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Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks in this episode of Amy and TJ.

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Speaker 1: On this day, eleven years ago, Amy J. Robock was

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Speaker 1: told she had breast cancer. Fast forward about a half

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Speaker 1: year and several chemo treatments later, she was declared cancer free,

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Speaker 1: and she has been cancer free ever since. But still

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Speaker 1: every year now, on this day, October thirtieth, those of

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Speaker 1: us who know her and love her take the time

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Speaker 1: to remember to reflect and fucking party. And so we're

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Speaker 1: glad you can be here now with us for Amy

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Speaker 1: ROBO's cancerversary. And with that, welcome to this episode of

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Speaker 1: Amy and TJ. Robes. So is the right thing to say?

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Speaker 1: Do we say? Happy cancer versary? Is that the right

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Speaker 1: thing to say?

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Speaker 2: You know, it's funny you asked that.

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Speaker 3: First of all, I am surprised because I did not

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Speaker 3: know we were doing this episode. I was here, you

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Speaker 3: might prepare I was here for another episode, and I

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Speaker 3: did not know that this episode was happening.

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Speaker 2: So I want to make that clear right now.

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Speaker 3: It's funny you ask because my twenty one year old

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Speaker 3: daughter Ava asked me the very same thing this morning

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Speaker 3: when she wished me a happy cancer versary. She's like,

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Speaker 3: oh wait, is that an okay thing to say. I

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Speaker 3: guess this isn't something that's happy, and I actually corrected

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Speaker 3: her and I said, no, that's perfect, because why wouldn't

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Speaker 3: this be a celebration.

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Speaker 2: This is a celebration of life.

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Speaker 3: This is of course an acknowledgment of what I've been through,

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Speaker 3: but more importantly than anything else, this is about being

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Speaker 3: grateful to be here.

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Speaker 2: This is why anyone who has.

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Speaker 3: Fought cancer and lived with cancer and is living with

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Speaker 3: cancer is here because we want to live.

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Speaker 2: And so, yes, this is a celebration of life.

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Speaker 1: So explain to people, because people it's different for everybody,

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Speaker 1: but a cancer versary people hear that often I am

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Speaker 1: more familiar with than now because of you. But it

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Speaker 1: can mean different things to different people.

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Speaker 2: Sure so.

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Speaker 3: Actually, funny enough, when I was diagnosed, I certainly met

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Speaker 3: so many women and men who were going through the

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Speaker 3: process or had already been down the road. And everyone

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Speaker 3: talks about their cancroversary or the day in which they

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Speaker 3: celebrate or at least honor what they'd been through. And

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Speaker 3: I was curious different people choose different dates. You can

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Speaker 3: either choose from what I gathered, the day you were

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Speaker 3: diagnosed or the day you finished treatment. So for me,

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Speaker 3: I was diagnosed on October thirtieth, twenty thirteen. I finished

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Speaker 3: my last chemo treatment, my eighth round of chemo, on

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Speaker 3: April twenty fourth, twenty fourteen. You'll never forget those dates.

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Speaker 3: But I kind of talked to a couple of several

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Speaker 3: different women who had walked down that road, and I

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Speaker 3: just decided for myself that I wanted to choose the

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Speaker 3: day I was diagnosed because that was the day I

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Speaker 3: start arted surviving. That was the day where I made

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Speaker 3: a decision that I was going to fight this fight,

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Speaker 3: and I knew what I was I didn't totally know,

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Speaker 3: but I was preparing for walking down this path for

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Speaker 3: the rest of my life. And so for me, that

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Speaker 3: was the day my life changed, and it was.

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Speaker 2: A sad day. Obviously, it was a horrific day.

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Speaker 3: I think back to that day and I have horrible feelings.

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Speaker 3: And I think anyone who's got an anniversary where something

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Speaker 3: bad happened, something tragic happened, a day where your life changed,

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Speaker 3: initially for the worst. But I wanted to reclaim that

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Speaker 3: day because otherwise October thirtieth was always going to live

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Speaker 3: in infamy for me, So why not for me.

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Speaker 2: This was my choice.

