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Speaker 1: Alright, ba fam, we are so excited to introduce you

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Speaker 1: to this week's guest. Les Alfred is an award winning

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Speaker 1: podcast host. She's a speaker of content creator. I've been

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Speaker 1: a huge fan of hers for a long long time,

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Speaker 1: and my most favorite thing about less is that she

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Speaker 1: hosts one of my favorite podcasts, Balanced Black Girl. It

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Speaker 1: is a chart topping weekly podcast, and she facilitates thoughtful

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Speaker 1: interviews and incredible solo episodes as well, where she just

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Speaker 1: shares everything about sort of building that building, that well

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Speaker 1: rounded life where you are living your best version of yourself. Tiffany,

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Speaker 1: how do you feel about our combo with Balanced Black Girl?

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Speaker 1: That was your first time meeting her?

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Speaker 2: It what although I'm following her on social because of

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Speaker 2: course my brain was like, of course you are me

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Speaker 2: and I had already liked pictures, So our conversation with

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Speaker 2: our conversation with Leus was really awesome. And what I

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Speaker 2: really love is that to be a balanced Black girl

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Speaker 2: is not to have it all together. It is the

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Speaker 2: It is the journey, not the destination, which you will

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Speaker 2: hear us talk about. So you're gonna enjoy this episode,

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Speaker 2: Zen out, chill out. If you're going for this is perfect,

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Speaker 2: About to wash the dishes, about to do laundry, about

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Speaker 2: to go for a walk.

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Speaker 3: Episode, So do something to self care.

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Speaker 2: Yes, add this to your self care today.

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Speaker 1: Now, Tiffany, I have a follow up from the show

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Speaker 1: actually because you talked about self care this summer. But

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Speaker 1: it was like a bunch of like traveling and about

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Speaker 1: mem and like all the family and stuff that, like

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Speaker 1: when it's just you, what are you doing to if

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Speaker 1: you're anxious about something or you're having a tough time,

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Speaker 1: like what are you turning to?

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Speaker 3: Well at that moment, I.

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Speaker 2: Am excited because I just finally I've been dragging my feet.

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Speaker 2: Book the movers to come on Friday.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we've rescheduled last week.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yes, they're finally coming. Just like no next week, No,

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Speaker 2: next week and the next some I'm like, so I

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Speaker 2: will officially by the time we tape again be in

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Speaker 2: my new place. And I think that I just want

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Speaker 2: to get a moment because I've not lived alone for

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Speaker 2: a long time, and so I think that self care

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Speaker 2: is going to look like I don't know, like acclimating

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Speaker 2: myself emotionally, mentally and physically to my new place, like

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Speaker 2: just spending so every day I go there. I take

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Speaker 2: a walk almost every day, and doctor Green suggested, take

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Speaker 2: a walk, have lunch there, have breakfast there. Start to

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Speaker 2: integrate it into your life. So it's not this big,

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Speaker 2: big shock. And I think I'm going to mainly spend

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Speaker 2: the summer outside of like, you know, these three trips

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Speaker 2: that I kind of have, planing business things, just literally

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Speaker 2: almost like getting on the frequency of my new place,

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Speaker 2: if that makes sense, sitting on the couch and just

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Speaker 2: looking out the window, you know, yeah, listening to music

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Speaker 2: like my my boo bought me a record player and

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Speaker 2: have all these amazing records, and listening to records in

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Speaker 2: the place, you know, liking at home. Yes, And so

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Speaker 2: I think that's the core thing, because it's a realignment,

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Speaker 2: if you will. And so outside of like the moving

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Speaker 2: and shaking, I'm really looking forward to like just connecting

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Speaker 2: to my place and allowing it to be like this

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Speaker 2: is where you this is home. Now home, offying it

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Speaker 2: if you will.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like yes, hanging up some arts.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Oh you know, we came over just a couple

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Speaker 2: days ago. Kimberly remember from the she's the curator for

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Speaker 2: Brooklyn Museum, one of the curates.

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Speaker 3: Oh, that's right, you guys went to an art show

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Speaker 3: that is so sexy, very rich.

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Speaker 2: Well, she was in Newark to visit a studio. Do

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Speaker 2: you want to come? And this is amazing artist Adama

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Speaker 2: Adama Delphine, and she is amazing. As soon as I

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Speaker 2: walked into her studio, which is in newk She's actually

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Speaker 2: from Brooklyn and lives in Brooklyn, I was like, I

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Speaker 2: feel like I've seen this work before.

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Speaker 3: I have.

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Speaker 2: This woman is like famous. I'm like, not you being

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Speaker 2: a whole. She's like has stuff in the Smithsonian that

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Speaker 2: I've seen in the portrait gallery in DC. I've seen

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Speaker 2: her in Newark studio, I mean Nework Museum all over.

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Speaker 2: Her stuff is so famous.

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Speaker 3: I was like, girl, man, and but it.

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Speaker 2: Was beautiful and there's like two pieces I really want.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it might be too rich for my blood,

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Speaker 2: but I certainly put an offer into be like I'd

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Speaker 2: love to purchase. So that was really awesome. And then

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Speaker 2: I was like she was so awesome. I was like,

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Speaker 2: do you want to come to the condo because Kimberly

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Speaker 2: was gonna come anyway to give me some suggestions about

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Speaker 2: what kind of art I can feel it with. And

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Speaker 2: so she came and we had.

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Speaker 3: Like a whole national artist, like I mean.

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Speaker 2: She is all over the world. And I was like,

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Speaker 2: so that was just that's the kind of thing I

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Speaker 2: want to do more of this summer and to invite

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Speaker 2: good energy, especially black and brown women into my home

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Speaker 2: to create these amazing, beautiful memories with you know.

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Speaker 3: So that's nice.

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Speaker 1: Well I'm going to do since we're talking a little

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Speaker 1: bit about weekends, I have to do a shout out

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Speaker 1: to my brother.

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Speaker 2: Drake, I said, look d on the red carpet.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and his lady friend, who I'm like very self

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Speaker 1: conscious about not saying the wrong thing or too much things.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to like step on any too's. But

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Speaker 3: aren't they zo gue together?

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Speaker 1: So she's a filmmaker and that's how they met. And

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Speaker 1: you know, Alex has his own film production, but she

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Speaker 1: if you guys, have you heard a Tribeca Film Festival's

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Speaker 1: this big festival. It happens that every summer, New York.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So her film that she produced, they won a million

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Speaker 1: dollar grant last year from AT and T and the

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Speaker 1: film festival. I know, major, right, And they took this

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Speaker 1: million dollars and they made a movie last fall and

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Speaker 1: somehow they edited it and they premiered it like within

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Speaker 1: less than a year, which is like bananas to me.

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Speaker 1: And I got to go to the premiere, which was

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Speaker 1: really cool. There was a carpet and it was at

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Speaker 1: this really gorgeous historic theater, the Angelica Theater on Second

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Speaker 1: Avenue in New York. Really beautiful, and the film itself,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. So if you're listening, you got to

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Speaker 1: write down The Color Book. The Color Book is a

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Speaker 1: feature film and it is everything that you everything that

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Speaker 1: I think we all need in a film right now,

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Speaker 1: but and also like nothing that you are worried it

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Speaker 1: might be. So I went into this film because I

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Speaker 1: knew it was about a black father and his son

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Speaker 1: who has Down syndrome, and I think I went into

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Speaker 1: this movie with like a sense of foreboding. I was

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Speaker 1: telling Kaya, the producer about it, you know, just like

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Speaker 1: a little bit of foreboding. You see a black man

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Speaker 1: in a vulnerable state with a child who has special needs,

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Speaker 1: and it's all in black and white. The film is

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Speaker 1: very quiet and heart wrenching, and I just kept like

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Speaker 1: I had this fear over me the whole time, like

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Speaker 1: something bad is going to happen. To this kid and

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Speaker 1: his dad, and you know what, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: spoil the movie for you, but it just got to

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Speaker 1: be a really beautiful love story between a dad and

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Speaker 1: his son. And I realized how poignant that was and

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Speaker 1: how powerful it was. It seems like such a quiet

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Speaker 1: movie about just this relationship and at the same time,

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Speaker 1: like so rare. When do we get to see that

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Speaker 1: in a black father from his perspective, just being a

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Speaker 1: good dad, struggling coping with grief, but also just being

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Speaker 1: an amazing dad. And the actor who played the boy,

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Speaker 1: the little boy Mason, his name is Jeremiah, so sweet.

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Speaker 1: His whole family was there. Yeah, so just shout out

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Speaker 1: the Color Book. I don't know if you can see it.

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Speaker 1: It was at Tribeca, so probably it'll come to theater soon.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, Hugh, shout out to Kaya who produced it.

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Speaker 1: And then my brother, who directed and wrote his first

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Speaker 1: short film, told me recently, actually I just foun out

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Speaker 1: this weekend.

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Speaker 3: I was so late.

