Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Okay, Britney cart right,
Speaker 1: you don't know me from Jack, not your backs, I
Speaker 1: hold up, but sarya like a good pun. But I
Speaker 1: just want to tell you that as a woman, as
Speaker 1: a human, as a fellow mom, I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, and I mean that with all my heart
Speaker 1: and soul. And we'll get into everything, but I just
Speaker 1: I wanted to lead with that because watching you, just
Speaker 1: like everybody else, I'm just a fan like anybody else
Speaker 1: in the world, I see a lot of similarities between us.
Speaker 1: Our stories have aligned a lot. Yeah, and I'm just
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you and everything you're doing. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to say that because I feel like we don't
Speaker 1: tell people that enough and sometimes we need to hear that,
Speaker 1: even from people.
Speaker 2: We don't know that that means the world to me.
Speaker 2: And obviously I haven't met you in person, but of
Speaker 2: course I know who you are, so that means like
Speaker 2: that means so much to me. And yeah, it's been
Speaker 2: a rough couple of years, but hearing stuff like that
Speaker 2: from other women like really means the world to me,
Speaker 2: Like it really makes a difference in my life and
Speaker 2: like makes it easier to share on a public level
Speaker 2: what I'm going through whatever. Other women like tell me
Speaker 2: that they, you know, see what it is, and you know,
Speaker 2: maybe I've like helped a couple of other women like
Speaker 2: realize their toxic relationships and this and that, like it
Speaker 2: really just like makes a difference.
Speaker 1: So thank you. I appreciate that absolutely. Yeah, I having
Speaker 1: been on reality for years, Yeah, I always say, uh,
Speaker 1: we fail some so others can succeed. Lead by example,
Speaker 1: opening our our lives and knowing that it helps others
Speaker 1: out there. It does. It's a it's a beautiful thing,
Speaker 1: not what you're going through, but inevitably. Let's talk about
Speaker 1: a bright spot. I want to start with Cruise, right,
Speaker 1: So wait, Cruise is four now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he just turned four on April twelfth, so freshly four.
Speaker 2: I can't believe it. I mean, Tom is flying. I
Speaker 2: cannot believe it's four years old already. But yeah, he's four,
Speaker 2: So he's just so big.
Speaker 1: He's the best. Remember when you were pregnant and people said,
Speaker 1: don't blink. They always said this to me, don't blink
Speaker 1: because they grow so fast, And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: oh my god, pregnant, you seem forever, every little step
Speaker 1: and then boom.
Speaker 2: Yes, like happens in no time. I mean the very
Speaker 2: end of your pregnant say, like you said, it seems
Speaker 2: like it lasts for so long and then you look
Speaker 2: back and you're like, oh my god, that feels like
Speaker 2: it was fever because I feel like Cruise has like
Speaker 2: always been here, you know what I mean. I did
Speaker 2: not think of like life before him. Now that he's
Speaker 2: been here, you know, so it's just, you know, he's
Speaker 2: just amazing. He's the thing I'm the most proud of
Speaker 2: in my entire life. And I'm sure you feel the same.
Speaker 1: Way I do. I do, yes, and I feel the same.
Speaker 1: I don't remember life. I mean I remember it, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have my like memories in my head, but I'm
Speaker 1: like life before my kids, it felt nonexistent, and it
Speaker 1: truly felt like, oh my gosh, this is my purpose,
Speaker 1: this is it Just it changes everything. And I know,
Speaker 1: so he just turned forward? So is he? Woy April
Speaker 1: twelve Aries.
Speaker 2: Yeah he's an Aries.
Speaker 1: Oh you got a little aries, little Aries? And what
Speaker 1: are are you a Capricorn?
Speaker 2: I'm an aquarius?
Speaker 1: Aquarius? Oh you're an Aquarius. Oh I love you even
Speaker 1: more now.
Speaker 2: I know, like, okay, so I'm not like huge into
Speaker 2: all of that, but like I'm not either.
Speaker 1: I know why I'm but sometimes.
Speaker 2: I look it up and everything, and like I'm just
Speaker 2: like I've heard great things about Aries and I've heard
Speaker 2: like I've heard both sods like crazy things and great
Speaker 2: things about Aries, and I'm like, well, he's going to
Speaker 2: be the great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I only know aries women, so actually,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if it depends in aries male
Speaker 1: versus scenarios woman. Yeah, but he's he's yours, created by you,
Speaker 1: so he'll be amazing.
Speaker 2: Hell.
Speaker 1: And I know you just talked about his autism diagnosis,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask you about that, and I think,
Speaker 1: first of all, that's a very brave thing to share.
Speaker 1: And I think you're reasoning because it was going to
Speaker 1: be on the show and people would notice he wasn't
Speaker 1: completely talking doing that. But I just I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you, what were your first signs that you start
Speaker 1: noticing perhaps he was on the spectrum.
Speaker 2: So whenever he was like before he started turning, before
Speaker 2: he turned two years old, he was talking a lot more,
Speaker 2: and he was you know, he was saying words like
Speaker 2: of course he started with the normal mommy, daddy. He
Speaker 2: was saying like hot Dog from Mickey Mouth's club House,
Speaker 2: his mama or dada dada came first, boom whatever.
Speaker 1: We won't hold that against her.
Speaker 2: No now all he said his mama, So it's like okay.