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Speaker 3: I decided to twist the day instead of being sad

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Speaker 3: about that day and remembering how hard it was and

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Speaker 3: how scary it was and how devastating it was. And

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Speaker 3: remember that was the day where I said I'm going

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Speaker 3: to do this.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to walk down this road.

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Speaker 3: I don't know the outcome, and I still don't know

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Speaker 3: the outcome, but I am making a choice right now

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Speaker 3: to fight to live and to remember to fight to live.

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Speaker 1: What you said, that was such a sad day, and

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Speaker 1: that obviously it was an awful day for a lot

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Speaker 1: of reasons. So why is it on a day like

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Speaker 1: today where we say happy cancer? First three?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: I get the point you're making, But it seems like

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Speaker 1: a day and waking up on a day like this

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Speaker 1: could still come. You can't help, but some negative and

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Speaker 1: sad things creep in. Does that happen?

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Speaker 3: You saw me cry this morning, But I actually will

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Speaker 3: tell you they were tears of joy.

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Speaker 1: There were tears and feel that way.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know, but there were tears of gratitude

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Speaker 3: because I see how far I've come. And I also

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Speaker 3: don't know what next year brings. I don't know what

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Speaker 3: tomorrow brings. I don't know what ten years from now brings,

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Speaker 3: but I know right now I'm okay, and no matter

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Speaker 3: what happens, I can choose to be okay.

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Speaker 2: And it's just the perspective of it all.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to honor how far I've come. I want

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Speaker 3: to honor the unknown, and I just felt grateful to

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Speaker 3: be here right now, in this moment.

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Speaker 2: It's for me.

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Speaker 3: These are the days, these are the anniversaries where I

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Speaker 3: remember to be grateful. I know that sounds cheesy. It

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Speaker 3: that's why there are tears of joy.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, but this morning, I mean we were laughing

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Speaker 1: about it as you were crying this morning, but I

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Speaker 1: simply said, today is Today is a day of nothing

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Speaker 1: but joy. Like I just we set the tone very

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Speaker 1: early on and me saying today is going to be

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Speaker 1: nothing but joy my verse, I didn't.

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Speaker 3: I actually quickly laughed because I didn't want to cry

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Speaker 3: in front of you, because I was embarrassed because I

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Speaker 3: don't like to cry. But I ran and then I

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Speaker 3: was like, I get it out, get it out. But

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Speaker 3: it really was a release of emotion, agreeing with you

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Speaker 3: that this is and I think sometimes like, yeah, there

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Speaker 3: are happy tears, there are joyful tears. There are tears

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Speaker 3: of gratitude, and those are beautiful tears. And yeah, that's

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Speaker 3: where I am today because it is a big deal.

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Speaker 3: I've always believed that it's important to this is just

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Speaker 3: for me to honor milestones in your life because it

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Speaker 3: it requires reflection, but it also hopefully brings about this

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Speaker 3: sense of just perspective, which I think gives you the joy.

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Speaker 1: Say, I was worried this morning when you started crying.

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Speaker 1: I know again you said, I use the tears of

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Speaker 1: Joy and d da da, But I started blasting what

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Speaker 1: song throughout the house when you ran away to start crying.

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Speaker 1: You remember, no, but it was it was Parrell?

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: It didn't work. No, it did.

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Speaker 2: No, it made me happy, like it actually enhanced my joy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you got the joke. Yes.

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Speaker 2: And then I.

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Speaker 3: Said what playlist is that from? And you said it

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Speaker 3: was a hope playlist? I say, can you send it

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Speaker 3: to me?

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Speaker 2: It was you sent me your hope playlist?

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Speaker 3: And I ran to it this morning with you over

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Speaker 3: the Brooklyn Bridge at sunrise, and that started the day

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Speaker 3: with just so much joy and so much hope and

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Speaker 3: so much promise and so much.

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Speaker 2: Gratitude and all of those things. I really deeply, I don't.

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Speaker 2: I'm always taking aback at how much I feel on

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Speaker 2: this day.

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Speaker 1: Okay, but explain why is it it almost slipped your

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Speaker 1: mind that the day was approaching.

