Speaker 1: I think a lot of the time in relationships, you
Speaker 1: make someone feel broken because you keep fixing them, Whereas
Speaker 1: if you teach people how to heal themselves, then you've
Speaker 1: actually helped them. So I always tell people that loving
Speaker 1: someone means you make them fall more in love with themselves,
Speaker 1: not more in love with you. Everyone. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
Speaker 1: Thanks to each and every one of you that come
Speaker 1: back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed.
Speaker 1: And I am so excited to be talking to you today.
Speaker 1: I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of
Speaker 1: Love is out and I cannot wait to share it
Speaker 1: with you. I am so so excited for you to
Speaker 1: read this book, for you to listen to this book.
Speaker 1: I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already,
Speaker 1: make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com.
Speaker 1: It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or
Speaker 1: let go of love. If you've got friends that are dating,
Speaker 1: broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab
Speaker 1: this book. And I'd love to invite you to come
Speaker 1: and see me for my global tour. Love Rules. Go
Speaker 1: to Jay shedytour dot com to learn more information about tickets,
Speaker 1: VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you
Speaker 1: this year now. Today's guest is someone who's so hard
Speaker 1: to book, like literally, like the most difficult we We
Speaker 1: book these incredible guests every single week and this person
Speaker 1: just like I just it's so hard to find a
Speaker 1: spot in their schedule, like no matter how much you try,
Speaker 1: Like we've been working with their team for the last
Speaker 1: two years, this guest hasn't come on the show for
Speaker 1: the last two years. We're talking about the one and
Speaker 1: only my heart, my wife Radluka. Two years it took
Speaker 1: to get you back. I didn't even realize it's been
Speaker 1: two years. But also, what do we have to talk
Speaker 1: about every year? Yeah? Podcast? Also, I'm busy so annual
Speaker 1: check in I know it is. Yeah, sorry, sharing our challenges,
Speaker 1: our wird our company. It's been two years though it's
Speaker 1: been two years since you've been doesn't feel like it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like that. Thank you for having back on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. Sometimes it's just hard to like number one
Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Sometimes it's hard to get
Speaker 1: you to walk from the house to the studio. I know,
Speaker 1: I know also eight Rules of Love. Where's the jingle?
Speaker 1: I know I need to come up with one. I
Speaker 1: did have one for Think like a Monk, didn't I know? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you think like a monk? One thin no think? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I didn't think. I know. I'm going to
Speaker 1: come up with one for that, okay, yeah, when it's
Speaker 1: going to be more of a rap. I feel like
Speaker 1: because we've got a number in it. But the books
Speaker 1: already out. I know, I know, I know channeling. What
Speaker 1: if someone makes a jingle? I need to read the
Speaker 1: book and then I'll get inspiration from it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: Rady doesn't read my book. I'm gonna I actually finished
Speaker 1: Think Like, well nearly finished with Think Like a Monk.
Speaker 1: I've taken a break from it was just so good.
Speaker 1: I need time to digest eight Rules of Love. I'm
Speaker 1: going to start on the plane journey today. And I
Speaker 1: started listening to the podcast a month ago. It's a
Speaker 1: brilliant podcast. Everyone who's listening you U should listen to
Speaker 1: all the other three hundred episodes that how many have
Speaker 1: you done? Four years? One hundred and fifty episodes? No,
Speaker 1: four years one hundred episodes of years of four hundred
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I've got so much to catch up on.
Speaker 1: But it's really good. Honestly, I appreciate. So we're actually
Speaker 1: recording this in a place that's quite meaningful to Tridy
Speaker 1: and I. When we first started dating, this was a
Speaker 1: place that we'd come for walks, for tea, for hanging
Speaker 1: out together. It's the Grove Hotels. It's a beautiful, beautiful place,
Speaker 1: and we're so grateful that today we're getting to record
Speaker 1: this podcast here. I can't wait to go outside and
Speaker 1: take a walk here and enjoy the grounds. It's a
Speaker 1: really special place to us. So excited to be here
Speaker 1: at the Grove. Yeah, I love this place. I love it.
Speaker 1: But this is going to be fun because, as always,
Speaker 1: what we do when Raddy's on the show is we
Speaker 1: answer questions that my team comes up with. So my
Speaker 1: team will randomly find ideas and thoughts and topics for
Speaker 1: us to talk about. We have no idea, We've never
Speaker 1: seen them, and so you truly get a genuine raw
Speaker 1: authors have no idea what we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: me and rather we have no idea. I will be
Speaker 1: bringing up some stuff Riley's been working on in the background,
Speaker 1: which I'm excited about But yeah, all right, So the
Speaker 1: first question our team wants us to answer is what
Speaker 1: was the first? What the So what our team wants
Speaker 1: us to start with is what did we love each other? So?
Speaker 1: What did The question that our team wants us to
Speaker 1: answer first is what did we love most about each other? First?
Speaker 1: What did we love? What do we love most about
Speaker 1: each other? Now? What's changed? What's different? And why? What'd Well?
Speaker 1: Then you did I should basically be the host of
Speaker 1: this show. Basically have a podcast. I should have a podcast. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: So I feel like it's pretty much still the same
Speaker 1: stuff that was from the beginning. You're very consistently the
Speaker 1: same person in a really good way, Like you're a
Speaker 1: solid human. You really are like the same why are
Speaker 1: you laughing? The same stuff? The same stuff, but in
Speaker 1: like the best way. Because you have been consistently the
Speaker 1: same person you said you would the things that you
Speaker 1: would be at the beginning of the relationship. You are
Speaker 1: still that person, all the good stuff and what would
Speaker 1: they be? Let me tell you they are. Yeah. You
Speaker 1: know what's funny about this, I'm not a PDA person,
Speaker 1: And I feel like this is where the podcast gets
Speaker 1: it all because it's consistent questions about it. You're extremely
Speaker 1: honest about who you are at the beginning, which thing
Speaker 1: was really important, Like you always told me what you
Speaker 1: are happy to do, not happy to do, your priorities,
Speaker 1: your values. The main thing is your integrity. Between what
Speaker 1: you say and what you do and who you are
Speaker 1: on camera and who you are off camera. It's literally
Speaker 1: the same person, Like what you talk about is the
Speaker 1: same person as who you are behind closed doors. And
Speaker 1: I think that that's such a beautiful quality because I
Speaker 1: think like living with integrity allows you to give yourself
Speaker 1: so authentically, which means that you're able to just give
Speaker 1: love constantly because you're you're constantly fueled by yourself. But
Speaker 1: also you're just forever living in alignment, which is the
Speaker 1: people feel that energy from you. And I feel like
Speaker 1: I feel that every single day, which is really cool.
Speaker 1: Thanks for that. I actually think that well I loved
Speaker 1: about you when we first met was that you've always
Speaker 1: been absolutely adorable. You're absolutely hilarious. You're still almost something more.
Speaker 1: I know. I'm saying, yeah, you're you're hilarious, Like I
Speaker 1: think you're one of the funniest people I know. You
Speaker 1: make me laugh all the time. Things, And I think
Speaker 1: I love that I could always be myself around you.
Speaker 1: I never felt judged. I never felt I had to
Speaker 1: be a certain person. I never felt like I had
Speaker 1: to perform or act in a certain way. And I
Speaker 1: think you really give people permission. I don't think you
Speaker 1: just do that with me. I think you do that
Speaker 1: with everyone. You give everyone permission to be who they are,
Speaker 1: and they don't feel pressurized to impress you or change you.
Speaker 1: They are mold themselves to be more important to you.
Speaker 1: You like to make everyone feel important for who they are.
Speaker 1: And I also fell in love with just how positive
Speaker 1: you are in a sense of not positive in the
Speaker 1: way people think about it, like, oh, you're just happy
Speaker 1: about everything, but positive in the sense that you never
Speaker 1: liked gossiping about people, or you never like criticizing people,
Speaker 1: or you never liked comparing yourself to other people. Like
Speaker 1: you were very happy to let people live their own
Speaker 1: lives and not get involved in anything negative to do
Speaker 1: with them, but be happy within yourself. And I thought
Speaker 1: that was beautiful. Thanks, And I think what's changed or
Speaker 1: and obviously it's still love you for all the same things,
Speaker 1: But I think what's really amazing is I think you've
Speaker 1: been on a huge journey to get to know yourself
Speaker 1: yea over the last few years. So we've been together
Speaker 1: now for nearly ten years, yeah, and we've been married
Speaker 1: for seven nearly, and I feel like in the last
Speaker 1: seven years you've truly found yourself and you've discovered who
Speaker 1: you are, what your values are and yeah, trying, but
Speaker 1: lot has been revealed. And I think I love you
Speaker 1: for going on that journey so confidently when you were
Speaker 1: scared to move to New York when we first got married.
Speaker 1: So from going from the person who is scared to
Speaker 1: move to a new city and a new country, which
Speaker 1: is fair enough to be scared for, to now be
Speaker 1: someone who's used that as a way of learning about
Speaker 1: yourself and becoming more confident in who you are. I
Speaker 1: love you for that because I think that that takes
Speaker 1: a lot of courage, and I think that it would
Speaker 1: have been easy to be negative about that, but you
Speaker 1: didn't do that. Thanks. Let me think this is fun, wonderful, brilliant.
Speaker 1: So the next topic that we're going to discuss is
Speaker 1: rather than I have been on a crazy advention in
Speaker 1: the last seven years, we've moved country, we've moved state,
Speaker 1: we've moved apartments, we've moved homes, and the question is
Speaker 1: how has our relationship changed, how has it been impacted
Speaker 1: by all of this, and what have we learned along
Speaker 1: the way. I think it's really interesting going back to
Speaker 1: that first question we answered, because I feel like I've
Speaker 1: stayed so much the same. Yeah, I look at how
Speaker 1: it's affected me as being very like similar in the
Speaker 1: sense that I've just kept my head down, I've kept working,
Speaker 1: I've kept building, kept growing, kept trying to do my best.
