WEBVTT - The One That Got Away 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:05.920 I am I Amla, your host, your guide, a teacher 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.040 for some, and a soft place to fall for others. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:14.640 I was a miserable failure in my relationships until I 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:18.079 love myself enough to be able to share my love 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:21.840 with other people. Welcome to the R Spot, a production 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:37.440 of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:44.640 to the R Spot, the spot where we look at relationships, 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:51.279 all kinds of relationships, knowing and understanding that relationships are 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:56.400 the healing tools our concepts of ourselves, our perceptions and 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:00.640 concepts of other people, and our concepts of about love. 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:05.760 Relationships are all about love, loving ourselves, loving other people, 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:10.119 loving our creator, loving life. So the fact that we 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:14.040 need love, want love, pursue love takes us in and 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:19.480 out of relationships. And yet sometimes we can be in 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:23.039 a relationship and think that we're not getting what we 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:25.200 want and what we need the way we want it 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:30.800 and the way we need it, and we'll get frustrated, disgusted, upset, 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:36.679 disgruntled in that relationship, and we'll let it go. And 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:38.720 then a week later, a month later, a year later, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:41.760 ten years later, we look back and say, oh my god, 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:45.720 that was exactly what I wanted, and I had no 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:48.480 way of knowing that. I thought they were wrong. I 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:51.520 thought it wasn't enough. I thought I needed more. I 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:54.880 thought it I couldn't get it, And that was exactly 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:59.720 what I wanted. Sometimes we let the good one get away, 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:03.760 and then when we look back and see them happy 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:08.120 over there with Shaquita, we say, oh my god, how 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:10.360 come they weren't treating me like that? How come they 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.680 weren't giving me that? How come they weren't doing that 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:15.320 with me? Well, maybe they were, and maybe you just 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:18.919 weren't open to receive it. You know, it's hard because 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:21.160 as human beings, we make up in our mind what 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:24.560 things should look like, how people should be, how we 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:26.800 should get this or get that, or do this or 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:30.880 do that, And the truth is we have no clue. 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:33.600 Sometimes we don't know what to pray for. We don't 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:38.280 know what love looks like because we've had past experiences 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:43.400 and we keep going into our file cabinet and pulling 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:47.600 out those experiences and comparing them to what we have 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:50.680 and what we're doing right now, and we can be 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:59.079 totally off the mark and in pursuing those little human demands, 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:03.200 if you will. Sometimes we let the good one get away, 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.240 and sometimes we're the good one and somebody will let 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:10.600 us get away, and they do it in such a 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:15.320 horrific pattern, a horrific process, to when they come back 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.160 and say I made a mistake. I want you back, 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:21.200 We're like, uh uh no, done with you done. That 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:26.840 door is closed, that portal is no longer available. So 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:29.639 we want to talk about that today. Did you let 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:32.800 the good one get away? And if so, why? And 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:36.160 are you the good one who got away? And if so, 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:41.040 how did that happen? So that we can explore some 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:47.400 of the humanness that we use to destroy our relationships, 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:50.880 both with ourselves and with other people. So I've got 0:03:50.920 --> 0:04:03.680 some callers today who have that experience. Here's my first caller. Greetings, 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:08.160 and welcome to the R spot. How could you let 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.600 him get away? Or maybe they let you get away? 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:12.480 Did you let the good one get away? 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:14.720 Yes? I did, Yes, I did. 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:20.560 Tell me your tale of woe? How long ago was it? 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:22.000 Who wasn't? And what did you do? 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:25.599 It was a long time ago, But I was twenty two, 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:27.960 he was twenty six, a great man. 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:32.480 We both were teachers at the time, and he took 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:38.120 care of everything. We lived together amazing relationships. I just 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:38.840 feel like. 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:42.440 You know, everything was good, nothing was really wrong. I 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.520 just feel like I was young and he was older. 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:49.080 So I think that's why I let a good thing 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:53.120 get away. So you know, in my head, isn't okay 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:55.560 that you let a good thing get away? Because now 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.120 I feel like I am a better person. 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:02.120 I love where I am right now, and you know, 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:04.600 I learned a lot within that relationship. 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:09.240 Okay, I need the dirt. Okay, how did what did 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:13.479 you do? You talk about he was older? That's four 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:17.000 years your twenty two, he's twenty sixcess four years. Why 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:18.480 did you think he was too old? 