1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:02,560 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shure, and this is too much 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:18,599 Speaker 1: to say, question it out of you. I really loved 3 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: hearing your stories about last week's episode on anxiety and 4 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: coping with that and trauma as well. Um, I just 5 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: really it makes me sad when you guys can relate 6 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: to some of the unfortunate things I've gone through, but 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 1: it also really warms my heart when you feel comfortable 8 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 1: to share those with me. And my d m s 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,319 Speaker 1: are in a mean great you know one day when 10 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: we can do shows again, but I just want to 11 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 1: you know that it really means a lot to me. 12 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 1: And even if I don't respond to the message, sometimes 13 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: I just see them. I do my best to keep 14 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,160 Speaker 1: up with my phone. I have a really hard time 15 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,520 Speaker 1: with it, but um, it just really means a lot. 16 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: And I'm really thankful for you guys accepting my vulnerability 17 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: but also being vulnerable in return. And that's been one 18 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: of the most rewarding parts of this podcast, So thank 19 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 1: you so much for that. This week's episode is all 20 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:11,240 Speaker 1: about jealousy and the different ugly ways it manifests. Whether 21 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:16,679 Speaker 1: it's friendships or family members or boyfriend's girlfriends. It sucks 22 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: and we're going to cover all of those different situations 23 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 1: that can arise in but also what you can do 24 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: about it, what you can do about it if you're 25 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 1: on the receiving end of the jealousy, and just kind 26 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: of my experience with this unfortunate emotion, so we've covered 27 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: in the Angiogram episode. I'm in Aniogram seven and any 28 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: Gram seven. Just want to be happy, happy, happy all 29 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: the time. I can handle sadness. I've I've come to 30 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: accept it. I know what to do when I'm sad. 31 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: I hate being angry. I really hate being angry. I 32 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: don't know what to do when I'm upset like that. 33 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: I just feel like it's such an unattractive emotion. I 34 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: feel like it's really ugly. Every time I've seen somebody 35 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: really enrage mode, it's just been such a huge turn 36 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: off for me, just to them as a person, but 37 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: also jealousy. I never feel uglier than when I'm jealous, 38 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:12,840 Speaker 1: And there's so much irony in that because we're jealous 39 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: of pretty people, were jealous of successful people, And the 40 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,399 Speaker 1: more jealous you are, the uglier are on the inside, 41 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: and the less successful you're probably gonna be. Now I'm 42 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 1: in the music industry, so it can be really difficult 43 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: to have friends who are doing the same thing you're 44 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:32,079 Speaker 1: doing and chasing the same opportunities. I think that being 45 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: a part of songs Suffer Jets, which, for those of 46 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: you who don't know, is an all female singer songwriters 47 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,920 Speaker 1: collective in Nashville. We have a weekly show. We have 48 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: almost three girls who've played, and it's really about women's 49 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 1: supporting women and creating an environment where we can bloom 50 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: and not tear each other down. I think that that's 51 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: made a huge difference for me and how I view 52 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: friendships with people that should be my competitors. And I 53 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,639 Speaker 1: think you can be competitive without being a fucking asshole, 54 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, I consider myself to 55 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,079 Speaker 1: be competitive in the sense that when I see somebody 56 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: doing better than me, I see it as an opportunity 57 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: to step up my game. I see it as a 58 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: chance to better myself. And also I think it's a 59 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: good sign if your friends are doing great things, you know, 60 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 1: like if somebody's like really really smart and really cool 61 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,080 Speaker 1: and really good at music and they want to be 62 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: my friend, Like that's really nice. So don't you want 63 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 1: your friends to be doing well? I mean, if you 64 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: were the smartest, prettiest person in your friend group, what's 65 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: the fun in that? You know? Like, I want to grow, 66 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: I want to be cooler. I want to know how 67 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: to do my makeup better, Like I want to hang 68 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: out with people cooler than me. I really do. And 69 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: one of my best examples of that. Okay, So I 70 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: have this friend named Christina, right, Christina and I have 71 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,160 Speaker 1: been friends for a really long time, and she is 72 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: unbelievably like drop dead gorgeous, Like she looks like Blake 73 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 1: Lively if Blake Lively was like a hippie free spear 74 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: here it free people model. She's just the best. And 75 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: I love her so much. And she's just as beautiful 76 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: inside as she is on the outside. And I definitely 77 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: know some girls who don't want to hang out with 78 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: the girls who are hotter than them. But I love 79 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,240 Speaker 1: Christina for who she is. But also like, I mean, 80 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: she's going to be the hottest girl in the room, 81 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: in any room we walk into. And we normally hang 82 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: out at clubs in l A. And so if you 83 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: can be the honest girl in the club in l A, 84 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,159 Speaker 1: like you're really you, you're really beautiful. And she also 85 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: just has this radiance about her. I think that that's 86 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: so much more important then your looks. Like I've definitely 87 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: seen people and been like, while they're the prettiest person 88 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 1: in the room, and maybe like aesthetically they're not, but 89 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: you don't notice because their aura is so great, Like 90 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 1: Christina is that, but she actually is that fucking beautiful. 