Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks in this episode of Amy and TJ.
Speaker 1: On this day, eleven years ago, Amy J. Robock was
Speaker 1: told she had breast cancer. Fast forward about a half
Speaker 1: year and several chemo treatments later, she was declared cancer free,
Speaker 1: and she has been cancer free ever since. But still
Speaker 1: every year now, on this day, October thirtieth, those of
Speaker 1: us who know her and love her take the time
Speaker 1: to remember to reflect and fucking party. And so we're
Speaker 1: glad you can be here now with us for Amy
Speaker 1: ROBO's cancerversary. And with that, welcome to this episode of
Speaker 1: Amy and TJ. Robes. So is the right thing to say?
Speaker 1: Do we say? Happy cancer versary? Is that the right
Speaker 1: thing to say?
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny you asked that.
Speaker 3: First of all, I am surprised because I did not
Speaker 3: know we were doing this episode. I was here, you
Speaker 3: might prepare I was here for another episode, and I
Speaker 3: did not know that this episode was happening.
Speaker 2: So I want to make that clear right now.
Speaker 3: It's funny you ask because my twenty one year old
Speaker 3: daughter Ava asked me the very same thing this morning
Speaker 3: when she wished me a happy cancer versary. She's like,
Speaker 3: oh wait, is that an okay thing to say. I
Speaker 3: guess this isn't something that's happy, and I actually corrected
Speaker 3: her and I said, no, that's perfect, because why wouldn't
Speaker 3: this be a celebration.
Speaker 2: This is a celebration of life.
Speaker 3: This is of course an acknowledgment of what I've been through,
Speaker 3: but more importantly than anything else, this is about being
Speaker 3: grateful to be here.
Speaker 2: This is why anyone who has.
Speaker 3: Fought cancer and lived with cancer and is living with
Speaker 3: cancer is here because we want to live.
Speaker 2: And so, yes, this is a celebration of life.
Speaker 1: So explain to people, because people it's different for everybody,
Speaker 1: but a cancer versary people hear that often I am
Speaker 1: more familiar with than now because of you. But it
Speaker 1: can mean different things to different people.
Speaker 2: Sure so.
Speaker 3: Actually, funny enough, when I was diagnosed, I certainly met
Speaker 3: so many women and men who were going through the
Speaker 3: process or had already been down the road. And everyone
Speaker 3: talks about their cancroversary or the day in which they
Speaker 3: celebrate or at least honor what they'd been through. And
Speaker 3: I was curious different people choose different dates. You can
Speaker 3: either choose from what I gathered, the day you were
Speaker 3: diagnosed or the day you finished treatment. So for me,
Speaker 3: I was diagnosed on October thirtieth, twenty thirteen. I finished
Speaker 3: my last chemo treatment, my eighth round of chemo, on
Speaker 3: April twenty fourth, twenty fourteen. You'll never forget those dates.
Speaker 3: But I kind of talked to a couple of several
Speaker 3: different women who had walked down that road, and I
Speaker 3: just decided for myself that I wanted to choose the
Speaker 3: day I was diagnosed because that was the day I
Speaker 3: start arted surviving. That was the day where I made
Speaker 3: a decision that I was going to fight this fight,
Speaker 3: and I knew what I was I didn't totally know,
Speaker 3: but I was preparing for walking down this path for
Speaker 3: the rest of my life. And so for me, that
Speaker 3: was the day my life changed, and it was.
Speaker 2: A sad day. Obviously, it was a horrific day.
Speaker 3: I think back to that day and I have horrible feelings.
Speaker 3: And I think anyone who's got an anniversary where something
Speaker 3: bad happened, something tragic happened, a day where your life changed,
Speaker 3: initially for the worst. But I wanted to reclaim that
Speaker 3: day because otherwise October thirtieth was always going to live
Speaker 3: in infamy for me, So why not for me.
Speaker 2: This was my choice.
Speaker 3: I decided to twist the day instead of being sad
Speaker 3: about that day and remembering how hard it was and
Speaker 3: how scary it was and how devastating it was. And
Speaker 3: remember that was the day where I said I'm going
Speaker 3: to do this.
