Speaker 1: I am I Amla, your host, your guide, a teacher
Speaker 1: for some, and a soft place to fall for others.
Speaker 1: I was a miserable failure in my relationships until I
Speaker 1: love myself enough to be able to share my love
Speaker 1: with other people. Welcome to the R Spot, a production
Speaker 1: of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome
Speaker 1: to the R Spot, the spot where we look at relationships,
Speaker 1: all kinds of relationships, knowing and understanding that relationships are
Speaker 1: the healing tools our concepts of ourselves, our perceptions and
Speaker 1: concepts of other people, and our concepts of about love.
Speaker 1: Relationships are all about love, loving ourselves, loving other people,
Speaker 1: loving our creator, loving life. So the fact that we
Speaker 1: need love, want love, pursue love takes us in and
Speaker 1: out of relationships. And yet sometimes we can be in
Speaker 1: a relationship and think that we're not getting what we
Speaker 1: want and what we need the way we want it
Speaker 1: and the way we need it, and we'll get frustrated, disgusted, upset,
Speaker 1: disgruntled in that relationship, and we'll let it go. And
Speaker 1: then a week later, a month later, a year later,
Speaker 1: ten years later, we look back and say, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that was exactly what I wanted, and I had no
Speaker 1: way of knowing that. I thought they were wrong. I
Speaker 1: thought it wasn't enough. I thought I needed more. I
Speaker 1: thought it I couldn't get it, And that was exactly
Speaker 1: what I wanted. Sometimes we let the good one get away,
Speaker 1: and then when we look back and see them happy
Speaker 1: over there with Shaquita, we say, oh my god, how
Speaker 1: come they weren't treating me like that? How come they
Speaker 1: weren't giving me that? How come they weren't doing that
Speaker 1: with me? Well, maybe they were, and maybe you just
Speaker 1: weren't open to receive it. You know, it's hard because
Speaker 1: as human beings, we make up in our mind what
Speaker 1: things should look like, how people should be, how we
Speaker 1: should get this or get that, or do this or
Speaker 1: do that, And the truth is we have no clue.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we don't know what to pray for. We don't
Speaker 1: know what love looks like because we've had past experiences
Speaker 1: and we keep going into our file cabinet and pulling
Speaker 1: out those experiences and comparing them to what we have
Speaker 1: and what we're doing right now, and we can be
Speaker 1: totally off the mark and in pursuing those little human demands,
Speaker 1: if you will. Sometimes we let the good one get away,
Speaker 1: and sometimes we're the good one and somebody will let
Speaker 1: us get away, and they do it in such a
Speaker 1: horrific pattern, a horrific process, to when they come back
Speaker 1: and say I made a mistake. I want you back,
Speaker 1: We're like, uh uh no, done with you done. That
Speaker 1: door is closed, that portal is no longer available. So
Speaker 1: we want to talk about that today. Did you let
Speaker 1: the good one get away? And if so, why? And
Speaker 1: are you the good one who got away? And if so,
Speaker 1: how did that happen? So that we can explore some
Speaker 1: of the humanness that we use to destroy our relationships,
Speaker 1: both with ourselves and with other people. So I've got
Speaker 1: some callers today who have that experience. Here's my first caller. Greetings,
Speaker 1: and welcome to the R spot. How could you let
Speaker 1: him get away? Or maybe they let you get away?
Speaker 1: Did you let the good one get away?
Speaker 2: Yes? I did, Yes, I did.
Speaker 1: Tell me your tale of woe? How long ago was it?
Speaker 1: Who wasn't? And what did you do?
Speaker 3: It was a long time ago, But I was twenty two,
Speaker 3: he was twenty six, a great man.
Speaker 2: We both were teachers at the time, and he took
Speaker 2: care of everything. We lived together amazing relationships. I just
Speaker 2: feel like.
Speaker 3: You know, everything was good, nothing was really wrong. I
Speaker 3: just feel like I was young and he was older.