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:19.840 I don't know. I don't even know. 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:23.760 It's just I think the mindset where our minds were, 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.840 and you know at that time, I guess I was 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:29.200 just turned twenty two. 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.240 I'm not sure, but I just know. 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:34.640 That I wasn't there yet, and he was more serious, 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:37.560 he was in a he was more just ready for 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:41.120 the home life. You know, a good woman, And yes 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:41.960 I was good. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:44.880 I just I just feel like I was just enjoying 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:46.479 life at twenty two. 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.080 So what did you do? Did you put him out 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:51.680 or did you create arguments to get rid of him. 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.200 Did you could tell me give me the dirt, give. 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:54.520 It to me. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:59.640 I don't know. I think we grew apart, but I 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.719 do know so I started meaning other. 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.720 People all. 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:11.720 But uh, you know, I just think I was living life, 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.440 just seeing everything that was out there. 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:18.640 Okay, so you were too young. You were too young? 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:20.880 Yes, yeah, I was too young. 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:23.800 But I do feel like he was good, you know, 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:29.400 even now I'm forty five. I'll be forty five and 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:31.080 now I'm like, where is he? 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:33.640 Where I need somebody just like this? 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:36.240 Oh my god, So you don't know where he is. 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:37.480 You haven't seen him since? 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:39.320 No, I haven't. 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:41.080 Did you? Did you google him? 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:42.279 Separate ways? 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:45.719 Okay, well what did you learn? You said you learn 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.400 some some things. What did you learn? 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.080 I learned for myself that I just needed to grow. 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:55.920 I just needed to grow within the relationships, just within 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:59.800 myself because now, you know, I want what I have 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:04.200 before and I haven't found a person that. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.800 Can give me, you know, the attention, because he gave 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.400 me a lot of attention and everything. But again, like 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.640 I said, I feel like my mindset wasn't there. I 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:18.040 enjoyed the relationship. Nothing negative really happened. 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:21.960 We just parted ways. It's just that I wasn't ready 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:26.200 and now I'm ready. Now I'm ready, And that's pretty 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:26.760 sad to me. 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:30.720 That's sad. You know. It takes years to realize. Okay, 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:32.600 I let a good thing to get away. 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:34.640 Well you didn't know it was good. 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:34.880 You know. 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:39.160 Sometimes we want things and we a don't believe we 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:43.160 can have them, so when they show up, we tell ourselves, this, 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:46.720 ain't it. That's number one and number two may not. 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:51.120 There may be a seed within us as of undeservedness. 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:54.720 Oh I don't deserve this. Why is this happening? You know? 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:59.880 And then here's the big one. No, this can't be true. 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.120 He's got to be something got to be wrong with him, 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:10.000 and I'm not sticking around. It's too good, Yeah, too 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:13.600 good to be true. And now you can't find it. Well, 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:17.440 it's out there, trust it. Yes it is. It is. 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:20.040 If it it wasn't out there, you wouldn't want it. 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:24.800 And that's something that we have to. If you spot it, 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:29.720 you got it. So if you can spot or identify 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:35.920 what it is that you want and desire, you know, 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:39.680 it was the wrong timing for you. So perhaps that 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:43.160 you stayed together you would have you know, fought or 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:47.120 broke up or whatever, and it really would have went downhill. 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:50.160 Here at least you exercised your own free will and 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:55.120 walked away. But it's out there, and I know it's hard. 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:59.120 In today's world, we think that they will never find it. 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:04.600 And that the thought that keeps it away, thinking it's 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:08.960 not out there while you are looking for it, we'll 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:10.560 keep it from finding you. 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:17.320 Call it in. 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:21.480 I'm ready. I'm ready to share my life. I'm ready 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:25.880 to share my heart, and you know, God forgive my language. 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:32.160 I'm ready to share my bed. But call it in. 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:36.560 And this is the other part. Know this, Had he 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:42.960 been the right one, he wouldn't have left. He wouldn't 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:46.120 have he would have been willing to fight for the relationship. 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:47.400 I agree. 