WEBVTT - Whole Hair, Hair Whole

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<v Speaker 1>Whenever I'm dressed cool, my parents put up a fight.

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<v Speaker 1>Ah if I'm hot, shut, mom will come my hair

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<v Speaker 1>at night.

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<v Speaker 2>The implications of that song that if Gaga was like

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<v Speaker 2>acted out, her mom would come into her room at

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<v Speaker 2>night and cut her hair off. She's sheen ami.

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<v Speaker 1>No ma, not name yo yo yo, what is your

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<v Speaker 1>childhood trauma?

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<v Speaker 3>I am chok.

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<v Speaker 2>Yo.

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<v Speaker 1>Life's going down before.

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<v Speaker 2>Round. Welcome to Lake a Virgin, the show where we

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<v Speaker 2>give yesterday's pop culture Todays takes armas DomU and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>friend Toronto, and today we're talking about hair.

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<v Speaker 1>Not to be confus with body or face hair.

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<v Speaker 2>Although although I do think we'll probably talk about both

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<v Speaker 2>body and facial hair, right right right, yes, so.

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<v Speaker 1>My hair, my body hair.

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<v Speaker 2>Hars an. I think an underrated Gaga song.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh we can say they're gonna be like hair, just

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<v Speaker 1>as a thing is very underrated.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, no, actually, well, attention to hair, but I

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<v Speaker 2>think even that being true, it's still underrated.

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<v Speaker 1>Right right right. Maybe it's maybe there's a zance.

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<v Speaker 2>Happening with it. I mean, no one, I hate to

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<v Speaker 2>be a girl who references flea Bag, but there's that

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<v Speaker 2>part in flea Bag where She hates to be one

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<v Speaker 2>of those you know what I mean? She says, hair

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<v Speaker 2>is everything. Hair is like we pretend that it isn't,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's everything, right.

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<v Speaker 1>The girl that got the horrible haircut, the sister that

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<v Speaker 1>gets French, French, it's French. Have you ever gotten a

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<v Speaker 1>horrible haircut?

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<v Speaker 2>The answer is yes, girl, girl? What do you think?

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<v Speaker 1>You and I have both experienced the trans cultural phenomenon

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<v Speaker 1>of leaving a hair salon, looking at yourself in a

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<v Speaker 1>reflective surface once and thinking should I kill myself?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? No, okay, So for me, that moment usually comes

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<v Speaker 2>three to five business days after the haircut. Like when

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<v Speaker 2>I leave the salon, I'm almost always like, I love it,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, looks great. This is what I wanted because

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<v Speaker 2>I think I've made this social contract with the stylist

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<v Speaker 2>to have that experience.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>And then it's once I like wake up the next

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<v Speaker 2>day and see myself or wash my hair for the

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<v Speaker 2>first time and don't have a blowout anymore, or see

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<v Speaker 2>the color in different light that I'm like I need

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<v Speaker 2>to go run into oncoming trap. Yes, yes, No.

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<v Speaker 1>For me, it's completely immediate. It's the second I walk

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<v Speaker 1>outside and like, literally, look at my reflection in the

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<v Speaker 1>next door window, like it is and I actually, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean I've obviously I had a lot of suicidal haircuts,

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<v Speaker 1>but like the most recent one was actually I experienced

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<v Speaker 1>it kind of with you we're in. I had I

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<v Speaker 1>had a kind of more of a mullet shape for

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<v Speaker 1>a very long time, and it was pretty long, and

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, it's the end of the mullet. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want it anymore, but I still want to keep

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<v Speaker 1>my hair long, So like, what do we do from here?

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<v Speaker 1>And we did the social contract your hairstylists, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>good take full rain, like a little creative control. And

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<v Speaker 1>then I walked out of this haircut looking like motherfucking

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<v Speaker 1>Lord far Quad and I was like, I am gonna yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I was just like I was. I was devastated. But

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<v Speaker 1>the thing is, she was right. She was right the

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<v Speaker 1>whole time, and it's something she does a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>my friends. And what was she right about. She was

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<v Speaker 1>right about the shape of my hair. She was right

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<v Speaker 1>about what my hair needed to be, and that this

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<v Speaker 1>cut was a necessary means to an end. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>most recent haircut I've gotten. It was like months ago,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's now created the hair that I have today,

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<v Speaker 1>which is fabu.

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<v Speaker 2>That is something that does need to be spoken about.

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<v Speaker 2>Is like, some haircuts are not about an immediate result.

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<v Speaker 2>Some haircuts are transitional.

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<v Speaker 1>And what Dakota Dakota also goes to the same hairstylist

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<v Speaker 1>and what she said to me was sometimes gives you

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<v Speaker 1>the haircut that you need, not the haircut that you want.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, that would it work for me?

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<v Speaker 1>You're like fundamentally against that.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I'm as No, I'm very open to having a

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<v Speaker 2>conversation with my stylist. I found like two sides, the

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<v Speaker 2>two sides of the spectrum don't work for me. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't like going to a hairstylist where I'm like, this

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<v Speaker 2>is what I want and they give me exactly that,

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<v Speaker 2>because I'm not the person who does hair so those

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<v Speaker 2>decisions should not be left one hundred percent up to

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<v Speaker 2>I also don't want to go to a hairstylist who

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<v Speaker 2>tells me what I need and doesn't listen to me.

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<v Speaker 1>With like a hand on the hip, like honey, we need.

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<v Speaker 2>To meet somewhere in the middle. I need to come.

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<v Speaker 2>Which is this is why I like watching I actually

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<v Speaker 2>was just watching one before I came here a hair

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<v Speaker 2>consultation video on TikTok where it's like, let me tell

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<v Speaker 2>you about kind of the look I'm going for, let

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<v Speaker 2>me tell you about my hair texture, let me tell

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<v Speaker 2>you how willing I am to style my hair, and

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<v Speaker 2>then let me give you some reference images and then

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<v Speaker 2>we'll figure out together what to create. Because I think, really,

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<v Speaker 2>if I can give anyone advice, like sure, we all

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<v Speaker 2>look at pictures of like celebrities or influencers or whatever

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<v Speaker 2>and are like, I want that copy pasted onto my head.

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<v Speaker 2>But that which it never works.

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<v Speaker 1>Doesn't work because the image that you're referencing is like

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<v Speaker 1>the most like wayfish fashion, like unclockable girl, or like

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<v Speaker 1>well it's like the one of the most their face

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<v Speaker 1>shape where it's like it just doesn't Their face shape

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<v Speaker 1>is not your face shape, their complexion is not your complexion,

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<v Speaker 1>their texture is not your text.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And then also it's like, if you're looking at

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<v Speaker 2>pictures of celebrities, you're looking at pictures of the most

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<v Speaker 2>beautiful people in the world in the best lighting possible,

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<v Speaker 2>like literally teams of people creating their image just so

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<v Speaker 2>even just their face and hair. So I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>good to look at photos and like figure out what

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<v Speaker 2>you like about them without being too literal, Like I

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<v Speaker 2>like this tone in the way it compliments her skin.

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<v Speaker 2>I like the width of or the length of her bangs.

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<v Speaker 2>I like, you know, like they're the layers they have

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<v Speaker 2>in their hair. But not you just can't copy paste

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<v Speaker 2>anyone else's hair onto.

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<v Speaker 1>Yourself, no, unless you were awake, right unless you are

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<v Speaker 1>are And even then it's you know, well, okay, you

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<v Speaker 1>and I are actually weighing some decisions on future hair decisions.

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<v Speaker 1>But like, before we get to that, I kind of

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<v Speaker 1>want to dip into the hair of past. Oh baby,

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<v Speaker 1>worst hair, worst hair face pre transistion, go.

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<v Speaker 2>Huh.

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<v Speaker 1>Mine was the silver I have.

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<v Speaker 2>Your silver era is very iconic to me, specifically.

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<v Speaker 1>It looked really good when it was like when it

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<v Speaker 1>was like short, manicured, like I was kind of giving,

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<v Speaker 1>like I had the kind of like fied eye bro fade,

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<v Speaker 1>Like if I was white, it would have been like

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<v Speaker 1>the neo Nazi kind of fade, but I'm not, so

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<v Speaker 1>it didn't give them.

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<v Speaker 2>The pictures are incredible and virgins. I definitely recommend you

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<v Speaker 2>go really far back.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah I've actually archived.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, well I will supply them.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, yeah, yeah, but I also so once the

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<v Speaker 1>hair grew out, it looked like this mane of silver hair.

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<v Speaker 1>And it wasn't like emo girl. It wasn't glam, it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't it was just mangy, or was it. It was

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<v Speaker 1>like it was like grayish, bluish, purplish yellow.

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<v Speaker 2>We all know, we all know the vibe. But it's

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<v Speaker 2>giving gay person in a crisis.

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<v Speaker 1>Just as a quick aside, men must stop getting neo

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<v Speaker 1>Nazi haircuts, as someone who used to be a man,

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<v Speaker 1>and as someone who used to get them, stop getting

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<v Speaker 1>like the blind barber fade like the kind of like.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so like but you know, a high and tight

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<v Speaker 2>it works.

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<v Speaker 1>No, it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 2>It works on some people.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't work on white people. It just doesn't. It's

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<v Speaker 1>it's it's it looks, it's boring. It's just it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>say anything about the person.

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<v Speaker 2>But some people don't need their haircut to say anything

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<v Speaker 2>about them. I don't. I could not imagine a world

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<v Speaker 2>in which that is true, but it is true for people.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't care.

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<v Speaker 2>It was a time where you thought your hair told

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<v Speaker 2>told something about the well, well, I want to answer

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<v Speaker 2>your question about my worst haircuts, That's what I was asking. So,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, let me so, I think more so than you,

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<v Speaker 2>I have been on a hair journey my entire life,

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<v Speaker 2>night life. I've not only nightlife, but like when I

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<v Speaker 2>was a teenager, and I know I've talked about this

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<v Speaker 2>on the podcast before, probably like ages ago when we

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<v Speaker 2>did our hot topic episode. Dyeing my hair was one

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<v Speaker 2>of the first things I did as like an adolescent

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<v Speaker 2>where I was like, this is about my individuality, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like I've been dyeing my hair since I was twelve thirteen.

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<v Speaker 2>So my hair has been every color, and I do

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<v Speaker 2>mean every color, like every natural color and every unnatural.

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<v Speaker 1>Color, blonde, blonde.

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<v Speaker 2>Brown, black, green, green, yellow, red, orange, purple, blue, blue, wow,

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<v Speaker 2>everything never a rainbow moment.

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<v Speaker 1>Come on, eternal sunch out of the spot is.

