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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My friend had an outburst at a party and now

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Speaker 2: I'm concerned about him.

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Speaker 3: What a party pooper and.

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Speaker 2: Trigger warning for substances and mention of abuse. I twenty

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Speaker 2: one female, have two best guy friends, brothers I'll call

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Speaker 2: Elliott and Robert. We've been friends for three years now.

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Speaker 2: Elliott and I are closer, though I've never thought of

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Speaker 2: Robert as second best. About a week ago, we went

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Speaker 2: to dinner together and started talking about relationships. Elliot's been

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Speaker 2: with the same girl for five years, while Robert recently

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Speaker 2: became single a few months ago. I mentioned that I've

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Speaker 2: been single since high school and have never really dated anyone.

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Speaker 2: I was super into. They were both sympathetic. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from Throwaway three seven, nine, five, one four

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Speaker 2: and you could spit your own stories on the r

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Speaker 2: slash Okay Storytime Separate. I'm Sophia, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Keon, and I'm Riley pctically.

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Speaker 2: Interested in both of them. Dude, this is the summer

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Speaker 2: I turn pretty Yeah, they're brothers. She's even twenty one.

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Speaker 2: This is new season of Summer. I turned pretty when

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Speaker 2: Elliot first started talking to me. He was flirtatious, and

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Speaker 2: I thought he might ask me out. I later discovered

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Speaker 2: he had a girlfriend. Oh no, no big deal. They've

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Speaker 2: both been great friends ever since, and my feelings have

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Speaker 2: never interfered with our friendship. They've always been flirtatious, though,

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Speaker 2: Elliott more than Robert. He brings me flowers, kisses my hands,

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Speaker 2: calls me his heart, and similar gestures. Man's got a

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Speaker 2: girlfriend and he's doing this. Ah, yikes.

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Speaker 3: He's probably in the same dilemma that you're in. He

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Speaker 3: likes two goes at once.

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Speaker 2: Ohsy messy. At first, this bothered me for obvious reasons.

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Speaker 2: When I brought it up, he said he did it

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Speaker 2: because I deserve to be loved. Ovie does not deserve this.

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Speaker 2: This is so messy Elliott. It seems to struggle with

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Speaker 2: dividing romantic friend and familiar love. He's told strangers that

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Speaker 2: he and Robert are married, which sounds strange to outsiders,

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Speaker 2: but that's just how Elliott is. Aren't they brothers? Aren't

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Speaker 2: they brothers? Am I crazy? What? Because? At first I

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Speaker 2: was like, Oh, Keon would totally do that with Dakota,

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Speaker 2: but these guys are brothers. Did she mean that metaphorically?

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Speaker 2: But that's just how Elliott is. He's also uses recreational

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Speaker 2: substances like the Devil's lettuce and mushrooms. Important to note

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Speaker 2: he's never made spicy advances or asks me on romantic dates.

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Speaker 2: I mean, he's kissing your hands, so that's somewhat of

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Speaker 2: any I've never felt physically threatened by either brother. Why

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Speaker 2: are they saying they're married they're brothers, That's gross. We

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Speaker 2: actually met at a concert when they protected me from

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Speaker 2: a creep. Nice is so anime, but I'm imagining them

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Speaker 2: both being like, hey, this guy bothering you, and then

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Speaker 2: like the lights shining above them, and it's like slow motion.

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Speaker 2: They've been nothing but kind and gentle throughout our friendship.

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Speaker 2: After that dinner conversation about my dating history, nothing changed initially,

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Speaker 2: Then everything exploded. At friends giving a few days later,

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Speaker 2: I was at their house with several friends for relaxed evening.

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Speaker 2: As the night progressed, I noticed Robert getting closer to

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Speaker 2: me than usual, what little touches he wouldn't normally do

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Speaker 2: and Robert is the single one. Yes, so I support that.

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Speaker 2: I definitely noticed, but wasn't bothered. Elliott also noticed, and

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Speaker 2: by evening's end he was obviously angry. Get off your

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Speaker 2: high horse, dude, you're in a relationship. I've seen them

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Speaker 2: both handle conflicts with others civilly, but with each other

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Speaker 2: it's always war. As the evening got later, there was

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Speaker 2: some drinking and substance use happening. Elliott was high on

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Speaker 2: something while Robert and I remained completely sober. Robert and

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Speaker 2: I were on a couch talking when suddenly he looked

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Speaker 2: at me like he wanted to kiss me. I let

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Speaker 2: him since I've always been interested in him. Boo. We

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Speaker 2: were kissing when Elliot suddenly ripped Robert off me and

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Speaker 2: they fought.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, they did start fighting.

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Speaker 2: It took three friends to pull him off. Then he

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Speaker 2: turned to me and screamed, hear mine, what is going on?

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Speaker 2: Is this a fan fiction? Is this a summer? I

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Speaker 2: turned pretty fan fiction? I was obviously shaken, so a

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Speaker 2: mutual friend drove me home immediately. Since then, I've talked

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Speaker 2: to Robert, who apologized even though he did nothing wrong.

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Speaker 2: Elliott has tried apologizing through various excuses. What does his

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Speaker 2: girlfriend think? Has anyone told his girlfriend?

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Speaker 4: Is he even real I don't know.

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Speaker 2: From thinking Robert was wanting to hurt me to being

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Speaker 2: confused and thinking I was his girlfriend due to the substances,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Elliott. Elliott said. One of his excuses was

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Speaker 2: I thought you were my girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: Would say most women all look the same.

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Speaker 2: There is a full racial difference.

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Speaker 3: Oh oh, what if you're color blind?

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Speaker 2: Uh? And she wasn't even there that evening. Elliott is

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Speaker 2: begging for forgiveness, swearing he'll never be high around me again.

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Speaker 2: He's extremely upset and wants a chance to prove he

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Speaker 2: can still be a good friend. He understands it could

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Speaker 2: be years before I trust him the same way again,

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Speaker 2: and says he doesn't care. He just wants to make

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Speaker 2: things right. He's communicated all this through text and voicemails

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Speaker 2: I haven't responded to yet. I'm torn. What he did

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Speaker 2: was horrible and scared me, but the thought of losing

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Speaker 2: my best friend breaks my heart. I need an outside

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Speaker 2: perspective on this situation, and there are some comments, but Keon,

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Speaker 2: what's your perspective? Because I don't trust Riley's perspective.

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Speaker 5: I think Riley's off the rails right now.

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Speaker 3: I'm onto something here.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, something that we don't want to know.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be on that.

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Speaker 3: Well, I would say.

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Speaker 5: I'm just this friend group's really weird. It is this

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Speaker 5: is too much and the fact that like you wanted

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Speaker 5: this and he wanted this.

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Speaker 3: Like everyone's too involved.

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Speaker 5: I feel like no one's had an actual conversation.

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Speaker 2: I agree. Also, I do think that you do kind

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Speaker 2: of have to give him a lot of space because

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Speaker 2: you guys can't be friends right now.

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Speaker 3: So looking at that's ros and cons lost. Yeah, we're

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Speaker 3: gonna have to go with Robert. Yes, absolutely, I mean.

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Speaker 2: Robert is the conrad of the situation. Go with Robert.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Elliott is said his name, Elliott is Jeremiah idiot Elliott.

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Speaker 4: Yes.

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Speaker 2: But there are comments comment one, how does this guy's

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Speaker 2: girlfriend feel about her boyfriend obsessing over you? Like this?

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Speaker 2: Real weird dynamic, all of it. This is never going

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Speaker 2: to end well if you pursue more than friendship with

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Speaker 2: either of them. Read the update and doesn't change my opinion.

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Speaker 2: This will not end well for you. Sorry, though, this

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Speaker 2: is a really sucky situation for you to have gone

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Speaker 2: through and be in. He says, it's definitely weird dynamic

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Speaker 2: that Elliott is a super affectionate person towards literally everyone.

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Speaker 2: Do not let him lie to you. He'll tell a

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Speaker 2: complete stranger that he could see the universe in their eyes.

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Speaker 2: It probably used to bother his girlfriend in the beginning,

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Speaker 2: but I'd imagine that after all these years together, she's

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Speaker 2: accepted that he's just like that, calling his brothers beautiful,

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Speaker 2: taking their mom out to candle lit dinners, random thoughtful

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Speaker 2: gifts for his coworkers. Elliott's just like that. It's like

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Speaker 2: to him, the only difference between a romantic and any

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Speaker 2: other kind of relationship is spicy sleep. So I guess

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Speaker 2: I'm saying that his obsession with me that people keep

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Speaker 2: talking about isn't really obsession. It's just him. You're so blind,

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Speaker 2: You're so blind? Ye open your eyes. There's an appting.

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Speaker 2: When I made my initial post, almost everyone said to

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Speaker 2: drop Elliott and run from the whole situation. Yes, that

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Speaker 2: felt wrong to me. Instead, I gathered the people he

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Speaker 2: loved most to discuss his behavior. Did you gather his girlfriend?

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Speaker 2: Did you bring his girlfriend? Probably not. I didn't think

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Speaker 2: someone reacting this way could be in a good mental state,

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Speaker 2: and I was afraid for my friend. First, I contacted

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Speaker 2: Robert to ask if he was actually interested in a

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Speaker 2: romantic relationship with me.

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Speaker 3: He was, Oh, go girl, go get brash, get that

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Speaker 3: meat you.

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Speaker 2: So we arranged for the four of us to sit

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Speaker 2: down together, Robert, myself, Elliot, and his girlfriend to talk

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Speaker 2: about why he got so angry seeing Robert and me together.

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Speaker 2: I would be so mad if I was the girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: I was so mad. It was a long conversation with

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Speaker 2: lots of question dodging in tears, but we have eventually

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Speaker 2: started unraveling things. Here's the basic summary. Elliott and Robert's

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Speaker 2: father left their mother when they were very young. He

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Speaker 2: maintained contact until he married Elliott was thirteen, and how

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Speaker 2: he wasn't spoken to his father since he never received

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Speaker 2: more than a few days of therapy for this abandonment,

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Speaker 2: which is when his angry outbursts began. They have an

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Speaker 2: older brother, Lance, who became a father figure to both

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Speaker 2: Robert and Elliot after their dad cut contact. Then Lance

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Speaker 2: got married about a year ago, moved out of their

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Speaker 2: shared house, and became much more distant, making Elliott and

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Speaker 2: Robert even closer. To each other. Okay. While Lance didn't

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Speaker 2: disappear entirely, Elliott felt like he'd lost a crucial branch

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Speaker 2: of his support system. Since Lance's marriage, Elliot's mental health

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Speaker 2: has steadily deteriorated. What he was always prone to anxiety

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Speaker 2: attacks and depressive episodes, never officially diagnosed because he refused

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Speaker 2: to see doctors. When Lance became distant, these symptoms worsened significantly.

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Speaker 2: Elliott tried hiding his struggles because he didn't want anyone

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Speaker 2: to notice. His girlfriend noticed changes, but he insisted he

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Speaker 2: was fine. You're probably sensing the pattern in elliot life.

