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Speaker 1: Welcome to Bill and Juliana the Podcast. Welcome to Bill

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Speaker 1: and Juliana the Podcast. And today we are tackling a

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Speaker 1: really important question. Why is parenting so hard? So hard?

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Speaker 1: So hard?

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Speaker 2: Yes, you know, I have to say, this is a

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Speaker 2: big episode. And here's the bottom line. Guys and a

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Speaker 2: lot of the parents out there feel this way. We're

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Speaker 2: more connected than ever, We're more informed than ever. Yet

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Speaker 2: most of us are completely exhausted and confused. So are

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Speaker 2: we doing too much? Are our kids just struggling more

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Speaker 2: than like our generation did? Does modern parenting just come

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Speaker 2: with a whole new set of challenges? So to help

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Speaker 2: us make sense of all of it, we are joined

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Speaker 2: now by someone that we is, you know, we feel

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Speaker 2: is a very trusted expert for us.

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Speaker 1: He's been very helpful for us, for our family.

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Speaker 2: I'll tell you how we met actually, but we are

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Speaker 2: joined by Mike McLeod. He's an expert in ADHD executive

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Speaker 2: functioning in child development. He has spent more than twenty

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Speaker 2: years helping kids.

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Speaker 1: Speak of the devil, that's our son calling, Oh my.

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Speaker 2: God, do you see Mike? Okay, So he has spent

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Speaker 2: more than twenty years helping kids and families thrive through

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Speaker 2: his fabulous company called grow Now ADHD. And that's actually

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Speaker 2: how I saw him on Instagram. I saw his Instagram.

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Speaker 1: He's an all around great guy. Yes as well, So Mike,

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Speaker 1: I'm really thrilled to have him here.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for being here today.

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Speaker 3: Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. I wish I

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Speaker 3: was there in person.

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Speaker 2: I know we wish you were here too. So Mike

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Speaker 2: was supposed to be here with us in Chicago in

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Speaker 2: our studio here, and unfortunately his flight got canceled from

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Speaker 2: Philly last night. There was a storm, right, Mike.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that was It seemed like it was a really

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Speaker 4: bad storm, like a tornado watch and they I have

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Speaker 4: the old delay delay, delay, and then finally canceled it.

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Speaker 3: I waited as long as I could, but it just

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Speaker 3: didn't happen.

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Speaker 2: And you know what, you know, Mike is doing a

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Speaker 2: great job when the parents love him and even the

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Speaker 2: kid loves him. Because and let me tell you, Duke

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Speaker 2: doesn't love you every day. I'm gonna be honest with you.

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Speaker 2: You know, sometimes you push him too hard, he says,

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Speaker 2: and you know it gets him out of his comfort zone.

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Speaker 2: But that's where he grows. But I will say when

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Speaker 2: he heard you were coming to Chicago and he was

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Speaker 2: going to actually meet you in person, he was so excited,

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Speaker 2: so excited. And then today when we told him that

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Speaker 2: the flight got canceled, he was very sad.

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Speaker 1: Mike, I wouldn't. I mean, it was bumped, bumped sad.

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Speaker 1: Let's just go with the very sad, all right, We'll

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Speaker 1: go with that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely a little hot and cold there.

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Speaker 4: You can tell, uh, you know, if I'm going to

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Speaker 4: keep pushing him, obviously he's gonna he's gonna get annoyed

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Speaker 4: every now and then, and he.

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Speaker 3: Needs he needs to hear how it is.

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Speaker 4: Because that young man can do anything he sets his

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Speaker 4: mind to, and he needs someone to remind him. And

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Speaker 4: sometimes that can be a little frustrating.

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Speaker 2: So I came across Mike's amazing work on Instagram, where

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Speaker 2: I come across a lot of things. That's really why

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Speaker 2: we started this show, right Phil, Because of Instagram and

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Speaker 2: all the questions people have, and I saw Mike's videos

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Speaker 2: started kind of they got in my algorithm. Mike, you

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Speaker 2: got in my algorithm because I would always click on

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Speaker 2: this stuff about parenting, especially with kids, because I was

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Speaker 2: so confused, is my son you know, is executive functioning?

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Speaker 2: What does that mean? It sounds like all these things

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Speaker 2: people are saying about ADHD and executive functioning sounds a

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Speaker 2: lot like my thirteen year old son. And so I

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Speaker 2: started watching a lot of Mike's videos and then I

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Speaker 2: think I DMed you initially, and then we chatted with you,

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Speaker 2: and you've been amazing, you know, so many kids, as

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you will confirm. You know, it seems like

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Speaker 2: are just you know, our ADHD have have need work

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Speaker 2: with executive functioning. So let's just hop in, well, let's

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Speaker 2: start there.

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Speaker 1: The numbers don't lie. And is it just that we're

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Speaker 1: able to diagnose things better or has the world changed,

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Speaker 1: And you know, are the numbers really growing or have

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Speaker 1: they always been this bad? If you look at the

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Speaker 1: rate of ADHD, the rate of autism, you know, all

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Speaker 1: the things that are troubling our kids today, it's you know,

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Speaker 1: it's ten x from where it was forty years ago.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's really a mix of both overall. You know,

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Speaker 4: we definitely have underdiagnosed in the past, especially with females,

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Speaker 4: young girls. We're sort of you know, weren't that stereotypical

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Speaker 4: hyperactive type much more? Uh, inattentive and more internalizing things.

