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Speaker 1: Am I the A hole for revealing my parents' infidelity

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Speaker 1: to our family? And this is answering the question do

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Speaker 1: DNA tests do more harm than good? We're gonna read

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Speaker 1: some stories that answer that question. This first story comes

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Speaker 1: from nerd Comrade seven, and they say, so, I've been

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Speaker 1: called the A hole by so many family members that

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Speaker 1: I already know I'm probably wrong. So let's see if

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Speaker 1: they are. My mom and dad got married when they

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Speaker 1: were eighteen, and they had six kids together, a lot

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Speaker 1: of kids. Their marriage seems fine enough and it was

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Speaker 1: overall a good family environment, but some recent events brought

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Speaker 1: up a nasty situation that happened in their twenties. My

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Speaker 1: dad cheated on my mom when my two older sisters

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Speaker 1: were toddlers. They separated and she left them with my grandma,

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Speaker 1: went away to another state where my family is originally from,

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Speaker 1: and had some sexual partners there. She got pregnant with

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Speaker 1: my brother. Meanwhile, my father went after her to try

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Speaker 1: to get back together.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so wow, WHOA that is crazy.

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Speaker 1: So basically, Dad cheated, Mom split and it's like, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be with you anymore, went to another state,

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Speaker 1: started hooks and around. Yeah, bam bam gets pregnant and

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Speaker 1: then the dad's like, I want to be back together

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Speaker 1: with you. That's crazy, gotcha. Yeah, that's a wild ride,

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Speaker 1: just out the gate. Out the gate. She got pregnant

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Speaker 1: with my brother. I. Meanwhile, my father went after her

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Speaker 1: to try to get back together. She didn't want to

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Speaker 1: keep the pregnancy and tried some abortive natural remedies, but

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Speaker 1: it didn't work, so my father suggested that she gives

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Speaker 1: away the baby to a couple in Europe. He had

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Speaker 1: contact with the guy that used to do that kind

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Speaker 1: of deal for illegal adoptions for couples abroad, legal adoptions.

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Speaker 1: What also, I feel like there could be some traffic

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Speaker 1: stuff if you do illegal.

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Speaker 2: Illegal adoptions feels shared so sketchy, very sketchy, extremely sty context.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, why do you have a legal context for illgal adoption?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Sketchy people. It makes me sick to

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Speaker 1: know that it happened. My mom even made it to

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Speaker 1: the airport to give birth in Spain and give away

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Speaker 1: my brother, but she gave up last minute. Oh wait, wait,

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Speaker 1: gave up.

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Speaker 2: What probably like changed her mind.

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Speaker 1: Gave up with the adoption.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because my father decided to raise my brother

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Speaker 1: as his son and never told him about it. So

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Speaker 1: this was the son that they were going to give away.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: Wow. They had the other two children and never got

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Speaker 1: separated again. None of us ever heard about that until recently.

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Speaker 1: It turns out he is the only man and the

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Speaker 1: closest to my father his whole childhood and still is

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Speaker 1: to this day. I found out about this nasty secret

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Speaker 1: when I met one of my distant cousins from the

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Speaker 1: same state my mom got pregnant. She mentioned something about

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Speaker 1: my father not being able to make boys, and it

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Speaker 1: was a good thing that my mom decided to keep

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Speaker 1: my brother because now they're so close. She thought that

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Speaker 1: we knew about it. I confronted my parents and they

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Speaker 1: admitted and gave me the full information. They said I

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Speaker 1: could never tell my brother, but I said, hell, no,

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Speaker 1: he deserves to know.

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Speaker 2: I think he does. I think that's a fair thing

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Speaker 2: to I think it should come from the parents.

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Speaker 1: But ideally it comes from the parents.

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Speaker 2: Ideally.

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Speaker 1: Do you do a uh ultimating ultimatum?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, either I tell him or you do,

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Speaker 2: or either way around.

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Speaker 1: This was either you tell him or I Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe they didn't tell Well, I think it's

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Speaker 1: because they didn't tell him because they want to keep

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Speaker 1: their infidelity a secret, not that they're trying to like

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Speaker 1: protect his feelings. I think I feel like generally you

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Speaker 1: should tell children that they are adopted as early as

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Speaker 1: possible in an age appropriate way. Yeah, because I think

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Speaker 1: it ensures that there's not any route awakening later in life.

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Speaker 1: And like the TLDR of the story is a with

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Speaker 1: the a hole for revealing my parents infidelity to our family.