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Speaker 2: Someone he cares about gets married and stops being in

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Speaker 2: contact with him. Through our conversation, we discovered that many

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Speaker 2: of Elliot's panic attacks are triggered by his fear of

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Speaker 2: losing people, no matter how illogical that fear might be.

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Speaker 2: After much reassurance that we loved him and were there

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Speaker 2: because we cared, Elliott finally explained his friends giving breakdown.

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Speaker 2: When he saw Robert and me kiss, he panicked, thinking

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Speaker 2: he was about to lose both his best friend and

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Speaker 2: his brother to a relationship. You liar, I don't believe him.

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Speaker 2: I don't believe him.

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Speaker 3: I don't believe him either, because he's like he doesn't

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Speaker 3: want Robert to leave, but he also is really in Nope.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's clear. In his mind, the only way to

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Speaker 2: keep us around was preventing us from dating, leading to

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Speaker 2: the violent incident you read about. Elliot acknowledges his behavior

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Speaker 2: was toxic, harmful, and completely wrong. He also clarified that

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Speaker 2: he doesn't mind if Robert and I date and doesn't

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Speaker 2: have romantic feelings for me. You liar. He's such a

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Speaker 2: freaking liar, he.

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Speaker 3: Knows just crude twelve feet.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. After much discussion, we convinced him to get a

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Speaker 2: therapist and stop using substances at least for six months.

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Speaker 2: He genuinely seems ready to get better. What I've learned

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Speaker 2: is that while some situations are hopeless, you should still

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Speaker 2: try talking to people behaving erratically. There's probably a reason

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Speaker 2: behind their actions, and they might even know what the

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Speaker 2: reason is. I believe that he has problems that he

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Speaker 2: needs to go to the therapist for. He needs help. Like,

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Speaker 2: I agree with all of that. I just think he's

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Speaker 2: lying about not having romantic feelings for ape. Oh, definitely,

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Speaker 2: a cry for help doesn't always sound like one when

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Speaker 2: friends act abnormally and negatively. Don't immediately run away. Try

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Speaker 2: to help first. If I had run away, my best friend,

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Speaker 2: who was already spiraling, would have been in a much

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Speaker 2: worse position. This experience taught me that sometimes the most

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Speaker 2: frightening behavior comes from the deepest pain. Elliott's violent outburst

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Speaker 2: wasn't about possession or romantic jealousy.

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Speaker 3: I there was definitely so blind.

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Speaker 2: It was about a terrified young man who had watched

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Speaker 2: important people leave his life repeatedly and was desperately trying

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Speaker 2: to prevent it from happening again using the only method

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Speaker 2: his panicked mind could conceive. The conversation revealed how much

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Speaker 2: trauma can shape someone's reactions without them fully understanding it themselves.

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Speaker 2: Elliott has been carrying the pain of his father's abandonment

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Speaker 2: and Lance's emotional distance without proper support or professional help.

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Speaker 2: His substance use was likely self medication for anxiety and

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Speaker 2: depression he couldn't otherwise manage.

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Speaker 3: One day, hopefully the whole truth will be a un

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Speaker 3: will be revealed to you. You'll be able to see

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Speaker 3: how things actually are.

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Speaker 2: Dude. Oh, he's gonna get with Robert. They're gonna date

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Speaker 2: for a couple of years and then Elliot's gonna Elliott

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Speaker 2: on their they're about to get married. They're about to

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Speaker 2: get married. Elliott has broken up with his girlfriend. He

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Speaker 2: comes to Ope and he like, hey, I need to

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Speaker 2: talk to you, and he's like what, He's like, I

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Speaker 2: lied to you all those years ago. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: it was about you. I've been in love with you

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Speaker 2: this whole time.

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Speaker 3: Down there, Yeah, and then she.

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Speaker 2: Goes down the aisle with Roberts. Moving forward, we're all

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Speaker 2: committed to supporting Elliot's recovery while maintaining healthy boundaries. Robert

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Speaker 2: and I are exploring our relationship carefully, making sure Elliott

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Speaker 2: feels included and valued as a friend. His girlfriend is

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Speaker 2: also helping him stay accountable to therapy and sobriety commitments.

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Speaker 2: This situation could have ended our entire friend group, but

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Speaker 2: instead it became an opportunity for deeper understanding and healing.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes the people who scare us most are the ones

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Speaker 2: who need her help most desperately. Though that doesn't excuse

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Speaker 2: harmful behavior or mean we should tolerate it. I'm grateful

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Speaker 2: we chose compassion over abandonment, not because Elliott deserve forgiveness,

249
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Speaker 2: but because he deserved a chanced, a chance to understand

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Speaker 2: and change his behavior. The real test we'll be seeing

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Speaker 2: if he follows through on his commitments to therapy and sobriety.

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Speaker 2: But for now, I'm cautiously optimistic about our friendship's future.

253
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Speaker 2: And that's the end. Dang man, dang. I literally he's

254
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Speaker 2: a liar. I don't believe him at all, but good luck.

255
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Speaker 2: Hope you and Robert have a happy life together.

256
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Speaker 3: You know who is like the most not well off

257
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Speaker 3: person at all in this story, yeah, Elliott's girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Elliott's girlfriend. I feel so bad for Elliott's girlfriend for

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Speaker 2: having to put up with a boyfriend who's just just

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Speaker 2: deeply in love with another girl. And then that other

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00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,160
Speaker 2: girl brings everyone together. It's like, let's talk about that

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Speaker 2: moment when you said you're mine and punch your brother

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Speaker 2: and then the girlfriend has to be like, yeah, let's

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Speaker 2: get help for you. I'm fine. That's just Elliott, That's

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Speaker 2: just who he is, right.

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Speaker 5: He's the kisser of hands, you know, he.

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Speaker 2: Just kisses everyone's hands, and I'm not jealous about that.

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Speaker 3: My friend blame me for not forgiving him after what

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Speaker 3: he did. What he do during a recent school break.

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Speaker 3: I was sitting at home when I received the snap

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Speaker 3: from a friend i'll call Sam. To be clear, I

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Speaker 3: don't have a crush on Sam. He had a crush

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Speaker 3: on me for a while, but claimed it was just

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Speaker 3: a joke or a dare when I rejected him. I'm

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Speaker 3: not sure if it was actually a joke, since he's

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Speaker 3: shown genuine interests for months and only said it was

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Speaker 3: fake after I said no.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not a joke obviously, unless if you want

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Speaker 5: to do it.

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Speaker 2: People can't be this oblivious.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from a far village twenty

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Speaker 3: four to fifteen. If you want to see your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the Arsiz Show. Okay, storytimem subredded. I'm Riley,

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon and OPI says he sent

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Speaker 3: a pic of himself with a few church friends in

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Speaker 3: BALI then said he gave me their personalities and asked

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Speaker 3: me to rate them because he was trying to figure

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Speaker 3: out my type. It seemed like his usual friendly banter,

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00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,440
Speaker 3: so I agreed. When he sent the photos through, there

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00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,240
Speaker 3: were no personality descriptions. I asked if he forgot to

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00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 3: include them, and he didn't reply. Then I got a

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Speaker 3: snap with a caption if you need personality, suck my peepe.

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Speaker 5: I think he got a good rating.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it was really exciting.

295
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Speaker 4: Fucked yikes.

296
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,960
Speaker 3: Sam must have given his phone to one of his friends,

297
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,240
Speaker 3: because suddenly I was talking to someone else, who all

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Speaker 3: called Dan. I explained that I don't judge based on

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00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,760
Speaker 3: looks alone, since the full package matters to me. Dan

300
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 3: immediately went off about how girls only day guys for

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Speaker 3: money and fame, claiming I don't have a personality and

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00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 3: that's why I see guys with a personality. This made

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00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 3: me angry because he was essentially saying girls can't be

304
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:58,840
Speaker 3: successful without men's help and are incapable of earning money ourselves.

305
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,320
Speaker 3: When I didn't was bond, knowing better than to argue

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00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,880
Speaker 3: with teenage boys. Dan camp attacking me. He went after

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00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,120
Speaker 3: my looks. Sam must have shown him my photo, my friends,

308
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,320
Speaker 3: my gender, my music, tastes, literally anything you could think of.

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00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 3: He started calling me fat repeatedly, body shaming every part

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Speaker 3: of me, trying desperately to go to reaction. This really hurt.

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00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,400
Speaker 3: I've always been insecure by my weight, though not because

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00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,600
Speaker 3: I think I'm too big. My doctor says I'm underweight

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00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 3: at every checkup since my ADHD medication suppresses my appetite. Still,

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Speaker 3: no teenage girl enjoys being body shamed by strangers.

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Speaker 2: So we do know that they're all teenagers.

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Speaker 4: Well, guess what, you don't have to mock them.

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00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,399
Speaker 3: I went to bed upset and woke up to five

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00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 3: miss calls from Sam between midnight and four am. I

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00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 3: told him I needed space. When I finally messaged back,

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00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,399
Speaker 3: I explained while I made a few joke insults like

321
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 3: calling one of them old, which Sam knows is normal

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00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 3: for teasing. For me, it's never okay to body shame

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00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,000
Speaker 3: teenage girls and attack them about everything. Sam said it

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00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 3: was just a joke.

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00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then that's when we blocked Sam.

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00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 3: Sam said was a joke, that I was overreacting, and

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Speaker 3: then I started it. I told him it hurt my feelings,

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00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 3: regardless of his intentions. He kept making the same excuses,

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00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,959
Speaker 3: so I stopped replying. Then he claimed he didn't contribute

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Speaker 3: to what Dan said, that all his friends were discussing

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Speaker 3: what to say, but he did not participate.

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Speaker 2: I literally don't give a hoot. They're your friends, and

333
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,159
Speaker 2: you gave them your phone's fun and let them text

334
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Speaker 2: your friend and then told her that she's overreacting.

335
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 3: This was supposed to comfort me, but it actually made

336
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 3: things worse and meant they were planning coordinated attacks while

337
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:56,679
Speaker 3: he stood there silently. He never apologized, took responsibility, or

338
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 3: acknowledged that things went too far. He just blamed other

339
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 3: and made excuses. When we returned to school, we were

340
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,919
Speaker 3: in the same home room. I told him not to

341
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,800
Speaker 3: expect everything to be normal. I needed time and wouldn't

342
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 3: pretend everything was fine. He called me over dramatic again.

343
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 3: I said unless he apologized properly, I wouldn't talk to him.

344
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 3: He kept bombarding me with messages saying I was overreacting

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Speaker 3: and that he was completely innocent. I told him I

346
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 3: was done trying to fix things. If he ever wanted

347
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,040
Speaker 3: to repair our friendship, it was entirely his responsibility. Now

348
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 3: at school, he kept trying to talk to me in

349
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 3: person with the same tried excuses. I started treating him

350
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 3: as just a classmate, avoiding conversations when possible, though I

351
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,359
Speaker 3: still replied to snaps and messages. He was furious that

352
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,879
Speaker 3: I wouldn't talk to him in person and remain convinced

353
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 3: he'd done nothing wrong. My friends all agreed with my position.

