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Speaker 1: You don't know me concession I can't take back earl arms.

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Speaker 2: Mouse Speaker, Texas, seventeen five nine two says, my wife

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Speaker 2: and I met in an AOL chat room in two

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Speaker 2: thousand and two.

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Speaker 3: The real person in.

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Speaker 2: That at the time was considered super sketchy.

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Speaker 4: And I remember there was a kid from my high

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Speaker 4: school who married somebody from AOL and I was.

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Speaker 2: Like, weird, they're going to turn onto a two years

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Speaker 2: is So for twenty plus years we've been lying to

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Speaker 2: everyone saying we met at a fifty cent concert. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's what you came up.

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Speaker 3: That was what the club was. In the club, the

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Speaker 3: club was high.

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Speaker 2: Was considered normally I am. Now it's like, wait, mom,

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Speaker 2: you met dad without stalking him online and doing an online.

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Speaker 3: Background chat first.

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Speaker 1: It was.

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Speaker 2: Now not stock. Whatever your secrets are, we want to

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Speaker 2: hear them right here on the mass speaker. And we

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Speaker 2: have a guy who's chosen Mitch his fake name today.

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Speaker 2: So Mitch, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 3: Hey guys, Hey, how many AOL chat rooms are you in?

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Speaker 3: Currently none at the moment, just this one.

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Speaker 2: Ready for a reply. The voice changer is on. You

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Speaker 2: are the mass speaker, Mitch. Whenever you're ready, let's hear

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Speaker 2: your confession.

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Speaker 3: All right, Okay, okay, deep brah.

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Speaker 1: So, back in my college days, I was a pretty

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Speaker 1: big partygoer. Like that's all I did, was I go

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Speaker 1: out and go to parties.

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Speaker 3: Your party guy, okay.

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Speaker 1: And my favorite thing to do on party nights was.

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Speaker 3: Just say drink. You can say, you can say drink.

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Speaker 1: No, it's okay. I like to walk around campus and

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Speaker 1: I would slash car tires.

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Speaker 4: What stand play kings car?

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Speaker 3: I do normal things, not slash tires.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be like I like Cosmopolitans.

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Speaker 1: I know. But there's a little bit of a background,

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Speaker 1: Like my parents gave me this swift army knife one

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Speaker 1: to the gifts and okay.

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Speaker 3: Can we take that away from that?

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Speaker 2: I see it's his parents' fault that all the tires

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Speaker 2: got slashed.

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Speaker 1: It just gave me a rush, like I felt like

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Speaker 1: I was a fire or something.

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Speaker 3: So you're just a vandal.

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Speaker 4: Rights can't afford to get new tires rush because it's wrong.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know, guys, I feel horrible. Like the

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Speaker 1: worst part is I did it to dozens of cars.

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Speaker 1: The thing is that no one in my friend group

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Speaker 1: even knew I was doing this.

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Speaker 2: Would you do this to your friends?

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Speaker 1: No? I never did it to my friends.

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Speaker 3: Like, okay, he's a nice person. Yeah, only people.

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Speaker 2: He did it strangers.

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Speaker 3: I'm imagining he's like, hey, Brooke, come over for dinner.

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Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, I'm gonna go outside real quick.

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Speaker 1: I'll be right back. I will say it.

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Speaker 2: Back when I was in college, me and my my

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Speaker 2: bros would go around at night and do some shady stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I would steal, suck, No, just to their businesses.

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Speaker 3: What did you like, smash windows or something.

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Speaker 2: This isn't my confession time on Mitch is the one

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Speaker 2: that's on blast. I don't feel comfortable admitting anything unless

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Speaker 2: I'm a nomos.

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Speaker 4: I need to know if Mitch was in your fraternity.

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Speaker 2: So it's okay, man, we all do really dumb things

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Speaker 2: when it's okay for him to admit it. Okay, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm not signing off on this behavior,

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Speaker 2: but this is the place where you can come and

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Speaker 2: will be judgment free in theory.

