1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, what's shake in? Emily Abodi here. Welcome to another. 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 2: Hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a podcast that talks to everyone 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,879 Speaker 2: from entrepreneurs to CEOs and athletes about how they got 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 2: through tough times hurdles of sorts by leaning into wellness. 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: I know, I know. 6 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,200 Speaker 2: We talked about September being entirely dedicated to all things 7 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 2: running leading up to those fall marathons, and trust me, 8 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 2: the next two weeks have got some gems on that front, 9 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 2: including some great insight from a past popular Hurdle podcast 10 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 2: guest and peloton coach. But in the meantime, today I 11 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 2: am digging into a topic that I get a lot 12 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:41,559 Speaker 2: of questions on, and that is loneliness and spending time alone. 13 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 2: Before I get into it, a quick shout out to 14 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:47,559 Speaker 2: Hurdle Moments sponsor this week, Rollaco. The brand is well 15 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 2: known by men everywhere for their Guys' Northmore compression short 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 2: with water resistant pockets. But I've got some good news 17 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 2: for the ladies listening too. Come October they are releasing 18 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 2: a two in one short for us, and also a 19 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 2: few new tops. Click the registration link in the description 20 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 2: to this episode, it'll send you over to Wollaco dot com. 21 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:12,479 Speaker 2: That's Wolaco dot com and that way you'll be kept 22 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 2: in the loop and you'll get fifteen percent off your 23 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 2: purchase come launch day. Okay, so loneliness. This episode was 24 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 2: triggered by a couple of things. Firstly, I had a 25 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 2: long run over the weekend that I did solo and 26 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 2: it was truly, truly difficult, and it reminded me that 27 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 2: sometimes spending too much time alone can really mess up 28 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: your mind. And second thing that prompted this topic a 29 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 2: listener question that came in from Nicole asking me for 30 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 2: some strategies to develop a healthy relationship with yourself and 31 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 2: how to spend time solo. 32 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 1: Without feeling like you're messing up. 33 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 2: Well, I can confidently say that until early last year, 34 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 2: I felt like I was. 35 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,559 Speaker 1: Doing something wrong when I was doing things by myself. 36 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 2: Whether it was going to the movies or going out 37 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 2: for dinner, I felt as though by going to do 38 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 2: something alone it was like I I didn't find someone 39 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 2: to do it with me, and that. 40 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 1: Made it sort of like a pity party for lack 41 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: of a better designation. 42 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 2: Now I am so aware that it is so important 43 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: to be good with yourself before you could really show 44 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 2: up fully in your other relationships. And I learned that 45 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:21,239 Speaker 2: by doing something really really uncomfortable, booking a trip to 46 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 2: Italy completely on my own. Extreme extreme I know, but 47 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: the Italy trip was literally life changing. It impacted not 48 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 2: only how I handle my time alone these days, but 49 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 2: how I show up for other people in my life 50 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 2: and handle so many different situations. So in today's episode, 51 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: I am talking about how it's okay to be alone. 52 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 2: It sounds a little silly, and some people might just 53 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 2: think that, you know, you just go out there and 54 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 2: you do. 55 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: It right, you just spend time alone. 56 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 2: But it's bigger than that, and in fact, if you 57 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,640 Speaker 2: handle your alone time in the right way, then it 58 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 2: can make you a better person in the long run. 59 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 2: As always at Hurdle Podcasts at Emily a Body, if 60 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,839 Speaker 2: you've got a hurdle moment of your own to share, 61 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 2: or you just want to say hi, feel free to 62 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 2: reach out. It's Emily at hurdle dot us. And if 63 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 2: you're listening to this and you are running the Chicago Marathon, 64 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 2: I'm trying to put some feelers out. I'm looking to 65 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 2: do a shakeout run and a post run mirror situation. 66 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 2: Just a few I promise on Friday before the marathon, 67 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 2: around four pm. 68 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: If you're running, is this something you'd be interested in? 69 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 2: If you're not running and you're in the area, is 70 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 2: it something that you come to let me know? Trying 71 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 2: to get a pulse check and hopefully I'll see y'all 72 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 2: in Chicago. And with that, let's get to hurdling. Everyone 73 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 2: spends time alone. Whether you're in a committed relationship, you're married, 74 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 2: you're single, you're kind of single, it doesn't matter. This 75 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: episode isn't to rap about how it's okay to be single. 