1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,280
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for being upset that my

2
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,760
Speaker 1: boyfriend bought a home for me? Homes are expensive, that's

3
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,160
Speaker 1: pretty nice. And today what's on?

4
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:08,959
Speaker 2: What the strings are?

5
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,719
Speaker 1: Yeah? Are there strings attached? And today we're gonna be

6
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,480
Speaker 1: talking about this question on how do you navigate the

7
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:18,040
Speaker 1: first steps of dating? What should you do? How should you? What?

8
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,040
Speaker 1: I mean, oh, first steps of dating? First steps? I

9
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,119
Speaker 1: think first steps of dating in general, first steps.

10
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,480
Speaker 2: Of dating when you start dating maybe a little bit later.

11
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,680
Speaker 2: The question could be quite broad, yeah.

12
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,960
Speaker 1: Like at what point do you go on a date

13
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,920
Speaker 1: to a jazz club? Anyway? This comes from Objective p

14
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:40,720
Speaker 1: Five one six and Rhino Rev. Forty. Ooh, this is

15
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:44,560
Speaker 1: a double a double feature. My boyfriend of nine months

16
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:48,640
Speaker 1: purchased a home and said he bought it with me

17
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,000
Speaker 1: in mind, as we have talked about a future and

18
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,920
Speaker 1: wanting to have a family. We've had many serious talks

19
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,080
Speaker 1: about our relationship, and we've both met each other's families.

20
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,640
Speaker 1: He previously lived in a home for some years and

21
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,120
Speaker 1: has always thought about changing his living situation and also

22
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,000
Speaker 1: wasn't sure if he even wanted to stay to live

23
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,560
Speaker 1: in the same city. To my surprise, he went to

24
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,240
Speaker 1: see a house without me knowing and put in an offer.

25
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,959
Speaker 1: Long story short, his offer was accepted, and he's made

26
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,920
Speaker 1: comments about how he thought about this new house for

27
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,480
Speaker 1: us eventually, and I am not sure how I feel

28
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,600
Speaker 1: about it. I'm really happy that he got a house,

29
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,600
Speaker 1: he really likes it, and the price was right for it,

30
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,960
Speaker 1: but I feel we're not there yet to move in

31
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,240
Speaker 1: with each other. Also, in no way did I have

32
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,679
Speaker 1: a say in the decision of this house or the location.

33
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,120
Speaker 1: I don't think of him saying he got this house

34
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,560
Speaker 1: with me and mind is fair. He hasn't considered the

35
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,880
Speaker 1: commute for me to travel to work, or anything that

36
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,880
Speaker 1: would be considered specifically to actually having me in mind.

37
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,360
Speaker 1: He bought this home one block away from his previous house,

38
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,880
Speaker 1: as he will be renting out that home now, so

39
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:58,640
Speaker 1: this home by default is a great location for him. Overall,

40
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,040
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to feel about his comments and

41
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,960
Speaker 1: his expectations with me and the house. Man is and

42
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,040
Speaker 1: is diving deep, going deep and faster.

43
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,880
Speaker 2: He's just looking a little bit too far ahead.

44
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,360
Speaker 1: Additionally, I am a student and the closing of his

45
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,079
Speaker 1: house happened to be the very busiest week exams and

46
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,040
Speaker 1: assignments I had too. We had conversations about how I

47
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,440
Speaker 1: could not help him move, and there seemed to be

48
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,920
Speaker 1: an understanding. That week consisted of working on a presentation,

49
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,480
Speaker 1: studying for an exam, and working on a paper. Any

50
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,320
Speaker 1: other free time I had I invested in self care,

51
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,919
Speaker 1: such as working out or doing yoga. However, on one

52
00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,720
Speaker 1: of those days I posted a selfie where I was

53
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,720
Speaker 1: proud to have accomplished so much in the morning before

54
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,120
Speaker 1: going to work, and he got extremely upset about this.

55
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,320
Speaker 1: He went on to say I didn't care to help

56
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,520
Speaker 1: him move, and that I didn't want to help him

57
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,600
Speaker 1: move essentially and made a big, huge deal about it

58
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:55,680
Speaker 1: as he bought this house with quote unquote me in mind.

59
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,040
Speaker 1: What do you think about this? And there is some

60
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:03,120
Speaker 1: edit to give additional context and a big fat uosy update,

61
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 1: But what do you think more suspicious? Suspicious?

62
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,679
Speaker 3: Little suspicious?

63
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,760
Speaker 1: So what what? What? What do you think is suspicious about it?

64
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,519
Speaker 1: Because basically what happened is this guy bought a house

65
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,000
Speaker 1: with her in mind. They've been dating for nine months,

66
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,240
Speaker 1: but he didn't think about the commute and didn't think

67
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,480
Speaker 1: about like her being in school. It sounded like I

68
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:21,800
Speaker 1: want to get married and I want you to live

69
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:22,080
Speaker 1: with me.

70
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, which feels like a lot of pressure to put

71
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,080
Speaker 2: on a nine month relationships.

72
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,920
Speaker 1: A month relationship that is, that is a lot.