91 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: So one time, me, her and our friend Maria decided 92 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: to take a last minute, thirty six hour trip to 93 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 1: Las Vegas. And I love these girls because they are 94 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: my friends who will like text me and be like, 95 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: oh my god, like what if we went to Vegas 96 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: like next weekend? Like that would be so fun? I'm crazy, right, 97 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 1: Oh my god. And I was like literally sent them 98 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 1: a screenshot of the ticket prices like twenty minutes later, 99 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, but like what if? And 100 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: they were like like would if? And the next thing 101 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 1: we know, we're on a plane. I'm flying in from Nashville, 102 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: They're flying in from l A. We met in Vegas 103 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,600 Speaker 1: from like the shortest period of time, and we had 104 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: a gap where I had landed in Vegas and they 105 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: had a couple of hours before they were going to 106 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: be there, So I went to the Titanic exhibit by myself. 107 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 1: It was so fun. I had a freaking blast, Like 108 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 1: I went shopping. I just was like walking around the 109 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: strip like by myself, having the best time. But then 110 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 1: they get there and we're pre gaming. We're having so 111 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,600 Speaker 1: much fun in the hotel. It's already such a party. 112 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: We could have like literally never left the hotel room 113 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: and had a blast. But the Chainsmokers are playing that night, 114 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: and so we really wanted to see them. I love 115 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:02,119 Speaker 1: the chain Smokers. I think they're amazing. And we had 116 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: been on like some sort of list. I don't know. 117 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: There's like a thing about lists in Vegas, like all 118 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: you have to do. Pro tip, Okay, pro tip, I'm 119 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: gonna share you share something with you about Las Vegas. 120 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: Go to the Las Vegas location on Instagram and you'll 121 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,920 Speaker 1: see people commenting and being like text blah blah blah 122 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: blah bla if you want tickets for blah blah blah 123 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: blah blah. Because their promoters and their job is to 124 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,359 Speaker 1: get like hot girls in there and and just like 125 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 1: get women to the party, because it is not a 126 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 1: party unless there's women there. It's a sausage fest. Otherwise, 127 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 1: so like you can get free tickets to anything, you 128 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: can be like coming out, I'm on the list, but 129 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: like everybody's on the list if they're smart, and they 130 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: check the Las Vegas location, so you're welcome. Please tell 131 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: me about any crazy ship you do there when the 132 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 1: world's opened back up. But so we're on most for 133 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 1: the Chain Smokers show and we get there and we're 134 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 1: waiting in a really long line because even though there's 135 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,919 Speaker 1: like I said, there's a list, there's a lot of 136 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: people on it. And this guy comes out to us 137 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, girls, what are you doing waiting 138 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: in this line? And like obviously he's talking to Christina 139 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:05,839 Speaker 1: the whole time, and it's like coming, come into this Almo, 140 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: like we'll get you over in the VIP area. And 141 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: he hands us like a bunch of free drink tickets 142 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: like I had like five, and I was like I 143 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: don't even need that many drinks, but like wow, thanks homie, 144 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: I don't have to pay for ship. And we go 145 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: in and we're just like bouncing around. We met these 146 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: guys from Amsterdam or kind of cute, like not cute 147 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: enough for me to spend the whole night talking to them. 148 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: So we're like, okay, nice to meet you, like by 149 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: and we're just running around like dancing, having the best time, 150 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: like not even worried about stuff, not trying to like 151 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: look over our shoulders and be like, oh my god, 152 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: is that guy looking at us, or like not even 153 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: worrying about what we looked like. I think I was 154 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: wearing a Kurt Cobain shirt. And it was just like 155 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: it was just such a fun night, and we had 156 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: this vibe about us. And I know it's because like 157 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: Christina's or just like it's so hard to like not 158 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: be happy in her presence. But we were just like 159 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: vibing and having such a good time. But like when 160 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: we would walk by a group of people, like heads 161 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: would turn men, women. I mean, it's she's just so 162 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: beautiful and everybody noticed, and I was like, oh my god, 163 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: I'm friends with the Hawk girl. Like I wasn't like, 164 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 1: oh my god, why is everybody checking out Christina and 165 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: not me? I was stoked because like an hour into 166 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: all of this, somebody comes up to Christina where like 167 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: in the bathroom line, and this guy comes up and 168 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: he's like, you guys need to come backstage right now, 169 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: and We're like why, and he's like, you just you 170 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: need to come party with those backstage. So basically fast 171 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: forward like thirty minutes, we are in the DJ booth 172 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 1: with the Jean Smokers drinking tequila. We did not pay 173 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,839 Speaker 1: for it, and it was like, I forget what it's called. 