WEBVTT - Sex in Perspective: “ It's like every weekend there's fresh meat.” 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:13.440 Ruby, there was justice, one huge archie. 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:17.880 Real and orgasm. The day is good for you and 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:19.200 have fresh breath. Come on. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.200 From just beyond the lights of Los Angeles and Steale 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:31.840 Palm Springs, California. It's Mick Robert Bill just say and this. 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:36.160 Is silver Lining with the old days. 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:47.080 Hello, LGPTQ plus queer community and everyone else under the sun. 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:51.160 Silver Linings is our stage for sharing stories and lessons 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:54.440 from our lifetime of living out loud, from sex and 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:58.880 relationships to fashion, art and aging. We'll share the wisdom 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:00.440 we gained over the years. 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:05.320 On our last episode we talked about community and chosen family. 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:09.360 But today we're getting a little not safe for work 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:13.600 talking all about sex and relationships of all types. 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:15.679 Now onto the good stuff. 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:21.520 When it comes to sex and relationships, you can imagine. 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:24.959 Our lives have been filled with many salacious stories and 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:29.840 sweet and romances, but relationships come in many shapes and sizes, 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.800 especially in the life of an old gay. 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:35.839 I would listen to them and their sex stories because 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:37.840 their lives have been more exciting than mine. 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:43.039 Yeah, now we want to hear you first. Now it's 0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.400 so uninteresting, Let's start with the least. 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:50.200 Okay, it is so uninteresting. I'm so vanilla and baby 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.760 and sex wise has been a while because I'd gone 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:56.880 through my prostate cancer, so it's changed my life wholly. 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:59.880 But things are slowly coming back. But in the past 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:01.200 it's a secret. 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:05.480 You are a romantic god there, aren't you? 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:06.400 Very much? 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:10.600 Yeah, probably the most romantic of the group. 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:15.040 Yeah. I'm not a slut like y'all, except on cruise ship. 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:17.600 Oh that's right, cruise ships. 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.799 Cruship say is a slut. Oh, tell us he's the 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:25.000 biggest slut in the Western Mediterranean. 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:25.160 But I don't share. 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.160 Tell us about that dancer that came to your place 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:29.639 at one am in the morning. 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:32.880 Yeah, who was that guy? His footprints are all over you. 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:38.520 And that's been years, No, it was last year. Well, yes, 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:42.760 well I have found out on cruises life begins after midnight, 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:47.480 especially for the entertainers on the crew, because they are 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:51.360 not allowed to socialize with us during normal business or Yes, 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:53.519 and I like staying up late. 0:02:54.520 --> 0:02:58.920 I kind of slowed down as I've gotten older. But 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:03.160 I have to say, hey that my San Francisco years 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:10.160 from nineteen eighty to nineteen ninety were pretty outrageous at 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:15.320 the beginning and interesting over the balance of the eighties 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:22.520 and then moving to the desert here Palm Springs Cathedral City, 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:25.480 it sects all the time. 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:30.760 I kind of think that's a misnomer. You know, when 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:34.520 you first moved to the valley kind of are very active. 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:40.120 And then as you get to know everybody, everybody because 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.800 you know, the tourists come and go and they don't 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:48.040 come back, so it's just getting to know each other. 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.480 That usually happens in the summer months. 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:53.720 I agree because one of the first things I learned 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.000 when I moved to Palm Springs in two thousand and 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:02.400 three was the summers were so dull that friends even 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:04.080 had sex with friends. 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:09.800 Oh my god. Well, as Nick mentioned, the tourists come 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:15.680 and go, but it's like every weekend, there's fresh meat weekend. 