Speaker 3: So I think that's why I let a good thing
Speaker 3: get away. So you know, in my head, isn't okay
Speaker 3: that you let a good thing get away? Because now
Speaker 3: I feel like I am a better person.
Speaker 2: I love where I am right now, and you know,
Speaker 2: I learned a lot within that relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, I need the dirt. Okay, how did what did
Speaker 1: you do? You talk about he was older? That's four
Speaker 1: years your twenty two, he's twenty sixcess four years. Why
Speaker 1: did you think he was too old?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't even know.
Speaker 3: It's just I think the mindset where our minds were,
Speaker 3: and you know at that time, I guess I was
Speaker 3: just turned twenty two.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but I just know.
Speaker 3: That I wasn't there yet, and he was more serious,
Speaker 3: he was in a he was more just ready for
Speaker 3: the home life. You know, a good woman, And yes
Speaker 3: I was good.
Speaker 2: I just I just feel like I was just enjoying
Speaker 2: life at twenty two.
Speaker 1: So what did you do? Did you put him out
Speaker 1: or did you create arguments to get rid of him.
Speaker 1: Did you could tell me give me the dirt, give.
Speaker 2: It to me.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think we grew apart, but I
Speaker 3: do know so I started meaning other.
Speaker 2: People all.
Speaker 3: But uh, you know, I just think I was living life,
Speaker 3: just seeing everything that was out there.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you were too young. You were too young?
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I was too young.
Speaker 2: But I do feel like he was good, you know,
Speaker 2: even now I'm forty five. I'll be forty five and
Speaker 2: now I'm like, where is he?
Speaker 3: Where I need somebody just like this?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, So you don't know where he is.
Speaker 1: You haven't seen him since?
Speaker 2: No, I haven't.
Speaker 1: Did you? Did you google him?
Speaker 2: Separate ways?
Speaker 1: Okay, well what did you learn? You said you learn
Speaker 1: some some things. What did you learn?
Speaker 3: I learned for myself that I just needed to grow.
Speaker 3: I just needed to grow within the relationships, just within
Speaker 3: myself because now, you know, I want what I have
Speaker 3: before and I haven't found a person that.
Speaker 2: Can give me, you know, the attention, because he gave
Speaker 2: me a lot of attention and everything. But again, like
Speaker 2: I said, I feel like my mindset wasn't there. I
Speaker 2: enjoyed the relationship. Nothing negative really happened.
Speaker 3: We just parted ways. It's just that I wasn't ready
Speaker 3: and now I'm ready. Now I'm ready, And that's pretty
Speaker 3: sad to me.
Speaker 2: That's sad. You know. It takes years to realize. Okay,
Speaker 2: I let a good thing to get away.
Speaker 1: Well you didn't know it was good.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we want things and we a don't believe we
Speaker 1: can have them, so when they show up, we tell ourselves, this,
Speaker 1: ain't it. That's number one and number two may not.
Speaker 1: There may be a seed within us as of undeservedness.
Speaker 1: Oh I don't deserve this. Why is this happening? You know?
Speaker 1: And then here's the big one. No, this can't be true.
Speaker 1: He's got to be something got to be wrong with him,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sticking around. It's too good, Yeah, too
Speaker 1: good to be true. And now you can't find it. Well,
Speaker 1: it's out there, trust it. Yes it is. It is.
Speaker 1: If it it wasn't out there, you wouldn't want it.
Speaker 1: And that's something that we have to. If you spot it,
Speaker 1: you got it. So if you can spot or identify
Speaker 1: what it is that you want and desire, you know,
Speaker 1: it was the wrong timing for you. So perhaps that
Speaker 1: you stayed together you would have you know, fought or
Speaker 1: broke up or whatever, and it really would have went downhill.
Speaker 1: Here at least you exercised your own free will and
Speaker 1: walked away. But it's out there, and I know it's hard.
Speaker 1: In today's world, we think that they will never find it.