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Speaker 1: So Op found out through a cousin that their parents

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Speaker 1: cheated on each other and then her mom got pregnant

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Speaker 1: with another or not cheat on each other. The dad

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Speaker 1: cheated on the mom, the mom left, had a bunch

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Speaker 1: of sexual partners, and then had another baby. They were

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Speaker 1: about to give that baby away, and they decided to

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Speaker 1: keep it and kept it a secret. So this there's

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Speaker 1: one brother that is basically a child of infidelity. Yes,

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Speaker 1: quote unquote, because I don't know if I don't know,

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Speaker 1: if you could call the mom what the mom did infidelity?

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Speaker 1: If she right because she like kind of left.

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Speaker 2: Then oh yeah, yeah, the mom didn't the mo they

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Speaker 2: I mean, you can't see me right now. But the

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Speaker 2: mom didn't cheat on the dad. The dad cheated first

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Speaker 2: and then they separated.

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Speaker 1: It yeah, and then they separated, and then the mom

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Speaker 1: just was like, all right, I'm gonna have some fun, okay.

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Speaker 1: So but I said, hello, he deserves to know. I

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Speaker 1: called up a meeting with all of my siblings to

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Speaker 1: give my parents the opportunity to tell the story themselves,

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Speaker 1: but they just sat there crying. I had to tell them,

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Speaker 1: but left out the details about the tempting to give

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Speaker 1: my brother away in the abortion. I feel like it

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Speaker 1: would be a lot to take. My brother took it

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Speaker 1: well at first. He and my parents hugged and they apologized,

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Speaker 1: but he seems more distant the last few days. But

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Speaker 1: I do understand it's a lot. I wonder why so crap.

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Speaker 1: My sisters were shocked, and one of them refuses to

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Speaker 1: talk to my mom and his heartbroken about all this.

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Speaker 1: As I said, some family members called me out for

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Speaker 1: telling my brother about all of this, and honestly, I

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Speaker 1: felt that if it was me, I would like to

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Speaker 1: know something so big about my own life. So am

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Speaker 1: I in the wrong here? And there is a big

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Speaker 1: old edit? But what do you think Sofia is Opie

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Speaker 1: in the wrong. I don't think to tell this information.

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Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think it's yeah, as Jen

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Speaker 2: Brett says, it's so wrong to keep this from the brother.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's the parents are doing it. They're

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Speaker 1: doing a disservice to their child, but basically keeping a

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Speaker 1: portion of their identity a secret.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think it's just weird because I mean, on

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Speaker 2: one hand, I understand they're like, oh, like I'm you know,

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Speaker 2: ashamed of the cheating, blah blah blah, and like this

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Speaker 2: didn't come through. Maybe they're like, oh, it didn't come through,

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Speaker 2: like we weren't married, Like I wasn't married to the

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Speaker 2: person who, you know, the brother's father. But I feel

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Speaker 2: like they could have just been said something along the

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Speaker 2: lines of we weren't together for.

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Speaker 1: A time, yeah, like mommy like mommy and daddy like

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Speaker 1: we're like, we think about the age appropriate way to

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Speaker 1: say these things. So I was like, mommy and daddy

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Speaker 1: took some time together, and mommy met your daddy and then.

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Speaker 2: We realized that we loved each other, and so we

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Speaker 2: came back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and now we're all together as a family and

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Speaker 1: we love you. Yeah. I think like that, dude, I

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Speaker 1: think we crushed that.

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Speaker 2: We crushed that.

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Speaker 1: Bah yeah, A little high five for you, bah yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think I think they made a big oopsie. But

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Speaker 1: to be to be fair, like there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: really hard emotions that they probably haven't dealt with, and maybe.

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Speaker 2: They I mean just the fact that their response to

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Speaker 2: the mom's response to having a child with someone else

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Speaker 2: was to go through illegal through a legal adoption.

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Speaker 1: Uh yeah, kind of that was.

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Speaker 2: Their first They're like, we need to get rid of

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Speaker 2: this child.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's just give it up to the highest bidder, Like,

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Speaker 1: come on, get your cap together.

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Speaker 2: But especially because they already had.

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Speaker 1: Kids, they had two kids beforehand.

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Speaker 2: That is a crazy response three kids after two kids already.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I guess it's like, is it that hard

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Speaker 1: to give a kid up through to regular adoption things?