Speaker 2: But you know, he was saying a lot more words
Speaker 2: back then, and then I noticed, like the closer he
Speaker 2: got to that, he started regressing and stopped talking, like
Speaker 2: almost completely. He walked early, crawled early, did all the
Speaker 2: physical things like earlier on time, and then so it
Speaker 2: was all about his speech that I started noticing. And
Speaker 2: then he started he has stems, so so like he'll
Speaker 2: look out the corner of his eyes sometimes, or if
Speaker 2: he gets excited, he might like like hold his hand
Speaker 2: really tight to his face. So I just started noticing
Speaker 2: like little things like that. You know, a lot of
Speaker 2: kids on the spectrum will like flap and flap their
Speaker 2: hands and do different things like that. So he started
Speaker 2: like having those stemming things. So we kind of knew
Speaker 2: that we were going to get the autism diagnosis, Like
Speaker 2: I was prepared for it.
Speaker 1: But you have to do that thing with your pediatrician
Speaker 1: where you fell out the form like at this age,
Speaker 1: they did this and you check all the cognitive all
Speaker 1: that way.
Speaker 2: So he was going you know, his regular pediatrician. Everything
Speaker 2: was like perfect, you know, health wise, completely perfect. So
Speaker 2: then we had him meet with a developmental pediatrician and
Speaker 2: they you know, it's a process because even to get
Speaker 2: the appointment takes like three to four months, and then
Speaker 2: you go in there and then they have five different
Speaker 2: appointments because they don't want to just meet them the
Speaker 2: kids one time and diagnose them, which I appreciate. So
Speaker 2: you go into the office or you have a zoom first,
Speaker 2: and then you go into the office and spend time
Speaker 2: with a doctor with your kid, and then they go
Speaker 2: to school with your kid as well, and then they
Speaker 2: go back to the office again, and then you have
Speaker 2: another zoom appointment. So you know, it's a longer process.
Speaker 2: And whenever we finally got the diagnosis, you know, like
Speaker 2: I said, we were prepared for it, but it just
Speaker 2: it takes a while. And that's something like you know,
Speaker 2: early intervention like matters big time whenever you're you know,
Speaker 2: dealing with a kid that's on the spectrum. Because he's
Speaker 2: been in speech therapy since he was two years old.
Speaker 2: He's in occupational therapy. He has a therapeutic companion that
Speaker 2: goes to school with him every day. But he's doing
Speaker 2: so much better, Like whenever I talk about the stemming
Speaker 2: and stuff, like, occupational therapy has helped him so much,
Speaker 2: Like he hardly even does that anymore. And today he
Speaker 2: said orange, and like they it was like, that's a
Speaker 2: huge deal. So you just celebrate every single milestone and
Speaker 2: you know, saying orange is like that's huge. So I'm
Speaker 2: super proud of him, and I'm super excited for what's
Speaker 2: to come because he's just he's really thriving right now
Speaker 2: and it makes me super proud of him.
Speaker 1: Good job, mama, because it's from my experience. I've had
Speaker 1: a lot of friends that have children on the spectrum
Speaker 1: and they didn't not just they recognized it but didn't
Speaker 1: want to accept it.
Speaker 2: Or I think that's a big issue issue is people
Speaker 2: don't want to accept it early on, but early interview
Speaker 2: so much because and it can make all the difference
Speaker 2: because right now he's working on the you know, the
Speaker 2: building blocks of his brain. So I will do whatever
Speaker 2: I can and me coming out publicly, I feel like
Speaker 2: can help other parents like notice these different signs and
Speaker 2: different things, and I just really want to use my
Speaker 2: platform to help because that will make the biggest difference
Speaker 2: in a couple of years since we started him so
Speaker 2: early and all these other things.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course, yes, and I feel like this
Speaker 1: generation like it's talked about so much more. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's interesting, you're obviously way younger than me, but you know,
Speaker 1: like growing up. But it's not like, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: I feel like autism just come about. It was just
Speaker 1: not a diagnosed condition before or being on the spectrum.
Speaker 1: So it's I'm so I feel like we're also blessed
Speaker 1: that people are so openly talking about it. Yes, not honestly,
Speaker 1: when it's a reality and it's a part of life.
Speaker 1: And I just think it. I think it's great what
Speaker 1: you're doing. Thank you, and and yes you will be rewarded.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for it.
Speaker 2: I just want to be a positive advocate for the
Speaker 2: autism spectrum community because I just feel like there needs
Speaker 2: to be more of that out there, because even though
Speaker 2: it is talked about a lot more now, there's still
Speaker 2: a lot of people who don't really get what it
Speaker 2: is and how broad the spectrum is and that can
Speaker 2: cause like a lot of misinformation to get out, and
Speaker 2: you know, I think it's important that we all talk
Speaker 2: about those things. And I've already met other people, you know,
Speaker 2: like I don't have any friends that have kids on
Speaker 2: the spectrum, so I was I've never met anybody, you
Speaker 2: know really, so I was just kind of like, what
Speaker 2: do I do? You know, I was just kind of like,
Speaker 2: I'm learning from the very beginning, and I have learned
Speaker 2: so much over the past couple of years, and I
Speaker 2: just really want to be able to like spread that information.
Speaker 1: I found as well with different things in life that
Speaker 1: if I didn't have friends that were going through different
Speaker 1: things with their kids social media. Actually, you know, while
Speaker 1: there's so many horrible things about social media, it was
Speaker 1: such a valuable connection about things to ask questions and
Speaker 1: make connections with people, you know, across the world that
Speaker 1: are like I'm going through this, or here's an example,
Speaker 1: or here's something you could do and try. And it's
Speaker 1: nice to be able to have that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, I've learned a lot myself from following different
Speaker 2: like pages that talk about autism awareness and different things
Speaker 2: like that, different moms and you know, after I came
Speaker 2: out with a People magazine article and I, you know,
Speaker 2: I talked about his zige. I had other like celebrities
Speaker 2: that were reaching out to me and had been through
Speaker 2: the same thing, and they, you know, people I can
Speaker 2: learn from, like Holly pet for example, like.