174 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: It's like um done Julio eighteen twelve or something like that. 175 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: Seth i'ing right, I don't know, out of the bottle. 176 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: Like it was just sheer, opulence and excess. And we're 177 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: just like literally in the DJ booth in front of 178 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: thousands of people having the craziest time, and everybody setting 179 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: on Christina like obviously everybody's sitting on her, and honestly, 180 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: like I was kind of like, wow, I'm just like chilling, 181 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 1: like nobody's bothering me. I'm just drinking the tequila and 182 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: having a ball and like getting to reap the benefits 183 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: of being the hottest girl in the room without having 184 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 1: to be the hottest girl in the room. And that 185 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 1: was the moment that I was like, Wow, I want 186 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: to hang out with girls who were hotter than me. 187 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,679 Speaker 1: And that was the moment that a jealous bone in 188 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: me died. I just don't care, and truthfully, like people 189 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,599 Speaker 1: are going to find the people that they're meant to 190 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: be with. And if you're talking to a guy at 191 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,079 Speaker 1: a bar and then your friend comes up and the 192 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 1: guy gets distracted by your friend, okay, then he literally 193 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: was not the guy for you, because the guy for 194 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: you won't even look, he won't even pay attention. I mean, 195 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: the second I met my boyfriend, I stopped texting like 196 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: five people everybody, but I stopped texting all five guys. 197 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,959 Speaker 1: I've been kind of like Loki talking to you a 198 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 1: little bit on and off and was just like nope, 199 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: by and I didn't even notice when guys were hot anymore, 200 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,719 Speaker 1: like I didn't. It just didn't hit me. Like from 201 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:00,080 Speaker 1: the second I met him and heard him play a 202 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,199 Speaker 1: cover of Dear Maria count Me in My All Time 203 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,719 Speaker 1: Low with the pedal steel on it, I was like, 204 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: I want that one, and I just didn't notice anybody else. 205 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,719 Speaker 1: And so the right guy will do that same thing 206 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: for you. They won't notice your friends, or if they do, 207 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: they're like, wow, she's really pretty, Like I want this one, 208 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,439 Speaker 1: so wait for it. Don't be jealous. Don't get mad 209 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 1: when your friends getting hit on at the bar. Let 210 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 1: that guy buy you guys all drinks. That's also another 211 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: thing is if you're with a hot girl and some 212 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: guys could have bought you drink, find a friend who 213 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: will be like, oh my god, yeah, like we'll take 214 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,319 Speaker 1: like four tequila shots and just like include the girls 215 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: like that is like that is like probably role number 216 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: three or four of Girl Code. But yeah, I just 217 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,559 Speaker 1: I don't know. I just want to hang up with 218 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 1: a lot of people. I want to hang out with 219 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 1: smart people. I want to get smarter, you know, Like 220 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 1: I don't want to have conversations about stupid shit. I 221 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: want to learn things. I love my friend Candy Carpenter 222 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: so much and she is just a like treasure trove 223 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 1: of information and she knows so much about so many 224 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: different things. And then love talking to her. And honestly, 225 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: in situations like that, sometimes I love being wrong, Like 226 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: I love when someone can correct you and back it 227 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: up with a really solid argument and then you know 228 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: for the next time and you just learn crazy cool things. 229 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:18,559 Speaker 1: So that is how I've managed to sort of kick 230 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 1: jealousy to the curb in friendships and career stuff. Like 231 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: I mean, I feel the same way about career stuff 232 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,240 Speaker 1: as I do about guys, like the right career opportunity 233 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: will come and they'll be like, yeah, I want that one, 234 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: Like if a record label I saw my friend playing 235 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,040 Speaker 1: a show with me and was super excited about her 236 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: and kind of forgot about me, even though they come 237 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: there to see me. I've been like, okay, Like, if 238 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: they're not excited, I don't want them on my team. 239 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: I don't want them to be my boyfriend. I don't 240 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 1: want that person to like, you know, the the right 241 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: person should see you freak the funk out and get 242 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: tunnel vision and be like, yep, that one. I want 243 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: that one. But on the opposite side of the coin, 244 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: I've had some friends who have not been able to 245 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: get past their jealousy, and it's really hard to watch. 