WEBVTT - How To Find Your Purpose When You Feel Lost 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:03.000 Let me start with what's actually happening when you feel lost, 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:04.760 because if you don't know where you are, it's hard 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:06.360 to know where you want to get to or how 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:08.520 to get out of it. I'm Raley d Wlukiah and 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:11.319 on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:14.920 messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw and 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:18.639 fields of conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:22.759 tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey everyone, 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:25.320 and welcome back to this week's episode of A Really 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:28.680 Good Cry. Today, I wanted to share something that I 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:32.360 went through myself, and I created this, well, not a system, 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:34.479 but tried an error of so many things to try 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:36.640 and help me to figure out what it was that 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.520 I wanted to do in life in a time when 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:42.360 I was the most lost, whether it's your career, whether 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:45.559 it's just figuring out what my purpose is in this 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.080 world and how I'm supposed to navigate life and what 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:51.960 I'm meant to be doing. These tools and techniques that 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:53.440 I'm going to be sharing with you are things that 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:56.520 helped me immensely. And I go through this quite often, 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.440 to be honest, more often than I probably should have 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:02.400 sudden confusion about what is it I'm supposed to be 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.479 doing right now? And am I doing the right thing? 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.800 And I think it's really important to actually have that 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:10.399 regularly in life, to make sure that you are on track, 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:12.880 to make sure that you are doing what you love doing, 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:15.160 doing things in your life that make you happy, that 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:17.600 make you feel content, and to feel like you're on 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:19.880 the right path. I think feeling lost can be a 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.039 really difficult feeling to navigate. And I read this quote 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:25.240 that said, what if you're actually not confused about what 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.880 you want? What if you're just craving something your current 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:30.399 life isn't giving you. And I was thinking about that, 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:33.319 and I realized that maybe feeling stuck about what you 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.560 want to do in life may not actually be confusion 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.480 at ll. Maybe it's something much simpler and something more fixable. 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:41.160 And I think most things in life are like that. 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:45.160 When you end up creating this big idea of feeling lost, 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:49.080 it feels so vast, it feels like so difficult to navigate, 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:52.080 But actually if you try and break it down, most things, 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:54.720 when you break it down into smaller bits, smaller chunks, 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.120 and you really think about what you want to feel 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:59.920 and work backwards. Often it can feel a lot SMA, 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.480 and I don't want you to have to go through that. 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:04.080 I've already been through it, so I thought, let me 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:06.720 share the things that I've done to help me through it, 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:09.280 so you don't have to navigate it yourself or go 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:12.000 through as much trial and error as I did. So 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.600 today I'm going to share some research backs and also 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.880 experience backs frameworks that completely changed how I thought about 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:22.200 this question. And these frameworks and questions have really helped 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.440 me to decipher life the work that I should be 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.040 doing every single time. I actually think most of the 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:28.680 time when we say we don't know what we want, 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:30.239 we do know what we want, we just don't know 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.880 how to get there, or we're just missing something in 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:35.400 our current life that's making everything else feel really foggy. 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:38.360 So hopefully, by the end of this episode, I'm really 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:40.679 really hoping that you'll be well on your way to 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:44.400 understanding exactly what that is and have a clearer path forward. 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:47.760 So let's get into it. Let me start with what's 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.079 actually happening when you feel lost, Because if you don't 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:51.919 know where you are, it's hard to know where you 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:53.520 want to get to or how to get out of it. 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.560 So when people are lost, I think they feel like 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.200 they have a direction problem, like somewhere out there there 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:02.080 is this perfect career, this perfect calling, and they just 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.760 can't find it. But I actually came across this theory. 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:07.079 It was by these two scientists called Edward Decci and 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.040 Richard Ryan, and they developed this theory called the self 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:13.200 determination theory, and they said that humans thrive when three 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.960 core psychological needs are met. And the first one is autonomy. 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:19.280 You feel like you have choice and you're steering your 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:22.360 own life. The second one is competence. You feel capable, 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.680 like you're growing and getting better at things that matter 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:27.240 to you. And the third one is related this, you 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:30.760 feel connected, like you belong somewhere, like people really see you. 