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Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'mheart Radio Podcast. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so today's adult education. I got my girl KB in here,

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Speaker 1: Hi Kramer, and you know, we had a guest lined up,

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Speaker 1: but said guest is not here. Perhaps said guest is

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Speaker 1: delayed in surgery or an appointment of sorry, possibly because

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Speaker 1: she's a doctor. So that's okay, We're going to give

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Speaker 1: her some grace and you know what, the show must

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Speaker 1: go on and it always does. And so here we are.

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Speaker 1: I am. You know, we were going to talk to

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Speaker 1: a Harry menopause doc and all things experts and all

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Speaker 1: things yes expert. And it was one of those things

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Speaker 1: where I had when I was in New York. I

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Speaker 1: was having a conversation. We were kind of saying like

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Speaker 1: what you know me? I like to be like, what

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Speaker 1: are you leaving? What are you taking? The old Janna Cramer? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And so I was telling the table that I was

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Speaker 1: going to be leaving some anger. Oh really set a

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Speaker 1: boatload there, friend. Yeah. And it's funny is that because

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Speaker 1: the girl back to me and she's like, how old

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Speaker 1: are you? And I said, you know, I want and

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Speaker 1: that's why I told my age. I just turned forty

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Speaker 1: two and she's like, She's like, you know, I started

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Speaker 1: to feel that when I was in perimenopause the rage. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: uh huh, I'd agree. I'm in it right now. I'm

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Speaker 1: in a very sneaky tender spot, a very tender forty

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Speaker 1: eight before. I think I'm getting ambushed by my period

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Speaker 1: if it decides to come on time, because I'm perimenopause

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Speaker 1: TVD and I can feel it's usually, and I hate

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Speaker 1: to say it, it's usually when I start to get

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Speaker 1: frustrated with the baby. That's when I know I'm like

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Speaker 1: straight out of patients. It's probably hormonal. Yeah, but it's

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Speaker 1: a really out of body experience. Yeah, and I don't

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Speaker 1: like it, uh huh. And it's interesting because I've chatted

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Speaker 1: with a couple of friends recently who said, you know,

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Speaker 1: I hope that y'all will talk about this and expand

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Speaker 1: more on it on Wine Down. And I feel like

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Speaker 1: we are mentioning a lot, but I don't know that

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Speaker 1: we're expanding because I think we're trying to be a

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Speaker 1: fit for most, like a fit for all right, we

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Speaker 1: have a lot of demographics that listen to this. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you're right, we haven't expanded on because we

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Speaker 1: haven't had everything's kind of been dancing around it. Like

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Speaker 1: one of our guests was just about the period or

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Speaker 1: you know, and that's why I was excited about the

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Speaker 1: guest today. But it's okay, we'll hopefully get her back on.

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Speaker 1: But it is something where it's nice to not feel

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Speaker 1: alone in that, Like when I was explaining that to

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Speaker 1: this random part because we would all gone to dinner

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Speaker 1: and it was just I didn't know the two other

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Speaker 1: people that were there, and so it was nice to

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Speaker 1: even just talk to and she was she had just

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Speaker 1: entered into her fifties. Oh wow, Okay, so she's like,

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Speaker 1: it's not fun, it's not and it also is just right.

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Speaker 1: I think our default is to at least for me,

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Speaker 1: is to think something's wrong with me, or I shame myself,

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Speaker 1: or I'm like, why can't I just be grateful or

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Speaker 1: what you know. And so I have started since we

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Speaker 1: talked with our last guest and she kind of like

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Speaker 1: walked us through like a cycle and all the phases,

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Speaker 1: I have started to like note in my calendar that

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Speaker 1: maybe these three to four days, I'm a little more

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Speaker 1: intentional about time for myself, right, like silence, sweating, Like

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Speaker 1: I need a workout or a sauna or something because

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Speaker 1: I don't like who I am. Well, I think where

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Speaker 1: I was at this morning, because you were asking me

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Speaker 1: a question and I just said, I'm you know, was

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Speaker 1: explaining where I was at, and she goes, your exact

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Speaker 1: message to me was sauna, water, move your body, anchor,

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Speaker 1: and prayer at every chance, you know, And I think

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Speaker 1: that is such a good I literally copied and pasted it.

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Speaker 1: Oh good, okay, because I think it's when there's that

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Speaker 1: overwhelmed because tis the season of a lot of things,

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Speaker 1: which I am trying to keep the focus on on

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Speaker 1: all of it. You know. Of course, I was reading

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Speaker 1: a book last night with Jason about why we give

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Speaker 1: presents at Christmas, and you know, I think trying to

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Speaker 1: always turn that talking point back to that is helpful

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Speaker 1: in it all. But yeah, I mean, sometimes it's just

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Speaker 1: you need to move. And I think I went for

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Speaker 1: a nice walk and it helped so much in getting

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Speaker 1: fresh air. Yeah. I think it's like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if this is scientific, but in my brain it's impossible

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Speaker 1: for anxiety and movement to coexist. So I like trying

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Speaker 1: to get my heart rate to match maybe where my

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Speaker 1: anxiety is a little bit and then maybe I can

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Speaker 1: level out. That's always my goal. Yeah, but it is

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Speaker 1: a really alienating feeling. And it's also I'm very heightened

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Speaker 1: sensitivity to passive aggressive comments from said husband perhaps, and

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Speaker 1: I am I try to be slow to speak a

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Speaker 1: little bit because my instant reaction is pretty sharp and

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Speaker 1: not very kind, and so I'm just trying to go

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Speaker 1: slow through those days and recognize my body is doing

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Speaker 1: what my body will do. Are you good at apologizing? No? No?

