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Speaker 1: Speaks to the planet.

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Speaker 3: Take a deep in through your nose. Holds it.

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Speaker 1: Now, release slowly again deep in haale hold release, repeating

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Speaker 1: internally to yourself as you connect to my voice. I

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Speaker 1: am deeply well I am deeply Well. I am deeply Wow.

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Speaker 1: I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply Well Podcast.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to land on

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Speaker 1: your journey. A podcast for those that are curious, creative,

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Speaker 1: and ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care.

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Speaker 1: This is where we heal, This is where we transcend.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to another episode. You know

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Speaker 1: Deeply Well is truly a space where we journey into

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Speaker 1: healing and self discovery and the deeper layers of the

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Speaker 1: sacred work of transformation. This is where we swim in

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Speaker 1: the nuance of the work and really get to get

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Speaker 1: into those crevice spaces to get clear and to transcend

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Speaker 1: and expand the experiences that we get to have while

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Speaker 1: we're here. As always, I'm your host, Steve Brown. Today's

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Speaker 1: episode is one that I know is going to touch

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Speaker 1: the very foundation of who each of us are. Our

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Speaker 1: lineage are inherited experiences and the silent stories that shape

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Speaker 1: us in ways that we may not even realize. How

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Speaker 1: much of your life has been shaped by things left unsaid,

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Speaker 1: the secrets, the pain, the struggles that were never fully

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Speaker 1: acknowledged or healed. So many of us are carrying the

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Speaker 1: weight of generational silence, patterns of avoidance, suppressed trauma, and

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Speaker 1: unspoken truths that have been passed down from generation to

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Speaker 1: generation to generation to generation. But what if we have

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Speaker 1: the power to change that narrative which we do. What

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Speaker 1: if the key to our deepest healing lies and the

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Speaker 1: courage to simply ask questions and share stories and speak

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Speaker 1: what was once unspeakable. Joining us today, we have a

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Speaker 1: very special guest, Nicole Russell Wharton. Nicole is a certified

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Speaker 1: trauma informed healing instructor. She is the founder and executive

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Speaker 1: director of The Precious Dreams Foundation, a global nonprofit organization

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Speaker 1: that advocates for mental health and the well being of children.

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Speaker 1: She is also the owner of Restorative Commons, which promotes

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Speaker 1: equity by way of rest and resources for advocates and

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Speaker 1: community change makers. An accomplished author, Nicole released her third book,

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Speaker 1: Breaking Generational Silence, A Guide to Disrupt unhealthy family Patterns

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Speaker 1: and Heal Inherited Trauma, about the emotional and physical impact

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Speaker 1: slavery had on her family's health, inviting readers to explore

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Speaker 1: the legacy of their own family history. Her best selling

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Speaker 1: self help book Everything a band Aid Can't Fix is

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Speaker 1: a cornerstone resource for teens across the nation and is

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Speaker 1: integrated into middle and high school curriculums. Inspired by her

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Speaker 1: own journey with ADHD, her first children's book, My Busy,

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Speaker 1: Busy Brain, encourages young readers to to embrace their unique

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Speaker 1: challenges and advocate for themselves. Nicole's impactful work has earned

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Speaker 1: her numerous accolades, including Glamour's Everyday Hero of the Year,

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Speaker 1: Observers Top twenty Heroes under forty, and recognition in Oh

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Speaker 1: the Oprah magazine. More recently, she was honored by NBC

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Speaker 1: in Essence for her tireless efforts to support the mental

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Speaker 1: health needs of youth during the pandemic. With unwavering empathy

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Speaker 1: and bold leadership, Nicole Russell Wharton is on a mission

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Speaker 1: to teach the world how to nurture young people's voices,

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Speaker 1: empowering them to advocate for their well being and their futures.

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Speaker 1: She currently calls NYC home Welcome to the show, Nicole.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me. It is such

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Speaker 4: an honor. I'm so excited to be here. I am

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Speaker 4: so excited to have you here. You know I've watched

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Speaker 4: your work over the years, and it's been so inspiring

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Speaker 4: because you touch something that is very rare, you know,

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Speaker 4: kind of like your focus with young people, and I know,

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Speaker 4: like so much work that you've done with kids who've

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Speaker 4: been foster homed or are having really adverse childhood experiences.

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Speaker 4: You know, it's the area that requires such a special heart.

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Speaker 4: It requires a lot of endurance, a lot of emotional endurance,

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Speaker 4: and it's a segment that requires a certain kind of

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Speaker 4: magic in a person to break through and to change

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Speaker 4: some of those harder expressions and experiences. So I'm so

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Speaker 4: excited to have you here and really get your perspective

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Speaker 4: on so many things, a lot of what we focus

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Speaker 4: on I think on this show and so many of

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Speaker 4: us in our lives. You become an adult, and if

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Speaker 4: you are blessed and aware enough to know that healing

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Speaker 4: needs to occur in your life, you then begin to

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Speaker 4: walk steps backward into your youth to heal those core

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Speaker 4: wounds to come back into your present. But what I

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Speaker 4: always think, with people who are truly immersed in the

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Speaker 4: work of young people, how do you even begin to

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Speaker 4: identify and even if someone is having a hard experience

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Speaker 4: like dive in in real time, so maybe the work

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Speaker 4: is different or less encompassing when the person grows up.

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Speaker 4: Those are things that always go through my Yeah, but yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm excited to dive into all things. I want to

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Speaker 4: show everyone the book.

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Speaker 1: This is the new book. It is available now everywhere

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Speaker 1: you get your reading materials. Breaking generational silence.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. Yeah, you know, it's interesting just listening to

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Speaker 4: you read the bio because so much of my work

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Speaker 4: has been centered around helping young people heal. Yeah, And

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Speaker 4: it was in understanding that I still had so much

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Speaker 4: healing to do that I recognize my healing was bigger

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Speaker 4: than just working on my childhood trauma and trying, and

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Speaker 4: that I actually needed to extend a hand and support

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Speaker 4: some of my family members that were struggling with their

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Speaker 4: own healing journeys or didn't even feel capable or deserving

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Speaker 4: of that type of work to be set free from

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Speaker 4: some of the pain they were still holding. So it's

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Speaker 4: a beautiful thing to sit here and have this conversation

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Speaker 4: with you and talk about my adult work and talk

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Speaker 4: about the work that I'm doing to master my own

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Speaker 4: healing and just be able to take that back to

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Speaker 4: the kids and empower them because so many of the

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Speaker 4: children that I work with do not know their biological parents,

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Speaker 4: and they're not able to do the family healing work,

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Speaker 4: but they are able to break those unhealthy cycles, and

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Speaker 4: they are able to start their own families and traditions

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Speaker 4: and heal from a lot that was passed down to them,

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Speaker 4: be naturally passed down to their children through the DNA,

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Speaker 4: and so just equipping them to understand what they're carrying

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Speaker 4: and to empower them to learn their bodies fully, mentally, physically, spiritually,

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Speaker 4: so that they can have the tools to break everything

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Speaker 4: through conversation.

