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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Cat and I

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Speaker 1: am the host. If you are new or newer to

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Speaker 1: the podcast, Hi, so glad you're here. Before we get started,

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Speaker 1: I always like to just send and say a quick

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Speaker 1: reminder that, yeah, I am a therapist, licensed therapist, I

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Speaker 1: work in Nashville. And at the same time, which that's

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Speaker 1: a little clue into the rest of the episode, at

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Speaker 1: the same time, this is not therapy, and this cannot

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Speaker 1: be as substitute for therapy. And at the same time,

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Speaker 1: it might move you towards going to therapy for the

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Speaker 1: first time or just talking about something different in your

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Speaker 1: own therapy if you already are going. So there you

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Speaker 1: have it. Now today will be another episode of just

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Speaker 1: me and you adding or really I guess it's me

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Speaker 1: talking to myself but sitting here pretending like I'm talking

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Speaker 1: to you in the future. It's very weird. In the

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Speaker 1: beginning of the podcast, when I had to do stuff

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Speaker 1: like this, I felt so awkward, like talking to Literally

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting in my living room by myself, talking to myself,

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Speaker 1: but like I'm also imagining that I'm talking to people.

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Speaker 1: Just try it and see what it feels like. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, this is me. I do this

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Speaker 1: every once in a while, talk to myself, pretend like

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Speaker 1: people are listening. In the future, they listen. So today

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Speaker 1: is just going to be me and you talking. And

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Speaker 1: before we get into the episode, I did want to

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Speaker 1: give a little update because I'm so pumped about this,

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Speaker 1: and you guys know that I am well, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you know this. I've said it before, but

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Speaker 1: I am a vault when it comes to like my

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Speaker 1: job and keeping the secrets that I need to keep.

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Speaker 1: And when I say secrets, I mean like confidentiality. Do

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Speaker 1: that all the time. It's it's not that hard. It's

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Speaker 1: my job. But when it comes to things that aren't

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Speaker 1: really important, I guess or they're like about me, I

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Speaker 1: have such a hard time like keeping my mouth shut.

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Speaker 1: And um, I know I talked about merch a while ago,

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Speaker 1: and then I had that whole situation because the phrase

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Speaker 1: I wanted to use actually was trademarked by somebody, which

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Speaker 1: I'm still so frustrated about because it's like such a

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Speaker 1: basic phrase, but it is what it is. And um,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be okay because I think that probably happened

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Speaker 1: because something better is about to show up. I was

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Speaker 1: visiting my friend in Boston, not this past weekend, in

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Speaker 1: the weekend before that, and I went to the cycling

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Speaker 1: studio called vibe Co Cycling. She teaches there. She used

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Speaker 1: to teach a soule cycle. Her name is Tory. She's

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Speaker 1: been on the show before, like over a year ago,

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Speaker 1: but she now teaches that a smaller studio closer to

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Speaker 1: her house. And if you live in the Boston area,

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Speaker 1: I really highly recommend going and trying the studio out.

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Speaker 1: It's actually located in New Hampshire, which is confusing if

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Speaker 1: you aren't from the area, but I guess all of

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Speaker 1: the things are very close together. Anyway, her merch was

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Speaker 1: so freaking cute, and so I asked her, like, who

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Speaker 1: did this? And she told me, and I want you

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Speaker 1: gus to know we are back in the game. And

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited about what I'm about to have coming

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Speaker 1: for y'all. I have the designs made. I just now

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Speaker 1: have to figure out, like especially with shipping and just

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Speaker 1: having products in stock. That's you know, been an issue

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Speaker 1: for a while, and so I just have to make

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Speaker 1: sure I can get the products in but y'all, they

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Speaker 1: are so cute and I can't wait to one wear them,

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Speaker 1: but also so you guys can wear them. And there'll

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Speaker 1: be two things, possibly a third, and I'm gonna do

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Speaker 1: limited amounts of them, so once they're gone, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I'll get more, but get excited. Hopefully that

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Speaker 1: will be in the next like two or three weeks.