73
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 2: Of pressure, like even like a two year religion.

74
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:34,960
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe they're Mormon. I think you taught Mormon's get

75
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,120
Speaker 1: married six to nine months like that.

76
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:43,119
Speaker 2: Crazy Nausea says he's trying to make op he feel guilty. Bruh, Which, yeah,

77
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,080
Speaker 2: it just feels like op he's got a lot going

78
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,280
Speaker 2: on with school and stuff.

79
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,440
Speaker 1: And then yeah, it feels like he's trying to force

80
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,840
Speaker 1: Ope into a relation, like into a depth of a

81
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,520
Speaker 1: relationship earlier than she's comfortable.

82
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, she doesn't seem like she's ready for that.

83
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,320
Speaker 1: Lydia Whittackers as not all Mormons do. You're right, You're right,

84
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,119
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, on average, Mormans get married earlier.

85
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,720
Speaker 1: Edit you get more context. The house is bought entirely

86
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,520
Speaker 1: with his money. I have zero financial contribution to this.

87
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,400
Speaker 1: We never talked about a specific timeframe when I would

88
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,960
Speaker 1: move in. It was a discussion about how it's something

89
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,560
Speaker 1: we both would want eventually. We did talk about how

90
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,960
Speaker 1: I would contribute when the time comes in which I

91
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,159
Speaker 1: mentioned expenses such as hydro utilities, internet, et cetera. I

92
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,400
Speaker 1: also made it clear that in no way was I

93
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,760
Speaker 1: expecting a free ride and not to contribute anything. That's

94
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,000
Speaker 1: just not my character. The selfie was posted was a

95
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,320
Speaker 1: close up shot of my face with sunglasses enjoying a coffee.

96
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,080
Speaker 1: I had made a list of accomplishments of my tasks

97
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,680
Speaker 1: that day and wrote in the picture meal prep check,

98
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:51,839
Speaker 1: workout check, coffee check, sunshine check. Great way starting my

99
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,880
Speaker 1: day so far? Was he upset about a He was

100
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:55,839
Speaker 1: upset about a photo?

101
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:56,960
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I missed that.

102
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was like, you should have been helping me

103
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:00,600
Speaker 1: instead getting.

104
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,120
Speaker 3: Sunshine now derby.

105
00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:03,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's a little bit.

106
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:08,360
Speaker 1: But there is an update, and I want to say

107
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,800
Speaker 1: we get an update from the other side, coming up,

108
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:15,800
Speaker 1: coming up. Yeah. I realized that when we talked about

109
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,120
Speaker 1: the reality of me moving in with him, I mentioned

110
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,320
Speaker 1: that I could sell all my furniture but would want

111
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,919
Speaker 1: to keep my desktop computer slash desk. His response to

112
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,599
Speaker 1: me was that he wouldn't let me have my own

113
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,479
Speaker 1: room for that, and to get a laptop instead. The

114
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,440
Speaker 1: man has an entire room dedicated to his sneakers. When

115
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,880
Speaker 1: I also mentioned the commute and how i'd have to

116
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,240
Speaker 1: pay for parking as I take the subway to work.

117
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,680
Speaker 1: Currently not a big deal in comparison to paying for

118
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,279
Speaker 1: the mortgage, but still an expense. He said there could

119
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,440
Speaker 1: be days he could drive me, then follow it up

120
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,200
Speaker 1: with but you don't ever drive me to work. He

121
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,000
Speaker 1: did not buy the house with me in mind at all.

122
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,600
Speaker 1: It's clear that this is his house and he wasn't

123
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,480
Speaker 1: going to share his space now in any other way

124
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,920
Speaker 1: besides how he wants. From her perspective, it seems like

125
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,920
Speaker 1: she's not seeing how she can fit to his house,

126
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,280
Speaker 1: which yeah, is I mean, if he wants her to live,

127
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:07,880
Speaker 1: it's a problem. It's a problem.

128
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,520
Speaker 2: If it's something for their future, you do have to

129
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,200
Speaker 2: have equal kind of space.

130
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:17,400
Speaker 1: Socrates says, uh, that is a big old note from me. Yeah,

131
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,760
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a big a bunch of red

132
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,600
Speaker 1: flags here. But we'll see, well wait, we'll wait to

133
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,400
Speaker 1: hear the other side of the story. So we had

134
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,640
Speaker 1: plans for me to come over on a specific day,

135
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,640
Speaker 1: but had also fought. I admitted and apologized that I

136
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,960
Speaker 1: could have put my anger aside and could have come

137
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,240
Speaker 1: to help. However, I wanted reassurance that he understands that

138
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,599
Speaker 1: if I have my own priorities and we discussed this,

139
00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:38,839
Speaker 1: he cannot throw it in my face and tell me

140
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,880
Speaker 1: I did not meet his needs. I'm not saying, of course,

141
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:43,960
Speaker 1: that in any case I would not drop something for

142
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,159
Speaker 1: my partner in an emergency. I did not feel that

143
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,200
Speaker 1: he understood this, and when I tried to explain, he