Speaker 2: I'm going to walk down this road.
Speaker 3: I don't know the outcome, and I still don't know
Speaker 3: the outcome, but I am making a choice right now
Speaker 3: to fight to live and to remember to fight to live.
Speaker 1: What you said, that was such a sad day, and
Speaker 1: that obviously it was an awful day for a lot
Speaker 1: of reasons. So why is it on a day like
Speaker 1: today where we say happy cancer? First three?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: I get the point you're making, But it seems like
Speaker 1: a day and waking up on a day like this
Speaker 1: could still come. You can't help, but some negative and
Speaker 1: sad things creep in. Does that happen?
Speaker 3: You saw me cry this morning, But I actually will
Speaker 3: tell you they were tears of joy.
Speaker 1: There were tears and feel that way.
Speaker 3: I know, I know, but there were tears of gratitude
Speaker 3: because I see how far I've come. And I also
Speaker 3: don't know what next year brings. I don't know what
Speaker 3: tomorrow brings. I don't know what ten years from now brings,
Speaker 3: but I know right now I'm okay, and no matter
Speaker 3: what happens, I can choose to be okay.
Speaker 2: And it's just the perspective of it all.
Speaker 3: I wanted to honor how far I've come. I want
Speaker 3: to honor the unknown, and I just felt grateful to
Speaker 3: be here right now, in this moment.
Speaker 2: It's for me.
Speaker 3: These are the days, these are the anniversaries where I
Speaker 3: remember to be grateful. I know that sounds cheesy. It
Speaker 3: that's why there are tears of joy.
Speaker 1: Oh no, but this morning, I mean we were laughing
Speaker 1: about it as you were crying this morning, but I
Speaker 1: simply said, today is Today is a day of nothing
Speaker 1: but joy. Like I just we set the tone very
Speaker 1: early on and me saying today is going to be
Speaker 1: nothing but joy my verse, I didn't.
Speaker 3: I actually quickly laughed because I didn't want to cry
Speaker 3: in front of you, because I was embarrassed because I
Speaker 3: don't like to cry. But I ran and then I
Speaker 3: was like, I get it out, get it out. But
Speaker 3: it really was a release of emotion, agreeing with you
Speaker 3: that this is and I think sometimes like, yeah, there
Speaker 3: are happy tears, there are joyful tears. There are tears
Speaker 3: of gratitude, and those are beautiful tears. And yeah, that's
Speaker 3: where I am today because it is a big deal.
Speaker 3: I've always believed that it's important to this is just
Speaker 3: for me to honor milestones in your life because it
Speaker 3: it requires reflection, but it also hopefully brings about this
Speaker 3: sense of just perspective, which I think gives you the joy.
Speaker 1: Say, I was worried this morning when you started crying.
Speaker 1: I know again you said, I use the tears of
Speaker 1: Joy and d da da, But I started blasting what
Speaker 1: song throughout the house when you ran away to start crying.
Speaker 1: You remember, no, but it was it was Parrell?
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: It didn't work. No, it did.
Speaker 2: No, it made me happy, like it actually enhanced my joy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got the joke. Yes.
Speaker 2: And then I.
Speaker 3: Said what playlist is that from? And you said it
Speaker 3: was a hope playlist? I say, can you send it
Speaker 3: to me?
Speaker 2: It was you sent me your hope playlist?
Speaker 3: And I ran to it this morning with you over
Speaker 3: the Brooklyn Bridge at sunrise, and that started the day
Speaker 3: with just so much joy and so much hope and
Speaker 3: so much promise and so much.
Speaker 2: Gratitude and all of those things. I really deeply, I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm always taking aback at how much I feel on
Speaker 2: this day.
Speaker 1: Okay, but explain why is it it almost slipped your
Speaker 1: mind that the day was approaching.
