WEBVTT - This Is Not Normal 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.920 Either you're a teenager and you have too much oil, 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:06.640 or you're reaching menopause and all you want is oil 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:09.240 because you lose it as you age. Fun. 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:13.080 Yep, finding skincare that worked for you is a tough thing, 0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:18.520 except that we found the unicorn Neon Hippie. It has 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:22.280 seven mushrooms, it hydrates, it's full of nutrients. 0:00:22.520 --> 0:00:24.880 Guess what you get a discount on Neon Hippie for 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:27.920 listening to our podcast, The Rage Pod. Use the code 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:49.040 rage for twenty five percent off at neon hippie dot com. 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:52.520 All right, I guess we're just gonna do this. Welcome 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:56.200 to the Rage Pod. I'm with you, Bar, I'm with 0:00:56.360 --> 0:01:02.280 Tara Ericsson, and today we are talking about the rain 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.160 of geopolitical fuckery. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.880 I love it geopolitical fuckery, the rain and rain. 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.119 It's a play on that because it's the rain of it, 0:01:10.240 --> 0:01:14.479 but it's also raining down on us all the time. 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:16.080 Yeah, feels really weighted. 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:22.560 We are living in an unprecedented time of both access 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:29.000 to information on overload and also an overload of things 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:33.479 happening that we would have imagined, especially like in our 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:37.679 generations growing up, like one or two things that maybe 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:41.039 happen in a in let's say a president's term or 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:45.600 one year, like happening once every ten twenty years. Talk 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:50.559 about like the collective trauma response being on super high. 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.320 Just to give everyone an idea of what we've been 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:57.800 living through. I'm gonna walk through last year's news cycle. 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:01.160 All right, Fires ripped through California, Trump gets a second term. 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:03.960 Ukraine drags on, cities destroyed, no end in sight, Gaza, 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.320 it's flooding our phones, NonStop civilian death and don't worry. 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.160 Tons of children are being killed all the time. Elon 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:12.600 Musk takes a chainsaw to the federal government with his 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:16.320 Doge cuts, the so called Big Beautiful Bill passes, and 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:24.120 EBS gets defunded. The Epstein files resurface. More names, more names, 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:28.560 more names, no accountability. Women are continued to be denied 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:33.600 their reproductive freedoms, often through denial of abortion care. A 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:37.440 brain dead woman, on that note, is kept on life 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:40.400 support for nearly seven months just so they can extract 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:43.240 the child out of her. Mass shootings are just a 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:46.440 regular occurrence. There was one even as of today, I 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:50.920 was shooting this. The floods killed over one hundred people. 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.760 Family and children were swept way over holiday weekend, and 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:56.320 every time a bell rings there's an ice. 0:02:56.280 --> 0:03:00.079 Rate and real quick. Since we recorded this, we just 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:03.359 wanted to update that Ice has murdered Alex Pretty and 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:08.040 several journalists including Don Lemon and Georgia Fort have been arrested. 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:09.920 Yeah, and it does stop there. 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.280 We also got alligator Alcatraz, which your thought was fake. 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:16.480 People are being sent to foreign prisons, including El Salvador's 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.400 Seacott longest government shut down in history. 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:20.200 We have snap. 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.959 Benefits cut sixty minutes becomes a state run media by 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:25.519 pulling Seacott's story Rob. 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:27.280 Reiner and his wife murdered by their son. 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:32.640 Our president responds with an inhumane, just terrible social post 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:37.960 like you just again when I'm like, this isn't real cute. Yeah, 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:41.360 we invade uh Venezuela. Renee Good is killed during an 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:45.120 ice encounter. War is ray John. Democracy feels optional, the 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:47.800 bad guys keep winning, and we're told to set KPI 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:49.920 goals and get to work and give thirty percent of 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:51.120 our earnings. 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.120 To this fucked government. 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:54.640 Yeah. 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:58.720 Now that that's that's the lot. That's a wrap. I mean, 0:03:58.760 --> 0:03:59.960 think about when not even to. 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.680 Totally because today we had a mass shooting in Mississippi, 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:05.160 which you had already said. But I'm just saying that 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:09.400 even if if we're stating that it feels long, they're shit, 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:10.000 we missed. 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:12.200 That's I mean, that's just a lot. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:14.400 That's a lot to take in, even if you're not 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:18.000 taking in every single story, like, that's still way more 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:20.480 volume of traumatic shit. 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:23.359 Yeah, and like maybe like what we grew up with 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:24.080 where we're like. 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.800 Oh, yeah, there was that Desert storm war and then 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:28.200 obviously nine to eleven. 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:32.440 Yeah, but I mean, well, lucky here, We're going to 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:34.960 call in our friend, Crooked Counselor Cooper. 