246 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: I've watched some really great people dig themselves into some 247 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: terrible holes because they've just made themselves so anxious and 248 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: and so sick over what somebody else is doing and 249 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 1: and being like, well that person is doing this or 250 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: that person is doing this, and now I can't and 251 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah, and it's like find your thing, 252 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: you know, Like when a lot of Morrissett came out 253 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: she was like the only thing like that that it 254 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,199 Speaker 1: ever existed, and so it didn't matter what other people 255 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: were doing because she was just so singular. And I 256 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: think the same thing stands for Taylor Swift, like she's 257 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:47,120 Speaker 1: so singular, And how do you pit two people against 258 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: each other when they're both so different no matter what? Like, 259 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: I mean, that's why I hate the whole argument about like, oh, 260 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,080 Speaker 1: there's only one spot for a girl on this tour, 261 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 1: there's only one spot for a girl in the radio 262 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,880 Speaker 1: or whatever, because you have to pit them against each other, 263 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 1: and it's just like so dumb, Like everybody is so different, 264 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 1: much less artists, I mean, artists entire thing is to 265 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: just be unique and and just you know, grow into 266 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: a more unique person as you as you progress and 267 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 1: as you learn more about yourself and and create more art. 268 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: And I just think that it's taken a lot of 269 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: joy from a lot of people. And I've seen some 270 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 1: friends have really crazy success and have a number one 271 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: song or you know, get a huge tour and not 272 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: let themselves enjoy it because they've been too busy focusing 273 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: on what somebody else was doing and Okay, yeah, maybe 274 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: that other person did something that you haven't done yet, 275 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: but I mean, you literally took away your own joy 276 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: about something you worked really hard for it and you 277 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 1: deserved because you were so busy looking at somebody else 278 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: and looking at somebody else's paper to make sure that 279 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: they have the right answers that you failed your own 280 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: test because you weren't paying at engine. And it's just sad. 281 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: Like when I've been on the receiving end of jealousy 282 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: with like a friend or something, it doesn't feel good, 283 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: Like I don't want to make people jealous of me. 284 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 1: I don't want to rub something in somebody's face. Like 285 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't feel good. It's not a fun feeling. It's 286 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: not like, oh my God, Like yeah, I want everybody 287 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: to like want my life, like I want friends who 288 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: are happy when I succeed, and I want to be 289 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: happy when my friends succeed. And if I can't, like, 290 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 1: I gotta work on that ship. Because like I've had 291 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: friends who I've known deep down that they wanted me 292 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: to fail, at least to some degree. I have this 293 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 1: one friend who, like I would not be able to 294 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: tell her when something good had happened to me because 295 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: I knew she'd be upset, So I would literally like 296 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 1: withhold information about like good news, like if I you know, 297 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: my music video got added to CMT, or if my 298 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 1: song was being played on Serious Sex in the Highway 299 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: or did something like that, you know something that you 300 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: would go out and like get a glasses champagne to celebrate. 301 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: I would not be able to tell her about those things, 302 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: and like she just find out from Instagram because she'd 303 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: be so weird and I didn't. It takes away my joy, 304 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: takes away her joy. For sure, she's doing that to herself. 305 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: But also like I would have this anxiety when something 306 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: good would happen to me, I'd be like, funk, what 307 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: are they going to think about this? And that is 308 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: not where your head needs to be. So if you 309 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 1: have a friend like that, I think it's worth having 310 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: a conversation with them and being really honest. I know 311 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 1: it's kind of uncomfortable to be like anythink here and 312 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: Jellen's of me, but it's also like, you know, we've 313 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: all done it, we've all been there, we've all and 314 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 1: vied somebody else, So it's worth having a conversation about. 315 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: But if that person won't change and figure it out, 316 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: they're probably not worth having in your life. Maybe I 317 00:15:49,080 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 1: don't know, just my two cents. So then we have 318 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: jealousy in relationships, and that's a little bit more complicated. 319 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 1: I feel like I've really found a place where I 320 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: can not be jealous of my friends, but relationships are 321 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: always going to be hard. I mean, it's oh god, 322 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: It's just it's such an icky emotion though, and I 323 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: still hate it, like I don't my God, And there's 324 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: definitely like two extremes. I think that a certain amount 325 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: of jealousy is healthy. I think that you should be 326 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,800 Speaker 1: you should feel like you have something to lose. If 327 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: you found somebody so great, you should really want to 328 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: hold onto them, Like, don't dig yourself into a whole 329 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: of fear and you can't get out, But definitely realize 330 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: that this person is choosing to be with you because 331 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: they love you, And someone choosing to be in love 332 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: with you and stay with you is so much more 333 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 1: powerful than someone being with you as they have no 334 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: other options. So I think a little bit of jealousy 335 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 1: and knowing that, and and seeing somebody hit on your 336 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,120 Speaker 1: boyfriend at the bar and knowing that they're gonna deflect 337 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,440 Speaker 1: and walk over to you like, that's kind of that's 338 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,440 Speaker 1: kind of a turn on. You know. It's like, also, 339 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: just do any of us really want to be with 340 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: somebody that nobody else wants to be with? You know, 341 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: Like if I, let's say I'm talking to a guy 342 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: and my friends don't think he's cute, you know, I'm 343 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 1: gonna make my own choices. But also like if they're 344 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 1: all like, Kaylee, what the funk, I'm gonna be like, oh, 345 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,960 Speaker 1: I'm not just drunk, you know, So you want somebody 346 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: that like, it's it's kind of it's kind of hot, 347 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: like to be like, oh, yeah, that girl wants that, 348 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 1: but she's not gonna have it because it's mine, you know. 349 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 1: But then it goes to a just massive extreme very quickly. 