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Speaker 1: Inquiring minds want to know how many kids? It's too

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Speaker 1: many goddamn kids. Mhm. Is there an answer to that one?

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Speaker 1: It's like I'm just good at that one. Clearly it's

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Speaker 1: not one. If you're all about to tune into this

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Speaker 1: episode with me and my girl dead Ass, Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make

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Speaker 1: you need derby most days. Wow. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this

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Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead As is the

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say

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Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to think, Philo

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Speaker 1: talk to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we all have our friends that we

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Speaker 1: go to in a time of triumph, in a time

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Speaker 1: of despair, and everything in between. You know, So I'll

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Speaker 1: never forget this day or actually it was a couple

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Speaker 1: of consecutive days where it's like, you know, you have

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Speaker 1: your friend, haven't spoke to them in a minute, that

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Speaker 1: you start playing this very intense game of phone tag

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Speaker 1: and you're going back and forth, and I'm just like, man,

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Speaker 1: I just can't get in touch with my girl Bianca

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Speaker 1: because she called me, I called her. We're just playing

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Speaker 1: this game, right. So finally I get ahold of Bianca

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Speaker 1: and she says to me, girl, guess what she hit

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Speaker 1: me with the girl right, guess what? So I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: what's going wrong, girl, it's been a minute, haven't spoken

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Speaker 1: to him? And she said, girl, you will never guess

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Speaker 1: I am regnant. So at that point in time, there's

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Speaker 1: so many different reactions that I could have had, right.

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Speaker 1: I could have been like, oh my god, girl, you're pregnant,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, or it could have been like oh, because

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Speaker 1: I know that's not what you really wanted. But this

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Speaker 1: one in particular, throw me for a whole loop. And

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you why. I said, Okay, sis by who?

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Speaker 1: By who? And the reason I asked that is because

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Speaker 1: I know, to my knowledge that her husband had a vasectomy.

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Speaker 1: He got the snippit eas the bulls were smashed, right, So,

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Speaker 1: as far as I know, or I didn't know who

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Speaker 1: baby is this, Biancle because it clearly can't be your husband's.

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Speaker 1: So I thought she was dropping like the entire teapot

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Speaker 1: on my head, right, So I'm like, all right, So

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Speaker 1: she's like, fool, it's it's keep's baby. Clearly get me

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Speaker 1: killed down here in the street. It's clearly kids baby. However, um,

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Speaker 1: I'm eighteen weeks. I was like, what eighteen weeks? So

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Speaker 1: not only is she pregnant for her husband who had

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Speaker 1: a sect, to me, she's eighteen weeks pregnant, now for

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Speaker 1: me as a woman who's pregnant with my fourth. I

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Speaker 1: knew I was pregnant by like week six because my

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Speaker 1: body just like I just know what it is. But

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Speaker 1: with Bianca, I'm like, girl, you didn't know that you

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Speaker 1: were eighteen weeks pregnant until you were eighteen weeks. Eighteen

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Speaker 1: weeks pregnant, did not know I was still getting a period.

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Speaker 1: I was still getting period, but it was like kind

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Speaker 1: of funny, right, So she was like, girl, I think

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Speaker 1: I thought I was going through menopause. I was getting

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Speaker 1: like all these different flashes, you know, I had really bad.

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Speaker 1: What I thought was gas. Meanwhile, it was the whole

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Speaker 1: baby moving inside of her that wasn't gas. Bianca um

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Speaker 1: so I was completely thrown for an entire loop. Bianca

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Speaker 1: thought she was going through menopause. You were actually about

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Speaker 1: to go get light bo done. I was getting ready

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Speaker 1: to go get lightbo section. I didn't care, don't care.

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Speaker 1: She had four kids already, so I'm like, I'm all

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Speaker 1: for it. If you need a little nip, a little tuck,

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Speaker 1: a little suction after four kids, by all means do

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Speaker 1: what you gotta do this. And it was in your

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Speaker 1: pre surgery blood work that you found out you were pregnant.

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Speaker 1: So for further confirmation you had to shooting over to

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Speaker 1: the O G Y and just to see, like, just

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Speaker 1: scam my belly real quick and see if any baby

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Speaker 1: pops up in there, because it could still be gas.

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Speaker 1: I'm praying that is gas. At this point. It's not gas, guys,

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Speaker 1: it's a whole baby, a whole baby, A whole baby

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Speaker 1: developed up in here. I didn't even know. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what what? So, come to find out, your boy Keith

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Speaker 1: did not go back and get the check that he

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Speaker 1: was supposed to get. So obviously, I think you're supposed to,

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Speaker 1: like wait for three months, all this extra you have

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Speaker 1: to He did not do his job. He knew it

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Speaker 1: was job. Had a whole baby, and here we are

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Speaker 1: with a whole baby, and she's beautiful and baby number

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Speaker 1: five for Bianca, that was story time. You. Oh, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna unpack a little bit more with story time when

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Speaker 1: we come back. Okay, if we're gonna pack it after this,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I'd ever do with that. You

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Speaker 1: from the beginning to the end, you always been here

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Speaker 1: right beside me. So I call you my best friend

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Speaker 1: through the good times and the bad. One brother, I

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Speaker 1: lose if I win, So I call you my best friend.

