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Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Okay, Britney cart right,

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Speaker 1: you don't know me from Jack, not your backs, I

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Speaker 1: hold up, but sarya like a good pun. But I

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Speaker 1: just want to tell you that as a woman, as

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Speaker 1: a human, as a fellow mom, I'm proud of you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, and I mean that with all my heart

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Speaker 1: and soul. And we'll get into everything, but I just

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Speaker 1: I wanted to lead with that because watching you, just

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Speaker 1: like everybody else, I'm just a fan like anybody else

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Speaker 1: in the world, I see a lot of similarities between us.

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Speaker 1: Our stories have aligned a lot. Yeah, and I'm just

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Speaker 1: I'm proud of you and everything you're doing. I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to say that because I feel like we don't

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Speaker 1: tell people that enough and sometimes we need to hear that,

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Speaker 1: even from people.

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Speaker 2: We don't know that that means the world to me.

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Speaker 2: And obviously I haven't met you in person, but of

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Speaker 2: course I know who you are, so that means like

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Speaker 2: that means so much to me. And yeah, it's been

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Speaker 2: a rough couple of years, but hearing stuff like that

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Speaker 2: from other women like really means the world to me,

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Speaker 2: Like it really makes a difference in my life and

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Speaker 2: like makes it easier to share on a public level

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Speaker 2: what I'm going through whatever. Other women like tell me

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Speaker 2: that they, you know, see what it is, and you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe I've like helped a couple of other women like

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Speaker 2: realize their toxic relationships and this and that, like it

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Speaker 2: really just like makes a difference.

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Speaker 1: So thank you. I appreciate that absolutely. Yeah, I having

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Speaker 1: been on reality for years, Yeah, I always say, uh,

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Speaker 1: we fail some so others can succeed. Lead by example,

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Speaker 1: opening our our lives and knowing that it helps others

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Speaker 1: out there. It does. It's a it's a beautiful thing,

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Speaker 1: not what you're going through, but inevitably. Let's talk about

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Speaker 1: a bright spot. I want to start with Cruise, right,

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Speaker 1: So wait, Cruise is four now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he just turned four on April twelfth, so freshly four.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe it. I mean, Tom is flying. I

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Speaker 2: cannot believe it's four years old already. But yeah, he's four,

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Speaker 2: So he's just so big.

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Speaker 1: He's the best. Remember when you were pregnant and people said,

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Speaker 1: don't blink. They always said this to me, don't blink

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Speaker 1: because they grow so fast, And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, pregnant, you seem forever, every little step

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Speaker 1: and then boom.

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Speaker 2: Yes, like happens in no time. I mean the very

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Speaker 2: end of your pregnant say, like you said, it seems

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Speaker 2: like it lasts for so long and then you look

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Speaker 2: back and you're like, oh my god, that feels like

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Speaker 2: it was fever because I feel like Cruise has like

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Speaker 2: always been here, you know what I mean. I did

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Speaker 2: not think of like life before him. Now that he's

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Speaker 2: been here, you know, so it's just, you know, he's

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Speaker 2: just amazing. He's the thing I'm the most proud of

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Speaker 2: in my entire life. And I'm sure you feel the same.

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Speaker 1: Way I do. I do, yes, and I feel the same.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember life. I mean I remember it, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have my like memories in my head, but I'm

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Speaker 1: like life before my kids, it felt nonexistent, and it

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Speaker 1: truly felt like, oh my gosh, this is my purpose,

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Speaker 1: this is it Just it changes everything. And I know,

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Speaker 1: so he just turned forward? So is he? Woy April

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Speaker 1: twelve Aries.

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Speaker 2: Yeah he's an Aries.

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Speaker 1: Oh you got a little aries, little Aries? And what

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Speaker 1: are are you a Capricorn?

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Speaker 2: I'm an aquarius?

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Speaker 1: Aquarius? Oh you're an Aquarius. Oh I love you even

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Speaker 1: more now.

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Speaker 2: I know, like, okay, so I'm not like huge into

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Speaker 2: all of that, but like I'm not either.

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Speaker 1: I know why I'm but sometimes.

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Speaker 2: I look it up and everything, and like I'm just

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Speaker 2: like I've heard great things about Aries and I've heard

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Speaker 2: like I've heard both sods like crazy things and great

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Speaker 2: things about Aries, and I'm like, well, he's going to

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Speaker 2: be the great.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I only know aries women, so actually,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know if it depends in aries male

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Speaker 1: versus scenarios woman. Yeah, but he's he's yours, created by you,

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Speaker 1: so he'll be amazing.

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Speaker 2: Hell.

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Speaker 1: And I know you just talked about his autism diagnosis,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask you about that, and I think,

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Speaker 1: first of all, that's a very brave thing to share.

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Speaker 1: And I think you're reasoning because it was going to

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Speaker 1: be on the show and people would notice he wasn't

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Speaker 1: completely talking doing that. But I just I wanted to

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Speaker 1: ask you, what were your first signs that you start

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Speaker 1: noticing perhaps he was on the spectrum.

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Speaker 2: So whenever he was like before he started turning, before

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Speaker 2: he turned two years old, he was talking a lot more,

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Speaker 2: and he was you know, he was saying words like

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Speaker 2: of course he started with the normal mommy, daddy. He

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Speaker 2: was saying like hot Dog from Mickey Mouth's club House,

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Speaker 2: his mama or dada dada came first, boom whatever.

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Speaker 1: We won't hold that against her.

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Speaker 2: No now all he said his mama, So it's like okay.

