1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: I am Yambla, your host for this journey. I was 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 1: a hopeless love aholic but just could not get my 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:14,160 Speaker 1: love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks and 4 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: deep hearting, I finally got clear about what love is 5 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: and what it is not. I want to share some 6 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: of what I've learned about love a holism. Welcome to 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 1: the r Side, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership 8 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:50,160 Speaker 1: with iHeart. Grand Day, Grand Day, Grand Day. How are 9 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: you out there? Welcome to the special edition of The 10 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: art Spot. The art Spot the place that we come 11 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: to discuss relationships and investigate our relationship stories and our 12 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: investigate our relationship experiences. We are here live on the 13 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: art Spot today and I'm going to take your questions. 14 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: I'm going to take your comments. I'm going to even 15 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: invite you to be a guest. If you want to 16 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,839 Speaker 1: come up on the screen and talk to me, all 17 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: you have to do is put it in the request 18 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 1: and I'll see you and I'll bring you up. I 19 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: want to talk about relationships today because it's coming up. 20 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: You know, we're coming into the holiday season where coming 21 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: out of the summer, we'll be home again, we'll be 22 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 1: quiet again and relationships are just so challenging for us, 23 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: and with all of the hooplah and conflomeration that's going 24 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: on out there in the world, with the election and 25 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: with everything that's going on, I want to make sure. 26 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: I want to make sure that we have the skills 27 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: and the tools and the information that we need to 28 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: make our relationships better. Our relationship with ourself, our relationship 29 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: with other people. How about our relationship with money. How 30 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: about your relationship with your body? How about that? We 31 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: are talking about all kinds of relationships. We're looking out 32 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: in the world and we're seeing these relationships, you know. 33 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: And somebody said something to me the other day that 34 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: was very interesting. They said, the relationship between the two 35 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: candidates that are running to be president of the United 36 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 1: States reflects the relationships between men and women. I never 37 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: even thought about that. We got a man running, we 38 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 1: got a woman running, and there's all of this against 39 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 1: this and competition. So that is what we are talking about. 40 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: If you've got a question for me, I want you 41 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: to put it in the chat, and if you want 42 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 1: to come up on the screen and ask me a question, 43 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: you can do that. What do you recommend I am 44 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,800 Speaker 1: ready to start dating again, but have been off the 45 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,920 Speaker 1: scene for five years. I suggest that you try to 46 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: have fun. Don't go out dating looking for a permanent relationship. 47 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: How about you have playdates? Do you know how to 48 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: have a playdate? Do you just know how to go 49 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: out and have some fun and be with somebody? So 50 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 1: do that look good? Smell good? You know, it's like 51 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: you're going to a buffet. All right, Taste a little 52 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: bit of this, Taste a little bit of that, have 53 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: a little bit, just have some fun. So very often 54 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: we go out with so much seriousness in mind that 55 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 1: we're not even fully present to the possibilities that are 56 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: there for us. Go on and have some fun, have playdates. 57 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: Just make sure you have birth control. Okay? Where else 58 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 1: am I going here? 59 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 2: So? 60 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: Where are you and your relationships? What do you want 61 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: to know about relationships? What are you thinking about relationships with? 62 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: Relationships in your life are growing and thriving? And which 63 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: relationships in your life are in breakdown? And how do 64 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: you heal a breakdown? Listen? I have a thought that 65 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: I want to share with you. Okay, you know, in 66 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 1: our relationships what happens is we say we want someone 67 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: that compliments us, and we usually pick someone that's very 68 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: different than us, because opposite it's a track, right, opposite 69 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 1: it's a track. So we attract someone who's opposite us, 70 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,280 Speaker 1: and we like everything about them, but because they're opposite 71 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: from us, they're all so different. And when we see 72 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: what's different about them than we want to change. We 73 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 1: want them to change, to be more like us, to 74 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 1: think like us, to want what we want, to do 75 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 1: what we do. And if they don't, then we make 76 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 1: up that they don't love us. How about that opposite's 77 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:58,359 Speaker 1: a track? How are you when you see something different 78 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 1: than you, the opposite of what you are? Are you accepting? 