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Speaker 1: I can announce that now. As I was thinking about

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Speaker 1: this week's episode and going back through some old content

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Speaker 1: because I started making the episode, and then I realized

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Speaker 1: we already did and talked about what I was talking about,

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Speaker 1: So I was going back and making sure the stuff

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Speaker 1: that I had coming up wasn't already done, and I

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Speaker 1: realized that we have never talked about what we're gonna

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Speaker 1: talk about today, which is very weird, and I mean,

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Speaker 1: I guess we've probably talked about it, but at the

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Speaker 1: same time, there's no significant dedicated content just for this topic.

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Speaker 1: So here we are. We are going to talk about

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Speaker 1: the both and situation phenomenon way of thinking. And before

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Speaker 1: I get even into what that is, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: start off with a little story. I had a really

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Speaker 1: good friend. We're not really close anymore, but very good

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Speaker 1: friend in high school whose mom was diagnosed with cancer

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Speaker 1: while we were in college. She was younger than me.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if she was in college yet, but

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Speaker 1: I never was like, really quite sure how she was doing.

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Speaker 1: They would post updates every now and then on Facebook,

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Speaker 1: and I would follow along, and I would text her

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Speaker 1: every now and then, but I just kind of felt

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Speaker 1: confused because it looked like things were going downhill and

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Speaker 1: then they would be up again, and then it's just

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Speaker 1: like her battle was so long. And I don't know

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Speaker 1: how much of that battle was really really like painful

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Speaker 1: and hard for her, or how much of it just

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Speaker 1: felt she was living in her life in this waiting period.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do know that the battle

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Speaker 1: with cancer ended up being a lot longer than anyone

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Speaker 1: expected it to be, and that could be a good thing.

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Speaker 1: I'm just that those are just the facts around it.

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Speaker 1: And then eventually, I want to say it was like

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Speaker 1: seven years. I really don't know, but it was a

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Speaker 1: long time. Eventually she had passed away, And not even

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Speaker 1: a week after she had passed away, I ran into

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Speaker 1: this friend at Target, and it's one of those things

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Speaker 1: where and Megan divine talks about this on her podcast hereafter,

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Speaker 1: about like grief and like being scared to talk about

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Speaker 1: it because it's weird to talk about it, but like,

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Speaker 1: at the same time, it's weird not to talk about it,

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Speaker 1: and so like, obviously, me being who I am anyway,

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Speaker 1: I was not going to ignore what had happened, and

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Speaker 1: so I said just very frankly, like how are you doing?

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Speaker 1: And I don't really remember her exact words, because this

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Speaker 1: was like five years ago maybe, but something along the

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Speaker 1: lines of I'm actually doing really good, and she said,

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Speaker 1: of course I'm sad, and at the same time, I'm relieved.

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Speaker 1: I'm relieved for myself and my family and my mom

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Speaker 1: who was really suffering, and the way she passed away

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Speaker 1: was like sweet and good, and of course I want

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Speaker 1: my mom. And at the same time, I am not

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Speaker 1: going to feel bad for not being overrun by my

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Speaker 1: grief right now. It doesn't mean I'm not sad. And

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Speaker 1: so then I was like, oh, thank god you are

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Speaker 1: able to say this, And this right here is the

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Speaker 1: epitome of like the both end. If you are unfamiliar

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Speaker 1: with this, then this is gonna be a really good

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Speaker 1: and helpful episode for you, And if you are familiar

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Speaker 1: with this, then this will also be good, but it

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Speaker 1: might not be as groundbreaking. But this is something that

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Speaker 1: is so important in me as a human and as

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Speaker 1: the work I do like I never don't talk about

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Speaker 1: this with clients. Last week, when Shawna Niquistos was on,

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Speaker 1: she mentioned how our culture is highly, highly touted on

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Speaker 1: this idea of absolutes and certainties, and this is very true.

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Speaker 1: We live in the space where it's like this has

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Speaker 1: to be true or this has to be true. And

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Speaker 1: I think it's because that feels comfortable to have the absolute.