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Speaker 1: My goodness, I really want to settle in that for

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Speaker 1: a second, because I think that speaks to so many people,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I recognize it. As our understanding of

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Speaker 1: healing and trauma continues to grow, our ability to get

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Speaker 1: into more specific scenarios will get better and increase.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 1: I know there are a lot of people that perhaps

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Speaker 1: may feel very underserved because the language of the now

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Speaker 1: is about family systems right and breaking generational trauma. But

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Speaker 1: to your point, and that's just incredibly humbling and deep

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Speaker 1: to sit in the understanding of if you had no

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Speaker 1: relationship with your family, if you were adopted, if you

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Speaker 1: were in foster care for a variety of reasons. How

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Speaker 1: does one approach that work.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's interesting because I do have connections to both

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Speaker 4: sides of my lineage, but I have a very silent side,

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Speaker 4: and I knew going into this and sitting down to

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Speaker 4: have these conversations. I could do it with my mother,

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Speaker 4: and I could do it with those that were alive

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Speaker 4: on her side of the family, but not necessarily with

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Speaker 4: my father's, and so I had to do my own research.

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Speaker 4: I was online, I was doing DNA testing, I was

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Speaker 4: pulling up death certificates. I was doing everything I possibly

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Speaker 4: could to make sense of the history and kind of

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Speaker 4: using that information as an entry way to have conversation

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Speaker 4: with my father and create this space where I could

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Speaker 4: teach anyone that was willing and open to learning. And

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Speaker 4: that actually helped me break through with a lot of

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Speaker 4: my dad's family because they were so happy that someone

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Speaker 4: cared enough to look for the information or to get

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Speaker 4: the facts, because there were so many different stories told

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Speaker 4: in their childhood that they didn't know what was real

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Speaker 4: and what wasn't real. And so I really just want

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Speaker 4: to empower people that it's not just about talking to

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Speaker 4: who's here. It's also about using the tools that we

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Speaker 4: have and getting online and doing the research to find

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Speaker 4: as much information as you can possibly find through public

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Speaker 4: records to put it all together. And that's what I

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Speaker 4: had to do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I so relate to that.

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Speaker 1: I had a similar experience because I was raised by

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Speaker 1: a single parent, but everyone else was gone, so no

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Speaker 1: like living grandparents, no additional family. And it was truly

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Speaker 1: through ancestry and twenty three and me that I was

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Speaker 1: able to start getting records of things, and I remember

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Speaker 1: knowing I wouldn't be able to access like one side

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Speaker 1: of my family. I got a bunch of like birth certificates,

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Speaker 1: and then I did astrology chart readings on all these

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Speaker 1: birth certificates of people that had passed, And for me

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Speaker 1: that was such a breakthrough because I mean astrology. We

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Speaker 1: explore this a lot on this show, but gorgeous sacred

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Speaker 1: science and birth charts never lie. But it was really

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Speaker 1: interesting to see the train of trauma that came down

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Speaker 1: into everyone's storytelling of what their birth chart said. But

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Speaker 1: it was incredibly freeing, and it's like, yeah, that's such

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Speaker 1: powerful advice because sometimes it is so easy to just

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Speaker 1: experience the lack and in the healing journey that can

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Speaker 1: feel compounded, right, It's like even more of what's missing

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Speaker 1: or what I didn't have or what's not there, but

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Speaker 1: we can piece things together about people or about ways,

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Speaker 1: you know, repeating patterns that may have hit every generation

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Speaker 1: on the way through.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think using some of that limited information

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Speaker 4: to learn more about ourselves. And for me in particular,

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Speaker 4: it was health that was the big like aha moment

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Speaker 4: for me in twenty twenty two. As much as I

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Speaker 4: thought I knew myself and I thought I knew my needs,

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Speaker 4: I realized that I don't actually know my physical body

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Speaker 4: as well as I think I do. I know what

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Speaker 4: I can see, I know what I can feel, but

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Speaker 4: there's so many other things. There's so many complex organs

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Speaker 4: and things happening within me that I just didn't know.

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Speaker 4: There were so many preventive measures and screenings that I

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Speaker 4: just overlooked and didn't do because conversations weren't being had

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Speaker 4: about health. And just in looking at the death certificates,

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Speaker 4: it was like having a revelation like, Okay, so heart issues,

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Speaker 4: this is something I need to pay attention to. This

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Speaker 4: is something that I may carry, and so I need

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Speaker 4: to be aware of that and in the choices that

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Speaker 4: I make, make the best decisions possible so that these outcomes.

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Speaker 4: What I'm seeing on this paper is not what my

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Speaker 4: life looks like or how my time ends. I have

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Speaker 4: something called thoracic endometriosis. Endometriosis is very common. Ten to

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Speaker 4: eleven percent of women have it, probably more, but so

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Speaker 4: many do not go diagnosed. And thoracic endometrisis. Only one

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Speaker 4: percent of women with endometriosis have it. And it is

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Speaker 4: when the ENDO tissue travels to the lung and attacks

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Speaker 4: the lung and causes a collapse. And endometriosis is something

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Speaker 4: I've had my entire life, and I had no idea

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Speaker 4: I had the symptoms. I felt them, I was aware

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Speaker 4: of them. You know, with every mentrual period, I'm on

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Speaker 4: the floor chron in pain. You know, I went to

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Speaker 4: the hospital. I thought that the first day of a

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Speaker 4: period was supposed to be so painful and that it

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Speaker 4: was bad luck, Like I just you know, had it

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Speaker 4: worse than most women. And that's just the cards that

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Speaker 4: I was dealt. I didn't know that that was a sign,

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Speaker 4: that was a red flag that something more serious is

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Speaker 4: going on. And this isn't my teens. I was having

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Speaker 4: these terrible, heavy, painful periods and I didn't know why.

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Speaker 4: And now that I'd look back on my life after

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Speaker 4: receiving a diagnosis just a few years ago, I realized

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Speaker 4: I could have prevented my lung collapse. I could have

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Speaker 4: prevented the seven surgeries that I had to have in

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Speaker 4: a year's time if only I knew, if only the

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Speaker 4: women in my family talked more about their pain and

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Speaker 4: normalized conversation about pain that we didn't gaslight ourselves say like, oh,

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Speaker 4: this is fine, this is normal, this is just part

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Speaker 4: of it. This is something we're supposed to deal with

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Speaker 4: because it's not. And once I recognize that I was

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Speaker 4: carrying this chronic illness, the first thing I wanted to

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Speaker 4: do was document everything that I was feeling, everything that

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Speaker 4: I had been through, everything that I told the doctors

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Speaker 4: prior that was dismissed. Because I wanted my niece. I wanted,

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Speaker 4: you know, possibly my future children or grandchildren to have

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Speaker 4: something to go back to in reference if they are

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Speaker 4: ever in a place where they have these paints or