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:20.479 I did you come out here seven days a week? 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.200 Okay, Bob, what was your favorite sex story that you 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.159 want to relate to us? 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:29.479 My favorite sex story? Oh, I have so many, I know, 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:35.240 pick one. Oh, I guess. One of the most thrilling 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:40.720 for me was in San Francisco and I lived near 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:46.520 the Castro area, which is one of the gay neighborhoods, 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.960 and I was in a video bar talking to this 0:04:50.160 --> 0:04:55.760 very attractive young guy, a ballet dancer from a New 0:04:55.839 --> 0:05:00.920 York ballet company that was in town. And it was 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:06.679 one of those rare, warm Sand Francisco nights, and so 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:09.960 we drove out to the beach and it was a 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:13.960 beautiful moonlit night, and so we took off our clothes 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:18.040 and waded out and climbed up on a rock in 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:22.359 the surf and had sex on top of the rock 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:26.720 with the waves crashing around this and it was really 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:29.360 pretty exciting. 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:32.720 Bob, was that at Land's End? 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:33.240 Yeah? 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:37.440 Okay, because I have a very similar story. You drove 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:41.360 over the Golden gate Bridge at the Marin Headlands, there 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.640 was a gay beach. The north end of it was 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:48.119 straight people and the south part of it was all gay. 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:52.400 So I went down there, laid my towel down, and 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:56.960 I looked up and there was this handsome guy looking 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:03.039 at me and he was playing with himself, and I 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:06.080 looked at him and I was staring at him, and 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:09.960 then he pointed to himself and he said me, and 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:13.480 I went yeah. So he moved his towel up and 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:17.480 we went to a very discreet place and we played 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:22.679 all afternoon. It was a sunny day we were watching 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:25.440 the boats come in and out under the Golden gate 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:30.640 Bridge and again the surf was crashing, and it was 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:35.039 an absolutely wonderful afternoon of love making. 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.880 Those are special moments. 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:41.479 Me. 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:54.240 Are you asleep? You had any memorable sex experiences? 0:06:54.480 --> 0:07:02.640 Well, not, Vanilla. I went to Fossom Europe about ten 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.960 years ago. If Folsom is an event for the leather 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.560 community and the fetish community, and they hold a festival 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:14.120 and in It began in San Francisco on Folsom Street 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:18.680 and it just morphed into this huge event. Folsom Europe 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:22.120 is a little different. It's in Brilliin and it's much 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:27.080 more leather, it's much more raw and rough. Berlin is 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:30.920 very theatrical. It's where the theater really much of are 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:35.440 what we know is theater really originated in Brilliin. And 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:38.880 it was just this incredible million of people from all 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:42.680 over Europe. We're all playing, we're all having fun, we're 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:48.880 all taking substances, and we're all just enjoying ourselves. Being gay. Anyway, 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:54.920 the major party at Folsom is called Pig, that's b ig. 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:57.880 And what was cool about it is that they had 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:02.760 enormous arch tallas lit and then there was a dark 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:06.480 room on the other side, and so I went into 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.560 the dark room and I played around with some guys, 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:14.080 and then somebody grabbed new film behind really strong man, 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:19.640 and he whispered into my ear just standing and so 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:25.920 it was enormous. It was incredible. I touched the sky 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:33.680 and after and after I settled down, I leaned over 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:36.800 to the guy and asked him, just out of curiosity, 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:40.240 where are you from? And he whispered into my ear 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:42.600 long beach. 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:48.480 It went around the world and knew another America. 