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<v Speaker 2>Mine, I would say. So, I would say, like one

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<v Speaker 2>of my worst hair moments is something that also has

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<v Speaker 2>been spoken about. This we've also spoken about before or

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<v Speaker 2>with Honey Pluton. When I did get my hair chemically

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<v Speaker 2>straightened in high school at thee at the Red Kid Lounge,

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<v Speaker 2>not not at the Red Kid Loud, but at the

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<v Speaker 2>salon that was at the mall. I don't know that

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<v Speaker 2>that was the worst one, but it, uh, it was

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<v Speaker 2>probably up there. It's probably it's probably up there. And

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<v Speaker 2>then you know, I mean like boy life. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe my worst haircut looking back on it now, is

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<v Speaker 2>the year before I transitioned. I had sort of a mullet,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I had done sort of that like monk

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<v Speaker 2>thing where you shave back the hairline a little bit,

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<v Speaker 2>but then you still have like a bang kind of

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, yeah, it was, it was. It was weird.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so hard to imagine. Yeah, I don't, I really,

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<v Speaker 1>I never I don't know anything about you pre transition.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't even do you want to look at Do

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<v Speaker 2>you want to get some old phone? No?

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<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no please, no no.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's I think it'll be fun. No.

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<v Speaker 1>I know they're fun for you, but they're not fun

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<v Speaker 1>for me. But I don't even know your dead name.

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<v Speaker 2>Girl, You don't really, it's surprising.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a guess, but I actually don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I if I can find, let's guess each other's. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think my my hair was always like

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<v Speaker 2>shaggy was kind of always the moment.

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<v Speaker 1>And then Scooby really hit it.

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<v Speaker 2>Let me show you. I'll show you a picture of

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<v Speaker 2>me in college, and I.

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<v Speaker 1>To see this. This is non consensual.

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<v Speaker 2>You really don't.

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<v Speaker 1>On the Patreon, I've already seen a photo of you

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<v Speaker 1>as like a high school boy, and even that was

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<v Speaker 1>but this is me as a college boy, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>actually like okaute, Okay, okay, isn't that crazy? It's really jarring,

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<v Speaker 1>isn't it weird? You look really cute?

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<v Speaker 2>I know, right, yeah you do. I have had some

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<v Speaker 2>moments I like, don't. I like, really don't have a

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<v Speaker 2>problem with looking at pre transition photos.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't. So that was my boundary cross.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry. I I like, I know that we're sort

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<v Speaker 2>of straying off topic, but we do that on this show.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, you have hair on your face, this photo.

0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:14.360
<v Speaker 2>Said I. I don't mind looking at pro transition photos of

0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:19.000
<v Speaker 2>myself because like it's actually like kind of nice for

0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:20.880
<v Speaker 2>me to look back nown and be like I wasn't

0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:23.319
<v Speaker 2>so bad. Yeah, like I was kind of I was

0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:24.840
<v Speaker 2>kind of cute, Like I'd fuck me.

0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.640
<v Speaker 1>That's not the experience I'm having. I obviously don't have

0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:29.920
<v Speaker 1>a problem looking at pre transition photos because I've only

0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.040
<v Speaker 1>come out a year and still for a year. I've

0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:33.600
<v Speaker 1>only been out for a year, and I still kind

0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:38.840
<v Speaker 1>of look the same. But I I I do cringe

0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.800
<v Speaker 1>so fiercely at old photos on myself because because you're

0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.800
<v Speaker 1>able to, like, I don't know, photos like that, Like

0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:46.880
<v Speaker 1>if I looked at my college version of that photo,

0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:50.640
<v Speaker 1>I would just be immediately transported to like how out

0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:53.040
<v Speaker 1>of touch I was with like myself and my body

0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:55.800
<v Speaker 1>and my personhood and like so it's like kind of wonky,

0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.280
<v Speaker 1>but like, no, it's it is, I do. I we've

0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:02.200
<v Speaker 1>both gotten so much hotter, Like we both have glowed

0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:03.080
<v Speaker 1>up so hard.

0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.480
<v Speaker 2>I thank you, thank you for saying that, both about

0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:08.920
<v Speaker 2>yourself and about me. I don't always feel it like

0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:13.199
<v Speaker 2>I felt. So I felt that so much more at

0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.120
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of my transition because it was so like

0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.960
<v Speaker 2>it was something I had to believe just to like

0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:24.800
<v Speaker 2>survive every day. Because okay, so here's a hair thing.

0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:29.440
<v Speaker 2>Right before so as I said, I had that crazy

0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:36.920
<v Speaker 2>like shaved back hairline. And when I decided to like

0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:42.240
<v Speaker 2>when I like, the whole year leading up to deciding

0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:44.800
<v Speaker 2>to transition, like I had been really like playing with

0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.360
<v Speaker 2>my gender and like trying all these different forms of

0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:52.839
<v Speaker 2>expression and like I had kind of long hair, and

0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:59.560
<v Speaker 2>then during a performance at and I also had, I

0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:04.839
<v Speaker 2>had fish hair, and during a performance at a party

0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:09.040
<v Speaker 2>that Reefe Royalty used to throw at TNT, I buzzed

0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:13.720
<v Speaker 2>all my hair off. And so I started my transition

0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:15.800
<v Speaker 2>with no hair.

0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:18.000
<v Speaker 1>What did you wear? Wicks?

0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:23.280
<v Speaker 2>I to parties sometimes, but like I had, but like

0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 2>I had because of that the first two years in

0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.280
<v Speaker 2>my transition, which, like like I've said before, like I

0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:31.920
<v Speaker 2>look back on the time, it's like some of the

0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.640
<v Speaker 2>worst moments of my life because I was like, so

0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:39.360
<v Speaker 2>I was like my my my mentality was like so

0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.560
<v Speaker 2>at odds with my presentation, and that only made me

0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:48.240
<v Speaker 2>like push harder. And I was like just not giving

0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:51.160
<v Speaker 2>physically what I was giving mentally and instead of like

0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.400
<v Speaker 2>being a and I don't know, that's like very complicated

0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:57.600
<v Speaker 2>and and I look back on it now and I

0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:01.000
<v Speaker 2>don't cringe because like I know that it was necessary

0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.360
<v Speaker 2>for my survival and it was like doing that allowed

0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.600
<v Speaker 2>me to get to the point where I didn't have

0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:10.920
<v Speaker 2>to do that anymore. But I really kind of fucked

0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:13.400
<v Speaker 2>myself over because if I had kept that mullet, I

0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:15.760
<v Speaker 2>at least would have had a little hair to like

0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:19.920
<v Speaker 2>toss around when I was like stomping down myrtle Broadway.

0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.760
<v Speaker 1>Starting your transition bolt is actually kind of a serve.

0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:24.600
<v Speaker 1>Were you like Nonminaria first? Yeah?

0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:26.600
<v Speaker 2>And I also in that same fold I'm not gonna

0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:28.840
<v Speaker 2>show it to you, but and that same folder I

0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:31.320
<v Speaker 2>was I had that photos in. I have a folder

0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.160
<v Speaker 2>in my phone in my phone albums of just it

0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:38.920
<v Speaker 2>says old of photos, like pre transition photos, like not

0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:43.240
<v Speaker 2>like some baby photos, but mostly like adulthood photos. And

0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:48.160
<v Speaker 2>there's one that I took like right after not only

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.280
<v Speaker 2>I cut all my hair off, but like totally like

0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:55.040
<v Speaker 2>shaved my face like raw for the first time. And

0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:58.680
<v Speaker 2>like looking at that, like it does it like a

0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:02.760
<v Speaker 2>hairless Yeah, like a no, like a hairless cat cat.

0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:06.920
<v Speaker 2>And it doesn't. It doesn't hurt to look at it.

0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:09.720
<v Speaker 2>But I I just look at it, and I'm like,

0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.720
<v Speaker 2>why did you start like that girl? Because I was

0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:18.440
<v Speaker 2>going crazy. Transitioning is crazy, It's fucking crazy. Every hair

0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:20.239
<v Speaker 2>is such a big.

0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.040
<v Speaker 1>Part of it. It's essential. It's an essential part of

0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:23.480
<v Speaker 1>the movement.

0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:47.640
<v Speaker 2>So like, Okay, I'm going to bring us to like

0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.040
<v Speaker 2>a dark I know we're getting kind of head well,

0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.400
<v Speaker 2>we're getting to the light place after, We'll get to after.

0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:58.440
<v Speaker 2>So So when I was like a year after I

0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:03.720
<v Speaker 2>had started transitioning, I was raped, and I like was real.

0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:09.320
<v Speaker 2>I had like a really like dark, dark, like intense

0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:13.200
<v Speaker 2>period of trauma afterwards, and I like came very close

0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.119
<v Speaker 2>to a suicide attempt. And one of the things that

0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.199
<v Speaker 2>I did to pull myself out of it was like

0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.679
<v Speaker 2>list all of the reasons why I wanted to be alive,

0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:22.679
<v Speaker 2>and one of the ones I listed was like, I

0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:24.520
<v Speaker 2>want to live enough for my hair to grow past

0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:31.080
<v Speaker 2>my shoulders. Oh my god, you make me cry. Yeah,

0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:33.920
<v Speaker 2>and I did.

0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:38.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm literally, oh my gosh, shut up, but sorry. I

0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.600
<v Speaker 1>was making so many suicide jokes earlier, I mean sue

0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:44.280
<v Speaker 1>jokes like help you get through the cold reality.

0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:46.679
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Absolutely, I make suicide jokes all the time. And

0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:49.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm I like also came close to a suicide attempt,

0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:51.000
<v Speaker 2>like not that long ago.

0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:55.200
<v Speaker 1>So and you know, I okay. The thing about hair

0:17:55.560 --> 0:18:00.399
<v Speaker 1>is actually your here can completely reinvigorate your head space

0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:02.080
<v Speaker 1>and life like a good.

0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Hair lip or it's on the space on your head.

