1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,560 Speaker 1: I think a lot of the time in relationships, you 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: make someone feel broken because you keep fixing them, Whereas 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,160 Speaker 1: if you teach people how to heal themselves, then you've 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 1: actually helped them. So I always tell people that loving 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: someone means you make them fall more in love with themselves, 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:25,479 Speaker 1: not more in love with you. Everyone. Welcome back to 7 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. 8 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 1: Thanks to each and every one of you that come 9 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. 10 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,279 Speaker 1: And I am so excited to be talking to you today. 11 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 1: I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: Love is out and I cannot wait to share it 13 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: with you. I am so so excited for you to 14 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: read this book, for you to listen to this book. 15 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, 16 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,640 Speaker 1: make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com. 17 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or 18 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: let go of love. If you've got friends that are dating, 19 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab 20 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: this book. And I'd love to invite you to come 21 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: and see me for my global tour. Love Rules. Go 22 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: to Jay shedytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, 23 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you 24 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: this year now. Today's guest is someone who's so hard 25 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: to book, like literally, like the most difficult we We 26 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: book these incredible guests every single week and this person 27 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: just like I just it's so hard to find a 28 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 1: spot in their schedule, like no matter how much you try, 29 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: Like we've been working with their team for the last 30 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: two years, this guest hasn't come on the show for 31 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: the last two years. We're talking about the one and 32 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: only my heart, my wife Radluka. Two years it took 33 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: to get you back. I didn't even realize it's been 34 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: two years. But also, what do we have to talk 35 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: about every year? Yeah? Podcast? Also, I'm busy so annual 36 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: check in I know it is. Yeah, sorry, sharing our challenges, 37 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: our wird our company. It's been two years though it's 38 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: been two years since you've been doesn't feel like it. Yeah, 39 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,679 Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like that. Thank you for having back on. Yeah, 40 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: I know. Sometimes it's just hard to like number one 41 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Sometimes it's hard to get 42 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: you to walk from the house to the studio. I know, 43 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: I know also eight Rules of Love. Where's the jingle? 44 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: I know I need to come up with one. I 45 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,119 Speaker 1: did have one for Think like a Monk, didn't I know? Yeah, 46 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:32,120 Speaker 1: you think like a monk? One thin no think? Yeah, yeah, 47 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: I know, I didn't think. I know. I'm going to 48 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: come up with one for that, okay, yeah, when it's 49 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: going to be more of a rap. I feel like 50 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: because we've got a number in it. But the books 51 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,240 Speaker 1: already out. I know, I know, I know channeling. What 52 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 1: if someone makes a jingle? I need to read the 53 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: book and then I'll get inspiration from it. Oh yeah, 54 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: Rady doesn't read my book. I'm gonna I actually finished 55 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 1: Think Like, well nearly finished with Think Like a Monk. 56 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: I've taken a break from it was just so good. 57 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: I need time to digest eight Rules of Love. I'm 58 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: going to start on the plane journey today. And I 59 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 1: started listening to the podcast a month ago. It's a 60 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 1: brilliant podcast. Everyone who's listening you U should listen to 61 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 1: all the other three hundred episodes that how many have 62 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:15,519 Speaker 1: you done? Four years? One hundred and fifty episodes? No, 63 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: four years one hundred episodes of years of four hundred 64 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I've got so much to catch up on. 65 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:25,080 Speaker 1: But it's really good. Honestly, I appreciate. So we're actually 66 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: recording this in a place that's quite meaningful to Tridy 67 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: and I. When we first started dating, this was a 68 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: place that we'd come for walks, for tea, for hanging 69 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: out together. It's the Grove Hotels. It's a beautiful, beautiful place, 70 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: and we're so grateful that today we're getting to record 71 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: this podcast here. I can't wait to go outside and 72 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: take a walk here and enjoy the grounds. It's a 73 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: really special place to us. So excited to be here 74 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: at the Grove. Yeah, I love this place. I love it. 75 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: But this is going to be fun because, as always, 76 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: what we do when Raddy's on the show is we 77 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: answer questions that my team comes up with. So my 78 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: team will randomly find ideas and thoughts and topics for 79 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: us to talk about. We have no idea, We've never 80 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: seen them, and so you truly get a genuine raw 81 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 1: authors have no idea what we're going to talk about 82 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: me and rather we have no idea. I will be 83 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: bringing up some stuff Riley's been working on in the background, 84 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: which I'm excited about But yeah, all right, So the 85 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: first question our team wants us to answer is what 86 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 1: was the first? What the So what our team wants 87 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:25,839 Speaker 1: us to start with is what did we love each other? So? 88 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: What did The question that our team wants us to 89 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: answer first is what did we love most about each other? First? 90 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: What did we love? What do we love most about 91 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: each other? Now? What's changed? What's different? And why? What'd Well? 92 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 1: Then you did I should basically be the host of 93 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,599 Speaker 1: this show. Basically have a podcast. I should have a podcast. Um, okay, 94 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: So I feel like it's pretty much still the same 95 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,359 Speaker 1: stuff that was from the beginning. You're very consistently the 96 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: same person in a really good way, Like you're a 97 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: solid human. You really are like the same why are 98 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:02,479 Speaker 1: you laughing? The same stuff? The same stuff, but in 99 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: like the best way. Because you have been consistently the 100 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: same person you said you would the things that you 101 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: would be at the beginning of the relationship. You are 102 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: still that person, all the good stuff and what would 103 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: they be? Let me tell you they are. Yeah. You 104 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: know what's funny about this, I'm not a PDA person, 105 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: And I feel like this is where the podcast gets 106 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 1: it all because it's consistent questions about it. You're extremely 107 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 1: honest about who you are at the beginning, which thing 108 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,640 Speaker 1: was really important, Like you always told me what you 109 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 1: are happy to do, not happy to do, your priorities, 110 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 1: your values. The main thing is your integrity. Between what 111 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: you say and what you do and who you are 112 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: on camera and who you are off camera. It's literally 113 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 1: the same person, Like what you talk about is the 114 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: same person as who you are behind closed doors. And 115 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 1: I think that that's such a beautiful quality because I 116 00:05:55,720 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: think like living with integrity allows you to give yourself 117 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 1: so authentically, which means that you're able to just give 118 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: love constantly because you're you're constantly fueled by yourself. But 119 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: also you're just forever living in alignment, which is the 120 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,720 Speaker 1: people feel that energy from you. And I feel like 121 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: I feel that every single day, which is really cool. 122 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: Thanks for that. I actually think that well I loved 123 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 1: about you when we first met was that you've always 124 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:28,360 Speaker 1: been absolutely adorable. You're absolutely hilarious. You're still almost something more. 125 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: I know. I'm saying, yeah, you're you're hilarious, Like I 126 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: think you're one of the funniest people I know. You 127 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: make me laugh all the time. Things, And I think 128 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: I love that I could always be myself around you. 129 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: I never felt judged. I never felt I had to 130 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,600 Speaker 1: be a certain person. I never felt like I had 131 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: to perform or act in a certain way. And I 132 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 1: think you really give people permission. I don't think you 133 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 1: just do that with me. I think you do that 134 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: with everyone. You give everyone permission to be who they are, 135 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: and they don't feel pressurized to impress you or change you. 136 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: They are mold themselves to be more important to you. 137 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: You like to make everyone feel important for who they are. 138 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: And I also fell in love with just how positive 139 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 1: you are in a sense of not positive in the 140 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: way people think about it, like, oh, you're just happy 141 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: about everything, but positive in the sense that you never 142 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: liked gossiping about people, or you never like criticizing people, 143 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: or you never liked comparing yourself to other people. Like 144 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: you were very happy to let people live their own 145 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 1: lives and not get involved in anything negative to do 146 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: with them, but be happy within yourself. And I thought 147 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 1: that was beautiful. Thanks, And I think what's changed or 148 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: and obviously it's still love you for all the same things, 149 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: But I think what's really amazing is I think you've 150 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: been on a huge journey to get to know yourself 151 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: yea over the last few years. So we've been together 152 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: now for nearly ten years, yeah, and we've been married 153 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: for seven nearly, and I feel like in the last 154 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,960 Speaker 1: seven years you've truly found yourself and you've discovered who 155 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: you are, what your values are and yeah, trying, but 156 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: lot has been revealed. And I think I love you 157 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: for going on that journey so confidently when you were 158 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: scared to move to New York when we first got married. 159 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 1: So from going from the person who is scared to 160 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: move to a new city and a new country, which 161 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: is fair enough to be scared for, to now be 162 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 1: someone who's used that as a way of learning about 163 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: yourself and becoming more confident in who you are. I 164 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: love you for that because I think that that takes 165 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: a lot of courage, and I think that it would 166 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: have been easy to be negative about that, but you 167 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: didn't do that. Thanks. Let me think this is fun, wonderful, brilliant. 168 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: So the next topic that we're going to discuss is 169 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: rather than I have been on a crazy advention in 170 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 1: the last seven years, we've moved country, we've moved state, 171 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 1: we've moved apartments, we've moved homes, and the question is 172 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: how has our relationship changed, how has it been impacted 173 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: by all of this, and what have we learned along 174 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 1: the way. I think it's really interesting going back to 175 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,439 Speaker 1: that first question we answered, because I feel like I've 176 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: stayed so much the same. Yeah, I look at how 177 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: it's affected me as being very like similar in the 178 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: sense that I've just kept my head down, I've kept working, 179 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: I've kept building, kept growing, kept trying to do my best. 180 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: But I think that it just made me realize how 181 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: not codependent and how tolerant you are. It's really interesting 182 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 1: to me, Like I don't think and this is to 183 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: your credit. It's again I think I'm a good partner, 184 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: but more to your credit that in the last seven 185 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: years you've never once said to me you don't spend 186 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: enough time with me, you're never around, or you don't 187 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: listen to me, And like that is amazing, Like I 188 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: think that requires so much maturity from you to be 189 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 1: so happy in yourself and finding your own self. Because 190 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: I think, even though I never want you to feel 191 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: those things, like I feel like I'm sensitive to those 192 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: things as well. I still feel like if I told 193 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: you have got a jump on a flight tomorrow, I'm 194 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 1: gonna be gone for two weeks, that would just be 195 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: normal to you, Like you wouldn't ever make me feel 196 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 1: bad or guilty about that. And so I think that 197 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 1: it's made me appreciate you more because we've actually been 198 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: through so many of the biggest changes. There's a study 199 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: that showed like the changes that stress people out the 200 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: most and even put stress on relationships, And it's moving 201 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:16,680 Speaker 1: countries up there, moving job is up there, moving home 202 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: is up there, and then I think it's having kids. 203 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,200 Speaker 1: So we've literally done three out of the four constantly 204 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: over the last seven years. And the fact that we've 205 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: constantly found a way to find our way back to 206 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: each other and connect with each other and had the 207 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,319 Speaker 1: openness to not just point the finger and blame or 208 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: I've just never felt like it's been my fault if 209 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: life's been harder or easier. And so there were times 210 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: when we were close to being four months away from 211 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 1: being broke and you didn't change how you felt, And 212 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: now that things are better, you haven't changed towards me. 213 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 1: And so I just feel like that kind of support 214 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,559 Speaker 1: is really special where you just feel like someone's consistently 215 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: in your corner, and that's how I feel with you. Thanks. 