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:53.520 One of the biggest elements of growing up gay and 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:58.640 having sex his bathhouses. Bill, what about two? Have you 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:04.559 ever had a bath? Oh? My god? 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:11.840 If I when I was in San Francisco, I mean, 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:15.000 if you went out on the weekend and if you 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:17.760 didn't pick up any one in the bars, you just 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:22.040 went to one of the myriad of bath houses that 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:26.880 were all around. And my favorite one was called the 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:31.400 Rich Street Baths, and it was south of Market and 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:36.000 a converted old warehouse and it was on three floors 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:42.120 and it was absolutely fantastic. On the third floor there 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:48.480 was just this one huge orgy room and it was 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:53.240 always packed with people. It was a playland. Absolutely. 0:09:54.000 --> 0:10:03.240 San Francisco pri ATYV was definitely a haven for debauchery. 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:09.880 And I remember one in particular in the Tenderloin area 0:10:10.720 --> 0:10:17.040 that had a Mac truck inside the building and you 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:20.760 could play in the cab of the truck or on 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:23.680 the hood of the truck, wherever you wanted. 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:27.320 The first introduction I had to a bath house was 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:30.800 in Los Angeles. It was a place called the eighty 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:34.439 seven nine and it was at eighty seven oh nine 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:39.280 West Third Street, just across from Joe Allen and I 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:43.920 went there and I have never seen so many beautiful 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.400 but this was preage. I had never seen so many 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:51.120 beautiful bodies in my life crammed into one building. And 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.960 not only that, there was a central kind of cruising 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:57.680 area where everybody could check each other out. Everybody, of course, 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:01.280 is clad in white towels and walking around they're checking 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:04.800 out each other. And I was totally intimidated. And it 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.840 was at that time when I realized, well, you know, 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:08.760 even though when you go to the baths and you 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:13.040 go with somebody, it's a buddy system, and so you know, 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:16.680 you make sure that you go in together, you leave together. 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:19.640 But I think you know it was a communal place 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:23.560 where you got to know people and developed relationships with 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.840 people now who are no longer with us, And I 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:30.120 miss them because, quite frankly, they were the fun people. 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:34.920 And I'm glad that there's a whole new generation that's 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:38.480 come up that's enjoying themselves and trying to be free 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:43.320 about their bodies and really trying to be themselves as 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:48.480 sexual beings, because quite frankly, that's how we pro create, 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.960 and quite frankly, that's how we experience love. 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:56.000 Question for you, what happened when you went in? You 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.560 said it was better to go with somebody than alone. 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.680 What would happened if you went in alone? Did you 0:12:01.679 --> 0:12:03.080 get lost in a crowd. 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:07.680 Or no, that's in case something happens. Okay, Yeah, you 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:10.080 know you have a buddy to check you out. You know, 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.400 I can tell that was a buddy. What would you 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:18.920 consider cruising etiquette? 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.360 Oh, I don't think there's any etiquette in cruising. 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:29.280 To the extent that if you're cruising a guy and 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:37.679 through his physical manifestations he shows disinterest, you know, not 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:44.120 to try to oh or interest or interest. Yeah, you 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:50.840 know that they're very obvious, not necessarily set gestures, but 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:53.880 you know when someone's interested. 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:54.920 You know, in the old days, I don't know if 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.000 they do. Man, I still think people do it. He 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.440 would stick a hanky, a colored hanky in your pocket, 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:06.000 like blue mint. You wanted a fuck, And I think 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:09.240 it was on the left side you were top, and 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.640 on the right side you were bottom. So you would 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.600 stick a handkerchief really nicely folded of course. 