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Speaker 3: So wait, you didn't tell your friends.

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Speaker 4: Obviously that's where you you left off there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't tell my friends, and it got so

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Speaker 1: bad that the school launched an investigation into it, Like

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Speaker 1: they thought it was a guy, like a rogue guy

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Speaker 1: going around flashing cars.

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Speaker 3: It was just you.

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Speaker 2: And were you happy or proud of this?

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Speaker 3: I mean they had to have surveillance video and stuff.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think anybody had anything of me.

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Speaker 1: But I mean I always kept a hoodie in my

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Speaker 1: car and stuff, and I would just put it on

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Speaker 1: and I would you know, I would leave the party

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Speaker 1: and now go out to on a hoodie and just

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Speaker 1: pusing you had a lot.

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Speaker 3: Of pent up sexual regressions.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but well, nobody's making out with him at the party.

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Speaker 3: Leaving the party to do that. If Brooke was at

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Speaker 3: your college, never would have happened. You mean, it was

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Speaker 3: a good makeout session, poking something.

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Speaker 1: And that's probably what I could have used. But like

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Speaker 1: it got so bad that, like I this is going

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Speaker 1: to sound this is probably the maybe even the worst part.

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Speaker 1: But what could not draw attention to myself? I even

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Speaker 1: went and slashed my own tires and then I reported

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Speaker 1: to the school.

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Speaker 2: That's the best part I've heard of.

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Speaker 3: You deserve to have to buy new tires.

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Speaker 4: Wait, did you buy them or did your parents buy

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Speaker 4: your fires?

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Speaker 1: No? No, I had a part time job, so I

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Speaker 1: paid for my own tires. But at some point I

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Speaker 1: thought this has to stop.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, has it stopped.

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Speaker 1: The problem is that like I would drink my little

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Speaker 1: jungle juice and stuff, and then I would need to

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Speaker 1: just go back and slash a tire like.

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Speaker 3: You need the.

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Speaker 4: Like ordered taco bell, like the rest of us when

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Speaker 4: we have an itch when we're drunk.

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Speaker 1: You know, guys, trust me, I know how stupid this is.

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Speaker 1: But thankfully, once I got a girlfriend at that point,

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Speaker 1: you know, if I drank it, I you know, I

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Speaker 1: had different urges.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. When then you guys fix everything for us.

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Speaker 1: Thank you God.

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Speaker 3: So you haven't slashed a tires since college?

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Speaker 1: Right, No, I haven't been slashing tire since then. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't really fill the cups the way that good. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you know the bright side, think how many drunk.

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Speaker 3: Driving accidents you stopped. Nobody can get in their cars.

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Speaker 2: Head went right there.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to find one pot. Yeah, that's why that's.

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Speaker 1: My legacy still kind of lives on at the school,

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Speaker 1: even though I'm not there. Because I heard that the

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Speaker 1: university has tracked the crisis for their covered parking and

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Speaker 1: they're putting out notices saying that students should pay extra

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Speaker 1: park there because there's people going on slashing tires, and

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Speaker 1: I feel so bad. I was just a young, dumb kid.

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Speaker 1: It's okay.

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Speaker 2: College isn't that expensive now anyway, so I'm sure they

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Speaker 2: can afford the extra parking fees.

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Speaker 4: All the kids on your campus that only had bikes

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Speaker 4: are sure thankful now, yeah, or maybe you.

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Speaker 2: Slashing here and that's where I made us feel like

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Speaker 2: I need a drink now too. Oh my god, seriously

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Speaker 2: text in seven eighty five nine too. If you have

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Speaker 2: a confession you've been holding on to, we can hide

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Speaker 2: your identity, mask your voice, and make you the next

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Speaker 2: mass speaker. Your phone TAP's coming up right after

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Speaker 3: This, brooking Jeffrey in the morning,