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Speaker 2: I mean, it's hard to adopt. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: it's necessarily that hard.

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Speaker 1: Can't you just like leave it at any fireman's doorstep?

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Speaker 1: I literally, you know, perhaps better than a legal adoption.

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Speaker 2: Though.

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Speaker 1: Okay, they're at the fire station around the corner from here.

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Speaker 1: There is a place to put infants. There's a little

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Speaker 1: box and It's like, here's your infant box and people

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Speaker 1: can just throw them in there.

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Speaker 2: Is it hard?

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Speaker 1: Is that? Isn't that that's the thing you can do.

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Speaker 1: You can just leave babies places.

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Speaker 2: Don't do that, guys.

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Speaker 1: But you can't. You can't. No one's going to stop you.

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Speaker 1: But I wonder, all right, this is what I wonder,

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Speaker 1: is it? Would you rather be raised in the foster

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Speaker 1: system or adopted by random Europeans? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Would you rather be legally adopted placed a box in

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Speaker 2: a fire station?

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Speaker 1: It is that not crazy that you could just drop

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Speaker 1: a kid off at a fire station?

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Speaker 2: Would you rather?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yes, you can leave a baby anywhere without any questions.

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Speaker 1: Leave Babies are being left in unsafe places.

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Speaker 2: Should would you rather or get left at?

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Speaker 1: Would you rather be adopt? Adopted illegally or left left

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Speaker 1: at a baby box fire station? This is such a

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Speaker 1: random question. You've had adopted illegally by Europeans. It's to

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Speaker 1: stop babies being thrown into garbage cans?

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Speaker 2: Dagn people are people are garbage cans?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: People are garbage hands. Depends on the European parents. Do

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Speaker 1: they want a kid as a servant? So all the

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Speaker 1: dice either way, especially with how American foster system works. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the American foster system not good.

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Speaker 2: It's not good.

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Speaker 1: Let's get into the edit. So commenters point out that

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Speaker 1: I should add some information to here. It is my

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Speaker 1: parents told me explicitly that they would not tell my brother.

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Speaker 1: They said multiple times that they would not tell because

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Speaker 1: my brother would never forgive them. Also, they had forty

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Speaker 1: years to tell him and never did, so it was

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Speaker 1: never their intention to disclose the information. He's forty years old.

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Speaker 1: That's so old. Oh my goodness. Wow. I realized that

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Speaker 1: calling my sisters to the meeting might not be ideal

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Speaker 1: for you guys, and I see how it can piss

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Speaker 1: some people off. But I thought about having trouble dealing

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Speaker 1: with my brother's reaction there and not being able to

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Speaker 1: handle it. And I guess that could be done in

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Speaker 1: some different ways, but now I can't go back and

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Speaker 1: do it differently. Also, it looks like more people are

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Speaker 1: saying left at a fire station, So you would rather

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Speaker 1: be left at a fire station to be adopted by Europeans.

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Speaker 2: Angie Alla says, I remember a story where they flushed

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Speaker 2: a baby down the toilet.

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Speaker 1: They had to cut the kid out of the pipes.

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Speaker 1: That's a horrible kind of he gets flushed down. Stop

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Speaker 1: saying forty is sold.

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Speaker 2: Forty is so old to learn that.

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Speaker 1: I didn't say forty is old. I did say forty

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Speaker 1: is so old. It's forty is so old to learn

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Speaker 1: this information. Geez taking everything I say. Come on, give

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Speaker 1: me a breaky breaking my busting my balls. Also saying

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Speaker 1: that I did for the spectacle was rich of some commenters,

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Speaker 1: How is this a situation anyone would want to be in?

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Speaker 1: It is nothing glamorous, nothing that I ever wished for anyone.

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Speaker 1: My grandparents are pissed at me. Yeah. We are from

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Speaker 1: Latin America, so I could never have done such horrible

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Speaker 1: things as to expect my sacred parents to deal with

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Speaker 1: the consequences of their actions. They will hate me for

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Speaker 1: a while and it will pass. I've got the same

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Speaker 1: You are killing your mother when I get a tattoo,

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Speaker 1: so I'm used to it a girl your mother. I

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Speaker 1: don't hate my parents. I'm not wanting to hurt them.

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Speaker 1: It's something that needed to be done. I couldn't fathom

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Speaker 1: the thought of strangers out of small town knowing more

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Speaker 1: about my brother's life than him and his kids. I

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Speaker 1: am okay with the never comments. Please express yourself. Getting

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Speaker 1: people's perspective was the whole point of this, but telling

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Speaker 1: me how you would handle it differently is just pointless.

