Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alcimy. This I'm your guest,
Speaker 1: was pulsing in for KP today. Let's meet the players.
Speaker 1: Shall we first up James Heeney. James, do you do
Speaker 1: any extreme sports? I know you eskateboard, but anything outside
Speaker 1: of that, well not anymore. When I was younger, I
Speaker 1: used to do freestyle walking and I had soaps, which
Speaker 1: was a certain shoe that well, I thought I had
Speaker 1: been invented it. I don't want to take too much time,
Speaker 1: but I had one time duck taped like railroad spikes
Speaker 1: to my shoes and I would grind on those, and
Speaker 1: then I found out that there was actually shoes made
Speaker 1: for it that had these like plastic grind plates. And
Speaker 1: I used to do stairs and all sorts of tricks.
Speaker 1: But then at the old age of like eighteen, my
Speaker 1: knees went bad and I couldn't do it anymore. That
Speaker 1: like sounded like Latin to me. So many terms. Have
Speaker 1: you never heard of? Freestyle walking? It's like walking, except
Speaker 1: it's got a little bit more spizzazz to it, and uh,
Speaker 1: you jump up. It's like skateboarding, and you have the
Speaker 1: skateboard where it slides down the rail, but instead you
Speaker 1: just have grind plates on your shoes. You slide down there.
Speaker 1: It was awesome, but it is a lot of high
Speaker 1: impact stopping stop because it was stupid or no. I
Speaker 1: like when you go down the guard rail. At the bottom,
Speaker 1: you you plant the ground, but you're going so fast
Speaker 1: you instantly stop and it hurts your knees. Just now,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have picture you're doing this for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life. That's all I'm gonna see. As you're
Speaker 1: walking down the alley towards the theater, freestyle and you
Speaker 1: might notice me. I do freestyle walk. Sometimes it's just
Speaker 1: a quick foot plant on a wall. But yes, I'm
Speaker 1: so glad I ask you that question. Next up, Chris Alvarado, Chris,
Speaker 1: brunch under or overrated? Huh, Well, I don't think it's underrated.
Speaker 1: I think it's perfectly reading. Um. I don't do at
Speaker 1: a brunch myself. The last time I did a brunch,
Speaker 1: I think it was with a tool and Robin. Is
Speaker 1: that a brunch that we did? That was a brunch
Speaker 1: that that was nice? Um? I got no problems with brunch. Cole,
Speaker 1: all right, you're not gonna hear a bad word out
Speaker 1: of my mouth about brunch. I just don't participate in
Speaker 1: brunch a lot. Also, the idea of getting drunk during
Speaker 1: the day, if Mimosas is your thing or Bloody Mary's
Speaker 1: is you know, foreign concept to me. Now, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't drink. Sorry, you know, if I'm being honest,
Speaker 1: I'm still I'm still thinking about the soaps that James
Speaker 1: was talking about because I was an aggressive inline skater
Speaker 1: and I think the soaps are a little more there's
Speaker 1: a little more connection between those two than skateboarding, even
Speaker 1: because there's a little bits without shoes, and we too
Speaker 1: would put grand plates on our shoes before the soaps happened. Cole,
Speaker 1: you know you asked about brunch spilled back over into
Speaker 1: the aggressive into the walking, and I'm sorry, that's where
Speaker 1: my head is, and I apologize. I love you. I'm happy. No,
Speaker 1: it's good because like there's that point in life when
Speaker 1: you transition from freestyle walking and grinding to brunch, Like
Speaker 1: there's this that's a point, so you gotta figure out
Speaker 1: where you are in life. You know, that's right? Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I'll take brunch down a few pigs. I
Speaker 1: ain't gonna wait for an hour for eggs. There you go. Uh,
Speaker 1: next up? Whoa saying it's all? Uh? Say you're in
Speaker 1: like a David Busters or a Chuck E Cheese? What's
Speaker 1: your go to arcade game activity? All right, those are
Speaker 1: two different places, and I will I'll give you two
Speaker 1: different worlds that those are in. Um, I like basketball
Speaker 1: hoops and like, let's go David Busters first. I like
Speaker 1: throwing tossing the football as well. UM used to play
Speaker 1: a lot of pool of David Busters. Not not the
Speaker 1: game type of game you you're talking about, but oh
Speaker 1: air hockey. Big fan of air hockey, love it any size,
Speaker 1: big or small. Switch to Chuck E Cheese, ski ball,
Speaker 1: skiball ski ball, ski ball, skiball ski ball. And I
Speaker 1: think as I got older, I got worse at it.
Speaker 1: But I've really started focusing on that hundred in the
Speaker 1: top left and right corner, and I feel like that's
Speaker 1: where all the effort I just wanted to immediately get
Speaker 1: better at the sport. Uh. As soon as I started
Speaker 1: putting money in wasting time with I don't got time.
Speaker 1: I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm doing stuff. I got brunches,
Speaker 1: I got soaps, busy. That hundred in the corners, the
Speaker 1: difference between like four tickets, like four tickets, but they'll
Speaker 1: just google soaps by that because I had to know
Speaker 1: what the hell is going on? Thank you. Like Irish Springs,
Speaker 1: it would be dangerous to slide down a rail on that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I tell you, it's all body washes nowadays,
Speaker 1: these kids their body washes class but certainly not least
Speaker 1: Craig Kowski, Craig, if you could reboot, remoke, remoke, Wow, reboot,
Speaker 1: remake a movie from your childhood, what would it be?