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Speaker 1: He got his film accepted into the Palm Springs Film

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Speaker 1: Festival AMAZ, which is like not something that happens with

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Speaker 1: your first ever film written and directed yourself. So it's

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Speaker 1: called Thomasville it's based on my dad. Him and his

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Speaker 1: family grew up in a neighborhood in Atlanta called Thomasville,

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Speaker 1: and so it's a short film like that. Yeah, just

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Speaker 1: calls back to my dad's upbringing and my uncle Mark

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Speaker 1: and just really really really freaking proud of my brother too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So happy to get to I don't I don't have

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Speaker 1: that many moments where I just, especially recently worth gotten

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Speaker 1: to connect with him and just celebrate something. It's been

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Speaker 1: a very stressful year in our family, so to just

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Speaker 1: like be there and to celebrate and see how happy

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Speaker 1: they are and how they're doing what they love and

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Speaker 1: they love each other, and there's so beautiful.

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Speaker 3: It was.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna get your girl.

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Speaker 3: Listen.

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Speaker 1: If you guys just go like his I'll tell you

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Speaker 1: what he will forgive me. If you guys run to

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Speaker 1: Pineapple Cut's Instagram page, that's his production company, and then

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Speaker 1: you run to well, just we'll start there. Run to

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Speaker 1: his his page and like follow him and leave a

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Speaker 1: comment saying brand Ambition loves y'all, and then he will

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Speaker 1: forgive me anything else Pineapple Cut, product cuts or I

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Speaker 1: don't know, pine I think it's just with with with

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Speaker 1: no s pineapple, how many pineapple cuts?

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Speaker 3: I was there, Yeah, you'll be fine. And you know

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Speaker 3: what he looks like? Just me? What less hair?

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Speaker 2: Okay, he looks like Drake Chah. I literally because I

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Speaker 2: saw it in your Instagram stories and I was showing

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Speaker 2: my Pardner. I was like, oh my god, tell me

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Speaker 2: you don't like Drake.

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Speaker 1: You know, had to come up with a new thing, Tiffany.

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Speaker 1: Every time it's Drake, Drake, Drake, Drake, Drake. Come how

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Speaker 1: could it be a new thing with That's what I mean.

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Speaker 1: He looked even more like Drake than ever before. I

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Speaker 1: was like, with his hair out. I was like, come on, man.

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Speaker 1: And I got recognized twice at that event. And then also, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I went to see Michelle Buteau's comedy show and one

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Speaker 1: of our fans, oh, and I thought I was gonna

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Speaker 1: was there.

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Speaker 2: She was like, maybe he was here. I would have

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Speaker 2: seen there.

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Speaker 3: So I got so many Deanstrim folks like I didn't

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Speaker 3: know you were here.

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Speaker 2: I was here too, my y.

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Speaker 1: We were all out there for you were black and

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Speaker 1: female and a millennial. You were at that you were

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Speaker 1: at that Radio City show. It was really good. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: one of our listeners she tossed up me in the

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Speaker 1: line when I was getting a little drink drink. It's

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Speaker 1: like give me the large blood katonic please, and well

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Speaker 1: it's always nice running into ba fam. We love you guys. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, should we take a little breaky break, can

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Speaker 1: come back with our interview with Less Balanced Black Girl.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: I love that there, Lee.

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Speaker 2: State Farm agents are small business owners too, so they

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Speaker 2: know how to help you choose personalized policies that figure needs,

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Speaker 2: like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. Talk to

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Speaker 2: your local agent today. Hey, hey, hey, we're back. We're black,

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Speaker 2: We're brown. Ambition ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition. The stew is

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Speaker 2: extra brown today.

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Speaker 1: Okay today, Yes, yeah, we have a guest. Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the show Less. If y'all don't know about mine, can

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Speaker 1: I call you my friend?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I feel like I text your less

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Speaker 3: Alfred Less Alfred.

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Speaker 1: She is the award winning podcast host of one of

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Speaker 1: my actual favorite podcast, Balanced Black Girls, and I actually

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Speaker 1: I've had to recently come up with like a list

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Speaker 1: of things I can do for self care, just as

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Speaker 1: like an emergency kit.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm going through a hard time. What is it?

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Speaker 3: That relaxes me again.

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Speaker 1: And I added Balanced Black Girl to the list because

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Speaker 1: I just feel like there's always, like if it's not

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Speaker 1: the most recent show, there's something in the top ten,

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Speaker 1: like the next ten that I can sort of like

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Speaker 1: put on and I'll feel a little bit better about

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Speaker 1: myself or like I'll have a better perspective.

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Speaker 3: So what better review for your show can there be? Then?

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Speaker 1: Like it is on the list of ways to self sooth,

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Speaker 1: right next to like a Pina Ben and Jerry's. It's like,

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Speaker 1: am I gonna listen to Balance Black Girl or I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to like stuff my face?

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that is the best compliment. I'm so honored.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm also such a big fan of Brown

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Speaker 4: Ambition and of both of you individually and together. So

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Speaker 4: I'm so excited to be joining you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So okay, So let's tell folks what was the origin

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Speaker 1: of Bounce Black Girl? Because you're around you were coming

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Speaker 1: up around the same time as us, right what your.

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Speaker 4: Day launch I started in October of twenty eighteen was

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Speaker 4: when the show launched.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so a couple of years after yeah, and then

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Speaker 1: at the time, like you were working nine to five

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Speaker 1: up until like yesterday almost, I mean up until really recently. So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: where were you working at the time? Why the podcast? Like,

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Speaker 1: when did you start making money? Tell us everything?

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Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, Okay, Well the podcast wouldn't be a

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Speaker 4: thing without the initial blog that I started ten years ago.

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Speaker 4: So I started a blog a decade ago that was

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Speaker 4: a wellness fitness blog. I was working in corporate but

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Speaker 4: I was also a personal trainer. I was really into

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Speaker 4: nutrition and healthy recipes, and so I started blogging about

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Speaker 4: that ten years ago. And that was when I started

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Speaker 4: building a following online in a little bit of a community,

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Speaker 4: I mean micro, micro, tiny. It was not major by

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Speaker 4: any means, but I started building a little bit of

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Speaker 4: a community, and I got really burned out. I did

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Speaker 4: that for about four years, and I just got super

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Speaker 4: burned out. I got really sick of it. I got

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Speaker 4: really tired of fitness. I got tired of talking about fitness.

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Speaker 4: I got tired of being in fitness spaces, and so

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Speaker 4: I took a break from all of it, took a

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Speaker 4: break from the Internet, from creating content, from the whole thing.

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Speaker 4: And while I was away, I was getting messages and

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Speaker 4: emails from people who followed me and they were like, hey,

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Speaker 4: less I know you're taking a break, but when you're

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Speaker 4: not posting, I don't see other black women or brown

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Speaker 4: women posting about wellness in my feed, like can you

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Speaker 4: come back? And I thought, Okay, maybe there's a way

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Speaker 4: that I can introduce my audience to other black and

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Speaker 4: brown women in wellness so that if I want to

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Speaker 4: tap out, they're not just looking to me for that.

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Speaker 4: And so that's a lot of pressure.

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Speaker 3: For one.

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Speaker 4: It was a lot of pressure story of my life.

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Speaker 4: And so by this time it was twenty eighteen, late summer,

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Speaker 4: early fall twenty eighteen, and I was working at a

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Speaker 4: startup as a social media manager making zero dollars, which

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Speaker 4: was a great experience. I'm being very sarcastic, it was. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I felmatic, very traumatic work experience. Lots of therapy from

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Speaker 4: that from that job. But honestly, I was just sitting

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Speaker 4: at work one day and I got the idea of

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Speaker 4: start a podcast name it Balanced Black Girl Interview Black

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Speaker 4: and Brown Women in Wellness. I went on Amazon, ordered

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Speaker 4: a microphone, and launched the podcast a week later and

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Speaker 4: have been going ever since.

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Speaker 1: Hasy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy see just like Brown ambition. Let's

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Speaker 1: just do this thing, all right?

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Speaker 2: That's LIU. What happened? Did they go into a podcast?

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Speaker 2: I'm like, what's a podcast? Okay?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, but I have Amazon and you trust me,

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Speaker 3: so come hang right? Oh man? So wait when you

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Speaker 3: launched it, you were working at the startup. What were

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Speaker 3: you doing? You said? Social media?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was a social media okay. Sure.

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Speaker 1: So do you tell at that point do they know

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Speaker 1: that you're doing the podcast? At what point does it

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Speaker 1: become a problem or it.

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Speaker 4: Became a problem almost like immediately. I mean I didn't

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Speaker 4: keep it a secret, but it you know, people could

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Speaker 4: see it and they knew about it, and it became

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Speaker 4: a problem. I would say probably about six months later,

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Speaker 4: when it started kind of doing well and when I

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Speaker 4: started getting opportunities and things started taking off. It it

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Speaker 4: did become a problem.

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Speaker 2: How do they articulate that it was a problem. Oh,

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Speaker 2: I mean, let me be messy.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, it was pretty messy. I mean, at that

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Speaker 4: time through quite a bit of cattiness, which is like,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to throw anybody under the bus. But

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Speaker 4: it was a super small company and so you know,

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Speaker 4: I would get texts from the founder like unhappy about

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Speaker 4: what I was doing and so stuff like that. I

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Speaker 4: didn't stay on odd job for much longer because it

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Speaker 4: just wasn't really worth it. But yeah, it was rough.

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Speaker 4: It was a rough time.

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Speaker 3: Love I hate no, I love no boundaries.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 1: That is like when people talk about the startup and

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Speaker 1: working for a startup, like that is such a broad term.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like it's very specific, but there are so

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Speaker 1: many different versions of startups, and it sounds like you're

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Speaker 1: at one of those ones where it's tiny and toxic.

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Speaker 2: Oh not the TNT, tiny and toxic.

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Speaker 1: It's like Napoleon complex and startups and because they're so tiny,

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Speaker 1: they like everything is so like it's people are they're

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Speaker 1: hyper aware of what each employee is doing. And then

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Speaker 1: there's this sense of like I need to Like you're

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Speaker 1: so anxious about the company and like what's happening that

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Speaker 1: you feel like you need to control everything and everybody.

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Speaker 1: And you don't get that as an employee. You don't

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Speaker 1: get that freedom to just like not feel like all

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Speaker 1: eyes are on you, you know, because they're just putting

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Speaker 1: so much outsize pressure. I'm I feel spoiled because when

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Speaker 1: Tiffany and I launched brown ambition. I was working at

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Speaker 1: a big brand like Yahoo, and we could sneak around

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Speaker 1: and go unnoticed, you know, like it wasn't a huge deal.

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Speaker 1: I was just like one of a gajillion, you know,

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Speaker 1: employees with the really famous CEO of the time, and

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Speaker 1: in some regard that gave me like a little bit

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Speaker 1: of a level of ymity and like, you know, do first,

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Speaker 1: ask permission later. So I just want to acknowledge that

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Speaker 1: that's rough. But then you got it out.

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Speaker 3: Of there, I did, Yeah, right, yeah, And when did.

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Speaker 2: You feel did you have a satin it like, did

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Speaker 2: you have money saved or were you just like did

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Speaker 2: you have another job?

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Speaker 4: I ended up getting another job. Yeah. So at the time,

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Speaker 4: I was doing some freelancing. I was doing some freelance writing,

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Speaker 4: some freelance you know, marketing for other businesses. So I

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Speaker 4: was able to do that to sustain myself for a

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Speaker 4: few months, and then I ended up getting another full

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Speaker 4: time job pretty quickly after.

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Speaker 1: What is your relationship with money in general, Like, is

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Speaker 1: it something that you've learned a lot growing up? When

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Speaker 1: you launch Balance Black Girl, were you thinking, oh, this

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Speaker 1: can be a source of extra income for me, because

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Speaker 1: you're thinking ahead talk a little bit about that.

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Speaker 4: My relationship with money has always been really tricky. I've

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Speaker 4: always aired on the side of being very frugal, of

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Speaker 4: pinching every penny really tight, because I grew up in

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Speaker 4: an environment where that was not modeled, where spending even

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Speaker 4: when we didn't have it was kind of the norm,

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Speaker 4: and I saw the repercussions of that, and it freaked

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Speaker 4: me out, and so I very quickly just wanted to

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Speaker 4: do the opposite of what I saw, and that was

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Speaker 4: save safe, save cheap, cheap, cheap. And I'm still working

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Speaker 4: to dismantle that a bit because I think, of course,

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Speaker 4: there is a time to be, you know, very conscientious

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Speaker 4: about your saving and to do these things, and there's

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Speaker 4: also a time to live. And I had gotten to

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Speaker 4: a point where I did start doing better financially, and

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Speaker 4: I was working really hard, and I was still like

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Speaker 4: holding on to every little thing and like forcing myself

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Speaker 4: to be really small, and so I've had to do

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Speaker 4: quite a bit. You're in a safe space, yeah, a

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Speaker 4: lot of unlearning.

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Speaker 2: So so the ANI and I can can attest like

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Speaker 2: you know, especially don't know if many I you're quite

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Speaker 2: as cheap as I am or.

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Speaker 1: What, But yeah, something about having kids and seeing the

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Speaker 1: dollar signs that go with just the basic things like daycare.

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Speaker 1: It's it's created a sense like I definitely spend.

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Speaker 3: So much more.

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Speaker 1: It's easy to justify anything when you're like, oh, what's

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Speaker 1: for of the kids. I have a lot of understanding

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Speaker 1: of people who go into bankruptcy when they have children,

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Speaker 1: Like I get it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So in therapy, what are some of the things

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Speaker 2: that you unearthed about your financial like link like for example,

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Speaker 2: for me, it was a sense of unworthiness. That's what

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Speaker 2: was driving me not wanting to spend, and it was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: working on the feeling of oh you are deserving, you

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Speaker 2: are worthy, you know, that helped to unlock you know,

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Speaker 2: my ability to look at money in a healthy way

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Speaker 2: as a tool that I can use to make my

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Speaker 2: life better. But so for you, I mean, you don't

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Speaker 2: tell us all your business, but sometimes people don't know

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Speaker 2: tells business that money is not always just about money, right,

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Speaker 2: there's this underlying kind of like, oh, this is the

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Speaker 2: current underlying my choices.

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of it for me has just

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Speaker 4: always been around safety and feeling like my only backup,

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Speaker 4: and I mean my life is still this way is myself.

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Speaker 4: I don't have financial support outside of myself. And it's

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Speaker 4: pretty much been that way, you know, since I was

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Speaker 4: pretty young, and so feeling like if I run out

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Speaker 4: or if I try something and I fail, I have

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Speaker 4: no help. There's no way out of that. Not there's

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Speaker 4: no way out, but like I don't have any support

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Speaker 4: outside of myself for that, which is still something that

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Speaker 4: I struggle with because that is still true, and so

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Speaker 4: it's something that I'm constantly dismantling. Is Okay, I may

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Speaker 4: not necessarily have external help outside of myself, but if

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Speaker 4: need be, I can get creative. I'm smart, I can

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Speaker 4: always make something shake, I can always make something work.

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Speaker 4: Me being able to take care of myself doesn't only

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Speaker 4: have to look one way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, life is and it only gets more stressful.

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Speaker 1: The stakes get even higher, even if you're you know,

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Speaker 1: you don't have anyone but yourself to support in a way,

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Speaker 1: like the stake seems so much higher. The bills get

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Speaker 1: more expensive, you know, like even supporting a life. Now

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Speaker 1: you move from the West coast to the East coast,

438
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 1: which are both I mean, you were in LA before, right,

439
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 1: we're around roundabouts, and now you're in New York City.

440
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 1: It's expensive in these areas. So yeah, when did you

441
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 1: get to the point where you're like, Okay, I am

442
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: ready to pick up, I'm ready to move, you know,

443
00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 1: take the risk and go full time with balanced black girls.

444
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,640
Speaker 1: Some people would do one of those things at a time,

445
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 1: but you were like, no, I'll do both things.

446
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 3: At the same time. What was that, Like, how has

447
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,639
Speaker 3: it been with that transition?

448
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 4: So I would say me going full time into content

449
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 4: creation with a long time coming from the time I

450
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 4: launched that first blog ten years ago. That was always

451
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 4: my intention. I did not love my corporate experience, even

452
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 4: though I did it for thirteen years. I did it

453
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 4: out of survival. But once I learned that people could

454
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 4: make money online, I was like, oh, I want to

455
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 4: do that. And so that was always, you know, my intention,

456
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 4: and a lot of it was me kind of moving

457
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 4: the goal post of what would help me feel safe

458
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 4: enough to do it. It was you know, when I

459
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 4: make a certain amount, then i'll quit. When I you know,

460
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 4: pay off my student loans, then I'll quit when I this,

461
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 4: when I that, And so I had gotten to a

462
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 4: point where those those milestones that I had set for myself,

463
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 4: I had done it. I had, you know, paid off

464
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 4: my student loans, I'd reached a certain amount in savings

465
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,960
Speaker 4: and investments, I had you know, increased my earnings for

466
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 4: my business year over year and surpassed my corporate salary

467
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,120
Speaker 4: for a certain number of years where I was like, Okay,

468
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 4: this is a clear upward trajectory where I feel comfortable

469
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 4: doing this. So it was many years coming, but it

470
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 4: took about a decade to truly feel comfortable enough to

471
00:22:59,200 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 4: do it.

472
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: I mean it's a good thing you started young, because

473
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: you're still really young.

474
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 4: Oh I don't. I'm not feeling very young on a

475
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 4: decades down so long.

476
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 3: I know. Well, you have a big birthday. Was it

477
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 3: a big birthday? You're turning thirty five?

478
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 4: Yeah?

479
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 3: Is that right?

480
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:15,879
Speaker 2: Use a baby?

481
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 4: Oh, thank you.

482
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 1: I'm only thirty six, So I too too, baby, I

483
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: will be thirty seven and two months though, because.

484
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 3: We're both we're both Leo's right.

485
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

486
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 3: Is that what we discovered?

487
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

488
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 3: So how do you?

489
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 1: Because I mean, it's it's one thing to say like

490
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: balance black girl. You have so much knowledge about like

491
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 1: and you have so many great experts on your show

492
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 1: talking about everything from like mental health to astrology, to

493
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 1: nutrition and like and healthy dieting and exercise and all

494
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: of that, but I want to know, there's something so

495
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: much more, like the pressure in your thirties to be

496
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 1: you know, still really hot, but like also make a

497
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 1: lot of money and then sort of like if you're

498
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 1: if you're being single, be single the best, you know,

499
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: be the best kind of single where you're like loving

500
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: yourself and you're still having an active social life, but

501
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 1: like your family not having a family, and if you

502
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: do have a family, it's like you gotta be the

503
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 1: perfect mom.

504
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah blah blah. How do you help us?

505
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: Like, how do you help yourself even get to a

506
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: point where you can like accept where you are, and

507
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 1: how do you balance that with like wanting to be

508
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: sometimes it's okay to be like a better version of

509
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 1: yourself or do things a little bit better.

510
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, for a long time, I was super goal oriented,

511
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,119
Speaker 4: and I was very focused on all of these external

512
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 4: achievements of if I make a certain amount of money

513
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 4: or pay off my debt, or have a certain amount

514
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,199
Speaker 4: of listeners or a certain number of followers. I was

515
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 4: doing those things because I thought that people would respect

516
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 4: me more. I thought that it would mean that I

517
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,120
Speaker 4: was just you know, this this great, disciplined or whatever

518
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 4: successful person, and I am in a different place now

519
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 4: where it's not that I don't necessarily want those things,

520
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 4: but it's almost a sense of curiosity of like, I

521
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 4: wonder if I could do that, if I launched this business,

522
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 4: how will it go? Like, let me just try it,

523
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 4: let me kind of do it for the plot a

524
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:11,400
Speaker 4: little bit, and how many experiences. Yeah, I'm like, let

525
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 4: me just have as many experiences as possible, like moving

526
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:18,160
Speaker 4: to New York. Sure, why not? Sure, let me try

527
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 4: it and see what happens. And that has been really

528
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 4: freeing for me because I feel like I am still

529
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 4: growing as a person, but there's not necessarily this pressure

530
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 4: to do it in a certain way or by a

531
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 4: certain time. It's like, I'm just my vibe right now

532
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 4: is living life. There's like a Courtney Kardashian mim where

533
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 4: she says that that I've been sharing a lot and

534
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,959
Speaker 4: every time somebody asks me like what are your intrinsic goals?

535
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 4: What is your purpose in this lifetime? I troll them

536
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 4: and I'm like, my vibe right now is living life.

537
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 2: Like I love it.

538
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 4: I'm just I'm just here. I'm just curious to see

539
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 4: if I can, you know, I just want to see,

540
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 4: like if I try something, if I apply myself to it,

541
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 4: will it work out? And if it doesn't, that's okay,

542
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 4: then I'll do something else. But I think right now,

543
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 4: I'm just in such a place of exploration. And I

544
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 4: do think that for women, there is a lot of

545
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 4: pressure around things like, you know, having children and having

546
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 4: a certain family life. And I mean, maybe this is

547
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 4: going to sound really bad, but I've kind of not

548
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 4: to say, given up on that, but I have accepted

549
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 4: that if that is going to happen, then it will happen,

550
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 4: and if it does not happen, that I can find

551
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 4: so many other sources of joy and fulfillment outside of it.

552
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 4: And that has also relieved a lot of pressure and

553
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 4: made my life a little bit more enjoyable than feeling

554
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 4: like I need to be on the hunt.

555
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: I'm curious why were you a little self conscious of

556
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 1: saying that, or like you said, it could sound.

557
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 4: Bad, because I don't, because I think oftentimes people go

558
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,879
Speaker 4: to the internet and they listen to conversations like this

559
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,120
Speaker 4: to help them validate their choices, and so I think

560
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 4: if somebody has made different choices than what I have made,

561
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,440
Speaker 4: then me talking about how I've done something different can

562
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 4: make them feel self conscious about their their choices. Or

563
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 4: if someone is maybe in a similar position to me,

564
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 4: but maybe they feel bad about it, Like maybe they're

565
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 4: in their mid thirties as well, and they you know,

566
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 4: are single and don't have kids, but they so want that.

567
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 4: I don't ever want anybody to feel a certain way

568
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 4: just because I'm making different choices. So I like to

569
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 4: have those disclaimers of like, I'm not here to validate

570
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 4: or invalidate anyone's experience. I'm just here to share what

571
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 4: my experience has been so far, and who knows, something

572
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 4: could be totally different. I could walk outside and like

573
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,919
Speaker 4: meet my husband this afternoon and have a baby in

574
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 4: a year. I don't know. I'm doing it all for

575
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 4: the plot, we'll see.

576
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 2: And also too, I think sometimes the way people dangle

577
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,680
Speaker 2: marriage and like family as if it will fix all

578
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 2: the things. That's how it's like, you know, I mean,

579
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 2: has somebody who was happily married, you know, but like, oh,

580
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 2: you know, like if you don't like, I'll this is

581
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 2: what Like, you know, every man with the microphone and

582
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 2: the red pill. Then it's like, you don't get married,

583
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 2: you don't have kids, You're gonna die along with a cat.

584
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:03,719
Speaker 2: I'm like, what's guess, you know, But that's the sense

585
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 2: that like, oh, that you do it because for the

586
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 2: for the desired outcome, which is at least you'll have

587
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 2: someone to take care of you. And I'm just saying

588
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 2: that that's not the reason to get like, you know,

589
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 2: like the fear of like, well, what will it look

590
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 2: like when I'm eighty, that's not the reason to ideally

591
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 2: partner because there's no guarantee that your partnering on my

592
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,719
Speaker 2: husband past, there's no guarantee. So you can have all

593
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 2: the things you could be like, oh my gosh, I've

594
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 2: found this person, they're so great. There's no guarantee at

595
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 2: the end that it's going to look like that. And

596
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 2: so that's why ideally, you know, you partner, because because

597
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 2: that's the right partner for you. You know that, you know.

598
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 2: So I always think that when I tell like young

599
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: women that I talk to, I'm just like, you can

600
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: have all the great things, you can have best partner,

601
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,239
Speaker 2: All the things are in line and still you know,

602
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 2: so it's just best to just choose from a place

603
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 2: of this is what's right for me, you know, because

604
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 2: you know or you know, I mean, there's just yeah,

605
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: there's just so many ways that like twists and turns

606
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 2: and you know, always trying your best to live in

607
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 2: alignment is really the only way you can kind of

608
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 2: look up and say, so glad I made that choice,

609
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 2: you know, I love.

610
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,479
Speaker 1: I mean, I wanted to stand up if I wasn't like,

611
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: I'm not actually wearing like proper attire on my lower

612
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: half right now.

613
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie.

614
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 1: The same very short short time, but like I would

615
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 1: stand up, but we post on YouTube, so I'm not

616
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: gonna do that. But when you said less, like, oh,

617
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: I just wanted to capture that because it's so crucial.

618
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 1: And I think because you are a content creator and

619
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: you are an influencer. You have a podcast, people do

620
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 1: and I think Tiffany and I too, people turn to

621
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: us for advice and guidance and all of that. But

622
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: it's almost like you really care about the listen. Not

623
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: almost like you definitely care about your listener. You care

624
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 1: about how you're coming across, not in a way that

625
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: makes you self conscious, but that makes you like like

626
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,680
Speaker 1: almost like just protective of your audience. And I think

627
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 1: it's really fucking wise, Like if you guys were listening

628
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: what you said about how when you're listening to someone's story,

629
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to like that doesn't have to be

630
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: the way that you validate your own feelings, your own desires.

631
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: And I think we are in such a culture now

632
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 1: where you want like you live in an echo chamber

633
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: and you collect voices that sort of like echo what

634
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: it is that you want to hear what you want

635
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 1: for your life, and it's like always you know, validating.

636
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: But it's okay for us to sit with people and

637
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: hear their stories and experiences and not have to like

638
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: judge it against ourselves, but just sit with it and

639
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 1: be like, oh, that's a story, that's that's that person's story,

640
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: and how about that? Like I wish we would just

641
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: bring back that like Midwestern say my grandma always to

642
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: say how about that? Or like the Southern like bless

643
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: her heart, like that kind of thing. You know, like

644
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: we just either we're like we can't be present with

645
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: someone when they're speaking because either we're comparing ourselves to

646
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 1: them or we're judging them so harshly for the decisions

647
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: that they've made, and like, if that wasn't an advertisement

648
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,719
Speaker 1: for balanced black girl, I don't know what is, because

649
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 1: it's such like that little If people could just get

650
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: that which where you can just like be okay listening

651
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 1: to someone else and not need them to validate yourself,

652
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 1: then you'd be so much happier.

653
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, I really validate me. I just love you validate.

