Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to not wait to apologize. If you
Speaker 1: may have caused someone inconvenience or hurt them in some way,
Speaker 1: apologizing right away can make the experience less painful for everyone.
Speaker 1: So I recently said something to someone that one minute
Speaker 1: later I realized could be badly misinterpreted. My first thought
Speaker 1: was that maybe I should just pretend it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Maybe the other person didn't hear me, or you always
Speaker 1: hope that if there's a nice way to interpret something
Speaker 1: and a bad way to interpret something, people will give
Speaker 1: you the benefit of the doubt. However, I decided we
Speaker 1: were both going to feel very awkward if the bad
Speaker 1: interpretation prevailed. So I apologized and noted that I meant
Speaker 1: the other thing, and the person laughed and everything felt
Speaker 1: a lot more clear. Upon reflection, I realized that my
Speaker 1: first instinct had been wrong, and apologizing was the right approach.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when we fear we might have hurt or irritated someone,
Speaker 1: we figure we should wait and see whether they're really
Speaker 1: upset before acknowledging what we've done. And how they might feel.
Speaker 1: And I guess this does make sense in a way.
Speaker 1: Why rock the boat if what we did or said
Speaker 1: didn't bother them, We don't want to make it worse
Speaker 1: by bringing it up. But I doubt many of us
Speaker 1: have ever been upset by someone apologizing for something that
Speaker 1: you didn't think was a big deal. If someone apologizes
Speaker 1: and it wasn't an issue for you, you just say
Speaker 1: something like no worries and you both move on, so
Speaker 1: there's little downside. And if you did hurt someone, people
Speaker 1: tend to be less hurt and more gracious when an
Speaker 1: apology comes immediately, as in, wow, that came out all wrong,
Speaker 1: or I realized that sounded ungracious and that was not
Speaker 1: my intention, because I'm very thankful that you did X, Y,
Speaker 1: and Z or whatever makes sense in your situation. Something
Speaker 1: that could have become a real source of irritation often
Speaker 1: ends up feeling minor you and they forget about it.
Speaker 1: So you aren't gaining anything by not apologizing right away.
Speaker 1: By taking responsibility, you open up the possibility of the
Speaker 1: relationship continuing or maybe even coming out stronger than before.
Speaker 1: So unless you actually intended to hurt the person and
Speaker 1: apologizing quickly leaves everyone much better off now. Of course,
Speaker 1: there is a caveat to this. Some people, and I
Speaker 1: will say most of them, women, have a tendency to
Speaker 1: apologize even when there is no possibility that they did
Speaker 1: anything wrong. Someone bumps into them, they apologize for being there.
Speaker 1: The waiter brings them someone else's food, they apologize for
Speaker 1: bringing it up. You cancel on them last minute because
Speaker 1: you realize you double booked yourself. They apologize for, I
Speaker 1: don't know, not confirming that you weren't a disorganized mess.
Speaker 1: In all these cases, an apology isn't really appropriate. When
Speaker 1: you haven't harmed anyone, you don't have to say you're sorry.
Speaker 1: I think what's going on here is that sorry is
Speaker 1: an easy way to express empathy about things that are
Speaker 1: going on in the world. But there are other ways
Speaker 1: to express caring without assuming a blame you don't deserve.
Speaker 1: So you could just say that stinks, or that seems
Speaker 1: so hard, or even I'm sorry you had that experience.
Speaker 1: Express sympathy with a plight, but without implying that you
Speaker 1: have anything to do with the cause, but setting inappropriate
Speaker 1: apologies aside. If you may have harmed or hurt someone
Speaker 1: apologize right away. When you make amends, you can both
Speaker 1: move on. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,
Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.
Speaker 1: That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at iHeartMedia dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled
Speaker 1: out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look
Speaker 1: forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.