350 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,680 Speaker 1: Like jealousy is a slippery slope in a relationship. It 351 00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:00,320 Speaker 1: can kill things. It's just not oh god, it's just 352 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: it's such an achy emotion. That's all I can say. 353 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 1: I should probably call this episode achy emotion, but I 354 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,280 Speaker 1: thought that the gin Blossoms pun was too funny. So 355 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: jealousy is like allowing yourself to play out worst case 356 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 1: scenarios seven and to think the worst of not just 357 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 1: a potential outcome, but of somebody, because if you're worried 358 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,680 Speaker 1: somebody's cheating on you, that means you think that they're 359 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: capable of that. And a lot of times we think 360 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,399 Speaker 1: somebody's cheating on us and they never ever would, and 361 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 1: that's really mean to them. Now, sometimes it's your intuition. 362 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,199 Speaker 1: So it's a lot about understanding the difference between intuition 363 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 1: and anxiety and being like, am I jealous because he 364 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 1: actually does have a thing with this girl and as 365 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 1: soon as we break up they're going to go hook up? 366 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: Or am I just being triggered because I've been through 367 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: something like that before and I don't want to happen again. 368 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: But differentiating those two things, it's nearly impossible, especially when 369 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: you're in the heat at the moment. Like, let's pain 370 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 1: a picture here. Your girlfriend has a guy friend and 371 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 1: they hang out and it's not like super weird, like 372 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 1: they don't spend all their time together or anything, but 373 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,520 Speaker 1: they may be work together and have inside jokes because 374 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 1: of that, or they, you know, have just been friends 375 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,399 Speaker 1: for a really long time and have a lot in common. 376 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,680 Speaker 1: You're probably immediately in that relationship going to have like 377 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: a little at least a little eyebrow rais just be like, 378 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,440 Speaker 1: what what does loose? What's going to be a problem? 379 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,639 Speaker 1: And let's say that like the person actually probably is 380 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 1: in love with them. I think that, like a lot 381 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:43,200 Speaker 1: of platonic friendships, it's really hard to have a platonic friendship. 382 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 1: Like I think that at some point you have to 383 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,359 Speaker 1: at least think about it, Like if you're going to 384 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 1: have a purely personic friendship, you have to like stop 385 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: for a second and think, Okay, what I ever want 386 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: to date this person? When I ever want to sleep 387 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 1: with this person? No, okay, cool, we'll be friends. But 388 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,679 Speaker 1: you have to think about it because you're just burying 389 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,480 Speaker 1: it down. You might actually have these repressed feelings and 390 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 1: never realize it. And I think that that's what gets 391 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: people into trouble a lot because they've never confronted that 392 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,400 Speaker 1: and they've been like, oh my god, I've never thought 393 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,199 Speaker 1: of them that way. But then the second they let 394 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: themselves or they get drunk and they do it, they're like, oh, 395 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: and I think that that's what's happened with my ex 396 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 1: and the coworker that he cheated on me with. But anyways, 397 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,440 Speaker 1: back to my metaphor, so your girlfriend has a guy 398 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,920 Speaker 1: friend and he actually is in love with her, and 399 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 1: the girls like, oh my god, no, like we're just 400 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 1: best He's like whatever, Like it's so not like that. 401 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: And she's being super honest, like you know that she's 402 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,159 Speaker 1: not into him, you know, would never happen. You actually 403 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:41,200 Speaker 1: believe her. But him, he's a sketchy motherfucker. And you're like, 404 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,400 Speaker 1: I see you, and I get why you think she's hot, 405 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: because I too think she's hot because I'm dating her. 406 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: But homie, you got to back up, you know. But 407 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: I think what's so frustrating is when they won't acknowledge it, 408 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,920 Speaker 1: like I, okay, so if I'm in this situation with 409 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: my boyfriend, I just want them to be like, yeah, okay, 410 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,440 Speaker 1: maybe you're right, maybe that person isn't to me. I 411 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: should just probably be conscious of that when I'm hanging 412 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 1: out with them. Okay. It's that easy, just being like, oh, yeah, 413 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,879 Speaker 1: you're right, maybe they are giving a weird vibe. But 414 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 1: when they're like, oh my god, they never do that. 415 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 1: They never do that, like they're really finely We're just 416 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 1: like it's like, oh my god, I just want you 417 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: to like acknowledge it, like I don't need you to 418 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 1: even change anything. I don't even need you to stop 419 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 1: hanging out with this person. I don't I'm not gonna 