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Speaker 1: And while this way of thinking is is comfortable and

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Speaker 1: it can help us feel very comfortable in the present moment,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure that it's actually helpful in the long run.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't let us be honest, or even worse, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't allow us to actually know what we think and feel,

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Speaker 1: and then feelings get confusing, and then I think some

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Speaker 1: people are like, well, then I don't want them because

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Speaker 1: they're confusing goodbye. And because when you have to make

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Speaker 1: a decision but neither decision makes sense, I wouldn't really

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Speaker 1: want to be in that either. And so the absolute

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Speaker 1: and certainty is something that pushes us further and further

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Speaker 1: and further away from the ability to have good, healthy

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Speaker 1: relationships with ourselves, others, God, higher power, the universe, all things.

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Speaker 1: So the basis of both and thinking is that basically

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Speaker 1: multiple things can be true at the same time, and

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Speaker 1: those multiple things can be contradictory, and in that everybody

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Speaker 1: can have their own experience, regardless of your experience or

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Speaker 1: anybody else's experience. It takes us out of this concrete

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Speaker 1: absolute and gives us another option to work with options

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Speaker 1: that logically, sometimes if you try to make sense of them,

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Speaker 1: they don't make sense. How how can these things be

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Speaker 1: true and sit together? And at the same time, emotionally

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Speaker 1: they do make sense. And I'm a big believer in

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Speaker 1: the power of shifts and language, and the smallest shifts

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Speaker 1: can actually make a huge difference in both our communication

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Speaker 1: but also in just like our relationships. And the idea

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Speaker 1: of this duality of thinking for me comes from DBT.

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Speaker 1: So if you don't know what DBT is, that stands

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Speaker 1: for dialectical behavioral therapy, which is a therapy that was

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Speaker 1: developed by a woman named marsh A. Lenahan a long

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Speaker 1: time ago, and this was originally brought up out of CBT,

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Speaker 1: which is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is something that is

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Speaker 1: a little bit more mainstream. I think both of these

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Speaker 1: now are becoming mainstream. But CBT is like, you know,

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Speaker 1: change your thoughts, that change your behaviors, change your life,

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Speaker 1: all the things, And that has been something that's been

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Speaker 1: like the front forefront of a lot of therapy, and

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Speaker 1: then DBT came along and kind of put a little

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Speaker 1: twist on it. And when it was developed, it was

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Speaker 1: used primarily for those struggling with suicidal ideation and those

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Speaker 1: um also with borderline personality disorder later and it helps

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Speaker 1: with emotional regulation and acceptance, which is like something that's

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Speaker 1: very important in working with people struggling with both of

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Speaker 1: those things. Side note, I do I need to take

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Speaker 1: like a skirt right here because I think there is

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Speaker 1: just because I used that, I said borderline personality disorder,

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Speaker 1: I think there is a lot of misconception of what

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Speaker 1: that is out there, and I think there probably needs

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Speaker 1: to be an episode on it at some point. But

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Speaker 1: what it is, it's a personality disorder that usually develops

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Speaker 1: out of trauma that involves some kind of abandonment or loss,

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Speaker 1: and the traits associated with it are basically survival traits

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Speaker 1: of that trauma, and they make a lot of sense

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Speaker 1: if you really try and understand the person that's struggling

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Speaker 1: with it. And people with this disorder feel emotions way

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Speaker 1: more intensely than your average person. I think of their

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Speaker 1: emotions as like third degree emotional wounds. Like imagine, if

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Speaker 1: like I just touched your arm, you just be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: cats touching my arm. But if you had like an

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Speaker 1: open third degree burn wound on there, I would touch

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Speaker 1: your arm and you would freak out and it would

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Speaker 1: feel so intense. And that's how emotions are a lot

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Speaker 1: of times for for these people. Where I might feel

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Speaker 1: sad or you might feel sad or whatever feeling it is,

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Speaker 1: but it's like times that by dred and that's what