Speaker 1: And that the thought that keeps it away, thinking it's
Speaker 1: not out there while you are looking for it, we'll
Speaker 1: keep it from finding you.
Speaker 2: Call it in.
Speaker 1: I'm ready. I'm ready to share my life. I'm ready
Speaker 1: to share my heart, and you know, God forgive my language.
Speaker 1: I'm ready to share my bed. But call it in.
Speaker 1: And this is the other part. Know this, Had he
Speaker 1: been the right one, he wouldn't have left. He wouldn't
Speaker 1: have he would have been willing to fight for the relationship.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 1: So what do you want now?
Speaker 2: What I want to know? What I had before?
Speaker 1: Well, no, no, let's close that file, cabinet, Let's take
Speaker 1: that file out, take it out, because what you had
Speaker 1: before was something you couldn't receive. You don't want that again.
Speaker 1: Do you see what I'm saying? What you had before
Speaker 1: is something you couldn't receive. You don't want that. So
Speaker 1: what do you want now? Lay it out? Give me
Speaker 1: the details?
Speaker 3: What I want now is somebody who will love me
Speaker 3: for me. I want, you know, somebody that I can
Speaker 3: enjoy time with, who's been too god Somebody who like
Speaker 3: to travel.
Speaker 2: I'm fun, out going, and then I could be a
Speaker 2: recluse as well. I could be in and I could
Speaker 2: be out. I'm a cancer. So you know we got
Speaker 2: this tell Oh yeah, yeah, so I could be in
Speaker 2: and out.
Speaker 3: But I really want a relationship. You know that somebody
Speaker 3: can love me for me. Who I am not putting
Speaker 3: on the further side, putting on a mask, It's just me.
Speaker 1: Well we all want that. We will all want to
Speaker 1: be accepted for who we are. What I want to
Speaker 1: incourage you to do is don't put it on a person.
Speaker 1: Don't say I want someone, say I want to be
Speaker 1: loved authentically. I want to be loved as I am.
Speaker 1: I want a companion to travel with. I want someone
Speaker 1: who knows fun. I also want someone who's not going
Speaker 1: to be disturbed or upset when I need my own space.
Speaker 1: I want someone who's settled in their own life, someone
Speaker 1: who has their own vision. I want someone I can
Speaker 1: build a dream and a vision with, someone I can
Speaker 1: build a life with. Or I want to experience that.
Speaker 1: But if you say I want somebody to do these things,
Speaker 1: that means that you have a construct in there that
Speaker 1: they have to live up to, as opposed to I
Speaker 1: want a relationship where this is what I experience, where
Speaker 1: I experience companionship where I experience, you know, the joy
Speaker 1: of traveling. I want a relationship where I feel I
Speaker 1: can be authentic and honest. I want a relation whiphip
Speaker 1: where I can also have my me time. I want
Speaker 1: a relationship where I experience generosity and security and safety.
Speaker 1: That's the kind of relationship I want it, and I
Speaker 1: want it with a man who's between this age and
Speaker 1: that age.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I mean, then you get specific.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, now that sound like a book I won't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or what I see myself, And that's even better
Speaker 1: when you can see yourself in a relationship. I see
Speaker 1: myself in a relationship where I'm accepted for who I am.
Speaker 1: I see myself in a relationship where I'm traveling and
Speaker 1: I'm having fun, you know what I mean? Because again,
Speaker 1: if you make it them, if they don't do it
Speaker 1: the way that you think it should be done, you
Speaker 1: know you may not recognize it again when it comes.
