1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: I am I Amla, your host, your guide, a teacher 2 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,040 Speaker 1: for some, and a soft place to fall for others. 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: I was a miserable failure in my relationships until I 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: love myself enough to be able to share my love 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: with other people. Welcome to the R Spot, a production 6 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 1: of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome 7 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 1: to the R Spot, the spot where we look at relationships, 8 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:51,279 Speaker 1: all kinds of relationships, knowing and understanding that relationships are 9 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: the healing tools our concepts of ourselves, our perceptions and 10 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 1: concepts of other people, and our concepts of about love. 11 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 1: Relationships are all about love, loving ourselves, loving other people, 12 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:10,119 Speaker 1: loving our creator, loving life. So the fact that we 13 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,040 Speaker 1: need love, want love, pursue love takes us in and 14 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: out of relationships. And yet sometimes we can be in 15 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,039 Speaker 1: a relationship and think that we're not getting what we 16 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 1: want and what we need the way we want it 17 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: and the way we need it, and we'll get frustrated, disgusted, upset, 18 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:36,679 Speaker 1: disgruntled in that relationship, and we'll let it go. And 19 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: then a week later, a month later, a year later, 20 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 1: ten years later, we look back and say, oh my god, 21 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: that was exactly what I wanted, and I had no 22 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: way of knowing that. I thought they were wrong. I 23 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 1: thought it wasn't enough. I thought I needed more. I 24 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: thought it I couldn't get it, And that was exactly 25 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: what I wanted. Sometimes we let the good one get away, 26 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 1: and then when we look back and see them happy 27 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: over there with Shaquita, we say, oh my god, how 28 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 1: come they weren't treating me like that? How come they 29 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 1: weren't giving me that? How come they weren't doing that 30 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: with me? Well, maybe they were, and maybe you just 31 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,919 Speaker 1: weren't open to receive it. You know, it's hard because 32 00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: as human beings, we make up in our mind what 33 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: things should look like, how people should be, how we 34 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 1: should get this or get that, or do this or 35 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: do that, And the truth is we have no clue. 36 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: Sometimes we don't know what to pray for. We don't 37 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: know what love looks like because we've had past experiences 38 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: and we keep going into our file cabinet and pulling 39 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: out those experiences and comparing them to what we have 40 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: and what we're doing right now, and we can be 41 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: totally off the mark and in pursuing those little human demands, 42 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: if you will. Sometimes we let the good one get away, 43 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 1: and sometimes we're the good one and somebody will let 44 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 1: us get away, and they do it in such a 45 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: horrific pattern, a horrific process, to when they come back 46 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: and say I made a mistake. I want you back, 47 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:21,200 Speaker 1: We're like, uh uh no, done with you done. That 48 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: door is closed, that portal is no longer available. So 49 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 1: we want to talk about that today. Did you let 50 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 1: the good one get away? And if so, why? And 51 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: are you the good one who got away? And if so, 52 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 1: how did that happen? So that we can explore some 53 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: of the humanness that we use to destroy our relationships, 54 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: both with ourselves and with other people. So I've got 55 00:03:50,920 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: some callers today who have that experience. Here's my first caller. Greetings, 56 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: and welcome to the R spot. How could you let 57 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: him get away? Or maybe they let you get away? 58 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: Did you let the good one get away? 59 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 2: Yes? I did, Yes, I did. 60 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: Tell me your tale of woe? How long ago was it? 61 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: Who wasn't? And what did you do? 62 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,599 Speaker 3: It was a long time ago, But I was twenty two, 63 00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 3: he was twenty six, a great man. 64 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 2: We both were teachers at the time, and he took 65 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 2: care of everything. We lived together amazing relationships. I just 66 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 2: feel like. 67 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 3: You know, everything was good, nothing was really wrong. I 68 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 3: just feel like I was young and he was older. 69 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 3: So I think that's why I let a good thing 70 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 3: get away. So you know, in my head, isn't okay 71 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 3: that you let a good thing get away? Because now 72 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 3: I feel like I am a better person. 73 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 2: I love where I am right now, and you know, 74 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 2: I learned a lot within that relationship. 