79 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,359 Speaker 1: Are you tolerant? Or do you want to change it 80 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: to keep yourself comfortable? That's the question we got here 81 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: on the floor. Let me see what other questions that 82 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: I have Tomorrow. Tomorrow eight wants to know. How can 83 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: we be more open to receive love? This is how 84 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 1: we can be more open to receive love. Learn to 85 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,320 Speaker 1: love yourself. Learn to love yourself. You gotta learn to 86 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 1: love your bumps and your warts and your brilliance. You know. 87 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: One of the reasons we can always find what's wrong 88 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,720 Speaker 1: with us, right, we can always find what's wrong with us. 89 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: We're always picking on ourselves, picking our scabs and picking 90 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: this and we didn't do this right, and that happened 91 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 1: and this went bad. But we don't know how to 92 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:50,160 Speaker 1: stand fully in our greatness, in our power, stand in 93 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: your power, and learn to love yourself being powerful. Somebody said, 94 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,239 Speaker 1: I want to be soft and pink. No, no, no, 95 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: why not be bold and blue and green? How about that? Yes? 96 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: How about be royal and rich. You don't have to 97 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,039 Speaker 1: be soft and pink if you're a woman, nor do 98 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: you have to be base and black if you're a man. 99 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 1: You can stand in your truth and your power and 100 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 1: your glory and love yourself because you've got to know 101 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: how that feels. You have to know what that is. 102 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 1: And if you can't do it to yourself, you will 103 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 1: misread and misjudge other people loving you. How do you 104 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: open yourself to love? Spend more time with you, Spend 105 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 1: more time with you, get to really know you. Learn 106 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,719 Speaker 1: how to stand in your strength in your weakness. Learn 107 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 1: how to stand in your knowing and you're not knowing. 108 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: Learn how to forgive yourself. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Everything is 109 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 1: about forgiveness. Right now, we head an out of this 110 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,559 Speaker 1: eight year into a nine year out of twenty twenty 111 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,720 Speaker 1: four into twenty twenty five. And I'm telling you you 112 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: do not want to carry resentment, bitterness, regret, remorse, sorrow, sadness, 113 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,559 Speaker 1: and grief. You don't want to take that into twenty 114 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 1: twenty five. Hear me what I'm telling you? Okay, you 115 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 1: do not, and we'll talk about that when we come back. 116 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:23,119 Speaker 1: I'm trying to accept people onto the stage. I'm trying 117 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 1: to accept you, lamont to look for your thingy hoosy. 118 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: Oh there you are? 119 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 3: Hi? 120 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,679 Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good? How you doing? 121 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 4: I'm doing awesome. I love the classes. I'm happy you 122 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 4: accepted me. Now what are you doing home in the 123 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 4: middle of the day. So I'm a dating coach? 124 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 3: So I'm home doing coaching all the time, virtually. 125 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 1: What the heck you mean? I'm doing the arts but 126 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: live and my first guest is a dating coach. Ain't 127 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: God great? Ain't God great? 128 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,000 Speaker 4: So the universe is connected? Yes? Yes? 129 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: So what are some tips that you, as a dating 130 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: coach would give people to that wonderful question? How can 131 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: we be more open to receive love? What would you say, coach? 132 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 3: Well, definitely, I think people sometimes don't want to put 133 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 3: effort into it, Like we expect the other person to 134 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 3: do all the work, to love, to court, to you know, forgive. 