Speaker 1: But I think that it just made me realize how
Speaker 1: not codependent and how tolerant you are. It's really interesting
Speaker 1: to me, Like I don't think and this is to
Speaker 1: your credit. It's again I think I'm a good partner,
Speaker 1: but more to your credit that in the last seven
Speaker 1: years you've never once said to me you don't spend
Speaker 1: enough time with me, you're never around, or you don't
Speaker 1: listen to me, And like that is amazing, Like I
Speaker 1: think that requires so much maturity from you to be
Speaker 1: so happy in yourself and finding your own self. Because
Speaker 1: I think, even though I never want you to feel
Speaker 1: those things, like I feel like I'm sensitive to those
Speaker 1: things as well. I still feel like if I told
Speaker 1: you have got a jump on a flight tomorrow, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be gone for two weeks, that would just be
Speaker 1: normal to you, Like you wouldn't ever make me feel
Speaker 1: bad or guilty about that. And so I think that
Speaker 1: it's made me appreciate you more because we've actually been
Speaker 1: through so many of the biggest changes. There's a study
Speaker 1: that showed like the changes that stress people out the
Speaker 1: most and even put stress on relationships, And it's moving
Speaker 1: countries up there, moving job is up there, moving home
Speaker 1: is up there, and then I think it's having kids.
Speaker 1: So we've literally done three out of the four constantly
Speaker 1: over the last seven years. And the fact that we've
Speaker 1: constantly found a way to find our way back to
Speaker 1: each other and connect with each other and had the
Speaker 1: openness to not just point the finger and blame or
Speaker 1: I've just never felt like it's been my fault if
Speaker 1: life's been harder or easier. And so there were times
Speaker 1: when we were close to being four months away from
Speaker 1: being broke and you didn't change how you felt, And
Speaker 1: now that things are better, you haven't changed towards me.
Speaker 1: And so I just feel like that kind of support
Speaker 1: is really special where you just feel like someone's consistently
Speaker 1: in your corner, and that's how I feel with you. Thanks.
Speaker 1: I do feel those things, I think, and it goes
Speaker 1: back to the consistent because you're the same person. It's
Speaker 1: not been something that you didn't it was always on
Speaker 1: the table, like change was always on the table. I
Speaker 1: think now my perspective has changed in the sense of
Speaker 1: before I felt like I really knew where I would
Speaker 1: be living, what I would be doing. You know, before
Speaker 1: we got married, I had an idea of what that
Speaker 1: would be. Now I feel like I live more day
Speaker 1: to day, year to year, not even like expecting what
Speaker 1: the next year is going to bring, or like not
Speaker 1: allowing myself to build expectations of what the next year
Speaker 1: is going to bring, because I know they could. Like
Speaker 1: change is just always happening, And I think I used
Speaker 1: to be someone who was quite scared of change generally,
Speaker 1: and this has really helped me not be like that
Speaker 1: because we've had so many changes that it's it's almost
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a better way of living where
Speaker 1: there's no expectation of what's coming next. You just kind
Speaker 1: of live in the flow of what's happening. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I think in that respect. I think the change part
Speaker 1: for me was scary at the beginning but became something
Speaker 1: that I was quite excited to embrace because it felt
Speaker 1: like it kind of felt more like freedom rather than
Speaker 1: like even though I even though when you're not in
Speaker 1: control you feel like that wouldn't be freedom, actually not
Speaker 1: expecting to be in control and not knowing what's going
Speaker 1: to happen feels more free than having that control or
Speaker 1: thinking you have that control. But then also I have
Speaker 1: those times where I'm like, Oh, this is great, and
Speaker 1: then like the next minute, I'm like I just want
Speaker 1: to go away to a forest and do like and
Speaker 1: just hide away. Like I feel like I go in
Speaker 1: like such two different directions. And I feel like you
Speaker 1: deal with that really well, because I am someone who
Speaker 1: can go from being like so excited about something to
Speaker 1: then being like, oh, I just want to delete my
Speaker 1: Instagram and go live in a forest for like six
Speaker 1: weeks and not talk to anyone, and you're like, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: if that's what you need, and so yeah, no, I know,
Speaker 1: I just I have quite like an erraticness about me.
Speaker 1: So I feel like you you handled that pretty pretty well.
Speaker 1: I think you've handled the change remarkably. Well, I don't
Speaker 1: know anyone else who would be able to handle how
Speaker 1: much change you've been through the way you have. So
Speaker 1: in my book Eight Rules of Love, I talk about
Speaker 1: how we play different roles in relationships, and if you
Speaker 1: have the book, there's a relationship Roles quiz, so you
Speaker 1: can find out which role you've been playing in previous
Speaker 1: relationships or in this one. So the team have asked
Speaker 1: us to answer the question, if we're usually a parent,
Speaker 1: a partner, or a child in a relationship, where do
Speaker 1: we find those dynamics in the way we connect with
Speaker 1: each other? So where do you feel? Let's start with
Speaker 1: where do we feel? Where the parents? Where the parents?
Speaker 1: I think you've been my parent when it comes to yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I get the look. Imagine I had like lots of
Speaker 1: sugar right now in front of me like I would do.
Speaker 1: So you're the parent when it comes to my food,
Speaker 1: because I'm the kid when it comes to food, like
Speaker 1: I'm the kid who wants to eat sour patch kids
Speaker 1: and the kid who wants to eat like candy. I'm
Speaker 1: the kid who wants to eat chocolate. That's all I
Speaker 1: want to do because of my mum, who's sitting here
Speaker 1: as well. Mom fed me for chocolate products a day.
Speaker 1: That's when I was growing up, chocolate yogurt, chocolate bar,
Speaker 1: chocolate ice creams. I became addicted. And then this parent
Speaker 1: has been un learning me from eating sugars. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: where you're definitely as I love some sugar in my life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you're you're a bit more. You've had to wean
Speaker 1: me off. So, yeah, you've been a parent when it
Speaker 1: comes to that, I've been there. You're definitely been a
Speaker 1: parent in uh, you know, they called it like midlife crisis.
Speaker 1: I have like a weekly or monthly crisis. Ye're definitely
Speaker 1: the parent. And that's it. I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I don't know what I don't know
Speaker 1: whether I want to do what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether what I'm doing is the right thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether I love it. I don't know
Speaker 1: whether I like it. I don't know who I am.
Speaker 1: That's pretty much what happens every month. Um, and you're
Speaker 1: definitely the parent in that situation. Yeah, a parent slash
Speaker 1: partner like you. You're not like telling me what to do.
Speaker 1: You're kind of guiding me through. So I say, also,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're not very parenting many you're not
Speaker 1: parenting the health stuff either, like I've I've always said
Speaker 1: like I've never yeah, I know what you mean, judging
Speaker 1: sized or like it's not you're like, oh telling me,
Speaker 1: but like guidance. Yeah, parent is just the person who's
Speaker 1: making you looking after you when you're being child. Yeah, yeah, child,
Speaker 1: I definitely am that in that situation. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I like running late for things, oh yeah, and getting
Speaker 1: to places on time and making sure I like actually
Speaker 1: follow through with things, plan out my life. I feel
Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm a child sometimes when I'm
Speaker 1: like like just being being literally being a child, and
Speaker 1: I'm just like love me now, it's being like a
Speaker 1: kid about like wanting attention and just being a bit
Speaker 1: moody and luck you don't like throw yourself on the floor.
Speaker 1: I'm close to it sometimes still put that voice on
Speaker 1: sometimes Yeah I'm doing that. So then that's when I'm
Speaker 1: being a child for sure. When else I think that's it,
Speaker 1: I don't thinking much of a child in that respect.
Speaker 1: It's a parent and then child. We were on child
Speaker 1: now no parents child and partners so partners when you're
Speaker 1: like actually supporting each other. Yeah, and I think we
Speaker 1: do that overall. That's overall. I think you've been my
Speaker 1: partner for my health. I think I think you've been
Speaker 1: a great partner when it comes to like encouraging me
Speaker 1: to exercise more and work out. Like when we met,
Speaker 1: I did so much for my mind, but I never
Speaker 1: exercised my body. I just played sports or I walked,
Speaker 1: and I thought that was enough. And you were the
Speaker 1: one who was like training me and encouraging me and
Speaker 1: educating me. And then during the pandemic we worked out
Speaker 1: together need every day, which I miss because then she
Speaker 1: left me to work out with people that actually know
Speaker 1: how to work out, so like with me about me. No,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. I feel like you were Oh
Speaker 1: I left you need to work out with people that
Speaker 1: actually because that was you parenting me, like you'd be
Speaker 1: like what we're doing, like this is what you want?
Speaker 1: A squat like you know, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: now you're just at like real workout class. Yeah I'm
Speaker 1: not allowed to come to this. Yeah there you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to come. I feel like you partner again,
Speaker 1: just data stuff. But I definitely think you helped me
Speaker 1: to have like figure out my own voice through not
Speaker 1: just giving to me what I'm asking for, but to
Speaker 1: help me, you know, see my own journey through figuring
Speaker 1: it out. And I think that takes a lot because
Speaker 1: it kind of is you know, it takes a lot
Speaker 1: of patience to do that, and I think it's the
Speaker 1: easier option is actually just being like, Okay, here, just
Speaker 1: just do this and just you know, this is how
Speaker 1: you can fix this, and this is how you do this.