75 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: Okay, I need the dirt. Okay, how did what did 76 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:13,479 Speaker 1: you do? You talk about he was older? That's four 77 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: years your twenty two, he's twenty sixcess four years. Why 78 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: did you think he was too old? 79 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't even know. 80 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 3: It's just I think the mindset where our minds were, 81 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 3: and you know at that time, I guess I was 82 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 3: just turned twenty two. 83 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but I just know. 84 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 3: That I wasn't there yet, and he was more serious, 85 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 3: he was in a he was more just ready for 86 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 3: the home life. You know, a good woman, And yes 87 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 3: I was good. 88 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 2: I just I just feel like I was just enjoying 89 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 2: life at twenty two. 90 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 1: So what did you do? Did you put him out 91 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: or did you create arguments to get rid of him. 92 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: Did you could tell me give me the dirt, give. 93 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 2: It to me. 94 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 3: I don't know. I think we grew apart, but I 95 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 3: do know so I started meaning other. 96 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 2: People all. 97 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,720 Speaker 3: But uh, you know, I just think I was living life, 98 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 3: just seeing everything that was out there. 99 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: Okay, so you were too young. You were too young? 100 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I was too young. 101 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,800 Speaker 2: But I do feel like he was good, you know, 102 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 2: even now I'm forty five. I'll be forty five and 103 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 2: now I'm like, where is he? 104 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 3: Where I need somebody just like this? 105 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: Oh my god, So you don't know where he is. 106 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:37,480 Speaker 1: You haven't seen him since? 107 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 2: No, I haven't. 108 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: Did you? Did you google him? 109 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 2: Separate ways? 110 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 1: Okay, well what did you learn? You said you learn 111 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: some some things. What did you learn? 112 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 3: I learned for myself that I just needed to grow. 113 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 3: I just needed to grow within the relationships, just within 114 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 3: myself because now, you know, I want what I have 115 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 3: before and I haven't found a person that. 116 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,800 Speaker 2: Can give me, you know, the attention, because he gave 117 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 2: me a lot of attention and everything. But again, like 118 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 2: I said, I feel like my mindset wasn't there. I 119 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 2: enjoyed the relationship. Nothing negative really happened. 120 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 3: We just parted ways. It's just that I wasn't ready 121 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 3: and now I'm ready. Now I'm ready, And that's pretty 122 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 3: sad to me. 123 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 2: That's sad. You know. It takes years to realize. Okay, 124 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 2: I let a good thing to get away. 125 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,640 Speaker 1: Well you didn't know it was good. 126 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 2: You know. 127 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 1: Sometimes we want things and we a don't believe we 128 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: can have them, so when they show up, we tell ourselves, this, 129 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 1: ain't it. That's number one and number two may not. 130 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: There may be a seed within us as of undeservedness. 131 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: Oh I don't deserve this. Why is this happening? You know? 132 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: And then here's the big one. No, this can't be true. 133 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: He's got to be something got to be wrong with him, 134 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: and I'm not sticking around. It's too good, Yeah, too 135 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: good to be true. And now you can't find it. Well, 136 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: it's out there, trust it. Yes it is. It is. 137 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,040 Speaker 1: If it it wasn't out there, you wouldn't want it. 138 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: And that's something that we have to. If you spot it, 139 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: you got it. So if you can spot or identify 140 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: what it is that you want and desire, you know, 141 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 1: it was the wrong timing for you. So perhaps that 142 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: you stayed together you would have you know, fought or 143 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: broke up or whatever, and it really would have went downhill. 144 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 1: Here at least you exercised your own free will and 145 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: walked away. But it's out there, and I know it's hard. 146 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: In today's world, we think that they will never find it. 147 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: And that the thought that keeps it away, thinking it's 148 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 1: not out there while you are looking for it, we'll 149 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 1: keep it from finding you. 150 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 2: Call it in. 151 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: I'm ready. I'm ready to share my life. I'm ready 152 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: to share my heart, and you know, God forgive my language. 