654
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 4: No, Mandy, I think you just articulated so much better

655
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 4: my intention. That's exactly it. So thank you I've received.

656
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, hey, b a fan, We're going to take a

657
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 2: quick break and we'll be right back.

658
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 1: Okay, well let's talk about Okay, so we are thirty,

659
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: you're turning thirty five, got a big birthday coming up,

660
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: and you have posted about this. What's on your list

661
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 1: of what are you calling it?

662
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 3: Like? Thirty five dirty? What was it?

663
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 4: Thirty thirty five hotter?

664
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 3: Why did I say thirty five dirty? Dirty?

665
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 4: Thirty five thirty.

666
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 3: I'm like glitching, all right, go ahead, thirty five hotter?

667
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 3: What does that look like for you?

668
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 4: So I over the past probably like a year or so,

669
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 4: and maybe this is I'm noticing. I'm having a realization

670
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 4: right now, I'm having an epiphany with you too. I

671
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 4: think there's something in my brain about ages that end

672
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 4: in five, because when I was twenty five, oh, you're

673
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 4: not alone on twenty five. For some it messed with

674
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 4: my head. I had this whole thing around turning twenty five,

675
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 4: and I made this list. I called it the twenty

676
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 4: five by twenty five of twenty five things I wanted

677
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 4: to do by my twenty fifth birthday to get me

678
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 4: out of a punk. And I'm realizing, I think this

679
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 4: is like my the next iteration of that, because I'm

680
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 4: not doing thirty five thirty five things is a lot

681
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 4: of things. Not making a list of thirty five things

682
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 4: to do. But I was feeling this complex around turning

683
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 4: thirty five, even more so than I felt around turning thirty.

684
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 4: I was pretty indifferent about thirty actually, and I just

685
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 4: wanted to instead of feeling all this anxiety around what

686
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 4: I you know, quote unquote haven't done in my life.

687
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 4: I want to walk into thirty five feeling the best

688
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 4: that I've ever felt mentally, physically, emotionally, and so a

689
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 4: lot of the things that I'm focusing on currently or

690
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:59,719
Speaker 4: like going back to therapy just for maintenance, not because

691
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 4: it's like nine to one one something's wrong. You know,

692
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 4: in the past, I would go to therapy if I

693
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 4: was having like really bad anxiety, or if I was,

694
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 4: you know, experienced someone passing and was in the depth

695
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 4: of grief. But I'm having my first experience going to

696
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 4: therapy just to like process. We'll touch up old stuff. Yeah,

697
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 4: just stuff that I've been carrying, you know, from my

698
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 4: teens and twenties, and I'm like, I just don't want

699
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 4: to take this into the next chapter. So it's it's

700
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 4: almost nice to be in therapy without the alarm bells

701
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 4: going off. Changing up fitness because my relationship to fitness

702
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 4: has changed a lot. Fitness is a big part of

703
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 4: my story, but a lot of what I did in

704
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 4: my twenties just doesn't make sense now because I'm in

705
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 4: a totally different place in my life. My body needs

706
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 4: different things as I get older. I just don't need

707
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 4: to be jumping around doing all the burpies and crazy stuff.

708
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 4: I mean ten years ago. It just doesn't not serve me.

709
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 4: My knees are exactly Oh my gosh, no. I walked

710
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 4: the whole borough of Manhattan on Saturday, and oh wow,

711
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 4: I got to about Chelsea, and I was like, I'm

712
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 4: feeling real over thirty right now, my knees and my hips.

713
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, this is this is an adventure.

714
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 3: But did you do the round trip or you just

715
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 3: want like, no, no, we.

716
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 4: Just started from the top and went to the bottom.

717
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 3: Oh, okay, gotcha. Oh that's fun.

718
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

719
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 3: Is it? No? I don't know what you do.

720
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 4: It was.

721
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:20,479
Speaker 2: It was fun.

722
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 4: It was long. I don't know if I need to

723
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 4: do it again, but it was fun.

724
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 2: You know.

725
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 4: It was a fun way to see the city as

726
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 4: like a new person here. But yeah, But thirty five

727
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 4: Potter is just me being really intentional about the months

728
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 4: leading up to my thirty fifth birthday, pouring into myself

729
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 4: and feeling as good as I can feel entering, you know,

730
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,320
Speaker 4: the second half of my thirties.

731
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 1: How do you know, because for me sometimes I can

732
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 1: get stressful stetting that kind of goal. How do you

733
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 1: know when you get there that you did it.

734
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 4: Well, we'll see how I feel when I wake up.

735
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 2: On my birthday.

736
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:55,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna be like wow.

737
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 4: I mean yeah, having the date of the deadline helps

738
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 4: I but yeah, and I also think the process, it's

739
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 4: like the process of it has felt really good. I've

740
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 4: actually enjoyed the things that I've been doing, Like I've

741
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 4: been more intentional about taking more steps each day or

742
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 4: trying new workout classes, going back to therapy. Doing those things,

743
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 4: I've actually felt really good. Also during that I think like, uh,

744
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 4: that's the point, you know, the what is it like?

745
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 4: The journey is the destination? Yeah?

746
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:28,760
Speaker 2: Good this morning?

747
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 3: Yeah hm. I keep thinking about oh uncle ahead to.

748
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, because this comes up a lot

749
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,359
Speaker 2: late lately, especially for young black women that I've been

750
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 2: mentoring of teaching them to ask for help. What does

751
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 2: it look like when you ask for help? Like how

752
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 2: do you reach out and you're like I can't quite

753
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 2: do this? Are you a good help asker? Or is

754
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:48,839
Speaker 2: it something that.

755
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 4: Kind of it depends? You know. I've been in a

756
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 4: position where I have been the first in a lot

757
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 4: of ways. I was I've been the first, you know,

758
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 4: woman in my lineage who was not mom first, you know,

759
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 4: generation college graduate, first corporate person now, first full time entrepreneur.

760
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 4: And you know, I had a lot of friends who

761
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 4: have podcasts now, but they didn't back when I was starting.

762
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,360
Speaker 4: It's like, I'm I'm in so many areas where I

763
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 4: am the first and the people around me, as incredible

764
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 4: and as well intentioned as they are, they just don't

765
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 4: have it to help me. They they don't they don't

766
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 4: have it. They either don't have the resources, they don't

767
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 4: have the knowledge. It's like they don't know. And so

768
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 4: I when I ask for help, just get met with

769
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 4: a lot of like, well I don't know, or like

770
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, there's not a whole lot I can do.

771
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 4: That is that has been what asking for help has

772
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 4: looked like for me. My whole life so still a

773
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 4: work in progress. It's hard.

774
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, are you saying that in the sense that, like,

775
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,800
Speaker 1: have you had to build you know, your circle? I

776
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 1: think as you your life goes in different directions, just

777
00:36:56,320 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: has to expand and include more people to lift you

778
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: up and to feel supportive and in that way, and

779
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: like I can give an example, when we were all well,

780
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: a lot of people were losing their minds about some

781
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 1: algorithm change with iTunes and how that impacts or Apple

782
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: and how that impacts podcast numbers.

783
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 3: They were worried about that. Last year, while.

784
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 1: I was in the throes of like postpartum, like joy,

785
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 1: I was just like loving my baby and then whatever

786
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 1: life was lifing, and then I woke up in twenty

787
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: twenty four and I'm like, what the hell has happened here?

788
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 3: Well, what's going on?

789
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: And I texted you last year one of the few

790
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 1: people I texted because like, when you know, the past

791
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,360
Speaker 1: couple of years, I've just tried to add more voices

792
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: who do know what I'm going through, so that I

793
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 1: can turn to someone and like get a little bit

794
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: of support in those moments. Do you have you find

795
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 1: that you've something that you've struggled with or like, you

796
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 1: know when I say it like that, do you think

797
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,439
Speaker 1: that it's something that you're thinking about more?

798
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 4: Yeah? It is definitely something I'm thinking about more, But

799
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 4: I can't say that I've been able to fully grasp

800
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 4: it or that I feel like I've I've built that

801
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 4: type of community where I would feel yeah, quite yet

802
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 4: it's like a work in progress. That's what I'm working on,

803
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 4: but haven't yet figured it out.

804
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: What do you feel like when you is it like

805
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 1: the fear of Yeah, what do you have? Is this

806
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: something that you're afraid of, Like that people won't be

807
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 1: supportive or that they'll judge you if you ask certain things.

808
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 4: No, I just feel like the people who like could

809
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 4: be helpful. I'm like, they're too busy. Oh okay, I

810
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 4: don't want a bug them. People have lives, they have children,

811
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 4: they have I mean me, I'm just like vibing out

812
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 4: by myself. It's like I have all the time in

813
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 4: the world for people to ask me stuff. But I'm

814
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 4: like everybody else, like they have partners, they have kids,

815
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 4: they have real life stuff going on. They're busy.

816
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 3: That's what you're telling yourself before you text.

