Speaker 1: Oh man, it's Behind the Bastards, a podcast about the
Speaker 1: worst people in all of history. That sometimes, boy, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of books that I have to read for
Speaker 1: this podcast, and that that is exhausting. So every now
Speaker 1: and then we like to do a little bitty episode
Speaker 1: that is easier because I don't have to read a book.
Speaker 1: I just have to read a book, but in this case,
Speaker 1: I get to read it live to my friends Katie
Speaker 1: Stole and Cody Johnston More Slash even More News multiverse,
Speaker 1: which is a lot like the Marvel multiverse, and that
Speaker 1: Chris Evans is heavily involved in both. Yeah, it's the same.
Speaker 1: They're part of the same universe, part of the same universe.
Speaker 1: That's right, Cody, you are famously playing she Hulk uh
Speaker 1: In in a new series of movies. Um, and Katie,
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't know this Iron Man's stunt
Speaker 1: doutble and in all of the original Iron Man for
Speaker 1: the last twenty years. That's right. Um, sorry that that
Speaker 1: dried up for you, Yeah it does. It is a
Speaker 1: shame that there's no more Iron Man roles. But I
Speaker 1: have a feeling we're all gonna do fine in this
Speaker 1: new career. We have in which we're going to be
Speaker 1: reading a very special book by Rush Limbaugh titled Rush
Speaker 1: Revere and the Brave Pilgrims. Wait so wait a second. Wait,
Speaker 1: fuck you man, hold on when you when you show
Speaker 1: me this book, I didn't realize he wrote it. I
Speaker 1: mean bizarre like fan fiction that you know. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: look at this, Look at this cover. I want you
Speaker 1: to look at this fucking cover. Stare into its novel
Speaker 1: kind of between this person and their horse. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: You've got like a bigheaded caricature drawing of Rush Limbaugh
Speaker 1: in colonial garb and his horse. And I know because
Speaker 1: I've read a couple of reviews of this that's his sidekick.
Speaker 1: He's a talking horse boy. The plot of these stories,
Speaker 1: as far as I have learned from reviews. I haven't
Speaker 1: read the book yet, but I've read some reviews, is that, uh,
Speaker 1: Rush Revere is like is like a history teacher at
Speaker 1: a public school and he goes back in time to
Speaker 1: teach kids the history of the United States of America.
Speaker 1: This isn't amazing. Yeah, I mean, these are number one
Speaker 1: New York Times best selling books. And one of the
Speaker 1: things there's a lot of liar like what I hate
Speaker 1: about them is that they're they're really quality printing jobs,
Speaker 1: Like people talked about that in the reviews, but like no,
Speaker 1: like look at this, look at like beautiful illustrations like
Speaker 1: these are this. It's a really well photos put together book,
Speaker 1: well but feeling book, Like I hate all of the
Speaker 1: resources that clearly went into making this very well put
Speaker 1: together book on an aesthetic level. And then look at
Speaker 1: this fucking back cover, Like it's like Rush Limbaugh an
Speaker 1: actual picture of him, like standing and smiling. I mean,
Speaker 1: we need he's wearing. He's wearing a fucking leather je
Speaker 1: He looks like the substitute teacher who like comes in
Speaker 1: in a leather jacket with a helmet and like tells
Speaker 1: you he's ridden a motorcycle to work. But then like
Speaker 1: later in the day, one of the kids makes fun
Speaker 1: of his name and he just like slaps the kid,
Speaker 1: and then you have to have like a meeting with
Speaker 1: the principle about how he's not going to be allowed
Speaker 1: to because, to borrow a phrase from Cody, it's very
Speaker 1: weekend dad. It's very weekend dad. And then I think
Speaker 1: the thing that we have um failed to to describe
Speaker 1: for our listeners is that the cover the Paul Revere
Speaker 1: and the horse, it is Rush Limbaugh's face on Paul
Speaker 1: Revere's body, if I'm not mistaken, right, So it certainly is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no doubt that that um cherub like face with a
Speaker 1: jaunty pilgrim hat and talking horse apparently do your time's
Speaker 1: best seller A. So I got this in the mail.
Speaker 1: I did not purchase this book. I got this in
Speaker 1: the mail with this card, which is covered in a
Speaker 1: bunch of obscure wounds in a drawing of cathulu Um
Speaker 1: and inside the card, I'm gonna read this. It's from
Speaker 1: Kimberly and Thor. My husband and I are huge fans
Speaker 1: of the show. We have learned so much and also
Speaker 1: died inside from how shitty humanity can be. We were
Speaker 1: at a thrift store recently and saw this book amongst
Speaker 1: the hard back copies of individual books and knew it
Speaker 1: was perfect for you. In the gang Um and then
Speaker 1: she says, the author's note had me in stitches. So
Speaker 1: I feel like we have to start, and first off,
Speaker 1: Kimberly and Thor, I want to I want to thank you.
Speaker 1: It's so thoughtful. We haven't even read the bookyet, and
Speaker 1: I know you nailed it with the hammer of thor.
Speaker 1: I might instead of saying thank you, say for thank you,
Speaker 1: like like a mix of fuck you and thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you if thank you? Yeah? Um, interestingly, so this
Speaker 1: is in the Brave Pilgrims. Okay, so we've got it.
Speaker 1: Starts off. We've got a drawing of the Mayflower that,
Speaker 1: as far as I can tell, is pretty pretty and
Speaker 1: pretty accurate drawings, little notes that seems fine. A note
Speaker 1: from the author. We live in the greatest country on Earth,
Speaker 1: the United States of America. But what makes it so great?
Speaker 1: Why do some call the United States and mirape? How
Speaker 1: did we become such a tremendous country in such a
Speaker 1: short period of time. I'm gonna answer that. For your
Speaker 1: Russian the answer is genocide. Several genocides, one of which
Speaker 1: was an enslaving genocide. Yeah. Um, so that's good. But
Speaker 1: he does not, he says. Instead of after that saying genocide,
Speaker 1: he says, after all, the United States is less than
Speaker 1: two hundred and fifty years old. I want to try
Speaker 1: and help you understand what American exceptionalism and greatness is
Speaker 1: all about. It does not mean that we Americans are
Speaker 1: better than anyone else. It doesn't mean that that is
Speaker 1: that is literally what we said, because he's like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that there's anything different to us as human
Speaker 1: beings or that we've never faced problems. American exceptionalism and
Speaker 1: greatness means that America is special because it is different
Speaker 1: from all other countries. It's different. It's you're not saying that,
Speaker 1: say it's not special because we're inherently better. We're just
Speaker 1: different in a way that's exceptional. And that's not saying
Speaker 1: that we're better. We're just exceptionally different. We're exceptionally it's
Speaker 1: like a special difference that is like above are not,
Speaker 1: We're just more exceptional. The Roman Empire practiced chattel slavery
Speaker 1: on a massive scale, and the Mongolians carried out a
Speaker 1: series of horrific genocides in order to colonize large areas
Speaker 1: of land. But those are different than what the United
Speaker 1: States did because the people spoke different languages. See, they
Speaker 1: were speaking like Latin and whatever, and we did that
Speaker 1: stuff when we while speaking English, which means it's fine,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's good that we did. That's what makes
Speaker 1: us special is that we spoke English. The words, the words,
Speaker 1: the words that the words more or less. But yeah,
Speaker 1: absolutely the same meanings but different words. Different Yeah, different sounds,
Speaker 1: that's all. So I'm going to continue with Rush here.