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Speaker 1: Bianca and I have known each other for a minute.

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Speaker 1: It's been a minute, and I figured, you know, devoted

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Speaker 1: his guy's episode and whatnot. So for my girl's episode

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Speaker 1: I really needed, especially as I'm about to have another daby,

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Speaker 1: I needed a session where I can just like kickback,

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Speaker 1: we can have some girl talk. I'm new to the

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Speaker 1: Atlanta area. Bianca's been here for a minute now, about

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Speaker 1: seven years years, but she and I actually met years

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Speaker 1: ago in Detroit when her husband and my husband were

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Speaker 1: playing together on the Detroit Lions. So that's been how

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Speaker 1: many years now, that's like, what fifteen years? About that

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Speaker 1: makes sense. I always gauge it based off your first daughter,

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Speaker 1: my girl Gianna, because she's sixtet now, so and I

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Speaker 1: met you, but she was like about it. But two

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Speaker 1: years maybe justin ready to turn too. So this has

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Speaker 1: been a friendship in the making for a long time.

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Speaker 1: And um we have literally been through so many different

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Speaker 1: phases of life together now having nine kids, nine kids

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Speaker 1: in between us, well eight, I am on the way

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Speaker 1: to nine. We're counting, We're counting. We're going to count

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Speaker 1: baby Bore ready, We're gonna count him. I'm so sure

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Speaker 1: that it's going to turn into ten kids in between us. Guys,

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Speaker 1: you see what she's trying to do. You see what

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Speaker 1: she's trying to do. Misery loves company, right. I told

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Speaker 1: you that that five kid club, that that membership fees

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Speaker 1: too too expensive for me. I can't, I can't. So um, so, Bianca,

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Speaker 1: just say hello to the dead ask community, tell them,

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Speaker 1: tell them hello, introduce yourself, let them know a little

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Speaker 1: bit about yourself, what you do running all these businesses,

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Speaker 1: being a boss, mom and wife. Okay, So my name

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Speaker 1: is Bianca. Of course, I have five kids. I'm married

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Speaker 1: to my husband Keith, four girls, one boy. We own

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Speaker 1: businesses together. We do youth sports league and I Sports

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Speaker 1: and Douglasville, viette Ville and Coweda County I hope, I'll

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Speaker 1: say Coweda right, um. And then also rehab real estate.

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Speaker 1: So that's what we're doing thus far. She's always doing

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Speaker 1: all the things which I absolutely love about you and

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Speaker 1: admire about you, I must say, because Bianca be getting

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Speaker 1: it in. So let's go back to storytime real quick,

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Speaker 1: because that was just that was the funniest phone call,

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Speaker 1: and it's something that only you and I feel I

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Speaker 1: could laugh about because let's be, let's face it, another baby,

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Speaker 1: another blessing. It's all good. But what do you think

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Speaker 1: went wrong with the whole scenario if we had to

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Speaker 1: say something quote unquote wrong. Of course, you weren't expecting

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Speaker 1: to have another baby because you were done. Your youngest

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Speaker 1: at the point was how old? Eight? Maybe my youngest, yeah,

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Speaker 1: was eight? Was eight? Eight years old? Right? And we

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Speaker 1: had had a previous conversation where you had said to me,

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Speaker 1: you know the benefit of having kids young is that

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Speaker 1: you have them young and by the time they're out

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Speaker 1: the house, you still have like your entire forties, fifties,

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Speaker 1: sixties to just live it up, to regain yourself, to

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Speaker 1: do all the things, and then you've got it over.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what happens. Okay, so that occurred, But

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Speaker 1: you know what, the good point about it is that

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Speaker 1: I do have older kids, so now they're they're very helpful,

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Speaker 1: or let's say they were very helpful because now that

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Speaker 1: she can walk and talk and she has her own

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Speaker 1: little personality, they're like, Mom, come get your kids to

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Speaker 1: the built in babysitters you had you don't really have anymore.

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Speaker 1: So what did it feel like for you and your

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Speaker 1: husband when you found out that you were pregnant after

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Speaker 1: a vasectomy? So technically it's the thing that they can't

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Speaker 1: guarantee a d percent that the vasectomy will will completely

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Speaker 1: rid you of the possibility of it. They cannot guarantee it.