144
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:53,400
Speaker 1: said that I was retracting my apology. I just kept

145
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,800
Speaker 1: feeling constantly misunderstood and having to defend myself in this

146
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,320
Speaker 1: relationship with other issues as well. That was to that

147
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,039
Speaker 1: better to cut it off sooner than later before taking

148
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,840
Speaker 1: the relationship to the next level of commitment. It definitely sucks,

149
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,880
Speaker 1: and I showed him this thread, in which he of

150
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:14,040
Speaker 1: course was upset. Says he felt betrayed. He called me entitled,

151
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,040
Speaker 1: and he thinks I am saying I bought it for me,

152
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,720
Speaker 1: which is not in any way what he's saying. He's

153
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,440
Speaker 1: missing the point from this post, in which I think

154
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,400
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to take accountability for not acknowledging he

155
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,360
Speaker 1: was wrong for throwing in my face. The main point

156
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,120
Speaker 1: was guilt tripping and using the I bought it with

157
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,160
Speaker 1: you in mind response, because clearly, even if the commute

158
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,520
Speaker 1: was not in mind, currently I live in an expensive area,

159
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,119
Speaker 1: so do not buy a house. Here is a valid point.

160
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,520
Speaker 1: The ability to actually live with him was not with

161
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 1: me in mind. He really absolutely did not care about

162
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,240
Speaker 1: me as a person and my needs or even can

163
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,120
Speaker 1: understand what a real relationship is is skinned through all

164
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 1: five hundred and sixty five commons in screenshot of the

165
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 1: best ones that validated him and sent them to me

166
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 1: to prove he's a quote unquote good guy. But there

167
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,360
Speaker 1: is another post called by side.

168
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,800
Speaker 2: See. I like, right now, i feel like I'm like

169
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,520
Speaker 2: holding back on my thoughts because I'm like, what, well,

170
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,040
Speaker 2: what's you going to say.

171
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,320
Speaker 1: Based on what yeah be saying? So the first O P,

172
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:23,360
Speaker 1: objective P, based on objective P, what do you think.

173
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,800
Speaker 2: Based off of her thing? I would break up with

174
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:26,240
Speaker 2: this guy?

175
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,720
Speaker 1: And why would you do?

176
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:28,440
Speaker 3: It?

177
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,920
Speaker 2: Seems like he's placing a lot of stress on this

178
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:37,679
Speaker 2: relationship very quickly, especially you know when like expecting her

179
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,559
Speaker 2: to help him move when she's in the middle of finals.

180
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,520
Speaker 2: When someone's a student, that's a big burden to bear

181
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:45,800
Speaker 2: and a lot going on, and you can't really necessarily

182
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,000
Speaker 2: help someone you know, sort out what they're going through.

183
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,719
Speaker 2: So yeah, like on that end, based off of her words,

184
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,360
Speaker 2: I feel like they should break up because this doesn't Yeah,

185
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,079
Speaker 2: it seems like he's a little much over there.

186
00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:03,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. But but there is a huge, giant update and

187
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,199
Speaker 1: this is from Rhino rev forty. So I'm the boyfriend.

188
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,600
Speaker 1: She only showed me this a few days ago, but

189
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:14,040
Speaker 1: for the past couple of weeks, my now ex girlfriend

190
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,120
Speaker 1: has been curating the truth to extract as much validation

191
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,720
Speaker 1: as she can from the situation, and has prevented me

192
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:25,600
Speaker 1: from commenting or sharing my side. She admits that I

193
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,079
Speaker 1: actually said that I bought a house with us in mind.

194
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 1: I did say that when I first met her, I

195
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,800
Speaker 1: was moving away to la I had already lived in

196
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,080
Speaker 1: a home that was paid off for twelve years, but

197
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,280
Speaker 1: when I met her, I decided that maybe it's best

198
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,400
Speaker 1: to continue to build a life here and should things

199
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,440
Speaker 1: work out, we could figure out a future together. I

200
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,520
Speaker 1: had been already at the market, and one day an

201
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:51,240
Speaker 1: amazing house came on the block for three hundred thousand

202
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,640
Speaker 1: dollars less than it was months ago, which means is

203
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,120
Speaker 1: probably like millions.

204
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:57,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

205
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,400
Speaker 1: I pounced and went to see it the night I

206
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,679
Speaker 1: told her I saw a place. I even sent her

207
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,240
Speaker 1: photos and said I'm going to place an offer, which

208
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,280
Speaker 1: I did. She seemed to love the place and see

209
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,080
Speaker 1: how much of an upgrade it would be from my

210
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,720
Speaker 1: current place. This is a two million dollar house with

211
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,920
Speaker 1: four bathrooms, three bedrooms, two living rooms, and most importantly

212
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,760
Speaker 1: a garage, as my cars kept getting stolen since I

213
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,520
Speaker 1: didn't have one at my current place cars Man's loaded.

214
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,240
Speaker 1: There has never been mention of moving in together right away.

215
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,079
Speaker 1: At the time, we were together for six months, way

216
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,640
Speaker 1: too soon. We weren't even saying I love you yet.