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Speaker 1: Now you know I can't change the pass. Much love

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Speaker 1: to you all and some relevant comments. Wellficent My five

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Speaker 1: four four eight says no, OPI's not the a hole.

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Speaker 1: The parents should have come clean long ago and happy summer.

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Speaker 1: Brie says this is anyone's business except one child and

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Speaker 1: the parents, which I guess maybe is against and then

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Speaker 1: Creepy Bathroom twenty three forty nine says fair, but OPI

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Speaker 1: learned it before their own brother. Would you want randos

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Speaker 1: around your town knowing more about your life than you?

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Speaker 1: Op found out and gave the parents an ultimatum. They

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Speaker 1: made their choice, and that's where it is. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: where it ends. So yeah, do DNA test help more

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Speaker 1: than they hurt? I think this is honestly a good

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Speaker 1: thing that he found out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think this was needed. Yeah, and also

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Speaker 2: it wasn't ope found out.

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Speaker 1: Through a OPE found out through a cousin.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, someone else means, which means someone else spilt the bang.

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Speaker 2: Someone else spilt the DNA.

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Speaker 1: Be someone else spelt the DNA all over the floor.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think uh, I feel like generally the

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Speaker 1: truth being revealed is good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there is. I get like we've talked

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Speaker 2: about an age appropriate way to reveal it, but a

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Speaker 2: forty year old man.

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Speaker 3: Deserves to It's so so.

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Speaker 1: Oh, what do you say to your How would you

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Speaker 1: tell a forty year old person that they were adopted?

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Speaker 2: I go, hey, buddy, don't want to tell you this,

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Speaker 2: but you're adopted. Keep it short and simple. He doesn't

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Speaker 2: have time to beat around the bush. He's forty years old.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, the clock is sticking. He's sald to learn

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Speaker 1: this information now now all right, well should we get

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Speaker 1: into this next story?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Am I a over wanting to cancel my parental rights

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Speaker 1: after finding out my son isn't mine? This comes from

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Speaker 1: small occident eight zero zero six, but this feels like

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Speaker 1: a big accident. So I mailed twenty six guy who

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Speaker 1: has been raising a four year old boy, and up

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Speaker 1: until recently I believed he was my biological son. His

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Speaker 1: mom and I dated for about a year, and shortly

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Speaker 1: after we broke up, she told me she was pregnant.

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Speaker 1: I accepted it without question, and there for the boy.

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Speaker 1: Ever since the boy the boy, over the past few months,

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Speaker 1: I started noticing that he doesn't really look like me.

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Speaker 1: Friends and family made casual comments that fueled my suspicions.

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Speaker 1: So I decided to get a DNA test without telling

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Speaker 1: his mom because I didn't want to cause any drama

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Speaker 1: if my doubts were unfounded.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what do you think about that? About getting a

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Speaker 2: DNA test without asking? I'm talking about it.

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Speaker 1: I think it breaks the trust in the relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, yeah, so do you think But do you

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Speaker 2: think it would be better for him to go and

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Speaker 2: accuse her and then maybe be wrong or is it

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Speaker 2: just a matter of if you're having those things, you

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Speaker 2: gotta get them out in the open.

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Speaker 1: I'm more for out in the open. Yeah. Probably more drama. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: probably more drama to say something than to not say something. Generally,

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Speaker 1: I feel like in situations like this, we've said tell

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Speaker 1: your partner, but just know when you tell your partner,

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Speaker 1: the potential for the relationship to be over is high.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I think I think in general, if you're

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Speaker 2: going to get a DNA test that is going to

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Speaker 2: maybe irreparably damage your relationship.

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Speaker 1: Well, they're not even together anymore. They broke up. Oh so,

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Speaker 1: so I guess if they broke up, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I think he can. I think it's fine for him

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Speaker 1: to get a DNA test.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't I think, especially because

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Speaker 2: they broke up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah him, yes, yeah, so they're not together. So because

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Speaker 1: they because they broke up, I feel like he could

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Speaker 1: do it. In past stories when people were together, it's

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Speaker 1: like you got to bring up to the relationship. But

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Speaker 1: I think this is a different situation because they broke up.

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Speaker 2: I don't think. I think. I think it doesn't really

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Speaker 2: yeah matter.

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Speaker 1: So when the results came back, they confirmed my fears.

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Speaker 1: I am not his biological father. I confronted his mom

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Speaker 1: about it. She broke down and admitted that around the

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Speaker 1: time we broke up, she had a one night stand

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Speaker 1: with another guy. She wasn't sure who the father was,

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Speaker 1: but when she found out she was pregnant, she figured

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Speaker 1: it was easier to just let me believe the boy

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Speaker 1: was mine. She said it was a mistake and that

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Speaker 1: she's sorry, but she also insisted that I'm still his

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Speaker 1: dad because I've been the one raising him.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's been four years.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel that I think one election cycle and.

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Speaker 2: That's you, that's your kid. We've always said that.

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Speaker 1: I actually think for like three years maybe not.

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Speaker 2: I think, I honestly think. I think the moment they

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Speaker 2: start to know you.

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Speaker 1: Well, the age of well, like the moment they say data.

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Speaker 2: Well, no, that would be really early on.

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Speaker 1: Maybe, because what the age of reason is like seven? No,

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Speaker 1: you start making memories around like six.

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Speaker 2: I've I that's not true, because I have memories from

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Speaker 2: when I was four.

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Speaker 1: I think women have memories earlier.

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Speaker 2: I can't feature. You're telling me you don't have any

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Speaker 2: memories from when you were four.

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Speaker 1: I have no memory before age twelve.

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Speaker 2: You're telling me that you don't remember anything from kindergarten.

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Speaker 1: I remember nothing that except stories that I've repeated in

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Speaker 1: my head.

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Speaker 2: That can't be true.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember anything.

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Speaker 2: I have very vivid memories from.

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Speaker 1: That's because you have a good memory. Let's see, when

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Speaker 1: when do children start making long term yeah?

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Speaker 2: Jacqueline Shanad says, memories around three to four. That's what

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Speaker 2: I I think my first Yeah, children.

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Speaker 1: Start forming long term memories around age three to four.

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Speaker 1: This period marks the beginning of autobiographical memory, which includes

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Speaker 1: personal experience and events. However, the ability to form detailed

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Speaker 1: and enduring long term memories continues to develop throughout early childhood.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so okay, this, I mean, this goes. This just

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Speaker 2: adds to my point of around three or four, that's

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Speaker 2: when I think once you start, once your kids starts

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Speaker 2: to know you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think four would be the cutoff.

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Speaker 2: Where's the cutoff? Because after that, it's like you've you've

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Speaker 2: made a really you've built a bond.

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Speaker 1: You built Yeah, yeah, I feel he's still I imagine he

365
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Speaker 1: would be devastated, but like I feel like devastating.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely devastating. But at that point, I don't know

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Speaker 2: would you.

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Speaker 1: Still would you still raise a child that wasn't yours?

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Speaker 1: After four years?

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Speaker 2: I think so? Yeah, yeah, I think as I mean,

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Speaker 2: as long as I was able to, because you don't

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Speaker 2: have parental rights. But well, actually do you have parental

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Speaker 2: Do you have any parental rights him?

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Speaker 1: You maybe raising he may be on the birth he's

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Speaker 1: on the birth certificate, or he's on the birth he

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Speaker 1: may be on the birth certificate.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so he might have parental rights.

378
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Speaker 1: Yeah.

379
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think if I was in the scenario, I

380
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Speaker 2: would I would continue to raise the.

381
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Speaker 1: Child I wonder if I would I I think I

382
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Speaker 1: would be. I think I would be too attached to

383
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,520
Speaker 1: the kid to not to not remember. All right, So

384
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Speaker 1: I was devastated. I felt betrayed and used. I told

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Speaker 1: her I wanted to cancel my parental rights and get

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Speaker 1: my name off the birth certificate.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so he is on, so he has parental I

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Speaker 2: guess that was the title of the thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, right, I forgot right. She pleaded with me not

390
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Speaker 1: to do it, saying that it would destroy the boy,

391
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,920
Speaker 1: but I, you'll destroy.

392
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 2: The ball, destroy him.

393
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,080
Speaker 1: Saying that it would destroy the boy. But I I

394
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 1: feel like I've been living a lie. I talked to

395
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Speaker 1: a lawyer and they said it might be possible to

396
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 1: relinklish my rights, but it's complicated. In the meantime, I've

397
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 1: been distancing myself from the boy, which has been incredibly hard.

398
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:17,719
Speaker 1: He's confused and keeps asking why I'm not spending time

399
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Speaker 1: with him.