420 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: like read your text thread with them. I don't want 421 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 1: to do any of those things. I simply want you 422 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 1: to acknowledge that I am right in thinking that there's 423 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: a potential sketchiness happening here. That's all I want. That's 424 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: literally all I want. And Guys, I feel like this 425 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 1: is directed more towards guys, But I don't know. Guys, 426 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: if a girl says something like that, like just at 427 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 1: least hear her out, Just like go back through the 428 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 1: catalog of memories you have with this person in your 429 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: brain and be like, oh, yeah, maybe that one time, 430 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: that was a thing, Maybe that was like a weird 431 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,920 Speaker 1: thing one time, and then like just be cognizant of it. 432 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: Like if you're hanging out with him, just think, like, 433 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 1: just be careful. I don't know, because things canna be 434 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,080 Speaker 1: misinterpreted so easily like that. The line between flirty and 435 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 1: friendly is so thin, And there's been a lot of 436 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: times where I think guys thought I was flirting with 437 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 1: him and I wasn't. But if I knew that this 438 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: person was potentially into me. I would be a lot 439 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,679 Speaker 1: more careful with what I said and how I acted, 440 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: and if I touched their arm when I was talking 441 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 1: to them, or if I anything like that, I would 442 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: just be like, okay, like, let me established like a 443 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: firm boundary here and shut it down before we even 444 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: have to have a conversation about it. So it's just like, 445 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: that's all girls want is for you to say, Okay, yeah, 446 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 1: you're probably right, and now I'm going to treat her 447 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: like somebody who isn't me, but I need to. I'm 448 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,400 Speaker 1: gonna just like, very subtly, respectfully and and quietly shut 449 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: it down. You also just don't want to be like 450 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 1: a jealous bitch all the time. And I think that 451 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 1: jealousy is normally born from trauma or a bad breakup, 452 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,439 Speaker 1: and you have to recognize the difference between somebody doing 453 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,359 Speaker 1: something wrong and something that's triggering you. I've had to 454 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 1: definitely be conscious of things that my ex did that 455 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: pissed me off or made me jealous, and I had 456 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 1: to get over that with other people and be like, Okay, yeah, no, 457 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,879 Speaker 1: they're not doing this. That was a heinous thing that 458 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,280 Speaker 1: this guy did, and not every guy's like that, and 459 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,119 Speaker 1: this guy that I'm with now is is definitely not 460 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: like that. You need to remind yourself of those things 461 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 1: and understand that triggers can lie to you sometimes. That's 462 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: the point of something being triggering. Is it like it 463 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: sets off a response without considering the logic of that response, 464 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: Like without even thinking for a second if that response 465 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 1: is justified. It just like it just sets you off. 466 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 1: That's literally the definition of a trigger. I think that 467 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 1: if you establish a really clear line of communication, like 468 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I, I think that quarantine has brought 469 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:12,960 Speaker 1: out a weird thing with excess, like literally on the 470 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,800 Speaker 1: same day. Okay, this is actually really hilarious. So my boyfriend, 471 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 1: it was during quarantine and we were with his parents 472 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: and he hands me his phone and he goes, oh 473 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: my god, go look at my text. And our friend 474 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: had said something funny to him in his text threat. 475 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 1: But all I saw was underneath was his ex girlfriend 476 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 1: texting him something that was like do you ever think 477 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: about like how it could have been if if we 478 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 1: could have stayed together? And I was like it literally 479 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: sitting at the counter with him and his parents, and 480 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 1: I was like, you want to talk about this right now, 481 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: and he was like, oh ship, he's like I was, 482 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 1: I was going to talk to you about that, but 483 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,679 Speaker 1: I just wanted you to see that thing that our 484 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 1: friend Bear said and um yeah, and like bless his heart, 485 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: like he really like and and that I feel like 486 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: it's a sign that there's nothing suspicious there because he 487 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: handed over his phone, like if you're doing something sketchy, 488 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,760 Speaker 1: you know you're doing something sketchy, and you're not gonna 489 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna have that phone face down, but you know, 490 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: and we were with his parents. It was not the 491 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,399 Speaker 1: type right time to bring it up. That's why I 492 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,199 Speaker 1: was so caught off guard. But I was like you sweet, 493 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,920 Speaker 1: sweet thing, and we talked about it and I was like, 494 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,640 Speaker 1: you know, like I just would like to know if 495 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,159 Speaker 1: if your excess something and he was not going to respond, 496 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: and I honestly said, this girl is stuck in quarantine 497 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: by herself realizing that she just lost probably the best 498 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,480 Speaker 1: thing that's ever happened to her because he's the best 499 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: thing that's ever happened to me. And then would suck. 500 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,680 Speaker 1: I mean, like god, I would hate to be the 501 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,440 Speaker 1: girl that lost this guy. He's amazing. And I was 502 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 1: like I