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.520 So what they're saying is it's not that you don't 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.280 know what you want. It's that something fundamental is missing 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:40.440 right now in your life and that emptiness is clouding everything. So, 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:43.520 for example, if you feel trapped in your job, like 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.640 you're just going through the motions, like someone else is 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.400 writing the script for your life, that's an autonomy problem 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:50.200 because you don't feel like you've got a grasp on 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:51.960 your own life. You don't feel like you have a choice. 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.600 If you feel stagnant or bored, like you've stopped growing, 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.480 like your skills aren't being used, that's a competence problem. 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:01.880 If you feel alone in your past, like nobody gets it, 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:04.680 like you're disconnected from the people around you, that's a 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:08.800 relatedness problem. And so here's the first question that I 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:11.560 asked myself, and I want you to sit with. Which 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:14.400 of these three feels most empty for you right now? 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:17.039 Is it autonomy, not being able to make your own decisions, 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:20.040 is it competence, or is it relatedness? You feel lonely, 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:22.240 you feel like you're not understood in this world. And 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:25.000 when you identify that real gap, you can stop asking 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:26.560 the question of what should I do in my life 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.239 and start asking what would help me feel more free, 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:32.400 or more challenged or more connected. That feels like a 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:35.479 much easier to answer question than some of the bigger 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:37.880 questions that we ask. And so starting with that, which 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.039 one of these feels like it's missing in my life 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.400 or feels a little bit empty in my life? And 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.320 I really recommend sitting with these questions for a long 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.360 period of time. I know you're listening to them right 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.320 now as you go through the podcast episode. But I 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:52.760 also think writing them down and coming back to them 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:55.800 over and over again until you feel like you've really 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:58.200 thought about them, until you feel like you've written out 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:01.000 as much as you possibly can on each question, will 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:03.440 be really useful to you because it will help you 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.800 to realize what your mind is feeling, thinking, what it's 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:07.880 fearful of. So much will come out of it if 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.839 you really give enough time and energy to answer them. 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.200 So now you have a diagnostic tool and you understand 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:16.200 what might actually be missing through answering that question, but 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:18.679 you still need direction. You need to figure out where 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:21.320 to actually point your energy. Once you figured out this 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:23.720 is what's missing, what do I now do with that information? 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.120 And for that I want to share research on this 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.320 other theory called the possible selves theory, and the core 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:33.120 idea of that is that we make decisions based on 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.400 the future versions of ourselves that we can imagine. If 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:38.840 you have this visual or you know exactly where you're going, 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:40.840 all the type of life that you can envision for yourself, 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:43.240 it makes it easier to make day to day decisions 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:45.440 deciding on whether this is taking me towards that or 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:47.960 away from it. You can take more consistent action, and 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.799 you can feel more pulled forward in the right direction 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:53.960 rather than feel like you're making choices in the dark. 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:56.640 So if your future self is blurry, you feel stuck. 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:58.479 You don't know what choices feel right for you or 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:01.520 wrong for you. It's almost like getting into an uber 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.160 and the driver says, give me directions to your destination, 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:06.640 but you actually don't know where you're going. How would 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.479 you know what roads to take or the bridges to 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:11.000 cross if you don't actually know where you are going. 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.320 And so we're going to do a little exercise right now. 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:14.919 And you can do this in your head, but like 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:16.480 I said, it works better if you write it down. 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:20.320 I want you to imagine three possible versions of your 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:24.600 future self, not career titles, but actual lived experiences, what 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:26.920 your days look like and how you feel going through 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:30.400 that day. So the version one is your safe self. 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:32.960 This is the version of you that plays it smart. 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.760 You stay in the lane, you take the secure path 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:38.279 that feels the most comfortable. Maybe you stay in the 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:40.560 job that you're in right now, or you pick something 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:44.520 stable and predictable. Really, picture it five years from now. 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:46.599 What does a Tuesday look like for this version of you, 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:48.919 where do you live, who you with, how do you 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.479 feel when you wake up? The second version is your 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.560 bold self. This is a version that takes that leave, 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:58.400 that does the scary thing, that starts the business you've 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:01.760 been thinking about, that makes the move, and you essentially 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:04.560 change everything. What does that use they look like? What 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.039 are the risks, what are the rewards? How does this 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.920 version of you feel in their body? Who does it include? 