217
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,880
Speaker 1: And I did say that once actually, and she didn't

218
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:36,240
Speaker 1: return it.

219
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,319
Speaker 2: Anyway, we'd morning saying it because she didn't say it back.

220
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's crazy.

221
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,719
Speaker 1: Six months six months saying I love you, I think

222
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:43,320
Speaker 1: is normal.

223
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,800
Speaker 2: Ish. I feel like I can say it before like

224
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,040
Speaker 2: three months. I don't know. Maybe I'm just like a lover,

225
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,160
Speaker 2: but I feel like I tell everyone I love them,

226
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,280
Speaker 2: well everyone, yeah, I love you.

227
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,920
Speaker 1: But it's different when you say it to a romantic partner.

228
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:56,840
Speaker 2: How long are you winning?

229
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,360
Speaker 1: I much rather take them on a trip than tell

230
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,760
Speaker 1: them that that's not true. I say you said I said,

231
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,560
Speaker 1: would you rather say I love you or take them

232
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:09,120
Speaker 1: through Mexico? Well, it depends on if I actually love them. WHOA,

233
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,120
Speaker 1: When I say I love you in a relationship, it

234
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:16,600
Speaker 1: means I am committing to seriously considering like a full

235
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,040
Speaker 1: life with you, Like I'm like, I love you to

236
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:23,679
Speaker 1: me means I am committing to a life with you.

237
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,560
Speaker 1: That's what That's what I love you means. All right? Okay,

238
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,840
Speaker 1: that being said, since we spend ninety five percent of

239
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,400
Speaker 1: our time sleeping at my place when we see each

240
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,280
Speaker 1: other once a week, figure this would be good for us,

241
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,440
Speaker 1: and when it is time, we could move in together

242
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:40,840
Speaker 1: there and go from there. She loved the place. From

243
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,160
Speaker 1: what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.

244
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:47,200
Speaker 1: Now let's rewind though. Three months into the relationship.

245
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,679
Speaker 2: Sorry I was laughing, I went er and then you stopped.

246
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,920
Speaker 1: Three months into the relationship, she asked to borrow four

247
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,080
Speaker 1: thousand dollars.

248
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:02,000
Speaker 2: WHOA, we are he's getting the other side.

249
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,400
Speaker 1: I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she

250
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,280
Speaker 1: made herself seem so much in need that I couldn't

251
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,520
Speaker 1: say no and just break up with her there. But

252
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,360
Speaker 1: now I realized I should have He guilted me saying

253
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,080
Speaker 1: the couples have to work together and to be there

254
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,280
Speaker 1: for each other and all that jazz. The fact is,

255
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,040
Speaker 1: within those three months I had brought her to la

256
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,040
Speaker 1: while I had to be there on business, and the

257
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,600
Speaker 1: total cost of the week that she was there was

258
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,560
Speaker 1: three thousand dollars. Then over Christmas we went to another

259
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,520
Speaker 1: city and another two to three thousand dollars as well

260
00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:39,200
Speaker 1: as a Putakana vacation for seven thousand dollars.

261
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,960
Speaker 2: WHOA, it sounds like he's rich and she's maybe exploiting.

262
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,880
Speaker 1: So after all, that is when she decided to ask me.

263
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,280
Speaker 1: And he don't need to be a genius to realize

264
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,199
Speaker 1: that she chose me because clearly she pinned me as

265
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:54,520
Speaker 1: having money to Had this been my wife or long

266
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,920
Speaker 1: term girlfriend, this wouldn't have been an issue. But this

267
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,920
Speaker 1: is three months in. This was a big red flag

268
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,120
Speaker 1: and I talked to her about it. As usual and

269
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:06,040
Speaker 1: as the pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry,

270
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,559
Speaker 1: lose your cool, and make me feel bad for questioning

271
00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,440
Speaker 1: her character. So fast forward to me actually moving into

272
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:14,760
Speaker 1: this house. Over a three week period, she helped none whatsoever,

273
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,520
Speaker 1: never offered and my own family and friends and people

274
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,960
Speaker 1: who were working at the house asked me about it

275
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,760
Speaker 1: all the time. Oh she is school. Oh she texts

276
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,040
Speaker 1: me though, and so on and so on, completely Mia,

277
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,000
Speaker 1: until of course Friday and Saturday night, where she wanted

278
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,400
Speaker 1: to go for dinner or go to shows that we did.

279
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:38,000
Speaker 1: Of course, one day, once her exams had tailed down

280
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,960
Speaker 1: and she told me she was waking up early to

281
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,240
Speaker 1: write a photo. I saw that she posted sunshine kiss

282
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,559
Speaker 1: selfie saying yoga, meal prep coffee sunshine, and I wrote

283
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,720
Speaker 1: her privately, you know, I feel like you could have

284
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,720
Speaker 1: at least offered to help in some way today. Again

285
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,680
Speaker 1: she loses it, tells me you know, you don't have

286
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,880
Speaker 1: to tell me something just because it bothers you. And

287
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,319
Speaker 1: then eventually she says that I will never forget this. Ever,

288
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,200
Speaker 1: don't you think you're expecting a little much of me?

