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Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, a new weekly series

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Speaker 1: that is part of my I've Never Said This Before

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Speaker 1: podcast where I am talking about things and I've never

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Speaker 1: really publicly talked about before. And today's topic is should

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Speaker 1: you unfollow someone or just mute them? On Instagram? Let

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Speaker 1: me say that again, because this is a big one.

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Speaker 1: Should you unfollow someone or just mute somebody on Instagram?

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Speaker 1: I feel like the unfollow and the mute are two

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Speaker 1: of the modern day disses of the year. Like, it

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Speaker 1: is so triggering to somebody if they realize they've gotten

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Speaker 1: an unfollow, to the point where it can come up

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Speaker 1: in like a fight with a friend or a fight

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Speaker 1: with somebody else, or you might get a random rogue

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Speaker 1: DM saying why did you unfollow me? Like it is

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Speaker 1: considered so highly insulting for some reason. And the mute

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Speaker 1: is also kind of becoming now new unfollow in terms

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Speaker 1: of the level of how insulting that can be. I

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Speaker 1: assume everybody knows what this means. Who's listening, But if

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Speaker 1: you don't. On Instagram, when you're following somebody and you

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Speaker 1: consciously choose to unfollow them so they no longer are

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Speaker 1: shown in your feeds and you don't see their stuff.

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Speaker 1: That's the unfollow And the mute is when you go

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Speaker 1: to somebody's profile and mute all of their posts or

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Speaker 1: story so that you are following them, but you don't

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Speaker 1: have to see their stuff anymore. And these two things, man, man,

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Speaker 1: are they triggering? Like I know people who've gotten a

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Speaker 1: massive blowout fights over this who aren't friends anymore because

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Speaker 1: of this.

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Speaker 2: It is super, super.

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Speaker 1: Super intense to be on the receiving end for some

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Speaker 1: people of an unfollow or a mute. My theory is,

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Speaker 1: if you unfollow me whatever, I'm gonna unfollow you, like

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Speaker 1: it's not a big deal.

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Speaker 2: I don't care.

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Speaker 1: Maybe like we met a long time ago, you don't

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Speaker 1: want to see my content.

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Speaker 2: It's all good, and it's fine. I don't need to

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Speaker 2: follow you.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I wait for that to happen and then I

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Speaker 1: can unfollow somebody because I always feel bad being the

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Speaker 1: one to do that.

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Speaker 2: But you know, should you unfollow our mute?

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Speaker 1: This is a very interesting topic because it does cause

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Speaker 1: a lot of drama for people in their lives. And

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Speaker 1: I have a few rules when it comes to this

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Speaker 1: to hopefully give you as peaceful as as peaceful of

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Speaker 1: a social media life as possible.

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Speaker 2: So let's start with the unfollow.

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Speaker 1: I highly recommend unfollowing someone only only only if their

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Speaker 1: content is truly not aligning with who you are as

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Speaker 1: a human, as a brand, as an ally to a

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Speaker 1: community you champion. Like if somebody is posting stuff that

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Speaker 1: is just so out of sync with who you are,

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Speaker 1: or you notice somebody is turning into that person who

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Speaker 1: never was that person before, fair game to unfollow, Like

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Speaker 1: fair game. You know they don't align with you, goodbye.

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Speaker 1: You don't need that toxic, weird energy in your life,

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Speaker 1: like it's totally good. Or is there a celebrity that

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Speaker 1: just constantly makes you feel not great about yourself because

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Speaker 1: they're posting the naked all the time, or you know,

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Speaker 1: lavish luxurious lifestyles, which, by the way, rock on post

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Speaker 1: yourself naked, post your luxurious lifestyle. But if it's it's

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Speaker 1: triggering something in you, it's okay, unfollow them, like that's

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Speaker 1: all fair game. I don't see a problem with that.

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Speaker 1: But I wouldn't necessarily unfollow somebody that is constantly going

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Speaker 1: to be in your orbit or in your world, because

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Speaker 1: that could make for a really awkward exchange because people

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Speaker 1: notice somehow they keep track of all of this and

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Speaker 1: people get really really offended, and that's where the mute

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Speaker 1: comes in. So the mute is really great. Like I

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Speaker 1: will admit I have muted some people that I'm not

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Speaker 1: super close to anymore. But I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: dramatic and do an unfollow because that just feels a

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Speaker 1: little harsh. So I mute them so I don't have

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Speaker 1: to see their content.

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Speaker 2: And it's great. It just is great.