Speaker 3: We've been so busy, and that's a good thing. I mean,
Speaker 3: we've been really busy. We've been working really hard. We're
Speaker 3: building a small business, we're rebuilding our careers. And that
Speaker 3: doesn't happen in a flash or overnight or by snapping
Speaker 3: your fingers. It requires a lot of hard work. And
Speaker 3: so we have been working. We've been churning out about
Speaker 3: eight podcasts a week, and we've been traveling NonStop.
Speaker 1: For partying, friends and.
Speaker 3: One fun reasons and all of those things, and football
Speaker 3: games and children studying overseas and all of those things.
Speaker 3: But it has been a whirlwind, and I actually was
Speaker 3: so so my you guys, hopefully if you're friends of
Speaker 3: the podcast, you listened. And you know, my best friend
Speaker 3: Nikki Espina, she just got back from actually running the
Speaker 3: Venice Marathon with her boyfriend Chris, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 3: But she was landing last night and she said, what
Speaker 3: are you doing tomorrow to celebrate? And she sent me
Speaker 3: this text about I don't know, eight o'clock, nine o'clock
Speaker 3: last night, and I realized in that moment that I
Speaker 3: had forgotten for the first time since I was diagnosed
Speaker 3: on October thirtieth, that it was October thirtieth.
Speaker 1: What do you make of that, that you actually forgot.
Speaker 3: I think that's probably the most amazing thing, because I've
Speaker 3: never ever forgotten, and it's always weighed on me. In fact,
Speaker 3: I have anticipated it with some dread in years past,
Speaker 3: like afraid of how I'd feel, afraid of where I was,
Speaker 3: afraid of what I was thinking or where my mind was.
Speaker 3: And this year, for the first time ever, I forgot
Speaker 3: that it was my canceroversary. And I think that is
Speaker 3: kind of awesome.
Speaker 1: That makes sense, It makes something. I was guessing that
Speaker 1: and assuming that and wondering that, but you confirmed. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to assign that feeling to you. But I
Speaker 1: was amazed because obviously it's over the past couple of
Speaker 1: years to keep up with these things with you, and
Speaker 1: sometimes people do forget. And you had a big one
Speaker 1: last year ten year, and a round number ten year
Speaker 1: and a cancer versary was last year. That's a big milestone.
Speaker 2: But it was a tough year.
Speaker 3: It was a tough year where we weren't we weren't
Speaker 3: free to be us, or we didn't feel like we
Speaker 3: could be. And I was still living in a lot
Speaker 3: of ways behind closed doors. I didn't feel celebratory, and
Speaker 3: it was It's funny because you build it up when
Speaker 3: you get diagnosed. You don't even want to be so
Speaker 3: bold as to hope you're going to be able to
Speaker 3: celebrate your five year, your tenure, but those are big milestones,
Speaker 3: especially when it comes to breast cancer. And so I
Speaker 3: had always imagined if I could get to ten years.
Speaker 3: I remember thinking that when I was diagnosed, if I
Speaker 3: could get to ten years, I'm going to throw the
Speaker 3: biggest party. I'm going to do the most amazing things
Speaker 3: to celebrate life and the people around me. And all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, the ten years came and I was
Speaker 3: in a completely different place than I could have ever anticipated,
Speaker 3: and the day was not what I had imagined.
Speaker 2: And so it's kind of funny that you had I
Speaker 2: think so much.
Speaker 3: Of life is about expectations, and we put too much
Speaker 3: on ourselves around other people, and that causes a lot
Speaker 3: of unnecessary suffering. So funny enough, I didn't even anticipate today,
Speaker 3: and so far today has been one of the most magical,
Speaker 3: beautiful days I have had this entire year. And you've
Speaker 3: been amazing.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I wasn't saying no, but I know you weren't.
Speaker 3: I know you weren't pushing, you did not have a
Speaker 3: hook in the water. No, but a lot of it
Speaker 3: has to do with you, and you have been wonderful
Speaker 3: from the moment you woke me up at four ten
Speaker 3: this morning, and you know, just hearing from my girls
Speaker 3: and here from my friends, and you know, it's just
Speaker 3: the little This is one of those moments where I
Speaker 3: will remind anyone who's listening. I know people get weird.
