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Speaker 1: Calling all my Sweetish to the forefront. I'm your host, Christophnaia.

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Speaker 2: Hazel and this is the Keep It Positive Sweetish Show.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Keep It Positive, Sweety, the place where we heal,

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Speaker 2: grow and learn together. Today's guest is someone who has

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Speaker 2: built an entire career off of honesty. Whether through comedy, radio, television,

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Speaker 2: or social media. She's always found a way to make

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Speaker 2: people laugh while still keeping it real. But in this

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Speaker 2: conversation we get to meet a different side of her.

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Speaker 2: Through her new memoir, Till Death dew We Parents, she

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Speaker 2: opens up about motherhood, co parenting, survival, healing, faith, and

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Speaker 2: redefining what family can look like after the life doesn't

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Speaker 2: go the way you planned. I am so excited to

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Speaker 2: be sitting down with Jess Hilarious. Jess Hilarious first capture

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Speaker 2: people's attention through her viral comedy and unforgettable personality, but

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Speaker 2: over the years she's evolved.

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Speaker 1: Into so much more than just funny.

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Speaker 2: From stand up and television to voice acting and now

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Speaker 2: co hosting The Breakfast Club, Jess has built a career

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Speaker 2: rooted and honesty, relatability, and saying the things that people

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Speaker 2: are usually too afraid to say.

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Speaker 1: Out loud.

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Speaker 2: In her memoir Till Deth Do We Parent? She brings

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Speaker 2: that same honesty to motherhood relationships, co parenting, shame growth,

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Speaker 2: and the complicated process of learning how to soften after

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Speaker 2: survival mode. Sweetie, please give a very warm welcome to

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Speaker 2: Jess hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Jes Hey, Crystal, what's up? Listen. I'm so happy to

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Speaker 1: be sitting down with you now. I'm happy.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I've been on your show at the Breakfast Club

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Speaker 2: and we've gotten talking.

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Speaker 1: Just thank you.

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Speaker 2: Like the breakfast club can be daunting if you've never been,

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Speaker 2: because you never know what's gonna come up, what you're

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Speaker 2: gonna ask, And it has always been.

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Speaker 1: A pleasant experience. And I always love the questions you ask.

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Speaker 2: You always made me feel safe you and I mean

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Speaker 2: everybody does, but I just there's something about your energy

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Speaker 2: that I always feel safe and comfortable with.

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Speaker 1: So thank you. It's good to have you over here

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Speaker 1: on this side.

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Speaker 3: Here up be scared, you know, I working Breakfast Clove,

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Speaker 3: but I'll be scared for the people. I'd be Like,

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Speaker 3: if you don't want, if you ain't never did nothing,

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Speaker 3: don't let nothing come out. If you did do something,

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Speaker 3: say it wasn't you because Charlamagne is gonna.

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Speaker 2: Asking to shout out Charlote, Vae, Yeah, Envy and Laura Laurol.

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Speaker 2: So we love everybody over at the Breakfast Club. But

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Speaker 2: we got you here today. You are now an author.

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Speaker 1: I am.

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Speaker 2: You were introduced to the world as a comedian your mother,

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Speaker 2: and now you're an author. Till Death Do We Parents? Girl,

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited. We gonna get into this book. But

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Speaker 2: before we dive in, I want to play a quick

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Speaker 2: game just to you know, get you loosened up a bit. Yes,

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Speaker 2: all right, So the book is called Till Death Do

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Speaker 2: We Parents? So we're gonna play a game called Parent Trap. Okay,

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Speaker 2: oh that's cre shout out Shelley for the games.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 2: Your child says, don't tell my other parent which parent

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Speaker 2: is calling first.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm calling first. That's good. Your child is.

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Speaker 2: Acting completely different after coming back from another parent's house.

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Speaker 1: What's your first thoughts? All a parent? I want to

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Speaker 1: call on his father right now? What did you do?

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Speaker 2: Rome?

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Speaker 1: Yes? What did you do? That's what you do?

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Speaker 2: Your co parent text? We need to talk, no context.

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Speaker 2: What is your immediate thought?

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Speaker 3: Ashton did something that needs that needs my attention? So

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Speaker 3: it may be something about a girl and his dad

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Speaker 3: wants me to talk to him about it because he

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Speaker 3: gonna come off a little too hard. And you know,

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Speaker 3: it's about Ashton the girls, and we're at that point

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Speaker 3: right now because he's fourteen, So yeah, that'll be what

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Speaker 3: it is. It's more than likely about a girl. If

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Speaker 3: his father texted.

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Speaker 1: Me like we need to talk, You're like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's good.

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Speaker 2: What is the most mom thing that you do now?

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Speaker 2: That younger Jess would never believe.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I let my kid ask me why. I let

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Speaker 3: Ashton ask me why. You know, when we were growing up, honey,

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Speaker 3: we couldn't do that. It was because I said so,

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Speaker 3: and we couldn't even why. It was like my mother

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Speaker 3: even knew that I was thinking about asking her why.

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Speaker 3: You know, it was do as I say, don't ask

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Speaker 3: me why, no explanations, you know. And when Ashton was younger,

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Speaker 3: I was the same way. But then I kind of

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Speaker 3: grew out of that because our kids are exposed to

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Speaker 3: so much these days where it's like, ain't nothing wrong

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Speaker 3: with it with explaining to them, especially if they're curious,

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Speaker 3: not asking why to be disrespectful. And I now realize,

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Speaker 3: like I wasn't even asking why. Me and my brother

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Speaker 3: weren't asking why to be disrespectful. Sometimes we just wanted

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Speaker 3: to know. We wanted to follow up answer, you know,

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Speaker 3: better than just know because I said so. So yeah, damn,

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Speaker 3: I'll be having him explain hisself, you know, and I'll

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Speaker 3: be having to explain to him things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that. That's good.

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Speaker 2: I love how we're reframing motherhood. That's amazing.

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Speaker 1: Nobody tells you that parenting will fill in the blank.

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Speaker 3: Nobody tells you that parenting will ultimately be something that

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Speaker 3: makes you question who you were before. Because I lived

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Speaker 3: my life publicly, and when I was younger, I was

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Speaker 3: doing everything on the internet, anything but fly. I'm clapping

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Speaker 3: back at people, you know, I'm in the car with

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Speaker 3: the bonnet and I'm ranting and all of that. And

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Speaker 3: then my son is fourteen now, and he's asking me

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Speaker 3: about some of the videos that he saw when I

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Speaker 3: was younger, you know, and he was younger. I was younger.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I had my baby so young. So

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Speaker 3: I'm like, we kind of grew up together. I was

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Speaker 3: growing up while I was raising him too, And so

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Speaker 3: he would ask me things, and he still asked me

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Speaker 3: things like why are you say that? Why were you

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Speaker 3: talking about that I was writ in the backseat, or

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Speaker 3: why you say you know?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, you know? And now I have

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Speaker 1: a one year old and.

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Speaker 3: I really got to watch it, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 3: because if my fourteen year old is asking me about

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Speaker 3: things that I did ten years ago, then my daughters

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Speaker 3: I have to protect that right now and I have

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Speaker 3: to be careful.

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Speaker 1: That's so good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, nobody tells you that, And you know I'm thinking

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Speaker 3: that far either when.

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Speaker 2: He Yeah, no, facts, that's so true. What I love

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Speaker 2: most about this book. First of all, when I was

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Speaker 2: reading it, I read it in your voice, Like if

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Speaker 2: your voice is so distinct as I'm not even out

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Speaker 2: loud as I'm just reading, I'm like, I hear your

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Speaker 2: voice as I'm reading it.

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Speaker 1: It's so good.

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Speaker 3: Purposely wrote it like that. I did that with intention.

