1 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:11,280 Speaker 1: Happy New Year, my friends. Happy New Year twenty twenty six. 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: Though it can be a very, very stressful time of year, 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,440 Speaker 1: I hope you were able to find moments of joy, 4 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 1: moments to celebrate throughout the holidays. A new year now 5 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: lies before us with infinite possibilities. Folks keep asking me, 6 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: do I have any New Year's resolutions? No, no, no, 7 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: I don't. Nothing more than to keep on doing everything 8 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:44,560 Speaker 1: that works and work on letting go of the things 9 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 1: that don't work. Life is too much already without piling 10 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: on a bunch of self inflicted expectations that just hurt 11 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: my feelings when I break them. When you make New 12 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: Year's resolution, like you know, I'm giving this up or 13 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,959 Speaker 1: I'm never going to do this again. For me, that 14 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 1: just sets me up for failure. Does this mean I'm 15 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: opposed to self improvement? 16 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 2: Also? 17 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: No, but I am against making a list in the darkest, 18 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 1: bleakest season of the year, when it's dark in the 19 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: morning when we get up and dark when the kids 20 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 1: get home from school. I'm not going to make a 21 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: list of things that I promise myself I'm going to 22 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: do and then ultimately break them and feel bad about it. 23 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 1: My philosophy is more along the line of if you 24 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: don't like something in your life, change it, stop complaining 25 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 1: about it, and change it. Those kind of realizations can 26 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: come to you at any time during the year. No 27 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: need to browbeat yourself into thinking them up when you're 28 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: already stressed out about packing away the Christmas decorations, taking 29 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: down the lights, getting the kids back in the school 30 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:07,919 Speaker 1: routine again. Speaking of stress and anxiety and making healthy choices, 31 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 1: I've got a podcast guest that is an expert at 32 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:17,960 Speaker 1: letting all that stuff go. Michelle Merrows is a mindfulness 33 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: expert and a podcast co host. Life Happens with Barbe 34 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,679 Speaker 1: and Michelle is the name of her podcast. She does 35 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: it alongside her mother, Barb. They offer weekly guidance and 36 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: stories focused on intentional living. She's also the co founder 37 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 1: of Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life. That's a nonprofit supporting over 38 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: one hundred and seventy million people worldwide in their wellness journeys. 39 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: Her debut book, Dear Friend, began as an unsent breakup 40 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: letter and grew into a daily guide for grounding, resilience 41 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 1: and reflection. Dear Friend was my November book Club pick, 42 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: and I couldn't think of a better way to kick 43 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: off the new year than inviting Michelle Aboard to talk 44 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: about some proven strategies for a more grounded existence. Dear 45 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,880 Speaker 1: Friend is a collection of three hundred and sixty five short, 46 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: heartfelt daily notes that act as a gentle companion through 47 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 1: life's highs and lows. With empathy and encouragement, Michelle offers 48 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 1: a grounded reminder that peace and strength begin within, whether 49 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: you're overwhelmed, burned out, or simply seeking clarity. Each page 50 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: invites a daily pause and meaningful connection. The key themes 51 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: to her book are presence and connection, self worth and alignment, 52 00:03:53,880 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: navigating life's ebbs and flows, gentle growth, can unity, and compassion. 53 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: Michelle says the book is for the quiet, hard moments 54 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: when people feel lost or overwhelmed ads pretty much every 55 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: day for a lot of us. We'll welcome Michelle, and 56 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 1: then we'll dive into some really good content. Right after 57 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 1: I share some really good content about this episode's podcast sponsor. 58 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 1: I've been making my own pasta sauce for as long 59 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: as I've been gardening, growing fresh tomatoes, onions, peppers, herbs 60 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 1: in my garden. I thought it was the only way 61 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 1: to make my family's favorite spaghetti sauce, lasagna dinners, wholesome 62 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: and healthy. Huh, But on my word, it's time consuming. 63 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:50,039 Speaker 1: Then my friend Peter Harris shared his pasta sauce with me. 64 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:55,599 Speaker 1: Silver Palate pasta Sauce. It's made like I make my own, 65 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 1: with San Marzano, tomatoes, olive oil, earl herbs. 66 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 2: That's it. 67 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 1: No added sugars, nothing artificial, just real, simple, healthful ingredients, 68 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: and it's so convenient. Silver Palate comes in a variety 69 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:20,679 Speaker 1: of fantastic flavors and has become my family's favorite. The taste, 70 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: the aroma Heavenly. You'll find them all at your supermarket 71 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,480 Speaker 1: on the pasta isle, and you can get it from 72 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: Amazon too. With Silver Palate Pasta Sauce, it's more than 73 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: just a meal. It's your moment to reconnect, to laugh, 74 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 1: to linger at the table, to love, and honestly, that 75 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: little jar has brought real convenience to my day and 76 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: so much joy to the dinner table. Bring a jar 77 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 1: of Silver Palate pasta sauce into your home and share 78 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:03,160 Speaker 1: the love. Hi. Michelle y, our podcast guest on the 79 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: first edition of Love Someone, twenty twenty six. Michelle my 80 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: podcast producer, and I thought that you would be the 81 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: perfect guest to kick off the new year because your 82 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: message is so vital. 