WEBVTT - Rolling in the Grief with Kelley Flanagan 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:03.800 This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:04.640 with iHeartRadio. 0:00:05.800 --> 0:00:09.280 Hey guys, we welcome to the Almost Famous Podcast. Today's 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:13.280 guest Day Love guest Day. Today it is Kelly flanagain. 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.400 You know that, you guys know her from Peter Weber's 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:20.680 season from back in twenty twenty and she was eliminated 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:24.120 in week seven, but then she dated Peter once or twice, 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:25.480 maybe three times. 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:28.800 We'll ask about it. Kelly, welcome to. 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:32.120 The show, and we just wanted to extend our sincere 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:35.320 condolences by the passing of your dad less than a 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:35.800 month ago. 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:39.040 We're so so sorry. I just can't imagine what you're 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:39.520 going through. 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:44.280 Yeah, thank you guys. Good to be on here. Yeah, 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:47.360 it's been my life has been in shambles the past 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.159 couple of months. So hopefully we get into that, but 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.159 it's it's definitely been a lot. 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:52.800 What do you. 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:59.200 Okay? I think with interviews with people like you, and 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:02.440 it's interesting. I remember I think it wasn't your last 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:03.960 time on the show, but your very first time on 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.760 the show was during COVID. I remember exactly where a sitting, 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:10.800 I remember a lot of what we talked about and 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:14.000 now when we interview people like you who have you know, 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:16.800 a few years removed from the show, obviously been through 0:01:16.840 --> 0:01:20.120 a lot which will dive into I think one of 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.480 the most helpful things for listeners is like try to 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:26.200 give a relatability and a perspective, because you're probably going 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:29.119 through a lot of stuff that people are going through 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:31.199 listening to it, maybe not all at the same time, 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.679 but like people are going to be able to relate. 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:38.759 So when you say shambles, what do you mean by that? 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:42.720 Because this has been a this is like a the 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.800 last month for you, I cannot imagine and I don't 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:48.120 have words to like try to like console, but like 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:51.720 I just can't imagine, And so can you explain shambles 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:52.200 a little bit? 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:56.920 Yeah, and don't be afraid to cry like I've been. 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:58.760 I'd probably cry too same. 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:02.920 I've literally I've been trying to figure out like when 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:04.680 I could actually come out and speak about it, because 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:10.920 I who I thought I was like cool and I 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:13.440 was going to be like all right, No, it's like the. 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:15.720 Second anybody like you're like, okay, I can hatele those 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.760 and then like words starts trying to come out of 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:19.760 your mouth and I can't do it either. 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:26.800 Yeah, no, it's stuff. So I one, I I'll start 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:30.440 with this because this doesn't make me cry. I went 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:35.680 through a really really bad breakup and I was kind 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:37.480 of in a position where I was like I looked 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:39.560 back and the information that I was finding out a 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:42.079 lot through social media. I have never had this amount 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:43.680 of people reach out to me to tell me like 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:46.320 who I was dating and like what was going on 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.920 behind my backs or who they were truly. And I 0:02:49.919 --> 0:02:52.680 think that's just like a really really confusing state because 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:55.560 I was with this person for almost like a year 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:57.639 and a half and I was just like I in 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.720 my own head gathered like, oh, this is who that 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.800 person is. And then after the fact, when I started 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.000 figuring out like the cheating and all of that stuff, 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:08.160 like what he was doing behind my back, that's like 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:12.079 minuscule to what I found out. Who I found out 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:15.359 like like what was going on and who he truly 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:19.519 was was a situation where it's probably the most confusing 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:23.560 state of mind you'll ever be in because you've convinced 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:25.640 yourself of like I know this person, I've been with 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:29.200 this person, I was living with this person, and to 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:32.480 find out like all of it or not all of it, 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:34.600 but a lot of it was like not true and 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:40.680 a lie. It definitely messes with your head. And I'll 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:43.080 sit here and say with that, it's more of like 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:48.080 it's a hard breakup at first because the confusion and 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:50.920 like you're in your head and you're like what just happened? 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:52.680 But then in the long run, you look back and 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:55.520 you're like, who thank God, Like that wasn't my life. 0:03:55.520 --> 0:04:00.640 Thank God I got out of that situation. So that 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:02.280 was really hard for me. And if you guys want 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:04.600 me to go more into that, I can. But then 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:06.920 the second thing that happened is like right when that 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:11.720 was going on as well, my father got sick and 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:15.240 I was just like, WHOA, what's going on? What's going on? 