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Speaker 2: But you know, he was saying a lot more words

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Speaker 2: back then, and then I noticed, like the closer he

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Speaker 2: got to that, he started regressing and stopped talking, like

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Speaker 2: almost completely. He walked early, crawled early, did all the

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Speaker 2: physical things like earlier on time, and then so it

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Speaker 2: was all about his speech that I started noticing. And

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Speaker 2: then he started he has stems, so so like he'll

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Speaker 2: look out the corner of his eyes sometimes, or if

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Speaker 2: he gets excited, he might like like hold his hand

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Speaker 2: really tight to his face. So I just started noticing

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Speaker 2: like little things like that. You know, a lot of

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Speaker 2: kids on the spectrum will like flap and flap their

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Speaker 2: hands and do different things like that. So he started

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Speaker 2: like having those stemming things. So we kind of knew

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Speaker 2: that we were going to get the autism diagnosis, Like

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Speaker 2: I was prepared for it.

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Speaker 1: But you have to do that thing with your pediatrician

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Speaker 1: where you fell out the form like at this age,

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Speaker 1: they did this and you check all the cognitive all

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Speaker 1: that way.

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Speaker 2: So he was going you know, his regular pediatrician. Everything

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Speaker 2: was like perfect, you know, health wise, completely perfect. So

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Speaker 2: then we had him meet with a developmental pediatrician and

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Speaker 2: they you know, it's a process because even to get

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Speaker 2: the appointment takes like three to four months, and then

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Speaker 2: you go in there and then they have five different

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Speaker 2: appointments because they don't want to just meet them the

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Speaker 2: kids one time and diagnose them, which I appreciate. So

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Speaker 2: you go into the office or you have a zoom first,

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Speaker 2: and then you go into the office and spend time

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Speaker 2: with a doctor with your kid, and then they go

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Speaker 2: to school with your kid as well, and then they

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Speaker 2: go back to the office again, and then you have

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Speaker 2: another zoom appointment. So you know, it's a longer process.

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Speaker 2: And whenever we finally got the diagnosis, you know, like

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Speaker 2: I said, we were prepared for it, but it just

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Speaker 2: it takes a while. And that's something like you know,

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Speaker 2: early intervention like matters big time whenever you're you know,

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Speaker 2: dealing with a kid that's on the spectrum. Because he's

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Speaker 2: been in speech therapy since he was two years old.

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Speaker 2: He's in occupational therapy. He has a therapeutic companion that

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Speaker 2: goes to school with him every day. But he's doing

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Speaker 2: so much better, Like whenever I talk about the stemming

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Speaker 2: and stuff, like, occupational therapy has helped him so much,

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Speaker 2: Like he hardly even does that anymore. And today he

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Speaker 2: said orange, and like they it was like, that's a

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Speaker 2: huge deal. So you just celebrate every single milestone and

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Speaker 2: you know, saying orange is like that's huge. So I'm

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Speaker 2: super proud of him, and I'm super excited for what's

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Speaker 2: to come because he's just he's really thriving right now

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Speaker 2: and it makes me super proud of him.

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Speaker 1: Good job, mama, because it's from my experience. I've had

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Speaker 1: a lot of friends that have children on the spectrum

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Speaker 1: and they didn't not just they recognized it but didn't

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Speaker 1: want to accept it.

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Speaker 2: Or I think that's a big issue issue is people

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Speaker 2: don't want to accept it early on, but early interview

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Speaker 2: so much because and it can make all the difference

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Speaker 2: because right now he's working on the you know, the

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Speaker 2: building blocks of his brain. So I will do whatever

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Speaker 2: I can and me coming out publicly, I feel like

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Speaker 2: can help other parents like notice these different signs and

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Speaker 2: different things, and I just really want to use my

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Speaker 2: platform to help because that will make the biggest difference

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Speaker 2: in a couple of years since we started him so

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Speaker 2: early and all these other things.

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Speaker 1: Of course, of course, yes, and I feel like this

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Speaker 1: generation like it's talked about so much more. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting, you're obviously way younger than me, but you know,

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Speaker 1: like growing up. But it's not like, in my opinion,

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Speaker 1: I feel like autism just come about. It was just

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Speaker 1: not a diagnosed condition before or being on the spectrum.

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Speaker 1: So it's I'm so I feel like we're also blessed

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Speaker 1: that people are so openly talking about it. Yes, not honestly,

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Speaker 1: when it's a reality and it's a part of life.

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Speaker 1: And I just think it. I think it's great what

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Speaker 1: you're doing. Thank you, and and yes you will be rewarded.

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Speaker 1: You're like, I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for it.

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Speaker 2: I just want to be a positive advocate for the

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Speaker 2: autism spectrum community because I just feel like there needs

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Speaker 2: to be more of that out there, because even though

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Speaker 2: it is talked about a lot more now, there's still

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Speaker 2: a lot of people who don't really get what it

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Speaker 2: is and how broad the spectrum is and that can

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Speaker 2: cause like a lot of misinformation to get out, and

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Speaker 2: you know, I think it's important that we all talk

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Speaker 2: about those things. And I've already met other people, you know,

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Speaker 2: like I don't have any friends that have kids on

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Speaker 2: the spectrum, so I was I've never met anybody, you

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Speaker 2: know really, so I was just kind of like, what

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Speaker 2: do I do? You know, I was just kind of like,

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Speaker 2: I'm learning from the very beginning, and I have learned

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Speaker 2: so much over the past couple of years, and I

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Speaker 2: just really want to be able to like spread that information.

