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Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin

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Speaker 1: to Grow and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to How

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Speaker 1: Men Think. My name is brooks Like and we have

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Speaker 1: another exciting episode for you guys listening. We appreciate you

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Speaker 1: guys tuning in smiling again over here, my man man,

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Speaker 1: Mr Gavin de Grow. What's up Brooks buddy? How are

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Speaker 1: you doing? I'm amazing, dude, I'm excited to ruin my

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Speaker 1: reputation on another episode of this show. You can't yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: we you might be able to have, dude. We have

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Speaker 1: good editors. Eastern is an amazing editor. Were lying on here.

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Speaker 1: We have you backed up, buddy, But I'm glad you.

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Speaker 1: How can you never ask me how I'm doing? I

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Speaker 1: say what's up? You say what's up? I said, what's up?

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Speaker 1: We do? Okay? How are you doing well? Gavin? Should

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Speaker 1: you ask? If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm

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Speaker 1: a say feeling Just come on? I would and say,

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Speaker 1: I still know? Brother? How do you finish it for me?

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Speaker 1: I exercise at your house? That was Gavin's hit if

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Speaker 1: you guys, you guys didn't recognize it. I didn't singing

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Speaker 1: it like him. I know the song. I didn't recognize

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Speaker 1: your version, but I know the song. Come on, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't gonna join in. It was beautiful. I practice that

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Speaker 1: thing about thousand dollars. Now, where's my check books? It's

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Speaker 1: always the money with you, Gavi. It's always the money

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Speaker 1: with you, buddy. I need a grotto. Well, I love

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Speaker 1: the song, buddy, that was I tried my best. I

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Speaker 1: even took a singing lesson. Yeah, I did. I went

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Speaker 1: to exercise class once upon a time. I appreciate that, buddy,

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Speaker 1: same same team. We got the other dudes in house

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Speaker 1: to Ryan, what's up, brother, good to be here, into

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Speaker 1: the mic. There we good to be here. Thank you, buddy.

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Speaker 1: How's life with you? Life is good? Looking forward to

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Speaker 1: our guest today. Yeah, we'll get to that in a moment.

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Speaker 1: We got Dmitri, what's out, dude? How much you were

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Speaker 1: perplexed by Ryan's It's just weird? Just I was. I

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Speaker 1: thought I was trying to talking, and he just leaned

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Speaker 1: back in. He's like, looking forward to our guests today,

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Speaker 1: and it just seemed a little weird to me. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I was taken aback, Rick, what's up, buddy? Not being

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Speaker 1: creepy is kind of cool sometimes just in the corner,

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Speaker 1: just looking at everybody else down. Uh. Well, last episode, gents,

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Speaker 1: we had a dynamite episode. My wife Julianne Huff was

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Speaker 1: on and the response from the listeners, from you guys

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Speaker 1: listening has been absolutely insane. Has been our best episode yet,

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Speaker 1: absolutely incredible. Our inboxes filled up man at I heeart

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Speaker 1: radio dot com. You sent so many questions and comments

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Speaker 1: about intimacy and that show, so we wanted to follow

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Speaker 1: that show up with this show and with another special guest,

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Speaker 1: an intimacy expert, Lela de Ville is here for us. Lela,

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Speaker 1: thanks for having me, guys, thank you for coming. So

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Speaker 1: we like it, says your intimacy expert. And I'll be

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Speaker 1: the first one to ask, what is an intimacy experts? Well,

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Speaker 1: I call myself sex an intimacy coach. So basically, I

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Speaker 1: basically um equip people with the tools to discover their

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Speaker 1: authentic expression and sex and how to deeply connect with

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Speaker 1: their partner. Wow. So I worked to really unravel and

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Speaker 1: unkink any kind of barriers that people are having to

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Speaker 1: towards intimacy and give them practices and tools to bring

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Speaker 1: into their partnership to deepen their experience of sex and

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Speaker 1: deepen yeah connection. So do you work a How long

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Speaker 1: have you been in the field? It's I always get asked, so,

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Speaker 1: how did you get into this into this field? And

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Speaker 1: basically it it came from I wasn't like some sexual

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Speaker 1: goddess that was just inherently tapped into all the virtues

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Speaker 1: of UM sexual connection. Basically I got into this field

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Speaker 1: and I was seventeen. Yeah A, sorry, So it was

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Speaker 1: just an area that I really needed to work on

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Speaker 1: for myself. And it was about a decade in that

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Speaker 1: I realized that this wasn't it wasn't a personal failure

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Speaker 1: of mine, but more of a gaping hole in society

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Speaker 1: that wasn't being filled by anything meaningful UM. And so

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Speaker 1: I started researching more UM, studying more, and then started

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Speaker 1: to offer this as a service to UM to men

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Speaker 1: and women. So do you work with do you work with? Couples?

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Speaker 1: Do you work with like if the the guy is

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Speaker 1: having problem creating intimacy or having questions like how how

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Speaker 1: was the process for our people listening? How was the process?

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Speaker 1: Who contacts you? Uh? Is it couples seeking to work together?

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Speaker 1: Individuals seeking to learn more about their partner? No, Usually

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Speaker 1: it's the women reaching out to me, and so I

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Speaker 1: am primarily these days work with women UM and I

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Speaker 1: choose to work with one on one before I work

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Speaker 1: with a couple UM because I feel like there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of like inner work and a lot of like

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Speaker 1: wounds and barriers to intimacy and connection UM for the individual,

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Speaker 1: and so I worked to to kind of unravel those

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Speaker 1: first before working with a couple, and I usually have

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Speaker 1: worked with the woman first. Goes back to what we

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Speaker 1: were talking about last year about offering the best version

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Speaker 1: of yourself to your partner and if you yourself are

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Speaker 1: fulfilled and happy and joyous that you can then offer

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Speaker 1: something to your partner versus seeking something from your partner

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Speaker 1: to fill you up. I'll let you guys jump in

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Speaker 1: with us. Guys, any questions for Leela? I kind a

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Speaker 1: question do you do you find the majority of your

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Speaker 1: your patients, your female clients patients UM clients clients UM

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Speaker 1: are are are people who had some sort of abuse

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Speaker 1: issue or these this this has nothing to do fundamentally

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Speaker 1: for the most part, it's not necessarily abuse based personality

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Speaker 1: types that you and it No, it's not personality types

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Speaker 1: or people who have experienced anything in particular, it's really

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Speaker 1: women who are wanting to experience more than they're currently experiencing.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing necessarily wrong even and what their experience. They

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Speaker 1: just want more, you know, they're craving more. They're hungry

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Speaker 1: for more in which way, a physical way, in an

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Speaker 1: emotional way. Well it's a lighted thing, right. We usually think, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: they want more sex, more, more intimacy, they want more connection,

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Speaker 1: they want to feel more than what they're what they're

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Speaker 1: able to do on their own. So do they come

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Speaker 1: in typically like thinking that it may be the partner's

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Speaker 1: fault at the beginning and saying like, oh, she's not

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Speaker 1: into me or or he's not into me or whatever

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Speaker 1: that may be. Yea, sometimes I mean, I mean we're

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Speaker 1: quick to externalized generally in life. So you know, sometimes yeah,

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Speaker 1: there is all my partners doing this and I'm not

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Speaker 1: attracted her anymore and I don't want it and there's

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Speaker 1: something wrong with him. But you know, and men do

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Speaker 1: the same thing. She's not wanting to you know, we

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Speaker 1: do this and so um, I always guide people back

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Speaker 1: to themselves and work on that level first. And because

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Speaker 1: we're always evoking or as evoking from our partners. Um,

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Speaker 1: we're evoking either closeness or distance where you know, this

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Speaker 1: is this is how we relate. And what would be

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Speaker 1: kind of the first step that you would you would

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Speaker 1: kind of as you see a client, like you would

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Speaker 1: take with that person. Obviously depending on what their cases

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Speaker 1: or what they're they're looking for help with, you know,

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Speaker 1: what would they what would you advise them? Um, it's

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Speaker 1: the first thing I generally do with anybody I'm working with,

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Speaker 1: men or women is to unravel the preconceptions and mindsets

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Speaker 1: they have around sexuality that are really preventing them from

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Speaker 1: experiencing what they want to experience. So, you know, we

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Speaker 1: have all these ideas around sex and four play and

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Speaker 1: penetration that you know, like that sex is everything other

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Speaker 1: than penetration is for play, and it kind of makes

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Speaker 1: penetration the main event of an experience, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of women are wanting something else other than that. They

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Speaker 1: want that, but they want all the stuff beforehand. And

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Speaker 1: so if we're if we're just going directly to like

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Speaker 1: four play penetration in the end, it's it makes it

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Speaker 1: a very narrow experience, and women are wanting to be

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Speaker 1: moved in a different way other than just having the

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Speaker 1: default thing play out in front of them. It almost

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Speaker 1: seems like a transactional versus a connection, and orgasm has

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Speaker 1: become like this trophy that we're just basically passing backwards

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Speaker 1: and forwards between each other, reminding us that we're great lovers,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I think there's just so more than