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Speaker 2: No, you did so good, and it felt like we

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Speaker 2: were just sitting in the room talking to you as

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Speaker 2: we read. It didn't feel like I was just reading

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Speaker 2: a book so good.

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Speaker 1: I'm proud of it. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I do want to ask you what made you say

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Speaker 2: now is the time to write a book, Because a

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Speaker 2: lot of people have the idea of they never get

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Speaker 2: around to it. What made you say that now is

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Speaker 2: the time for this book?

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Speaker 1: Christal?

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Speaker 3: I'm so I'm so tired of going online and I'm

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Speaker 3: saying like the moms like af my baby dad.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: And it's songs about it, you know, shout out to

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Speaker 3: sexy but she got the song, you know, And then

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Speaker 3: we have like there's a whole audience out there. You

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Speaker 3: would rather stay stuck in whatever that is. That's like

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Speaker 3: dysfunction and toxicity and it's just and it can it

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Speaker 3: can only grow if you if you feed it, you know.

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Speaker 1: What I mean? Why does it have to be that way?

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Speaker 3: You once laid down with this person, You once loved

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Speaker 3: this person, and even if there is no feelings, you know,

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Speaker 3: if there are no feelings there, y'all still got a kid.

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Speaker 3: Y'all still made a person together. So it's nothing wrong

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Speaker 3: with being friends or uplifting your baby daddy or uplifting

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Speaker 3: your baby mama, telling them you know, I see you.

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Speaker 3: You're doing great encouraging, you know, and lifting and me

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Speaker 3: and Rome we've been doing that. We've been on that

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Speaker 3: journey for fourteen years. But we actually became friends when Ash.

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Speaker 1: Was about three or four.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know that's why he said. He said, yoh,

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Speaker 3: you know everybody won't hate me. Yes, he was like

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Speaker 3: he thought it was a good idea to write it.

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Speaker 3: Until he read it.

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Speaker 1: He was like a look at himself, like, y'all was

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Speaker 1: no good.

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Speaker 3: He did a lot of reflecting and was like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god. But the beautiful thing about it was what

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Speaker 3: Rome said to me when he read the book, the

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Speaker 3: final manuscript before we sent it in, was y'all, I

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Speaker 3: want to say that I'm very sorry because I was

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Speaker 3: so young and I didn't realize how fed up I

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Speaker 3: was as a.

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Speaker 1: Person to you. I didn't even know what was going

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Speaker 1: on with me.

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Speaker 3: I was trying to navigate my life and we had

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Speaker 3: a kid, and you know, I'm trying to figure I'm

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Speaker 3: still growing into who I am and not knowing how

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Speaker 3: to be loyal or stay loyal to one girl. And

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Speaker 3: so I'm so sorry that I put you through those things.

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Speaker 3: And he got emotional and I got emotional. I was like, damn,

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Speaker 3: you're right, thank you wrong. You know, So this was

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Speaker 3: a really really great piece of literature to create with him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and healing it looks like therapeutic for both of you.

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Speaker 1: That's amazing. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I love that now in the book, you kept it

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Speaker 2: real like always. Yes, I love that you didn't sugarcoat anything.

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Speaker 2: You let us into your world. You became a mother

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Speaker 2: at the age of nineteen, and you talked about feeling

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Speaker 2: guilt of Yeah, the guilt of not wanting to be

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Speaker 2: a mother at that time. I mean, you were young,

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Speaker 2: so that's something that is understanding. But also the guilt

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Speaker 2: that you carry as a mom is like, dang, I

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Speaker 2: actually felt like that point in time, what did that

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Speaker 2: season actually feel.

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Speaker 1: Like when you were in it. I was feeling a

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Speaker 1: number of things. Christo.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, I felt guilty for one,

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Speaker 3: because I'm like, this baby didn't ask to be born,

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Speaker 3: didn't ask to be made.

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Speaker 1: I'm just out here being hot.

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Speaker 3: My mom don't know what's I got a boyfriend. They

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Speaker 3: don't even know I'm dating that. It was a lot, right, So,

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Speaker 3: and then I was thinking about keeping Jerome around, you know,

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Speaker 3: because I know with the loss of his mother, he

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Speaker 3: wanted a child, he wanted a big family. And I

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Speaker 3: was like, I'm actually in a place where I'm giving

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Speaker 3: him that or I can give him that. As young

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Speaker 3: as I was, you know, as you know, just unprepared

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Speaker 3: as I was, I kept my child selfishly to me.

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Speaker 3: I felt like it was selfish to him and me

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Speaker 3: just to keep his father around, you know. And I

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Speaker 3: was I was feeling so guilty. I just I didn'

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Speaker 3: know what to do. I didn't even know what career

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Speaker 3: I was going to catapult into.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know.

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Speaker 3: I thought about going to college and then so I

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Speaker 3: just I didn't know. I didn't understand what having a

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Speaker 3: kid would really do, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, except that age, you don't know how your world's

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Speaker 2: about to completely change.

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Speaker 3: Nope. Yeah, And I didn't know if my parents were

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Speaker 3: gonna kill me. I was born and raised in a church,

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well, she has to do what.

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Speaker 1: They don't know what.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, how supposed to go on Sunday and it's

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Speaker 3: singing a choir and everybody like, dang, Josh, you're the

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Speaker 3: youngest and you're pregnant in here, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: So I was so scared for a number of reasons. So, No,

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Speaker 3: I wasn't ready to be a mom, and I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to be a mom at first, even when I

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Speaker 3: gave birth to him, and I feel like not a

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Speaker 3: lot of moms really talk about it because and I

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Speaker 3: was even wrestling with the fact back in my mind,

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Speaker 3: like should I even write about it, because I don't

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Speaker 3: want my son to feel like to read this, because

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Speaker 3: he is a honey.

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Speaker 1: He loves reading.

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Speaker 3: He is always in a book, and he was so

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Speaker 3: excited to find out that I was writing a book

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Speaker 3: about the story between he and he and me and

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Speaker 3: his father, and so I didn't want him to read

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Speaker 3: it and go, dang, like you didn't want me and

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Speaker 3: you're willing to tell the world and you never sat

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Speaker 3: down with me and told me that.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, when is the right time to tell

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Speaker 1: your child. I didn't. I didn't want you until.

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Speaker 3: You were about like six months until I had like

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Speaker 3: a breakthrough moment in my house crying.

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Speaker 2: I want to talk about that. I was fine with you. Yeah, no, seriously,

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Speaker 2: actually that was yeah, I'm jumping she's such this is

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Speaker 2: what she do too, so sorry, yes, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: No, girl. I was literally in tears. I was telling

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Speaker 1: a Sean. I was like, it was this part in

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Speaker 1: the book.

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Speaker 2: I was like, she's having a mental breakdown, She's throwing

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Speaker 2: stuff in the baby's room, like literally going crazy, and

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Speaker 2: Ashen looks at you with this smirk on his face

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Speaker 2: and it was in girl got chills, Like it literally

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Speaker 2: touched me. I was like, right, I'm writing, I can

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Speaker 2: imagine I do want to read this part of this

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Speaker 2: is where you were really questioning, like what am I doing,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't know what I'm doing. And then you said,

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Speaker 2: in this moment, this is when you picked him up

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Speaker 2: for the first time and really like appreciated his existence,

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Speaker 2: and you said I had never shown him genuine affection

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Speaker 2: like this until now. This feeling made me burst into

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Speaker 2: even more tears because it finally hit me I did

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Speaker 2: want my baby. I was ready to be his mom

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Speaker 2: right there in that room he went from being the

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Speaker 2: baby to my son Ashton. Girl, well I tell you,

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Speaker 2: I said, and I wept because I can imagine at

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Speaker 2: that young age going through that, you know, and what

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Speaker 2: it was like. So I do want to know like

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Speaker 2: in that moment, I see it, I see it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, Yeah, nobody talks about the realness of that, right, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And I was wilding out, like I was like throwing

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Speaker 3: stif and just thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I was in the room, I'm throwing stuff. I don't

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Speaker 3: have a job. First of all, I don't have a job.