354
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 3: He was trying to gaslight me into thinking everything was

355
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,240
Speaker 3: fine and that it was my fault. I was said

356
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,760
Speaker 3: about losing Sam as a friend, and confused about how

357
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 3: someone who used to like me was now gaslining me,

358
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 3: and angry that a good friendship had been ruined over something. So,

359
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 3: when necessary, I took photos of the entire conversation. Is

360
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 3: proof in case things escalated further. We have comments.

361
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,879
Speaker 2: Huh, these are teenage boys, yea, and a lot of

362
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 2: teenage boys suck. Not all, not all teenage boys sucks.

363
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,679
Speaker 2: I'm really lovely. A lot of teenage boys are really stupid,

364
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,879
Speaker 2: especially around their friends.

365
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 5: I do remember being a teenage boy, and it sucks sometimes.

366
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:32,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

367
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 3: I didn't have a phone with a teenage boy, so

368
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:40,760
Speaker 3: and still sucks sometimes good, I guess, yeah, yeah, no,

369
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 3: if I didn't pick enough green beans, that suck.

370
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 4: Yeah.

371
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 2: A lot of teenage boys make really awful comments. I

372
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 2: remember being a teenage girl, and there's some boys are

373
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 2: really silly and say silly things.

374
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 3: Anyways, we have an update, so he says I officially

375
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:58,679
Speaker 3: blocked him on everything.

376
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 5: Good on you, girl should have been the first thing, but.

377
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 3: I told him what had happened hurt, and I tried

378
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: to fix it. But I wouldn't put in ninety percent

379
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 3: of the effort for his lackluster ten percent. I said

380
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,800
Speaker 3: I wouldn't talk to him online or in person unless

381
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 3: he came to me with a proper apology, not because

382
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 3: I demanded one. He keeps looking at me in class

383
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 3: like he wants to talk, but hasn't approached me. When

384
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 3: I told him this final decision, he sat there online

385
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 3: without typing until I was about to block him. Then

386
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 3: he suddenly said, but I snitched on them. I told

387
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 3: them off and kept spamming. Did you ever think about their.

388
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 2: Feelings kes he's crashing out like?

389
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 3: Yes, of course I thought about the guy who bodies

390
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 3: shamed every inch of me. Of Course I felt terrible

391
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 3: for simply calling one of them old, comparing my playground

392
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 3: insults to their cruel attacks. I didn't reply. I'm avoiding

393
00:21:55,440 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 3: him and everyone and everything about him, possibly forever. My

394
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 3: mind might change eventually, but right now I don't want

395
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 3: to talk to him ever again. Update two, I haven't

396
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 3: spoken to him in four months. Who also we have

397
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 3: an update four months later and you're still thinking about him?

398
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: Well, question is, well, because I think this is like

399
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 2: one of the biggest things that's probably you know.

400
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: Going on.

401
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like a teenager.

402
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 2: This is like, yeah, this is this is breaking news.

403
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 2: For the rest of the year.

404
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 3: I haven't spoken to him in four months. He's blocked

405
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 3: on everything. Here's what had happened since he body shamed

406
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 3: me in front of his friends during your class presentation.

407
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 3: What he blamed me until I cried, only stopping when

408
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 3: a teacher intervened. He even spread a fake discriminatory screenshots,

409
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 3: claiming I sent discriminatory messages during a presentation about opening

410
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 3: a bakery, which I got a ninety eight on. He

411
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 3: raised his hand and asked, shouldn't you maybe focus on

412
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 3: cutting down on sugar and carves instead of becoming even

413
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 3: fatter and just eating cookies for I hate him so much.

414
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 3: His friends joined in with similar comments until my teacher

415
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 3: caught them off and told me to take a walk.

416
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 3: I was seeing I was about to break down.

417
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 2: This makes me so sad.

418
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 3: Another morning, after I left to use the bathroom, he

419
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 3: followed me down the hall, bullying me about liking Taylor

420
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 3: Swift with the usual garbage a teacher spotted me rushing

421
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 3: to the bathroom in tears and stepped in. First of all,

422
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 3: he doctored a fake message to make it look like

423
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,679
Speaker 3: I told him to go back to where he came from.

424
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 2: Eight Oh my god.

425
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 3: Sorry. To be absolutely clear, I would never say anything

426
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 3: like this. He sent those fabricated screenshots to teachers to teachers,

427
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 3: getting me punted off the school council and pulled into

428
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,360
Speaker 3: the office with multiple staff members. Only did I did

429
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 3: break down and tell them everything he's been doing for months.

430
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 3: After the meeting with him and both sets of parents,

431
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,160
Speaker 3: he was expelled.

432
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 2: Yes, as he should be, as he should be, Thank goodness.

433
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 4: Take this long.

434
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 2: I knowed, No, that's what happened. I feel like that's

435
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 2: there's so many cases where like no, like you know

436
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 2: pe or like young kids don't want to come forward

437
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 2: and talk about their bullying because they don't want to

438
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 2: seem like a snitch, or you know, they're they're afraid

439
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:21,399
Speaker 2: of coming forward.

440
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 3: But crazy, It's there's.

441
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: So many signs, and I feel like sometimes parents just

442
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 2: really are not looking out.

443
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 3: He somehow contacted me afterwards, pussing me out because his

444
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 3: parents were furious. Now he has to go to church

445
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 3: twice a week instead of just on Sundays. So he

446
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 3: moved to a different city and I haven't seen or

447
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 3: spoken to him since. Now I'm in therapy for body

448
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 3: image and confidence issues, but at least my life isn't

449
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 3: in danger anymore. Looking back, I realized this situation taught

450
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 3: me important lessons about setting boundaries and recognizing toxic behavior.

451
00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 3: Which started as a seemingly innocent interaction revealed some one's

452
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 3: true character when they didn't get their way. Sam's reaction

453
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 3: to rejection and my subsequent boundaries showed he was really

454
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 3: never a friend at all. The experience was traumatic, but

455
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 3: also showed me the importance of standing up for myself,

456
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 3: not accepting mistreatment just to maintain relationships. Sometimes the people

457
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 3: who claim to care about us are the ones who

458
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 3: hurt us the most when we don't give them what

459
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 3: they want. She's just kind of talking about, you know, teachers,

460
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 3: stepped up everything else.

461
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, tough, that's tough. Oh P, I wish you the best.

462
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,199
Speaker 2: Make sure that you know you got trusted adults in

463
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 2: your life, or we got to stand up for you

464
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 2: as you reach out and you tell them sorry. Also

465
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,919
Speaker 2: friends also friends also there's going to be people in

466
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 2: your life that are hopefully you know, your age, who

467
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 2: care about you and you know, want to protect you.

468
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

469
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 5: I hate the fact that you can, but I hate

470
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 5: the fact that you considered it him a friend.

471
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

472
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 4: All of that book.

473
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 5: Friends buil each other, sure, like like, but it's like playful.

474
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

475
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 4: Here.

476
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:06,959
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

477
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

478
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 2: My best friend's fiance uninvited us from their wedding. Now

479
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 2: our friendship is over.

480
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 3: Guess it wasn't meant to be.

481
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 2: And this comes directly from the r slash Okay storytime

482
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 2: Separate It. I female thirty three have been best friends

483
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 2: with John male thirty three since we were ten. We

484
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 2: grew up as neighbors and we're basically family thinks, shared dinners, vacations, sleepovers,

485
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 2: the whole deal. In college, we saw each other less

486
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 2: due to different schools, but stayed close during those days.

487
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 2: We both got into long term relationships. John dated May

488
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 2: and I started dating my now husband. We became close

489
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 2: to each other's partners and formed a tight knit friend group.

490
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from friend in need one,

491
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 2: and you can submit your own stories on the r

492
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime. Separate It.

493
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and I'm Keon.

494
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 2: And Op says. John and May were to get for

495
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 2: about five years, living together for two of those. Then

496
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 2: John broke up with May somewhat suddenly. He was struggling

497
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 2: mentally and dealing with depression. May was hurt and surprised,

498
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 2: but handled it gracefully. They're both sweet, conflict avoiding people,

499
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 2: so their breakup was unusually amicable. After cooling down period,

500
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 2: they became close friends again and supported each other through

501
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 2: rough times.

502
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 3: Oh wow, it is possible.

503
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 2: It's possible. It became clear there was no romance detention

504
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 2: from either side. This unusual friendship allowed our friend group

505
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: to stay intact, which we were grateful for. Wow Okay

506
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 2: successfully became friends with their A few years later, John

507
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 2: met Yoko. They seemed an unlikely match at first. He's

508
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: the laid back, outdoorsy surfer type while she's more career oriented, polished,

509
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 2: and preppy, but we were happy for him. At the time.

510
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 2: He was still struggling with his mental health, and Yoko

511
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 2: seemed to help with his problems. They're a good looking

512
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 2: she makes good money, so on paper, she takes all

513
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 2: the boxes yay. Personality wise, she didn't entirely match our

514
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 2: friend group aw, but she seemed nice enough. We were

515
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 2: nervous about how Yoka would react to May still being

516
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 2: part of the group, but she seemed fine with it.

517
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 2: We were pleasantly surprised, as we could imagine it must

518
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 2: have been strange for May, being the sweetheart she is,

519
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 2: went out of her way to be welcoming. Everything seemed great.

520
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 2: John and Yoko moved very fast. They started looking at

521
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 2: houses after three months, bought one and moved in together

522
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 2: at six months, and were engaged by month twelve. Wow.

523
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 2: It was quick, and we were surprised and a little worried,

524
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 2: mostly due to John's recent mental state. But if it

525
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 2: worked for them and they were happy great. After their engagement,

526
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 2: they FaceTime me and my husband while we were on

527
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 2: vacation to share the news, and we were genuinely thrilled.

528
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 2: I even sent a postcard congratulating them and offering my

529
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 2: help if needed. Immediately after they got engaged, things changed.

530
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:03,959
Speaker 3: Oh.

531
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 2: When meeting up with John a few weeks later, he

532
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 2: casually mentioned May wouldn't be invited to the wedding. Reminder,

533
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 2: they'd been broken up for five years, stayed good friends

534
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 2: ever since, and she was integral to our group. This

535
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 2: was disappointing. We were all looking forward to attending as

536
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 2: a group, already making plans. Unfortunately, there was no discussing it.

537
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 2: They were firm in their decision, apparently already discussed and

538
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 2: decided just two weeks into their engagement. Although disappointing and unexpected,

539
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:39,479
Speaker 2: we moved on, figuring it's their wedding, their rules. Here's

540
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: where the real drama started. Oh, John told the rest

541
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 2: of us about May not being invited, but didn't tell

542
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 2: May herself. Dude, you gotta go talk to.

543
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 3: May because it's not fun hearing it from someone else.

544
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 2: Y yeah, yeay, He kept saying he talked to her,

545
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 2: but didn't. This put us in an awkward position. How

546
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 2: could we be openly excited or to scus wedding plans

547
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 2: when May was still in the dark. We might have

548
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 2: been a little more reserved when with the whole group

549
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: at a mutual friend's birthday dinner, our first time altogether

550
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 2: post engagement. We congratulated them and briefly mentioned the wedding,

551
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 2: but didn't go overboard. It was someone else's birthday, after all.