Speaker 1: And I always I'm someone who has a habit of
Speaker 1: not being certain in my own decisions, and so I
Speaker 1: think you really help to let me navigate it, even
Speaker 1: though I'd be like, no, just tell me, like what
Speaker 1: should I do? And you'd be like, no, I'm not
Speaker 1: telling you what to do, Like I'm going to show
Speaker 1: you how you can get to their answer. You would
Speaker 1: say this, but that's how you would act like I'm
Speaker 1: going to say how to get to the answer, But
Speaker 1: I'm not going to just give it to you like
Speaker 1: that because you're never going to be able to do
Speaker 1: that for yourself. And so I feel like you really
Speaker 1: did guide through through that as partner. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: a lot of the time in relationships, you make someone
Speaker 1: feel broken because you keep fixing them. Yeah, and if
Speaker 1: you keep fixing them, then that means they remain broken
Speaker 1: and then whenever they feel broken, they have to run
Speaker 1: to you and depend on you, Whereas if you teach
Speaker 1: people how to heal themselves and themselves, then you've actually
Speaker 1: helped them. So I always tell people that loving someone
Speaker 1: means you make them fall more in love with themselves,
Speaker 1: not more in love with you, and not more dependent
Speaker 1: on you. Yeah, that's so true actually, and again that
Speaker 1: takes so much more. I think that takes so much
Speaker 1: more patience to do it that way then it does
Speaker 1: to just be like okay, fine, let me just do
Speaker 1: it for you. Like you know, it feels like the
Speaker 1: fat it's actually the faster option. You think you're sacrificing
Speaker 1: more by being that person that's fixing, but actually it's
Speaker 1: more of a selfish way of dealing with it. From
Speaker 1: my experience of doing it for other people around me
Speaker 1: and in other relationships around me, that you end up
Speaker 1: being someone who yeah, it's actually thinking of it's probably
Speaker 1: more of a selfish thing because it also allows you
Speaker 1: to feel more important versus letting them feel their important
Speaker 1: and their value. I think a lot of people love
Speaker 1: people being dependent on them, definitely because it gives them
Speaker 1: a sense of significance, definitely, especially if you don't know
Speaker 1: what you're doing in your life or if you feel
Speaker 1: like you're a bit lost helping other people. And although
Speaker 1: that's a great thing when you help other people, but
Speaker 1: the intention behind it and what you're receiving from it
Speaker 1: can make a huge difference in how you actually feel
Speaker 1: about it. So like if you're helping someone through intention
Speaker 1: of genuinely caring for them, genuinely helping them, or are
Speaker 1: you helping them because it fuels you into feeling valuable
Speaker 1: and therefore, like for me, I remember, it used to
Speaker 1: be just a way that I would throw myself into
Speaker 1: so I didn't have to think about what I was
Speaker 1: doing in my life or how to figure out my
Speaker 1: own things. It was just, Oh, this is great, I
Speaker 1: need to be doing this. This person needs my help.
Speaker 1: I need to create this space for myself in their
Speaker 1: life because then I don't have to think about all
Speaker 1: them stuff I actually need to deal with. So was
Speaker 1: the easier option and more of a selfish option. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's very true. So the next topic is that sometimes
Speaker 1: your partner can be extremely annoying or you find them annoying.
Speaker 1: In that case, when of me and rather ever experienced that?
Speaker 1: When is that as far as a deal breaker and
Speaker 1: how to deal with feeling annoyed by your partner. I
Speaker 1: don't think you've annoyed me. Wow, Like you're not an
Speaker 1: annoying person in that way. Like I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there are things that irritate me and I don't really
Speaker 1: remember stuff like that, but this is the best thing.
Speaker 1: When yeah, I have a terrible memory stuff and you
Speaker 1: forget the good thing. Yeah, forget all. You can't have
Speaker 1: You can't have one or the other. You either have
Speaker 1: you have both. But I would I would say that
Speaker 1: obviously there are times where I've got agitated and been
Speaker 1: really snappy. I definitely have more of a short fuse
Speaker 1: than you do, and I have a not tantrums. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't call them tantrum, but I definitely can be more
Speaker 1: defense sieve and have more of an ego about arguing.
Speaker 1: But that's very difficult when the other person doesn't have that.
Speaker 1: And that's probably the most annoying thing that you do.
Speaker 1: That It's like I want to have a fight and
Speaker 1: you're just like trying to resolve it within the first
Speaker 1: three seconds when I'm still in fight mode and I'm not,
Speaker 1: for goodness sake, just fight a little bit, like please
Speaker 1: just just give me something. And he's just always trying
Speaker 1: to just make things better. It's so annoying. Um, that's
Speaker 1: it really, Yeah, that is the thing that annoys me
Speaker 1: as in because sometimes you just need to have a
Speaker 1: fight somebody. You just need to like argue out say
Speaker 1: things you don't mean, you know, just really, I know,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't say things that I mean, but
Speaker 1: what I mean is just like sometimes you just want
Speaker 1: to have it out and with you. It's like me
Speaker 1: going and you're going. That's basically how our fights get.
Speaker 1: You've never said something mean to you, No, Okay, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't say that's true. I'm very thoughtful about my words,
Speaker 1: like I really with everybody that I talk to you
Speaker 1: and that I argue with. I may say things irrationally,
Speaker 1: but I never say things that I don't mean or
Speaker 1: I'm very specifically my word. But I'm just saying sometimes
Speaker 1: I like to, you know, have a bit of a tiff. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I would I would agree that. I genuinely don't
Speaker 1: believe you've ever said something you don't mean, or said
Speaker 1: something like I don't think you've said something harsh. You
Speaker 1: might be upset with me. I think I just go
Speaker 1: silent or I don't say things. Yeah, that's probably the
Speaker 1: thing that annoys you. No, not anymore. That used to.
Speaker 1: But I talk about that in the book. Learned about that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the other thing. You know what, I know, you
Speaker 1: know what the other thing is. I never know what's
Speaker 1: going to be in podcasts, never know what's going to
Speaker 1: be a podcast, never know what's going to be in
Speaker 1: a book. I didn't even know that there was going
Speaker 1: to be a love book, but somehow there's a book
Speaker 1: about love, and its happens to do with us. I'm
Speaker 1: quite private with certain things, and then suddenly it's all
Speaker 1: over the news, it's everywhere, and I just don't think
Speaker 1: about it. I'm like, I don't think I had a
Speaker 1: choice in this. I think there are certain times I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: but but I also think it's like a it's a
Speaker 1: personal choice of how much you want to share about
Speaker 1: different parts of your life. And I think it's like, no,
Speaker 1: not in a bad let at all. Like I think
Speaker 1: you are just someone that really wears every like your
Speaker 1: heart on your sleeve. You're someone who wants to share things,
Speaker 1: to give lessons and experiences to people. You're never someone
Speaker 1: who shares to show off. You're never someone who shares
Speaker 1: to prove a point to anybody. Like you are so
Speaker 1: wise with how you share things, and that's why it's
Speaker 1: not an annoying thing. I don't mean an annoying thing,
Speaker 1: but it's one of those things that I'm sure there
Speaker 1: are different types of partners where one person's like way
Speaker 1: more like I. Everybody always says to me, like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're so eccentric. I can't believe that you
Speaker 1: don't like doing things in public or that you don't
Speaker 1: And it's such an interesting thing because you were your
Speaker 1: nature is like you, Your nature is to be around people,
Speaker 1: in front of people in terms of like you are,
Speaker 1: so you exude that you thrive off it. Like that's
Speaker 1: when I think that that's when your nature is. It's
Speaker 1: when you thrive off something like part of it at least,
Speaker 1: Whereas for me, it's something I definitely learned to wrote
Speaker 1: into and it's something that I absolutely love, Like I
Speaker 1: love sharing things with people. But I think the way
Speaker 1: that you share like you're you're a very open person,
Speaker 1: and so it's less annoying thing. It's just something I
Speaker 1: ran really thought of, ye like, yeah, actually I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like some people were telling me, oh,
Speaker 1: I've heard this about you on the podcast, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I didn't even know that
Speaker 1: was on the podcast, or like, I didn't even know
Speaker 1: this was in the book. And so I think it's
Speaker 1: just it's different ways, and it's just understanding the person's
Speaker 1: intention behind it so it doesn't upset me. I think
Speaker 1: I'm very different in terms of how I share about us.
Speaker 1: But it's like it's you're also in the relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I really appreciate that kind of lends to it
Speaker 1: because I think someone else could be upset, but I
Speaker 1: you're right. I only share our ups or downs or
Speaker 1: challenges because I want people to recognize that there is
Speaker 1: no perfect partnership. And I think when we first started
Speaker 1: sharing about relationship, that's why I stopped. Yeah, that's because
Speaker 1: I hate being seen, Like I find it really suffocating
Speaker 1: when if people think anything about perfection to do with me,
Speaker 1: because I know I'm not that person. I'm not that
Speaker 1: person's race. I'm like, trust me, he wrote this book
Speaker 1: for me to read because I need the stuff that's
Speaker 1: in the book. But like, I genuinely don't feel that
Speaker 1: I'm a perfect person, and so I find it really
Speaker 1: suffocating and kind of difficult to handle. And so do
Speaker 1: I and so do I. And that's my point. That
Speaker 1: the reason why I started talking about Oh you're right,
Speaker 1: Oh you're good, you're right, Well a tissue book. Learn
Speaker 1: some water, okay, bo, I'm so beautiful do you think? Thanks? Oh? Thanks? Man?
Speaker 1: Free to break your mind. I'm gonna cry everyone, Okay.
Speaker 1: I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm angry,
Speaker 1: I cry when I'm sad, I cry with every emotion.
Speaker 1: It's just how I'm read these things. For anyone who
Speaker 1: doesn't know that, I've spoken about that thousand times. So
Speaker 1: don't worry if you're seeing me crying. No, I know,
Speaker 1: I know. I'm just telling this. That's actually why I
Speaker 1: started to share. And we always did, but like share
Speaker 1: like fights that we had or challenges that we had
Speaker 1: or things like that, because I just found that I
Speaker 1: too don't ever want to portray a perfect image of me,
Speaker 1: of me and you, of anything in my life, because
Speaker 1: no one's perfect. We're all making mistakes, we're all a
Speaker 1: work in progress. And the last thing I want is
Speaker 1: for people to think that me and you never fight,
Speaker 1: or that me and you have it all figured out,
Speaker 1: or that we're not having to transition and grow, because
Speaker 1: we have to do all those things all the time.