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:12.880 Who does it not include? And then version three is 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:15.840 your comfortable self. This is different from safe, but this 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:20.600 is the version of you that prioritizes ease, flexibility, low stress. 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:24.120 Maybe it's less ambitious, but definitely more peaceful for you, 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.320 more time, more space. And so what does that feel like? 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.520 What did you have to trade in to actually get 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.520 this feeling of more peace? What did you gain? And 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:34.760 what did you feel like you lost if you ended 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.520 up living that life. So, after imagining all three, here 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:39.520 are the key questions that you need to ask yourself. 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:43.400 Which one feels more expensive, like your chest opens up, 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:46.240 like something in you says yes, I feel so good 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:51.600 about this. Which one feels like contraction, tightness in your chest, obligation, 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:54.440 the feeling of I guess I should be doing this, 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:58.440 and which one feels like relief, not excitement necessarily, but 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:01.960 just ease and pe and calmness in your body. While 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.560 you're going through that, pay attention how is your body feeling? 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.520 It often knows before your mind does. And here's something 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.440 I found for myself. The version that scares you and 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.800 excites you is usually the one that matters the most. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:16.920 Your fear and desire often live in the same place. 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.040 And if something makes you feel nervous but you can't 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:22.760 stop thinking about it, there might be something there. In 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:25.480 my own experience, the safe path never makes you really 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:29.440 feel lost, but the unlived path definitely does. This idea 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.520 of potential, this idea of what if, this idea of 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:35.080 fulfilling your desires or the thoughts or the dreams that 0:08:35.120 --> 0:08:38.440 you have. So now, through answering those questions, eventually you 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:41.600 should have some clarity on what's missing, and you started 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.360 imagining all these possible futures that you could be living. 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:46.719 And the problem is sometimes we just jump straight into 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:49.280 job titles. Should I be a writer because of this? 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:51.200 Should I be a therapist? Should I start a business? 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.120 Should I be going back to school? And I actually 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.280 think those are the wrong questions to be asking, at 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:59.760 least at first, because what's more important are your values, 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.840 and when you clarify your values, you can make much cleaner, 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:07.360 more conscious decisions. And values are not goals. Goals are outcomes. 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:09.480 They're the things that you achieve and you check off. 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:12.440 But values are directions. They give you an insight into 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:14.040 who you are and whether the things that you want 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:17.160 to do actually align with you. They are what dictate 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:19.439 how you move through life. So let me give you 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.200 an example. Becoming a lawyer is a goal, but why 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:25.400 someone becomes a lawyer could be totally different values. One 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.560 person might want justice, they want to fight for people 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:30.559 who don't have power. Another person wants security, they want 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.880 a prestigious, stable career with a good paycheck. Someone else 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.160 might choose it because they want an intellectual challenge. They 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:40.840 love arguing and researching and fixing problems. Same job title, 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:44.480 but with completely different values driving it. And that matters 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:46.960 because if you don't know your values, you will end 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.520 up chasing goals that look right but feel really wrong. 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.240 So you'll end up landing a job and still feel 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.280 really empty because the values underneath do not match yours. 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:57.280 So what I want you to do next is I'm 0:09:57.280 --> 0:10:00.320 going to list ten values and notice which one calls 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.640 at you, which one feels like non negotiables. These are 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:18.760 ten core values that most of us lean towards freedom, security, creativity, impact, recognition, stability, adventure, contribution, mastery, 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:22.360 or community. So take a look through them, think about 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.000 what they mean for you, and then decide what your 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:27.720 top three are. Now what sounds good, Not what you 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.840 think you should value, not what other people around you value, 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:33.360 but what actually drives you when you're really being honest 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:35.719 with yourself, and none of better than the other. They 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.720 just give you a clear indication of what you value 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.680 and what you're going to thrive by following, or doing 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:44.520 or considering in your life. And then ask yourself, does 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:47.360 my current path honor these top three? How I live 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.400 my life on a daily basis the job that I'm doing, 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:52.040 the people I surround myself with, am I creating a 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.840 life that allows me to keep those core values in 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:58.199 the center. If yes, you probably don't need a career change, 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:01.000 but maybe you need an environment change of role shift 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:05.600 different people around you. If it's no, then you know 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:09.000 that something feels off. So instead of asking yourself, what 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:11.600 job should I have ask yourself what do I want 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:13.440 my days to feel like? Don't want them to be 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:19.120 fast paced, calm, structured, flexible, independent or collaborative, creative or analytical. 