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Speaker 1: I found as well with different things in life that

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Speaker 1: if I didn't have friends that were going through different

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Speaker 1: things with their kids social media. Actually, you know, while

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Speaker 1: there's so many horrible things about social media, it was

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Speaker 1: such a valuable connection about things to ask questions and

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Speaker 1: make connections with people, you know, across the world that

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Speaker 1: are like I'm going through this, or here's an example,

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Speaker 1: or here's something you could do and try. And it's

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Speaker 1: nice to be able to have that. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I've learned a lot myself from following different

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Speaker 2: like pages that talk about autism awareness and different things

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Speaker 2: like that, different moms and you know, after I came

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Speaker 2: out with a People magazine article and I, you know,

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Speaker 2: I talked about his zige. I had other like celebrities

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Speaker 2: that were reaching out to me and had been through

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Speaker 2: the same thing, and they, you know, people I can

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Speaker 2: learn from, like Holly pet for example, like.

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Speaker 1: Who's amazing I'm known as a favor.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you know, she's been going through it. I think

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Speaker 2: her son is twenty six or twenty seven, So she's

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Speaker 2: somebody I could learn from and somebody I admire. And

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Speaker 2: I feel like the more I talk about it, the

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Speaker 2: more people like that I'm going to meet, and I'm

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Speaker 2: excited about that. To learn from other people that are

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Speaker 2: going through it.

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Speaker 1: It's so important to speak out about it and anything

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Speaker 1: your children are going through, you know, because we're all

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Speaker 1: learning on the go. There's no amal yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: even you read stuff, you never know what's going to

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Speaker 1: happen to your own kid. And even diagnosis like ADHD

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Speaker 1: and ADD and it's just there's so many varying things

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Speaker 1: and it just I feel blessed personally. And Chris is

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Speaker 1: only four, but having kids that are older now that

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Speaker 1: the schools are recognizing it and working with you, I

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Speaker 1: think is a really great thing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I can say that everybody in his life loves

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Speaker 2: him so much, like all of his therapists, his teachers,

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Speaker 2: his principles hit like everybody they and I tell them

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Speaker 2: that all the time. I'm like, I can actually tell

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Speaker 2: that you really care, you know, about my son, and

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Speaker 2: that makes the biggest difference and it's important, and I

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Speaker 2: hope every kid has that same kind of experience, like

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Speaker 2: every kid deserves that, you know, I.

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Speaker 1: Agree, Yeah, I agree. So when you found out the

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Speaker 1: diagnosis or I guess what I what I want to

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Speaker 1: ask is about co parenting, which I know is it

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Speaker 1: is not easy. I'm with you, it's a tough one.

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Speaker 1: But were you guys on the same page about that?

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Speaker 2: There are Okay, listen, Jax loves his son. He you know,

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Speaker 2: he wants to be a great dad and he is

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Speaker 2: a great dad. But he's never a scheduled an appointment,

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Speaker 2: never hired a therapist, never hired a school, you know,

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Speaker 2: nothing like that.

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Speaker 1: Adult man, they don't do that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, so exactly. So there's that difference. So every

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Speaker 2: now and then, like if I feel like I want

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Speaker 2: him to be in this school, and he's like, well,

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Speaker 2: maybe he should be in this type of school. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: you haven't done any of anything, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, so it research.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, it gets at annoying, and that can make

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Speaker 2: co parenting like harder because I feel like I am

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Speaker 2: pulling the heavyweight, and if we disagree about something, it

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Speaker 2: like aggravates me because I'm the one that like does

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Speaker 2: all the research and I'm the one that's looking into

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Speaker 2: everything and hiring everybody and doing all the stuff. So

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Speaker 2: that could be that could be troubling, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like that that's probably normal, you know. But there's a difference.

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Speaker 2: Not that all dads are like that. Some dads are

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Speaker 2: hands on and do everything, but I feel like there's

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Speaker 2: a difference in moms and dads.

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Speaker 1: For the most part, I agree with that a female

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Speaker 1: brain versus a male brain. And there are some dads that.

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Speaker 2: Are super do everything, do everything. I'm not trying to generalize,

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Speaker 2: you know, there are some of them, of.

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Speaker 1: Course, of course. I remember once I was I was

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Speaker 1: talking to a healer that sounds so like hippie dippy,

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Speaker 1: and I said, I'm just I'm frustrated because I have

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Speaker 1: to do it all. And she said, because you can, yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I went and and she said you have to

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Speaker 1: reposition it because you're you're feeling so angry all the time, like, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, why isn't he do this? Why isn't he

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Speaker 1: do that? And it's like sometimes they don't work that way.

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Speaker 1: And if you know that human and that's not how

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Speaker 1: their brain thinks, then you take it on because you

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Speaker 1: can do it all. And that helped me a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I get I understand that because sometimes

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Speaker 2: you just like think about it too much and you

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Speaker 2: can like go to like anger or getting upset instead

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Speaker 2: of being like, you know, I would do this anyway,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like even if we were

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Speaker 2: still married or whatever, like I would still be the

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Speaker 2: one doing that even if we were together. So I

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Speaker 2: try to think about it like that as well.

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Speaker 1: And I understand because I've been through it, and it

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Speaker 1: is frustrating when you're like I'm juggling everything, my plate's full,

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Speaker 1: and those are the things I feel like in general,

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Speaker 1: Dad's just it's not there. It's in our wheelhouse, yiss,

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Speaker 1: It's in our soul to kind of step up and

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Speaker 1: do it all.

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Speaker 2: I mean, even when we were together, I was the

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Speaker 2: one book in the flights, you know, just just like

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Speaker 2: a couple of things, hotels, stuff like that. So I

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Speaker 2: should be used to it about now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so can we talk about Jack's Sure. You're

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Speaker 1: so open, which is what I love about you, unfiltered,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's so beautiful. So I watched episode

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Speaker 1: one of the Valley and it was, you know, it

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Speaker 1: was it was tough to watch and it was you know,

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Speaker 1: I think as taking myself out of it. As a

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Speaker 1: viewer and a fan, you're like, oh, you know, you're

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Speaker 1: excited and you're like, oh my gosh, all this draw.