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Speaker 1: that sadness feels like to these people. And I think

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Speaker 1: that when here borderline personalities order, it either gets this

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Speaker 1: like oh crazy people, or like it gets confused with

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Speaker 1: multiple personality disorder, which isn't even a thing. That's actually

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Speaker 1: called disassociative identity disorder, which is a lot more rare

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Speaker 1: than I think people realize, but also a thing. But

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Speaker 1: somebody with borderline personality disorder, if they get the care

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Speaker 1: and they put in the work that is necessary. They

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Speaker 1: can live wonderful lives, and they can be your friend

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Speaker 1: and they can be your uh somebody you work with,

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Speaker 1: like they can be a partner. So I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to say that because I do hate the stigma of

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Speaker 1: what pops into people's head, and I think that what

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Speaker 1: pops into people's head might be that because there just

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Speaker 1: is an education on it, and it's not like something

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Speaker 1: that we talk about and hear about all day. So again,

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Speaker 1: maybe I'll do a whole whole episode because I'm getting

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Speaker 1: out on a tangent. So DBT is based on dialectics,

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Speaker 1: or the idea that to opposing thoughts can be true

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Speaker 1: at the same time. For example, I'm doing the best

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Speaker 1: I can and I can unlock a higher potential. It

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Speaker 1: offers a way to accept yourself and then also leaves

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Speaker 1: space for growth, which can offer a lot of hope

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Speaker 1: and healing for anybody, not just people that are struggling

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Speaker 1: with suicidal ideation and BPD. It can be for anybody.

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Speaker 1: So that's why DBT is used a lot more openly

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Speaker 1: out there in the therapy world, because who can't benefit

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Speaker 1: from a little bit of more hope in their life.

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Speaker 1: So out of that and out of the dialectics, we

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Speaker 1: have come to know this in more mainstream world as

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Speaker 1: the both and idea, and we've been able to apply

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Speaker 1: that to many parts of our lives. What this allows

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Speaker 1: is space for someone to be grieving and grateful at

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Speaker 1: the same time, Like my friend right, so, like I'm

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Speaker 1: really grateful that we can like take a big deep

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Speaker 1: breath at the same time I'm sad. I'm like sad

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Speaker 1: that my mom is gone. This allows us to be

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Speaker 1: hurt and find forgiveness. It allows you to love your

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Speaker 1: job and also be overwhelmed at the same time, And

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Speaker 1: being overwhelmed doesn't mean you don't love your job. Life

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Speaker 1: doesn't have to be good or bad, and it's it's

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Speaker 1: not black and white, and we don't have to pretend

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Speaker 1: to live in those realms anymore. We get to open

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Speaker 1: up this whole other space to live in. This also

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Speaker 1: allows you to be like angry and love someone right.

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Speaker 1: So when it comes to our deep relationships, I think

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Speaker 1: we also feel like we have to be all in

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Speaker 1: or all out. And I sit with a lot of

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Speaker 1: people trying to figure out if, like this person that

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Speaker 1: they're with is like the right one, and they start

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Speaker 1: doing this thing where they're like, I love them, but

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Speaker 1: then there's this thing, and there's there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: butts you so I love them. But and you can

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Speaker 1: fill in the blank with anything like he's not a Christian,

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Speaker 1: or they don't have a good relationship with their family,

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Speaker 1: or um, she doesn't have any drive at work, or

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Speaker 1: I don't like his sense of humor, but I love him.

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Speaker 1: It's like fill in whatever, and I am just pulling

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Speaker 1: those things out of thin air. But I think what

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Speaker 1: could actually be true is I love him or I

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Speaker 1: love them, or I love her and I don't love this.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't take away the fact that you love him,

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Speaker 1: and it doesn't take away the fact that you don't

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Speaker 1: like this thing. And you don't have to have it

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Speaker 1: all fit into one pretty like matching bouquay that says, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you can be with this person because everything fits. It's

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Speaker 1: like no, like, not everything fits, and I can be

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Speaker 1: with this person. Or let's say you have a complicated

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Speaker 1: relationship with your mom. You can love her and not

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Speaker 1: desire a relationship with her. M hm. And you're not

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Speaker 1: design a relationship with her. Doesn't mean you don't love her.

