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Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to the Edge Martinez IRL podcast Takeaway episode.

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Speaker 2: This is also our special Mother's Day episode.

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Speaker 1: A big debate of me and my crew is like,

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Speaker 1: on Mother's Day, do you have to spend it with

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Speaker 1: your kids?

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Speaker 3: Do you have to spend it with your family?

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Speaker 1: I mean, technically you should be able to do whatever

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Speaker 1: you want facts, But there was like a whole discussion about, like,

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Speaker 1: because the girls wanted to do lunch together, and then

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Speaker 1: how do I tell my husband? Now, how do I

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Speaker 1: tell my mom? Because you're from your mother and you

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Speaker 1: have a mom.

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Speaker 3: Do you really get the whole day off?

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Speaker 1: I don't really think so, because I think the mother

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Speaker 1: of the mother of the mother comes first. Right.

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Speaker 2: My friends are some of them have kids, some of

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Speaker 2: them have don't. So the dog moms are counting this

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Speaker 2: as a fam and knock it off. That does not apply.

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Speaker 3: You can leave the dog with a stranger. You can

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Speaker 3: leave the dog in a box and lock it up

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Speaker 3: for a couple of hours. It's called a kennel. Happens

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Speaker 3: every day.

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Speaker 2: I would never do that too easy, I would never either.

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Speaker 1: However, it's it's you know, it's sometimes it's actually they

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Speaker 1: tell you you should do that, but anyway, happy mother.

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Speaker 1: We digress Mother's Day to everyone out there. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: I hope whatever you want to do on your day

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Speaker 1: you get to do that.

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Speaker 3: And I hope you.

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Speaker 1: Feel appreciated today because you should. I saw an Instagram

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Speaker 1: meme of the size of an epidural needle. Oh, it

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Speaker 1: is the size of a forearm. Yes, giant and and

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Speaker 1: not that. I know a lot of women don't do it.

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Speaker 1: Soun due natural, but it just gives you a sense

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Speaker 1: of how much work and how much effort and has

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Speaker 1: gone into.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of things out there too that work

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Speaker 2: as birth control.

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Speaker 3: For sure.

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Speaker 2: That was one of those yes, I'm like maybe not

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Speaker 2: maybe not a good idea.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure I've told you this before.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: I had three of those epidurals.

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Speaker 1: No, because the first two did not work, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: and my contractions were so painful that I kept asking

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Speaker 1: them to try again with the abdal.

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Speaker 3: So the third one finally worked and we were cooking.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, back to caliu Chiese Calli is a new mom.

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Speaker 1: How exciting for her. I don't know if she had

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Speaker 1: natural birth or if she had a.

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Speaker 2: She definitely gives me natural birth vibes.

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Speaker 1: She totally does because she is on this natural kick.

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Speaker 1: We talk a lot about that. She said she did

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Speaker 1: and let her baby have like plastic toys. She's been

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Speaker 1: feeding the baby all types of organic everything, and even

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Speaker 1: the material of the clothing. She's very mindful of what

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Speaker 1: she puts on her baby. She just seems like a

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Speaker 1: very kind of doting first time mom, because you know,

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Speaker 1: the second time around, you'd.

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Speaker 3: Be like, baby, you'll be fine.

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Speaker 2: Bump his head, yeah, just.

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Speaker 1: Throw them in this towel, He'll be fine. First baby,

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Speaker 1: you're like so gentle and delicate. But she's in that

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Speaker 1: new mom phase. She's definitely glowing, for sure, And it

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Speaker 1: was interesting being around her because you could see the

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Speaker 1: glow and the joy and the happiness about her being

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Speaker 1: a mom. But I could also feel palpable, palperful sense

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Speaker 1: of just sadness and grief and she's also experiencing at

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Speaker 1: the same time, and that's a lot. And then you know,

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Speaker 1: just the grief and that happened the joy at the

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Speaker 1: same time. That's just a lot of energy to hold

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Speaker 1: on to internally.

