1 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Doctor Joy Harden Bradford, a 5 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 1: licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to 6 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: find a therapist in your area, visit our website at 7 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you love 8 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not 9 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for 11 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: joining me for session three one three of the Therapy 12 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: for Black Girls Podcast. It's a very special week around here, 13 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: and I have so much I want to share right 14 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 1: into that. After a quick break, I am reporting to 15 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: you live from my hotel in New York City, where 16 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 1: after a tough day of travel, I have landed to 17 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 1: officially kick off my book tour. Because my book is 18 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:36,119 Speaker 1: now available everywhere books are sold. Sisterhood Heals, the transformative 19 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 1: power of healing in community is no longer just mine. 20 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:45,400 Speaker 2: It is yours too. Even though I know I did it, 21 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 2: it is still really hard to believe that I wrote 22 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 2: a whole book. One day, we'll have to have a 23 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 2: fuller discussion about the process. But just like when I 24 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 2: started the podcast, there was so much I didn't know 25 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 2: until I was on the other sid side of the door. 26 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 2: Writing the book has been by far the most difficult 27 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 2: professional task I've undertaken. I kept trying to compare it 28 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,359 Speaker 2: to writing my dissertation because that was the only framework 29 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 2: I had for this kind of project, and still that 30 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 2: did not adequately capture the process. Someone asked me in 31 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 2: an interview recently what part of the writing process I 32 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 2: was most surprised by, and I said that I've been 33 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 2: surprised by how emotional I've been. I have always been 34 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 2: a crier. I cry at commercials, sentimental moments, all the things. 35 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 2: I did, not, however, expect to cry so much. While 36 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 2: writing the book, I was often touched by the modeling 37 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 2: of sisterhood I saw in so many places, and I 38 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 2: was moved when I thought about the role sisterhood has 39 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 2: played in my life, both personally and professionally. I was 40 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 2: also incredibly moved by my sense of wanting to get 41 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 2: this project right. There is something so incredibly special about 42 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 2: the relationships we have with one another as black women. 43 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 2: There's a sacredness there, and I wanted to do my 44 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 2: best to honor it and make it come to life 45 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,799 Speaker 2: on the page. I worried about that translating, and I 46 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 2: hope I did it justice. I also found that writing 47 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 2: the book forced me to be seen in a way 48 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 2: that I'm not really used to. Even though I'm the 49 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 2: host of the podcast and I share mental health information 50 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 2: in the media quite frequently, there was something much more 51 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 2: intimate and vulnerable about having my thoughts on the page 52 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 2: that I wasn't expecting. This has led to many an 53 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 2: incredible conversation with my therapist about how to care for 54 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 2: myself in this area. And now, after all the work, 55 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 2: all the tears, the book is here. I can't wait 56 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 2: to hear which parts resonate the most with you and 57 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 2: what parts get the group chats buzzing. When I think 58 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 2: about what I hope the impact of the book will be, 59 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 2: it is more intimate conversations and intentionality with the sisters 60 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 2: you love, and more gentleness and care with each other collectively. 61 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 2: Now I could go on and on about my process 62 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 2: of writing, but what I'd prefer is to share a 63 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: small excerpt from the book that I think best describes 64 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 2: how and why sisterhood heals us. Let's take a quick 65 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 2: break and then get into it. So when I thought 66 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 2: about how sisterhood works and what allows it to heal us, 67 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 2: it seemed that a few themes evolved, which I now 68 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:02,479 Speaker 2: describe as the four s's of sisterhood. Here's what I wrote. 69 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:07,840 Speaker 2: Sisterhood allows us to be seen. Do you remember how 70 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 2: your mama could tell something was wrong with you just 71 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 2: from the tone of your voice. I believe our sisters 72 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 2: possess some of this magic as well. Despite all of 73 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:21,800 Speaker 2: our attempts to hide, they create spaces to affirm and 74 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 2: celebrate our fullness. When you find yourself questioning whether or 75 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 2: not you are qualified for a particular position or opportunity, 76 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,039 Speaker 2: it's often your sister who will hype you up and 77 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,279 Speaker 2: tell you to be all you can be. She's the 78 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 2: one who is going to run the receipts of your 79 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 2: resume to remind you of your awesomeness. So many experiences 80 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 2: in our lives teach us to shrink ourselves to be invisible. 