153 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 1: I'm ready to share my bed. But call it in. 154 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 1: And this is the other part. Know this, Had he 155 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 1: been the right one, he wouldn't have left. He wouldn't 156 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 1: have he would have been willing to fight for the relationship. 157 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: I agree. 158 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: So what do you want now? 159 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 2: What I want to know? What I had before? 160 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 1: Well, no, no, let's close that file, cabinet, Let's take 161 00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: that file out, take it out, because what you had 162 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: before was something you couldn't receive. You don't want that again. 163 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 1: Do you see what I'm saying? What you had before 164 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: is something you couldn't receive. You don't want that. So 165 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: what do you want now? Lay it out? Give me 166 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: the details? 167 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 3: What I want now is somebody who will love me 168 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 3: for me. I want, you know, somebody that I can 169 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 3: enjoy time with, who's been too god Somebody who like 170 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 3: to travel. 171 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,880 Speaker 2: I'm fun, out going, and then I could be a 172 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 2: recluse as well. I could be in and I could 173 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 2: be out. I'm a cancer. So you know we got 174 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 2: this tell Oh yeah, yeah, so I could be in 175 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 2: and out. 176 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 3: But I really want a relationship. You know that somebody 177 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 3: can love me for me. Who I am not putting 178 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 3: on the further side, putting on a mask, It's just me. 179 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,959 Speaker 1: Well we all want that. We will all want to 180 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,719 Speaker 1: be accepted for who we are. What I want to 181 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,480 Speaker 1: incourage you to do is don't put it on a person. 182 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: Don't say I want someone, say I want to be 183 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,200 Speaker 1: loved authentically. I want to be loved as I am. 184 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,680 Speaker 1: I want a companion to travel with. I want someone 185 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: who knows fun. I also want someone who's not going 186 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 1: to be disturbed or upset when I need my own space. 187 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 1: I want someone who's settled in their own life, someone 188 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 1: who has their own vision. I want someone I can 189 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: build a dream and a vision with, someone I can 190 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: build a life with. Or I want to experience that. 191 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: But if you say I want somebody to do these things, 192 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,960 Speaker 1: that means that you have a construct in there that 193 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: they have to live up to, as opposed to I 194 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 1: want a relationship where this is what I experience, where 195 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: I experience companionship where I experience, you know, the joy 196 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: of traveling. I want a relationship where I feel I 197 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: can be authentic and honest. I want a relation whiphip 198 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: where I can also have my me time. I want 199 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: a relationship where I experience generosity and security and safety. 200 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 1: That's the kind of relationship I want it, and I 201 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,440 Speaker 1: want it with a man who's between this age and 202 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,000 Speaker 1: that age. 203 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 3: You know. 204 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: I mean, then you get specific. 205 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,960 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, now that sound like a book I won't. 206 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, or what I see myself, And that's even better 207 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: when you can see yourself in a relationship. I see 208 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 1: myself in a relationship where I'm accepted for who I am. 209 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: I see myself in a relationship where I'm traveling and 210 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: I'm having fun, you know what I mean? Because again, 211 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: if you make it them, if they don't do it 212 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 1: the way that you think it should be done, you 213 00:12:56,640 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: know you may not recognize it again when it comes. 214 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 2: Yes, So Oh, well, what if you have to put 215 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,000 Speaker 2: you have to put yourself in that position to be 216 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:13,439 Speaker 2: ready to also receive as well, because I think that's 217 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 2: what some of us don't do either. Just be ready 218 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:17,200 Speaker 2: for it. 219 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 1: Well, I'm ready for a relationship where I'm accepted for 220 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,839 Speaker 1: who I am. I see myself in and I'm ready 221 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: to experience, you know, total acceptance. I see myself in 222 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 1: and I'm ready to accept. You know. That can be 223 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 1: a journaling exercise, that can be affirmations, that can be 224 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: your vision board, that can be so many ways that 225 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: you created so that you don't let another good one 226 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: get away. But you want to be careful because what 227 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: would it look like to you if somebody accepted you 228 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: for who you are? What