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Speaker 3: My mom is on me constantly every day, like you're

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Speaker 3: not gonna lay around this house because she was licensed

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Speaker 3: professional daycare about her. So my mom is like, yes,

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Speaker 3: I will keep your son, my grandbaby, but you have

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Speaker 3: to go and work.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: This is not like uh, the saying you made this baby,

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Speaker 3: you're gonna take care of it and you have to

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Speaker 3: grow up.

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Speaker 1: And you knew that, you know.

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Speaker 3: So I'm like, Okay, I'm sitting here trying to figure

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Speaker 3: out my life.

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Speaker 1: I don't have a job.

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Speaker 3: I don't I can't go outside with my friends, you know.

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Speaker 3: And then I'm thinking of Rome. Rome is doing whatever

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Speaker 3: he wants in that moment. You know, he's parties and

305
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Speaker 3: he's on you know, my Space and Facebook. Like pretty

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Speaker 3: much in my mind, I'm like, you throwing this in

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Speaker 3: my face, like you're posting this for me. He posing

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Speaker 3: it to be seen by any and every but I'm

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Speaker 3: taking it very personal. Ashton was not a crybaby. Believe

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Speaker 3: it or not, he was not a crybaby at all.

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Speaker 3: He was always such a calm joy to be around.

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Speaker 3: I just couldn't see that because I was in my

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Speaker 3: own feelings, I was in my own way, and I

314
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Speaker 3: just had a breakdown. Nobody was calling me back. All

315
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Speaker 3: the job applications I filled out, nobody's calling me back,

316
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Speaker 3: and I was throwing stuff around, my clothes, his clothes

317
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Speaker 3: and stuff, and I'm like screaming at him like why

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Speaker 3: would you pick me to be your mother? Why would

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Speaker 3: you like from across the room, and I just like

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Speaker 3: fall down to my knees and I'm crying and I

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Speaker 3: look up at him and he has this smirk like, girl,

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Speaker 3: you're doing too much, Like girl, if you don't calm

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Speaker 3: down and come and pick me up.

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Speaker 1: And I did.

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Speaker 3: I rushed over to his crib, I picked him up,

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Speaker 3: and I just felt like I had been neglecting him

327
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Speaker 3: trying to be so sad about my situation. I was

328
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Speaker 3: thinking about myself so much because up until that point,

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Speaker 3: I had called him the baby, like oh my kid,

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Speaker 3: at the baby for me, or yeah, this is this

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Speaker 3: is this baby ash, But it was like oh no,

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Speaker 3: It went from that to like my son, yes, my

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Speaker 3: baby that you know this is mine, like my the

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Speaker 3: love of my little life, the little love of my life,

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Speaker 3: and and he all snotting and drooling on me and

336
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Speaker 3: I'm still crying and he laughing and smiling, and that

337
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Speaker 3: was the day.

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Speaker 1: Like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 3: Like yeah, I fell so deeply in love with him

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Speaker 3: in that moment.

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Speaker 2: Gosh, yeah, I'm telling you that touched me. Yes, definitely

342
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Speaker 2: like the turning point I could. I felt like the

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Speaker 2: shift in motherhood for absolutely. Did you struggle more with

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Speaker 2: becoming a mother or the guilt of immediately not jumping

345
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Speaker 2: into motherhood as.

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Speaker 1: People would expect.

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Speaker 3: I struggled with both, But yes, the fact that everybody

348
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Speaker 3: just think that you're already supposed to know what to do,

349
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Speaker 3: knowing that I was raised by a prayer warrior, a.

350
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Speaker 2: Mom that I was like tens and he was like,

351
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Speaker 2: how she gonna react?

352
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and she she took me in with loving arms.

353
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Speaker 3: But like I, she was always the role model for me,

354
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:22,160
Speaker 3: the example of what it's like to nurture, to provide,

355
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Speaker 3: to love on your babies, even in discipline. Crystal my

356
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 3: mom what she will pop me, whoop me and then

357
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Speaker 3: be like I love you nothing.

358
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Speaker 1: Now you know better?

359
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Speaker 3: You know, like I would immediately feel the rush of love.

360
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 3: That was like a follow up, you know, but I think, yeah,

361
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,080
Speaker 3: I think it was. Yeah, it was more so the

362
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,200
Speaker 3: fact that people just expect for you to just know,

363
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 3: for it to come to you. There's no man, you

364
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 3: were on this and it's different for everybody.

365
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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's so true.

366
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,280
Speaker 2: Now you are experiencing motherhood in a totally different space.

367
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,200
Speaker 2: You're married, you're supported. That's that's something that women need

368
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,880
Speaker 2: when they're navigating this. Because we talked about on the call,

369
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,760
Speaker 2: like your bodies are going through things that you can't

370
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Speaker 2: even explain.

371
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

372
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Speaker 2: So the fact that you are going through it in

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Speaker 2: a different way, I want to say, how does this

374
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,720
Speaker 2: version of motherhood has it changed you as a mother?

375
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Speaker 1: Man?

376
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 3: Well, even starting from pregnancy, I had a very beautiful pregnancy,

377
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,080
Speaker 3: And that's another thing I was feeling guilty about because

378
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 3: I didn't have a fun pregnancy or a great, you know,

379
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 3: just loving pregnancy or easy with Ashton, it wasn't easy.

380
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,399
Speaker 3: Rome wasn't there all the time. Yeah, and then we

381
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,840
Speaker 3: were always at OZ because of the cheating, the line

382
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,720
Speaker 3: and all of that stuff. So a lot of times,

383
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,639
Speaker 3: I you know, I went through a lot of it

384
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,320
Speaker 3: just by myself. I mean I could always call him

385
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,520
Speaker 3: and he pick up. But we weren't in the same house,

386
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,720
Speaker 3: under the same roof. He wasn't feeding me. Listen, my husband,

387
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,199
Speaker 3: I got rubbed down every night. Come on, and he

388
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,280
Speaker 3: would be coming in from work and he would be

389
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:55,080
Speaker 3: tired as crab, crispal and he would be like I

390
00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:57,639
Speaker 3: would be in the shower and he would be like,

391
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,720
Speaker 3: all right, come on, let's let's uh, let's rub you

392
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,160
Speaker 3: down and whatever you want to eat now, you can't

393
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,919
Speaker 3: eat after a certain time because I don't want you.

394
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 1: To have heartburn.

395
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,800
Speaker 3: And he was he was such a first time dad,

396
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,320
Speaker 3: but he had books that he had read and like

397
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 3: he it just felt good like he.

398
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,240
Speaker 1: Was there every appointment.

399
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,400
Speaker 3: And then when he couldn't be because he's a trucker,

400
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 3: when he couldn't be, he was on FaceTime. Just I

401
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 3: just it was like a total different experience.

402
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:29,320
Speaker 1: You know.

403
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 3: And then when I had my daughter, he was there

404
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,080
Speaker 3: and he delivered his daughter.

405
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, hospital, No, we went to the hospital.

406
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:45,000
Speaker 3: And the doctor, Oh my god, I love her so much,

407
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 3: and she like taught him everything, like instructed him on

408
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,640
Speaker 3: how to deliver his child.

409
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:57,800
Speaker 1: And he did it. That's amazing, Chris, amazing, amazed.

410
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 3: He wasn't scared of nothing now Holmes as he passed out,

411
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 3: passed out, he saw Ashton and was like, oh no,

412
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,639
Speaker 3: and passed out, but girlfri real. They had to put

413
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 3: him in the bed next to me. I'm like, wrong,

414
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 3: wake up, dang, you know, but it was it's you know,

415
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 3: each experience is different, but I this time around it was.