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Speaker 4: these symptoms. I wanted them to have something where they

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Speaker 4: can say, Okay, I'm not the only one, and now

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Speaker 4: I know that I need to take this seriously and

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Speaker 4: get checked out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that has been one of the most

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Speaker 1: amazing things about right now, right like I feel like

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Speaker 1: because even to your point, I know so many people

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Speaker 1: listening right now can relate to that. It's one of

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Speaker 1: the that and also neurodivergence are two of them, to

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Speaker 1: just two of the many areas that we're just now

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Speaker 1: getting research back on. And women are able to equip

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Speaker 1: themselves with like knowing what that is or why this

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Speaker 1: has always been different about me. And it's powerful, and

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Speaker 1: it's sad, you know, it's powerful, And it's also so

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Speaker 1: sad how limited study about women's bodies has been throughout

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Speaker 1: the ages, but especially to that extent, our wombs haven't

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Speaker 1: been studied until really within the last decade, but the

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Speaker 1: last handful of years. And I think so many people

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Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry, and I'm so glad you know

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Speaker 1: and have the information about your body's design that you

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Speaker 1: need and deserve.

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Speaker 3: And I think, and I don't know.

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Speaker 1: If this resonates with you, but I've just seen across

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Speaker 1: the board so many people finding out certain chronic conditions

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Speaker 1: with their wombs certain immune autoimmune diseases or different neurodivergence

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Speaker 1: from ADHD to autism to many different things. You know,

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Speaker 1: women in their thirties and forties are just getting this information. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's like exciting but also grievous, you know it is.

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Speaker 4: Because it often we find out the information when we

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Speaker 4: are desperate for the answers, and that usually happens when

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Speaker 4: something goes wrong. So yeah, it's I hate that I

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Speaker 4: had to go about it this way, but I am

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Speaker 4: grateful that I am in the opportunity to storytell and

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Speaker 4: to share my experience so that some of my family

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Speaker 4: can heal, My elders can heal through it by understanding

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Speaker 4: that what you're going through is not normal and they

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Speaker 4: can go and ask for a second opinion and get support.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: You know, you're featured in the book and there's a

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Speaker 4: chapter limited, Limited Dreams and Aspirations, and we talk about

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Speaker 4: purpose and finding our purpose. And you know, I've always

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Speaker 4: been so sure of what my purpose is. You know,

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Speaker 4: I have always had this strong desire to help children,

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Speaker 4: to be a voice for them, to empower them to

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Speaker 4: How did that.

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Speaker 3: Come to you?

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Speaker 1: Because it is such a special thing to serve children

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Speaker 1: and especially you do such deep work with them. How

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Speaker 1: did you arrive there? How did you know?

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Speaker 4: I think I think even as children, we can sense

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Speaker 4: our level of empathy if it's stronger than others. And

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Speaker 4: I was the kid who if someone was being bullied,

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Speaker 4: I wanted to stand up for that kid. If someone

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Speaker 4: was sitting by themselves in the cafeteria, I wanted to

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Speaker 4: sit with that kid, and I wanted to ask him

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Speaker 4: what he likes or what they liked to do, and

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Speaker 4: what's their home life like. I was so curious about

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Speaker 4: the people that are overlooked ever since I was a child,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't know what my career would look like specifically,

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Speaker 4: but I knew I want to help kids. And it

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Speaker 4: wasn't until my mother, who has the biggest heart in

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Speaker 4: the world, took in a young girl who's my sister.

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Speaker 4: And she took in this young girl and it was

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Speaker 4: the first time that I learned kids in foster care

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Speaker 4: do not have someone to cry to in the middle

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Speaker 4: of the night if they're having a bad dream. And

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Speaker 4: I watched her struggle week after week, and my mom

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Speaker 4: introduced comfort items, pajamas, bedtime stories, all of these things

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Speaker 4: that she didn't have before age four, and she was

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Speaker 4: still having these night terrors, and I saw what a

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Speaker 4: difference it made for her, and I immediately just felt

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Speaker 4: a sense of anger because I thought about all of

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Speaker 4: the other kids that don't have the person to provide

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Speaker 4: the resources, the comfort items, the ear in the middle

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Speaker 4: of the nights, just hear about what were the monster

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Speaker 4: saying to you or what was the bad dream that

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Speaker 4: you just had, and so.

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Speaker 1: Consistent love or care know where they're witnessing you over

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Speaker 1: time and know you and have like vested interest.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And so for me, learning that the foster care

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Speaker 4: system lacked that type of support, I wanted to provide

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Speaker 4: a service that taught the kids how to do the

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Speaker 4: self work, how to self comfort, how to self soothe,

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Speaker 4: because they might not have a person that's consistent, and

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Speaker 4: if they do end up in a good home, maybe

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Speaker 4: it's only for a couple of weeks or a couple

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Speaker 4: of years. And so you know, that was the entire

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Speaker 4: inspiration behind why I did Precious Dreams. But when I

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Speaker 4: look back at my purpose that I'm so clear of,

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Speaker 4: this is what I'm supposed to do. I now look

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Speaker 4: back at my lineage and I look back at the

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Speaker 4: roles the women played and my family and how I'm

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Speaker 4: actually living their dreams. And yeah, my mother took in

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Speaker 4: one girl, and I, because of the resources I had

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Speaker 4: and the information that I had gained over time, was

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Speaker 4: able to start a nonprofit so I could help thousands

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Speaker 4: of kids. But if my mother grew up in the

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Speaker 4: time that I had, with the same privileges, she probably

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Speaker 4: would have done the same. So I look back, and

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Speaker 4: there's this question you ask in the book, like who

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Speaker 4: are you? And what I have learned today is that

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Speaker 4: I didn't know myself because I didn't fully understand my

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Speaker 4: DNA before. But now when I can explain to people

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Speaker 4: who I am, so much of it is looking back

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Speaker 4: and explaining what I carry and seeing it as gifts.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the most gorgeous, like god intended place that

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Speaker 1: we're supposed to land if we're.

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Speaker 3: Lucky enough to you know, it really is. It's just

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Speaker 3: And thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: It was such an honor to join you on that

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Speaker 1: journey and be a part of that chapter because I

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Speaker 1: think too in what you described, and I know this

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Speaker 1: is like settling beautifully and someone listening. Purpose is just

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Speaker 1: so many things, but the core of your purpose is

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Speaker 1: what you said about yourself as this young, highly sensitive,

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Speaker 1: empathetic child that was picking up on the subtle energies

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Speaker 1: and the undercurrent of all the things that were and

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Speaker 1: said with everybody. And that gift, like that ability, that

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Speaker 1: purpose touches everything. It touches your life as an author

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Speaker 1: of many books, It touches your foundation, it touches your

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Speaker 1: children and your husband and everyone in your life.

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Speaker 3: Deeply. Well, I love that you brought.