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Speaker 3: But I'm glad.

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Speaker 1: She mentioned in the in the so that she's been doing.

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Speaker 2: Therapy well give them some backstory, some backstory. If you

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Speaker 2: haven't watched the episode yet, thank you. Callie just hasn't.

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Speaker 2: Her album that came out today she dedicated to her mom,

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Speaker 2: who recently passed away from lung cancer, who she was

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Speaker 2: able to reconcile with.

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Speaker 1: She has a long, complicated history with history and relationship

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Speaker 1: with her mom. They came back together before she passed

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Speaker 1: and now she's dealing with the passing of her mom

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Speaker 1: with the new baby. She did say her mom got

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Speaker 1: a chance to meet the baby, which is nice to

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Speaker 1: have that moment in that memory. But you know, everytime

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Speaker 1: you have a new baby, everything's like a new thing.

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Speaker 1: Like am I doing this right? Oh my god, Oh

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Speaker 1: my god. She walked, he walked, you know, he did this,

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Speaker 1: He blinked, He called me mama, And I would imagine

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Speaker 1: you want to share those moments with somebody who you know.

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Speaker 3: Will care as much as you do.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Like when you're a mom, you can talk about

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Speaker 1: your kid all day and people don't want to hear it,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But what you know is

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Speaker 1: that your mother is gonna care. It's gonna care, and

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Speaker 1: so I'm you know, that just adds the extra layer

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Speaker 1: of I miss this person.

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Speaker 2: It's that it's also like whose advice are you going

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Speaker 2: to take the most? Like when one day when I

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Speaker 2: have a kid, like I can't I love my dad's death,

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Speaker 2: but like there's something about a mother's knowledge and a

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Speaker 2: mother's intuition that you want your mom species word the

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Speaker 2: superior I know that's right, that's my Twitter bio. Actually, yeah,

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Speaker 2: women are the superior species.

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Speaker 3: I must have seen that.

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Speaker 2: There's a great clip here from Cali when you ask

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Speaker 2: her that I really love about what's the one thing

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Speaker 2: that you learned. We're just going to play what.

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Speaker 3: Was the thing that you learned? Like, what was the

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Speaker 3: thing that you misunderstood about your mom or that she misunderstood.

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Speaker 4: I think that's something that I learned that really helped

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Speaker 4: me move past everything, was to understand that my mom

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Speaker 4: really was just she really was a victim. And a

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Speaker 4: lot of women, a lot of girls, I want to say,

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Speaker 4: when I was little, I didn't realize how much my

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Speaker 4: mom was actually going through and how much she was

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Speaker 4: facing and suffering. And I just looked at, you know,

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Speaker 4: my needs because I was a kid. And I think

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Speaker 4: growing up and looking back and realizing how much she

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Speaker 4: actually did go through and things that I didn't even

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Speaker 4: know that we're going on.

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Speaker 2: Parents are people too, So it is my favorite theme

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Speaker 2: that we come back to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because people think parents would the all knowing mom.

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Speaker 1: You should have known mom is the all knowing mom

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Speaker 1: even dads to if you just expect your parents to

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Speaker 1: have some type of like magical rule book and that

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen. And you expect your parents to be trauma

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Speaker 1: free because they're your leader, your parents, that's.

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Speaker 3: When you're born. You're like, they are my leader.

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Speaker 1: You do you don't expect your leader to be going

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Speaker 1: through trauma well, to be having their own life and

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Speaker 1: their own experiences that they're trying to heal from or

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Speaker 1: they're trying to learn from, and and you don't.

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Speaker 3: Expect them to make mistakes.

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Speaker 1: But you know, I think we all know that that

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Speaker 1: is not true.