135 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 4: But it's like, hey, how am I showing up? How 136 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 4: am I. 137 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:35,440 Speaker 3: Making my partner feel safe, feel love, feel romantic? You know, 138 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 3: I think people forget about the effort that we have 139 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,199 Speaker 3: to put into the relationship as well. 140 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: But now let me ask you, mister dating coach Lamont, 141 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,959 Speaker 1: because you know, maybe because I'm old, I'm og, but 142 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: relationships are not just about romance and fun and feeling good. 143 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 1: I when I talk to people about relationships, I say, 144 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: what are your creating together that's gonna benefit the world? 145 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: What do you create? I don't care if it's a family, 146 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 1: a book, a store. How about just being kind? How 147 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 1: about being demonstrations of kindness and forgiveness? What are you 148 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: creating together? Because you you know what? At my age, 149 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,839 Speaker 1: I can only take but twelve and a half minutes 150 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 1: of romance? 151 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,680 Speaker 4: Right? I look, I totally agree. 152 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 3: I agree people focus sometimes in the wrong thing, But 153 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 3: I think if you both are connected to your purpose 154 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 3: and your mission. 155 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 4: And life, yes, that connects you all. 156 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 3: That allows you all to be able to support each 157 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 3: other even if your purpose and your missions are totally 158 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 3: different in life, ye, right, like one one could be 159 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,839 Speaker 3: like in real estate, other could be like in counseling. 160 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 3: But you still can show up for each other and 161 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:51,959 Speaker 3: support each other right there. 162 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: Right there, right there. Wait a minute, day, didn't Coach 163 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 1: Lamont dating Coach Lamont talk to me about how do 164 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: you show up for your partner? Let's break that down 165 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: into bite sized pieces right here on the art Spoint. 166 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,439 Speaker 1: This is a special edition of the art Spine the 167 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: arm Spot Live. I'm on the street. How do you 168 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 1: show up for your partner? Let's talk about what that is. 169 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think you both have to figure out 170 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 3: what are your skill sets. So if you're good at finance, 171 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 3: if you're good at like connecting the family, Like my 172 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 3: brother is the one that calls everybody in the family 173 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 3: every week. He keeps the aunts, the uncles, everybody connected. 174 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 3: So if that's what your strength is, that's what you say. 175 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 4: Hey, babe, I got this. 176 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 3: I'm gonna take care of the finances for us. I'm 177 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,719 Speaker 3: gonna do this Excel spreadsheet. I'm gonna make sure our 178 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 3: bills are paid. But I need you to make sure. 179 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 4: You call my mom. So we don't, so. 180 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 3: We can go to dinner, right, Yeah, and you have 181 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,439 Speaker 3: to you have to make sure it's not a pissing contest. 182 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 1: Oh wait a minute, hold on, let's talk about a 183 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: pissing contest. 184 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 4: Yeah. 185 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 3: Like, you can't be intimidated by the strengths of your partners. 186 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 4: Okay, good. You have to like support them, let them, like, 187 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:11,720 Speaker 4: let them. 188 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 3: Show up what their strengths are, and you know, give 189 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 3: them space to do that. You know, I think, particularly 190 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 3: for men, men like to a key. 191 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 4: We like to conquer. 192 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,560 Speaker 3: So giving men tasks so that they can show that 193 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 3: they're achieving something will make him stay with you and 194 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 3: connect it with you for life. 195 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 4: You know. 196 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: The other way, I think that we can show up 197 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 1: for our partners. And this is hard to learn the 198 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: distinction between listening and hearing, to learn how to listen 199 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: to your partner without having to have a response, and 200 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:54,960 Speaker 1: to learn how to hear your partner without taking everything personally. See, 201 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: we listen with our ears to the sound that's coming in, 202 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: but so very young, and I think partners listen trying 203 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 1: to formulate a response. 204 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 4: Amen. Amen. I struggled with that with my husband. 205 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 3: You'll say something and I'll say well, what did you. 206 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 4: Mean to say? Like, I know you said this, but 207 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 4: what did you really mean to say? Or what are 208 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 4: you like? What what's the meaning behind that? 209 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 3: Because my stuff will get in the way and he 210 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 3: might say a word that triggers me and I'm like, 211 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 3: wait a minute, Lamar, wait a minute, that's your stuff, 212 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 3: asking what he really meant so that I can listen. 