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Speaker 1: Up that point about your mom because I think over

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Speaker 1: the last few years, I've had a life of experience

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Speaker 1: working event wise and someone on ones with the silent generation,

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Speaker 1: with the boomer generation, and a lot of what we

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Speaker 1: talk about is space to grieve the generational barriers, right,

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Speaker 1: space to grieve who you couldn't be as a woman,

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Speaker 1: or as a man, or as someone of a certain

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Speaker 1: cultural background because of the time you were born, and

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Speaker 1: there were just so many barriers to I guess the

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Speaker 1: way we're able to maximize purpose now where it can

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Speaker 1: be a lot of things, or it can even be

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Speaker 1: a desire to live that way.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's why I say, you know, I do

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Speaker 4: this work from a place of privilege, Yeah, because I

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Speaker 4: recognize that I also recognize that while we have privilege today,

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Speaker 4: that's not something that we're guaranteed in the future.

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Speaker 3: Oh, come on, talk about and Nicole, let's dive into that.

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Speaker 4: I think a lot about like protecting our work and

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Speaker 4: protecting our works words. Yeah, even this podcast. It's available

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Speaker 4: everywhere today, right, But where will these recordings live in

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Speaker 4: ten to twenty years? Will people still have access to them?

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Speaker 4: I mean, we see books that are being banned and like,

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Speaker 4: where will our stories live? So I literally have become

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Speaker 4: a hoarder of books. I have fallen in love with

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Speaker 4: shopping for physical books that tell every piece of my

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Speaker 4: family's lineage or the African American experience in this country,

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Speaker 4: because I know that future generations in my family may

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Speaker 4: not have access to them in the future, and I

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Speaker 4: want them to have a full picture, a full understanding

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Speaker 4: of their history.

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Speaker 1: God, it's just it's that's powerful and so important for

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Speaker 1: us to think that way. And it's hard to think

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Speaker 1: that way because it almost gives you, you know, just

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Speaker 1: so much fear.

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Speaker 3: But we have too.

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Speaker 1: There was something and I wish apologies to whoever this is.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember the exact name, but it was there

409
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Speaker 1: was this post I saw that was educating on a woman,

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Speaker 1: a black woman who back in I believe the seventies,

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Speaker 1: started recording television and she recorded her TV for thirty

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Speaker 1: years because she said till she died, Because she said,

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Speaker 1: they're changing history in real time, and there's no one

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Speaker 1: that is going to be able You're going to see

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00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,239
Speaker 1: it so fast and then not again, and there's no

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Speaker 1: one that's going to be able to point out when

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Speaker 1: they're trying to change our mind or change their stamps

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Speaker 1: about things. And it made me think of the Mandela effect,

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Speaker 1: which I don't know if you've heard of that, but

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Speaker 1: it's this way that our brains work, where we all

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Speaker 1: as a collective think we remember something that may or

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Speaker 1: may not have happened. So in what you're saying, I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking of that too. It's just like, yeah, who's to say,

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Speaker 1: you know what someone is able to have access to,

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Speaker 1: what they're going to pick up, how the narratives will

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Speaker 1: be changed, even within literature or film or sound. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I think that's also why documenting is so important, Just

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Speaker 4: documenting your child's experiences, your own emotions, as you are

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Speaker 4: carrying life, as you are raising a child and being

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Speaker 4: part of a family, because I think about survival mode,

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00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 4: and survival mode is something that we're often in and

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Speaker 4: we are so unaware. And while I was healing from

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Speaker 4: my surgeries, I started writing the book. And there's a

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Speaker 4: part in the book where I say I had this

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Speaker 4: revelation to write this during my first solo shower and

436
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Speaker 4: I was struggling to bathe myself because I had nerve

437
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 4: damage on the entire right side of my body because

438
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 4: of the lung collapse. And I read that and said,

439
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 4: I had nerve damage. Oh my god, I comp completely forgot.

440
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 4: There were so many parts of what I went through

441
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,959
Speaker 4: that I don't remember because my brain was just prioritizing

442
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 4: survival over memory. And so if I hadn't documented that

443
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 4: entire experience, there's so much of the trauma that I

444
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 4: would have forgot.

445
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 3: Wow.

446
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 1: Wow, How do you in real time bring this work

447
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: into the life of your current family, including like your

448
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: motherhood journey with your child.

449
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 4: It's interesting because I have an eight month old named Cash.

450
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's the sweetest baby.

451
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so it's an exciting time. It's a beautiful,

452
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 4: scary time being a new mom. But I think that

453
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 4: I am so laser focused right now on working with

454
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 4: those that are still here, people that I know have

455
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 4: limited time, and so wanting to set my child's up

456
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:03,959
Speaker 4: for success, I've begun to look back and doing the work,

457
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 4: the really difficult work with my mother, who I am

458
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 4: trying to still convince that they're still healing to do

459
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 4: and that you deserve it and you don't need to

460
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 4: die with all of that trauma inside of you. And

461
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 4: trying to convince my dad's side of the family to

462
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 4: talk more, and trying to build the relationship and the

463
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 4: unity between the younger generation and my cousin so that

464
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 4: when my child grows up, he can look to both

465
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 4: sides of his family and there are people there that

466
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 4: are willing to talk and to you know, continue doing

467
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 4: the work with him.

468
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 1: It's such powerful, noble work. Yeah, Like it really is,

469
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 1: like and it's hard and.

470
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 4: It's hard, and I also don't want to like sit

471
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 4: here and act like it's not.

472
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: Oh, everybodys listening right now knows because on.

473
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 4: This show we do the work.

474
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's hard. It's hard if you confront yourself

475
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: in so many ways. But that's what I think is beautiful.

476
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: When we get to a certain place in our work

477
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 1: where some of that charge about other people not doing

478
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: their work doesn't hit us so deeply. And that's what's

479
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: so beautiful about you know this, this.

480
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 3: Section of your life's work, because that is that is

481
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:26,719
Speaker 3: the work of our life.

482
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 4: Right, It's like.

483
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 1: We are not necessarily going to be able to change everybody.

484
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 1: People don't want change, don't want it, and some people

485
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 1: are not meant for it in this life if we

486
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: can be honest, right, and I'm going to go back

487
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: to my birth chart talks, but you know, it's not

488
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: in everyone's path that they heal all the things in

489
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: this life, and that is their right.

490
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 3: But it's like, it's so beautiful.

491
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: When we can just say within ourselves, I'm not in

492
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 1: judgment of them, but I will keep trying, and I

493
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: will keep holding the space and whatever way they're able

494
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: to receive it.

495
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 4: I think the best thing that we can do is

496
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 4: offer the space and extend the hand, and if people

497
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 4: know it's there, they can choose to come in, they

498
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 4: can choose to open and if they if they don't,

499
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 4: that's okay. I'm able to sleep at night if I

500
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 4: know that I've tried, if I have not made the effort,

501
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 4: I simply can't.

502
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 3: And yeah, yeah, yeah.