289
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,960
Speaker 1: For seven to eight months of dating, I was shocked

290
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,800
Speaker 1: for some reason. Pressuring your boyfriend for a four thousand

291
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,480
Speaker 1: dollars loan three months in not too much, but offering

292
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,680
Speaker 1: to help in any way over a three week period

293
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 1: is too much. Yet three weeks of him moving in

294
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,400
Speaker 1: and she didn't help once oooh not good. I called

295
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,080
Speaker 1: it off, decided I don't need her and this relationship

296
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,160
Speaker 1: wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.

297
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,720
Speaker 1: A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could

298
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,320
Speaker 1: to flip this whole fight on me, constantly changing the

299
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,240
Speaker 1: goalpost as a pattern I had identified and made her

300
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,600
Speaker 1: aware of repeatedly over the seven eight months, she eventually

301
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:46,320
Speaker 1: showed up unannounced, apologized profusely, and apparently seemed to genuinely

302
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,200
Speaker 1: recognize that it wasn't right and she could have offered.

303
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,120
Speaker 1: I took some of the responsibility when she did, and

304
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,520
Speaker 1: so that maybe I could have been more direct as

305
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,560
Speaker 1: to when and how we resolved. We started to laugh again.

306
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,360
Speaker 1: This was a fight that we could learn from, we

307
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:04,240
Speaker 1: both said, well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue.

308
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,000
Speaker 1: She blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic,

309
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 1: calling me everything she can think of, and then that

310
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,800
Speaker 1: she resents me for wanting her to help with the

311
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,520
Speaker 1: house when she had exams. Basically, she took back the

312
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:22,880
Speaker 1: apology fully and stormed out of the house. I did

313
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 1: not chase her, I did not text her. I did

314
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,680
Speaker 1: not want to negotiate at all anymore. The next morning,

315
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,640
Speaker 1: she said she acted like that because I told her

316
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,880
Speaker 1: she was eft. To be honest, I don't remember saying that,

317
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,200
Speaker 1: but I probably did as she was having a massive blowout.

318
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 1: I apologized for saying that she is ft, because, after all,

319
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 1: whatever I do is in my control, and I tried

320
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,360
Speaker 1: my very best to get her to see that blowing

321
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 1: up like that is her behavior to be accountable for.

322
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:51,480
Speaker 1: That's when she shared the original thread again. No words

323
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,360
Speaker 1: shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background,

324
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,880
Speaker 1: she had been farming all these comments about me sharing

325
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,840
Speaker 1: our personal stuff and curating it in a way to

326
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:05,200
Speaker 1: make herself look like you guessed it. A victim whose

327
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 1: boyfriend bought her a house. We met off hinge. He

328
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,600
Speaker 1: asked to borrow three K for me three months in,

329
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,320
Speaker 1: and I told her since then that I just didn't

330
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,320
Speaker 1: look good at all, and I'd hate to have something

331
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,400
Speaker 1: like that that I couldn't even share with my friends

332
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,920
Speaker 1: and family. The facts are that she only shared the

333
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,560
Speaker 1: stuff that mattered as the relationship went on. He's over

334
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,640
Speaker 1: forty thousand dollars In ten she got fired from her

335
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 1: nursing job because the educator had it in for her

336
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,440
Speaker 1: missed out on receiving funding from school because of their

337
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,880
Speaker 1: online portal, wasn't able to apply to graduate school because

338
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,760
Speaker 1: the school didn't let her know properly. Hates her parents,

339
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,880
Speaker 1: even though they gave her a car, paid for the

340
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,240
Speaker 1: exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past.

341
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,760
Speaker 1: Told me that her last relationship was toxic and she

342
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 1: didn't see a future with him, but stayed with him

343
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 1: for three years. When they broke up, he threatened to

344
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,800
Speaker 1: jump off their building, same building she currently lives in,

345
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,600
Speaker 1: where one bedroom costs more than my previous mortgage did

346
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,480
Speaker 1: for the twelve years that I paid it overall. Yes,

347
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,439
Speaker 1: I had reason to play it slow with her. I

348
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,240
Speaker 1: didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making

349
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,440
Speaker 1: me responsible for all her bills, or getting trapped if

350
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,240
Speaker 1: things didn't work out. I didn't buy her house. I

351
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 1: bought my house in cash, paid in full, and she

352
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 1: was well aware of it. I bought a house because

353
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 1: I had settling down in my current city in mind

354
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,640
Speaker 1: after meeting, and hoped it would work out. But here

355
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:28,240
Speaker 1: she is complaining about if she would have an office

356
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,359
Speaker 1: in it for nursing, a shoe room. I have twenty

357
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,960
Speaker 1: five pairs of shoes at closet. The spare bedroom would

358
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,480
Speaker 1: be for a baby's room, possibly if my future half

359
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 1: is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had, but I

360
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,159
Speaker 1: realized that discussions would never be had with her. She

361
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,760
Speaker 1: has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement,

362
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,000
Speaker 1: and at present time is currently getting evicted from our

363
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,399
Speaker 1: apartment and has no full time job, but all the

364
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 1: time in the world to make Reddit post for validation.