83 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I'm so honored. 84 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 1: If we can all embrace what it is that you 85 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: and your mom share in your podcast and what you 86 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 1: share in your book, I think the world would be 87 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: a better place. I think that, at least in my 88 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,719 Speaker 1: head space, it would be. 89 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 3: You know, that was my hope with the book and 90 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,839 Speaker 3: certainly with our podcast. But I'm so honored to hear 91 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 3: you say that and to be the first guest on 92 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 3: the show for twenty twenty six. 93 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: For the new year. Okay, we're going to jump right 94 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: into it, So tell me a little bit about your 95 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: background and about your book. 96 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 2: Yeah. 97 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 3: So my book is called Dear Friend, and it's a 98 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,480 Speaker 3: daily inspirational message book. So it's on January first, which 99 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 3: I think is probably why it's such a good book 100 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 3: to start the new year, and there's a message for 101 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 3: each day of the year. And the hiss or the 102 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 3: story for my book was growing up with my mom. 103 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 3: She went into treatment for an eating disorder when she 104 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 3: was in her late twenties, and when she was there, 105 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 3: she learned about meditation, mindfulness, yoga, therapy, self care, and 106 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 3: it became such a huge part of her life, obviously 107 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 3: to stay in recovery, but also she was really passionate 108 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 3: about everything that she learned there. And so fast forward 109 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 3: to when she finally had me. So much of my 110 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 3: growing up life and habits and routines were rooted in 111 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 3: those practices that she learned in treatment. So one of 112 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 3: the things that we would do before going off to 113 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 3: school or before she would go off to work, was 114 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 3: she would read a passage from a book or a 115 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 3: poem or some sort of inspirational message to kind of 116 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 3: set the tone for the day. And that really planted 117 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 3: the seed within me as something like, what a great 118 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 3: way to start the day. You know, you can't control 119 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 3: what happens when you leave the house or you know, 120 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 3: anything else that goes on in the future, but you 121 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 3: can set the tone and at least start your day 122 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 3: with some sort of inspiration. So that was really the 123 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 3: seed that was planted within me for the book. And 124 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 3: you know, for the past twelve years, I've been working 125 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 3: with my mom at our nonprofit Peaceful Mind, Peaceful Life, 126 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 3: and so I've been kind of collecting lessons that I've 127 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 3: learned things that have helped me get through difficult moments 128 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 3: and thought, oh, maybe I could put this into a 129 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 3: book of a daily book that I had read, you know, 130 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 3: growing up. So it's it's out, which is amazing, But 131 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,719 Speaker 3: it definitely was a journey to get three hundred and 132 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,319 Speaker 3: sixty five days of content into a book. 133 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 1: That is a journey, that is an undertaking. Is somebody 134 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: who creates a lot of content for my radio show 135 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 1: and now for social media as hard. Sometimes you like 136 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 1: a dry well, like okay. 137 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 3: In my naive and I was like, oh, this will 138 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 3: be a little easier than you know, you know, a 139 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 3: standard chapter book. 140 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 2: I you know, short entries. 141 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 3: But I very quickly learned that there are a lot 142 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 3: of days in a year, and exactly sometimes you really 143 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 3: feel like you gotta dig deep. 144 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: Well for me, I don't know about for you, but 145 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 1: for me, whenever I hit that wall, God always puts 146 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 1: me in a hysterical situation. He's like, you need a 147 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: lesson for the day, you need a little life lesson here? 148 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: How about this? 149 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,839 Speaker 2: I love it exactly. 150 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: So you and your mom you work together, you have 151 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,840 Speaker 1: a podcast together. Tell me about that and how folks 152 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 1: can find it. 153 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:43,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, so our podcast is called Life Happens with Barbon Michelle, 154 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,959 Speaker 3: and it's really you know, we have guests, one a 155 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 3: guest a month, but it's mostly the two of us 156 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 3: in conversation talking about again the things that we've gone through, 157 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 3: lived experiences. You know, my mom has been practicing meditation 158 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 3: and mindfulness, like I said, since she was in treatment, 159 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 3: so over forty years now, and we really just wanted 160 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 3: to create a space where we could, you know, vulnerably 161 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 3: talk about life, the messiness of life, the ups and 162 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 3: downs of life, and what has helped us move through 163 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 3: it all. And you know, it's been it's been a 164 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,439 Speaker 3: really fun journey. I was kind of, you know, nudging 165 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,319 Speaker 3: my mom to do a podcast for a while because 166 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 3: pod you know, everyone's got a podcast these days. And 167 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 3: I'm so glad that we finally have it because it's 168 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,719 Speaker 3: it's been a really neat and unique experience to kind 169 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 3: of have this with her now in adulthood for me 170 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 3: and you know, sharing these conversations with her. 171 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 1: So can I ask when you were a teenager, like fifteen, 172 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,079 Speaker 1: sixteen seventeen, was your mom your best friend or did 173 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: she get on your last nerve? 