Speaker 3: I ala shouldn't say weird. They get uncomfortable about how
Speaker 3: to handle tough dates, tough anniversaries, tough moments, tough diagnoses,
Speaker 3: tough news. People don't know what to say to the
Speaker 3: person who is receiving it or who you're hearing it from.
Speaker 3: And I would just always urge people to reach out.
Speaker 3: Even if you say the wrong thing. It is better
Speaker 3: to say the wrong thing than nothing, and so it's
Speaker 3: better to have with the best intention to say happy Cancroversary.
Speaker 2: Even if you aren't sure that's the right tone.
Speaker 3: But at least I know today's important to you, and
Speaker 3: I'm thinking of you, and thank God you're here. Like
Speaker 3: just the smallest I'm always amazed despite what you've been
Speaker 3: through and how much life you've lived, one line, one message,
Speaker 3: one text can make the biggest difference in someone's life.
Speaker 3: So always send the text, even if you don't know
Speaker 3: if it's the right words or if it's the perfect
Speaker 3: way to say it. Saying something is always the right
Speaker 3: way to go.
Speaker 1: So well, we've talked about this obviously, with the number
Speaker 1: of people that in the past two years have gotten
Speaker 1: that message from me, Hey didn't want anything, you just
Speaker 1: crossed my mind. I've learned in the past couple of
Speaker 1: years that when somebody's on my mind, I shouldn't hesitate
Speaker 1: to reach out. People have gotten that random text for
Speaker 1: me plenty over the past couple.
Speaker 3: Years, because until you've gone through something tough, you can't
Speaker 3: imagine the impact of the text. You don't even have
Speaker 3: to make a phone call, you don't have to send
Speaker 3: a gift. It's just the thought that actually has so
Speaker 3: much weight, does it not.
Speaker 1: I have learned that lesson of plenty, but I on
Speaker 1: this ANNIVERSI I actually I gave you an option today.
Speaker 1: I was going to take you out and we were
Speaker 1: going to and we had we've been partying before we
Speaker 1: came into the studio today. And hell yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: mind saying that. Hell we popped a bottle of oove
Speaker 1: at five this morning before we recorded the morning run.
Speaker 1: I will admit that, Suis. I mean, what do you
Speaker 1: want to do? Today is a very big day. And
Speaker 1: we didn't finish the.
Speaker 2: Bottle half a glass, and then we ran several miles,
Speaker 2: so it wasn't like.
Speaker 1: My point being. I got up and we got up
Speaker 1: in a mood and to make this a special day.
Speaker 1: But when I think of your cancer versary, the first thing,
Speaker 1: the first place I think I've always is Oldna Hughes.
Speaker 1: Old Donna Hughes is an Irish pub that's next to
Speaker 1: the GMA studio on forty fourth Street, and we spent
Speaker 1: so much time there. They've been good to us over
Speaker 1: the years. But I started at ABC September the twenty
Speaker 1: fourth of twenty fourteen, a month after that was your
Speaker 1: one year cancer versary, and I always remember the first
Speaker 1: time you and I really spent some one on one
Speaker 1: good quality time. Everybody was around. Was was at o'dona
Speaker 1: Hughes for your one year cancer versary?
Speaker 3: Yes, So over the years it seemed that anniversary always
Speaker 3: happened during the weekday and it was. It became a
Speaker 3: tradition that after Good Morning America we would head over
Speaker 3: and the bartender at the time, her name was Orla
Speaker 3: from Ireland, and she knew us obviously we were next
Speaker 3: door and would let us in two hours before the
Speaker 3: restaurant actually opened up or the pub actually opened up,
Speaker 3: So from nine am till eleven am when it actually opened,
Speaker 3: it would.
Speaker 2: Just be Good Morning America had plays to ourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we did it on Fridays usually except for we
Speaker 3: also did it on my cancer Firs three and Yes,
Speaker 3: over the years, I have so many pictures of just
Speaker 3: the gang of us, like holding up whatever number it was, three, four, five,
Speaker 3: and you were there for all of them.