365
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 1: This problem is solved, she is not going to move in,

366
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,920
Speaker 1: and I'm accountable for my hand and hope she becomes

367
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,400
Speaker 1: accountable for her house. I welcome any common slash questions,

368
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,440
Speaker 1: but I know I was dealing with a highly problematic

369
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,439
Speaker 1: person who will never truly realize her ways.

370
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,600
Speaker 3: This what scares me. Like, we read a lot of

371
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 3: Reddit stories, and I really wonder about the other half

372
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 3: of a lot of.

373
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,600
Speaker 2: Them are Yeah, someone said earlier, eternal victims. These are

374
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 2: wildly different stories.

375
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

376
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,679
Speaker 1: I mean, it feels like she's just being a victim.

377
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,640
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah yeah.

378
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 1: And she's his story, took this guy for his money.

379
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. Based off of his story, she sounds like she's

380
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,520
Speaker 2: just trying to take his money. And I mean, honestly,

381
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 2: if we were to look at either of these stories individually.

382
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, they need.

383
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,199
Speaker 1: To break up. Yeah, that's the solution.

384
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,760
Speaker 2: Whoever is telling the truth, the answer is break up.

385
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 1: I'm a bear. Twenty six is Sam is allergic to

386
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,600
Speaker 1: her bs facts, But yeah, that's where that story ends.

387
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,399
Speaker 2: Das where his story ends.

388
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 1: I love the double sided sea. The double sideds are great.

389
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 1: I love to call that just two sides to every story.

390
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 1: They call it a double side, a double sider, double feature,

391
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,200
Speaker 1: Leanna says. My therapist always says there's three sides to

392
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 1: every story. His hers and the truth and own business.

393
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:16,680
Speaker 1: How do you get a haircut?

394
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,400
Speaker 3: Am I? They a whole for showing up to hang

395
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 3: out with my girlfriend's family, she asked me not to.

396
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,399
Speaker 1: Oh so making friends with the family.

397
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 3: When you're not when that's not on the wish list. Anyways,

398
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 3: This story codes from Easy Reading seventy seven to sixty eight.

399
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 3: Who says, so, for the record, we're both girls. I

400
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 3: love my girlfriend a lot, but we don't meet eye

401
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 3: to eye on some stuff. She is by and progressive

402
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 3: but old fashioned. Sometimes her parents are Asian and first

403
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 3: gen after all, and for a context, it's like first generation.

404
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 3: So it's like, okay, like maybe they have like more

405
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:52,120
Speaker 3: conservative views versus like right in America or other Western

406
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 3: countries or whatever. I'm addressing in outfits that are a

407
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,679
Speaker 3: lot more revealing. I just find it fun to do.

408
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 3: I've been getting stares and looks, but I don't care.

409
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 3: We're home for the summer from university and she's spending

410
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 3: a lot of time with her family. I used to

411
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 3: be around her family a lot. But she doesn't want

412
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 3: me to dress how I do around them. She said

413
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 3: it would have a bad impression, and she doesn't want

414
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 3: her sister to start dressing like me either. Wait, this

415
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 3: is his girlfriend. This is so so Opie. Uh they're girlfriends.

416
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 3: And Opie's girlfriend she's like she she is buy and

417
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 3: progressive but also can be old fashioned in some ways.

418
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 3: One of the ways being so op has started. Like

419
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 3: he's dressing more revealing. It's summertime. It's hot girl summer,

420
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,119
Speaker 3: and Opie's you know, wearing hot girl summer fits.

421
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 1: Are they dating? Like, yes, okay, they're.

422
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 3: Yes, they're they're their girlfriend and girlfriends.

423
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 1: And like Opie's girlfriend is basically like, you're dressing tomiscuously

424
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 1: and I don't want my sister to look like you,

425
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 1: which is kind of a diss kind.

426
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 3: Of a also crazy thing to say.

427
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 1: A little bit.

428
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 3: We got into an argument where I said that her

429
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,840
Speaker 3: parents should just put up with it. It doesn't matter

430
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 3: what I wear. She disagreed and said it's a matter

431
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 3: of respect for the people around you. She said it

432
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,639
Speaker 3: would be embarrassing for a man to show up to

433
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 3: meet her parents half naked. It's not cool for me

434
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 3: to do that either. She made a comment like, dang,

435
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 3: my immigrant parents do their best to be blended into

436
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 3: American culture and understand you, and you can't even put

437
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 3: on clothes to show a little respect for my parents.

438
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,199
Speaker 1: This is tough.

439
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 3: This is this is getting, This is boiling, this is

440
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 3: this is rising to the top.

441
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 1: Okay, I have thoughts.

442
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 3: Talk to me. What are your thoughts.

443
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: If I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time,

444
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 1: I wouldn't wear like a tank top and shorts. I

445
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,120
Speaker 1: would probably wear like a nice button.