216 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: I do feel those things, I think, and it goes 217 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: back to the consistent because you're the same person. It's 218 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: not been something that you didn't it was always on 219 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 1: the table, like change was always on the table. I 220 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: think now my perspective has changed in the sense of 221 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: before I felt like I really knew where I would 222 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: be living, what I would be doing. You know, before 223 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:17,840 Speaker 1: we got married, I had an idea of what that 224 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: would be. Now I feel like I live more day 225 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,960 Speaker 1: to day, year to year, not even like expecting what 226 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: the next year is going to bring, or like not 227 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: allowing myself to build expectations of what the next year 228 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 1: is going to bring, because I know they could. Like 229 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: change is just always happening, And I think I used 230 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,080 Speaker 1: to be someone who was quite scared of change generally, 231 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: and this has really helped me not be like that 232 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: because we've had so many changes that it's it's almost 233 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,880 Speaker 1: I feel like it's a better way of living where 234 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: there's no expectation of what's coming next. You just kind 235 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 1: of live in the flow of what's happening. So yeah, 236 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 1: I think in that respect. I think the change part 237 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 1: for me was scary at the beginning but became something 238 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 1: that I was quite excited to embrace because it felt 239 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,559 Speaker 1: like it kind of felt more like freedom rather than 240 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: like even though I even though when you're not in 241 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,199 Speaker 1: control you feel like that wouldn't be freedom, actually not 242 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 1: expecting to be in control and not knowing what's going 243 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:14,079 Speaker 1: to happen feels more free than having that control or 244 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: thinking you have that control. But then also I have 245 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 1: those times where I'm like, Oh, this is great, and 246 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 1: then like the next minute, I'm like I just want 247 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 1: to go away to a forest and do like and 248 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 1: just hide away. Like I feel like I go in 249 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 1: like such two different directions. And I feel like you 250 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: deal with that really well, because I am someone who 251 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,319 Speaker 1: can go from being like so excited about something to 252 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,680 Speaker 1: then being like, oh, I just want to delete my 253 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: Instagram and go live in a forest for like six 254 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 1: weeks and not talk to anyone, and you're like, okay, okay, 255 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 1: if that's what you need, and so yeah, no, I know, 256 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 1: I just I have quite like an erraticness about me. 257 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: So I feel like you you handled that pretty pretty well. 258 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,640 Speaker 1: I think you've handled the change remarkably. Well, I don't 259 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: know anyone else who would be able to handle how 260 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 1: much change you've been through the way you have. So 261 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: in my book Eight Rules of Love, I talk about 262 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: how we play different roles in relationships, and if you 263 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: have the book, there's a relationship Roles quiz, so you 264 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,079 Speaker 1: can find out which role you've been playing in previous 265 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 1: relationships or in this one. So the team have asked 266 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 1: us to answer the question, if we're usually a parent, 267 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: a partner, or a child in a relationship, where do 268 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: we find those dynamics in the way we connect with 269 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: each other? So where do you feel? Let's start with 270 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 1: where do we feel? Where the parents? Where the parents? 271 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: I think you've been my parent when it comes to yeah, yeah, 272 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 1: I get the look. Imagine I had like lots of 273 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,719 Speaker 1: sugar right now in front of me like I would do. 274 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: So you're the parent when it comes to my food, 275 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: because I'm the kid when it comes to food, like 276 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm the kid who wants to eat sour patch kids 277 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 1: and the kid who wants to eat like candy. I'm 278 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 1: the kid who wants to eat chocolate. That's all I 279 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: want to do because of my mum, who's sitting here 280 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: as well. Mom fed me for chocolate products a day. 281 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: That's when I was growing up, chocolate yogurt, chocolate bar, 282 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: chocolate ice creams. I became addicted. And then this parent 283 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: has been un learning me from eating sugars. Yeah, that's 284 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: where you're definitely as I love some sugar in my life. Yeah, 285 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: but you're you're a bit more. You've had to wean 286 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: me off. So, yeah, you've been a parent when it 287 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: comes to that, I've been there. You're definitely been a 288 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: parent in uh, you know, they called it like midlife crisis. 289 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 1: I have like a weekly or monthly crisis. Ye're definitely 290 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 1: the parent. And that's it. I'm like, I don't know 291 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: what I'm doing. I don't know what I don't know 292 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: whether I want to do what I'm doing right now. 293 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: I don't know whether what I'm doing is the right thing. 294 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: I don't know whether I love it. I don't know 295 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: whether I like it. I don't know who I am. 296 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: That's pretty much what happens every month. Um, and you're 297 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 1: definitely the parent in that situation. Yeah, a parent slash 298 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: partner like you. You're not like telling me what to do. 299 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 1: You're kind of guiding me through. So I say, also, 300 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: I feel like you're not very parenting many you're not 301 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 1: parenting the health stuff either, like I've I've always said 302 00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: like I've never yeah, I know what you mean, judging 303 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: sized or like it's not you're like, oh telling me, 304 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: but like guidance. Yeah, parent is just the person who's 305 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: making you looking after you when you're being child. Yeah, yeah, child, 306 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: I definitely am that in that situation. Yeah, I think 307 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: I like running late for things, oh yeah, and getting 308 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 1: to places on time and making sure I like actually 309 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: follow through with things, plan out my life. I feel 310 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm a child sometimes when I'm 311 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: like like just being being literally being a child, and 312 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,080 Speaker 1: I'm just like love me now, it's being like a 313 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,400 Speaker 1: kid about like wanting attention and just being a bit 314 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: moody and luck you don't like throw yourself on the floor. 315 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: I'm close to it sometimes still put that voice on 316 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: sometimes Yeah I'm doing that. So then that's when I'm 317 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: being a child for sure. When else I think that's it, 318 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: I don't thinking much of a child in that respect. 319 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: It's a parent and then child. We were on child 320 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 1: now no parents child and partners so partners when you're 321 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: like actually supporting each other. Yeah, and I think we 322 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 1: do that overall. That's overall. I think you've been my 323 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: partner for my health. I think I think you've been 324 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: a great partner when it comes to like encouraging me 325 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: to exercise more and work out. Like when we met, 326 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: I did so much for my mind, but I never 327 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:22,080 Speaker 1: exercised my body. I just played sports or I walked, 328 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: and I thought that was enough. And you were the 329 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,120 Speaker 1: one who was like training me and encouraging me and 330 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: educating me. And then during the pandemic we worked out 331 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,200 Speaker 1: together need every day, which I miss because then she 332 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: left me to work out with people that actually know 333 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: how to work out, so like with me about me. No, 334 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,240 Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. I feel like you were Oh 335 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: I left you need to work out with people that 336 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: actually because that was you parenting me, like you'd be 337 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 1: like what we're doing, like this is what you want? 338 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: A squat like you know, and then all of a sudden, 339 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: now you're just at like real workout class. Yeah I'm 340 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 1: not allowed to come to this. Yeah there you are. Yeah, 341 00:16:55,360 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to come. I feel like you partner again, 342 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: just data stuff. But I definitely think you helped me 343 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,680 Speaker 1: to have like figure out my own voice through not 344 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 1: just giving to me what I'm asking for, but to 345 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 1: help me, you know, see my own journey through figuring 346 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: it out. And I think that takes a lot because 347 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: it kind of is you know, it takes a lot 348 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 1: of patience to do that, and I think it's the 349 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 1: easier option is actually just being like, Okay, here, just 350 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: just do this and just you know, this is how 351 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,119 Speaker 1: you can fix this, and this is how you do this. 352 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 1: And I always I'm someone who has a habit of 353 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 1: not being certain in my own decisions, and so I 354 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: think you really help to let me navigate it, even 355 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,679 Speaker 1: though I'd be like, no, just tell me, like what 356 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: should I do? And you'd be like, no, I'm not 357 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,359 Speaker 1: telling you what to do, Like I'm going to show 358 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: you how you can get to their answer. You would 359 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: say this, but that's how you would act like I'm 360 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: going to say how to get to the answer, But 361 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:52,479 Speaker 1: I'm not going to just give it to you like 362 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: that because you're never going to be able to do 363 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: that for yourself. And so I feel like you really 364 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: did guide through through that as partner. Yeah, I think 365 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: a lot of the time in relationships, you make someone 366 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 1: feel broken because you keep fixing them. Yeah, and if 367 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: you keep fixing them, then that means they remain broken 368 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,200 Speaker 1: and then whenever they feel broken, they have to run 369 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: to you and depend on you, Whereas if you teach 370 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: people how to heal themselves and themselves, then you've actually 371 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: helped them. So I always tell people that loving someone 372 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: means you make them fall more in love with themselves, 373 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,360 Speaker 1: not more in love with you, and not more dependent 374 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 1: on you. Yeah, that's so true actually, and again that 375 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 1: takes so much more. I think that takes so much 376 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,880 Speaker 1: more patience to do it that way then it does 377 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,399 Speaker 1: to just be like okay, fine, let me just do 378 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: it for you. Like you know, it feels like the 379 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: fat it's actually the faster option. You think you're sacrificing 380 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 1: more by being that person that's fixing, but actually it's 381 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 1: more of a selfish way of dealing with it. From 382 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 1: my experience of doing it for other people around me 383 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: and in other relationships around me, that you end up 384 00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: being someone who yeah, it's actually thinking of it's probably 385 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: more of a selfish thing because it also allows you 386 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 1: to feel more important versus letting them feel their important 387 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,640 Speaker 1: and their value. I think a lot of people love 388 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 1: people being dependent on them, definitely because it gives them 389 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: a sense of significance, definitely, especially if you don't know 390 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,440 Speaker 1: what you're doing in your life or if you feel 391 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 1: like you're a bit lost helping other people. And although 392 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,919 Speaker 1: that's a great thing when you help other people, but 393 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: the intention behind it and what you're receiving from it 394 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: can make a huge difference in how you actually feel 395 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: about it. So like if you're helping someone through intention 396 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: of genuinely caring for them, genuinely helping them, or are 397 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: you helping them because it fuels you into feeling valuable 398 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 1: and therefore, like for me, I remember, it used to 399 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 1: be just a way that I would throw myself into 400 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: so I didn't have to think about what I was 401 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 1: doing in my life or how to figure out my 402 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 1: own things. It was just, Oh, this is great, I 403 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 1: need to be doing this. This person needs my help. 404 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 1: I need to create this space for myself in their 405 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,679 Speaker 1: life because then I don't have to think about all 406 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,639 Speaker 1: them stuff I actually need to deal with. So was 407 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: the easier option and more of a selfish option. Yeah, yeah, 408 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 1: that's very true. So the next topic is that sometimes 409 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 1: your partner can be extremely annoying or you find them annoying. 