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Speaker 1: The mute button's amazing because it allows you to really

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Speaker 1: curate who you want to see on your social media

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Speaker 1: pages and who you don't want to see, which is

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Speaker 1: more important, I think. But I like the mute because

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Speaker 1: if it's a Collie or somebody in your work world,

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Speaker 1: for example, you might not want to see all their stuff,

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Speaker 1: but for some reason, your friends are connected on Instagram

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Speaker 1: and you're you have that connection already. You don't want

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Speaker 1: to unfollow them because you're going to see them a

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Speaker 1: lot and they're in your work world, So just mute

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Speaker 1: them if you don't want to see their stuff. It's okay,

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Speaker 1: totally okay to do that. I also think that if

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Speaker 1: it's a former friend you no longer really have much

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Speaker 1: of a relationship with. You can either do the mute

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Speaker 1: because maybe you're on civil terms, but you're just not

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Speaker 1: as close as you used to being. You don't want

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Speaker 1: to be like the dramatic crazy one that did the unfollow,

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Speaker 1: So a mute is great. But if it's someone who

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Speaker 1: really like crashed and burned your relationship and you're not

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Speaker 1: going to see them again and you feel totally confident

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Speaker 1: about that, then an unfollow it is okay in that

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Speaker 1: regard to But know that once you do the unfollow,

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Speaker 1: that is something considered to so many people as the

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Speaker 1: final the final straw in breaking the camel's back and

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Speaker 1: ending a relationship. Like you cannot come back from an

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Speaker 1: unfollow very easily. You just can't because people get that

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Speaker 1: twisted and bent out of shape about it. They see

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Speaker 1: it as so offensive. So just know if that is

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Speaker 1: a very powerful thing, and if it's noticed by the

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Speaker 1: other party, that it could cause a lot of drama

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Speaker 1: and sever a relationship entirely. Which is so crazy to

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Speaker 1: think that like social media things like that can actually.

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Speaker 2: Do that, but it's true, It really is true.

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Speaker 1: Because you were sending the message to somebody, I don't

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Speaker 1: want you in my life. I don't want you in

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Speaker 1: my orbit. I don't want to see what you're doing,

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Speaker 1: and I don't care what you're doing. That is when

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Speaker 1: an unfollow sends. So it sounds a little harsh, but

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Speaker 1: it sounds a very very powerful message. Now I feel

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Speaker 1: like the mute button is slowly becoming as offensive to

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Speaker 1: people as the unfollow, And I feel like the mute

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Speaker 1: button's becoming a little bit more of a trigger because

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Speaker 1: it's as if you're lying to somebody you're It's as

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Speaker 1: if you're saying, I, oh, yeah, I follow you, I

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Speaker 1: like your stuff, but you really don't, and you really

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Speaker 1: don't want to see what they're doing, and you don't

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Speaker 1: want to engage with their content, and you don't want

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Speaker 1: to like it and comment and you know, cheer for

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Speaker 1: them from the sidelines. Like it's it's basically saying, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna sneakily make you think that I care about what

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Speaker 1: you're doing on social media, but I really don't, so

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna mute you so you think I care.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's why people are getting really triggered

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Speaker 1: and offended by the mute. I'm starting to have this

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Speaker 1: mentality of if you're somebody I want to mute, Then

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Speaker 1: why do I even follow you? Like why play games?

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Speaker 1: Why not just have an honest kind of social media

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Speaker 1: relationship with people and be like, look, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to see your stuff, so maybe I shouldn't follow you that.

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Speaker 1: But the truth is that comes across so harsh to

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Speaker 1: so many people. So unfortunately you can't do that. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying that's how I would react if people didn't

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Speaker 1: react in a certain way. I don't get offended if

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Speaker 1: somebody wants to mute me, it's fine. Like, maybe there's

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Speaker 1: a reason you follow people on social media, right, Like

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Speaker 1: maybe you are struggling so hard to find a partner

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Speaker 1: and it's hard and you just want the love, And

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Speaker 1: maybe you don't want to see somebody with their partner

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Speaker 1: all the time because you're at a point in your

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Speaker 1: life where it's hard and triggering for you to see that.

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Speaker 2: I get it.