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Speaker 3: We've been so busy, and that's a good thing. I mean,

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Speaker 3: we've been really busy. We've been working really hard. We're

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Speaker 3: building a small business, we're rebuilding our careers. And that

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Speaker 3: doesn't happen in a flash or overnight or by snapping

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Speaker 3: your fingers. It requires a lot of hard work. And

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Speaker 3: so we have been working. We've been churning out about

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Speaker 3: eight podcasts a week, and we've been traveling NonStop.

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Speaker 1: For partying, friends and.

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Speaker 3: One fun reasons and all of those things, and football

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Speaker 3: games and children studying overseas and all of those things.

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Speaker 3: But it has been a whirlwind, and I actually was

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Speaker 3: so so my you guys, hopefully if you're friends of

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Speaker 3: the podcast, you listened. And you know, my best friend

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Speaker 3: Nikki Espina, she just got back from actually running the

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Speaker 3: Venice Marathon with her boyfriend Chris, which is pretty cool.

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Speaker 3: But she was landing last night and she said, what

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Speaker 3: are you doing tomorrow to celebrate? And she sent me

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Speaker 3: this text about I don't know, eight o'clock, nine o'clock

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Speaker 3: last night, and I realized in that moment that I

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Speaker 3: had forgotten for the first time since I was diagnosed

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Speaker 3: on October thirtieth, that it was October thirtieth.

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Speaker 1: What do you make of that, that you actually forgot.

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Speaker 3: I think that's probably the most amazing thing, because I've

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Speaker 3: never ever forgotten, and it's always weighed on me. In fact,

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Speaker 3: I have anticipated it with some dread in years past,

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Speaker 3: like afraid of how I'd feel, afraid of where I was,

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Speaker 3: afraid of what I was thinking or where my mind was.

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Speaker 3: And this year, for the first time ever, I forgot

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Speaker 3: that it was my canceroversary. And I think that is

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Speaker 3: kind of awesome.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense, It makes something. I was guessing that

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Speaker 1: and assuming that and wondering that, but you confirmed. I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to assign that feeling to you. But I

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Speaker 1: was amazed because obviously it's over the past couple of

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Speaker 1: years to keep up with these things with you, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes people do forget. And you had a big one

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Speaker 1: last year ten year, and a round number ten year

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Speaker 1: and a cancer versary was last year. That's a big milestone.

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Speaker 2: But it was a tough year.

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Speaker 3: It was a tough year where we weren't we weren't

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Speaker 3: free to be us, or we didn't feel like we

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Speaker 3: could be. And I was still living in a lot

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Speaker 3: of ways behind closed doors. I didn't feel celebratory, and

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Speaker 3: it was It's funny because you build it up when

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Speaker 3: you get diagnosed. You don't even want to be so

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Speaker 3: bold as to hope you're going to be able to

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Speaker 3: celebrate your five year, your tenure, but those are big milestones,

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Speaker 3: especially when it comes to breast cancer. And so I

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Speaker 3: had always imagined if I could get to ten years.

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Speaker 3: I remember thinking that when I was diagnosed, if I

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Speaker 3: could get to ten years, I'm going to throw the

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Speaker 3: biggest party. I'm going to do the most amazing things

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Speaker 3: to celebrate life and the people around me. And all

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Speaker 3: of a sudden, the ten years came and I was

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Speaker 3: in a completely different place than I could have ever anticipated,

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Speaker 3: and the day was not what I had imagined.

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Speaker 2: And so it's kind of funny that you had I

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Speaker 2: think so much.

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Speaker 3: Of life is about expectations, and we put too much

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Speaker 3: on ourselves around other people, and that causes a lot

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Speaker 3: of unnecessary suffering. So funny enough, I didn't even anticipate today,

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Speaker 3: and so far today has been one of the most magical,

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Speaker 3: beautiful days I have had this entire year. And you've

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Speaker 3: been amazing.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I wasn't saying no, but I know you weren't.

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Speaker 3: I know you weren't pushing, you did not have a

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Speaker 3: hook in the water. No, but a lot of it

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Speaker 3: has to do with you, and you have been wonderful

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Speaker 3: from the moment you woke me up at four ten

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Speaker 3: this morning, and you know, just hearing from my girls

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Speaker 3: and here from my friends, and you know, it's just

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Speaker 3: the little This is one of those moments where I

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Speaker 3: will remind anyone who's listening. I know people get weird.