410 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,640 Speaker 1: In that case, when of me and rather ever experienced that? 411 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,360 Speaker 1: When is that as far as a deal breaker and 412 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: how to deal with feeling annoyed by your partner. I 413 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 1: don't think you've annoyed me. Wow, Like you're not an 414 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 1: annoying person in that way. Like I feel like, yeah, 415 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: there are things that irritate me and I don't really 416 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,320 Speaker 1: remember stuff like that, but this is the best thing. 417 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: When yeah, I have a terrible memory stuff and you 418 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,800 Speaker 1: forget the good thing. Yeah, forget all. You can't have 419 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,239 Speaker 1: You can't have one or the other. You either have 420 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,199 Speaker 1: you have both. But I would I would say that 421 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,959 Speaker 1: obviously there are times where I've got agitated and been 422 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,879 Speaker 1: really snappy. I definitely have more of a short fuse 423 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:55,879 Speaker 1: than you do, and I have a not tantrums. I 424 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: wouldn't call them tantrum, but I definitely can be more 425 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,479 Speaker 1: defense sieve and have more of an ego about arguing. 426 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: But that's very difficult when the other person doesn't have that. 427 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 1: And that's probably the most annoying thing that you do. 428 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,400 Speaker 1: That It's like I want to have a fight and 429 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 1: you're just like trying to resolve it within the first 430 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 1: three seconds when I'm still in fight mode and I'm not, 431 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 1: for goodness sake, just fight a little bit, like please 432 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,680 Speaker 1: just just give me something. And he's just always trying 433 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,640 Speaker 1: to just make things better. It's so annoying. Um, that's 434 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 1: it really, Yeah, that is the thing that annoys me 435 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: as in because sometimes you just need to have a 436 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 1: fight somebody. You just need to like argue out say 437 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,240 Speaker 1: things you don't mean, you know, just really, I know, 438 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: I don't I don't say things that I mean, but 439 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,880 Speaker 1: what I mean is just like sometimes you just want 440 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,159 Speaker 1: to have it out and with you. It's like me 441 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: going and you're going. That's basically how our fights get. 442 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: You've never said something mean to you, No, Okay, I don't. 443 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: I don't say that's true. I'm very thoughtful about my words, 444 00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,920 Speaker 1: like I really with everybody that I talk to you 445 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,720 Speaker 1: and that I argue with. I may say things irrationally, 446 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,439 Speaker 1: but I never say things that I don't mean or 447 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: I'm very specifically my word. But I'm just saying sometimes 448 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: I like to, you know, have a bit of a tiff. Yeah, yeah, 449 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: but I would I would agree that. I genuinely don't 450 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 1: believe you've ever said something you don't mean, or said 451 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: something like I don't think you've said something harsh. You 452 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 1: might be upset with me. I think I just go 453 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 1: silent or I don't say things. Yeah, that's probably the 454 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: thing that annoys you. No, not anymore. That used to. 455 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,160 Speaker 1: But I talk about that in the book. Learned about that. Yeah, yeah, 456 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: that's the other thing. You know what, I know, you 457 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 1: know what the other thing is. I never know what's 458 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 1: going to be in podcasts, never know what's going to 459 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,080 Speaker 1: be a podcast, never know what's going to be in 460 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:40,280 Speaker 1: a book. I didn't even know that there was going 461 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,960 Speaker 1: to be a love book, but somehow there's a book 462 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: about love, and its happens to do with us. I'm 463 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 1: quite private with certain things, and then suddenly it's all 464 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:50,439 Speaker 1: over the news, it's everywhere, and I just don't think 465 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 1: about it. I'm like, I don't think I had a 466 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:58,639 Speaker 1: choice in this. I think there are certain times I'm like, oh, 467 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 1: but but I also think it's like a it's a 468 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: personal choice of how much you want to share about 469 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: different parts of your life. And I think it's like, no, 470 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: not in a bad let at all. Like I think 471 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,400 Speaker 1: you are just someone that really wears every like your 472 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: heart on your sleeve. You're someone who wants to share things, 473 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 1: to give lessons and experiences to people. You're never someone 474 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 1: who shares to show off. You're never someone who shares 475 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: to prove a point to anybody. Like you are so 476 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: wise with how you share things, and that's why it's 477 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 1: not an annoying thing. I don't mean an annoying thing, 478 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,720 Speaker 1: but it's one of those things that I'm sure there 479 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: are different types of partners where one person's like way 480 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,959 Speaker 1: more like I. Everybody always says to me, like, oh 481 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 1: my god, you're so eccentric. I can't believe that you 482 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: don't like doing things in public or that you don't 483 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 1: And it's such an interesting thing because you were your 484 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,399 Speaker 1: nature is like you, Your nature is to be around people, 485 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,360 Speaker 1: in front of people in terms of like you are, 486 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,880 Speaker 1: so you exude that you thrive off it. Like that's 487 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,439 Speaker 1: when I think that that's when your nature is. It's 488 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,120 Speaker 1: when you thrive off something like part of it at least, 489 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 1: Whereas for me, it's something I definitely learned to wrote 490 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 1: into and it's something that I absolutely love, Like I 491 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: love sharing things with people. But I think the way 492 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: that you share like you're you're a very open person, 493 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,439 Speaker 1: and so it's less annoying thing. It's just something I 494 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: ran really thought of, ye like, yeah, actually I don't. 495 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,840 Speaker 1: I don't know, Like some people were telling me, oh, 496 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,679 Speaker 1: I've heard this about you on the podcast, and I 497 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I didn't even know that 498 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 1: was on the podcast, or like, I didn't even know 499 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: this was in the book. And so I think it's 500 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: just it's different ways, and it's just understanding the person's 501 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,679 Speaker 1: intention behind it so it doesn't upset me. I think 502 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 1: I'm very different in terms of how I share about us. 503 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,120 Speaker 1: But it's like it's you're also in the relationship. Yeah, 504 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 1: but I really appreciate that kind of lends to it 505 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,639 Speaker 1: because I think someone else could be upset, but I 506 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,199 Speaker 1: you're right. I only share our ups or downs or 507 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,639 Speaker 1: challenges because I want people to recognize that there is 508 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 1: no perfect partnership. And I think when we first started 509 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: sharing about relationship, that's why I stopped. Yeah, that's because 510 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: I hate being seen, Like I find it really suffocating 511 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,199 Speaker 1: when if people think anything about perfection to do with me, 512 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: because I know I'm not that person. I'm not that 513 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,160 Speaker 1: person's race. I'm like, trust me, he wrote this book 514 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 1: for me to read because I need the stuff that's 515 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,919 Speaker 1: in the book. But like, I genuinely don't feel that 516 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,960 Speaker 1: I'm a perfect person, and so I find it really 517 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: suffocating and kind of difficult to handle. And so do 518 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: I and so do I. And that's my point. That 519 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: the reason why I started talking about Oh you're right, 520 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 1: Oh you're good, you're right, Well a tissue book. Learn 521 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: some water, okay, bo, I'm so beautiful do you think? Thanks? Oh? Thanks? Man? 522 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:59,800 Speaker 1: Free to break your mind. I'm gonna cry everyone, Okay. 523 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 1: I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm angry, 524 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: I cry when I'm sad, I cry with every emotion. 525 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 1: It's just how I'm read these things. For anyone who 526 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 1: doesn't know that, I've spoken about that thousand times. So 527 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:12,119 Speaker 1: don't worry if you're seeing me crying. No, I know, 528 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 1: I know. I'm just telling this. That's actually why I 529 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,639 Speaker 1: started to share. And we always did, but like share 530 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,360 Speaker 1: like fights that we had or challenges that we had 531 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 1: or things like that, because I just found that I 532 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 1: too don't ever want to portray a perfect image of me, 533 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,400 Speaker 1: of me and you, of anything in my life, because 534 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,920 Speaker 1: no one's perfect. We're all making mistakes, we're all a 535 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: work in progress. And the last thing I want is 536 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 1: for people to think that me and you never fight, 537 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 1: or that me and you have it all figured out, 538 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: or that we're not having to transition and grow, because 539 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: we have to do all those things all the time. 540 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 1: And I think the mistake that happens though sometimes with 541 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: like obviously, like the question, the question I got asked 542 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: all the time. Now that you've writ in a book 543 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 1: about I love obviously, it's like, oh my gosh, and 544 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,200 Speaker 1: you are You're like, just to be clear, Jay is 545 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 1: literally like one of the most amazing partners you could 546 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:02,080 Speaker 1: ever ask for, But they assume that the relationship is 547 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: just like I just don't like the idea of perfection. 548 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 1: I find that with my stuff as well, Like because 549 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,120 Speaker 1: people think that you're just a positive person and same 550 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,840 Speaker 1: with you. You must get that all the time where 551 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 1: it's like, oh my gosh, you must never get upset, 552 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 1: and you must you just seem happy all the time, 553 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,679 Speaker 1: and I'm like, and then it makes you want to 554 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 1: kind of be like, oh, I'm sad today everyone, and 555 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 1: I'm like I choose what I share because I don't 556 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: want to share that energy with people, because I know 557 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: the energy I want other people to feel when they 558 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 1: watch my things or when they experience it. That doesn't 559 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 1: mean I don't harness that energy within me. It's what 560 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 1: I then choose to let other people experience. And I 561 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,840 Speaker 1: think that's also important to know what you're giving out 562 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: to people. I know that if someone's sad around me, 563 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 1: that's going to make me sad, and so I'm sorry. 564 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 1: And where people are happy, it's the same thing, and 565 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,960 Speaker 1: so I'd rather give off contagious happy energy than sad. 566 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:54,679 Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean people don't feel it. Yeah, definitely, definitely, 567 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:58,080 Speaker 1: I fully agree with you. This is for my LA 568 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,640 Speaker 1: listeners exclusively. It's a month of love, so I had 569 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 1: to do something special and that includes self love too. 570 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 1: Joyo is a new sparkling tea brand, and each adapter 571 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: jenet t are crafted with the best tea blends and 572 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: powerful botanicals for a perfectly effervescent drink that inspires and 573 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,680 Speaker 1: enhances both your mind and body. Me and RADI came 574 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 1: up with Joyo, and I'm so happy to announce that 575 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 1: Joyo is collaborating with air One and guess what. My 576 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 1: Love Potion launches on Valentine's Day at all air One 577 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: stores located in the Los Angeles area, So make sure 578 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,120 Speaker 1: to go to your favorite air One store on February 579 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 1: fourteenth and ask for Jay's Love Potion. I can't wait 580 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 1: for you to try it. Also, if you don't already 581 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 1: follow Joyo on Instagram, go to at Drink Joyo because 582 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 1: we'll be selecting one lucky winner and giving them a 583 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: twenty dollar air One gift card. I can't wait for 584 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: you to try my Love Potion. Make sure you had 585 00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:01,000 Speaker 1: to air One from fourteenth February onwards. 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And that's why 608 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 1: I talk about I mean, I'd constantly be talking about it, 609 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,880 Speaker 1: like when I get irritated or when I get agitated, 610 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 1: or like I always talk about how I get more 611 00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 1: moody and I can get snappy and all those things 612 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 1: with you. And that's why I talk about in the 613 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 1: book about how when I get when we have a fight, 614 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 1: I want to solve it. When we have a fight, 615 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 1: you want to hide, and so I call it venting 616 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,720 Speaker 1: and hiding. And then there's another one called exploding, which 617 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: are the three fight styles. Exploding is when someone just 618 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:54,120 Speaker 1: wants to let all their emotions out. And we found 619 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 1: a way where in the beginning, when you used to 620 00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: want to hide, you take some time out and I 621 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,720 Speaker 1: want it to vent. In the beginning, I used to 622 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: think you didn't care, and so I literally would feel 623 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 1: like you didn't love me as much, who you didn't 624 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: care as much? And I would say that to you, 625 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: only to realize that none of that was true. What 626 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: I realized was that's just how you process an argument. 627 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: And learning that that's how you process an argument and 628 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 1: that what I'm doing isn't right, it's just how I 629 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 1: process an argument helps you realize that you could actually 630 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: be on the same team. And then saying, okay, let's 631 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 1: get back to this in twelve twenty four hours, we 632 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,360 Speaker 1: can actually come back having digested what the problem is 633 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 1: and talk about the problem. And so I shared those 634 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 1: kind of examples of our relationship in order to help 635 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 1: people understand that even I used to think you didn't 636 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 1: love me because you wanted to not talk to me 637 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 1: for two days. Yeah, but that's not true. You just 638 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,400 Speaker 1: needed time to think about it. And just because I 639 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,760 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about it now doesn't mean I care more. 640 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: But that's how we think about things. We all think 641 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,040 Speaker 1: we care more in the way we act, or that 642 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 1: someone else cares less. Yes, and so yeah, and I yeah, 643 00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: I think it's just it's that thing of whenever you 644 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 1: or sharing things about you know, you share so many 645 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: different topics and there's so many things that you speak on, 646 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 1: and you know, when it was purpose, I'm sure you've 647 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,520 Speaker 1: got lots of questions about purpose. When it's love, you 648 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: get so many questions about love. And I just think 649 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:14,160 Speaker 1: there's this like I think I'm still learning to do 650 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 1: you've already. I feel like you have this thing of 651 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 1: not You're very good at digesting not really knowing what 652 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: your intentions are, knowing what you're grounded and knowing your 653 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: purpose and therefore what other people's perception of that is 654 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 1: doesn't affect you as much. I think I'm still working 655 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 1: through the like pressure of perfection, which I'm just like 656 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,440 Speaker 1: it's so hard to be like I'm just not perfect, 657 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 1: Like it's not I'm not happy all the time. I'm 658 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 1: not this all the time, but it's very difficult to 659 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 1: vocalize that in a way that's not like Okay, you're 660 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: just saying that because you know it's it's it's so 661 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: hard to communicate it to people if they've already got 662 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 1: that perception of you. And I think that's why sometimes 663 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: I hide away or shy away from like discussing certain 664 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 1: things because for me, it's like I just I find 665 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: that too difficult to at the moment something that I'm 666 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,720 Speaker 1: dealing with myself of like, that's not what I like whenever. Yeah, 667 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: that's just the phase of my life that I'm in 668 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 1: right now. I think I think everyone in the world 669 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: is looking for perfection. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, but there's 670 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 1: a part of us totally you want to know, like 671 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,239 Speaker 1: what is that? Yeah, And it's just like once you know, 672 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: the biggest perfection in when I think about it and 673 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,560 Speaker 1: have tried to think about that mindset, it's like, okay, 674 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: because perfection equals happiness in minds like and I can 675 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,480 Speaker 1: understand sad whenever I see someone who I think whatever 676 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: perfect is to me has that perfect life, I'm like, oh, 677 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 1: that is what happy is. And I think it's just 678 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 1: through my own thing of whenever I've got the things 679 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,720 Speaker 1: that I think mean perfection or what people periect the 680 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: things that people perceive of you as being perfect, You're like, 681 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,200 Speaker 1: that doesn't make me feel happy at all, Like those 682 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 1: things that you're saying to me or messaging me saying that, oh, 683 00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 1: you've got this, which is like, that's that's like the 684 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 1: perfect this or whether it's to do with physical appearance 685 00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 1: or mental mental state or whatever it is. It's like 686 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 1: there's so many parts to perfection that people think equal perfection. 687 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,880 Speaker 1: But it's like when you hear that from the other side, 688 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh wow, if that's perfection, that hasn't made 689 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,120 Speaker 1: me happy, and so I think there's for me. When 690 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,320 Speaker 1: I think about perfection now, it's like I've realized stripping 691 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: back so much to be like, what is what would 692 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,120 Speaker 1: make me the most happy? And that's what perfection is, 693 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: and to me right now, it's really leaning back into 694 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,360 Speaker 1: my spiritual journey and like really trying to harness that 695 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:25,879 Speaker 1: because I know that was the only thing that made 696 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,160 Speaker 1: me so happy, not only but like the main thing 697 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,600 Speaker 1: that made me so happy, and that includes the people 698 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 1: around you who really support that. But I think when 699 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 1: you end up just constantly hearing what perfect is and 700 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,920 Speaker 1: what people think that think you are as being perfect, 701 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 1: it stops you from actually being yourself. And I'm like, 702 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 1: this year, I just want to be so much more 703 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 1: less trying to be what other people's perception of me 704 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:52,080 Speaker 1: is and just be Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah. 705 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,919 Speaker 1: And I don't think there's a perfect person. I don't 706 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:59,319 Speaker 1: think there's a perfect partner. I think there's just navigating 707 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,120 Speaker 1: our imperfect and figuring them out. And the reason I 708 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,840 Speaker 1: wrote a book about love was not because I'm a 709 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,239 Speaker 1: love expert or a love guru, or because I think 710 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: I know everything about love or that we have a 711 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: perfect love. I wrote about it because I think I'm 712 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 1: fascinated by it. Yeah. I wanted to spend time studying 713 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,960 Speaker 1: it and learning about it, and I wanted to be 714 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,359 Speaker 1: able to share insights and frameworks that I've created to 715 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,759 Speaker 1: not just manage our relationship, but manage and coach other 716 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,919 Speaker 1: people's worked with. And so when I'm sharing in the book, 717 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,520 Speaker 1: is there is no story of a perfect love. No, 718 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 1: it doesn't exist in the book. There is no perfect story. 719 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,279 Speaker 1: Even our proposal story I tell as a mistake and 720 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:42,880 Speaker 1: that went wrong, and not wrong because you were upset 721 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,880 Speaker 1: or because you were sad, wrong because it made me 722 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 1: realize I was just trying to love you in the 723 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 1: way that I thought the movies taught us how to love. 724 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,399 Speaker 1: I wasn't loving you in the way that you wanted 725 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: to be love. No, but I think the tools and 726 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,959 Speaker 1: the frameworks that you've even shared with me have been 727 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,960 Speaker 1: so useful for not just our relationship, but like every 728 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 1: relationship that I have. So I personally think like everything 729 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: that you've even taught me in the relationship has been 730 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 1: applicable to every relationship that I have. And I think, 731 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,879 Speaker 1: like genuinely think you're like the perfect person to write 732 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 1: this book because it is so much about You've spent 733 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,040 Speaker 1: so much time and so much energy build like the 734 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: relationships that you have, not even just romantic relationship, the 735 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 1: relationships that you have with people. That for me has 736 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 1: been like the when you have a qualification, but not 737 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:30,160 Speaker 1: the qualification whatever that word is, but the qualification for 738 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: you to write the book, like because seeing your relationships 739 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,799 Speaker 1: with people, how deep they are, how genuine they are, 740 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:39,759 Speaker 1: how authentic they are, like that is that in itself 741 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,960 Speaker 1: is the most beautiful thing, because it's so hard to 742 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,239 Speaker 1: build relationships in the world, like through all of this 743 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 1: stuff that happens throughout life, through the barriers that we've 744 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 1: put up, through the social media filters, through every fi 745 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,879 Speaker 1: there's so many filters that we end up having throughout 746 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,960 Speaker 1: our life now, especially because you're exposed to so many people. 747 00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,399 Speaker 1: The more people you're exposed to, the more you feel 748 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 1: like you have to adapt, the more you feel like 749 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 1: you have to change. And sometimes you're putting on different 750 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,759 Speaker 1: clothes and different things, not clothes, but different clothes and 751 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,040 Speaker 1: layers to be different people for different people. And I 752 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 1: think you are someone who, literally, through every relationship I 753 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 1: have seen, remain the same person. You react to things 754 00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,879 Speaker 1: in the same way, you treat things in the same way. 755 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 1: So this is me saying separately as your partner, saying 756 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,400 Speaker 1: that the way that you have cultivated relationships and really 757 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 1: work through how you create authentic relationships, that for me 758 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,560 Speaker 1: is like I want to read the book because of that, 759 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,080 Speaker 1: then that obviously applies to our relationship. The way that 760 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,400 Speaker 1: you communicate, the way that you share things, like it 761 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 1: takes so much work to become that person and to 762 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 1: just read the book to understand. And by the way, 763 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,240 Speaker 1: this is not a book book plug, guys, I haven't 764 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 1: ready yet, but I know it's going to be good 765 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,640 Speaker 1: just because of having experienced that and seen it like 766 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,360 Speaker 1: for ten years, day in day out, the way that 767 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,239 Speaker 1: you are and that's why people who are close to 768 00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,840 Speaker 1: you and the people that you have in your life 769 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,799 Speaker 1: and the way that you have created those relationships. There 770 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: are relationships that you have for years and years and 771 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,399 Speaker 1: years or they will and not even if they're not, 772 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 1: they're relationships that have got so deep so fast that 773 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,640 Speaker 1: it's never been about the surface level stuff. And I think, 774 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,200 Speaker 1: like that is just so powerful and so amazing because 775 00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,480 Speaker 1: I know I've had relationships, I've had friendships that I've 776 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: had or relationships for years and years and this you know, 777 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:25,280 Speaker 1: they still don't feel what they should feel like because 778 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 1: I haven't invested the time to figure out how to 779 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 1: make it that. And each relationship is so individual that 780 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 1: you have to invest that time. So if you want 781 00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,880 Speaker 1: that relationship with someone, and you want that friendship, you 782 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 1: want that brothership, whatever it is, it takes that time investment. 