0:18:04.920 --> 0:18:07.080
<v Speaker 1>Yes, and like even like beyond like walking int of

0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:09.600
<v Speaker 1>a haircut. Sometimes it's just like after you've worn hair

0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.120
<v Speaker 1>for a certain time and then all of a sudden

0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:13.760
<v Speaker 1>you look and you're like, oh my god, like this

0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:16.040
<v Speaker 1>is my hair, Like my hair's finally arrived where it

0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:17.600
<v Speaker 1>needs to be. Like I feel like I had that

0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:23.000
<v Speaker 1>recently my hair. Yeah, I'm pretty sure if only, Like

0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:26.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean so in high school I did get that

0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:29.280
<v Speaker 1>kind of like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire era,

0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:34.400
<v Speaker 1>like skater boy shag, like I had that hair. Oh

0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:36.919
<v Speaker 1>you did. Okay. That was a big hair decision. And

0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:40.760
<v Speaker 1>then maybe my second most important, my second hair decision

0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:43.960
<v Speaker 1>was to go silver, which was like a big movement

0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:46.119
<v Speaker 1>for me. And then after I I was silver for

0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:48.560
<v Speaker 1>like a year and a half, I was so sick

0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.200
<v Speaker 1>of like shoveling money, time and energy into like maintaining

0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:55.439
<v Speaker 1>it because like never ever ever die, Like dying your

0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:57.840
<v Speaker 1>whole head is crazy. If you have black hair, it's

0:18:57.880 --> 0:19:01.280
<v Speaker 1>just not worth the energy and pain. And also just

0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:05.440
<v Speaker 1>like I'm sick, there's it's not there's not a ton.

0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:07.600
<v Speaker 2>Of success so much and it damages your hair and

0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:08.080
<v Speaker 2>it gets.

0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:11.400
<v Speaker 1>So bad, so yellow. And anyways, after that, I shaved

0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:16.400
<v Speaker 1>my bult and that was kind of the last hair

0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:18.840
<v Speaker 1>decision I made before I figured out that I was

0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.600
<v Speaker 1>trans and I like my kind of not as dark

0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.240
<v Speaker 1>as your period, but like my darker period was like

0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:28.720
<v Speaker 1>years and years and years and years of doing nothing

0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:32.320
<v Speaker 1>with my hair and wearing the same outfit every day

0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.199
<v Speaker 1>because I used to have I was in that phase

0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:36.080
<v Speaker 1>of like pretty much wearing the same like you know,

0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:39.639
<v Speaker 1>all black whatever outfit every day and having this mustache

0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:42.600
<v Speaker 1>that I didn't even like, reminding me of my dad.

0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:43.720
<v Speaker 1>I still don't even know.

0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:44.520
<v Speaker 2>Why I had facial hour.

0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:46.320
<v Speaker 1>Why did you have facial hair? I still because I

0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:48.440
<v Speaker 1>wanted to be fuckable, Like I still to this day

0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:50.520
<v Speaker 1>don't know why I had a mustache.

0:19:50.600 --> 0:19:54.440
<v Speaker 2>It was about being fuckable and right, I mean the

0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:58.760
<v Speaker 2>what I what I've always thought about, like specifically, the

0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.119
<v Speaker 2>year and some chain before I transitioned, I had like

0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:07.280
<v Speaker 2>the most facial hair I've ever had. Yeah, and I

0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:10.680
<v Speaker 2>and I think it was because, like what I've reflected

0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:14.600
<v Speaker 2>on now is I needed to lean as far as

0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:19.080
<v Speaker 2>I could into masculine presentation basically to see if that

0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.960
<v Speaker 2>was real, like if that was who I actually was,

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:26.560
<v Speaker 2>Like Okay, I don't like because I had been feeling

0:20:26.600 --> 0:20:28.800
<v Speaker 2>like I had always played with gender, like as a

0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:34.360
<v Speaker 2>club kid, like I like presented like like very fem

0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:37.080
<v Speaker 2>sometimes in those kinds of spaces, and like did things

0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:39.719
<v Speaker 2>that were like drag adjacent but like more performance already.

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.399
<v Speaker 2>But I also like you know, being like I was

0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:47.119
<v Speaker 2>like like being a little hairy, like being fat, you know,

0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:54.000
<v Speaker 2>like also like existed in that like cub and like

0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:59.240
<v Speaker 2>that was me experimenting, like trying to figure out, like, okay,

0:20:59.280 --> 0:21:02.200
<v Speaker 2>with what I've been given, let me take it as

0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:05.720
<v Speaker 2>far as it will go and see if that's the

0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:09.040
<v Speaker 2>gender thing that feels real to me, or if the

0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:11.359
<v Speaker 2>other stuff it was is what feels real. So like

0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:14.639
<v Speaker 2>that year I was like had long facial hair. I

0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:18.879
<v Speaker 2>was like go into the eagle and like you know,

0:21:19.040 --> 0:21:22.159
<v Speaker 2>wearing leather and like going to a fairy sanctuary and

0:21:22.200 --> 0:21:25.400
<v Speaker 2>like getting pissed on at the outdoor shower. And like

0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:27.639
<v Speaker 2>my my friend and I who used to throw parties,

0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:29.840
<v Speaker 2>we started throwing a party called Daddy, and I was

0:21:29.920 --> 0:21:33.800
<v Speaker 2>like doing all of this like gender performance, and it

0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:38.919
<v Speaker 2>all felt incredibly hollow. Yes, it felt so retroactively, you're like,

0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:45.040
<v Speaker 2>and I like had to swing that far in that direction, yes,

0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:51.760
<v Speaker 2>to realize that that wasn't who I wanted to be,

0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:56.080
<v Speaker 2>and like I also and so like then I tried

0:21:56.119 --> 0:21:58.680
<v Speaker 2>swinging to the middle and being like, Okay, well maybe

0:21:58.680 --> 0:22:00.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm somewhere in the middle, so let me get this

0:22:00.320 --> 0:22:04.800
<v Speaker 2>weird like you know, haircut and like you know where

0:22:04.960 --> 0:22:08.719
<v Speaker 2>bad eyeshadow, and and like you know use like you know,

0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:12.199
<v Speaker 2>neutral pronouns and like that didn't really feel either, And

0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:14.560
<v Speaker 2>so then I had to ask myself, like, are these

0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:18.440
<v Speaker 2>things just like a costume that is insulating me from

0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:21.159
<v Speaker 2>like the truth of who I am or who like

0:22:21.240 --> 0:22:24.560
<v Speaker 2>I've always wanted to be. And that was the answer,

0:22:24.600 --> 0:22:26.840
<v Speaker 2>And like once I answered it, I like couldn't look

0:22:26.880 --> 0:22:27.399
<v Speaker 2>away from it.

0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:30.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was like how could I Like it's been there.

0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:32.159
<v Speaker 1>It's almost like it's been there the whole time in

0:22:32.200 --> 0:22:32.760
<v Speaker 1>a weird way.

0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:35.680
<v Speaker 2>Of course, the conversation about hair with two trans people

0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:40.120
<v Speaker 2>being a conversation about and because hair is trans, it's

0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:44.879
<v Speaker 2>trans period hairs trans trans is hair, trans is hair.

0:22:45.640 --> 0:22:50.200
<v Speaker 2>It's like trans is having hair, not having hair, removing hair,

0:22:50.400 --> 0:22:51.679
<v Speaker 2>growing hair like.

0:22:51.640 --> 0:22:53.120
<v Speaker 1>It is hitting hair transplanted.

0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:59.800
<v Speaker 2>It's so hair is so incredibly integral to your identity.

0:22:59.840 --> 0:23:00.280
<v Speaker 2>It's trans.

0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:01.960
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about any person. I want to

0:23:02.000 --> 0:23:04.080
<v Speaker 1>talk about hair body mod but before we move away

0:23:04.080 --> 0:23:06.320
<v Speaker 1>from this little dark this little dark moment, I want

0:23:06.320 --> 0:23:09.520
<v Speaker 1>to also, like, just what you just said was so validating,

0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:12.439
<v Speaker 1>Like hollow was the word I the years that I

0:23:12.480 --> 0:23:15.960
<v Speaker 1>spent like wearing the same, like having the same haircut,

0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:18.679
<v Speaker 1>like my lesbian barber giving me the exact same haircut

0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:21.920
<v Speaker 1>for six seven years, wearing the same outfit and a

0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:26.800
<v Speaker 1>mustache that I retrospect retroactively, I'm like, definitely was like

0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:29.240
<v Speaker 1>I was thinking about maybe being fuckable, but honestly, I

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:31.800
<v Speaker 1>didn't even feel fuckable. I just felt like I was

0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:34.040
<v Speaker 1>trying to hide my face because I didn't like looking

0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:37.040
<v Speaker 1>at my face, and my mustache was something to distract

0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:40.359
<v Speaker 1>me and others from the fact that I didn't like

0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:45.560
<v Speaker 1>my face and didn't feel attractive. And and like I

0:23:45.560 --> 0:23:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I think that maybe I also really liked the kind

0:23:48.720 --> 0:23:52.840
<v Speaker 1>of vintage vintagey like castro clone, like porn stash like

0:23:53.720 --> 0:23:55.800
<v Speaker 1>and I did do it before. That was cool, by

0:23:55.840 --> 0:24:00.439
<v Speaker 1>the way, but no, like I now, I'm trying so

0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:03.920
<v Speaker 1>desperately to remove all my hair and grow it all

0:24:04.000 --> 0:24:06.000
<v Speaker 1>on top of my head and and maybe get like

0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:08.359
<v Speaker 1>hair transplants in the corners of my forehead and I

0:24:08.359 --> 0:24:08.679
<v Speaker 1>don't know.

0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:12.360
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I like they're like I'm able to look

0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:15.240
<v Speaker 2>at like the photo I showed you, and like I

0:24:15.320 --> 0:24:18.840
<v Speaker 2>know who that person was, and I do feel a

0:24:18.880 --> 0:24:21.480
<v Speaker 2>connection with them when I look at the photos of

0:24:21.760 --> 0:24:24.840
<v Speaker 2>like the year leading up to me deciding to transition

0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:28.800
<v Speaker 2>and then the year like immediately following it. That's the

0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:31.160
<v Speaker 2>person who I'm like, I don't know who you are

0:24:31.240 --> 0:24:36.640
<v Speaker 2>because like I don't understand the either like the extreme

0:24:36.880 --> 0:24:40.800
<v Speaker 2>in one direction or like the like chrysalis.

0:24:40.920 --> 0:24:42.359
<v Speaker 1>Uh, like I hate the.

0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:47.320
<v Speaker 2>Metaphor, but that is that is who I feel so

0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:50.479
<v Speaker 2>far away from because it's like that person was so

0:24:50.760 --> 0:24:53.359
<v Speaker 2>confused about who they were and was in so much pain,

0:24:53.560 --> 0:24:57.639
<v Speaker 2>and like the hair was such a manifestation, was a

0:24:57.680 --> 0:25:02.040
<v Speaker 2>tranifestation of that. You can see pain. Hair is pain.

0:25:02.119 --> 0:25:04.479
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, tell me, tell tell me that I

0:25:04.600 --> 0:25:06.639
<v Speaker 1>still have not gone to electrolysis and I'm about to

0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:07.520
<v Speaker 1>start that journey.

