Speaker 1: Hi, guys. It's Chelsea and Catherine here.
Speaker 2: So today, Catherine, we are doing one of our minisodes,
Speaker 2: and so we have one couple calling in for couples counseling.
Speaker 3: Correct exactly, exactly, And for anybody else who wants to
Speaker 3: write in police write in, Yes, for sure, loves great
Speaker 3: advice for couples.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I'm just I'm flawless in my advice giving everybody.
Speaker 1: I mean, so far, it's been four years. I well,
Speaker 1: i mean not four years of one hundred.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm sure there's some upset customers, but that's
Speaker 2: par for the course.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: It's not like I have a degree.
Speaker 5: Just operating on you know, vibes and good vibes.
Speaker 1: I'm operating on good fucking vibes, okay, exactly, So that's
Speaker 1: what you're gonna get.
Speaker 2: We were just talking about menopause because so Naomi Watts
Speaker 2: wrote this book about menopause, because she's been like the
Speaker 2: leading face of menopause in the last couple of years.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you've noticed, but she's been outspoken,
Speaker 2: and she started this beauty company called Stripes. She just
Speaker 2: gave me a ton of lube and all this stuff.
Speaker 2: You can shove up different areas of your body, and
Speaker 2: also facial moisturizer because your skin changes during menopause.
Speaker 1: Anyway, she asked me to, you know, for a blurb
Speaker 1: for the book.
Speaker 2: So she sent the book and as I was reading
Speaker 2: the book, I got all of the symptoms of menopause.
Speaker 2: I was like, I started having hot flashes. I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god.
Speaker 5: And then I was like, oh my god, am I
Speaker 5: is it real or it's like a somatic.
Speaker 1: Well that's what I said.
Speaker 2: I was in my work at the time, and I
Speaker 2: had a man in my bed and I was like
Speaker 2: every night, like get the fuck away from me, like
Speaker 2: even more so than usual. And I was like, don't
Speaker 2: touch me. You know, I was so hot hot flashes.
Speaker 2: And my sister goes, you're so impressed. She goes, you
Speaker 2: were just read about something and then it happens to you.
Speaker 2: She's like you and I'm like, no, obviously, I am
Speaker 2: going through peri menopause.
Speaker 1: I'm forty nine years old. I mean it would make sense.
Speaker 2: So then I come home and I get these pills
Speaker 2: called Bonafide for anybody out there with hot flashes. As
Speaker 2: soon as I started taking them, my hot flash has ceased.
Speaker 2: So I had hot flashes for like a week. Okay,
Speaker 2: but and I've had a hot flash before, but not
Speaker 2: like consistently every night. So I was convinced. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm going with through perim my menopause. I have to
Speaker 2: get my hormones checked. And so I take these bona
Speaker 2: fide works. I tell my sisters. I send them both
Speaker 2: a picture. I'm like, you, guys, if you have hot flashes,
Speaker 2: and my sister's like, I'm fifty nine, so I'm not
Speaker 2: having hot flashes, you idiot. And my other sister, My
Speaker 2: other sister goes, I can't. She goes, that work for you.
Speaker 2: She goes, I tried that product for six months. It
Speaker 2: did not work for me, just like you were suggested,
Speaker 2: Just like you read about menopause and then decided you
Speaker 2: had it. Now it's being cured by something that doesn't work.
Speaker 2: And I was like, ah, I disagree. Anyway. She's like,
Speaker 2: it's so funny that you're actually very impressionable, like you're
Speaker 2: kind of malleable, like you just sway. That's why I
Speaker 2: would be a terrible juror, because I my opinion changes
Speaker 2: so quickly based on like moment people's looks.
Speaker 1: If they have a dimple anyway.
Speaker 2: So the moral of the story is I was out
Speaker 2: with Naomi and a couple of other girlfriends the other
Speaker 2: night and she loaded me up with products because your
Speaker 2: skin can get dry during prairie menopause.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 2: The company is called Stripes, and we're going to do
Speaker 2: it an episode with Naomia and we're gonna have her
Speaker 2: come on and do a menopause episode because that's very important.
Speaker 5: We've got a lot of requests for that.
Speaker 1: Actually, Oh really, Oh perfect, okay, so let's do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you have menopause based questions, questions about perimenopause,
Speaker 3: write them in this weekend because I'll start going through those.
Speaker 3: We're going to record that episode with her really really soon.