552
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 2: It was a fun night with no weird vibes, or

553
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 2: so we thought. A few days later, John called us.

554
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: He said he and Yoko were apparently hurt and disappointed,

555
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 2: and said we didn't seem happy for them, weren't supportive,

556
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,239
Speaker 2: and the vibe was off. Well, maybe you should talk

557
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: to me. They felt we weren't truly excited about their engagement.

558
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 2: We were shocked. Everyone had already congratulated them multiple times,

559
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 2: including when they announced it in the group chat with

560
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: lots of nice messages, and in person before that dinner.

561
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 2: At the dinner, we congratulated them again and chatted about

562
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 2: wedding stuff. Honestly, what more did they want?

563
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 4: Yeah?

564
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: I told John we were happy for them and never

565
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 2: intended to see him otherwise. I explained that if we

566
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 2: came across as reserved, it was probably due to the

567
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 2: awkwardness over May not being invited while she still didn't know.

568
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 2: I apologized if we made them feel unsupported. John said

569
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 2: he understood and promised he'd tell.

570
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 3: May in a song.

571
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 2: All right. Yeah, he did tell her, and she took

572
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 2: it graciously, Respecting their decision seems like May is always gracious.

573
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 2: Everything appens like he breaks out with her out of

574
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 2: the blue, and she's gracious, tells her she's not invited

575
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 2: to his wedding. She's gracious. Yeah, they can't catch up break.

576
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 2: We thought this was the end of it. It wasn't.

577
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 2: From that point on, John kept bringing up nitpicky complaints,

578
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 2: even though we went out of our way to be

579
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 2: overly nice, ask about the wedding and show interest in planning.

580
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 2: After every hangout. He seemed fine in person, but later

581
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 2: we'd hear he was upset again. M They started acting distant.

582
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 2: If John game to something, Yoko wasn't with him. Uh oh.

583
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 2: He bailed on May's birthday last minute, later, saying he

584
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: wasn't allowed to go. Then John called me for advice

585
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 2: after a big fight with Yoko about May. John sounded stressed.

586
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 2: Apparently he and May had gone surfing together, something they'd

587
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 2: done many times before, and Yoko was upset because she

588
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 2: had our rule all about them not being alone together.

589
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 2: I mean, are they really alone if they're surfing?

590
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's dolphins and also just.

591
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 2: Other surfers, and probably they went with other friends and fish.

592
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 3: Do you not consider plankton animal or first.

593
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 2: She's considering all the sea life. He admitted he hadn't

594
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 2: told her beforehand. Okay, you know what, I take it back,

595
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 2: John is the problem, John, John is the problem. I

596
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 2: don't think. I feel like John hasn't been telling Yoko anything.

597
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 2: And then Yoko's getting insecure because John keeps lying to her.

598
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 2: I told him that even if I didn't entirely agree

599
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: with the rule, if it was something they'd agreed on,

600
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 2: he should have respect did it. I advised him to apologize,

601
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 2: but not beat him up too much. He brought the

602
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 2: flowers to smooth things over. Not long after, John messaged

603
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 2: the group chat saying we needed a serious talk. We

604
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 2: had wine and stacks ready, and boy did we need

605
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 2: the wine. It was bizarre. They came with a whole

606
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 2: list of accusations and complaints. We weren't supportive enough, We

607
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 2: weren't happy for them. We didn't ask how Yoko was

608
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 2: doing early enough, we always ask, but apparently too late.

609
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 2: We chose May's side. What side? We didn't go to

610
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 2: Yoko's birthday. Early in the relationship, we barely knew her

611
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 2: and all had legitimate conflicts. Someone didn't respond to a

612
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 2: message one time we didn't respect their rules about May,

613
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 2: what rules, and a bunch more petty things. They also

614
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 2: kept comparing themselves to my husband and me, claiming the

615
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,719
Speaker 2: group was more excited for our wedding. Yoko kept referring

616
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 2: to May only as the ex while May was sitting

617
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 2: right there and said she didn't let John go to

618
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 2: May's birthday because she wasn't comfortable with a hot tub

619
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 2: and the acts being in a bathing suit.

620
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 3: All right, I think it was all so weird.

621
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 2: We're a group of thirty plus year old adults, but

622
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 2: it felt like high school drama. They seemed to be

623
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 2: living in their own fantasy world where we were the

624
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,760
Speaker 2: bad guys and they were the victims. This was completely

625
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 2: out of character for John, who usually hates drama, avoids conflict,

626
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 2: and is laid back. Now, he sat there nodding along

627
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 2: to everything Yoko claimed. We kindly but firmly explained that

628
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 2: we are happy for them, and from our perspective, there

629
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: were no issues. It's their relationship and we honestly don't

630
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 2: have strong opinions about it. They needed to figure out

631
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 2: their own boundaries within their relationship. We told them we

632
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 2: didn't really know what they expected. From us, but hoped

633
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 2: they would try to see things more positively. We ended

634
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 2: the conversation on quote unquote good terms, and John even

635
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 2: seemed genuinely relieved and cheerful. The rest of the evening,

636
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 2: Yoko acted normal. Unsurprisingly, we later found out Yoko wasn't happy.

637
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 3: And guests who didn't communicate that hmm.

638
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 2: Soon after the conversation, John said Yoko wouldn't be coming

639
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 2: around anymore. Then we discovered through mutual friends that they

640
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: had received wedding invitations and we hadn't. I feel like

641
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,280
Speaker 2: you didn't get anything because they're friends with may Yeah.

642
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 2: I feel like Yoko sees anyone who's friends with may as. Yeah,

643
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 2: and John isn't like willing to put his foot down

644
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 2: or like actually have a conversation as an adult with Yoko.

645
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're both kind of bad for each other.

646
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 2: Ow I agree. John had been talking about invites for weeks,

647
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 2: asking for our addresses, even teasing that ours were on

648
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 2: the way. Nothing came, not even for me, his best

649
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 2: friend of twenty three years. Wow, no heads up. Nothing.

650
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 2: When I finally asked, he said, our invites, our invites

651
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 2: were on hold. We both have to want you there.

652
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 2: I do but Yoko, as of this moment, doesn't. He

653
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 2: also said he wanted to work on the friendship first.

654
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 2: You're the one messing it up.

655
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 3: You gotta work on it man.

656
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 2: Weeks went by with no definitive answer. John occasionally joined

657
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 2: group gatherings and acted friendly, but didn't mention the wedding.

658
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,399
Speaker 2: Yoko was still absent. We tried acting normal around John,

659
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 2: but it felt forced and awkward because we felt like

660
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 2: we were auditioning for their wedding, having to prove ourselves

661
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 2: as friends, with John reporting back to Yoko for judgment.

662
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 2: Last Easter brunch, we asked directly. The wedding was only

663
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 2: months away and we needed answers. The answer, no, we're

664
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 2: not invited. He claims it keeps him up at night. No, no,

665
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 2: it doesn't. But he's standing by his fiance. So that's it.

666
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 2: My best friend's wedding is at the end of the

667
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 2: month and I'm not invited. I've cried about this. I

668
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 2: can't believe I'm not going to my best friend's wedding.

669
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 2: I was at his side through everything, and he was

670
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 2: a huge part of my own wedding. I was ready

671
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 2: to return the favor all this drama because his fiance

672
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 2: has grievances against me, us and his ex. She made

673
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: him uninvite his closest friends to his own wedding against

674
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 2: his wishes. Now I'm not even sure how many of

675
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 2: his friends will be there. I know he has a

676
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 2: few other work friends, but not many. It's not a

677
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 2: small wedding. Even all work colleagues from both sides are invited,

678
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 2: so that's already thirty people. So I'm guessing most guests

679
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 2: are probably from her side. John doesn't want to end

680
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 2: the friendship over this, but I don't think I can

681
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 2: be friends with him anymore. I'm really hurt, and I

682
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 2: honestly don't like this version of him. He knows me

683
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 2: so well, yet he can make all these accusations to

684
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 2: justify not me not being there on one of the

685
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 2: most important days of his life. At one point, he

686
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: even accused me of caring more about the wedding than

687
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 2: our friendship. You invite your best friends to your wedding,

688
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 2: and if we're not important enough to be invited, we're

689
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 2: apparently not friends. Right. There's also a part of me

690
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 2: that feels worried. This behavior is totally unlike John. He

691
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 2: was in such a bad mental state when he met her,

692
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 2: and everything moved so fast that I don't think he

693
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 2: really got the chance to work on himself. It almost

694
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: feels like he believes he needs her to get that

695
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 2: picture perfect life he wants, and now he's in too

696
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 2: deep to back out. There's also likely a financial component

697
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 2: to this, since she has a high paying job. Looking

698
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 2: at it from that angle, he might need us someday.

699
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:26,839
Speaker 2: What do you think is going on?

700
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 3: Or do you have any chows his fiance? Yeah, over

701
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,760
Speaker 3: his friends, which sometimes you have to, But in this sense,

702
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,880
Speaker 3: I don't think that was the right thing to do.

703
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 3: I do since maybe a breakup later in the road

704
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 3: between John Yoko le seven eight years down the road

705
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 3: and I should come back and be like, I'm sorry.

706
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 3: And at that point you have to decide, are you

707
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 3: gonna decide right now you're cutting him off right now?

708
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 3: Decide if he comes back to you, are you gonna

709
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,879
Speaker 3: accept him in or you're gonna be like, no, I'm sorry,

710
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 3: I can't do this. You betrayed me, and John's gonna

711
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 3: have to really come back and work on this. But

712
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 3: right now, John, it's just not going to be a

713
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 3: part of your life for a little bit.

714
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there is a little bit left to the story.

715
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: The friend group is divided. Some still talk to him,

716
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 2: others are done as his best friend. They leave it

717
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 2: up to me to decide about group gatherings, though everyone

718
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 2: can decide individually if they want to stay friends separately.

719
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 2: I haven't spoken to John since Easter, and he hasn't

720
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 2: reached out either. There were some messages in the group chat,

721
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 2: but nothing more. Maybe that says enough. Maybe there's just

722
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 2: no saving this friendship, or am I wrong? Any advice

723
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 2: or outside perspectives are welcome. Is there anything I can

724
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 2: still do to salvage this friendship or should I just

725
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,319
Speaker 2: be done with it? Part of me wonders if I

726
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 2: should reach out one more time, but another part thinks

727
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 2: his silence since Easter speaks volumes After twenty three years

728
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 2: of friendship, it's devastating to think it might end over

729
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 2: something like this. But I'm also not sure I can

730
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 2: accept being treated this way by someone who was supposed

731
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 2: to be my closest friend. And that is the end

732
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 2: of that story.

733
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 3: Folks, low key, I think you should invite him to

734
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 3: a fundraiser where people are raising money for this disease

735
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 3: going around. Yeah, and you all get together, and you

736
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 3: band well up one more time and combat.

737
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 2: Against getting back together. My aunts made my life a

738
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,760
Speaker 2: nightmare while I was caring for my sick father.