400
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 2: Oh.

401
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 1: My friends are divided. Some think I have every right

402
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,120
Speaker 1: to walk ouray because I was deceived. Others think I'm

403
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 1: being heartless because biological or not, the boy sees me

404
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 1: as his father. So am I the a hole for

405
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,000
Speaker 1: wanting to cancel my parental rights and get my name

406
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 1: off the birth certificate after finding out the boy isn't

407
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 1: my biological son.

408
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 2: I mean, he's definitely definitely valid in feeling that like

409
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 2: betrayal and feeling like he's not sure how like he's

410
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 2: definitely fair and not knowing how to feel about his

411
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 2: relationship with the son.

412
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 1: I feel like it could be both, you know, It's

413
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 1: like I think it is both, Like he has every

414
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,440
Speaker 1: right to watch a walk away because he's been deceived, Yeah,

415
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 1: but but also that it is a heartless thing to

416
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Speaker 1: do to the kid.

417
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,439
Speaker 2: I agree. I was gonna say he's only fair. However,

418
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: if I don't, I think that's your son. I think

419
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 2: at that point that is your son.

420
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 1: Four years I mean that's like like that's I don't know,

421
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 1: Like also.

422
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 2: You've been there for him his first steps, Yeah, you.

423
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 1: Know first steps hopefully, Yeah, you've been there for your

424
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 1: first steps. I mean, if he's four, so he probably

425
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 1: at the very least preschool is potty trained. Yeah, because

426
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 1: you said only big boys go to Chuck e four is?

427
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 2: I mean four is You're doing a lot like as

428
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 2: a person.

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00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 1: Babies talking, You're asking questions like why are you not

430
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: hanging out with me.

431
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 2: You're fully yeah, you're fully capable of understanding things.

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00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, Celtic Kit says, I wonder if his feelings toward

433
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 1: the child have changed. I think he.

434
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Speaker 2: Seems like he doesn't know how he feels about the kid.

435
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like he's he's just so hurt. Yeah,

436
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,400
Speaker 1: it's just so hurt.

437
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was want to say doc just Casana says

438
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 2: calling him the boy.

439
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,640
Speaker 1: Though, yeah, it's not my son. Well it's not. He's

440
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 1: saying it is my son. It's the boy, this boy

441
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: whole Holly frasersys therapy before deciding that's a good I think,

442
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 1: And like when we say therapy, like it's not like

443
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,160
Speaker 1: some therapist is going to be like magic wand you're

444
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 1: fixed and here's what you should do. But I think

445
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: what it helps, it just helps talk out like the

446
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 1: decision because it's this is such a big decision and

447
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: like both like either either way that he does it,

448
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 1: it's going to be there's it's going to be hard.

449
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: There's going to be I feel like I'm like having

450
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: a heart to heart, like you know, like either way

451
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 1: either way that you do it, like anyway you slice it,

452
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 1: this is going to be massively hard. So it's like,

453
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:47,919
Speaker 1: what what heart do you want to choose? Do you

454
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: want to choose the abandoning your son art or do

455
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 1: you want to choose uh, the staying with your son

456
00:21:55,920 --> 00:22:00,239
Speaker 1: art or the boy? Yeah, but we do have have

457
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 1: more to this story, so relevant comments ope on how

458
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: the possibility can be if he's not the father when

459
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 1: he was the ex we were together when she got pregnant.

460
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 1: She didn't find out until after we broke up. I'm

461
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,640
Speaker 1: not even mad she cheated because that was years ago

462
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: and we're not together. She knew that might not be

463
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 1: my kid and didn't say anything on if he was

464
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 1: there for the birth. No, we broke up before he

465
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 1: was born. Nick Walris three eight one three says, not

466
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: the a hole. Get that legal process started asap. Go

467
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 1: see a therapist yourself, even if only for a couple

468
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,120
Speaker 1: of months, so you know how to talk to this

469
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 1: little dude and can wrap your head around this craziness.

470
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 1: Recommend this child and his mother begin counseling, yes, even

471
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 1: at four, so she knows how to explain the situation

472
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 1: to the kid, et CETERA hard situation, but not your kid,

473
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 1: not your lies, not your problem.

474
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 2: I disagree.

475
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 1: I do like a lot of this advice though, like

476
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: get a therapist, Like all this advice is is.

477
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 2: Good, Like don't know what the legal.