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Speaker 4: So we definitely underdiagnosed in females and girls. And I

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Speaker 4: think now with you know, mom said it best as

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Speaker 4: as she usually does, we're very, uh extra informed now

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Speaker 4: and maybe we're a little.

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Speaker 3: Too informed where, you know.

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Speaker 4: I think now, especially with all the screens and this

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Speaker 4: attention economy we're in, Uh, it's hard to find someone

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Speaker 4: that doesn't think they have ADHD these days. Everyone's always like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I think I have it because it's one of those

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Speaker 4: like quirky little things. Uh, And all of our attention

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Speaker 4: has taken a real shot. So I think it's a

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Speaker 4: nice mix of overdiagnosing and underdiagnosing.

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Speaker 3: I think it's a little bit bit of both.

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Speaker 2: So Mike, from when you've started to today, I mean,

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Speaker 2: I imagine the demand is tenfold, right, Like I imagine you

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Speaker 2: must get so many people reaching out to you saying,

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Speaker 2: my son, I think my son has this, my daughter

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Speaker 2: has this? What do I do? Right? And I'm so

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Speaker 2: curious what are the questions you get the most? Like

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Speaker 2: what are a lot of parents feeling right now when

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Speaker 2: it comes to their kids, especially let's say, I mean

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Speaker 2: really any age kids, preteen, teen, young.

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Speaker 4: Kids, everything pretty much today with parenting revolves around I

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Speaker 4: need my kid to be more independent, because that's pretty

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Speaker 4: much what we're dealing with right here, is we're dealing

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Speaker 4: with a youth mental health crisis, a parenting crisis, and

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Speaker 4: a lot of this is due to the lack of

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Speaker 4: executive functioning skills, and these skills that are so crucial

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Speaker 4: to being able to take charge of your own life,

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Speaker 4: to execute, to notice and do, to not be so

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Speaker 4: prompt dependent on the adults in your life, the parents,

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Speaker 4: to be the executive functioning system for you. So so

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Speaker 4: many of these kids just need prompt after prompt after

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Speaker 4: prompt to get up in the morning and get to

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Speaker 4: school on time, to set play dates and start hanging

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Speaker 4: out with their friends, to get to bed on time,

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Speaker 4: to do their homework, to do basic chores. Parents are

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Speaker 4: just doing too much, and the mental load for you know,

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Speaker 4: most often is one of the parents, or sometimes both

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Speaker 4: of the parents, the absolute exhaustions. How many parents today,

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Speaker 4: how many parents listening to this podcast right now, are

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Speaker 4: the executive functioning system for their entire family, and they don't.

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Speaker 4: They never get a chance to take their parenting hat

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Speaker 4: off and just be themselves and hang out with their

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Speaker 4: friends and follow their interests. So what we're dealing with

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Speaker 4: right now is just how do I get my son

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Speaker 4: to be able to do more and for me to

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Speaker 4: do less? And that's all executive functioning.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because it really does feel like every parent is

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Speaker 2: talking about this. You know, it's funny we're sending Duke

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Speaker 2: to camp for the first time.

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Speaker 1: Her your advice, Mike, that's right, helped kind of push

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Speaker 1: that along, So thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's kind of like, yeah, he does not

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Speaker 2: want to go. He did not want to go. He's

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Speaker 2: coming around more of it.

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Speaker 1: Well, he started to realize it's not negotiable.

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Speaker 2: Well, he started realizing things like, well, am I supposed

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Speaker 2: to make my own bed? And I'm like yeah, and

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Speaker 2: he's like uh and okay, and how will I eat?

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, and what will I How am

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Speaker 2: I going to function in this world? And it's interesting

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Speaker 2: because for the reasons we're sending him to camp, or

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Speaker 2: the reasons we're seeing why he needs camp is because

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Speaker 2: he literally cannot do anything without a prompt from us.

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Speaker 2: And are you saying that that's what you're seeing? I

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Speaker 2: like how you said that, Like kids have to be

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Speaker 2: prompted more than ever. And is that why something like

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Speaker 2: camp is good for kids right and giving them those experiences.

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Speaker 4: And that's exactly it, because how many parents today are

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Speaker 4: operating under the constant mindset every second of every day.

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Speaker 4: They're thinking in their mind, nothing gets done unless I

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Speaker 4: step in, where the second you wake up, you know

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Speaker 4: your kid's not going to do anything unless you're there,

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Speaker 4: unless you're the audience. And we know how ADHD kids

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Speaker 4: are with an audience. That's where that's and all the

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Speaker 4: behaviors happen as they're getting that attention. So the parents

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Speaker 4: are just stuck in this anxiety trap where they know

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Speaker 4: that everything's going to fall apart unless I step in,

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Speaker 4: take charge and take control here, which then I refer

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Speaker 4: to this as the ADHD paradox, where the child basically

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Speaker 4: has these executive functioning challenges, is very prompt dependent and

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Speaker 4: instead of sort of figuring things out on their own,

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Speaker 4: having multipled adults in their lives hold them accountable like

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Speaker 4: we all had when we were kids. Now kids are

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Speaker 4: spending more time at home with their parents than ever before,

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Speaker 4: so the kid's very prompt dependent and the parent starts

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Speaker 4: to think nothing gets done unless I step in and

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Speaker 4: they unintentionally become a helicopter parent. They end up over prompting,

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Speaker 4: which then stimulates their negative attention stimulation. They get lots

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Speaker 4: of dopamine from negative attention and condoned and it just

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Speaker 4: feeds into this vicious cycle. So you know, that's really

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Speaker 4: what's happening is parents are stuck knowing that if I

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Speaker 4: don't help, everything's going to fall apart. But the overhelping

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Speaker 4: is making everything fall apart.

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Speaker 1: I want, I want to just take a step back.

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Speaker 1: You know, you've been doing this twenty years now. How

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Speaker 1: did you get into it? Like explain to people because

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Speaker 1: you were kind of, I guess a visionary. I mean

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Speaker 1: you saw the road, you know that we were going

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Speaker 1: down as a society. But just tell everyone kind of

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Speaker 1: how you got into this and how you've become such

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Speaker 1: an expert.

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Speaker 3: Oh sure, yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I always wanted to be a teacher, Like even

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Speaker 4: when I was a young kid. I used to do

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Speaker 4: tons of babysitting when I was a kid, and you know,

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Speaker 4: working with different camps and different groups.

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Speaker 3: So I always wanted to be a teacher.

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Speaker 4: My mom was a very very decorated teacher over in

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Speaker 4: Long Island where I grew up. So she taught at

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Speaker 4: the same high school where she went as a student

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Speaker 4: and then was there for decades and decades and was

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Speaker 4: the head of her department, and she would tutor kids

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Speaker 4: after school. So in the house I grew up, and

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Speaker 4: they were kids coming in and out constantly, and she

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Speaker 4: was tutor them for their SATs and their math regents

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Speaker 4: exams and all those different things. So I went in

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Speaker 4: to the School of Education for my undergrad and I eventually,

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Speaker 4: you know, down the road, ended up working at this

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Speaker 4: residential treatment facility in New York where kids lived full

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Speaker 4: time on campus because they had such complex needs, and

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Speaker 4: they also went to schools. They were pretty much never

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Speaker 4: with their parents. They were always in this residential facility

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Speaker 4: and I was able to work. I was one to

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Speaker 4: one with a student and he started to receive speech

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Speaker 4: and language therapy, and I realized, hey, I can work

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Speaker 4: with students one on one on skills that actually improve

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Speaker 4: their quality of life. It helps them, you know, interact

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Speaker 4: with better. It makes them feel better about themselves. Instead

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Speaker 4: of teaching them like math facts and the periodic table

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Speaker 4: and things they'll never use, I can actually teach them

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Speaker 4: things that make them feel good about themselves and improve.

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Speaker 3: Their quality of life.

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Speaker 4: So I went back to get my second bachelor's degree

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Speaker 4: in speech and language pathology.

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Speaker 3: So I was at speech and language pathologist.

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Speaker 4: I moved from New York to Philadelphia, and during my

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Speaker 4: first year as a speech pathologist, I was working with

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Speaker 4: this great organization that worked with boys and girls with

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Speaker 4: these different chromosomal disorders, and my supervisor wasn't a proxy

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Speaker 4: a specialist, and I found out that all the majority

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Speaker 4: of these kids also had ADHD, and I realized very

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Speaker 4: quickly that there's really nothing out there that's actually moving

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Speaker 4: the needle for these kids. They're being sent to all

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Speaker 4: these talk therapies and counseling and cognitive behavioral therapy DBT

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Speaker 4: social skills group, and nothing is helping them make friends

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Speaker 4: outside of the group. Nothing's helping them go to college,

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Speaker 4: nothing's helping them.

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Speaker 3: Achieve their goals.

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Speaker 4: And the parents are spending all these hours and all

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Speaker 4: their money on these therapies and counseling and nothing's helping.

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Speaker 4: So that's when I took a very huge deep dive

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Speaker 4: with all those doctors and neuropsychs down in DC and Annapolis, Maryland,

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Speaker 4: and I took a deep dive into the work of

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Speaker 4: doctor Russell Barkley, who's the worldwide leader on ADHD, who

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Speaker 4: just recently retired, doctor George McCloskey, Sarah Ward, Kristen Jacobson,

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Speaker 4: it's the great pioneers in this field. And I developed

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Speaker 4: the grow Now Internal Skills model. We did a year

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Speaker 4: long research study on it down here and everything's expanded

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Speaker 4: from there amazing.

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Speaker 2: So let's start at the beginning. Explain first and foremost

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Speaker 2: what is ADHD, or maybe I should say people know

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Speaker 2: what it means, but what are some of the symptoms

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Speaker 2: of ADHD, like what are some of the ways it

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Speaker 2: manifests itself? And then also executive functioning.