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Speaker 1: then these kind of mindsets that we've constructed around sex

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Speaker 1: and how it should play out. Um, and so I

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Speaker 1: work to kind of re kind of broaden the definitions

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Speaker 1: of some of these terms and and to help women

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Speaker 1: kind of try to articulate what it is they're actually seeking.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's not you know, I'm a I'm a

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Speaker 1: sex and intimacy coach, but probably ten pc of what

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Speaker 1: I do is technique based or the mechanics of sex. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because it's really guiding someone into their instinct and how

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Speaker 1: can they connect with themselves so they then can connect

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Speaker 1: with their partner. And this is a big one for

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Speaker 1: the guys out there listening, because, um, you know, if

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Speaker 1: you're not attuned to yourself, then you can't attune to

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Speaker 1: another person. If you can't feel what is going on

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Speaker 1: in your body, and you're just like going into the default,

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Speaker 1: and it's become performative and um, not even performative, but

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Speaker 1: you're just like you there's just a routine to it

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Speaker 1: where the touch is non santaneous. Then then you're not

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Speaker 1: connecting with the person who's with you. You're not able

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Speaker 1: to respond to her or him because you're just playing

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Speaker 1: out this. Yeah exactly. I think that's an interesting thing

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Speaker 1: that you said, is that I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: people get to a point in a relationship where they think,

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Speaker 1: all right, well, if there's no orgasm, it was a failure. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And you know, we have such a narrow definition of orgasm,

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Speaker 1: especially for a woman. It's it's not the same like

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Speaker 1: this probably is many different types of orgasm as there

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Speaker 1: are women having them. You know, they don't necessarily look

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Speaker 1: like what you've seen in porn or the media. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to follow that trajectory, you know. And so

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Speaker 1: we're all seeking this one thing. And so that's what

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Speaker 1: I mean. I'm trying to unwind some of that, some

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Speaker 1: of these definitions and strongholds that we have around what

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Speaker 1: we want to experience sexually. Because for a woman, whether

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Speaker 1: she climaxes or not is not is not the thing,

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Speaker 1: you know, she could use her vibrator and get off

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Speaker 1: better then she could and quicker than she could with

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Speaker 1: a man. Or She's seeking is something that's more trude

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Speaker 1: at the moment and more of a play between her

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Speaker 1: and her partner. That's like most women want more true

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Speaker 1: to the moment sex. I don't want to necessarily want

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Speaker 1: one particular style or way of getting off. They just

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Speaker 1: want what's true to the moment. For the record, for

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Speaker 1: what you said before, I'm actually a big fan of

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Speaker 1: the stuff that comes before. Yeah, you know that, that

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Speaker 1: lead up and stuff. I think there's a lot still

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Speaker 1: even by saying before, you're still saying that there's that

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Speaker 1: I will not um. I thought that's how you referred

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Speaker 1: to you said before penetration. There's a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: that can happen. That's why I use that phrasing. Hey,

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Speaker 1: sometimes I wish three defined for play to mean something

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Speaker 1: like we could call it core play, because if we're

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Speaker 1: just going from A to B and then that's the end,

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Speaker 1: and there's all this there's a whole alphabet to explore.

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Speaker 1: There's so much in there to explore, and so if

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Speaker 1: we're just going for that one thing, what could be

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Speaker 1: some examples of that of instead of just four players,

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Speaker 1: I think we all know probably what that is. What

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Speaker 1: could be some other examples of instead of a to

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Speaker 1: B and done, what could be a B, C, D.

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Speaker 1: Anything your imagination can think up. And that's real between

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Speaker 1: your you and your partner that doesn't involve penetration. And

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Speaker 1: is there ever a time that you, as a female

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Speaker 1: or your clients want to skip the like? Are you

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Speaker 1: saying that there's never a time when you just want

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Speaker 1: to go straight? No? Totally, There totally is, but that's

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Speaker 1: the default. Absolutely sometimes. Yeah, we women want to be taken.

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Speaker 1: They want that intensity, and a lot of the a

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Speaker 1: lot of women don't want that all the time and

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Speaker 1: they want something else. But they want just what's true

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Speaker 1: in the moment and what is real. And but it

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Speaker 1: takes connecting to yourself first as a man, so then

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Speaker 1: you can then attune to yourself and then you can

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Speaker 1: attune to your partner. So it's showing up with that

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Speaker 1: full presence. That's the biggest gift that you can bring

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Speaker 1: as a man to a sexual UM encounter is your

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Speaker 1: full presence so that you can respond. Wow. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: we have a caller here that just called in UM

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Speaker 1: we have a listener who's willing to share her story

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Speaker 1: and we'd love Leela for you to chime in on this,

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Speaker 1: so can we bring her in? She's on with us. Hello,

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Speaker 1: welcome to how men think. We appreciate you calling in

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Speaker 1: and we appreciate you being vulnerable. Um. We won't require

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Speaker 1: your name, we won't ask you to say your name,

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Speaker 1: but we know you have a question. Can you please

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Speaker 1: ask it? We have Leela here who's going to help

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Speaker 1: us answer it. Hi, Hi h. I have been married

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Speaker 1: for over ten years and things aren't great. Don't communicate

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Speaker 1: at all. There's like no intimacy, whether it's an emotional

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Speaker 1: or physical, and I don't know what to do. Do

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Speaker 1: you have a desire? Maybe let's start here. Is your

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Speaker 1: desired outcome of this? Are you? Are you? You're seeking

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Speaker 1: more connection? You're seeking what would be the what would

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Speaker 1: be the desired outcome where your relationship would look like what? Well?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I want to be in a relationship where

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Speaker 1: I feel like my buckets being filled and we're having

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Speaker 1: fun and connecting in a lot of different ways. Totally

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Speaker 1: here you and just a couple of questions I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask, just so I can get some perspective. Um,

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Speaker 1: do you have children, Yes, which makes it all much tougher.

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Speaker 1: And um, how long were you together before you had children? Um?

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Speaker 1: Maybe like two years. We got pregnant, like six months

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Speaker 1: after our wedding, Yeah, quick. And can can you remember

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Speaker 1: a time where the intimacy and connection was there for you?

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Speaker 1: Well physically, I mean, I gotta say, it's never been

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Speaker 1: like the greatest sex of my life. But I just

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Speaker 1: thought that maybe that didn't matter at a certain age

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Speaker 1: and the other stuff was more important, like being a

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Speaker 1: great provider, being a great potential father, you know, things

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Speaker 1: I thought stattered more. But now I realize it all matters. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it does. And you know, desire doesn't remain constant through

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Speaker 1: a lifetime, let alone day to day, week to week,

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Speaker 1: moment to moment. So you know, as we transition through

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Speaker 1: the different phases of womanhood and enter into motherhood, things

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Speaker 1: can drastically change. And one thing I really find with

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Speaker 1: um with mothers is that, you know, sex becomes really

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Speaker 1: undesirable when it is a place where you're always going

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Speaker 1: to empty your cup. You know, it's not something that

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Speaker 1: necessarily fills you up. And the usually what becomes glaringly

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Speaker 1: apparent when you become a mother. Is that how much

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Speaker 1: you've been partner pleasing in your previous sexual experience before

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Speaker 1: becoming a mother, because that just doesn't fly. When you

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Speaker 1: become a mom, you know you're giving everywhere. You're giving,

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Speaker 1: giving to the family, giving to your kids, that maybe breastfeeding,

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Speaker 1: and you know you're just given, given, giving. So if

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Speaker 1: sex then is a place where you're continuing to give,

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Speaker 1: then you're not going to desire it very much. And

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Speaker 1: I feel like to for me, like I'm a woman.

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Speaker 1: I can't just be expected to be at home all

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Speaker 1: day like doing laundry and that like take off my

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Speaker 1: feel amazing that I didn't have you lay on top

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Speaker 1: of me, you know, like I need a little like

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Speaker 1: emotional connection, like I'm a lady, you know that's what

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Speaker 1: I need. Absolutely. Can I ask a question, did you

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Speaker 1: have you ever had you said it was never great?

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Speaker 1: Did you ever have instances or moments where you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: like there was a a little bit of it or

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Speaker 1: you thought this is what it is. Have you ever

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Speaker 1: had any even part of connection with your husband where

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Speaker 1: you've been like this is what it is and you

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Speaker 1: just can't recapture it or you never or have you

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Speaker 1: never even felt it at all. I feel like there's

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Speaker 1: like some performance stuff for him, and when we are

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Speaker 1: doing it, he's like really in his own head and

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Speaker 1: he's not present with me, and so I can feel

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Speaker 1: like the anxiety of like, oh what if I can't

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Speaker 1: do this? And so it just doesn't like I don't

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Speaker 1: feel connected when we're doing it. So it just feels

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Speaker 1: very like, let's just get this over with on his

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Speaker 1: end to like finish. But again, I'm a lady, I

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Speaker 1: need something different than that. So yeah, I just thought

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Speaker 1: it would get better. I don't know, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what I thought. I guess I wasn't thinking yea, And

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00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 1: know that you know this isn't like a failure of yours.