Speaker 1: It is a land built on true freedom and individual liberty,
Speaker 1: and it defends both around the world. So there's another
Speaker 1: I have notes on this one as well. Um, I
Speaker 1: might refer people to our episodes on the CIA or
Speaker 1: on Henry Kissinger and all of the different times that
Speaker 1: the United States. But Rush was a big fan of
Speaker 1: all of the democracies we overthrew because they were they
Speaker 1: were generally left wing. Um, I don't know, this is
Speaker 1: what's what's kind of One of the things I read
Speaker 1: when I was prepping for this was a Chicago Tribune
Speaker 1: review of this book, um, which I might pull up
Speaker 1: for a second, but basically the author was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: Rush Limbaugh is like a right wing idealogue. But the
Speaker 1: book's actually fine. It doesn't have, you know, much that's
Speaker 1: objectionable in the history is okay, and it's like a
Speaker 1: pretty good children's book. And like, as soon as reading it,
Speaker 1: what I think is dangerous about this is that Rush
Speaker 1: is obviously doing this to groom children, right, Like, that's
Speaker 1: the reason you write a book like this is to
Speaker 1: like children left towards full of groomers. Well, we can
Speaker 1: talk about the age of women that rush Limbaugh tend
Speaker 1: to do approach, but um, he's attempting to like inculcaid
Speaker 1: kids with his ideas, and he's doing it, I think,
Speaker 1: pretty intelligently. And the fact that a guy who I
Speaker 1: think is probably more or less disinterest at the Chicago
Speaker 1: Tribune could read this and be like, well, this isn't
Speaker 1: very political is evidence of how politicized to the right
Speaker 1: our history education is. Because like one of the things
Speaker 1: that guy I have to bring up, the Chicago Trip
Speaker 1: being an article because there's a quote from it. Uh,
Speaker 1: that is I think like emblematic of kind of the
Speaker 1: some of the things that most Americans just tend to
Speaker 1: kind of like accept as red and uh that I
Speaker 1: found kind of like unsettling. Um, here's the exact line.
Speaker 1: Russia's political viewpoints certainly shows up, but less than you
Speaker 1: might expect. He even defines American exceptionalism in a matter
Speaker 1: unlikely to offend Rachel matt Out, which I guess you
Speaker 1: might be right because she might not be offended, but
Speaker 1: also she just she just made a statement about how
Speaker 1: she likes hanging out with Tucker Carlson. Again, there's a
Speaker 1: lot to say. I missed that. Yeah, she loves running
Speaker 1: into him. He's they're all nice people to each other,
Speaker 1: people to each other exactly. Yeah, um, which is for
Speaker 1: all of his flaws. One of the things I like
Speaker 1: about I'll always like about Jon Stewart is he does
Speaker 1: not pretend to like people like Tucker Carlson. Yeah. But
Speaker 1: but anyway, why because it's good for money, because they're
Speaker 1: all basically whatever whatever as as anyway, Um, the role
Speaker 1: of the United States is to encourage individuals to be
Speaker 1: the best that they can be, to try to improve
Speaker 1: their lives, to reach their goals, and make their dreams
Speaker 1: come true. In most parts of the world, dreams never
Speaker 1: become more than dreams. In the United States, they've become
Speaker 1: true every day. There are So I had a friend
Speaker 1: with a dream of dying, Well it was a nightmare,
Speaker 1: but it was a nightmare of dying from lack of
Speaker 1: affordable insulin. And then they did that's a dream, a
Speaker 1: nightmare that came true. That could think, Cody. That couldn't
Speaker 1: have happened. Do you think that would have happened in Denmark?
Speaker 1: Do you think people are dying from lack of insulin
Speaker 1: in Denmark. That is a dream that will not come
Speaker 1: true in Denmark. Those are those are specifically American dreams, right,
Speaker 1: American dream that is the exceptional American dream the world. Katie.
Speaker 1: I know you like poetry. You must have read A
Speaker 1: Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes, which is a poet about
Speaker 1: how dreams only come true in America. If I'm remembering
Speaker 1: it properly. Yeah, that's that's exactly right, Roberts. That's what
Speaker 1: was getting on about. We are a page into this book. No,
Speaker 1: this is a note from the author. Forward is kind
Speaker 1: of ghost. I hope that. I hope it talks about
Speaker 1: like his titles, like I was thinking about, like Limball Revere. Os.
Speaker 1: I would completely change my opinion on this book if
Speaker 1: he'd had the courage to call his character Limball Revere. Wow,
Speaker 1: that was a lot of hits right in a row there.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna continue. The sad reality is that
Speaker 1: since the beginning of time, most citizens of the world
Speaker 1: have not been free. I wonder I wonder some sort
Speaker 1: of where they weren't free free people in them? Is he?
Speaker 1: Are you going to elaborate on the ways in Whish
Speaker 1: people weren't free in your book. No, I don't think
Speaker 1: they're going to. For hundreds and thousands of years, many
Speaker 1: people in other civilizations and countries were serving to their kings,
Speaker 1: leaders and governments. Now, I guess it's true that the
Speaker 1: first four of the five first presidents being slaveholders means
Speaker 1: they didn't have servants, they had slaves, And he does not.
Speaker 1: He does not list slaves on here, So maybe that
Speaker 1: a search fine like upload this'sf and then I'm sure
Speaker 1: there's a kindle version, but I'm not going to pay
Speaker 1: for it. Um, we're reading this again. I have to
Speaker 1: say it was an author a very well printed book.
Speaker 1: I hate how high quality the printing of this book is,
Speaker 1: um because it's like, also, like are the pages aged
Speaker 1: or is that just like what it looks like? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: that's just what it looks like. It's they did a
Speaker 1: pretty nice for like the year. Um, it's very recent
Speaker 1: because I can as a conservative like kid when I
Speaker 1: was like nine or ten, I can imagine having getting
Speaker 1: this book from a family member or something, and like
Speaker 1: two because there's two books in this and this this
Speaker 1: is a collection. It's an anthology first to Rush Revere novels.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, how nice for him. Yeah. So we're talking
Speaker 1: about the people who, for thousands of years, We're certain
Speaker 1: if you look up the adventures of the category is
Speaker 1: adventure series gathered dren this idea of like, oh I
Speaker 1: need a new adventure novels by Rush Limbaugh. I mean
Speaker 1: there's like there's like he got through like seven of
Speaker 1: these before finally. Yeah. Yeah. Um. So we're talking about
Speaker 1: the people who, for thousands of years were servants to
Speaker 1: their king's leaders in government. It didn't matter how hard
Speaker 1: these people work to improve their lives, because their lives
Speaker 1: were not their own. Imagine that. What a horror. They
Speaker 1: often feared for their lives and could not get out
Speaker 1: from under a ruling class no matter how this guy. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is inconceivable to an American living in bondage to
Speaker 1: a ruling class that responds with violence anytime you try
Speaker 1: to get out from under them. Something we can't comprehend here.
Speaker 1: There's an unfathomable situation. Is this still the author's note? Yes,
Speaker 1: this is still the author's note. We're barely making it
Speaker 1: sentenced by sentence. Many of these people lived and continue
Speaker 1: to live in extreme poverty, with no clean water, limited food,
Speaker 1: and none of the luxuries that we often take for granted.
Speaker 1: Many citizens in the world were punished, sometimes severely, for
Speaker 1: having their own ideas, beliefs, and hopes for a better future.