Speaker 1: And I think the mistake that happens though sometimes with
Speaker 1: like obviously, like the question, the question I got asked
Speaker 1: all the time. Now that you've writ in a book
Speaker 1: about I love obviously, it's like, oh my gosh, and
Speaker 1: you are You're like, just to be clear, Jay is
Speaker 1: literally like one of the most amazing partners you could
Speaker 1: ever ask for, But they assume that the relationship is
Speaker 1: just like I just don't like the idea of perfection.
Speaker 1: I find that with my stuff as well, Like because
Speaker 1: people think that you're just a positive person and same
Speaker 1: with you. You must get that all the time where
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my gosh, you must never get upset,
Speaker 1: and you must you just seem happy all the time,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, and then it makes you want to
Speaker 1: kind of be like, oh, I'm sad today everyone, and
Speaker 1: I'm like I choose what I share because I don't
Speaker 1: want to share that energy with people, because I know
Speaker 1: the energy I want other people to feel when they
Speaker 1: watch my things or when they experience it. That doesn't
Speaker 1: mean I don't harness that energy within me. It's what
Speaker 1: I then choose to let other people experience. And I
Speaker 1: think that's also important to know what you're giving out
Speaker 1: to people. I know that if someone's sad around me,
Speaker 1: that's going to make me sad, and so I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: And where people are happy, it's the same thing, and
Speaker 1: so I'd rather give off contagious happy energy than sad.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean people don't feel it. Yeah, definitely, definitely,
Speaker 1: I fully agree with you. This is for my LA
Speaker 1: listeners exclusively. It's a month of love, so I had
Speaker 1: to do something special and that includes self love too.
Speaker 1: Joyo is a new sparkling tea brand, and each adapter
Speaker 1: jenet t are crafted with the best tea blends and
Speaker 1: powerful botanicals for a perfectly effervescent drink that inspires and
Speaker 1: enhances both your mind and body. Me and RADI came
Speaker 1: up with Joyo, and I'm so happy to announce that
Speaker 1: Joyo is collaborating with air One and guess what. My
Speaker 1: Love Potion launches on Valentine's Day at all air One
Speaker 1: stores located in the Los Angeles area, So make sure
Speaker 1: to go to your favorite air One store on February
Speaker 1: fourteenth and ask for Jay's Love Potion. I can't wait
Speaker 1: for you to try it. Also, if you don't already
Speaker 1: follow Joyo on Instagram, go to at Drink Joyo because
Speaker 1: we'll be selecting one lucky winner and giving them a
Speaker 1: twenty dollar air One gift card. I can't wait for
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Speaker 1: I talk about I mean, I'd constantly be talking about it,
Speaker 1: like when I get irritated or when I get agitated,
Speaker 1: or like I always talk about how I get more
Speaker 1: moody and I can get snappy and all those things
Speaker 1: with you. And that's why I talk about in the
Speaker 1: book about how when I get when we have a fight,
Speaker 1: I want to solve it. When we have a fight,
Speaker 1: you want to hide, and so I call it venting
Speaker 1: and hiding. And then there's another one called exploding, which
Speaker 1: are the three fight styles. Exploding is when someone just
Speaker 1: wants to let all their emotions out. And we found
Speaker 1: a way where in the beginning, when you used to
Speaker 1: want to hide, you take some time out and I
Speaker 1: want it to vent. In the beginning, I used to
Speaker 1: think you didn't care, and so I literally would feel
Speaker 1: like you didn't love me as much, who you didn't
Speaker 1: care as much? And I would say that to you,
Speaker 1: only to realize that none of that was true. What
Speaker 1: I realized was that's just how you process an argument.
Speaker 1: And learning that that's how you process an argument and
Speaker 1: that what I'm doing isn't right, it's just how I
Speaker 1: process an argument helps you realize that you could actually
Speaker 1: be on the same team. And then saying, okay, let's
Speaker 1: get back to this in twelve twenty four hours, we
Speaker 1: can actually come back having digested what the problem is
Speaker 1: and talk about the problem. And so I shared those
Speaker 1: kind of examples of our relationship in order to help
Speaker 1: people understand that even I used to think you didn't
Speaker 1: love me because you wanted to not talk to me
Speaker 1: for two days. Yeah, but that's not true. You just
Speaker 1: needed time to think about it. And just because I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about it now doesn't mean I care more.
Speaker 1: But that's how we think about things. We all think
Speaker 1: we care more in the way we act, or that
Speaker 1: someone else cares less. Yes, and so yeah, and I yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's just it's that thing of whenever you
Speaker 1: or sharing things about you know, you share so many
Speaker 1: different topics and there's so many things that you speak on,
Speaker 1: and you know, when it was purpose, I'm sure you've
Speaker 1: got lots of questions about purpose. When it's love, you
Speaker 1: get so many questions about love. And I just think
Speaker 1: there's this like I think I'm still learning to do
Speaker 1: you've already. I feel like you have this thing of
Speaker 1: not You're very good at digesting not really knowing what
Speaker 1: your intentions are, knowing what you're grounded and knowing your
Speaker 1: purpose and therefore what other people's perception of that is
Speaker 1: doesn't affect you as much. I think I'm still working
Speaker 1: through the like pressure of perfection, which I'm just like
Speaker 1: it's so hard to be like I'm just not perfect,
Speaker 1: Like it's not I'm not happy all the time. I'm
Speaker 1: not this all the time, but it's very difficult to
Speaker 1: vocalize that in a way that's not like Okay, you're
Speaker 1: just saying that because you know it's it's it's so
Speaker 1: hard to communicate it to people if they've already got
Speaker 1: that perception of you. And I think that's why sometimes
Speaker 1: I hide away or shy away from like discussing certain
Speaker 1: things because for me, it's like I just I find
Speaker 1: that too difficult to at the moment something that I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with myself of like, that's not what I like whenever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just the phase of my life that I'm in
Speaker 1: right now. I think I think everyone in the world
Speaker 1: is looking for perfection. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, but there's
Speaker 1: a part of us totally you want to know, like
Speaker 1: what is that? Yeah, And it's just like once you know,
Speaker 1: the biggest perfection in when I think about it and
Speaker 1: have tried to think about that mindset, it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: because perfection equals happiness in minds like and I can
Speaker 1: understand sad whenever I see someone who I think whatever
Speaker 1: perfect is to me has that perfect life, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that is what happy is. And I think it's just
Speaker 1: through my own thing of whenever I've got the things
Speaker 1: that I think mean perfection or what people periect the
Speaker 1: things that people perceive of you as being perfect, You're like,
Speaker 1: that doesn't make me feel happy at all, Like those
Speaker 1: things that you're saying to me or messaging me saying that, oh,
Speaker 1: you've got this, which is like, that's that's like the
Speaker 1: perfect this or whether it's to do with physical appearance
Speaker 1: or mental mental state or whatever it is. It's like
Speaker 1: there's so many parts to perfection that people think equal perfection.
Speaker 1: But it's like when you hear that from the other side,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh wow, if that's perfection, that hasn't made
Speaker 1: me happy, and so I think there's for me. When
Speaker 1: I think about perfection now, it's like I've realized stripping
Speaker 1: back so much to be like, what is what would
Speaker 1: make me the most happy? And that's what perfection is,
Speaker 1: and to me right now, it's really leaning back into
Speaker 1: my spiritual journey and like really trying to harness that
Speaker 1: because I know that was the only thing that made
Speaker 1: me so happy, not only but like the main thing
Speaker 1: that made me so happy, and that includes the people
Speaker 1: around you who really support that. But I think when
Speaker 1: you end up just constantly hearing what perfect is and
Speaker 1: what people think that think you are as being perfect,
Speaker 1: it stops you from actually being yourself. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: this year, I just want to be so much more
Speaker 1: less trying to be what other people's perception of me
Speaker 1: is and just be Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I don't think there's a perfect person. I don't
Speaker 1: think there's a perfect partner. I think there's just navigating
Speaker 1: our imperfect and figuring them out. And the reason I
Speaker 1: wrote a book about love was not because I'm a
Speaker 1: love expert or a love guru, or because I think
Speaker 1: I know everything about love or that we have a
Speaker 1: perfect love. I wrote about it because I think I'm
Speaker 1: fascinated by it. Yeah. I wanted to spend time studying
Speaker 1: it and learning about it, and I wanted to be
Speaker 1: able to share insights and frameworks that I've created to
Speaker 1: not just manage our relationship, but manage and coach other
Speaker 1: people's worked with. And so when I'm sharing in the book,
Speaker 1: is there is no story of a perfect love. No,
Speaker 1: it doesn't exist in the book. There is no perfect story.
Speaker 1: Even our proposal story I tell as a mistake and
Speaker 1: that went wrong, and not wrong because you were upset
Speaker 1: or because you were sad, wrong because it made me
Speaker 1: realize I was just trying to love you in the
Speaker 1: way that I thought the movies taught us how to love.
Speaker 1: I wasn't loving you in the way that you wanted
Speaker 1: to be love. No, but I think the tools and
Speaker 1: the frameworks that you've even shared with me have been
Speaker 1: so useful for not just our relationship, but like every
Speaker 1: relationship that I have. So I personally think like everything
Speaker 1: that you've even taught me in the relationship has been
Speaker 1: applicable to every relationship that I have. And I think,
Speaker 1: like genuinely think you're like the perfect person to write
Speaker 1: this book because it is so much about You've spent
Speaker 1: so much time and so much energy build like the
Speaker 1: relationships that you have, not even just romantic relationship, the
Speaker 1: relationships that you have with people. That for me has
Speaker 1: been like the when you have a qualification, but not
Speaker 1: the qualification whatever that word is, but the qualification for
Speaker 1: you to write the book, like because seeing your relationships
Speaker 1: with people, how deep they are, how genuine they are,
Speaker 1: how authentic they are, like that is that in itself
Speaker 1: is the most beautiful thing, because it's so hard to
Speaker 1: build relationships in the world, like through all of this
Speaker 1: stuff that happens throughout life, through the barriers that we've
Speaker 1: put up, through the social media filters, through every fi
Speaker 1: there's so many filters that we end up having throughout
Speaker 1: our life now, especially because you're exposed to so many people.
