1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,040 Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and 4 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're going to read 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,759 Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. Buck it up and 7 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you here. It 8 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 1: is a Strawberry Letter. Think enough few subjects. I have 9 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 1: the drummer, but I want the pastor. Dear Stephen Shirley. 10 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,600 Speaker 1: About a year ago, I left my home church to 11 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: join another church. I was dating the church's drummer and 12 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 1: he invited me to join. I fell in love with 13 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: the atmosphere of the church and the senior pastor was 14 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,319 Speaker 1: really good. When I joined, I was asked to help 15 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,840 Speaker 1: put together a praise dance team. I enlisted the help 16 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 1: of the associate pastor to help me. The associate pastor 17 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: is only three years older than me, and we connected 18 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: on so many levels. We went to the same college 19 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: and we have the same favorite restaurant. I was interested 20 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,319 Speaker 1: in getting to know him better, but I was in 21 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: a relationship with the drummer. One Saturday, I was at 22 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: a praise Dan's practice with the youth, and the associate 23 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: pastor brought my lunch from my favorite restaurant. After practice, 24 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: we ate together and had a great conversation. He said 25 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:24,679 Speaker 1: that my boyfriend, the drummer, is a ladiesman and has 26 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 1: been with several women in the church. That put me 27 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: at ease about breaking up with the drummer so I 28 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: could pursue the associate pastor. A month after I ended 29 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: my relationship, I told the associate pastor how I felt 30 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,320 Speaker 1: about him. We talked on the phone off and on, 31 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: so I figured it was okay to let him know. 32 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: He invited me to his place to talk. One thing 33 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: led to another and we were intimate. He was exceptional 34 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: in the bedroom and too freaky to be a pastor. 35 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,559 Speaker 1: We talked daily for about a week afterwards, and then 36 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: he ghosted me. I confronted him him at church and 37 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: he said he was wrong to have sex with me. 38 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: I told him I wanted it and I want him. 39 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,239 Speaker 1: He said, there's no way we can be together because 40 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend goes to the church. I want this 41 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: man and we are so perfect for each other. Do 42 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: I leave the church so we can be together? Please advise. 43 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: Oh slow, you're a role lady. Please. First of all, 44 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 1: you're way too gullible, way too gullible and easy. I mean, 45 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: you're listening to this man, the associate pastor badmouth your boyfriend, 46 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: the drummer. You break up with your boyfriend, and then 47 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 1: you sleep with the associate pastor just based on what 48 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: he said. All he had to do was just backstab 49 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 1: your boyfriend and then bring you a plate from your 50 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: favorite restaurant. And now you want to leave this church 51 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 1: to be with this man, to try and get this man. 52 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: I just think you're a mess. You know, you're all 53 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: over the place. So he's told you that you can't 54 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,799 Speaker 1: be together because of your ex and uh, you know, 55 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,799 Speaker 1: I think you need to listen. I think you need 56 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: to really hear what he's saying to you. All he 57 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,959 Speaker 1: wanted from you, he got okay that first night when 58 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,919 Speaker 1: you went over to his house, and you're still trying 59 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: to pursue him. I think it's over. He doesn't want 60 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: you leave it alone. Steve, Okay, I had the drumma, 61 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: but I want to pass. Everybody's familiar with the familiar line, 62 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: get a drama soon. Yeah, literally, it messed around it 63 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: gave the drama too much. Well, you've been dating the 64 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: church's drama. You left your home church. Now you left 65 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: your home church for a reason for the drumma. Or 66 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 1: maybe it was somebody that she was seeing at the 67 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: home church. I wouldn't put it past he's dating the 68 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 1: church's druma. He invited you to join, fell in love 69 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: with the atmosphere of the church, and the senior pastor 70 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: was really good. Now, when she joined the church, they 71 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 1: asked her to help put together a praise dance team. 72 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 