Speaker 1: The United States of America is unique because it is
Speaker 1: the exception to all. This country is the first country
Speaker 1: ever to be founded on the principle that all human
Speaker 1: beings are created as free people. The founders of this
Speaker 1: phenomenal country believe that all people were born to be
Speaker 1: free as into Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm just circling back to what you've already mentioned. This
Speaker 1: article a pretty accurate description. The author's note is completely false.
Speaker 1: It's all it's all lies, But these are also he is.
Speaker 1: What he's doing successfully here is he is reframing his
Speaker 1: specific line of right wing bullshit, which most centrists dislike Russia.
Speaker 1: Limbaugh is not a guy who had a big listenership
Speaker 1: of centrists, and he's reframing it in a way that
Speaker 1: is very familiar to anyone who had an American grade
Speaker 1: school education, and thus is like pretty inoffensive, um because
Speaker 1: people are kind of used to hearing it written. This way, like,
Speaker 1: I can see how people who were not regular listeners
Speaker 1: of the Russia Limbaugh Show could read that. I don't
Speaker 1: think any of them would buy it because I what
Speaker 1: I will say, and this kind of mitigates the danger
Speaker 1: of this book. The only people who are going to
Speaker 1: see Rush Limball in a book's cover and buy it
Speaker 1: for their kids or right wingers. But I can see
Speaker 1: how some like kind of centrist book reviewer could read
Speaker 1: this big Oh, it's actually not that bad because like
Speaker 1: he's not he's he's saying like he's saying what is right? Yes, well,
Speaker 1: and it's just like this is yeah, it's it's it's cool.
Speaker 1: It's cool that he's he's he's doing this. Um uh yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean then there's also there's some like weird Thatcher
Speaker 1: right here stuff here, America is a place where the
Speaker 1: individual person serves himself and his family, not the king
Speaker 1: or ruling class or government, which is like Margaret Thatcher's
Speaker 1: big things like we don't have a society. There's no
Speaker 1: such thing as society. Their individuals and their families, right.
Speaker 1: And this is like a very central conservative idea, in
Speaker 1: part because conservatism rests heavily on the atomization of the
Speaker 1: individual from other individuals, and like the best way to
Speaker 1: do that is to separate people into this false idea
Speaker 1: of a nuclear family that's like the building block of
Speaker 1: civilization as opposed to communities of people like engaging with
Speaker 1: each other for mutual benefit with in support, which is
Speaker 1: like what what where things actually happened. But if you
Speaker 1: get everyone atomized into this like no, you you and
Speaker 1: your family are plotting like plot looking thinking because what
Speaker 1: he talks about here when people have the freedom to
Speaker 1: look for a better future, what he means is that
Speaker 1: you as an individual have a freedom to try and
Speaker 1: earn a better future for your family, but you, as
Speaker 1: a person who is part of a collective, as part
Speaker 1: of a class, don't have any like that is not
Speaker 1: part of the conservative vision of freedom, which is part
Speaker 1: of why like they love ship like the suburbs, because
Speaker 1: when you live in the fucking burbs, you are inherently
Speaker 1: separated from people who don't live there, right, Like you're atomized,
Speaker 1: that's anyway, even in the suburbs, you're on a smaller,
Speaker 1: like smaller level, you're separated from all your neighbors too.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, um, this book on the Pilgrims is
Speaker 1: part of the great tale how the United States came
Speaker 1: to be. The Pilgrims came to our shores more than
Speaker 1: a century and a half before our country was established
Speaker 1: in seventeen seventy six. But there are reasons for coming
Speaker 1: to the New World. Helped to sow the seeds of
Speaker 1: our nation. The story of the Pilgrims and their arrival
Speaker 1: in the New World has been taught for hundreds of years,
Speaker 1: and then that time, the story has been tweaked and
Speaker 1: changed by people, to the point that it is often misunderstood.
Speaker 1: I want you to know the real story. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I bet all of our listeners want to know
Speaker 1: the real story. But you know what they want to
Speaker 1: listen to more ads for these products and services now
Speaker 1: and through products and adventure through products and services. Our
Speaker 1: primary sponsor for this week is my favorite sponsor, which
Speaker 1: is the organization with the plot to nuke the Great
Speaker 1: Lakes region, which I think we can all agree is
Speaker 1: a noble endeavor. Just get rid of them, Just get
Speaker 1: rid of those lakes or the world. Make them into
Speaker 1: one lake, make him into one lake. Whatever you do,
Speaker 1: just nuke them, you know, yeah, nuke the Great Lakes.
Speaker 1: Here's our sponsors or tone. We're back. Sophie hates it
Speaker 1: when we talk about nuke in the Great Lakes. That's
Speaker 1: because she thinks that all of the brave men on
Speaker 1: the Edmund Fitzgerald deserve to die. Sophie along. Wow, Wow,
Speaker 1: the worst thing. Robert's accused me. All right, okay, so
Speaker 1: a wow. So I was just praising the construction of
Speaker 1: this book, and most of like the illustrations are pretty
Speaker 1: well put in this one. This one is not. This
Speaker 1: one's not great. It I'm looking it's it is a
Speaker 1: very crude photoshop of like a ruddy faced pill addict
Speaker 1: Rush Limbaugh's head on a colonial body chip jab it's
Speaker 1: from and in his head he's got a little map
Speaker 1: and it says it's listing like the northeast coast. It's
Speaker 1: got like Newfoundland, Cape Cod, New England, Virginia. But instead
Speaker 1: of spelling Plymouth, right, I want you to see, Cody,
Speaker 1: can you read out how he's spelled Plymouth or can
Speaker 1: you see it's all reversed. It's all gonna be reversed
Speaker 1: on the thing. He l I M O T H
Speaker 1: Wait wait yeah yeah, buddy, Because nobody cared that much
Speaker 1: about the facts. They wanted to make this look enticing
Speaker 1: to kids, and I think it does. Again, it's a color,
Speaker 1: but yeah, yeah, it's bad. It's bad. Nobody read it
Speaker 1: and Karen yeah no, I mean it was a New
Speaker 1: York Times bestseller. These were all number one on the
Speaker 1: best seller list when they dropped. Yeah, but nobody cares,
Speaker 1: we hope. Yeah, I mean they're like, well, I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't speak for this book. I don't know the details,
Speaker 1: but a lot of these books, especially somebody like Russia Limbaugh,
Speaker 1: will buy them in bulk. Yes, that it is unclear year.
Speaker 1: I mean again, Rush was on every day when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, so like a lot of people worshiped
Speaker 1: this dudeen and fourteen is a little bit past his
Speaker 1: his best of date, but he was still influential. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't really know. I can't obviously, because of things
Speaker 1: like that, because of how like effect of the Right
Speaker 1: is at gaming the New York Times bestseller list, I
Speaker 1: cannot tell you how actually influential these books were. But
Speaker 1: I mean I I just as a kid who listened
Speaker 1: to him almost every day for years and years, I
Speaker 1: do feel like there's a pretty decent chance there's a
Speaker 1: lot of kids who were like because if you were
Speaker 1: nine or ten back when this book came out, you're
Speaker 1: eighteen or nineteen right now. We gotta have some listeners
Speaker 1: that have read these books because like for middle schoolers
Speaker 1: and stuff. So yeah, I'm thinkary ten to twelve, thirteen,
Speaker 1: fourteen maybe is kind of like the age for this,
Speaker 1: maybe like nine to twelve something like that. But I
Speaker 1: kind of suspect there's a lot of like Graper types
Speaker 1: who encountered these books when they were kids. Um, we'll see,
Speaker 1: we'll see. Um. Yeah, I'm trying to find the because
Speaker 1: they have usually in the New York Times on their
Speaker 1: best seller list, they have a little icon next to
Speaker 1: books on the list to indicate if a lot of
Speaker 1: them have been bought in bulk, because they know that
Speaker 1: that's one of the one of the they probably didn't
Speaker 1: have that they probably didn't have it back then. I
Speaker 1: do need to I need to note real quick, sorry,
Speaker 1: the jib jab photo of him inside the book that
Speaker 1: you showed us the express the face the face of him,
Speaker 1: and you can confirm this for me if you could.