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Speaker 1: I'm here for it. And like we said, you know,

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Speaker 1: it makes people feel like, oh my gosh, Okay, well

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Speaker 1: it's you know, celebrities can go through it, then we

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Speaker 1: can go through it. Normalizes life a little bit for

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Speaker 1: everybody out there. But for me, I got a little

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Speaker 1: PTSD just because I've been through it. And I'm not

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Speaker 1: putting myself in your shoes at all. But I was

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Speaker 1: married for twenty years.

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Speaker 2: I would never realized it was twenty years. Goodness, that's

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Speaker 2: a long time.

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Speaker 1: This year you got out. You got out. Yeah, be

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Speaker 1: proud of yourself that you had the balls. Why do

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Speaker 1: we say balls, Well, I.

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Speaker 2: Don't know the ovaries, you had the big ovaries to say,

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Speaker 2: I don't want this, I want best for my son,

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Speaker 2: and I'm choosing to leave.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do that. My husband isn't at it.

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Speaker 1: He's current sober and I'm proud of the work he's

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Speaker 1: doing on himself. But I've been through it, you know,

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Speaker 1: three times during our marriage and he got sober. I

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Speaker 1: want to rehab treatment a everything very similar. You know, alcohol, cocaine,

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Speaker 1: you know everything. I don't know the extense of what

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Speaker 1: Jax does, but an addicts and addict, you know, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to be drugs and alcohol.

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Speaker 2: You know of you know many things, and it's very

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Speaker 2: hard on everybody that is in the family and everybody

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Speaker 2: that loves that person, you know, of.

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Speaker 1: Course, and as they're human, you want to change them, yes, right, yes,

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Speaker 1: we want to fix and we want to heal them,

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Speaker 1: and so sometimes is just not possible. And I sorry

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Speaker 1: I'm making this about me, but I oh, I love hearing.

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Speaker 2: That because that just makes me feel like you understand,

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Speaker 2: like the other side of it, because a lot of

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Speaker 2: people will always ask me like how proud I am

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Speaker 2: of him and stuff, and that can like bother me

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Speaker 2: sometimes because of course I am proud of him for

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Speaker 2: being sober, but like, I'm the one that has all

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Speaker 2: that emotional damage and stuff that I still have to

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Speaker 2: get over and it's going to take me. I have

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Speaker 2: to heal myself. So hearing that all the time, like

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Speaker 2: are you proud? Proud of him? Are you proud of him?

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, you know, it can be frustrating.

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Speaker 1: And that's interesting because that's the first thing I said

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Speaker 1: about my husband. I'm proud of him, But you're right,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Fuck it, it's frustrating. Yeah, we have the

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Speaker 1: trauma that we have to work through because of it,

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Speaker 1: and having been there, I know it's annihilating to your soul. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it just truly is. It breaks you down in every

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Speaker 1: way and you just pushed through because you have that

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Speaker 1: little being there that is your everything, in your why.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, it's not easy and people.

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Speaker 3: You know, I don't think people truly understand going through

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Speaker 3: it on TV, yeah, and in the press and people

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Speaker 3: reading in the comments.

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Speaker 1: You know, people would say to me, well, you chose

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Speaker 1: that life. You chose to go on a reality show

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Speaker 1: and put your life out there, so that's what you get.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, well, yeah, but I didn't. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know my life was going to fall apart. I didn't know,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: I get that a lot too. A lot of times

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Speaker 2: people are like, you knew who he was, you knew

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Speaker 2: what you were getting yourself in, you knew this, you

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Speaker 2: do that, And I'm like, yeah, but like I didn't

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Speaker 2: get married thinking I was going to this is where

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Speaker 2: I would be right now, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like I am very much a caretaker and somebody who

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Speaker 2: does love taking care of people and does like really

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Speaker 2: want to help people. And that could be a great quality,

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Speaker 2: but it could also get you like ran over like

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Speaker 2: it did in my case.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you become literally that door, Matt. Yeah, and you

377
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Speaker 1: take it and take it. So episode two.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really really tough one. That's one that

379
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 2: should come with like a trigger warning because it's just,

380
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 2: you know, you'll see it shows like the morning of

381
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Speaker 2: whenever he finally is going to go to rehab and

382
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Speaker 2: now like how hard I tried and you know he

383
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Speaker 2: still wasn't, you know, taking things seriously, and it's just

384
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Speaker 2: it's really it's really hard to watch. I cried a

385
00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:01,399
Speaker 2: couple of times watching it. But yeah, it's a tough one.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask you a tough question. If you don't

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Speaker 1: want to answer, I understand. Do you believe that he

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Speaker 1: agreed at the time to go to rehab for the

389
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Speaker 1: sake of cruising you or the show was filming. Is

390
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Speaker 1: there any part of you that thinks like I.