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Speaker 1: I understand that, Like, that's that's it's not easy trying

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Speaker 1: to find the one you want to be with. Like, So,

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Speaker 1: by all means, if seeing my relationship or glimpses into

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Speaker 1: that or somebody else's is a trigger for you, I'm

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Speaker 1: not offended by a mute or unfollowed, Like people have

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Speaker 1: to do what they have to do. I think the

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Speaker 1: bottom line for me with social media is I genuinely

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Speaker 1: want to be connected to people on my personal social

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Speaker 1: media accounts who A I'm either really friends with or

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Speaker 1: family with, like genuine relationships. B They are in my

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Speaker 1: work world and I see them and interact with them

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Speaker 1: enough in my work worlds to stay connected and keep

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Speaker 1: each other, you know, in updated into what we're doing

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Speaker 1: or see it's somebody I met along the way who

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Speaker 1: made a lasting impression who I want to stay in

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Speaker 1: touch with, Like we were just in Saint Bart's and

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Speaker 1: the captain of this beautiful sunset cruise we went on

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Speaker 1: on our final night was just a total Jen and

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Speaker 1: I loved her, and I'm like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 1: want to stay in touch with you and see your

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Speaker 1: amazing travels throughout the year. And we probably won't see

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Speaker 1: each other for maybe like four or five years if

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Speaker 1: we come back or if she's in New York, but

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Speaker 1: I just want to stay in touch because you made

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Speaker 1: such an impact on my life. Like those are the

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Speaker 1: vibes of the people that I genuinely want to follow.

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Speaker 1: If you're not bringing me joy, or you know somebody

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Speaker 1: I deal with regularly, or somebody in my work world's

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Speaker 1: what's the point? What's the point? But should you unfollow

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Speaker 1: someone or should you mute them? On Instagram? Here's How'm

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Speaker 1: going to break it down in a really simple way.

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Speaker 1: Unfollow them. If it's toxic, if it affects your mood,

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Speaker 1: if it's someone you really have nothing to do with,

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Speaker 1: and if it's someone who doesn't align with your core values,

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Speaker 1: mute them. If they are going to be in your

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Speaker 1: orbital or in your worlds, put them on mute so

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Speaker 1: that you don't seem dramatic with an unfollowed Because guess what,

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Speaker 1: here's the good news. No one can ever prove that

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Speaker 1: you muted them. You could just be someone not active

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Speaker 1: engaging with their content. You can never prove it. You

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Speaker 1: can never prove it. So if all else fails, use

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Speaker 1: that mute button. And even if you're suspicious someone muted you,

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Speaker 1: you don't know for sure. So the mute is the win.

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Speaker 1: So go for the mute. If there're someone in your

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Speaker 1: orbit and you don't want the drama to be following

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Speaker 1: you going forward. Isn't it funny how social media can

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Speaker 1: be so impactful on how you view someone and how

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Speaker 1: somebody makes you feel.

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Speaker 2: Isn't that funny?

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Speaker 1: Like, isn't whoever thought that an unfollow or a mute

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Speaker 1: on social media could cause someone to totally spiral and

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Speaker 1: be in a worse mood than they were prior to

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Speaker 1: logging into social media. It's just hysterical. I guess I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna end this with like, it's not that serious. So

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, while we can all

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Speaker 1: kind of get caught up in it, it's just social media.

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Speaker 1: It's just a mute or an unfollow.

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Speaker 2: Who cares? Like, at the end of the day, who cares?

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Speaker 1: You know your people, you know your core, You know

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Speaker 1: the people that really matter to you and that you

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Speaker 1: call or text or have a relationship with. Who gives

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Speaker 1: a shit if somebody doesn't want to follow you or

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Speaker 1: look at your content?

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Speaker 2: It's okay, It's all good. It's not that deep.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the baseline of this conversation isn't should you mute

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Speaker 1: them or should you unfollow them? While it is important

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Speaker 1: because it's the world we live in, but maybe it's

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Speaker 1: should we care as much?

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Speaker 2: Should we care? And I think the answer to that

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Speaker 2: is no, who cares?

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Speaker 1: Who cares. You know the people who are your rider dies.

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Speaker 1: You know who you want in your life, you know

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Speaker 1: who you don't want in your life. It's just an app.

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Speaker 1: It is just an app. Let's not take it so seriously.

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Speaker 1: Let's not be all bent out of shape or offended.

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Speaker 1: I firmly believe that we have become deconditioned in our

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Speaker 1: lives to feel real emotions sometimes because of things like Instagram.

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Speaker 1: And while I love it, it's just an app. So

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Speaker 1: the next time you want to unfollow or mute someone,

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Speaker 1: power to you. But if it happens to you, let's

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Speaker 1: not get all upset about it.

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Speaker 2: It's all good. It's all good.

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Speaker 1: And then go call your real friends and go have

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Speaker 1: cocktails and dinner and go run around time and have

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Speaker 1: the best time ever because Instagram is Instagram.

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Speaker 2: Am.

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Speaker 1: I've Never Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy

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Speaker 1: de Dario. This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Piblisi

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Speaker 1: at iHeartRadio and by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney.

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Speaker 1: I've Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis

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Speaker 1: Duran podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate review

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Speaker 1: and subscribe to our show and If you liked this episode,

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Speaker 1: tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario