1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:08,520 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,640 Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter live. 5 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: I'm the air papap just like we're going to read 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 1: this one right here, right now, and you never know, 7 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: it could be yours, could be it could be yours. 8 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 1: Buckle up and hold on tight. We got it for 9 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: you here. It is the Strawberry Lever. Thankneh you subject 10 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:33,239 Speaker 1: my ex children aren't welcome. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm a 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: forty eight year old married man and my wife and 12 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,920 Speaker 1: I have families. She has one son from her last marriage, 13 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,720 Speaker 1: and I have two sons and two stepsons from my 14 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: last marriage. And my new wife is having a hard 15 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,160 Speaker 1: time accepting my stepsons as part of the blend. I've 16 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 1: been in my stepson's live since one of them was 17 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: nine and the other was eleven. Now they're twenty and 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: twenty two. My new wife is an outstanding mother. She's 19 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: a great this woman, gourmet cook, and the most beautiful 20 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,399 Speaker 1: girl in the world to me. But it is her 21 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: attitude that I have a big problem with. We bought 22 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 1: a house together after the wedding, and I compromised and 23 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,319 Speaker 1: told her my sons could share a bedroom when they came. 24 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: When they come visit. They're preteens and almost six feet tall, 25 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: but I told her it was fine. Her son is 26 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: ten and he has his own bedroom because he lives 27 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: with us full time. There's a bonus room on the 28 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: third floor of our home, and I suggested that we 29 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,759 Speaker 1: put a nice sleep or sofa up there for when 30 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: my stepsons come to visit. They live out of state, 31 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,039 Speaker 1: and we spend time together when they're in town. My 32 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 1: wife told me that they're my ex and they should 33 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: stay elsewhere. I'm infuriated by her rudeness when it comes 34 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: to these boys, just because they're my ex wife's sons 35 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: and she doesn't like my ex wife. She's taking it 36 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: out on the boys. One of them has a son 37 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: and he considers me the grandfather. But my wife says 38 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: I'm not the grandfather and I should be focused on 39 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: her son and my biological sons only. I'm a grown 40 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: man and I will see these boys and I don't 41 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: care if it causes a rift in our marriage. How 42 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: can she call them my ex children. Should I reconsider 43 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 1: marriage and make her the ex? Wow? You know what, 44 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: that's a strong, strong question right there. You just asked, 45 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: but you ask it for a reason. It's concerning to you. 46 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,799 Speaker 1: You have some thoughts about it, you know you're thinking 47 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: about it. And I'll start by saying, I think you're 48 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 1: right and just about everything, I agree with you. Your 49 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 1: wife is selfish. Your wife is being mean, and she 50 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 1: needs to grow the heck up, she really does. What 51 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: have these boys done to her? Her? Not liking their mom? 52 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:52,560 Speaker 1: That's no excuse to treat them badly. These are boys, 53 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: and how are they going to learn to be good men, 54 00:02:55,760 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: good good parents, you know, good productive men in society 55 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: if they don't have a good role model like you. 56 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's what we as women and 57 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: men talk about a lot, if we think about it 58 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 1: a lot, especially in our community. Good men, good fathers 59 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,680 Speaker 1: in the home, husband's, good boyfriends, good sons, etcetera, etcetera. 60 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: We want our black men to grow up and be 61 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: good people. And she's a problem, not you or the boys. 62 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: She can't make a difference between these boys just because 63 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 1: you guys have one together and you have you know, 64 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:32,679 Speaker 1: biological sons and ex stept sons as you call them. 65 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 1: I think it's creating major problems in the family, as 66 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: you've so, you know, as you've spoken about and written 67 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,960 Speaker 1: us about, and it's causing problems in your marriage. I 68 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: don't think she understands the seriousness of all of this. 69 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 1: She's in her feelings because she doesn't like the ex wife, 70 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: and you need to have a real talk with her 71 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: about her attitude and and uh, you know how she's 72 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: starting to tear down this marriage. I mean, it's not 73 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: like the older boys live there permanently. They live out 74 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: of state. When they come, they're only coming to visit. 