174 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 2: Oh? 175 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 3: We had she got on my last nerve, and that's 176 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 3: one of the questions we get. One of the most 177 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,319 Speaker 3: common questions we get is, you know, you seem to 178 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,040 Speaker 3: have such a great relationship now, you know, maybe I 179 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 3: have a teen daughter. How can I you know, create 180 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 3: that for myself or you know, you seem to have 181 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 3: it all figured out. And I'm always like, we're good. 182 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,680 Speaker 3: We've worked really hard at our relationship, but we're not 183 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 3: perfect at all. And she definitely definitely gets under my 184 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 3: skin even now, but definitely when I was a. 185 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 2: Teen we butted heads. But I think that's normal. 186 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,240 Speaker 3: I think we all have those moments with a parent 187 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 3: or a close family member. And I think what I've 188 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 3: learned in our relationship in general is just, you know, 189 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 3: it's not personal. I mean, it might feel personal, but 190 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,359 Speaker 3: it's just those growing pains of mother daughter. 191 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 1: That how much of your personality, Michelle is the apple 192 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: not falling far from the tree. 193 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 2: You know. 194 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 3: Growing up, I always thought I was more like my dad, 195 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 3: and I think as I've matured and gotten older, obviously 196 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 3: I think I'm a lot like my mom, you know, 197 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 3: sharing obviously that we work together, but that we do, 198 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,560 Speaker 3: you know, have similar practices and routines, but also that 199 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 3: you know, we people often think like because we talk 200 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 3: about meditation and mindfulness and therapy and trauma, that it's 201 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,199 Speaker 3: so serious and that you know, we're very you. 202 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 2: Know, laser focused on that. But we have a lot 203 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:20,600 Speaker 2: of fun. 204 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 3: We love sports, you know, we go to football games 205 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 3: and love to have fun too, So I think it's 206 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,839 Speaker 3: a it's a fun combination. But I think as I've 207 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 3: gotten older, my mom has kind of taken root in 208 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 3: my personality for sure. 209 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,199 Speaker 1: Sounds like she's become one of your best friends as well. 210 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 3: For sure, definitely, And you know, it's I've had a 211 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 3: lot of reflection lately as I've gotten older, and now 212 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 3: that I'm an adult and I can have adult conversations 213 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 3: with her, it is interesting to think about us, you know, 214 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 3: not necessarily being totally uneven playing fields because she is 215 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 3: my mom, but that we can kind of approach life 216 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 3: from a side by side standpoint and think of her 217 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 3: as a friend and obviously a role model and a colleague. 218 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 3: But it is it's an interesting new chapter to be 219 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 3: in this spot as an adult now. 220 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: So a couple of things I want to touch upon 221 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: because I think this was a revelation for me. A 222 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 1: couple of years ago, the difference between being nice and 223 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 1: being kind Yeah, Like, I don't want to be known 224 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 1: as a nice person. I'm not nice, Yep, I'm not. 225 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 1: But I do want to practice kindness every day of 226 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: my life, in every situation. So talk about that, how 227 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 1: we can transition, I guess, from simply being nice or 228 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 1: trying to be nice, or putting forward an image of 229 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 1: being nice to true kindness. 230 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 231 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 3: I resonate with that a lot, and I wrote about 232 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,320 Speaker 3: that a lot in the book, because some one who 233 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:05,640 Speaker 3: identifies as a recovering people pleaser and thinking for most 234 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 3: of my life that I could make every person like me, 235 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 3: which sounds so crazy to even say that, but that 236 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 3: was some sort of notable goal to be, Like I'm 237 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 3: going to be the most liked person, or why wouldn't 238 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 3: everybody like me? 239 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 2: And so what do I have to do to get there? 240 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 3: I'm going to be nice to everyone, which you know, 241 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 3: I think growing up we hear that a virtue to 242 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,800 Speaker 3: live by, which of course is good. But when I 243 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 3: started to dissect what being nice really looked like for me, 244 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 3: it was people pleasing. It was kind of you know, 245 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 3: bending some of my values or boundaries or things that 246 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 3: were important to me in order to appease others or 247 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 3: putting myself out to you know, make everybody else happy. 