Speaker 2: Yes, So Oh, well, what if you have to put
Speaker 2: you have to put yourself in that position to be
Speaker 2: ready to also receive as well, because I think that's
Speaker 2: what some of us don't do either. Just be ready
Speaker 2: for it.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm ready for a relationship where I'm accepted for
Speaker 1: who I am. I see myself in and I'm ready
Speaker 1: to experience, you know, total acceptance. I see myself in
Speaker 1: and I'm ready to accept. You know. That can be
Speaker 1: a journaling exercise, that can be affirmations, that can be
Speaker 1: your vision board, that can be so many ways that
Speaker 1: you created so that you don't let another good one
Speaker 1: get away. But you want to be careful because what
Speaker 1: would it look like to you if somebody accepted you
Speaker 1: for who you are? What would that look like? You
Speaker 1: got to know because you may think you can wear
Speaker 1: your whole raggedy pajamas to bed and with you know,
Speaker 1: your hair standing up over your head and that's who
Speaker 1: you are. And your partner may say, God, could you
Speaker 1: could you get a nice nightgown? And that may strike
Speaker 1: you as well, why can't you just accept me and
Speaker 1: my holy pajamas with my hair standing on top of
Speaker 1: my head?
Speaker 3: Okay, so you got you gotta you know, if somebody
Speaker 3: come to me.
Speaker 1: But somebody loving you for who you are as you
Speaker 1: are doesn't necessarily mean that they'll always agree with you,
Speaker 1: because some of your stuff may be crazy as hell.
Speaker 1: Suppose you're a Republican and they're a Democrat, they're a
Speaker 1: Democrat and you're a Republican. Or you're an independent, or
Speaker 1: you you know whatever, you're a Christian and there universalist.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that they can't love you with who
Speaker 1: you are. So just be mindful that somebody loving you
Speaker 1: and accepting you is who you are doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: you're all going to always agree and that you'll always
Speaker 1: want the same things in the same way. But in
Speaker 1: the places that it matters, Can you trust them with
Speaker 1: your heart? Do you feel safe with them? They? Are
Speaker 1: they generous with you? Do they have a sense of humor?
Speaker 1: I mean, whatever it is that matters to you, because
Speaker 1: the good one may not always agree with you, but
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that they're not exactly what you want.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: Well, don't say that, okay, go journal, go journal, make
Speaker 1: you a vision born and then get on a dating site. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding that the good one exactly. The good
Speaker 1: one is out there. The good one is out there,
Speaker 1: and they'll find you. And when you start vibrating where
Speaker 1: they're vibrating because there's somebody, a nice person out there
Speaker 1: who wants to travel, who has a good sense of humor,
Speaker 1: who's generous, who has their own vision, who can support
Speaker 1: you and your vision. It's out there. I promise you.
Speaker 1: If it wasn't, you wouldn't want it. If it was,
Speaker 1: since you wouldn't want it. Okay, all right, well, listen,
Speaker 1: there are six billion people on the planet. One of
Speaker 1: them is looking for you. Call him in, Call him in. Okay, yes, ma'am,
Speaker 1: all right, thank you, thank you. Okay. Yeah, it happens.
Speaker 1: We let the good one get away, and then we
Speaker 1: spend the rest of our life trying to find it.
Speaker 1: But remember his point is important. If it was really
Speaker 1: for you, it would not have gone away. And also
Speaker 1: know that if it's for you and you're willing to
Speaker 1: hang in there with it, you'll work out those little differences.
Speaker 1: And don't think that the good one is the one
Speaker 1: that agrees with you all the time, sees things exactly
Speaker 1: the way you see that in relationships, we need that
Speaker 1: polarity we need the maximizer and the minimizer. We need
Speaker 1: the recluse and the social person. We need the loud
Speaker 1: mouth and the quiet person. You need that polarity in relationships.
Speaker 1: They say opposites are track, opposites are trac and sometimes
Speaker 1: we will attract our opposite and because they're not doing
Speaker 1: what we do the way we do it, we think
Speaker 1: that they are not the right one. Yeah, And in
Speaker 1: relationships sometimes you have to fight for what it is
Speaker 1: that you want. So know what the right one is
Speaker 1: and know that even when the right one comes along,
Speaker 1: there are going to be points of tension, things you
Speaker 1: have to work on, things you have to work through.
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. And we'll
Speaker 1: talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the R Spot. Let's get back to the conversation. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the R Spot. I am a online today.