Speaker 2: So then I get my hormones checked and my doctor
Speaker 2: called me and I don't I have an ablasion.
Speaker 1: So I don't get my period.
Speaker 2: And my doctor just called me this morning and she says,
Speaker 2: my estrogen levels there's a height where your FHC or
Speaker 2: something fh something, fhs.
Speaker 1: Hs something like that.
Speaker 2: Sh whatever direction it's supposed to go in when you age,
Speaker 2: mind has gone in the opposite direction.
Speaker 5: Okay, right, Because you were like fertile myrtle before.
Speaker 2: You got what she's saying, I'm fertile still, and I
Speaker 2: was like, wait a second, And I was like, this
Speaker 2: is so funny. My cousin goes every time you go
Speaker 2: to the doctor, they tell you like, your liver looks
Speaker 2: incredible or your heart is the size of a twenty
Speaker 2: five year old. She's like, how is that possible with
Speaker 2: as much shit you do? And I'm like, but I
Speaker 2: also keep my shit together.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: You work a very actually healthy balanced if you think
Speaker 2: about it exact, and it's now being confirmed by the
Speaker 2: medical community.
Speaker 5: So just start doing tons of drugs in your twenty
Speaker 5: or maybe before.
Speaker 2: No, I don't want to advocate that you have to
Speaker 2: have the right personality for drug Okay, I have it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're not for everyone.
Speaker 2: You have to know if you are the right personality type,
Speaker 2: and if you are, you'll know, so you know if
Speaker 2: you're asking, you're not.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know. I'm very low tolerance when it comes
Speaker 5: to any drugs.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I have found like just whatever is like
Speaker 3: an eighth of a dose for someone else that's making
Speaker 3: them feel great, Like that's what's going to make me
Speaker 3: feel fine or not?
Speaker 1: Stressed about it at least.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, you can't handle drugs. No, I have no
Speaker 2: happy drugs. I said to my doctor. I said, so
Speaker 2: can I still get pregnant? And she goes, You're definitely
Speaker 2: still ovulating. She goes, but Chelsea, you had an ablation.
Speaker 1: I thought you could still have a baby after an Ablazian.
Speaker 3: I mean, who knows, well, I do have a follow
Speaker 3: up from a previous Is it a happy ending?
Speaker 1: It actually is.
Speaker 2: I mean, what if some people were just trying to
Speaker 2: sue us for our bad advice?
Speaker 1: Please don't sue us.
Speaker 3: So this comes from Kelly. She wrote in on our
Speaker 3: Paul W. Down's episode about her fear of flying. If
Speaker 3: you remember her, and she.
Speaker 1: Said, what it was the advice that I gave her.
Speaker 5: I think a lot of pills and just go do
Speaker 5: it basically was the advice.
Speaker 3: But Kelly says, Dear Chelsea quick followup message on my
Speaker 3: chat with you and Paul W. Downs Dear Chelsea, shortly
Speaker 3: after the chat about my flight anxiety with you, Catherine
Speaker 3: and Paul Downs, I'm a huge fan. By the way,
Speaker 3: I faced my fears and booked a flight. I got
Speaker 3: back from my first trip to New York City last week,
Speaker 3: and it was so much fun. With support from you,
Speaker 3: my therapist, my partner, and Atavan, I faced my fear
Speaker 3: with a calm and confident smile on my face. I
Speaker 3: always imagined i'd be in tears. I arrived so well
Speaker 3: prepared that I didn't even need to use most of
Speaker 3: the coping mechanisms i'd prepared.
Speaker 5: Ah.
Speaker 1: Hello, this is amazing, it's working. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: talk about this.
Speaker 3: I feel invincible now I look at travel in a
Speaker 3: different light. This feels like a huge weight lifted off
Speaker 3: my shoulders. Thank you for encouraging me and all listeners
Speaker 3: to be old and brave. It's much appreciated. Sending love
Speaker 3: to you and strength to all who want to face
Speaker 3: a fear. You got this PS. Speaking with you three
Speaker 3: was such a unique and memorable experience. As a bonus,
Speaker 3: I now have an actual fun fact for those classic
Speaker 3: group icebreager activities.
Speaker 5: Take good care, Kelly, that is so Cute's that great?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Because this is really I want to talk about this
Speaker 2: a little bit. When you and I don't mean hollow optimism.