would that look like? You 229 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 1: got to know because you may think you can wear 230 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 1: your whole raggedy pajamas to bed and with you know, 231 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: your hair standing up over your head and that's who 232 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 1: you are. And your partner may say, God, could you 233 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 1: could you get a nice nightgown? And that may strike 234 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 1: you as well, why can't you just accept me and 235 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: my holy pajamas with my hair standing on top of 236 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: my head? 237 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 3: Okay, so you got you gotta you know, if somebody 238 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 3: come to me. 239 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: But somebody loving you for who you are as you 240 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: are doesn't necessarily mean that they'll always agree with you, 241 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: because some of your stuff may be crazy as hell. 242 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 1: Suppose you're a Republican and they're a Democrat, they're a 243 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 1: Democrat and you're a Republican. Or you're an independent, or 244 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: you you know whatever, you're a Christian and there universalist. 245 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,400 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that they can't love you with who 246 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: you are. So just be mindful that somebody loving you 247 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: and accepting you is who you are doesn't mean that 248 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: you're all going to always agree and that you'll always 249 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 1: want the same things in the same way. But in 250 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: the places that it matters, Can you trust them with 251 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 1: your heart? Do you feel safe with them? They? Are 252 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 1: they generous with you? Do they have a sense of humor? 253 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: I mean, whatever it is that matters to you, because 254 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: the good one may not always agree with you, but 255 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that they're not exactly what you want. 256 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 257 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 4: Yes? 258 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 2: It is. 259 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 1: Well, don't say that, okay, go journal, go journal, make 260 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: you a vision born and then get on a dating site. No, no, no, 261 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding that the good one exactly. The good 262 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: one is out there. The good one is out there, 263 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 1: and they'll find you. And when you start vibrating where 264 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: they're vibrating because there's somebody, a nice person out there 265 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: who wants to travel, who has a good sense of humor, 266 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: who's generous, who has their own vision, who can support 267 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: you and your vision. It's out there. I promise you. 268 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 1: If it wasn't, you wouldn't want it. If it was, 269 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: since you wouldn't want it. Okay, all right, well, listen, 270 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: there are six billion people on the planet. One of 271 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 1: them is looking for you. Call him in, Call him in. Okay, yes, ma'am, 272 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: all right, thank you, thank you. Okay. Yeah, it happens. 273 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 1: We let the good one get away, and then we 274 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: spend the rest of our life trying to find it. 275 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 1: But remember his point is important. If it was really 276 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: for you, it would not have gone away. And also 277 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: know that if it's for you and you're willing to 278 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 1: hang in there with it, you'll work out those little differences. 279 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: And don't think that the good one is the one 280 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: that agrees with you all the time, sees things exactly 281 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: the way you see that in relationships, we need that 282 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: polarity we need the maximizer and the minimizer. We need 283 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:12,240 Speaker 1: the recluse and the social person. We need the loud 284 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: mouth and the quiet person. You need that polarity in relationships. 285 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: They say opposites are track, opposites are trac and sometimes 286 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: we will attract our opposite and because they're not doing 287 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,720 Speaker 1: what we do the way we do it, we think 288 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 1: that they are not the right one. Yeah, And in 289 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: relationships sometimes you have to fight for what it is 290 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 1: that you want. So know what the right one is 291 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 1: and know that even when the right one comes along, 292 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,119 Speaker 1: there are going to be points of tension, things you 293 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: have to work on, things you have to work through. 294 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. And we'll 295 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 1: talk about that when we come back. Welcome back to 296 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:03,400 Speaker 1: the R Spot. Let's get back to the conversation. Welcome 297 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,119 Speaker 1: back to the R Spot. I am a online today. 