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Speaker 4: Of course, and that is a fantastic question because both

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Speaker 4: of those things are so incredibly misunderstood, because, first of all,

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Speaker 4: ADHD is not in attention disorder. It's not about attention,

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Speaker 4: it's not about hyperactivity, it's not about inattentiveness. ADHD, and

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Speaker 4: doctor rosso Barkley describes this better than anyone. ADHD is

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Speaker 4: a developmental disorder of executive functioning skills. So there's a

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Speaker 4: big a lot of discussion now of let's change ADHD

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Speaker 4: to EFDD executive functioning developmental disorder that's really what it's

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Speaker 4: all about. So ADHD is all about executive functioning. You

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Speaker 4: can have executive functioning challenges and not have ADHD. Sure

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Speaker 4: you can be depressed or have other primary diagnoses, but

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Speaker 4: if you have ADHD, you struggle with executive functions period

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Speaker 4: and executive functions are the most crucial set of skills

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Speaker 4: for all human beings to develop, the greatest predictor of

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Speaker 4: success for all human beings, Far greater than your grades,

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Speaker 4: your homework, your good looks like you two, all those

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Speaker 4: different things. It's all about executive functions. So you have

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Speaker 4: to have your executive functioning skills to be able to

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Speaker 4: live on your own, live independently, get a job, keep

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Speaker 4: a job, make friends, keep friends, all of that.

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Speaker 2: So what are some executive functions?

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Speaker 4: Yep, So most people hear the term executive functions and

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Speaker 4: they think time management, organization, messy backpacks, messy folders, and

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Speaker 4: that is an incredibly that is the smallest possible fraction

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Speaker 4: of what executive functions are. So I break down executive

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Speaker 4: functions into the four pillars of internal skills. The first

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Speaker 4: executive skill is self awareness, which is the very first

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Speaker 4: executive skill to develop. Do you guys, know what age

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Speaker 4: that starts? What age that develops self awareness?

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Speaker 2: Self awareness?

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Speaker 3: Three? Even younger, little tiny babies, little.

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Speaker 4: Babies start to realize, hey, wait a second, when I cry,

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Speaker 4: what happens?

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Speaker 1: Huh? I get what I want?

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Speaker 3: There you go.

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Speaker 4: Mom and dad come, They hold me, they sing to me.

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Speaker 4: And you know when I smile in Mom's face, Mom

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Speaker 4: smiles back. And they start to realize, hey, I have

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Speaker 4: an effect over my world. I can actually do things

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Speaker 4: that change the world around me. That's the beginning of

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Speaker 4: self awareness, the first executive skill to develop, but over

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Speaker 4: time becomes one of the most delayed. And that's the

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Speaker 4: real heartbreak of ADHD, right around those middle school years

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Speaker 4: when the lack of self awareness impacts them socially, so

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Speaker 4: because that can really really impact them in a big way.

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Speaker 4: And then the big one is self regulation, So the

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Speaker 4: ability to regulate your emotions, your language, your body, your

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Speaker 4: behavior in various environments towards various stimuli. So it's not hyperactivity,

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Speaker 4: it's the inability to regulate your body. It's not in attentiveness,

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Speaker 4: it's the inability to regulate your thoughts.

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Speaker 3: But really, at its.

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Speaker 4: Core, it is an emotional disregulation issue and doctor Russell

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Speaker 4: Barkley talks about this all the time. As you look

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Speaker 4: at the DSM, the Diagnostic Standards Manual of all the

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Speaker 4: criteria to get diagnosed with ADHD, it doesn't talk about emotions,

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Speaker 4: but ADHD is all about emotion management and emotion dysregulation.

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Speaker 3: That's the core of it.

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Speaker 4: And then of course self motivation towards non preferred tasks,

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Speaker 4: non screen based tasks, new tasks like camp and things

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Speaker 4: like that. Then self evaluation, the ability to learn from

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Speaker 4: past experiences apply it to the present and not repeat

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Speaker 4: mistakes over and over.

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Speaker 3: So the lack of.

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Speaker 4: Internal skills creates all those external symptoms we inappropriately focused

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Speaker 4: on for far too long.

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Speaker 2: So one thing that in working with Mike, I think

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Speaker 2: Bill and I found very surprising, right about the whole

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Speaker 2: kind of about executive functioning ADHD, is when you have

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Speaker 2: a kid who needs to strengthen his executive functioning has

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Speaker 2: some ADHD, you find that they have these big feelings

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Speaker 2: and big emotions. You hear about this with kids, and

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Speaker 2: they have these big feelings, big emotions, high highs, low lows,

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Speaker 2: and as a parent, you can't help but come to

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Speaker 2: the rescue of those big feelings and emotions, and Mike says,

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Speaker 2: that's what you should not be doing. What parents do

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Speaker 2: and what we think is our job is to like

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Speaker 2: talk to them about these emotions, reason with them, and

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Speaker 2: spend hours and you hear that. That's one of I think, Mike,

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Speaker 2: one of the reasons a lot of these parents are

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Speaker 2: so exhausted, and I probably learned this from you, is

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Speaker 2: because we're just all it feels like all day, we're

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Speaker 2: just like talking through this these like emotions, and a

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Speaker 2: lot of them are repetitive, right, like they like like

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Speaker 2: you think that you solved it two days ago, and

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Speaker 2: then it comes up again. And so Bill and I

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Speaker 2: thought like, oh my gosh, you know, are we failing

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Speaker 2: as parents? Are we not good parents? Are we not

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Speaker 2: listening enough? Are we not giving him the right solutions?