Speaker 2: When I'm trying to talk about positivity and being positive,
Speaker 2: I don't mean like being empty positive like.
Speaker 5: That it's all gonna be toxic positivity.
Speaker 1: No, not toxic.
Speaker 2: That's different, okay, Okay, well no, maybe it's similar, but
Speaker 2: like you know.
Speaker 1: It's all gonna be okay.
Speaker 2: It's like no, no, my mother just died. It's not
Speaker 2: gonna be okay right away. I don't mean hollow optimism.
Speaker 1: I mean when you.
Speaker 2: Choose to look at whatever situation is in front of
Speaker 2: you and you actually mentally reason with yourself that it's
Speaker 2: okay to be optimistic and purposeful and intentionally optimistic, you know,
Speaker 2: with your back up straight and holding your head up high.
Speaker 2: If you can approach things in that way, the obstacles
Speaker 2: become fewer and fewer if you have that attitude like
Speaker 2: she's talking about, she didn't even need all of the
Speaker 2: things that she thought she was gonna need because she
Speaker 2: had actually worked her way through the problem and was
Speaker 2: ready to face her fears in a powerful, confident.
Speaker 1: Way, not like I'm gonna go fuck you do this right,
Speaker 1: in a way.
Speaker 2: That I'm capable, I'm strong, and I'm gonna get through this,
Speaker 2: and then you do even better than you thought you
Speaker 2: were gonna do.
Speaker 3: Mmmmmmm, this is making me feel like so I faced
Speaker 3: a fear of heights while we were on our Italy
Speaker 3: vacation and it did not go well, and part of
Speaker 3: me was like, well, great, I never have to do
Speaker 3: heights again.
Speaker 1: And then it happened.
Speaker 3: We went to the top of the Duomo in Florence,
Speaker 3: which was highly recommended and also totally terrifying for a
Speaker 3: person with a fear of heights.
Speaker 5: So it was a little bit traumatics.
Speaker 1: You start to get scared on the way up.
Speaker 3: So on the way up it's just like this little
Speaker 3: staircase that's all enclosed, which was fine, and then you
Speaker 3: get up into the inner circle of the dome and
Speaker 3: you're looking down inside, and that for me was kind
Speaker 3: of the worst part because it was so narrow and
Speaker 3: like people were stopping, so I couldn't just like rush
Speaker 3: ahead and get through, and so I was sort of
Speaker 3: like trapped up there, and so that was sort of
Speaker 3: the worst part.
Speaker 5: And then you get to the roof and you have
Speaker 5: this beautiful view.
Speaker 1: Is the roof separate from the top of the.
Speaker 3: Door, Yeah, you like keep going and then you're outside
Speaker 3: looking at the like the view of the city, and
Speaker 3: so I thought like, oh, I can brave my fears.
Speaker 3: But part of me also feels like maybe now I
Speaker 3: actually do need to conquer this fear of heights that
Speaker 3: I didn't used to have. But I think once my
Speaker 3: frontal lobe was fully formed, I became I mean.
Speaker 2: It's kind of pretty natural to be scared of heights, right, Like,
Speaker 2: it doesn't feel good when you look over the edge
Speaker 2: of a skyscraper. That's not a fun, happy feeling, and
Speaker 2: nobody feels like, oh, you know, so I think it's
Speaker 2: pretty common to be fearful, as long as your fear
Speaker 2: doesn't become paralytic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's the thing is. I was like, I
Speaker 3: never have to do anything heights again. I never have
Speaker 3: to do it again. But then I was like, you
Speaker 3: know what, I feel like this means that I need
Speaker 3: to conquer it. And by concrete and conquering it, the
Speaker 3: only thing you can do is exposure therapy. So I'm like,
Speaker 3: now I think I feel like I need to do
Speaker 3: a lot of things like this.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like bungee jumping.
Speaker 1: No, no, I do it. I don't think you have
Speaker 1: to go bungee jump.
Speaker 5: Okay, all right, I'm off the hook from you.
Speaker 2: Then, Yeah, I just there's some fears need that's not
Speaker 2: a natural it's it is natural to be scared of
Speaker 2: fucking falling off of a building.
Speaker 1: I think so all right, thank you, Chelsea. I feel
Speaker 1: very validated, welcome.
Speaker 3: You don't even have to call in, I know, well,
Speaker 3: we do have a caller, actually have two callers.