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:17.839 And I always knew my dad was a bit older, 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.800 but like we were just here with him for Thanksgiving, 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:23.720 and like I remember he kept saying like I'm super cold, 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:25.400 I'm super cold. We're out to dinner. But he was 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:29.440 like in high spirits and like everything was good. And 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:31.240 then we got a call that like he was in 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:33.480 the hospital and we're like whoa, Like what's going on? 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:37.600 So I immediately I was unfortunately in Chicago for a funeral, 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:40.880 and so I had to like immediately fly down. And 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:43.279 for the next three weeks we were in the hospital 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:47.880 with him, and he had double pneumonia and the rhinovirus 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.640 I think, so it was just like a huge hit 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:53.600 on him. And then we just kind of kept thinking, 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:55.800 We're like, is there a recovery to this? Is there 0:04:55.800 --> 0:04:58.440 a full recover to this? Like like what's going to happen? 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:06.520 And in those three weeks were they were hard, but 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:17.880 also I'm like really really grateful for them. Oh god, God, 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:19.719 I thought I was gonna be able to hold it together. 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:24.919 But I was grateful for those three weeks because like 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:29.840 we got to like spend like precious time with him 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:34.159 and like, oh my god, I can't. 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.799 Oh it's okay. 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.240 We were able to like tell him how much we 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:44.520 appreciated him and how great he was, and like just 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.960 how much we like valued him as like a father 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:54.920 and also like a person. And then every day was 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:57.520 like hard because he was in such a fragile state 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:00.960 in that hospital and like us kids were like taking 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:05.719 shifts and the smallest thing, like the smallest thing could 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:09.839 have made him pass. So we were like on top 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:13.039 of it, like you have five out of the six 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:16.160 kids or attorneys. So you have like a bunch of 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.760 attorneys in a room, but we don't know anything medical, 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:20.440 and we're just like trying to figure it out. Like 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.440 we learned about vitals, we learned about like medications and 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.960 like them interacting like his daily medication. Some of them 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:30.720 were interacting with the medication that he needed in the hospital. 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.880 And so we're like sitting there calling people nurses, doctors, 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:38.159 family friends. Like it's so crazy because I can't even 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.440 tell you how many people on social media, Like when 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:41.920 I was doing my post reached out to me and 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:44.279 they're like watch for this, watch for that, like helping me, 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:48.400 and I was like, whoa, this is crazy. Like social 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:52.360 media is a very very powerful place, and a lot 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:54.800 of other people like experienced the same thing that he 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.880 was going through. Like I remember one message was they're 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.520 like listen and my grandpa, I think it was, is 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:02.680 like ninety years old, had double pneumonia, was able to 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:05.520 come back from it. And we're like, damn, okay, so 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:11.320 it gives you hope, But yeah, it was. It was 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.280 a tough three weeks of us like being with him, 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.920 and I'm not gonna lie, it's like exhausting because you're 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:19.800 in fight or flight, Like if something happens, you're like, 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:21.480 oh my god, am I responsible? What do I do? 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:25.920 But I really appreciate like those three weeks like spending 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:26.880 with him. 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:31.000 You mentioned the rhinovirus. What is that? 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.960 No, I think it's like a new thing. Okay, whether 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:37.200 it's the flu, whether it's similar to COVID. I think 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:40.120 it's something along those lines, but I think it's a 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:40.920 little bit newer. 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:49.120 I'll say this, I'm in a weird emotional state myself 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:52.560 right now, where like two weeks away from having a 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:57.400 little girl. So it's I'm like on the edge of 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:01.920 breaking most moments. I'm sitting here and I'm watching you 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:06.600 and like, it's not fun obviously to come on an 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:11.280 interview and cry like you're apologizing. You shouldn't apologize at all. 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:13.680 That's kind of why we do it. And I'm also 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:20.040 thinking what better testimony, Well to have a daughter like you, 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:25.640 but then to know that your daughter is so emotional 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:32.240 over your like passing, Like what better way to like 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:36.040 remember him? Yeah, and what better way to like, you know, 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:37.440 if you just came on here, you're like, yeah, that 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:40.360 was really tough. That sucked. You want to talk about 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:44.720 a breakup, like it's I just want to tell you, 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:48.440 like this is this is an incredible like testament to 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.440 him as a father and as a person, that this 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:52.800 is what your reaction is. 