Speaker 1: It's the same photo from the cover his head um
Speaker 1: and it's the same head from the second and third
Speaker 1: book cover as well. Yeah, I think they just keep
Speaker 1: sticking and they just pop it on, which is inconsequential,
Speaker 1: but you know, yeah, it's a big detail. So the
Speaker 1: book opens with our character Rush Revere on the deck
Speaker 1: of the Mayflower like vomiting over the side, or trying
Speaker 1: not to vomit. He's like sick and queasy. He's just
Speaker 1: telepo ordered to the year sixteen twenty and only been
Speaker 1: on the boat a little while. I tell you, when
Speaker 1: I think of Russia, Limba, I assume he's vomiting. I'm
Speaker 1: also I have to say, that is the only believable
Speaker 1: way to introduce the story. Now, the best way, the most,
Speaker 1: the most believable way for this to open is if
Speaker 1: he starts off vomiting, then guzzles down another three or
Speaker 1: four ox eyes and starts weekly masturbating to like a
Speaker 1: forty year old sports illustrated magazine. That's that's really the
Speaker 1: intro to Rush that the most Well, we'll see what
Speaker 1: happens next. I guess um this was not my first
Speaker 1: encounter with someone from the past. Although I was feeling
Speaker 1: extremely queasy. I tipped my hat and introduced myself while
Speaker 1: trying not to fall over. I'm not a saint or
Speaker 1: a separate that. The guy has asked him, like, we
Speaker 1: should throw all you whatever. I'm rush Revere, I said,
Speaker 1: I'm a history teacher from the twenty first century. I've
Speaker 1: come to the twenty fourth century. Blimey, you're mad, the
Speaker 1: whole lot of you. You think I care if you
Speaker 1: make it to New England? The sailor laughed. So this
Speaker 1: is a sailor who doesn't care about the people who
Speaker 1: are on the Mayflower because they're all religious extremists, which, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess fair um, So okay, he pukes on this guy.
Speaker 1: He probably didn't even write it, but that's not really terrible. Well,
Speaker 1: it's all terrible. So he pukes on this sailor, and
Speaker 1: the sailor threatens to beat him up, and so he
Speaker 1: runs to his horse, who was named Liberty for help. Now, Cody,
Speaker 1: I know you have a lot of questions the books
Speaker 1: about to answer them. Now, look, I know what you're thinking,
Speaker 1: what's a horse doing on the deck of a Mayflower
Speaker 1: in the middle of a storm? Tross, good question. The
Speaker 1: truth is, my Liberty is no ordinary horse, all right?
Speaker 1: And then I actually I'm going to be honest. The
Speaker 1: surf and stuff, YadA, YadA, YadA. The guy's threatening. Okay,
Speaker 1: so this dude is coming after him, and he finds
Speaker 1: his horse, and his horse says, I hope you can fly,
Speaker 1: and okay, oh yes, one can talk, yes, oh yes,
Speaker 1: and he can talk, writes Rush, I told you who
Speaker 1: wasn't an ordinary horse. Before the man could even turn
Speaker 1: around to see who had spoken, Liberty kicked his hind
Speaker 1: legs and sent the sailors sailing high into the eye.
Speaker 1: And then he fell into the air, and then he
Speaker 1: fell into a web of nets. Perfect shot. Liberty said,
Speaker 1: you appeared in the nick of time, I said, starting
Speaker 1: to feel sick again. Leaping into the mayflower in the
Speaker 1: middle of a storm wasn't my idea, Liberty said, speaking
Speaker 1: very fast. Yes, I can leap to different times in
Speaker 1: American history, but I'm not. Okay, So the horse is
Speaker 1: the time, you know. Look, he's at least getting to
Speaker 1: the point here. Yeah, he's also very hungry, which I'm
Speaker 1: not going to read all of that. That's apparently the
Speaker 1: thing which the horse, Yeah, hungry for pills. This is
Speaker 1: the first book, Yes, Cody, I know, like it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's customary recommend it's a good idea to like start
Speaker 1: in the middle of your action, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: and like, this is a really bad way to start
Speaker 1: this book. It is. So one of the things is
Speaker 1: the horse as because he gets so sick, takes him
Speaker 1: act to modern day America. So there's there's well, in
Speaker 1: order to travel through time, the horse has to say
Speaker 1: a catch phrase. There's two different ones. I think there's
Speaker 1: to get back to the modern time, it has to
Speaker 1: say rush rush, rushing from history. And then I'm guessing too,
Speaker 1: history is the other way it works. But yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the prologue. Now we're in chapter one where he's back
Speaker 1: at his job as a high school or middle school.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, middle school. Yep, yep. Um the school bell rings, YadA, YadA.
Speaker 1: Principle Sherman also comes into the class. Um. Oh boy.
Speaker 1: I wonder if Sherman is going to be the bad
Speaker 1: guy because Sherman beat the Confederacy. I don't know. We'll
Speaker 1: see if this principle winds up sucking um on the
Speaker 1: principle of Manchester Middle School was not a small man.
Speaker 1: If the door frame were any smaller, the principal would
Speaker 1: have to duck his head and twist his way into
Speaker 1: the classroom. I stood outside in the hallway as the
Speaker 1: door closed, but watched in her hair of the door,
Speaker 1: small window. Everyone meaning, please take your seats, said the
Speaker 1: principal with authority. He stood at the front of the classroom,
Speaker 1: hands at his sides while his eyes scanned the desks
Speaker 1: and chairs. I have an important announcement. The room went silent.
Speaker 1: It was apparent that the principal Sherman, did not tolerate disrespect.
Speaker 1: I have some unfortunate news, he said, Your teacher, Miss Borrington,
Speaker 1: needed some extra time away from the academy to help
Speaker 1: care for a sick family member in the academy. Nobody
Speaker 1: calls him a middle school. The academy, Um, okay, whatever. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he's introducing his substance wealth insurance and if nurses were covered,
Speaker 1: she wouldn't have to take time off from school. But
Speaker 1: doesn't rush, I think people should take time off and
Speaker 1: like I would want this, like teachers and stuff. And
Speaker 1: he does not explain this. He just calls it a
Speaker 1: middle school. But the fact that he says it's an
Speaker 1: academy and the principal announces that they have only the
Speaker 1: best teachers here I think this is a fancy private
Speaker 1: school for rich kids. Only the best teachers. Yes, only
Speaker 1: the very best of teachers. Um, the exceptional teachers, I
Speaker 1: would say, actually an exceptional Wow. So there's exceptional. There's
Speaker 1: like a whole diet tribe in here about the name
Speaker 1: Rush and how it's not a weird name. Um. So
Speaker 1: he comes in and he like writes his name on
Speaker 1: the school board or on the chalkboard before I even
Speaker 1: and then like a girl, raises her hand after he
Speaker 1: writes his name on the chalkboard. Before I had a
Speaker 1: chance to even call on her, she asked, your first
Speaker 1: name is Rush. That's weird, and why are you dressed
Speaker 1: like that? She said, I could tell that this student
Speaker 1: was all business. If there were a pecking order in
Speaker 1: this class, she would probably be at the top of
Speaker 1: the food chain. My seating charge and replied, thank you, Elizabeth.