391
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Speaker 2: Mean, I've been very very open about this, because you know,

392
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Speaker 2: he did Alex Bassin's podcast and he talked about that

393
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Speaker 2: the fact that the only reason he went to rehab

394
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 2: is because he looked in the back seat and he

395
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Speaker 2: saw cruise and he was yelling at me in front

396
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Speaker 2: of cruise and all that. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no,

397
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Speaker 2: that's not true. We came home. I had to uper

398
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Speaker 2: separately because he was so aggressive. I called his sister,

399
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 2: I called his publicist, his manager, and Alex Baskin and

400
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 2: I got everybody combined, joining teams with me that he

401
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 2: needed to get help. I put my foot down and

402
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 2: I was like, if he does not go to rehab,

403
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to like do something. Like the

404
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 2: cops were almost you see that in like episode one,

405
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 2: like things were thrown. It was very aggressive, it was

406
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,639
Speaker 2: it was very hard. So the cops were going to

407
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 2: be called if he did not at least go and

408
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 2: try to get help. And I think, like one hundred

409
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: percent he wouldn't have went at that time because he

410
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 2: was still in denial. You know, you had to hit

411
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 2: your rock bottom and stuff to actually want to go

412
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 2: get help for yourself, and some for some reason, I

413
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 2: think that he was still not at that rock bottom,

414
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 2: and you'll see that on episode two. And I think

415
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 2: if his job wasn't on the line, he wouldn't have went.

416
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 2: Because even talks about on the show, he's like, you know,

417
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 2: I I'm gonna miss out on a lot of things,

418
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 2: and then he says, gonna miss out on cruise, and

419
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 2: I feel like he knew that he was going to

420
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 2: miss out of thirty days of not filming the Valley

421
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 2: with us, So he was so angry with me. He

422
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 2: even said, I'll never forgive you for this to me,

423
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 2: and I was like, one day you will realize that

424
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 2: I was the only person who loved you enough to

425
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 2: make you do this. And you know, we're still he

426
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 2: still has his issues with me about it, but he

427
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 2: is sober now after you know, he had to go

428
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 2: back for a second time, so like there is some

429
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 2: goodness that has come out of this. It's just a

430
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 2: journey because being sober doesn't change everything either, so it's

431
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 2: not Yeah, so it's a lot of ups and downs.

432
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Speaker 1: And I'm sure you're learning these terms as you're navigating

433
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 1: through it. There's a dry drunk.

434
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 2: People were just recently saying that to me. That was

435
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 2: the first time I had heard about that, So what

436
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 2: is that exactly?

437
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: So, uh, they're not drinking, they're not using, but they're

438
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 1: not completely working their program or their you know, mental

439
00:25:55,160 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 1: rehabilitation to their full tatcha. I see. I hope that

440
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: he is.

441
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 2: I think I think with us, it's one day he's

442
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: completely fine, and then the day he is just in

443
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 2: a rage, and it's just like where did this come from?

444
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,880
Speaker 2: Like if like he he thinks that if I'm nice

445
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 2: to him sometimes that we're going to be like best

446
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 2: friends again and we're just gonna be able to be

447
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 2: a big, happy family and hang out and stuff like that,

448
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 2: and then the very next day it's just like, whoosh,

449
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 2: who are you talking to?

450
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 4: What?

451
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 2: What? Guy? Like it's he's so concerned with who is

452
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 2: in my wife and who I'm talking to, and it's

453
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 2: it's just strange after we've been separated for over a

454
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 2: year and a half, Like, I'm not like that at all.

455
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 2: I don't I don't want to see it. I don't

456
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 2: want to hear about it. But I'm not bringing it

457
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 2: up constantly, you know. So there's a big difference there and.

458
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 1: He using this word because it's so you just so

459
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 1: often narcissist, which well he is, and I feel like

460
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 1: that should be redefined because I feel like narcissism everyone

461
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: has a you know, it's not it doesn't have to

462
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: be a bad thing, but I feel that component doesn't change.

463
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, even whenever he was in the first rehab facility,

464
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,719
Speaker 2: they were like, you know, we can treat we can

465
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: try to treat depression, we can try to treat bipolar,

466
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 2: but his narcissism can't be treated. They straight up said

467
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: that to me, and I was like, okay, you know

468
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: so it's just like I I have let myself come

469
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 2: to realize that the person that I like wanted as

470
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 2: my husband and my wife that I really tried my

471
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 2: hardest to like work with and work on, and you know,

472
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 2: I can come out of this marriage knowing I tried

473
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 2: everything I possibly could and I really wanted it to work,

474
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 2: and that person just is never going to exist. So

475
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 2: I'm kind of like mourning the person that I thought

476
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 2: I was going to have in a way. It's it's

477
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 2: hard to explain, but I'm sure you you understand.

478
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: I completely understand that. And they say women they mourn

479
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 1: kind of during the marriage or relationship or while it's ending,

480
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: and men feel the grief after. Yeah, it's completely done. Yeah,

481
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,680
Speaker 1: so they say, who's they. I don't know what I'm

482
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: not going to happen. I don't believe in what I

483
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: believe anymore. But yeah, you had that ideal and you

484
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 1: had you have that human. Obviously, obviously you're with ten years,

485
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: so that's a decade. That's a big part of your life.

486
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 1: You're formative adult years, and you know that that was

487
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 1: your human and there were parts of him. I'm sure

488
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 1: that you were like, Okay, I see it. There's a glimpse,

489
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 1: there's good moments, and that can be and sorry, I'm

490
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 1: like I usually do like funny podcasts, but this is

491
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 1: so personal to me that I really was really excited

492
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: to talk to you because it's healing me as well.

493
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 1: At the same time, because I appreciate I don't have

494
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 1: that many people to talk to go through similar things.

495
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: It's hard. All my friends are married with kids and

496
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 1: still you know, together, I'm like, okay, great, I should

497
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: to bed.

498
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 4: Like.

499
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: Why me? But yeah, do you feel like if he

500
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: worked on himself and became a better version, an idealer

501
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 1: version of what you had hoped he'd be, that you

502
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 1: would ever consider I know that's too soon.

503
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 2: I see where you're going. I think that like he's done.