783 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:44,000 Speaker 1: It takes creating those frameworks, it takes creating whatever it is. 784 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,880 Speaker 1: But you know, it is an investment of time and energy. 785 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,919 Speaker 1: And I think that the amount of relationships that you've 786 00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:53,759 Speaker 1: had throughout your life that have been so meaningful that 787 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 1: in itself shows that you have so much to share 788 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,960 Speaker 1: and wisdom to share on it. And so, you know, 789 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,160 Speaker 1: romantic plus the relationships. I think that's such an important 790 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,000 Speaker 1: skill that you have to have through your life. And 791 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:05,880 Speaker 1: I feel like I would be so sad if I 792 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 1: got to the end of my life and I was like, Wow, 793 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:11,160 Speaker 1: I had all these friends, but like no real relationships. 794 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 1: The whole thing we need in as humans, I feel, 795 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,760 Speaker 1: is to feel that connection. And you can go fifty 796 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,720 Speaker 1: sixty seventy eighty years of your life not even having 797 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,080 Speaker 1: one connection to someone in that way, And how sad 798 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,279 Speaker 1: to have missed out on life. Sad I'm talking sad 799 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: for me, not like, oh that's sad, but like genuinely 800 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 1: sad to go through a whole life's worth of living 801 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,239 Speaker 1: and not actually having experienced what a relationship means like 802 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,799 Speaker 1: that that would just you know, how unfulfilling that would be. 803 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 1: And so yeah, I'm like, I genuinely excited to read 804 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,440 Speaker 1: it because I feel like and you're like, they're teaching 805 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,680 Speaker 1: me along the way. But sometimes it's hard to really 806 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,480 Speaker 1: hear from someone that you spend time with or like 807 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,160 Speaker 1: that you really that you not take for granted, because 808 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,319 Speaker 1: I really value what you do, but you kind of 809 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,200 Speaker 1: take the words for granted when you're not studying it 810 00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,759 Speaker 1: or when you're not actually you know, when you're not 811 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,680 Speaker 1: in a place to even receive it. And so I 812 00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:05,000 Speaker 1: feel like I'm in that place where now where I 813 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,000 Speaker 1: really want to build deeper connections. And I think that's 814 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: why it's. Yeah, I think it's such an important thing 815 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 1: from you. From other people started listening to the podcast recently, 816 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,440 Speaker 1: I did this on purpose. The question was what did 817 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,520 Speaker 1: we find annoying about each other? I did. I said 818 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,200 Speaker 1: that it's when you share things about me that I 819 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: don't know about. That is something that genuinely annoys me. 820 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,719 Speaker 1: And also because it's seen from your perspective, and you 821 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 1: have like filter of your eyes when it comes to me, 822 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,200 Speaker 1: because you always think things I do are nice when 823 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,839 Speaker 1: actually I can be a terror. But yeah, I change 824 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,760 Speaker 1: the question. Sorry. Yeah, so either chapter in this book 825 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:42,160 Speaker 1: or your partner is your guru? Yeah, and this was 826 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 1: inspired by you, great, amazing, Well, really it was inspired 827 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:54,279 Speaker 1: from our tradition and the idea that relationships are more 828 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 1: about education and enlightenment than they are about entertainment. Yeah, 829 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,080 Speaker 1: and I think that you get into relationships because of pleasure, 830 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:07,319 Speaker 1: but actually relationships that last are ones in which you 831 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:11,719 Speaker 1: grow and which you find a purpose. And I think 832 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,520 Speaker 1: that sounds really unsexy and uncool because people think, like, oh, 833 00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:17,160 Speaker 1: my partner should just be someone I have fun with 834 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,320 Speaker 1: all the time, and we have a lot of fun together. 835 00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,359 Speaker 1: We've had a lot of fun over the last ten years, 836 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,680 Speaker 1: for sure, without a doubt, like whether it was when 837 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:29,680 Speaker 1: we've traveled together, when we've started Joyo together, when we've moved, 838 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,680 Speaker 1: whether we you know, we're in this tiny shoe box 839 00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,360 Speaker 1: apartment or whatever it was, We've had a great time. 840 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:39,640 Speaker 1: But the greatest great time is when you're learning and 841 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:44,279 Speaker 1: growing together, because you actually learn how to improve your 842 00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:46,839 Speaker 1: relationship and that's what makes your relationship better. So when 843 00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 1: I talk about your partners, your guru, what I love 844 00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:53,560 Speaker 1: is that if you look at Eastern traditions, gurus are 845 00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,680 Speaker 1: not the people who tell you what to do, or 846 00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:59,240 Speaker 1: preach to you or act smarter than you. The guru, 847 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,799 Speaker 1: like the monk gurus, they would come and sit at 848 00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,319 Speaker 1: the back of the class and listen to a young 849 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:07,640 Speaker 1: monk give a talk like that's what gurus did. Or 850 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,480 Speaker 1: when you bow down to an elder guru, the guru 851 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,640 Speaker 1: would bow down to you on the floor, even if 852 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,400 Speaker 1: they were twice your age. Like, the guru was not 853 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:20,560 Speaker 1: a figure that made you feel inferior. It's not authoritative, yeah, 854 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,400 Speaker 1: but the guru was a figure that constantly made you 855 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,680 Speaker 1: feel like they believed in you and that you had 856 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:30,080 Speaker 1: potential and that you had value to offer. And so 857 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,280 Speaker 1: when I wrote this chapter called your Partner is your Guru, 858 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,680 Speaker 1: I break down the qualities of a student, and I 859 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 1: break down the qualities of a guru, and all of 860 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,680 Speaker 1: the qualities are a guru is generally your partner who 861 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,000 Speaker 1: believes in you. And I found what I found in 862 00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:46,239 Speaker 1: relationships is that it's so easy for you to be 863 00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,239 Speaker 1: the most critical person of your partner. Yeah, it's so 864 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:52,239 Speaker 1: easy for you to say that, oh, yeah, you're just 865 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:54,839 Speaker 1: the worst, and you're so like lazy, and you're just 866 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,480 Speaker 1: like you're not ambitious enough and you're not organized enough. 867 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,640 Speaker 1: It's so easy. And I found on so many couples 868 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,000 Speaker 1: were in that space, even if you don't say it. 869 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,440 Speaker 1: We feel that about our partners because people say it 870 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 1: to other people. The amount of people that come to 871 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,279 Speaker 1: me and say, my partner's not ambitious enough, he doesn't 872 00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,279 Speaker 1: work hard enough, like, oh, she doesn't understand enough, she's 873 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,960 Speaker 1: too clingy, like we have these negative views. And actually 874 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:19,759 Speaker 1: we should be the ones who see the potential in 875 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,080 Speaker 1: our partner. Of course, beyond any and I make this 876 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,840 Speaker 1: very clear in the book, beyond any abusive or toxic 877 00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:28,800 Speaker 1: relationships we've should look at the potential in our partner. 878 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,719 Speaker 1: We should be the ones who are like making them 879 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,080 Speaker 1: feel like they can grow and become something, of course 880 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,719 Speaker 1: not ridiculous and stupid ways, but in a healthy way. Yeah, 881 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,160 Speaker 1: that's why I think that when I wrote this chapter, 882 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,480 Speaker 1: one of the ways in which you've been my guru 883 00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,400 Speaker 1: is that. And I've said this multiple times to other people. 884 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,160 Speaker 1: I don't think i've said it to you fully, but 885 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:51,560 Speaker 1: I think that as I became more materially successful, I 886 00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,600 Speaker 1: wanted you to love me more for my material success, 887 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,239 Speaker 1: and you didn't. Like, you just didn't budge. So even 888 00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,640 Speaker 1: if i'd win an award, or i'd be number one, 889 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,520 Speaker 1: or i'd whatever I did, I never felt like you 890 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 1: love me more, And for a long time in our relationship, 891 00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:09,360 Speaker 1: I just felt like you didn't love me like because 892 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,359 Speaker 1: of that, because you didn't love me more. And then 893 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:13,839 Speaker 1: when I would talk to you or I would hear 894 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 1: about what you said to someone else, and even when 895 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:19,200 Speaker 1: I listened to you today, it's like, I'm constantly reminded 896 00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,520 Speaker 1: that you love me for who I am, not what 897 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:26,480 Speaker 1: I achieve. And that has been the greatest grow thing 898 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,240 Speaker 1: that you've done, because I think I would have started 899 00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:32,279 Speaker 1: to love myself for what I've achieved and not who 900 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:34,440 Speaker 1: I am if you love me for what I achieved 901 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:38,400 Speaker 1: or not. And so that is such a subtle, intricate point. 902 00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,160 Speaker 1: But that's the kind of stuff that your partner can 903 00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,759 Speaker 1: do for you because your partner actually sees you and 904 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,880 Speaker 1: then in a more like, in a more tangible way, 905 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:50,960 Speaker 1: you're the person like if I'm practicing a talk to you, 906 00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:52,759 Speaker 1: or I'm practicing something to you, or I read you 907 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,239 Speaker 1: a part of the book when I'm first writing it, 908 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,040 Speaker 1: you'll call me out and be like that's average, or 909 00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:02,560 Speaker 1: I don't hype that, or I'm so great, and it's 910 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: like your partner is only doing that and you say 911 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:07,640 Speaker 1: this to me all the time when my ego gets 912 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,200 Speaker 1: in the way, and you'll be like, I'm only doing 913 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:10,840 Speaker 1: that because I want it to be amazing, because I 914 00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:12,879 Speaker 1: care about you. Yeah, the person who doesn't care about 915 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:15,240 Speaker 1: you're just gonna be like, Oh, that's amazing, Like that's awesome, 916 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,000 Speaker 1: just keep doing it. Was you're like, I don't. I 917 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:18,680 Speaker 1: don't want you to look stupid on stage tomorrow. I 918 00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:21,239 Speaker 1: want you to think about it. And so I find 919 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,360 Speaker 1: that that also is how your partner's your group because 920 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,760 Speaker 1: they're the only one who can coach you through your ego. 921 00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,840 Speaker 1: Because if anyone else said that, I probably wouldn't take it. 922 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,040 Speaker 1: But because you're saying it's like I know she wants 923 00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,680 Speaker 1: only what's for my best and so I will listen 924 00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,840 Speaker 1: more as well. Yeah, things, But I also think with 925 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:41,520 Speaker 1: what you were saying about, you know, the awards and stuff, 926 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: I think there's you know, what I've learned from those 927 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:47,719 Speaker 1: situations is that there's still an element to like even 928 00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:49,720 Speaker 1: though you know, I always think about people who achieve 929 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,759 Speaker 1: a lot in their life, and it must not saying 930 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,279 Speaker 1: oh my god, it's so hard to achieve it lot enough, 931 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,239 Speaker 1: but it just is. No, I mean no, what I mean, 932 00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,440 Speaker 1: it's so it's such a hard life to achieve a lot. 933 00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,880 Speaker 1: What I'm trying to say is that it's it's difficult 934 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,360 Speaker 1: sometimes for people who and by the way, this doesn't 935 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,360 Speaker 1: mean achieves a lot in the limelight or achieves a 936 00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:09,560 Speaker 1: lot in their day to day life. But you know, 937 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,200 Speaker 1: people can get so used to people achieving that every 938 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,120 Speaker 1: success doesn't end up feeling like a success to the 939 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:21,439 Speaker 1: other people. But the the not grow out what sort 940 00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:25,040 Speaker 1: of like the graft that's gone into it. Only the 941 00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,359 Speaker 1: person who's done it knows. And even as someone who's 942 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,600 Speaker 1: watched you through it or watched, you know, watched you 943 00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:33,000 Speaker 1: actually um do what you need to do to get 944 00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:36,279 Speaker 1: you know, those achievements, it's still not the same as 945 00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,360 Speaker 1: being that person. And so to even be a person 946 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,680 Speaker 1: watching and observing still to have that respect and that 947 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,800 Speaker 1: value for it and to share that, oh my gosh, 948 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,799 