75 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: I think she's wrong, and I think you're right, and 76 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: I think you need to let her know. Steve, I 77 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 1: don't really have a lot to say about this letter. 78 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: I really don't, because I just don't like it. This 79 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 1: woman that you're married to. See, here's a deal for 80 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: everybody involved. Whenever you get married, remarried, or you married 81 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: late in life, that person that you marry is gonna 82 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:40,559 Speaker 1: come with a history. Nobody's history free. Now it comes 83 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: with an ex marriage, some step children as they call him, 84 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: some stepson. That's the package. Either way, you go on 85 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: the woman's side or the man's side. That's the deal. 86 00:04:55,600 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: Because a man marries you, that does not turn off 87 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:05,640 Speaker 1: his feelings for everybody in his prior life. The only 88 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 1: person he should cut the feelings off for is the 89 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: ex girlfriend or wife. Now he's done that, you're not 90 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: having a problem with him because he's continued to see 91 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: the ex wife. You're having a problem because he still 92 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: has a relationship with her children, which he met when 93 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: they were nine and eleven. Yeah, nine and eleven. Now 94 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 1: they're twenty and twenty two. But now you want him 95 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 1: because they're twenty and twenty two. They live out of state. 96 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 1: Now the hold on, hold over, Now you have Okay, 97 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: the man has two sons and two stepsons from the 98 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 1: last marriage with the woman, right, the new wife don't 99 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: like the stepsons from the last marriage. She wants them out. 100 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 1: The new wife is an our standing mother. She's a 101 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: great businesswoman, gourmet cook, and the most beautiful girl in 102 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: the world to me. But it's her attitude that I 103 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: have a big problem with. Well, now we're gonna run 104 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 1: up into the problem of what I've learned a long 105 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: time ago. I don't care how fine a woman is 106 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: there's a man somewhere sick and tired of her ass 107 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: and now here we go. The beautiful girl in the 108 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: world got an ugly attitude. And it's about some children 109 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,600 Speaker 1: who are some young men now and when I come back, 110 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why your relationship. But these men 111 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: are so important. Okay, that's much, all right, Thank you, Steve, 112 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 1: Thank you, Steve. We'll have part two of your response 113 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's 114 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 1: subject my ex children aren't welcome. We'll get back into 115 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: it right after this. You're listening, Come on, Steve, let's 116 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:02,359 Speaker 1: recap today's strawberry letter. The subject my ex children aren't welcome. Okay. 117 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,840 Speaker 1: This man is forty eight years old. He's married to 118 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: his wife. They've got a blended family. Now. She has 119 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 1: one son from her last marriage. The man that writing 120 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,520 Speaker 1: the letter got two sons and two stepsons from his 121 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: last marriage, and the new wife is having a hard 122 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: time accepting the stepsons as part of the blend. The 123 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: problem is he's been in the stepsons lives when one 124 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: was nine and one was eleven, and then him and 125 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: his axe had two children. Now they're twenty and twenty 126 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 1: two and your new wife, as I was standing up 127 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: a mother. She is businesswoman, gonna make cooking beautiful. Girl 128 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,239 Speaker 1: on outside is having a big problem with the two 129 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: stepsons from your previous marriage. We bought a house together 130 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 1: after the wed and I compromise and told him my 131 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: sons could share a bedroom when they come to visit. 132 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: They're past their preteens and almost six feet tall, but 133 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: I told it was fine. Her son is ten. He's 134 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: got his own bedroom because he lives full time. There's 135 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 1: a bonus room in the third floor of our home, 136 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: and I suggested that they put a sleeper sofa up 137 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 1: there for when his stepsons come to visit. Now these 138 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 1: are the twenty and the twenty two year old dudes. Okay, Now, 139 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: my wife told me that my ex children, that they 140 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: your ex children, they should stay elsewhere. I'm infuriated at 141 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: her rusiness when it comes to these boys, just because 142 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: they're my ex wife's sons. She doesn't like my ex wife. 143 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,199 Speaker 1: She's taking it out on the boys. One of them 144 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 1: has a son and he considers me the grandfather. But 145 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: my wife says I'm not the grandfather. I should be 146 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: focused on her son and my biological sons only I'm 147 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: grown man. I'll see these boys now. I don't care 148 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,560 Speaker 1: what riffs are costing our marriage. How can she call 149 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: them my ex children? Should I reconsider marriage and make 150 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 1: her the ex? Well, here's a deal. She's got to glurn. 