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Speaker 3: I ala shouldn't say weird. They get uncomfortable about how

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Speaker 3: to handle tough dates, tough anniversaries, tough moments, tough diagnoses,

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Speaker 3: tough news. People don't know what to say to the

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Speaker 3: person who is receiving it or who you're hearing it from.

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Speaker 3: And I would just always urge people to reach out.

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Speaker 3: Even if you say the wrong thing. It is better

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Speaker 3: to say the wrong thing than nothing, and so it's

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Speaker 3: better to have with the best intention to say happy Cancroversary.

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Speaker 2: Even if you aren't sure that's the right tone.

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Speaker 3: But at least I know today's important to you, and

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking of you, and thank God you're here. Like

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Speaker 3: just the smallest I'm always amazed despite what you've been

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Speaker 3: through and how much life you've lived, one line, one message,

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Speaker 3: one text can make the biggest difference in someone's life.

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Speaker 3: So always send the text, even if you don't know

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Speaker 3: if it's the right words or if it's the perfect

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Speaker 3: way to say it. Saying something is always the right

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Speaker 3: way to go.

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Speaker 1: So well, we've talked about this obviously, with the number

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Speaker 1: of people that in the past two years have gotten

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Speaker 1: that message from me, Hey didn't want anything, you just

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Speaker 1: crossed my mind. I've learned in the past couple of

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Speaker 1: years that when somebody's on my mind, I shouldn't hesitate

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Speaker 1: to reach out. People have gotten that random text for

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Speaker 1: me plenty over the past couple.

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Speaker 3: Years, because until you've gone through something tough, you can't

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Speaker 3: imagine the impact of the text. You don't even have

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Speaker 3: to make a phone call, you don't have to send

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Speaker 3: a gift. It's just the thought that actually has so

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Speaker 3: much weight, does it not.

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Speaker 1: I have learned that lesson of plenty, but I on

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Speaker 1: this ANNIVERSI I actually I gave you an option today.

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Speaker 1: I was going to take you out and we were

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Speaker 1: going to and we had we've been partying before we

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Speaker 1: came into the studio today. And hell yeah, I don't

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Speaker 1: mind saying that. Hell we popped a bottle of oove

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Speaker 1: at five this morning before we recorded the morning run.

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Speaker 1: I will admit that, Suis. I mean, what do you

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Speaker 1: want to do? Today is a very big day. And

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Speaker 1: we didn't finish the.

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Speaker 2: Bottle half a glass, and then we ran several miles,

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Speaker 2: so it wasn't like.

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Speaker 1: My point being. I got up and we got up

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Speaker 1: in a mood and to make this a special day.

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Speaker 1: But when I think of your cancer versary, the first thing,

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Speaker 1: the first place I think I've always is Oldna Hughes.

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Speaker 1: Old Donna Hughes is an Irish pub that's next to

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Speaker 1: the GMA studio on forty fourth Street, and we spent

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Speaker 1: so much time there. They've been good to us over

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Speaker 1: the years. But I started at ABC September the twenty

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Speaker 1: fourth of twenty fourteen, a month after that was your

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Speaker 1: one year cancer versary, and I always remember the first

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Speaker 1: time you and I really spent some one on one

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Speaker 1: good quality time. Everybody was around. Was was at o'dona

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Speaker 1: Hughes for your one year cancer versary?

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Speaker 3: Yes, So over the years it seemed that anniversary always

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Speaker 3: happened during the weekday and it was. It became a

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Speaker 3: tradition that after Good Morning America we would head over

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Speaker 3: and the bartender at the time, her name was Orla

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Speaker 3: from Ireland, and she knew us obviously we were next

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Speaker 3: door and would let us in two hours before the

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Speaker 3: restaurant actually opened up or the pub actually opened up,

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Speaker 3: So from nine am till eleven am when it actually opened,

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Speaker 3: it would.

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Speaker 2: Just be Good Morning America had plays to ourself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we did it on Fridays usually except for we

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Speaker 3: also did it on my cancer Firs three and Yes,

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Speaker 3: over the years, I have so many pictures of just

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Speaker 3: the gang of us, like holding up whatever number it was, three, four, five,

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Speaker 3: and you were there for all of them.