503
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 4: I think, especially with my parents, I've learned through my

504
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 4: own healing and the work I've had to do for myself,

505
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 4: that there's no reason to point a finger at anyone

506
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 4: and judge anyone for their mistakes or their shortcomings or

507
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 4: their absence.

508
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 2: You know.

509
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 4: I went to see a holistic doctor a few years

510
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 4: ago and he was doing a body scan. And I

511
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 4: went to this doctor so that he could tell me

512
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 4: what physical ailments I had and what I needed to

513
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 4: be aware of. And he did this whole scan and

514
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 4: then he said, you need to forgive your mother. And

515
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 4: I was like what, And he's like, yeah, we can

516
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 4: come back to it, but that's part of this. And

517
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 4: then in the end, he said, who is the first

518
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 4: person that taught you about love? And I said my dad?

519
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 4: And he said, and you need to forgive your mother

520
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 4: for not being able to do what he did. And

521
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 4: I thought about it. I grew up in a single

522
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 4: parent home with my dad. I did not grow up

523
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 4: with my mom, and as close as I am with

524
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 4: my mom, I have always held on to that anger

525
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 4: from my childhood, not fully understanding why she left and

526
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 4: why she wasn't there, and part of me was still

527
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 4: angry because of it, and that was causing me harm

528
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 4: and I didn't even recognize it. So I talk about

529
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 4: that in the book, as well as having to admit

530
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 4: to my mom, Mom, I apparently I am still upset

531
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 4: and I haven't fully forgiven you. And I know that

532
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 4: we can talk about it and I can get answers

533
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 4: from you, but I also need to do some deeper

534
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 4: work with myself to get to the root of this

535
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 4: and figure out why I'm having such a hard time.

536
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 4: And so you know, I had to do that to

537
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 4: uncover it all and really figure out why is this

538
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 4: holding me back so much? And I think being able

539
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 4: to forgive her not only freed myself, it also freed

540
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 4: her in so many ways, and then opened opened up

541
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 4: the door for us to have dialogue about things she

542
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 4: felt I was too young to understand. Now she could

543
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 4: see that as a woman, I was ready, and so

544
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 4: we can talk about her trauma and the reasons behind

545
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 4: all of her decisions. And I welcomed those really difficult

546
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 4: conversations with arms wide open because I didn't need to

547
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 4: be upset with her anymore. I could recognize that she

548
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 4: she wasn't present for many reasons, but she was doing

549
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 4: the best she could with the tools she had.

550
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 2: Yep.

551
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the biggest freedom. Yeah, that's the deeper layers

552
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 1: of the crevice work. And yeah, the power too of

553
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 1: stay in it, you know, because even our own perspective

554
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 1: gets to shift and grow.

555
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 3: You know.

556
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 1: I found, like on my journey with similar dynamics with

557
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 1: family members. It's like year one, in year two, the

558
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 1: charge and compassion I had felt very different than where

559
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 1: they felt in year three and four five of healing.

560
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: And so every time you get to a new layer,

561
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: there's a little more compassion you can come to the

562
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 1: person that may have caused harm with and a little

563
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 1: more neutrality and like what you thought it meant about you,

564
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: or what you thought it meant about their love for you. Yeah,

565
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: and sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. But the

566
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 1: beauty is like staying in it, Yeah, and continuing even

567
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: on the same thing that you've been healing your whole life,

568
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 1: there's still more layers to it, you know, There's always

569
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 1: more layers to it.

570
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. How has everyone in your life felt about the book?

571
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 4: That's a really good question. And so the book is

572
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 4: broken down into three sections. It's my mother's tears, my

573
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,720
Speaker 4: father's silence, and then there's a chapter where I do

574
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 4: a lot of inner work, and that one is that

575
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 4: section is speak or Repeat. And because I worked so

576
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 4: closely with both of my parents on this journey, I

577
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 4: felt we had gone through all of these things together

578
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 4: and we had worked past them, and so when the

579
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 4: book came out, I was excited for them to read it.

580
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 4: And my mom was a mess the first day she

581
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 4: listened to the audio book and she was just in

582
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 4: tears at work, And I'm like, why would you listen

583
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 4: to it at work?

584
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:55,280
Speaker 2: Mom?

585
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,479
Speaker 4: She's like, she was like, it hurts me so much

586
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,399
Speaker 4: to hear your side of the story because your side

587
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 4: of the story is not like mine, and you were

588
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 4: too young to understand my why. And it hurts me

589
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 4: to know how much I've hurt you and how it's

590
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 4: affected you as a woman in all of this work

591
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 4: you had to do because of my decisions. And we're

592
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 4: still working through all of that, and it's hard, but

593
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 4: it's beautiful that I have the opportunity to work through it.

594
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 4: And I see in my sister, who didn't grow up

595
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 4: with her biological mother, that even she has had revelations

596
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:47,840
Speaker 4: with this book about letting go of some of the

597
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 4: pain that she holds on to in recognizing that her

598
00:36:54,800 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 4: mother didn't have her mother didn't have everything she needed

599
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:04,479
Speaker 4: to be the best mom to her, but her mother

600
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 4: made the best decision and allowing her to live with

601
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 4: my mother, her mother made the best decision in giving

602
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,399
Speaker 4: her children to people that could care for them. And

603
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 4: if it wasn't for her mother, she wouldn't be here

604
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 4: and she wouldn't be a part of my life or

605
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 4: my family's life. And so I see her starting to

606
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 4: have this sense of gratitude and forgiveness, and I just

607
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 4: hope that it can do that for more people, because

608
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 4: that's really the only way that we can set ourselves

609
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 4: free from all of this pain that we're carrying. Yeah, wow,

610
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 4: I think too, Like what I'm also hearing and what

611
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,959
Speaker 4: you're saying is like and the work continues even after

612
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:50,840
Speaker 4: the book completes.

613
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, it absolutely does, and it's like.

614
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 3: New layers of it all.

615
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, in doing some of those deeper layers healing, How

616
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 1: does your husband and your partner kind of see you

617
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: in that or relate to that experience with you?

618
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 3: What was his journey like, you.

619
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 4: Know, what's really interesting. I have hoped, in many ways

620
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 4: my journey and my work would inspire my husband to

621
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 4: ask some of the hard questions. I ask a lot

622
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 4: of hard questions, and I know you do too. And

623
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 4: my husband always tells me he doesn't know. He doesn't know.

624
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 4: You know, there have been people who have committed suicide

625
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 4: and people who have struggled with mental health, and he

626
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 4: doesn't know the full story on a lot of it. Yea,

627
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 4: And I want him so badly to start asking, because

628
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 4: I know at some point our son will grow up

629
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 4: curious and deeper than that. Before I actually got pregnant,

630
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 4: I said, we should talk about our what runs in

631
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 4: our families. We should talk about mental health, physical health, bipolarity, like,

632
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 4: let's talk about all of it so that I can

633
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 4: have an understanding of what our son may carry. And

634
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:16,280
Speaker 4: that conversation made my husband a bit uncomfortable, and he's like, well,

635
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 4: you know, we don't have to assume, and I'm like,

636
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 4: it's not assumption, it's just preparation for whatever's to come,

637
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 4: you know. I'd just rather be prepared to take care

638
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 4: of whatever needs and to meet them.