Speaker 1: The more people you're exposed to, the more you feel
Speaker 1: like you have to adapt, the more you feel like
Speaker 1: you have to change. And sometimes you're putting on different
Speaker 1: clothes and different things, not clothes, but different clothes and
Speaker 1: layers to be different people for different people. And I
Speaker 1: think you are someone who, literally, through every relationship I
Speaker 1: have seen, remain the same person. You react to things
Speaker 1: in the same way, you treat things in the same way.
Speaker 1: So this is me saying separately as your partner, saying
Speaker 1: that the way that you have cultivated relationships and really
Speaker 1: work through how you create authentic relationships, that for me
Speaker 1: is like I want to read the book because of that,
Speaker 1: then that obviously applies to our relationship. The way that
Speaker 1: you communicate, the way that you share things, like it
Speaker 1: takes so much work to become that person and to
Speaker 1: just read the book to understand. And by the way,
Speaker 1: this is not a book book plug, guys, I haven't
Speaker 1: ready yet, but I know it's going to be good
Speaker 1: just because of having experienced that and seen it like
Speaker 1: for ten years, day in day out, the way that
Speaker 1: you are and that's why people who are close to
Speaker 1: you and the people that you have in your life
Speaker 1: and the way that you have created those relationships. There
Speaker 1: are relationships that you have for years and years and
Speaker 1: years or they will and not even if they're not,
Speaker 1: they're relationships that have got so deep so fast that
Speaker 1: it's never been about the surface level stuff. And I think,
Speaker 1: like that is just so powerful and so amazing because
Speaker 1: I know I've had relationships, I've had friendships that I've
Speaker 1: had or relationships for years and years and this you know,
Speaker 1: they still don't feel what they should feel like because
Speaker 1: I haven't invested the time to figure out how to
Speaker 1: make it that. And each relationship is so individual that
Speaker 1: you have to invest that time. So if you want
Speaker 1: that relationship with someone, and you want that friendship, you
Speaker 1: want that brothership, whatever it is, it takes that time investment.
Speaker 1: It takes creating those frameworks, it takes creating whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But you know, it is an investment of time and energy.
Speaker 1: And I think that the amount of relationships that you've
Speaker 1: had throughout your life that have been so meaningful that
Speaker 1: in itself shows that you have so much to share
Speaker 1: and wisdom to share on it. And so, you know,
Speaker 1: romantic plus the relationships. I think that's such an important
Speaker 1: skill that you have to have through your life. And
Speaker 1: I feel like I would be so sad if I
Speaker 1: got to the end of my life and I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I had all these friends, but like no real relationships.
Speaker 1: The whole thing we need in as humans, I feel,
Speaker 1: is to feel that connection. And you can go fifty
Speaker 1: sixty seventy eighty years of your life not even having
Speaker 1: one connection to someone in that way, And how sad
Speaker 1: to have missed out on life. Sad I'm talking sad
Speaker 1: for me, not like, oh that's sad, but like genuinely
Speaker 1: sad to go through a whole life's worth of living
Speaker 1: and not actually having experienced what a relationship means like
Speaker 1: that that would just you know, how unfulfilling that would be.
Speaker 1: And so yeah, I'm like, I genuinely excited to read
Speaker 1: it because I feel like and you're like, they're teaching
Speaker 1: me along the way. But sometimes it's hard to really
Speaker 1: hear from someone that you spend time with or like
Speaker 1: that you really that you not take for granted, because
Speaker 1: I really value what you do, but you kind of
Speaker 1: take the words for granted when you're not studying it
Speaker 1: or when you're not actually you know, when you're not
Speaker 1: in a place to even receive it. And so I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm in that place where now where I
Speaker 1: really want to build deeper connections. And I think that's
Speaker 1: why it's. Yeah, I think it's such an important thing
Speaker 1: from you. From other people started listening to the podcast recently,
Speaker 1: I did this on purpose. The question was what did
Speaker 1: we find annoying about each other? I did. I said
Speaker 1: that it's when you share things about me that I
Speaker 1: don't know about. That is something that genuinely annoys me.
Speaker 1: And also because it's seen from your perspective, and you
Speaker 1: have like filter of your eyes when it comes to me,
Speaker 1: because you always think things I do are nice when
Speaker 1: actually I can be a terror. But yeah, I change
Speaker 1: the question. Sorry. Yeah, so either chapter in this book
Speaker 1: or your partner is your guru? Yeah, and this was
Speaker 1: inspired by you, great, amazing, Well, really it was inspired
Speaker 1: from our tradition and the idea that relationships are more
Speaker 1: about education and enlightenment than they are about entertainment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think that you get into relationships because of pleasure,
Speaker 1: but actually relationships that last are ones in which you
Speaker 1: grow and which you find a purpose. And I think
Speaker 1: that sounds really unsexy and uncool because people think, like, oh,
Speaker 1: my partner should just be someone I have fun with
Speaker 1: all the time, and we have a lot of fun together.
Speaker 1: We've had a lot of fun over the last ten years,
Speaker 1: for sure, without a doubt, like whether it was when
Speaker 1: we've traveled together, when we've started Joyo together, when we've moved,
Speaker 1: whether we you know, we're in this tiny shoe box
Speaker 1: apartment or whatever it was, We've had a great time.
Speaker 1: But the greatest great time is when you're learning and
Speaker 1: growing together, because you actually learn how to improve your
Speaker 1: relationship and that's what makes your relationship better. So when
Speaker 1: I talk about your partners, your guru, what I love
Speaker 1: is that if you look at Eastern traditions, gurus are
Speaker 1: not the people who tell you what to do, or
Speaker 1: preach to you or act smarter than you. The guru,
Speaker 1: like the monk gurus, they would come and sit at
Speaker 1: the back of the class and listen to a young
Speaker 1: monk give a talk like that's what gurus did. Or
Speaker 1: when you bow down to an elder guru, the guru
Speaker 1: would bow down to you on the floor, even if
Speaker 1: they were twice your age. Like, the guru was not
Speaker 1: a figure that made you feel inferior. It's not authoritative, yeah,
Speaker 1: but the guru was a figure that constantly made you
Speaker 1: feel like they believed in you and that you had
Speaker 1: potential and that you had value to offer. And so
Speaker 1: when I wrote this chapter called your Partner is your Guru,
Speaker 1: I break down the qualities of a student, and I
Speaker 1: break down the qualities of a guru, and all of
Speaker 1: the qualities are a guru is generally your partner who
Speaker 1: believes in you. And I found what I found in
Speaker 1: relationships is that it's so easy for you to be
Speaker 1: the most critical person of your partner. Yeah, it's so
Speaker 1: easy for you to say that, oh, yeah, you're just
Speaker 1: the worst, and you're so like lazy, and you're just
Speaker 1: like you're not ambitious enough and you're not organized enough.
Speaker 1: It's so easy. And I found on so many couples
Speaker 1: were in that space, even if you don't say it.
Speaker 1: We feel that about our partners because people say it
Speaker 1: to other people. The amount of people that come to
Speaker 1: me and say, my partner's not ambitious enough, he doesn't
Speaker 1: work hard enough, like, oh, she doesn't understand enough, she's
Speaker 1: too clingy, like we have these negative views. And actually
Speaker 1: we should be the ones who see the potential in
Speaker 1: our partner. Of course, beyond any and I make this
Speaker 1: very clear in the book, beyond any abusive or toxic
Speaker 1: relationships we've should look at the potential in our partner.
Speaker 1: We should be the ones who are like making them
Speaker 1: feel like they can grow and become something, of course
Speaker 1: not ridiculous and stupid ways, but in a healthy way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why I think that when I wrote this chapter,
Speaker 1: one of the ways in which you've been my guru
Speaker 1: is that. And I've said this multiple times to other people.
Speaker 1: I don't think i've said it to you fully, but
Speaker 1: I think that as I became more materially successful, I
Speaker 1: wanted you to love me more for my material success,
Speaker 1: and you didn't. Like, you just didn't budge. So even
Speaker 1: if i'd win an award, or i'd be number one,
Speaker 1: or i'd whatever I did, I never felt like you
Speaker 1: love me more, And for a long time in our relationship,
Speaker 1: I just felt like you didn't love me like because
Speaker 1: of that, because you didn't love me more. And then
Speaker 1: when I would talk to you or I would hear
Speaker 1: about what you said to someone else, and even when
Speaker 1: I listened to you today, it's like, I'm constantly reminded
Speaker 1: that you love me for who I am, not what
Speaker 1: I achieve. And that has been the greatest grow thing
Speaker 1: that you've done, because I think I would have started
Speaker 1: to love myself for what I've achieved and not who
Speaker 1: I am if you love me for what I achieved
Speaker 1: or not. And so that is such a subtle, intricate point.
Speaker 1: But that's the kind of stuff that your partner can
Speaker 1: do for you because your partner actually sees you and
Speaker 1: then in a more like, in a more tangible way,
Speaker 1: you're the person like if I'm practicing a talk to you,
Speaker 1: or I'm practicing something to you, or I read you
Speaker 1: a part of the book when I'm first writing it,
Speaker 1: you'll call me out and be like that's average, or
Speaker 1: I don't hype that, or I'm so great, and it's
Speaker 1: like your partner is only doing that and you say
Speaker 1: this to me all the time when my ego gets
Speaker 1: in the way, and you'll be like, I'm only doing
Speaker 1: that because I want it to be amazing, because I
Speaker 1: care about you. Yeah, the person who doesn't care about
Speaker 1: you're just gonna be like, Oh, that's amazing, Like that's awesome,
Speaker 1: just keep doing it. Was you're like, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't want you to look stupid on stage tomorrow. I
Speaker 1: want you to think about it. And so I find
Speaker 1: that that also is how your partner's your group because
Speaker 1: they're the only one who can coach you through your ego.