Speaker 1: But I just always remember that first one. And so
Speaker 1: today we got up. I said, hey, we're going to
Speaker 1: go out, We're going to start a party, and I
Speaker 1: gave you options. I said, do you want to do
Speaker 1: this spot? Do you want to do this spot? In
Speaker 1: one of those spots was Dona Hues now. I don't
Speaker 1: know if there is a perimeter around the GMA studio
Speaker 1: and we're not allowed to cross, but it was we
Speaker 1: haven't dared go anywhere closed and no reason to go
Speaker 1: hang out in Times Square is kind of a thing,
Speaker 1: but it was that important and that significant of a
Speaker 1: time in your life and my life and our relationship
Speaker 1: and our friendship starting off that I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: let's go dip our heads back into this place for us.
Speaker 1: I don't give a damn about anybody else, but we
Speaker 1: almost did that to.
Speaker 3: Way I thought about it, and I actually really appreciated
Speaker 3: the moment to give that real consideration. But funny enough,
Speaker 3: for me, I it's when you go through these big
Speaker 3: transitions in your life. Anyone who's gone through one knows.
Speaker 3: I think it's important to honor where you were, but
Speaker 3: it's also important to honor where you are now.
Speaker 2: And for me, I wanted to do.
Speaker 3: Something that was just us, and I didn't want to
Speaker 3: go back in time. I wanted to continue to go forward.
Speaker 3: And I thought about it, and that place holds a
Speaker 3: special place in my heart, but it's not where I
Speaker 3: am now, and so that's why I chose to go
Speaker 3: to a place just you and me close to iHeart Studios,
Speaker 3: so it was maybe going to be our It could
Speaker 3: be our new local watering hole.
Speaker 1: And again and still Dona Hughes, but they don't have
Speaker 1: a petite filet like this place we went to.
Speaker 2: Today that was really good, really good food.
Speaker 3: I mean, I do love their French fries over at
Speaker 3: Donna Hughes. They have a mean curry dip with it.
Speaker 3: But no, I mean that was then and this is now.
Speaker 1: But cancer verse the first thing I always think about
Speaker 1: is O'donna Hughes when I think about your cancer version
Speaker 1: and you know it now, it's maybe the last year.
Speaker 1: Last year was very, very difficult of a time for cancerversary.
Speaker 1: And but to your point, it's it's weird to me
Speaker 1: still before you and I didn't even know each other
Speaker 1: when you were diagnosed, never met, right, had no idea
Speaker 1: we'd ever meet. But to think that's something that took
Speaker 1: place in your life at that time and it was
Speaker 1: that significant is playing such a role now in our
Speaker 1: entire relationship and us sitting here now and we'll continue
Speaker 1: to going forward.
Speaker 2: I was just trying to do the math.
Speaker 3: So I finished my surgeries and all of I started
Speaker 3: I guess that was the end.
Speaker 2: Of June July. So I met you July August.
Speaker 3: I met you three months after I finished my last
Speaker 3: surgery and had just started on my drug regimen, which
Speaker 3: is nothing to sneeze at, to moxifin, which anyone who's
Speaker 3: been on it or who is on it knows that
Speaker 3: has a whole other set of side effects. So I
Speaker 3: was on that for the next eight years. So you
Speaker 3: did still meet me on my journey, and I had
Speaker 3: short hair. I was still growing it back out. I
Speaker 3: know the first time you met me, I had my
Speaker 3: very very short cancer haircut that was still because it
Speaker 3: was and you know, it's one of those things where
Speaker 3: chemo actually doesn't leave your body for many people say,
Speaker 3: like I think it takes a full year. It took
Speaker 3: me two years mentally to kind of get back in
Speaker 3: the rhythm of life and trust, trusting myself and trusting
Speaker 3: my body. And truly it's kind of cool. I do
Speaker 3: recall this. I want to mention this. This is a
Speaker 3: big deal to me. I ran my first marathon because
Speaker 3: of this anniversary. I was convinced by the New York
Speaker 3: bread Runners to run my very first marathon in part
Speaker 3: and connected to my sixth year cancer versary because I
Speaker 3: was diagnosed October thirtieth, and the New York City Marathon
Speaker 3: is always the first Sunday in November, so they're within
Speaker 3: a few days of each other, and it seemed like
Speaker 3: the right thing to do. So I decided to run
Speaker 3: my very first marathon, the New York City Marathon, because
Speaker 3: it was my sixth year cancer versary. And so now
Speaker 3: on my eleven year cancer versary, five years later, I'm
Speaker 3: about to run my fourth New York City Marathon right
Speaker 3: alongside you, which it'll be your third, and that's a
Speaker 3: pretty cool way to commemorate and to honor just how
Speaker 3: far you can come through cancer, living with cancer, fighting cancer.