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:38.839 There's a new friend of the pod named Crooked Counselor 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:43.880 Cooper Logan. She's done a lot of work with essay survivors, 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:48.839 so she's used to dealing with overcoming some pretty deep 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.920 trauma and how you then sort of assimilate into your 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.159 life because it's like you can't just live in that 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:57.479 for the rest of your life, and you also can't 0:04:57.520 --> 0:05:00.440 box it up. So we're going to talk to about 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:04.279 sort of on a collective basis, us even though these 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:08.359 things aren't happening to us personally, we are hearing about 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:13.800 it in our empathetic response are parasympathetic response to what's 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.520 going on. It is affecting us. 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:17.840 So what do we do? 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:19.760 How do we like not put our head in the sand, 0:05:20.120 --> 0:05:25.720 but then also like fucking get through it is. 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:28.520 Yeah, for a good counselor cooper off to you tell 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:29.400 us how to do it. 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:33.280 Just to sort of kick things off, if you can 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:35.400 just sort of speak to what you see in the 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:39.159 differences of individual versus collective trauma. 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.839 Sure, so the easiest metaphor that I can think of 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:47.039 is individual trauma as a house fire, collective trauma as 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:51.720 a forest fire. So where that becomes complicated for people 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:55.800 is that with individual trauma a key in fact, I 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.640 would argue one of the most important pieces for healing 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:02.200 and recovery is your commune unity. And in the sense 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:04.839 of what we're going through now, which I would say, 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:07.360 the same thing happened like during the pandemic, Like that's 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.240 when I really started to feel like this overwhelming sense 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:14.720 of collective trauma. Is the system around you feels no 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.479 more stable than you do as an individual. So who 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:22.960 is supposed to lean on who? Everyone feels unsteady, Everyone 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:26.600 is shaken, And the reality is is that when we're 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.400 speaking about fires, at least with what's going on in 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:32.920 our current climate, we have yet to put out one 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:38.479 fire before several other fires are being started. Nothing, just 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:41.400 to validate in such a real way, nothing that's going 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:44.160 on right now is normal. Nothing right now that's going 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.919 on is okay. I actually think the question are you 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:50.480 okay is so insane to ask anyone right now, because 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:54.440 nothing about this is okay. Nobody feels okay, So I 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:58.080 think it makes it feel even more helpless. And it's 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.760 not even like the climate that we're the coctive trauma 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:02.680 that we're going through as a group of people is 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:05.080 the only trauma that people have going on in their 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:08.919 lives exactly because people are still experiencing their own active 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:14.440 individual traumas within this greater trauma, and it complicates healing 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:18.200 and it complicates stabilization, and I think that everyone is 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:22.920 just in a heightened state of nervous system dysregulation, and 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.920 it makes it impossible for anyone to catch their breath. 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.520 Regulating right now is very difficult, so. 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:32.239 Real, you're supposed to get like wasted in the corner, 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:35.360 like like what you're describing is like it's so true. 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:37.640 Because Erica was even talking about this, So she was like, 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.800 my cortisol levels have been so high that it was 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:44.520 like it's hard to like even just settle in the 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:48.080 world that we're like living in. That I just think 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:52.040 what you said is wild, but it's also somewhat comforting 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:55.160 to know that, you know, they're HiT's kind of for everyone. 0:07:56.080 --> 0:08:00.560 Yeah, yeah, And would you say that our country doesn't 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:05.120 have we are not built with systems to address the 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.360 severity of things like this, right, we just like to 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:10.680 use a hockey term, We just fucking stick and go, 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.000 like that's stick and move. 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:16.320 Sorry, it's been a minute since my hockey days, which 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:17.280 never existed. 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:20.720 Yeah, they never they my hockey days, which never ever 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:25.640 ever existed. But like, we don't we we don't set 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:28.800 that in place. And so to your point that people 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:32.440 are having to deal with their own traumatic experiences, like 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:34.760 let's say you lose a loved one in the middle 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:37.720 of this, you're in a car crash, you're you know, 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:40.040 you just got fired, and you don't know how you're 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.280 going to support your family. And then like the fucking 0:08:43.360 --> 0:08:46.120 country is, like you said, is not only just like 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:50.560 there's a fire, there's an alien fires that's actively burning, 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.520 and new ones keep getting set right. So but would 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:56.560 you say in your experience sort of just at looking 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:00.720 at coping mechanisms on the greater scale, like what's the 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:05.120 US's grade in terms of being set up to recognize 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:06.800 people's emotional trauma? 