Speaker 1: Do you go by Liz? She rolled her eyes and
Speaker 1: nearly grunted. No, unlike some people, I have a real name.
Speaker 1: It's Elizabeth. It's a lovely name if you like four syllables,
Speaker 1: I said, rate winking. If you must know, my real
Speaker 1: name is Rusty. But when I was your age, my
Speaker 1: favorite class was history. In fact, I found myself rushing
Speaker 1: to history class every day I had it, and when
Speaker 1: rushed from my home, rushed down the street and rushed
Speaker 1: through the school until it was sitting. Eventually my teacher
Speaker 1: started calling me Rush and it's stuck. Is this a
Speaker 1: true story from his that's not his actual Rush. His
Speaker 1: given name is Rush. Yes, that's his actual given Hudson Limbaugh.
Speaker 1: Yes names Hudson. Yeah, yeah, I love that. That's yeah,
Speaker 1: the third Rush Hudson Limba, the third Yes, Rusty, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's that. It's fucking unbelievable. Like, first off, absolutely not
Speaker 1: nobody's backstory, Like like, but you guys were so horrified.
Speaker 1: I would say, well, I, Katie, I thought you were
Speaker 1: trying to slander the number one achievement in American artistic history,
Speaker 1: the film Hudson Hawk, which I will not stand for, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Bruce Willis is greatest, name only contribution to civilization, the
Speaker 1: film Hudson Hawk. Um, we're talking. I'm gonna let it slide,
Speaker 1: but watch Hudson Hawk people, Um, great film. So yeah.
Speaker 1: He then explains why he's dressed. Apparently he's dressed obviously
Speaker 1: the way he's dressed in the gym chip clip art
Speaker 1: on the cover as like a colonial dude. So he
Speaker 1: explains that, um, can you anyone guess who I am dressed?
Speaker 1: As students raise their hands, they guess George Washington. Good guests,
Speaker 1: but no, however, I am dressed as someone who fought
Speaker 1: in the same revolutionary war. Is George Washington? And they
Speaker 1: assuredly knew each other. Are you Thomas Jefferson asked another student? Sure. No, however,
Speaker 1: another good guess, YadA, YadA, YadA. He's paid. They keep saying,
Speaker 1: more white men because they can't tell the difference. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: it's fucking Paul Revere. Um. So he has he has
Speaker 1: fucking interactions with these school children, which, boy, we just
Speaker 1: don't need to talk about that. Um okay. Then he
Speaker 1: brings his horse into class Liberty. Um, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: think we're ever going to explain how he got the horse.
Speaker 1: I'm sure at some point we're going to learn where
Speaker 1: the horse came from. Um, but yeah, it'll be like
Speaker 1: through like somebody asking where do you get the horse?
Speaker 1: And he'll explain it. And I don't mean that all
Speaker 1: the girls, all the kids horse except for a girl
Speaker 1: named Freedom. Well I did I did once to go
Speaker 1: to a school where kids road there. School. Um, but
Speaker 1: that was it was for a bit. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: for a bit. Um. Okay, so let's let's move past
Speaker 1: this school section, because boy, we just don't need this
Speaker 1: goes on for pages. They're just talking get to the history.
Speaker 1: What the heck, we don't need any of this. Um,
Speaker 1: so Jesus God. Okay. Finally, finally, uh, he takes a
Speaker 1: bunch of kids with him into the past. Uh. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they go rush, rush, rushing to history. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't think about that. I think all I think Actually,
Speaker 1: I assume all children and their parents consent to go
Speaker 1: back in time if the teacher can time trap if asked. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that that actually does seem fair. The magic school bus, right, guys,
Speaker 1: thank god, we're cutting that. We're just we're just canceling
Speaker 1: for that one. Um. The trip through the time portal
Speaker 1: was like jumping through a hoop. Instantaneously we landed in Holland.
Speaker 1: I quickly surveyed the geography and discovered we were in
Speaker 1: a field not far from the Dutch port of Delf shopping. Thankfully,
Speaker 1: we were alone, so he doesn't get to decide where
Speaker 1: he's going he just hops on the horse and then
Speaker 1: like pops over to somewhere sometime. Yeah, he's in fucking
Speaker 1: I guess Holland, because that's where they set off from
Speaker 1: the he's looking for pilgrim well, Puritans, Um right, right, okay,
Speaker 1: oh good, and now he's whitewashing the Puritans. This is great. Um.
Speaker 1: The woman turned in my direction, but didn't stop walking.
Speaker 1: She stared at me as if I were some strange
Speaker 1: animal at a zoo. She quickly replied, if you're looking
Speaker 1: for Puritans, you found us. These the Puritans. I had
Speaker 1: always amag sin the Pilgrims in clothing that was black, white,
Speaker 1: and gray. However, these people wore clothing that was dye
Speaker 1: in every color of the rainbow. A yellow shirt, blue britches,
Speaker 1: green stockings, a red dress, a purple knitted stocking cap.
Speaker 1: I was certainly mistaken to think that I knew what
Speaker 1: the Pilgrims were every day. It was time to get
Speaker 1: my class involved. Class, I said, these are the real Pilgrims.
Speaker 1: I pointed the lens of my smartphone towards the large
Speaker 1: group that had gathered. I guess they're watching it through
Speaker 1: his phone or some ship. I'm sorry, he is not
Speaker 1: taking into account how irresponsible this is to just all
Speaker 1: of these children in a different time. I mean, you
Speaker 1: could drastically change the events of history. I mean that
Speaker 1: would be the best case scenario, right, if they somehow
Speaker 1: got these people killed and so they didn't colonize the North. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: give him a few more years to to get ready. Um,
Speaker 1: all right, so we're learning about the fucking Pilgrims, and boy,
Speaker 1: I just do not want to, absolutely do not want to,
Speaker 1: because I know there's some weird socialism shaming coming uh
Speaker 1: in the part about the actual colony and uh that
Speaker 1: they make and yeah, so let's let's let's skip forward
Speaker 1: to that a bit here. Um. Boy, this this has
Speaker 1: been like ten pages of him talking about how cool
Speaker 1: the Puritans are, um because they separated from the Church
Speaker 1: of England, um, and how they really just loved liberty
Speaker 1: as opposed to being weird religious extremists who wanted to
Speaker 1: be able to oppress people without being having to live
Speaker 1: under anyone else's rules. Um. Anyway, I guess it makes
Speaker 1: sense that he would want to whitewash them for that, right. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So he travels back into the present, into the classroom
Speaker 1: to talk to the kids about what they've learned, and
Speaker 1: then Principal Sherman walks in, Um, yeah, and it's it's
Speaker 1: it's a whole thing. Uh uh Um. The Principle demands
Speaker 1: an explanation because he's heard some weird shit. Uh an explanation,
Speaker 1: I stalled, well, yes, of course, I realized that Principle
Speaker 1: Sherman would eventually find a yellow wooden shoe outside the
Speaker 1: classroom windows, so I began. We were discuss the Pilgrims
Speaker 1: and how they left England to escape religious persecution and
Speaker 1: settled in Holland along the journey to the New World.