Speaker 1: What do you think? I mean, they probably have already
Speaker 1: done it, but I'd remoke, do the right thing and
Speaker 1: cast myself as mooky. No boy, Uh, I think you'd
Speaker 1: want to go with something that like is fondly remembered
Speaker 1: but is not actually good. Um, so you can update
Speaker 1: it accordingly. So maybe like Explorers. Uh, it's a good
Speaker 1: one with Ethan Hawk and uh River Phoenix, I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: or the Last Starfighter something around that. Yeah, Cloak and Dagger.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't change a thing. I mean, you can't replace
Speaker 1: Robert Preston like that was amazing. Um. Yeah, no, those
Speaker 1: are all good choices. Explorers, especially at the last like
Speaker 1: twenty minutes. People like that doesn't work for most people.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever seen that. It's the kids
Speaker 1: build a spaceship in their backyard and then spoiler go
Speaker 1: to space. So there you go. Great, Well, let's do
Speaker 1: a damn show, shall we. All of our scene suggestions
Speaker 1: are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v
Speaker 1: I p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the
Speaker 1: show and enjoy exclusive content and other works, just head
Speaker 1: on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. You'd
Speaker 1: like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write
Speaker 1: to the podcast at alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: This scene one is from listener Joe Lutovski, who wrote, Hello,
Speaker 1: Kevin or whoever is reading this. You said on a
Speaker 1: recent episode you're running low on scene suggestion emails or something.
Speaker 1: This is a recurring theme, so here's a bunch. Use
Speaker 1: them as you see fit, or feel free to revisit
Speaker 1: this email for future episodes if you get really desperate.
Speaker 1: So there was a whole bunch of them listed, I
Speaker 1: just chose this one. Here's one America's gum control issue.
Speaker 1: That's g u M gum control issue. Yeah, look right,
Speaker 1: right under this desk here, and we've got like forces stuck.
Speaker 1: So that's disgusting. My god, Oh my god. All right, well,
Speaker 1: I guess get the peanut butter on Hell, this is
Speaker 1: just a desk. Oh, that's embarrassing. I put a lot
Speaker 1: of peanut butter. There's a lot of peanut butter under
Speaker 1: a lot of We gotta go clean that off my ship.
Speaker 1: I promise my wife i'd be home for dinner. I
Speaker 1: don't think I could. We're gonna have to go back.
Speaker 1: We're not leaving peanut butter under desk for kids to
Speaker 1: come eat tomorrow. Hey, chet, look at the Look at
Speaker 1: the janitors, Look at him, Look at him. I got
Speaker 1: a big pack of fruit stripe and nowhere to be. Hey,
Speaker 1: where'd you get that? Except from your dad's drawer? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't know. I know about it. Everything's in there,
Speaker 1: big red, juicy fruit. I'm feel comfortable. I don't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable about with this. Oh, come on, man, you gotta
Speaker 1: do it. My mom says that you gotta be dumb
Speaker 1: to handle gum. You call me dumb. You call me dumb? No,
Speaker 1: I know, no, I'm just saying I we you doing.
Speaker 1: What do you? Oh? My god, Frank, did you hear that? Hey?
Speaker 1: What are your kids doing here so late? Playing? Playing homework?
Speaker 1: Playing homework? Is that gum a little your face? God's cheek?
Speaker 1: It's get over here, Get over here. Run? You got
Speaker 1: cop by the ear. You're not this is not God.
Speaker 1: You're not allowed to do this. What do you mean
Speaker 1: you trace the gum back to my house? Yeah? So
Speaker 1: you found it on You're saying my kid had something
Speaker 1: to do with this if this is your kid, right?
Speaker 1: Is your kid? Did you take the gum out of
Speaker 1: the drawer? Dad? No? Dad, no, of course, I yes, sir, No,
Speaker 1: he didn't because I teach my my kid gum safety.
Speaker 1: So you have your gum in a lost combination drawer?
Speaker 1: I do, I do. I'm a registered gun owner. Uh
Speaker 1: keep my gum in a We don't have the authority
Speaker 1: to do this, but do you mind sharing your gum
Speaker 1: permit with us? Sure? Here, take your son to I mean,
Speaker 1: did you check with all the kids at this school,
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of kids that are, you know, young,
Speaker 1: dumb and full of gum. I mean, we caught him
Speaker 1: with gum on his face. We caught him the gum
Speaker 1: on his that isn't many thing. We've got it right.
Speaker 1: We've got a right to you, gum in this country. Mom.
Speaker 1: Can I have more potatoes? Please? Thank you? Dad? Um,
Speaker 1: I'm turning thirteen next tone. This is good mom, thank you.
Speaker 1: Huh Okay. I was thinking, I don't think I need
Speaker 1: a bike anymore. They're all I wanted that bike. I
Speaker 1: don't think I need bikes. But what about the bikes
Speaker 1: on the parade that you were excited to do with
Speaker 1: the kid any more? Or oh, I mean thirteens a kidney? Dad,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to watch the news here, kid. What do
Speaker 1: you want? Yeah? Dad? I was thinking, if maybe if
Speaker 1: I'm really responsible and I do all my homework and
Speaker 1: I get good grades and I do chores, if maybe
Speaker 1: maybe I could get as not this conversation. But I'll
Speaker 1: be safe year old dad. It's different now, same stuff,
Speaker 1: all right, Janine. I thought we'd handled this already. Maybe
Speaker 1: we should just be honest with our son. Honey. I
Speaker 1: want you to look at this little patch of hair
Speaker 1: in my in my head, what look at look at
Speaker 1: this when I was a little girl, When I was
Speaker 1: a little girl before there was such tight laws. I'm gum,
Speaker 1: I got gum putting my hair. It's right there, It's
Speaker 1: gonna be there forever. That's what you don't understand is
Speaker 1: these choices you make now as a little young man
Speaker 1: are gonna last forever and you can end up getting
Speaker 1: getting a woman you love. Have govern But Dad, correct
Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong. This is a free country, right,
Speaker 1: I'm talking all right? Yeah, thank you, thank you. Wait
Speaker 1: to get my own a first time at the gum range. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just a little overwhelmed, as I know. There's a lot.
Speaker 1: Uh how much the experience do you have with gum?
Speaker 1: You need to start started gum. You need to start
Speaker 1: a gum. Uh here's uh yeah, what do you recommend? Well,
Speaker 1: I'd like to start with a great publa bubba. Uh.
Speaker 1: You know it's got good good good you power um.
Speaker 1: You know. Not so long lasting though, right, not not
Speaker 1: too long lasting. It's a good it's a good starter gum.
Speaker 1: Why don't you Why don't you can take this first spin? There?
Speaker 1: Is it true? If you swallow it, you'll be digesting
Speaker 1: it for seven years? Yeah, that is true. You know,
Speaker 1: gum safety is important. Be reread the brochure. Um. The
Speaker 1: back of the pack really kind of explains the safety
Speaker 1: of it all. Oh, hey, hey, you got a newcomer here,
Speaker 1: I see. Yeah, that's going on one of the regulars here.
Speaker 1: You know. Um, I don't wanna. I don't wanna, you know,
Speaker 1: I should my my own business. But I've been told
Speaker 1: you we have a meeting letter on tonight. Maybe you
Speaker 1: like this gum thing that works out for you can
Speaker 1: come on buy and hang out with some of the
Speaker 1: fellows and ladies open all. Yeah, you should come by.
Speaker 1: This is Rick by the way. Rick is uh, this
Speaker 1: guy he can do it all. This guy, this guy
Speaker 1: choose Beamon's. Yeah, I like the old stuff. Yeah. I'm
Speaker 1: not an owner myself. I rented from the gum range.
Speaker 1: But I heard uh that if you go to a
Speaker 1: gum show you can, uh you know, you you can
Speaker 1: you know, come back with like two hundred packs, you know.
Speaker 1: And there's all kinds of loopholes at those gum shows.
Speaker 1: Okay for just being out. You're not a cop, are you? No? No? Okay, well,
Speaker 1: actually I wish you'd were, because they got the as gums.
Speaker 1: But they've got incredible gum. But I can't help. But Sha,
Speaker 1: I was over listening you guys talking about going to
Speaker 1: a gum show. Mm hmmm. I went to a gum
Speaker 1: show just recently. I got myself a pair of waxed
Speaker 1: lips that are gump That ain't true, it is true.
Speaker 1: Look at these waxed lips. Does he's wearing those waxed lips?
Speaker 1: I could chew him up. It's gump. Wow. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's one on Saturday, there's a gum and doll show.
Speaker 1: If you guys want to go to that. It really
Speaker 1: seems like an irresponsible combo. Hey young man, you're coming
Speaker 1: out of that gum store, Fred Johnson, I'm with the
Speaker 1: A d A. Stay away from a kid, all right.
Speaker 1: It's not illegal to look. Nothing wrong with looking, all right.
Speaker 1: Once you put gum in your mouth, it's gonna ruin
Speaker 1: your teeth. What about all the reading I can get done?
Speaker 1: I heard a good Joe has comments I get your books.
Speaker 1: Don't do this, all right? That's what the a d
Speaker 1: A s trying to prevent all this gum abuse. What
Speaker 1: does A stand for? American Dental Association. We don't funk around,
Speaker 1: that's right, all right. Yes, we come out here, we
Speaker 1: sit outside the gum store and make sure to to
Speaker 1: save in US and minds. What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 1: Come work with us? I don't want to be a well.
Speaker 1: Look who it is? The American Dental Association, the art
Speaker 1: rival of me, the Americans with Disabilities Act. What are
Speaker 1: you doing here? So is this convenient store a d
Speaker 1: A compliance it is? It's got a ramp. Don't tell him,
Speaker 1: don't tell him? User? Uh yeah, gum user from way back.
Speaker 1: It's these guys. Try to Bobby. Look, we are the
Speaker 1: real A d A. Okay, you don't. You don't approve anything.
Speaker 1: We give ratings on everything. We have to have a
Speaker 1: six six approval before we even approve anything that we like.
Speaker 1: What do you guys do? Get ramps? Put in and
Speaker 1: takeing im? Oh? Good night, dad night, little prince. Open
Speaker 1: this piece of com Wow. Cool. Hey, I've thrown a rocket.
Speaker 1: Your window open up? Hey? What's Up's up? Hey? Me
Speaker 1: and the fellows. We're gonna go down to the park.
Speaker 1: We got some gum. Hey check this out. Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: meet you down there. I don't have a bike because
Speaker 1: I asked my dad. I said, I don't want to
Speaker 1: for my birthday anymore. So can I ride in your
Speaker 1: on your hand bar handlebars? Yeah? Totally okay, I'll be
Speaker 1: right down. Hey fellas, Oh, I guess I'm not that
Speaker 1: cool yet. You guys like the cool kids. You got
Speaker 1: to prove yourself first, man, I understand. So we're gonna
Speaker 1: go to the park, right and like just like hang out.
Speaker 1: And I was like, if you got to get away
Speaker 1: from he's gonna give you. He's gonna he's gonna pump you.
Speaker 1: Just that you got pegs. I thought I can stand
Speaker 1: on those back pegs. We're not going to the park.
Speaker 1: That's just what we told our parents. What do you mean,
Speaker 1: We're going down to that house at the end of
Speaker 1: the cult it sect that belongs to Bazooka Joe. No,
Speaker 1: what leave it. He's old now making prove he's gonna
Speaker 1: chew gum first, put some gum in your mouth. Also,
Speaker 1: he's got fifty chances to make us laugh. We give
Speaker 1: him fifty chances every time, and every time he does
Speaker 1: not do it. No, he lives there with his caregiver
Speaker 1: mort He's got that turtle neck that always covers his mouth.
Speaker 1: I know all about him. I see those two freaks
Speaker 1: all the time. All right, fine, I'll prove it to
Speaker 1: you here. You got one stick no, no, not that sick.
Speaker 1: This entire six ft of bubble tape. Oh, put it
Speaker 1: in your mouth. That's easy. You can take six six
Speaker 1: ft in your mouth. M m hm oh god, guys.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna give him my handlet, dude, I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1: Gus don't kill gums, don't kill people. We up. I
Speaker 1: don't know what he's doing here we go. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think it's charades. What is this?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's in my hair? Oh my god?