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Speaker 2: All this stuff? And then we go to Mike and

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Speaker 2: Mike goes, well, I'll let you talk Mike. But Mike

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Speaker 2: basically was like, hey, guys, no, no, no, you need

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Speaker 2: to back off. He knows exactly what he's doing. So

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Speaker 2: our son falls within these guidelines of ADHD's. He's he

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Speaker 2: uses a lot of these like big emotions in this

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Speaker 2: whole self awareness. When about self awareness, our son is

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Speaker 2: very self aware of what he can get are so, So, Mike,

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Speaker 2: talk a little bit about kind of when you hear

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Speaker 2: parents come to and they go, my gosh, you know,

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Speaker 2: I do everything I can. I talk to my kid,

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Speaker 2: I do everything I can. What is kind of your

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Speaker 2: first reaction when.

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Speaker 1: Your strategy, because you have a you gave us great

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Speaker 1: advice and I'd love for you to share that with

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Speaker 1: the people at home.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: First of all, one of my favorite things about working

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Speaker 4: with Duke is talking to him first and then talking

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Speaker 4: to the two of you. I feel like I'm in

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Speaker 4: like a time portal of like talking to the younger version.

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Speaker 3: And the older version. It's like it's the coolest thing

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Speaker 3: ever seeing the similarities and like.

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Speaker 4: It's just it's such a you guys have such a

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Speaker 4: close knit, beautiful family. It's the coolest thing ever. But

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Speaker 4: but just just overall, that's that's exactly what it is is.

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Speaker 4: You know, we are treating kids, and Jonathan Hyde talks

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Speaker 4: about this, the author of The The Anxious Generation, a

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Speaker 4: super popular book. We're treating kids as if they are fragile,

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Speaker 4: and that's exactly what social media is doing here is

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Speaker 4: we have to realize a lot of these parenting gurus

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Speaker 4: that are hitting your algorithm are parenting influencers, And what

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Speaker 4: are the videos that are going and the reals that

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Speaker 4: are going to get the most likes, shares and follows,

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Speaker 4: the ones that speak to your parenting hearts and pull

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Speaker 4: out your parenting heart strings. You know, the best advice

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Speaker 4: we get in life and that helps us in our career,

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Speaker 4: our relationships, parenting. The best advice isn't advice that's easy

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Speaker 4: to hear, like do you want help or do you

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Speaker 4: want to hug? Like do you want the real truth?

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Speaker 4: Or are you looking to have your kid in therapy

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Speaker 4: for years and years and years and years? Like therapy

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Speaker 4: is a trillion dollar industry in this country, and counseling

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Speaker 4: and all these different things. You know, we have to

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Speaker 4: be brutally honest with parents about screen time and negative

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Speaker 4: attention seeking and allowing our kids to experience life and

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Speaker 4: experience consequences. You know, we talk about these huge emotions,

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Speaker 4: but who's the one seeing, Like, who's the one seeing

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Speaker 4: these big emotions? Is it the people at school or

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Speaker 4: is it the parents?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: So with us, Mike, as you know, it's interesting, like

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Speaker 2: I said that he's right. So Mike. One thing he

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Speaker 2: always points out about. We'll tell him something like an interaction, right,

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Speaker 2: a conversation we had with Duke where he had big

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Speaker 2: emotions and it was exhausting for all of us. And

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Speaker 2: then Michael say, but how was he at school that day?

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Speaker 2: How was he at school the next day? And We're

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Speaker 2: like perfect angel, and he goes okay. And so what

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Speaker 2: Mike is basically saying is like, you have to start

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Speaker 2: differentiating his behavior at home with the two of you

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Speaker 2: who are constantly giving him what he wants based on

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Speaker 2: his behavior. As opposed to the outside world. He acts

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Speaker 2: very differently because he's like, it's not going to work

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Speaker 2: out there. This isn't going to work out in the

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Speaker 2: real world, but it works at home.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And sometimes I refer to it as like proximity

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Speaker 4: based ADHD, and I've discussed it with both of you before.

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Speaker 4: Is every step Duke takes away from you, guys, you

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Speaker 4: can basically just add.

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Speaker 3: A point to his maturity and his behavior. That's exactly it.

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Speaker 4: And everyone associates ADHD with school and studying and grades,

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Speaker 4: but it's the home. It's the parents that always get

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Speaker 4: the worst of the behaviors. It's not a school based problem.

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Speaker 4: It's a home based issue because that black and white,

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Speaker 4: very rigid ADHD brain of this is good, this is bad,

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Speaker 4: this is fun, this is stupid, has a very hard

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Speaker 4: time comprehending this concept of unconditional love. The most you know,

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Speaker 4: the most gray area thing there possibly is. So the

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Speaker 4: only unconditional relationships they have is mom and dad. So

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Speaker 4: in their mind, it's, you know, here is this person

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Speaker 4: that I could say basically unspeakable things to. I can

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Speaker 4: say no to every single thing they asked me to do,

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Speaker 4: and they're still going to tuck me in at night

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Speaker 4: and give me the Wi Fi password and do this

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Speaker 4: and do that. They have a very hard time comprehending

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Speaker 4: unconditional love in an unstructured environment.

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Speaker 3: Then they go to school and it's structured.

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Speaker 4: It's they know what to expect, but it's also filled

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Speaker 4: with conditional relations and chips and they respond really well

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Speaker 4: to that.

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Speaker 3: And if they can do it at school, they can

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Speaker 3: do it at home.