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Speaker 1: I okay, So I'm really good at apologizing to friends,

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Speaker 1: and I'm really good at loving friends and telling them

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Speaker 1: how amazing they are. For some reason, this is a

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Speaker 1: really ugly admittance. Are you ready? But I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people can relate to to that though. But

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Speaker 1: I'm just not good at apologizing I to my husband

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Speaker 1: or to floating his boat. But can I say, probably

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Speaker 1: why I edit but that? Yeah, but I think with no,

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Speaker 1: not like I'm not like you know too much. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm not unraftling. I'm not unwrapping the present to keep

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Speaker 1: this holiday because we all have an unwrapped present. Of

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Speaker 1: course we do, Okay, that is like how we're talking

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Speaker 1: in any and I think, you know, I was having

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Speaker 1: that conversation with this lovely girl that sat next to

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Speaker 1: me on the flight, and you know, she had just

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Speaker 1: gotten married, and we you know, I was I was

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Speaker 1: of course burying my soul and telling it talking to her,

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Speaker 1: and she was telling me her stuff. And I said,

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Speaker 1: what I realized is that there is no like there's

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Speaker 1: no shining night in shining armor. There's there's but there

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Speaker 1: are good respectful men. But they're still going to have

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Speaker 1: results or things are going to have like a relationship,

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Speaker 1: you're going to have your past stuff come in and

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Speaker 1: ouse issues that maybe you hadn't healed or you hadn't

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Speaker 1: worked through or whatever it is. Or but I think

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Speaker 1: within this situation, why maybe you have a hard time apologizing.

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Speaker 1: And I'm just taking this isn't it, don't put it on.

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Speaker 1: But it's because I'm thinking about like, oh, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: sometimes can struggle with that. But because I think there's

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Speaker 1: underlying resentment, which is why the apology can't come through.

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Speaker 1: Because you don't have underlying resentment with your friends, but

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Speaker 1: we possibly might have underlying resentment maybe in our you know,

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Speaker 1: with women in their marriages. Yeah, agreed, and I so

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Speaker 1: do you think that's what it is because I'm just

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Speaker 1: like making this up, but no, I do, and it's

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Speaker 1: nothing like even it wouldn't even be anything huge right now.

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Speaker 1: It's more just the weight that the women are carrying

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Speaker 1: in the season. Yes, like the amount of to do's.

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Speaker 1: And I love and respect. I didn't marry an a type.

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Speaker 1: I think if I would have married me, i'd kill me.

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Speaker 1: So that I understand, and you know, there's obviously really

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Speaker 1: great things to every person, and so I have this

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Speaker 1: kind of like fly by the seat of your pants,

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Speaker 1: let's make a decision, we should really do that kind

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Speaker 1: of husband. And I am really good at making the

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Speaker 1: magic happen. I also get very tired. Also, three kids,

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Speaker 1: got a lot on my plate, and I think that

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Speaker 1: sometimes when I say no, I wish it could just

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Speaker 1: be an honored no, and that's the end of the discussion.

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Speaker 1: No more comments, no more like well I wish we

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Speaker 1: would have. You know, it's really like for me to

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Speaker 1: say I'm at capacity, especially with him, is a really

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Speaker 1: rare occasion because I love to make the dreams happen.

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Speaker 1: But I do. I'm a solid two on a enneagram,

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Speaker 1: So I just I think the apology for me can't

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Speaker 1: be authentic because I do probably have a little bit

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Speaker 1: of that underlying. What if you separate the apology, because

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Speaker 1: that's what I need to tell me more So, that's

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Speaker 1: where I've had to because I don't like the fact

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Speaker 1: that I wasn't good because I'm good now, but I

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Speaker 1: separate the apology. Tell me it's still taking accountability, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it's captability, but it separates the apology where it's

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Speaker 1: in that moment I was heightened. I don't I don't

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Speaker 1: do mean words. That's that's that's off the table. But

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Speaker 1: I will get heated and frustrated. So my tone is

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Speaker 1: a little bit. I might say something maybe sarcastic, not sarcastic, passive.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I might say something passive. Okay, so I'll

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Speaker 1: do the passive comment and just my overall energy you

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Speaker 1: can tell that I'm annoyed. So it's like I don't

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Speaker 1: even have to say anything. It's the energy of it.