Speaker 1: I brought a wooden Dutch shoe from my trip to
Speaker 1: the Netherlands as a bit of show and tell, and
Speaker 1: Principal Sherman interrupted me and said, pointing, you mean, like
Speaker 1: the one that's broken and splintered on the floor here.
Speaker 1: I had forgotten about that one. Yes, and apparently wooden
Speaker 1: shoes are not very sturdy. Principle Sherman walked over to
Speaker 1: the window and saw the second shoe lying on the
Speaker 1: grass near a big oak tree, and yet that one
Speaker 1: looks just fine. I joined him at the window and said, um, okay,
Speaker 1: so this is all very boring, boring, boring, It's very
Speaker 1: boring and bad. Uh that's okay. They're surprisingly more random
Speaker 1: classroom bullshit and discussion of Puritans in here than there
Speaker 1: is actual narrative action going on why this was an
Speaker 1: adventure series. There getting okay, but we it looks like
Speaker 1: we're going to get some explanation here. So he has
Speaker 1: this kid, Tommy, who's like the little it in the
Speaker 1: class um starts like bagging on him for his horse.
Speaker 1: Um and yeah, okay, so do um okay. Here's him
Speaker 1: explaining this is the explanation for how the horse can
Speaker 1: travel through time. It appears that lightning may have struck
Speaker 1: Liberty and created a supernatural phenomenon or a time portal
Speaker 1: that thrust him forward in time to our day. The
Speaker 1: electrical properties that charged through his body and the vortex
Speaker 1: that sent him to the future changed him physically and mentally.
Speaker 1: He can not only talk and disappear, but he's also
Speaker 1: I paused, trying to formulate the right words Freedom finished
Speaker 1: my sentence and said a time machine. Tommy said, confused,
Speaker 1: Did I miss something? Did you just say time machine?
Speaker 1: He's more like a time portal, I said, to clarify,
Speaker 1: he has the ability to momentarily open a time door
Speaker 1: anywhere in history, well more specifically, anything that touches American history.
Speaker 1: Tommy started laughing, Okay, this is a joke. I'm onto you.
Speaker 1: This is some TV reality TV show called The Biggest
Speaker 1: Bozo Who Believes? And where the cameras been? Looking around
Speaker 1: the room. He then looked back at Freedom and back
Speaker 1: at me. But the US were dead serious. You believe
Speaker 1: this guy, Tommy asked Freedom, sticking his thumb out at
Speaker 1: Wait a second, wait, wait, wait what I thought the
Speaker 1: horse was named Liberty, the horses Liberty. Freedom is the
Speaker 1: girl in the class who likes rush. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: come on, I didn't catch that, Cody. You didn't catch that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, but maybe I skipped ahead a little much.
Speaker 1: But yes, Freedom is the girl who's immediately on board
Speaker 1: his weird ass bullshit. That's great, Cody. It's called subtext.
Speaker 1: It's called subtext. Okay, Cody, I know that. You don't.
Speaker 1: It's called you are You aren't You aren't. You aren't
Speaker 1: an author like me, so you don't understand the complexities
Speaker 1: of literature. But when you want to say that a
Speaker 1: character you name her Liberty, and then people or Freedom.
Speaker 1: I forget which, but either way, people know they're a
Speaker 1: good I do see it subliminal, it's exactly exactly. It's like, um,
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know if I say it's like
Speaker 1: Nietzsche enough people probably haven't read Netzsche that they'll just
Speaker 1: assume that I'm not lying. So it's like, say, it's
Speaker 1: like Nietzsche. Yeah, No, it's like you fucking name your
Speaker 1: character Shepherd or whatever. Yeah, exactly exactly. You name your
Speaker 1: character Shepherd because he's hot and he focks like a stallion.
Speaker 1: That's that's why you would do that. As an ally's
Speaker 1: very wuly. So you know it's probably time for another advert.
Speaker 1: Let's just do let's just get the funk out of
Speaker 1: your Rush we're back. Um. So Freedom tries to convince
Speaker 1: Tommy that Rush isn't lying about his time traveling. Tommy
Speaker 1: is the hero of this story. Also, like Rush just
Speaker 1: say magic, Oh boy, something's going on here. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: love that he's he's now like he's he is in
Speaker 1: the text of his book sweatily defending the time travel
Speaker 1: mechanism that he's written into it. Also, Rush just have
Speaker 1: this substitute teacher be an inventor. Who made like you know,
Speaker 1: he can also have a talking horse sidekick. Why is
Speaker 1: the horse have to be that's just sweaty and stupid,
Speaker 1: and it causes all of these questions that could be
Speaker 1: answered by saying I built a time machine and I
Speaker 1: made my horse smart. Because you know what, if you
Speaker 1: established that this character is an inventor who's built a
Speaker 1: time machine, all believe that he has a talking horse
Speaker 1: that he sites. It's fine, It's fine. That is not
Speaker 1: going to be my problem with your work. If you
Speaker 1: do it, that wouldn't be complicated. And that he was
Speaker 1: struck by lightning, and so he can only travel through
Speaker 1: American history. But he also just traveled to Holland. So again,
Speaker 1: does it just mean that, like where is the I
Speaker 1: go there? Right? Because the people who were in Hollands,
Speaker 1: some of them later went to the Northeast, but none
Speaker 1: of them ever lived in the United States. But it
Speaker 1: was like American. But does that mean that, like you
Speaker 1: could go back to ancient Rome because the founding fathers
Speaker 1: based a lot of our republic on the way the
Speaker 1: Romans did things like you go back to Africa? Right,
Speaker 1: you know, could you travel back to when like the
Speaker 1: Portuguese first started exploring slaves from Africa, because that's as
Speaker 1: much a part of the history of this country as
Speaker 1: the landing on Plymouth. Um. Not explained by Rush Limbaugh.
Speaker 1: But he doesn't like the birthplace of Christopher Columbus and
Speaker 1: just like hang out there, like, yeah, is he going
Speaker 1: like Genoa? Yeah? That is all this is all part
Speaker 1: of American history. Is he, for example, going back further
Speaker 1: than the sixteen hundreds to like, you know, indigital like
Speaker 1: to co Kia right in like modern day like Missouri,
Speaker 1: Illinois area, and like talking, you know, I'm guessing he's not.
Speaker 1: I mean you probably like can you go to like
Speaker 1: fucking Greece because you talk about democracy? Like right, yeah,
Speaker 1: are you? Are you going to China? Because they invented
Speaker 1: gunpowder and played a crucial role in the colonization of
Speaker 1: North America. Um, none of this will be answered. That's
Speaker 1: all decided by the horse. So Tommy and Freedom and
Speaker 1: Rush continue their argument. Hey, I might be crazy, but
Speaker 1: I'm not that crazy, Okay, Tommy said. He got up
Speaker 1: from his desk and started pacing the floor. He took
Speaker 1: off his baseball cap and combed his fingers through his
Speaker 1: blonde hair. He sighed, I have to think about this
Speaker 1: for a minute. We probably shouldn't show them the other
Speaker 1: thing I can do, should we? I mean, he seems
Speaker 1: a little freaked out right now, Liberty said no, I
Speaker 1: said firmly. I took a deep breath. I need to
Speaker 1: finish our story. I believe the lightning creed at the
Speaker 1: time portal to the modern day. Tommy put his sorry, sorry.