416
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,000
Speaker 3: It was beautiful. And we actually planned my daughter. My

417
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,199
Speaker 3: husband and I planned her because I always wanted to

418
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 3: have more kids. But the guys wasn't guying because the

419
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 3: way wasn't. So God sent me who I was supposed

420
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 3: to be with. I love best friend, my better half,

421
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,680
Speaker 3: one of the most genuine human beings I've ever met,

422
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,639
Speaker 3: and and this is who I'm doing life with.

423
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 1: And I couldn't be happier.

424
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 2: And it shows you see it on Yes, you are glowing,

425
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 2: you really are. There's a line in the book that

426
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 2: sits out to me being and this really touches on

427
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 2: what we just talked about, like how you were doing

428
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,879
Speaker 2: everything by yourself with the wrong but now you have support.

429
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 2: Being so used to doing things myself, these moments when

430
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,160
Speaker 2: I am no longer the only one can feel so overwhelming.

431
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 1: What has it been like learning.

432
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 2: To receive that support after having to do it by

433
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,200
Speaker 2: yourself for so long, or did you have a hard

434
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,280
Speaker 2: time accepting it?

435
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,879
Speaker 3: Definitely still have a heart like where I'm much better

436
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 3: with it, you know, but it is definitely a process,

437
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 3: especially when you are so used to being in fight

438
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 3: or flight mode and you gotta you gotta do everything

439
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 3: by yourself anyway, and then you're all Then I am

440
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,160
Speaker 3: that type where it's like, if I don't do it, it

441
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 3: won't get done right.

442
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 1: You know.

443
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,119
Speaker 3: My husband may take a longer time doing it, and

444
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,160
Speaker 3: I'm so used to getting it done like this within

445
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 3: a blink of an eye, and like I know that

446
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 3: I'm gonna always execute it right and if it doesn't,

447
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 3: if it's not right, there's no one to blame but

448
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 3: myself self, you know.

449
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 1: He is it's like pulling teeth with me. Boy, but

450
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 1: he be hanging in there with me, Like.

451
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 3: Girl, you don't sit down, shut up and let me

452
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,320
Speaker 3: do this, Let me love you, let me be a father.

453
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 3: I know you've been doing this because I always say

454
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,879
Speaker 3: I've been doing this longer than you. Sway, this's my

455
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 3: second time around, it's your first time, you know, And

456
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 3: he like it's sorry. Let me do it, you know,

457
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 3: let me be a father, let me, let me be

458
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 3: your husband, like outside of the kids, let me do

459
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 3: something for you, Yeah, vacations or whatever for the family.

460
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 3: What makes you think you gotta pay for it all?

461
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,719
Speaker 3: Because I know where I want to go, I know

462
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,479
Speaker 3: how I want to fly, I know, And he like,

463
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,199
Speaker 3: you think I won't do the same thing for me,

464
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 3: Like you.

465
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 1: Ain't the only one with winning bread.

466
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,919
Speaker 3: And here I'm like, okay, shorty, you know I like

467
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,880
Speaker 3: that talk that to me. You know this this is

468
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 3: you know, this is the first time that I've been

469
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 3: in a marriage, but like a relationship where I don't

470
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 3: have to do everything, you know, and that feels good.

471
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 3: It was very challenging, like letting go of that control

472
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 3: because that's what that also teaches you, Like when you're

473
00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 3: the breadwinner and you're around a bunch of people and

474
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 3: relationships where men take advantage of you, that actually, like

475
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 3: that makes you very controlling.

476
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: It and he feels over into your relationship.

477
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,439
Speaker 3: Yes, and he pointed that out, like what's about to

478
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 3: leave me over that? Like, nah, you don't, this is

479
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 3: this is given take you. I don't know who you've

480
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 3: been dealing with, But no, it's not gonna fly.

481
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, So that's good, And I think that's a note

482
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 2: to a lot of women who are successful and running

483
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 2: their lives before they meet their mate.

484
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to reel that back, you know.

485
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 2: And it's so hard to turn that thing off because

486
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 2: your whole life has been dependent on you having that characteristic.

487
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:37,199
Speaker 1: You know.

488
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 3: It's like and always having a guard up. Yeah, so

489
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:45,199
Speaker 3: I'm softer. He disarms me, Chris disarms me, and in

490
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 3: such a way where it's like, I don't even want

491
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 3: to be tough. I'm like, all right, go ahead, go ahead,

492
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 3: I don't want Yeah.

493
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 1: I love I love that for you.

494
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 2: And yes, now you also spoke about the guilt of

495
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 2: you didn't have part of with your son, but you

496
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 2: ended up having it with your daughter.

497
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that because so many mothers go.

498
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 2: Through that, and as a woman who hasn't had children,

499
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 2: I understand that, like there's things that happen with our

500
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 2: bodies that we can't explain, but walk us through that

501
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: because I think that there is this misconception that there's

502
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 2: a certain way that postpartum has to look. Yeah, and

503
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: I didn't even know that that's what I was going

504
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 2: through when I was in it, you know, I just

505
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 2: I just it just feels like a heavy, heavy funk

506
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 2: that you're in and it's like you're down and nothing.

507
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 3: I'm talking about nothing, not even seeing your baby's face,

508
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 3: not being loved on by your husband, not like being

509
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 3: around like the most vibeous energy with your friends or

510
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 3: whatever makes you happy, watching your favorite movies.

511
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: None of that. Yeah, is it's very short lived.

512
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,360
Speaker 3: Stuff. You'll smile, but you go right back into that

513
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 3: feeling of like I didn't feel pretty. I didn't feel funny.

514
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,439
Speaker 3: I didn't feel I was doing anything right. I felt

515
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 3: like a failure. I felt like I had lost my mojo.

516
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, my fans are moving on

517
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 3: from me because we got more comedians than bugs in

518
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 3: the world now, So I'm like, they are moving on

519
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 3: without me.

520
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: I haven't been.

521
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,120
Speaker 3: I gotta get online. I gotta get back to who

522
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 3: I am. But then I'm like, who am I? I

523
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 3: don't feel good then I was doing I was breastfeeding

524
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 3: my daughter. I didn't really I breasted my son, but

525
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 3: the milk dried up chiad. I was like, dang, these

526
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 3: little itity bitty things. Wasn't doing nothing bad? Then, you know,

527
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 3: but I had I breasted at my daughter, and that

528
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 3: was a struggle because when you depressed and when you

529
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 3: stressed out, that dries up your milk, like you don't

530
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 3: have a continuous flow. So I was I felt like

531
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 3: I was robbing her of all the nutrients and things

532
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 3: I was supposed to be giving her because my milk

533
00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 3: didn't stop, but it slowed down. And then like work,

534
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 3: I went back to work, like I forced myself just

535
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 3: to go back because.

536
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, I gotta get out.

537
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 3: Maybe I got to get out, but then I felt

538
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 3: like I wasn't maybe I wasn't entirely ready to even

539
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 3: go back into the workplace, you know. And my feelings

540
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 3: definitely took a told on me because I felt like

541
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 3: they were trying to replace me. I felt like everybody

542
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 3: was against.

543
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: Me and they was playing with me a little bit.

544
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 3: Like still, it wasn't all postpart of me, you know

545
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like it was, I felt like a

546
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: lot of it was postpartum, but then I felt like

547
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 3: also a lot of it was just horrible communication at work.

548
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 3: Nobody like really telling me what's going on and things

549
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 3: like that. So it made me look like the villain.

550
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 3: I didn't like that. That was another thing that was

551
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,360
Speaker 3: added on to my plate. And then all the comments

552
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 3: of people like, oh, just can't share a workplace with

553
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 3: another black woman, and I'm like, what, you know, like

554
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: me and Lord don't even do the same thing. I

555
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 3: just wanted to know what the plan was, you know

556
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 3: what I mean. But yeah, so it was a lot.