Speaker 1: Who's amazing I'm known as a favor.
Speaker 2: Yes, you know, she's been going through it. I think
Speaker 2: her son is twenty six or twenty seven, So she's
Speaker 2: somebody I could learn from and somebody I admire. And
Speaker 2: I feel like the more I talk about it, the
Speaker 2: more people like that I'm going to meet, and I'm
Speaker 2: excited about that. To learn from other people that are
Speaker 2: going through it.
Speaker 1: It's so important to speak out about it and anything
Speaker 1: your children are going through, you know, because we're all
Speaker 1: learning on the go. There's no amal yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: even you read stuff, you never know what's going to
Speaker 1: happen to your own kid. And even diagnosis like ADHD
Speaker 1: and ADD and it's just there's so many varying things
Speaker 1: and it just I feel blessed personally. And Chris is
Speaker 1: only four, but having kids that are older now that
Speaker 1: the schools are recognizing it and working with you, I
Speaker 1: think is a really great thing.
Speaker 2: Yes, I can say that everybody in his life loves
Speaker 2: him so much, like all of his therapists, his teachers,
Speaker 2: his principles hit like everybody they and I tell them
Speaker 2: that all the time. I'm like, I can actually tell
Speaker 2: that you really care, you know, about my son, and
Speaker 2: that makes the biggest difference and it's important, and I
Speaker 2: hope every kid has that same kind of experience, like
Speaker 2: every kid deserves that, you know, I.
Speaker 1: Agree, Yeah, I agree. So when you found out the
Speaker 1: diagnosis or I guess what I what I want to
Speaker 1: ask is about co parenting, which I know is it
Speaker 1: is not easy. I'm with you, it's a tough one.
Speaker 1: But were you guys on the same page about that?
Speaker 2: There are Okay, listen, Jax loves his son. He you know,
Speaker 2: he wants to be a great dad and he is
Speaker 2: a great dad. But he's never a scheduled an appointment,
Speaker 2: never hired a therapist, never hired a school, you know,
Speaker 2: nothing like that.
Speaker 1: Adult man, they don't do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, so exactly. So there's that difference. So every
Speaker 2: now and then, like if I feel like I want
Speaker 2: him to be in this school, and he's like, well,
Speaker 2: maybe he should be in this type of school. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: you haven't done any of anything, you.
Speaker 1: Know, so it research.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, it gets at annoying, and that can make
Speaker 2: co parenting like harder because I feel like I am
Speaker 2: pulling the heavyweight, and if we disagree about something, it
Speaker 2: like aggravates me because I'm the one that like does
Speaker 2: all the research and I'm the one that's looking into
Speaker 2: everything and hiring everybody and doing all the stuff. So
Speaker 2: that could be that could be troubling, and I feel
Speaker 2: like that that's probably normal, you know. But there's a difference.
Speaker 2: Not that all dads are like that. Some dads are
Speaker 2: hands on and do everything, but I feel like there's
Speaker 2: a difference in moms and dads.
Speaker 1: For the most part, I agree with that a female
Speaker 1: brain versus a male brain. And there are some dads that.
Speaker 2: Are super do everything, do everything. I'm not trying to generalize,
Speaker 2: you know, there are some of them, of.
Speaker 1: Course, of course. I remember once I was I was
Speaker 1: talking to a healer that sounds so like hippie dippy,
Speaker 1: and I said, I'm just I'm frustrated because I have
Speaker 1: to do it all. And she said, because you can, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I went and and she said you have to
Speaker 1: reposition it because you're you're feeling so angry all the time, like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, why isn't he do this? Why isn't he
Speaker 1: do that? And it's like sometimes they don't work that way.
Speaker 1: And if you know that human and that's not how
Speaker 1: their brain thinks, then you take it on because you
Speaker 1: can do it all. And that helped me a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I get I understand that because sometimes
Speaker 2: you just like think about it too much and you
Speaker 2: can like go to like anger or getting upset instead
Speaker 2: of being like, you know, I would do this anyway,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like even if we were
Speaker 2: still married or whatever, like I would still be the
Speaker 2: one doing that even if we were together. So I
Speaker 2: try to think about it like that as well.
Speaker 1: And I understand because I've been through it, and it
Speaker 1: is frustrating when you're like I'm juggling everything, my plate's full,
Speaker 1: and those are the things I feel like in general,
Speaker 1: Dad's just it's not there. It's in our wheelhouse, yiss,
Speaker 1: It's in our soul to kind of step up and
Speaker 1: do it all.
Speaker 2: I mean, even when we were together, I was the
Speaker 2: one book in the flights, you know, just just like
Speaker 2: a couple of things, hotels, stuff like that. So I
Speaker 2: should be used to it about now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so can we talk about Jack's Sure. You're
Speaker 1: so open, which is what I love about you, unfiltered,
Speaker 1: and I think it's so beautiful. So I watched episode
Speaker 1: one of the Valley and it was, you know, it
Speaker 1: was it was tough to watch and it was you know,
Speaker 1: I think as taking myself out of it. As a
Speaker 1: viewer and a fan, you're like, oh, you know, you're
Speaker 1: excited and you're like, oh my gosh, all this draw.
