relationship also lasted four years before him, so I know

695
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 3: what I'm looking for. On the other hand, my boyfriend

696
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 3: is not in the same headspace as me about this

697
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 3: for a few reasons. One, he was a late bloomer

698
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 3: when it comes to relationship and I was his first

699
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 3: real girlfriend. And two, he has a hard time making

700
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 3: decisions about everything from his job to what pair of

701
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: shoes to buy. When we discussed the future, I am

702
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: very clear that I'm ready to settle down with him asap.

703
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 3: He is also very clear that he loves me. He

704
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 3: thinks we have a great thing, but he wants to

705
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 3: take more time to see where it goes. He also

706
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 3: jokes around about how he hasn't banged enough chicks. We

707
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 3: had some serious commitment discussions last year when we were

708
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 3: deciding where to live after graduating, and I told him

709
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 3: that I wasn't going to try to relocate to the

710
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 3: same city as him unless we were engaged. He didn't propose,

711
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 3: and I stuck to my pupews. Despite very slim odds,

712
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 3: we both coincidentally found jobs in the same city halfway

713
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 3: across the country, so we moved there together and got

714
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 3: an apartment together. Now I'm starting to get fed up

715
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 3: and heard about this situation. It was causing a lot

716
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 3: of stress for me, and it was the main point

717
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 3: of contention in our relationship. So in September twenty seventeen,

718
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 3: I told him that when our lease is up in

719
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 3: April twenty eighteen, I was going to move out unless

720
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 3: we were engaged. He hasn't made a decision ever in

721
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 3: his life without a deadline, so I figured this would

722
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:19,479
Speaker 3: help nudge him in the right direction. However, I'm starting

723
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 3: to worry that he's not going to propose, mostly because

724
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 3: he's telling me that he's not going to propose. Are

725
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 3: we sure? He's like, I don't know. I just get

726
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 3: the feeling that he's not going to propose because he

727
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 3: told me that.

728
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 4: But wait, won't he do the opposite of what he's

729
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 4: exactly telling you?

730
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 3: Now I'm regretting this ultimatum, and I think maybe I

731
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 3: was stupid for ruining a good thing by trying to

732
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 3: rush things, but it's been four years. Also, I worry

733
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 3: that if he does propose, it will be forced and

734
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 3: he'll always regret it. On the other hand, I gave

735
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 3: him basically the same ultimatum last year during our job search,

736
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 3: and he made it very clear that he'd rather end

737
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,240
Speaker 3: up in different cities, which no US would likely mean

738
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 3: breaking up, then get engaged. I'd like to think that

739
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: I am being rational and empowered here, But am I

740
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 3: being stupid and desperate? If he doesn't propose by April,

741
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 3: should I stick to my pews and move out, basically

742
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 3: sacrificing this great relationship because it wasn't moving at my pace.

743
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 3: I'm happy to answer any questions to the situation is

744
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 3: getting so stressful, and I appreciate anyone who takes the

745
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: time to read this and give advice. And there is

746
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 3: an update, But what are your thoughts?

747
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 4: John, It's just giving the classic like, oh, my partner

748
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 4: is so perfect except for everything about them, but then

749
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 4: also all the other things, like bro is literally telling

750
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,239
Speaker 4: you that he wants to bang other chicks. He's not

751
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 4: ready to commit, And I think, like, it's not that

752
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 4: you're stupid and desperate, but I think we need to

753
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 4: recognize the situation for what it is. And it's like

754
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 4: he does not want to commit, potentially doesn't even want

755
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 4: to be in this relationship. He's just like waiting for

756
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 4: you to end it. Like it is good to recognize

757
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 4: those things because when you try to ultimatum or like,

758
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 4: you know, hard, you kind of hard press someone into

759
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 4: doing something that's not gonna be a winning scenario.

760
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 3: If you have to ultimate them someone into a proposal,

761
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 3: you guys probably aren't ready to get married. Ready. I

762
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 3: don't think they're ready.

763
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 4: That's what I think.

764
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,879
Speaker 3: I agree completely with you, John One. You can't force

765
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 3: someone to marry you. And also, it just really doesn't

766
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 3: seem like this guy wants to be in a relationship

767
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 3: with you. It just feels like he thinks it's the

768
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 3: easiest option. He's like, I mean, I guess we're in

769
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 3: the same city. So he's like, if I have the

770
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 3: opportunity to bang other chicks.