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:56.719 Then I truly like have never met anyone like him. 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:58.079 And I know a lot of people say that and 0:08:58.080 --> 0:08:59.719 they're like my father was the best, this, that and 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:03.120 the other. But like that man, like what he like 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:05.720 gave us provided for us, like he would like literally 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.360 never see know to us. Like one of the things 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:10.439 he said to us, he was like, listen, I want 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:13.000 to give you guys an education and if you guys 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:15.839 want to go through that, like that's the one thing 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:17.640 I could give you that no one can take away. 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:20.600 Like he was just he just had like a genius mindset. 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:22.880 Like he was a smart guy, but not only a 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.040 smart guy, Like he didn't have an ego behind him. 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:28.640 Like he was always so kind to literally anyone, like 0:09:29.120 --> 0:09:32.000 so generous, like generous in ways that like people don't 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:35.040 even think of. But the law firm that he created, 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:37.640 like those people were his family. Like people go to 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:40.520 work and people are like they they don't assume that 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:43.240 your boss is going to be like overly nice to 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:45.440 you or like treat you as if like your family, 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.920 Like my dad like that office, his family, all that stuff. 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.960 And what's crazier too, is he came from like a 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.680 broken family. Like this man didn't really know the definission 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:59.520 of family. Like he had a mom and a dad. 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:01.839 His dad had him in later years. His mom was 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:04.840 a bit younger, but she like abandoned him and his brother, 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:07.040 and he was like kind of on his own, was 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:10.800 being raised by his grandma for a little bit. He 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.480 always like glorified his dad, but like his dad wasn't 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.320 necessarily hands on. So my dad came from this broken family, 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.440 never thought he was going to have a family, Like 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:20.840 he was like I just don't think it's in my cards. 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:24.200 And he got married at forty eight, Like he got 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:27.280 married a lot later and my mom was thirty six, 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:28.960 so like they were an older couple. And then they 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:30.959 decide to have six kids in seven years. 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:33.200 I saw you post that on Instagram. I thought that 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:38.400 was really really special, right he started seting then he 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:40.240 was just like no, let's just keep it going. 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:47.760 And he just for my mom she really wanted, but 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:49.880 he was like down for it. He's like all right whatever, 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:53.920 like he was he wasn't like this very powerful guy 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:55.480 that had an ego behind him and was like you 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:57.360 do this, you do that. Like he was a really 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.679 powerful guy and like had a lot of success, but 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:03.000 like he like was never phased by anything. Like he 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:04.320 was like, all right, if you want to do that, 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:06.360 go ahead, like sure money, Like what do you want? 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.839 Like you just see a lot of people in power 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.400 these days have like this ego behind them where they're 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:13.160 like you listen to me, and these are the rules 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.920 and that and the other. And he just like let 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.280 my mom be who she was, do what she wants. 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:21.440 And my mom's like a little bit nutty. We love her, 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.240 but she's a little bit nutty. And he was just 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.160 like always rolling his eyes like, oh oh god, Connie, 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:30.640 like you're you're a special one, you know. So yeah, 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:33.439 it's just like looking back on the situation, like I 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.440 can't say, like how grateful I am. 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.920 You also have a testament of like how much you 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.840 all looked up to him because five of the six 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.719 of you became lawyers with him, as you know, your aspiration. 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:48.240 But he never like put pressure on us to be 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:50.200 like you guys have to be lawyers, Like it was 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.720 all our choices, which is really cool. Like he never 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.040 pressured us to do anything, Like even when I went 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.960 on The Bachelor, he was like, yeah, do what you want. 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:01.240 Like I don't understand it, but do what you want. 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:04.280 Talking about being an influencer, like he thought it was 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:06.480 the coolest thing in the world. He was like, I 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:08.160 don't get it, but he was like I think Kelly 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:11.400 like holds up a person, people like like the person, 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:13.400 then they buy it. Like he was so proud, like 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.720 telling all of his friends, and he was always like, 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:20.960 so many people look at this stuff, like I can't believe, 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:23.720 like the people that follow her, and like the amount 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:26.280 of numbers, Like he was always so intrigued, but like 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:29.920 was always so supportive and it was really cool. 