think you should probably respond to her, because 503 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: I've been that girl too, where I've been super lonely 504 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: and at a low point depressed and reached out to 505 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 1: an accident. Then they haven't responded, and it just like 506 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: sucks because you don't even really want in that moment 507 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 1: let's get back together. You just want like some sort 508 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,359 Speaker 1: of confirmation that it meant something, or some sort of 509 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: confirmation that they still give two ships about you. So 510 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,199 Speaker 1: I was like, if you if you want to, I mean, 511 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,200 Speaker 1: I'm totally fine with your responding to her. I feel 512 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 1: like maybe you should, And so he did, and he 513 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 1: was just like, you know, said something like oh yeah, 514 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 1: I mean, it's just crazy how that wasn't that long ago. Like, 515 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 1: I hope you're doing really well. I know that this 516 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: has been a really hard time for you. End of conversation, 517 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,680 Speaker 1: and he let me read it. I didn't ask to. 518 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:34,960 Speaker 1: I don't really care. I trust him completely, but it's 519 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 1: just someone being willing to show you that's enough that 520 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:39,199 Speaker 1: you're like, I don't need to see if you're If 521 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,199 Speaker 1: you're willing to hand me your phone right now, then 522 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: it's fine. I don't want to look at it. But 523 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:49,920 Speaker 1: then literally like hours later, my ex texted me and 524 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,479 Speaker 1: was like, hey, I just like moved into a new 525 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: house and I found a bunch of stuff from like 526 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: when we first moved to Nashville, and I just want 527 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 1: to let you know, like I'm said thankful we did it. 528 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,200 Speaker 1: And it was actually like a really nice to next. 529 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 1: And I think it was important because I do need 530 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: to remind myself that good things happened in that relationship, 531 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,399 Speaker 1: Like it wasn't just all shitty only the end was shitty, 532 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,880 Speaker 1: to be completely honest, Like it was a pretty decent, good, 533 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,879 Speaker 1: healthy relationship up until a certain point. Um. And so 534 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,919 Speaker 1: I told my boyfriend about it, and I was like, um, 535 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: it's super funny that we had this conversation, really because 536 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 1: not only have those ducks from And he was like, okay, cool, 537 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 1: Like you're gonna respond and I was like yeah, because 538 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 1: I like I kind of want to get them to 539 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: send me pictures of the dogs and like it was 540 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: just so funny that happened back to back. But I 541 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:41,120 Speaker 1: think that that's like being single during quarantine, Like, oh 542 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,399 Speaker 1: my god, if I had not started dating somebody right 543 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:48,879 Speaker 1: before Corona, god knows, I would be sitting in my 544 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 1: room just wild, and I can I cannot imagine the 545 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: type of first traps I would have posted. I can't 546 00:27:56,040 --> 00:28:00,159 Speaker 1: imagine the drunk text I would have sent people. I'm mean, 547 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: it would have been a nightmare because I would have 548 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 1: just been like in a glass case of emotion, drinking 549 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 1: wine by myself, watching some show like Gossip Girl that 550 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 1: makes me think that that melodramatic behavior is normal and 551 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,840 Speaker 1: just going crazy. So I totally get it. Let's all 552 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: cut our X as a break for whatever they said 553 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 1: during the thick of quarantine. But like now that like 554 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: you know, they can go get a margarite on a 555 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,840 Speaker 1: patio again, and like it's not illegal to go to 556 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: the mall um they need to get their ship together, 557 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: like they have other things that they can do. I 558 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: don't know. I just don't think I have it all 559 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:37,640 Speaker 1: figured out. But I do think I'm in a good 560 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: place with jealousy when I didn't used to be. I 561 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: definitely had moments where I was not my best self. 562 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: But also like, okay, all right, let's talk about going 563 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: through people's things, like their phone, their ship, Like as 564 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 1: soon as you open that door, you can't close it, 565 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: Like that's not a good thing to do. And if 566 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: you feel like you need to go through it, there's 567 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 1: your red flag, you know, like you need to address 568 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 1: some other relationship issues that you're clearly having with that person, 569 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: whether it's the fact that like they probably are cheating, 570 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,800 Speaker 1: or it's the fact that you're super insecure, like that's 571 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 1: not good. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be like, hey, um, 572 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 1: I gotta be really honest, like I just have this 573 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 1: really sick feeling and I feel really sketched out about 574 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 1: this person, and UM, would you mind showing me your 575 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,160 Speaker 1: text with them? I mean, that's definitely an overreach, and 576 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 1: I would only do that in like very dire situations. 