739
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 4: That's the worst time to have a nightmare.

740
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 2: So some quick background. I was no contact, but my

741
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 2: dad was low contact with his sisters Lola, Penny, and

742
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 2: Susan due to previous drama. I eat Lola and Penny

743
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 2: chasing seventeen year old me out of the house, screaming

744
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 2: out selfish I am and blah blah lah lah because

745
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 2: I didn't go on a cruise with other family members

746
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 2: and they thought I was acting out against them. I

747
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 2: hate the very idea of cruises. Just that whole mess

748
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 2: led to the low contact and no contact. Dad and

749
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 2: I eventually moved the Maabi Desert for a completely different reason,

750
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 2: but his sisters all moved to the city we used

751
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 2: to live in, and Dad said, wow, we moved just

752
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 2: in time. By the way, this comes from anonymous forty two.

753
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,240
Speaker 2: This comes directly from the r slash Okay storytime subured

754
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 2: at Folks. Fast forward to January twenty twenty four. Dad

755
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 2: and I are roommates. I'm forty female, Dad's sixty four

756
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 2: male and we decided this worked for us after all

757
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 2: the drama in our lives. I come home for lunch

758
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 2: and I don't see Dad. I call out and he's

759
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:34,320
Speaker 2: on the floor half out of the bathroom. Don't worry

760
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 2: and call to here myself, Really Dad, Back and forth

761
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 2: that ends in a nine to one one call and

762
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 2: an ambulance ride to the hospital. Lola calls Dad's phone

763
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 2: during this and I blow it off until the ambulance

764
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 2: takes him and I call her back and fill her

765
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 2: on what happened. Dad is in an altered state. My

766
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 2: brother in law makes it to the hospital to check

767
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 2: on me, thanks to my niece, who I called on

768
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 2: the way to the hospital and concurs my statements to

769
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 2: the hospital staff that this is not normal. Lola calls

770
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 2: for updates as the saga continues. Dad is admitted he

771
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 2: has undiagnosed diabetes and asks to have his left foot

772
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 2: room surgery scheduled in the am. What even is my

773
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 2: life right now? Oh my god? He told me last

774
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,760
Speaker 2: week he needed me to get him stuff for foot fungus.

775
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 2: His toe was black. He's a groan butt man. I

776
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 2: didn't expect any of this. Oh wait, he has no

777
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: health insurance. He never signed up for it. It lapsed

778
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 2: from the military after he retired. He never signed up

779
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 2: through his post military retirements work retirement stuff. Never signed

780
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 2: up for the VIA. Yet another struggle through this journey,

781
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 2: surgery happens. I'm alone with him and have to break

782
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,800
Speaker 2: the news to him the next day when he wakes

783
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 2: up and is fully aware and himself. I was terrified

784
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,320
Speaker 2: he'd hate me. His reaction. You saved my life, relieved

785
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,720
Speaker 2: exhil and hours later his sisters show up. They helped

786
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 2: me get him signed up for Medicare since he's turning

787
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 2: sixty five soon and working to get VA benefits and

788
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 2: looking for other stuff. Only the Medicare and Social Security

789
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 2: came to fruition. Everything else was a bunch of issues.

790
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 2: I still don't have the energy to think about. Sisters

791
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 2: tell me they'll help me with whatever I need, anytime

792
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 2: I need it. I think that maybe the tide is shifting.

793
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 2: It takes some time, but we get him in a

794
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 2: skilled nursing inpatient facility near me so I can see

795
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 2: him every day during his recovery. My new normal is working,

796
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 2: then going to see him after work and spend time

797
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,800
Speaker 2: with him. Keep his spirits up encourage his recovery. Lola

798
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 2: is constantly going on trips out of state cruises. Penny

799
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 2: and Susan are childcare for the grand babies. His wound

800
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 2: is super slow to heal. He can rarely eat and

801
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 2: is nauseous and worse all the time. We go to

802
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 2: other appointments to address tummy issues, but it never gets resolved.

803
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,399
Speaker 2: He loses so much weight. I am there every day,

804
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 2: with the exception of a music festival. He refuses to

805
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 2: let me cancel because I bought tickets hotel the year

806
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 2: before since I wanted to see Danny Elfman there and

807
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 2: I've been waiting to see him for twenty plus years.

808
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: I made sure my niece came down to spend that

809
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,439
Speaker 2: weekend with him, so he had visitors most days. Dad

810
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,280
Speaker 2: had to tell me to go home and get rest.

811
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 2: I was getting stuff ready for him to come home.

812
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 2: In the middle of all this, my birthday happened. I

813
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 2: didn't want to mention it because I didn't want to

814
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 2: stress him out. Lola, in her infinite wisdom, tells Dad

815
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,280
Speaker 2: and he gets upset he didn't get me a present.

816
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,839
Speaker 2: I'm spending so much time fussing over him and he's

817
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 2: a bad dad and didn't remember my birthday at thing Lola.

818
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 2: I calmed him down and said I needed new tire

819
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 2: so I'll buy them with his car. I didn't, but

820
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 2: he didn't need to know that. But this was the

821
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 2: start of his sisters stressing him out. I send updates

822
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 2: when things happen, but apparently that's not enough. They text

823
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 2: demanding to know what's going on with our brother. Fine,

824
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 2: I'll swallow my stress and send daily texts as I

825
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 2: leave the if not like I'm doing anything. Dad finally

826
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 2: gets a prosthetic. My FMLA ran out, long story, but yeah,

827
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 2: I also got a promotion that was almost like a

828
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 2: new job. I have to work to keep paying bills

829
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 2: at home as Dad's pension goes to medical bills. Penny

830
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 2: went with him to the two appointments to get it.

831
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 2: Then things go downhill, where if.

832
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,800
Speaker 4: They haven't already gone downhill yet.

833
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. He keeps having times where the s

834
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 2: and IF staff are concerned. He's not himself. Hospital he

835
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 2: goes to thinks it's just infections messing with him, since

836
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 2: he seems better after meds. I mean, come on, let's

837
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 2: do some more. Let's do some more research into that.

838
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 2: Let's let's look into it before we just write it off. Please,

839
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 2: if he doesn't seem like himself, let's check in on that,

840
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 2: please until the afternoon. I go to his room and

841
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 2: see he's not in his room, His bed is stripped,

842
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 2: his wheelchairs off in the corner. I go to the

843
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 2: CNA and ask, where's my dad? She floored? And when

844
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 2: didn't they call you? Long story short, he was acting

845
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 2: off and his heart rake tanked. They transferred him to

846
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 2: a hospital over an hour away, but no one called

847
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 2: me like they were supposed to. I call the sisters

848
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 2: when I found out where he was as I was

849
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 2: driving there. I would be furious. Yeah, I would be

850
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 2: furious with that staff if they didn't call you. Absolutely,

851
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 2: that's absolutely ridiculous.

852
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:33,360
Speaker 4: Because I mean, excuse me. It's like it's one thing if, like,

853
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:35,720
Speaker 4: you know, maybe he had to go to a different

854
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 4: one for I don't know, like a population in the

855
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 4: hospital reasons something like that, But it's another thing. I like,

856
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 4: the reason he had to go was because his heart

857
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 4: rate tanks. Yeah, and I have to drive an hour

858
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:48,919
Speaker 4: before I could see him, and who knows what's gonna

859
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 4: happen within that hour. Absolutely, my gosh, Lola.

860
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 2: Found out the room info and everything. I get to Dad.

861
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 2: He sobbed. You found me. I couldn't contact you and

862
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 2: I was so confused. Sisters show up hours later. They

863
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,720
Speaker 2: come back the next day while I'm at work. Turns

864
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,760
Speaker 2: out he's in heart failure. He can't have open heart surgery.

865
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 2: His health is that bad and he won't survive that

866
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 2: kind of surgery. They're going to play stints that weekend.

867
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 2: Penny comes for the surgery, Lola takes off on another trip.

868
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: Susan is I don't even know. After rushing to get

869
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,919
Speaker 2: there after work. Before Dad goes into surgery, I'm there

870
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 2: and the first person he sees when he wakes up.

871
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 2: Much to Penny's annoyance, actions are taken at the SNIF

872
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 2: and new SOPs are put in place because of them

873
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 2: not notifying me, and to get Dad back to the

874
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 2: SNAF Now, the sisters decide to visit him more often. Unfortunately,

875
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 2: they're awful to the staff that take care of him

876
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 2: on the regular. They're not the ones who fail to

877
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 2: notify me. The people there, the people they are rude

878
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 2: to are freakin' angels and are amazing to Dad. They're

879
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 2: constantly talking trash about the facility. Excuse me, what bills

880
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 2: are you paying? They get Dad ryle up, and I

881
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,439
Speaker 2: have to spend so much time calming him down. He's

882
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 2: still not eating regularly. I'm working with the dieticians and

883
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,880
Speaker 2: the staff to get him protein drinks so he's at

884
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 2: least getting calories and making sure they order his favorite

885
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:17,279
Speaker 2: favor less Caroline she loved him. He lost nearly one

886
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 2: hundred pounds because of all this. While all of this

887
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 2: is going on, they're constantly calling me at work and

888
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 2: texting me, you need to do this. This needs to happen.

889
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 2: One day, I received forty five texts in less than

890
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:33,399
Speaker 2: eight hours. I called Lolas sobbing, saying I can't do this.

891
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 2: She says she'll talk to the sisters to calm down. Yeah,

892
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 2: that didn't happen. Honestly, I would like put them on

893
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 2: do not disturb. No, Like I just wouldn't respond. I'd

894
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 2: be like, hey, I'll let you know if anything's happening. Otherwise,

895
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 2: more of the same. The s and if nurses tell

896
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 2: me as I've come in that the sisters came in

897
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 2: to see Dad and he's agitated. I have to calm

898
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 2: him down before I can actually visit with him. Yeah,

899
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 2: huge help. In the midst of all of this, I

900
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 2: see how much Dad is going downhill, and I realize

901
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:04,359
Speaker 2: Dad is not coming home. I never tell him or

902
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 2: let on that this is a reality, but I see it.

903
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 2: I still go to see him every day. There were

904
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,960
Speaker 2: a few days I was ill and couldn't, but I

905
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 2: facetimed him. Not a day went by that I did

906
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 2: not talk with him. I watched movies with him, I

907
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:20,720
Speaker 2: shared tiktoks with him, I shared new music I found.

908
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,680
Speaker 2: I tried to keep things at a level of normal.

909
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 2: I could breaking point. Penny, who said she'd handle the

910
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 2: cardiologist appointments and her daughter had a mix up with

911
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 2: an appointment. In the group text, it was mentioned about

912
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 2: the daughter taking the day off or the appointment, but

913
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 2: the S and IF didn't know about the appointment, so

914
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:43,320
Speaker 2: no transportation was arranged. Dad also had contracted the VID,

915
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 2: and guess what, I was the only one to go

916
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 2: and see him in person. Lola had another trip scheduled,

917
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 2: and the others had comments about how Dad needed cardiologist appointments. Here,

918
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 2: I'll say where we are, the closest cardiologist is almost

919
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:01,280
Speaker 2: an hour and a half away. Penny had said she'd

920
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:05,240
Speaker 2: handle this. Remember how everyone had said they'd help me anyway.