Speaker 3: I think there's a huge part of the physical aspect
Speaker 3: of this where you're just like, I can trust my body,
Speaker 3: but also when you go through something like that, mentally,
Speaker 3: it never leaves me. When I'm running any long race,
Speaker 3: i'm running, I'm thinking about the battle and the struggle
Speaker 3: and those who are still fighting, and it's a big
Speaker 3: part of why I run.
Speaker 1: All right, October thirty that we're sitting here on October thirtieth,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, but October thirty twenty thirteen. How did
Speaker 1: you get the news?
Speaker 3: I was at NYU Lang Gone right there on thirty
Speaker 3: fourth Street, and I was alone. I went in for
Speaker 3: a follow up mammogram. I thought I was going to
Speaker 3: be in and out, and I got a cancer diagnosis
Speaker 3: from a technician who was reading my.
Speaker 2: Sonogram. And she said, not that one, this is the one. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she said, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: She told me the mass we found in your right
Speaker 3: breast is malignant. That is what she said to me.
Speaker 3: And I know everyone has a different reaction, but for me,
Speaker 3: I heard it in slow motion and some people might
Speaker 3: take it stoically and process it. I actually am not
Speaker 3: proud to say that I fell apart. I started, I
Speaker 3: started sobbing. The nurse next to me was rubbing my back.
Speaker 3: She said, I hate this part of my job. But
Speaker 3: I remember being so grateful that she was there and
Speaker 3: fairly quickly. Because I was not taking the news very well,
Speaker 3: they did send up a therapist to sit with me
Speaker 3: because I was by myself and I wasn't anticipating this.
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone anticipates it.
Speaker 1: So this was a follow up mammogram.
Speaker 3: This was a follow up mammogram from the Mamma Van
Speaker 3: that I had had a few weeks earlier.
Speaker 1: And that expectation was that this for everybody, for you
Speaker 1: and everybody in your world, friend's family or whatever, that
Speaker 1: this was just going to be a follow up, no
Speaker 1: big deal. But why was it you were in there
Speaker 1: by yourself.
Speaker 3: Well, I was told by my obgyn after looking at
Speaker 3: what she had seen from the Mamma Van, that it
Speaker 3: looked like it was calcium deposits, that it was nothing
Speaker 3: to be concerned about. So it seemed like this was
Speaker 3: just a kind of check the box and make sure
Speaker 3: it's not anything crazy. So I had zero expectation that
Speaker 3: I was going to get bad news. So, yes, I
Speaker 3: was alone, and it was I would say, probably was
Speaker 3: the worst day of my life. I would say, I
Speaker 3: don't think anything compares to that.
Speaker 2: And my biggest thing on.
Speaker 3: My mind, and I think anyone who's had this diagnosis
Speaker 3: who's a mom knows, was how am I going to
Speaker 3: tell my little girls, who were seven and ten at
Speaker 3: the time, And that was all I could think about.
Speaker 3: All I could think about was getting to their weddings,
Speaker 3: getting to their high school graduations, getting to their college graduations,
Speaker 3: getting to all of those moments.
Speaker 2: That's all it flashed before me. It was just about
Speaker 2: being a mom and not being there.
Speaker 1: So one college graduation down, yeah, one to go in
Speaker 1: four years out and Boulder. Yeah, but so far, so good.