817
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 2: Oh okay, that's the story, but I don't like I

818
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 2: guess doct agree in my therapist so well, she'll say,

819
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 2: is that true? And even if it's so, it's like

820
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 2: one part it might be true that people are busy,

821
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 2: but is that the only truth available. People are busy,

822
00:38:58,040 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 2: but not so busy that they would not be there

823
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 2: for you. So it's like those two things can go okay,

824
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 2: you know. And even just hearing when you just said

825
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 2: you're the first to not be a team mom, first

826
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: to go to college for you know, you sound like

827
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 2: in front of my mind who's a bit of a survivalist,

828
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 2: she survived this environment that she was not meant to

829
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 2: survive and so oftentimes survivalists are like these rugged individuals,

830
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 2: and so it's very difficult for a rugged individual because

831
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 2: it's like that environment it was not conduce for me

832
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 2: to get out. I had to figure it out, and

833
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:30,759
Speaker 2: so you take that I have to figure it out

834
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,399
Speaker 2: with you into adulthood. I've seen it in her because

835
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,800
Speaker 2: I'm like, girl, yeah, you're not out here by yourself,

836
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 2: and she's just like, but that's the thing that brought

837
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,879
Speaker 2: her out of that space was to learn to lean

838
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 2: on herself and see it through. And so she's working

839
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 2: through in therapy now how to like open herself up

840
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 2: that there are people that will show up for you.

841
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 2: We know that was true, but that's not necessarily true

842
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,760
Speaker 2: now you know you actually don't because it's not possible

843
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 2: really to go through life successfully all by yourself. That like,

844
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 2: there are people you can trust, there are people you

845
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 2: can lean on. Yes, people are busy, but not so

846
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 2: busy that they can't lean on and love on you,

847
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,399
Speaker 2: because that's just how you know, that's how it goes.

848
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, Mandy has imagined you know, Mandy's

849
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 2: got beautiful rio and imagine Remy comes along. She's like sorry, sir,

850
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,439
Speaker 2: we tapped out over here. No, what happens with love.

851
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 2: Love is expansive that when you add someone else, you

852
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 2: actually grow to capacity to absorb them in. Like ask

853
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 2: any parent. It wasn't like Mandy was like, well I

854
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: don't know about.

855
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 3: This baby, words in my mouth.

856
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 2: You don't know how to you know what I mean?

857
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

858
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 2: Instead, literally her capacity to love just expanded and so like,

859
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 2: So I just hope that you take care with you

860
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 2: that like there are people who would love on you,

861
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 2: care for you, look after you, that even though they

862
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 2: are busy, because you're part of their life, they will

863
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 2: expand to their capacity to welcome you in that you're

864
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 2: not out here by yourself.

865
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 1: You know, people who have kids wish some mo would

866
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: call us who's not a doctor or a daycare or

867
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 1: a fucking like teachers saying you forgot their water bottle again.

868
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 3: I would love.

869
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 1: Making friends in your thirties is so crucial, and I

870
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: have had I have had to, Like I mean, I'm

871
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: one of my best friends now that I met a

872
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: couple of years ago. I literally just saw her in

873
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: a parking lot and I rolled my window. I pulled

874
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 1: the story before roll my window down. And just like

875
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 1: be my friend please. That's just like the only other

876
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 1: black mom. Yeah, And I'll give you a second just

877
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,239
Speaker 1: to respond to what Tiffany said last, I'm curious, like

878
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:29,800
Speaker 1: how that hit for you?

879
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 4: No, I do. I it does hit a lot, And

880
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 4: I think that in so many ways, that's what I want.

881
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 4: And I think a lot of something that I'm also

882
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 4: working on in therapy and it has changed how I've

883
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 4: showed up in my work a little bit, is that

884
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,399
Speaker 4: a lot of my relationships that I did have were

885
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 4: very dependent on people meeting me and feeling like, oh,

886
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 4: I have to do you know, I have to be

887
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,800
Speaker 4: like everybody's big sister and always happy answer in order

888
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 4: for people to find value in me. And I do

889
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 4: think some of my relationships have reflected that. So a

890
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 4: lot of it is me like establishing new bonds with

891
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 4: people that aren't dependent on that. And I do think

892
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 4: that being in new cities and new spaces has definitely helped. Okay,

893
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 4: And so now as I'm going about building community here

894
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 4: that it's looking and feeling a little bit different.

895
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 2: I love that. Just like I tell Mandy sometimes I'm

896
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 2: like Mandy, girl, I love you because I love you.

897
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, and not someone I need to hear that

898
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 1: because I am like very similar in the sense that

899
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,280
Speaker 1: if I don't feel like I have a purpose for someone,

900
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, so when are they going to realize there's

901
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: not much to like hang out for not that interesting,

902
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,879
Speaker 1: which is a very disordered way of thinking and it's

903
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 1: not healthy. I would not recommend zero out of ten.

904
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: But also finding like being vulnerable enough to tell the

905
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: people in your community. I had to be a big

906
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 1: girl this year and tell people like Tiffany and good

907
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,240
Speaker 1: friends of mine, like what I need, Like I actually

908
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:07,800
Speaker 1: really love having conversations and having phone calls and checking

909
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,040
Speaker 1: in on me and spending some time like I actually

910
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,359
Speaker 1: am struggling and I really need that. Could you help

911
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 1: me with that need? And it's just so like it's

912
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: so uncomfortable sometimes to be the person who's asking for

913
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: that of someone else. But the only like for me

914
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 1: the other side of that was like, well, what else

915
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 1: I'm going to?

916
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 3: Like what?

917
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: Just be in a deep depression all the time because

918
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: I'm just like this shriveled up little like you know,

919
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 1: like just starved being who's not being poured into And listen,

920
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: I love a good hot bath and like going for

921
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: a nature walk and putting on less on my on

922
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 1: my on my headphones to take care. But community and

923
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 1: like sisterhood and being seen by another human being. I

924
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: mean biology wins every time, like we're humans and that's

925
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: just what Yeah, it's what it's about, right, It's like

926
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 1: that connection. But yeah, it does get more challenging the

927
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 1: older you get to put yourself out there and admit

928
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 1: that you need it, not wanting.

929
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 2: To kids make friends at the park. They're like, Hi,

930
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 2: that's your ball. Yeah, I'm gonna play. Yeah, I know.

931
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 2: And then and then like they're like that's my bestie.

932
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, what's her name?

933
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 4: Cat?

934
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 2: I'm just like ah. I wish it was so easy

935
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,240
Speaker 2: for adults like Hi, you seem cool. Thanks.

936
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: You would have be like, Okay, what's on the list

937
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:35,280
Speaker 1: of you're you're thirty five in a new city almost

938
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: thirty five, sorry, thirty four thirty four point nine and

939
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: a very new city. How are you making friends and

940
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,319
Speaker 1: new connections here? Did you have any like baseline, did

941
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:43,359
Speaker 1: you know anybody in New York?

942
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:43,720
Speaker 3: First?

943
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 4: I did? I knew a few people here, and then honestly,

944
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 4: the main way that I've been meeting people at just events. Thankfully,

945
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 4: because of work, I get invited to a lot of events,

946
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 4: whether that's creator events or getting invited to speak places,

947
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,399
Speaker 4: and so usually when I go to events, my goal

948
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:04,760
Speaker 4: is always to connect and exchange information with one new person,

949
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 4: which also as an introvert, just feels a lot less overwhelming.

950
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 4: Oh yes, and so with that, I that has been

951
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 4: my strategy and it's been helpful so far.

952
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 2: I love that.

953
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: Oh that's such a great especially for introverts, like just

954
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: one person. It's okay to just talk to one person. Yes, yeah,

955
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:24,839
Speaker 1: I'm very much in.

956
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 2: The bathroom, girl, love your shoes. That's like my favorite.

957
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 2: Like when I'm trying to break that, you know, I'll

958
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 2: be in the bathroom, you know, because the bathroom is

959
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: is like the great equalizer. You just washing your hands.

960
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,399
Speaker 2: I think it's in the bathroom. Oh my god, girl,

961
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 2: I love your shoes, you know, yeah, or whatever. And

962
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 2: then afterwards, you know, you might, you know, you might

963
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 2: make eye contact and then you start tit chatting, you know.

964
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 2: So that's like a good it's breaker for me, like

965
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 2: love your shoes or your curls popping or whatever, like

966
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 2: specifically because I'm shired, than people think, and so like

967
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 2: that's kind of like a little like I'm like, when

968
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 2: I go to bath and wash my hands, I'm sure

969
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 2: they're gonna be some beautiful brown woman in there. I'll

970
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,160
Speaker 2: be able to compliment her well lack eyes across the room,

971
00:45:58,560 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 2: and then I'll be able to tit chat and then

972
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 2: and ease my nervousness.

973
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 1: Do you feel that sense like when I see another

974
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 1: woman of color, I just feel so at home, Like

975
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 1: I don't. It's so I have gotten so much more

976
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 1: reliant on this. I think there's like this fatigue of

977
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: being in corporate where you're just so starved of having

978
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 1: other people who kind of get you. And it's just

979
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 1: something I look for in every room I go in. Now,

980
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, where are my people? And maybe it's like

981
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 1: a little but I've just chosen to be optimistic. I'm

982
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:32,919
Speaker 1: just like, if there's a woman of color in the room,

983
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 1: we are going to be a friend, We're going to chat.