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Speaker 1: They give you a piece of paper that you sign

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Speaker 1: at the beginning of the procedure and it does say

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Speaker 1: that it has like a certain percentage of it does work.

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Speaker 1: But the point is Keith Smith Jr. Back into the

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Speaker 1: doctor's office and they're supposed to check and make sure

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Speaker 1: he did not go back guys, and he did not

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Speaker 1: tell us information. So from what I understand, you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to have like a whole lot of sex after. You're

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Speaker 1: supposed to have a whole lot of sex after. From

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Speaker 1: my That's what I'm being told, right, or a whole

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Speaker 1: lot of ejaculation. So it's not necessarily have tag, you know,

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Speaker 1: to get it out, to get out the active sperm.

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Speaker 1: But there Brille was active. She was highly active as

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Speaker 1: we can tell. And she's run around like a little

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Speaker 1: bull of fire. That little scorpio baby actually makes me

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Speaker 1: decided to have a scorpio baby too, because Brielle, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna pick them up together. They can have a field day.

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Speaker 1: They can have a field day. Brille is on another level. Scorpios.

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Speaker 1: I got to say, I don't know much about them,

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Speaker 1: but I will get to know them very soon. Um.

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Speaker 1: So there's a discussion sometimes about people always just naturally

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Speaker 1: being in people's uterus, right, being in your uterus, wanting

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Speaker 1: to know like all the plans you have. You know,

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Speaker 1: you have one baby, it's like when's the next one.

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Speaker 1: You have another baby, it's like when's the next one.

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Speaker 1: Then you have like me three of the same time,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, are you going for the girl? And

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Speaker 1: now being pregnant with my fourth boy, I'm still getting

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Speaker 1: the question, so are you going to try for the

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Speaker 1: girl again or are you going to go for the

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Speaker 1: fifth one? And I'm just like, at one point do

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Speaker 1: people just say, you know what, let me just shut

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Speaker 1: my mouth and just ride whatever way these people are

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Speaker 1: on because they're doing their thing. How many they don't

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Speaker 1: every day don't. I mean even my mother she like

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Speaker 1: when we went to Mexico, she has the kids, she

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Speaker 1: has the grandkids, and she's like, oh my gosh, you

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Speaker 1: should totally have a sixth one so Brielle can have

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Speaker 1: a playmate. I'm like, it's like, when does it ever end? Mom?

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Speaker 1: When does it only have one? And now you have

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Speaker 1: me having all these kids. No. Absolutely, you live in Michigan, ma'am. Please,

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Speaker 1: Mom's gonna have to come down here and keep me company.

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Speaker 1: The two of them can actually get together and be together. Um,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, at what point do you feel like, how

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Speaker 1: how many kids are too many kids? How many kids

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Speaker 1: are too many kids? That's my question. That's my question too,

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Speaker 1: because um, literally I have like with the five it's

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Speaker 1: it's not. I feel like once you have three, after three,

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Speaker 1: you can manage any amount of kids because my house

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Speaker 1: is like the kid spot. Everybody drops their kids off

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Speaker 1: in my house and when they're there, I don't notice

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Speaker 1: any anything. So I can say so, whether it's five

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Speaker 1: or whether it's nine or nine or ten, once you

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Speaker 1: get past three, you can handle anything. I remember you

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Speaker 1: telling me that too. You did say that, so, so

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Speaker 1: I think it's safe to say. You know, you have

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Speaker 1: one child, Okay, that's like two parents on one. If

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Speaker 1: you have like you know, a traditional household and then

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Speaker 1: you have too, it's like, okay, there's that. You know,

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Speaker 1: I forget what it is it man to man coverage

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Speaker 1: one one ratio, and then you have three in and

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Speaker 1: now it's just like chaos, chaos. Right after that, it's

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Speaker 1: just like anything goes right, anything goes used to it. Well,

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Speaker 1: let's see what stats we have here, you know, because

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Speaker 1: I asked my good my good girl triple to pull

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Speaker 1: up some stats for me, and let's see what is

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Speaker 1: the consensus, right, because I feel like back in the day,

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Speaker 1: when you look at our grandmothers, they were having like

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Speaker 1: like what else were all doing back in the day

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Speaker 1: other than getting it in. So um, overall, women have

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Speaker 1: two point zero seven children during their lives on average,

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Speaker 1: up from one point eight six in two thousand and six,

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Speaker 1: the lowest number on record. Interesting, so it seems like

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Speaker 1: most people are having two children. What's just here to say?

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Speaker 1: What's the point seven about? It could be a pet,

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Speaker 1: you know, a fish, something like that. The median age

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Speaker 1: at which women are becoming mothers in the US is

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Speaker 1: twenty six compared to twenty three, and so I do

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Speaker 1: feel like there's also a wave of women waiting later

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Speaker 1: to have kids. So you had told me early on

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Speaker 1: that you actually preferred having children younger because you felt like, well,

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Speaker 1: what was your reasoning? You tell me, Okay, one, I

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Speaker 1: you had your first child at what age? I had

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Speaker 1: my first child at twenty two, So twenty two, so

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Speaker 1: it went and I was like that strategic it was?