478
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 1: Process started asap because it's like I mean, because I

479
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: guess he has to pay for the kid, right, So

480
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,159
Speaker 1: it's yeah, Alexi says, it's not the child's fault. I

481
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: would still have empathy for how it will affect him,

482
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: for sure, But it's also like, it's this situation was

483
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: caused out of her lies, so it's not like, yes,

484
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 1: it sucks for the kid, but really it really isn't

485
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: the moral weight is on is on her? And also

486
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: should we tell the real dad? Slowly toast? Should we

487
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 1: tell the real slyly toast? Should we tell the real dad? Yeah,

488
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 1: because maybe the real dad wants a chance to be

489
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 1: with his son, Love almost hays the boy deserves the

490
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 1: boy deserves to know the truth. But go gently, Yeah,

491
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 1: I feel like we need to have the real dad

492
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 1: in there. But OPI respond, thanks, I started the process already,

493
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 1: and I should be fine because I have a way

494
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 1: better lawyer than her. And then mister poor to ice

495
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 1: and Reddit says, if she carried this lie for this long,

496
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,479
Speaker 1: she is capable of far worse. Should she peg you

497
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: for child support with your name being on the birth

498
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 1: certificate and you being the present father, she can do

499
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,360
Speaker 1: some serious financial damage to you, and it could take

500
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: a while and thousands of dollars before you can get

501
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 1: free of the entire situation. Courts will not recognize privately

502
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: done tests, so get a court ordered test done. That way,

503
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: you could be freed of any financial responsibility except for

504
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 1: that which you choose, and you can still interact with

505
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 1: the child if you desire. Not the a hole and

506
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 1: there is an update. Akimori says she didn't lie, though

507
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 1: she did. He did. She didn't say she cheated, and

508
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 1: she didn't say there.

509
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 2: Was a possible no, No, she didn't. Apparently she didn't cheat. Well,

510
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 2: we don't know if Oh sorry, sorry, she did cheat.

511
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: He did cheat.

512
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 2: The cheating wasn't how she got the kid. It must

513
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 2: have been.

514
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,679
Speaker 1: I think it must have been. Maybe it was a

515
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 1: one night stand. You said it was a one night stand.

516
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 2: It it would have to have been, yeah, because for

517
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 2: him to be like, oh, this is my kid, it

518
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 2: would have had to have been cheating.

519
00:24:59,240 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

520
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 2: So yeah, so she cheatd so she lied about No,

521
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 2: she will.

522
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she still she had a one night stand

523
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 1: with another guy, but she wasn't sure who was the father.

524
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: But then she found out she was pregnant. She figured

525
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: it'd be easier just to let me believe the boy

526
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: was mine. Yeah, and then they.

527
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 2: Broke up later, Sophia Callen, I believe they broke They broke.

528
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 2: I don't know if they broke up over the cheating,

529
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 2: but he did find out that she cheated during the relationship.

530
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 1: So some clarity. We were together when she got pregnant.

531
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 1: She didn't find out until after we broke up. I'm

532
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 1: not even mad she cheated because that was years ago

533
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: and were not together.

534
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they did. They did.

535
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: She did cheat, so yeah, they she No, she she.

536
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 2: Cheated, cheated. He just ord he knew about that, didn't

537
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 2: know about the fact that the kid wasn't his. That's

538
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 2: that was the.

539
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: Thing, and admitted no. Around the time we broke up,

540
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 1: she had a one night stand with another guy, so

541
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: I think it might have been a little bit before

542
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: and she did cheat. Ohp said she did cheat.

543
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 2: He says, he says he did cheat. He just didn't

544
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 2: care because it was later.

545
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, Sophia Collen says they were on a break. No,

546
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 1: I don't think so. She did cheat. It was it

547
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: was around the time that they broke up, so like

548
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 1: a little bit after, like she cheated, they broke up. Basically,

549
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: it's like she cheated, they broke up. He didn't even

550
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 1: know that she cheated, but they broke up for like

551
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: other reasons. Then what happened is she got pregnant. He

552
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: wasn't there for the birth because she like he knew

553
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: after or No, she was he there for the birth.

554
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:35,440
Speaker 1: I believe because he's on the birth certificate, so she was.

555
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 1: I think he was there. I remember reading that she

556
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 1: wasn't He wasn't there for the birth though, Well oh yeah,

557
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: sorry Opie on if he was there for the birth. No,

558
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: we broke up before he was born.