984
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 1: It's gonna be a relaxing space. I went to the

985
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:41,839
Speaker 1: pool and my one of my one of my good

986
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: friends invited us to the pool, and like, I live

987
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: in Westchester, which is like, you know, outside of Manhattan,

988
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 1: and all that where the old suburban ladies go to

989
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: live and die and anyway. The pool was like so

990
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: not diverse. It was just like full of we're like

991
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: the only people of color there. Not only that, but

992
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: like body type was wise. I was like very I

993
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: stood out like a sour thout, I realized, and like,

994
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 1: I'm someone who like, once you have a kid, you

995
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:10,479
Speaker 1: don't get to be self conscious about getting in a pool.

996
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 1: You just got to get in that water because I'm

997
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 1: not about to ruin his summer because I don't like

998
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: the way.

999
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 3: That I look.

1000
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: But it was such a deeply uncomfortable like afternoon for

1001
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 1: me that when I got home and I was journaling,

1002
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: I was like, that did not feel good. I don't

1003
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 1: think I want to go back to that place where

1004
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just like sticking out in that way,

1005
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, I'm hat like what would you say

1006
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 1: to someone when they're feeling like that last because I

1007
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 1: just in my mind, I'm like, trust your anxiety a

1008
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 1: little bit in this situation.

1009
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 4: Oh yeah. I mean, so I grew up in Seattle

1010
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 4: and I lived there my entire life up until age thirty,

1011
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:53,560
Speaker 4: and it was like I couldn't go anywhere without that feeling.

1012
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 4: When I was still there, it was just like, ugh,

1013
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:59,800
Speaker 4: like I do not belong here. There is this coldness,

1014
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 4: is just this discomfort, And I do feel like that

1015
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 4: is your intuition telling you something. And yes, I have

1016
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 4: picked up and moved a few times, and I don't

1017
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 4: think everybody necessarily needs to do that, but I do

1018
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 4: think that understanding you know, when you don't necessarily feel comfortable,

1019
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 4: or when something doesn't feel like your happy place, that's

1020
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 4: important information. But it's also good to know, okay, well,

1021
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 4: what would be your happy place? What would help you

1022
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 4: feel more comfortable? And get specific about that so that

1023
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 4: we can seek out the spaces that we do feel

1024
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 4: better in.

1025
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:41,399
Speaker 1: Not that bowl, not never again. So summer is upon us.

1026
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 1: How are you guys taking care of yourselves this summer?

1027
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: Tif me, I want to hear have you thought it through?

1028
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 3: Miss travel everywhere and do everything?

1029
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 2: I am? Well, my aim for this summer is there's like,

1030
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,359
Speaker 2: you know, a few I'm like learning from. Like kids

1031
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 2: are like the best, like teachers. So my niece and

1032
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:00,759
Speaker 2: nephew they kind of dictate the Auntie, are we going

1033
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 2: to do the beach house again? So for the last

1034
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 2: four or five summers. I've rented a house down New

1035
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 2: Jersey like the Shore, which is great because it's fairly

1036
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 2: inexpensive for how many people you could pack in there.

1037
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 2: In the last two years, I've done like three groups

1038
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 2: of people. So like my neighbors who I'm really close with,

1039
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 2: they come for the first few days, then my sisters

1040
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:21,800
Speaker 2: and kids come for the last few days, and then

1041
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 2: the last few days. I used to spend by myself,

1042
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 2: but now that I'm dating someone, he's coming the last

1043
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: few days.

1044
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 4: I am.

1045
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 2: Now he's gonna be so geek. He got mentioned before,

1046
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 2: no I.

1047
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 3: Have not, but we'll make a big deal about it.

1048
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 3: We don't make a big deal about.

1049
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 2: It because he listens.

1050
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 3: Said, that's how he knows he likes you.

1051
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 2: I know. So so that's been great. So I'm like, Okay,

1052
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,120
Speaker 2: the beach. And then I have a sister that lives

1053
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 2: in Chicago that we don't get to see as much.

1054
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 2: I have five sisters, four sisters, and so we're going

1055
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 2: to make our way to Chicago, likely in August. And

1056
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,840
Speaker 2: then I promised Amelia, my niece that lives in New Jersey,

1057
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 2: that we would go to the White House because she

1058
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 2: was like, I saw you went to the White House,

1059
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 2: and because we went to Washington, DC with them, but

1060
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 2: she wasn't allowed to go to the White House. And

1061
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 2: she was like why, I said, you can't just go

1062
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 2: and see the president. She's like, you did, That's it,

1063
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,359
Speaker 2: you know what. She ain't long. So I reached out

1064
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 2: to like the liaison at the White House. They're like, yeah,

1065
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 2: let us know, we'll do a tour for you. She

1066
00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 2: was like like I thought she's six man and so like,

1067
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 2: so those are like, you know, so I'm planning. I'm

1068
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 2: trying my best to release my inner younger Tiffany like

1069
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,439
Speaker 2: planning my summer the way a little kid would, which

1070
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 2: is connection, excitement. And so so far those are like

1071
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 2: my three quote unquote trips, and I have some business

1072
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 2: trips kind of flowing in. But I'm really looking forward

1073
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 2: to this summer. I don't want to spend as much

1074
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 2: time with family and friends as possible. That's just what

1075
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 2: it looks like. I'm moving into my condo, my new

1076
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 2: condo soon, and I want to have like a housewarming,

1077
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:56,919
Speaker 2: and so yeah, I'm just like other what other things

1078
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 2: can I do to create connection? So that's my summer.

1079
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 4: I love it.

1080
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: Play outside till the street lights come home and really

1081
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,360
Speaker 1: serotonin boosts.

1082
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 3: I'd be out there to watch Rio.

1083
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 1: I'm playing soccer. I'm like, okay, why haven't I kicked

1084
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 1: a ball? This is fun up and down the asphalt, Like, yeah,

1085
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: it's fun, all right, let's what about you. I know

1086
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 1: we talked a little bit about dirty again, Dirty thirty five, thirty.

1087
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 4: Five, but tell me, yes, I honestly, I'm on a

1088
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 4: similar way as Tiffany. I realize that I have not

1089
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:34,480
Speaker 4: had what I would consider a fun summer since about

1090
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 4: twenty eighteen, of just spending time outside, spending time with friends,

1091
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 4: being enjoyed, going out, maybe a little bit of a

1092
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 4: hot girl summer. I just have not done that in

1093
00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 4: several years. And so that's my intention for this year

1094
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 4: is to just have fun and enjoy my first summer

1095
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 4: in New York. And so yeah, it's gonna be a

1096
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,480
Speaker 4: lie little more like unserious, and I think I am

1097
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 4: the rest of the year and exploring the city, like

1098
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 4: things like walking Manhattan were part of my you know,

1099
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 4: summer bucket list of like doing all the things, seeing

1100
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 4: the sites, seeing the parks, going to the parties. From

1101
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,799
Speaker 4: a work standpoint, I'm actually going to be doing a

1102
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 4: summer of solo episodes. So I'm not going to be

1103
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 4: having any guests on the podcast over the summer, honestly,

1104
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 4: just because I want to have a little bit more

1105
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 4: of a relaxed schedule and so, you know, with booking

1106
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,439
Speaker 4: guests and all of that, it just gets a little

1107
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 4: bit more stressful just with bringing people into the fold,

1108
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 4: and so I'm just taking a break and it's just

1109
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 4: going to be meat recording when I want to record

1110
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 4: and making it easy. Yay.

1111
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 3: As a listener, I'm like, yay, you don't have to

1112
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 3: have a guess all the time.

1113
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, And so I'm excited for that. I'm excited

1114
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 4: for a more relaxed summer of fun summer. I traveled

1115
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 4: so much last year that I kind of burned myself

1116
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 4: out on travel. So I don't have any trips planned

1117
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 4: currently and I'm just going to be in the city

1118
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 4: enjoying and having.

1119
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,800
Speaker 2: My It's like fifteen countries in that city, right.

1120
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 4: It is, especially for my first summer. You know, I'm

1121
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,240
Speaker 4: gonna have my version of like a hot girl summer

1122
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:09,920
Speaker 4: and I'm looking forward to it.

1123
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 3: Yeah. The city will have you, It will have you.

1124
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 1: Really like being like I need a break from outside

1125
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 1: sometimes because there's so much to do and so much

1126
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: to see.

1127
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 3: That sounds fun, I'm like, yeah, some are fun. Hell yeah.

1128
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: I don't think I ever had more fun in New

1129
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 1: York than the summer I got let go from my

1130
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:29,480
Speaker 1: job and I had like unemployment for a few months,

1131
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 1: and I just like benefits, you know, like I got

1132
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: a little check early when that could like buy stuff,

1133
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:35,760
Speaker 1: and I had.

1134
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 3: So much fun. I just like volunteered, I biked everywhere.