151 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: She's got to learn something him. See what pisses me 152 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: off when men step up to be men? Yes, yes, 153 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: and take on the role of somebody else's children. Lady, 154 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,439 Speaker 1: you you got a son that don't belong to him 155 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 1: if he've accepted him, He's got two sons that don't 156 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: belong to you, and you've accepted him. Now, the fact 157 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: that he accepted his ex wife's two sons and been 158 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: in their life since they ninety eleven. See, instead of 159 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: calling them step fathers, they are to start calling them 160 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: step up fathers because he didn't stepped up and took 161 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,559 Speaker 1: the place of some ragged ass man that wouldn't spend 162 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: no time with the boys. Now the boys then had 163 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 1: a son and calling him their grandfather because they got 164 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: a connection to a man. You want him to break 165 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: the bond with these boys because it's your ex wife's son. 166 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 1: You trifling lady, Come on, come on, but you know 167 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: it's always the case man. Sometimes not all women, but 168 00:09:55,600 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: there are sometimes women always using children as a palm. Now, 169 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: why would this man give up this relationship with this 170 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: twenty and his twenty two year old dude that really 171 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: still need him in their life? Because, man, the twenty 172 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: twenty two boy, you you fit a step on some 173 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: land minds out here and that for the end your 174 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,199 Speaker 1: dude can help him through it. And I think this 175 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 1: lady's right now. I don't think you need to make 176 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 1: her your ex wife yet, not yet, because she does 177 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 1: have some good qualities. She just doesn't understand. But if 178 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: she could look at what happens in our community and 179 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: in our culture, from the fact that so many young 180 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,640 Speaker 1: girls don't have fathers and so many young men don't 181 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 1: have falls to see a man like yours that steps 182 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: up and takes on the role and refuses to give 183 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,079 Speaker 1: up the reins of being a father in some fatherless 184 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 1: boys lives. If she don't see, that's something wrong with 185 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:57,679 Speaker 1: her and it don't hurt nothing for him to have relationship. 186 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: These dudes live out of state and they went here 187 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: twenty two, so they come to visit what's wrong with that? 188 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: Need to focus on your own sons. Hell, them boys 189 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: need a big brother. You don't see that. No, but 190 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: you're so busy trying to hate on the ex wife. 191 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 1: You keep on, you're gonna mess around and be an 192 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: X wife calling it this letter. So good luck. Okay, hey, care, 193 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: take it easy. Hey, hey, I won't be needing the 194 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: big sleeper sofa upstairs. We're all moving, right, that's what's 195 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: gonna happen. Kudos, Bye bye the good man, I mean man. 196 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 1: You know what when when you have a man who's 197 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: caring and understanding, he cares about something that ain't really his, 198 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: but he didn't take it on. Can you not understand 199 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: that that's your man, That that's the man you have, 200 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: That that man with that heart is your man. Now yea, 201 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,319 Speaker 1: because God forbid something happened to you. God forbid something 202 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: happened to you. You do remember he took on your 203 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: son from previous marriage to nine right, Yeah, since you 204 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: making him get rid of men, get rid of boys. 205 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 1: Suppose something happened to you and then he'd get rid 206 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 1: of yours. You see where we had with this m 207 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: See that could happen, it's not. This is your man. Yeah, 208 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: this is a good man and it's how you want 209 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,560 Speaker 1: to treat him. I don't like women like this. I 210 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,680 Speaker 1: don't like her. Ain't even at home. Women don't like 211 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,560 Speaker 1: women like this, just like we don't like bad men. 212 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: We don't like bad This ain't about bad man. But 213 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is we don't like her either. 214 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. Stay on the subject with women day, 215 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: It's not all right. Listen. Post your comments on Today's 216 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM and on Instagram and Facebook, 217 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: and check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand now 218 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. You 219 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: know what time it is, It's time for Junior and 220 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: Sports talk. Right after this, you're listening to the Stave 221 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: Harvey Morning Show.