0:25:07.840 --> 0:25:10.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. Yeah, have you did you decide where

0:25:10.760 --> 0:25:11.320
<v Speaker 2>you're gonna go?

0:25:11.800 --> 0:25:13.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, my friend, I have a lot of friends that

0:25:13.680 --> 0:25:15.680
<v Speaker 1>all recommended me to the same place, which I am

0:25:15.720 --> 0:25:17.080
<v Speaker 1>going to gate keep for now.

0:25:17.280 --> 0:25:18.800
<v Speaker 2>Well, you'll have to tell me how it is.

0:25:18.880 --> 0:25:21.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm I'm trying to get my health insurance to

0:25:21.800 --> 0:25:23.880
<v Speaker 1>pay for it. This is an interesting but anyways, hair

0:25:23.920 --> 0:25:27.080
<v Speaker 1>electrolysis versus laser, that is interesting to me.

0:25:27.240 --> 0:25:30.520
<v Speaker 2>Like, well, electrolysis hurts so much more because laser is

0:25:30.680 --> 0:25:34.280
<v Speaker 2>very quick. Yeah, an electrolysis like you pay by the

0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:37.680
<v Speaker 2>time increment because they pay by the hair because they

0:25:37.800 --> 0:25:42.199
<v Speaker 2>go in and zap each hair follicle individual and you

0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:42.640
<v Speaker 2>and I.

0:25:42.560 --> 0:25:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Know somebody who like clinically knocked herself out to experience

0:25:47.920 --> 0:25:52.000
<v Speaker 1>electrolysis because the pain, which I would like to do. Yeah,

0:25:52.200 --> 0:25:54.800
<v Speaker 1>I want a doctor that will let me be unconscious

0:25:55.280 --> 0:25:55.679
<v Speaker 1>during it.

0:25:56.280 --> 0:25:59.360
<v Speaker 2>I want someone to come into my home while I'm sleeping.

0:26:00.440 --> 0:26:03.360
<v Speaker 1>Knock me out. Yeah, yeah, knock me clean out.

0:26:03.400 --> 0:26:05.280
<v Speaker 2>And well, no, I want to I want I want

0:26:05.280 --> 0:26:11.200
<v Speaker 2>to take like three ambient and then wake up, not three. Yeah,

0:26:11.280 --> 0:26:16.000
<v Speaker 2>and then have you ever are you gonna do laser

0:26:16.040 --> 0:26:17.480
<v Speaker 2>anywhere else on your body?

0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I it really depends on how well everything else goes.

0:26:21.760 --> 0:26:23.680
<v Speaker 2>But if you know you can't do it anywhere you've

0:26:23.680 --> 0:26:24.879
<v Speaker 2>been tattooed.

0:26:24.440 --> 0:26:29.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna that's the problem. What Yeah, that's really good

0:26:29.480 --> 0:26:31.440
<v Speaker 1>to know. But that's fine because I really only want

0:26:31.520 --> 0:26:33.639
<v Speaker 1>laser on my whole and maybe on my chest. But

0:26:33.720 --> 0:26:36.800
<v Speaker 1>I I'm not really that's more like kind of like

0:26:36.960 --> 0:26:39.159
<v Speaker 1>fun money like next step because I actually, I mean

0:26:39.160 --> 0:26:41.000
<v Speaker 1>obviously I don't. I just like shave the hair on

0:26:41.000 --> 0:26:43.400
<v Speaker 1>my whole and I don't mind. I like I when

0:26:43.440 --> 0:26:45.720
<v Speaker 1>I trim the hair on my chest, I don't mind it.

0:26:46.320 --> 0:26:47.639
<v Speaker 1>I don't mind what it does.

0:26:48.359 --> 0:26:50.840
<v Speaker 2>I never shaved my whole. Oh really, and I had

0:26:50.840 --> 0:26:51.640
<v Speaker 2>someone recently.

0:26:52.000 --> 0:26:54.440
<v Speaker 1>But your hair, your probably whole hair, your hair hoole,

0:26:54.640 --> 0:26:57.760
<v Speaker 1>your hair whole, your whole hair, your whole hair is

0:26:57.800 --> 0:26:59.080
<v Speaker 1>probably so fine.

0:26:59.119 --> 0:27:04.280
<v Speaker 2>And maybe maybe, but I did have someone. This has

0:27:04.280 --> 0:27:06.840
<v Speaker 2>happened a couple of times. But I can recall one

0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:09.879
<v Speaker 2>recent instance where someone was like, we were making plants

0:27:09.880 --> 0:27:12.000
<v Speaker 2>to hook them, and they were like, are you gonna, like,

0:27:12.359 --> 0:27:15.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, are you gonna be like smooth and hairless

0:27:15.480 --> 0:27:17.840
<v Speaker 2>for me? And I was like, I would never groom

0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:20.440
<v Speaker 2>myself based on someone else's requirement.

0:27:20.520 --> 0:27:23.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, never on principle. On principle, I would, however,

0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:26.920
<v Speaker 1>so that guy should slide into my DMS, I do.

0:27:27.480 --> 0:27:29.880
<v Speaker 1>There is something about like when if a guy's coming

0:27:29.960 --> 0:27:32.119
<v Speaker 1>over and it's a guy who's into like a girl

0:27:32.200 --> 0:27:35.040
<v Speaker 1>like me. I do want to kind of be like

0:27:35.320 --> 0:27:38.399
<v Speaker 1>buffed and puffed and trimped and talked, you know what

0:27:38.480 --> 0:27:41.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean. I mean, I'm not talking, but I taught.

0:27:41.480 --> 0:27:43.679
<v Speaker 2>I used to. I used to feel that way. I

0:27:43.760 --> 0:27:47.760
<v Speaker 2>used to put so much effort into like when especially

0:27:47.760 --> 0:27:51.240
<v Speaker 2>when I was hooking up with people and like being

0:27:52.119 --> 0:27:58.359
<v Speaker 2>as cute and femb as possible, And now I like, hey,

0:27:58.640 --> 0:28:03.119
<v Speaker 2>I don't hey, b I don't care. I mean a

0:28:03.119 --> 0:28:06.719
<v Speaker 2>big part of it is like I'm actively not looking

0:28:06.760 --> 0:28:10.760
<v Speaker 2>to have sex with like chasers with straight people. I'm

0:28:10.800 --> 0:28:13.959
<v Speaker 2>like primarily trying to have sex with queer people. So

0:28:14.280 --> 0:28:16.639
<v Speaker 2>I like would hope that queer people like don't care

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:19.879
<v Speaker 2>about that as much. And then also like I don't

0:28:19.880 --> 0:28:21.680
<v Speaker 2>care about it, yeah, as much.

0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:24.439
<v Speaker 1>You actually have helped you. You were one of the

0:28:24.720 --> 0:28:28.239
<v Speaker 1>primary people to like continually reorient my thinking around that,

0:28:28.280 --> 0:28:31.439
<v Speaker 1>being like you gotta stop prepping and buffing and puffing

0:28:31.440 --> 0:28:33.000
<v Speaker 1>for guys that don't show up, because that happened to

0:28:33.000 --> 0:28:36.440
<v Speaker 1>me so frequently in Los Angeles, Like fuck every man

0:28:36.520 --> 0:28:39.560
<v Speaker 1>in Los Angeles who did that to me? But like

0:28:39.640 --> 0:28:42.719
<v Speaker 1>nobody likes to like douche and go through the whole

0:28:43.000 --> 0:28:46.240
<v Speaker 1>hour long ringer of like looking like a presentable, clean

0:28:46.800 --> 0:28:50.360
<v Speaker 1>person for somebody that doesn't show up but now and

0:28:50.400 --> 0:28:53.800
<v Speaker 1>so I don't do that anymore for other men. I

0:28:53.960 --> 0:28:56.280
<v Speaker 1>do it for me if I'm doing it, yeah, and

0:28:56.320 --> 0:28:58.440
<v Speaker 1>if I And the only reason I'm doing it is

0:28:58.480 --> 0:29:02.920
<v Speaker 1>because I want to feel powerful. I don't care if

0:29:02.960 --> 0:29:05.440
<v Speaker 1>that is what they desire. I don't care if that's

0:29:05.600 --> 0:29:08.800
<v Speaker 1>a need that they want. It's like I'm using my

0:29:09.120 --> 0:29:13.920
<v Speaker 1>kind of feminine beauty and glow to you know, woo them.

0:29:14.120 --> 0:29:16.520
<v Speaker 1>And it's also like honestly on like the facial hair

0:29:16.560 --> 0:29:18.719
<v Speaker 1>of it all, and just like how I present as

0:29:18.760 --> 0:29:21.880
<v Speaker 1>a person, because sometimes they feel totally crazy just talking

0:29:21.880 --> 0:29:25.240
<v Speaker 1>about being trans in general. It's like sometimes they feel

0:29:25.280 --> 0:29:28.360
<v Speaker 1>like I have kind of reverse gender dysphoria where I

0:29:28.360 --> 0:29:31.000
<v Speaker 1>think I'm like way more soft and cunt than I

0:29:31.120 --> 0:29:33.680
<v Speaker 1>actually am, and like sometimes that works out for you.

0:29:33.760 --> 0:29:35.640
<v Speaker 1>It's kind of like a Jedi mind trick. I mean

0:29:35.720 --> 0:29:37.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot of being trands is like a Jedi mind

0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:38.920
<v Speaker 1>trick that you have to do on yourself.

0:29:38.960 --> 0:29:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Well you have to, and like I mean, the thing

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:45.440
<v Speaker 2>is like you did come out like last year, and

0:29:45.800 --> 0:29:49.080
<v Speaker 2>you like I'm I'm telling you, like I think, especially

0:29:49.320 --> 0:29:51.840
<v Speaker 2>coming out as an adult, because like now we live

0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:53.960
<v Speaker 2>in a world where people are coming out younger and younger,

0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:57.120
<v Speaker 2>and like, once you've like lived in the world like

0:29:57.360 --> 0:30:00.800
<v Speaker 2>with your body looking a certain way, like you really

0:30:00.840 --> 0:30:03.840
<v Speaker 2>have to kind of beat a little Delulu. Oh, you

0:30:03.920 --> 0:30:07.240
<v Speaker 2>have a while until you like kind of catch up

0:30:07.280 --> 0:30:09.480
<v Speaker 2>to where you want to be. And like, obviously neither

0:30:09.520 --> 0:30:12.320
<v Speaker 2>of us are saying like there's only one right way

0:30:12.360 --> 0:30:15.400
<v Speaker 2>to present as a transperson, as a trans woman, like whatever,

0:30:15.920 --> 0:30:22.680
<v Speaker 2>But when you do want that, sometimes you gotta lie

0:30:22.720 --> 0:30:24.880
<v Speaker 2>to your It's not that I'm saying that you're lying,

0:30:24.880 --> 0:30:28.800
<v Speaker 2>but like sometimes you just have to like fucking believe

0:30:28.840 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 2>it so much so that other people will too, or

0:30:32.400 --> 0:30:35.200
<v Speaker 2>so that even if other people don't believe it, at

0:30:35.280 --> 0:30:37.840
<v Speaker 2>least you do, and so like in your mind that

0:30:37.960 --> 0:30:40.600
<v Speaker 2>makes them the stupid ones for not getting it.