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Speaker 1: It wasn't It wasn't. It's just like I ended up

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Speaker 1: getting pregnant like every two months. Um, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's them close together and younger. I

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Speaker 1: can definitely tell the difference because now with Brielle, I

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Speaker 1: was a geriatric pregnancy. They just kept on saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: geriatric pregnancy, your geriatric geriac after me, after this pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: we're not using that no more. Ever, so younger, I

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Speaker 1: noticed I had way more energy with the kids, like

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Speaker 1: it was just like more patients, more energy, more everything.

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Speaker 1: And then now with I can tell the total difference

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Speaker 1: with Brielle because I am like, okay, I need a break,

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Speaker 1: can't go running up and down the stairs with you,

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Speaker 1: just like, come on, girl, let's let's calm down. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's working opposite for me, because

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Speaker 1: I know a lot of people that have waited until

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Speaker 1: their thirties to have their children, But me, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to have them young, get them out of

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Speaker 1: the way, and then spread your wings and fly. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: and then Rial came along and snap the wings through

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Speaker 1: the wrench. Then well yeah, I think that's the thing

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Speaker 1: um where I didn't see the benefit of having Jackson

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Speaker 1: at twenty seven. But at the same time, too, I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm able to afford my children more opportunity

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Speaker 1: now that I'm having kids a little bit older. Because

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Speaker 1: you're figured in your early twenties, a lot of times

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Speaker 1: you're still trying to figure things out, right, So there's

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Speaker 1: that process of trying to figure out careers or trying

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Speaker 1: to build money, and people ask like, when's the right

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Speaker 1: time to have a kid, and I'm always like, there's

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Speaker 1: never really at right time, Like how you ever really

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Speaker 1: felt prepared for a kid, no matter how particularly your

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Speaker 1: first one. It's like something that happens that gets you

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Speaker 1: off balance or unprepared to handle what's coming next. It's

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Speaker 1: like ever changing. So it doesn't really make a difference

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Speaker 1: about the age. I feel like your finances have to

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Speaker 1: be in order. Luckily my finances were orders okay, But

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Speaker 1: um with that, I mean, you just have to make

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Speaker 1: sure that you're ready to have kids because you are

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Speaker 1: not going to be the same person as you were

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Speaker 1: before kids. And then your mate and your significant other

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Speaker 1: have to take that into consideration too, because of course

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Speaker 1: when we're younger, younger of course, younger guys, younger girls,

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Speaker 1: we don't think the same in our thirties as we

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Speaker 1: do in our twenties. But you don't think the same

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Speaker 1: as a mother as you do when you're not. So

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Speaker 1: that changed the mothering part change, Like it was just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm responsible for this little life and I'm the person

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Speaker 1: that has to stop up to the plate and what

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Speaker 1: if something happens, it's my fault, Like it's that there's

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Speaker 1: like no point of return. We've spoken on the episode

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Speaker 1: a prior episode, and I've mentioned about um someone who

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Speaker 1: I spoke to recently that was just like, you know, UM,

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Speaker 1: as much as I love my children, I really would

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Speaker 1: have rethought if I even wanted to be a mother

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Speaker 1: to begin with, because it's just a lot. And she said,

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Speaker 1: the way her anxiety is set up, she's like I

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Speaker 1: saw I mean recently that said motherhood means that you're

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Speaker 1: pretty much going to be in a constant state of

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Speaker 1: worry for the rest of your life. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: that is me a hundred and ten percent, Like I'm

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Speaker 1: going to literally be worrying for the rest of my

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Speaker 1: life about all these different children. So it's like not

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Speaker 1: worrying about one, not to not three, but when you

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Speaker 1: let four and five children out into the world, it's

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Speaker 1: like that much more intense. You're definitely gonna worry. And

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Speaker 1: then the other aspect to it is like you have

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Speaker 1: multiple personalities that you're dealing with. That's a whole another

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Speaker 1: thing in itself. Personalities that you're dealing with so guess

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Speaker 1: what you're basically schizophrenic or bipolar or like you're you're

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Speaker 1: trying to help everybody and learn each child because they're

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Speaker 1: going to process things differently. They're going to take things

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Speaker 1: you might say to them the heart like they're more sensitive,

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Speaker 1: they're more responsible, they're like you have to push them,

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Speaker 1: like you have to learn your kids to know what

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Speaker 1: exactly to do it. And I think that's the biggest

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Speaker 1: process that you have to get past because some people

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Speaker 1: just say, Okay, I have three kids. Oh I'm parenting

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Speaker 1: these three kids the same way, and you can't write.