921
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 2: I need well buckle up, Susan says, I'm not sure

922
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 2: to get through to anonymous. She seems clueless or just

923
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,839
Speaker 2: doesn't care. It's especially sad if it's the latter. Penny says,

924
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 2: I know, that's why I'm so sad. WT ever loving

925
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 2: F I respond, I do care. Wait, I'm sorry they

926
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 2: sent that directly to you.

927
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, they texted you.

928
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,879
Speaker 2: It seems like it's like a group chat, and they

929
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 2: said it seems like she's clueless or doesn't.

930
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 4: Care what in front of her, as if she's not there,

931
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:40,840
Speaker 4: though she's not saying it too op, that's crazy.

932
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,920
Speaker 2: I respond, I do care. I'm trying to keep my

933
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 2: job as well. They're not cardiologists in this area. I'm

934
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 2: working ten plus hours a day, six days a week.

935
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 2: You all act like I'm out partying, but the time

936
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 2: I can actually make any calls, there are not doctor's

937
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 2: offices open. I'd like to keep my job and my

938
00:50:56,800 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 2: home and not wind up on the effing streets. These

939
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 2: big families and who have Dad and I had each other?

940
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 2: I found him on the floor and discovered he was

941
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 2: hiding all these things from me and had no idea

942
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:12,320
Speaker 2: anything was wrong, but I'm clueless and don't care. Awesome,

943
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 2: thanks really thanks for making my migraine that much worse

944
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,280
Speaker 2: while I'm at work. Have a great frickin day. Everyone.

945
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 2: Lola sends a one on one text trying to backpedal,

946
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 2: and I told her I didn't want to hear it.

947
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 2: I didn't want an apology from Penny or Susan because

948
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:28,399
Speaker 2: they'd only be sorry they were caught, and I didn't

949
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 2: want to hear from any of them ever again, and

950
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't say anything to Dad because he

951
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 2: doesn't need that stress. But it takes one other instance

952
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 2: of hearing from the snif about their behavior. You know,

953
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 2: once he is VID free and they actually come see him,

954
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 2: but he's so upset and making comments that are things

955
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:48,480
Speaker 2: the sisters have said. His mental state has declined to

956
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,320
Speaker 2: where he's like a child, mirroring what adults say that

957
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 2: I forbid any updates on a status to be given

958
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 2: to the sisters. The staff asks if I want them

959
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:58,879
Speaker 2: banned from visiting, but I won't do that to Dad

960
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 2: if they actually show up I won't stop it, but

961
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,959
Speaker 2: the staff says they'll keep a closer eye on them.

962
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 2: He has another trip to the bigger hospital and a

963
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 2: neurologist tells me he's been having transischemic attacks for years.

964
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 2: This explains everything symptoms for years. Dad doesn't understand the

965
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,879
Speaker 2: impact of this. I keep my happy face for him,

966
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:26,479
Speaker 2: but inside God's peaces fall together. I'm being as strong

967
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 2: as I can, telling my oldest sister all of this,

968
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:31,359
Speaker 2: and she just tells me she loves me and it's

969
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 2: proud of me. Two weeks later, I'm told he needs

970
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 2: to be put on hospice. The hospice staff ask if

971
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 2: they want me to have them tell him again. I

972
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,920
Speaker 2: can't do that to him. I tell him that was

973
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,719
Speaker 2: the hardest thing I had had to do up to

974
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 2: that point. I tell him I just want them to

975
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 2: help him be comfortable, and he says that sounds wonderful, right.

976
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 4: I know, that's really that's really sweet that, like, you know,

977
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:57,480
Speaker 4: even when his mental state is declining, he's still is looking.

978
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 2: Out for his daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My sister comes

979
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 2: out with their daughter and granddaughter. A week and a

980
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 2: half later, he declined so fast he can't talk he's

981
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 2: not really there. I had to explain to a fussy

982
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 2: four year old, I'm sorry, we're not playing with you much.

983
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 2: My daddy is really sick. But the next time you

984
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 2: come see me, he won't be sick anymore and we

985
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 2: can play all you want. My sister was really grateful.

986
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:22,839
Speaker 2: I did that talk about explaining in an age appropriate way.

987
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:26,440
Speaker 2: September fourth, I got the call in the middle of

988
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 2: the night. Dad is gone. I call my sister. She

989
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 2: calls the aunts and hops on a plane as I

990
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:35,840
Speaker 2: go to the s and if for a final goodbye.

991
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 2: And that's really tough. I'm so sorry, Anonymous. I mean,

992
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 2: you've had all of this kind of put on you,

993
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:45,840
Speaker 2: and his sisters are making it infinitely harder. Yeah, but

994
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 2: I think that, I mean, I hope that you know that.

995
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,040
Speaker 2: It seems like it's very clear that your dad really

996
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 2: appreciated everything that you did for him, and I think

997
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 2: that you really, you know, made his quality of life

998
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 2: as good as it could have been. Yeah, with all

999
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 2: of you, you know, the physical health stuff that was

1000
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 2: going on.

1001
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 4: Definitely. Yeah. Yeah, that's just hard. It's hard to see

1002
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 4: someone decline like that, especially like a parent, right, And

1003
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,400
Speaker 4: it's hard to be the only one to be taken

1004
00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:13,759
Speaker 4: care of it.

1005
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:15,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it seems like her sister's probably taking care

1006
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 2: of her kid. Yeah, and because I was wondering why

1007
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 2: Opie or anonymous had to do kind of all the work.

1008
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 2: But I think it's probably because yeah, yeah, sister's taking

1009
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 2: care of a four year old.

1010
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1011
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 2: Well, but there is a little bit left the story.

1012
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,240
Speaker 2: I get a message the next morning from a family

1013
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 2: friend I was waiting for daylight to call, that he

1014
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:37,280
Speaker 2: saw on Facebook from my aunt's page that dad passed.

1015
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,719
Speaker 2: How is it possible for these women to make me

1016
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,880
Speaker 2: more angry? My sister, nieces and I were waiting to

1017
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,279
Speaker 2: post until we had called certain people, because you know,

1018
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 2: that's the right thing to do. And also just when

1019
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,760
Speaker 2: you lose someone that close to you, you of course

1020
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 2: people want to say, like, you know, how are you feeling,

1021
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 2: We're so sorry for your loss to go through that

1022
00:54:56,840 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 2: onslaught of texts right after, or you lose your.

1023
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:04,839
Speaker 4: Father just yeah, so much like I feel like, I mean,

1024
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 4: if some people can value that like validation, I can

1025
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 4: see that, but it just feels weird to just post

1026
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 4: on it in social media like yeah at all right away?

1027
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 2: You know, like day after yeah, right.

1028
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:20,360
Speaker 3: Like this is weird.

1029
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 2: My sister called and screamed at my aunt. The poster

1030
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 2: was removed, but the damage was done. I just have

1031
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,399
Speaker 2: no words for the anger and grief that these three

1032
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 2: have caused me, but more importantly, my dad in the

1033
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,359
Speaker 2: last months of his life. I still haven't heard from them.

1034
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,239
Speaker 2: I have Dad's ashes and he can be interred with

1035
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,040
Speaker 2: my mom. But it would be but it would be

1036
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:42,600
Speaker 2: really close to Lola's first husband. My dad waited until

1037
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 2: after my mom's mom passed to enter her well. I

1038
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 2: am my father's daughter. We'll see if I wait. The

1039
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:51,239
Speaker 2: one thing I'm thankful for is that while I was

1040
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 2: looking for tiktoks to show Dad, I discovered a guy

1041
00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:56,920
Speaker 2: with dimples and a bucket hat. I led to the

1042
00:55:57,000 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 2: wonderful discovery of my Okst family. No matter the struggle,

1043
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:03,680
Speaker 2: I'm glad that I have this community to support me.

1044
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 2: Oh we all you know are here for you and

1045
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,759
Speaker 2: anyone who's watching this. Put some arts in the chat

1046
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:10,320
Speaker 2: for Anonymous.

1047
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:11,520
Speaker 4: Who's dude?

1048
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,720
Speaker 2: An Anonymous, if you're watching this, thank you for sharing

1049
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:16,759
Speaker 2: your story and I really hope that, like you know,

1050
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 2: you are taking the time to be with the family

1051
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 2: that is not causing you trouble and cares about you

1052
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 2: and cares about you, know, making life easier for you

1053
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:31,800
Speaker 2: rather than harder. Yeah. Yeah, because your aunt's sound not great. Yeah,

1054
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,800
Speaker 2: he's johny og host here. We're gonna get back to

1055
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:35,400
Speaker 2: the stories. But he's a quick three minute break of

1056
00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:36,400
Speaker 2: ass form more sponsors.

1057
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 4: My son threatened to cut me off because I refuse

1058
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:41,480
Speaker 4: to babysit.

1059
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:42,720
Speaker 2: That's a terrible reason.

1060
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 4: I forty four female, have three kids. The eldest, twenty

1061
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:48,440
Speaker 4: five male, is married and has a one year old.

1062
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,479
Speaker 4: He and his spouse have professional jobs and live about

1063
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 4: an hour and a half away in perfect traffic. Additionally,

1064
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 4: I have an eighteen male and fourteen male son still

1065
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 4: at home. Youngest homeschools and is autistic and ADHD. I

1066
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 4: work at home providing remote services and have a professional

1067
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,920
Speaker 4: undergrad degree in social work. I am the primary support

1068
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:13,400
Speaker 4: for my own aging parent in terms of appointment, transport

1069
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:16,040
Speaker 4: and such. By the way, this comes from a dismal

1070
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 4: inventable two to forty and if you want to submit

1071
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, story

1072
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 4: time separated it. So my parent lives nearly forty five

1073
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 4: minutes away in the opposite direction of my married adult child,

1074
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:30,640
Speaker 4: and my parents' specialists are roughly an hour and twenty

1075
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 4: minutes from his house. My spouse works a job that

1076
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 4: requires a significant amount of travel out of state for

1077
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 4: weeks at a time, engineering projects and factories for system changes.

1078
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 4: I had the same student client for four years. I

1079
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 4: provide communication accessibility services for people receiving educational instruction. Think

1080
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 4: closed captioning for classrooms in real time. When my eldest

1081
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 4: was an undergrad, he lived with my parent the last

1082
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 4: half of his study years. By the time he started

1083
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 4: his graduates studies Hey, he had gotten an apartment he

1084
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 4: had shared with a friend. He came to me with

1085
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 4: a spreadsheet and we discussed how much I could support

1086
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 4: his expenses when it came time for clinical hours, which

1087
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 4: impeded his ability to find a work and study balance.