Speaker 1: What is this in my hair? We have to first
Speaker 1: see Seemed Too is from alchemy v I p. Jeanette Graham,
Speaker 1: who wrote and my Kids. Elementary school, the fifth graders
Speaker 1: would go to the bowling alley up the street for
Speaker 1: their Christmas party. I always wondered what it would have
Speaker 1: been like if one of the retired seniors teams challenged
Speaker 1: them to a game. What do you think? Thanks for
Speaker 1: staying positive? Size twelves please, size twelve. There you go,
Speaker 1: Mr Jones, You've been working here a long time. Huh.
Speaker 1: My parents they made me work when I was a teenager,
Speaker 1: and I used to hate him for it. But you
Speaker 1: know what. It's a family business and I ended up
Speaker 1: loving it. It's the only place I've ever worked. Do
Speaker 1: you ever get get get out from behind there and
Speaker 1: like bowl and stuff? Or do you hate it because
Speaker 1: you're here all the time? No? I love bowling, but
Speaker 1: I've got a strict policy and no bowling during the day.
Speaker 1: I only bowl when everything's closed. I have a bit
Speaker 1: of a bowling problem, honestly, bowling problem. How do you
Speaker 1: have a bowling problem? It's so much fun? Like I
Speaker 1: could bowl? I could you? I could? You know what?
Speaker 1: Let me get you an application. You you're at the
Speaker 1: local life. Where are you? Do you go to school
Speaker 1: or you out of school? What? I have a hard
Speaker 1: time judging eight moment in high school right now? I'm
Speaker 1: a junior. Yeah, that's perfect. Here, here's an application work here.
Speaker 1: I just it's a good job for somebody who loves bowling.
Speaker 1: You get free bolling and the shoes are like it
Speaker 1: turns until everything's closed on a bowl all day. Size
Speaker 1: four please graders, size four, you go here, you go
Speaker 1: give me you still talking to me? I gave you
Speaker 1: your shoes. Mr Jones. It's a customer, the customer. It's
Speaker 1: this is a fifth grader to the pain in my existence.
Speaker 1: They crossed the line. Keep sometime. Can you put the
Speaker 1: bump us up? Jesus, this is what I don't like doing.
Speaker 1: I'm doing it. I'm talking to some we can the
Speaker 1: lights on the music. It's not it's not psychic pool
Speaker 1: right now, it's it's not cyber bowl. It's not a
Speaker 1: high schooler. What's the word I'm looking for. You're gonna
Speaker 1: get a strike? No no, no, no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: seven tenths. But I'm not paying for this psychic all right.
Speaker 1: I just want to be clear. I just want to bowl,
Speaker 1: all right. Look at psychic ball time. If you're on
Speaker 1: the lanes, you gotta deal with this upset. You're can
Speaker 1: be really upset about it. By frame three, frame three
Speaker 1: punches will be thrown. See it. I just see it.
Speaker 1: It's what I see. All right, don't worry. We have
Speaker 1: telekinetic bowl. I'm gonna make the strike. Give me what pants?
Speaker 1: He's gonna shoot his pants? Do you want to play up?
Speaker 1: You see it coming? Can't stop it. I gave his
Speaker 1: bowls a little squeeze with telekinesis. Well, it's good to
Speaker 1: get some some young energy around this bowling alley. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's how they've been doing for years
Speaker 1: around here. Now they play that Selina Gomez music and
Speaker 1: we're trying to trade on throwing at where the arrows are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you and I, Hank, we're gonna die out at
Speaker 1: some point. Do we want our sport to die out too?
Speaker 1: That's a good that's a good point, Larry, it's a
Speaker 1: very good point. The game is bigger. We don't understand
Speaker 1: what they're listening to. Were the loans they're wearing. We've
Speaker 1: got to welcome in the this young blood. That's true.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, guys, I'm sorry, Uh, I think you guys
Speaker 1: are gonna have to share elane with the fifth graders.
Speaker 1: They've come in and I don't have anywhere to put him.
Speaker 1: And honestly, excuse me, they reserved it, sam Um. I
Speaker 1: was oved it, but my friends left with the high
Speaker 1: school kid. No, I'm sorry, you can't play with the
Speaker 1: high school kids. You've reserved this lane with what we
Speaker 1: call the old timers group. But oh, I was thinking
Speaker 1: maybe a competition that would be the kids first as
Speaker 1: the seniors. But okay, fifth fifth grade, you say, pretty little?
Speaker 1: How do you that's a rude question. Mm hmm. I'm
Speaker 1: made six years young young and I made it five
Speaker 1: years young. Why do you keep saying young? Because we
Speaker 1: bowl every day? What if I what if your teamed
Speaker 1: up with a fifth this, fifth grader, that high schooler
Speaker 1: versus the two best old timers at the bowling alley
Speaker 1: now again somewhere now, now, now, it won't be worth
Speaker 1: doing unless we put stakes on it, some money or
Speaker 1: something to make it worth our time. Isn't that right? Hey,
Speaker 1: Larry Well, I suppose I'm just is every lane really
Speaker 1: full right now? I'm looking at that, I'm seeing a
Speaker 1: lot of empty lanes? Yeah, but I'm trying to make
Speaker 1: sure that we don't use all the lens of lanes
Speaker 1: if we don't have to. Like, clearly, there's only two
Speaker 1: of you. The fifth graders aren't going to take that much.
Speaker 1: I think it's good for the competition, makes sense and
Speaker 1: makes sense. I guess now is we need to answer
Speaker 1: is it more compelling to play against the fifth grader
Speaker 1: or with the fifth grader? But bowling typically you play
Speaker 1: for yourself unless you're playing on a team. Uh huh.