771
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 4: What do you think I'm gonna do.

772
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,280
Speaker 3: I don't think that you're wrong for wanting to marry

773
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 3: someone after four years. I just think you're different.

774
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 4: But bro does kind of suck.

775
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 3: Bang other chicks. Saying that to your girlfriend wild and

776
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: she's like, yeah, he just makes funny jokes. He's just acting.

777
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 3: It's like, no, girl, we're not playing D and D.

778
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 3: This is real, live, but there is an update. Let's

779
00:34:56,640 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 3: go now on to the update. Boyfriend knew and acknowledged

780
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 3: the ultimatum. He's like, yeah, I hear you, and I

781
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 3: tried to use this as a springboard to have a

782
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 3: serious conversation about where he sees the future going. We

783
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 3: did have some sit down talks that didn't really go anywhere,

784
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 3: and he told me to stop bringing up so I stopped.

785
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,240
Speaker 3: We carried on for a little while being our happy

786
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 3: selves without mentioning the ultimatum. Part of me hoped he

787
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 3: had a proposal planned and would surprise me.

788
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 4: Okay, op, we have to open our eyes for ourselves.

789
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 3: The man saying that he doesn't want to marry you

790
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 3: and he wants to bang other chicks is not planning

791
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 3: a surprise proposal for you. Now. We are ten days

792
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 3: away from March thirty, first deadline, which I one hundred

793
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 3: percent planned to stick to, and he just told me

794
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 3: that he wants me to visit his parents in their

795
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 3: home in September, and after the visit he would then

796
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:55,760
Speaker 3: talk with them about our relationship and consider proposing around December. Wait,

797
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 3: now he's kind of changing his mind.

798
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 4: He's thinking about it.

799
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 3: Part of me is so insulted and angry by this idea.

800
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 3: First of all, I have met his parents before and

801
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 3: actually spent plenty of quality time with them so far.

802
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 3: I like them, they like me.

803
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 4: They live in a.

804
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 3: More isolated state that's hard to get to from where

805
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,399
Speaker 3: I live. Playing tickets are pretty expensive and it would

806
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 3: be a two day drive. I have suggested that I

807
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,800
Speaker 3: visit them multiple times, and we've had plenty of opportunities

808
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 3: to do so, but my boyfriend was against it for

809
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 3: one reason or another. The saddest thing is that we

810
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 3: both coordinated time off work last week. We knew about

811
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,439
Speaker 3: the vacation for months and had plenty of time to plan.

812
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 3: He told me that he was going to visit his

813
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 3: parents and said that he was thinking about asking me

814
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 3: to come with, but kept it vague. He's telling you

815
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 3: that he was thinking about asking you to come with.

816
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 3: He hasn't even asked you to come with.

817
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 4: I'm like thinking about it, but like there's these like

818
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,880
Speaker 4: other chicks that I want to bang, and like I

819
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 4: might invite them, so you know, I'm thinking about it.

820
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 3: I looked up flights which were reasonable in price at

821
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,359
Speaker 3: the time, and tried to play and everything. But when

822
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 3: I presented the information to boyfriend, he would say now

823
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,439
Speaker 3: too busy and put off planning the trip. Then, less

824
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 3: than three weeks before the vacation started, boyfriend told me

825
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 3: I needed to come to his family's home with him

826
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 3: on this trip, and if that didn't happen, there was

827
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 3: no way he would propose. By that time, all the

828
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 3: flights I had been tracking had gone way up in

829
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 3: price because the departure date was so close. It would

830
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 3: have been financially very tight for me to pay for

831
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 3: the flight. And honestly, I think what he did was

832
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 3: crappy because he told me at the last minute what

833
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 3: I had to do instead of planning in advance like

834
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 3: I had tried to do. So I thought it over

835
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 3: and decided not to go with him. Now he is

836
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 3: saying the reason he can't propose is because I haven't

837
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 3: met his family in their home. Like I said, I

838
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 3: met his family a handful of times in the past.