557
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 3: But what I thought was funny through the whole comparison, right,

558
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:08,119
Speaker 3: because when I was pregnant with my son, I didn't

559
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 3: have a great pregnancy, but I also didn't experience postpartum depression.

560
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 3: But I had a great pregnancy with my daughter, and

561
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 3: I experienced postpartum depression. So it doesn't have like a

562
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 3: target person like.

563
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: It happens to you. It just happens and you don't know.

564
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 3: I didn't realize that I was going through that until

565
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 3: after until I came out of it, you know, And

566
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 3: there was nothing that my husband could do. You was trying,

567
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,479
Speaker 3: my mother in law, my mom, my dad, everybody was trying.

568
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 1: Even Rome.

569
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,239
Speaker 3: Rome was like, yo, is it the book? Like what

570
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 3: I'm like, No, it ain't the book. He's like, don't

571
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 3: put that right, please don't write. But I just I

572
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 3: had to get out of it on my own.

573
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 1: Well, so, how long have you were you working on

574
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: the book?

575
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 3: Nine months? I wrote it while I was pregnant. Wow, yep,

576
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 3: when I first found out I was pregnant.

577
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 1: We had been trying.

578
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 3: When I first found out I was pregnant, That's when

579
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 3: I started writing the book and I got finished a

580
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 3: few weeks before I went into late.

581
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: Rod said book.

582
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 3: Yes, so I had two babies, basically the That's.

583
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 1: Do We Parent and my baby Marley.

584
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 2: Wow.

585
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: Incredible.

586
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 2: I do want to ask you, do you feel like,

587
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 2: because when you were younger you were going through the

588
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 2: flight or flight mode survival mode, that you maybe weren't

589
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 2: warranted the opportunity to even like process your feelings at

590
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 2: that time?

591
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 1: Yeah?

592
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 2: Do you think because I know, I feel like that

593
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 2: was a different time, and you said that you didn't

594
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 2: go through postpartum, But I'm wondering if everything you were

595
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,159
Speaker 2: going through didn't even allow you to process if you

596
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 2: were or not, you know.

597
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 3: Now that you say that, Yeah, I think so because

598
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 3: I was I was still afraid of so much even

599
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:51,639
Speaker 3: when you know what, Yeah, because it took about six

600
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 3: months like for me to even start looking at Ashton

601
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,199
Speaker 3: in that way. Yeah, so now that you bring that up, like,

602
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 3: you know what, Yeah, because I was I was like upset,

603
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 3: just angry and bitter and mad, disappointed in myself dealing

604
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 3: with all these feelings. Think knowing that my friends, all

605
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 3: the people at my church judging me, I mean, you know,

606
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 3: and they be judging people for the worst, you know,

607
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 3: and like just friends like oh, you can't go out

608
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 3: to the club because you do the only one with

609
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 3: a baby, and you know. So I was thinking about that,

610
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 3: that that more than likely was a postpartum depression.

611
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,400
Speaker 2: And I just didn't have or even realize because yeah,

612
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 2: a lot on you.

613
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 1: Absolutely I couldn't. I mean, okay, let me tell you someone.

614
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: I was your that age nineteen and my teens and

615
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 2: my boyfriend was out doing something.

616
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: Girl, I would lose my mind. So I can imagine

617
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: having a baby and having to deal with all that.

618
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 3: El Yes, And then I had a room. I don't

619
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 3: think anybody had a room. You gotta read the book, y'all.

620
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 3: Y'all ain't had a room.

621
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 2: And I pray you didn't have because my girl, I

622
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 2: wanted to fight him, like brother, I said, yeah, I

623
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 2: would fight.

624
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 1: It with you, what right? Yeah, he didn't want you

625
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: with the right man. You think it's the book.

626
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 3: Yes, my big brother was like, I'm about to fold

627
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 3: him up and put him in the dumpster.

628
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 1: Jesse. I said, ooh, please do it, but.

629
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 3: Not right now because he gonna call the police, right right, girl.

630
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 1: I love that.

631
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 2: I love that this book is redefining and reshaping the

632
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: thought of if a relationship doesn't work, then the family

633
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: has failed. What has this process taught you about maturity

634
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 2: and ego? Because I know that there was moments in

635
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 2: the book where you would keep ashing away from Rome

636
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 2: more so ego and immaturity. But what has this entire

637
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 2: process of writing the book and even growing in co

638
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 2: parenting and coexisting taught you about maturity and ego?

639
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:43,480
Speaker 1: Honestly?

640
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 3: Like you just can't use your children as something that's divisive,

641
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 3: like I really was when I when I would be

642
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 3: upset with Rome, I would do things like keep ashing

643
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: away from him because I knew that was the only

644
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 3: thing that would really make him feel like Rome loves

645
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 3: his children, he loved Ashton when it was just Ashton,

646
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 3: like that was the only thing that could really upset him.

647
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 3: If you talk about his deceased mom and where you

648
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 3: talk about his child, or you keep his child away

649
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: from him, and I knew that was the only way

650
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 3: to get under his skin. And what I've learned about that,

651
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 3: like what it is the ego and the pride that

652
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 3: could also alter how your children act as well, because

653
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,000
Speaker 3: I would be walking around angry and mad, and although

654
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 3: I wouldn't argue, we didn't have many argues in front

655
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 3: of Ashton, I mean arguments in front of Ashton, but

656
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 3: just the energy that I was feeling I was projecting

657
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 3: onto him for sure, And then I would be wondering,

658
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 3: like because I also speak in a book about when

659
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 3: he started to get smart and become oppositional and just defiant,

660
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 3: and I'm like, where is he getting that from? But

661
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 3: the whole time, if he's always seeing his mom bitter

662
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 3: and being negative and just having an attitude, kids absorb

663
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 3: it all and they able to regurgitate it. Baby, you

664
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, and throw it right back at you.

665
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: And that's what you're giving so you So a happy

666
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:16,479
Speaker 3: mom is really like a happy mom is really like

667
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 3: a key ingredient to happy children.

668
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: That is so true and happy and.

669
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 3: Healthy co parenting as well, because it's it balances, it

670
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,959
Speaker 3: balances the kid, and it teaches the kid how to

671
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 3: deal with feelings too, you know, and how to work

672
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 3: through them properly. Because it's easy. A lot of people

673
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 3: think it's easy to be mad.

674
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: It's not.

675
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 3: It takes so much energy, it takes so much of

676
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 3: your time, and you got to hold on or something

677
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 3: to stay angry about it. So that's what I've learned

678
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 3: that don't don't hold on. You got to accept it

679
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 3: and let it go, you know.

680
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 2: Now, that's really I had a situation like when I

681
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 2: was younger with my mom and she was praying God

682
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: change her, God change her. But I was literally just

683
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 2: mirroring what she was doing. And God said, no, I'm

684
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 2: going to change you, and you'll see a change in

685
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 2: your daughter.

686
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: That's actually, oh my God. That I was just with.

687
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 3: I was in church, me and my husband, and there

688
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 3: that was a message. It's like, you gotta stop praying

689
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 3: that God will change other people. Pray pray that he'll

690
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 3: change how you look at them, or change how you

691
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 3: receive them, or change like, change your behavior. You can't

692
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 3: pray that God will change something else. He already working

693
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 3: on them. That ain't even your business. That's that ain't

694
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 3: your business. Spiritually mentally, it ain't your business at all.

695
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,239
Speaker 3: You gotta pray how you pray against how you look

696
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 3: at them. You know, pray God, pray for God to

697
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 3: change how you look at them.

698
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 1: For sure. That's real.