Speaker 1: So you know that I've been working here. I'm picking
Speaker 1: out loud. I'm not talking down to you. Takes a
Speaker 1: little while for us to figure things out. You know,
Speaker 1: we got five years young, and it takes me a
Speaker 1: bit to process that. Do you still hear a kid? Yeah,
Speaker 1: young man, I got a call from your principal's office
Speaker 1: saying you weren't at school today. All right, this is
Speaker 1: your first year of school. You can't miss days. I
Speaker 1: was on a field trip. Where did you go? Pickwick
Speaker 1: Bowling and boom mink wit a second, that's right next
Speaker 1: to the punch punch fest. M hmm. Yeah. That wasn't
Speaker 1: an official school trip, wasn't no, No, I just needed
Speaker 1: more physical activity. But I met two old men and
Speaker 1: they taught me a lot. So it's kind of like
Speaker 1: going to school. Whoa what, don't worry, they're eighty six
Speaker 1: eighty five years young. Respect of the why do we
Speaker 1: say respectively after stuff like that? Well, if you didn't
Speaker 1: need to, But if you had said their names, then
Speaker 1: you could have said respectively, and then they would tie
Speaker 1: into who's eighties six and who's eighty five? But why
Speaker 1: then it shows it which order of things? Listen, son,
Speaker 1: the great questions. This is why you should be going
Speaker 1: to school. And not going to uh the Pickwick Bowling Alley.
Speaker 1: I'm very concerned. I met a psychic. Psychic. The psychic said,
Speaker 1: I'm going to grow up to be the greatest bowler
Speaker 1: of all time. Smells like ship in here, Jesus, I
Speaker 1: shoot myself. The psychic knew that, and I went away quiet.
Speaker 1: But I came back and bowled a hell of a game. Sorry,
Speaker 1: a heck of a game. Did we come out from
Speaker 1: behind the bushes? Goodness? Oh? These are my friends? We
Speaker 1: were hiding respectively. That's Hank, that's Larry, respectively. I got it,
Speaker 1: So Larry, why don't we say respectively? Well, hey, I
Speaker 1: think your mother was right about that one. If a
Speaker 1: corresponds to somebody's name, you know, should I be concerned
Speaker 1: that two grown men or are befriending my child. I've
Speaker 1: I've been in the game of bowling for a long time,
Speaker 1: and I've never seen talent like there is in your kid,
Speaker 1: whose name is Julian. Julian. I've never seen talent like Julian's.
Speaker 1: This is because he's a child who has large hands.
Speaker 1: He's got abnormally large hands for someone his age. We've
Speaker 1: seen it all throughout years, but I've never seen a
Speaker 1: player that young attack the pocket as aggressively as his
Speaker 1: ship attacks his underpants. He's relentless trying to get those
Speaker 1: strikes and those spares, and his first role was perfect,
Speaker 1: absolutely perfect. He had no open frames. Do you understand
Speaker 1: what that means? He had no open I don't know
Speaker 1: bow spare or a strike in every frame. I'm a
Speaker 1: story short. We'd like him to live with us. Wait, wait,
Speaker 1: please see, Mom, I went to the bowling and thinking
Speaker 1: it was gonna be a competition, but instead end up
Speaker 1: being a real life learning experience. You want to adopt
Speaker 1: my son into a world of bowling and heathenism. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll start with the bowling and we'll see where it
Speaker 1: goes from there. Mom, Lewy and and Hank only have
Speaker 1: like two or three years lest on this? What did
Speaker 1: you call it? God on, God's greener, God's greenness, psychic? Nos.
Speaker 1: But we won't let him tell us no, no, no,
Speaker 1: We gotta live it out. So I was thinking, I
Speaker 1: find this many years old, and then I live with
Speaker 1: him for this many years, then I would still be
Speaker 1: a kid and come come home. Some How that logic works.
Speaker 1: From here, I'll sign the paperwork, right now I'll write
Speaker 1: it up. You get Tracy McGowan the third, give my
Speaker 1: son to Larry and Hank. I believe was it was
Speaker 1: Glama Tracy McGall in the second. Yeah, and her mom
Speaker 1: was Tracy mcgawan the first, exactly and respect like wait,
Speaker 1: Tracy McGowan the first. I used to go with the
Speaker 1: Tracy McGowan back in high school for a little bit.
Speaker 1: It couldn't be, couldn't wait she was she never knew
Speaker 1: her the father of her child. Oh, she never never knew.
Speaker 1: I never knew. Go talk to the sidekick. Maybe you
Speaker 1: go talk to the sidekick. Well, here's the form. I
Speaker 1: filled it out. I've written it and handwritten. Thank you.
Speaker 1: He's all yours, just returning back to me when you
Speaker 1: passed my good luck. Good lucks on LL love you, honey.
Speaker 1: I'm home. Oh gosh, god, my feet are tired. A
Speaker 1: little bit of an update for you. Okay, Um, we're
Speaker 1: out of eggs, so next time tomorrow, come on, you're
Speaker 1: supposed to be on top of this stuff. I love eggs.
Speaker 1: You know what. It is not my job, all right
Speaker 1: to make sure this well, I didn't eat the last egg.
Speaker 1: That's not You made it seem like it's I'm a
Speaker 1: professor of economics at Hartford University. Alright, alright, alright, not
Speaker 1: a big deal. It is a big deal, all right.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get an argument this. I signed
Speaker 1: over a kid for two some older people for a
Speaker 1: few years, and I'll get the eggs tomorrow. All right, tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, you signed over our child. He's not
Speaker 1: going to get the eggs. I see it. I see
Speaker 1: it clearly. He's going to go get those eggs tomorrow.
Speaker 1: What I have to do everything in this household. He's
Speaker 1: just he's just not that's all you wanted to ask me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really it. Um. I had a question about my son.
Speaker 1: But thank you, I like to say a few words.