248 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 3: And as I kind of reflected further, niceness started to 249 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 3: feel inauthentic and shallow because it was just you know, 250 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 3: a blanket, a blanket action to appease people, rather than 251 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 3: really rooted in care and empathy and compassion. And that's 252 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 3: where I think there's that difference between niceness and kindness, 253 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 3: where kindness, you know, takes thoughtfulness and intention and what 254 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 3: you know, what can I do to help someone else 255 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 3: and what action does that take? And that's where I 256 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 3: think we can act in kindness. But niceness for me 257 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 3: always ended up with me feeling overwhelmed or burned out 258 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 3: or confused, or you know, just feeling like it was 259 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 3: almost a manipulation to some degree too, trying to make 260 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 3: everyone like me. 261 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that, because when I'm being nice, 262 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: ninety percent of the times I am manipulating. I am 263 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:58,000 Speaker 1: manipulating your opinion of me. Yeah, I'm not really letting 264 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 1: you know who I am or what the hell I'm 265 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: really thinking. I am manipulating an image, just like I do, 266 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 1: you know, with with social media when you, you know, 267 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: put fake eyelashes on, You're manipulating an image so that 268 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: people will like you. Yeah, that is so disingenuous to 269 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: my soul, and yet I do it. 270 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 3: And it's just as it's surface level, like what's underneath 271 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 3: of what are the caring acts that come from you 272 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 3: that are thoughtful and unique to you and intentional? And yeah, 273 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 3: it's it's interesting to dissect that. But I yeah, manipulation 274 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 3: for sure. But you know, that too, was a tough 275 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 3: one for me to pick apart because I'm like, I'm 276 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 3: not being manipulative if I'm trying to be nice to people. 277 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 3: So yeah, but it feels a lot more aligned and 278 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 3: grounded thinking about being kind over being nice and those 279 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 3: surface levels pleasantries. 280 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: So give me five ways that somebody can be kind 281 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 1: when they're going about their day and they're like, you know, 282 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 1: I want to be a good person. I want to 283 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: be a person who's sharing love. Give me a couple 284 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: of practical ways that we can be kind and truly 285 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: invest in those around us instead of just being nice. 286 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think to start, like I talked about with 287 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,120 Speaker 3: you know, the routines with my mom, starting out your 288 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:36,959 Speaker 3: day in some sort of place of quiet or peace 289 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 3: or inspiration, and that could just be for a minute, 290 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 3: you know, to breathe and collect yourself before the chaotic 291 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:48,679 Speaker 3: of the day takes off, but just you know, having 292 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,199 Speaker 3: that moment to kind of ground yourself and feel like 293 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 3: you're connected with yourself. And you know, we can't control 294 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 3: the things that happen in the external world, but you know, 295 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 3: being aware and having that connect with self, we can 296 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 3: start to manage our reactions to it. And I think 297 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 3: that can help us in our interactions with people to 298 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:11,200 Speaker 3: remember to be more kind and more compassionate when going 299 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,919 Speaker 3: about our days. So you know, starting the day in 300 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 3: some sort of space like that, and I think just 301 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,360 Speaker 3: weaving that throughout the day. You know, one of the 302 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 3: areas in my life where I feel like I often 303 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 3: get the not the most, but I can get irritated 304 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 3: with people is in traffic, you know, And. 305 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 1: So which is why you need to listen to the 306 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:35,120 Speaker 1: Delilah Show. 307 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 2: Exactly. 308 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: I think I had to just. 309 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 2: Exactly, it's exactly. 310 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,119 Speaker 3: But you know, people cut you off or they're on 311 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 3: their phones and they don't go when the light turns green, 312 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,600 Speaker 3: and you know, it's our first instinct to get so angry, 313 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 3: But I like to just before taking an action, when 314 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,919 Speaker 3: I'm in a reaction, take a deep breath and just 315 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 3: you know, think about what I'm doing, rather than just 316 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 3: always being on, you know, the off with people, I 317 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 3: think too, just knowing that we never know what is 318 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 3: happening for other people and other people's lives, and we're 319 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 3: often so quick to write stories about, Oh, that person's 320 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 3: a jerk because they cut me off, or they didn't 321 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 3: take their shopping cart back and they left it in 322 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 3: the parking lot. You know, they must be so inconsiderate. 