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Speaker 1: It's there's a myths to think that this just happens naturally.

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Speaker 1: That you know that in a good relationship, intimacy is

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Speaker 1: just there. But I see it more as a skill,

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Speaker 1: and especially as a relationship continues, it's a skill that

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00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 1: you develop and it's something that you also have to prioritize.

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Speaker 1: So you know, if you're in like a sex rut um,

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Speaker 1: that there definitely needs to be a conversation um that

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Speaker 1: has to be had, and I want you to know

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Speaker 1: that anything that you want to communicate can be communicated,

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Speaker 1: um in a way that is effective and that doesn't

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Speaker 1: make someone feel bad and doesn't like diminish um their

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Speaker 1: self self esteem. And I think that's one of the

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Speaker 1: main reasons why women choose not to communicate within their

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Speaker 1: relationship is if afraid of crushing crushing the ego and um,

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Speaker 1: there is a way, and the way usually is to

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00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,160
Speaker 1: have a conversation and to state, like what your intention

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Speaker 1: is and what you want more of, and it comes

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Speaker 1: from you know, I would like more of this. I

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Speaker 1: remember or I remember a time when when it was

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Speaker 1: like this, and I would really love to experience more

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Speaker 1: of that. Or if or if you've been partner pleasing

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Speaker 1: your whole life and always been about a man's pleasure,

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Speaker 1: then it might be that you want to discover your

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Speaker 1: your pleasure and you would like his help to do that,

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Speaker 1: And there's I want you to know that that's going

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Speaker 1: to make him feel that Like a man is usually

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Speaker 1: very wrapped up in their partner's pleasure, like that's what

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Speaker 1: makes him feel like the best love it. You guys

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Speaker 1: can maybe attest to this, but like that I don't

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Speaker 1: think he's like that at all. Like he's so like

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Speaker 1: he's funny about it, Like he's so like I was

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Speaker 1: never like that before I met him. I was very

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00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,959
Speaker 1: open and he's like super embarrassed about it. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It's like, well, which is like totally normal. And where

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00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 1: we've we you know, where we've all learned from sex

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Speaker 1: from you know, there's there's usually a lot of shame,

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00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 1: but at the core of it, I can tell you

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00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 1: that usually a man is very invested in their partner's

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Speaker 1: pleasure and and maybe if you haven't been having sex

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Speaker 1: for quite some time, then you know that he his

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00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 1: sense of his masculinity is so diminished that he needs

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00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 1: a bit of a build up. Can can I ask

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00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: you a hard question? Um, we're do you have previous

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00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:20,719
Speaker 1: relationships that were better that maybe you're relating the experience

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00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,960
Speaker 1: of sex too, and that maybe he's just not as

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00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: strong in that department as maybe previously. I mean, I

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00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 1: definitely think that when we met, I was like I

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Speaker 1: had had my heartbroken by the person that I thought

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Speaker 1: was the love of my life, and you know, I

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00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 1: don't know if I was fully over that relationship, and

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00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 1: you know, he was so nice and he was easy

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Speaker 1: to be with, and we were like really good friends,

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Speaker 1: and so I just kind of put my blinders on

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Speaker 1: and I put my head to the grind and I

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Speaker 1: was like, all, Kay, this works. So would you say

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Speaker 1: would you say would you say now that you are

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Speaker 1: over that relationship or is that still somewhat present in

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00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: your mind sometimes? I mean not on a daily basis,

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00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: but I mean, of course, it's definitely something like if

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00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,680
Speaker 1: you don't have closure on something, you're always going to

362
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 1: like wonder. But um, have you communicated to him? Because

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Speaker 1: from a man standpoint, just like when my wife, when

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Speaker 1: my wife tells me something that she would like me

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00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: to do sexually or in the bedroom, or something she

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00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 1: doesn't like that I do, I'm very receptive of it

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00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 1: because of one how my wife delivers it. She delivers

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00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 1: it very genuinely and and in such a way that

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00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 1: I'm very receptive. Um, have you communicated clearly what he

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Speaker 1: might not be doing well, or what he's doing that's

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00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 1: not turning you on, or have those kinds of discussions

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00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 1: From a man standpoint, we are open to those. Um,

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Speaker 1: if he is a confident man, he won't take that

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00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 1: as a blow to his ego and for other listeners,

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Speaker 1: if you have a partner, you're saying, I can't Can

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00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 1: I bring this up with my partner? Yeah, we love

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00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 1: like I love my wife, So I want my wife

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00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 1: to feel safe enough to be able to bring up

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00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 1: any sort of conversation that she wants, especially with intimacy

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00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: and sex. So have you had communication with him in

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00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 1: that regard? Put his hands in places and I told

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00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: him what I like and I don't like. But I

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00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,919
Speaker 1: think part of the part of our problem is we

384
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: don't have the emotional intimacy to make the physical intimacy

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Speaker 1: a safe place, you know what I mean, we don't

386
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 1: have like, but he's not the person I would go

387
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 1: to first, like. I don't know. I mean, we just

388
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: don't have the emotional intimacy that you need to have

389
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 1: that be what happens in the bed room. I think

390
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: is part of the problem. Are you in love with

391
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: him anymore? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. That's a

392
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 1: tough question because there's like, there's usually so many layers,

393
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,920
Speaker 1: so many liers. That's that question. It's just hard. I

394
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, we're just also I'm in my worries,

395
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: so you know, I'm kind of like women their forties

396
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: kind of like get it all together and we're like

397
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: figuring stuff out, and I feel like we kind of

398
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 1: wake up a little bit, and I just feel like

399
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: we're going in different directions and it's not helping any

400
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 1: of the other stuff. And I think it's I think

401
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: it's apparent to me that you guys need to get

402
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: on the same team and and have a chat about

403
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: what the purpose of your relationship is, what you what

404
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: your intention for your relationship is, and then how you

405
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: can see that, how you can see that moving forward, right,

406
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 1: you know, beyond beyond the sex stuff. I agree, because

407
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 1: we can't. I feel like we can't even get there

408
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: until all this other stuff exactly. Exactly. The sex is

409
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: just a symptom of of everything else. So if you

410
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 1: can get on the same team, and if you are

411
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: on the same team, if you can prioritize intimacy and

412
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 1: connection not sex. I'm not saying like prioritize, you know,

413
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: like having penetrative sex and like just going for it.

414
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: I'm just saying creating a space for intimacy where you

415
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 1: can connect and hear each other and get into that

416
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: space of saneness like I am a human, you're a human.

417
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,119
Speaker 1: I have a heart, you have a heart. This is

418
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: a let's let's connect, Like I think that's that's the

419
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,400
Speaker 1: wayful it can I bring up one thing that that

420
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 1: that I heard that you said was he seems to

421
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 1: be in his own head about it. Is it possible?

422
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 1: And this is something we're talking about, you know obviously

423
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 1: right before you called in and Leela, you can guide

424
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 1: this if it's in his own head. If he's thinking

425
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 1: I have to do this, I have to bring her

426
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: to orgasm, I have to get her to this point,

427
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 1: like he's thinking that trophy like this is going to

428
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 1: be a failure if I don't get to the point.

429
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: Could that be why he's in his own head and

430
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: he's thinking I gotta get He doesn't stay hard a

431
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: lot of times, So I think it's which happens with men.

432
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 1: That's nothing, that's a that's a feeling the pressure to

433
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: absolutely it doesn't accept me or doesn't make you think like,

434
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: oh he's terrible, But I think it makes him feel

435
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 1: that way. And I've said a million times like it's

436
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: no big deal, um, but yeah, and if he's in

437
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 1: and as long as we've been together, I've never felt

438
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,479
Speaker 1: like he was someone where I could be like open

439
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: or myself in the bedroom, you know, m hmmm. How often?

440
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: How often? How frequently would you say that you guys

441
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 1: are having sex? And how do you what goes into

442
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,119
Speaker 1: that process? And by that, I mean how does it happen?

443
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 1: You know? Is it a scheduled thing? Is it is

444
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: there any spontaneity whatsoever? How does it all come about

445
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 1: right now or is not? Um But when we still

446
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: kind of were, it was probably like once or twice

447
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: a month, and then it was either like at night

448
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 1: after the kids went to bad. It wasn't like scheduled.

449
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: It was I could always like you can always tell

450
00:25:55,520 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 1: when it's coming. I don't know, like how often? How

451
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 1: about this question? How often would you guys do something

452
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: that could have the potential to lead to sex, whether

453
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,360
Speaker 1: it's a date night, whether it's cuddling on the couch

454
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: or a little mini vacation, get the parents to watch

455
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: the kids, or something like? How often would you proactively

456
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: create something in your relationship that could potentially lead to

457
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 1: a physical connection. Well, there's the problem because the answer

458
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 1: is pretty much never. Yeah, I feel like there's a

459
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 1: there's an insecurity problem with him. And I'm not saying

460
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: that's the whole thing. Yeah, he's not he's not able

461
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: to perform. You said he's afraid he'll he'll lose his erection,

462
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 1: he'll go soft. And it's like, so I guarantee the

463
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: moment you guys start kissing or something in his head

464
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: he's like, oh my god, I hope this doesn't happen.