Speaker 1: Two years ago and three months too, a little while ago,
Speaker 1: I moved in with Hank and Larry, and they taught
Speaker 1: me everything they knew about bowling and what it means
Speaker 1: to be a man. When I found them both in
Speaker 1: the bathtub rounded together, I got scared, But then I
Speaker 1: knew they were teaching me a lesson. So I continue
Speaker 1: to live there. I'm look at that speech impediment, that's
Speaker 1: so loud, and so kid put down the gum put
Speaker 1: down you're all so woud you even think about that,
Speaker 1: how your words hurt people, how your actions have consequences.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna chew this gum right here in front of everybody,
Speaker 1: just the way Hank and Larry would have liked it.
Speaker 1: And I'll tell you another thing. I didn't tell the
Speaker 1: police this, but I found him both wounded in the
Speaker 1: bathtub and they were both chewing gum, respectively. And that's
Speaker 1: our second. C three is from listener Mike Mellow, who wrote,
Speaker 1: you know how people ask, what's the one album you'd
Speaker 1: want if you were stranded on a desert island? C suggestion,
Speaker 1: Stranded on a desert island with nothing but your favorite album?
Speaker 1: Mike from Toronto, I just I got I found more coconuts.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to eat more coconuts again. Huh yeah, yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: here's go going at this one? Is this one tastes
Speaker 1: tastes different from the last one. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to tell you. It's gonna keep us alive. Hey, thanks
Speaker 1: for doing this. I'm still working on the shelter. If
Speaker 1: Jason would ever get back with some fucking twigs and sticks,
Speaker 1: I know, and Jason is going He's handling this plane
Speaker 1: crash in his own way. You know, I'm happy. I'm
Speaker 1: happy I can help out, and you're doing a great job.
Speaker 1: And Jason gets back, you know, maybe he'll bring some
Speaker 1: good news. Guys, guys, Oh my god, guys. I found something.
Speaker 1: I found. I found a working hand being phone, working
Speaker 1: hand cracked vinyl vinyl player, and a copy and a
Speaker 1: copy of a lot of Sporrissets Jagged a Little Pill
Speaker 1: on vinyl. What I found a hand cranked a record
Speaker 1: player and a copy of a lot of Sporrisse's Jagged
Speaker 1: Little Pill, the greatest album, if not all time on
Speaker 1: this island? Where where is it? Wait? Wait? What do
Speaker 1: you how about? Is you finding food, resources, anybody else alive?
Speaker 1: Maybe you don't understand. Man, We're on a desert island
Speaker 1: and my desert island disc is here. Wait wait wait wait,
Speaker 1: wait a you're telling me one of those hypothetical situations
Speaker 1: that we've all been through. We say, what this is?
Speaker 1: This is the this is the album? Yeah for you?
Speaker 1: Isn't it for you? What would it be for you?
Speaker 1: I actually can never answer that question. Really here all
Speaker 1: I really want, yeah, you ought to know ironic, it's
Speaker 1: nothing but bangers. That question was never presented to me.
Speaker 1: Always to me, it was presented book. And that's why
Speaker 1: I have this, this book Catcher in the rye Es. Wait,
Speaker 1: hold on, you answer, Catching the ride? And so you
Speaker 1: travel with that book every time you in cases of
Speaker 1: plane crash. Yeah, it kind of became a thing for me,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was Oh my god, Oh were
Speaker 1: you on the flight? Yeah? I was on the flight.
Speaker 1: I survived. There's something special about this island, are you okay?
Speaker 1: You can just decide the one thing you want the most.
Speaker 1: You have it. I have as many tater Tots as
Speaker 1: you could possibly ask. I just found it unlimited supplied
Speaker 1: tator huh. Okay, great, al alright, alright, let's figure out
Speaker 1: the laws of here. So you want to tater totes,
Speaker 1: You got tater tots. You want to unlimited you wait
Speaker 1: a second, unlimited. God. I tried to go through them,
Speaker 1: but they just keep popping on. Okay, stop eating him? Yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then you wanted the album. You got the album,
Speaker 1: but you didn't want the book. You brought the Every
Speaker 1: time I fly, I bring the book. So you didn't
Speaker 1: get anything, and I didn't get anything. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: People are the people. I've been here for thirty seven years.
Speaker 1: Hit him, hit him? No, no no, no, no, no, hold on,
Speaker 1: let's remember, okay, okay, be careful. What did you wish for?
Speaker 1: What did you wish for? Omen I was a kid
Speaker 1: back then. I really aged aggressively in thirty seven years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you look terrible. But all I wanted the sun. It's
Speaker 1: all The sun is a Teddy rexpin. And now I
Speaker 1: have an unlimited supply of Teddy rexpins. Oh God, like
Speaker 1: he's got an army of Teddy's behind him. Oh ship
Speaker 1: coming do my bidding? Rex spins sees and take no.
Speaker 1: I don't think he knows how blanking and they're playing
Speaker 1: a audio cassette. Okay, okay, okay, okay, that's alright. I
Speaker 1: don't alright, don't do that right now. Look, look, you
Speaker 1: and I have our wish left, okay, So let's figure
Speaker 1: out what would be best for the island and best
Speaker 1: for all of us. We have tater Tots. That's got good,
Speaker 1: little I'm sorry, just to make sure, did you say
Speaker 1: it out loud? Did you say I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: it out left? Because then, yeah, how did you how
Speaker 1: did you get the tater Tots? Me? I said. When
Speaker 1: we crashed, I said, oh, ship, I wish I had
Speaker 1: alimited supply of tater tots so I could survive on
Speaker 1: this island. And then oh yeah, and you know what,
Speaker 1: it happened almost instantly. I had to walk around a
Speaker 1: little bit later. But it wasn't coincidence, and it wasn't
Speaker 1: we set you around the island to look for the scavenge.