323 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 3: But writing stories about people, assuming the worst of them 324 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,560 Speaker 3: just kind of amps us up and doesn't breed that 325 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 3: kindness that we're talking about. So I think just rather 326 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,399 Speaker 3: than writing and assuming the worst things about people, start 327 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,879 Speaker 3: to just offer that kindness and compassion, knowing that we 328 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,320 Speaker 3: don't know what's going on in other people's lives and 329 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 3: you know, life is hard, and so just being present 330 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 3: in the present moment and thinking about how can I 331 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 3: make someone maybe feel comfortable. 332 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 2: In my presence? 333 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,439 Speaker 3: Can I offer, you know, a smile or open the 334 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,879 Speaker 3: door for someone? Which sounds so cheesy and cliche, but 335 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 3: I think these days like that does really seem to 336 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 3: matter because so often I feel like I'm out in 337 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 3: public and people just feel so tense and on edge, 338 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 3: and I often just think, if there's a way that 339 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 3: I can ease that or lessen that a little bit, 340 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 3: certainly that that has to help. But I think you 341 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 3: know all of that to say, it does start from 342 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:25,399 Speaker 3: within of connecting with yourself and having that intention to 343 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:30,479 Speaker 3: live that way, and you know, just being present moment 344 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 3: to moment to think about how you're participating in each action. 345 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,879 Speaker 1: I learned a trick years ago that has completely changed 346 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: my time in traffic. I was in the back of 347 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 1: an ambulance with my daughter who was having a major 348 00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,879 Speaker 1: asthma attack and couldn't breathe, and nobody was moving for 349 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,199 Speaker 1: the ambulance, nobody was pulling over, and I was getting 350 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 1: more and more frantic and more and more panicked. And 351 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,879 Speaker 1: the paramedic that was in the back with me said, 352 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: you are not helping here to hut her to regulate 353 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: her breathing. Stop, let the driver drive and breathe with her. 354 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:21,400 Speaker 3: Hmm. 355 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:23,679 Speaker 2: I love that. 356 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: And I realized that my anxiousness was affecting her life, 357 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:36,800 Speaker 1: and man, that changed everything for me. In that instant, 358 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,680 Speaker 1: And so now when I'm in traffic and somebody's cutting 359 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,120 Speaker 1: me off, I always tell myself, they've got a child 360 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: in the hospital and they got to get there, so 361 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: let them go and don't be upset with them because 362 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,679 Speaker 1: they're just trying to get to the hospital. 363 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 2: Exactly. 364 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 3: My mom, her mom was dying and she had to 365 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 3: run to the grocery sort of pick something up or something, 366 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 3: but she felt super rushed and she needed to make 367 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 3: it back to be with her mom. 368 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 2: And I think she. 369 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 3: Kind of tried to put the shopping cart, you know, 370 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,159 Speaker 3: up up in the middle or something, but you know, 371 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 3: she was so frantic and rush that she didn't. And 372 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,679 Speaker 3: I guess a guy in the parking lot, you know, 373 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 3: said some sort of comment about how awful she was, 374 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,400 Speaker 3: or you know, don't can't you just take the cart back? 375 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 2: And you know, as she was driving away. 376 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 3: She was like, you know, if you only knew that, 377 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 3: I was just trying to rush back to get back 378 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 3: to my mom who was dying. And she said that was, 379 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,679 Speaker 3: you know, very similar to your moment. That that changed 380 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 3: everything for her. Where you don't know. 381 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: Datta show grace, You got to show grace exactly if 382 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna let everything like that steal your joy when 383 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 1: you don't know. I mean, yeah, ninety percent of the 384 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,879 Speaker 1: time people might be being jerks, but you don't know. 385 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 3: You don't know, and ultimately it you know, it doesn't 386 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,120 Speaker 3: matter because you can just go on with your day. 387 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and why give somebody else permission to ruin your day? 388 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,560 Speaker 3: Exactly so much power over your life and your your 389 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:02,440 Speaker 3: mental well being. 390 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 1: The minute I saw the note Michelle from your publisher 391 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,159 Speaker 1: and I said, I saw haled, I said hungry and 392 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 1: we're lonely, tired, which told you you know it? Oh yeah, 393 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 1: oh yeah, I said, Oh my gosh. They're in the 394 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 1: twelve step program, they've been to meetings, they've been in 395 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: the same rooms I've been in for forty years now. 396 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 1: And it was just that one phrase yep that your 397 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:23,879 Speaker 1: publicist sinned. 398 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 2: Yep. 399 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 3: My mom from her you know, experience and treatment and 400 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:34,439 Speaker 3: you know twelve steps. Growing up, halt was something because 401 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,119 Speaker 3: you know, it was always likely if there was something 402 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 3: challenging happening, that we were hungry. 403 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 2: Angry, lonely, or tired. 