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Speaker 2: You don't. You don't realize till you get older, to

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Speaker 2: the admiration that you have for your parents. Like part

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Speaker 2: of seeing your parents as people too is it's like

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Speaker 2: unraveling all the stuff that they kept hidden from you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like especially for me, like my dad is such like

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Speaker 2: a happy on the outside type of person and I

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Speaker 2: not until I got older too. We had deeper, like

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Speaker 2: adult adult conversations like like or more on a friendship

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Speaker 2: basis that I realized, dang, you went through all that

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Speaker 2: I never would have noticed, Like parents be putting up

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Speaker 2: a front.

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Speaker 3: I can't wait to get into it. My kids many

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Speaker 3: that time, you know what was going on with me.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm pretty I do share with my kids

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Speaker 1: some things, like I do, especially when I feel it's

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Speaker 1: parallel to something they're experiencing or witnessing. Definitely, then do

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Speaker 1: I share. And sometimes I just share because there's things

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Speaker 1: I want about my life that I want my kids

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Speaker 1: to know. But there's definitely like I don't bring them

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Speaker 1: through the ups and downs of the you know, like

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Speaker 1: I'm not really going through menopause.

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Speaker 3: Talking my kids.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know how that's beneficial for them,

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Speaker 2: So that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Well, it'll be beneficial one day when they have wives, yeah,

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Speaker 1: partners in life, and so they gonna hear it from me.

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Speaker 3: But I don't. I'm not taking them through the minutia

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Speaker 3: of the day.

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Speaker 1: You know, they only they got their own lives, college

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Speaker 1: and work and things like that. But but I do

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Speaker 1: try to share. I mean, they know I'm not perfect

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Speaker 1: for sure. For sure, I could say I'm having a day.

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Speaker 1: If I'm having a bad day, I'm having a day

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Speaker 1: and explain why, so that you know I'm not putting

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Speaker 1: on a face.

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Speaker 3: I think everything is good.

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Speaker 2: All they got to see some of your human emotions,

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Speaker 2: like in London said.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you know I'm not perfect, I'm flawed. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not afraid to say sorry to them.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's a bar. Yeah, because there's a lot especially

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Speaker 2: Caribbean or immigrant parents, they do not believe you should

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Speaker 2: saying sorry and what and what planet? This is sorry

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Speaker 2: at all?

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do something and like, let's say I get

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Speaker 1: busy the whole day and I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I forgot. I will definitely be like, I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 1: this is what happened.

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Speaker 3: This is why. Like, because I like to be a

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Speaker 3: person on.

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Speaker 2: My word and you're breaking a psycho with that one,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Or if I didn't understand something, I'm okay to acknowledge that.

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Speaker 1: Or if I didn't love the way I handled something

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Speaker 1: that too. But yeah, parenting is tricky and parents are

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Speaker 1: not perfect. And I'm glad that Callie has that too,

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Speaker 1: that she's come to terms with that. And she's one

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Speaker 1: now too, so she really knows, she's gonna really know

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Speaker 1: that it's not true, even though she's trying to be

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Speaker 1: the perfect parent. And the interesting thing is, and I

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Speaker 1: don't she didn't get into the details, and she doesn't

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Speaker 1: share the details of the trauma that she has experienced.

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Speaker 3: She tells you enough.

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Speaker 1: To know so you can know that she's has gone

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Speaker 1: through things, but she doesn't want to get into the

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Speaker 1: specifics of it.

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Speaker 3: But what I and maybe I could totally have read.

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Speaker 1: This wrong, but what I took away from that is

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Speaker 1: whatever her traumas are and her issues were with her mother,

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Speaker 1: I think maybe her mother had some of those same

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Speaker 1: experiences as a young person. It's the sense that I

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Speaker 1: got just from how she was explaining their relationship, which

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Speaker 1: that also happens, you know, it's like repeat things happen.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know that's for certain to happen in

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Speaker 1: her situation, but that's another thing that happens. It's like

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Speaker 1: your parents go through something and they're desperately trying to

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Speaker 1: get to the other side of it, and if you're

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Speaker 1: growing up in the middle of that, you also too,

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Speaker 1: maybe could have some of those you know what I'm saying, problems. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I'm really happy for her that she was able to

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Speaker 1: make amends with her mom because you imagine her passing

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Speaker 1: and then having to deal with the trauma of that

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Speaker 1: passing and not reconciling. Now she at least has these

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Speaker 1: loving memories and this loving experience that she can kind

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Speaker 1: of like fall back on in those tough moments.