839
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 3: His family and my family have met each other. He

840
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 3: says that this needs to happen for his family to

841
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 3: be okay with us getting married. He had told me

842
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 3: any time before the vacation was close and flight price

843
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: is shot up, it would have been fine. We had

844
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 3: multiple vacations since I issued the ultimatum, and we could

845
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 3: have gone to visit his parents. Then I feel like

846
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: this whole thing was him setting me up for failure

847
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 3: so that he could not propose and then blame it

848
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 3: on me. Not sure if it's relevant, but he is

849
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 3: Asian American and I am white. He was born in

850
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 3: the US. I asked him if the need for me

851
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 3: to visit his parents' home before he proposes is an

852
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 3: aspect of his culture, and he said maybe. What he's like, oh,

853
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 3: that's actually a pretty good excuse.

854
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe is a larious Maybe just maybe is crazy.

855
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 3: I don't want to be culturally insensitive at all, So

856
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 3: if anyone has knowledge about this, please sure. He doesn't

857
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 3: even have knowledge about this. Now that we're ten days

858
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 3: out and he's realizing I'm serious, he spends all our

859
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 3: time together begging me not to go through with it,

860
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 3: but he's not planning to propose. He says, it doesn't

861
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 3: make sense because he's telling me that he would propose

862
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 3: in December, but he was willing to take the risk

863
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 3: of losing me rather than propose by April. I see

864
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 3: where he's coming from. In a way, if we do

865
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 3: both want to get married, but I can't do this anymore. Also,

866
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 3: I think he's an adult and find it insulting that

867
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 3: he's blaming this whole thing on his parents. Not meeting

868
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 3: me in their home. They're asking him constantly what his

869
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,959
Speaker 3: plan is with me. They don't know about the ultimatum,

870
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 3: and so I get the impression that they are just

871
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 3: as curious about the future of our relationship as I am.

872
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 3: I don't think they sat him down and told him

873
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 3: I need to visit them before he can propose, But

874
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 3: that's just a hunch. Any advice or comments on the

875
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:42,360
Speaker 3: situation would be appreciated, and there is an update a

876
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 3: year later. So I think we're going to get some

877
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:45,240
Speaker 3: of the juice.

878
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 4: That's tea.

879
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 3: That is tea, But do you have any SIPs to share?

880
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 4: I'll pour something out. I mean, next bro is gonna

881
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 4: be like I was gonna propose you on Seventh Street

882
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 4: because seven is my lucky number. But like seventh Street's

883
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 4: when like so busy, it's like under control, so like

884
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 4: we have to wait till it's like done. I can't

885
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 4: even imagine proposing too, so like we need to wait

886
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 4: for the city.

887
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 3: I mean, you're driving yourself crazy trying to, you know,

888
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 3: meet all of his insane demands, and then putting your

889
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 3: own demands that are as like malleable as you know,

890
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 3: freaking Plato. No one actually is doing anything to solve

891
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 3: these problems, and I think maybe the solve is to

892
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 3: leave this relationship with a man who doesn't want to

893
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 3: commit to you. But there is a year leader update.

894
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 4: I'm ready.

895
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 3: I'm hoping it's going to go where I wanted to go.

896
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 3: March twenty eighteen, I couldn't go through with the ultimatum.

897
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 3: I was planning to move out, actually find a new apartment,

898
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 3: and wrote the check for the deposits. But when push

899
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 3: came to shove, I couldn't picture my life without my boyfriend.

900
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 3: I decided that I loved him too much to leave

901
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 3: him over the arbitrary deadline that I created. I also

902
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 3: believe that he meant what he said about getting engaged.

903
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 3: In December. I felt I was being silly for leaving

904
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 3: him after four and a half years because I wouldn't

905
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 3: wait another few months. As a compromise, he said we

906
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 3: could get a cat. I had been wanting one, but

907
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 3: he'd been saying no. He said he'd go to at

908
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 3: least one family event with me this year. Wow, one

909
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 3: family event. That's so nice of him. On March thirty first,

910
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:15,879
Speaker 3: the day I was planning to move out, we got

911
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 3: a cat together. April to September of twenty eighteen, my

912
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 3: boyfriend and I spent time enjoying each other without really

913
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 3: mentioning the ultimatum. We both needed to recover from the

914
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 3: damage it did to our relationship. I got a therapist

915
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 3: and started working on myself. I picked up a new

916
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 3: hobby running Yep, you certainly are running away from things,

917
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,320
Speaker 3: developed new friendships, and spent a lot of time working

918
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,360
Speaker 3: on my career and hanging out with my amazing new cat.

