WEBVTT - Don't wait to apologize

0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.680
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:15.080
<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:21.520
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to not wait to apologize. If you

0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.919
<v Speaker 1>may have caused someone inconvenience or hurt them in some way,

0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:31.160
<v Speaker 1>apologizing right away can make the experience less painful for everyone.

0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.200
<v Speaker 1>So I recently said something to someone that one minute

0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:40.960
<v Speaker 1>later I realized could be badly misinterpreted. My first thought

0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.920
<v Speaker 1>was that maybe I should just pretend it didn't happen.

0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:49.000
<v Speaker 1>Maybe the other person didn't hear me, or you always

0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.640
<v Speaker 1>hope that if there's a nice way to interpret something

0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:55.800
<v Speaker 1>and a bad way to interpret something, people will give

0:00:55.840 --> 0:01:01.240
<v Speaker 1>you the benefit of the doubt. However, I decided we

0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:04.400
<v Speaker 1>were both going to feel very awkward if the bad

0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:08.920
<v Speaker 1>interpretation prevailed. So I apologized and noted that I meant

0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:13.319
<v Speaker 1>the other thing, and the person laughed and everything felt

0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:18.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot more clear. Upon reflection, I realized that my

0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:22.480
<v Speaker 1>first instinct had been wrong, and apologizing was the right approach.

0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:27.279
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes when we fear we might have hurt or irritated someone,

0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:30.800
<v Speaker 1>we figure we should wait and see whether they're really

0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:34.720
<v Speaker 1>upset before acknowledging what we've done. And how they might feel.

0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:37.800
<v Speaker 1>And I guess this does make sense in a way.

0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:42.319
<v Speaker 1>Why rock the boat if what we did or said

0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.800
<v Speaker 1>didn't bother them, We don't want to make it worse

0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:50.200
<v Speaker 1>by bringing it up. But I doubt many of us

0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:54.080
<v Speaker 1>have ever been upset by someone apologizing for something that

0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:57.840
<v Speaker 1>you didn't think was a big deal. If someone apologizes

0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:00.600
<v Speaker 1>and it wasn't an issue for you, you just say

0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:05.160
<v Speaker 1>something like no worries and you both move on, so

0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:10.359
<v Speaker 1>there's little downside. And if you did hurt someone, people

0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:13.320
<v Speaker 1>tend to be less hurt and more gracious when an

0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:19.320
<v Speaker 1>apology comes immediately, as in, wow, that came out all wrong,

0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.920
<v Speaker 1>or I realized that sounded ungracious and that was not

0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:27.920
<v Speaker 1>my intention, because I'm very thankful that you did X, Y,

0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:33.200
<v Speaker 1>and Z or whatever makes sense in your situation. Something

0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:37.080
<v Speaker 1>that could have become a real source of irritation often

0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:41.240
<v Speaker 1>ends up feeling minor you and they forget about it.

0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:47.799
<v Speaker 1>So you aren't gaining anything by not apologizing right away.

0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:51.440
<v Speaker 1>By taking responsibility, you open up the possibility of the

0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:55.560
<v Speaker 1>relationship continuing or maybe even coming out stronger than before.

0:02:56.880 --> 0:03:00.079
<v Speaker 1>So unless you actually intended to hurt the person and

0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:07.160
<v Speaker 1>apologizing quickly leaves everyone much better off now. Of course,

0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:11.080
<v Speaker 1>there is a caveat to this. Some people, and I

0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:14.720
<v Speaker 1>will say most of them, women, have a tendency to

0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:18.200
<v Speaker 1>apologize even when there is no possibility that they did

0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:23.839
<v Speaker 1>anything wrong. Someone bumps into them, they apologize for being there.

0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:28.760
<v Speaker 1>The waiter brings them someone else's food, they apologize for

0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:32.480
<v Speaker 1>bringing it up. You cancel on them last minute because

0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:36.560
<v Speaker 1>you realize you double booked yourself. They apologize for, I

0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:40.520
<v Speaker 1>don't know, not confirming that you weren't a disorganized mess.

0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:46.040
<v Speaker 1>In all these cases, an apology isn't really appropriate. When

0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:50.000
<v Speaker 1>you haven't harmed anyone, you don't have to say you're sorry.

0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:53.760
<v Speaker 1>I think what's going on here is that sorry is

0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.480
<v Speaker 1>an easy way to express empathy about things that are

0:03:57.520 --> 0:04:00.760
<v Speaker 1>going on in the world. But there are other ways

0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:05.520
<v Speaker 1>to express caring without assuming a blame you don't deserve.

0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:10.680
<v Speaker 1>So you could just say that stinks, or that seems

0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:14.800
<v Speaker 1>so hard, or even I'm sorry you had that experience.

0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:21.159
<v Speaker 1>Express sympathy with a plight, but without implying that you

0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:25.800
<v Speaker 1>have anything to do with the cause, but setting inappropriate

0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:29.480
<v Speaker 1>apologies aside. If you may have harmed or hurt someone

0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:35.320
<v Speaker 1>apologize right away. When you make amends, you can both

0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:42.200
<v Speaker 1>move on. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,

0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:53.240
<v Speaker 1>and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:55.520
<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:59.200
<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:03.640
<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.

0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:08.680
<v Speaker 1>That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.360
<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:16.320
<v Speaker 1>podcast at iHeartMedia dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled

0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:19.000
<v Speaker 1>out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look

0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:27.360
<v Speaker 1>forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production

0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:30.839
<v Speaker 1>of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,

0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:34.839
<v Speaker 1>visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:36.240
<v Speaker 1>you listen to your favorite shows.