0:30:40.800 --> 0:30:45.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I mean, Delulu is the end. D Lulu

0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:48.120
<v Speaker 1>is my life and brand like that is like how

0:30:48.160 --> 0:30:50.800
<v Speaker 1>I operate, Like you know that, like kind of one

0:30:50.840 --> 0:30:53.280
<v Speaker 1>of my best and worst qualities is that I truly

0:30:53.480 --> 0:30:56.920
<v Speaker 1>fiercely believe that things can happen when they truly will

0:30:56.960 --> 0:30:59.560
<v Speaker 1>not happen. You know, but sometimes you have to like

0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:02.760
<v Speaker 1>believe in it in order to get even like a

0:31:03.280 --> 0:31:07.080
<v Speaker 1>fraction of close to what you want. And like in

0:31:07.160 --> 0:31:09.760
<v Speaker 1>terms of like hair, like I mean you and I

0:31:09.840 --> 0:31:14.280
<v Speaker 1>are very lucky to be in a Brooklyn trans bubble

0:31:14.360 --> 0:31:17.080
<v Speaker 1>where like I can go to bars and be among

0:31:17.120 --> 0:31:20.880
<v Speaker 1>friends and being among gay people who will actually see

0:31:20.880 --> 0:31:24.200
<v Speaker 1>me and acknowledge my gender and use my pronouns, and

0:31:24.520 --> 0:31:27.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't even have to ask, like and I didn't

0:31:27.120 --> 0:31:29.040
<v Speaker 1>even have to inform them that was something that was

0:31:29.160 --> 0:31:32.000
<v Speaker 1>disseminated to them, or maybe they got a clue based

0:31:32.040 --> 0:31:35.080
<v Speaker 1>on how it is presenting. But I do fiercely believe that,

0:31:35.480 --> 0:31:40.200
<v Speaker 1>among other things, my hair right now is like part

0:31:40.240 --> 0:31:44.600
<v Speaker 1>of what really helps people see me. Not that gender

0:31:44.840 --> 0:31:47.000
<v Speaker 1>should be so tied up in performance. And that's like

0:31:47.000 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 1>a whole other conversation that we don't need to talk about.

0:31:49.960 --> 0:31:52.320
<v Speaker 2>Like gender, it's a way that you telegraph to the world,

0:31:52.560 --> 0:31:54.760
<v Speaker 2>Like it's how you clue them in. And I also

0:31:54.760 --> 0:31:58.400
<v Speaker 2>think it's not necessarily just like a Brooklyn queer bubble.

0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:01.360
<v Speaker 2>It's like we live in New York. Yes, like people

0:32:01.520 --> 0:32:04.560
<v Speaker 2>here are used to the existence of trans people.

0:32:04.640 --> 0:32:06.400
<v Speaker 1>Yes, like you will walk out the door and see

0:32:06.440 --> 0:32:09.120
<v Speaker 1>them getting coffee, like going on a jog, like you know,

0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:11.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what people do.

0:32:11.760 --> 0:32:14.960
<v Speaker 2>I think like people here, when they see someone who's

0:32:15.000 --> 0:32:19.320
<v Speaker 2>maybe like their initial perception of them, based on whatever reason,

0:32:19.640 --> 0:32:22.640
<v Speaker 2>doesn't match up to what it seems they are trying

0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:27.560
<v Speaker 2>to inform the world about them. They instead, I think

0:32:27.640 --> 0:32:31.360
<v Speaker 2>here people in major metropolitan cities like New York, people

0:32:31.400 --> 0:32:34.120
<v Speaker 2>are more likely to be like, Okay, I'll go with

0:32:34.200 --> 0:32:38.080
<v Speaker 2>what this person is clearly trying to do, rather than

0:32:38.200 --> 0:32:39.520
<v Speaker 2>like what I'm assuming.

0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:41.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yes, exactly.

0:32:42.920 --> 0:32:45.160
<v Speaker 2>H And hair is such a huge part of it,

0:32:45.240 --> 0:32:48.720
<v Speaker 2>Like I you know, I have there are days when

0:32:48.800 --> 0:32:56.040
<v Speaker 2>I feel like really gross and like like bricky, and

0:32:56.760 --> 0:33:01.840
<v Speaker 2>the fact that I have this like long hair is

0:33:01.920 --> 0:33:04.480
<v Speaker 2>like a shield that I get to wear out into

0:33:04.520 --> 0:33:06.760
<v Speaker 2>the world that I'm like, at the very least I

0:33:06.800 --> 0:33:07.280
<v Speaker 2>have this.

0:33:07.840 --> 0:33:10.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and even I mean, my facial hair is like

0:33:10.560 --> 0:33:12.600
<v Speaker 1>my biggest battle. It's like the thing that I hate

0:33:12.600 --> 0:33:16.520
<v Speaker 1>the most about my face up from frequently and I had.

0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:20.640
<v Speaker 2>And it's just never gonna be gone, Like that is

0:33:20.680 --> 0:33:23.960
<v Speaker 2>just reality, Like shut up, no, I'm dealing with your

0:33:24.120 --> 0:33:27.960
<v Speaker 2>hair is gone? Are you kidding? I can so much.

0:33:28.480 --> 0:33:31.840
<v Speaker 1>Seeing I've never seen a single hair on your face.

0:33:31.920 --> 0:33:33.920
<v Speaker 2>That's crazy to me because I see it.

0:33:33.960 --> 0:33:36.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm sitting because like up next to your face, so

0:33:36.720 --> 0:33:38.600
<v Speaker 1>now you see it. No, not right now, I'm saying,

0:33:38.640 --> 0:33:41.800
<v Speaker 1>only when I am like literally like putting my eyes

0:33:41.920 --> 0:33:44.760
<v Speaker 1>next to your face because you just told me that

0:33:44.840 --> 0:33:47.160
<v Speaker 1>you just had laser and so you haven't shaved in

0:33:47.200 --> 0:33:49.760
<v Speaker 1>four days. Is the only time where I have seen

0:33:50.160 --> 0:33:51.400
<v Speaker 1>hair on your face.

0:33:52.080 --> 0:33:55.400
<v Speaker 2>You will see this me right now? Is like I

0:33:56.080 --> 0:33:59.760
<v Speaker 2>almost like I almost shaved this morning because this is

0:33:59.760 --> 0:34:03.960
<v Speaker 2>like more it's it's gotten better recently because I had

0:34:04.120 --> 0:34:07.440
<v Speaker 2>laser again, but and also because I've just kind of

0:34:08.200 --> 0:34:11.799
<v Speaker 2>stopped caring as much about going out, like feeling like

0:34:11.800 --> 0:34:14.680
<v Speaker 2>I have visible facial hair. But like this where I'm

0:34:14.719 --> 0:34:18.640
<v Speaker 2>at now is kind of like the last day into

0:34:18.680 --> 0:34:20.560
<v Speaker 2>a cycle that I would want to do that and

0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:24.520
<v Speaker 2>something toxic is like I do like orient the way

0:34:24.520 --> 0:34:29.720
<v Speaker 2>I schedule my life still around shaving. That's all around

0:34:29.800 --> 0:34:32.680
<v Speaker 2>shaving and also around washing my hair. That's not toxic

0:34:32.719 --> 0:34:34.960
<v Speaker 2>at all. That's totally normal. Like the way the way

0:34:35.000 --> 0:34:37.080
<v Speaker 2>that I only I will only smoke a cigarette the

0:34:37.120 --> 0:34:39.360
<v Speaker 2>day that I'm washing my hair. It's like also not

0:34:39.440 --> 0:34:41.359
<v Speaker 2>toxic I like to think about the Like if I'm

0:34:41.360 --> 0:34:44.400
<v Speaker 2>making plans with someone for dinner, I'm like, oh, like

0:34:44.719 --> 0:34:49.080
<v Speaker 2>I should make plans like the day after. I know

0:34:49.160 --> 0:34:51.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to shave the next time, you know, so

0:34:51.840 --> 0:34:54.600
<v Speaker 2>like I don't get myself in like a bad cycle.

0:34:55.480 --> 0:34:57.800
<v Speaker 2>You know, like I'm getting I'm getting my hair done

0:34:58.000 --> 0:35:00.319
<v Speaker 2>on Thursday, and I'm like, okay, I'm I know I'm

0:35:00.360 --> 0:35:02.600
<v Speaker 2>gonna want to like take photos, like make a TikTok,

0:35:02.880 --> 0:35:05.440
<v Speaker 2>so I should make sure that like I'm like not

0:35:05.719 --> 0:35:06.719
<v Speaker 2>clocky that day.

0:35:07.040 --> 0:35:09.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely shaving for like any front

0:35:09.480 --> 0:35:12.760
<v Speaker 1>facing camera video I'm doing generally, and then like figuring

0:35:12.800 --> 0:35:15.760
<v Speaker 1>out how to like cover up like my beard shadow,

0:35:15.920 --> 0:35:19.160
<v Speaker 1>which will go away one day, right.

0:35:19.960 --> 0:35:25.280
<v Speaker 2>You will. You will be shocked one like the first

0:35:25.280 --> 0:35:27.719
<v Speaker 2>time you have or like the next time you have

0:35:27.840 --> 0:35:34.480
<v Speaker 2>like a successful laser electrolysis or whatever, like and that

0:35:34.960 --> 0:35:38.879
<v Speaker 2>when you shave and like the shadow isn't immediately there,

0:35:39.000 --> 0:36:09.440
<v Speaker 2>like it will be a very big moment. Okay, so

0:36:09.440 --> 0:36:12.359
<v Speaker 2>oh future haion, Okay, future hair decisions. So I mean

0:36:12.400 --> 0:36:15.360
<v Speaker 2>this episode will come out after this has happened. But

0:36:15.800 --> 0:36:19.480
<v Speaker 2>I have a hair appointment on Thursday. I have I'm

0:36:19.520 --> 0:36:21.959
<v Speaker 2>really happy with the person who does my hair now.