1088
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:19,320
Speaker 4: So we had maintained covering things like his cell phone bill,

1089
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 4: car insurance, medical insurance, plus a set amount per month

1090
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 4: for groceries and gas. When my eldest and his significant

1091
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 4: other found out that they were pregnant, we were supportive,

1092
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:33,520
Speaker 4: purchased things to help them out, et cetera. We contributed

1093
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 4: to wedding expenses in the form of purchasing and prepping

1094
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 4: all table decor for the reception, etc. Her family also

1095
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 4: contributed that was all fine and good. I've been thankful

1096
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,479
Speaker 4: We've been able to assist in these ways. I've taken

1097
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 4: care of the grand baby for a few hours here

1098
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 4: and there, and a few days at a time here

1099
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 4: and there. I found that the extended stays at this

1100
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 4: particular time in my life, with other responsibilities considered, have

1101
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 4: been more than I'm prepared to handle. I'm worn out

1102
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,800
Speaker 4: and it takes me a few days to recover. Afterwards,

1103
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 4: I realized my age isn't old, but I had ten

1104
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 4: years ago, and I haven't been the same since all that.

1105
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 4: Then I busted a rib and had partially collapsed along

1106
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 4: I had to recover from. Coincidentally, my parent ended up

1107
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 4: with the same injury a year later, and dang. Basically,

1108
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 4: I'm tired, y'all. My middle is nearly flying the coop.

1109
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 4: My youngest is just three and a half years from eighteen.

1110
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 4: He might choose to stay home, but he's capable of

1111
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 4: meeting his basic daily needs and likely could live independently

1112
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,680
Speaker 4: if he chooses. I made my choices throughout the years,

1113
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 4: and I did my best for my kids and have

1114
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 4: been able to navigate those challenging accountability talks with the

1115
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 4: boys about my shortcomings. But at this point I'm looking

1116
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 4: forward to some time with my husband on the road

1117
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 4: in a few years. I have professional aspirations that I've

1118
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,480
Speaker 4: left on the back burner for years while prioritizing trying

1119
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 4: to meet the needs of my kids and trying to

1120
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 4: give them steady and stable and solid foundations. But for

1121
00:59:56,840 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 4: the last year this eldest and his spouse kept asking

1122
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 4: me to quit work to provide full time childcare for

1123
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 4: them because quote, daycare is expensive. Neither of them want

1124
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:09,960
Speaker 4: to be a stay at home parent or part time employee.

1125
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 4: That eldest says it, but I want to get my

1126
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 4: student loans paid off, to which I try not to

1127
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 4: be too cheeky when I giggle and say felt still

1128
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 4: paying my own off. I didn't finish my undergrad till

1129
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:23,600
Speaker 4: twenty sixteen. It then was diagnosed with the big c

1130
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 4: at three months later, so then we had those medical

1131
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 4: expenses Like, yeah, well I had student loans when I

1132
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 4: was having you. I could basically contribute to paying for

1133
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 4: your student loans when you're having a kid too.

1134
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 2: The thing is that, like I really think people just

1135
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 2: don't think through having kids. Yeah, and you gotta realize

1136
01:00:44,240 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 2: kids are incredibly expensive, incredibly expensive, and yeah, I have to,

1137
01:00:49,160 --> 01:00:52,840
Speaker 2: you know, do things that you don't necessarily want to do,

1138
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 2: like you know, pay for expensive daycare or maybe one

1139
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:00,120
Speaker 2: of the you know, parents stays at home. How do

1140
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:01,440
Speaker 2: the things that you didn't want to do.

1141
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, I mean I get it

1142
01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 4: might have been a mistake, but you still have those responsibilities.

1143
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 2: You decided to take the child, decided not to give

1144
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,080
Speaker 2: up the child, decided you know, to have the child.

1145
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 2: If you don't just like absolutely like that, if that's

1146
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:19,040
Speaker 2: decision you want to make, then yeah, absolutely it's fine.

1147
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 4: But like, if you don't want to make the sacrifices

1148
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:23,800
Speaker 4: that you need to, you can't expect someone else to, like,

1149
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 4: come on, again and again, I've told them that I

1150
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:29,960
Speaker 4: do not intend to provide full time care. And again

1151
01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 4: and again I point out the logistical nightmare I think

1152
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 4: it would be. Nobody needs to be commuting three hours

1153
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 4: round trip morning and night. And I'm not prepared mentally

1154
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,840
Speaker 4: or physically to have a grandkid dependent on me for

1155
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 4: care for several days a week. Mama is tired, Granny

1156
01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 4: is tired. Tired in the way of I provided a

1157
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:54,040
Speaker 4: lot of care to my own younger siblings than other

1158
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 4: people's kids, then raise my own kids. Almost done tonight,

1159
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 4: once again I was asked. I finally just said directly,

1160
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 4: I love this grand baby, and I don't mind the

1161
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 4: occasional few hours or occasional overnight. But I've been raising

1162
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,840
Speaker 4: babies most of my life, and I'm not equipped for

1163
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,480
Speaker 4: what you're asking of me. I feel like my son

1164
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,560
Speaker 4: and his spouse are going to have to navigate their

1165
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 4: choices in their future and their family dynamics without depending

1166
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 4: so heavily on me as their answer to not wanting

1167
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 4: to spend the money on childcare and not putting in

1168
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 4: the effort to find a backup for sick days and

1169
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:28,120
Speaker 4: when the daycare is closed for breaks. There have been

1170
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,880
Speaker 4: several points where comments have left me feeling like my

1171
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 4: son feels entitled and like he has taken for granted

1172
01:02:34,200 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 4: the supports he already has. I can provide examples, but

1173
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:41,960
Speaker 4: I've already written a novel. So am I the a hole?

1174
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,720
Speaker 4: And there are some comments. There are some comments coming

1175
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:49,440
Speaker 4: number one says, your son sounds incredibly selfish entitled asking

1176
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:52,040
Speaker 4: you to drive three plus hours a day to provide

1177
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 4: free childcare when you still have kids at home and debt.

1178
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:59,600
Speaker 4: It's cruel. Someone responds, not the a hole. That drive

1179
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:03,880
Speaker 4: is unreasonable request. Add to that your gas expenses, was

1180
01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:06,560
Speaker 4: your son planning to cover that? And the mental and

1181
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 4: physical strain on you and time away from your other responsibilities,

1182
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 4: and I feel your son has leapt beyond unreasonable, straight

1183
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:17,919
Speaker 4: to delusional. They are adults and can work this out

1184
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 4: on their own. Humma Number two says, part of learning

1185
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 4: to adult is figuring out your own problems without running

1186
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:26,000
Speaker 4: to mommy and daddy Whenever it gets a little hard,

1187
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 4: no is a complete sentence. Just keep saying no. Sooner

1188
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:32,439
Speaker 4: or later the penny will drop that no really does

1189
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,160
Speaker 4: mean no. If they have to pay for childcare, well

1190
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 4: boo hoo, so do a lot of other folks. Someone

1191
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 4: has to be a stay at home parent. Lots of

1192
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:44,120
Speaker 4: people do that too, and take the financial hit that

1193
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:47,680
Speaker 4: goes with being a single income family. You have provided

1194
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:49,880
Speaker 4: great support over the years, and I feel that the

1195
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:52,480
Speaker 4: eldest son is taking all of that for granted. With

1196
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:57,760
Speaker 4: the latest request slash demand again. No, it's a complete sentence,

1197
01:03:57,880 --> 01:04:00,760
Speaker 4: rinse and repeat as often as needed. Coming Number three

1198
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 4: says couples, I can't afford kids, shouldn't have them, let

1199
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 4: them apply for government benefits, or maybe discover how cheap

1200
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:08,480
Speaker 4: wiener rappers are.

1201
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 2: Ope.

1202
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 4: Your response to that, the punter is they do bring

1203
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:17,080
Speaker 4: in enough, he just doesn't want to spend it on childcare. Sorry,

1204
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 4: that's crazy. Wait, that's actually so much.

1205
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 2: Have the money.

1206
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 4: He's just like, ah, but like buying like food for

1207
01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 4: my kid is just really expensive.

1208
01:04:27,280 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 2: So can you expensive?

1209
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 4: Can you like grow?

1210
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:32,640
Speaker 2: And we were thinking about, like I don't know, going

1211
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 2: to like Fiji this summer.

1212
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:37,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like I just really really don't want to

1213
01:04:37,880 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 4: budget that in want to cut that off. Yeah, come on. Man,

1214
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 4: definitely leaves me with a yuck. I have contrary feelings

1215
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 4: I don't share with them on that. There is an

1216
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 4: update that grown child of mine and his wife moved

1217
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:55,200
Speaker 4: into their new place. I haven't seen them since they moved.

1218
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:57,960
Speaker 4: They've been hosting game nights and such for their friends,

1219
01:04:58,040 --> 01:05:01,080
Speaker 4: and they work and all that. Basically, they have lives

1220
01:05:01,080 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 4: to live and that's all well and good. And I

1221
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:05,880
Speaker 4: assumed that's why I hadn't really seen them. Remember, they're

1222
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:07,880
Speaker 4: now one and a half hours from where I live.

1223
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:10,360
Speaker 4: I messaged and invited them to come visit and let

1224
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 4: me know, and let them know. I had dinner cooking

1225
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:15,720
Speaker 4: all day, cooking meal not like done in an hour

1226
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 4: timeline normal enough. Figured they might have plans, but didn't

1227
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 4: hurt to invite them. It's the last weekend of summer

1228
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:27,400
Speaker 4: break for my other two adult offspring, replies Short and Kurt.

1229
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 4: I reply, asking if I'm missing something, He replies, they

1230
01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:35,080
Speaker 4: would like for me to make more effort. I'm sorry,

1231
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:39,360
Speaker 4: what did you find audacity on clearance? That's so funny.

1232
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:41,960
Speaker 4: Those of you who said my adult child seems like

1233
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:45,800
Speaker 4: an entitled those of you who said my adult child

1234
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:50,400
Speaker 4: seems entitled, you've got a point. In the messages that followed,

1235
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 4: I was reprimanded for my lack of remorse for not

1236
01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:58,880
Speaker 4: providing childcare that they've convinced themselves I had promised promise. Also,

1237
01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:01,360
Speaker 4: it seems that their friend swarming party they mentioned to

1238
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:04,320
Speaker 4: me it was meant to have been an explicit invitation,

1239
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:07,400
Speaker 4: which I quote should have known and put forth the

1240
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:08,320
Speaker 4: effort to come.

1241
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 2: What if it ends house swarming party.

1242
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:15,320
Speaker 4: I think, like like their housewarming party that she thought

1243
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:19,280
Speaker 4: only friends were invited to. Oh oh oh, but but

1244
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:23,200
Speaker 4: if they said that it quote was an explicit invitation,

1245
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:28,040
Speaker 4: then no, you you didn't get the invite.

1246
01:06:28,120 --> 01:06:31,760
Speaker 2: I think what happened is that they had mentioned offhand, yeah,

1247
01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:33,880
Speaker 2: we were having this housewarming party that was supposed to

1248
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:35,720
Speaker 2: be like yeah, like that was the invite.

1249
01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that is so annoying. But oh wait,

1250
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 4: it gets better. Never mind that following week after the

1251
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:45,800
Speaker 4: friend gathering I didn't go to because, as a nearly

1252
01:06:45,880 --> 01:06:48,600
Speaker 4: fifty year old, hanging out with twenty somethings playing games

1253
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:51,760
Speaker 4: and drinking wasn't where I thought I belonged. I called

1254
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 4: and offered some furniture we were getting replaced that they

1255
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,640
Speaker 4: had expressed interest in numerous times. They accepted the offer.