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:49.600 So what do you want now? 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.280 What I want to know? What I had before? 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.600 Well, no, no, let's close that file, cabinet, Let's take 0:09:56.600 --> 0:10:00.280 that file out, take it out, because what you had 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:04.360 before was something you couldn't receive. You don't want that again. 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.400 Do you see what I'm saying? What you had before 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.400 is something you couldn't receive. You don't want that. So 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:13.200 what do you want now? Lay it out? Give me 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:14.080 the details? 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:18.640 What I want now is somebody who will love me 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:23.200 for me. I want, you know, somebody that I can 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:28.880 enjoy time with, who's been too god Somebody who like 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:30.240 to travel. 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.880 I'm fun, out going, and then I could be a 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.360 recluse as well. I could be in and I could 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:38.520 be out. I'm a cancer. So you know we got 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:42.679 this tell Oh yeah, yeah, so I could be in 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:43.080 and out. 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:47.920 But I really want a relationship. You know that somebody 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.280 can love me for me. Who I am not putting 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:54.640 on the further side, putting on a mask, It's just me. 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:56.959 Well we all want that. We will all want to 0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:59.719 be accepted for who we are. What I want to 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:03.480 incourage you to do is don't put it on a person. 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:07.280 Don't say I want someone, say I want to be 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:10.200 loved authentically. I want to be loved as I am. 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:13.680 I want a companion to travel with. I want someone 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:16.480 who knows fun. I also want someone who's not going 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:22.240 to be disturbed or upset when I need my own space. 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:26.160 I want someone who's settled in their own life, someone 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.840 who has their own vision. I want someone I can 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.280 build a dream and a vision with, someone I can 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.240 build a life with. Or I want to experience that. 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:38.280 But if you say I want somebody to do these things, 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:41.960 that means that you have a construct in there that 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:45.280 they have to live up to, as opposed to I 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:49.120 want a relationship where this is what I experience, where 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:53.720 I experience companionship where I experience, you know, the joy 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:57.400 of traveling. I want a relationship where I feel I 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:00.320 can be authentic and honest. I want a relation whiphip 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:02.680 where I can also have my me time. I want 0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:09.640 a relationship where I experience generosity and security and safety. 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.320 That's the kind of relationship I want it, and I 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.440 want it with a man who's between this age and 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:16.000 that age. 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:16.240 You know. 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.040 I mean, then you get specific. 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:25.960 Oh yeah, now that sound like a book I won't. 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:31.120 Yeah, or what I see myself, And that's even better 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:35.720 when you can see yourself in a relationship. I see 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:39.320 myself in a relationship where I'm accepted for who I am. 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:43.880 I see myself in a relationship where I'm traveling and 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.800 I'm having fun, you know what I mean? Because again, 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:52.400 if you make it them, if they don't do it 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:56.600 the way that you think it should be done, you 0:12:56.640 --> 0:13:01.040 know you may not recognize it again when it comes. 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:05.720 Yes, So Oh, well, what if you have to put 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:09.000 you have to put yourself in that position to be 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:13.439 ready to also receive as well, because I think that's 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:16.800 what some of us don't do either. Just be ready 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:17.200 for it. 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:21.960 Well, I'm ready for a relationship where I'm accepted for 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.839 who I am. I see myself in and I'm ready 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:30.280 to experience, you know, total acceptance. I see myself in 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.480 and I'm ready to accept. You know. That can be 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:38.640 a journaling exercise, that can be affirmations, that can be 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:42.240 your vision board, that can be so many ways that 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:45.360 you created so that you don't let another good one 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:49.720 get away. But you want to be careful because what 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:54.040 would it look like to you if somebody accepted you 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.640 for who you are? What would that look like? You 0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:59.560 got to know because you may think you can wear 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:03.760 your whole raggedy pajamas to bed and with you know, 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.600 your hair standing up over your head and that's who 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:10.160 you are. And your partner may say, God, could you 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:14.280 could you get a nice nightgown? And that may strike 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:16.240 you as well, why can't you just accept me and 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:18.880 my holy pajamas with my hair standing on top of 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:19.320 my head? 