Speaker 1: Arguing about the lightning this is like again, just say magic,
Speaker 1: and we're just say magic, God, magic science. It's fine,
Speaker 1: but also anything yet very fancy academy. That kid cannot
Speaker 1: wear a baseball cap inside. No, no, there are in
Speaker 1: sufferable uniform, yes exactly, and again probably not horses a
Speaker 1: loud inside either, but we'll let it slide. Also like
Speaker 1: it's a talking horse, Yeah, it is a talking motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: Mr Ed, that's the one not talking. Yes it is.
Speaker 1: It's one of the two famous horses that can talk,
Speaker 1: you know. The other one is Liberty. He keeps. This
Speaker 1: is now like two pages of arguing with this child
Speaker 1: about the lightning handle not arguing, I think a room
Speaker 1: full of children. Tommy put his baseball cap back on
Speaker 1: and said, okay, okay, maybe it is possible I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't think the lightning hit him directly. Technically, a
Speaker 1: direct hit would have killed him, But I guess there's
Speaker 1: a possibility that several bolts of what is where is it?
Speaker 1: Electrostatic prism and the possitive and negative charge carriers, combined
Speaker 1: with the acoustic shock waves create him some kind of
Speaker 1: time hole. But ce Liberty, what is the conversation they're having?
Speaker 1: This is a history adventure. It's because it's not even
Speaker 1: like he figured it out and he's like like an
Speaker 1: explanation for it. It's just like a character guessing, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's way, and we're just we're now explaining how like
Speaker 1: Liberty when they came for the future met Rush and
Speaker 1: like how shocking the world was. This is my point.
Speaker 1: There's a fucking book in the past with his magic horse,
Speaker 1: and then do this like whole sequence like show him
Speaker 1: meeting the horse. Yeah, it's like, we're not going to
Speaker 1: do that. Um yeah, we're absolutely not going to do that.
Speaker 1: We have an illustration on this next page. It again,
Speaker 1: this is all just Liberty explaining how they met. Um boy,
Speaker 1: there doesn't seem to be any explanation for this at all.
Speaker 1: There's just a picture of him holding a modern day
Speaker 1: I see can with an American flag that says too
Speaker 1: if by tea underneath it. I don't know why that
Speaker 1: was put in here. What's happening on the page opposite
Speaker 1: from it? Like he's talking liberty and liberty are talking
Speaker 1: about fucking how he met his fucking horse, right, how
Speaker 1: his horse came through time? What page are we on
Speaker 1: right now in the book? My god, my god, if
Speaker 1: I bought this, you bought this book. So we go
Speaker 1: children something, presumably, and so far it's just been nonsense.
Speaker 1: So far we have learned that the Puritans were just
Speaker 1: a bunch of nice people who wanted religious freedom as
Speaker 1: opposed to thought. And we have had spent pages talking
Speaker 1: about how lightning strikes could conceivably give horse the ability
Speaker 1: to time travel. That is, that is the primary fact
Speaker 1: dump we've gotten so far. Dress code at this academy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's uh. They're talking about when football happened, because Tommy's
Speaker 1: a football player, even though he knows a lot about lightning.
Speaker 1: That's a boy. This is just this is just ridiculous.
Speaker 1: We don't need we don't know. And when does the
Speaker 1: history start? That's a great question. Oh good, So Tommy
Speaker 1: gets on the horse. Now we've got a picture of
Speaker 1: Tommy riding back in time on the horse. So I'm
Speaker 1: in a cause that's what happens in the pages I've skipped.
Speaker 1: He's sitting in relation to the other Yeah, so they
Speaker 1: are trying to land undetected on the Mayflower. The time
Speaker 1: portal opened just as it did momentsary. What do you
Speaker 1: do with all the other kids, Katie, You're gonna have
Speaker 1: some open questions about this because I am not going
Speaker 1: through every fucking page of this stupid yea makes sense, Okay,
Speaker 1: the picture doesn't explain. Therefore, I cannot tell you I am.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna be hitting every plot point here. The
Speaker 1: time portal opened just as it did moments earlier. As
Speaker 1: clearly as possible, I pronounced each word, September six, Plymouth, England,
Speaker 1: the launching of the Mayflower. I had found given that
Speaker 1: giving the exact date, location a name of the historical
Speaker 1: event event helped liberty get us to where we needed.
Speaker 1: Of course, like you don't need to, I understand why
Speaker 1: you would do that in any way. The sensation of
Speaker 1: jumping grew time was always the same. The rush of
Speaker 1: air sent goose bumps over my body. The hair on
Speaker 1: my arms stood on end, and for a second, it
Speaker 1: feels like it does when you're swinging backwards on the sciata.
Speaker 1: YadA YadA. Um. Okay, so they're like, it does it
Speaker 1: does sound like he's coming. Like, never use the word
Speaker 1: rush unless you're referring to your character. Yeah. So they
Speaker 1: have liberty go into stealth mode and pretend not to
Speaker 1: be a talking horse so they can sneak on the Mayflower,
Speaker 1: which is easy because some of the pilgrims had second thoughts. Um.
Speaker 1: One of the pilgrims, he's William Bradford, who he met
Speaker 1: in Holland, remembers him and says, Rush Revere, it does
Speaker 1: my heart good to see you again. And is this
Speaker 1: the person you were waiting for in Holland? He smiled
Speaker 1: affectionately while straightening Tommy's brown leather hat. Yes, this is Tommy,
Speaker 1: I said, as I put my arm around Tommy's shoulder.
Speaker 1: His parents are gone, so be caring for him on
Speaker 1: this voyage. It's a pleasure to meet you, Tommy, Bradford said,
Speaker 1: as he reached out his hand to Tommy, who shook it.
Speaker 1: William turned back to me and said let's talk some
Speaker 1: more after the ship set sale, the captain is very
Speaker 1: eager to leave. Okay, boring, get get some plic domain.
Speaker 1: We got like four pages of public domain photos of
Speaker 1: the fucking Mayflower, like drawings of it and ships. Your
Speaker 1: question about Tommy, I mean, we're not going to have
Speaker 1: an answer for it. But it's Tommy just wearing two
Speaker 1: thousand thirteen. No, no, no, he's dressed. They gave, they gave,
Speaker 1: they found clothes for him. I'm gonna I am. I
Speaker 1: Am going to fill in a blank here and say,
Speaker 1: Rush Revere traveled forward in time, found a pilgrim child,
Speaker 1: separated from his family, cut his throat with a straight razor,
Speaker 1: and took the clothing from him. Makes sense, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a little a little bit of a This is also
Speaker 1: an Assassin's Creed. Uh, just like half of the chapters
Speaker 1: are like really boring, but about aliens and something Rush
Speaker 1: limbine his hoodie running speaking of by the way, speaking
Speaker 1: of fiction stories that did not need to explain things
Speaker 1: as much as they wound up doing, Assassin's Creed made
Speaker 1: the same mistake as the Rushed Revere novels. Nobody needed
Speaker 1: any of that. You don't need that section at all.
Speaker 1: People just want to murder folks in different time periods.