1: Now here we go, right here, they asked you to 73 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 1: put together praise dance team. And the first thing you 74 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 1: do is enlist the help of the associate pastor to 75 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:38,839 Speaker 1: help me. Since when is it the associate pastor's position 76 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: to put together to praise dance team? The kids? You 77 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: already started some mess. You had your eyes on the 78 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: dude in the first place, that's why you enlisted the 79 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 1: help of him to help you. Well, guess what. Then, 80 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the other associated path that's only 81 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 1: three years older than me, and we connected on so 82 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: many levels. We went to the same college, and we 83 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 1: have the same favorite restaurant. Well, I guess that's it 84 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 1: there we're together? Yeah, well we waiting on sound like 85 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: a match made in heaven to me, same college. Didn't 86 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: know each other there, and you like the same restaurant 87 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 1: if you're in a small ass town. It ain't but 88 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: nothing down there, but shown he's at the dentist. How 89 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: favorite of the damn restaurant? Can it be? I was 90 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: interested in getting to knowing better, but I was in 91 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: a relationship with the drummer. So you was at the 92 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,720 Speaker 1: praise dance practice. The pastor brought you some munch from 93 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: your favorite restaurant. After practice, we ate together. You ain't 94 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 1: don't know a sit down on a bench somewhere and 95 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: eight had a great conversation, romantic. Then conveniently, he just 96 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: happens to tell you that your boyfriend, the drummer, is 97 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 1: a ladies man and has been with several women in 98 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:06,239 Speaker 1: the church. Amazing how he just bought that up? Isn't 99 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: it slanging mud? Now? All of a sudden that put 100 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: me at ease about breaking up with the drummer, so 101 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,720 Speaker 1: I could pursue then associate pastor that you decided to 102 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: pursue when you enlisted him to help you with the 103 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: praise team. So I ain't surprised at none of that. 104 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: What you're going to be surprised about is when we 105 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: come back. What I have to tell you. Okay, all right, 106 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: hold onto that thought, Steve, We will definitely come back 107 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,480 Speaker 1: in twenty three minutes after the hour. To get back 108 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: into this letter and get part two of Steve's response. 109 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: I had the drummer, but I want the pastor. We'll 110 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: get back into it, she did. You're listening show, all right, 111 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter. I had 112 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:03,279 Speaker 1: the drummer, but the pastor is the subject. It's lady 113 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: that left her home church in pursuit of the drummer. 114 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: Invited her to come to the church. She fell a 115 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 1: little down with the atmosphere, so she joined. She dating 116 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: the drummer after she joined, and told her, why don't 117 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: you help put together praise dance team. They could have 118 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 1: got anybody for that. There ain't no talent in picking 119 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: the page dance team. Who want to try out? All right? 120 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 1: So anyway, when you found out you're gonna pick the team, 121 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: you enlisted the help of the associate pastor to help 122 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: you pick the dance team. All right, he's only three 123 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: years older than me. We connected on so many levels. 124 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: We went to the same college, that we got the 125 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: same favorite restaurant. Well, if that's all it takes, that 126 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: ladies dance hope for everybody. Now all you gotta find 127 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: somebody like the same food you like, and it is 128 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: here comes to wedding, all right. Once, sady, you was 129 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 1: at the praise dance practice, you've passed or brought you 130 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: lunch from your favorite restaurant. Y'all sat down, talked to 131 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: had a great conversation. In this great conversation, he informed 132 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,320 Speaker 1: you that your boyfriend is a ladies man, a player, 133 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: and he has had several women at the church. Then 134 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 1: you said right away, well that put me in ease 135 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: about breaking up with the drummer, so I could pursue 136 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,839 Speaker 1: the associate pastor. Whoa you roll? That you just left 137 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: your other church, Probably was some mess going on over there. 