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Speaker 1: But I just always remember that first one. And so

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Speaker 1: today we got up. I said, hey, we're going to

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Speaker 1: go out, We're going to start a party, and I

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Speaker 1: gave you options. I said, do you want to do

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Speaker 1: this spot? Do you want to do this spot? In

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Speaker 1: one of those spots was Dona Hues now. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if there is a perimeter around the GMA studio

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Speaker 1: and we're not allowed to cross, but it was we

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Speaker 1: haven't dared go anywhere closed and no reason to go

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Speaker 1: hang out in Times Square is kind of a thing,

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Speaker 1: but it was that important and that significant of a

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Speaker 1: time in your life and my life and our relationship

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Speaker 1: and our friendship starting off that I said, you know what,

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Speaker 1: let's go dip our heads back into this place for us.

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Speaker 1: I don't give a damn about anybody else, but we

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Speaker 1: almost did that to.

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Speaker 3: Way I thought about it, and I actually really appreciated

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Speaker 3: the moment to give that real consideration. But funny enough,

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Speaker 3: for me, I it's when you go through these big

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Speaker 3: transitions in your life. Anyone who's gone through one knows.

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Speaker 3: I think it's important to honor where you were, but

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Speaker 3: it's also important to honor where you are now.

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Speaker 2: And for me, I wanted to do.

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Speaker 3: Something that was just us, and I didn't want to

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Speaker 3: go back in time. I wanted to continue to go forward.

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Speaker 3: And I thought about it, and that place holds a

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Speaker 3: special place in my heart, but it's not where I

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Speaker 3: am now, and so that's why I chose to go

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Speaker 3: to a place just you and me close to iHeart Studios,

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Speaker 3: so it was maybe going to be our It could

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Speaker 3: be our new local watering hole.

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Speaker 1: And again and still Dona Hughes, but they don't have

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Speaker 1: a petite filet like this place we went to.

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Speaker 2: Today that was really good, really good food.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I do love their French fries over at

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Speaker 3: Donna Hughes. They have a mean curry dip with it.

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Speaker 3: But no, I mean that was then and this is now.

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Speaker 1: But cancer verse the first thing I always think about

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Speaker 1: is O'donna Hughes when I think about your cancer version

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Speaker 1: and you know it now, it's maybe the last year.

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Speaker 1: Last year was very, very difficult of a time for cancerversary.

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Speaker 1: And but to your point, it's it's weird to me

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Speaker 1: still before you and I didn't even know each other

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Speaker 1: when you were diagnosed, never met, right, had no idea

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Speaker 1: we'd ever meet. But to think that's something that took

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Speaker 1: place in your life at that time and it was

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Speaker 1: that significant is playing such a role now in our

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Speaker 1: entire relationship and us sitting here now and we'll continue

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Speaker 1: to going forward.

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Speaker 2: I was just trying to do the math.

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Speaker 3: So I finished my surgeries and all of I started

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Speaker 3: I guess that was the end.

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Speaker 2: Of June July. So I met you July August.

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Speaker 3: I met you three months after I finished my last

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Speaker 3: surgery and had just started on my drug regimen, which

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Speaker 3: is nothing to sneeze at, to moxifin, which anyone who's

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Speaker 3: been on it or who is on it knows that

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Speaker 3: has a whole other set of side effects. So I

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Speaker 3: was on that for the next eight years. So you

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Speaker 3: did still meet me on my journey, and I had

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Speaker 3: short hair. I was still growing it back out. I

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Speaker 3: know the first time you met me, I had my

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Speaker 3: very very short cancer haircut that was still because it

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Speaker 3: was and you know, it's one of those things where

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Speaker 3: chemo actually doesn't leave your body for many people say,

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Speaker 3: like I think it takes a full year. It took

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Speaker 3: me two years mentally to kind of get back in

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Speaker 3: the rhythm of life and trust, trusting myself and trusting

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Speaker 3: my body. And truly it's kind of cool. I do

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Speaker 3: recall this. I want to mention this. This is a

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Speaker 3: big deal to me. I ran my first marathon because