Speaker 1: Because if anyone else said that, I probably wouldn't take it.
Speaker 1: But because you're saying it's like I know she wants
Speaker 1: only what's for my best and so I will listen
Speaker 1: more as well. Yeah, things, But I also think with
Speaker 1: what you were saying about, you know, the awards and stuff,
Speaker 1: I think there's you know, what I've learned from those
Speaker 1: situations is that there's still an element to like even
Speaker 1: though you know, I always think about people who achieve
Speaker 1: a lot in their life, and it must not saying
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's so hard to achieve it lot enough,
Speaker 1: but it just is. No, I mean no, what I mean,
Speaker 1: it's so it's such a hard life to achieve a lot.
Speaker 1: What I'm trying to say is that it's it's difficult
Speaker 1: sometimes for people who and by the way, this doesn't
Speaker 1: mean achieves a lot in the limelight or achieves a
Speaker 1: lot in their day to day life. But you know,
Speaker 1: people can get so used to people achieving that every
Speaker 1: success doesn't end up feeling like a success to the
Speaker 1: other people. But the the not grow out what sort
Speaker 1: of like the graft that's gone into it. Only the
Speaker 1: person who's done it knows. And even as someone who's
Speaker 1: watched you through it or watched, you know, watched you
Speaker 1: actually um do what you need to do to get
Speaker 1: you know, those achievements, it's still not the same as
Speaker 1: being that person. And so to even be a person
Speaker 1: watching and observing still to have that respect and that
Speaker 1: value for it and to share that, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: that's amazing. Like and I think, I, you know, I
Speaker 1: genuinely think I just got so used to you achieving
Speaker 1: and you've always been a person who's achieving in but
Speaker 1: the work has just always been there. But I think
Speaker 1: it's even just appreciating the work, even if you don't
Speaker 1: appreciate the what's come from it, even if I'm not like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this award, because sometimes I'm like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: another streaming, Oh wow, another this like okay, cool, because
Speaker 1: I know that there's always more coming because I know
Speaker 1: you are just such an achiever and like you are,
Speaker 1: you put in the work, so naturally there's going to
Speaker 1: be achievement. But I think there is so much in
Speaker 1: even though you're not looking for it. What I've learned
Speaker 1: from it is there is so much to actually, so
Speaker 1: much to sharing that Wow, I see the work that
Speaker 1: you're doing, like that's amazing. And I never felt like
Speaker 1: you needed that validation because I was like, oh, you
Speaker 1: just keep going and you know that you're doing great,
Speaker 1: like you must know it because you are. But I
Speaker 1: think it's really important for loved ones, partner, family to
Speaker 1: keep sharing people's success. And there's you know, when you
Speaker 1: end up celebrating other people's success, I've realized that in
Speaker 1: my life, it makes you so much more of a
Speaker 1: better person because you're really thinking about how amazing it
Speaker 1: is for someone to have done that, and not even
Speaker 1: just the success the legwork that's happened before that. And
Speaker 1: I really it's so important to do that. It's not
Speaker 1: about boosting someone's ego. It's not about making someone feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: what they've got is it's so valuable, but making someone
Speaker 1: know that we see the work that you're doing, and
Speaker 1: we see the hard work that's going into it, and
Speaker 1: I see you. Know. I just it's a way of
Speaker 1: saying I see you in a subtle way. And I
Speaker 1: think it's really underrated because because I think people are
Speaker 1: used to being like, oh, Wow, that's amazing, you've got this,
Speaker 1: but they don't think about everything else before. So now
Speaker 1: when I think about celebrating someone's success or celebrating your success,
Speaker 1: it's like me actually saying to you, Wow, I see
Speaker 1: everything that's happened for you to get there, and I've
Speaker 1: realized how important that is, and I don't normally and
Speaker 1: I've not been someone to do that for you. So
Speaker 1: now I'm like, oh, I really do want to do
Speaker 1: that for you and for other people around me. And
Speaker 1: I think you're right. The group art is true, like
Speaker 1: whatever I've noticed I haven't been doing has been instrumental
Speaker 1: for this, but also in every relationship that I have,
Speaker 1: because it's showing me that the little thing you know.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so much about yourself. Obviously, there always
Speaker 1: you notice the most about yourself in relationships, right, like
Speaker 1: who you actually are. And I feel like in a
Speaker 1: lot of other relationships, I haven't seen that, you know,
Speaker 1: with my mom, she's always just like whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: whatever you end up doing, your Mom's love you like
Speaker 1: all the time. It's like unlimited amount of love. But
Speaker 1: I think in relationships you're constantly reflected back to you.
Speaker 1: They don't in your relationships, you don't allow you know.
Speaker 1: I feel like I see it on a constant basis
Speaker 1: of what I'm not doing, especially if your partner is
Speaker 1: someone who is so loving that the reflection is you know,
Speaker 1: you can't help but see the things about you need
Speaker 1: to change because that person is constantly just pouring love
Speaker 1: into you. And so I think it's just anyway, I
Speaker 1: just think it's such an important part. But that group
Speaker 1: part that you were saying, I completely agree because I
Speaker 1: feel like I've had that and that's been pouring into
Speaker 1: other areas of my life too, and so yeah, that's it. Well,
Speaker 1: why loving you always do that? At the end of
Speaker 1: when you to argument something, I'm like, you're really passionate again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's it, Yeah, because I feel like I just
Speaker 1: end up repeating it in different ways, willing to be sixtinct. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So the question is what have we prioritized in a
Speaker 1: previous relationship that we don't prioritize in this relationship. Something
Speaker 1: we basically thought was important before but we no longer
Speaker 1: think is important now in this relationship. I think it's
Speaker 1: what you've talked about a lot, and I'm sure many
Speaker 1: people have heard you say this, but the time quality thing.
Speaker 1: I think that's been something that you you know, the
Speaker 1: more time you spend with someone, you think that time
Speaker 1: is the investment. People think that time is the investment,
Speaker 1: Like the amount of time you spend with someone is
Speaker 1: what the investment is. This person is willing to spend
Speaker 1: two hours with me, but this person is willing to
Speaker 1: spend fifteen minutes with me. That must mean the two
Speaker 1: hour person values me more, loves me more, cares for
Speaker 1: me more. But what is the quality of those two hours?
Speaker 1: What is the quality of those fifteen minutes? Makes such
Speaker 1: a difference. And I think, you know, I've just been
Speaker 1: so used to that concept that that's what I always
Speaker 1: you know, related to this friend or this relationship, this
Speaker 1: person wants to spend the most amount of time with me,
Speaker 1: that must mean you know that person loves me more.
Speaker 1: And so I think that's something I've really changed, because
Speaker 1: you can feel so much more fueled from a fifteen
Speaker 1: minute interaction with someone and loved with presents, then you
Speaker 1: can with you know, two hours of someone's distracted time.
Speaker 1: And I'm that's something I'm still working on as a
Speaker 1: person of being someone who's present. I think it's something
Speaker 1: i've really you know, I've been up and down with it.
Speaker 1: There are different times where my mind can just you know,
Speaker 1: go everywhere and do everything and not even be in
Speaker 1: the same room as everybody else that I'm in the
Speaker 1: room with. But I think it's something that I know,
Speaker 1: it's something it's it's I want to be working on
Speaker 1: and something I want to be improving on. But I
Speaker 1: think that's a value that I have changed. I love that.
Speaker 1: I think I've talked about this a few times, but
Speaker 1: I do think it's it's important to keep ridging. Like
Speaker 1: I think I used to see romance and it's very
Speaker 1: one way. I had a very singular view of what
Speaker 1: romance meant, which was like nice dinner, Candlelight Flowers movie
Speaker 1: like that kind of very typical idea of what romance
Speaker 1: looks like. Or like Netflix and chill where you're like
Speaker 1: snuggled up on the couch watching Like I think we
Speaker 1: all have these very basic views, Like I had someone
Speaker 1: asked me the other day. They were like, you know,
Speaker 1: if I'm Netflix and chilling with someone, like we've gone
Speaker 1: beyond the first date phase of having a drink together,
Speaker 1: but now we're Netflix and chilling, Like, but I don't
Speaker 1: feel chemistry. And I was like, you're not going to
Speaker 1: feel chemistry Netflix and chilling, ye, just watching a TV
Speaker 1: show a movie, Like you can't feel chemistry for someone
Speaker 1: doing that because it's such a basic activity. And I
Speaker 1: think our relationship by almost chance, and I don't know how,
Speaker 1: but we kind of started on that foot of Like
Speaker 1: one of our first dates was go ape and go
Speaker 1: for anyone who doesn't know what that is is an
Speaker 1: assault course that's eighty feet up in the air. You know,
Speaker 1: we're like swinging from branch to branch. We're helping each
Speaker 1: other out, Like you got to see what scared me,
Speaker 1: I got to see what scared you. Like there's just
Speaker 1: so much opportunity for chemistry there, and we would have
Speaker 1: very easily figured out if there wasn't any chemistry there.
Speaker 1: And another thing that we've done a lot of, which
Speaker 1: we talked about before, is escape rooms. Again, it's very
Speaker 1: easy to like get a conversation started and like you
Speaker 1: don't have to have that awkward silence because there's something
Speaker 1: to solve. And I think that's what life's kind of like,
Speaker 1: Like life's about solving a problem. Life isn't just talking
Speaker 1: to each other. And often when you go to dinner
Speaker 1: or I see so many couples on their phones and
Speaker 1: no one's talking for like an hour and a half,
Speaker 1: and the food comes and you kind of mention a
Speaker 1: few things that you like and then you're back to
Speaker 1: your phone. And that's because you can't just sit there
Speaker 1: and have random conversation. You need another almost activator or
Speaker 1: something interesting or fascinating to do. Like I know when
Speaker 1: we've been to like a pottery class or a painting class,
Speaker 1: or recently you tried to do wakeboarding, right, and it's
Speaker 1: like that to me is so much more. I learned
Speaker 1: so much more about you watching you try to do
Speaker 1: this possible task but an extreme sport. I might add
Speaker 1: an extreme sport which made you feel like you had
Speaker 1: whiplashed the next pain. Yeah, but it was like so
Speaker 1: fun watching you try something as opposed to like if
Speaker 1: we just sat at the beach and at dinner, Like
Speaker 1: it just goes to be the same, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: By the way, Like we're tired at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, we do want to turn a sean on.