404 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,639 Speaker 3: And if you get to just take that space to 405 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 3: identify what the feeling was and what potentially small action 406 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 3: you could take to maybe mitigate that. But then we 407 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 3: kind of also made it fun. You know, she'll be like, 408 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 3: are you halty? And I'll be like, shut up, but 409 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, I'm hungry. Can we just take a 410 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 3: minute before we you know, go over this podcast or 411 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 3: you know, actually I need to take a nap. 412 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,880 Speaker 2: But it really became this. 413 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,560 Speaker 3: Not a game, but just an exit point of if 414 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 3: there was ever any tension or challenge, we could have 415 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,800 Speaker 3: a way to just take a break and say, wait, 416 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 3: what's happening here? 417 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 2: And it really does. 418 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 3: Work, and it's it also ties back into that having 419 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 3: that connection with yourself of what's going on with me 420 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 3: and like what do I really need in this moment 421 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 3: to help me? Maybe I do need to just go, 422 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 3: you know, take a couple minutes to breathe or. 423 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 2: Get a snack. 424 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 3: And it doesn't have to spiral into something super major. 425 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,439 Speaker 1: All right, give us some steps. If I'm having a 426 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: stress spiral, if everything's going wrong, if I'm grumpy because 427 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: of traffic and the school called and I got to 428 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,800 Speaker 1: go pick up my son again for the third time 429 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: in a week, and blah blah blah, give me a 430 00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: couple of tips here to stop that down or horrible 431 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,159 Speaker 1: spiral that my brain goes in. 432 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:08,160 Speaker 3: So thinking about the mind and the thoughts that we think, 433 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,520 Speaker 3: there was a study that was done in UCLA that 434 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 3: we think about eighty thousand thoughts a day, and then 435 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 3: of those eighty thousand, it was something like eighty percent 436 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 3: of them are repetitive. And of the repetitive thoughts, like 437 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 3: ninety percent of those repetitive thoughts are negative or want 438 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 3: or thoughts that you had had before. And so thinking 439 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,639 Speaker 3: about that, just from a math standpoint, that's like so 440 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 3: many thoughts that we think on a daily basis that 441 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 3: are repetitive and negative and you know, not helpful for 442 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 3: us moving throughout the day. And it's no wonder that 443 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 3: we're stressed and overwhelmed and burned out just from that 444 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:50,199 Speaker 3: stat alone. And so when I think about stress and 445 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 3: how we can start to you know, have a better 446 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 3: relationship with it, I often think about the thoughts in 447 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,399 Speaker 3: the mind and what am I thinking moment to moment 448 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,880 Speaker 3: that's either making this situation better or is it making 449 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 3: the situation worse? And I know it can be a 450 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 3: little cheesy, and it's been talked about before, but that's 451 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 3: why I love, you know, to bring in affirmations when 452 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 3: I find myself really spiraling or feeling super overwhelmed, because 453 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,480 Speaker 3: it's like that way to intercept the thoughts that you're 454 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,600 Speaker 3: thinking or the thought pattern that you're really diving into 455 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 3: and spiraling into, and to break it up and to 456 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,119 Speaker 3: think something positive or to you know, redirect your mind. 457 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,959 Speaker 1: But how do you do that when your mind is spiraling? 458 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:38,479 Speaker 1: How do you how do you personally stop yourself and 459 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 1: go okay, halt. 460 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:48,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a practice, and that's why sometimes you know, everything, meditation, journaling, mindfulness, affirmations. 461 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 3: They're beautiful in theory, but they're a practice, so it's 462 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 3: like we have to do them. And it's also not 463 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,600 Speaker 3: always easy all the time. And so I think if 464 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,520 Speaker 3: you can start to remember one time in a stressful 465 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,199 Speaker 3: moment to maybe say, take a breath, and you know 466 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 3: it all is well in this moment, and you know, 467 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 3: build that muscle of intercepting those thoughts, it doesn't get 468 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 3: easier over time, but it becomes more second nature. 469 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,360 Speaker 2: But obviously we're not perfect. 470 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 3: But another my therapist had said this to me when 471 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 3: I was in high school going through a difficult time 472 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,360 Speaker 3: and I was really really spiraling. I, you know, fifteen 473 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 3: sixteen years old, thinking this is the worst thing that's 474 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 3: ever happened to me. 475 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,760 Speaker 2: I was going through a friendship breakup. 476 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,719 Speaker 1: That is the worst thing that happens to you at 477 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,640 Speaker 1: fifteen or sixteen. 478 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 2: By the way, is it's rough. 479 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,800 Speaker 3: But she said, you know, to think of your thoughts 480 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,719 Speaker 3: that you're thinking like grooves in the brain, and the 481 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 3: more that you engage you know, a certain thought pattern. 482 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,200 Speaker 3: And for me in that moment was nobody likes me 483 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 3: and I'm never going to have a friend again. You know, 484 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,480 Speaker 3: you're deepening that groove and it's easier to stay in 485 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 3: that group because the groove gets deeper and in I 486 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 3: guess science terms, that's like a neural pathway. And she's 487 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,679 Speaker 3: said to me that if you can have the space 488 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 3: to think about the fact that you're thinking that thought 489 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,880 Speaker 3: pattern and consciously shift it to then create a new 490 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,640 Speaker 3: thought with a different thought pattern and create a new 491 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 3: fresh groove in the brain. 