504
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 2: There's just been too much hurt between us. Like I

505
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 2: don't know if I'm ever going to be able to

506
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 2: get over what was going on. But I will say selfishly,

507
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 2: there's like some part of me that's like another woman

508
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: would have everything that I worked so hard, you know,

509
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 2: and that's weird. I hate that. But it's like I.

510
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: Think that all the time.

511
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that would be really hard on me.

512
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: But I don't ever see us being able to like

513
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 2: fully get back together. Co parenting is the most important thing,

514
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 2: and right now that's a struggle. So eventually, like maybe

515
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 2: maybe that because you know, cruise is the most important,

516
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 2: and you know, I just hope that that can get

517
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 2: easier because they always say, like eighteen years, I'm like,

518
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 2: he's going to be around me for the rest of

519
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 2: my life. You know, it's not going anywhere.

520
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: So it's not going anywhere.

521
00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love you already and slipped yep, Nope, they're

522
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 4: there forever is yeah in his life.

523
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: Of course, when I went through this, I I chose

524
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 1: to stay at the time, and we all have our

525
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: time and it's our journey, and you know when it's right.

526
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 1: No one else can tell us, like friends for years

527
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: you should have left, leave, leave, leave, and it's like

528
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 1: I hear you, I understand, but you know this, there's

529
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 1: a soul connection, there's this there's something with this person.

530
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: And I got to say when people were like, because

531
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 1: my husband infidelity and it was all over the press

532
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: and then he went to rehab and everyone I had

533
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: four kids, everyone said you should have left, you should

534
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: have left, and I'm like, thank goodness I leave because

535
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had oh my youngest who just turned

536
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: deep yep.

537
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 2: And all the time about cruise, I'm like, you know, yeah,

538
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: I alack a long time ago, but thank god I

539
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 2: have my son. I wouldn't change it because I have

540
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 2: my son, you know, so I completely understand what you're saying.

541
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: And people who don't understand and who have never went

542
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 2: through it. They judge all they want, but they don't know,

543
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 2: they have no idea, And I like people like that

544
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 2: you just have to take with a grain of salt

545
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 2: because they have not lived it and they don't know

546
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 2: what it's like. So that's hard. I know, the public

547
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 2: aspect is like extremely tough. It has been for me.

548
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 2: The comments and stuff is like really hard as well.

549
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 2: But I just try to remember, you know, the pause.

550
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 2: I always try to focus on the positives and the

551
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: positive things that like came from that relationship, even though

552
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 2: the ending was terrible and everything has been really hard recently,

553
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 2: Like I've got Cruise, I have my house back, you know,

554
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 2: like I'm you know, I've thought all these like very positive,

555
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 2: amazing things going on in my life, and so I

556
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 2: just try to focus on that.

557
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: So why when you separated did you and Cruise move

558
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: out of the house and not Jack's.

559
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 2: So it things got so bad? You know, He's come

560
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 2: out saying now that he had a cocaine addiction. So

561
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 2: whenever he would have his come downs, his personality was

562
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 2: just insufferable, Like.

563
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 1: Did you know he was doing yes, but like he I.

564
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 2: Would be at home, like say, like I would be

565
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 2: in bed with Cruise. He would stay out till like

566
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 2: four or five in the morning and then come home

567
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 2: and the whole next day was just like horrible for me.

568
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 2: So it just started getting so bad and we had

569
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 2: a really really bad fight a couple of times. It's

570
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 2: not isolated incidents, you know, like there are many different

571
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 2: ones that let up to it, but the last one

572
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 2: I would.

573
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 1: People see on TV is a small percentage, right.

574
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 2: I think the timeline is important to point out too,

575
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 2: because like this whole Julian thing of it all, I

576
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 2: was already separated for like seven or eight months at

577
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,720
Speaker 2: that time, like I was, I had already left. So

578
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:12,880
Speaker 2: by the time that he like flipped the chairs and

579
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 2: did all that craziness, we were already separated. I was

580
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 2: living in a rental house at that time. So I

581
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,959
Speaker 2: think a lot of people think that that's the reason.

582
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,720
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Things happened before

583
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 2: I was already gone. So you know, it was just

584
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 2: so bad, and I was like, either you leave or

585
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 2: me and Cruise are leaving, and he would not leave.

586
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,760
Speaker 2: He said, this is my house. I'm not going anywhere.

587
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: And I think that truly, he didn't think that I

588
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 2: would leave, but I couldn't let Cruise go through that anymore.

589
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,479
Speaker 2: And I was just like absolutely not, Okay, I'm out here,

590
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 2: and I packed up a bag and I left. And

591
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 2: I immediately felt like relief and a sense of peace

592
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,879
Speaker 2: and almost like the veil was lifted and I could

593
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 2: see everything for what it was once I finally took

594
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 2: a step away and I stayed in a rental house

595
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 2: different I've moved to four different rental homes in LA

596
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 2: which is not cheap. No, So yeah, until he finally

597
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,720
Speaker 2: moved out. But you'll see later on in the season

598
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 2: like how that went down. I don't want to talk about.

599
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 2: I don't want to ruin it for anybody.

600
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: But that was also traumatic, I understand. I mean that

601
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: guts me because I mean, you know this, you for

602
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,919
Speaker 1: the sake of Cruise, he should have left. That's Cruise's home.

603
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,400
Speaker 1: That's what Cruse knows. He's going through enough with his parents,

604
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 1: like do the right thing and move and move out.

605
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 2: Yep. And I think another reason why he did finally

606
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 2: move out, you know, it's already been talked about. He

607
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 2: lives next door to Tom Schwartz, so like he wanted

608
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 2: to live that bachelor lifestyle. But also I think it's

609
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 2: because he knew that we were going to start filming

610
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 2: season two and he knew that, like the world was

611
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 2: going to be, like why in the hill is Brittany

612
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: and your son not living at your house? Because he

613
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 2: knows it's wrong exactly, but he it's an ego thing, Yeah,

614
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 2: the ego yep.