Speaker 1: That's fine, but at least once a week, I think
Speaker 1: it's really important to go do something different. Things build. Yeah,
Speaker 1: something that builds, something where you're learning about something someone,
Speaker 1: where you get more curious, you laugh at each other,
Speaker 1: you laugh at yourself, something where you're both doing a
Speaker 1: new experience. Because I find that in my old relationships,
Speaker 1: I literally thought of love and romance as a very
Speaker 1: typical date night. And I don't think we have a
Speaker 1: typical date night. I think we try and avoid it generally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if we go to watch a movie, we don't see
Speaker 1: that as date night. We just see that as watching
Speaker 1: a movie. Ye both like oh, we really want to
Speaker 1: see this movie, let's go and watch it. But we're
Speaker 1: not like, oh, this is date night, Like that doesn't
Speaker 1: become our bonding. That just becomes something fun we want
Speaker 1: to do or we don't a TV show and think
Speaker 1: this is us bonding, Like it's where you're not connecting.
Speaker 1: Can't be something that deepens or strengthens or creates, you know,
Speaker 1: a different perspective on your relationship. It's just you know,
Speaker 1: I used to feel the same way where it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know that that thing of going on a Friday
Speaker 1: like movie night, you know, and if if if every
Speaker 1: single time you're hanging out, it's an activity where there's
Speaker 1: little connection, little like a connection on like all of
Speaker 1: its connection on a mental level, connection on talking like
Speaker 1: there's so much to do with connection that needs to
Speaker 1: happen within um, within a day or within spending time
Speaker 1: with someone where if you're watching something or if you're
Speaker 1: doing something with little of that, how can you get
Speaker 1: to the end of the day and be like, you know,
Speaker 1: well that that was really good. I really felt like
Speaker 1: I connected with that person. Because when you're just sitting
Speaker 1: there together in the same space, but there's connection, isn't
Speaker 1: you know that that's a different type. There's not a
Speaker 1: deeper connection that you're building during that time. And again,
Speaker 1: I love going to watch movies and stuff, but I
Speaker 1: think I've learned even if I want to get to
Speaker 1: know a friend, I won't ask her to come to
Speaker 1: watch a movie with me. That won't be the first
Speaker 1: time I'm spending with a girlfriend I'm trying to get
Speaker 1: to know. It will be let's go work out together,
Speaker 1: let's go food shopping together. Like it sounds so mum,
Speaker 1: but something where we're able to connect on things, find
Speaker 1: out mutual things that we like or love, and you know,
Speaker 1: that's what really builds familiarity and a connection. And so yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. So the question is, if we rewinded ten years,
Speaker 1: what would have been our top three things we were
Speaker 1: looking for in a person. Yeah, at that time, I
Speaker 1: think my mom was more worried about me looking for
Speaker 1: a partner than I was. And I'm jacking. She wasn't
Speaker 1: like pushing or anything. But your mom forced you to marry. Yeah, basically,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like in a big transitional
Speaker 1: phase of my life when I was when I started
Speaker 1: getting to know you, or when I met you. At
Speaker 1: least that's long time ago where we're talking. When we
Speaker 1: first started dating ten years ago. We started dating right,
Speaker 1: So at that point I don't think I knew I
Speaker 1: think I was just at the point in my life
Speaker 1: where I was like, oh, I knew I wanted someone
Speaker 1: that I could um grow spiritually with. I think that
Speaker 1: was that was probably top of my list at the
Speaker 1: time because of the phase I was in. I was,
Speaker 1: you know, in deep at that time of really trying
Speaker 1: to explore that phase of my life at that part
Speaker 1: of my life, and so that was probably number one
Speaker 1: for me. Was someone that I know has has spirit
Speaker 1: and that wants to explore that part of their life too.
Speaker 1: That's what I wanted, and I didn't really have any
Speaker 1: like at that time, had any like financial goals or
Speaker 1: anything that wasn't something I thought about very often. Um
Speaker 1: And then apart from that, I'm trying to think, oh
Speaker 1: and just laughing, Like I knew that I wanted someone
Speaker 1: that I could laugh with then crack jokes with then
Speaker 1: just yeah, I think laughing was really important to me,
Speaker 1: and I don't think I hadn't spend time to think
Speaker 1: about that at the time. So that's that's about all
Speaker 1: I can think of. I don't think I ever had
Speaker 1: a list either, Like I don't think I was ever
Speaker 1: that kind of a person, and that's why I'm not
Speaker 1: a big list person now, like I don't. I think
Speaker 1: lists can often minimize who you meet because you have
Speaker 1: such a criteria. That's true, and then you're finding this
Speaker 1: person who has all of this perfect criteria. But someone
Speaker 1: can be perfect on paper and still not the right person.
Speaker 1: And I think you see this like, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: giving a sports analogy here, but bear with me. It's
Speaker 1: the idea that sometimes a team on paper can be
Speaker 1: the perfect team. They have all the best players in
Speaker 1: the world, but they don't perform on the pitch or
Speaker 1: on the field. And I feel like that's what relationships
Speaker 1: end up like, where you have this person who ticks
Speaker 1: all your criteria, but then they're not that in real life,
Speaker 1: like you don't feel that with them. So I think
Speaker 1: relationships are more about discovering someone Like I couldn't have
Speaker 1: known what you would be like in ten years. You
Speaker 1: just can't know can't know what someone's going to be
Speaker 1: like in ten years, and so all I could do
Speaker 1: is be curious and open and learn you are so
Speaker 1: many more things than I ever thought you were or
Speaker 1: would be or could be or anything. But you either
Speaker 1: have to figure it out as you go and go. Oh,
Speaker 1: I like that or don't like that and let that
Speaker 1: be what leads you, rather than be like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: think I know who this person is. But then what
Speaker 1: if they change, if those three things you wanted became
Speaker 1: completely different. Like I did want someone who is spiritually grounded,
Speaker 1: you are still spiritually grounded, and that is a massive
Speaker 1: pursuit in you. I wonder what I would feel like
Speaker 1: if you weren't. Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't
Speaker 1: even know how I feel about that, because that would
Speaker 1: be something you'd have to be open to it if
Speaker 1: it came to them, right, And So I think criteria interesting,
Speaker 1: but I think it's more about exploring and discovering a
Speaker 1: human being. That's true. Actually, so many people have lists
Speaker 1: of Like so many of my friends who are looking
Speaker 1: for a partner will have all these lists of what
Speaker 1: they want, and every category they'll have something that they
Speaker 1: want in it. And times it's like, oh, I met
Speaker 1: this person and they made me laugh and they you know,
Speaker 1: they really give that feeling that they've been looking for.
Speaker 1: But then they don't meet the criteria and it kind
Speaker 1: of completely throws them off and they don't even know
Speaker 1: whether to go on a second date with them, and
Speaker 1: it kind of feels like a missed opportunity because you know,
Speaker 1: it's so a lot of the time it should be
Speaker 1: so much more about emotion and how someone makes you
Speaker 1: feel versus whether they fit that that's perfect that you've created. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like some people like he has to be six foot two. Yeah, so,
Speaker 1: oh my god, so many people. And I'm like, like
Speaker 1: my friends like has to be told dark and handsome,
Speaker 1: and I get being attracted to tattoo, and I get
Speaker 1: being attracted to your partners. Yeah, I'm not saying it.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying don't be attracted obviously obviously right, just
Speaker 1: putting that out there, But you can't make that the
Speaker 1: criteria of it all. Like, you know, if you're already
Speaker 1: getting along with Like, if you get along with someone
Speaker 1: and you've you've got that you know, connection to then
Speaker 1: go back to your list and be like tick tick
Speaker 1: a cross because they're six foot two is not going
Speaker 1: to keep that relationship, that's the point. Whether you know
Speaker 1: that's not going to make sure they're all going to shrink,
Speaker 1: you know what happens with our days? So then married
Speaker 1: six for four exactly exactly. So the question is how
Speaker 1: do we show up for our partner, even when our
Speaker 1: partner has so many other priorities, has a purpose as
Speaker 1: things that keep them busy. How do we still show
Speaker 1: up for each other when we're busy and they're busy
Speaker 1: and have so much going on. Yeah, I think this
Speaker 1: was actually our weakness because being busy in our life
Speaker 1: came about on us so quickly. Like I don't you know.