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:23.720 Okay, so you got you gotta you know, if somebody 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:24.120 come to me. 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:29.680 But somebody loving you for who you are as you 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:34.080 are doesn't necessarily mean that they'll always agree with you, 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:37.240 because some of your stuff may be crazy as hell. 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:41.920 Suppose you're a Republican and they're a Democrat, they're a 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.880 Democrat and you're a Republican. Or you're an independent, or 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:49.080 you you know whatever, you're a Christian and there universalist. 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.400 That doesn't mean that they can't love you with who 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.240 you are. So just be mindful that somebody loving you 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.840 and accepting you is who you are doesn't mean that 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:00.840 you're all going to always agree and that you'll always 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.120 want the same things in the same way. But in 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.000 the places that it matters, Can you trust them with 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:10.160 your heart? Do you feel safe with them? They? Are 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:12.760 they generous with you? Do they have a sense of humor? 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.520 I mean, whatever it is that matters to you, because 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:19.400 the good one may not always agree with you, but 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:23.280 that doesn't mean that they're not exactly what you want. 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:24.760 Does that make sense? 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:26.280 Yes? 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:26.560 It is. 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:31.760 Well, don't say that, okay, go journal, go journal, make 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.520 you a vision born and then get on a dating site. No, no, no, 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:40.240 I'm just kidding that the good one exactly. The good 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:42.280 one is out there. The good one is out there, 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:45.520 and they'll find you. And when you start vibrating where 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:49.880 they're vibrating because there's somebody, a nice person out there 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.440 who wants to travel, who has a good sense of humor, 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:55.800 who's generous, who has their own vision, who can support 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.320 you and your vision. It's out there. I promise you. 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:01.840 If it wasn't, you wouldn't want it. If it was, 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:06.560 since you wouldn't want it. Okay, all right, well, listen, 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:09.960 there are six billion people on the planet. One of 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:15.040 them is looking for you. Call him in, Call him in. Okay, yes, ma'am, 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:27.920 all right, thank you, thank you. Okay. Yeah, it happens. 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:32.400 We let the good one get away, and then we 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.440 spend the rest of our life trying to find it. 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:41.160 But remember his point is important. If it was really 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:45.600 for you, it would not have gone away. And also 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:49.840 know that if it's for you and you're willing to 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:54.120 hang in there with it, you'll work out those little differences. 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:56.760 And don't think that the good one is the one 0:16:56.800 --> 0:16:59.840 that agrees with you all the time, sees things exactly 0:16:59.880 --> 0:17:03.160 the way you see that in relationships, we need that 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:07.480 polarity we need the maximizer and the minimizer. We need 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:12.240 the recluse and the social person. We need the loud 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:16.639 mouth and the quiet person. You need that polarity in relationships. 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:20.920 They say opposites are track, opposites are trac and sometimes 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:24.200 we will attract our opposite and because they're not doing 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:26.720 what we do the way we do it, we think 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:30.280 that they are not the right one. Yeah, And in 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:34.000 relationships sometimes you have to fight for what it is 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:37.200 that you want. So know what the right one is 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:41.040 and know that even when the right one comes along, 0:17:41.320 --> 0:17:44.119 there are going to be points of tension, things you 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:46.359 have to work on, things you have to work through. 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.520 And that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. And we'll 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:58.159 talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:03.400 the R Spot. Let's get back to the conversation. Welcome 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.119 back to the R Spot. I am a online today. 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:09.560 We are looking at a very interesting topic. Did you 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.359 let the good one get away? Or are you the 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:15.399 good one that got away? Okay, the good one? What 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:18.240 is the good one? We're looking at that. We're examining that. 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.439 What does it mean that the person is good for you? 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.679 Is it because they're giving you what you want and 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.639 denying themselves? Does it mean that they always agree with 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:28.639 you and they don't have a point of view on 0:18:28.680 --> 0:18:32.119 their own? What is the good one? And did you 0:18:32.280 --> 0:18:35.119 let it get away? Let me see what my next 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:47.200 caller has to say. Greetings, and welcome to the R spot. 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:50.600 We are talking today about the good one that got away? 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:52.960 Did you let the good one get away? Or are 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:54.560 you the good one who got away? 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:56.360 I let get away? 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:58.959 Did you? I want to hear what did you do? 0:19:00.480 --> 0:19:00.800 Well? 