465
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 1: And yeah, absolutely, and it's likely he's stressed. He has

466
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: anxiety around it, the whole, the whole gambit. But but

467
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 1: since we have of her on on the call, I

468
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 1: think you know, I heard you say that you know

469
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: you during your day you're just like with the kids

470
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,639
Speaker 1: or you you know, you're not feeling it. You're not

471
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: feeling it yourself, right, And and so the gift to

472
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: yourself is to prioritize your pleasure and to bring yourself

473
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: more pleasure. Not talking about yeah, but I'm saying to

474
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: like to live that turn on, not just like to

475
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: get yourself off through masturbation. I'm talking to live that

476
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: turn onto and to feel pleasure in your body, to

477
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,640
Speaker 1: take care of yourself and to do things that make

478
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: you feel sexy. Well, I just actually, um like over

479
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 1: the last year started doing that. I started prioritizing myself

480
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: and getting in shape and working out and exercising and

481
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: dressed like getting dressed up. And I've been doing that

482
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 1: and I'm feeling great about myself. I am having like

483
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: the best year have had personally. Have you seen any

484
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 1: response from him? And actually it's a little bit of

485
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: like threaten. I feel like, man, does he know that

486
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: you that you are taking care of on your own? Accord?

487
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 1: Is he? Is he aware of that? I don't think so.

488
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: Do you think if he were to find out that

489
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,919
Speaker 1: you were masturbating on your own that he would feel

490
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: inadequate or that would change his course of action in

491
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: some way, and that he would you know, because speaking

492
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:32,239
Speaker 1: from personal experience, I would be almost offended in a

493
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 1: way if really, if I wouldn't if it's not a

494
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: to if I am physically home and we could be

495
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: having sex, but you're choosing to take care of it yourself,

496
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: to me, that's offensive. I think there's a big problem there.

497
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: So what if you can't perform? But what if you

498
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 1: or what if you're like away for a weekend or

499
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: something like you travel for work. If you if I'm

500
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: away it's just like a story. But it doesn't seem

501
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: like he is away and that she's trying to save

502
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: him the It sounds almost like she's so she's tiptoeing

503
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: around his emotions so much so she's trying to save

504
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 1: him the embarrassment of performing or lacking the ability to perform. Therefore,

505
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 1: she's caring herself so as to spare him the the

506
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: the embarrassment. Have you lost the polarity in the relationship,

507
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: Like do you do you look at him like a man?

508
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: Like he is a man? No? No, no, has it

509
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 1: been a long time? Has he ever? Have you ever

510
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: looked at him like with lost and desire? Like I

511
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: love my look at this man. He just I am

512
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: drawn to him like a magnet. Has it ever been

513
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: like that? It's hard to say because of where my

514
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 1: headspace is right now, But I don't think so. But

515
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: sometimes that's not inherent, that's not always there. Sometimes that

516
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: needs to be cultivated. And that's a choice. Yeah, right,

517
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: Like both want you want to get on the same page,

518
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 1: but she has to choose that too. Yeah. True, And

519
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: I'm definitely not right now uptick of trying to you know,

520
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: of exercising and doing whatever for him. Have there been

521
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 1: other men that have come towards you at that time?

522
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I mean I don't know. Like

523
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: I'm like a mom with little kids, so not like you,

524
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: and you know, very different in this society. When you're

525
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: a mom, it's not saying. It's not saying in the

526
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 1: same way with a guy with kids is like you

527
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: talk to me. But I mean, maybe they thought my

528
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: kids was cute. I don't know. Um, I don't know.

529
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: Maybe and that attention if it must feel good. I mean,

530
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: if if a man doesn't provide attention to his significant other,

531
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: to his wife, I believe that any person will go

532
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: somewhere else to get it. To me, it sounds to

533
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: me it sounds like he needs to step up. Not

534
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,959
Speaker 1: saying that maybe you both aren't guilty, but I'm not

535
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 1: hearing any effort from his side of this. I'd love

536
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: to get him into the booth here. Well, let's not

537
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: get carried away. Yeah, I don't know, it's just hard.

538
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:20,719
Speaker 1: It's just hard or not. But so let me let

539
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: me can I can I step in on this? Can

540
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: I step on it? Because? Um, that happens for men,

541
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: So that's it's not a choice. He didn't make this

542
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: choice to have that happen. And I'll say this that

543
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: I have played with teammates that are physical specimens in

544
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: the NHL, like I've played with teammates that have had

545
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: that issue. Yea. And these some of these guys are young,

546
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: guys could be as young as twenty five. I've played

547
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 1: with guys that are physical specimens that have had troubles

548
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: performing in in bed didn't help when you played with them?

549
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: What's up? So I'm I'm I'm not trying to say that,

550
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: like I'm not trying to protect him or say but

551
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like, it does happen to men, but

552
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: certainly it can. It can affect a man's confidence and

553
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: his mindset when he knows that that can possibly be

554
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 1: an issue. But there's there's viagraa there, there's a lot

555
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 1: of information and pharmaceuticals out there that can help you work. Right,

556
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: And you said that he kind of makes he makes

557
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: light of it, right, You said, he kind of jokes

558
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: about the whole thing. Now, yeah, and we know we

559
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: don't we don't talk about it. Leela had a great

560
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: point here. So I said, pharmaceuticals and Leela, because this

561
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: is something I've got into and my wife is really into.

562
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: Can you say what you just said? Yeah, I mean

563
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: with I just said something about energetic work. Um, you

564
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: know that we don't always have to lean into the

565
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: pharmaceuticals and a lot of this can just be energetic.

566
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: Like there's a not enough. Um. That's why I asked

567
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: if he was stressed or he has anxiety, because that

568
00:32:54,120 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: will deplete the amount of sexual energy is in his body. So, um,

569
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: you know, if you stress out at work or he

570
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 1: has all these anxiety issues and his sexual energy will

571
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: be diminished. But there's a lot of work. You know,

572
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: there's Tanto workers, Taoist work, which elevates sexual energy in

573
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: the body and gives gives them a man practices to

574
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: to to stay hard. And I also want to point

575
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 1: out that, you know, the intimacy that you you're craving

576
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: might not even need for him to be hard. It

577
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: is a desire to be connected with and a desire

578
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 1: to be um penetrated with presence, right. I think that's

579
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 1: part of the problem though, like I said earlier, is

580
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: I feel like if you're not there emotionally, then the

581
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: other stuff is really hard. You know, for me, anyway,

582
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, you know that that's really how

583
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: women work, you know, It's it's top down for a

584
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 1: woman at all, initiates in the heart center first and

585
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: then flows down to um, to the genitals and to

586
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 1: being turned on. But for the for a guy, it's

587
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: kind of the opposite. Yeah, so what what do you

588
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: have any more questions? Leela? Do you have any last

589
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: questions for lela um And we want we want it

590
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: to be great. I appreciate it. I think I think

591
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:12,600
Speaker 1: having a conversation is needed and and state your intention,

592
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: you know, and get really clear on that for yourself.

593
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 1: What is your intention? What do you want? What? What

594
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 1: are you hungry for? What are you deeply craving? Right? Yeah, right,

595
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: I know. Well, we appreciate the call. Thank you so much.

596
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,399
Speaker 1: We hope you'll keep us informed. Stay with us, yeah,

597
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: stay with us, let us know how your journey goes,

598
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 1: and then we'll be back after this break with some

599
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 1: more questions from Leela. This is how men think. I'm

600
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: Brooks like. And that was a fantastic call. That was

601
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 1: our first phone call on the show. And that was

602
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 1: your right, gab. That was heavy, That was somebody's life,

603
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 1: big decisions in their life. Uh, and I hope we

604
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 1: were able to help her somewhat in her journey. But Lela,

605
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,760
Speaker 1: in your opinion, what should she do? I think it's

606
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: really important for her to get clear on her intention

607
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: for or this particular relationship and even broader than that,

608
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: what she feels the purpose of relationship is, you know,

609
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: is is the purpose of relationship to be comfortable? Is

610
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:15,800
Speaker 1: the purpose of her relationship to like just have mad sex?

611
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: You know? Is it? For a lot of people at

612
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: the core about what it is is they want growth

613
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 1: and they want to heal. And so if she feels

614
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 1: that she can do that with this partner, because this

615
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 1: is beyond sex, you know what, what she's explaining to us,

616
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 1: this isn't really about sex. Sex is a symptom of

617
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,479
Speaker 1: the fact that they don't have They're not well, she's

618
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 1: not currently experiencing intimacy and connection. So getting clear on

619
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: what she feels the purpose of the relationship is and

620
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: then what she wants, you know, and taking that to

621
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 1: her partner and having a really a conversation about it

622
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: that isn't about blame or even complaining, but just like

623
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: what's your what what do you want? How do you

624
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: want to live this life? What experience do you want

625
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: to have? I think these are the bigger questions that

626
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: the symptom of her sexual experience of pointing out to me,

627
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 1: this sounds like, um, the whole relationship even almost sounds

628
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: like it started as almost It's like it sounded like

629
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: as like an emotional shipwreck. Anyway. It's sort of like

630
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: she had a relationship someone she was in love with,

631
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 1: it didn't work out, she was lost at sea, perhaps

632
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: met somebody else who perhaps was also lost at sea.