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:16.440 Yeah. 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:20.199 They had a sheet, an eight and a half by 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:24.280 eleven sheet filled with colors. There must have been forty 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:27.280 different colors on there, with definitions. 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:32.360 Where would you wear the hanky when you were versatile. 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:33.680 In the middle. 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:43.160 Between your legs. Oh, that's gonna get caught. God's gonna 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:43.600 get caught. 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:46.040 Maybe not, that's good, that's real. 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:49.160 So did you put it in your left or your right? 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.560 But I do it in the garbage can. Look at me, 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:55.760 I'm so vanilla or a black man. I'm so lily. 0:13:57.400 --> 0:13:58.240 Yes you are? 0:13:58.840 --> 0:13:59.920 You said that I didn't. 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:03.360 We all have stretched me. I see we see people 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:07.000 in the background going dirty. They have educated me and 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:10.160 so many things. And I sit like my eyes wide open, 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:11.880 just excited about their stories. 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.640 Why do you think people are so scared talking about sex? 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:20.480 I think a lot of that comes from one's upbringing, 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:26.120 and I grew up in the southern home. It was 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:31.000 a great family, leave it to beaver type family, but 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:37.080 sex was one thing you just didn't talk about. And 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:43.840 I think that was because my parents were Southern Baptists. 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:47.840 And it wasn't really until I went to college and 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:52.480 freed myself of the environment I grew up in that 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:59.440 my attitudes and education about sex really started happening. 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:03.360 Honestly, think that it's more societal because if you go 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.840 to Europe, attitudes about sex are so different. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:11.040 Well, for me, I grew up in southern California, and 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:16.360 I remember the first time that I was aware of something. 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:19.400 There was going to be a meeting of all the 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:24.520 girls in the school in the gym, and none of 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:28.560 the guys were allowed. They didn't talk about it at all. 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.800 They wouldn't say what the girls were learning and everything, 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:37.320 and it sort of turned it into a taboo kind 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:40.880 of thing. Now, my parents sat down with my brother 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:45.120 and I and talked to us about sex, and of 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:49.120 course my brother and I had already heard all of 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:53.040 this kind of stuff, but there was there was just 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:57.400 this sort of enigma to keep it down, don't you 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.080 know you don't talk about it. 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:01.360 Yeah, and I think people should talk about it more 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:05.720 because I think you hear a lot of misconceptions about sex, 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.360 you know, and that's what gets Yeah, that's what gets 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.880 us into trouble because we think we you know, we 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:16.440 we say these pious things about monogamy, and as gore 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:20.680 Vidal put it, and then we want a little extra size. 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:25.720 And that pursuit of the little extra on the side 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:28.480 in secrecy gets people into trouble. 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:33.120 We'll be right back after a quick break. 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:49.920 Welcome back to silver Linings with the old gays. 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:57.920 Who's the most romantic of the group, I would say 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:00.000 to say, I would agree. 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:06.679 Yeah, who's the biggest flirt? Just say, don't you who 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.439 is the most swave? I would say Bill, Bill is swave. 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.560 He dressed, yeah, save. 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.359 Yeah, he dresses. 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:16.119 The part looks so deceiving. 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:20.000 Okay, so what's your type? To say, what's your dream man? 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:26.600 My dreamman he's got dark hair or he's got gray hair, 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:30.960 and he's got a wonderful, warm character that is giving 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:34.119 and received because I like to both give and receive 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.400 to a person. And we're best friends and we can 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:41.560 talk about anything when we get upset with each other. 