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:09.599 I think that the United States was built on oppression, 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:14.240 so like I'd mean, that's an entirely separate episode. But 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:16.880 I think that we live in a country that profits 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:20.440 off of people's distress and trauma, like the powers that be, 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:24.200 And this is soabus the powers that be like profit 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:28.120 and thrive off of like people below them being in 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:31.720 a constant state of distress because when people are scared, 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:35.160 they are less likely to be able to slow down 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:38.200 and really think through their decisions. Like people are very 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:41.800 impulsive and can do right now rightfully. So I don't 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:45.760 blame anyone, like I think when you're existing in a 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:49.200 system like ours, I tell my clients, find your purpose, 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.880 find your people, find your peace. And what I have 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:56.480 seen overall that's working best for not only myself, but 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:59.400 for most of my clients is that in this system, 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:03.320 you need to establish your smaller system that can help 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.280 you remain safe. So what I'm seeing and I think 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:08.079 that it's brilliant, and I love to see it is 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:11.120 that a lot of my clients are really tightening their circles. 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:16.000 They are being very they're being very intentional about who 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:18.840 they're choosing to spend their time and emotional energy with, 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.960 because unfortunately, what we're seeing right now is that a 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:24.680 lot of people are not who people thought they were. 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:27.040 I think that there have been a lot of relationship 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:30.320 splits that have happened in this current client, a lot 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:34.560 of disappointment, a lot of like the veil falling, and 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:35.319 you see like. 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:36.839 Where people's values really are. 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:40.960 So I know that they That might sound dystopian, but 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.840 like I wouldn't rely on the system right now. I 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:46.680 don't trust the system. I think the system is corrupt, 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:51.600 so I think smaller circles, however, you can feel most 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.920 safe is a better bet. And then you just help 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:57.840 each other, you support each other. You may not be 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:01.600 able to change the entire system, but safety right now 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:03.360 is what I feel like matters most. 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.800 However much information you take in, I mean some degree 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:10.760 of it I think is actually critical to everyone's survival, 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.800 but you know, sort of collectively, I think something for 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:19.720 us to remember. And this also ties to this, like 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:23.760 building the systemic therapeutic devices. 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:25.960 Right, Like you're saying, like a community. 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:29.040 But I feel like there's a tendency right now because 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:32.000 things are so extreme. But in general, like you hear 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:34.560 a news story and someone's like, oh, did anyone get killed? 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:36.839 And it's like, wait, we need to have someone get 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:40.720 fucking killed for this to be like a significant moment, right, 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.840 Like I've talked about this before, Like like, let's stop 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:49.640 and think about what happens when somebody gets like brutally 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.320 injured in a traumatic situation. 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:54.960 And I know you have a ton of experience in this. 0:11:55.160 --> 0:12:00.599 But I think it's important for building that communal empathetic response. 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:06.000 Like if somebody in your life gets shot and they survive, 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.240 there is still a massive ripple effect, yes, And so 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.920 if you could maybe speak to speak to that, speak 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.720 to maybe some of the experiences of what you've seen 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.680 in terms of the effect of these events that happen. 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.520 So even if they're not they don't result in a. 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:28.320 Fatality, primary trauma or secondary trauma both have a very 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:32.240 similar impact on the nervous system. That's what I would 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:36.040 really encourage people to go back to right now is 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:40.080 that when an individual trauma happens, you know, like that 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:44.000 person also obviously learns like I am not safe. The 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.360 secondary trauma piece is like the world is not safe, 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:50.600 like the system around me isn't safe. So I feel 0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:53.600 like a lot of the same symptoms are experienced, especially 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.160 if you are you know, incredibly close to the person 0:12:56.200 --> 0:13:00.800 who experienced the primary trauma. I think that what's happening 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:05.200 is that in our media, people are getting desensitized. I 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.839 think people start to compare trauma. I call it trauma Olympics, 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:13.560 where people are comparative suffering, like comparing bad to worse 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:17.040 doesn't make the bad better it is. There's literally so 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:20.880 much gas lighting that is happening. I have literally used 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:24.240 the metaphor that living in the United States right now, 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:27.360 especially if you are already a trauma survivor even more 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.600 so if you're a woman, feels like you are stuck 0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:33.440 in a domestically violent relationship. Yep, that is really how 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.720 I feel like it is because you are being told 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:38.800 no one died, it's not that big of a deal. 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.840 Don't you know how much worse it is in other countries? 