639
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

640
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 4: So I think my husband while he is the most

641
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 4: supportive man in my life. He's not fully ready, but

642
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 4: I think that with time he will be.

643
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's the beauty, right Like, thankfully

644
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: there is still time. So yeah, whenever divine timing always prevails,

645
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 1: I think on the healing journey. But I'm pretty sure

646
00:39:56,160 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: it would be absolutely impossible for anyone in close proxy

647
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 1: to you to not start healing, Like you'd have to

648
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: coat yourself in armor to not pick up on those

649
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 1: vibes and the and the tools and the gifts to

650
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 1: be able to kind of dive in.

651
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, because those questions are going to keep coming.

652
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 5: That listen, I'm gonna find a few new ways to

653
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 5: sam that you're not done, yeah deeply. Well, how do

654
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 5: you define generational silence specifically? Because that I think is

655
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 5: really I just love that phrase, especially because not everyone necessarily.

656
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,240
Speaker 1: Many of us do, but not everyone has to always

657
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 1: dive into what were the big t traumas?

658
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 3: Right like or what was this? But it's really what

659
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:44,399
Speaker 3: like to.

660
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: That to the nuance of just not even sharing anything,

661
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 1: because I find sometimes like those are questions I've brought

662
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: up with my own mom. I'm like, not only did

663
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: I not hear anything? About your pain, or it was

664
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 1: said to me with such a chipper tone, with just

665
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: kind of like yeah, and then this horrible thing happened,

666
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait a minute, yeah, but then something

667
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: I shared with her, I said, I don't like you

668
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,360
Speaker 1: don't share your wins with me either. You don't share

669
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: what makes life feel special to you or moments that

670
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: you cherish and think about. Like all of that silence

671
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 1: keeps us apart too, because I'm not given the opportunity

672
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 1: to like know what's happening inside Yeah. Yeah.

673
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 4: So so generational silence it's a term used by psychologists

674
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 4: and sociologists that really refers to at least two generations

675
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 4: of avoiding conversation around topics that make them feel uncomfortable.

676
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 4: And it doesn't have to be deep work. It could

677
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 4: be avoiding conversations around money and finances, around religion, around violence.

678
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 4: There's so many different things that we keep quiet about.

679
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 4: There's so many emotions that we suppress and stories that

680
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 4: we don't tell, and so the silence is in not

681
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:08,280
Speaker 4: sharing that in giving that gift of what was learned

682
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:10,839
Speaker 4: or not learned to the next generation so that they

683
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 4: can make better decisions.

684
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,919
Speaker 1: It seems to be that that is a lot more

685
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 1: normal in marginalized communities.

686
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 4: Absolutely. Why so in this book, I looked back at

687
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 4: my family, but at the end of the day, I

688
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 4: had to look at the root of the issue and

689
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 4: where was silence truly taught. And when I look at

690
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 4: my family's lineage and I look at the experience of slavery,

691
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 4: we were not taught that our feelings mattered. Our trauma

692
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 4: and our pain mattered. The people who hurt us the

693
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:56,760
Speaker 4: most never apologized, and so conversations were not had about

694
00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:02,359
Speaker 4: honoring anything that we were feeling. I mean, families were

695
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 4: ripped apart and children were sold, and no one went

696
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 4: back to the mother and said, I'm so sorry I

697
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 4: had to do that to you. And so we were

698
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 4: taught to just move on and to just move forward.

699
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 4: And for generations, that was the coping technique that was

700
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 4: passed on, to just let it go. Yeah, it's going

701
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 4: to be okay, things will get better. But if you

702
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,479
Speaker 4: hold on to it and you make it a big deal,

703
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 4: it gets worse. So just let it go. And we're

704
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:38,359
Speaker 4: finally out of place because of all the tools and

705
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 4: resources that we have and all of the breakthroughs in

706
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 4: science that we can understand what we're going through and

707
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 4: create space to honor our feelings and our experiences and

708
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 4: share these stories. But for many years our pain was

709
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 4: overlooked and that was just part of the life experience

710
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 4: and compounded.

711
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 3: Just it's not like things got better.

712
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:07,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean, even I talk about in the book,

713
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:15,720
Speaker 4: I talk about breaking certain religious traditions and how unconsciously

714
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 4: the generations of my family have always done that. I mean,

715
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 4: when we look back at the time of slavery, black

716
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,800
Speaker 4: people went to church and they were taught to obey

717
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:31,399
Speaker 4: their master, and that is how you get in good

718
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 4: grace with God.

719
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 3: Oh Lord Jesus.

720
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 4: And so you know, we were taught to obey and

721
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 4: that is not in the Bible. Yeah, and there was

722
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,720
Speaker 4: so much unlearning that needed to take place. And even still,

723
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 4: you know, and so when you look at religion and spirituality,

724
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 4: everyone has a different approach to it. And I think

725
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 4: finally now we're at a place of acceptance of understanding

726
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 4: that it's a and we don't have to judge people

727
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 4: for their own beliefs as long as they are following

728
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 4: or feeling something that is good and is leading them

729
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 4: in a good way. But that was generations of breaking

730
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 4: those cycles of what we're supposed to do and what

731
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 4: is being taught by one person or a collective of

732
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:20,720
Speaker 4: people that were looking for a following.

733
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, yeah some in some way what you just

734
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: shared also made me feel so fortified and grateful to

735
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: be on to be alive right now in a time

736
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 1: where you have the luxury of quote unquote healing. You know,

737
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 1: it's just when you really sit in the fibers of

738
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: what you just expressed, it's like, you know, thinking back

739
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 1: to even when people were transported here from Africa and

740
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,839
Speaker 1: what that registered in our DNA that still exists now

741
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 1: that didn't exist. You know, it's like the depth of

742
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: it is maddening. It's unfathomable, you know, and it's like,

743
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 1: but also there's a freedom and realizing there are so

744
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: many reasons, you know, so many of us are slaying

745
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: the dragons were slaying right now in this way, and

746
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 1: it's not because of personal deficit, right, Like, it's not

747
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: because of like personal just you're so broken. We are

748
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 1: carrying all of it, and we're the first generation to

749
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 1: be able to really look at it, you know, so

750
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: even if we don't get it all done, just continue

751
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: to entest forward all of us, you know, like our

752
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:43,320
Speaker 1: work is to do what we can and to keep

753
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:47,399
Speaker 1: having the conversations, to keep trying, you know, to keep

754
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: going back to that well of family with compassion and

755
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,800
Speaker 1: hope and curiosity. That's what I'm getting from all of this.