446
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 3: What if it was apt like summer, not even hot

447
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 3: by summer. It's not even hot by summer. It's at

448
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 3: a like fun outdoor block party, beach beach party type vibe.

449
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 3: Meeting the parents at the beach.

450
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:54,919
Speaker 2: And you'd come in a would you come in a

451
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 2: suit and tie or would you.

452
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 3: Would you come in a speed's?

453
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 1: I would yeah, I mean I guess, I guess it

454
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 1: depends on well, but it all depends on what the

455
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: expectation is. Like if if my girlfriend says, hey, like,

456
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 1: if you want to make the best impression on my

457
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: parents a little bit conservative, like you're gonna have to

458
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: wear a suit to the beach, I would be like,

459
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 1: I love this girl, I want to make the best impression.

460
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,399
Speaker 1: I'm wearing a suit.

461
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I see, here's maybe a good distinction. I

462
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,239
Speaker 3: feel like when you start an impression, yes, totally, I

463
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 3: totally agree. But then there's a point where if you

464
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 3: see them like regularly and becomes like a reoccurring thing,

465
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 3: you don't want to like constantly have to.

466
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 1: Sure, but what if it's it's like different culture, right,

467
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 1: Like I'm not saying, yeah, if you wear upon meeting

468
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 1: your girlfriend's family, nice, Tyler said, My boyfriend's Muslim family

469
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 1: visited and I covered up even more than usual, just

470
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,679
Speaker 1: to be respectful. He didn't even have to ask me.

471
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: I just did it.

472
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 3: There's there's so it is, it is so contextual. Every

473
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,199
Speaker 3: single but let's let's get back to the context of

474
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 3: op But.

475
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 1: Also, if they're super conservative, do they know that they're together.

476
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 3: Yes, they do know that it is not one thousand

477
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 3: percent crystal clear. But the context is that the parents

478
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 3: do because they're like, hey, when you're around them, don't

479
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 3: dress so crazy. They she is around them, I could

480
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 3: around as it is friends. It is possible. Yeah, she's

481
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 3: buy and progressive olified. Sometimes her parents are Asian of

482
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 3: first gen after all. I feel like when she said that,

483
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 3: she would have said, but they don't know about me.

484
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 1: Right, Bethany says, I think asking us a different other

485
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: to wear something nice to meet your family is a

486
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 1: small ass totally. Yeah, and I agree, and I agree,

487
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 1: And I think like, as a person that wants to

488
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 1: make the best impression, I feel like you should want to.

489
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 3: I feel like a sign of a partner is like

490
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 3: you think about it ahead of time. Anyways, you know,

491
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 3: because they're considered by your partner. Anyways, let's let's get

492
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,360
Speaker 3: back to the story here. My girlfriend made a comment like, dang,

493
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 3: my immigrant parents do their best to be blended into

494
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 3: American culture and understand you. And you can't even put

495
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,199
Speaker 3: on clothes to show a little respect for my parents,

496
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 3: which I didn't like because obviously what I wear shouldn't

497
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 3: matter if they see it as respect. They're dumb for that.

498
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 3: That's all there is to it. They need to grow up.

499
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,120
Speaker 1: I feel like that is culturally nice.

500
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I do feel bad for her because her

501
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 3: past relationships have gone out of their way to be

502
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 3: respectful to her family, including learning a little of her

503
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 3: parents first language. I want to do that, but I

504
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 3: also want to dress how I want. But she said

505
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 3: if I dress like that, I can, but she's not

506
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 3: going to invite me to hang out around her family,

507
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 3: which really threw me up. I guess threw me off.

508
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 3: I used to hang out with her family all the time.

509
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 3: I mean, they aren't happy about the gay thing, but

510
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 3: they have accepted it, then they can accept how I dress. Next.

511
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: They do know about it.

512
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: Yes, so I knew the restaurant my girlfriend was at

513
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 3: and just showed up. Her parents were a little rude

514
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: and looked scandalized. They asked if I was wearing a

515
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 3: bikini top and going to the beach. After I told

516
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 3: them no firm and they shut up. My girlfriend ignored me,

517
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 3: and it was obvious she was upset with me.

518
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 1: Ah, that's kind of a whole move to show this,

519
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 1: you're like ambushing them. Yeah that's yeah, Yeah, that's that's

520
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,199
Speaker 1: pretty whack. There's a certain level of respect that you

521
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 1: have for other people. Let's say you go to like

522
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 1: a church or a mosque or something. You don't yell

523
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 1: in the mosque because you want to be respectful to

524
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,400
Speaker 1: what's going on there, even though you might not share

525
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: the same values or beliefs.

526
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, and and someone's like, hey, this is what you do,

527
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 3: like you you you wash your your feet in the mosque. Yeah, okay,

528
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 3: I don't want to be like covering. Yeah, Like I

529
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 3: don't want to be disrespectful. So yeah, I'm happy to

530
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 3: you know. Like again, it's it, there is there is

531
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 3: some respect thing.