213 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: Right, Okay, okay, So now mister dating Coast Lamont, the 214 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:42,439 Speaker 1: guru of relationship, they gonna do a little coaching right here. Okay, 215 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: here's a here's another possibility. When he says something and 216 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: you get triggered, repeat back to him, and this is 217 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: for everybody. Let me tell you what I'm hearing you say. Yes, 218 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: what I'm hearing you say is and if you get 219 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: it twisted, they'll say, no, no, that's not what I said. 220 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,719 Speaker 1: But if you're honest in that moment and share what 221 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 1: you're hearing as opposed to what he said or she said, 222 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 1: this is for everybody, then that gives them an opportunity 223 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 1: to clean it up. But that takes patience, and you 224 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: use the very important word trigger because once we get triggered, 225 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: now our hair is on fire and we're going in 226 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 1: for the jugular and. 227 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 4: Then you can't hear anything else. 228 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 3: Now you're vulnerable in your feelings, and I will tell 229 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,080 Speaker 3: you you know, it takes time to be able to 230 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,280 Speaker 3: practice that muscle. 231 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 4: And it's okay to say, you know what, I may 232 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 4: mess up. 233 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 3: Sometimes I might need to walk around the block and 234 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 3: come back and have the conversation again. But it takes 235 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 3: a level of self reflection and vulnerability to be able. 236 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 4: To say that's my stuffy right. 237 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, let me say this, Coach Lamont, I am so 238 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: glad you're here. But listen, let's talk about forgiveness and relationships, 239 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: because I'm on this forgiveness kid. I'm a ride this 240 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: forgiveness horse until the end of the year because so 241 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: very often in relationships, we make mistakes, we make missteps, 242 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: we do you know. And I'm not talking about tragic 243 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: you know, beat you and hit you in your head, 244 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 1: shoot you, pull a gun on you, and that kind 245 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 1: of stuff. I'm talking about hurt your feelings, disappoint you. 246 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 1: Talk about for a moment. I'm gonna let you go 247 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: after this, talk about for a moment how important it 248 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 1: is for partners to learn how to forgive. 249 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 4: Yeah. 250 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, your partner's always going to disappoint you. I was 251 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 3: having a conversation with somebody last night. If you expect 252 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 3: that your partner's never gonna disappoint you in that relationship, 253 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 3: then you might as well just stay single or marry 254 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 3: a robot, because you know, we disappoint each other in relationships, 255 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 3: and it's really about how do you grow through disappointment? 256 00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 4: How do you forgive each other? 257 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 3: And one things I've learned is that sometimes you have 258 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:09,400 Speaker 3: to model what forgiveness looks like. So like, okay, the 259 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 3: mistake was there, let's talk about the mistake was how 260 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 3: did we what did we learn from that? What did 261 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 3: you want me to do in that situation? That could 262 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 3: have been differently? And then when I say forgive you 263 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 3: literally forgive you, heal that hurt and you move on, Yeah, 264 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 3: you move on. Forgiveness is about moving on and not 265 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 3: harping on it and bringing it back up six, eight, 266 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 3: twelve months later, because guess what, you really didn't forgive. 267 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 4: Yes, you just put a candate on it. That's right. 268 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming on. 269 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Thank you for all you do. 270 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: Thank you Bye bye. Listen, Sandra, look how the universe 271 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: is my first guess on the show is a dating 272 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: coach and look at that and we'll talk about that 273 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: when we come back. Welcome back to the R spot. Okay, 274 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 1: let me go back over here, Camille Lee. I think 275 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: I've accepted your invitation, I mean your request. Look there 276 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 1: and see if you can come up with me. Good afternoon, 277 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: my beloved. How are you good? Do you have a mine? 278 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 2: So? I'm fine? 279 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. 280 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 1: Good? Now you are you in the mall? Are you shopping? 