756
00:46:55,280 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, to continue the conversation. And I think being

757
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 4: in a time, living in a time where there are

758
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 4: so many distractions, sometimes it could be difficult to have

759
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 4: these deep conversations with our children, or we may feel

760
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 4: that they are not fully understanding the seriousness of what

761
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 4: we're sharing. And so I think even making sure you're

762
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 4: having conversations in the right spaces, I mean going for

763
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 4: a walk, having the talk in a car, being in

764
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 4: spaces where there aren't screens, you know, so that there

765
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 4: really is that one on one connection and your child's

766
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:43,280
Speaker 4: can hear you and process what you're sharing.

767
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I love that I have to have

768
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 3: a confession to make.

769
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 1: My son has thought that our TV doesn't work for

770
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 1: like the last several months, but it works.

771
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 3: I just keep telling them it's broken, so you can talk.

772
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: So we can just I love that it's been amazing,

773
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: like it's been so he never really gets screen time anyway,

774
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 1: and I know that in and of itself is a

775
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 1: privilege in a lot of ways to be able to

776
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:18,919
Speaker 1: not need a screen to kind of get other things done.

777
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 1: And that is so hard for so many of us.

778
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 4: It's hard. I'm doing it right now. Yeah, it's hard.

779
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 1: It's hard, and whatever you can do, we're doing our

780
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: best to navigate this world we didn't necessarily ask for

781
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 1: or have a hand in shaping. When it comes to

782
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 1: the way, you know, these electronics are rewiring our brain.

783
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 1: But that's a whole other episode. So he doesn't have

784
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 1: a ton of access anyway. But it did start to

785
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: turn into kind of him watching a cartoon in the morning,

786
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: or you know, being able to watch like still Water

787
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 1: before bed, which shout out to Stillwater on Apple Plus, y'all,

788
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 1: it's so good for the kids. But now I'm just like, no,

789
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: we can find things to do with our time, yeah,

790
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:04,000
Speaker 1: you know, or or it creates so much space for

791
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: him to bring in his curiosity and his ability to

792
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: create you know, what the conversation will be, and so yeah,

793
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 1: that's yeah, it.

794
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 4: Creates special It creates space for those core memories that

795
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 4: he can look back on. I mean, how many memories

796
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 4: do you have of whatever was happening around you while

797
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 4: you were watching TV as a child.

798
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 3: God, that's so real. You have no idea, no idea.

799
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 4: I can remember smells, I can remember smells and sounds,

800
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:39,319
Speaker 4: but like everything else, Yeah, I was completely distracted.

801
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, I love that.

802
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:45,439
Speaker 4: Okay, you're doing a good job.

803
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 3: Thank you.

804
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 1: I received that. He'll have his own opinion when he

805
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 1: becomes old enough, but.

806
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,720
Speaker 3: He will know I enjoyed him and he was loved

807
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 3: and I tried really hard. You will know that.

808
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 1: You know. I have one more big question for you,

809
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 1: and then I want to invite you to share some

810
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: soul work with the audience. But you know, I think

811
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 1: something that might be going through everyone's head right now,

812
00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:12,919
Speaker 1: especially if this is landing in, you know.

813
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 3: A deeper way or a newer way.

814
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 1: Of understanding family dynamic. As people are kind of mulling

815
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: through some core memories or some themes in themselves, how

816
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: can people begin to identify the way in which generational

817
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:31,839
Speaker 1: silence has affected them or the way in which they

818
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 1: may have inherited some of that inherited trauma. You know,

819
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:41,240
Speaker 1: it may not be their exact experience, but something feels wrong.

820
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 1: How do they begin to start that walk?

821
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I think recognizing where those blockages lie.

822
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 4: And for me, I looked at my marriage, and when

823
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:04,280
Speaker 4: you're in a romantic relationship, or really any type of relationship,

824
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,399
Speaker 4: it's like holding a mirror to yourself, and so you

825
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 4: are forced if you care enough about getting through all

826
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,240
Speaker 4: the things with that other person who is so different

827
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 4: from you, you have to be able to explain yourself

828
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 4: and explain your responses and your triggers and all of

829
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 4: these things. And something that I didn't even realize was

830
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:27,880
Speaker 4: an issue. I was so protective of my money and

831
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 4: keeping separate bank accounts was important to me, and I

832
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 4: didn't know why. I didn't want my husband to see

833
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,360
Speaker 4: my spending habits. I didn't think it was any of

834
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 4: his business. I was like, yes, we're married, but why

835
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 4: do you need to see how I spend money? And

836
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:46,440
Speaker 4: I recognized it was this insecurity that I had around

837
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 4: money because I didn't grow up with money, and I

838
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 4: didn't know what to do with money once I got it.

839
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 4: And so I married this man who was so educated

840
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:04,239
Speaker 4: and knew how to invest money and build equity, and

841
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 4: I was just saving. I was putting money into a

842
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,399
Speaker 4: savings account, and that was all that I knew to do.

843
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 4: And I was like, is something wrong with me?

844
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 2: Is there? Like?

845
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 4: What is this? And I looked at my parents, who

846
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:22,879
Speaker 4: both went through bankruptcy. I looked at my grandparents who

847
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,840
Speaker 4: were struggling to get by, and I realized that no

848
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:30,919
Speaker 4: one had taught me about money. We didn't talk about it,

849
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 4: and even when I started making it, there was no

850
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 4: one to turn to to say what do I do

851
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 4: with this? How do I manage it? And so it's

852
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 4: recognizing that a lot of our setbacks and a lot

853
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:48,000
Speaker 4: of our challenges stem from what we didn't know, and

854
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:54,720
Speaker 4: sometimes that not the lack of knowledge comes from generational

855
00:52:55,440 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 4: the lack of generational experience with that thing. Yeah, And

856
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 4: so I think being really honest about ourselves and being

857
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 4: easier on ourselves, that this isn't just about you. It's

858
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,279
Speaker 4: bigger than you. There's a reason you don't know, there's

859
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:18,960
Speaker 4: a reason you don't know better, right, And so now

860
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 4: you can do the work to figure it out, but

861
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:25,319
Speaker 4: you can also find out why you didn't know. And

862
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 4: that's really where I've been over the last few years,

863
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 4: is like, why didn't I know? And now that I do,

864
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 4: I can do better, but I can also look back

865
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 4: at my parents and say they didn't know and that

866
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 4: was okay.

867
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:50,240
Speaker 1: Brava, yeah, wow, Yeah, You've been doing the deepest, deepest

868
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: layers of work and it's going to bear so much

869
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 1: fruit in your family tree.

870
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:57,319
Speaker 3: I hope.

871
00:53:57,360 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 4: So it takes a lot of honesty and accountability, and

872
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 4: it takes a lot of vulnerability, and that those are

873
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 4: three things that I have been really working on channeling

874
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 4: for the last three years. Is just being so honest

875
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 4: with myself and accepting that I am this imperfect person

876
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 4: having a human experience, trying to figure it all out,

877
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 4: and I make mistakes and I may have hurt some

878
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:30,400
Speaker 4: people as well, and I will do the work to

879
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 4: get better. If I want other people to do the same,

880
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:35,839
Speaker 4: I have to give myself that grace.