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:46.280 Yes? Or how many times is that the like what 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:51.720 was she wearing of? Like fucking you know, geopolitical bullshit. 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.040 I mean, Renee Good is being told that she or 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.760 is being spoken about as if she's a gostic terrorist 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.560 she brought being shot in the face, being called a 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:02.320 fucking bitch on herself. 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:05.640 Oh my god, I mean and literally, I'm sure there 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:07.679 was some sarcasm, but like she couldn't have said. 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:11.160 A nicer thing like before before this all happened, right yeah, And. 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:14.520 They're the fact that we're also trying to look into 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:19.840 what organizations which are are private like meaning organizations that 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:21.840 her and her wife were a part of, and that 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:24.440 luckily the state is like no, you're not lacked to 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:27.840 find out that information for their supporting But that's how 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.200 fucked it's gotten. You know, that we're trying to find 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:35.440 a problem within her family and she was the one 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:36.360 that was shot. 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:39.760 Right Well, that's very much like also too, like a 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:43.800 politically motivated narrative because I'm sure the Republicans weren't even 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.720 like prepared for how blatant this was, Like, right, they 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.160 they want this, but they didn't know that it was 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:50.920 going to be like this. 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:52.920 So that's why they are. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:57.440 Blatantly gaslighting us by denying what we can all see, right, 0:14:57.560 --> 0:14:59.920 and then so by going after looking at her fan 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.760 that's just because like that's because you're like, what can 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:03.040 we get? 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.400 What can we Yeah, it's just it's just smoke and mirrors. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.560 It's just a it's a distraction tactic. But I think 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.120 when I speak to finding your people, I do think 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:15.080 there is a lot to be said about finding people 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:18.480 who share your values. And I think that we've all 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:21.720 experienced trauma, you know, and I will never minimize any 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.640 other person's trauma. But I think that what we need 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:27.160 to look for in finding people that are going to 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.520 help us feel any level of safety in literally a 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:35.160 living hell, is finding people who have already established their 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:39.560 own value of not denying trauma, of not minimizing trauma, 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:43.920 of staying on their active healing paths. I really don't 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:47.080 believe that you can teach other people that, And right now, 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.120 I think so people have such little emotional energy to 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.080 spare that I would strongly encourage people to realize that's 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:55.960 not your job. That is a waste of your emotional energy. 0:15:56.320 --> 0:16:00.480 But I do think that there is something too finding 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:03.600 people with grit, and I think that grit comes from 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:07.040 lived experience, often how you have healed from your trauma, 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.280 and those are the people that I think that are 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.120 going to be able to help you make sense in 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:13.720 a nonsensical world. 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:17.840 I love that find some fucking friends with grit and 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.920 some balls and some courage to be like you could 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:24.440 say whatever and be angry, just like you said, you know, 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.000 with your clients, said when you were first starting out 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:31.000 your nonprofit, when you gave the girl the freaking hammer, 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:36.640 you like, are you sure, girl? And you said I am, 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:40.320 And like that gave me goosebumps, because that is the grit, 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:42.840 that's the gut, that's the courage that you got to 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:45.840 look for in the people that you surround yourself with 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.640 that You're like, listen, even if you go fucking whacka 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.200 do fucking wild, I'll still be. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.600 Here right, No, precisely. And I think, like circling back 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.000 to this idea of collective trauma, I think one of 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.920 the most powerful examples of finding your people has been 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:05.480 in the Me Too movement. I am so fucking proud 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.040 to be a survivor and a part of the Me 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.880 too movement, like I am, I have never been more 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.800 proud to be a woman like a being surrounded by 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:16.480 so many women that are like, you actually don't need 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.040 to explain to me why it wasn't your fault. I'm 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:21.199 actually never going to I don't even need to know 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:24.280 the fine details of what happened to you to believe you. 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.520 And if we're talking about like wack a doodle, the 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.760 reframe that I provide clients is what happened to you 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.240 in the first place is the whack a doodle part. 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.400 You responded to it and survived in the best way 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.760 that you could in the circumstances that you were in. 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:43.199 So quite frankly, do you because it's hard enough to 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:47.520 stay alive after certain traumatic experiences. What happened to you 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:50.800 was the insane part, the fact that somebody thought that 0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:53.920 it was okay to treat another human being that way. 