Speaker 1: Okay, great, is it just us?
Speaker 5: It's just us today.
Speaker 1: It's a mini so oh okay, perfect.
Speaker 2: I love when I find out about it at the
Speaker 2: show after we start taping.
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, this is what we do. It's always a surprise.
Speaker 1: I know my life is a surprise.
Speaker 3: So Letty and Jess say hi, Chelsea and Catherine. My
Speaker 3: partner and I were listening to your podcasts during our
Speaker 3: drive home from Yosemite, and I had to reach out
Speaker 3: about our current issue. We were wondering if you could
Speaker 3: support us with a couple's therapy session. And by the way,
Speaker 3: for any other couples that want to write in, we
Speaker 3: absolutely can.
Speaker 1: I love couple sessions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah, if you have a problem with your
Speaker 2: friend or boyfriend or girlfriend or non binary friend, you
Speaker 2: can call in.
Speaker 1: Great.
Speaker 5: I'm a thirty four year old marriage and family therapist,
Speaker 5: one that clearly doesn't always take the advice I give
Speaker 5: my partner Letty is currently in school to become a nurse.
Speaker 5: The issue we're facing right now is Letty loves spending
Speaker 5: time with my mom. They are practically best friends. Don't
Speaker 5: get me wrong. I know it's a good thing.
Speaker 3: But like most lesbians, I've got mommy issues and so
Speaker 3: does she. Quite frankly, my mom now communicates with me
Speaker 3: through her comes over to our home when I'm not
Speaker 3: there to see Letty and quote unquote accidentally crops me
Speaker 3: out of photos when she zooms in on the two
Speaker 3: of them. I know I have to get over it
Speaker 3: at some point, but right now it's just the current
Speaker 3: thorn in our relationship.
Speaker 1: Jess, Oh my.
Speaker 2: God, Hi Jess, Hi girls, Hi, Hi, Hey, how are you?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? That's so funny. What a fun problem.
Speaker 7: I mean, it's a good problem to have, especially with
Speaker 7: you know, the world we're in these days.
Speaker 1: That's right, That's exactly right.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly how you should be looking at this situation. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but the zooming, the cropping out of the phook every time.
Speaker 4: Every time I go on Facebook and it's like, oh
Speaker 4: my mom tagged me, and I go on and there's
Speaker 4: like this part of my ear and then the rest
Speaker 4: of my family with Letsie and my mom.
Speaker 2: Like zoomed in, So, Letty, do you love your relationship
Speaker 2: with her mom?
Speaker 1: Obsessed you are?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I really am so obsessed.
Speaker 1: And what's your relationship like with your own mom?
Speaker 6: So, my relationship with my mom, we were always incredibly close.
Speaker 6: I lost her unfortunately, So now I feel like that's
Speaker 6: a big reason why I like attach myself so much
Speaker 6: to Jesse's mom, because they are super They're very much alike.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is like a Disney movie, you guys.
Speaker 2: Everything that's happening here is a Disney movie.
Speaker 7: I mean, I'm wearing a macking mouth shirt and I
Speaker 7: don't mind making mouth nose.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, then I mean it works. I mean it
Speaker 1: does it really bother you?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 7: I mean it's a good problem to have.
Speaker 4: I think for a really long time coming out, it
Speaker 4: was like touch and go with how accept that I
Speaker 4: really felt. And then when I met LETTI I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: she really loves her. It's a great problem to have.
Speaker 4: There needs to be some boundaries, probably, but you know,
Speaker 4: maybe I'm a little jealous.
Speaker 7: Probably.
Speaker 1: Well, no, I think it could be like a little
Speaker 1: bit of a boundary.
Speaker 2: But have you spoken to your mom about this in
Speaker 2: a serious way at all or no.
Speaker 7: Not in a serious way.
Speaker 4: I think I poked fun at it because that's my
Speaker 4: way of coping.
Speaker 7: Yeah, but I probably should say something.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think this is you saying something.
Speaker 2: So I think we're just we're just gonna I think
Speaker 2: there should be a light boundary. But obviously these are
Speaker 2: all great problems to have. Your mother is accepting and loving.
Speaker 2: She doesn't have her mother anymore. Like everyone's for lack
Speaker 2: of a better term, everyone's whole is being filled, right.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm as long as that's happening, that's a
Speaker 4: good problem.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say cup, and then I just went
Speaker 2: straight to hole and I figured, why not just run
Speaker 2: with that? You know, No, but I think that you guys,
Speaker 2: let Tea and Jess's mom, you should be a little
Speaker 2: bit more compassionate.