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Speaker 1: So that is where I can apologize because I know

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Speaker 1: that I can handle it better. But I'm tapped. So

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Speaker 1: it's like, so that's where it's a two part. So

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Speaker 1: I can go, hey, I'm sorry. I I you know,

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Speaker 1: I can definitely see how I was. I could have

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Speaker 1: I could have communicated that better, because the truth is

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Speaker 1: I could have. Okay, like but then you operate it, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because one hundred percent could have done that better. And

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Speaker 1: and then I'm speaking to my truth. I'm not making

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Speaker 1: excuses for it, but I'm speaking to it. And I

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Speaker 1: just felt really overwhelmed this morning, putting it on myself.

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Speaker 1: Not because I'm not saying because I didn't get any

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Speaker 1: help from you or because whatever. I'm not putting there

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Speaker 1: my resentment on him. I'm just saying I could have

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Speaker 1: handled that better, and you know, not said anything passive,

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Speaker 1: and I'm so I'm really sorry for that, and then

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Speaker 1: just been like I you know, and usually what a

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Speaker 1: probably a good therapist says is to say period the end,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I do want to explain, like why,

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Speaker 1: I just I'm I got a little overwhelmed, and I

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Speaker 1: had a lot going on this morning and I had

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Speaker 1: to get the kids out in the presence and of

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Speaker 1: this and then that, and you know, I'm really sorry.

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Speaker 1: I think that's really good. I actually am going to

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Speaker 1: take that and work on it. Okay, I really mean it,

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Speaker 1: because I'm honestly not good. I can I and I'm

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Speaker 1: not a person that apologizes for nothing either, So I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm a really good, strong apologizer when it's time.

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Speaker 1: But with him specifically, I think he would probably appreciate

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Speaker 1: it if I could do that more. And I just

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Speaker 1: don't do that well again, because I don't think you're suffering.

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Speaker 1: It's not separating, and the impog is in this episode

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Speaker 1: is the paramountopol and then then add that little rage

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Speaker 1: and energy into it, then it's almost impossible. But when

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Speaker 1: you take a breath, go for a walk, sits on

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Speaker 1: a prey about it, you go, Okay. I definitely could

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Speaker 1: have handled that with a little less edge, and I

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Speaker 1: have a reason to be on edge, but I don't

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Speaker 1: need to be that way correct. I could handle it

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Speaker 1: different and better and from a good place, yes, And

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Speaker 1: I can do things to better nourish myself so that

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Speaker 1: I don't get myself in such an over one place.

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Speaker 1: And we're still not going to do it perfect. That's

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Speaker 1: not trying to be so it's because I can't. Even

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Speaker 1: though I know how to, we do the check ins

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Speaker 1: so that we I don't get frustrated, but there's still

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Speaker 1: times where I just carry it all, bottle it up,

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Speaker 1: and then I'll say something passive or my energy is

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Speaker 1: like yeah, what like what you know? And I don't

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Speaker 1: like that. No, I know, I just don't know how

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Speaker 1: to communicate it sometimes from a good place. So it's

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Speaker 1: then going, hey, I'm sorry, I can own this part

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Speaker 1: of it. And while I'm own well, and it's also

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Speaker 1: it's again it's separating, not not putting in the well

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Speaker 1: you could have helped me in this then and the

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Speaker 1: other No, it's I could have what I could have

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Speaker 1: done better in this situation because I don't think it's

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Speaker 1: a I'm going to take one hundred percent fault for everything.

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Speaker 1: When two people are in this and two people can

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Speaker 1: be helping, that's a situation. Agreed. I do agree. I

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Speaker 1: actually do really need to work on this. This is

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Speaker 1: like a real thing for me because at that second

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Speaker 1: part where you're like, because you should up, that's the

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Speaker 1: part I can really expand on it. So it's a

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Speaker 1: little embarrassing. I think it's more turning it instead of saying,

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Speaker 1: but you should be. It's like, I think what I

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Speaker 1: need right now is a little bit more help. So

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Speaker 1: it's like then it's just like and I and I

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Speaker 1: get overwhelmed when I feel like or I make up

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Speaker 1: that that's a thing. It's like when you were saying

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Speaker 1: you're being this way. Therapist always says, I'm making up

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Speaker 1: that you aren't wanting to help me, and so I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling resentful. It's all the stories we make up, and

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Speaker 1: that's how we have to say it. But sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: hard to communicate that that's absolutely true. So if you

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Speaker 1: separate the apology, I'm going to text you when I

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Speaker 1: do out of it. It might be helpful because that

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Speaker 1: is what I've had to do. I'm gonna text you

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Speaker 1: when I do it next, taking accountability, but then also

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Speaker 1: understanding why that feeling came up and hoping that there's

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Speaker 1: some relief. Yes, let us know how it goes for you.

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Speaker 1: If you're a bad and apologizer, join me on the team. KB.

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Speaker 1: We ain't sorry. Trained well on that note, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: but we got to apologize for what you can. Hopefully

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Speaker 1: we'll get our guest next week. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: this was a good little on the Cuff podcast. I

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Speaker 1: sure needed us today and so did my husband. Will

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Speaker 1: thank you later. Okay, okay, Bart Bye. I