438
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 1: You once said, you know, it's oftentimes a parenting problem,

439
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: and not that they're neglecting their kids, but that the

440
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 1: parents aren't coached. Right, So how much of your job

441
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: is coaching the parents? Because it's you know, when parents

442
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 1: react a certain way, they're putting fuel on the fire, right,

443
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: and they're perpetuating these behaviors and everything that's happening with

444
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 1: their children. So you know, is it more the parents

445
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: or is it the kid? Like chicken or egg?

446
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 4: The number one most evidence based treatment for kids and

447
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 4: teens nineteen years in below the most science, the most

448
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 4: research that shows the most progress for ADHD and executive

449
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 4: dysfunction is parent training. There's nothing has more research to

450
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 4: back it up. It is always parent behavior training, and

451
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 4: that's where you see the majority of the progress because

452
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 4: so many parents just get stuck of why won't my

453
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 4: child just do the task? Why won't they just do

454
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 4: what I asked them to do. Let's reframe that a

455
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 4: little bit. Instead of saying why won't they do the task?

456
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 4: What are they doing instead of the task? Are screens

457
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 4: available to them? Every day I have a conversation, why

458
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 4: won't my son do his chores? Why won't he go

459
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 4: out with friends? Why won't he do his homework? What's

460
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 4: he doing instead? Oh, he's on his phone. Well, there

461
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 4: you go, he's going to do that? And then is

462
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 4: conflict available to them? Are they able to get dopamine

463
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 4: through conflict, What is the environment happening, what's how can

464
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 4: how can we best you know, train these individuals. That's

465
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 4: why I titled my book the Executive Functioning Playbook, because

466
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 4: parents needed a true playbook on how to best deal

467
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 4: and best parent these kids, because you can't really go

468
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 4: off of your parenting instincts when there is this executive dysfunction.

469
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 1: So if parents read that book, you feel that they'll

470
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: be armed for warfare so to speak.

471
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 3: Ready to go, Okay, good, So.

472
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: We're going to we're going to read that. We're going

473
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: Julianna going to vacation. Well, he's on a camp. We're

474
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: going to read that then cover to cover, yes, and

475
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: hopefully we're going to come back.

476
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 2: But I did start reading it and then I agree,

477
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 2: I think we have to read it together as a couple.

478
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 2: And then also there's a workbook that goes with it

479
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 2: as well. Might that you also get the workbook. I

480
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 2: have the workbook I got on Amazon, and yeah, no,

481
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 2: it's great because I agree your parents' parent training is

482
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 2: so essential, which we discovered Mike.

483
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,479
Speaker 1: One of the things that we love to do on

484
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: the on Bill and julian of the podcast is debunk

485
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: a lot of the myths that are on Instagram reels

486
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 1: and TikTok and all this. And I see so much

487
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: about give your kid. What's that one thing we tried it?

488
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,880
Speaker 1: Oh the herb or whatever that you're.

489
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 2: Giving saffron doing it too. I'm taking it too.

490
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 1: Oh how important is diet and and all these supplements

491
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 1: and detox this and heavy metals that and blah blah.

492
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: I mean, like, I don't my head spins because everyone

493
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: is an expert on the internet.

494
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 4: You got you got that right, so die, It's important

495
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 4: for everybody's Like you want to live your to your

496
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 4: optimal stage of development in life. Diet is very very

497
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 4: important process. Foods are going to negatively impact everyone. But

498
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,919
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, ADHD is brain based.

499
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 4: ADHD is something is genetic. You are most often born

500
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 4: with it. There's a lot of talk about the elimination

501
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 4: diet and all these different things. There's very very little research,

502
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 4: like real, true, peer reviewed research to back up any

503
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 4: of these supplements or elimination or anything like that. At

504
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 4: the end of the day, executive function is strengthened through

505
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 4: varied experiences and interpersonal relationships. There is nothing arc ADHD

506
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 4: kids and teens more than doing different things every single day,

507
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:50,200
Speaker 4: going outside and playing in nature, exercise and having real

508
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 4: face to face experiences. It's not a coincidence that we're

509
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 4: seeing all that we're seeing ADHD diagnoses skyrocketing. We're in

510
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,119
Speaker 4: the middle of this horrible youth mental health crisis. We

511
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 4: just saw Meta and everyone on trial. We just saw

512
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 4: all these different things, you know, in this era of screens,

513
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 4: when you know the real issue with screens is they

514
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 4: keep kids indoors. You know, back in the day, you

515
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 4: used to come home from school, get on your bike

516
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 4: and you know, be home by dinner time and make

517
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 4: it there without a GPS and just you know, be

518
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 4: home when the street lights come on and figure it out.

519
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 4: No no air tag in your shoe, no life three sixty,

520
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 4: none of those things is figure it out and come home.

521
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 4: And we would just we were bored a lot. And

522
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 4: what do you do when your board? We use our

523
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 4: imagination what's a fancy term for your imagination? Executive functions,

524
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 4: the ability to make mental movies and imagine things and

525
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 4: work towards those images. So back in the day, kids played,

526
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 4: they went outside, They had tons of social interactions every day,

527
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 4: they did things they didn't want to do it.

528
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 3: It's those are the things that are going to build.

529
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 4: Grit and resilience and self regulation and self soothing. So like,

530
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 4: people are always looking for that quick fix, and you

531
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 4: can't blame them.

532
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,360
Speaker 3: We live in an instant gratification society now.

533
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 1: So our son eating a bowl of cinnamon Toa's crunch

534
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 1: every night before it goes to bed is okay, There's.