699
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. So when you talk about that, because I look

700
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 2: at my nephew now and how he literally regurgitates everything

701
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 2: he hears, I'm like, they are sponges. They are, yeah,

702
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 2: and they are literally mirrors of everyone that they're watching

703
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 2: every single day.

704
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: So that's so good. I love that.

705
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 2: The funny story in the beginning where you're talking about

706
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 2: getting ready for the premiere of the movie that you

707
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 2: in Rome were both in. That was a moment when

708
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 2: you realize, okay, we're actually becoming a family in a

709
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 2: different way. When you walked in the room to go

710
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 2: get your daughter dressed and Chris was already had already.

711
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: Handled already had her.

712
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 3: Yes, that was amazing because that too is another like

713
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 3: because I had to get Ashton ready by myself, and

714
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 3: I'm getting me ready by myself, and I'm already not

715
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 3: that great with timing. Gosh, so I'm like, oh my god,

716
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 3: this is the movie from here and we're cha and

717
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 3: then Rome bothering me because Rome don't like the way

718
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 3: I dressed his son.

719
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 1: What he wear like.

720
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 3: First of all, Ashton is at that time, I think

721
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 3: he was made about eleven or twelve. But Ashton had

722
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 3: already developed his own sense of styles and he can dress.

723
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 3: We let him do his thing, and he looks really

724
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 3: good and the stuff that he puts on. So I'm like, ash,

725
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: I mean, Rome, I don't dress him anymore. He has

726
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 3: his own, his own way of dressing. And you know,

727
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 3: like these kids are exposed to so much. So ash

728
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 3: like got styles where he looks at, you know, for

729
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 3: inspiration and that type of stuff. But I was very

730
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 3: happy to see that my husband had already gotten Marley ready.

731
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 1: So that's one last.

732
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 3: Thing I got to worry about. And then I got

733
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 3: back to finding my outfit. You know. But I felt

734
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 3: so good in that moment because I'm like, oh, not

735
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 3: only did she look good and what he picked her

736
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 3: and what he picked out for her, he didn't even

737
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 3: ask me, like, baby, can you figure out what she's

738
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 3: gonna wear? He dressed her and he was dressed, and

739
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 3: so I'm like, Okay, I only got to worry about me.

740
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 1: Right, everybody got themselves. You can worry about Jes. I

741
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: love that.

742
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 2: And then you're on the way to the premiere and

743
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 2: so many things are happening, and you have to take

744
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,320
Speaker 2: something that your father taught you, the breathing.

745
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: Yes, he always said it.

746
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 3: Look up, yes, close your eyes, take a deep breath.

747
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 1: Counter ten.

748
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 2: Now, at what moment in your life did you realize

749
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 2: I'm starting to change, I'm not reacting how it normally

750
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 2: that because there was so many moments in the book

751
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 2: where I feel like you could have reacted one way,

752
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 2: but you chose peace instead. And I love that your

753
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 2: father taught you look up and breathe. When did you realize, Okay,

754
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 2: I'm getting the hang of this, look up and breathe.

755
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: For real now.

756
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 3: So he had been teaching me that since I was

757
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 3: a teenager. I didn't really start putting that into effect

758
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 3: and realizing that it works until Ashton was like he

759
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 3: was about eight, like seven or eight. Yeah, so that

760
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 3: wasn't really that long ago, like six years ago. But

761
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 3: still that's also a part of me learning and growing

762
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 3: because I could have responded negatively or just you know,

763
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,919
Speaker 3: but it's not really about who's winning the argument, right

764
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 3: for sure, Well, that's gonna make us later and then that,

765
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,000
Speaker 3: you know, and then my son's gonna see, Oh gosh,

766
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 3: we with mom and dad again, playing and fighting and stuff.

767
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 3: You know.

768
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 2: Yes, Now, how has the dynamic been with Chris and

769
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 2: Rome and Ashen? And how has Ashton been able to

770
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 2: understand I got two fathers? Is that because I know

771
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 2: this is all coexisting in co parenting?

772
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:56,320
Speaker 1: How does that flow?

773
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 2: Because a lot of parents, I feel like sometimes it

774
00:35:58,960 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 2: can be.

775
00:35:59,280 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 1: Kind of weird.

776
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, at first it was a little It took Ashton

777
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 3: a little bit, a little bit of time to open up.

778
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 1: Sam.

779
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,720
Speaker 3: What I mean by a little bit of time was like.

780
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 1: Like a good six months.

781
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 3: And then Chris was very nervous to meet Ashton, but

782
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 3: he wanted to. It was like, I think he was

783
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 3: more nervous than I was because I was nervous. And

784
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 3: the reason why I was nervous was because I'm like,

785
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 3: this may really work, like I really really I feel

786
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 3: like I love this guy, you know what I mean?

787
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 3: And that's because he was trying to get to know

788
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 3: who I was.

789
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 1: He wasn't.

790
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,879
Speaker 3: It wasn't even about what I could do for him

791
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 3: or just hilarious. It was about getting to know Jessica

792
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 3: Robin Moore. And that's what I loved is so I'm like, yeah,

793
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,439
Speaker 3: I got it. I got a kid, and I come

794
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,720
Speaker 3: with the package. And my son is a little older,

795
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 3: you know. And he was like, well, I love to

796
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 3: meet him. So when he finally met Ashton, Ashton interrogated him, Okay,

797
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 3: what you do?

798
00:36:58,520 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 1: Okay?

799
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,720
Speaker 3: Where you meet mo Okay?

800
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: What are so? You're a truck job?

801
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 3: Okay, so what routes you be taking? Like yeah, you

802
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 3: don't even know, Like what can you help him out

803
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 3: with the map or something? You know?

804
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 1: What routes you be taking? How long you be gone?

805
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:11,600
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

806
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 3: But I loved it because I was like, oh this.

807
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,279
Speaker 1: Question, yes, you know. And then when it came time for.

808
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 3: My husband and Rome to me, Rome was already excited

809
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 3: that he has started seeing a change in me, so

810
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 3: he knew this is this guy because previous relationships, Rome

811
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,800
Speaker 3: would take one look at the guy or just even

812
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 3: from how my vibe would be and be like, nah

813
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 3: that you you would another me.

814
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: You need to leave him alone. Like he would be like, nah, yeah.

815
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 3: This he's gonna cheat. He's already cheating. Oh yeah, I'm

816
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 3: pretty sure he just liked me. You know, like he

817
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 3: would be right, and I would be so upset that

818
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 3: he was right, you know what I So when I

819
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 3: met Chris, he instantly like he was instantly able to

820
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,760
Speaker 3: tap in and see like, oh no, that's a different

821
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,439
Speaker 3: type of dude. Yeah. And then Jess's showing to you

822
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 3: like okay, all right, and then my son told me

823
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 3: about him. So that was amazing to me, you know,

824
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 3: and it was it was great. Now there were boundaries

825
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 3: that had to be put in place that my husband

826
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 3: opened my eyes to, and that was that I was

827
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,479
Speaker 3: way too accessible for Rome.

828
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: Like with Rome, Rome.

829
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 3: Would call me one in the morning, two in the

830
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 3: morning and be like, yo, I'm with this band, you

831
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Or I just got put out

832
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 3: of Shorty house and you know, and and I yeah.

833
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 3: Still to this day, Chris can't get right, Yes, can't get.

834
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: Right, you know.

835
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 3: And and my husband one day had to be like, look,

836
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 3: I understand that's your friend.

837
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: I'm all for that.

838
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 3: I love that y'all don't beef and stuff like that,

839
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 3: but he can't call you one o'clock in the morning,

840
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 3: lay next to me. I can't believe you really answered.

841
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,320
Speaker 3: It's not about action. Because Ashon is in his room,

842
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 3: so what are we doing?

843
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 1: And I'm like about that?