633
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: They end up in basically just salvaging each other, living

634
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:37,360
Speaker 1: in the same rescue boat, and not necessarily so passionate

635
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 1: about each other other than the fact that they're in

636
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: a boat. Um, and you know, and and that sounds

637
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: like the whole thing. Now they've run out of their

638
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 1: emergency supplies, but they're still in the boat. And there

639
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: there is no there is no island even in sight

640
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 1: to her other than just anywhere else but here. I

641
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 1: can't be in this boat any longer. And I have

642
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: to tell you, Um, it's to me, there's I mean,

643
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: I'm being it's not my place to say, but being

644
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: that this is a show about entertainment, I don't have

645
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: to be as personally invested. And I could just give

646
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 1: you my two cents, which is that there's certain things

647
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 1: that are not worth um salvaging, certain scenarios, certain things

648
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: of course you don't want you you don't want, you

649
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 1: don't want to risk certain um catastrophic collateral damage. And

650
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 1: it's just someone with children, So children are the priority

651
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 1: to me. There's almost no point of getting married until

652
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 1: it's children time. Um, so you know, you you have

653
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 1: your relationship, but it really essentially is about heading towards

654
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: the path of having a family and creating a secure home. Right.

655
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 1: But it sounds like it wasn't. This was almost This

656
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 1: is a big swing at something that was almost really

657
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 1: a reactionary relationship to begin with, and it turned into

658
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: a lifelong uh sentence. Yeah. I hear from her though,

659
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: because she's been in a ten years. You know this,

660
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: This isn't like a short stint. I feel like there

661
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 1: is something in there that's keeping her there and it's

662
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 1: likely why she got involved with this particular guy in

663
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: the first place. Like we we all have wounds, we

664
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 1: all have childhood wounds. A lot of the time we're

665
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: recreating scenarios from our younger life. Um, you know, but

666
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 1: you know even before we were five, which we're recreating

667
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 1: those kind of like relationship dynamics and scenarios. And so

668
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: she's entered into this one with all her wounds, but

669
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: her relationship can be an environment to heal those. And

670
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: that's why I say, get really clear on what the

671
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: purpose of relationship is, because is it just meant to

672
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,800
Speaker 1: be smooth sailing. If it's meant to be smooth sailing,

673
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 1: as soon as something gets uncomfortable, then we're like then

674
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 1: we're on rocky ground and we're almost one ft in

675
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: one ft out. So if this, if this relationship can

676
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: potentially be healing of those wounds, then it's a great relationship.

677
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,880
Speaker 1: And if they can, I'm at each other, at each

678
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: other with that, it can be beautiful. It sounds like

679
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 1: it sounds like she signed up for comfortable in the

680
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 1: smooth sailing versus like I'm love with this guy and

681
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: I cannot not have this guy. Sounds like such a

682
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: It just sounds this to me, sounds so contractual and

683
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: and and there's no passion, and I mean it's not

684
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: for me, it's not to me. I'm looking for a

685
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:33,879
Speaker 1: full life, right, every every day should be this amazing

686
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 1: potentially an experience, right like a great day, and I'm

687
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: looking for an awesome day. I get one life here

688
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: in my opinion. You know what religion you guys are,

689
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: But I'm of the opinion that I get this kind

690
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 1: of one go around here on the planet, and I

691
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,839
Speaker 1: want to enjoy the company that I'm in fully, and

692
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: if I'm not getting great company, I need to find

693
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,439
Speaker 1: different company. Then again, I'm not married and I don't

694
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 1: have children, so I'm just speaking for that perspective. No,

695
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 1: I just want to grab and I agree with you.

696
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: I think I think if I were to offer advice

697
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 1: to you, call her. You know, life is short, you know,

698
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 1: like you need to probably get out of this relationship

699
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,360
Speaker 1: to be frank with you, and then move on and

700
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: meet somebody else that you are going to be happy with.

701
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: That being said, every time that you are calling your

702
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: friends or talking to somebody else, maybe it's a relative

703
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 1: about this situation. You need to turn right around and

704
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: go talk to that partner. That is where you agree

705
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 1: with your time in not calling your friends and complaining

706
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,879
Speaker 1: and not calling you know, looking in the mirror, doing

707
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 1: and taking an alternative path that is the time you

708
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: need to turn around and go talk to your husband

709
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: and that man. Definitely call hell man think it helps

710
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,879
Speaker 1: our show. Have you noticed though, how in a relationship,

711
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: how we leave one and then we just go and

712
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: recreate it with another one. So I feel like that

713
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: there's still something there that that that needs to be

714
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: looked at. Is that's going to keep her in the relationship?

715
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 1: Doesn't I don't know. I don't know. Let's just be

716
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: open to that curiosity. But she needs to figure that out.

717
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 1: And if you know, maybe they do break up and

718
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 1: she moves on, and but at least heal that piece

719
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 1: that hasn't quite got there yet because she recreated in

720
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,959
Speaker 1: another scenario. Right, So what do you think? Let's let's

721
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,720
Speaker 1: pull what do you think? Break up? Gav or stay together?

722
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 1: What do you think? Man? You heard my opinion? I

723
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 1: mean I I for the most part, I just think

724
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 1: this is this is this is a lifeboat that's got

725
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: no supplies left in it. And that's that's how I

726
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 1: feel about it. It doesn't mean that the man doesn't

727
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: that her partner doesn't deserve a great conversation and honest conversation,

728
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 1: But I feel like they need to come to terms

729
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 1: and they need to both seek new islands to settle on.

730
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 1: I agree. I think I don't hear any passion in there,

731
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: and certainly I don't hear a lot of effort from

732
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,800
Speaker 1: his side. And granted we just got her story, but

733
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 1: I don't hear a lot of effort he had. There's

734
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: two sides every story. I don't hear a lot of

735
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: effort from his side. I don't hear a lot of

736
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,319
Speaker 1: passion in there. They are still young. She is still young.

737
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,399
Speaker 1: If she is thirty five, forty, mid forties, you still

738
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: have that. You're not even at the halfway point of

739
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 1: your life. So there's so much more opportunity ahead for

740
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: if if she might just be missing bravery or courage,

741
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: it's a massive decision. You have kids involved. I don't

742
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: have kids, so I don't understand what the ramification is.

743
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:27,920
Speaker 1: Your perspectively changed with kids. So maybe I'll defer to

744
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: you guys. But I think she's got so much life ahead,

745
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 1: and I think she should look at that and want

746
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,360
Speaker 1: to live that as happy as she can. I agree

747
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 1: with you, man, Since she has kids, she is going

748
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with this person, whether they're

749
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: intimate or not whether in romantic relationship or not. They're

750
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: gonna be co parenting these kids. So yeah, he deserves

751
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: a conversation. They deserve a conversation. Meet each other with respect,

752
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: have the conversation what and and then decide, you know,

753
00:42:56,440 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 1: and then then see what transpires. Yeah, and then the

754
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 1: fundamentally they may have both grown to be attracted to

755
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,800
Speaker 1: different things anyway at this point. I mean, it's not

756
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 1: a linear thing, right, So life is long. People's taste

757
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: change over time as well. And and you know, what

758
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 1: he found attractive at one point maybe different now. What

759
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 1: she found attractive at one point maybe different now. And

760
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: our priorities also shifted. The equation isn't constantly evolving. One

761
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: would Julila ever, you know I'm thinking about this. Would

762
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 1: you ever advise her to go to her husband, to

763
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 1: give him, essentially an ultimatum, to say, look, this is

764
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,839
Speaker 1: what I need. I want to be back in love

765
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: with you like we were when we got married. These

766
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: are the things that I need from you to continue

767
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: in this marriage, for our kids, for me, these are

768
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: the things I need from you to be happy again.

769
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,800
Speaker 1: If you are not interested in fulfilling those needs, then

770
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: we need to seriously consider parting ways. And I realized

771
00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 1: that is it could be perceived as a threat or harsh,

772
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 1: But I personally respond in a way, if I know

773
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,759
Speaker 1: that that I might lose her and that I then

774
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: may lose of the time with my children, that is

775
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,319
Speaker 1: really impactful for me, and it may prompt me to

776
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 1: want to give her those things and give her all,

777
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:23,279
Speaker 1: you know, all the things that she laid out that

778
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: she's craving. I would make more of a concerted effort

779
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 1: to deliver those if I knew my entire marriage, my kids,

780
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,800
Speaker 1: everything was on the line, it could work. Um. Again,

781
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 1: it takes her getting clear and what her intention is

782
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 1: and what she wants for herself, because she currently is

783
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 1: not clear. Um. And the fear I have around the

784
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: ultimatum is that given what we we really don't know

785
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 1: what his state is. We don't know if this guy

786
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: has depression. We don't know what he's contending with in

787
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,240
Speaker 1: his life. We don't know the wounds that have been triggered.