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Speaker 1: It's like you can't do right. And so I told

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Speaker 1: you I recently, I said, I feel like we have

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Speaker 1: to style step accordingly to each child. And he was like, mmm, yes,

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Speaker 1: and no, I think that part of it is style stepping.

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Speaker 1: Like you said to say, Okay, I know that this

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Speaker 1: particular child can handle this criticism delivered in this manner,

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Speaker 1: whereas this child may not be, you know, as right

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Speaker 1: what happened. I can tell much of your kids would

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Speaker 1: be more dramatic. But then you know you'll have one

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Speaker 1: that you have to be a little bit more sensitive

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Speaker 1: with the delivery or the approach that you take. So

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Speaker 1: he said, you know, I think it's too fold k.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a thing where yes, you have to

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Speaker 1: style step a bit, but you also kind of have

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Speaker 1: a set have to set a precedent as the parent,

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00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 1: like listening all this is just what it is. This

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00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,119
Speaker 1: is the rule. Like he believes in being very direct

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Speaker 1: and blunt in a relationship and also in parenting. So

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Speaker 1: I've had to learn that way because I've kind of

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00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,119
Speaker 1: been more of the ones to stout step around the

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Speaker 1: kids individuality and like the way they receive things. Like

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Speaker 1: I know I could tell Cass something bluntly, actually this

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Speaker 1: is cats is, That's that's that's my baby, cats is godmother,

347
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,199
Speaker 1: so Cats I could be like, yo, listen x y Z,

348
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Speaker 1: this is how I was gonna go, and he's gonna pout,

349
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Speaker 1: or he might look at me sideways, such as Sagittarius,

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Speaker 1: he might look at me sideways, but at least I

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Speaker 1: know I can deliver it to him in that manner

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Speaker 1: and be firm, Whereas with Cairo, if I tell him something,

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Speaker 1: he almost feels as if, oh my god, I disappointed mom,

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Speaker 1: so I'm gonna cry, you know. Or Jackson he just

355
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Speaker 1: thinks he knows everything at ten. I recently told him

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Speaker 1: the other day. I was like, listen, if you know

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Speaker 1: everything in ten years old, I'm gonna just retire from

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Speaker 1: being your mom. How about that? How about that? Why?

359
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Speaker 1: What was his response on that? Listen? He was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I can't, like literally just little things that I've been

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Speaker 1: trying to, like, you know, because you got to coach

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Speaker 1: your kids up. You have to teach them little things,

363
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Speaker 1: and you know, I was explaining something to him, and

364
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,400
Speaker 1: he just literally was just so bothered by the fact

365
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Speaker 1: that I even had the audacity to say anything to him.

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Speaker 1: So I say, you know what, I'm gonna just retire

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Speaker 1: from being your mom since you know everything at ten,

368
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 1: and that's what am I here for? But that's how

369
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,680
Speaker 1: you feel. But now that Gianna she's sixteen and Giselle

370
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Speaker 1: she just went into high school, so she's a ninth

371
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Speaker 1: grader freshman, and she goes to Giselle. I hear them talking.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, let me go spine on these kids, and

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Speaker 1: she's like, listen. The thing that I wished that I

374
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Speaker 1: would have did, I wished that I would would have

375
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Speaker 1: listened to mom and been more involved in clubs and sports.

376
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Speaker 1: And stuff in high school because then bam, the pandemic

377
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 1: happen and she was like starting starting. I was so excited.

378
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 1: I was like, that was nice. Yes, she usually because

379
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 1: that would be don't want to stop. See. I actually

380
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Speaker 1: definitely did not start to relate to anything my mother

381
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Speaker 1: said to me at all until I was like in

382
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Speaker 1: my thirties. But the most part as apparent at least

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00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 1: now that you say that, that was the same thing

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Speaker 1: with my mom. And you know, our mother's generated is different,

385
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 1: like they came from a parent generations like do as

386
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,119
Speaker 1: I say, not as I do. What I say goes,

387
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:09,359
Speaker 1: that's just it just speak quiet, don't say nothing. And

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Speaker 1: with our kids, I feel like I gave them a

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Speaker 1: little bit more freedom to kinda oh this is what

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Speaker 1: I want to do, and this is what because you

391
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 1: have kids, right, but you can't. You cannot treat your

392
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,239
Speaker 1: newborn like you treat your tydler. You can't treat your

393
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: tydler like you do your school aged kid and then

394
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: your high school or like, as they progress and evolve,

395
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 1: you're supposed to evolve as a parent with them. So

396
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,040
Speaker 1: you have to kind of put your feelings to the side.