492 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,160 Speaker 2: That can really help you in your experiences. 493 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 3: And just having that visual that I was constantly reinforcing 494 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 3: that deep groove in my brain that was contributing to 495 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 3: my suffering, and that maybe if I thought something a 496 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 3: little bit differently or disengaged from that and changed my 497 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 3: perspective that could help me. That really changed so much 498 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 3: for me as far as understanding my mind. And so 499 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 3: it's it sounds simple, but I know that it's not 500 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 3: easy because we're when we're in those moments, the last 501 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 3: thing we want to say to ourselves is okay, stop 502 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 3: and what do I want to say to myself and 503 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:56,600 Speaker 3: what will help me here? 504 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 2: But that's why it's a practice. 505 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 3: And if you can start to become maybe playful or 506 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 3: fun or creative with what you can say to talk 507 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 3: back to your stress or talk back to those thoughts 508 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 3: that pop up when you're going through a difficult time 509 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 3: or having a you know, a conflict with your friend 510 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 3: or family or loved wine and just say, you know, 511 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 3: that's not true and you are lovable and this doesn't 512 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,880 Speaker 3: mean that you won't have friends again, or you know, 513 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 3: just because this situation didn't end up like you wanted to, 514 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,959 Speaker 3: doesn't mean that you won't ever have opportunities or you're 515 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 3: not a failure. Just anything to talk back to those 516 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:37,960 Speaker 3: negative thoughts, those you know, thousands and thousands of thoughts 517 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 3: we think, I think can really help us to not 518 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 3: only feel better about ourselves to but feel better about 519 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,280 Speaker 3: the life that we're living and how we're you know, 520 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 3: operating in this world. 521 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,880 Speaker 1: I have a wonderful technique that works for me. I 522 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:56,640 Speaker 1: call my best friend Janey, because she can make me 523 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 1: laugh no matter what the circumstance. We have very dark humor. 524 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 2: I love it. I do think laughter two is the 525 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 2: best medicine. 526 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 1: If I can just find humor in a situation, yeah, 527 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:12,800 Speaker 1: it no longer has power over me. 528 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 3: There's an author that I really love that's one of 529 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,640 Speaker 3: my mom's friends named James Finley, and he says, take 530 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 3: the life that you're living seriously, but don't take yourself 531 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 3: so seriously. And I feel like that that is the 532 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:29,000 Speaker 3: perfect You know, when I feel like I'm getting so 533 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,880 Speaker 3: worked up about something, I'm like, it's. 534 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 2: Not that serious. Just be cool, Yeah, laugh about it. 535 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,800 Speaker 1: Spending time with us today is the lovely Michelle Merros, 536 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 1: who is sharing tips on navigating the stresses of the 537 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 1: world and retaining one's peace while doing so. We'll get 538 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 1: back to the conversation after this word about a podcast 539 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 1: sponsor that is also quite wonderful. Before I sit down 540 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,720 Speaker 1: at the microphone. Each evening, to start my radio show, 541 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 1: I take a moment for me and I brew up 542 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 1: a cup of Bigelow Tea. 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The caffeine free mixture of ginger, honey, lemon, 552 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:56,200 Speaker 1: and other natural flavors soothes and comforts my tired vocal 553 00:31:56,240 --> 00:32:00,040 Speaker 1: gords and puts me in tiptop shape for hours of 554 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: radio time. Maybe you are sipping Bigelow t while spending 555 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,760 Speaker 1: time with me in the evening. Big Eelo t and 556 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,640 Speaker 1: me the perfect pairing for the perfect moment for me. 557 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,920 Speaker 1: Find big Alot at your local market or visit them 558 00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:21,840 Speaker 1: at Bigelot dot com. All right, tell me again, tell 559 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:26,440 Speaker 1: our listeners, uh, where they can find you and your podcast. 560 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 1: And the book's out now, right, the. 561 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 2: Book is out. It's called Dear Friend, and it's available 562 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 2: wherever books. 563 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: Are Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, before we go, the 564 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 1: story behind Dear Friend, it was it started as a 565 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:41,360 Speaker 1: breakup letter. 566 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 3: Yes, you know, I I've gone through a few difficult breakups, 567 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 3: but you know, one in particular that was pretty tough. 