Speaker 1: At some point, did you say out loud you wish
Speaker 1: for Let me try to try to process it. Let
Speaker 1: me try to remember like happening, Remember like waking up,
Speaker 1: like I smelled the smell of burning human flesh. I
Speaker 1: looked over my wife and child were dead next to me. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh man, we're on a
Speaker 1: desert island. And then I was like desert desert island disks,
Speaker 1: and I'm like it would I gotta go a lot
Speaker 1: of wait a minute, white album, no alanis And then
Speaker 1: it appeared, Okay, yeah, you should have wished for something
Speaker 1: that wasn't a hand crank. That's how it works. That's
Speaker 1: how it works. When I my ship one time many
Speaker 1: years ago and I washed ashore, I was able to
Speaker 1: subsist for a week or two on coconuts and things
Speaker 1: I found. But I was awfully lonely, and I said aloud,
Speaker 1: I wish I had a robotic teddy bear to read
Speaker 1: me stories and keep me company. And oh no, I
Speaker 1: should be figured it out. I've already got my wish
Speaker 1: when I woke, when I came to and Jason's wife's
Speaker 1: body was scattered all over me, and I pushed his
Speaker 1: dead child off of me. I remember thinking of myself,
Speaker 1: I got no one. I wish I had a best friend,
Speaker 1: and I'm realizing it's one of you. I want to
Speaker 1: use my best friend. It's probably it's probably you, right,
Speaker 1: I love I love, I love books much about it.
Speaker 1: I like a longest Maybe it's maybe I wish maybe
Speaker 1: you're my best friend. It's oh maybe I'll who doesn't
Speaker 1: love to me? Teter Tuck guy. Maybe you and I
Speaker 1: are best friends. I don't think so. I have a
Speaker 1: best friend back in the United States. Yeah, and like
Speaker 1: that's what this the other half of this heart, that's
Speaker 1: his best friends. Well, it's my best friends because that's
Speaker 1: is be fry. Yeah, huh, could it be you? It's
Speaker 1: this creepy guy. Creepy guy, are you my best friend?
Speaker 1: Could it be me. I don't see how it could
Speaker 1: possibly be me. I mean, we have absolutely nothing in common.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, my favorite color is purple, purple,
Speaker 1: but your shirts both changed to purple. Oh my god?
Speaker 1: Wait can we get more than one wish? I haven't tried.
Speaker 1: I don't want to try. Maybe we'll have t don't
Speaker 1: want to disappear. Maybe this is an addition to the wish.
Speaker 1: Maybe you could ask for like ketchup or something. You know,
Speaker 1: Are you asking for ketchup? No, you're asking for ketchup? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm saying. If we're best friends and our shirts change,
Speaker 1: maybe this is it's like a mind melt. Oh, I
Speaker 1: see what you're saying. If if two of us think
Speaker 1: of the same thing, it's like we have to be
Speaker 1: together as a team. Oh makes sense. Mm hmm. But
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm out, guys. I have a good thing
Speaker 1: going right now. And do you not want to lose
Speaker 1: these tater toutes? Well, what if me, my best friend,
Speaker 1: fucking killed you? Oh, and then we threw more on
Speaker 1: top of the other bodies over there. I mean, Jason's
Speaker 1: child is dead. But I mean that's not gonna happen
Speaker 1: unless we think about it at the exact same time.
Speaker 1: That's the only way when possibly which stopped is if
Speaker 1: we thought about it. Oh my god, I was thinking
Speaker 1: of choking. Wow, he choked to death on those data tuts.
Speaker 1: Because you live, you learn, you live if you learn.
Speaker 1: So the lyric from her songs, Yeah you don't know
Speaker 1: the one I like. I'm dent, but I'm done on done,
Speaker 1: done done on hand in my pocket. Yeah that's three.
Speaker 1: Let me pull it up right now. You're gonna get tired.
Speaker 1: It's a hand crank. Wait a second, I know that voice.
Speaker 1: Kenny Ruxman came with a cassette of supposed in Former
Speaker 1: Vatuation junk Here or whatever. It is your second album.
Speaker 1: That's what Ruxman has been playing all these years. What's
Speaker 1: alone it is more is that second album, supposed Former
Speaker 1: Infatuation Junkie. It's a terrible title. It's a terrible title.
Speaker 1: It's smudge from the Raid. So there's a connection there,
Speaker 1: there's there's there's more connections. But your or Shurter Burder
Speaker 1: Burder here maybe or maybe here? Oh right, you ruin
Speaker 1: the record. You know what's interesting. None of us wish
Speaker 1: to be back home. None of us wish for that
Speaker 1: flight to none have crashed. What do I have to
Speaker 1: go back for any for anyway? That's how I feel.
Speaker 1: So let's take some time and let's let's wish for
Speaker 1: something actually, like substantial and meaningful and that would actually
Speaker 1: improve our lives in our situation. I'm ready if I
Speaker 1: go back, I'd like to be more determined. I just
Speaker 1: wish she had a better second album than supposed former
Speaker 1: infatuation Junkie to be determined, gather around Broadway stars and
Speaker 1: Broadway producers. Uh, this script just came across my table.
Speaker 1: It's called Jagged Little Pill. We don't know how it's happening,
Speaker 1: but we're now gonna be doing this on Broadway. UM.
Speaker 1: I will say it's not one of your typical jukebox musicals. Um,
Speaker 1: the music is going to inspire the story. Again, writer
Speaker 1: on own. But if this isn't a wish come true,
Speaker 1: I don't know what is. The script just appeared out
Speaker 1: of nowhere, and I Sutton Foster and excited to start
Speaker 1: at it. Thank you something. We're except we're happy to
Speaker 1: have you something. We're happy to have you Okay, so
Speaker 1: we're all just wishing. We're just wishing. Jason, are you
Speaker 1: done wishing? Jason, it seems like you're done wishing. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just wanted her to have a better second album.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I also wish that everybody on Broadway we're
Speaker 1: friends with each other. They all got together in a
Speaker 1: big room like everyone everyone writers, directors, actors, singers, orchestra.
Speaker 1: They'd all gather in the they don't like live together
Speaker 1: at a clubhouse. Whenever they want to get together, they
Speaker 1: could just say, okay, Broadway people. That makes me wonder.
Speaker 1: All right, Broadway people, rex in the musical as I be.
Speaker 1: It's me James Corden, I'd like to be in this one.