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Speaker 1: It takes this black and white, very destructive ideology out

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Speaker 1: of our system, and it allows us to actually honor

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Speaker 1: what it is that we do know and we do believe,

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Speaker 1: and we do need. With the right and wrong thinking,

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Speaker 1: we really limit ourselves in so many areas. If we're grieving,

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Speaker 1: we can't be enjoying life it we are happy, we

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Speaker 1: can't be hurt. And I say this all the time

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Speaker 1: when I am like teaching people about feelings and emotions,

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Speaker 1: and people like I don't know what I feel, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, it's allowed to be a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: Like every day when I do like a scan of

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Speaker 1: how I'm feeling, I usually have sadness in my body

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Speaker 1: or loneliness or anger around something. And at the same time,

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Speaker 1: there's joy, there's excitement. I can be really scared and

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Speaker 1: really really excited. I can be really scared and and

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Speaker 1: really happy. Like, it doesn't mean you're crazy when those

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Speaker 1: things happen. And I think a lot of times when

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Speaker 1: we feel conflicting things like that, we're like, we're crazy. No,

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Speaker 1: that's natural. Now, as helpful as this way of thinking

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Speaker 1: is for our relationships and our emotional integrity, both and

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Speaker 1: is also a fierce threat to many parts of the

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Speaker 1: system we live in. I mean, if we come back

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Speaker 1: to how Shana was talking about our society thriving on

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Speaker 1: concrete ideas and absolutes, it makes me think of the

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Speaker 1: whole Chris Rock and Will Smith situation that happened a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, which I'm sure everybody knows what

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Speaker 1: I'm talking out, so I don't even have to go

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Speaker 1: through that. But I got a lot of people asking me,

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Speaker 1: and then I probably asked a lot of people myself,

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Speaker 1: like what do you think? Who was wrong? Who was right?

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Speaker 1: People want to know what side to beyond. There are

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Speaker 1: so many like videos on Instagram and like article was

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Speaker 1: written and all this stuff. And the truth is, there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of gray area here and I'm stating my

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Speaker 1: feelings here, not what is the absolute truth? The power

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Speaker 1: of both and allows for us to hold our beliefs

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Speaker 1: and also understand that other people can have another experience

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Speaker 1: and both of those be valid. So for me, when

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about the situation, I was like, what

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Speaker 1: Will did was wrong, and I understand why he did it. Also,

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Speaker 1: what Will Smith did was wrong, and Chris Rock's joke

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Speaker 1: was disgusting and Chris Rock wasn't the wrong an well

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Speaker 1: Smith wasn't the wrong. Like there's not this like one

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Speaker 1: side one camp. There's like a lot of nuance and

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Speaker 1: like details and in this and let's go back to

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Speaker 1: what I said a second ago too before I said

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Speaker 1: my thoughts on this both and allows us to hold

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Speaker 1: space for the validity of our experience in the validity

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Speaker 1: of someone else's experience at the same time. In a

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Speaker 1: very simple example, let's say I watch a movie with

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I think the movie is awesome and

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Speaker 1: he just thought it was horrible and that it sucked.

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Speaker 1: Both of those are true. One of us doesn't have

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Speaker 1: to be wrong here. And if we could apply this

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Speaker 1: to like bigger issues, like think about like just the

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Speaker 1: safety we could create and are like political climate, our

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Speaker 1: social climate, are spiritual and religious climate, like think about

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Speaker 1: how much safety we could create. Because if I'm not

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Speaker 1: coming from a place where my truth is the absolute

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Speaker 1: only truth, then I may be more curious as to

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Speaker 1: why my boyfriend thought the movie was so bad, and

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Speaker 1: that curiosity may invite me into asking questions that might

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Speaker 1: help me learn something new in a healthy and safe way.