788
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 1: We don't know any of that. So we're giving this

789
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 1: person who may be severely and and may have depression,

790
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: and ultimatum he could just you know, just crumble under.

791
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 1: That will make the performance even that much worse because

792
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: there you go. But what if you definitely think they

793
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 1: need a third party, what if you change it from

794
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: ultimatum to like state of the union, like this is

795
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: where I'm at. And if it doesn't she be coming

796
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 1: from I first of all, and what she desires. It

797
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: shouldn't be really about I want you to do this

798
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 1: so I can feel this particular way. It should be

799
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 1: her living it and hopefully that inspires him enough. But

800
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: if if it doesn't, then getting a third party to

801
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,759
Speaker 1: like be the reflection as well. I definitely think the

802
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 1: third party needs to be involved. But I think she

803
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: doesn't set ultimatums to him. I think she sets dates

804
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: for herself. How long does she want to be in

805
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,720
Speaker 1: this relationship? How long does you know she's clearly unsatisfied

806
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 1: with what's going on. I think once she figures out

807
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: the not I'm not talking about the sex that. I'm

808
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: talking about the emotional side and the engagement side. But

809
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:01,479
Speaker 1: she can set when she's comfortable with herself. She should

810
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: be setting those timelines of like, okay, maybe now or

811
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 1: this date I should now I'm going to leave, or

812
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: now I'm going to stay with it, or whatever you know.

813
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's easier said than done. But she's

814
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: not even having the conversation. She's not even bringing it

815
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,479
Speaker 1: to him right, let alone in the right the right way,

816
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: you know, the effective way. He doesn't he probably you're saying,

817
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 1: we don't know any about We don't know anything about him,

818
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 1: so we can only focus on her because she's the

819
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 1: one that we're talking to. To meet your any last

820
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: thoughts on this, we gotta go to break here shortly.

821
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: Just one quick last thought is that I agree with

822
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: all of this. I agree there's obviously a problem. I

823
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 1: agree that she needs to talk to him. They need

824
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: to have that communication. I don't think you know the question.

825
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 1: The thing that stuck in my mind is that when

826
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 1: Ryan was talking about his ultimatum, he said the ultimatum was,

827
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: can we get back to where we were in love?

828
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 1: I don't, I'll be honest, this specific situation. I don't

829
00:46:57,800 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 1: get the feeling that she would that they ever had

830
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 1: that love. I don't don't think she has that to

831
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,719
Speaker 1: get back to. I don't. What I heard from her

832
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: was she got out of another relationship, she had her heartbroken,

833
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 1: she met this guy, thinks and and they've got, they've

834
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 1: stuck together this whole time. I don't know that she

835
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,279
Speaker 1: ever had that thing to get back to. So that's

836
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 1: that's where I'm at with that. I don't know that

837
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:18,800
Speaker 1: she that she can even if she gave an ultimatum,

838
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 1: she couldn't get back to. I think maybe she she

839
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:25,240
Speaker 1: went and got married to not get her heartbroken again. Wow,

840
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: we'll leave it there. It's gonna take a break peace,

841
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 1: all right. So that was some heavy stuff. This episode

842
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 1: has been pretty intense so far. That was our first call.

843
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: That's somebody's life that called and trusted us with their

844
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: life with a big decision there. So let's have a

845
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:40,919
Speaker 1: little more fun now we figured out for him though.

846
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: So I gotta I got a question that's probably gonna

847
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 1: provoke a little more laughter. What is men's biggest worry

848
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 1: about sex? M men's biggest worry? What's the one thing

849
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 1: you worry about the most in the bedroom? Good question.

850
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can say, well, this isn't

851
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:06,840
Speaker 1: a word, this is what I want? Is that the

852
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 1: next question? Please go ahead, buddy? What is it like

853
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,359
Speaker 1: I want to orgasm at the same time, Like to me,

854
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 1: that's the ultimate thing. The timing of it whenever, even

855
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: if it's a couple of seconds offer or five minutes offer,

856
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 1: whatever that is, it's to me, it's it's wanting to

857
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: have that couples like at the same time or five

858
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 1: minutes off is different. I'm just I'm just kind of kidding. Okay. So,

859
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:41,720
Speaker 1: so at the same time, like we're going, yeah, what

860
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:43,440
Speaker 1: what does that feel like? For you? What is what

861
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: does that mean? What does it's not? What it means

862
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: is it's it's we're doing something together, and it's not

863
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 1: about me having an orgasm. It's about us having an orgasm,

864
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: us being together in that moment and enjoying that feeling,

865
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: whether the climax at the at the exact same time.

866
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: And to me, that's the ultimate goal. Okay, So what

867
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: I got that? So what I forget the first question?

868
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 1: What's your biggest worry about sex? Like if you're if

869
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 1: you know you you and your wife are going to

870
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,800
Speaker 1: have sex, or maybe when you were younger, when you

871
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:17,240
Speaker 1: were twenty or whatever, what was something you worried about

872
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 1: going I mean, I think worrying would be kind of

873
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:22,359
Speaker 1: like how you're actually performing it, you know, how you're

874
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 1: how you're doing it, making sure that you are turning

875
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 1: on that person that you're with, whether you're a twenty

876
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 1: or or now you know, and making sure that they're

877
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: having a good time. I think that's that's my biggest

878
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 1: worry m Dmitri, my biggest worries that Rick cannot now

879
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. Um uh yeah, I agree. I mean I

880
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 1: think I get I get a lot of my pleasure

881
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 1: out of knowing that the person I'm with is feeling pleasure.

882
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 1: So whether it be whatever part of it is, but

883
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: I feel, I guess to Rick's point, you feel like

884
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 1: you want to be able to to deliver for them

885
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: what they want and that in turn will will feel

886
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,399
Speaker 1: good for me. But I feel like, listen, I'm gonna

887
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:01,920
Speaker 1: drop a bomb on you guys here. I'm not a

888
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 1: porn star, so I know, you know, people, there's a

889
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:11,440
Speaker 1: lot of something like like and everything. If someone has there,

890
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 1: which which luckily my wife does not, which is probably

891
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 1: why she married me. But if someone has their their

892
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 1: sights on like what like the craziness that people talk

893
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 1: about like to some extent, like yeah, like I think

894
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 1: people when they watch porn and stuff like that, I

895
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: think they you know, I guess now, I've moved on

896
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 1: from me, And what people might fear is that they

897
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 1: feel like they gotta live up to the like you've

898
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 1: gotta be crazy, you gotta be able to do all

899
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: this stuff, and and it's like that's that's kind of

900
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,680
Speaker 1: like I don't think I can. So if people are

901
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:39,640
Speaker 1: growing up watching that, then they're gonna be like, oh,

902
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm ever gonna have that. Isn't that

903
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 1: becoming more prevalent now that porn is so easily accessible

904
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 1: they think they have to do all these I feel like,

905
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:54,799
Speaker 1: under thirty even thirty five, your default sex education is

906
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: coming from porn. So then you have, you know, the

907
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 1: whole um society of of men thinking that they need

908
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 1: to give it in that way, and then you have

909
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,359
Speaker 1: a whole host of women who feel like they need

910
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 1: to be deriving pleasure from that. So this huge distortion.

911
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 1: It's like kind of like you know, trying to learn

912
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 1: how to drive from watching Fast and Furious and you

913
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 1: know we're not supposed to do that. But I'll say

914
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,359
Speaker 1: I've never, like, listen, I've never been totally into born.

915
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: Like if I walk in a room and you guys

916
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:26,880
Speaker 1: had porn on, I'm not going to clo cover my

917
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 1: eyes and like turn it off. But that's never been

918
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:31,680
Speaker 1: like the thing for me. I'm much more into like,

919
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: I mean, give me the last fifteen minutes of sixteen

920
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: Candles where the where the nerd gets the hot girl

921
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 1: that the guy makes a couple of jokes and like,

922
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 1: to me, that's exciting. So it's like, yeah, that's yeah,

923
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 1: I'm not anti porn. It can be. It can be.

924
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 1: I'm not anti porn. It can be really useful. It's

925
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 1: just that that shouldn't be where what we're thinking that

926
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 1: sex is because it's not. Do you ever advise clients

927
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:59,759
Speaker 1: to watch porn together? Um? No, I don't, actually because

928
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 1: I like too visual and it takes people out of

929
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 1: their bodies and I feel like when they're actually occupying

930
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 1: their bodies and feeling all the sensations in their bodies,

931
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 1: that's where the best, best sex kind of comes from.

932
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: So I usually if they're wanting like inspiration or to

933
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,399
Speaker 1: figure out like what they might want in sex, I'm

934
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: more advised audio erotica, Yeah, because then you can kind

935
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:26,240
Speaker 1: of figure out I don't like this, or that's really funny,

936
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 1: or this this is actually turning me on. Ryan what

937
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,239
Speaker 1: do you think men's biggest worry about sexes? I mean,

938
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:39,399
Speaker 1: speaking personally, mine is undoubtedly pleasuring my wife too much

939
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 1: so that she's tired through the rest of the day

940
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: and she had scheduled and it's just like it exhausts her.