281 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 2: Got? 282 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:38,040 Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah? So you have a question you want to 283 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: bring to the floor. 284 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 2: Yes I do. I'm thirty seven, if that matters. I've 285 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 2: been married for eight years now, and me and my 286 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 2: husband keep coming to this point where we're button heads 287 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 2: and he will get into conflict and I'll tell him 288 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 2: what my issue is with him. 289 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 1: And he'll just I can't do anything right. 290 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 2: I won't say anything. And the last time we got 291 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 2: into got into it, he said that he feels like 292 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 2: I hate our home. And I'm just like, where is 293 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:11,879 Speaker 2: this coming from? 294 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 4: I don't hate oh. 295 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 1: Say that guy? 296 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 2: He told me that he feels like that I hate 297 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 2: our home and I was like no, I was like, 298 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 2: until I tell you that that's not true. And so 299 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 2: when I actually got him to sit down and talk 300 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,440 Speaker 2: to me, it seemed like I. 301 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,160 Speaker 4: Hear him coming down. 302 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 2: I don't really want to maker, but it seemed like 303 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,639 Speaker 2: he was telling me that basically he doesn't feel safe 304 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,120 Speaker 2: with telling me his concerns because he said every time 305 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:52,399 Speaker 2: that he says something, he's punished for it. And yeah, 306 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,679 Speaker 2: and he's like he's been feeling this way for ten years, 307 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 2: and he basically doesn't come to me with conflict or 308 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 2: issues because he feels like he'll go into I can't 309 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 2: do anything right. It's all my fault, you know. And 310 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 2: that's kind of where we get stuck. Nothing really gets resolved, 311 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 2: and we're just right there. And I told him I 312 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 2: wanted to sit down and I attempted to have a 313 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:18,120 Speaker 2: clearing conversation and say, you know, I think we both 314 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 2: have assumptions about each other. What can we do? What 315 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 2: can I do? I don't hate our house. I'm an 316 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 2: entrepreneur photographer, so I like to leave my house and 317 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,879 Speaker 2: go co work or go places that will inspire me. 318 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 2: And I was trying to explain that to him. He 319 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 2: was like, you must either hate the house or you 320 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: hate me. That makes more sense, and for him to 321 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,360 Speaker 2: say that, I was like, what what do you mean? 322 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 4: So we just keep. 323 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 2: Coming right here when it comes to communication and in 324 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 2: our relationship, and I just don't really know where to 325 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:51,199 Speaker 2: go to help him feel comfortable talking to me or 326 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 2: telling me when he when he has issues with me. 327 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 2: It's always me being like, hey, babe, do you mind 328 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 2: doing this? Or do you mind doing this? But I 329 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 2: always do my best to say how can I support you? 330 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,159 Speaker 2: What can I do to help you with xyz? And 331 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 2: we're just right there when it comes to communication. 332 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 1: Wow, there's a lot in there. There is a lot 333 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: in there at all. 334 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. 335 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, so he is really communicating something to you. He 336 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 1: doesn't feel safe with you, No, he doesn't. Yeah, and 337 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,960 Speaker 1: it may be because of his listening. 338 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:28,080 Speaker 4: You know. 339 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 1: I say this all the time, and I hear people 340 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: stealing it and using it. Thank you God, men work 341 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: with the three p's. Provide, provide, perform, and please provide 342 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 1: for you. Perform for you. That means do the things 343 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: that are bring a smile to your face and please 344 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,880 Speaker 1: you in the bed, out of the bed, around the house, 345 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 1: put the toilets he down, take the trash out, whatever 346 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: those are. The men's three p's. When they're not living 347 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 1: into their three peas, sometimes what gets triggered in them 348 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: is a level of inadequacy, and inadequacy in a man's 349 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:17,359 Speaker 1: consciousness is kryptonite. And then what he'll do is what's normal. 350 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,879 Speaker 1: Let me not say what he'll do. What's normal for 351 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 1: a man to do is project it outward. Something somebody's 352 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: doing makes them feel inadequate or unworthy or lack of value. 