919
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 3: I think focusing on myself, my career, and my friendships

920
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:47,800
Speaker 3: took some of the pressure off of him. Also, multiple

921
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 3: family events came and went, and my boyfriend had an

922
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 3: excuse not to attend all of them. I'm not sure

923
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 3: it was that big of a deal. Anyway. By the

924
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 3: end of the summer, we were doing great and it

925
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,760
Speaker 3: was like the ultimatum now happened.

926
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 4: We ignored all of our problems that never brought it up,

927
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 4: so it was all perfect.

928
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:08,320
Speaker 3: He also complains about our cat constantly September twenty eighteen

929
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,919
Speaker 3: visiting his family. As I promised, I went to visit

930
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 3: his parents in their home in September. As I mentioned

931
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 3: in the previous post, he is Chinese American and I'm white,

932
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 3: so I studied up on my basic Chinese and was

933
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 3: able to speak and understand a little when we were

934
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 3: all together. It was a great trip, and I genuinely

935
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 3: enjoyed his parents and had a lot of fun in

936
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 3: his hometown. I left a few days before he did,

937
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 3: so that he'd have time to spend with them alone

938
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 3: and speak with them about his plans for us in

939
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 3: the future. I asked him a few times how that

940
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 3: conversation went, and he said that they're happy with us

941
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 3: having a future together, but that getting engaged in December

942
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 3: would be too fast. That seemed absolutely crazy to me,

943
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,879
Speaker 3: and again it seemed like he was projecting his own

944
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 3: views onto his parents. He also told me I needed

945
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 3: to learn Chinese before we get married. His parents speak

946
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 3: perfect English, but prefer Chinese they are with family. So

947
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:05,240
Speaker 3: I started doing Rosetta stone October to December of twenty eighteen.

948
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 3: Around November, I started getting antsy that my boyfriend was

949
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 3: going to change his mind again. He was starting to

950
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,919
Speaker 3: show his pattern of making excuses. For instance, one day,

951
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 3: he casually mentioned that he couldn't propose by December because

952
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 3: he needed to save money. We share finances and money

953
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 3: is not an issue for either of us. Another time,

954
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,360
Speaker 3: he freaked out that I have student loans most people

955
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 3: in my profession do, and I have a very secure job,

956
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 3: good pay and automatic loan payments, and demanded that he

957
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 3: see a spreadsheet of my finances before you could consider

958
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 3: having the future together. Luckily, I already have the spreadsheet,

959
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,280
Speaker 3: which I showed him and he calmed down. In the meantime,

960
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 3: my friends and family were starting to ask questions about

961
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 3: the future wedding. Although they had the best intentions, it

962
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 3: was stressing me out because I was worried that after

963
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 3: all of this there would be no wedding. I worked

964
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 3: with my therapist on letting go of this stress, redirecting

965
00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 3: my family away from relationship questions. I also created an

966
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 3: no nagging rule in my mind. I stopped dropping hints mentioning, wedding, engagement,

967
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,760
Speaker 3: et cetera. With my boyfriend. Didn't do it much anyway,

968
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 3: as I had learned my lesson from the ultimatum. We

969
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,359
Speaker 3: spent Christmas together for the first time this year, and

970
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 3: I really thought he would propose then, but he didn't,

971
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 3: and I didn't bring it up or pat about it.

972
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 3: He visited his family for New Years and I was

973
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 3: left in our city working, so it definitely didn't happen.

974
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 3: Then January twenty nineteen, I accepted that he actually didn't

975
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 3: follow through with what he said he would do despite

976
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 3: me holding up my end of the deal. I was

977
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 3: the perfect girlfriend that he asked me to be, and

978
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 3: I try to use this as an opportunity for growth,

979
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 3: both individually and within the relationship. And still nothing changed.