Speaker 1: I'm here for it. And like we said, you know,
Speaker 1: it makes people feel like, oh my gosh, Okay, well
Speaker 1: it's you know, celebrities can go through it, then we
Speaker 1: can go through it. Normalizes life a little bit for
Speaker 1: everybody out there. But for me, I got a little
Speaker 1: PTSD just because I've been through it. And I'm not
Speaker 1: putting myself in your shoes at all. But I was
Speaker 1: married for twenty years.
Speaker 2: I would never realized it was twenty years. Goodness, that's
Speaker 2: a long time.
Speaker 1: This year you got out. You got out. Yeah, be
Speaker 1: proud of yourself that you had the balls. Why do
Speaker 1: we say balls, Well, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know the ovaries, you had the big ovaries to say,
Speaker 2: I don't want this, I want best for my son,
Speaker 2: and I'm choosing to leave.
Speaker 1: I wanted to do that. My husband isn't at it.
Speaker 1: He's current sober and I'm proud of the work he's
Speaker 1: doing on himself. But I've been through it, you know,
Speaker 1: three times during our marriage and he got sober. I
Speaker 1: want to rehab treatment a everything very similar. You know, alcohol, cocaine,
Speaker 1: you know everything. I don't know the extense of what
Speaker 1: Jax does, but an addicts and addict, you know, it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be drugs and alcohol.
Speaker 2: You know of you know many things, and it's very
Speaker 2: hard on everybody that is in the family and everybody
Speaker 2: that loves that person, you know, of.
Speaker 1: Course, and as they're human, you want to change them, yes, right, yes,
Speaker 1: we want to fix and we want to heal them,
Speaker 1: and so sometimes is just not possible. And I sorry
Speaker 1: I'm making this about me, but I oh, I love hearing.
Speaker 2: That because that just makes me feel like you understand,
Speaker 2: like the other side of it, because a lot of
Speaker 2: people will always ask me like how proud I am
Speaker 2: of him and stuff, and that can like bother me
Speaker 2: sometimes because of course I am proud of him for
Speaker 2: being sober, but like, I'm the one that has all
Speaker 2: that emotional damage and stuff that I still have to
Speaker 2: get over and it's going to take me. I have
Speaker 2: to heal myself. So hearing that all the time, like
Speaker 2: are you proud? Proud of him? Are you proud of him?
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, you know, it can be frustrating.
Speaker 1: And that's interesting because that's the first thing I said
Speaker 1: about my husband. I'm proud of him, But you're right,
Speaker 1: thank you. Fuck it, it's frustrating. Yeah, we have the
Speaker 1: trauma that we have to work through because of it,
Speaker 1: and having been there, I know it's annihilating to your soul. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it just truly is. It breaks you down in every
Speaker 1: way and you just pushed through because you have that
Speaker 1: little being there that is your everything, in your why.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's not easy and people.
Speaker 3: You know, I don't think people truly understand going through
Speaker 3: it on TV, yeah, and in the press and people
Speaker 3: reading in the comments.
Speaker 1: You know, people would say to me, well, you chose
Speaker 1: that life. You chose to go on a reality show
Speaker 1: and put your life out there, so that's what you get.
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, yeah, but I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 1: know my life was going to fall apart. I didn't know,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: I get that a lot too. A lot of times
Speaker 2: people are like, you knew who he was, you knew
Speaker 2: what you were getting yourself in, you knew this, you
Speaker 2: do that, And I'm like, yeah, but like I didn't
Speaker 2: get married thinking I was going to this is where
Speaker 2: I would be right now, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like I am very much a caretaker and somebody who
Speaker 2: does love taking care of people and does like really
Speaker 2: want to help people. And that could be a great quality,
Speaker 2: but it could also get you like ran over like
Speaker 2: it did in my case.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you become literally that door, Matt. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: take it and take it. So episode two.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really really tough one. That's one that
Speaker 2: should come with like a trigger warning because it's just,
Speaker 2: you know, you'll see it shows like the morning of
Speaker 2: whenever he finally is going to go to rehab and
Speaker 2: now like how hard I tried and you know he
Speaker 2: still wasn't, you know, taking things seriously, and it's just
Speaker 2: it's really it's really hard to watch. I cried a
Speaker 2: couple of times watching it. But yeah, it's a tough one.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you a tough question. If you don't
Speaker 1: want to answer, I understand. Do you believe that he
Speaker 1: agreed at the time to go to rehab for the
Speaker 1: sake of cruising you or the show was filming. Is
Speaker 1: there any part of you that thinks like I.
Speaker 2: Mean, I've been very very open about this, because you know,
Speaker 2: he did Alex Bassin's podcast and he talked about that
Speaker 2: the fact that the only reason he went to rehab
Speaker 2: is because he looked in the back seat and he
Speaker 2: saw cruise and he was yelling at me in front
Speaker 2: of cruise and all that. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: that's not true. We came home. I had to uper
Speaker 2: separately because he was so aggressive. I called his sister,
Speaker 2: I called his publicist, his manager, and Alex Baskin and
Speaker 2: I got everybody combined, joining teams with me that he
Speaker 2: needed to get help. I put my foot down and
Speaker 2: I was like, if he does not go to rehab,
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to like do something. Like the
Speaker 2: cops were almost you see that in like episode one,
Speaker 2: like things were thrown. It was very aggressive, it was
Speaker 2: it was very hard. So the cops were going to
Speaker 2: be called if he did not at least go and
Speaker 2: try to get help. And I think, like one hundred
Speaker 2: percent he wouldn't have went at that time because he
Speaker 2: was still in denial. You know, you had to hit
Speaker 2: your rock bottom and stuff to actually want to go
Speaker 2: get help for yourself, and some for some reason, I
Speaker 2: think that he was still not at that rock bottom,
Speaker 2: and you'll see that on episode two. And I think
Speaker 2: if his job wasn't on the line, he wouldn't have went.