0:36:22.120 --> 0:36:24.799
<v Speaker 2>I like kind of when I moved back to New York,

0:36:25.000 --> 0:36:27.279
<v Speaker 2>I'd been seeing someone in LA who, like I kind

0:36:27.280 --> 0:36:30.680
<v Speaker 2>of liked, but he was kind of the person I

0:36:30.719 --> 0:36:33.360
<v Speaker 2>was talking about before who he was more like he

0:36:33.440 --> 0:36:38.120
<v Speaker 2>gave me exactly what I asked for rather than giving

0:36:38.120 --> 0:36:40.920
<v Speaker 2>his opinion and like having a conversation about it. This

0:36:40.960 --> 0:36:43.239
<v Speaker 2>person who I work with now at the salon the

0:36:43.280 --> 0:36:46.680
<v Speaker 2>Birdhouse in Bushwick, which is like literally the only reason

0:36:46.719 --> 0:36:48.279
<v Speaker 2>I will go to Bushwick is to go to the

0:36:48.320 --> 0:36:51.960
<v Speaker 2>salon because I have a really amazing hairstylist. Her name

0:36:52.040 --> 0:36:59.759
<v Speaker 2>is Drenne, and she it's always like very collaborative and

0:37:01.040 --> 0:37:03.880
<v Speaker 2>when we talk when we do my hair, and like

0:37:03.920 --> 0:37:06.759
<v Speaker 2>we've gotten into a good cycle of like maintenance and

0:37:06.920 --> 0:37:11.160
<v Speaker 2>also okay, so also I have broken my cycle with her,

0:37:12.000 --> 0:37:15.520
<v Speaker 2>of the the cycle that I had gotten myself into,

0:37:15.600 --> 0:37:19.319
<v Speaker 2>which was specifically about hair color. And you know that

0:37:19.440 --> 0:37:22.000
<v Speaker 2>I used to do this, so it was always like

0:37:22.719 --> 0:37:27.239
<v Speaker 2>basically even even pre transition, like I did this like

0:37:27.280 --> 0:37:29.359
<v Speaker 2>when I was when I was presenting as a boy.

0:37:29.840 --> 0:37:33.000
<v Speaker 2>It would be red in the sum, red in the fall,

0:37:34.160 --> 0:37:37.799
<v Speaker 2>dark in the winter, blonde in the summer and then

0:37:37.920 --> 0:37:41.799
<v Speaker 2>usually like late summer, when the blonde was growing out,

0:37:41.800 --> 0:37:43.640
<v Speaker 2>I would do like a fun color.

0:37:44.080 --> 0:37:46.520
<v Speaker 1>And it doesn't matter what year it is, Rose will

0:37:46.640 --> 0:37:49.400
<v Speaker 1>still ask the internet if she should go blonde or

0:37:49.440 --> 0:37:52.520
<v Speaker 1>go red but this or if you should have bangs.

0:37:52.800 --> 0:37:58.400
<v Speaker 2>But this year, I really like firmly made the decision

0:37:58.680 --> 0:38:02.879
<v Speaker 2>that my hair is meant to be or like I

0:38:03.000 --> 0:38:05.840
<v Speaker 2>feel the most me when I have red hair or

0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:10.320
<v Speaker 2>like reddish hair. And I even like I went blonder

0:38:10.360 --> 0:38:13.400
<v Speaker 2>for the summer, and like a month into it, I

0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:15.480
<v Speaker 2>was like, no, this isn't right, Like I have to

0:38:15.680 --> 0:38:18.959
<v Speaker 2>I have to break the cycle. And so now it's

0:38:19.000 --> 0:38:21.160
<v Speaker 2>like it's always going to be read, Like the tone

0:38:21.320 --> 0:38:23.080
<v Speaker 2>might change, but it's always going.

0:38:23.040 --> 0:38:25.160
<v Speaker 1>To be read, and then maybe the shape might change.

0:38:25.160 --> 0:38:29.359
<v Speaker 2>The shape might change. I have been I have been

0:38:29.600 --> 0:38:33.000
<v Speaker 2>pretty seriously considering bangs.

0:38:33.040 --> 0:38:34.600
<v Speaker 1>And you can't see right now, but Rose has a

0:38:34.640 --> 0:38:39.000
<v Speaker 1>knife to her throat and she is threatening.

0:38:40.000 --> 0:38:44.520
<v Speaker 2>I know, like the bank thought like came from a

0:38:44.640 --> 0:38:49.760
<v Speaker 2>dark place at first, because of the recent mental trauma

0:38:49.840 --> 0:38:50.640
<v Speaker 2>I've been enduring.

0:38:50.800 --> 0:38:52.760
<v Speaker 1>She's like, I swear to God, I'm gonna get bangs.

0:38:52.840 --> 0:38:56.600
<v Speaker 2>But now I've been doing something. I've been looking. I've

0:38:56.600 --> 0:38:59.000
<v Speaker 2>been spending a lot of my time recently looking at

0:38:59.080 --> 0:39:02.319
<v Speaker 2>old photos of my and I, well, like from the

0:39:02.320 --> 0:39:05.640
<v Speaker 2>past couple of years, and I specifically went and looked

0:39:05.640 --> 0:39:09.040
<v Speaker 2>at all the photos of myself where I had bangs

0:39:09.040 --> 0:39:13.440
<v Speaker 2>from the past couple of years, and I do really

0:39:13.520 --> 0:39:16.000
<v Speaker 2>like how they look on me. At the same time,

0:39:16.160 --> 0:39:21.400
<v Speaker 2>like I do like my hair the way it currently

0:39:21.560 --> 0:39:24.880
<v Speaker 2>is kind of I think what I've realized is like

0:39:24.960 --> 0:39:28.399
<v Speaker 2>the I like the way I look with bangs, They're

0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:32.920
<v Speaker 2>not always the most functional for my hair texture and

0:39:33.000 --> 0:39:37.360
<v Speaker 2>my lifestyle because I'm a forehead sweater, so my bangs

0:39:37.440 --> 0:39:40.239
<v Speaker 2>get like when I have bangs, like they will get

0:39:40.360 --> 0:39:43.200
<v Speaker 2>kind of damp, and like no one wants to walk

0:39:43.239 --> 0:39:48.279
<v Speaker 2>around with like wet hair, Okay, but like what if

0:39:48.280 --> 0:39:51.279
<v Speaker 2>you're just doing the little curler every morning so that

0:39:51.320 --> 0:39:53.200
<v Speaker 2>the bangs are kind of like this, so they're not

0:39:53.239 --> 0:39:55.719
<v Speaker 2>touching your forehead, you know, even then they'll still get,

0:39:55.920 --> 0:39:56.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, like damp.

0:39:57.200 --> 0:40:00.560
<v Speaker 1>But the reference is Florence, right, or maybe like or

0:40:00.600 --> 0:40:02.080
<v Speaker 1>what do we what do we going? What are we?

0:40:02.320 --> 0:40:03.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I mean Florence.

0:40:03.480 --> 0:40:05.439
<v Speaker 1>Do we want to straight across bang? Do we really

0:40:05.440 --> 0:40:06.000
<v Speaker 1>want to do that?

0:40:06.239 --> 0:40:08.000
<v Speaker 2>Or do I think here, I'll show you. I'll show

0:40:08.000 --> 0:40:08.560
<v Speaker 2>you a reference.

0:40:08.719 --> 0:40:10.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm not being subtle. I kind of want you to

0:40:10.400 --> 0:40:12.520
<v Speaker 1>go in a more feathery vibe because.

0:40:12.360 --> 0:40:16.000
<v Speaker 2>I think, well, I've done I've done a curtain bang before,

0:40:16.120 --> 0:40:18.200
<v Speaker 2>and like that is probably.

0:40:17.960 --> 0:40:19.279
<v Speaker 1>A curtain bang is the Florence bang.

0:40:19.520 --> 0:40:23.000
<v Speaker 2>No, a curtain bang is like a longer, more feathery bang. Okay,

0:40:23.640 --> 0:40:25.480
<v Speaker 2>and that doesn't work for you. This is kind of

0:40:26.239 --> 0:40:30.720
<v Speaker 2>Oh I like this love. It's like it's like blunt

0:40:30.880 --> 0:40:32.960
<v Speaker 2>but still a little feathery.

0:40:33.160 --> 0:40:35.879
<v Speaker 1>Like yeah, it's it's a little it's like not asymmetrical,

0:40:35.920 --> 0:40:38.239
<v Speaker 1>but it's a little choppy. Not it's not that's it.

0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:39.239
<v Speaker 1>It's not trying to be.

0:40:40.160 --> 0:40:42.120
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm not going to I'm not ever gonna do

0:40:42.239 --> 0:40:43.680
<v Speaker 2>like a Zoe Dachanell bang.

0:40:43.760 --> 0:40:44.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah that's what I was worried.

0:40:44.719 --> 0:40:48.480
<v Speaker 2>But Florence is more the vibe. And also, like my

0:40:49.200 --> 0:40:51.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, I was just home visiting my family recently,

0:40:51.640 --> 0:40:55.600
<v Speaker 2>and my my mom and my two sisters all three

0:40:55.640 --> 0:40:59.879
<v Speaker 2>of them have bangs. We all have the same texture hair,

0:41:00.440 --> 0:41:04.200
<v Speaker 2>like all of us, and it was like a nice moment.

0:41:04.200 --> 0:41:07.000
<v Speaker 2>We were all sitting around talking about our hair and

0:41:07.160 --> 0:41:09.440
<v Speaker 2>we like they were all talking about having bangs, and

0:41:09.440 --> 0:41:11.320
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, I kind of want that. And also,

0:41:12.040 --> 0:41:13.920
<v Speaker 2>I my mom and I went out for breakfast one

0:41:13.920 --> 0:41:15.360
<v Speaker 2>morning and I posted a picture of her on my

0:41:15.400 --> 0:41:19.440
<v Speaker 2>Instagram story, and so many people either commented or told

0:41:19.440 --> 0:41:21.200
<v Speaker 2>me the next time they saw me, oh my god,

0:41:21.239 --> 0:41:23.040
<v Speaker 2>you and your mom look so much like you have

0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:27.640
<v Speaker 2>the exact same hair, and that a couple of years ago,

0:41:28.120 --> 0:41:31.160
<v Speaker 2>I realized my hair was red, and I realized I

0:41:31.200 --> 0:41:32.719
<v Speaker 2>looked at a photo of my mom from when she

0:41:32.760 --> 0:41:34.239
<v Speaker 2>was young, and I was like, oh my god, I

0:41:34.280 --> 0:41:37.319
<v Speaker 2>look so much like my mom. And I immediately dyed

0:41:37.320 --> 0:41:39.359
<v Speaker 2>my hair a different color because I didn't like that.