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Speaker 3: of this anniversary. I was convinced by the New York

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Speaker 3: bread Runners to run my very first marathon in part

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Speaker 3: and connected to my sixth year cancer versary because I

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Speaker 3: was diagnosed October thirtieth, and the New York City Marathon

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Speaker 3: is always the first Sunday in November, so they're within

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Speaker 3: a few days of each other, and it seemed like

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Speaker 3: the right thing to do. So I decided to run

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Speaker 3: my very first marathon, the New York City Marathon, because

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Speaker 3: it was my sixth year cancer versary. And so now

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Speaker 3: on my eleven year cancer versary, five years later, I'm

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Speaker 3: about to run my fourth New York City Marathon right

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Speaker 3: alongside you, which it'll be your third, and that's a

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Speaker 3: pretty cool way to commemorate and to honor just how

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Speaker 3: far you can come through cancer, living with cancer, fighting cancer.

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Speaker 3: I think there's a huge part of the physical aspect

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Speaker 3: of this where you're just like, I can trust my body,

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Speaker 3: but also when you go through something like that, mentally,

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Speaker 3: it never leaves me. When I'm running any long race,

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Speaker 3: i'm running, I'm thinking about the battle and the struggle

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Speaker 3: and those who are still fighting, and it's a big

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Speaker 3: part of why I run.

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Speaker 1: All right, October thirty that we're sitting here on October thirtieth,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, but October thirty twenty thirteen. How did

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Speaker 1: you get the news?

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Speaker 3: I was at NYU Lang Gone right there on thirty

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Speaker 3: fourth Street, and I was alone. I went in for

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Speaker 3: a follow up mammogram. I thought I was going to

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Speaker 3: be in and out, and I got a cancer diagnosis

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Speaker 3: from a technician who was reading my.

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Speaker 2: Sonogram. And she said, not that one, this is the one. Yeah,

390
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Speaker 2: she said, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: She told me the mass we found in your right

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Speaker 3: breast is malignant. That is what she said to me.

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Speaker 3: And I know everyone has a different reaction, but for me,

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Speaker 3: I heard it in slow motion and some people might

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Speaker 3: take it stoically and process it. I actually am not

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Speaker 3: proud to say that I fell apart. I started, I

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Speaker 3: started sobbing. The nurse next to me was rubbing my back.

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Speaker 3: She said, I hate this part of my job. But

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Speaker 3: I remember being so grateful that she was there and

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Speaker 3: fairly quickly. Because I was not taking the news very well,

401
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Speaker 3: they did send up a therapist to sit with me

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Speaker 3: because I was by myself and I wasn't anticipating this.

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Speaker 3: I don't think anyone anticipates it.

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Speaker 1: So this was a follow up mammogram.

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Speaker 3: This was a follow up mammogram from the Mamma Van

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Speaker 3: that I had had a few weeks earlier.

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Speaker 1: And that expectation was that this for everybody, for you

408
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Speaker 1: and everybody in your world, friend's family or whatever, that

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Speaker 1: this was just going to be a follow up, no

410
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Speaker 1: big deal. But why was it you were in there

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Speaker 1: by yourself.

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Speaker 3: Well, I was told by my obgyn after looking at

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Speaker 3: what she had seen from the Mamma Van, that it

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Speaker 3: looked like it was calcium deposits, that it was nothing

415
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Speaker 3: to be concerned about. So it seemed like this was

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Speaker 3: just a kind of check the box and make sure

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Speaker 3: it's not anything crazy. So I had zero expectation that

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Speaker 3: I was going to get bad news. So, yes, I

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Speaker 3: was alone, and it was I would say, probably was

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Speaker 3: the worst day of my life. I would say, I

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Speaker 3: don't think anything compares to that.

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Speaker 2: And my biggest thing on.

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Speaker 3: My mind, and I think anyone who's had this diagnosis

424
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Speaker 3: who's a mom knows, was how am I going to

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Speaker 3: tell my little girls, who were seven and ten at

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Speaker 3: the time, And that was all I could think about.

427
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Speaker 3: All I could think about was getting to their weddings,

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Speaker 3: getting to their high school graduations, getting to their college graduations,

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Speaker 3: getting to all of those moments.

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Speaker 2: That's all it flashed before me. It was just about

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Speaker 2: being a mom and not being there.

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Speaker 1: So one college graduation down, yeah, one to go in

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Speaker 1: four years out and Boulder. Yeah, but so far, so good.

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Speaker 1: And I was what you're talking about you got the news.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I thought you were about to tell that

436
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Speaker 1: story of the When was the woman that was? It

437
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Speaker 1: didn't feel that well?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was all there that right before she told

439
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 3: me so, right before she had done the biopsy.

440
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 2: She had me.

441
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 3: When they did the sonogram, they saw the mass that

442
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,840
Speaker 3: was in my right breast and it was just one

443
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 3: of two. Actually there was another one in there that

444
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 3: was hiding. But she took my fingers and she put

445
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 3: it up against the side of my breast and she said,

446
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,359
Speaker 3: you never felt that.

447
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: So it was that day.

448
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 3: It was the same day, and that was just like, shame, shame, shame, shame.

449
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 3: You're right, I hadn't done a breast self exam. And

450
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 3: then they did the biopsy and about ten minutes later.

451
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 3: This is crazy, the technology that they had even ten

452
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 3: eleven years ago. She said, we're going to have the

453
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 3: results in about ten minutes. Is there someone you can

454
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 3: call to be with you? And I remember it's so interesting.

455
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,160
Speaker 3: My family is far away, and I remember thinking about

456
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 3: my friends busy at their jobs, and I remember thinking,

457
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 3: I'm not going.

458
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 2: To call somebody to be here.

459
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 3: That seems crazy, and I just and maybe in my

460
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 3: own way, I was thinking, if I don't ask someone

461
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 3: to be with me, then it won't be bad news,

462
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 3: because obviously I don't think somebody tells you and asks

463
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 3: you to bring someone to be with you before they

464
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 3: deliver news without knowing it's probably going to be bad news.

465
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 3: But in my mind, I wouldn't let myself think.

466
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: That you didn't take advantage of your lifeline, you didn't.

467
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,399
Speaker 3: Play no no, And so I just I just didn't

468
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,719
Speaker 3: want to interrupt anyone else's day. And I also think

469
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 3: I was protecting myself mentally, thinking this isn't going to

470
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 3: be bad news, even though obviously all signs pointed to

471
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:33,239
Speaker 3: the fact that it would be.

472
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,480
Speaker 1: It's been a hell of a journey and I know

473
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: a lot of people have fooled it and know it,

474
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: but today was a day I just I just wanted

475
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: to take a beat. You and I have been talking

476
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 1: all let me throughout our relationship friendship, even about this

477
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 1: and what it means, but it's still a day you

478
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: gotta stop. And I hate and I got it. I

479
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 1: bounced out of bed this morning. I was so excited.

480
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: I felt great, and it was like nothing could stop.

481
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: I don't care what happens. We got some bad news yesterday.

482
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,959
Speaker 1: It started off the whole day and there was nothing

483
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: that could have come my way today. And I hate

484
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 1: that it takes a day like this, a moment like this,

485
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 1: which is fine to remember and reflect, but I hate

486
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: that it takes remembering cancer to remember to live fully

487
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 1: every single day. And you sent me something this was funny.

488
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 1: I want to make sure and it's not funny, but

489
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: you sent this to me before you knew where we

490
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 1: were going, or that I had plans or anything else

491
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 1: for you for today, and that you knew this podcast

492
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 1: was going to happen.

493
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 2: Can I tell you who sent this to me today? Nick?

494
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 1: Nicky? I assume I'm not going to read the whole thing,

495
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,360
Speaker 1: but the last two lines of it say, the timer

496
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: never stops running. All you will regret is not reaching

497
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: harder for the things you actually wanted while they were

498
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: still in front of you. Ain't that the freaking truth?

499
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,680
Speaker 1: You sent that to me this morning, I was like, wow,

500
00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 1: And this was after I jumped out. I was just

501
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,400
Speaker 1: nothing can stop, I say me, but nothing, nothing will

502
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 1: get in the way of joy and celebration today. Nothing.