76 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 2: In my eyes, being single and being okay alone are 77 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 2: two very different things. So is the idea of being 78 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 2: alone and feeling lonely. Loneliness is a feeling that's often 79 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 2: experienced as negative and painful, but being alone is simply 80 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 2: you being without others. If you feel truly lonely, that's 81 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 2: when it's so so important to talk to someone, tell 82 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 2: a friend, a mentor ask for help. I've done this before, 83 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 2: and oftentimes you'll hit that realization when you do extend 84 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 2: that alive branch that certainly you are not alone in 85 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 2: how you feel. Trust me, it's okay to be vulnerable. 86 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 2: It's okay to speak up with that. Let's chat about 87 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 2: embracing time spent solo with four strategies for making the 88 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,719 Speaker 2: most out of your alone time. Strategy Number one, you 89 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 2: have to develop a relationship with yourself, just like building 90 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,919 Speaker 2: a relationship with another person. You need to take the 91 00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 2: time to learn the things about you. Now when we 92 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 2: are scared of this process, right, too much time alone 93 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 2: gives us too much time to think, which means that 94 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 2: we might come to realizations about ourselves that can be 95 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 2: a little bit unwelcomed. I'd say that this is what 96 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 2: I was dealing with on that run over the weekend. Right. 97 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 2: I had just come back from a work trip which 98 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 2: involved two different five plus hour flights cross country, and 99 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 2: then to wake up the next day and then tackle 100 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 2: what was over a three hour run on my own. 101 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 2: I just was craving other human interaction. I felt really lonely. 102 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 2: I was looking for a little compassion, and it was 103 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 2: hard to find that compassion in my what felt like 104 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 2: twenty fourth hour solo of the weekend. Anyway, needless to say, 105 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,599 Speaker 2: this relationship with yourself, it takes time, and it takes work, 106 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 2: never ending work. It involves reading books, writing things down, 107 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 2: speaking your mind, and learning to embrace both the good 108 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 2: and the bad. 109 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: Like that run in. 110 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 2: The process of developing this relationship with yourself, you are 111 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 2: guaranteed to be read it with some things you don't like. 112 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:06,160 Speaker 2: But that is why this process is so important. Through 113 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 2: the self work, you have the opportunity to become better. 114 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 2: You have the opportunity to learn, to make changes and 115 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,279 Speaker 2: to move forward. Granted, it takes a really big person 116 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 2: to be open to those changes. It takes strength and 117 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 2: dignity and courage to own your faults and make a shift. 118 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 2: Sometimes in relationships we have to do the things we 119 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 2: might not want to, and that includes in this relationship 120 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 2: with yourself. It's never ending and it's an opportunity to 121 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 2: level up. Second strategy, you have to make plans with yourself. Again, 122 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 2: when you're dating someone, you make plans with them. You 123 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 2: set aside specific time blocks to get to know them better. 124 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,040 Speaker 2: You try new things. Maybe you go to that classic 125 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 2: date pizza making class, or you go to a movie, 126 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 2: or you go for a run. You just you do 127 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,679 Speaker 2: a lot of things. So it's okay to set time 128 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,840 Speaker 2: aside to do some of these things with just your 129 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 2: self too. Like I said, this was something that took 130 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,720 Speaker 2: me some time to totally get used to, and I 131 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 2: eased into it. 132 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,480 Speaker 1: By going to the movies. 133 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,640 Speaker 2: At first, the movies are like a total safe zone, 134 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 2: right at least in that atmosphere. It's a dark room. 135 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 2: No one's really judging you for going by yourself. It's comfortable. 136 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 2: But then it was a whole different ballgame. After my 137 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 2: trip to Italy, That's when I started to branch out 138 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 2: of the dark rooms. I began going to more dinners alone, 139 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 2: which I can now say that I've turned into a 140 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:33,000 Speaker 2: truly enjoyable art form. I'll go to dinner, I'll bring 141 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 2: a book, I'll go somewhere I'm truly looking forward to 142 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 2: being at because of the food or the ambience, and 143 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 2: most of the time I'll sit at the bar. This 144 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 2: allows me the opportunity to keep it casual, maybe talk 145 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 2: to a bartender. And also, no matter how comfortable you 146 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 2: are by yourself, I just can't personally get used to 147 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 2: the idea of taking up a whole table just me anyway. 