Speaker 1: We are looking at a very interesting topic. Did you
Speaker 1: let the good one get away? Or are you the
Speaker 1: good one that got away? Okay, the good one? What
Speaker 1: is the good one? We're looking at that. We're examining that.
Speaker 1: What does it mean that the person is good for you?
Speaker 1: Is it because they're giving you what you want and
Speaker 1: denying themselves? Does it mean that they always agree with
Speaker 1: you and they don't have a point of view on
Speaker 1: their own? What is the good one? And did you
Speaker 1: let it get away? Let me see what my next
Speaker 1: caller has to say. Greetings, and welcome to the R spot.
Speaker 1: We are talking today about the good one that got away?
Speaker 1: Did you let the good one get away? Or are
Speaker 1: you the good one who got away?
Speaker 4: I let get away?
Speaker 1: Did you? I want to hear what did you do?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: It was like a high school sweetheart, and we didn't
Speaker 2: see each other a whole lot after high school and
Speaker 2: I joined the military, so he came looking for me,
Speaker 2: and my mom told me I was in a Korea,
Speaker 2: and she said someone came by looking for you, but
Speaker 2: I did not remember their name, so I was like, well,
Speaker 2: I don't know who that was. So I would say
Speaker 2: twenty or so years later, Wow, I moved back to
Speaker 2: my home hometown and me and my granddaughter were in
Speaker 2: the grocery store and I heard someone behind me. He says,
Speaker 2: I got you. Now you are not going to get away,
Speaker 2: And when I turned around.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 2: It was the type of person in high school, you
Speaker 2: being young.
Speaker 4: You don't know anything about love.
Speaker 2: But in his presence I would always smile. I'm not
Speaker 2: a smiler, he would just he had just such a
Speaker 2: beautiful spirit and it would always make me smile. And
Speaker 2: there was something about his eyes. I said, you know,
Speaker 2: I think you're looking through me, and don't you know
Speaker 2: I wouldn't.
Speaker 4: It was just so uncomfortable. I knew it was something there,
Speaker 4: but I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 5: So we got.
Speaker 2: A chance to reconnect for about a year and a half,
Speaker 2: and unfortunately he passed away.
Speaker 1: Oh well, you didn't let him get away. He left.
Speaker 2: Well, to me, I feel like he got away because
Speaker 2: that was the only person. You know, how you just
Speaker 2: have a connection with someone that you don't experience with
Speaker 2: anyone else.
Speaker 4: I'm fifty eight and ready to be fifty nine. And
Speaker 4: he passed away in twenty twenty seventeen, and right after that,
Speaker 4: my father passed away. I was just caregiver. We met
Speaker 4: at the same like twenty fifteen, my friend came back
Speaker 4: into my life, and then immediately after that I had
Speaker 4: to go and get my father because his current wife
Speaker 4: was ill and my father had dementia and it developed
Speaker 4: into Parkinson's. So I had two loves of my life
Speaker 4: lead me back to back, and COVID happened during that time, okay,
Speaker 4: And I always say, you know, God, why did you
Speaker 4: bring him back for such a short period of time.
Speaker 4: It's like he opened up my heart because I'm a
Speaker 4: single mother, grown with kids, who wasn't interested in the
Speaker 4: date and just to live in life and to have
Speaker 4: you know, your whole heart opened from a very special person.
Speaker 4: And then you know, I appreciate the time, but it's
Speaker 4: really been.
Speaker 1: Hard because you're still holding on. You're holding on and
Speaker 1: how have you tried? What have you done? You know,
Speaker 1: we're looking at how did you let the good one
Speaker 1: get away? And in your particular case, it wasn't that
Speaker 1: you let him get away. It's that his contract expired,
Speaker 1: and the contract was with life, it wasn't with you.