535
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 3: There's other options. I would I would prefer their mama

536
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 3: the pandy please.

537
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 1: Yes, wow, I love your way to name that. Parents

538
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: want to be their kid's best friend, right well, and

539
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: I think that's a problem. Perfect They want to be

540
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: the cool parents. Yes, they want to be the you know,

541
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,160
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm cool, right yeah.

542
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 3: And that's what social media is doing.

543
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 4: It's the the immense pressure on parents from all these

544
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 4: parenting gurus. It's not normal to pick up your phone

545
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 4: twenty times a day and every time you open Instagram

546
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 4: it's another parenting person yelling at you about this concept of.

547
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 3: The perfect parent.

548
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 4: You know, parenting is always has always been that phenomenon

549
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 4: of the more work you put in, it actually gets

550
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 4: kind of kind of harder. It's always that thing like like,

551
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 4: let's talk about this right now, both of you. You know,

552
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,920
Speaker 4: very successful, you uh many many goals reached. You've accomplished

553
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,880
Speaker 4: many goals and done many great things. Parenting's probably number

554
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 4: one on the list in terms of hardest things you've

555
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 4: ever done.

556
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 1: Correct, not even a question there you go.

557
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 4: So, of all the things you've done, all the different

558
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 4: jars you've reached out to, parenting is the number one

559
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 4: thing that has been the most difficult thing. And that's

560
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 4: what it is. So it's not about you know who

561
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 4: you are, whatever it is. Raising a human being is

562
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 4: an imperfect science. And the more we push this concept

563
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 4: of the perfect parent on parents, we're creating parenting burnout.

564
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, there is parenting burnout.

565
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 4: The number one tip doctor Russell Barkley talks about this

566
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 4: everything is use ninety percent less language. Language makes dysregulation worse.

567
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 4: The more you talk, expect bigger behaviors.

568
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 3: Talking, talking, talking.

569
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 4: We all watched a little too much Full House growing

570
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 4: up with all those heart to hearts with Bob Saggett

571
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 4: on the end of the bed and all the talking

572
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,479
Speaker 4: and the talking.

573
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 3: That's not going to work with today's generation. The talking.

574
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,479
Speaker 3: The examples of this that all of that. I had

575
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 3: a video I was.

576
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 4: Very powerful a couple of months ago about hey, it's

577
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 4: time we bring back because I said so like our

578
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 4: parents said it, we accepted it, we moved on. Some

579
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 4: things don't need an explanation, you know, Dad said it earlier.

580
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 4: Everyone's trying to be their kid's best friend now, and

581
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 4: that's because of all the parenting pressures. And you see

582
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 4: videos of inside people's homes and all these different things.

583
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 4: So and parents are being taught that all of these

584
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 4: emotions are their responsibility. If my kids says I don't

585
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 4: like you, or gets angry or gets upset or gets anxious,

586
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 4: it's my responsibility to fix those emotions. And when you

587
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,959
Speaker 4: make it your responsibility to ease your kid's emotions, how

588
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 4: are they ever going to learn to do that on

589
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 4: their own? You know, the rule of all of parenting is,

590
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 4: let's give this kid the skills because eventually I'm not

591
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 4: going to be there to help them, and we forget.

592
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 3: That sometimes that's the biggest thing.

593
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 4: So, so we need to realize, you know, not everything

594
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 4: needs an explanation. Not everything needs all these words words words.

595
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 2: So less words. Mike really, Mike really taught Bill and

596
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 2: I that that. I think that especially Bill, because Bill

597
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 2: is such an amazing dad. He's like Duke is like,

598
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 2: loves him so much. He's just the greatest dad to Duke.

599
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: And so what Duke does is when Duke wants something,

600
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: he goes to Bill. But it doesn't just like hey,

601
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 2: It's not like hey, Dad, I would like this new

602
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 2: Pokemon card. It's very like, Oh, I'm having the worst

603
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: day I buy life. What's wrong, Duke? Oh my god, Dad,

604
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm just down. Oh my god, Oh

605
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 2: my god. How can I save you? Let me rescue

606
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 2: Oh my god? What could I do?

607
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: Duke?

608
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 2: Let's talk about if I just had a Pokemon card,

609
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 2: I'd feel so much better. Okay, Duke, That's all it

610
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: takes is a Pokemon card. I'll give you the Pokemon card.

611
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 2: It's like this continuous you know, but it comes from

612
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: blas Like. It's not just Duke asking us.

613
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 4: His self awareness. His self awareness is off the chart,

614
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 4: off the charts.

615
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 2: Meaning he has learned how to push push our buttons,

616
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 2: how to create this huge dramatic thing to get it,

617
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 2: and he tricks us so much of the time because

618
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 2: at the end we go, oh my god, we just got.

619
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,479
Speaker 1: He just played us, We just got.

620
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 2: He did all of that and made it like this

621
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 2: whole emotional thing that and really at the end of

622
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 2: the day, he was just trying to get from A

623
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 2: to B. He was just trying to get us to

624
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 2: agree to something that we had not agree to it.

625
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: He's able to play chess. We're playing checkers. He's playing chess.