138 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: A month after I ended my relationship, I told the 139 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 1: associate pastor how I felt about him. We talked on 140 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,079 Speaker 1: the phone off and on, so I figured it was 141 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 1: okay to let him know. Well, he invited you to 142 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: his place, one thing laying to another, and we were intimate. 143 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 1: He was exceptional in the bed room and too freaky 144 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:08,680 Speaker 1: to be a pastor, lady. He ain't always been the past. Yeah, 145 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: he was something before the past. So why don't know 146 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: why people talking about he a past I don't know 147 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: where he got all that from from before he was 148 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: the pastor. So he didn't obviously turned you out. We 149 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: talked daily for about a week afterwards, and then he 150 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: ghosted me. So you did like most scorn people, you 151 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: confronted him at church. Then he told you some scripture 152 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: he was wrong to have sex with you. He intended 153 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: to do this all along, That's why he told you 154 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:46,080 Speaker 1: your boyfriend was a place he wanted to just get 155 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 1: you away from it. He ghosted you because he threw 156 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 1: now you over. They're gonna try to put some spiritual 157 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 1: reason I was wrong to have sex with you. I 158 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 1: told him I wanted in and I wanted here. He says, 159 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: ain't no way we can be together because your ex 160 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: boyfriend and go to the church. I want this man 161 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 1: and we are so perfect for each other. Do I 162 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,560 Speaker 1: leave the church so we can be together? Please? What 163 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 1: You're gonna leave another church? Yeah? So what you really 164 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: need to You really don't need to decide whether you 165 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,760 Speaker 1: need to leave or state you really need to decide 166 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:29,560 Speaker 1: and find out does he even won't you? Because well, 167 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: I don't care if your ex boyfriend is the drummer. 168 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:40,680 Speaker 1: That's no reason why man don't want you. See, he 169 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:45,280 Speaker 1: was too freaky and you might not have been freaky enough. 170 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 1: Oh oh, all these letters bring out some bad things. 171 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: You have to face, so many things you have to 172 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 1: find find out that you ain't all you thought you was. 173 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: Now you to find out he didn't ghosted you. Pastors 174 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: ghost people too, but he ghosted you with a scripture. 175 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 1: I was wrong to have secret you where he was. 176 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 1: What was he wrong when he was having sex with you? 177 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: Or he just wrong for having had sex with you? See? 178 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,320 Speaker 1: All him to say that is she broke up with 179 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 1: her with the drummer out that's who she wanted in 180 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: the first place. Yeah, so now that's why she asked 181 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 1: the associate pastor to assist her in picking the praise 182 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:43,080 Speaker 1: dance team. Who needs help doing that? Yeah? Who gets 183 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:49,560 Speaker 1: cut from the praise dance team because you're in church. 184 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 1: You can't cut nobody from the praise dance. If you 185 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: can't really praise dance, you stand the Holy flag or 186 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,559 Speaker 1: you fill up the water beings and stuff. It is 187 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 1: fraight of dancers. They got something for you. You hold 188 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,200 Speaker 1: a little skinny girl road while she hold around so 189 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,319 Speaker 1: it looked like she's flying, or you just be a basis. 190 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 1: Sometimes your job is just to throw the little skinny 191 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 1: ass praise dancer in the air. That's your job. We 192 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: got job for big people on praise teach. I love 193 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: praise dancers. I know, I know you do. Nephew. He 194 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,480 Speaker 1: don't want you. You got played and it don't matter 195 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: if you leave that church or not. He's not gonna 196 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: stay with you. If you was perfect for him, he'd 197 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: have you. And she's going to church for the wrong man. 198 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,839 Speaker 1: You're going to church for the wrong reasons. Yeah, the 199 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: church for the drummer and the pastor, for the Lord 200 00:12:55,000 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: and the atmosphere. Get a drummer something its Post your 201 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM on 202 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,680 Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on 203 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: demand now coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. 204 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,440 Speaker 1: The Earl of Nottingham right after this. I'm sure he 205 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: has a lot to say. You're listening to the Dave 206 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show