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:21.160 And I think we all trained from a young age 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:22.520 the first question answered what do you want to be 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.920 when you're older. It's a conditioning that runs deep. We 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:28.720 think of career before we think about how it's going 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:30.640 to make us feel or how we want to feel 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:33.120 in our life, and so there is a reconditioning that 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.720 has to happen a new way of thinking when you 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:38.439 start having these moments in life. Rather than thinking of 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:40.880 what career am I switching to, it's really about what 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.360 am I trying to feel? From that. What you're doing 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.680 is you are clarifying the lifestyle you want before you 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:49.640 decide on the title that you want. When you figure 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:51.680 out how you want to live, the what gets so 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:54.840 much easier to figure out. So now you have a 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:58.520 sense of what's missing, whether it's autonomy or competence or relatedness. 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.240 You have a vision of your possible future selves, and 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:03.400 I'm sure one of them you will pulled to more 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:06.240 than the others. You have clarity on what your core 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:09.840 values are, and now is the time you make decisions 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:12.840 in your life. And most people store this. They wait, 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:14.719 they over think, they try to figure it all out 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.920 in their head before making any moves. But the thing is, 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:20.720 when it comes to decision making, action creates clarity and 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.360 not the other way around. You don't think your way 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:25.760 into knowing what you want. You experiment your way there. 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:28.319 And so I want to introduce you to my next concept, 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:31.520 which is little micro experiments. Instead of saying I'm going 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.920 to change my whole entire life, which is absolutely terrifying 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:37.640 and really vague, you say I'm going to test this 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:41.400 one thing for thirty to sixty days. It has low stakes, 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:43.400 but you get a lot of information from it. Le 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.240 we say, we talked to a family member a lot, 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:48.120 and she's really unhappy in her job. She's been saying 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:50.040 it for years and years, and she has this idea, 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:53.720 this really incredible idea of a business she wants to start. Now. 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:55.720 Her first in thing was maybe I should just quit 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:59.000 and really throw myself into it, And instead I said, well, 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:01.520 why don't you create it as a side hustle on 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.600 the side, Why don't you go to courses that teach 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.959 you about what this job actually entails what it will 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:09.320 take to actually create this business, what it will look like. 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:12.200 Why don't you start creating designs for the things that 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.600 you want to create and start envisioning what that looks 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.120 like for you. Having that on the side of what 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.480 you're doing is a much safer way to do something 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:23.320 than just quitting everything and jumping into the next thing, 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.760 especially if you haven't really thought it out properly. So 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.760 if you think about starting a business, don't quit your job. 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.240 Start a tiny side project for sixty to ninety days 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:32.760 and see how it feels to work on it. If 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:34.000 you want to know if you'll be happier in a 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.280 different city, you don't need to move there permanently spend 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.040 a month there. If you can work remotely, actually live it. 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:42.320 If you're curious about exploring a different career path, you 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:44.080 don't need to go back to school just yet. Find 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.320 someone in that field and shadow them for a day, 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:52.000 ask them questions, interview them, really understand what it involves. 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:55.280 Use your connections to speak to people. And I think 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.560 this is really important because we forget that we have 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:01.320 such a huge community around us. We have friends who 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:04.800 know people, we have family members who might be able 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:06.520 to help us, And this is not the time to 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:08.840 get shy or let your ego get in the way 0:14:09.000 --> 0:14:12.160 because you're worried about being a beginner or asking people 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:15.600 for advice or help. There's actually never a good time 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:17.800 to feel like that. I think we really hold ourselves 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:20.560 back when it comes to these big decisions by not 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:24.400 engaging people in our life to help us, by not 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:28.560 inquiring and asking questions and asking people to connect us 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:30.520 with others. The worst thing that could happen is they 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:34.040 say no and you can google it instead. But ideally, 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:36.400 what you want is a real life experience, and so 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:39.840 we rob ourselves of that sometimes based on our ego 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:44.520 or judgment from other people, thinking of how they'll perceive 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.040 us if we're going into this specific job, or what 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:49.560 they would think of us. But really that just holds 0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:51.960 