81 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 2: It is often safer that way. It feels uncomfortable to 82 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:56,280 Speaker 2: be seen, but in our sister circles, we are embraced 83 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 2: and validated as we are. Sisterhood allows us to support 84 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 2: and be supported. No one knows the difficulty of asking 85 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:10,160 Speaker 2: for help like another black woman. When it's so easy 86 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 2: to fall into an effort I'll do it myself mentality. 87 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 2: Sisterhood allows us to practice asking for and receiving help. 88 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 2: It allows us to pour into one another in a 89 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 2: way only we can. I've seen many women transition from 90 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 2: the if I don't do it, it won't get done 91 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 2: right type of person. Two what does this look like 92 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 2: as a team effort? Simply my feeling safe enough to 93 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:42,360 Speaker 2: ask for help from those in her friend group. Sisterhood 94 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 2: allows for greater knowledge of self. Because we do not 95 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 2: exist in this world in isolation. Much of what we 96 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,359 Speaker 2: know about who we are comes through our connections and 97 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 2: relationships to others. Sisterhood allows us to try out new behavior, 98 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 2: experiment with new identities, ask questions without judgment, and expand 99 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 2: our ideas about what is possible. All of these things 100 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 2: help us get clearer about who we are and what 101 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 2: we value. Expanding our sister circle to include a diversity 102 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 2: of ages is also crucial, as it allows for deeper 103 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 2: insight about ourselves based on what sisters older and younger 104 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 2: than us have gone through. Sisterhood allows us to soften quickly. 105 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 2: What song do you play to hype yourself up before 106 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 2: going into that meeting you know will be tense. Don't 107 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,239 Speaker 2: be scared to share mine is never scared by bone 108 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 2: crusher if you know you know so. Many of the 109 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 2: spaces we inhabit require us to put on armor, and 110 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 2: that can take its toll on us mentally, emotionally, and physically. 111 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 2: If you watch some Supreme Court nomination hearings for Justice 112 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 2: Katanji Brown Jackson, it was clear that she too had 113 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 2: to wrestle with herself before sitting in front of a 114 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 2: group of people who obviously were trying to catch her slipping. 115 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 2: The way we frequently have to steel ourselves in order 116 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 2: to be sure footed in the face of criticism and 117 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 2: often flat out disrespect is far too common. After adorning 118 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 2: yourself an armor to face the world. What a respite 119 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 2: it is to figuratively take off your raw in a 120 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 2: safe space with your girls, with one another. There is 121 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:43,199 Speaker 2: no need for hardness. As a recap the four s's 122 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 2: or that sisterhood allows us to be seen. It allows 123 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 2: us to support and be supported, It allows for greater 124 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 2: knowledge of self, and it allows us to soften. When 125 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 2: you think about the role Sisterhood has played in your life, 126 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 2: what else might you add to the list? Let me 127 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 2: know by sending me a tweet or a message on Instagram. 128 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 2: I'm at hello, doctor joy on both. Beyond this question, 129 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 2: there's so much more for us to dig into, and 130 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 2: I can't wait to do that with you after you've 131 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,680 Speaker 2: had some time to sit with the book. If you 132 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 2: haven't already, grab your copy from your closest independent bookstore 133 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 2: or go to sisterhood Heels dot com and choose your 134 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 2: favorite book retailer to purchase a copy. In addition to 135 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 2: my gratitude for all of your support throughout this process, 136 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 2: I am also incredibly grateful to the entire Therapy for 137 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 2: Black Girls team for all the ways they have shown 138 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:46,080 Speaker 2: up for me, further showing me sisterhood in action. I 139 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 2: could not have done this without them. We will be 140 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 2: back next week with our regularly scheduled program, but I 141 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,319 Speaker 2: hope that you'll text two of your girls right now 142 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 2: to share this episode, and that then y'all will read 143 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 2: Sisterhood Heels together I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing 144 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 2: what kinds of conversations it sparks, and I hope you 145 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 2: enjoy it. Until next time, take good care of yourself.