844
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 3: All right, now, you're right, you know what I'm saying.

845
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 3: And when I broke it down a room, he totally

846
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 3: respected it and understood, like, oh no, you're right, you

847
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 3: got a grown man.

848
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 1: Yes, so I got a chill. I love that. Shout out,

849
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 1: Chris and Rome. I love that. I'm happy for you

850
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 1: because it could be completely it.

851
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:19,759
Speaker 3: Could have been a whole different type of situation. It

852
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 3: could have really been just with the mess you already know, yes, seriously, for.

853
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,879
Speaker 2: Real, even in the messiest moments. This book is a thread.

854
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 2: It's a thread of grace throughout. And I love that

855
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 2: how you wrote it. How did your faith carry you

856
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 2: through the seasons where you felt overwhelmed, ashamed and undeserving.

857
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,919
Speaker 3: Ooh see, faith is something I had since a little girl, Yes,

858
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,839
Speaker 3: born and raised in it, even when I didn't know

859
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 3: how to pray, right, because my mom has always done

860
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 3: that for us, you know, our kids, is what I

861
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 3: mean by us, Like, but she she didn't teach us

862
00:39:58,840 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 3: how to pray.

863
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 1: I just had to get that one day.

864
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 3: Even when I didn't know how to, always knew that

865
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 3: I could talk to God that's one thing that she did.

866
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 3: Always tell us talk to him. Your prayer does not

867
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 3: have to be perfect. You don't have to there's no script.

868
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 3: You don't have to get it right. He's not looking

869
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 3: for you to come to him perfectly. If you stumble

870
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,760
Speaker 3: over your words, it's okay. You know, you keep talking,

871
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 3: he hears you.

872
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:22,439
Speaker 1: That's how.

873
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 3: That's how I did. Or I would go and I

874
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 3: don't care where I was. I would be in my car,

875
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 3: I would go. And if I was because even if

876
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 3: I was at work like McDonald's, I go in the

877
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 3: bathroom and talk to.

878
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: God, I would.

879
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 3: I would talk to him anywhere where I would be

880
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 3: alone and by myself, like off to a corner. That's honestly,

881
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 3: really how I got through it. And you know, I

882
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 3: feel like that's cliche because people say it, but.

883
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: Like, no, that's real.

884
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 3: It's like I would really talk to him. And then

885
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 3: in talking to him and going to him because there

886
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,399
Speaker 3: was nothing that I would never take to him.

887
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, he showed me how to pray.

888
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 3: God had told me taught me how to talk to

889
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 3: him in a way where I can teach my children, right,

890
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 3: you know, And that's that's that lit That's like that's

891
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 3: amazing that you can really like you can't hear him,

892
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 3: it's just something that he just shows you. Like one day,

893
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 3: I just found the words to do it, and from

894
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,279
Speaker 3: then on I could pray somebody under the table, like

895
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 3: sometimes Christal, when I pray, I'll be like, dang, I

896
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 3: was good God, Like, okay, look at it working me.

897
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 3: You know, I'd be so hyped, Like even though the

898
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,919
Speaker 3: breakfast cup, I'd be like, I just pray a crazy prayer.

899
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 3: Better was better than yours.

900
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: Like I know, I know.

901
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 3: I'm getting a little crazy with the competition prayer, but

902
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 3: I'll be paying myself with a bad girl.

903
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: I know, that's right. I love that.

904
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: Was there ever a moment where you felt like God

905
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,919
Speaker 2: was still loving you in a season where you didn't

906
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 2: love yourself?

907
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 3: Hmmm, yes, you know. Oh oh my god, I'm glad

908
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 3: you brought that up because at one point, and I

909
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 3: talk about this in the book, I was dating.

910
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: I was dating selfishly.

911
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 3: I wasn't dating like I had a kid, like I

912
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,879
Speaker 3: was dating based off of how you made me feel like.

913
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 3: I wasn't even worried about like whether they were good

914
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 3: with kids or not, whether they could have a discussion

915
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 3: with a kid, whether they could you.

916
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: Know, get to know my child or not. If you were.

917
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 3: Doing something to make me feel good, you know, whether

918
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 3: that was sex, just conversation because I didn't like to

919
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 3: be alone, whatever it was. If I felt like you

920
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 3: were doing something for me, fine, you were good in

921
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 3: my book. And I didn't love myself in that moment,

922
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 3: but I felt like God definitely did. He did so

923
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 3: much that he kept putting me in predicaments where I

924
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 3: was constantly getting hurt until I woke up like you,

925
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 3: thank you being loved. Girl. What you don't even love yourself,

926
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: so you can't even identify what love is like, this

927
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 3: is not this is not love. But I'm gonna let

928
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 3: your love dumbtail go ahead and keep on getting hurt

929
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,720
Speaker 3: and keep holding that mirror up to yourself, keep blaming

930
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 3: it on everybody else.

931
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: It's you.

932
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 3: You haven't properly loved yourself, so you don't even know

933
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 3: what what's appropriate, what you'll take, you out here taking anything.

934
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's that's that season for sure, where I

935
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 3: felt like he loved me even when I didn't.

936
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 2: Love I say, we've all had a season like that

937
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 2: in our lives. I know I have for sure. Yeah.

938
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:30,920
Speaker 2: But God, in closing, I want to ask you, you

939
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 2: wrote this book, and you you took us on the

940
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 2: journey with you. Yeah, you didn't start it off perfect

941
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: all put together. You took us on this rod with you.

942
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 2: What is it that you hope women take, even mothers

943
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 2: take from this book when they get their hands on it.

944
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 1: Except and let it go?

945
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:49,240
Speaker 3: When I say I really thought that I could write

946
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 3: the story of my life that young. That's why I

947
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 3: say God has a sense of humor. God would be like, oh,

948
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 3: look at you write your little story, girl.

949
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 1: You don't even know.

950
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,760
Speaker 3: I got so much to take you through and so much.

951
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 1: For you to learn from. He's something to write about.

952
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 3: Yes, And this is how that book was even birth, Crystal, like,

953
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 3: you have to accept that when you and your co

954
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 3: parent aren't a good match and you come to that

955
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 3: realization like, Okay, I'm not going to be with this person.

956
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 3: A relationship is not what we're supposed to be doing.

957
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 3: That's not the end of the world. Just accept that

958
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 3: part of it, let that go, and then you can

959
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 3: still be a united front.

960
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: You can still be good friends.

961
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 3: Now, a lot of people be like, I ain't gonna

962
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,359
Speaker 3: best friends because you're best friends with your baby dad?

963
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,360
Speaker 1: How you do that? When you read the book.

964
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 3: And y'all see what he took me through, you cannot say, oh,

965
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: I can't do that. Yes, there were many times I

966
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,760
Speaker 3: thought Rome and I could not be best friends or not.

967
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,240
Speaker 1: Be friends at all period.

968
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 3: But we said those vowels. We put everything on the table.

969
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 3: He apologized about how he you know, for how badly

970
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 3: he had hurt me. I hurt him as well. I

971
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:57,439
Speaker 3: take a lot of accountability in the book. Yes, and

972
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 3: I put that. I put that on the table. We

973
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 3: put that behind us. And I said, Jerome mc ivor, James,

974
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 3: I do not know how he got.

975
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 1: Mac ivor no like the show back in the day.

976
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,720
Speaker 3: Yes, his middle name is mc ivor and Jerome spelled

977
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 3: with a G. So for a while I was like

978
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 3: garme girl girl, but the child. Yeah, I'm gonna let

979
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 3: him right about that in his book. But I said,

980
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 3: I take you or do you take me? Jessica Robin

981
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 3: Moore to be you know, you're a lawfully wedded, cold

982
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,280
Speaker 3: parent that we take care of this kid through sickness,

983
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:34,279
Speaker 3: through health. Even when we don't feel like we like

984
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 3: each other, we got to still love each other and

985
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 3: show him that we we love each we love each other.