298 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: We are looking at a very interesting topic. Did you 299 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:12,359 Speaker 1: let the good one get away? Or are you the 300 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,399 Speaker 1: good one that got away? Okay, the good one? What 301 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: is the good one? We're looking at that. We're examining that. 302 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,439 Speaker 1: What does it mean that the person is good for you? 303 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,679 Speaker 1: Is it because they're giving you what you want and 304 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 1: denying themselves? Does it mean that they always agree with 305 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,639 Speaker 1: you and they don't have a point of view on 306 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: their own? What is the good one? And did you 307 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,119 Speaker 1: let it get away? Let me see what my next 308 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 1: caller has to say. Greetings, and welcome to the R spot. 309 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 1: We are talking today about the good one that got away? 310 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 1: Did you let the good one get away? Or are 311 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 1: you the good one who got away? 312 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,360 Speaker 4: I let get away? 313 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,959 Speaker 1: Did you? I want to hear what did you do? 314 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 4: Well? 315 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 2: It was like a high school sweetheart, and we didn't 316 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,679 Speaker 2: see each other a whole lot after high school and 317 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:13,159 Speaker 2: I joined the military, so he came looking for me, 318 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 2: and my mom told me I was in a Korea, 319 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,159 Speaker 2: and she said someone came by looking for you, but 320 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 2: I did not remember their name, so I was like, well, 321 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,119 Speaker 2: I don't know who that was. So I would say 322 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 2: twenty or so years later, Wow, I moved back to 323 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,879 Speaker 2: my home hometown and me and my granddaughter were in 324 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 2: the grocery store and I heard someone behind me. He says, 325 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 2: I got you. Now you are not going to get away, 326 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 2: And when I turned around. 327 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god. 328 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 2: It was the type of person in high school, you 329 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 2: being young. 330 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 4: You don't know anything about love. 331 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 2: But in his presence I would always smile. I'm not 332 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:02,199 Speaker 2: a smiler, he would just he had just such a 333 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 2: beautiful spirit and it would always make me smile. And 334 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,199 Speaker 2: there was something about his eyes. I said, you know, 335 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 2: I think you're looking through me, and don't you know 336 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 2: I wouldn't. 337 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 4: It was just so uncomfortable. I knew it was something there, 338 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 4: but I didn't know what it was. 339 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 5: So we got. 340 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 2: A chance to reconnect for about a year and a half, 341 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 2: and unfortunately he passed away. 342 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 1: Oh well, you didn't let him get away. He left. 343 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 2: Well, to me, I feel like he got away because 344 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 2: that was the only person. You know, how you just 345 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 2: have a connection with someone that you don't experience with 346 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,120 Speaker 2: anyone else. 347 00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 4: I'm fifty eight and ready to be fifty nine. And 348 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 4: he passed away in twenty twenty seventeen, and right after that, 349 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,760 Speaker 4: my father passed away. I was just caregiver. We met 350 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 4: at the same like twenty fifteen, my friend came back 351 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 4: into my life, and then immediately after that I had 352 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,159 Speaker 4: to go and get my father because his current wife 353 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 4: was ill and my father had dementia and it developed 354 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 4: into Parkinson's. So I had two loves of my life 355 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 4: lead me back to back, and COVID happened during that time, okay, 356 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 4: And I always say, you know, God, why did you 357 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 4: bring him back for such a short period of time. 358 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 4: It's like he opened up my heart because I'm a 359 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 4: single mother, grown with kids, who wasn't interested in the 360 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,439 Speaker 4: date and just to live in life and to have 361 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 4: you know, your whole heart opened from a very special person. 362 00:21:55,920 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 4: And then you know, I appreciate the time, but it's 363 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 4: really been. 364 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 1: Hard because you're still holding on. You're holding on and 365 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 1: how have you tried? What have you done? You know, 366 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 1: we're looking at how did you let the good one 367 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: get away? And in your particular case, it wasn't that 368 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,200 Speaker 1: you let him get away. It's that his contract expired, 369 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 1: and the contract was with life, it wasn't with you. 370 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,600 Speaker 2: Yes, And during our time together, he would always say, 371 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 2: you know, had an illness. And he would always say, 372 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 2: if you don't hear from me in a certain period 373 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:49,919 Speaker 2: of time, you know something has happened. And it really 374 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,200 Speaker 2: I would ask him why, you know, I would talk 375 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 2: to him about his health and what he was doing 376 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,359 Speaker 2: and what did the doctor say, and he would shut down, 377 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 2: and you know, we go through periods, and he went 378 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 2: and mentioned it, and all of a sudden he would 379 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 2: mention it again. And our love connection was so strong. 