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Speaker 2: I always think about Ashley's shout out to Ashley who

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Speaker 2: who from Dear Young Queen. She has her own podcasts and.

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Speaker 1: She Ashley and Ashley.

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Speaker 2: And yeah ask Ashley, but she she has this fear.

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Speaker 2: She has the fear about you know, one life comes

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Speaker 2: in and one life goes out.

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Speaker 3: I saw her talk about that in the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, one life goes in, one life goes out.

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Speaker 1: Actually, by the way, helps us with our socials on

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Speaker 1: our podcast and other things. So she is definitely a

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Speaker 1: friend and contributor to this shows.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely. On the I R L page, we'll have

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Speaker 2: some in lou of Mother's Day, will have all of

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Speaker 2: our favorite moments and clips from past mothers, parenting advice

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Speaker 2: and tips. And I'll never forget when Lunelle had a

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Speaker 2: similar experience where her mom passed and the month she

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Speaker 2: didn't even think she could get pregnant, and the month

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Speaker 2: after her daughter she got pregnant with her daughter. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so that's that's something that comes up about how like

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Speaker 2: life transitions in that way.

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Speaker 1: So the way I astually said it, it was a fear.

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Speaker 1: She has a fear to be a mother because she's

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Speaker 1: afraid that a life coming in necessarily means that a

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Speaker 1: life has to go out.

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Speaker 2: That's terrible.

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Speaker 1: It's that that I don't think is a healthy fear. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if she was here, I would tell her that in

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Speaker 1: her face too. I don't think that's a healthy fear

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Speaker 1: because you can't you don't know. Every situation is different.

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Speaker 1: It could happen, a lot of things could happen, but

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Speaker 1: there are plenty of people who bring life into this

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Speaker 1: world and that is not the case. So I just

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Speaker 1: pray for her that she doesn't nobody wills that energy.

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Speaker 3: Towards them, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a shout out to Ashley for sure.

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Speaker 2: Some of the things I liked from this episode were

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Speaker 2: how to remain stress free while you're carrying a child.

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Speaker 3: Cataclip.

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Speaker 4: You know, I cut off a lot of people during

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Speaker 4: my pregnancy, and so just feeling like, you know, a

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Speaker 4: little bit of sadness that I didn't get to share

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Speaker 4: that moment with people that I expected to, or.

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Speaker 5: That things didn't couldn't really play out the way I

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Speaker 5: would have wanted. But just it's such a weird time

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Speaker 5: because it's like you're so grateful and you feel so

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Speaker 5: blessed and you're so happy. That's when I say, after

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Speaker 5: I got pregnant and.

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Speaker 4: I disconnected myself from the Internet because I realized I

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Speaker 4: can't let things control my feelings anymore. Like I have

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Speaker 4: a baby going inside me, I can't see something that's

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Speaker 4: gonna stress me out. I can't give anything that type

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Speaker 4: of power over so you know, look, I'm going to baby.

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Speaker 4: I was like, I literally can't see anything. So I

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Speaker 4: deleted everything off my phone. Wow, I only had Instagram.

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Speaker 4: I turned all my messages off, I turned all my

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Speaker 4: color like I couldn't like nobody could reach me type

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Speaker 4: of thing. Somebody, you know, whatever people did, somebody's just

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Speaker 4: respectful to me, can't talk to you anymore because anybody

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Speaker 4: who could try to like make me feel that type

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Speaker 4: of way during the most vulnerable time in my life,

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Speaker 4: pregnancy and postpartum.

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Speaker 2: She basically had like no communication with people.

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Speaker 3: Protecting her space. Yeah yeah, yeah, her boundaries up, which which.