397
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 1: Because I know my teenagers. I mean, my teenagers talk

398
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,119
Speaker 1: to me about all kind of stuff, like crazy stuff,

399
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 1: and I'm like just sitting there, like I'm like getting

400
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 1: there and I'm a Gemini, so it's on my face

401
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,639
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, you're getting there. Keep your face straight,

402
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: don't make anything, don't make any movements. Don't like judge

403
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,400
Speaker 1: because then they'll shut down. They're like, okay, I don't

404
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 1: want to. Even so, you feel comfort in the fact

405
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 1: that your your your high school age children can speak

406
00:20:54,600 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: to you about count that My mom was like, I

407
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 1: came up to you, what exactly you like? Who like

408
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,440
Speaker 1: your books? How about that? Right? Do you know your

409
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 1: math facts? I'm like I like this boy, I like

410
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 1: that boy or oh this boy said this, and I'm like, okay, right.

411
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 1: But nowadays I feel like our children are left to

412
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: contend with so much more, and they're exposed to so

413
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 1: much more than we were back in the day. I mean,

414
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 1: we were exposed to so but we kind of had

415
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 1: to dig to find it. You know, you had your

416
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 1: little friend that was a little fast that your mom

417
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 1: warned you about, like just don't hang out with her

418
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 1: because I could tell, like they could tell from early

419
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: who the little fast ones were you know, so that's like, no,

420
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 1: that's my friend exactly. You defend your friend, but no

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00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,439
Speaker 1: one good. Well you was getting tips and tracks from her,

422
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 1: like I was exposed to little Kim writing down song

423
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 1: lyrics from early all sorts of stuff. I forget what

424
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 1: book it was that I was reading. Everybody was reading

425
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: this book back and the day it was a flag

426
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 1: girl Girl fla girl, or like sane books and like

427
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 1: things like that. Like that was like circulating in middle school,

428
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh lord, that is the age. As

429
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 1: my heart starts to palpatate to Jackson middle school and

430
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: middle school. I was just saying about middle school and

431
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,120
Speaker 1: my Okay, these kids in middle school they're doing all

432
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 1: types of things and and like everything. When I say

433
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: all types of things, I mean they're doing everything. So

434
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: I have to like talk to my son a little

435
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,920
Speaker 1: bit differently than I talked to my girls and say,

436
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 1: like just straight up, don't be touching this, don't be

437
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 1: doing this, like girls say this, don't bry and keeps

438
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: looking at you. Remember the other day she was like

439
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: I had to tell them recently, don't let these girls

440
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: touch your pp Don't let them do this. Do not

441
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: touch there anything, because we just don't touch your balls.

442
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 1: You don't touch this, you don't touch and there, and

443
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 1: keeps just looking at me like I'm gonna talk to him.

444
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 1: You just don't worry about that, right right. But with

445
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 1: our boys to listen, I go, I just I know

446
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: what it is. It's like, I gotta tell you what happened.

447
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: Was not going. We have to girls too. They're just like,

448
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, Mom, do we have to talk about

449
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 1: this right now? And I'm like, yeah, we do. That's

450
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 1: when you pull up pictures of like herpies, all types

451
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 1: of stuff I was doing, get mono and they're like

452
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: this mono and I'm like, yeah, don't right, I'm some somebody.

453
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to put the scare taxes in there

454
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 1: just so they can have it in the back of

455
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 1: their mind. If you want to anything, just now to pictures.

456
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 1: Just remember the pictures. You want to search stuff on

457
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: social media, look up what herpies looks like. There's on

458
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: I'll break they on parenting. Just scare the hell out

459
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,120
Speaker 1: of him and then hug him after. So you touched

460
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: a little bit on this when you were explaining um

461
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: your story with you and your husband mothers, generally with

462
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: each child tend to be reborn in a sense, right,

463
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: we're learning something new, whether it's either about the child,

464
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,919
Speaker 1: we're learning something to about ourselves. Like I feel like

465
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: after Kaz, which was my third birth, I was like, shit,

466
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm superwoman. Like I had a whole motherfucking baby in

467
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 1: the bathtub. What I was looking at it? And I

468
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 1: was like there the whole time I was, I was

469
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 1: breathing with you, girl, all the things. I'm like, why

470
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 1: am I pushing? Why am I pushing? Nothing to push out? Listen.

471
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 1: I mean it was a time. So I just learned

472
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 1: in that in that experience, like wow, like the strength

473
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,159
Speaker 1: that I had, you know, and also just like the

474
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 1: faith that I had in God in my body to

475
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: do what it was supposed to do, and like also

476
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 1: just overcoming fear. Like so many things I learned in

477
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 1: that process. But you also hear moms talk a lot

478
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 1: about how they tend to lose themselves in the process

479
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: of parenting and becoming a mom. So how do you

480
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: feel like over the course of having children over the

481
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 1: past couple of years that you've had to kind of

482
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: defer your dreams a bit um or put things on hold,

483
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 1: how has that kind of manifested or not in your life? Well,

484
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: with that, I mean timing, Like I have a time issue, guys,

485
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 1: I've had it for a long time. Contain you may

486
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: know back at games, I'll be missing the national anthem,

487
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: I'll be missing playing. I'm like, yeah, we're there. No,

488
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: I was not on time. So and that is a

489
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 1: big thing for Keith, like he loves to be on time.