1135
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 3: It was great, all right.

1136
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:42,240
Speaker 1: So for me, this is the summer of it sounds

1137
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:43,839
Speaker 1: like a lot of work, but I've kind of told myself,

1138
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:47,879
Speaker 1: I'm getting a I'm getting a diploma in my own

1139
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 1: mental health because I have done therapy and I've done

1140
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 1: that for so long, but like I'm doing some group

1141
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 1: therapy for the first time, two different groups.

1142
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 4: Now.

1143
00:53:56,160 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna a CBT for anxiety group therapy, and i

1144
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:03,279
Speaker 1: also have a group for dialectical therapy, which I'm in,

1145
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 1: which sounds so it's just like sounds so much, but

1146
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 1: actually it's just about right. I love it. Like I'm

1147
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: loving being in a group setting, a small group where

1148
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:14,760
Speaker 1: we are like not just kind of like talk therapy,

1149
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: but we're actually like, so how are we coping? And

1150
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 1: like that's why I talked about like basically putting your

1151
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: podcast on the list of ways to soothe me when I'm,

1152
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,040
Speaker 1: you know, feeling anxious and just do something that makes

1153
00:54:25,080 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: me feel a little bit better. So that's a big thing.

1154
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:31,399
Speaker 1: And then I'm not going to put pressure on as

1155
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 1: like I can just achieve it this summer. But I

1156
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: was listening to Balance Black Girl less again as I do,

1157
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 1: And did I.

1158
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 3: Text you about this?

1159
00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 4: Uh?

1160
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 1: You had a dietitian Culina Health founder on your show, Vanessa.

1161
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 1: It was the same week where I had just had

1162
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 1: my first meeting with a diet with a nutritionist and

1163
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: I have found her through my insurance and like it

1164
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 1: was fine, but it wasn't like really clicking for me.

1165
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 1: But because of that episode, I went and looked up

1166
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: Kulina and then I filled out there long sort of

1167
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:03,319
Speaker 1: like entry form and now I have a whole dietitian

1168
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,920
Speaker 1: and I've been seeing her for I think this is

1169
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,239
Speaker 1: the fifth week coming up.

1170
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 3: And really the key for me was.

1171
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:13,520
Speaker 1: Like this is now an ad for cooling and that's fine,

1172
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 1: is that you can find a nutritionist who specializes in

1173
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 1: like your dysfunction with food, and so my dysfunction is

1174
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: around anxiety induced eating and like soothing with food, and

1175
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: she this dietitian. It has been already like really like

1176
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 1: the first time I'm thinking so differently about my relationship

1177
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:35,240
Speaker 1: with food and it has nothing to do with dieting

1178
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 1: and exercise. And it's really been an eye opening experience.

1179
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:42,879
Speaker 1: And I have, you know, balanced Black Girl to thank

1180
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 1: for connecting me with that with that nutritionist company. So

1181
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 1: those are the two things. I'm just like wellness but

1182
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 1: like in my mind trying to heal some of this

1183
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 1: crap that I have going on, and then just like

1184
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 1: building better skills so I can cope with the muchness

1185
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,840
Speaker 1: of life. And the the plot. The plot sometimes is

1186
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 1: a little too It's like giving like Steve and King

1187
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:09,839
Speaker 1: over here, and I'm hoping for like more, i don't know,

1188
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 1: like more of a Nicholas Sparks kind of plot, Like

1189
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 1: I'm like that for my life right now.

1190
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 4: Hey, Mandy, I love that. I'm so glad that you

1191
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 4: were able to meet with a dietician from Cleena and

1192
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 4: that it's been helpful.

1193
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're great, I mean ten out of ten and

1194
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 1: spiritual and my insurance covers fifty sessions. I was like, cool,

1195
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 1: ye everyone, Yes, that's one of the things she talked

1196
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,759
Speaker 1: about was how people don't think that their insurance will

1197
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:37,200
Speaker 1: cover it. But yeah, fifty sessions. I don't even have

1198
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 1: a copey, And I'm just like it, is.

1199
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 2: This your personal show or through your business? Is this

1200
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 2: like through your husband Mandy's insurance?

1201
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:47,399
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I have my my husband's insurance. Yes,

1202
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:49,879
Speaker 1: shout out to the government. You're good for something.

1203
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 2: The government.

1204
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 1: Sure, yes, it's nice. Okay, all right, Less, should we

1205
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 1: wrap up? There a need like final thought? Where can

1206
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:02,560
Speaker 1: we find y'all? Where can people connect?

1207
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 2: Yes?

1208
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:04,719
Speaker 4: Okay, wait, one more thing I was going to say

1209
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:08,839
Speaker 4: about your mental health excursion, Mandy that I love is

1210
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:13,160
Speaker 4: that sometimes just talk therapy, one on one talking to

1211
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 4: a therapist can be great. And I do think a

1212
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 4: lot of us reach a point where we're like, do

1213
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 4: you got anything stronger? Like I know exactly what happened

1214
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 4: when I was seven, That makes me do x y

1215
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 4: Z what am I going to do about it? And

1216
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 4: so similarly, in my go round of therapy this time around,

1217
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 4: I am with a therapist who specializes in EMDR and

1218
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 4: somatic practices, so like I did help me to process it, yes,

1219
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:40,920
Speaker 4: and work through traumatic experiences.

1220
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1221
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 4: So also just want to say that for people like

1222
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 4: if just talking, if you feel like you've you've made

1223
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:49,439
Speaker 4: progress with just talking, but you need something else. There's

1224
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 4: so many other forms of therapies out there, so don't

1225
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 4: be afraid to seek those out.

1226
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 3: Skills based therapy.

1227
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:57,920
Speaker 2: I was stuck and them my therapist she actually does

1228
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 2: do that because she's a trauma based therapist, and so

1229
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 2: I was like what And I was like this is

1230
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 2: dumb because I was like, oh, thuse are on the surface,

1231
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 2: it feels very woo woo, but I mean we are lacked, Okay.

1232
00:58:12,520 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 2: I was like, wow, well that was powerful.

1233
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:18,440
Speaker 1: It's like when we people ask us, like Tiffany when

1234
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,440
Speaker 1: we do shows, and it's like above the four oh

1235
00:58:20,440 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 1: one K, like the four one K is the most

1236
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 1: basic form of investing in retirement savings and we're like, no,

1237
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:26,840
Speaker 1: let's get to some real like how do people really

1238
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 1: make money? Like how are we really impacting our mental health?

1239
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,640
Speaker 1: And I truly believe it's that like more nuanced skills

1240
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 1: based like niche down form of therapy. I'm so glad

1241
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 1: that people are like I think the pandemic played a

1242
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:40,919
Speaker 1: big role in that, like these virtual versions of therapy,

1243
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 1: people are getting much more like aware of it and

1244
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:45,479
Speaker 1: using it. But I think a lot of people will

1245
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 1: need that next level and need to know where to

1246
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:49,760
Speaker 1: go from them, so where to go from there? So

1247
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you brought up is it E M

1248
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: D R. Yeah, okay, awesome. And I brought up dialectical

1249
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 1: behavioral therapy and I had not heard of that ever,

1250
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,360
Speaker 1: but highly recommend ten out of ten.

1251
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 2: I just love the therapy has just become commonplace for

1252
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 2: brown people. Yes, you know what I mean, that just

1253
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,000
Speaker 2: wasn't the case that help it is. No, No, it's

1254
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 2: become because I mean it just I mean I just

1255
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 2: almost everyone who I talk to, they're like my therapist said,

1256
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,040
Speaker 2: oh yeah, I'd opened to therapy, whereas before it's like

1257
00:59:18,080 --> 00:59:23,479
Speaker 2: you need Jesus, oh yeah, you know yeah, or because

1258
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:28,240
Speaker 2: even even pastors and things I'm seeing them say that yes, certainly,

1259
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 2: pray on it, but therapy is also a tool. And

1260
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, I love that it's just becoming not

1261
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:37,920
Speaker 2: this like this scary woo woo, Like you know, if

1262
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 2: you prayed you would need it thing and so because

1263
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 2: we need it, especially if you are a black or

1264
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 2: brown person living in the US of a child. Lord knows,

1265
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 2: it's just trauma and just your birth, so just therapy.

1266
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 3: So yes, ma'am with.

1267
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 2: That ask for help, y'all.

1268
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 4: Thank you Less for coming on, Thank you for having me.

1269
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,200
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I had such a good time talking

1270
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 4: to the two of you.

1271
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 1: Good. I feel calmer already. All Right, you guys, go follow, subscribe,

1272
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 1: leave a review for Balanced Black Girl and you can follow.

1273
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 1: I'll do your promo for you so you can follow

1274
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:15,600
Speaker 1: Less on Instagram at balance Less. You can see her

1275
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 1: incredible new cover art for her podcast when she relaunched

1276
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 1: What Dear Media. And Yeah, I can't say enough great

1277
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 1: things about you Lass, thanks for joining the show.

1278
01:00:26,240 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 4: Thank you so much.