941
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm saying, like, okay, that was four, stopping

942
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: at five. She'll be we'll be able to have dinner together.

943
00:52:54,239 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 1: She won't pass out. Now, Honestly, I would say, I

944
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 1: would say avoiding it being a true transactional experience, which

945
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 1: is something we kind of spoke to with the caller

946
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:16,360
Speaker 1: and what's up. I call it Judy six. It's something

947
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 1: but but Brooks, it's something that that Julianne spoke to

948
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 1: with respect to spontaneity. And you know, we we've all

949
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 1: talked about we have schedules and lives and kids and

950
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: not wanting it to be something that you schedule from

951
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 1: this hour when the kids are down or or nobody's home.

952
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,879
Speaker 1: And you know, for me, there are a million things

953
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: that my wife and I have to to navigate, which

954
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 1: are like I was telling De Metro just a minute ago,

955
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,319
Speaker 1: it's okay, well, it can't be first thing in the

956
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 1: morning because we we have to have our coffee, we

957
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 1: have to go to the bathroom. Get that out of

958
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,800
Speaker 1: the way. It's not going to be in bed before

959
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: that has happened. But then after you've gone to the bathroom,

960
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 1: it's like, well, now the right time. Now we gotta shower.

961
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 1: Do we have time to shower? And then it's like, well,

962
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:06,400
Speaker 1: it's lunch time. So we just had a meal. I

963
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:09,239
Speaker 1: feel bloated, so it can't be after a meal. So

964
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: you factor in the eating and the time to go

965
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: to the bathroom, and the kids are awake, and you

966
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 1: have like a seven minute window. I only need a

967
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 1: two minute window luckily, but like she doesn't offensive need

968
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:28,279
Speaker 1: longer than two minutes. But but but there are You know,

969
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 1: it boils down to this very small window of the

970
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 1: day that it works out conveniently for both of you,

971
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 1: which of course takes all the spontaneity out of it.

972
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: And you know, what are we doing here? It is

973
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:49,359
Speaker 1: the best sex? Only spontaneous sex? Is this just a myth? No? Truthfully,

974
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 1: I think spontaneous sex is great. I have just as

975
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:57,800
Speaker 1: good a time when it's when it's scheduled. Just like

976
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:01,839
Speaker 1: if the all those factors just described or controlled for

977
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:06,479
Speaker 1: and our son is down for his nap and everything's good.

978
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is good, Like we're happy. These are

979
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: the realities. Lela. Well, let's ask you, let's from a

980
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,280
Speaker 1: from a woman's perspective. What do you believe that men's

981
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:21,800
Speaker 1: biggest worry is sexually? Um? Well, I wanted to comment

982
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: on what everyone said because it's all geared around her pleasure.

983
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 1: And I really want women to get this because that's

984
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 1: one of the biggest barriers for women communicating what they

985
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,399
Speaker 1: want is that they don't think they're going to get

986
00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 1: it first of all, and that they think that that

987
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 1: equates to him getting less pleasure or it equates to

988
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 1: him not being happy with the sexual experience. So if

989
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,479
Speaker 1: if you hear what I heard, which was that men

990
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 1: deeply desire your pleasure, then if you can, if you

991
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: can be authentic enough in yourself to know what that

992
00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 1: is and to be experiencing that, then he's going to

993
00:55:59,719 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 1: get more of what he wants, not less. Very Well said,

994
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:10,279
Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah, what about you, what's your biggest worry?

995
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: I think it's pretty much in line with everybody else's.

996
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 1: You know, um, I think you you as a partner,

997
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 1: you want to make sure that. Um, maybe it's a

998
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: guy thing too, because you're competitive. Um, you're gonna do

999
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 1: such a good job that they couldn't possibly be with

1000
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: somebody who would satisfy them as much as you as

1001
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 1: you do and so and so it has to be

1002
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:48,239
Speaker 1: truly a full is this really holistic sort of experience

1003
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 1: and there should be such it should be so gratifying

1004
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 1: that nothing that basically should leave nothing on the table

1005
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 1: in my opinion. So that's that's just how, in my opinion,

1006
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:03,920
Speaker 1: how how it should go down. So um, but I

1007
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 1: feel that that you want to give so much that

1008
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 1: you feel like you can't be outdone, right, Um, and uh,

1009
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: I think that's the worry. Is it? Was it that great? Okay?

1010
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 1: And uh, that's the that's the goal, I think. So,

1011
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: I I understand that in my opinion, being married and

1012
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 1: caring about my wife her experience is a massive worry

1013
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 1: for me. I want like not a worry, but I

1014
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 1: want for her completely, which is what you're saying. I

1015
00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 1: want my wife to have and which is what you're saying.

1016
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: I want my wife to have the best experience ever

1017
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 1: that that she desires and craves and just me, you

1018
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 1: know so that I do agree, but I'm also going

1019
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 1: to like rock the boat here because none of you

1020
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 1: have said fire in the gun too early, or or

1021
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 1: just having a little pistol said that. For sure, there's

1022
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 1: dudes out here listening. Okay, you have to find a

1023
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 1: small enough holster sometimes who is a comedian. The one

1024
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: comedian is like it might not be long, but it

1025
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 1: sure is thin. Can I just say one thing? My

1026
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: other biggest fear, which I just remembered, is that one

1027
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 1: of Gavin's songs will come on the radio. I've had

1028
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 1: that happen. I have a buddy. I have a buddy

1029
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 1: whose songs have come on when we're listening to music

1030
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 1: and it's it comes over the house. It works out.

1031
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:31,400
Speaker 1: It's a great song. But it's kind of like, I

1032
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 1: can't do the music and sex thing. What oh, we

1033
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,800
Speaker 1: gotta dive into this. Are you serious? You don't like candles?

1034
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:40,640
Speaker 1: I did this two nights ago. Let some candles in

1035
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 1: the room, set some atmosphere, put some light music on

1036
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 1: a princip video game changer. It's a game changer, buddy,

1037
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:53,439
Speaker 1: it's a game changer. The music thing gets maybe kiss

1038
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 1: out because you hate all the other artists. You don't

1039
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 1: want your piste off the records are do you ever

1040
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 1: just put yourself on there? Just put your record on here,

1041
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 1: like sex to a game? Right? Uh so yeah, he

1042
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 1: shoots he Oh no, let me see that. Hold on

1043
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 1: a second. You know, the distraction of it, because it's

1044
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:16,479
Speaker 1: my world. It h if I hear music, I don't

1045
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 1: zone out when I listen to music. It it it

1046
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 1: pulls me. So it's interesting. I can't have it. So

1047
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:32,919
Speaker 1: put a hockey game up. You don't, you can run

1048
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 1: those excuse me. I just gonna put someone hockey night

1049
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 1: in Canada. Here we go. Yeah, so that I can't

1050
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 1: do it because it messes with my own personal you know,

1051
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 1: we all have UM. Musicians talk about it. You have

1052
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: an internal rhythm and UM like uh. Fundamentally speaking, I

1053
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:56,440
Speaker 1: write songs in general what we call mid tempo, and

1054
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:58,640
Speaker 1: so that's where I hear things. I hear things. It's

1055
00:59:58,640 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 1: specific um tempo in general like where I sit and

1056
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 1: I write music. I'll write songs that you'll find songs

1057
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,600
Speaker 1: zero around certain tempos, right, and I'll go wow, for

1058
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 1: whatever reason, that's my that's my clock, you know, And

1059
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 1: that's an extension of of my essensuality right as a musician,

1060
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:23,959
Speaker 1: that's it's very much related. And um, so that's that's

1061
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 1: where I live in my when my intimacy role is

1062
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 1: it's the same same clock, you know. And so if

1063
01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 1: I'm hearing music that doesn't suit my my clock, doesn't

1064
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 1: suit my natural rhythm, then it's going to interrupt what

1065
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 1: what is truly an extension of of of myself? Right?

1066
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:42,439
Speaker 1: What if it was your rhythm? Though I'm not gonna

1067
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:44,200
Speaker 1: play my own records, Well, you don't want to play

1068
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 1: your own So there's something with the same as it

1069
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: beats per minuted or like how what's what's what if

1070
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,120
Speaker 1: there was something with the same rhythm that aligned with you,

1071
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:55,800
Speaker 1: it would still it wouldn't be me. It's so um

1072
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 1: so it's so directly related. You know, music is so sensual.

1073
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: Um good music is um it's so it's so much

1074
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 1: a direct link between your week what I call a

1075
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: soul right and and and my and your your sensuality.

1076
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:18,360
Speaker 1: Um that I can't interrupt that. If I interrupt that,

1077
01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: then it completely throws me off. You know, God, I

1078
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,480
Speaker 1: love hearing neck I talk about music. Hey, how impressent.

1079
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 1: The whole room is just like staring at you. Yeah, awesome.

1080
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:35,360
Speaker 1: I love that was awesome. I just love listening to that, buddy.