490
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 1: And I feel like with having the kids, that has

491
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 1: multiple kids has gotten me to the point where I

492
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 1: have to be aware of the time. I have to

493
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: be aware of the schedule and what's going on because

494
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: with kids, of course you need some kind of stability

495
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: and some kind of scheduling and that kind of thing.

496
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 1: So with me, the biggest transition was learning how to

497
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: manage my time and being able as a mother to say, hey,

498
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 1: from this time to this time, I don't care what

499
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: y'all doing as long as the house is not burning

500
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,120
Speaker 1: down and y'all learned dead, don't don't tell me right

501
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: too for me go to your dad because I can

502
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: remember like when they were smaller, and I'm like, just

503
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: in the shower, like that's my time, Like, let me

504
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: just let me, just wash my hair. Okay, guys, that's

505
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 1: all I want. Can wash as in piece please, that's

506
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 1: the thing. You can't wash your ass because Cannons had

507
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 1: probably maybe three and all of a sudden, I feel

508
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 1: like little fingers and there in my butt crack. I'm

509
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,399
Speaker 1: like opening my eyes, like what the hell is this?

510
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 1: He's in the shower with me with like mom, and

511
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, where's your dad? Right? Where your dad? Watching football? Yeah?

512
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,920
Speaker 1: Time management has definitely become a thing with me too.

513
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: And it's funny because now that we're kind of back

514
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: into a routine where the kids are back in school,

515
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,439
Speaker 1: we're treading lightly. We're starting to slowly put Jackson back

516
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: in sports. It's like, literally, you should see our calendar.

517
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: Aside from just like career stuff with Deval and I,

518
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: we have a joint calendar with our manager, so there's

519
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: like work related things. Then there's like Jackson and his

520
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: slew of activities that are happening several times. So I

521
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: can only imagine as Cairo and cats get into it,

522
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: and then eventually this baby when he's grown up. That's

523
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: kind of where you are now with your kids. Yes,

524
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 1: the activities. Yeah, oh I'm tired of the activities. Okay,

525
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: because when I was a child, yes, I was in activities,

526
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: but my mom was like, oh, them activities better be

527
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 1: at school because I'm not driving you all around town.

528
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 1: But now I found myself literally in the car from

529
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: like six thirty because when I moved down here to Georgia,

530
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 1: even you know, they start school way too damn mad early,

531
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: way too early early, Like I swear the first six

532
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:48,199
Speaker 1: months school, they were late like every day to that.

533
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: The lady was like, you're gonna have to tell your

534
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 1: mom to get you here on time. And I was like,

535
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 1: tell her to come and help pits in the morning. Yes,

536
00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: how about that? Yeah, don't the nerve there should be

537
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: like some sort of like leeway given to which children

538
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 1: a little like a great spirit period can be a

539
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 1: great speriod, Like you shouldn't have had so many damn

540
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 1: kids anyway, that's probably what they didn't up staying to us.

541
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 1: But your organization, I've realized, like, even if you weren't

542
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 1: a person who was organized before having multiple children, you're

543
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: gonna an eyes or your life is just gonna be chaotic.

544
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: You know what stresses me out having to figure out

545
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,719
Speaker 1: dinner every night? That is like my biggest stressor when

546
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 1: it comes to having a family, and not to mention

547
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 1: my husband who was like social butterfly and always wants

548
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 1: to have people over by the house. So I'm always

549
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: finding myself like, oh my god, what am I going

550
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: to feed these people plus my children on a random night.

551
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: That's like my biggest like anxiety. I feel like with food,

552
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm really good at food, Like I'm really really beyond

553
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 1: because Loki is chef, y'all, she could she could go

554
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,239
Speaker 1: down as we sit here with banana put it in

555
00:27:55,240 --> 00:28:00,399
Speaker 1: our face that y'all see the banana putting. M hm, yes, um,

556
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: meals are not a problem. The problem is the same

557
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 1: thing like I don't know are your kids like I

558
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: don't want to eat that. I eat that yesterday because

559
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: my kids are crazy. They don't eat leftovers. I don't

560
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 1: know where they got it. Definitely not lucky, thankfully, thankfully devoting.