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Speaker 2: Threw me in like a deepoll of like the effects

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Speaker 2: of stress on your baby and like scientifically can that

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Speaker 2: have an express on like how deep of effect? Yea,

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Speaker 2: how deep of an effect? And these are some of

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Speaker 2: the things that your body goes through, the stress that

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Speaker 2: your body goes Let me find out you did rese

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Speaker 2: well because research. I haven't had a baby yet and

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Speaker 2: were always talking about parenting, and I'm just like, well,

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Speaker 2: what could happen?

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Speaker 3: I want to know all the things.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I want to be overly informed, like I don't

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Speaker 2: want to be surprised.

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Speaker 3: I'm probably you should know this. You should know this.

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Speaker 3: Every single experience is different. All the research you.

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Speaker 1: Want in the world and have a completely different experience

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Speaker 1: from what you think it's gonna be.

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Speaker 2: H just so you clear, Well, there's these doctors that

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Speaker 2: first of all, there's so much information out there it's

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Speaker 2: actually quite ridiculous. Like it's it's basically said that anything

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Speaker 2: can happen. Yeah, pretty much like your teeth can fall out,

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Speaker 2: anything happened, But specifically it's like so there's good stress

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Speaker 2: and there's bad stress. So like bad stress is when

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Speaker 2: you're chronically stressed, which is like all the time, which

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Speaker 2: tends to happen to mothers who are like you know,

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Speaker 2: in poverty, and they're they're like where am I going

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Speaker 2: to get my next meal or whatever? But like good stress,

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Speaker 2: like oh, like I'm nervous about recording a takeaway today,

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Speaker 2: Like that is good stress. It might motivate me to whatever.

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Speaker 2: So that type of stress is okay. But if you're

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Speaker 2: in chronic stress, what happens is in the baby that

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Speaker 2: later on they're brain waves that they're like more prone

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Speaker 2: to also experience to have stress. Yeah, they have like

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Speaker 2: higher cortisol levels and that effects sometimes they'll come out

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Speaker 2: with certain learning disabilities and things you have. You have

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Speaker 2: to be super careful about what you expose yourself to,

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Speaker 2: which made me think about Coylaray, our past guest who's

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Speaker 2: about to be a mom. But there was some buzz

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Speaker 2: on the internet about how she didn't invite her baby

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Speaker 2: father to a relationship stress. Yes, and also relationship stress,

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Speaker 2: but also you know she has a difficult relationship with

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Speaker 2: her father and her father back and forth posting whatever.

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Speaker 2: But people were saying, Yo, I support her, like she

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Speaker 2: it's her special moment. She didn't want to deal with

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Speaker 2: it that day. It is what it is, and it's

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Speaker 2: like she had to go through those means to make

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Speaker 2: sure that she had a peaceful moment day or whatever.

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Speaker 3: That's what it is.

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Speaker 1: Peace by any means necessary, whether you are carrying child

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Speaker 1: or not. And it doesn't always work that way. And

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Speaker 1: you will make decisions where like you choose something that's

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Speaker 1: really important to you or someone that's really important to you,

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Speaker 1: and you'll put yourself, you'll you'll bend on your but

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Speaker 1: for the majority of the time, Yeah, like, come on, man,

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Speaker 1: Peace by any means necessary, and if you are pregnant,

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Speaker 1: especially so so whatever that mother needs to do to

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Speaker 1: protect her peace, especially now that we know, uh, it's

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Speaker 1: proven to affect your child.

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Speaker 3: If you need an.

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Speaker 2: Excuse, I can't my baby, Yeah, my baby. It's not

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Speaker 2: about me. Actually it's a baby. And for the future

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Speaker 2: of my baby, I can no longer.

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Speaker 3: Talk to you. I have zero tolerance for flection.

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Speaker 1: You gotta realize it's success pool out there in social

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Speaker 1: media land, and there are great people there, beautiful human beings,

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Speaker 1: wonderful things happening. But the problem is in the middle

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Speaker 1: of all those, it's just like it's successpool floating around.