532
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, Because there's there's two sides. It's it's like, what

533
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 1: one is some of the comments that we saw earlier,

534
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: don't police what other people address, Yes, And the other

535
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: is if you want to be somewhat culturally sensitive and mature,

536
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,639
Speaker 1: maybe be respectful of someone else's familial values a little bit. Yes.

537
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 3: But Obie says when we left it was obvious she

538
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 3: was pissed, and she's said, if I don't invite you,

539
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 3: you don't come period. She has been mad at me

540
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 3: about it, but I think what I did was awesome.

541
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,239
Speaker 3: I hope her sisters start stressing like me. Honestly, I

542
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 3: told her I was just proving it wasn't a big

543
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 3: deal what I wear. So am I the A hole?

544
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 3: There is some quick relevant comments I'll close out with

545
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 3: Butterfly PLANESA says you're the A hole. Nothing is better

546
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 3: than blatant disrespect and boundary stomping in a relationship. You

547
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 3: don't sound mature enough for a relationship. No wonder why

548
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,959
Speaker 3: she doesn't want you around her sister. Does that not

549
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 3: tell you enough? You embarrass her? I have secondhand embarrassment

550
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 3: for you. Don't do all on it too long though her.

551
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 3: Your girlfriend's next relationship, assuming that they're going to break up,

552
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 3: will probably be everything yours isn't respectful of family, respectful

553
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 3: of her kind and understanding. I am so excited for

554
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 3: her out.

555
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 2: Wow.

556
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 3: Matt Hattergal with the twenty dollars Dono says, this story

557
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 3: reminds me of my first boyfriend. He broke up with

558
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: me because his mom could not handle me. Always wearing

559
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 3: black and Victorian style clothing, dude, you're dating a gothic girl.

560
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 3: This is what we wear and that.

561
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

562
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 3: Again, that's why I feel like it's so contextual, because

563
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 3: it's like if you get married and you're like, there

564
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 3: isn't a religious thing. They're just like snarky and annoying

565
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 3: and constantly like picking on you for things like that

566
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 3: that are like objectively not crazy, like some holes and jeans,

567
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 3: Like I'm sorry like that. I just don't think that's

568
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 3: that crazy. And then you're married and that person keeps

569
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 3: making comments and like kind of insulting you. I feel

570
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 3: like there's a point where, like a guy stop.

571
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: I think, Ope, in this situation is in the wrong,

572
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: and I think what was the most egregious act is

573
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:41,679
Speaker 1: showing up to this dinner? Yes, uninvited, Yes it was.

574
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 3: It seemed it was kind of hard to tell, but

575
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 3: it seems like it was a explicit non invite. Yeah right.

576
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 3: It's like, hey, you're like not, you know, dressing a

577
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 3: certain way to respect my parents, d da da, So

578
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 3: I'm not going to invite you. And then Opie just

579
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 3: barged in. Anyways, Yeah, super immature, supermature in it sounds

580
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 3: like a some sort of like bikini top sportspra something.

581
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like, you know, I can understand maybe there's

582
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: some ways of dress that are more of a lifestyle

583
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: than anything else. And you know what, like you can

584
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 1: be uncompromising in the way you dress. Yeah, that is

585
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: completely up to you, but some people will not be

586
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: comfortable inviting you into certain spaces because of how you dress.

587
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: Like there, I spent a lot of time with nudists, right,

588
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: and there are some nudists that will not go anywhere

589
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: not being new. They want to be completely nude all

590
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: the time. And you know, like I probably won't invite

591
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: them to like family dinners if they insist on being nude.

592
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 3: How dare you?

593
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

594
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 3: How dare you?

595
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: But it's their varirogative. They could they can dress however

596
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: they want to dress. But that doesn't mean you have

597
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 1: to invite them to every event.

598
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's.

599
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: Hard because it's her parents, Like, like, what are you

600
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:57,239
Speaker 2: gonna do?

601
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: Well? I mean, I think in this situation, it's like

602
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: if you can respect what I'm asking for my parents,

603
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 1: and maybe it's not a good relationship to be in,

604
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: but I think OP can say I don't want to

605
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: do that, and I don't want to change how I

606
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: dress and then like maybe the relationship implodes. Op can

607
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: make a boundary saying I don't want to change like

608
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: how I dress if you're asking me to do that,

609
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to be in this relationship.

610
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 1: And I think the opie's partner can say, hey, I

611
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: want someone who is going to respect my parents' cultural

612
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: boundaries and I don't want to be in a relationship

613
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 1: with someone who doesn't do that. Both people can make

614
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: those boundaries, and that's totally fine, yes, But what's not

615
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: fine is Ope crossing their girlfriend's boundaries and inviting themselves

616
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: to a dinner that they were specifically uninvited from. That's

617
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: crossing a boundary.

618
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 3: Also their home from university for the summer. It is

619
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 3: giving like early freshman college relationship vive Yeah, where it's

620
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 3: just like I want to wear what I want and

621
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: what I did was awesome, and it's just like okay,

622
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: like come on, a great, what are we doing.

623
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: We're doing dumb stuff, but should we be doing this?

624
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: Next story, Let's do it