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:31.520 That's so sweet. 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:35.480 He passed away on Christmas Day, Yeah, and you said 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.160 that he was just holding out for that because that 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:38.199 was his very holiday. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:47.920 Yeah. So growing up, like again, he had like a 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:55.400 broken family and he would say things like some Christmases 0:12:55.480 --> 0:13:06.760 like he didn't have anywhere to go. Man, I thought 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:08.440 it was going to be able to keep it together, 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:17.080 but he sometimes like didn't have anywhere to go for Christmas, 0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:20.040 And so it kind of became a thing for him 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:24.760 when we were growing up, Like he would like panic, 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:34.400 Oh my gosh, he would like panic, and he just 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.320 wanted to make sure we all had like a good 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:40.240 Christmas growing up, and like he would do outrageous things, 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:42.520 like outrageous like he would get we had like a 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.640 living room in Chicago that had like a really tall ceiling. 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.880 He would get like trees from Wisconsin on these like 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.600 massive trucks like ship down to our house. That's so cool. Yeah, 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:55.400 to make sure like all of us had a great 0:13:55.480 --> 0:14:03.240 Christmas because like because like he never did growing up, 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:11.920 but yeah, so like Christmas became just like huge to 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.360 him and he always like appreciated it and like wanted 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:15.960 to go so far out of his way to make 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.520 sure like everyone was happy and had a great Christmas 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.840 and like had a bunch of presents and like it 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:24.320 was just like our house was lit up like crazy, 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.520 like we always had Christmas lights everywhere. So I think 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:33.520 he just wanted to like give that to us. And 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:42.160 oh my gosh, I think he like knew so he 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:44.640 was we brought him home. One thing he wanted was 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.600 for him to be home, and he was like, I 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:49.400 don't want to be in this hospital anymore. And there 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:51.640 would be days where he'd be like doing super well, 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:54.040 so we were able to communicate with him, and a 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:56.480 lot of days he was like full fledged sleeping, but 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:00.440 sometimes it would be like hold your hand, like squeezer hand, 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.560 or like do this if like you want this, that 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:06.280 and the other. So he there was one day where 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:08.560 he just had like a lot of energy in him 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.120 and he's like, get me out at this place. I 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:11.440 don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:12.680 I want to go home. I don't I want to 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:16.160 go home, and so we're like, all right, his goal 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:18.760 is he wants to be home. The only problem was 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:20.840 he was like in a really fragile state that we 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:22.720 didn't know if he could make it on the car 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.960 ride home because he was like he was on all 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:31.000 this oxygen and there was like little things that kept happening, 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.320 whether it was like his blood pressure dropping or his 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:37.040 respiratory was too high and we had to switch masks 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:39.960 and do all this oxygen stuff. So we're like, oh, man, 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.280 like are we going to be able to get him there? 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:46.040 And we got him here and the ride was fine, 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:47.920 even though a bunch of doctors were like telling us 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:51.280 otherwise we got him here, and he was here for 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:56.920 like a couple of days, and then when we told 0:15:57.000 --> 0:16:02.880 him like Merry Christmas, like you made it to Christmas, like, 0:16:04.960 --> 0:16:06.360 his vitals just started going. 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:14.160 We've talked about the like the importance of making it 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:18.600 to Christmas for him and the legacy that he has 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:20.680 left with you and the memories that he's left with you. 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:26.600 I guess because I don't have a lot of words 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:31.720 right now, Kelly, I think to kind of do a 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:36.080 very odd transition into a breakup. But before we do that, 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:38.320 I do want to ask you, with all that we've 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:46.240 just said, what, like what will this memory be now? 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.640 I mean, obviously Christmas Day was an important day to him, 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.280 It's going to be an important day to you for 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:56.360 many reasons now to remember, to celebrate, you know, to 0:16:56.400 --> 0:17:00.520 pass that on. But as we now, you know heal 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.960 the best we can and move forward, like what will 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:07.920 the memory of your dad be that you want people 0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:08.439 to remember? 