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:58.439 That's the insane part. The insanity that's happening around us 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:00.199 right now is the world that we live in, not 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:03.200 how people are responding to it. People are surviving. 0:18:04.200 --> 0:18:06.680 Yeah, And then I think to your earlier point, which 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:10.480 unfortunately happens what like almost ten out of ten times 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:14.800 with essay, is yeah, it's like the re traumatizing by 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:19.080 the mental dissection of what this person did or how 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:21.600 they were complicit when none of that fucking matters. 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:22.280 None of that. 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.639 Why isn't that being applied to the perpetrators? 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:29.879 Right? And like we are literally our president is an 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:33.479 established perpetrator. Like I can't tell you how many of 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.439 my clients are essay survivors. And to live in a 0:18:37.560 --> 0:18:41.400 country that is being led by a known sexual predator 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.440 and to have so many people not care and not 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:49.480 think that that piece matters, I agree. 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:53.680 I mean I heard from a Republican. Sorry, Terry, didn't 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.320 mean to cut you off, but just on that point, 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:59.800 I heard from a Republican that they don't speak to 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:02.479 that often. But we kind of got into an argument, 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:05.800 and I brought up the fact that he is a pedophile, 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:09.160 and of course they are gonna speak to like, well, 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:12.960 show me the evidence, show me the evidence, and it's like, well, 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:16.400 we can't because it's all fucking under some black redaction. 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:20.960 But also there is already prior evidence, so that's that's 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:23.840 actually not really a good argument. But literally got them 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:27.360 to admit at one point because they got emotion like well, 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:30.200 I don't care if he is a pedophile because I 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:32.400 like what he's doing for it. And it's like ding 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.479 ding ding there, it fucking is Okay, there it fucking 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:41.359 is so like, I just like people need to wake 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:44.840 up to see how people really feel. And getting back 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:48.400 to your point about value system, this is what has happened. 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:52.200 The fucking veils are off, and what people really think 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:55.119 and what people really feel that for a long time 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:56.920 we just coexisted. 0:19:56.320 --> 0:19:58.080 With but we didn't know it was that bad. 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:01.320 It's all out in the fucking open, right, and it's 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:08.400 really hard to take in as a member of human society. 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:13.000 It's really hard to actually accept. 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:18.560 That because it's unacceptable, because everything that is happening is unacceptable. 0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:22.120 So I feel like I feel like, and I'm sure 0:20:22.160 --> 0:20:24.320 you both can already relate to what I'm about to say, 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.239 but I feel like, historically there has always been this 0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:31.119 pressure that your degree of closeness to someone needs to 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.600 be about your status of relation or that person's position 0:20:34.680 --> 0:20:37.600 in your life. And I think that this time in 0:20:37.640 --> 0:20:42.160 the world, it has never been more important to rate 0:20:42.280 --> 0:20:45.280 the degree of closeness or access that someone gets to 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:48.359 you by how they make you feel, how regulated is 0:20:48.400 --> 0:20:51.159 your nervous system able to be in the company of 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:54.480 this person. Because I actually don't give a single book 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.240 if it is your mother, your sister, your uncle, your brother, 0:20:57.359 --> 0:20:59.920 your priest. If you are not able to feel safe 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:03.800 that person's presence, then their access to you as a liability. 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:07.720 But I think that goes against a lot of the 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:12.639 traditional values that keep control over people, especially in a 0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:15.560 society like ours. But they're your mother, but they're your father, 0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:20.359 but he's your president. I don't fucking care. We are 0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:23.560 past that point right now, like healing right now is 0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:25.760 out of the box, because we are living and out 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:28.920 of the box times. So I would suggest that when 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:31.720 you decide who you are going to give access to, 0:21:32.119 --> 0:21:35.160 within reason. Obviously, I understand their situations that we can't 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:38.199 ultimately control people we have to work with. I get it. 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:41.960 Situations can be complicated. But as much as you can 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:47.320 prioritize keeping your nervous system as regulated as possible, and 0:21:47.400 --> 0:21:50.280 that includes the people that you're around, That includes how 0:21:50.280 --> 0:21:52.680 you're treating your body, that includes the media that you're 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:56.760 exposing yourself to. That needs to be the priority right now. 0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:59.960 I love that My job is to watch movies and TV, 0:22:00.240 --> 0:22:02.280 and I've just got to say I watch Netflix, Is 0:22:02.320 --> 0:22:04.560 and Herds, and I just gotta say, for any essay victims, 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:07.040 there's some triggers, but there's some mad vengeance at the 0:22:07.160 --> 0:22:12.200 end and make you feel fucking good, like really fucking good. 0:22:12.640 --> 0:22:14.720 There is such a bait and switch at the end 0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:17.840 where you're like fuck yeah, like I'm and like I 0:22:17.920 --> 0:22:20.680 feel like we all in this world right now need 0:22:20.720 --> 0:22:23.680 a fuck yeah moment and that show it's not it's 0:22:24.400 --> 0:22:26.720 you got you gotta wait it out, You're gonna get 0:22:26.720 --> 0:22:31.000 there in your process in comment, but then it happens, 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:32.680 you know, like hell yeah, so yeah. 0:22:32.760 --> 0:22:36.240