Speaker 2: Yes, And during our time together, he would always say,
Speaker 2: you know, had an illness. And he would always say,
Speaker 2: if you don't hear from me in a certain period
Speaker 2: of time, you know something has happened. And it really
Speaker 2: I would ask him why, you know, I would talk
Speaker 2: to him about his health and what he was doing
Speaker 2: and what did the doctor say, and he would shut down,
Speaker 2: and you know, we go through periods, and he went
Speaker 2: and mentioned it, and all of a sudden he would
Speaker 2: mention it again. And our love connection was so strong.
Speaker 2: Because he was admitted into the hospital, I think he
Speaker 2: had to start having a cluster of strokes. And the
Speaker 2: day he died, I was at home by myself with
Speaker 2: my father and I was going to the other side
Speaker 2: of the house to check on him. And I felt
Speaker 2: it and I was like, oh no, lord, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm here by myself with my dad. There was nobody
Speaker 2: to call nine one one, what is it? And later
Speaker 2: on that afternoon I got the phone call. And when
Speaker 2: he left this world, I felt that.
Speaker 1: How beautiful is that? That's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I have a friend and she had a love like that.
Speaker 1: They were together, they were separated, they came back together
Speaker 1: and they went to the restaurant to eat and he
Speaker 1: went in the bathroom and had a asthma attack and
Speaker 1: died right in the bathroom or the restaurant. You know,
Speaker 1: he left his body. And the thing that she said,
Speaker 1: you know, she was sad for a long time, but
Speaker 1: you know what she said, she said, he taught me
Speaker 1: how to love unconditionally, and what unconditional love felt like
Speaker 1: so after that many you know, several years after that,
Speaker 1: she met someone else and she said, I know he
Speaker 1: loves me unconditionally because it felt the same way it
Speaker 1: felt when Shafi loved me. What if this person was
Speaker 1: just showing you what it really feels like to be
Speaker 1: loved so that you could share it with somebody else
Speaker 1: instead of being remorseful that he isn't here anymore, Why
Speaker 1: aren't you holding it? Okay, I know what love feels like,
Speaker 1: not what it looks like, what the person says or does,
Speaker 1: but what it feels like. Have you ever considered that?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 5: Yes I have.
Speaker 2: It's just unfortunately I haven't experienced that. I've tried, and
Speaker 2: I'm currently trying to date. But you have all those feelings.
Speaker 1: And I have all those feelings.
Speaker 2: Yes I have.
Speaker 4: You know the feelings of what love is and how
Speaker 4: it is supposed to feel, what it looks like. And
Speaker 4: I tell him all the time, I said, you just
Speaker 4: opened me up at a time where I guess, you know,
Speaker 4: I need it to be but I just thought it
Speaker 4: would last. And it's like the people that I've come
Speaker 4: in contact with. Unfortunately, it is just I don't know
Speaker 4: what's going on?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: Because you're comparing as opposed to receiving. And we'll talk
Speaker 1: about that when we come back. Welcome back to the
Speaker 1: R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. You know,
Speaker 1: my last partner passed away also, and sometimes I have
Speaker 1: to say, listen, you don't get to occupy this space
Speaker 1: in my heart anymore. I get to continue to love you,
Speaker 1: but you don't get to occupy this space of my
Speaker 1: time in my heart. My heart has to be open
Speaker 1: for someone else. Now I'm consciously choosing not to date
Speaker 1: at this moment. But if you hold him in your
Speaker 1: heart in a way where you're comparing what shows up
Speaker 1: to what you had, you're never going to find it.
Speaker 1: Because God is not I mean, everybody is different and
Speaker 1: in life, you know, apples may look alike, but everyone
Speaker 1: is unique. So if you're comparing this apple to that apple,
Speaker 1: you're never going to find the first apple again. But
Speaker 1: you can find a good apple.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to find a good.
Speaker 1: Apple, okay, but are you comparing That's the thing. Oh no,
Speaker 1: this doesn't look like this, This doesn't sound like this,
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel like this. But what is this that
Speaker 1: I am feeling is this love, is it? Yeah, but
Speaker 1: don't compare.