148 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 2: Worth a highlight here, the goal isn't to go do 149 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 2: these solo experiences like or taking a walk or going 150 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 2: to try a fun new experience alone. The goal isn't 151 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 2: to go there and be on your cell phone the 152 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 2: whole time looking for other human interaction. Like I said, 153 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 2: maybe bring you a book is cool, Maybe bring a 154 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 2: notebook to do some writing, But mostly try to take 155 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 2: the time to just be, to embrace being alone and 156 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 2: also be open to engaging with others. Maybe you'll meet 157 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,760 Speaker 2: someone new. You may just be surprised with what you 158 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 2: can learn if you're open. Strategy number three, really show 159 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:37,359 Speaker 2: up when you are with others. Now, this is so 160 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,839 Speaker 2: so important. I cannot stress it enough. I've been consciously 161 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 2: working on this myself for the past couple of years, 162 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 2: and it's something that we actually also talked about last 163 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 2: week at the Wolloco and Hurdle run out of Charlie Street. 164 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 2: If you aren't fully present when you're with others, then 165 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 2: what's the point. When I make a plan with a 166 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 2: friend or someone that I work with or a family member, 167 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 2: it's usually because we haven't connected in a minute. That 168 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 2: point of getting together is to connect, not to mentally 169 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 2: be somewhere else. If I'm at a dinner in Flat 170 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,080 Speaker 2: Iron and my thoughts are on some guy that is 171 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 2: sitting in Brooklyn. Let me tell you that makes me 172 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 2: not actually at the dinner in Flat Iron. And when 173 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,959 Speaker 2: you're not showing up when you're with others, you're missing 174 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 2: an opportunity to learn. You should be engaged, you should 175 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 2: ask questions, and then when you're alone, you can go 176 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 2: home and do a debrief. At least that's what I do. 177 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 2: When I leave, I ask myself what was good about 178 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 2: this situation? What was not good about this situation? 179 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:33,680 Speaker 1: What did I learn? 180 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 2: Is there anything I wanted to remind myself about later? 181 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,439 Speaker 2: Was there another plan that we set forth that I 182 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 2: need to plug into my calendar? I mean, the action 183 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 2: items after every interaction could be endless, plain and said bull. 184 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 2: By embracing your time with others, you are better off 185 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 2: when you leave, and you have the chance to be 186 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 2: better by yourself. And the last strategy, make yourself proud 187 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 2: and celebrate the wins. I don't know about you, guys, 188 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 2: but whenever something really exciting happens, my gut reaction is 189 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 2: to immediately reach for my phone and call one of 190 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 2: my parents or tell one of my best friends. I 191 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 2: think it's because we want someone to add into the 192 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 2: validation right. We want to share this exciting experience with 193 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,840 Speaker 2: someone else. But it is so important for you to 194 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 2: celebrate you, whether it's because of a big win or 195 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 2: small win, or just because whatever it's Tuesday morning. When 196 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 2: you do something that makes you proud, you deserve to 197 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 2: take the time to recognize that. Maybe it's stopping for 198 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 2: a nice blast of wine on your way home from 199 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 2: a long day or making a point to write about 200 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 2: it in a journal before going to bed. You need 201 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 2: to do the things that make you happy. You need 202 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,079 Speaker 2: to do the things that make you feel fulfilled. One 203 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 2: of my favorite quotes is success is how you feel 204 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 2: about yourself when you are by yourself, and that means 205 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 2: that you need to get used to spending time alone, 206 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 2: celebrating alone, and feeling good on your own. Trust me, 207 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 2: I know it isn't easy. As someone who spends a 208 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 2: ton of time alone, living alone, working for herself, running 209 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 2: more often than not, alone, I understand how it can 210 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 2: feel a little stressful, It can feel a little daunting, 211 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 2: it can. 212 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: Feel all alone. 213 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 2: It takes work to get okay with that feeling, to 214 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 2: quiet the noise that's in our minds, but it's worthwhile 215 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 2: work and if you're willing to put in the effort. 216 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 2: If you're willing to listen to what's happening inside your head, 217 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 2: inside your heart, inside your gut, you'll be a lot. 218 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: Better for it. And that's all for now. 219 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,959 Speaker 2: If you feel alone, if you have a story you 220 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,680 Speaker 2: want to talk about, if you have a scenario that 221 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 2: you're trying to work through, I'm all ears. Feel free 222 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 2: to tag the podcast. Tag me at Hurdle Podcasts at 223 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 2: Emily a body and as always I am free over email, 224 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 2: It's Emily at hurdle dot us. 225 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.