1081
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:37,520
Speaker 1: That was powerful. I did want. I was thinking about

1082
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:39,880
Speaker 1: this when we started the show, about the intimacy side.

1083
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 1: And I know Gavin is kind of our our you know,

1084
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 1: our little brother per se, right, he's not married, kids,

1085
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 1: all this kind of stuff. But my my point was,

1086
01:01:49,240 --> 01:01:51,000
Speaker 1: and I should have made it earlier, was that I

1087
01:01:51,040 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 1: think he is intimate with his music and with with

1088
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 1: what he was just describing, and I think that's that's

1089
01:01:56,440 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: his intimacy. Um, as one of you're right, but um,

1090
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:03,840
Speaker 1: I think truly, you know, just getting to know you more.

1091
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 1: And I think that's that's what we're you're talking about,

1092
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 1: you know, and that's that's where you are as an

1093
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:13,560
Speaker 1: individual and a person. Um. You know, it's not all

1094
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: about sex and women and girls and whatever. You know,

1095
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 1: you're in love with your music and you're and that's

1096
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: that's what it is. Yeah, that's where I spend my

1097
01:02:21,640 --> 01:02:23,720
Speaker 1: time with and I think a lot of times, I

1098
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:26,360
Speaker 1: think I think that maybe a reason why the single

1099
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:29,280
Speaker 1: thing doesn't freak me out as much, because I'm getting

1100
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:35,520
Speaker 1: a lot of that sexual energy out in playing music. Um,

1101
01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 1: you know, I don't have the same desires that I

1102
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 1: had when I was twenty two, you know. But I'm

1103
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,440
Speaker 1: not you know, I'm not on my first tour. I'm

1104
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 1: not twenty six, you know, being a nut around the world,

1105
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 1: you know. So you know, I got that stuff kind

1106
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 1: of out of my system and so I found uh,

1107
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 1: you know, I haven't been a new chapter of my life,

1108
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 1: you know, and so I'm still able to I still

1109
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 1: have that energy, that that sensuality, you know, and then

1110
01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:07,160
Speaker 1: that sexual energy, you know. But I'm not, um, I'm

1111
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:12,240
Speaker 1: not in young lion mode, you know. And I think

1112
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:14,480
Speaker 1: this is really key what you're saying around you creating

1113
01:03:14,520 --> 01:03:16,960
Speaker 1: intimacy with with your music, and that's what you have

1114
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 1: intimacy with, you know, intimacy. It doesn't have to be

1115
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 1: relegated to touch your sex or anything like that. It

1116
01:03:24,160 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 1: can be things. And the more that we actually practice

1117
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:30,960
Speaker 1: intimacy in life and with other things, than the more

1118
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 1: that we can bring that into our partnerships and into

1119
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 1: the bedroom. So you know, um, that intimate, that connection

1120
01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:42,240
Speaker 1: and that awareness and that presence and that openness that

1121
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,520
Speaker 1: you have when you're with music, that can then roll

1122
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:49,560
Speaker 1: roll over to then you know, being a practice that

1123
01:03:49,600 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 1: you do with somebody else, you know, and bringing intimate

1124
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:55,600
Speaker 1: to her and going with her rhythm. Maybe that needs

1125
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 1: to We're getting close to the end of your guys,

1126
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 1: but I want that leads to a question I have

1127
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:03,800
Speaker 1: for you, Leela, for our listeners just to wrap up,

1128
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:07,960
Speaker 1: what are some maybe one, two, or three things that

1129
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:11,960
Speaker 1: they can really do if they are struggling with intimacy

1130
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 1: and sex with a partner. Just to wrap this whole

1131
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:17,280
Speaker 1: episode up, what are the main things that you could

1132
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 1: stress or stress for them? Where do they go? Do

1133
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:21,400
Speaker 1: they go right to their partner to have a discussion.

1134
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:24,680
Speaker 1: What are the most important steps to wrap up and

1135
01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 1: sum up everything we've talked about today? Yeah, the one

1136
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 1: that I just mentioned about the intimacy with yourself, I

1137
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,640
Speaker 1: mean intimacy with the things that you with around you

1138
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:42,840
Speaker 1: and prioritizing that kind of pleasure for yourself first is

1139
01:04:43,320 --> 01:04:47,720
Speaker 1: incredibly important. And I in any coaching session that I'm in,

1140
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:52,160
Speaker 1: it's all about, um, getting in touch and with your

1141
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 1: own pleasure and your own intimacy and doing that for

1142
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:58,960
Speaker 1: yourself first. UM. I think that's very important to hear.

1143
01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:01,160
Speaker 1: Like that taught me something because I think a lot

1144
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:02,920
Speaker 1: of people that probably come to you are looking for

1145
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,360
Speaker 1: while my partner doesn't do X, Y or Z, and

1146
01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 1: you're putting a mirror in front of them and say, well,

1147
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 1: let's go back to you. How are you showing up

1148
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:12,920
Speaker 1: in that? So I wanted to just stress up for

1149
01:05:12,920 --> 01:05:16,919
Speaker 1: our listeners. That's that's powerful. What can I do for

1150
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 1: this first before it's just wanting from my partner exactly.

1151
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:24,560
Speaker 1: So for men usually it's you know, being more present

1152
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 1: and more having more awareness and bring that to the table.

1153
01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:32,880
Speaker 1: And for women who um, it's it's usually giving it

1154
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:37,040
Speaker 1: to themselves first rather than seeking it from somebody else.

1155
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 1: And you know, in partnership, I think the whole piece

1156
01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:44,160
Speaker 1: that we're talking about with the caller around getting on

1157
01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:47,240
Speaker 1: the same team. You know, this is this shouldn't be oppositional.

1158
01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:50,000
Speaker 1: You know, this isn't a me versus you. If I

1159
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 1: get what I want, you're not going to get what

1160
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,240
Speaker 1: you want and vice versa. This is about like, how

1161
01:05:54,280 --> 01:05:59,000
Speaker 1: can we have the most amazing experience, how can we

1162
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:04,680
Speaker 1: each be in pleasure, in immense pleasure, um and having

1163
01:06:05,160 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 1: a dial all around that. You know, sex doesn't have

1164
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 1: to be like this seamless kind of seamless flow. It's play.

1165
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 1: Sex is play, so play, get explorative and create these

1166
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:22,080
Speaker 1: kind of explorative, experimental spaces where you're meeting each other

1167
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:24,960
Speaker 1: for the first time, like it's like every time, like

1168
01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 1: it's the first time. Right, Wow, beautiful. Yeah, you're amazing.

1169
01:06:29,840 --> 01:06:32,400
Speaker 1: We've like I've I've learned so much. You've We've all,

1170
01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:34,120
Speaker 1: I think, speaking for all of us, learned so much.

1171
01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:36,160
Speaker 1: When you want to command you you're exceptional at what

1172
01:06:36,240 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 1: you do. For our listeners, where can they find you?

1173
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:40,920
Speaker 1: How can they get in contact with you? Because I'm

1174
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:43,640
Speaker 1: sure you're phone to me ringing off the hook, so

1175
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:48,120
Speaker 1: you can contact me through my website. It's Loving Lela's

1176
01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 1: about l I l A so loving lela dot com.

1177
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:55,720
Speaker 1: And I'm also on Instagram and I'm pretty semi active

1178
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:58,360
Speaker 1: on there, but I usually get back to direct messages,

1179
01:06:58,400 --> 01:07:01,200
Speaker 1: so if you have any questions, and I like to

1180
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:05,680
Speaker 1: do question and answers through my stories as well. So just, um,

1181
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:09,240
Speaker 1: there's not enough conversation around what we're experiencing. So if

1182
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 1: you're experiencing, it's likely someone else's too, So just creating

1183
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:17,160
Speaker 1: more and more conversation to give ourselves permission around Yeah, well,

1184
01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 1: what we want, what we crave, what we're hungry for,

1185
01:07:20,560 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 1: and and what's standing in the way of that amazing,

1186
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:25,160
Speaker 1: Or you can reach out to us, so look a

1187
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:27,400
Speaker 1: look up Lela where she just said. Or you can

1188
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:29,400
Speaker 1: reach out to us men at I heeart Radio dot

1189
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:31,480
Speaker 1: com and we'll connect you there as well. Lela. Thank

1190
01:07:31,520 --> 01:07:34,360
Speaker 1: you so much. Thanks guys, thank you so much. You've

1191
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:37,200
Speaker 1: been amazing. That's it for this episode. Take care of

1192
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 1: one another, love one another, and we'll see you guys

1193
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 1: back here next week. Hey, guys, it's Brooks and one

1194
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:45,480
Speaker 1: last thing before you take off. We want to know

1195
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:50,360
Speaker 1: your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us on this show.

1196
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:53,360
Speaker 1: Send us an email at men at i heeart radio

1197
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:56,200
Speaker 1: dot com and follow along with us on Instagram at

1198
01:07:56,320 --> 01:07:59,439
Speaker 1: how Men Think podcast and we'll see you back right

1199
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:01,120
Speaker 1: here next week for the next episode.