Speaker 1: Or inclusive, maybe a inclusive.
Speaker 2: It's great that you want to spend time together, but yes,
Speaker 2: don't forget about the person that you're the reason you're
Speaker 2: both here, like meeting.
Speaker 6: You're right, You're right, And I will also mention that
Speaker 6: like Jesse's mom's best friend is also my.
Speaker 7: Best friend, so it extends beyond just.
Speaker 6: My relationship with her mom too, And you're right, well,
Speaker 6: you should be a little bit more inclusive.
Speaker 1: Girls, Just inclusive.
Speaker 2: Just be considerate of the fact that she feels a
Speaker 2: little like it's an odd situation and it's it's beautiful,
Speaker 2: but you know, just be a little considerate of her
Speaker 2: feelings and make sure and especially the zooming in the
Speaker 2: out of the pictures. I think you should just be like, listen, bitch,
Speaker 2: I'm your fucking daughter. Okay, when you zoom out from
Speaker 2: my photo to include hers, what kind of signal do
Speaker 2: you think that sends to my brain?
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, And she claims with
Speaker 7: a mistake, which it might have been.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I guess her priority is on you though,
Speaker 2: because she's like trying to get that photo of you.
Speaker 2: This is a honeymoon period that you're experiencing. Don't expect
Speaker 2: it to last forever, so you know, treat it like
Speaker 2: a relationship that needs some sort of boundary, because you know, totally.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I do think it's funny when parents who maybe are
Speaker 3: not as accepting in the beginning of having a kid
Speaker 3: that's come out, it's like down the road, a lot
Speaker 3: of them realize when their kid brings home someone wonderful,
Speaker 3: They're like, oh wait, this is what this actually looks like,
Speaker 3: like a loving, fun relationship with a new great or
Speaker 3: someone I get to know, and then they get totally
Speaker 3: on board.
Speaker 7: Yeah. I think that's how it was for me.
Speaker 4: I brought a couple ex's home in my lifetime and
Speaker 4: it just never landed. And I thought it was more
Speaker 4: about her acceptance of me until she met Latti and
Speaker 4: then it all changed.
Speaker 1: How did you two meet through friends?
Speaker 4: I lived in San Francisco for like five years and
Speaker 4: we just met through mutual friends and then I brought
Speaker 4: her down here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: Gay people are always asking me how to meet people,
Speaker 2: So I'm just always trying to think of new ideas.
Speaker 2: But luckily, I mean, you guys don't seem to have one.
Speaker 5: San Francisco's not the most original.
Speaker 1: There was going to be, But no, it's meeting friends who.
Speaker 4: Up there though there's not that many one thousand oaks,
Speaker 4: so I had to get away for a while.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, that's what.
Speaker 2: We had a collar call in last week and she
Speaker 2: was saying the same thing. She lives in this kind
Speaker 2: of small mountain town and she just realized she's out.
Speaker 2: She wants to be gay, and she wants to live
Speaker 2: her life, and she's like, I'm not in the right
Speaker 2: place to meet enough people and have fun. And she's
Speaker 2: in her twenties. So I get it. I get moving,
Speaker 2: and good for you for doing that. You know, sometimes
Speaker 2: you do have to relocate to find.
Speaker 1: What you're looking for. Yeah, you went fishing and then
Speaker 1: you came back.
Speaker 7: I sure did in the Bay one.
Speaker 2: And now you and now your mother is feasting on
Speaker 2: your fish.
Speaker 1: I'm not out. Okay, thanks girls for calling in. You
Speaker 1: girls are adorable. I love it.
Speaker 7: Thank you. Bye bye.
Speaker 1: You were real cute, real cute.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I think we should encourage people also to
Speaker 3: write in. So for anybody who wants to write in,
Speaker 3: go ahead and write in at Dear Chelsea podcast at
Speaker 3: gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: Don't write into Dear.
Speaker 3: Chelsea dot at gmail dot com because that is someone
Speaker 3: else's email address, and fortunately she gets some more emails
Speaker 3: something Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com, and uh
Speaker 3: write couples counseling in the subject line.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and shallone to that? Amen?
Speaker 3: Ye