Speaker 2: Because even talks about on the show, he's like, you know,
Speaker 2: I I'm gonna miss out on a lot of things,
Speaker 2: and then he says, gonna miss out on cruise, and
Speaker 2: I feel like he knew that he was going to
Speaker 2: miss out of thirty days of not filming the Valley
Speaker 2: with us, So he was so angry with me. He
Speaker 2: even said, I'll never forgive you for this to me,
Speaker 2: and I was like, one day you will realize that
Speaker 2: I was the only person who loved you enough to
Speaker 2: make you do this. And you know, we're still he
Speaker 2: still has his issues with me about it, but he
Speaker 2: is sober now after you know, he had to go
Speaker 2: back for a second time, so like there is some
Speaker 2: goodness that has come out of this. It's just a
Speaker 2: journey because being sober doesn't change everything either, so it's
Speaker 2: not Yeah, so it's a lot of ups and downs.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure you're learning these terms as you're navigating
Speaker 1: through it. There's a dry drunk.
Speaker 2: People were just recently saying that to me. That was
Speaker 2: the first time I had heard about that, So what
Speaker 2: is that exactly?
Speaker 1: So, uh, they're not drinking, they're not using, but they're
Speaker 1: not completely working their program or their you know, mental
Speaker 1: rehabilitation to their full tatcha. I see. I hope that
Speaker 1: he is.
Speaker 2: I think I think with us, it's one day he's
Speaker 2: completely fine, and then the day he is just in
Speaker 2: a rage, and it's just like where did this come from?
Speaker 2: Like if like he he thinks that if I'm nice
Speaker 2: to him sometimes that we're going to be like best
Speaker 2: friends again and we're just gonna be able to be
Speaker 2: a big, happy family and hang out and stuff like that,
Speaker 2: and then the very next day it's just like, whoosh,
Speaker 2: who are you talking to?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 2: What? Guy? Like it's he's so concerned with who is
Speaker 2: in my wife and who I'm talking to, and it's
Speaker 2: it's just strange after we've been separated for over a
Speaker 2: year and a half, Like, I'm not like that at all.
Speaker 2: I don't I don't want to see it. I don't
Speaker 2: want to hear about it. But I'm not bringing it
Speaker 2: up constantly, you know. So there's a big difference there and.
Speaker 1: He using this word because it's so you just so
Speaker 1: often narcissist, which well he is, and I feel like
Speaker 1: that should be redefined because I feel like narcissism everyone
Speaker 1: has a you know, it's not it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be a bad thing, but I feel that component doesn't change.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, even whenever he was in the first rehab facility,
Speaker 2: they were like, you know, we can treat we can
Speaker 2: try to treat depression, we can try to treat bipolar,
Speaker 2: but his narcissism can't be treated. They straight up said
Speaker 2: that to me, and I was like, okay, you know
Speaker 2: so it's just like I I have let myself come
Speaker 2: to realize that the person that I like wanted as
Speaker 2: my husband and my wife that I really tried my
Speaker 2: hardest to like work with and work on, and you know,
Speaker 2: I can come out of this marriage knowing I tried
Speaker 2: everything I possibly could and I really wanted it to work,
Speaker 2: and that person just is never going to exist. So
Speaker 2: I'm kind of like mourning the person that I thought
Speaker 2: I was going to have in a way. It's it's
Speaker 2: hard to explain, but I'm sure you you understand.
Speaker 1: I completely understand that. And they say women they mourn
Speaker 1: kind of during the marriage or relationship or while it's ending,
Speaker 1: and men feel the grief after. Yeah, it's completely done. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they say, who's they. I don't know what I'm
Speaker 1: not going to happen. I don't believe in what I
Speaker 1: believe anymore. But yeah, you had that ideal and you
Speaker 1: had you have that human. Obviously, obviously you're with ten years,
Speaker 1: so that's a decade. That's a big part of your life.
Speaker 1: You're formative adult years, and you know that that was
Speaker 1: your human and there were parts of him. I'm sure
Speaker 1: that you were like, Okay, I see it. There's a glimpse,
Speaker 1: there's good moments, and that can be and sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: like I usually do like funny podcasts, but this is
Speaker 1: so personal to me that I really was really excited
Speaker 1: to talk to you because it's healing me as well.
Speaker 1: At the same time, because I appreciate I don't have
Speaker 1: that many people to talk to go through similar things.
Speaker 1: It's hard. All my friends are married with kids and
Speaker 1: still you know, together, I'm like, okay, great, I should
Speaker 1: to bed.
Speaker 4: Like.
Speaker 1: Why me? But yeah, do you feel like if he
Speaker 1: worked on himself and became a better version, an idealer
Speaker 1: version of what you had hoped he'd be, that you
Speaker 1: would ever consider I know that's too soon.
Speaker 2: I see where you're going. I think that like he's done.
Speaker 2: There's just been too much hurt between us. Like I
Speaker 2: don't know if I'm ever going to be able to
Speaker 2: get over what was going on. But I will say selfishly,
Speaker 2: there's like some part of me that's like another woman
Speaker 2: would have everything that I worked so hard, you know,
Speaker 2: and that's weird. I hate that. But it's like I.
Speaker 1: Think that all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that would be really hard on me.
Speaker 2: But I don't ever see us being able to like
Speaker 2: fully get back together. Co parenting is the most important thing,
Speaker 2: and right now that's a struggle. So eventually, like maybe
Speaker 2: maybe that because you know, cruise is the most important,
Speaker 2: and you know, I just hope that that can get
Speaker 2: easier because they always say, like eighteen years, I'm like,
Speaker 2: he's going to be around me for the rest of
Speaker 2: my life. You know, it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 1: So it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love you already and slipped yep, Nope, they're
Speaker 4: there forever is yeah in his life.
Speaker 1: Of course, when I went through this, I I chose
Speaker 1: to stay at the time, and we all have our
Speaker 1: time and it's our journey, and you know when it's right.
Speaker 1: No one else can tell us, like friends for years
Speaker 1: you should have left, leave, leave, leave, and it's like
Speaker 1: I hear you, I understand, but you know this, there's
Speaker 1: a soul connection, there's this there's something with this person.
Speaker 1: And I got to say when people were like, because
Speaker 1: my husband infidelity and it was all over the press
Speaker 1: and then he went to rehab and everyone I had
Speaker 1: four kids, everyone said you should have left, you should
Speaker 1: have left, and I'm like, thank goodness I leave because
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had oh my youngest who just turned
Speaker 1: deep yep.
Speaker 2: And all the time about cruise, I'm like, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: I alack a long time ago, but thank god I
Speaker 2: have my son. I wouldn't change it because I have
Speaker 2: my son, you know, so I completely understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2: And people who don't understand and who have never went
Speaker 2: through it. They judge all they want, but they don't know,
Speaker 2: they have no idea, And I like people like that
Speaker 2: you just have to take with a grain of salt
Speaker 2: because they have not lived it and they don't know
Speaker 2: what it's like. So that's hard. I know, the public
Speaker 2: aspect is like extremely tough. It has been for me.
Speaker 2: The comments and stuff is like really hard as well.
Speaker 2: But I just try to remember, you know, the pause.
Speaker 2: I always try to focus on the positives and the
Speaker 2: positive things that like came from that relationship, even though
Speaker 2: the ending was terrible and everything has been really hard recently,
Speaker 2: Like I've got Cruise, I have my house back, you know,
Speaker 2: like I'm you know, I've thought all these like very positive,
Speaker 2: amazing things going on in my life, and so I
Speaker 2: just try to focus on that.
Speaker 1: So why when you separated did you and Cruise move
Speaker 1: out of the house and not Jack's.
Speaker 2: So it things got so bad? You know, He's come
Speaker 2: out saying now that he had a cocaine addiction. So
Speaker 2: whenever he would have his come downs, his personality was
Speaker 2: just insufferable, Like.
Speaker 1: Did you know he was doing yes, but like he I.
Speaker 2: Would be at home, like say, like I would be
Speaker 2: in bed with Cruise. He would stay out till like
Speaker 2: four or five in the morning and then come home
Speaker 2: and the whole next day was just like horrible for me.
Speaker 2: So it just started getting so bad and we had
Speaker 2: a really really bad fight a couple of times. It's
Speaker 2: not isolated incidents, you know, like there are many different
Speaker 2: ones that let up to it, but the last one
Speaker 2: I would.
Speaker 1: People see on TV is a small percentage, right.
Speaker 2: I think the timeline is important to point out too,
Speaker 2: because like this whole Julian thing of it all, I
Speaker 2: was already separated for like seven or eight months at
Speaker 2: that time, like I was, I had already left. So
Speaker 2: by the time that he like flipped the chairs and
Speaker 2: did all that craziness, we were already separated. I was
Speaker 2: living in a rental house at that time. So I
Speaker 2: think a lot of people think that that's the reason.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Things happened before
Speaker 2: I was already gone. So you know, it was just
Speaker 2: so bad, and I was like, either you leave or
Speaker 2: me and Cruise are leaving, and he would not leave.
Speaker 2: He said, this is my house. I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 2: And I think that truly, he didn't think that I
Speaker 2: would leave, but I couldn't let Cruise go through that anymore.
Speaker 2: And I was just like absolutely not, Okay, I'm out here,
Speaker 2: and I packed up a bag and I left. And
Speaker 2: I immediately felt like relief and a sense of peace
Speaker 2: and almost like the veil was lifted and I could
Speaker 2: see everything for what it was once I finally took
Speaker 2: a step away and I stayed in a rental house
Speaker 2: different I've moved to four different rental homes in LA
Speaker 2: which is not cheap. No, So yeah, until he finally
Speaker 2: moved out. But you'll see later on in the season
Speaker 2: like how that went down. I don't want to talk about.
Speaker 2: I don't want to ruin it for anybody.
Speaker 1: But that was also traumatic, I understand. I mean that
Speaker 1: guts me because I mean, you know this, you for
Speaker 1: the sake of Cruise, he should have left. That's Cruise's home.
Speaker 1: That's what Cruse knows. He's going through enough with his parents,
Speaker 1: like do the right thing and move and move out.
Speaker 2: Yep. And I think another reason why he did finally
Speaker 2: move out, you know, it's already been talked about. He
Speaker 2: lives next door to Tom Schwartz, so like he wanted
Speaker 2: to live that bachelor lifestyle. But also I think it's
Speaker 2: because he knew that we were going to start filming
Speaker 2: season two and he knew that, like the world was
Speaker 2: going to be, like why in the hill is Brittany
Speaker 2: and your son not living at your house? Because he
Speaker 2: knows it's wrong exactly, but he it's an ego thing, Yeah,
Speaker 2: the ego yep.
Speaker 1: I mean, here's the thing. I'm so not judgmental because
Speaker 1: I've been through it all and I hate when people
Speaker 1: judge me. I feel like with the future holds, it
Speaker 1: holds and you can forgive, but you can't forget exactly.
Speaker 2: And that's I don't think that we would ever be
Speaker 2: able to be back like you're asking earlier. It's just
Speaker 2: I can't forget everything that's happened, Like you're going to
Speaker 2: see this season, like there's a lot more that's gonna
Speaker 2: come out.
Speaker 1: And are you okay talking you talk about in the
Speaker 1: other cruise was in another room, chairs the table. How
Speaker 1: bad did it get?
Speaker 2: It got really bad. He flipped the coffee table and
Speaker 2: my knee turned black immediately because it like flipped right
Speaker 2: up on me. And then he threw both barstools he
Speaker 2: broke my iPad, he broke my cell phone, he broke
Speaker 2: my Stanley cup, he threw cruises food everywhere. I I
Speaker 2: mean it was really bad. It was really bad and
Speaker 2: punch holes and walls, like you know, there was just
Speaker 2: it was ongoing, and I talked about it all. You'll
Speaker 2: see it all. I know you haven't seen episode two yet,
Speaker 2: but we you know, we talked about it even more.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was really scary.
Speaker 1: Is that the first time he's done that to that extent?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. It was just the breaking point, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: because your fear is, you know, could be my child next,
Speaker 1: you know, and you don't know. And it's not that
Speaker 1: they're a bad person and they don't care, but when
Speaker 1: they're in the height of their addiction and mental and wellness,
Speaker 1: it's just they're not thinking straight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, exactly, like my friend how to come over,
Speaker 2: like Jana and Jason came over and Jason like took
Speaker 2: him to a hotel to like get away from me,
Speaker 2: and Janet had to come over and stay the night
Speaker 2: with me and stuff because it was I just couldn't
Speaker 2: be by myself, you know, it was it was scary,
Speaker 2: and he knows it he knows it. He knows he
Speaker 2: messed up.
Speaker 1: I mean more than messed up, but yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: watching the first episode and just that's the thing he
Speaker 1: keeps referring to is Julian and Julian buddy, Yeah, really
Speaker 1: everything that's gone on, this is your concern.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And like it kind of upsets me because he
Speaker 2: tries to like play the victim a little bit, and
Speaker 2: that like really upsets me because I'm like, we were
Speaker 2: already separated for like seven or eight months at that point,
Speaker 2: you still and there was a lot of different things
Speaker 2: that led up to us breaking up in the first place,
Speaker 2: So like this victim mentality like really upsets me. And
Speaker 2: you know, you can even see him be like Kristen's like, gosh,
Speaker 2: I could wish I can remember exactly what Christen said,
Speaker 2: but she's like, oh, I'm with Brittany all the time.
Speaker 2: I see the way you talk to her, I see
Speaker 2: the way you treat her, and you know she's going
Speaker 2: through a lot. And his response was what about me?
Speaker 2: And I was just like so yeah, but yeah, Kristen
Speaker 2: was just like, oh my gosh, this is.
Speaker 1: Crazy and I'm in a good place with my ex
Speaker 1: right now, but I can't tell you how many times
Speaker 1: in the past I heard what about me? Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's the narcissism, it's the addiction. He's addicted to
Speaker 1: being a victim in his mind. Yeah, and it's just yeah,
Speaker 1: that's something. And it's gaslighting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep, all the things wrapped up in one.
Speaker 1: I know, such a nice package. Yep.
Speaker 2: But I'm going to look for all those red flags
Speaker 2: from here on out.
Speaker 1: Now, you won't. I hope I do up.
Speaker 2: I've learned my lesson.
Speaker 1: My friend Jana Kramer said she had the same thing
Speaker 1: in her past and is now with a great husband.
Speaker 1: And she said, my picker was off. He call it
Speaker 1: your picker, and she's like, yeah, my picker was off.
Speaker 1: I had to re align my picker, Like sign me up.
Speaker 2: For real, I'll give me a new picker.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. So maybe we can go get pickers together.
Speaker 2: I'm down.
Speaker 1: So having been through this and my kids are older now,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you think about it that one day Cruise
Speaker 1: will either see the show, he will see things online.
Speaker 1: From my experience, I was going through it, I was
Speaker 1: in it. I didn't think about that, and my kids
Speaker 1: were really young, and then it got you know when
Speaker 1: the two oldest ones. I remember, I'll never forget the
Speaker 1: day they looked online and saw something and came up
Speaker 1: and they said Dad cheated on you.
Speaker 2: Oh, and like, yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1: My heart sunk.
Speaker 2: You know, I think about that a lot more than
Speaker 2: people know. I moved from Kentucky whenever I was twenty
Speaker 2: six and just kind of got thrown into the reality
Speaker 2: TV world. Never thought that this would be my life
Speaker 2: or anything like that. But the you know, for being
Speaker 2: on TV first, I've been on TV for seven seasons
Speaker 2: now and it's like ten years of my over my life.