353 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 1: So that's him. A woman's place are the three a's. Affirm, appreciate, 354 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 1: and acknowledge. Affirm him. Yes, you know, I just love 355 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: the way you walk that trash to the corner. I 356 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,800 Speaker 1: see your butt moving when you walk in that trash 357 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 1: to the corner. I just get so excited. You are 358 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 1: the best trash taker hout in the world. You are 359 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,640 Speaker 1: the best toilet seat. Put it down, you know. Affirm him. 360 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: Men need to be affirmed from the heart of a woman. 361 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 1: Appreciate him. Thank you so much for the way you 362 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,199 Speaker 1: rub my feet. Thank you so much for how you 363 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: clean your platelet. Thank you so appreciation. They need to appreciate, 364 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 1: and when we don't appreciate them, they come to the 365 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 1: feeling that nothing they do is right, nothing they do 366 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: is enough. And the other one is acknowledge. Acknowledge his greatness, 367 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 1: acknowledges his gifts, acknowledge his talents. And you don't have 368 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,920 Speaker 1: to walk around like a robot saying it all the time, 369 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 1: but you do have to practice those three a's so 370 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: that he feels good about practicing his three p's. And 371 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 1: then if there's any one of those p's where he's weak, 372 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: like if you're the main provider and he's the you 373 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: know he makes less than you really got to affirm 374 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: thank you so much for how hard you work, and 375 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:58,160 Speaker 1: you know, so it sounds to me a that he 376 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,159 Speaker 1: needs more. First of all, I don't know where he 377 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: is in his pleate, in his piece. Okay, he. 378 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,639 Speaker 2: Provides, he provides, He takes care of all the bills. 379 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 2: He is the main provider. I take care of like 380 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 2: the supplementary things. And he's even taken my car note 381 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 2: from me. He provides amazing. With that, he gets frustrated 382 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 2: because at the end of the month he feels like 383 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 2: he doesn't have anything to show, and he gets frustrated. 384 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 4: He's like, I want to pay this off. I want 385 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 4: to pay this off. 386 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 2: He was very aggressive and pound of our house, and 387 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 2: he looks at he gets frustrated by debt. He's like, 388 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 2: I need to pay this off, and it's always weighing 389 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 2: on him. So I try to be supportive. Have they 390 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 2: were so fortunate to have the house we got, And 391 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:39,679 Speaker 2: you know. 392 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 1: Here's another possibility. Instead of you trying to be supportive, 393 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 1: A way to affirm him is to say, how can 394 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,239 Speaker 1: I support you? 395 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 4: I do? 396 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,960 Speaker 2: Okay, He'll say, as long as you're happy, just be happy. 397 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 4: He'll never give me. 398 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: He doesn't he but he gave it to you. He 399 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: don't feel safe with you. And there's a mistake I 400 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: think that women often make in relationships with men, and 401 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: here it is men want to know that their thoughts 402 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:21,120 Speaker 1: are respected. So you know, we think different. Men think 403 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 1: in headlines. We think in fine print. So he may 404 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 1: have a headline thing and you'll say that don't even 405 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 1: make no damn sense. But no, no, no, no no, 406 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 1: you got to zip your lip, zip your lip, get 407 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: you a chip clip, put it on your lips, and 408 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:44,240 Speaker 1: do not you know, because for us, we sense and 409 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: we feel they think and sometimes what they're thinking, if 410 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: we can't sense it or feel it, will dismiss it, 411 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: will diminish it. Okay. You gotta be real careful with that. 412 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,400 Speaker 1: So here's what I'm gonna give you some and key 413 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,399 Speaker 1: phrases that you can start to use. When he says 414 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,479 Speaker 1: something that don't make no damn sense to you, say wow, 415 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: tell me more about that. Tell me more about that, okay. 416 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,479 Speaker 1: And when he says he or you didn't do or 417 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,920 Speaker 1: you should do it okay, or you make me feel whatever, 418 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,800 Speaker 1: say okay, tell me how can I do it differently? 