us back. The worst thing that can happen is you 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.600 can get a know and you move on to the 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:56.480 next thing. So all these little micro experiments really work 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.840 because they lower the pressure, you know, deciding your whole 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:03.320 tire future straight away. You're just gathering data and information 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.720 and getting a glimpse of what it looks like. They 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:10.640 create real information, not this hypothetical dream or vision that 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:13.520 you've got in your mind, and they build momentum because 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.600 when you take a little step towards something, it creates 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:20.400 this idea of possibility of what can be. Or sometimes 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.720 something really unexpected lights you up and it takes you 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:26.320 a completely different trajectory. You cannot know until you try. 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:29.320 If you take anything away from this, pick one thing 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:32.080 that you've been curious about. Design a small experiment. What 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.360 could you try for thirty to sixty days that would 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:37.160 give you real information on a dream or a desire 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.560 that you have, and then set a review date for yourself. 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.800 At the end of the experiment, ask yourself, did this 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.480 energize me? Did this drain me? Do I want more 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:46.840 of this? Or do I want to stop this right now? 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.160 Am I fascinated by this? Or am I board of 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:52.240 it already? And then you run another experiment and another experiment, 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:54.520 and eventually you should be gaining some clarity based on 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:57.480 the information that you're gathering. And this is really how 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:59.640 I built for myself a life that I wanted to 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:04.760 part it in, and I did everything from yoga teacher training, 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:09.040 I went back to study. I experimented with things online 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:11.360 where I was just sharing recipes where I was sharing 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.600 the things I was learning. A lot of it worked, 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:15.560 a lot of it didn't. I had to experiment with 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.480 the way that I was communicating, whether I wanted to 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.240 put myself on screen or not, whether I wanted to 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:22.840 become a teacher in something like. There were so many 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:25.280 things that I explored and I spoke to people. I 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.240 asked them what they're doing, I asked them how it 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:32.000 impacted their life. I asked them how they feel every 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.680 single day doing that job. These little tests they really 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:38.120 compound over time and they just give you more and 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.920 more information to base the decision on. Okay, so I 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.240 feel like I've thrown a lot at you in this podcast, 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.800 but it's definitely one to keep coming back to, or 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:48.280 at least writing down these questions and answering them in 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.240 your own time. But I'm going to simplify everything into 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.840 three questions that you can come back to whenever you 0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.560 feel stuck. However many times you get stuck in life, 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.080 which for me has been many, These are some questions 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:01.720 that have really helped me to clarify. The first one 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.680 is what energizes me without external validation. I think we're 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:07.960 used to getting a lot of making a lot of 0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:10.800 our decisions based on other people's view of us. But 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:12.480 what you have to try and figure out is what 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:16.600 lights me up, what energizes me without other people's validation involved. 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:18.760 There's so much research to show that we are so 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:21.280 much more fulfilled in life when we pursue goals that 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:24.080 are meaningful to us, not because they impress people, not 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:27.359 because they make money, not because they're expected. And so 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.280 asking yourself, if nobody was to ever know that I 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:32.399 did this thing, would I still want to do it? 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.240 The second question is which version of my future self 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:39.320 feels really expansive rather than safe. Usually there is a 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:41.320 path that makes you feel nervous but will not leave 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.199 your mind, and that's usually the one that matters the most. 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:48.919 Safe choices rarely cause existential confusion or questions. But I 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:53.000 think it's those unlived possibilities that do create these moments 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:56.239 of lost feeling in life. And the third question is 0:17:56.280 --> 0:18:00.360 does this path give me autonomy, growth, and connection. If 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.120 a path checks all three boxes, you'll probably thrive in it. 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.760 If one or more is missing, you will eventually feel 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:08.280 like there's a gap, no matter how successful you are 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:11.199 on paper. So I hope I really do. Hope that 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:13.360 these questions gave you as much clarity as they've given 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:15.560 me in my life. Let me know if you try them, 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:17.560 let me know if it helps you to make a 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:21.959 decision that you've been wondering about, and give me some tips. 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.200 I would love to hear from you what has helped 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.920 you or things that you've tried in your life where 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:29.719 you've taken that leap through answering these questions and how 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:31.560 it ended up for you. But thank you so much 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.720 for listening, and hope you have a really wonderful day.