Speaker 1: And I was what you're talking about you got the news.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I thought you were about to tell that
Speaker 1: story of the When was the woman that was? It
Speaker 1: didn't feel that well?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was all there that right before she told
Speaker 3: me so, right before she had done the biopsy.
Speaker 2: She had me.
Speaker 3: When they did the sonogram, they saw the mass that
Speaker 3: was in my right breast and it was just one
Speaker 3: of two. Actually there was another one in there that
Speaker 3: was hiding. But she took my fingers and she put
Speaker 3: it up against the side of my breast and she said,
Speaker 3: you never felt that.
Speaker 1: So it was that day.
Speaker 3: It was the same day, and that was just like, shame, shame, shame, shame.
Speaker 3: You're right, I hadn't done a breast self exam. And
Speaker 3: then they did the biopsy and about ten minutes later.
Speaker 3: This is crazy, the technology that they had even ten
Speaker 3: eleven years ago. She said, we're going to have the
Speaker 3: results in about ten minutes. Is there someone you can
Speaker 3: call to be with you? And I remember it's so interesting.
Speaker 3: My family is far away, and I remember thinking about
Speaker 3: my friends busy at their jobs, and I remember thinking,
Speaker 3: I'm not going.
Speaker 2: To call somebody to be here.
Speaker 3: That seems crazy, and I just and maybe in my
Speaker 3: own way, I was thinking, if I don't ask someone
Speaker 3: to be with me, then it won't be bad news,
Speaker 3: because obviously I don't think somebody tells you and asks
Speaker 3: you to bring someone to be with you before they
Speaker 3: deliver news without knowing it's probably going to be bad news.
Speaker 3: But in my mind, I wouldn't let myself think.
Speaker 1: That you didn't take advantage of your lifeline, you didn't.
Speaker 3: Play no no, And so I just I just didn't
Speaker 3: want to interrupt anyone else's day. And I also think
Speaker 3: I was protecting myself mentally, thinking this isn't going to
Speaker 3: be bad news, even though obviously all signs pointed to
Speaker 3: the fact that it would be.
Speaker 1: It's been a hell of a journey and I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people have fooled it and know it,
Speaker 1: but today was a day I just I just wanted
Speaker 1: to take a beat. You and I have been talking
Speaker 1: all let me throughout our relationship friendship, even about this
Speaker 1: and what it means, but it's still a day you
Speaker 1: gotta stop. And I hate and I got it. I
Speaker 1: bounced out of bed this morning. I was so excited.
Speaker 1: I felt great, and it was like nothing could stop.
Speaker 1: I don't care what happens. We got some bad news yesterday.
Speaker 1: It started off the whole day and there was nothing
Speaker 1: that could have come my way today. And I hate
Speaker 1: that it takes a day like this, a moment like this,
Speaker 1: which is fine to remember and reflect, but I hate
Speaker 1: that it takes remembering cancer to remember to live fully
Speaker 1: every single day. And you sent me something this was funny.
Speaker 1: I want to make sure and it's not funny, but
Speaker 1: you sent this to me before you knew where we
Speaker 1: were going, or that I had plans or anything else
Speaker 1: for you for today, and that you knew this podcast
Speaker 1: was going to happen.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you who sent this to me today? Nick?
Speaker 1: Nicky? I assume I'm not going to read the whole thing,
Speaker 1: but the last two lines of it say, the timer
Speaker 1: never stops running. All you will regret is not reaching
Speaker 1: harder for the things you actually wanted while they were
Speaker 1: still in front of you. Ain't that the freaking truth?
Speaker 1: You sent that to me this morning, I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: And this was after I jumped out. I was just
Speaker 1: nothing can stop, I say me, but nothing, nothing will
Speaker 1: get in the way of joy and celebration today. Nothing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think people point to the fact that
Speaker 3: if you've had the honor of knowing, loving, meeting anyone
Speaker 3: who is fighting cancer, I guarantee you you have met
Speaker 3: someone who lives their life to the fullest. I have
Speaker 3: never met more joyful, happy people than people who have
Speaker 3: fought and who are fighting cancer, because it just puts
Speaker 3: a completely new perspective. And yes, I forget it in
Speaker 3: moments I revert back to that, oh yeah, I've got
Speaker 3: plenty of time, or sure, a'll wasted day being angry
Speaker 3: about stupid stuff.