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:44.640 We talk about it, but I've been single so long, 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.359 I don't know how to do it now, but I'll try. 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:49.000 What's your type? 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:49.320 Bill? 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:56.120 Well, both of my long term relationships, they were brunettes. 0:17:56.600 --> 0:18:00.960 They had harry chest. They were very, very, very attractive. 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:07.040 But I have this ideal man in my head and 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:10.440 I've never met him or never been to bed with him. 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:15.280 But he's about six foot one. He's blonde, with a 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:20.560 blonde hairy chest, and that is one of my fantasies. 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:22.960 You mean Lassie. 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:38.280 She was sweet, she was a bitch too, your favorite 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:45.400 well being that I'm a hairy guy and opposite subtract. 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:50.240 I like smoother guys. And I have to admit I 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:55.400 like him young, not too young, but you know, younger 0:18:55.600 --> 0:19:01.240 and the energy that youth brings. It doesn't matter if 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:07.199 they're bond, or are dark haired, or blue eyed or 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:08.560 brown eyed or what. 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:12.760 Okay, Well, I got very creative here and I wrote 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:16.359 up a little of something that I could always place 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:21.239 in the frontiers or online. So here goes, and I 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:28.400 hope that dream is listening. What is my type? Silent 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:34.120 or gregarious? My dreamman stands six foot four of two 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:39.080 hundred and thirty five pounds of pumped, ripped and vascular 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:45.520 dom top muscle. His big hands are gentle and versed 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:51.920 in the ways to make me quiver. A sensational kisser. 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:55.439 It is all or nothing with him. 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.280 So you like passion, don't we? 0:19:58.320 --> 0:19:58.480 All? 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:04.160 Well, that's the kind of a eye product. What's really 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:08.080 what I'm saying is this guy exists somewhere and I 0:20:08.200 --> 0:20:10.879 like him big. I like him bigger than me. I 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:14.200 like the way they smother me and nail me to 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:18.160 the floor. So if he's out there and you're interested 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:20.639 in this sixty eight year old man who's trying to 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.879 make his way and still you know, working out and 0:20:24.040 --> 0:20:27.399 doesn't want too much resistance, I'm here. 0:20:27.760 --> 0:20:32.679 You seem to like the kink ear side of the 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:36.879 sexual world. What what do you think are the biggest 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:40.920 misconceptions about kink and fetish? 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:46.120 Well, I wrote you on here. Kink means bent to bent. 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:50.520 Bent is a British expression for kink, and it means 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:58.480 unconventional or taboo sex, mostly dealing with bondage and saddle masochism. 0:20:59.600 --> 0:21:04.359 The big misconceptions I think people have about kink is 0:21:04.600 --> 0:21:11.760 people's adversion to pain. They have never experienced a true 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:17.280 endorphin rush. Talk through any athlete who has pushed themselves 0:21:17.760 --> 0:21:21.040 beyond the edge and they will tell you there is 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.760 an endorphin rush that is like no other. It is 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:29.399 tantabout to sex. And I think people are afraid of 0:21:29.440 --> 0:21:32.719 that because they think it's long lasting. It isn't. It 0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:36.280 lasts only as long as well it takes for you 0:21:36.320 --> 0:21:39.760 to heal. But for the most part, it is designed 0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:45.280 to not hurt people, and I think that is the misconception. 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:49.119 Now as far as pain is concerned to me, because 0:21:49.160 --> 0:21:51.879 I've experienced that rush many times, and I guess you 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:54.679 could say I'm a pain pig because I'm looking for 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:59.919 that endorphin rush. It has prepared me for the chronic 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:03.480 pain that I now experience for the rest of my life. 0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:07.199 I know how to cope with chronic pain, and I 0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:10.360 think my tolerance for pain is much higher as a result. 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:13.919 But there are ways that you get through it. Now. 0:22:13.960 --> 0:22:18.520 I'm talking basically as the bottom and there's submissive for 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:25.040 the top. The top's purpose is once that person is 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:29.560 giving you trust, they are depending on you to take 0:22:29.600 --> 0:22:34.920 them to that endorphin rush without hurting them, Okay, And 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:38.560 that's the mark of a true dump top, somebody who 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:42.800 knows what they are doing. And I can only say 0:22:42.800 --> 0:22:45.480 that I've been very lucky to have had that experience. 