881
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 3: Gorgeously said yeah a Shay, Yes, yes, yes, God, thank you.

882
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 3: The last thing I will ask is if you would

883
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,879
Speaker 3: share with our audience a little soul work. So it's

884
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,879
Speaker 3: a way to integrate the episode. So whether that is

885
00:54:57,040 --> 00:55:00,120
Speaker 3: one of your personal tools or practices, one of your

886
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 3: favorite quotes, some self inquiry, anything to help better integrate

887
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 3: and kind of really sink into the savoring of this

888
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,320
Speaker 3: episode and whatever the next step may be.

889
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 4: Set the tone every day, in every space, set the tone.

890
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:29,239
Speaker 4: I remember seeing on social media something about winning habits,

891
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 4: and a couple years ago, when I was really struggling

892
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 4: with my mental health and going into depression, I started

893
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:42,720
Speaker 4: waking up and choosing what I believe were my winning habits,

894
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 4: and that was either starting the day with writing, walking,

895
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 4: or working out. And if I did at least one

896
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:54,360
Speaker 4: of those things, even if for ten minutes every morning,

897
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 4: it's set the tone and put me in a better

898
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 4: place to respond to whatever challenges or chaos may arise.

899
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:09,160
Speaker 4: I was ready because I would start the day setting

900
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 4: the tone with a winning habit. And I think it's

901
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,359
Speaker 4: the same thing with energy. Sometimes we have fear around

902
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 4: how a conversation might go, how our needs may be

903
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 4: rejected by others in the workplace, and our relationships with

904
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 4: our family, and it's setting the tone that I am

905
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 4: walking in this space to give good energy, and I

906
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 4: am walking in this space to share my needs, and

907
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 4: if they are not met, they are at least heard.

908
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 4: And so I would say, always set the tone.

909
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 3: I love that, I love that, and if they are

910
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:56,360
Speaker 3: not met, they are always heard. Yeah, set the tone.

911
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: That's good.

912
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 4: Thank you. You set the tone everywhere you go. It's

913
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,439
Speaker 4: a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing to experience. Anyone

914
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 4: who's ever met you knows. I was actually just talking

915
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 4: to a mutual friend of ours, Erica, and she was

916
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:13,400
Speaker 4: saying that when you walk into a space, you just

917
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:18,240
Speaker 4: carry this light with you, and that is setting the tone.

918
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 4: You know, you lift the spirits of others when you

919
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 4: walk into a room. It's a gift, but it's something

920
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 4: everyone is capable of doing if they're intentional about it.

921
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for saying that, And I really

922
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 3: receive that, and I just echo that too.

923
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 1: All of us can do that for ourselves. All of

924
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 1: us can find the space to do that for others too,

925
00:57:43,040 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: you know. And it's like the more we do the work,

926
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: the more space there is to like light a fire

927
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:53,600
Speaker 1: for yourself inside. And then it's not a lot of

928
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 1: work because you're just showing up in your own warmth

929
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 1: that you always hold.

930
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. Really beautiful. Book.

931
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 1: Breaking Generational Silence, A Guide to disrupt unhealthy family patterns

932
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 1: and heal inherited trauma, by Nicole Russell Wharton.

933
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 3: It is available.

934
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 1: Everywhere audiobook, physical copy, kindle copy, all the places that

935
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:19,920
Speaker 1: you get books get to the deeper layers of the work.

936
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 1: And you know, I want to say what I think

937
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:26,560
Speaker 1: is so special and powerful about this book, and I

938
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 1: think could even be the position or statement, is that

939
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 1: it's the first in the things that I've seen, it

940
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: is the first book I've really seen be able to

941
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:44,959
Speaker 1: create the bridge to community without yelling that it's about community, right,

942
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 1: And I think right now, as people do their own

943
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: internal work and investigation, there is that kind of void

944
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: space where you're like, how the hell do I go

945
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,080
Speaker 1: back into the world, or how do I stay around

946
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:00,200
Speaker 1: my family that also hurts me a little, or there

947
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: are all these things that are so hard to figure

948
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 1: out when you think you have done your all of

949
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 1: the work. And I think this book really beautifully gives

950
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 1: a deep understanding of what it is to be in

951
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 1: healing and bring that back into.

952
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 3: The spaces that you love the most or.

953
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:24,960
Speaker 1: That are the most significant in your life. And that

954
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 1: is the harder part, but it is the most beautiful

955
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: part when you get to get to this point of

956
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:32,440
Speaker 1: doing the work.

957
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think thank you for saying that, because a

958
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:43,439
Speaker 4: lot of my work was centered around self, and it

959
00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:47,920
Speaker 4: was because of a response needed to deal or to

960
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:50,640
Speaker 4: cope with the trauma for the kids that I work

961
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 4: with at the foundation, or even for myself telling myself

962
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 4: when my mother was gone that I didn't need anyone,

963
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,560
Speaker 4: that I was enough and I was going to to

964
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:05,160
Speaker 4: create this life for myself and I I am the

965
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 4: only thing that I need. And the revelation for me

966
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 4: was that I don't fully understand myself without being in

967
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 4: community with others. You can't fully heal in a room alone.

968
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 3: That's it, that is it. There is only so much

969
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 3: understanding you can unlock in a silo. Wow.

970
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:38,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep yeah, Nicole, thank you so much for joining us.

971
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 4: Thank you for having me. This is beautiful, such a privilege.

972
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 1: Check the show notes of this episode. You'll be able

973
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,240
Speaker 1: to connect with Nicole's Instagram page, her website, and a

974
01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 1: link to purchase this book now now now scroll down

975
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 1: into the show notes, get set up with all the info.

976
01:00:56,280 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 1: So grateful and so grateful for you listening and from home.

977
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 1: I am so glad you are on this journey. I

978
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 1: am so glad you are doing this work, and I

979
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: am so grateful I get to play a very tiny

980
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: part in that God blessed, no mistay say. The content

981
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:24,200
Speaker 1: presented on Deeply Well serves solely for educational and informational purposes.

982
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 1: It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical

983
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:32,160
Speaker 1: or mental health guidance, and does not constitute a provider

984
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 1: patient relationship. As always, it is advisable to consult with

985
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 1: your healthcare provider or health team for any specific concerns

986
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 1: or questions that you may have. Connect with me on

987
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 1: social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram, or you

988
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 1: can go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And

989
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 1: if you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts, don't forget.

990
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:58,880
Speaker 1: Please rate, review, and subscribe and send this episode to

991
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 1: a friend. Deeply Well is a production of iHeartRadio and

992
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: The Black Effect Network.

993
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 3: It's produced by jacquesse.

994
01:02:05,120 --> 01:02:10,360
Speaker 1: Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown. The Beautiful Soundbath

995
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:15,280
Speaker 1: You Heard That's by Jarrelyn Glass from Crystal Cadence. For

996
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:19,680
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997
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.