Speaker 2: So a lot of people kind of like grew with me,
Speaker 2: you know, they saw me get engaged, getting married, and
Speaker 2: it just seemed natural that this was going to be
Speaker 2: on you know, that Cruise was going to be part
Speaker 2: of the show in our Lives, like The Valley was
Speaker 2: very much a family oriented show, like that was the
Speaker 2: idea from the beginning, and things just kind of like
Speaker 2: hit the fan season one with us with Michelle and
Speaker 2: j I see, you know, different things like that. So
Speaker 2: I definitely didn't think it was gonna go the way
Speaker 2: that it has. I will be broken hearted if he
Speaker 2: comes up to me and says stuff like that, like
Speaker 2: I can only imagine how that like riped your heart out.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, like Shaq's is gonna have
Speaker 2: to take accountability for what he's done and I don't.
Speaker 2: I know that I'm not perfect by any means, but like,
Speaker 2: even like I said earlier, I know I tried really
Speaker 2: really really really really hard, so I could be proud
Speaker 2: of myself for that, and you know, it will be
Speaker 2: a sad day and it is very tough when you
Speaker 2: think about it, but I just feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: I agreed to do this life ten years ago, and
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like being open is also opened
Speaker 2: many many doors for me and also helped other women
Speaker 2: as well. So again me always trying to focus on
Speaker 2: the positives.
Speaker 1: Of course.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just like how I am.
Speaker 1: I'm the same, I'm the same. No, you're warrior, You're
Speaker 1: a champion, leading the way, a trail blazer truly because
Speaker 1: you're speaking out and you're speaking your mind and you
Speaker 1: know what, So I did tell you that piece that
Speaker 1: they were heartbroken. But here's the thing. The oldest ones now,
Speaker 1: they know who their dad is. Yeah, yeah, they know
Speaker 1: who I am. Yeah. Oh, and I have my faults too,
Speaker 1: and they see it. So whoever Jack's ends up being
Speaker 1: or is now, you know, Cruise will see that and
Speaker 1: he will respect the fact that you stood up for yourself,
Speaker 1: that you put it out there because you know what,
Speaker 1: you have to support your kids, and you're helping women everywhere.
Speaker 1: I tell my kids all the time. You know, they'll say,
Speaker 1: why did you put our lives on TV? And I said, well,
Speaker 1: part of me, you know one, I got to support
Speaker 1: you guys, and that's what I fell into at the
Speaker 1: time reality. So it just kept going, I'm helping a
Speaker 1: lot of people by speaking my truth. And yeah, I said,
Speaker 1: you'll you know, you'll understand, like, this is my story,
Speaker 1: this is my narrative, and I want to be completely honest,
Speaker 1: So you know, I don't want to go on a
Speaker 1: show and then just have a version of me so
Speaker 1: that doesn't help me or others.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm always going to be real, open and roll.
Speaker 2: That's just how I am, you know, So I get
Speaker 2: what you're saying. I completely agree.
Speaker 1: Wait, do you ever feel because I felt this way
Speaker 1: that the cameras this is going to be odd to
Speaker 1: people listening, that the cameras were almost a safe place
Speaker 1: when you were having fights and there's going down to
Speaker 1: be able to speak.
Speaker 2: Up one hundred percent. And especially like this season, a
Speaker 2: lot of our crew that was from my Vanner Pump
Speaker 2: Rules days, who I've known hears, they came back this season,
Speaker 2: so it was like definitely a safe place they've known
Speaker 2: us for so long. But also, like I always say this,
Speaker 2: and I think that people probably think it's weird too,
Speaker 2: but like having the cameras there like hold you accountable,
Speaker 2: like you know, like I see what is happening on
Speaker 2: the show, Like it's almost it's definitely like putting a
Speaker 2: mirror up to yourself and it's like, Okay, I would
Speaker 2: look ridiculous if I was to put up with that again,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like you learn from your
Speaker 2: own mistakes because you see it and you watch it back.
Speaker 2: So definitely a safe place and definitely a place where
Speaker 2: I feel like it's definitely helped me be stronger and
Speaker 2: to hold myself accountable in many ways.
Speaker 1: I completely understand it's cathartic. It's like therapy, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I would sit in therapy for years and just
Speaker 1: be like scared to say anything. Yeah, And then when
Speaker 1: we did therapy be on our reality show and the
Speaker 1: cameras were there. Somehow I felt like I'm going to
Speaker 1: be okay, and yeah, and it is holding you accountable. Okay,
Speaker 1: So Valley every Tuesday night on Bravo, next day on
Speaker 1: Peacock and super excited to see the rest of the
Speaker 1: season and your podcast.
Speaker 2: Yes, when reality hits, it comes out every Friday anywhere
Speaker 2: you get your podcast.
Speaker 1: Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to have you on soon now too.
Speaker 1: I would love I would be honored if you'l have awesome.
Speaker 2: I would love that.
Speaker 1: And I got to tell you one day. It takes
Speaker 1: a long time. So true Tory was in twenty fourteen, fifteen.
Speaker 1: I'm now finally able to look back at it because
Speaker 1: I wasn't for years and be like, Okay, I've learned
Speaker 1: so much and like you said, it's holding you accountable.
Speaker 1: But in the future, I'm like, oh my gosh, Okay,
Speaker 1: I came. I came out of it full circle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: coming out of it. Yeah, we're all work in progress.
Speaker 1: If you were beautiful inside and out, I were you,
Speaker 1: I would love to hug you in person, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna get our pickers on.
Speaker 2: Yes please, I'm out