986
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:43,320
Speaker 3: Roome in that moment thought that was the corniest thing ever,

987
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 3: but he thanked me just a few years ago, like, Yo,

988
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 3: that vows that. Like that co parent wedding little thing

989
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 3: that we had, I think that's so dope. That's something

990
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 3: that I would love to do with the rest of

991
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 3: my kids moms. Like, that's something that I felt like.

992
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 1: It's healthy.

993
00:45:58,040 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we if we want to show up and

994
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 3: be the best parents that we can be for our kids.

995
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 1: Because as long.

996
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 3: As you have a healthy co parent and relationship, you're

997
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 3: gonna have healthy, balanced kids. Yes, so accept let it

998
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 3: go and move on sleeping with them. Come on, say

999
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,720
Speaker 3: it again, stop sleeping with your baby daddy.

1000
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: You don't got to do that.

1001
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 3: You don't have to do that.

1002
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 1: You already did it.

1003
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, you already did it. Yeah. So that's it. That's

1004
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 3: the real thing that is.

1005
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,360
Speaker 2: I absolutely love that this season on Keep It Positive, Sweety,

1006
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 2: we are leaning more into unapologetic, just living unapologetically, which

1007
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 2: is tied into the hairline, but right now, like even

1008
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 2: me living my life unapologetic, standing on who I am

1009
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 2: and even understanding more and more every day who I

1010
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 2: am and where I really want to take my life.

1011
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 2: I want to ask you, as a mother, as a woman,

1012
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 2: as a partner, how is just living unapologetically?

1013
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 1: Ooh girl, I'm not. First of all, I'm not apologizing

1014
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: no more for nothing. I'm not.

1015
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 3: I've grown so much and it's okay to say no.

1016
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 3: I have said yes because I didn't want to hurt

1017
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 3: anybody's feelings. I like, I just haven't put myself first,

1018
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 3: you know, because I was moving to afraid to hurt

1019
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 3: certain relationships or it hurts people's feelings, or you know,

1020
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,320
Speaker 3: I didn't want to be disliked. So I'm like, yes, okay,

1021
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 3: even though I don't want to give in and do

1022
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 3: things that even don't.

1023
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 1: Align with me or just no.

1024
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 3: Thirty four year old Jessica robin more Toliver as y'all

1025
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 3: may know me, just hilarious, unapologetic, Like that's not a

1026
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 3: bad thing. Sometimes you have to be a little selfish,

1027
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 3: you know, because you've been so selfless to a fault,

1028
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 3: Like you let people take advantage. Yeah, and they don't

1029
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,959
Speaker 3: reciprocate what you do for them. I've done so many

1030
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 3: things for people, and people have taken taken and then

1031
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 3: I've lost so many you know, relationships like friends and

1032
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 3: friendships and things like that, just being married because I

1033
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 3: don't want to. I choose to not.

1034
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:17,000
Speaker 1: Do things that I used to do as as you should.

1035
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 3: I know, I'm not changing, I'm evolving, and listen, God

1036
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 3: is making me grow up. I have grown spiritually mentally,

1037
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:28,760
Speaker 3: and I love that this book shows a different side

1038
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 3: of Jessica Robbing Moore. You know, yeah, I'm of course

1039
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 3: I had to put just lurs on it because that's

1040
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 3: how people will buy it, you know, but who is

1041
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:40,279
Speaker 3: just right right? And then all them names, I'm like,

1042
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 3: Lord more talable, I sound like a A don't no,

1043
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:47,280
Speaker 3: I can't be Jessica Robbing more at Oliver. You know. Yes,

1044
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 3: I'm living unapologetically and I want to say thank you

1045
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:56,320
Speaker 3: so much for sponsoring my Mother's Day event with Unapologetic

1046
00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 3: hair products.

1047
00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 1: Girl. Listen all the women because you know what, it

1048
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: was Baltimore event.

1049
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 3: So everybody was like, oh my god, South Crystal that

1050
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 3: we love her so much cause sheine spend. She's sent

1051
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 3: the Lord travel size we got full full size stuff.

1052
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 3: We gotta check this in the airport carrying on. Yeah, Crystal,

1053
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 3: I was like y'all get on, yo, I'm tolligence. Y'all said,

1054
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 3: thank you, but I.

1055
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 1: So appreciate you. No, I was happy to day. Yeah

1056
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 1: help me. You really really helped me.

1057
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 3: Honor sixty women since uh sixty matriarchs and families and

1058
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 3: in business and and we're just women in power and

1059
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 3: they were definitely empowered.

1060
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:35,920
Speaker 1: Amazing. That's what it's about.

1061
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 2: Just it is, yes, And I feel that however, like

1062
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 2: I told you before the cameras rolling, however, we can

1063
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 2: support you if you have anything else going on. I

1064
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 2: feel like that's what women should do. And don't be

1065
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:46,399
Speaker 2: afraid to call it. Hey, Chris, I know you got

1066
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 2: this going on.

1067
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 1: What's I know? But you be so girl, you'd be busy.

1068
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 3: Listen, Shawna, listen.

1069
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 1: She do not listen.

1070
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 3: You are like the Jackson five. She's like Joe, you

1071
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 3: are Michael. Okay, I'm sorry, Ashina, I'm sorry.

1072
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 1: She ain't okay, all right, She's much nicer than that,

1073
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 1: all right, all right, all right, all right. Well I'm

1074
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 1: gonna say Catherine. She like Catherine. She like Yeah, she's

1075
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 1: definitely more Catherine.

1076
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 3: I'm so proud of you you are everywhere.

1077
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 1: I love it.

1078
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 3: I really really love it. You a stylish you, the hair,

1079
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,800
Speaker 3: you sing, the actress. Everything in Rome to me to

1080
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 3: tell you he got the biggest crush. Now he in

1081
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 3: a relationship, probably gonna beat in trouble, but he told

1082
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 3: me to tell you he got the biggest crush on you.

1083
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 1: He loves you so much from your crush. Get it

1084
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:42,800
Speaker 1: together right, We're gonna put you on the all to today.

1085
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, Chris, No, thank you so much, and

1086
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 2: everybody please go get just this new book till death.

1087
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: Dude, we parents. You will not regret it. I promise

1088
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: you that. Just thank you so much. This is so good.

1089
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 2: What I sha it most about this conversation is how

1090
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Speaker 2: honest It is not just about motherhood or co parenting,

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Speaker 2: but about survival, healing, and the person that so many

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00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 2: women feel to always appear strong just doesn't pretend to

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00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,319
Speaker 2: have all the answers. She lets to see the fear,

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Speaker 2: the guilt, the growth, the softness, and the rebuilding that

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Speaker 2: happened along the way.

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Speaker 1: And I think that is what makes this story so powerful, because.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes healing isn't about becoming perfect, it's about finally giving

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Speaker 2: yourself permission to be honest about what hurt, what changed you,

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Speaker 2: and what you're still learning. So thank you Jess for

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Speaker 2: your honesty, for your humor, and your willingness to tell

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Speaker 2: this story so openly. Thank you guys so much for

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Speaker 2: tuning in to another episode of The Keep It Positive

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00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 2: Sweetie Show. Be sure to grab your copy of Till

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00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 2: Death Andy Parent where books are sold. Don't forget to

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00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 2: download the season eleven Kid's Reflection Guide at Christophinehaesel dot com.

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Speaker 2: Subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs it.

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Speaker 2: And if you ever need advice, positivity, or just want

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00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 2: to share what you're going through, email us at Keep

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00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 2: It Positive Outcomes at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: It's always say blessed, say encouraged, and keep it positive.

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Speaker 1: Sweet I'll see you guys next time. Bye,