419 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 1: How can I do it differently and get from him 420 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,439 Speaker 1: what he needs from you? And if you can do it, 421 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:37,159 Speaker 1: say okay, help me work on that. If it's something 422 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 1: you can't do, be honest and say you know why. 423 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,120 Speaker 1: I'm not sure I can do that, but I can 424 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 1: do this, okay, So tell me more about that. When 425 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 1: he gives you an idea that you know, step up 426 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,199 Speaker 1: like this is not gonna be We've got to be 427 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,159 Speaker 1: mindful because it's so easy for us to slip in 428 00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:00,040 Speaker 1: the mother ring and correction, which do I'm grown and 429 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,920 Speaker 1: ask man says she don't respect my thinking. He wants 430 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: to know that his thinking is respected. You want to 431 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: know that your feelings matter, So I guarantee you that 432 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 1: somewhere along the line he doesn't honor, or affirm or 433 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,240 Speaker 1: appreciate your feelings. Would that be accurate? 434 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,400 Speaker 4: I feel like he tries to. 435 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: He may not know how to, so he might have 436 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: some stuff going on with him that don't have nothing 437 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 1: to do with you. Do you love this man, dear? 438 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,879 Speaker 1: Are you committed to the relationship? 439 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:35,960 Speaker 4: Yes? 440 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 1: I am recommend counseling, he said, yes. Okay, Well, what 441 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 1: the hell are you calling me for a bye? What 442 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,240 Speaker 1: the heck? I just spent seventeen minutes with you. Go 443 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,879 Speaker 1: get you a counselor and get yourself together. Bye, But 444 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 1: work with those languages and remember you're a firm acknowledge appreciate. Okay, 445 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 1: a firm acknowledge appreciate. Okay, thank you, baby, thank you 446 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: for calling. That was really good. Go get you a counselor. Hey, okay, 447 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,679 Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to see if I can get Ricky 448 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:24,040 Speaker 1: in here. But don't forget now to you my listeners 449 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: out there. You know, ladies, you've got to remember we 450 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:34,239 Speaker 1: can't always correct. That's when we slip into mothering. You know, 451 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,199 Speaker 1: they say things and we want them to do it 452 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:40,160 Speaker 1: this way or that way. We can always correct sometimes 453 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,880 Speaker 1: we just have to let them be and it don't 454 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 1: make no sense. Clip your lips, Go get one of 455 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,119 Speaker 1: them potato chip clips and put it on your mouth, 456 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,120 Speaker 1: and don't say another thing. Let me see if I've 457 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,119 Speaker 1: got another question over here? What can I do with 458 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 1: myself to attract a man that will love me correctly? Well? 459 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 1: I don't know what loving you correctly is? What does 460 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,720 Speaker 1: that mean? And why do you have to do anything 461 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: to yourself? I don't know what does love you correctly mean? 462 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 2: See? 463 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:16,439 Speaker 1: How about just listen? Listen? When you get out of 464 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: the bed in the morning, do you worry about gravity? No, 465 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: you just swing your legs over to the side of 466 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,320 Speaker 1: the bed, put your feet down, put your feet down, 467 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,480 Speaker 1: and you know gravity is gonna work. Did you know 468 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:38,320 Speaker 1: that love is the same way? Love just is? It 469 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: is here, it is present. The challenge for us is 470 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: how do we just be in the love? How do 471 00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 1: we just be there and experience moment by moment? You know, 472 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,720 Speaker 1: we go on a date and already we're getting a 473 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,199 Speaker 1: wedding invitations, or we meet somebody and we're looking at 474 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,719 Speaker 1: their social psycho history. How can you just be in 475 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: the moment? How can you just be love is there. 476 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 1: It's all the way there. The question is how you 477 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,879 Speaker 1: know if you've only got a little pin hole in 478 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 1: your heart because your mama hurts you, your daddy hurts you, 479 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: the first man left you the baby daddy don't pay 480 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,600 Speaker 1: y'all support, the people on the job don't like you. 481 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:30,600 Speaker 1: If you've only got a little pin hole in your heart, 482 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,400 Speaker 1: how much love can you let in? And how much 483 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: love will you let out? That is the question. But 484 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,719 Speaker 1: our time today is over, so thank you for tuning 485 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,480 Speaker 1: in for the special edition of The R Spot Live. 486 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: Coming to you Live, You coming to me Live. I 487 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 1: think we may just do this again. Bye bye. The 488 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 489 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:04,560 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. More podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 490 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.