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Speaker 1: There's just shit floating around, and you we're people who

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Speaker 1: are not who are either angry miserable, some are, some

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Speaker 1: have agendas, some are.

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Speaker 3: It's just bad people mixed in with all the good people.

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Speaker 1: And so unfortunately you're like a target for anything, especially

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Speaker 1: somebody like Cali, who's such a big public figure.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so keep your good people around to boost you up.

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Speaker 1: And if you've got to log off, log off. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: protect your peace by any means necessary for sure. By

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Speaker 1: the way, guys, if you haven't checked out the full interview,

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Speaker 1: you should.

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Speaker 3: We shot it.

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Speaker 1: We went to California to tape it with her.

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Speaker 3: It was a lovely episode.

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Speaker 1: She was lovely, such a sweet soul like you know,

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Speaker 1: you could tell she wants to hear. You could tell

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Speaker 1: she's like a true artist. She she just talks about

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Speaker 1: how how much being authentic to her craft means to her,

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Speaker 1: and you know, she's just a lovely person and she's

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Speaker 1: at a real like like like we talked about an

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Speaker 1: important part of her life right now as a new

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Speaker 1: mom and uh and now with this new album, and

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Speaker 1: so if you are a fan of Kelly, which is

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Speaker 1: I think you'll see her in a different way.

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Speaker 3: You'll see her in a deeper way.

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Speaker 1: And if you haven't, have you if you don't, if

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Speaker 1: you didn't know who she was, I think, uh, I

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Speaker 1: think you'll enjoy it. And I think, what do you

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Speaker 1: think they'll get? And I think there's a lot to

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Speaker 1: learn from the position that she's in in life right now,

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Speaker 1: and how she's handling it and navigating it, I think

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Speaker 1: is really beautiful. So we thank her for for trusting

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Speaker 1: us with her story. She's she's a little guarded with

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Speaker 1: her life, and understandably so in terms of like sharing

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Speaker 1: pictures of her children or too much about her relationship

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Speaker 1: with Don Tolliver or she's not hiding from it, but

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Speaker 1: she doesn't serve it up for people to kind of

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Speaker 1: like pick apart, which I totally understand. So she's navigating

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Speaker 1: through life the best she can. And I think she's

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Speaker 1: she's doing it, you know, authentically to her. I love

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Speaker 1: the fact that she breaks down the duality of her

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Speaker 1: life and her in her art and her music. And so, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was a great chat and I hope you guys

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Speaker 1: like it, and again, Happy Mother's Day to all the

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Speaker 1: moms out there. There's definitely in this Kali Ucci's episode

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Speaker 1: a couple of gems, a couple of gems for moms,

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Speaker 1: new moms, especially if you're going through some things. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you can relate to what CALLI, this state that

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Speaker 1: Calli's in. But there's an episode for everybody on IRL

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Speaker 1: for moms we got you know, from Kellie, from Kelly

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Speaker 1: Clarkson to Kelly Rowland to Lounell. Lou Nell's oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: her relationship with her mother and her daughter super interesting

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Speaker 1: in her family.

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Speaker 2: Lauren Wrydinger has great.

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Speaker 3: Lauren writing her was great.

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Speaker 2: Uh, Tianna Taylor how her kids changed her life.

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Speaker 1: The list goes on and on, really, Lauren London, Yes, yeah, So.

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Speaker 2: Head to our YouTube and our TikTok.

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Speaker 3: Well go around some there.

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Speaker 1: For everyone on this beautiful Mother's Day weekend. But enjoy

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Speaker 1: it and enjoy your time, and thank you for rocking

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Speaker 1: with I R. L. We'll be back soon and man,

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Speaker 1: we got a whole bunch of episodes coming up soon

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna get really consistent really soon. And I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to share this next phase of I R

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Speaker 1: l that we're about to kick in and uh so

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Speaker 1: stay tuned, everybody.

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Speaker 3: Thank you,