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:13.280 I think I'm going to talk about something a little 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.399 bit different, just because I need to like keep it together, 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:18.479 and then we'll go to that. One thing I do 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:21.840 want to say is this was like a learning experience 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:24.320 for me that I've never dealt with and I know 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:25.960 a lot of people go through this. It's a way 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.560 of life. I personally just never knew like this kind 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:34.600 of pain existed. And again, like I just personally want 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:37.159 to thank every single person that reached out to me 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:41.199 through social media because I said, like I don't know 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:48.760 what this means, but like the amount of people that 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.840 like have experienced grief and was like messaging me and 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.560 like telling me all this stuff, Like then I never 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:59.120 like wish it upon anyone, and I know, again it's 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:02.080 a way of life, Like it's a really confusing state, 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:07.600 and like so many people who are messaging me, and 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.320 to be honest, like I was reading like all of it, 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:13.640 but I couldn't even respond to people because every time 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:15.199 I would just break down, like when I would go 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:17.520 to respond, but I was looking at all of it, 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.320 and it's just so crazy to me that like so 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.480 many people, especially at my age, I have even dealt 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.240 with something like this. And again, like I'm not naive. 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.359 I know it's a way of life, but it's so 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:31.400 hard because you have this person that like you love 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:33.639 and you're like okay, now, like how do I cope 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:37.840 with it? Like what do you do, and like people 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.800 would say, like you just always have this type of 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:43.240 grief like in you like this sadness, but like you 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:47.480 get stronger, so it like never goes away. And I 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:51.840 think what's different And like a breakup is like you're like, Okay, 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:55.400 I got out of that situation. You get some closure 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:58.240 in some sense, and then you're like then you move 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.000 on and you move on to like a next person 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:03.120 and you're like, okay, this is fine, Like you start 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:05.159 being grateful and you're like that person wasn't for me 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:08.000 and all of this stuff. With this, it's just like 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:13.120 a different kind of pain where you're like I love 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:16.320 that person, I didn't want them to go. You can't 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:19.679 necessarily like have closure to be like, well that person 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:21.520 wasn't good to me or this person you know that 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:25.520 person did this. Like with breakups, it's so different and 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:29.159 the pain is so different because you're just like you 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.199 get closure on that, but with this you don't. And 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:34.000 you can't sit there and be like, well my dad 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.119 was like not a good person and I'm so glad 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:40.680 that like this happened. Like it is, it's wild. It's 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.119 wild to deal with. But again, like social media is 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:46.320 a powerful place, and like people have been messaging me, 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:48.480 like reaching out, like telling me how they dealt with 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:53.639 it and all this stuff, and yeah, it's it's weird, 0:19:53.720 --> 0:19:55.919 but there are the first couple of days I was 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:59.080 like a mess, like an absolute mess actually the first 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.920 like week or two. But then you just like day 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:07.040 by day get like stronger, and that's something that I learned, 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:08.720 like it never goes away. And just. 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:14.240 Thank you for sharing that, because yeah, I probably can't even. 0:20:14.119 --> 0:20:17.720 Talk right now either, but but like it's always been 0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:19.680 my biggest fear to lose one of my parents. 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:21.280 And then you know, you get married and then like 0:20:21.280 --> 0:20:25.440 your biggest spirits love at your spouse, then you have kids, 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:28.120 and then like your real biggest spirits was your kids. 0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:28.640 But like. 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.000 I I've never experienced any of it. It's like the 0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:35.439 scariest thing ever. And I feel so much for what 0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:36.320 you're going through. 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:42.040 Yeah yeah, but like I can't be Ashley at the 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:45.000 end of the day, Like I can't be so sad 0:20:45.040 --> 0:20:48.359 over it, because like we look back and we do 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:50.720 have to be grateful. Like my dad was eighty seven 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:53.919 years old, like he was at an older age. He 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:58.119 has experienced so much in his life, like everything and 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:00.879 it's like he experienced everything. He had so many kids, 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:03.280 we all loved him, and then like he got to 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:07.080 even be with some of his grandkids. He just had 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:09.560 like a beautiful, beautiful life. So it's like he wasn't 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:13.159 cut short of anything, and you have to like remind 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:17.840 yourself of that to be like, he lived a beautiful, 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:21.400 beautiful life. So yeah, it's like it's hard. 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:37.080 There's an interesting statement you made there where the grief 0:21:37.080 --> 0:21:40.440 will always be inside of you, but you'll grow stronger 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:44.240 because I think we could, we should would We would 0:21:44.640 --> 0:21:47.120 sit here with you and talk about this moment and 0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:49.560 your dad and who he was to you and your 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:54.439 family for hours, and it wouldn't do it justice. We 0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:56.120 will make the very weird transition. 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:58.240 I have a good transition point. 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:04.560 Well, okay, okay, what did your dad think about your ex. 0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:07.080