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.960 It was like a high school sweetheart, and we didn't 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:08.679 see each other a whole lot after high school and 0:19:08.720 --> 0:19:13.159 I joined the military, so he came looking for me, 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:15.480 and my mom told me I was in a Korea, 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.159 and she said someone came by looking for you, but 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:21.920 I did not remember their name, so I was like, well, 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:26.119 I don't know who that was. So I would say 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:30.480 twenty or so years later, Wow, I moved back to 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:34.879 my home hometown and me and my granddaughter were in 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:40.040 the grocery store and I heard someone behind me. He says, 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:42.840 I got you. Now you are not going to get away, 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:45.520 And when I turned around. 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:46.520 I was like, oh my god. 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.320 It was the type of person in high school, you 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:52.920 being young. 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:54.440 You don't know anything about love. 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:58.199 But in his presence I would always smile. I'm not 0:19:58.320 --> 0:20:02.199 a smiler, he would just he had just such a 0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:05.840 beautiful spirit and it would always make me smile. And 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:09.199 there was something about his eyes. I said, you know, 0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:13.720 I think you're looking through me, and don't you know 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:14.440 I wouldn't. 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:17.800 It was just so uncomfortable. I knew it was something there, 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:18.920 but I didn't know what it was. 0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:21.280 So we got. 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:25.760 A chance to reconnect for about a year and a half, 0:20:26.160 --> 0:20:29.119 and unfortunately he passed away. 0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:33.480 Oh well, you didn't let him get away. He left. 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:38.040 Well, to me, I feel like he got away because 0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:41.320 that was the only person. You know, how you just 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:45.359 have a connection with someone that you don't experience with 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:46.120 anyone else. 0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:49.800 I'm fifty eight and ready to be fifty nine. And 0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:59.080 he passed away in twenty twenty seventeen, and right after that, 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:04.760 my father passed away. I was just caregiver. We met 0:21:04.800 --> 0:21:09.640 at the same like twenty fifteen, my friend came back 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:11.800 into my life, and then immediately after that I had 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:15.159 to go and get my father because his current wife 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:19.840 was ill and my father had dementia and it developed 0:21:19.840 --> 0:21:24.840 into Parkinson's. So I had two loves of my life 0:21:25.080 --> 0:21:31.840 lead me back to back, and COVID happened during that time, okay, 0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:36.760 And I always say, you know, God, why did you 0:21:36.800 --> 0:21:40.600 bring him back for such a short period of time. 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:43.560 It's like he opened up my heart because I'm a 0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:46.840 single mother, grown with kids, who wasn't interested in the 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:49.439 date and just to live in life and to have 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:55.800 you know, your whole heart opened from a very special person. 0:21:55.920 --> 0:22:01.359 And then you know, I appreciate the time, but it's 0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:02.160 really been. 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:08.280 Hard because you're still holding on. You're holding on and 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:13.879 how have you tried? What have you done? You know, 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:16.600 we're looking at how did you let the good one 0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:20.359 get away? And in your particular case, it wasn't that 0:22:20.400 --> 0:22:23.200 you let him get away. It's that his contract expired, 0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:26.960 and the contract was with life, it wasn't with you. 0:22:29.400 --> 0:22:33.600 Yes, And during our time together, he would always say, 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:39.280 you know, had an illness. And he would always say, 0:22:39.320 --> 0:22:41.119 if you don't hear from me in a certain period 0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:49.919 of time, you know something has happened. And it really 0:22:50.000 --> 0:22:52.200 I would ask him why, you know, I would talk 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:54.000 to him about his health and what he was doing 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:56.359 and what did the doctor say, and he would shut down, 0:22:57.320 --> 0:23:02.000 and you know, we go through periods, and he went 0:23:02.040 --> 0:23:03.720 and mentioned it, and all of a sudden he would 0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:07.840 mention it again. And our love connection was so strong. 0:23:08.080 --> 0:23:12.840 Because he was admitted into the hospital, I think he 0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:16.040 had to start having a cluster of strokes. And the 0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:19.800 day he died, I was at home by myself with 0:23:19.840 --> 0:23:22.080 my father and I was going to the other side 0:23:22.119 --> 0:23:25.199 of the house to check on him. And I felt 0:23:25.240 --> 0:23:27.439 it and I was like, oh no, lord, I'm like, 0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:30.360 I'm here by myself with my dad. There was nobody 0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:33.920 to call nine one one, what is it? And later 0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:38.400 on that afternoon I got the phone call. And when 0:23:38.440 --> 0:23:43.480 he left this world, I felt that. 0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:47.400 How beautiful is that? That's a beautiful thing. 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:48.439 You know. 0:23:48.560 --> 0:23:52.160 I have a friend and she had a love like that. 0:23:52.680 --> 0:23:55.280 They were together, they were separated, they came back together 0:23:55.359 --> 0:23:57.760 and they went to the restaurant to eat and he 0:23:57.840 --> 0:24:00.560 went in the bathroom and had a asthma attack and 0:24:00.600 --> 0:24:03.600 died right in the bathroom or the restaurant. You know, 0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:08.520 he left his body. And the thing that she said, 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:11.280 you know, she was sad for a long time, but 0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:14.960 you know what she said, she said, he taught me 0:24:16.840 --> 0:24:21.399 how to love unconditionally, and what unconditional love felt like 0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:28.120