615
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 1: I mean, here's the thing. I'm so not judgmental because

616
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: I've been through it all and I hate when people

617
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: judge me. I feel like with the future holds, it

618
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 1: holds and you can forgive, but you can't forget exactly.

619
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 2: And that's I don't think that we would ever be

620
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 2: able to be back like you're asking earlier. It's just

621
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 2: I can't forget everything that's happened, Like you're going to

622
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 2: see this season, like there's a lot more that's gonna

623
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 2: come out.

624
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: And are you okay talking you talk about in the

625
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:55,919
Speaker 1: other cruise was in another room, chairs the table. How

626
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: bad did it get?

627
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 2: It got really bad. He flipped the coffee table and

628
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 2: my knee turned black immediately because it like flipped right

629
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 2: up on me. And then he threw both barstools he

630
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 2: broke my iPad, he broke my cell phone, he broke

631
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 2: my Stanley cup, he threw cruises food everywhere. I I

632
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 2: mean it was really bad. It was really bad and

633
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: punch holes and walls, like you know, there was just

634
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 2: it was ongoing, and I talked about it all. You'll

635
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 2: see it all. I know you haven't seen episode two yet,

636
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 2: but we you know, we talked about it even more.

637
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was really scary.

638
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: Is that the first time he's done that to that extent?

639
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. It was just the breaking point, yeah, right,

640
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:44,240
Speaker 1: because your fear is, you know, could be my child next,

641
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,920
Speaker 1: you know, and you don't know. And it's not that

642
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: they're a bad person and they don't care, but when

643
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:55,360
Speaker 1: they're in the height of their addiction and mental and wellness,

644
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,280
Speaker 1: it's just they're not thinking straight.

645
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, exactly, like my friend how to come over,

646
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 2: like Jana and Jason came over and Jason like took

647
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 2: him to a hotel to like get away from me,

648
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 2: and Janet had to come over and stay the night

649
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 2: with me and stuff because it was I just couldn't

650
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,760
Speaker 2: be by myself, you know, it was it was scary,

651
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 2: and he knows it he knows it. He knows he

652
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 2: messed up.

653
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 1: I mean more than messed up, but yeah, I mean

654
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: watching the first episode and just that's the thing he

655
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:30,360
Speaker 1: keeps referring to is Julian and Julian buddy, Yeah, really

656
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 1: everything that's gone on, this is your concern.

657
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, And like it kind of upsets me because he

658
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 2: tries to like play the victim a little bit, and

659
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 2: that like really upsets me because I'm like, we were

660
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 2: already separated for like seven or eight months at that point,

661
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 2: you still and there was a lot of different things

662
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,280
Speaker 2: that led up to us breaking up in the first place,

663
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: So like this victim mentality like really upsets me. And

664
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:57,399
Speaker 2: you know, you can even see him be like Kristen's like, gosh,

665
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 2: I could wish I can remember exactly what Christen said,

666
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,920
Speaker 2: but she's like, oh, I'm with Brittany all the time.

667
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 2: I see the way you talk to her, I see

668
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 2: the way you treat her, and you know she's going

669
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 2: through a lot. And his response was what about me?

670
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: And I was just like so yeah, but yeah, Kristen

671
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 2: was just like, oh my gosh, this is.

672
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: Crazy and I'm in a good place with my ex

673
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 1: right now, but I can't tell you how many times

674
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:30,360
Speaker 1: in the past I heard what about me? Yeah, it's

675
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 1: it's it's the narcissism, it's the addiction. He's addicted to

676
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:42,800
Speaker 1: being a victim in his mind. Yeah, and it's just yeah,

677
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 1: that's something. And it's gaslighting.

678
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, yep, all the things wrapped up in one.

679
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 1: I know, such a nice package. Yep.

680
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 2: But I'm going to look for all those red flags

681
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 2: from here on out.

682
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 1: Now, you won't. I hope I do up.

683
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 2: I've learned my lesson.

684
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 1: My friend Jana Kramer said she had the same thing

685
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 1: in her past and is now with a great husband.

686
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: And she said, my picker was off. He call it

687
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: your picker, and she's like, yeah, my picker was off.

688
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: I had to re align my picker, Like sign me up.

689
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,280
Speaker 2: For real, I'll give me a new picker.

690
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,320
Speaker 1: Oh my god. So maybe we can go get pickers together.

691
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 2: I'm down.

692
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 1: So having been through this and my kids are older now,

693
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 1: I'm sure you think about it that one day Cruise

694
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 1: will either see the show, he will see things online.

695
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: From my experience, I was going through it, I was

696
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,479
Speaker 1: in it. I didn't think about that, and my kids

697
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 1: were really young, and then it got you know when

698
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: the two oldest ones. I remember, I'll never forget the

699
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: day they looked online and saw something and came up

700
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 1: and they said Dad cheated on you.

701
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 2: Oh, and like, yeah, that's tough.

702
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:08,240
Speaker 1: My heart sunk.

703
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 2: You know, I think about that a lot more than

704
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 2: people know. I moved from Kentucky whenever I was twenty

705
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 2: six and just kind of got thrown into the reality

706
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:23,399
Speaker 2: TV world. Never thought that this would be my life

707
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 2: or anything like that. But the you know, for being

708
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 2: on TV first, I've been on TV for seven seasons

709
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 2: now and it's like ten years of my over my life.