Speaker 2: I think I do compare. But it's like I would say,
Speaker 2: starting over again, And if it's not going to be
Speaker 2: the same.
Speaker 1: Then I don't want it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's not like I don't want it because I want it.
Speaker 2: It's just but how do you make the transition?
Speaker 1: Ask him to help you find someone? How to ask
Speaker 1: him to help you find someone? He's an angel, he's
Speaker 1: a you got a friend at a high place. Ask
Speaker 1: him to help you find someone that'll give you a
Speaker 1: new experience of love. You've had his love already. How
Speaker 1: about a new experience of love? How about that?
Speaker 2: And to help me find it? Because he comes around.
Speaker 2: I know when he comes around, and it's like certain
Speaker 2: spiritual discernments you know you have them, but then you
Speaker 2: know you be like, okay, but you know, so I
Speaker 2: have that knowing and I know you know when he's around,
Speaker 2: and it's like, is that going to be with me
Speaker 2: for the rest of my life?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Because you're holding on to it. He's occupying a
Speaker 1: space in your heart when nobody else can get in.
Speaker 1: Let me, you said he passed away. He made this
Speaker 1: transition in twenty seventeen.
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Are you the same as you were in twenty seventeen.
Speaker 2: In what regard?
Speaker 1: In any regard? Are your boobs the same sides?
Speaker 2: Did you?
Speaker 1: But the same sides? Do you like the same things?
Speaker 1: Have you changed since twenty seventeen.
Speaker 2: In some ways but not very many?
Speaker 1: Oh well that's a problem.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, taking care of my dad. It's only
Speaker 2: been this year and things have changed. Spiritually, I'm maturing
Speaker 2: more in these I constantly am doing the work like
Speaker 2: get over it. I mean, I live currently living a home.
Speaker 2: It's like when my dad came, I was in an apartment,
Speaker 2: so I had to get a home. My friend was
Speaker 2: the one that got in contact with the relatives, so
Speaker 2: these memories and memories of him, I've had to deal
Speaker 2: with him at the same time. So I've had a
Speaker 2: lot of stuff. I thank God every day I'm just
Speaker 2: have a sound mind because it was really rough. And
Speaker 2: then during that time, COVID came about where you were,
Speaker 2: you know, basically shut down. So I've had to grieve
Speaker 2: and try to get back to myself. And I just say.
Speaker 4: Maybe last year I was like, Okay, it's time for
Speaker 4: you to do something.
Speaker 2: Successfully.
Speaker 5: So that's where I'm at and again if people come
Speaker 5: into our life beloved for a reason, a season, or a.
Speaker 1: Lifetime, and sometimes people come in for all three. So
Speaker 1: let's just say that the prince came into your life
Speaker 1: to teach you how to love, to teach you how
Speaker 1: to receive love, to teach you what unconditional love looked like.
Speaker 1: That's the reason he came into your life. But that
Speaker 1: reason only lasted a season. The season was that year
Speaker 1: and a half that you two were together, and then
Speaker 1: that season ended. Now, him and your dad, they gave
Speaker 1: you a lifetime. The memories and the joy and the connection.
Speaker 1: That's a lifetime. But you need to put that in
Speaker 1: a hat box up on the shelf where you can
Speaker 1: pull it out and not wear it in June like
Speaker 1: it's a winter coat. Okay, does that make sense? You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta kiss the frog. So the question, because
Speaker 1: how many frogs do I have to kiss until I
Speaker 1: meet the prince? As many as show up, that's how
Speaker 1: many frogs you have to get. And you don't have
Speaker 1: the tongue kiss them, just kiss them on the lip lightly.