1256
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:00,560
Speaker 4: I attempted to plan a time that I could bring

1257
01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:02,840
Speaker 4: it up with the middle kiddo, but his schedule and

1258
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 4: the grown ones schedule in my schedule, and the weather

1259
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:09,720
Speaker 4: weren't in alignment at all, so that got tabled, and

1260
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 4: the middle kid and one of the eldest's friends handled

1261
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:14,560
Speaker 4: it a week later when they were going up for

1262
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:18,680
Speaker 4: a gaming night anyway, So now oldest is also saying

1263
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:21,120
Speaker 4: that I made them feel abandoned while we were on

1264
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 4: the family vacation. Huh. I think I mentioned before that

1265
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 4: I took my father, my sibling, and nephew, all three

1266
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 4: of my boys, their sweethearts, and grandson on a two

1267
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 4: week trip. It was planned for a year. My husband

1268
01:07:34,160 --> 01:07:37,120
Speaker 4: and I covered all meals out together, their house, rental,

1269
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:40,040
Speaker 4: the car rental for the eldest and his wife. Because

1270
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 4: they decided to fly instead of drive twenty four hours.

1271
01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:44,880
Speaker 4: The rest of us did the long drive, except my sibling,

1272
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:47,320
Speaker 4: who lives three hours from where we went, etc. I

1273
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:49,200
Speaker 4: told the eldest that they'd have to purchase their own

1274
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:52,320
Speaker 4: plane tickets, but I handled the rest. Birthday, Christmas, and

1275
01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 4: et cetera. Gift planned and discussed in advanced with everyone.

1276
01:07:56,480 --> 01:08:00,520
Speaker 4: They decided to shorten their time. Then his biodad planned

1277
01:08:00,560 --> 01:08:03,120
Speaker 4: something and they decided to go spend time with his

1278
01:08:03,200 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 4: biodot's family in a different location. That's fine and good,

1279
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:11,080
Speaker 4: but my son and his wife and the grand boy

1280
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:14,200
Speaker 4: leave to go to the airport. My dad, husband, my

1281
01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:18,479
Speaker 4: sister and I are sitting outside two hours later. I'm

1282
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:20,960
Speaker 4: enjoying an adult beverage, something I rarely do, but my

1283
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:24,479
Speaker 4: sister and I were enjoying solving the world's problems and

1284
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:26,560
Speaker 4: catching up as we hadn't seen each other in a

1285
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:29,240
Speaker 4: few years. I get a call from daughter in law.

1286
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,599
Speaker 4: Flight delays will cause them to miss connecting flight. Can

1287
01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:35,000
Speaker 4: we come get them? I suggest that they should get

1288
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:37,720
Speaker 4: a hotel room near the airport. The eldest gets on.

1289
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:40,599
Speaker 4: The eldest gets online and says that the hotels are

1290
01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:43,479
Speaker 4: sold out. I tell him we aren't in condition to

1291
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:45,720
Speaker 4: be driving. I'll tell him, or I'll call back. In

1292
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:48,080
Speaker 4: a second. I look up hotels, call the first one,

1293
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:50,960
Speaker 4: reserve a room for them. Nice, king, sweet, Some of

1294
01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:55,120
Speaker 4: you will understand why I'm making this point. And I

1295
01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:57,559
Speaker 4: called the son back, send him the hotel, and fil

1296
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,720
Speaker 4: tell him I've paid for it. He can use my

1297
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,639
Speaker 4: out for his uber for the hotel one point two

1298
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,320
Speaker 4: miles from the airport in Vermont. Y'all not like we're talking,

1299
01:09:06,479 --> 01:09:12,800
Speaker 4: dtw And then he says, you couldn't stay sober, My dude,

1300
01:09:12,960 --> 01:09:17,080
Speaker 4: you're twenty six, married, professional jobs and you did what

1301
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:20,280
Speaker 4: millions of Americans have done and millions more will do.

1302
01:09:20,479 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 4: Stay at a hotel near the airport when you got

1303
01:09:22,840 --> 01:09:28,280
Speaker 4: to change the flight schedule, but mom paid. Also, his

1304
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:30,920
Speaker 4: wife thinks it's weird. We don't party and don't serve

1305
01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:34,519
Speaker 4: booze at holidays. There's a lot of daily beveraging in

1306
01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 4: their own family and in the cultural background she's from.

1307
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,600
Speaker 4: But suddenly I have a drinking problem for having a

1308
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:43,719
Speaker 4: cold beverage at six pm on vacation. My husband laughed

1309
01:09:43,840 --> 01:09:47,400
Speaker 4: so hard about this. Yeah, your one drink every two

1310
01:09:47,439 --> 01:09:50,000
Speaker 4: months is really getting out of hand. You might need help.

1311
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:54,400
Speaker 4: Fast forward to tonight, I've been informed I quote made

1312
01:09:54,479 --> 01:09:57,360
Speaker 4: him feel like an inconvenience, and he hopes that he

1313
01:09:57,439 --> 01:09:59,640
Speaker 4: always remembers you are an inconvenience.

1314
01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:03,200
Speaker 2: You're inconveniencing me because you're annoying.

1315
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:06,920
Speaker 4: Yeah. It's like, well, well, yeah, I mean it is

1316
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:09,800
Speaker 4: an inconvenience because you couldn't do it yourself. Man, But

1317
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:12,200
Speaker 4: I did it and I'm not the one complaining.

1318
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:14,880
Speaker 2: Oh, he hasn't said anything. Yeah, I'm telling you that

1319
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:15,920
Speaker 2: you're an inconvenience me.

1320
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:19,879
Speaker 4: That's crazy, he said. He hopes he always remembers parenting

1321
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:21,360
Speaker 4: is for life day.

1322
01:10:21,840 --> 01:10:25,599
Speaker 2: That's funny. That's funny coming from a guy who didn't

1323
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:28,320
Speaker 2: even want a parent. It's like he wanted to make

1324
01:10:28,479 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 2: you a parent his child. Literally Wow, He's like, yeah,

1325
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,000
Speaker 2: I can't believe you don't You don't even want to

1326
01:10:34,080 --> 01:10:35,400
Speaker 2: like try and be a parent to me? Now?

1327
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:39,360
Speaker 4: Huh so insane? Are you so for real? Right now?

1328
01:10:39,640 --> 01:10:42,080
Speaker 4: I finally took the kid gloves off and told him

1329
01:10:42,080 --> 01:10:44,639
Speaker 4: that parenting is for life. But he is a whole

1330
01:10:44,720 --> 01:10:47,160
Speaker 4: grown up and it is beyond time he comes to

1331
01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 4: navigate adulthood. That he, like I and millions of parents,

1332
01:10:51,720 --> 01:10:55,960
Speaker 4: will manage the expenses of parenting, including childcare. That he

1333
01:10:56,080 --> 01:10:59,200
Speaker 4: knows our family would never leave someone starving. No one

1334
01:10:59,280 --> 01:11:02,120
Speaker 4: is gonna go hungry. But I'm not setting myself on

1335
01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:05,920
Speaker 4: fire to keep him warm because he doesn't like two

1336
01:11:05,960 --> 01:11:09,000
Speaker 4: hundred and fifty dollars a week in childcare. And for

1337
01:11:09,080 --> 01:11:12,519
Speaker 4: those new to the story, no, they aren't financially hurting. Yes,

1338
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:15,760
Speaker 4: they make enough to cover absolutely all their needs and

1339
01:11:15,920 --> 01:11:20,840
Speaker 4: many wants. This twenty six year old child, my goodness.

1340
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,040
Speaker 2: Has a whole child of his own, is still acting

1341
01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:23,719
Speaker 2: like a baby.

1342
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:25,320
Speaker 4: How's a baby gonna raise a baby?

1343
01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:27,800
Speaker 2: You can't baby, can't raise a baby, Baby can't raise baby.

1344
01:11:27,840 --> 01:11:29,280
Speaker 2: I'll figure out how to be an adult before you

1345
01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:33,760
Speaker 2: raise a baby. Mister baby, mister baby man. Yeah man, yeah, no,

1346
01:11:33,840 --> 01:11:36,640
Speaker 2: this is frustrating as a parent, I think to like, yeah,

1347
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:41,639
Speaker 2: still like have a child. This frustrating right right, because

1348
01:11:41,640 --> 01:11:44,240
Speaker 2: it's like I wonder as a parent how that really

1349
01:11:44,320 --> 01:11:47,280
Speaker 2: does feel, because it's like, well, like I do want

1350
01:11:47,320 --> 01:11:49,080
Speaker 2: to help you, yeah, but like I haven't.

1351
01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:52,600
Speaker 4: It doesn't seem like she's been babying him, no, Like

1352
01:11:52,640 --> 01:11:54,760
Speaker 4: it really just seems like he's just all of a

1353
01:11:54,760 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 4: sudden demanding.

1354
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:58,280
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe influenced by his wife.

1355
01:11:58,360 --> 01:12:01,160
Speaker 4: I was wondering that too, Like I'm wondering if this

1356
01:12:01,280 --> 01:12:03,519
Speaker 4: is just kind of like I wonder how her parents

1357
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:07,800
Speaker 4: maybe her and now that he's with her, she's like,

1358
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:09,759
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, like they don't do this for you,

1359
01:12:09,760 --> 01:12:12,240
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? And then then they demand more.

1360
01:12:12,280 --> 01:12:12,760
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1361
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:15,320
Speaker 2: Honestly, I feel like she should be asking her parents

1362
01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:16,760
Speaker 2: for the free childcare.

1363
01:12:16,960 --> 01:12:21,200
Speaker 4: Right where are they? He threatened to cut me off.

1364
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:23,920
Speaker 4: I told him he would have to do what he

1365
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:26,879
Speaker 4: saw fitting if he felt that I had fallen so short.

1366
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:30,280
Speaker 4: He threw some jab at my example for cutting off

1367
01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:32,360
Speaker 4: my own mother, But it was just an attempt at

1368
01:12:32,400 --> 01:12:35,360
Speaker 4: getting a reaction from me because he knows well and good.

1369
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:38,559
Speaker 4: Why wouldn't no contact with her? Six years ago she

1370
01:12:38,640 --> 01:12:42,280
Speaker 4: insulted my asd son and eldest son as my final

1371
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:45,479
Speaker 4: straw with her. The history of her was at almost

1372
01:12:45,520 --> 01:12:48,639
Speaker 4: every level for the entirety of my life, severe physical

1373
01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:51,280
Speaker 4: and verbal, and the types of things that made me

1374
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:58,160
Speaker 4: weep with identification while reading. A child called it like, okay, dude,

1375
01:12:58,320 --> 01:13:01,240
Speaker 4: if you think that my shortcomings and warn't no contact,

1376
01:13:01,479 --> 01:13:03,760
Speaker 4: then you'll just have to do what you see fit