559
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,959
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what happened after they broke up.

560
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, timeline timeline, she cheated, they broke up. She told

561
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,640
Speaker 1: them she was pregnant, had the baby, or and op

562
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 1: wasn't there. Then, uh puts him down as the father.

563
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 1: Puts him down as the father. Op didn't didn't think

564
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 1: that she had any other relations, and she didn't tell

565
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: him about it and let him believe that he was.

566
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 2: The father, and then he finds out a couple years

567
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 2: later that she or maybe months later, that.

568
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 3: She cheated, that she cheated during the relationship. So yes,

569
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 3: she one side, one hundred percent lied and is a scumbag.

570
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 3: So going back there is an update. I wanted to

571
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 3: give an update after my last post where I found

572
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,680
Speaker 3: out the boy I've been raising isn't my biological son.

573
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 3: This has been really hard and I appreciate all the

574
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,440
Speaker 3: advice and support from everyone. I realized my first reaction

575
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 3: was full of anger, but deep down I couldn't ignore

576
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 3: how much I love the boy. He may not have

577
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,640
Speaker 3: my DNA, but for the past four years he's been

578
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 3: my son in every way that matters. I decided to

579
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 3: call his mom and have a real talk. I started

580
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 3: by apologizing for how I'd been acting since the DNA

581
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 3: test results. I told her that my dis since wasn't

582
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 3: about the boy, but my struggle to handle everything. I said,

583
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: I want to stay in the boy's life. Even though

584
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 3: he's not my biological son, He's still my son. I

585
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 3: can't imagine life without him. There we go, Oh, he's

586
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 3: grown a heart again.

587
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 1: The thought of him growing up without a dad because

588
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: of a mistake made years ago was too painful. I

589
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 1: promised her I wouldn't walk away. She was relieved and grateful.

590
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: It was clear she had been worried about how my

591
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 1: absence was affecting him. We agreed to work together to

592
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 1: make sure he feels loved and supported. We talked about

593
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 1: co parenting and making sure he doesn't feel the tension

594
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: between us. After that call, I felt a huge weight

595
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 1: lift off my shoulders. By deciding to stay, I felt

596
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: like I was back where I belonged. Everyone who commented

597
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 1: on my initial post, Thank you. Your advice helped me

598
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: see things differently. You made me realize that being a

599
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: father isn't about biology, It's about love, commitment, and taking

600
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 1: care of the boy every day.

601
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 2: I think this is just how he talks and not

602
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 2: really codict.

603
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: Your words reminded me of the bus I have with

604
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: him and help me see that walking away would hurt

605
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: both of us, which is why therapy. You know. I'm

606
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: committed to being there for her and being the best

607
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: father I can be. Sometimes life throws unexpected challenges our way,

608
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: but it's how we respond that matters. Thank you for

609
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 1: helping me see that my bond with him is what

610
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: truly matters, and for guiding me back to what's most

611
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: important being a dat and some relevant comments to close

612
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: us out where spare eight seven two three. He says,

613
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: just wait until their ex meets a guy willing to

614
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 1: marry and adopt the kid. She will definitely use DNA

615
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: in court to try to strip you of your parental rights.

616
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: You are a dad until something better comes along. You

617
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: will be cut out when that day arrive. This one poorly.

618
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: I thanks for Reddit.

619
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the legal stuff means he has customers.

620
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, if he's on the bursard.

621
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think he's okay.

622
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 1: Opie says I have custody. I'm on the birth se

623
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: Jasper jem Burrie says you can still be involved in

624
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 1: her child's life while still protecting yourself legally. This is

625
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: just to protect yourself from being taken advantage of in future,

626
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: considering she did literally take advantage of you over the

627
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 1: last few years. Good luck. I feel like, honestly it

628
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: would be a good idea to protect himself.

629
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

630
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 1: Siy Slighty Toave says you don't trust her at all? Yeah,

631
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: don't trust her at all. She's she's slimy f smirt says,

632
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 1: not the a hole. You should ask your attorney if

633
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 1: there's any value in her signing a statement claiming she

634
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: believes the biofather is not you and that gives us

635
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: do DNA test do more harm than good? I think

636
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: in this case it actually did good. Yeah again, I

637
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: think like the truth being out is better. It's always better,

638
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 1: truth out in the open as often as possible so

639
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,719
Speaker 1: the boy can be loved. But this episode's ending, so

640
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

641
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 2: We love you and Sermorrow