568 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:56,920 Speaker 3: And I've always been a pretty avid journaler, and writing 569 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 3: to myself and reminding myself what's true about myself and 570 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 3: my life and life in general really helped me to 571 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,720 Speaker 3: process that difficult time. But then, you know, subsequent challenges 572 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,440 Speaker 3: throughout my life. And so as I started to write 573 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,959 Speaker 3: the book, I thought that I liked the idea of 574 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 3: these being notes. And someone asked me in another book event, 575 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 3: who did you write these notes for? And my first 576 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 3: instinct was to say, oh, obviously for the reader, But 577 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 3: then I kind of stopped and remembered that, yes, of 578 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 3: course the reader. But the first past or the first 579 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,720 Speaker 3: you know, iteration of this book was certainly notes to 580 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:45,400 Speaker 3: myself of you know, recalling things that I've been through 581 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 3: and lessons that I've learned, or challenges that I've faced. 582 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 2: And what helped me to get through it. 583 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:54,120 Speaker 3: So yeah, the first passive dear friend, you know, as 584 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,720 Speaker 3: an ode to the difficult people in my life. 585 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 2: And the difficult experiences I've been through. 586 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,200 Speaker 1: But look at you, now, look at you. 587 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,160 Speaker 2: I'm grateful. 588 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 3: You know, we don't know what we don't know, and 589 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:11,320 Speaker 3: life gives us constantly is giving us opportunities to learn 590 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:16,520 Speaker 3: and expand and broaden our horizons. And if I thinking 591 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,840 Speaker 3: back on everything that I've written about, if that hadn't happened, 592 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 3: life would be so boring and what would I have 593 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,919 Speaker 3: to say and write about. So I am grateful, even 594 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:28,680 Speaker 3: though it's not always easy when you're in it. 595 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: Well, I am grateful for you and the time that 596 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,719 Speaker 1: you have shared with us. 597 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 2: Thank you so much. 598 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:39,399 Speaker 1: I don't care if you're eighteen or you're eighty. We're 599 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:43,320 Speaker 1: living in a crazy time. It's not getting any simpler. 600 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 1: No rents are going up, bills are going up. Work 601 00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:55,240 Speaker 1: is harder, navigating you know, what's best for our kids, 602 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,240 Speaker 1: how to get them in the best school or best 603 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 1: education system or no system. All of that, I don't 604 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:08,320 Speaker 1: care what age you're at causes stress, yes, and stress 605 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:13,239 Speaker 1: causes cancer and heart disease and high blood pressure and 606 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,719 Speaker 1: a whole lot of things we just do not have 607 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:16,319 Speaker 1: time for. 608 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,319 Speaker 3: Yes, and that, you know, is something that I talk 609 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 3: about in the book too, of just you know, we 610 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,600 Speaker 3: always think, how can I get rid of stress? What 611 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 3: can I do to stop stress? And as you said, 612 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:32,080 Speaker 3: life is hard. Things are happening in the world with 613 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,280 Speaker 3: everything that we can't control. So it's not about getting 614 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 3: rid of it, it's but how can we manage it? 615 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:42,319 Speaker 3: How can we better react to it or approach it, 616 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,600 Speaker 3: or have a different relationship with stress so that we 617 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:48,239 Speaker 3: don't burn ourselves out or get sick or you know, 618 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 3: just feel completely overwhelmed by it. 619 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:55,400 Speaker 1: Quieting the chaos in our minds. What a gift we 620 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,120 Speaker 1: could give ourselves in this new year. 621 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 2: That would be a great grift for twenty twenty six. 622 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,479 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, thank you, Michelle, Thank you for spending time 623 00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 1: with us. 624 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:06,239 Speaker 2: Thank you so much. 625 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,920 Speaker 3: I you know, I'm so honored and grateful to be 626 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,480 Speaker 3: having this conversation with you. 627 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 2: And to start the new year with you. 628 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 1: And I look forward to an exciting new year and 629 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,879 Speaker 1: new possibilities and new neural pathways. 630 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:24,760 Speaker 3: Yeah. Here, here's just some new, fresh, positive neural Pathways 631 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:25,760 Speaker 3: in twenty twenty six. 632 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,960 Speaker 1: God bless you. Thank you, Michelle, Thank you so much. 633 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:30,479 Speaker 1: I'll talk to you soon. 634 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 2: Thank you. 635 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 1: Michelle's book Dear Friend is available now wherever you buy 636 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,560 Speaker 1: your books. Maybe go get one for yourself. Make that 637 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,279 Speaker 1: one of the first self care strategies you're implementing this year. 638 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,880 Speaker 1: While you're at it, grab a few more to give away. 639 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:51,680 Speaker 1: Besides being extremely helpful, it's a truly beautiful volume with 640 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:55,720 Speaker 1: a hardcover and a floral motif. Anyone would love receiving 641 00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,080 Speaker 1: it as a gift. Once you've done that, keep up 642 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:03,880 Speaker 1: with Michelle and her gentle affirmative advice for peaceful living 643 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:09,360 Speaker 1: by visiting Michellemarros dot com, finding her on Instagram, and 644 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 1: listening to her podcast, Life Happens with Michelle and Barb, 645 00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 1: which incidentally has its own Instagram account. New Year, New 646 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:25,279 Speaker 1: Wonderful You, my friend. We're not out to change anybody here, 647 00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 1: just boost your resilience so you can navigate this sometimes 648 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 1: rough old world a little more adeptly and still have 649 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 1: energy to notice all the small miracles that happen around us, 650 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,080 Speaker 1: and to slow down long enough to love someone. I 651 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,840 Speaker 1: can't wait to spend this new year with you,