577 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 1: But I told y'all on a previous episode about how 578 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,600 Speaker 1: my ex had done this like nude photo shoot with 579 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: a girl and they found out because he was showing 580 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 1: them to me, and then I pressed the arrow too 581 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: many times and I was like uh, And so obviously 582 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: I freak out, Like I literally packed up my shop. 583 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,240 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm leaving, and I came back later 584 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 1: because I just saw like one picture and I was like, 585 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 1: I'm out like that it just made me want to 586 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,040 Speaker 1: throw up. But I came back later because I had 587 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 1: to get more stuff from the house and his laptop 588 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,840 Speaker 1: was sitting there open, and I was really pissed and 589 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: I felt like there was something else he was lying 590 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,400 Speaker 1: to me about. And he told me that he hadn't 591 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 1: been with anybody since we started, like you know, hung up, 592 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 1: and that's an important thing to tell somebody, because like, 593 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,720 Speaker 1: you know, um as teena'ser thing. So he told me that, 594 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: and I just had this feeling that this girl that 595 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,000 Speaker 1: was always around our house, she was our roommate's best friend. 596 00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,920 Speaker 1: I had this feeling that they hooked up, and I 597 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 1: just like could not shake it. And this girl is 598 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 1: always really weird to me, and I was like, fuk, 599 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: I just feel like this happened. So the one thing 600 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 1: I did when I opened his computer was I went 601 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: through the rest of the photo shoot because I was like, 602 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 1: did she take the rest of her clothes off? Like 603 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000 Speaker 1: I didn't even know because I just saw the one photo, 604 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: and um, the answer is no, but they just like 605 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 1: they did not get more tasteful, let's just put it 606 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,200 Speaker 1: that way. And then I went to his Facebook throwback 607 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 1: and read the messages from the girl that I thought 608 00:30:54,040 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: he slept with, and he did yeah, and we weren't official, 609 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 1: but he had told me that nothing had happened, and 610 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 1: I'm just like, I could have gotten a disease, Like 611 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 1: you know, this is why t M I. But I 612 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 1: feel like a lot of us have probably been here 613 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,160 Speaker 1: and it's called too much to say. And if you 614 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: haven't figured out that, like I'm not a virgin by now, 615 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: and then like I don't know what to tell you. 616 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: You're clearly not listening to the podcast closely enough. But 617 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a really real thing to be concerned about, 618 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: and you know it's it's actually it's really really important 619 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 1: to go get tested in between all your sexual partners. 620 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 1: It's really important to use protection. And I don't think 621 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,360 Speaker 1: I'm being a bad role model by telling people to 622 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 1: do that. Also, don't fucking lie to people about it. 623 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 1: Like that was so so bad. And then I just 624 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 1: oh my god, And this girl had a boyfriend, which 625 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 1: made even shadier, and I was just like, you not 626 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,240 Speaker 1: only would you sleep with this squirrel, but you would 627 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,760 Speaker 1: sleep with this girl who has a boyfriend, and then 628 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 1: you'd lie to me about it, and it was just 629 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:55,480 Speaker 1: like I mean, and then I acted so shocked. Six 630 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,640 Speaker 1: years later, when the same ship went down. I mean, god, 631 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,560 Speaker 1: you know, you'll live, You'll learn. Sometimes takes three times 632 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,479 Speaker 1: to learn the lesson, but I did. But I hated 633 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: the feeling of going through his Facebook. And I actually 634 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 1: can completely honestly say that was the last time I 635 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: went through someone's phone. And I was like eighteen or 636 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 1: nineteen at that point, and I just don't Oh, I 637 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,480 Speaker 1: just don't want to. It just feels like such a 638 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,640 Speaker 1: violation of privacy. And I think that if you really 639 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 1: feel like you need to know what they're saying to somebody, 640 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: fucking ask them. And also if they don't want to 641 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 1: show you or they're like deleting it first. I mean, 642 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 1: you can catch somebody in a line just by that, 643 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:44,240 Speaker 1: just be like being like, hey, um show me you 644 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,920 Speaker 1: In Chelsea's messages, I don't know how Chelsea is sorry 645 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 1: if your name is Chelsea, and they're like, uh why, 646 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: And then they got all weird and defensive, like people 647 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 1: who are lying get so angry when you tell them 648 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,000 Speaker 1: that they're lying, and then boom, you probably found out 649 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: that you out they're never fucking Chelsey. You know, I 650 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 1: was seriously superstarry. If your name is Chelsea, I actually 651 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: only know really nice Chelsea's. But yeah, those are my 652 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:16,360 Speaker 1: thoughts on jealousy. I have several, but it's just it's 653 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,760 Speaker 1: it is the ickiest of emotions. I will do anything 654 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 1: to not feel it, and I will say the best 655 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 1: thing I've ever done to not feel jealous is being 656 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: a healthy relationship and have friendships that are genuinely supportive. 657 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,640 Speaker 1: And I think the biggest takeaway you should have from 658 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,880 Speaker 1: this episode is always hang out with the hottest girl 659 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,000 Speaker 1: at the party because you will get free ship and 660 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 1: you will get to go in the DJ booth at 661 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: a chain smoker's concert. Thank you guys so much. My 662 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:42,960 Speaker 1: name is Kaylee Short. This is too much to say. 663 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 1: We got new episodes every Wednesday and let me know 664 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 1: what you guys think. You can't wait to talk to you. 665 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: You can follow me on social media at Kaylee Short. 666 00:33:49,560 --> 00:34:02,400 Speaker 1: Have a good one, turn it out of you. You