Speaker 1: Uh and if no one has any qualms, I'll produce
Speaker 1: it as well. You're in it, James. Well maybe that's
Speaker 1: our connection Broadway. Maybe our family had to die in
Speaker 1: this plane crashed speaking about you, Jason. Maybe Tater top
Speaker 1: guy had to die because maybe he was in a
Speaker 1: song in dance Man or something. Uh, you with the book.
Speaker 1: Do you like Broadway too? But I don't have any
Speaker 1: ideas for it. Okay, Broadway people, traffic the musical has
Speaker 1: come across our desk. Now there's no writer. It seems
Speaker 1: to be anonymous, but we do know the first song
Speaker 1: goes stopping at a red light, at a red light,
Speaker 1: stopping at a red Please stop calling these meetings, all right,
Speaker 1: you call these meetings way too often. Well, we all
Speaker 1: live together in this big, huge but we're all trying
Speaker 1: to do some work, Stephen, And I'm sorry, Patty Lapone
Speaker 1: does not do dishes. That's sorry, Patty, Sorry, Patty. Guys.
Speaker 1: I wonder if our wishes are having any consequence anywhere else,
Speaker 1: or maybe we're just delirious because we're hungry. Let me
Speaker 1: get use some more coconuts. What do you say, have
Speaker 1: tater tots? Oh? I don't think they're unlimited anymore. I
Speaker 1: think once the wisher dies. Although I'm making that up,
Speaker 1: I don't know. What do I know? There's like there's
Speaker 1: like eight tater touts in the bowl for the four
Speaker 1: of us to share, and the tony goes to eight
Speaker 1: tater tots in the bowl for us all to share. Jason,
Speaker 1: you've done it. You've done it. Oh my goodness, congratulations,
Speaker 1: uh thanks thanks. When I crashed on that desert island
Speaker 1: with the my uh my wife was pierced through a
Speaker 1: portion of the wing, I did not imagine that I
Speaker 1: would meet my best friends. I'm gonna say it now
Speaker 1: and uh right, an award winning musical and uh and
Speaker 1: get a Tony and also meet Stephen Sondheim, who we've
Speaker 1: willed back to life. And that's our show. Everybody. I
Speaker 1: love the logic. Let's check in with everybody before we
Speaker 1: had on our Mary Way. It's Chris Alvarado. Yeah, thank
Speaker 1: you for having me. I want to a tool. You
Speaker 1: did mention that while we were recording earlier at some point, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so, Yeah, I think okay, because then I
Speaker 1: started I started getting scared that I'm because that's your
Speaker 1: idea right here, we're seeing it now recorded a tool.
Speaker 1: Sing is working on that musical. Everybody's still that. You
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying here. You're fine with it? Oh
Speaker 1: you're not worried? Okay, good um. You know you know
Speaker 1: what else is kind of like a musical is our
Speaker 1: our in person alchemy. This lives. I mean, there can
Speaker 1: be singing. So I want to encourage our listeners to
Speaker 1: come come check out a show. We're at the Westside
Speaker 1: Comedy Theater in Santa Monica, first Sunday of the month. James,
Speaker 1: I think you were saying May Feet is our next show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: May Feet at eight pm. It's always a blast to
Speaker 1: see the listeners there, so please join us west Side
Speaker 1: Common Theater. May First, Nice James Aney, Well, I'm going
Speaker 1: to double down on that May First. Go ahead check
Speaker 1: it out eight pm. Get your tickets now because we
Speaker 1: want to know that you're gonna be there. Uh, and
Speaker 1: it's easy for us to plan for you if you
Speaker 1: get you get your ticket. Nic saying, hey, thanks for
Speaker 1: having me. It's always so much fun. And uh follow
Speaker 1: me on Socials and May Feet. I will be uh
Speaker 1: watching Alchemy this live at the west Side Commedy Theaters.
Speaker 1: Come out, hang out with us. Greg Getkowski always great
Speaker 1: to to do a bowling scene. I took bowling as
Speaker 1: a pe in college and improved my my average by
Speaker 1: twenty pins over the course of two months. What is
Speaker 1: your It is possible. What is your average now? Like
Speaker 1: if you go out you oh, um, I think if
Speaker 1: you know, it's been a while. But if I just
Speaker 1: went out bowling, I'd probably bowled between a one thirty
Speaker 1: and one forty. What about you call my bowling average,
Speaker 1: it's about one thirty one. It really is about one
Speaker 1: thirty one. Forty. Somewhere in there is Chris as much
Speaker 1: higher than that. I'm pretty sure because he oh no,
Speaker 1: it's not, it's not. But I do feel an alchemy
Speaker 1: this bowling hang coming on, James. You can get titter
Speaker 1: talks to the bowling only. I'm sure, yeah, I honestly,
Speaker 1: I usually just sneak him in myself. Of course they're
Speaker 1: limited for four dollars more. You should do that. I will.
Speaker 1: I'm at Cold Stratton at Stratton cole On Socials may
Speaker 1: first come check out Alchemy this live at the Western
Speaker 1: County Theater. I might be and I might not be.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I might be there hanging out. Who knows.
Speaker 1: We don't know who the crew is gonna be yet.
Speaker 1: Also check out Pretty Pretty Pony at that same theater.
Speaker 1: Our show is usually the first Thursday of the month
Speaker 1: ten in April. It's April fourteen instead because they're shooting
Speaker 1: something tomorrow, and said, uh so, come check that out
Speaker 1: with our monologist t v D. He's really great. You've
Speaker 1: seen him in a lot of things. Might be Win Fetterman.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's who's out here right now. We'll see.
Speaker 1: Uh so, come check that out. Let's give a big
Speaker 1: up and applause to our engineer, producer Doug Bame, everybody
Speaker 1: and the fine folks at I heart media dot com.
Speaker 1: Please write to us at Alchemy this email at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. That's Alchemy, this email until next time, this too,
Speaker 1: Before all