710
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 2: So a lot of people kind of like grew with me,

711
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 2: you know, they saw me get engaged, getting married, and

712
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 2: it just seemed natural that this was going to be

713
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 2: on you know, that Cruise was going to be part

714
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 2: of the show in our Lives, like The Valley was

715
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 2: very much a family oriented show, like that was the

716
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 2: idea from the beginning, and things just kind of like

717
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 2: hit the fan season one with us with Michelle and

718
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 2: j I see, you know, different things like that. So

719
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 2: I definitely didn't think it was gonna go the way

720
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 2: that it has. I will be broken hearted if he

721
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 2: comes up to me and says stuff like that, like

722
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 2: I can only imagine how that like riped your heart out.

723
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 2: But at the same time, like Shaq's is gonna have

724
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:22,280
Speaker 2: to take accountability for what he's done and I don't.

725
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 2: I know that I'm not perfect by any means, but like,

726
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 2: even like I said earlier, I know I tried really

727
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,800
Speaker 2: really really really really hard, so I could be proud

728
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 2: of myself for that, and you know, it will be

729
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 2: a sad day and it is very tough when you

730
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 2: think about it, but I just feel like, you know,

731
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 2: I agreed to do this life ten years ago, and

732
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like being open is also opened

733
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 2: many many doors for me and also helped other women

734
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 2: as well. So again me always trying to focus on

735
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 2: the positives.

736
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:54,880
Speaker 1: Of course.

737
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just like how I am.

738
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,919
Speaker 1: I'm the same, I'm the same. No, you're warrior, You're

739
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: a champion, leading the way, a trail blazer truly because

740
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: you're speaking out and you're speaking your mind and you

741
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,359
Speaker 1: know what, So I did tell you that piece that

742
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 1: they were heartbroken. But here's the thing. The oldest ones now,

743
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: they know who their dad is. Yeah, yeah, they know

744
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 1: who I am. Yeah. Oh, and I have my faults too,

745
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: and they see it. So whoever Jack's ends up being

746
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 1: or is now, you know, Cruise will see that and

747
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: he will respect the fact that you stood up for yourself,

748
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 1: that you put it out there because you know what,

749
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: you have to support your kids, and you're helping women everywhere.

750
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: I tell my kids all the time. You know, they'll say,

751
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:02,479
Speaker 1: why did you put our lives on TV? And I said, well,

752
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: part of me, you know one, I got to support

753
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 1: you guys, and that's what I fell into at the

754
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:15,279
Speaker 1: time reality. So it just kept going, I'm helping a

755
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 1: lot of people by speaking my truth. And yeah, I said,

756
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: you'll you know, you'll understand, like, this is my story,

757
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 1: this is my narrative, and I want to be completely honest,

758
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: So you know, I don't want to go on a

759
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: show and then just have a version of me so

760
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: that doesn't help me or others.

761
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm always going to be real, open and roll.

762
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:45,200
Speaker 2: That's just how I am, you know, So I get

763
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:46,720
Speaker 2: what you're saying. I completely agree.

764
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: Wait, do you ever feel because I felt this way

765
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: that the cameras this is going to be odd to

766
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: people listening, that the cameras were almost a safe place

767
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: when you were having fights and there's going down to

768
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 1: be able to speak.

769
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 2: Up one hundred percent. And especially like this season, a

770
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 2: lot of our crew that was from my Vanner Pump

771
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:16,240
Speaker 2: Rules days, who I've known hears, they came back this season,

772
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,359
Speaker 2: so it was like definitely a safe place they've known

773
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 2: us for so long. But also, like I always say this,

774
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 2: and I think that people probably think it's weird too,

775
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 2: but like having the cameras there like hold you accountable,

776
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 2: like you know, like I see what is happening on

777
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 2: the show, Like it's almost it's definitely like putting a

778
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 2: mirror up to yourself and it's like, Okay, I would

779
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:43,879
Speaker 2: look ridiculous if I was to put up with that again,

780
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like you learn from your

781
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 2: own mistakes because you see it and you watch it back.

782
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 2: So definitely a safe place and definitely a place where

783
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 2: I feel like it's definitely helped me be stronger and

784
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 2: to hold myself accountable in many ways.

785
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: I completely understand it's cathartic. It's like therapy, yeah, yeah,

786
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 1: because I would sit in therapy for years and just

787
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: be like scared to say anything. Yeah, And then when

788
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: we did therapy be on our reality show and the

789
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:19,320
Speaker 1: cameras were there. Somehow I felt like I'm going to

790
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 1: be okay, and yeah, and it is holding you accountable. Okay,

791
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,879
Speaker 1: So Valley every Tuesday night on Bravo, next day on

792
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 1: Peacock and super excited to see the rest of the

793
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,959
Speaker 1: season and your podcast.

794
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 2: Yes, when reality hits, it comes out every Friday anywhere

795
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 2: you get your podcast.

796
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 1: Beautiful, beautiful.

797
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to have you on soon now too.

798
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 1: I would love I would be honored if you'l have awesome.

799
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 2: I would love that.

800
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 1: And I got to tell you one day. It takes

801
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: a long time. So true Tory was in twenty fourteen, fifteen.

802
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: I'm now finally able to look back at it because

803
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 1: I wasn't for years and be like, Okay, I've learned

804
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: so much and like you said, it's holding you accountable.

805
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 1: But in the future, I'm like, oh my gosh, Okay,

806
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:14,799
Speaker 1: I came. I came out of it full circle. Yeah,

807
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 1: coming out of it. Yeah, we're all work in progress.

808
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: If you were beautiful inside and out, I were you,

809
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:27,439
Speaker 1: I would love to hug you in person, and we're

810
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 1: gonna get our pickers on.

811
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 2: Yes please, I'm out