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Speaker 1: But when we live in the apps loute, we are

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Speaker 1: usually only open to finding information that sits with the

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Speaker 1: side we are sitting on. I truly believe that both

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Speaker 1: and thinking can be a solution to the cancel culture

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Speaker 1: that I find myself trying to avoid all the time. Like,

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Speaker 1: you say one wrong thing and you're out. And here's

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Speaker 1: the thing about that. People need to be held accountable

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Speaker 1: and they deserve space to grow and change and learn

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Speaker 1: from their mistakes. Someone can do something horrible and be

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Speaker 1: a good person deep down. Now I say this very

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Speaker 1: much knowing that it's hard for me to see this,

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Speaker 1: sometimes specifically with people like I'm bringing it back up,

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Speaker 1: but people like Rachel Hollis, where I am like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: enough is freaking enough. Maybe you don't need to be

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Speaker 1: in this self help space and you need to take

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Speaker 1: a break from being a public figure. And I don't

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Speaker 1: even I'm getting tongue tied because there's so much that

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Speaker 1: I could at here. Also, if you have not listened

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Speaker 1: to the Rachel Hollis episodes of Maintenance Phase, I highly

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Speaker 1: recommend it. Maintenance Phase is awesome podcast that two of

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Speaker 1: my clients told me I had to listen to, so

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Speaker 1: I did, And now I'm obsessed with it. But they

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Speaker 1: did a two part series on Rachel Hallis and it's

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Speaker 1: very good. I highly recommend it. And I know you

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Speaker 1: guys are like, aren't we over this by now? No,

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Speaker 1: I will never be over it anyway. Back to this,

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Speaker 1: like I have this issue, like I myself have a

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Speaker 1: hard time like inviting in dialectics and both and to

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Speaker 1: to these kind of situations. And so for people like this,

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Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, there's this is a whole other dimension.

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Speaker 1: She's causes a lot of harm. It's kind of like

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Speaker 1: she's had a train wreck of opportunities to shift over

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Speaker 1: and over and she keeps choosing this path of destruction

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Speaker 1: and defeat and harm. So with her, I think, um,

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Speaker 1: I really choose to believe that she is a danger

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Speaker 1: to our cultures mental health, and there's stuff I probably

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Speaker 1: don't know, and there has to be a good bone

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Speaker 1: in her body. Like I, I really tried to open

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Speaker 1: up their space, and there's there's room for me to

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Speaker 1: not know everything, and I can have an opinion and

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Speaker 1: also be open to the idea that my opinion can

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Speaker 1: shift and change if I didn't know more information. I

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Speaker 1: can also choose to use this language to help me

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Speaker 1: with my struggle to demonize things I don't like. Right, Like,

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Speaker 1: I really hate what social media and mental health has

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Speaker 1: turned into. And I'm grateful for the ability for mental

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Speaker 1: health to be talked about more. And I don't want

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Speaker 1: to send the idea that nothing can be absolute, because

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Speaker 1: short things can be absolute a hundred percent. There are

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Speaker 1: absolute things in the world. I'm saying this is a

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Speaker 1: really helpful tool to one allow yourself to be more

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Speaker 1: authentic in being able to sit in your feelings, also

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Speaker 1: to help us have more productive conversations, and also for

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Speaker 1: us to like invite in like more softness into our

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Speaker 1: worlds when things feel like everything is bad and the

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Speaker 1: world is ending and this and that, it's like this

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Speaker 1: is bad and it's not all bad. At the same time,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that this isn't bad and we're not

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00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,880
Speaker 1: trying to like toxic positivity, you like, things are allowed

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Speaker 1: to be bad and there's more to the story. Oh

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Speaker 1: this makes me think of I had a client recently.