Speaker 1: I always said this to people, like I didn't plan
Speaker 1: for this life. We didn't plan for this life. Things
Speaker 1: transformed and moved very quickly and changed very quickly, and
Speaker 1: it took off quickly, even for us, and we almost
Speaker 1: had to play catch up with it. And so I
Speaker 1: never thought when we got married that we'd ever spend
Speaker 1: any time apart right right right, And all of a
Speaker 1: sudden months in our relationship before the pandemic, in the
Speaker 1: first two years of our marriage, we spent like eight
Speaker 1: months apart. And Yeah, then it was the pandemic and
Speaker 1: we spent every day together and I loved it. I'd
Speaker 1: ever say it was two of my favorite years of
Speaker 1: spending time with you, because I love spending time I
Speaker 1: do for those two years and then when the pandemic
Speaker 1: was over again, our lives again they have been like
Speaker 1: we spent like nearly six months apart last year. This month,
Speaker 1: at the start of this year, we've already spent a
Speaker 1: month apart obviously different reasons. And last year again was
Speaker 1: a surprise. It wasn't part of the plan. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was challenges beyond us that we couldn't control that we're
Speaker 1: keeping us apart visa issues things like that that are
Speaker 1: like complex and you know, things that we have to
Speaker 1: deal with when you are from different countries and live
Speaker 1: in different countries. And that was like the first time
Speaker 1: where I realized that I didn't have good tools for
Speaker 1: that kind of distance, and actually because I just thought
Speaker 1: that it didn't matter, you just stay the same and
Speaker 1: things would be fine. And so I think I've actually
Speaker 1: learned the hard way sometimes where I haven't been as
Speaker 1: well informed or didn't think I had all the tools
Speaker 1: or had it all figured out. And I've realized the
Speaker 1: importance of checking in every day, which I never really
Speaker 1: used to think that was a thing. I never thought
Speaker 1: you had to check in every day. And I know
Speaker 1: that sounds stupid to a lot of people, but no,
Speaker 1: I think it also because of both very safe depending
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're very independent as well, and we're SI
Speaker 1: safe and secure and we trust each other. And then
Speaker 1: I realized checking in every day was so important when
Speaker 1: we were traveling or not in the same place. That
Speaker 1: was a big one. I'd say that the other one
Speaker 1: was for every day you spend a part you need
Speaker 1: to have a quality day together. I really believe that,
Speaker 1: Like I felt like last year, when we didn't see
Speaker 1: each other for six months, I felt like I spent
Speaker 1: the next six months only thinking about a relationship because
Speaker 1: it had to be the priority. You can't just expect
Speaker 1: a plant or a tree to grow in your house
Speaker 1: when you don't water it and you don't take care
Speaker 1: of it. And so if you've not seen it for
Speaker 1: six months because you've been traveling, you don't just get yeah.
Speaker 1: You don't just get to come back to it and go,
Speaker 1: oh great, like I'm back now, like start blooming. Like
Speaker 1: it doesn't work that way, Like it takes so much
Speaker 1: of that effort, and I think I didn't fully digest that.
Speaker 1: And last year was that year where I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, that's what it's going to take. It's going
Speaker 1: to take six months of recreating, refocusing, reproatizing, And that's
Speaker 1: what I did last year. That's how I felt that
Speaker 1: I focused on that at the end of last year,
Speaker 1: and that's how I feel now as well, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: you've been here because of family challenges and things like
Speaker 1: that with your grandma has not been well, and who
Speaker 1: obviously we know it's your favorite person in the world,
Speaker 1: and it's like you've obviously wanted to be with. Then again,
Speaker 1: we haven't seen each other for a month because you've
Speaker 1: had to be with the an hospital, and so there's
Speaker 1: so many things that come up in our lives that
Speaker 1: are always going to be there. So we can't live
Speaker 1: in this perfect world of like, oh, never go two
Speaker 1: days without each other. Life doesn't work that way. Life
Speaker 1: is what you can't make fake rules. But the rule
Speaker 1: I have made is that when we are reconnecting, you
Speaker 1: have to go deeper in less time to rebuild the relationship.
Speaker 1: When you are busy and you have to spend quality time.
Speaker 1: One of the things I loved that we did was
Speaker 1: and I want to get back to it as soon
Speaker 1: as we're in a flow of being together again. It's
Speaker 1: like the idea of every thirty days to take three days.
Speaker 1: We disappeared three hours away from LA we'd lock our
Speaker 1: phones away in the room and we just bike together,
Speaker 1: walk together, and be together. And to me, when you
Speaker 1: all have a busy month, having three days a month
Speaker 1: where you go so deep with each other is so
Speaker 1: needed because you are busy every month and not everyone
Speaker 1: has time every day or the energy every day to
Speaker 1: sit down with their partner and check in and make it.
Speaker 1: And you can't, but you can once a month. And
Speaker 1: I think you have to have a monthly check in.
Speaker 1: Even when we do these annual check ins, I think
Speaker 1: these are really important. Like, yes, we record it and
Speaker 1: it goes out as a podcast, but I think every
Speaker 1: couple should have an annual check in and answer these
Speaker 1: questions that we're answering. Otherwise, like years go by and
Speaker 1: then a decade later you're thinking about your relationship. And
Speaker 1: so I think reflecting is such a powerful tool, and
Speaker 1: recording is actually a powerful tool. And I think if
Speaker 1: we were to reflect and record more often every month
Speaker 1: and every year with our partners, your relationship will go
Speaker 1: in the right direction as opposed to your relationship going
Speaker 1: off in a wrong direction. Yeah, and then you're trying
Speaker 1: to save it years later. Yeah, that makes sense. I
Speaker 1: think check ins. Yeah, I think I didn't think that
Speaker 1: that was like, oh, we're on two different time zones.
Speaker 1: It's so hard to just we'll just figure out when
Speaker 1: we see each other and we'll talk when we see
Speaker 1: each other. Well, we'll catch up with each other when
Speaker 1: we see each other. But yeah, I think daily chickens
Speaker 1: is a really important part of it. Message or call,
Speaker 1: like whatever is feasible and easy to do. I think
Speaker 1: being really honest about what you need as well, like
Speaker 1: I feel, yeah, that's true. That's feel like just catching
Speaker 1: the person, like you know that even if I've had
Speaker 1: a busy day, if you said to me, I really
Speaker 1: need to talk to you tonight or let's chat totally,
Speaker 1: you know, I'd be there, yea, even if I've had
Speaker 1: a really busy day and I'm exhaust or whatever it
Speaker 1: may be. But if you don't know, sometimes you assume
Speaker 1: your partner just yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that's
Speaker 1: always where things go wrong, where it's like, well, why
Speaker 1: haven't you checked in with me for a month? Yeah,
Speaker 1: That mentality really ruins relationship. Rather than you're saying, let's
Speaker 1: agree to have a check in out. Yeah, we're doing
Speaker 1: see what you need. Help with. One thing I've recommended
Speaker 1: in the book was four questions. So once every day
Speaker 1: is what have you done for yourself today? Once every
Speaker 1: week is what you've got coming up this week? And
Speaker 1: what support do you need? Every quarter is is this
Speaker 1: relationship going in the direction you want? And how can
Speaker 1: we get it in there? And the fourth question every
Speaker 1: year is what are your goals? And how can I
Speaker 1: help you? I ask you a lot of those questions
Speaker 1: all the time, and so I just broke it down
Speaker 1: into that formula because I really wanted people to have
Speaker 1: like really clear things that they could do. Yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: ask you them from nowa cool get my napead out.
Speaker 1: So the question is it's early twenty twenty three, what
Speaker 1: are our goals? What are we pursuing? What's important to
Speaker 1: us as a couple for this year. I always talk
Speaker 1: about in the book how there's three types of relationship,
Speaker 1: the one you have with your own purpose, the one
Speaker 1: your partner has with their purpose, and then having a
Speaker 1: purpose together as well. And so looking at that third
Speaker 1: part of it, I think for me, it's I really
Speaker 1: feel that even though I haven't been neglectful or I
Speaker 1: don't feel I've put our relationship second or or less
Speaker 1: important for this much time. I'm definitely in a place
Speaker 1: this year where i want it to be really important,
Speaker 1: and so I want to travel more together. I want
Speaker 1: to spend even more quality time together, especially because we've
Speaker 1: kind of gone from having like two years when we
Speaker 1: first we went together, two years married where we were
Speaker 1: like to in the pandemic where we're together every days
Speaker 1: now again the business and it's almost like I want
Speaker 1: to make sure that I'm constantly investing in that in
Speaker 1: our relationship. And I think traveling together more, having that
Speaker 1: deep time as I'm talking about together more those weekend more,
Speaker 1: like that stuff is so important to me and I'm
Speaker 1: really looking forward to that with you. Yeah, me too
Speaker 1: that And like I think for me, it's like learning
Speaker 1: how to schedule in time because sometimes I can be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: we will happen and we can do it whenever and
Speaker 1: we'll just hang out and like planning things and creating
Speaker 1: experiences and moments for that to happen. I think that's
Speaker 1: that's something I want to work on because I'm not
Speaker 1: very good at that. Yeah, thank you Raddy for coming
Speaker 1: back on right. You'll be coming back on a lot
Speaker 1: this year and next year because you've got so many
Speaker 1: exciting things. Sorry, I'm like fully booked for the rest
Speaker 1: of the year, so you had so many exciting things
Speaker 1: coming up. I'm so exciting. I'm so proud of you,
Speaker 1: Like I've been watching you in the background work on
Speaker 1: so many incredible things. Yeah that I'm gonna excite and
Speaker 1: delight so many people, will surprise so many people, and
Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to share them with the world.
Speaker 1: Me too. I'm excited, and I love you, and it's
Speaker 1: been fun watching you grow. It's been funding this with
Speaker 1: you as always. I can't believe we haven't done it
Speaker 1: for two years. I know, I can't. Well, we're doing
Speaker 1: last year. I didn't see you for six months. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that was it. But I love you so much and
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to be in this journey of life
Speaker 1: with you. And I don't think I would have learned
Speaker 1: a half of what I've learned in life or what
Speaker 1: I put in this book if I wasn't with you.
Speaker 1: Same and so you've taught me so much. Same who
Speaker 1: told me so much? Still find you as adorable years ago.
Speaker 1: And that's the rap. Guys, Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: watching and listening today. Make sure you tag Radley and
Speaker 1: I with anything that stood out to you or anything
Speaker 1: that connected or resonated with you. As always rather than
Speaker 1: I try to be extremely open and organic with you
Speaker 1: with these conversations. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope
Speaker 1: it helps you in your daily life, in your relationships
Speaker 1: and with the people that you connect with. That's our
Speaker 1: only intention and our only goal. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening to On Purpose, and I'll see you on
Speaker 1: another episode. Thank you so much. Hi. If you love
Speaker 1: this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew
Speaker 1: Hussey on how to get over your ex and find
Speaker 1: true love in your relationships