626
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 2: Yes, And so it's kind of fascinating. So what Mike

627
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 2: always tells us, you guys, and if your kids like

628
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: this too, and this is resonating. He says, what we

629
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 2: do and I do this better than Bill because we

630
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 2: know we've talked about this right with Mike and and

631
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 2: and I've tried to get even better at this. But

632
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 2: it's like less words. Mike is so right, Like I

633
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 2: am very much like a less words person in life, Like, oh,

634
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 2: I know I talk.

635
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 1: A lot on this pod, said no one ever this

636
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: podcast literally so shy.

637
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 2: I never speak. I'm very much like I'm like my parents,

638
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,239
Speaker 2: you know, I'm very much no Triana, no like just no,

639
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 2: I'm like that with Duke, like Ducal come in, I'm like, no, Duke,

640
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 2: not getting it. Sorry, And he gets and gets all

641
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: mad with Bill. It's like, and I go, Bill, why

642
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 2: are you? Why are you using all these words? Stop

643
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 2: talking to him for an hour about this. He's just

644
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 2: playing you and trying to get what he wants. No,

645
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 2: but I think he's really upset, right, Mike, Like that's

646
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 2: where parents their heart starts, like they're like, what if

647
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 2: my kid is actually really upset and something's going on,

648
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: and then you feel like you're being cold to them.

649
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, right, that will save this for the next episode.

650
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: I'm just asking.

651
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 4: I want to know this young man is an absolute genius.

652
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 4: That's exactly what it is he has. He has the

653
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 4: gift of gab, the gift of charm. He has both.

654
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 4: He has the good positive qualities of both of you

655
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 4: in a thirteen year old's body.

656
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 3: That's exactly what it is.

657
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 4: Like he lights up a room, he knows exactly what

658
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 4: it is, he knows exactly what he's doing, and everything

659
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 4: is about attention and an audience. He knows to make

660
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 4: it seem like he wants a material good or a

661
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 4: thing or an event, but it's looking for the audience.

662
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 4: It's looking for that attention. So whether it's sympathy seeking

663
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 4: or negative attention seeking or whatever, it may be it's

664
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 4: to just have an audience to have those things there,

665
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 4: like that old saying of if a tree falls in

666
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 4: the woods and no one's around to hear, it doesn't

667
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 4: make a sound. If mom and dad aren't in the

668
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 4: same room, is there a behavior? And that's exactly it.

669
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 4: So like when you see this young man going to

670
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 4: all these different places, and parents need to think about

671
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 4: this too.

672
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 3: Like so many.

673
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 4: Parents will call the school and describe their kid at home,

674
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 4: and the school's like, are we.

675
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 3: Talking about the same kid here? Like he's an angel here?

676
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 3: What are you talking about?

677
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 4: And then the parents describe at home and it's like

678
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 4: really really scary things because these kids know that if

679
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 4: it stays a secret of the home and there's no coach, teacher,

680
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 4: social worker, taekwondo master, whatever it may be to hold

681
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 4: them accountable and talk them about it, then they're just

682
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 4: going to keep getting away with it because it works.

683
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 4: It's just to do what works, and if getting negative,

684
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 4: negative attention works, they're going to do it. It's the

685
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 4: same thing as opening a cupboard and seeing a treat

686
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 4: and needing it.

687
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 3: They do what works, and it works.

688
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 1: Mike, thank you so much for your time. This is great.

689
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: We're going to have you in person. If people want

690
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: to get your book, where can they go get your book?

691
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 3: So the book is available everywhere.

692
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 4: You can find it on Amazon, the Executive Functioning Playbook,

693
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,840
Speaker 4: and the Executive Functioning Playbook and Action Barnes and Nobles, Amazon,

694
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 4: wherever books are sold.

695
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, check it out. And then also follow him on

696
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 2: Instagram brow now adhd. That's how I found him on

697
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 2: Instagram and he's amazing and you post videos all the

698
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 2: time better. Yeah, And then of course you can reach

699
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 2: out to him, DM him or go on his website.

700
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 2: And you can.

701
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: Also if we want him busy but not too busy

702
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: session book a.

703
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 2: Session for yourself. I have recommended my friends to him.

704
00:34:59,200 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 2: We do zoom.

705
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: We don't forget about us, Mike when.

706
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 2: You're we do zooms. We do zooms with him and

707
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,439
Speaker 2: it's very very effective. Sometimes we break down the zoom.

708
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 2: It'll be like forty five minutes Duke will do and

709
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 2: then fifteen minutes us at the end, or thirty minutes,

710
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 2: thirty minutes.

711
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: Which we're going to do more parent coaching.

712
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, we need more parent coaching.

713
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 4: We are Yeah, you guys need to do more and

714
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 4: more of these parenting episodes, like the two of you

715
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 4: are like obviously like parenting is a stressful thing, but

716
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 4: the two of you are just such incredible parents. The

717
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 4: more that you two talk about your parenting experiences, I

718
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 4: think I think the two of you doing more parenting

719
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 4: episodes is what's going to cure this parenting burnout.

720
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: Christ It's a work in progress. Thank you, thank you.

721
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 2: We're honest about it. We're not acting like we know

722
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 2: what we're doing. So Mike, you're the best. Thank you,

723
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 2: appreciate it.

724
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,959
Speaker 1: We'll see in Chicago this fall.

725
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:47,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll see you soon.

726
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 3: Yeah. Wait, thank you so much.

727
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you, thank you, Mike.

728
00:35:50,360 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 2: Thanks Mike. Thanks everyone,