380 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 2: Because he was admitted into the hospital, I think he 381 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 2: had to start having a cluster of strokes. And the 382 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 2: day he died, I was at home by myself with 383 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 2: my father and I was going to the other side 384 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 2: of the house to check on him. And I felt 385 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,439 Speaker 2: it and I was like, oh no, lord, I'm like, 386 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,360 Speaker 2: I'm here by myself with my dad. There was nobody 387 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 2: to call nine one one, what is it? And later 388 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 2: on that afternoon I got the phone call. And when 389 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 2: he left this world, I felt that. 390 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 1: How beautiful is that? That's a beautiful thing. 391 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 2: You know. 392 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:52,160 Speaker 1: I have a friend and she had a love like that. 393 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: They were together, they were separated, they came back together 394 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,760 Speaker 1: and they went to the restaurant to eat and he 395 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 1: went in the bathroom and had a asthma attack and 396 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: died right in the bathroom or the restaurant. You know, 397 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:08,520 Speaker 1: he left his body. And the thing that she said, 398 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,280 Speaker 1: you know, she was sad for a long time, but 399 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: you know what she said, she said, he taught me 400 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:21,399 Speaker 1: how to love unconditionally, and what unconditional love felt like 401 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:28,120 Speaker 1: so after that many you know, several years after that, 402 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 1: she met someone else and she said, I know he 403 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 1: loves me unconditionally because it felt the same way it 404 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:41,199 Speaker 1: felt when Shafi loved me. What if this person was 405 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: just showing you what it really feels like to be 406 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,200 Speaker 1: loved so that you could share it with somebody else 407 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:56,200 Speaker 1: instead of being remorseful that he isn't here anymore, Why 408 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 1: aren't you holding it? Okay, I know what love feels like, 409 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 1: not what it looks like, what the person says or does, 410 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: but what it feels like. Have you ever considered that? 411 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:07,680 Speaker 2: Oh? 412 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 5: Yes I have. 413 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 2: It's just unfortunately I haven't experienced that. I've tried, and 414 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 2: I'm currently trying to date. But you have all those feelings. 415 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: And I have all those feelings. 416 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 2: Yes I have. 417 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 4: You know the feelings of what love is and how 418 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,680 Speaker 4: it is supposed to feel, what it looks like. And 419 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 4: I tell him all the time, I said, you just 420 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,320 Speaker 4: opened me up at a time where I guess, you know, 421 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 4: I need it to be but I just thought it 422 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 4: would last. And it's like the people that I've come 423 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:54,960 Speaker 4: in contact with. Unfortunately, it is just I don't know 424 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 4: what's going on? 425 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 2: What? 426 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:03,120 Speaker 1: Because you're comparing as opposed to receiving. And we'll talk 427 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 1: about that when we come back. Welcome back to the 428 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 1: R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. You know, 429 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:25,239 Speaker 1: my last partner passed away also, and sometimes I have 430 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,280 Speaker 1: to say, listen, you don't get to occupy this space 431 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,880 Speaker 1: in my heart anymore. I get to continue to love you, 432 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 1: but you don't get to occupy this space of my 433 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,000 Speaker 1: time in my heart. My heart has to be open 434 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: for someone else. Now I'm consciously choosing not to date 435 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,920 Speaker 1: at this moment. But if you hold him in your 436 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 1: heart in a way where you're comparing what shows up 437 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,400 Speaker 1: to what you had, you're never going to find it. 438 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:56,400 Speaker 1: Because God is not I mean, everybody is different and 439 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:02,400 Speaker 1: in life, you know, apples may look alike, but everyone 440 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 1: is unique. So if you're comparing this apple to that apple, 441 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 1: you're never going to find the first apple again. But 442 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 1: you can find a good apple. 443 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:15,880 Speaker 2: I'm trying to find a good. 444 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,919 Speaker 1: Apple, okay, but are you comparing That's the thing. Oh no, 445 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,120 Speaker 1: this doesn't look like this, This doesn't sound like this, 446 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 1: this doesn't feel like this. But what is this that 447 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,479 Speaker 1: I am feeling is this love, is it? Yeah, but 448 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:31,360 Speaker 1: don't compare. 