0:41:39.840 --> 0:41:43.279
<v Speaker 2>And now you're like, and like, I love it. I

0:41:43.360 --> 0:41:45.120
<v Speaker 2>want to look like that. And my mom and I

0:41:45.160 --> 0:41:47.319
<v Speaker 2>when I was home the most recent, like last week,

0:41:47.800 --> 0:41:52.320
<v Speaker 2>we literally had like our hair is the same color,

0:41:52.640 --> 0:41:56.160
<v Speaker 2>the same texture, we do that we wear it the

0:41:56.200 --> 0:41:59.520
<v Speaker 2>same way. She has bangs, so like I kind of

0:41:59.560 --> 0:42:00.839
<v Speaker 2>wanted to just lean into it.

0:42:00.880 --> 0:42:03.279
<v Speaker 1>You should, you absolutely should, so.

0:42:03.520 --> 0:42:04.160
<v Speaker 2>I might be getting.

0:42:04.640 --> 0:42:08.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm very pro bangs so long as they're bangs that

0:42:08.680 --> 0:42:11.440
<v Speaker 1>like don't feel like they should feel like an extension

0:42:11.440 --> 0:42:13.360
<v Speaker 1>of what you already have. And I think that like

0:42:13.719 --> 0:42:16.880
<v Speaker 1>that reference image is perfect to me. You're gonna be

0:42:16.880 --> 0:42:19.520
<v Speaker 1>so much more TikTok though it's gonna make you like

0:42:19.640 --> 0:42:21.040
<v Speaker 1>it's just gonna be so cute.

0:42:21.160 --> 0:42:23.520
<v Speaker 2>And I think maybe, like I'll have to decide if

0:42:23.600 --> 0:42:27.000
<v Speaker 2>because every time I've gotten bangs, I haven't maintained them.

0:42:27.120 --> 0:42:30.759
<v Speaker 2>I always immediately start growing them out, and so I

0:42:30.760 --> 0:42:33.760
<v Speaker 2>think that's where I so if I just like commit

0:42:33.840 --> 0:42:36.239
<v Speaker 2>to having them for a while, I won't feel as

0:42:36.440 --> 0:42:40.080
<v Speaker 2>as much like that I regret them, but like I'll

0:42:40.160 --> 0:42:43.799
<v Speaker 2>always regret a haircut or a hair color decision, as

0:42:43.840 --> 0:42:45.840
<v Speaker 2>I said in three to five business days.

0:42:47.400 --> 0:42:48.959
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to know the hair decision that I'm

0:42:49.080 --> 0:42:49.680
<v Speaker 1>thinking about?

0:42:49.800 --> 0:42:51.360
<v Speaker 2>Yes, tell me extensions again?

0:42:51.560 --> 0:42:53.200
<v Speaker 1>No, oh my god. I mean I would love to

0:42:53.200 --> 0:42:55.840
<v Speaker 1>have an extensions moment, but that would be more like

0:42:55.920 --> 0:42:58.840
<v Speaker 1>event based, like a ponytail or something like that. I'm

0:42:58.920 --> 0:43:01.440
<v Speaker 1>currently thinking a lot, and I can't really do it

0:43:01.520 --> 0:43:04.080
<v Speaker 1>until I have like fun money, but like that probably

0:43:04.120 --> 0:43:07.880
<v Speaker 1>could be like maybe as soon as the winter. I

0:43:07.920 --> 0:43:11.560
<v Speaker 1>am thinking a lot about So I actually love the

0:43:11.560 --> 0:43:14.600
<v Speaker 1>color like your color, like red brown, whatever, and I

0:43:14.600 --> 0:43:16.520
<v Speaker 1>think it would go really well with my black hair.

0:43:16.560 --> 0:43:19.480
<v Speaker 1>And I'm thinking about taking just my haircut as it

0:43:19.520 --> 0:43:24.279
<v Speaker 1>is and dyeing all of the tips red. That's cute, yeah,

0:43:24.320 --> 0:43:26.440
<v Speaker 1>because I think it would be like not, It's not

0:43:26.520 --> 0:43:29.759
<v Speaker 1>like a huge change, and it's something that I can

0:43:29.880 --> 0:43:31.480
<v Speaker 1>chop off if I get sick of it.

0:43:31.480 --> 0:43:33.240
<v Speaker 2>It's a little emot.

0:43:34.560 --> 0:43:36.799
<v Speaker 1>It's a little malgoth, but I can But the way

0:43:36.880 --> 0:43:38.640
<v Speaker 1>I would wear it would be pretty fashion. I mean

0:43:38.640 --> 0:43:41.040
<v Speaker 1>not in what I'm literally in a mal goth outfit

0:43:41.160 --> 0:43:43.719
<v Speaker 1>right now, like kind of crazy, but like, yeah, no,

0:43:43.840 --> 0:43:46.359
<v Speaker 1>I've been feeling the kind of emo. But I also

0:43:46.640 --> 0:43:49.799
<v Speaker 1>just have been wanting more texture in my hair, like

0:43:49.960 --> 0:43:53.480
<v Speaker 1>more something that just like brings out, like the shape

0:43:53.560 --> 0:43:56.120
<v Speaker 1>and the feel of it. So I think that might

0:43:56.160 --> 0:43:57.840
<v Speaker 1>be my next move because I haven't gotten a haircut

0:43:57.920 --> 0:44:00.480
<v Speaker 1>in months, which is a great thing because my haircuts

0:44:00.520 --> 0:44:03.880
<v Speaker 1>are so expensive. But yeah, no, I'm thinking about a

0:44:03.880 --> 0:44:06.040
<v Speaker 1>red like yours, maybe a red that's like a little

0:44:06.080 --> 0:44:08.840
<v Speaker 1>more electric and a little less auburn.

0:44:09.200 --> 0:44:12.000
<v Speaker 2>That's very exciting. I mean, I'm when I do my

0:44:12.040 --> 0:44:14.239
<v Speaker 2>hair this week, I'm doing cut and color, so I

0:44:14.239 --> 0:44:18.080
<v Speaker 2>will be going a much deeper, darker copper red.

0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:20.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm going would you describe this now?

0:44:20.440 --> 0:44:24.400
<v Speaker 2>This is like auburn like a like a it was

0:44:24.560 --> 0:44:26.400
<v Speaker 2>copper the last time I got it colored and it

0:44:26.440 --> 0:44:29.360
<v Speaker 2>has faded to more of an auburn. But I also

0:44:30.040 --> 0:44:33.000
<v Speaker 2>my hair is like very highlighted, so a lot of

0:44:33.040 --> 0:44:37.160
<v Speaker 2>it so like it is light because of that work.

0:44:37.280 --> 0:44:39.239
<v Speaker 2>But this is kind of the vibe.

0:44:39.239 --> 0:44:44.480
<v Speaker 1>But oh that's really red. Wow, Sophie, I extremely read and.

0:44:44.600 --> 0:44:48.399
<v Speaker 2>Also like getting older older Florence, because Florence now does

0:44:48.440 --> 0:44:50.640
<v Speaker 2>like a more naturally ginger.

0:44:50.880 --> 0:44:53.959
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's her, but that's not her natural hair color. No,

0:44:53.960 --> 0:44:56.879
<v Speaker 1>no way, Wait, that air is amazing.

0:44:57.040 --> 0:44:59.759
<v Speaker 2>The bangs are not, but I don't I don't mind

0:44:59.840 --> 0:45:03.880
<v Speaker 2>the and also also Emma Stone and Corilla that's amazing.

0:45:04.160 --> 0:45:07.520
<v Speaker 1>Wait, well the glasses I mean with god, Wait, that's

0:45:07.560 --> 0:45:08.840
<v Speaker 1>a really good bang.

0:45:09.120 --> 0:45:11.719
<v Speaker 2>And also Florence and the Shake It Out video that

0:45:11.840 --> 0:45:14.600
<v Speaker 2>is kind of the ultimate reference. Yes, Florence shake it

0:45:14.600 --> 0:45:18.760
<v Speaker 2>Out Ceremonials Era. Florence is like the hair and bang

0:45:18.840 --> 0:45:19.600
<v Speaker 2>that I'm going for.

0:45:19.760 --> 0:45:21.759
<v Speaker 1>I wish I could pull off that color red you

0:45:21.880 --> 0:45:25.799
<v Speaker 1>really like with your with your postaline skin tone, It's

0:45:25.920 --> 0:45:28.080
<v Speaker 1>really gonna look so fierce on you. I can't wait

0:45:28.120 --> 0:45:28.919
<v Speaker 1>for that hair. Era.

0:45:29.239 --> 0:45:32.840
<v Speaker 2>Who's hair? Who in the world? Like, do you think.

0:45:32.719 --> 0:45:38.799
<v Speaker 1>Hair outside the opera. Okay, nice, but the tattoo I

0:45:38.800 --> 0:45:40.520
<v Speaker 1>have on my thigh slash the hair that I am

0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:43.360
<v Speaker 1>aspiring to Yeah, what about you.

0:45:43.640 --> 0:45:45.399
<v Speaker 2>Uh, Nicole Kiinman In practical.

0:45:45.080 --> 0:45:50.919
<v Speaker 3>Matter, yes, well, hair is maybe a generat Yeah yeah, yeah,

0:45:51.360 --> 0:45:54.200
<v Speaker 3>let's say some some hair, the most synthetic, the most

0:45:54.200 --> 0:45:57.040
<v Speaker 3>hair extensions ever committed to film.

0:45:57.200 --> 0:46:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and now a clip from our Patreon become a

0:46:10.160 --> 0:46:13.200
<v Speaker 2>patron at patreon dot com, slash like a virgin for

0:46:13.400 --> 0:46:17.360
<v Speaker 2>weekly bonus episodes and more so. I know that we

0:46:17.520 --> 0:46:23.000
<v Speaker 2>have discussed religion before in our in every episode, in

0:46:23.040 --> 0:46:27.759
<v Speaker 2>every episode about France childhood trauma, and specifically in our

0:46:28.520 --> 0:46:34.799
<v Speaker 2>Christmas episode from Holidays twenty twenty one. But today we're

0:46:34.800 --> 0:46:39.840
<v Speaker 2>going to talk about spirituality, you know, not necessarily organized religion,

0:46:40.560 --> 0:46:47.360
<v Speaker 2>more of like woo oo like esotic spirituality between us

0:46:47.400 --> 0:46:48.680
<v Speaker 2>and our God or.