Speaker 1: that's amazing. Like and I think, I, you know, I 949 00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,480 Speaker 1: genuinely think I just got so used to you achieving 950 00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,400 Speaker 1: and you've always been a person who's achieving in but 951 00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,239 Speaker 1: the work has just always been there. But I think 952 00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,000 Speaker 1: it's even just appreciating the work, even if you don't 953 00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,200 Speaker 1: appreciate the what's come from it, even if I'm not like, 954 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,279 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this award, because sometimes I'm like, oh wow, 955 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,920 Speaker 1: another streaming, Oh wow, another this like okay, cool, because 956 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,000 Speaker 1: I know that there's always more coming because I know 957 00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,480 Speaker 1: you are just such an achiever and like you are, 958 00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:14,600 Speaker 1: you put in the work, so naturally there's going to 959 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,200 Speaker 1: be achievement. But I think there is so much in 960 00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,479 Speaker 1: even though you're not looking for it. What I've learned 961 00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,200 Speaker 1: from it is there is so much to actually, so 962 00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:26,080 Speaker 1: much to sharing that Wow, I see the work that 963 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:28,920 Speaker 1: you're doing, like that's amazing. And I never felt like 964 00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,080 Speaker 1: you needed that validation because I was like, oh, you 965 00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:33,080 Speaker 1: just keep going and you know that you're doing great, 966 00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,080 Speaker 1: like you must know it because you are. But I 967 00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:39,879 Speaker 1: think it's really important for loved ones, partner, family to 968 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,359 Speaker 1: keep sharing people's success. And there's you know, when you 969 00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:46,440 Speaker 1: end up celebrating other people's success, I've realized that in 970 00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:48,520 Speaker 1: my life, it makes you so much more of a 971 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:52,680 Speaker 1: better person because you're really thinking about how amazing it 972 00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:54,719 Speaker 1: is for someone to have done that, and not even 973 00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,640 Speaker 1: just the success the legwork that's happened before that. And 974 00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:59,839 Speaker 1: I really it's so important to do that. It's not 975 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:04,960 Speaker 1: about boosting someone's ego. It's not about making someone feel like, oh, 976 00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:08,400 Speaker 1: what they've got is it's so valuable, but making someone 977 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,080 Speaker 1: know that we see the work that you're doing, and 978 00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:13,200 Speaker 1: we see the hard work that's going into it, and 979 00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,759 Speaker 1: I see you. Know. I just it's a way of 980 00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,239 Speaker 1: saying I see you in a subtle way. And I 981 00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:22,640 Speaker 1: think it's really underrated because because I think people are 982 00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:24,960 Speaker 1: used to being like, oh, Wow, that's amazing, you've got this, 983 00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,560 Speaker 1: but they don't think about everything else before. So now 984 00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,560 Speaker 1: when I think about celebrating someone's success or celebrating your success, 985 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:35,680 Speaker 1: it's like me actually saying to you, Wow, I see 986 00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:38,239 Speaker 1: everything that's happened for you to get there, and I've 987 00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,359 Speaker 1: realized how important that is, and I don't normally and 988 00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:42,960 Speaker 1: I've not been someone to do that for you. So 989 00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:44,920 Speaker 1: now I'm like, oh, I really do want to do 990 00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:46,759 Speaker 1: that for you and for other people around me. And 991 00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:48,360 Speaker 1: I think you're right. The group art is true, like 992 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,279 Speaker 1: whatever I've noticed I haven't been doing has been instrumental 993 00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:56,000 Speaker 1: for this, but also in every relationship that I have, 994 00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:59,880 Speaker 1: because it's showing me that the little thing you know. 995 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,839 Speaker 1: You know, it's so much about yourself. Obviously, there always 996 00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,360 Speaker 1: you notice the most about yourself in relationships, right, like 997 00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:06,640 Speaker 1: who you actually are. And I feel like in a 998 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,680 Speaker 1: lot of other relationships, I haven't seen that, you know, 999 00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:11,960 Speaker 1: with my mom, she's always just like whatever, you know, 1000 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,440 Speaker 1: whatever you end up doing, your Mom's love you like 1001 00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:16,759 Speaker 1: all the time. It's like unlimited amount of love. But 1002 00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:20,080 Speaker 1: I think in relationships you're constantly reflected back to you. 1003 00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:23,640 Speaker 1: They don't in your relationships, you don't allow you know. 1004 00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,880 Speaker 1: I feel like I see it on a constant basis 1005 00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,279 Speaker 1: of what I'm not doing, especially if your partner is 1006 00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:33,000 Speaker 1: someone who is so loving that the reflection is you know, 1007 00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,920 Speaker 1: you can't help but see the things about you need 1008 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:38,440 Speaker 1: to change because that person is constantly just pouring love 1009 00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:41,279 Speaker 1: into you. And so I think it's just anyway, I 1010 00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:42,960 Speaker 1: just think it's such an important part. But that group 1011 00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,759 Speaker 1: part that you were saying, I completely agree because I 1012 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,720 Speaker 1: feel like I've had that and that's been pouring into 1013 00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:54,040 Speaker 1: other areas of my life too, and so yeah, that's it. Well, 1014 00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,360 Speaker 1: why loving you always do that? At the end of 1015 00:49:56,400 --> 00:50:00,200 Speaker 1: when you to argument something, I'm like, you're really passionate again. Yeah, 1016 00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,560 Speaker 1: so that's it, Yeah, because I feel like I just 1017 00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,640 Speaker 1: end up repeating it in different ways, willing to be sixtinct. Yeah, 1018 00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,360 Speaker 1: So the question is what have we prioritized in a 1019 00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:14,040 Speaker 1: previous relationship that we don't prioritize in this relationship. Something 1020 00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,240 Speaker 1: we basically thought was important before but we no longer 1021 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:21,000 Speaker 1: think is important now in this relationship. I think it's 1022 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,000 Speaker 1: what you've talked about a lot, and I'm sure many 1023 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,439 Speaker 1: people have heard you say this, but the time quality thing. 1024 00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:30,279 Speaker 1: I think that's been something that you you know, the 1025 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:34,280 Speaker 1: more time you spend with someone, you think that time 1026 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,800 Speaker 1: is the investment. People think that time is the investment, 1027 00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,120 Speaker 1: Like the amount of time you spend with someone is 1028 00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:41,080 Speaker 1: what the investment is. This person is willing to spend 1029 00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:42,719 Speaker 1: two hours with me, but this person is willing to 1030 00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:45,319 Speaker 1: spend fifteen minutes with me. That must mean the two 1031 00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,480 Speaker 1: hour person values me more, loves me more, cares for 1032 00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,080 Speaker 1: me more. But what is the quality of those two hours? 1033 00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,520 Speaker 1: What is the quality of those fifteen minutes? Makes such 1034 00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:57,480 Speaker 1: a difference. And I think, you know, I've just been 1035 00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:01,120 Speaker 1: so used to that concept that that's what I always 1036 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,480 Speaker 1: you know, related to this friend or this relationship, this 1037 00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:06,239 Speaker 1: person wants to spend the most amount of time with me, 1038 00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,000 Speaker 1: that must mean you know that person loves me more. 1039 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,680 Speaker 1: And so I think that's something I've really changed, because 1040 00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:16,680 Speaker 1: you can feel so much more fueled from a fifteen 1041 00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:21,160 Speaker 1: minute interaction with someone and loved with presents, then you 1042 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:24,120 Speaker 1: can with you know, two hours of someone's distracted time. 1043 00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:27,640 Speaker 1: And I'm that's something I'm still working on as a 1044 00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,720 Speaker 1: person of being someone who's present. I think it's something 1045 00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:33,279 Speaker 1: i've really you know, I've been up and down with it. 1046 00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:35,680 Speaker 1: There are different times where my mind can just you know, 1047 00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,880 Speaker 1: go everywhere and do everything and not even be in 1048 00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:40,480 Speaker 1: the same room as everybody else that I'm in the 1049 00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,759 Speaker 1: room with. But I think it's something that I know, 1050 00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,160 Speaker 1: it's something it's it's I want to be working on 1051 00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,560 Speaker 1: and something I want to be improving on. But I 1052 00:51:48,560 --> 00:51:52,480 Speaker 1: think that's a value that I have changed. I love that. 1053 00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,719 Speaker 1: I think I've talked about this a few times, but 1054 00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:58,120 Speaker 1: I do think it's it's important to keep ridging. Like 1055 00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:00,919 Speaker 1: I think I used to see romance and it's very 1056 00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,160 Speaker 1: one way. I had a very singular view of what 1057 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:10,320 Speaker 1: romance meant, which was like nice dinner, Candlelight Flowers movie 1058 00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,360 Speaker 1: like that kind of very typical idea of what romance 1059 00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,160 Speaker 1: looks like. Or like Netflix and chill where you're like 1060 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:17,960 Speaker 1: snuggled up on the couch watching Like I think we 1061 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,600 Speaker 1: all have these very basic views, Like I had someone 1062 00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:23,279 Speaker 1: asked me the other day. They were like, you know, 1063 00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:26,200 Speaker 1: if I'm Netflix and chilling with someone, like we've gone 1064 00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:28,440 Speaker 1: beyond the first date phase of having a drink together, 1065 00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:30,799 Speaker 1: but now we're Netflix and chilling, Like, but I don't 1066 00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:32,360 Speaker 1: feel chemistry. And I was like, you're not going to 1067 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:36,080 Speaker 1: feel chemistry Netflix and chilling, ye, just watching a TV 1068 00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:38,359 Speaker 1: show a movie, Like you can't feel chemistry for someone 1069 00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:41,920 Speaker 1: doing that because it's such a basic activity. And I 1070 00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:46,799 Speaker 1: think our relationship by almost chance, and I don't know how, 1071 00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,439 Speaker 1: but we kind of started on that foot of Like 1072 00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,279 Speaker 1: one of our first dates was go ape and go 1073 00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,720 Speaker 1: for anyone who doesn't know what that is is an 1074 00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,840 Speaker 1: assault course that's eighty feet up in the air. You know, 1075 00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,480 Speaker 1: we're like swinging from branch to branch. We're helping each 1076 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:04,040 Speaker 1: other out, Like you got to see what scared me, 1077 00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:05,920 Speaker 1: I got to see what scared you. Like there's just 1078 00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,319 Speaker 1: so much opportunity for chemistry there, and we would have 1079 00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,680 Speaker 1: very easily figured out if there wasn't any chemistry there. 1080 00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,120 Speaker 1: And another thing that we've done a lot of, which 1081 00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,799 Speaker 1: we talked about before, is escape rooms. Again, it's very 1082 00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,560 Speaker 1: easy to like get a conversation started and like you 1083 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:21,880 Speaker 1: don't have to have that awkward silence because there's something 1084 00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,520 Speaker 1: to solve. And I think that's what life's kind of like, 1085 00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:27,160 Speaker 1: Like life's about solving a problem. Life isn't just talking 1086 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,200 Speaker 1: to each other. And often when you go to dinner 1087 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,359 Speaker 1: or I see so many couples on their phones and 1088 00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:33,760 Speaker 1: no one's talking for like an hour and a half, 1089 00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:36,200 Speaker 1: and the food comes and you kind of mention a 1090 00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:37,560 Speaker 1: few things that you like and then you're back to 1091 00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,480 Speaker 1: your phone. And that's because you can't just sit there 1092 00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:45,160 Speaker 1: and have random conversation. You need another almost activator or 1093 00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:48,000 Speaker 1: something interesting or fascinating to do. Like I know when 1094 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,320 Speaker 1: we've been to like a pottery class or a painting class, 1095 00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:53,680 Speaker 1: or recently you tried to do wakeboarding, right, and it's 1096 00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:56,480 Speaker 1: like that to me is so much more. I learned 1097 00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:59,319 Speaker 1: so much more about you watching you try to do 1098 00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:03,040 Speaker 1: this possible task but an extreme sport. I might add 1099 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,239 Speaker 1: an extreme sport which made you feel like you had 1100 00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:08,879 Speaker 1: whiplashed the next pain. Yeah, but it was like so 1101 00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:12,600 Speaker 1: fun watching you try something as opposed to like if 1102 00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:15,480 Speaker 1: we just sat at the beach and at dinner, Like 1103 00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:17,960 Speaker 1: it just goes to be the same, and I appreciate it. 1104 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,680 Speaker 1: By the way, Like we're tired at the end of 1105 00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:21,040 Speaker 1: the day, we do want to turn a sean on. 1106 00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,680 Speaker 1: That's fine, but at least once a week, I think 1107 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,359 Speaker 1: it's really important to go do something different. Things build. Yeah, 1108 00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:28,560 Speaker 1: something that builds, something where you're learning about something someone, 1109 00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:30,879 Speaker 1: where you get more curious, you laugh at each other, 1110 00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,680 Speaker 1: you laugh at yourself, something where you're both doing a 1111 00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:37,640 Speaker 1: new experience. Because I find that in my old relationships, 1112 00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,360 Speaker 1: I literally thought of love and romance as a very 1113 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,440 Speaker 1: typical date night. And I don't think we have a 1114 00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,439 Speaker 1: typical date night. I think we try and avoid it generally. Yeah, 1115 00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,239 Speaker 1: if we go to watch a movie, we don't see 1116 00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:49,720 Speaker 1: that as date night. We just see that as watching 1117 00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:51,520 Speaker 1: a movie. Ye both like oh, we really want to 1118 00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,399 Speaker 1: see this movie, let's go and watch it. But we're 1119 00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,880 Speaker 1: not like, oh, this is date night, Like that doesn't 1120 00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,920 Speaker 1: become our bonding. That just becomes something fun we want 1121 00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,960 Speaker 1: to do or we don't a TV show and think 1122 00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,120 Speaker 1: this is us bonding, Like it's where you're not connecting. 