449 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 2: I think I do compare. But it's like I would say, 450 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 2: starting over again, And if it's not going to be 451 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 2: the same. 452 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:47,040 Speaker 1: Then I don't want it. Yeah. 453 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:51,399 Speaker 2: It's not like I don't want it because I want it. 454 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,600 Speaker 2: It's just but how do you make the transition? 455 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 1: Ask him to help you find someone? How to ask 456 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,680 Speaker 1: him to help you find someone? He's an angel, he's 457 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,200 Speaker 1: a you got a friend at a high place. Ask 458 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,399 Speaker 1: him to help you find someone that'll give you a 459 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:12,719 Speaker 1: new experience of love. You've had his love already. How 460 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 1: about a new experience of love? How about that? 461 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 2: And to help me find it? Because he comes around. 462 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 2: I know when he comes around, and it's like certain 463 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:28,919 Speaker 2: spiritual discernments you know you have them, but then you 464 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:32,439 Speaker 2: know you be like, okay, but you know, so I 465 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 2: have that knowing and I know you know when he's around, 466 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 2: and it's like, is that going to be with me 467 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,160 Speaker 2: for the rest of my life? 468 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: Yeah? Because you're holding on to it. He's occupying a 469 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 1: space in your heart when nobody else can get in. 470 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: Let me, you said he passed away. He made this 471 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: transition in twenty seventeen. 472 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am. 473 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,520 Speaker 1: Are you the same as you were in twenty seventeen. 474 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 2: In what regard? 475 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,040 Speaker 1: In any regard? Are your boobs the same sides? 476 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 2: Did you? 477 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: But the same sides? Do you like the same things? 478 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 1: Have you changed since twenty seventeen. 479 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 2: In some ways but not very many? 480 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,960 Speaker 1: Oh well that's a problem. 481 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 2: Well, you know, taking care of my dad. It's only 482 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 2: been this year and things have changed. Spiritually, I'm maturing 483 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 2: more in these I constantly am doing the work like 484 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 2: get over it. I mean, I live currently living a home. 485 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 2: It's like when my dad came, I was in an apartment, 486 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 2: so I had to get a home. My friend was 487 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 2: the one that got in contact with the relatives, so 488 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,480 Speaker 2: these memories and memories of him, I've had to deal 489 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:52,000 Speaker 2: with him at the same time. So I've had a 490 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 2: lot of stuff. I thank God every day I'm just 491 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 2: have a sound mind because it was really rough. And 492 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 2: then during that time, COVID came about where you were, 493 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,880 Speaker 2: you know, basically shut down. So I've had to grieve 494 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,840 Speaker 2: and try to get back to myself. And I just say. 495 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:16,560 Speaker 4: Maybe last year I was like, Okay, it's time for 496 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 4: you to do something. 497 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:22,680 Speaker 2: Successfully. 498 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 5: So that's where I'm at and again if people come 499 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 5: into our life beloved for a reason, a season, or a. 500 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 1: Lifetime, and sometimes people come in for all three. So 501 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: let's just say that the prince came into your life 502 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 1: to teach you how to love, to teach you how 503 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 1: to receive love, to teach you what unconditional love looked like. 504 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,680 Speaker 1: That's the reason he came into your life. But that 505 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: reason only lasted a season. The season was that year 506 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: and a half that you two were together, and then 507 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 1: that season ended. Now, him and your dad, they gave 508 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:12,400 Speaker 1: you a lifetime. The memories and the joy and the connection. 509 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,240 Speaker 1: That's a lifetime. But you need to put that in 510 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,960 Speaker 1: a hat box up on the shelf where you can 511 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: pull it out and not wear it in June like 512 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 1: it's a winter coat. Okay, does that make sense? You know, 513 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta kiss the frog. So the question, because 514 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,800 Speaker 1: how many frogs do I have to kiss until I 515 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 1: meet the prince? As many as show up, that's how 516 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: many frogs you have to get. And you don't have 517 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,040 Speaker 1: the tongue kiss them, just kiss them on the lip lightly. 