0:22:46.320 --> 0:22:49.320 I can also say I've moved on from it because 0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:51.639 I'm a sixty eight year old man now with a 0:22:51.720 --> 0:22:56.199 chronic disease that has destroyed my nerves, and so I 0:22:56.280 --> 0:22:59.399 live with chronic pain every day. But I have to 0:22:59.440 --> 0:23:03.840 say I've met some wonderful men, some really incredible daddies, 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:08.480 who have taught me how to trust, how to give 0:23:08.520 --> 0:23:12.119 yourself to really another person in a wholly complete way, 0:23:12.800 --> 0:23:16.840 and that person takes you on a journey. That is 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:20.920 what kink is about. Okay. You know, if you want 0:23:20.960 --> 0:23:25.320 to talk about fetish, that's a whole other issue, okay, 0:23:25.600 --> 0:23:26.960 But I'm just talking about kink. 0:23:27.000 --> 0:23:30.600 Care. Thank you because you educated me just now, oh, 0:23:30.680 --> 0:23:32.440 because most of us are scared of it. 0:23:32.720 --> 0:23:35.640 Well, I have to tell you, I used to equate 0:23:35.920 --> 0:23:41.880 kink to weird, but after hearing your stories, which were 0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:47.680 wild stories and that, but you also educated me about 0:23:47.800 --> 0:23:50.840 the world of s and m and what it was 0:23:51.000 --> 0:23:54.760 and the feelings and everything. So I have to thank you, Mick, 0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:58.760 because I have a greater understanding and I don't consider 0:23:58.880 --> 0:24:00.480 kink weird and more. 0:24:00.480 --> 0:24:02.919 Oh, I consider kink weird because I don't have a 0:24:02.920 --> 0:24:07.240 problem with weird. I've been called weird for years. I 0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:09.920 think my whole life I was called weird as a child. 0:24:10.640 --> 0:24:12.600 So you know, when somebody tells me that I'm weird, 0:24:12.960 --> 0:24:15.800 I say, okay, great, let's move on. You haven't told 0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:16.640 me anything. 0:24:16.359 --> 0:24:21.000 New, okay, and we all are in some way. 0:24:21.480 --> 0:24:26.800 What about dating apps? Do you guys use dating apps? 0:24:27.160 --> 0:24:32.399 Last night, for a little bit of research, I went, 0:24:32.040 --> 0:24:37.440 I went back online with this one dating app and 0:24:37.680 --> 0:24:39.480 see I had dropped out of it, and so I 0:24:39.560 --> 0:24:42.760 re established the profile and I hadn't even put pictures 0:24:42.800 --> 0:24:46.239 in yet, just a cover picture. So I got this 0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:51.240 response from this guy who said what a fuck? And 0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:54.919 so I responded with yeah, and I said text me, 0:24:55.000 --> 0:24:58.159 and I gave him out my number, oh, because I 0:24:58.200 --> 0:25:02.359 had thought, you know, remember this guy, And sure enough, 0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:07.800 the same response came back, you seem a little too 0:25:07.840 --> 0:25:14.200 wild for me. I gave him my phone number. Yeah, 0:25:14.320 --> 0:25:15.880 I mean this is the mark of a guy who 0:25:16.000 --> 0:25:20.000 likes to pull hooks out of fish. Oh yeah, so 0:25:20.040 --> 0:25:21.760 you got to be aware of that. And that's a 0:25:21.760 --> 0:25:23.600 lot of what you see online. 0:25:23.680 --> 0:25:26.639 I don't like that either, and I get tired of 0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:29.560 people saying what are you into? And my last sentence 0:25:29.640 --> 0:25:32.320 to them is, well, evidently you didn't read my profile. 0:25:32.680 --> 0:25:35.280 Well then, but I think of the way what you're 0:25:35.280 --> 0:25:37.679 into is is that's kind of like a pick of one. 0:25:37.880 --> 0:25:38.600 It's kind of weak. 0:25:39.520 --> 0:25:42.200 But say hello to me first. I'm a greeter, I'm 0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:42.960 a proper man. 0:25:43.359 --> 0:25:50.200 I have to admit that once the dating apps came along, 0:25:50.560 --> 0:25:51.600 that was my. 0:25:53.080 --> 0:25:58.160 Mo. I seem to recall you being on BBRT every day, 0:25:59.440 --> 0:26:03.480 Well not every day, oh, I'm sorry, every other day, 0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:04.280 every other day. 0:26:04.359 --> 0:26:08.919 I used to love cruise and I was so sure 0:26:08.960 --> 0:26:10.879 and happy then and then all of a sudden, it 0:26:10.920 --> 0:26:14.160 went to the internet. I liked the instant gratification. 0:26:14.600 --> 0:26:17.040 The thing that I liked the most was going to 0:26:17.160 --> 0:26:20.120 bars because you could find out what they were into 0:26:20.400 --> 0:26:23.680 they were there. It was instant sex. You could go 0:26:23.840 --> 0:26:26.520 right out the door for the price of a drink. 0:26:26.840 --> 0:26:29.960 I think dating apps are are good if you are 0:26:29.960 --> 0:26:32.960 doing the traveling. Yes, and that's all I did, because 0:26:33.000 --> 0:26:35.840 then you could set up your dates, you know, depending 0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:37.760 on what city you're going to be in or what 0:26:37.920 --> 0:26:40.280 place you're going to be in or like you know, 0:26:40.359 --> 0:26:42.639 if you're on a cruise ship, you just go on 0:26:42.680 --> 0:26:46.320 your app right, just say right, man, you just just 0:26:46.400 --> 0:26:49.600 go ahead because you know it's a finite population. But 0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:53.720 they're there and they're just as desperate as you are 0:26:54.480 --> 0:27:03.360 to get off. All right, gents, we're reaching the end 0:27:03.400 --> 0:27:08.560 of today's episode because this show is called silver Linings. 0:27:09.160 --> 0:27:14.000 Thinking back on our conversation, what is your silver lining 0:27:14.160 --> 0:27:18.600 takeaway about sex, love and romance. 0:27:19.920 --> 0:27:24.200 The silver lining about sex is that sex is a 0:27:24.320 --> 0:27:30.760 very important part of your being throughout your life, no 0:27:30.880 --> 0:27:35.840 matter how old you are. And I also believe that's 0:27:36.000 --> 0:27:42.640 an important component of health and that I know for myself, 0:27:42.760 --> 0:27:49.280