980
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 3: I was still on the momentum of not nagging him

981
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 3: and trying to suppress all of my thoughts of wanting

982
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 3: to marry him. It's now to the point that I

983
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 3: equate my own thoughts of marrying him with shame and

984
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,879
Speaker 3: self loathing, like they are bad thoughts that I shouldn't have.

985
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 3: Your therapist sucks.

986
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,319
Speaker 4: If I could just say, real quick, what is she say?

987
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 4: I was being the perfect girlfriend? Suppressing your feelings to

988
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,799
Speaker 4: appease someone else as not being the perfect girlfriend. You

989
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 4: have the full right to express what you want and

990
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 4: what you're looking for in a relationship and it is

991
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 4: not okay that you know he brought you to a

992
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 4: place where you feel like you have to just like

993
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 4: screw this lid on everything you think and feel unacceptable.

994
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 3: Absolutely, you are allowed to ask for the things that

995
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,359
Speaker 3: you need in your relationship. He is allowed to say

996
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,280
Speaker 3: I don't want those things. But then it's like, okay,

997
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 3: maybe we depart. I realize I have been feeling sowned

998
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,720
Speaker 3: with my own desires for my future, which is so sad.

999
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 3: But a few things have happened in the past few

1000
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 3: weeks that have made me realize that this is all

1001
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 3: bs who took a while. First, one of my superiors

1002
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 3: at work offered me some great opportunities at my job

1003
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 3: if I stayed on board long term. However, my boyfriend

1004
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 3: wants to think about moving us out of the city

1005
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 3: we live in because we don't like it here. I'm

1006
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 3: actually okay with it for the most part. He also

1007
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 3: has given a hard no to ever moving back to

1008
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 3: my home state. He's reason my family lives there and

1009
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 3: they annoy him. I started thinking, Wow, this person is

1010
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 3: putting a lot of limits on my life for someone

1011
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 3: who still can't commit to me. For the long term.

1012
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 3: Then this weekend, I went back to my home state

1013
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 3: for my best friend's baby shower. Also, I want to

1014
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 3: have kids. That's the main reason I'm in a hurry

1015
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,880
Speaker 3: to get married. Biological clock is ticking. So yesterday I

1016
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 3: was hanging out with my friend and her husband, helping

1017
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 3: them set up their nursery, and I had this aha

1018
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 3: moment where I realized that it's okay for me to

1019
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 3: want to get married and have kids. There's no shame

1020
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:41,640
Speaker 3: in having my own wants. Yes, Oh, he's finally realizing it.

1021
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 3: And at this point, not only have my wants and

1022
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 3: desires been shut down by my boyfriend no marriage. We

1023
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 3: can't stay in the city where I have job opportunities,

1024
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,440
Speaker 3: we also can't live in my home state, where my

1025
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:57,240
Speaker 3: entire family is. But I've internalized this sense of shame

1026
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 3: about expressing or feeling anything that comes from with his desires.

1027
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 3: So I'm starting to form a plan to move on

1028
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 3: because this dude has taken more from my life than

1029
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 3: he's adding to it. I'm hoping to get anyone's opinion,

1030
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 3: advice support about where to go from here. Also, I

1031
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 3: am willing to hear all the I told you sos

1032
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,479
Speaker 3: from everyone who said I needed to leave this guy

1033
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 3: in March when I said I would, I totally deserve it.

1034
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 3: Thank you for reading, and there is a third update.

1035
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 3: I do want to point out that it's been a

1036
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 3: year and while Opie's thinking about it, she has not

1037
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 3: actually broke up with her boyfriend. I'm hoping that the

1038
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 3: next update that we get does do that.

1039
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 4: You can't be a perfect girlfriend to someone who truly

1040
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 4: doesn't want you.

1041
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 3: The thing is, you're literally meeting all of the goalposts

1042
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,800
Speaker 3: you started learning Chinese. You will never meet them because

1043
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:52,800
Speaker 3: he's going to keep moving.

1044
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 4: I think sheby's finally having the epiphany, which is great.

1045
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,080
Speaker 3: Some people need five years to realize that their partner

1046
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 3: doesn't want to be with them.

1047
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 4: It can happen, We've seen it longer on this show.

1048
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 4: But the important part is she is realizing it. She

1049
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 4: is growing, and we're slowly steering the ship back towards

1050
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 4: you know, like op he said, just because I want

1051
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 4: to have kids to get married. It's not a bad thing. Yes, yes,

1052
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 4: do not demonize yourself. There is no bad want or need.