1123 00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:10,360 Speaker 1: Can't be something that deepens or strengthens or creates, you know, 1124 00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:13,239 Speaker 1: a different perspective on your relationship. It's just you know, 1125 00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,520 Speaker 1: I used to feel the same way where it's like, oh, 1126 00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:18,560 Speaker 1: you know that that thing of going on a Friday 1127 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,879 Speaker 1: like movie night, you know, and if if if every 1128 00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:25,000 Speaker 1: single time you're hanging out, it's an activity where there's 1129 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:30,120 Speaker 1: little connection, little like a connection on like all of 1130 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,839 Speaker 1: its connection on a mental level, connection on talking like 1131 00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:35,719 Speaker 1: there's so much to do with connection that needs to 1132 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:40,040 Speaker 1: happen within um, within a day or within spending time 1133 00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,960 Speaker 1: with someone where if you're watching something or if you're 1134 00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,600 Speaker 1: doing something with little of that, how can you get 1135 00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,279 Speaker 1: to the end of the day and be like, you know, 1136 00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,120 Speaker 1: well that that was really good. I really felt like 1137 00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:51,200 Speaker 1: I connected with that person. Because when you're just sitting 1138 00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:55,359 Speaker 1: there together in the same space, but there's connection, isn't 1139 00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:57,600 Speaker 1: you know that that's a different type. There's not a 1140 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,319 Speaker 1: deeper connection that you're building during that time. And again, 1141 00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:01,960 Speaker 1: I love going to watch movies and stuff, but I 1142 00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,080 Speaker 1: think I've learned even if I want to get to 1143 00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:07,040 Speaker 1: know a friend, I won't ask her to come to 1144 00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:08,960 Speaker 1: watch a movie with me. That won't be the first 1145 00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:11,640 Speaker 1: time I'm spending with a girlfriend I'm trying to get 1146 00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:14,040 Speaker 1: to know. It will be let's go work out together, 1147 00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:16,920 Speaker 1: let's go food shopping together. Like it sounds so mum, 1148 00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:19,680 Speaker 1: but something where we're able to connect on things, find 1149 00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,400 Speaker 1: out mutual things that we like or love, and you know, 1150 00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:27,359 Speaker 1: that's what really builds familiarity and a connection. And so yeah, 1151 00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:32,280 Speaker 1: I agree. So the question is, if we rewinded ten years, 1152 00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:34,520 Speaker 1: what would have been our top three things we were 1153 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,120 Speaker 1: looking for in a person. Yeah, at that time, I 1154 00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:41,319 Speaker 1: think my mom was more worried about me looking for 1155 00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:44,520 Speaker 1: a partner than I was. And I'm jacking. She wasn't 1156 00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:48,920 Speaker 1: like pushing or anything. But your mom forced you to marry. Yeah, basically, 1157 00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,800 Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like in a big transitional 1158 00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,880 Speaker 1: phase of my life when I was when I started 1159 00:56:57,880 --> 00:56:59,680 Speaker 1: getting to know you, or when I met you. At 1160 00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:02,120 Speaker 1: least that's long time ago where we're talking. When we 1161 00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,960 Speaker 1: first started dating ten years ago. We started dating right, 1162 00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,960 Speaker 1: So at that point I don't think I knew I 1163 00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:08,520 Speaker 1: think I was just at the point in my life 1164 00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:10,920 Speaker 1: where I was like, oh, I knew I wanted someone 1165 00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:14,440 Speaker 1: that I could um grow spiritually with. I think that 1166 00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:16,880 Speaker 1: was that was probably top of my list at the 1167 00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:18,400 Speaker 1: time because of the phase I was in. I was, 1168 00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:22,000 Speaker 1: you know, in deep at that time of really trying 1169 00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,200 Speaker 1: to explore that phase of my life at that part 1170 00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,800 Speaker 1: of my life, and so that was probably number one 1171 00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:32,720 Speaker 1: for me. Was someone that I know has has spirit 1172 00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,400 Speaker 1: and that wants to explore that part of their life too. 1173 00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:39,880 Speaker 1: That's what I wanted, and I didn't really have any 1174 00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:43,120 Speaker 1: like at that time, had any like financial goals or 1175 00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:47,080 Speaker 1: anything that wasn't something I thought about very often. Um 1176 00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:50,480 Speaker 1: And then apart from that, I'm trying to think, oh 1177 00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,959 Speaker 1: and just laughing, Like I knew that I wanted someone 1178 00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,919 Speaker 1: that I could laugh with then crack jokes with then 1179 00:57:56,000 --> 00:58:00,520 Speaker 1: just yeah, I think laughing was really important to me, 1180 00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:02,920 Speaker 1: and I don't think I hadn't spend time to think 1181 00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,280 Speaker 1: about that at the time. So that's that's about all 1182 00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:06,880 Speaker 1: I can think of. I don't think I ever had 1183 00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:08,680 Speaker 1: a list either, Like I don't think I was ever 1184 00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,000 Speaker 1: that kind of a person, and that's why I'm not 1185 00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,440 Speaker 1: a big list person now, like I don't. I think 1186 00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:18,840 Speaker 1: lists can often minimize who you meet because you have 1187 00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:21,560 Speaker 1: such a criteria. That's true, and then you're finding this 1188 00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:25,440 Speaker 1: person who has all of this perfect criteria. But someone 1189 00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:29,040 Speaker 1: can be perfect on paper and still not the right person. 1190 00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:31,320 Speaker 1: And I think you see this like, I mean, I'm 1191 00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,520 Speaker 1: giving a sports analogy here, but bear with me. It's 1192 00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:37,960 Speaker 1: the idea that sometimes a team on paper can be 1193 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,280 Speaker 1: the perfect team. They have all the best players in 1194 00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:43,600 Speaker 1: the world, but they don't perform on the pitch or 1195 00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:46,840 Speaker 1: on the field. And I feel like that's what relationships 1196 00:58:46,920 --> 00:58:49,240 Speaker 1: end up like, where you have this person who ticks 1197 00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:52,960 Speaker 1: all your criteria, but then they're not that in real life, 1198 00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,320 Speaker 1: like you don't feel that with them. So I think 1199 00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:59,600 Speaker 1: relationships are more about discovering someone Like I couldn't have 1200 00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:01,720 Speaker 1: known what you would be like in ten years. You 1201 00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:05,000 Speaker 1: just can't know can't know what someone's going to be 1202 00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:07,160 Speaker 1: like in ten years, and so all I could do 1203 00:59:07,280 --> 00:59:11,280 Speaker 1: is be curious and open and learn you are so 1204 00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:13,600 Speaker 1: many more things than I ever thought you were or 1205 00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,240 Speaker 1: would be or could be or anything. But you either 1206 00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,160 Speaker 1: have to figure it out as you go and go. Oh, 1207 00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:20,840 Speaker 1: I like that or don't like that and let that 1208 00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,680 Speaker 1: be what leads you, rather than be like, Okay, I 1209 00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:24,240 Speaker 1: think I know who this person is. But then what 1210 00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:26,840 Speaker 1: if they change, if those three things you wanted became 1211 00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:30,040 Speaker 1: completely different. Like I did want someone who is spiritually grounded, 1212 00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,240 Speaker 1: you are still spiritually grounded, and that is a massive 1213 00:59:33,240 --> 00:59:35,720 Speaker 1: pursuit in you. I wonder what I would feel like 1214 00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:38,080 Speaker 1: if you weren't. Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't 1215 00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:40,560 Speaker 1: even know how I feel about that, because that would 1216 00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:41,840 Speaker 1: be something you'd have to be open to it if 1217 00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:46,360 Speaker 1: it came to them, right, And So I think criteria interesting, 1218 00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,720 Speaker 1: but I think it's more about exploring and discovering a 1219 00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,440 Speaker 1: human being. That's true. Actually, so many people have lists 1220 00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:54,120 Speaker 1: of Like so many of my friends who are looking 1221 00:59:54,120 --> 00:59:55,880 Speaker 1: for a partner will have all these lists of what 1222 00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,800 Speaker 1: they want, and every category they'll have something that they 1223 00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:00,880 Speaker 1: want in it. And times it's like, oh, I met 1224 01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:02,960 Speaker 1: this person and they made me laugh and they you know, 1225 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,680 Speaker 1: they really give that feeling that they've been looking for. 1226 01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:07,959 Speaker 1: But then they don't meet the criteria and it kind 1227 01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:10,280 Speaker 1: of completely throws them off and they don't even know 1228 01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:12,040 Speaker 1: whether to go on a second date with them, and 1229 01:00:12,080 --> 01:00:15,120 Speaker 1: it kind of feels like a missed opportunity because you know, 1230 01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:16,760 Speaker 1: it's so a lot of the time it should be 1231 01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,560 Speaker 1: so much more about emotion and how someone makes you 1232 01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:23,280 Speaker 1: feel versus whether they fit that that's perfect that you've created. Yeah, 1233 01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:25,840 Speaker 1: like some people like he has to be six foot two. Yeah, so, 1234 01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:29,520 Speaker 1: oh my god, so many people. And I'm like, like 1235 01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:31,320 Speaker 1: my friends like has to be told dark and handsome, 1236 01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,880 Speaker 1: and I get being attracted to tattoo, and I get 1237 01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,080 Speaker 1: being attracted to your partners. Yeah, I'm not saying it. 1238 01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:39,920 Speaker 1: I'm not saying don't be attracted obviously obviously right, just 1239 01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:43,080 Speaker 1: putting that out there, But you can't make that the 1240 01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:45,440 Speaker 1: criteria of it all. Like, you know, if you're already 1241 01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:47,160 Speaker 1: getting along with Like, if you get along with someone 1242 01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:50,400 Speaker 1: and you've you've got that you know, connection to then 1243 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,040 Speaker 1: go back to your list and be like tick tick 1244 01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:53,920 Speaker 1: a cross because they're six foot two is not going 1245 01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:57,320 Speaker 1: to keep that relationship, that's the point. Whether you know 1246 01:00:57,400 --> 01:00:59,360 Speaker 1: that's not going to make sure they're all going to shrink, 1247 01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:03,080 Speaker 1: you know what happens with our days? So then married 1248 01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:07,760 Speaker 1: six for four exactly exactly. So the question is how 1249 01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:09,920 Speaker 1: do we show up for our partner, even when our 1250 01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,480 Speaker 1: partner has so many other priorities, has a purpose as 1251 01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,800 Speaker 1: things that keep them busy. How do we still show 1252 01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:17,200 Speaker 1: up for each other when we're busy and they're busy 1253 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:19,840 Speaker 1: and have so much going on. Yeah, I think this 1254 01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:23,880 Speaker 1: was actually our weakness because being busy in our life 1255 01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:27,560 Speaker 1: came about on us so quickly. Like I don't you know. 1256 01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:29,360 Speaker 1: I always said this to people, like I didn't plan 1257 01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:32,320 Speaker 1: for this life. We didn't plan for this life. Things 1258 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:36,440 Speaker 1: transformed and moved very quickly and changed very quickly, and 1259 01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,120 Speaker 1: it took off quickly, even for us, and we almost 1260 01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:41,000 Speaker 1: had to play catch up with it. And so I 1261 01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,800 Speaker 1: never thought when we got married that we'd ever spend 1262 01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:46,320 Speaker 1: any time apart right right right, And all of a 1263 01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:50,840 Speaker 1: sudden months in our relationship before the pandemic, in the 1264 01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:52,600 Speaker 1: first two years of our marriage, we spent like eight 1265 01:01:52,600 --> 01:01:55,520 Speaker 1: months apart. And Yeah, then it was the pandemic and 1266 01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:57,280 Speaker 1: we spent every day together and I loved it. I'd 1267 01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,240 Speaker 1: ever say it was two of my favorite years of 1268 01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,760 Speaker 1: spending time with you, because I love spending time I 1269 01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,400 Speaker 1: do for those two years and then when the pandemic 1270 01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:06,800 Speaker 1: was over again, our lives again they have been like 1271 01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:10,400 Speaker 1: we spent like nearly six months apart last year. This month, 1272 01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:11,960 Speaker 1: at the start of this year, we've already spent a 1273 01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:15,680 Speaker 1: month apart obviously different reasons. And last year again was 1274 01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:18,040 Speaker 1: a surprise. It wasn't part of the plan. Yeah, it 1275 01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:21,200 Speaker 1: was challenges beyond us that we couldn't control that we're 1276 01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:24,560 Speaker 1: keeping us apart visa issues things like that that are 1277 01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:26,640 Speaker 1: like complex and you know, things that we have to 1278 01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:28,880 Speaker 1: deal with when you are from different countries and live 1279 01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:31,760 Speaker 1: in different countries. And that was like the first time 1280 01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,680 Speaker 1: where I realized that I didn't have good tools for 1281 01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:39,440 Speaker 1: that kind of distance, and actually because I just thought 1282 01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:42,040 Speaker 1: that it didn't matter, you just stay the same and 1283 01:02:42,080 --> 01:02:45,840 Speaker 1: things would be fine. And so I think I've actually 1284 01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,680 Speaker 1: learned the hard way sometimes where I haven't been as 1285 01:02:49,440 --> 01:02:51,560 Speaker 1: well informed or didn't think I had all the tools 1286 01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:54,000 Speaker 1: or had it all figured out. And I've realized the 1287 01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:57,000 Speaker 1: importance of checking in every day, which I never really 1288 01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:59,040 Speaker 1: used to think that was a thing. I never thought 1289 01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:00,840 Speaker 1: you had to check in every day. And I know 1290 01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:02,600 Speaker 1: that sounds stupid to a lot of people, but no, 1291 01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:04,720 Speaker 1: I think it also because of both very safe depending 1292 01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:06,680 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're very independent as well, and we're SI 1293 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,960 Speaker 1: safe and secure and we trust each other. And then 1294 01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:11,600 Speaker 1: I realized checking in every day was so important when 1295 01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:15,240 Speaker 1: we were traveling or not in the same place. That 1296 01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:18,160 Speaker 1: was a big one. I'd say that the other one 1297 01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:21,680 Speaker 1: was for every day you spend a part you need 1298 01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:25,360 Speaker 1: to have a quality day together. I really believe that, 1299 01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:27,440 Speaker 1: Like I felt like last year, when we didn't see 1300 01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:29,640 Speaker 1: each other for six months, I felt like I spent 1301 01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:33,440 Speaker 1: the next six months only thinking about a relationship because 1302 01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:36,440 Speaker 1: it had to be the priority. You can't just expect 1303 01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:38,760 Speaker 1: a plant or a tree to grow in your house 1304 01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:40,640 Speaker 1: when you don't water it and you don't take care 1305 01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,840 Speaker 1: of it. And so if you've not seen it for 1306 01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:46,640 Speaker 1: six months because you've been traveling, you don't just get yeah. 1307 01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:48,320 Speaker 1: You don't just get to come back to it and go, 1308 01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:52,080 Speaker 1: oh great, like I'm back now, like start blooming. Like 1309 01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:54,200 Speaker 1: it doesn't work that way, Like it takes so much 1310 01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:58,080 Speaker 1: of that effort, and I think I didn't fully digest that. 1311 01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,840 Speaker 1: And last year was that year where I was like, 1312 01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:02,080 Speaker 1: all right, that's what it's going to take. It's going 1313 01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:07,200 Speaker 1: to take six months of recreating, refocusing, reproatizing, And that's 1314 01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:09,080 Speaker 1: what I did last year. That's how I felt that 1315 01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,080 Speaker 1: I focused on that at the end of last year, 1316 01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:13,440 Speaker 1: and that's how I feel now as well, Like, you know, 1317 01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:16,560 Speaker 1: you've been here because of family challenges and things like 1318 01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:19,360 Speaker 1: that with your grandma has not been well, and who 1319 01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:21,200 Speaker 1: obviously we know it's your favorite person in the world, 1320 01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:23,760 Speaker 1: and it's like you've obviously wanted to be with. Then again, 1321 01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:25,439 Speaker 1: we haven't seen each other for a month because you've 1322 01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:27,120 Speaker 1: had to be with the an hospital, and so there's 1323 01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:30,240 Speaker 1: so many things that come up in our lives that 1324 01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:32,320 Speaker 1: are always going to be there. So we can't live 1325 01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:34,320 Speaker 1: in this perfect world of like, oh, never go two 1326 01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:37,720 Speaker 1: days without each other. Life doesn't work that way. Life 1327 01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,120 Speaker 1: is what you can't make fake rules. But the rule 1328 01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:43,200 Speaker 1: I have made is that when we are reconnecting, you 1329 01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:47,560 Speaker 1: have to go deeper in less time to rebuild the relationship. 1330 01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:50,200 Speaker 1: When you are busy and you have to spend quality time. 1331 01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:52,600 Speaker 1: One of the things I loved that we did was 1332 01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:54,640 Speaker 1: and I want to get back to it as soon 1333 01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:57,400 Speaker 1: as we're in a flow of being together again. It's 1334 01:04:57,440 --> 01:05:01,000 Speaker 1: like the idea of every thirty days to take three days. 1335 01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:05,520 Speaker 1: We disappeared three hours away from LA we'd lock our 1336 01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:08,080 Speaker 1: phones away in the room and we just bike together, 1337 01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:11,960 Speaker 1: walk together, and be together. And to me, when you 1338 01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:15,520 Speaker 1: all have a busy month, having three days a month 1339 01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:17,840 Speaker 1: where you go so deep with each other is so 1340 01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,960 Speaker 1: needed because you are busy every month and not everyone 1341 01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:22,960 Speaker 1: has time every day or the energy every day to 1342 01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,120 Speaker 1: sit down with their partner and check in and make it. 1343 01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:28,720 Speaker 1: And you can't, but you can once a month. And 1344 01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:30,520 Speaker 1: I think you have to have a monthly check in. 1345 01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:33,720 Speaker 1: Even when we do these annual check ins, I think 1346 01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:35,960 Speaker 1: these are really important. Like, yes, we record it and 1347 01:05:35,960 --> 01:05:37,919 Speaker 1: it goes out as a podcast, but I think every 1348 01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:40,040 Speaker 1: couple should have an annual check in and answer these 1349 01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:43,160 Speaker 1: questions that we're answering. Otherwise, like years go by and 1350 01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:45,840 Speaker 1: then a decade later you're thinking about your relationship. And 1351 01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:49,520 Speaker 1: so I think reflecting is such a powerful tool, and 1352 01:05:49,640 --> 01:05:52,360 Speaker 1: recording is actually a powerful tool. And I think if 1353 01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:54,800 Speaker 1: we were to reflect and record more often every month 1354 01:05:55,040 --> 01:05:57,640 Speaker 1: and every year with our partners, your relationship will go 1355 01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:00,720 Speaker 1: in the right direction as opposed to your relationship going 1356 01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:03,080 Speaker 1: off in a wrong direction. Yeah, and then you're trying 1357 01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:05,360 Speaker 1: to save it years later. Yeah, that makes sense. I 1358 01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:08,760 Speaker 1: think check ins. Yeah, I think I didn't think that 1359 01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:10,600 Speaker 1: that was like, oh, we're on two different time zones. 1360 01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:13,880 Speaker 1: It's so hard to just we'll just figure out when 1361 01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:15,400 Speaker 1: we see each other and we'll talk when we see 1362 01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:18,560 Speaker 1: each other. Well, we'll catch up with each other when 1363 01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:20,640 Speaker 1: we see each other. But yeah, I think daily chickens 1364 01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:24,520 Speaker 1: is a really important part of it. Message or call, 1365 01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:28,960 Speaker 1: like whatever is feasible and easy to do. I think 1366 01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:30,840 Speaker 1: being really honest about what you need as well, like 1367 01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:33,480 Speaker 1: I feel, yeah, that's true. That's feel like just catching 1368 01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:35,800 Speaker 1: the person, like you know that even if I've had 1369 01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,560 Speaker 1: a busy day, if you said to me, I really 1370 01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:41,440 Speaker 1: need to talk to you tonight or let's chat totally, 1371 01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:43,440 Speaker 1: you know, I'd be there, yea, even if I've had 1372 01:06:43,480 --> 01:06:45,080 Speaker 1: a really busy day and I'm exhaust or whatever it 1373 01:06:45,120 --> 01:06:47,880 Speaker 1: may be. But if you don't know, sometimes you assume 1374 01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,400 Speaker 1: your partner just yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that's 1375 01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:52,600 Speaker 1: always where things go wrong, where it's like, well, why 1376 01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:54,320 Speaker 1: haven't you checked in with me for a month? Yeah, 1377 01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:57,919 Speaker 1: That mentality really ruins relationship. Rather than you're saying, let's 1378 01:06:57,920 --> 01:07:00,640 Speaker 1: agree to have a check in out. Yeah, we're doing 1379 01:07:01,200 --> 01:07:03,800 Speaker 1: see what you need. Help with. One thing I've recommended 1380 01:07:03,800 --> 01:07:07,760 Speaker 1: in the book was four questions. So once every day 1381 01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:12,360 Speaker 1: is what have you done for yourself today? Once every 1382 01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:15,640 Speaker 1: week is what you've got coming up this week? And 1383 01:07:15,720 --> 01:07:18,920 Speaker 1: what support do you need? Every quarter is is this 1384 01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,920 Speaker 1: relationship going in the direction you want? And how can 1385 01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:23,880 Speaker 1: we get it in there? And the fourth question every 1386 01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:25,320 Speaker 1: year is what are your goals? And how can I 1387 01:07:25,360 --> 01:07:27,600 Speaker 1: help you? I ask you a lot of those questions 1388 01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:29,480 Speaker 1: all the time, and so I just broke it down 1389 01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:31,480 Speaker 1: into that formula because I really wanted people to have 1390 01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:35,120 Speaker 1: like really clear things that they could do. Yeah, I'll 1391 01:07:35,160 --> 01:07:38,640 Speaker 1: ask you them from nowa cool get my napead out. 1392 01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:41,960 Speaker 1: So the question is it's early twenty twenty three, what 1393 01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:44,720 Speaker 1: are our goals? What are we pursuing? What's important to 1394 01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:47,160 Speaker 1: us as a couple for this year. I always talk 1395 01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:50,400 Speaker 1: about in the book how there's three types of relationship, 1396 01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:52,640 Speaker 1: the one you have with your own purpose, the one 1397 01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:54,960 Speaker 1: your partner has with their purpose, and then having a 1398 01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:57,880 Speaker 1: purpose together as well. And so looking at that third 1399 01:07:57,920 --> 01:08:02,280 Speaker 1: part of it, I think for me, it's I really 1400 01:08:02,400 --> 01:08:10,000 Speaker 1: feel that even though I haven't been neglectful or I 1401 01:08:10,040 --> 01:08:14,000 Speaker 1: don't feel I've put our relationship second or or less 1402 01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:17,559 Speaker 1: important for this much time. I'm definitely in a place 1403 01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:20,400 Speaker 1: this year where i want it to be really important, 1404 01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:23,639 Speaker 1: and so I want to travel more together. I want 1405 01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:26,320 Speaker 1: to spend even more quality time together, especially because we've 1406 01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:29,360 Speaker 1: kind of gone from having like two years when we 1407 01:08:29,479 --> 01:08:31,920 Speaker 1: first we went together, two years married where we were 1408 01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:34,120 Speaker 1: like to in the pandemic where we're together every days 1409 01:08:34,200 --> 01:08:37,559 Speaker 1: now again the business and it's almost like I want 1410 01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:40,559 Speaker 1: to make sure that I'm constantly investing in that in 1411 01:08:40,600 --> 01:08:44,400 Speaker 1: our relationship. And I think traveling together more, having that 1412 01:08:44,479 --> 01:08:48,240 Speaker 1: deep time as I'm talking about together more those weekend more, 1413 01:08:48,320 --> 01:08:53,240 Speaker 1: like that stuff is so important to me and I'm 1414 01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:55,519 Speaker 1: really looking forward to that with you. Yeah, me too 1415 01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:58,120 Speaker 1: that And like I think for me, it's like learning 1416 01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:02,080 Speaker 1: how to schedule in time because sometimes I can be like, oh, yeah, 1417 01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:04,240 Speaker 1: we will happen and we can do it whenever and 1418 01:09:04,280 --> 01:09:08,240 Speaker 1: we'll just hang out and like planning things and creating 1419 01:09:08,320 --> 01:09:10,599 Speaker 1: experiences and moments for that to happen. I think that's 1420 01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:13,920 Speaker 1: that's something I want to work on because I'm not 1421 01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:17,200 Speaker 1: very good at that. Yeah, thank you Raddy for coming 1422 01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:19,639 Speaker 1: back on right. You'll be coming back on a lot 1423 01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:21,679 Speaker 1: this year and next year because you've got so many 1424 01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:24,120 Speaker 1: exciting things. Sorry, I'm like fully booked for the rest 1425 01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:26,120 Speaker 1: of the year, so you had so many exciting things 1426 01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,559 Speaker 1: coming up. I'm so exciting. I'm so proud of you, 1427 01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:31,120 Speaker 1: Like I've been watching you in the background work on 1428 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:34,720 Speaker 1: so many incredible things. Yeah that I'm gonna excite and 1429 01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:37,800 Speaker 1: delight so many people, will surprise so many people, and 1430 01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,439 Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to share them with the world. 1431 01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,920 Speaker 1: Me too. I'm excited, and I love you, and it's 1432 01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:45,120 Speaker 1: been fun watching you grow. It's been funding this with 1433 01:09:45,200 --> 01:09:46,800 Speaker 1: you as always. I can't believe we haven't done it 1434 01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:49,479 Speaker 1: for two years. I know, I can't. Well, we're doing 1435 01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:52,800 Speaker 1: last year. I didn't see you for six months. Oh yeah, 1436 01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:55,559 Speaker 1: that was it. But I love you so much and 1437 01:09:55,920 --> 01:09:57,760 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to be in this journey of life 1438 01:09:57,760 --> 01:10:00,400 Speaker 1: with you. And I don't think I would have learned 1439 01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:03,200 Speaker 1: a half of what I've learned in life or what 1440 01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:04,680 Speaker 1: I put in this book if I wasn't with you. 1441 01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:08,400 Speaker 1: Same and so you've taught me so much. Same who 1442 01:10:08,479 --> 01:10:12,400 Speaker 1: told me so much? Still find you as adorable years ago. 1443 01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:16,880 Speaker 1: And that's the rap. Guys, Thank you so much for 1444 01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,800 Speaker 1: watching and listening today. Make sure you tag Radley and 1445 01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:21,839 Speaker 1: I with anything that stood out to you or anything 1446 01:10:21,840 --> 01:10:24,720 Speaker 1: that connected or resonated with you. As always rather than 1447 01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:27,720 Speaker 1: I try to be extremely open and organic with you 1448 01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:30,720 Speaker 1: with these conversations. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope 1449 01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:34,160 Speaker 1: it helps you in your daily life, in your relationships 1450 01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:36,760 Speaker 1: and with the people that you connect with. That's our 1451 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:40,120 Speaker 1: only intention and our only goal. Thank you so much 1452 01:10:40,160 --> 01:10:42,400 Speaker 1: for listening to On Purpose, and I'll see you on 1453 01:10:42,439 --> 01:10:46,240 Speaker 1: another episode. Thank you so much. Hi. If you love 1454 01:10:46,360 --> 01:10:49,719 Speaker 1: this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew 1455 01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:52,960 Speaker 1: Hussey on how to get over your ex and find 1456 01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:54,840 Speaker 1: true love in your relationships