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Speaker 1: We were talking about the like whole it's okay to

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Speaker 1: not be okay thing, which I totally drive with, I

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Speaker 1: believe and all that, And at the same time, there's

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Speaker 1: more to that story, right, So, like it's okay to

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Speaker 1: not be okay, and at the same time, it's not

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Speaker 1: okay to just sit in that and to use it

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Speaker 1: as an excuse to never do the things that you

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Speaker 1: need to do in your life, to never go after

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Speaker 1: the things that you want to, never work hard, to

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Speaker 1: never push past the toughness that you might feel. Like,

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Speaker 1: it's okay to not feel that way, and it's also

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Speaker 1: okay for you to out at some point say hey,

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Speaker 1: I gotta start moving out of this. And I think

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Speaker 1: that that whole conversation came out of like even that's

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Speaker 1: an absolute it's okay to not be okay, So I

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Speaker 1: have to hold onto that, and it can I'm sitting

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Speaker 1: in this forever and now it's forever not going to

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Speaker 1: be okay, and that's okay, when really that's both and

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Speaker 1: it's okay to not be okay, and there's room for

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Speaker 1: this to shift, and eventually I'm going to have to

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Speaker 1: take the first step. I like looking at it that way.

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Speaker 1: So you see, there are so many areas that this

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Speaker 1: language shift can benefit how you show up with yourself

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Speaker 1: others in the world. And you know, I I see

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Speaker 1: over and over this fear that if if nothing is

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Speaker 1: concrete or if nothing is absolute, then we'll stay in

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Speaker 1: this like um limbo area forever and we won't make decisions.

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Speaker 1: But I actually think the opposite is what happens m

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Speaker 1: a lot of the times both and is not an

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Speaker 1: excuse to not make a decision or not do what

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Speaker 1: you need to do. It's a way to make decisions

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Speaker 1: and experiences more authentic and more clear. We don't have

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00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: to hold onto the lie that things are one thing.

433
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 1: We get to grab onto the truth that things are

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00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 1: a lot of things. And it gets right there is

435
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 1: like my motivational quote for the week. What did I

436
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 1: just say? We don't have to hold onto the lie

437
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: that things are just one thing. We get to grab

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00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,200
Speaker 1: onto the truth that things are a lot of things.

439
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 1: You know, I just spit that out and I meant

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00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 1: it like I mean, I just was like if somebody

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00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: were to hear me say that that was like just

442
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 1: the sound bite that you heard, then people might be like,

443
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 1: this girl sounds very much the opposite of something smart,

444
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: But it's true, Like it's simple and it's true, and

445
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 1: it makes no sense and it makes sense at the

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00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: same time. So I'm gonna leave you guys. There. There

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00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 1: you have it. There is um my spiel on the

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00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 1: both end, on the dialectics, on the space that we

449
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: get to hold and allow the like weirdness of these

450
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 1: two conflicting things happening in us at once. And I

451
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: didn't really touch on that that much. So I want

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00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 1: to say here, this feels weird, This feels awkward, This

453
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: feels sometimes ikey to have these things that don't make

454
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,199
Speaker 1: sense but at the same time makes sense, Like this

455
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:40,919
Speaker 1: is an uncomfortable tool until it becomes comfortable because you

456
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: use it. It's uncomfortable because we aren't used to It's

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00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 1: uncomfortable because people don't tell us that we're allowed to

458
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: do this. It's uncomfortable because I like when things are

459
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 1: black and white. I like definitiveness. I like when I

460
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: don't have to wonder in question. I like And the

461
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,159
Speaker 1: more we allow ourselves to sit in this weirdness, the

462
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: more comfortable you will be in it. And then again

463
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 1: that just spearheads into all of the possibilities and all

464
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: of the positives that this language shift gives us. So

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00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: practice you're both, and practice you're both can be true.

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00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:15,119
Speaker 1: Practice your dialectics and um see where it takes you,

467
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 1: so I hope you guys have the day you need

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00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: to have today again. Look out for the merch. I'm

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00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: so excited and um. If you want to follow the podcast,

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00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: you can at You Need Therapy Podcasts on Instagram. If

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00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: you want to follow me at cat dot de fata

472
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I would love to connect with you and

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00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: keep having that day you need to have. I will

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00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 1: talk to you on Wednesday. Bye guys,