Speaker 2: But then it's moments like this, and.
Speaker 3: It's days like these where I remember, and I hope
Speaker 3: to always try to keep that with me, thinking there
Speaker 3: may be a new tattoo in my future where you're
Speaker 3: just reminded of that, because if you really really think
Speaker 3: about it, all we have is right.
Speaker 2: Now not being mad at me about stupid stuff exactly.
Speaker 3: I know, but today feels today feels actually funny enough.
Speaker 3: This is obviously my I guess this is the tenth
Speaker 3: time I've celebrated an anniversary as it pertains to my
Speaker 3: cancer diagnosis, and I feel more hopeful and more joyful
Speaker 3: today than I have I think any other October thirtieth,
Speaker 3: I really do. I think today I just feel a
Speaker 3: renewed sense of purpose and humility and gratitude.
Speaker 1: What do you want the rest of your day to
Speaker 1: look like?
Speaker 2: Oh? I just want to have a blast. I want
Speaker 2: to dance, I want to laugh, I want to love.
Speaker 1: Sounds like Monday through Friday for you anyway?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: So? And you know what, I think this is something
Speaker 3: to remember to anyone who has walked down this path
Speaker 3: knows this, but people who are looking and loving people
Speaker 3: who have this is something that's interesting. Once you've been
Speaker 3: diagnosed with cancer, it's.
Speaker 2: Always with you.
Speaker 3: You know. This isn't something where you're like, oh I'm
Speaker 3: cancer free, or oh I'm in remission, or oh my
Speaker 3: treatment's done, or I've stopped having to take that medication.
Speaker 3: It's always with you, and it always lingers, and you're
Speaker 3: always worried about recurrence, and you're always worried about what if,
Speaker 3: or the next test or the next blood test. But
Speaker 3: you know what I look at that is kind of
Speaker 3: a pinch, you know. It's it's just a reminder so
Speaker 3: this day for me or the next blood test I have.
Speaker 3: Instead of dreading it or being upset that I have
Speaker 3: to go through it, I try to look at it
Speaker 3: as a reminder of pinch to live.
Speaker 2: You're here.
Speaker 1: I'm going to remind you.
Speaker 2: Pinch me well.
Speaker 1: November first, November two, November third, number fourth, when we
Speaker 1: haven't how far out can I get into where I
Speaker 1: can stop using this as a reason, like in December second,
Speaker 1: if we get into a fight, say hey, baby, you
Speaker 1: remember you can't verse just a month ago.
Speaker 3: I mean, tread carefully, That's all I say. But you
Speaker 3: could pinch me at mile twenty two and say you're alive,
Speaker 3: you feel that, you feel in some pain, You're alive.
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm more of an ass slapper while we're.
Speaker 3: Running, all right, Just say you feel that we're still here.
Speaker 2: We're still here, we're living, we're living.
Speaker 3: Question.
Speaker 1: Let's go keep enjoying, partying and celebrating. It has been
Speaker 1: a fantastic decade with you in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: and this is a part of who you are and
Speaker 1: it's now a part of life and life moving forward
Speaker 1: I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate and
Speaker 1: to put it essentially on the record here with us
Speaker 1: and have a time to reflect here on the podcast today.
Speaker 1: So that's why I didn't tell you about it. I
Speaker 1: didn't want you to prepare for it.
Speaker 2: Well you know, I don't like surprises, but this was
Speaker 2: a sweet one. So thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh it works, Oh my god. Okay, it is gonna
Speaker 1: be a good day. And with the folks. Please don't
Speaker 1: be shy, please wish my dear lovely Amy, j Robot
Speaker 1: ain't happy? Can serburstree We'll talk to you also