Speaker 1: You don't need to do a whole thing like that's
Speaker 1: not necessary. I wasn't confused. I didn't have questions. It's
Speaker 1: like if the Grand Theft Auto series like added as
Speaker 1: very sweaty, like whole fucking series of missions about how
Speaker 1: you're like a time traveling, superpowered person and that's why
Speaker 1: you never die in the car, Like, we don't. We
Speaker 1: don't need that. No, no, that's necessary. So I'm here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not here for the sorry, yeah, not not here
Speaker 1: for the lore. Um okay. So Puritan's Boy just a
Speaker 1: lot more Puritans traveling on a boat. Um, with most
Speaker 1: of this is not history. It appears to be like
Speaker 1: them encountering random people. And like there's like three pages
Speaker 1: where Tommy meets a pilgrim kid who has a puppy
Speaker 1: and they talk about puppies. They talk about how uncomfortable
Speaker 1: boats are, which I don't. Yeah, it's it's great. Um,
Speaker 1: this is this is a ship book, guys, this is
Speaker 1: a real ship is really bad, like not like as
Speaker 1: a history book and as an adventure book. Yeah yes,
Speaker 1: and just like a children I mean like does he ever?
Speaker 1: What is he? What am I supposed to learn from this?
Speaker 1: What am I? You're not supposed to learn anything from this?
Speaker 1: And look, I'm not going to keep digging through this.
Speaker 1: But there is one thing I wanted to hit um
Speaker 1: that I read when I was reading reviews of this. No,
Speaker 1: it's kind of about some of the weird politics. Um,
Speaker 1: and so I think we'll close on that. But I
Speaker 1: would be doing I would be doing a disservice if
Speaker 1: I didn't like bring it up. Um yeah, uh here
Speaker 1: we go. Oh boy, um uh this this is a
Speaker 1: different review than the one I've read, but I have
Speaker 1: to read it. This is from a review that some
Speaker 1: like homeschooling Mom wrote, I think reading the series has
Speaker 1: given us a nice break from traditional schooling. My kids
Speaker 1: automatically preferred it over textbooks are looking at encyclopedias. They
Speaker 1: were drawn into the story of rush Revere at the
Speaker 1: middle school he teaches in his students. They like that
Speaker 1: there was time travel involved. Um yeah. Although she says
Speaker 1: she she had a hard time getting into the series
Speaker 1: when it came to the history in the books, that
Speaker 1: narrative narrative did tend to get a bit bookish. On
Speaker 1: one hand, we got to know many of the real
Speaker 1: characters that shaped America, YadA YadA. On the other hand,
Speaker 1: the series the characters would sometimes seem to go on
Speaker 1: a rant, spending a good time amount of time explaining
Speaker 1: historical events and facts a bit unnaturally through chunks of dialogue.
Speaker 1: That's because all of the bits where he's explaining history
Speaker 1: read like fucking uh like Wikipedia pages that were just
Speaker 1: like copied. And she doesn't like the part where you're
Speaker 1: teaching your children something. Well, yeah, I mean I think
Speaker 1: because it's bad writing, like give her that it's it's
Speaker 1: not yeah, it sounds like interested in like learning that much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's poorly written, and it's it's a it's bad.
Speaker 1: It's a bad book series. Um but yeah. So like
Speaker 1: one of the there there's a because it's Rush Limbaugh,
Speaker 1: there's like a weird bit of uh anti collectivist ship
Speaker 1: in here. I'm gonna read from that Chicago Tribune article
Speaker 1: anyway or again. Limbaugh, like other conservatives, seizes upon the
Speaker 1: Pilgrim story is an example that of the terrible things
Speaker 1: that can happen when people pool their resources in a
Speaker 1: collectivist manner. The author seems particularly offended by the idea
Speaker 1: of a common house at Plymouth. To him, the Pilgrims suffered,
Speaker 1: suffered from the fulls of commonism, and survived only by
Speaker 1: belatedly injecting individualism and free enterprise into their settlement. And
Speaker 1: like the basis of this is that they used to
Speaker 1: have the Pilgrims had common ownership of like food and
Speaker 1: fields and stuff when they came and eventually like decided
Speaker 1: to give families their own land, and that caused people
Speaker 1: to produce more corn or something. And this is all
Speaker 1: bits of history that that people take out and politicize.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so he's he's, he's there's definitely pieces of
Speaker 1: this that he takes out for his lesson, But I
Speaker 1: think most of this is basically him writing this weird,
Speaker 1: sweaty sci fi story about a middle school teacher and
Speaker 1: occasionally like cribbing and rewriting chunks of Wikipedia pages and
Speaker 1: like throwing them into the mouths of historical figures like
Speaker 1: William Bradford info dump about the most boring aspects of history. Um, anyway,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's the book. It's this sweaty mix of
Speaker 1: propaganda and horse lightning debates. Um, I mean, I'm thrilled
Speaker 1: that you invited us to participate in this. Did you
Speaker 1: all learn something I learned about liberty and the people that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That the characters? Um, yeah, Tommy, I hope he doesn't
Speaker 1: change his mind and think I don't think he does,
Speaker 1: because Tommy, Tommy is the one who provided us with
Speaker 1: our our scientific explanation for the time travel that we
Speaker 1: absolutely needed. Yeah, otherwise where would we be right now? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Otherwise where would we be right now? Well, you know
Speaker 1: where we are right now is at the point in
Speaker 1: the episode where y'all plug your mother fucking plug doubles. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we got stuff to plug. Um, check out our YouTube
Speaker 1: channel somewhere news. Do that we got get out three
Speaker 1: hour episode about Jordan. Do you do have a three
Speaker 1: hour episode about Jordan Peterson? Um? So check that out.
Speaker 1: Go spend three hours with Jordan Peterson, just like those
Speaker 1: doctors in Russia who who many days with him while
Speaker 1: he such conscious after they weren't allowed to do that,
Speaker 1: going going cold turkey on Penzo's and think nothing's fine,
Speaker 1: He's great. He doesn't. If you take if you look
Speaker 1: at a picture of him from two thousand seventeen and
Speaker 1: a picture of him from this year, it doesn't look
Speaker 1: like he's lost seventy pounds and also his mind and
Speaker 1: not at all. Yeah, he doesn't look like he's aged
Speaker 1: twenty five years in the last three. It doesn't look
Speaker 1: at all like he picked up the wrong grail. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's there's nothing unsettling about his tendency to periodically cry
Speaker 1: at random moments. Very fine, but but that is one
Speaker 1: of them. Anyway, Thanks, I love you all. Like Rush
Speaker 1: Revere loves his horse, everyone isn't a girl his lightning horse.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's no opened up a portal with the lightning.
Speaker 1: There's only one line I can responsibly end on which
Speaker 1: I'm glad he's dead. I continue to be glad he
Speaker 1: step if it weren't for everything else he would deserve
Speaker 1: to die for writing this book and book two and
Speaker 1: three and four, and from all of the like seven
Speaker 1: or five. How are many? There's too many of them, Robert.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you really surprised me, and I know what we're
Speaker 1: gonna say, and it gives me just the most reaction. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm glad he's dead, and I'll go ahead and say it,
Speaker 1: you know, hunt down the illustrator from this book, figure
Speaker 1: out who did the jib Jab and take him down Jab.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure which one, but it's one of them. God, alright,
Speaker 1: We're done by. Behind the Bastards is a production of
Speaker 1: cool Zone Media. For more from cool zone Media, visit
Speaker 1: our website cool zone media dot com, or check us
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Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.