518 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 1: Don't be tongue kissing the frogs until you know it's 519 00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:01,960 Speaker 1: a prince. Okay, but keep those memories their lifetimes. And 520 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 1: you go there and you open the box and you 521 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 1: remember what he looked like and what he smelt like, 522 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: and what he said, and you have a few moments, 523 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 1: maybe shed a tear or laugh a little. Then put 524 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,959 Speaker 1: that stuff back in the box, put it back up 525 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:18,880 Speaker 1: on the shelf. Yeah, and you'll practice and you'll learn, Yes, ma'am. 526 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:23,520 Speaker 2: Because I think one of your shows changing your need 527 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 2: to a desire. Yes, because I guess if I'm giving 528 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 2: off the oh woe is me? That up lonely, then 529 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,479 Speaker 2: that's what you with. Those are the little frogs that 530 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 2: have been coming. 531 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 4: To the case. 532 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:45,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it, You got it. They have frogs 533 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 1: like frogs like pity. They will hop right in your 534 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,000 Speaker 1: lap and you're saying woe is me, and they're saying, well, 535 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 1: look at me, I'm a frog, I'm green, I'm down 536 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,640 Speaker 1: here on the ground. They'll be right in the pity 537 00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,440 Speaker 1: party with you. You got some more experience, you have some 538 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 1: greater gifts. You you've shifted, you've changed. So be the 539 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: princess that you are today and look for the king, 540 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: the prince or the king that can love you as 541 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 1: you are today, even if you got to kiss some frog, 542 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 1: like I said, don't tongue kiss them, and in your 543 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 1: quiet time, in your prayer, because I hear you're doing 544 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:32,200 Speaker 1: the work. Surrender to the Holy Spirit the belief that 545 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 1: because you have it once, I can never have it again. 546 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 1: Surrender that. Give that over to the Holy Spirit because 547 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 1: it's in there. Yeah, all right, Princess, I want to hear. 548 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 1: I want to hear. And don't count them frogs. Just 549 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,800 Speaker 1: kiss them, see what happens, and then let them go 550 00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 1: if they're not, if they don't have no prince qualities 551 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:03,880 Speaker 1: I have. Okay, all right, my love, thank you so 552 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:14,600 Speaker 1: much for calling. Okay, bye bye. How many frogs do 553 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:18,040 Speaker 1: you have to kiss until you meet the prince? As 554 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,080 Speaker 1: many as it takes. But don't go slobbering all up 555 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:25,360 Speaker 1: in the frog's mouth and rubbing them on your boobs. 556 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 1: Just kiss a little bit and see what happens. Okay, 557 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,400 Speaker 1: And don't measure this frog with that frog. You know, 558 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,840 Speaker 1: you may get a bullfrog or a croak of frog. 559 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,360 Speaker 1: You may get a young frog or an old frog. 560 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,400 Speaker 1: Just kiss the frogs and see what happens. Alrighty, the 561 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: good one that got away. Sometimes they don't get away. 562 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:48,439 Speaker 1: Sometimes we chase them away. Sometime they leave because their 563 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,920 Speaker 1: season and our life is up. Sometimes they leave because 564 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,880 Speaker 1: we're not ready, and it could be a belief that 565 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: we don't deserve it, or this isn't right, or there's 566 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 1: something better, all sorts of things. And sometimes you're the 567 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,640 Speaker 1: good one and they'll let you go because they're not ready. 568 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: This is the premise. Write this down, Write this down. Okay, 569 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:17,279 Speaker 1: nothing is perfect. This is a Buddhist principle that I 570 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,960 Speaker 1: learned and I practice. Nothing is perfect. That means no 571 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,400 Speaker 1: one is perfect, and no relationship is going to be perfect, 572 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,880 Speaker 1: and nothing is permanent. Nothing is going to stay the 573 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:35,360 Speaker 1: way it was back in fifty six. Everything is changing 574 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: all the time. Nothing is perfect, nothing is permanent, and 575 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 1: nothing is personal. It ain't personal. If they're not living 576 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,520 Speaker 1: up to your expectations, it ain't personal. If you're not 577 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:51,319 Speaker 1: living up to their expectations, it ain't personal. It's just 578 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 1: the way life is on folding. It ain't perfect, it 579 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 1: ain't permanent, and it ain't personal. I hope you've heard 580 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,879 Speaker 1: something today that you can use to make you or 581 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:11,800 Speaker 1: your relationship better. Even if the good one got away, 582 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,359 Speaker 1: look for the lesson and grow it into something new 583 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,840 Speaker 1: and be willing to kiss some frogs or some frog ads. 584 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,040 Speaker 1: Thank you for joining me today and I'll see you 585 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 1: next time. In the meantime, stay in peace and not 586 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:28,800 Speaker 1: in pieces. 587 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:56,360 Speaker 6: Bye. 588 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,880 Speaker 1: The R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in 589 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:06,640 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit 590 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 591 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:12,239 Speaker 1: your favorite show.