1053
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 3: But let's get into this update. I spoke with my

1054
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 3: boyfriend last night about all of this, I started by

1055
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:30,279
Speaker 3: asking what his roadblocks are and where he sees the

1056
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:33,760
Speaker 3: relationship going. He brought up the fact that it's moving

1057
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 3: too fast for his parents. You liar, your parents don't

1058
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 3: think your five year relationship is moving too fast. And

1059
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 3: some issues that he has with the relationship. Number one,

1060
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 3: that we don't make decisions together. For example, the fact

1061
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 3: that I wanted to stay in our city for career

1062
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 3: opportunities despite him wanting to move next year. Also, sometimes

1063
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 3: I make plans to hang out with friends on weekends

1064
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,720
Speaker 3: when he's free, instead of us planning the weekends together.

1065
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 3: Second point is that you have friends. Cool. Number three,

1066
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 3: he worries about the fact that I get a lot

1067
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 3: of Amazon packages and he doesn't know what I'm buying.

1068
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 3: I showed him my Amazon history. It's mostly household supplies

1069
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 3: that we both use and occasionally supplies for my hobby.

1070
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 3: But that's like twenty dollars a month max. Also, that

1071
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 3: is all on my credit card, which I comfortably pay

1072
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 3: off each month.

1073
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 4: Hey, you need to stop buying soaps online or I'm

1074
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 4: breaking up with you. The proposals off.

1075
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 3: This man would have a conniption if he lived in

1076
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,720
Speaker 3: our house, so I don't think I need to clear

1077
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 3: every purchase by him. And he also doesn't like that

1078
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 3: I'm chronically five minutes late to everything that's true, and

1079
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,720
Speaker 3: my fault five minutes late is like, really not that bad.

1080
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 4: Basically, Opie's existence is wrong in this man's eyes.

1081
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 3: There is nothing wrong with you. Also, since it came

1082
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 3: up a lot in the comments, I wanted to mention

1083
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 3: that he explicitly said that none of this has to

1084
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 3: do with cultural barriers or the fact that we're an

1085
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 3: interracial couple. Well, actually he explicitly said maybe after all this,

1086
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 3: he said he's not ready for marriage. Shocker. We are

1087
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 3: alarmingly close to the end of the story. I'm worried.

1088
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 3: I'm just oping this update with her breaking up with

1089
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 3: this man, because if it doesn't, I was pretty pissed

1090
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,680
Speaker 3: and told him I wished he told me this a

1091
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 3: year ago so I could have moved on. The only

1092
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 3: credit I will give him is that he did tell

1093
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,120
Speaker 3: you that he didn't want to marry you a year ago.

1094
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 3: He basically tried to keep me around for another years

1095
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 3: so that he would have more time to figure out

1096
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 3: if he was ready. So I told him the relationship

1097
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 3: is over and he's appearing to be in disbelief. He's

1098
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 3: trying to be really nice now, probably to get me

1099
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 3: to change my mind. But I'm remaining gently firm here.

1100
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 3: The relationship is over. That was a nightmare, a five

1101
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 3: year nightmare.

1102
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 4: I feel like I had like a rotting just like

1103
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 4: nerve exploding tooth, just like implanted in my jaw, and

1104
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 4: I'm like, please, someone just yank it out with pliers immediate.

1105
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 3: I really love the phrasing of I remained gently firm

1106
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:07,359
Speaker 3: because I can just imagine her being like, no, I

1107
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 3: think I have to leave you.

1108
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:12,280
Speaker 4: He's like, babe, I'll let you have one extra soap

1109
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:13,800
Speaker 4: that you order on Amazon.

1110
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 3: Were cool. I think it's really funny because I do

1111
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 3: think of in these scenarios a lot of times, like

1112
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 3: the partner is scared that the relationship's gonna end. They're like, okay, fine,

1113
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 3: I'll marry you. Obviously, it doesn't even seem like he

1114
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,360
Speaker 3: tried that hard. He was just nicer. But yeah, she

1115
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 3: laughed at him.

1116
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 4: Finally, Yes, happy ending