Speaker 1: Don't be tongue kissing the frogs until you know it's
Speaker 1: a prince. Okay, but keep those memories their lifetimes. And
Speaker 1: you go there and you open the box and you
Speaker 1: remember what he looked like and what he smelt like,
Speaker 1: and what he said, and you have a few moments,
Speaker 1: maybe shed a tear or laugh a little. Then put
Speaker 1: that stuff back in the box, put it back up
Speaker 1: on the shelf. Yeah, and you'll practice and you'll learn, Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2: Because I think one of your shows changing your need
Speaker 2: to a desire. Yes, because I guess if I'm giving
Speaker 2: off the oh woe is me? That up lonely, then
Speaker 2: that's what you with. Those are the little frogs that
Speaker 2: have been coming.
Speaker 4: To the case.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it, You got it. They have frogs
Speaker 1: like frogs like pity. They will hop right in your
Speaker 1: lap and you're saying woe is me, and they're saying, well,
Speaker 1: look at me, I'm a frog, I'm green, I'm down
Speaker 1: here on the ground. They'll be right in the pity
Speaker 1: party with you. You got some more experience, you have some
Speaker 1: greater gifts. You you've shifted, you've changed. So be the
Speaker 1: princess that you are today and look for the king,
Speaker 1: the prince or the king that can love you as
Speaker 1: you are today, even if you got to kiss some frog,
Speaker 1: like I said, don't tongue kiss them, and in your
Speaker 1: quiet time, in your prayer, because I hear you're doing
Speaker 1: the work. Surrender to the Holy Spirit the belief that
Speaker 1: because you have it once, I can never have it again.
Speaker 1: Surrender that. Give that over to the Holy Spirit because
Speaker 1: it's in there. Yeah, all right, Princess, I want to hear.
Speaker 1: I want to hear. And don't count them frogs. Just
Speaker 1: kiss them, see what happens, and then let them go
Speaker 1: if they're not, if they don't have no prince qualities
Speaker 1: I have. Okay, all right, my love, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for calling. Okay, bye bye. How many frogs do
Speaker 1: you have to kiss until you meet the prince? As
Speaker 1: many as it takes. But don't go slobbering all up
Speaker 1: in the frog's mouth and rubbing them on your boobs.
Speaker 1: Just kiss a little bit and see what happens. Okay,
Speaker 1: And don't measure this frog with that frog. You know,
Speaker 1: you may get a bullfrog or a croak of frog.
Speaker 1: You may get a young frog or an old frog.
Speaker 1: Just kiss the frogs and see what happens. Alrighty, the
Speaker 1: good one that got away. Sometimes they don't get away.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we chase them away. Sometime they leave because their
Speaker 1: season and our life is up. Sometimes they leave because
Speaker 1: we're not ready, and it could be a belief that
Speaker 1: we don't deserve it, or this isn't right, or there's
Speaker 1: something better, all sorts of things. And sometimes you're the
Speaker 1: good one and they'll let you go because they're not ready.
Speaker 1: This is the premise. Write this down, Write this down. Okay,
Speaker 1: nothing is perfect. This is a Buddhist principle that I
Speaker 1: learned and I practice. Nothing is perfect. That means no
Speaker 1: one is perfect, and no relationship is going to be perfect,
Speaker 1: and nothing is permanent. Nothing is going to stay the
Speaker 1: way it was back in fifty six. Everything is changing
Speaker 1: all the time. Nothing is perfect, nothing is permanent, and
Speaker 1: nothing is personal. It ain't personal. If they're not living
Speaker 1: up to your expectations, it ain't personal. If you're not
Speaker 1: living up to their expectations, it ain't personal. It's just
Speaker 1: the way life is on folding. It ain't perfect, it
Speaker 1: ain't permanent, and it ain't personal. I hope you've heard
Speaker 1: something today that you can use to make you or
Speaker 1: your relationship better. Even if the good one got away,
Speaker 1: look for the lesson and grow it into something new
Speaker 1: and be willing to kiss some frogs or some frog ads.
Speaker 1: Thank you for joining me today and I'll see you
Speaker 1: next time. In the meantime, stay in peace and not
Speaker 1: in pieces.
Speaker 6: Bye.
Speaker 1: The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in
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