0:46:48.600 --> 0:46:59.320
<v Speaker 1>God's mysticism, higher powers, vibes, vibes, manifestation, trannifestation, the power

0:46:59.360 --> 0:47:03.000
<v Speaker 1>of magic. Thinking the secret.

0:47:03.320 --> 0:47:07.960
<v Speaker 2>The secret I'm secreting the secret which I whenever I

0:47:08.000 --> 0:47:11.200
<v Speaker 2>think about the Secret, I think about Samantha reading it

0:47:11.239 --> 0:47:13.400
<v Speaker 2>on the beach and the Sex and the City movie.

0:47:14.160 --> 0:47:15.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm secreting secreting.

0:47:16.719 --> 0:47:22.760
<v Speaker 1>I was gonna say, I was going to say totally separate.

0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:25.319
<v Speaker 1>We honestly should do an episode on the Bible that

0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:28.920
<v Speaker 1>would actually be a really good separate episode. Stay tuned

0:47:28.960 --> 0:47:32.200
<v Speaker 1>for that. But like, I really feel like in terms

0:47:32.239 --> 0:47:37.239
<v Speaker 1>of like religion, spirituality, whatnot, we are in a very

0:47:37.280 --> 0:47:42.040
<v Speaker 1>interesting time post Channy Nicholas, Post Channy Nicholas. We're in

0:47:42.280 --> 0:47:44.680
<v Speaker 1>front of the podcast, friend of the podcast Channy Nicholas,

0:47:44.760 --> 0:47:48.320
<v Speaker 1>We're in everybody. I mean, we actually almost over indexed

0:47:48.320 --> 0:47:51.440
<v Speaker 1>on astrology culture and now Australiy's like astrology is a

0:47:51.440 --> 0:47:53.880
<v Speaker 1>little bit on it Wait, sorry, Channing, I mean like

0:47:53.960 --> 0:47:56.160
<v Speaker 1>not on its way out, but like we're talking about

0:47:56.160 --> 0:47:59.040
<v Speaker 1>it less because we've kind of exhausted the amount we're

0:47:59.040 --> 0:48:01.040
<v Speaker 1>talking about it. But I say this all to say

0:48:01.080 --> 0:48:03.759
<v Speaker 1>is that the crystals and the woo woo and the

0:48:03.840 --> 0:48:06.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of white woman mysticism that is kind of oozing

0:48:06.840 --> 0:48:08.600
<v Speaker 1>its way through a lot of our culture and our

0:48:08.800 --> 0:48:11.440
<v Speaker 1>daily conversations has a lot to do I think with

0:48:11.719 --> 0:48:14.880
<v Speaker 1>the fact that like Christianity is becoming less and less.

0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:18.520
<v Speaker 2>Popular, not if you watch the news.

0:48:18.600 --> 0:48:21.600
<v Speaker 1>No, it really is, like statistically, like people that believe

0:48:21.800 --> 0:48:25.839
<v Speaker 1>in God are becoming the minority, which is cool. They

0:48:25.840 --> 0:48:29.440
<v Speaker 1>are not like in a population that is necessarily increasing.

0:48:29.880 --> 0:48:34.120
<v Speaker 2>Do you do you believe in God? No, God, God God?

0:48:35.440 --> 0:48:41.000
<v Speaker 2>Do you believe in some kind of higher power or

0:48:41.120 --> 0:48:46.080
<v Speaker 2>I guess sort of like intelligent design to the universe.

0:48:46.280 --> 0:48:50.120
<v Speaker 2>Do you believe in magic and sort of the power

0:48:50.160 --> 0:48:53.399
<v Speaker 2>of positive thinking and like energy and that?

0:48:53.480 --> 0:48:57.400
<v Speaker 1>I kind of. I don't believe in magic personally. I

0:48:57.520 --> 0:49:01.759
<v Speaker 1>believe in a person's a bit to sell themselves on

0:49:01.960 --> 0:49:07.560
<v Speaker 1>a story and for that story to have actual ramifications

0:49:07.719 --> 0:49:11.360
<v Speaker 1>on their life. So with Christianity or with astrology, or

0:49:11.400 --> 0:49:14.120
<v Speaker 1>with reading taro or like whatever it is that is

0:49:14.120 --> 0:49:18.840
<v Speaker 1>your you're really telling yourself a motherfucking fairy tale. But

0:49:18.960 --> 0:49:23.600
<v Speaker 1>those fits. But the thing is, stories are so powerful.

0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:26.359
<v Speaker 2>So powerful.

0:49:27.840 --> 0:49:31.799
<v Speaker 1>I'm holding Rose's hand right now, my God, stories are

0:49:31.840 --> 0:49:32.680
<v Speaker 1>literally so powerful.

0:49:32.800 --> 0:49:35.280
<v Speaker 2>I can't. We have not said that on the podcast

0:49:35.320 --> 0:49:37.879
<v Speaker 2>for so long, and honestly for too long.

0:49:38.040 --> 0:49:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that'll be our hat, That'll be the next hat

0:49:42.560 --> 0:49:45.839
<v Speaker 1>I do. It's it's crazy, though, I'm actually saying, being

0:49:45.960 --> 0:49:50.800
<v Speaker 1>very earnest, like the power of storytelling is actually religion,

0:49:51.040 --> 0:49:55.400
<v Speaker 1>like the Bible is actual mythology that has been sold

0:49:55.440 --> 0:50:00.160
<v Speaker 1>to billions of people that has been passed down through

0:50:00.280 --> 0:50:03.640
<v Speaker 1>eons and the world. Yes, and that's the story. Is

0:50:03.640 --> 0:50:04.320
<v Speaker 1>that powerful?

0:50:04.920 --> 0:50:07.520
<v Speaker 2>So stories are so powerful.

0:50:08.000 --> 0:50:10.759
<v Speaker 1>But now we do versions of this with the kind

0:50:10.840 --> 0:50:14.560
<v Speaker 1>of like white woman manifestation thing. Like I do actually

0:50:14.600 --> 0:50:17.320
<v Speaker 1>think that, like, whatever it is that is your jug,

0:50:17.920 --> 0:50:21.160
<v Speaker 1>believing in something higher is good for you and good

0:50:21.200 --> 0:50:25.279
<v Speaker 1>for your brain. Like science science statistics have actually shown that, like,

0:50:25.360 --> 0:50:27.879
<v Speaker 1>people that believe in God or some kind of higher

0:50:27.920 --> 0:50:31.160
<v Speaker 1>power are statistically happier than the rest of the population. Like,

0:50:31.320 --> 0:50:34.200
<v Speaker 1>and it makes sense because you because you're believing in

0:50:34.360 --> 0:50:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a lie. But lies are great. Lies are powerful, and

0:50:39.560 --> 0:50:41.799
<v Speaker 1>that's why I think I love a lot of them.

0:50:42.000 --> 0:50:45.440
<v Speaker 1>I subscribe to a lot of wo Woo girls stuff

0:50:45.719 --> 0:50:49.040
<v Speaker 1>because I think it's important to just in the same

0:50:49.080 --> 0:50:53.040
<v Speaker 1>way we use therapy to reflect, to like, use the

0:50:53.160 --> 0:50:56.239
<v Speaker 1>stories of the world to I don't know, live your life,

0:50:56.280 --> 0:50:57.440
<v Speaker 1>to orient your life.

0:50:57.239 --> 0:50:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Around what do you think is the most woo woo

0:51:00.400 --> 0:51:01.040
<v Speaker 2>thing you do?

0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:05.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's a really good question. Do you have an

0:51:05.080 --> 0:51:05.719
<v Speaker 1>answer to this?

0:51:05.880 --> 0:51:12.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm pretty superstitious, you know, I will. I used

0:51:12.560 --> 0:51:14.279
<v Speaker 2>to be much more when I was a kid, Like

0:51:14.640 --> 0:51:16.640
<v Speaker 2>step on a crack break your mother's back that kind

0:51:16.680 --> 0:51:19.319
<v Speaker 2>of stuff. But like if I have if I have

0:51:19.360 --> 0:51:21.640
<v Speaker 2>an eyelash, I'm making a wish on it. Okay, if

0:51:21.640 --> 0:51:24.280
<v Speaker 2>it's eleven eleven, I'm making a wish. Okay. If I

0:51:24.320 --> 0:51:27.040
<v Speaker 2>spill salt, I'm throwing it over my shoulder, although I

0:51:27.080 --> 0:51:29.720
<v Speaker 2>always forget which shoulder it's supposed to be, Like I

0:51:29.760 --> 0:51:33.720
<v Speaker 2>do kind of it's not that I believe that stuff,

0:51:33.719 --> 0:51:36.600
<v Speaker 2>but I always have that moment of like, what if

0:51:36.640 --> 0:51:39.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't do it in something something bad happens, or

0:51:39.760 --> 0:51:41.920
<v Speaker 2>like things like my mom always used to tell me

0:51:43.239 --> 0:51:45.520
<v Speaker 2>when you start a new job, make sure that on

0:51:45.560 --> 0:51:48.280
<v Speaker 2>the first day you walk in on your right foot.

0:51:48.400 --> 0:51:52.920
<v Speaker 2>Like little things like that like have like accumulated in

0:51:53.000 --> 0:51:57.319
<v Speaker 2>my brain. And so I think that is the thing

0:51:57.320 --> 0:51:59.879
<v Speaker 2>that I still have some lingering belief in that they're

0:52:00.200 --> 0:52:04.960
<v Speaker 2>is a sort of pattern we can hack into through

0:52:05.000 --> 0:52:10.399
<v Speaker 2>these little rituals that have like accumulated over millennia, and

0:52:10.719 --> 0:52:13.880
<v Speaker 2>because of like the belief in them, they hold some

0:52:14.080 --> 0:52:16.279
<v Speaker 2>kind of power. I don't necessarily think that power comes

0:52:16.280 --> 0:52:19.239
<v Speaker 2>from like God or any or anything, but like even

0:52:19.280 --> 0:52:23.120
<v Speaker 2>if it's just like the power of my own beliefs, Like, yes,

0:52:23.360 --> 0:52:27.279
<v Speaker 2>I do believe in that so that is I think

0:52:27.320 --> 0:52:29.160
<v Speaker 2>the woo wooiest thing about me, and there have been

0:52:29.480 --> 0:52:33.000
<v Speaker 2>times in my life when I've been into much more

0:52:33.280 --> 0:52:36.880
<v Speaker 2>woo woo things. Same, but that's kind of curzy.

0:52:37.360 --> 0:52:38.480
<v Speaker 1>Jesus