503
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think people point to the fact that

504
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 3: if you've had the honor of knowing, loving, meeting anyone

505
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 3: who is fighting cancer, I guarantee you you have met

506
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,119
Speaker 3: someone who lives their life to the fullest. I have

507
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 3: never met more joyful, happy people than people who have

508
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 3: fought and who are fighting cancer, because it just puts

509
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 3: a completely new perspective. And yes, I forget it in

510
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 3: moments I revert back to that, oh yeah, I've got

511
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 3: plenty of time, or sure, a'll wasted day being angry

512
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 3: about stupid stuff.

513
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 2: But then it's moments like this, and.

514
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 3: It's days like these where I remember, and I hope

515
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 3: to always try to keep that with me, thinking there

516
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 3: may be a new tattoo in my future where you're

517
00:25:54,840 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 3: just reminded of that, because if you really really think

518
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 3: about it, all we have is right.

519
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 2: Now not being mad at me about stupid stuff exactly.

520
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 3: I know, but today feels today feels actually funny enough.

521
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 3: This is obviously my I guess this is the tenth

522
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 3: time I've celebrated an anniversary as it pertains to my

523
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 3: cancer diagnosis, and I feel more hopeful and more joyful

524
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:31,160
Speaker 3: today than I have I think any other October thirtieth,

525
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 3: I really do. I think today I just feel a

526
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 3: renewed sense of purpose and humility and gratitude.

527
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: What do you want the rest of your day to

528
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: look like?

529
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 2: Oh? I just want to have a blast. I want

530
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,160
Speaker 2: to dance, I want to laugh, I want to love.

531
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 1: Sounds like Monday through Friday for you anyway?

532
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 2: Yes?

533
00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 3: So? And you know what, I think this is something

534
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 3: to remember to anyone who has walked down this path

535
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 3: knows this, but people who are looking and loving people

536
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 3: who have this is something that's interesting. Once you've been

537
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 3: diagnosed with cancer, it's.

538
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 2: Always with you.

539
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 3: You know. This isn't something where you're like, oh I'm

540
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 3: cancer free, or oh I'm in remission, or oh my

541
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 3: treatment's done, or I've stopped having to take that medication.

542
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 3: It's always with you, and it always lingers, and you're

543
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 3: always worried about recurrence, and you're always worried about what if,

544
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 3: or the next test or the next blood test. But

545
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 3: you know what I look at that is kind of

546
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 3: a pinch, you know. It's it's just a reminder so

547
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 3: this day for me or the next blood test I have.

548
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 3: Instead of dreading it or being upset that I have

549
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 3: to go through it, I try to look at it

550
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 3: as a reminder of pinch to live.

551
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 2: You're here.

552
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:53,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to remind you.

553
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 2: Pinch me well.

554
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: November first, November two, November third, number fourth, when we

555
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: haven't how far out can I get into where I

556
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,439
Speaker 1: can stop using this as a reason, like in December second,

557
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 1: if we get into a fight, say hey, baby, you

558
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 1: remember you can't verse just a month ago.

559
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 3: I mean, tread carefully, That's all I say. But you

560
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:16,959
Speaker 3: could pinch me at mile twenty two and say you're alive,

561
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 3: you feel that, you feel in some pain, You're alive.

562
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,439
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm more of an ass slapper while we're.

563
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,640
Speaker 3: Running, all right, Just say you feel that we're still here.

564
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 2: We're still here, we're living, we're living.

565
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 3: Question.

566
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: Let's go keep enjoying, partying and celebrating. It has been

567
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 1: a fantastic decade with you in a lot of ways,

568
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: and this is a part of who you are and

569
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: it's now a part of life and life moving forward

570
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 1: I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate and

571
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: to put it essentially on the record here with us

572
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: and have a time to reflect here on the podcast today.

573
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: So that's why I didn't tell you about it. I

574
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: didn't want you to prepare for it.

575
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 2: Well you know, I don't like surprises, but this was

576
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 2: a sweet one. So thank you.

577
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: Oh it works, Oh my god. Okay, it is gonna

578
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: be a good day. And with the folks. Please don't

579
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: be shy, please wish my dear lovely Amy, j Robot

580
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 1: ain't happy? Can serburstree We'll talk to you also