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Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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Speaker 1: Today's tip is to not wait to apologize. If you

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Speaker 1: may have caused someone inconvenience or hurt them in some way,

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Speaker 1: apologizing right away can make the experience less painful for everyone.

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Speaker 1: So I recently said something to someone that one minute

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Speaker 1: later I realized could be badly misinterpreted. My first thought

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Speaker 1: was that maybe I should just pretend it didn't happen.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the other person didn't hear me, or you always

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Speaker 1: hope that if there's a nice way to interpret something

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Speaker 1: and a bad way to interpret something, people will give

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Speaker 1: you the benefit of the doubt. However, I decided we

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Speaker 1: were both going to feel very awkward if the bad

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Speaker 1: interpretation prevailed. So I apologized and noted that I meant

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Speaker 1: the other thing, and the person laughed and everything felt

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Speaker 1: a lot more clear. Upon reflection, I realized that my

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Speaker 1: first instinct had been wrong, and apologizing was the right approach.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes when we fear we might have hurt or irritated someone,

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Speaker 1: we figure we should wait and see whether they're really

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Speaker 1: upset before acknowledging what we've done. And how they might feel.

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Speaker 1: And I guess this does make sense in a way.

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Speaker 1: Why rock the boat if what we did or said

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Speaker 1: didn't bother them, We don't want to make it worse

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Speaker 1: by bringing it up. But I doubt many of us

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Speaker 1: have ever been upset by someone apologizing for something that

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Speaker 1: you didn't think was a big deal. If someone apologizes

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't an issue for you, you just say

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Speaker 1: something like no worries and you both move on, so

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Speaker 1: there's little downside. And if you did hurt someone, people

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Speaker 1: tend to be less hurt and more gracious when an

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Speaker 1: apology comes immediately, as in, wow, that came out all wrong,

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Speaker 1: or I realized that sounded ungracious and that was not

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Speaker 1: my intention, because I'm very thankful that you did X, Y,

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Speaker 1: and Z or whatever makes sense in your situation. Something

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Speaker 1: that could have become a real source of irritation often

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Speaker 1: ends up feeling minor you and they forget about it.

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Speaker 1: So you aren't gaining anything by not apologizing right away.

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Speaker 1: By taking responsibility, you open up the possibility of the

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Speaker 1: relationship continuing or maybe even coming out stronger than before.

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Speaker 1: So unless you actually intended to hurt the person and

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Speaker 1: apologizing quickly leaves everyone much better off now. Of course,

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Speaker 1: there is a caveat to this. Some people, and I

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Speaker 1: will say most of them, women, have a tendency to

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Speaker 1: apologize even when there is no possibility that they did

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Speaker 1: anything wrong. Someone bumps into them, they apologize for being there.

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Speaker 1: The waiter brings them someone else's food, they apologize for

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Speaker 1: bringing it up. You cancel on them last minute because

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Speaker 1: you realize you double booked yourself. They apologize for, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, not confirming that you weren't a disorganized mess.

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Speaker 1: In all these cases, an apology isn't really appropriate. When

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Speaker 1: you haven't harmed anyone, you don't have to say you're sorry.

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Speaker 1: I think what's going on here is that sorry is

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Speaker 1: an easy way to express empathy about things that are

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Speaker 1: going on in the world. But there are other ways

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Speaker 1: to express caring without assuming a blame you don't deserve.

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Speaker 1: So you could just say that stinks, or that seems

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Speaker 1: so hard, or even I'm sorry you had that experience.

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Speaker 1: Express sympathy with a plight, but without implying that you

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Speaker 1: have anything to do with the cause, but setting inappropriate

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Speaker 1: apologies aside. If you may have harmed or hurt someone

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Speaker 1: apologize right away. When you make amends, you can both

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Speaker 1: move on. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,

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Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.

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Speaker 1: That's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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Speaker 1: podcast at iHeartMedia dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled

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Speaker 1: out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look

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Speaker 1: forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production

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Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,

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Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.