561
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 1: The kids are not super picky. Um. But Jackson has

562
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: a bad habit of asking me like in that moment,

563
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,880
Speaker 1: like mom, can I have tacos bound? And I'm like, bro,

564
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: it's it's seven o'clock, it's dinnertime, it's tonight. This is

565
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: what it is, this is this is what we're doing tonight,

566
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: this is what we're doing today. It's hard like that,

567
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: it's hard. And then multiple people and then their taste,

568
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: like it was a point in time where I was

569
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: like the craziest mom on the planet. I was like, Okay,

570
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: this person doesn't like cheese anymore. This person doesn't like

571
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: purple grapes. When did this happen? Like, I'm bringing purple

572
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: grapes on there. We don't eat purple grapes anymore. We

573
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: only eat green grapes. When the hell did you stop

574
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: eating purple grapes? That's literally like kids, they have the season.

575
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: Even my husband. One minute he's eating corn pops and

576
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: the next minute he's out pops no more. Meanwhile, I

577
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 1: went into Costco and got the whole big box of

578
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: corn pops that's gonna sit there and right now they

579
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: still there. We should start swapping, we should start sending.

580
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like cereals do you have, because I have

581
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: like a whole big but because they don't want, they

582
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 1: don't want any more anymore, And you're buying in balk

583
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: and you're like for what you sound like Mimi though,

584
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 1: because my mom has spoiled my children. I mean, there's

585
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: a benefit of her living with us for sure, because

586
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: she's like great help, but also too, they've gotten used

587
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 1: to my mom like takes breakfast orders for them. The

588
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: night before, was doing what Mimi was doing, like what

589
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: literally like you want to you want to waffle? She

590
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: was doing omelets? Yeah, I was doing omelets, just getting fancy.

591
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: I was getting off fancy. I was doing, Oh you

592
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: wanted for Tata? I was like, who are you the

593
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: black Martha Stewart calmed down, like just give them a

594
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: bowl of cereal? Like so I had to like pull

595
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: that back a little bit in order to create time

596
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 1: for myself, right, And that was the big that's the

597
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,080
Speaker 1: biggest thing with mom's We do not have an of

598
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 1: time for ourselves or we don't take it because we

599
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: feel like mom guilt, like, oh, what are they gonna

600
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: be eating? Oh, Chick fil A some nights, it's gonna

601
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: be Chick fil A, y'all. Sometimes gonna be read today, right,

602
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 1: all the things. So when it comes to like career,

603
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 1: for example, with me, my biggest apprehension with knowing Okay,

604
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: for example, after Cats, I wasn't completely done because I

605
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: feel like I've heard at least that most women know

606
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: like internally like I'm done having children. Then you have

607
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: some that are just like, oh well, I'm kind of

608
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: on the fence, like I could do one more or not.

609
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: So that's kind of where I was with cats. I'm

610
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: one of three, devots one of three, so three kind

611
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: of felt like a natural number to me. And I

612
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 1: got into the swing of having the three children. Um,

613
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: and he's like, I can have six kids if you

614
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: let me, you know what I mean, And he did

615
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: number six, like that's to six kids. When we first

616
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: six kids, I'm like, I don't know, no, no, no,

617
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: believe that's our grandmother's generation. So I said, all right,

618
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: I was on the fence. We had one more, but

619
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: my biggest thing was the woman, of course, carries the baby.

620
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: And then what happens. You have to kind of reset

621
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: and you have to get your body back in order,

622
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: and then you're pregnant for nine almost ten months, and

623
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: then you have that postpartum phase where you're trying to

624
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: get back, you know, to your old self, which takes realistically.

625
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: When my obie told me that it would take probably

626
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: a year after giving birth for me to feel like

627
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: myself again. I was like a year nah, but literally

628
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: it was almost like a year to the date before

629
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: I felt like, wow, like I'm myself again. So for me,

630
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,240
Speaker 1: it was having to be pregnant, having to get back,

631
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: and then putting my career on hold, especially doing on

632
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: camera stuff because you you know, you've dabbled in acting

633
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: and stuff too, and doing on camera work commercials with

634
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 1: your family, so it's that pressure feeling like, man, if

635
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: I were to go into having a baby again, it's

636
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: literally like putting my life on hold for a year

637
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: and a half to two years and then having to

638
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 1: restart that career or jump start that career, or if

639
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: you're in the acting world of the television world, it's

640
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 1: literally having to then you know, be noticed again because

641
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: once the people start to get a buzz about, you

642
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 1: kind of want to keep that going. So the only

643
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: kind of constantly that I had, particularly doing the work

644
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 1: that I do now, was thank goodness for social media.

645
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 1: I'm able to do a lot of my work from

646
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 1: home and kind of control my schedule and stuff. So

647
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: have you ever had any career moves or opportunities that

648
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 1: you had to kind of let fall by the wayside

649
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: because you were having to mom, or you were pregnant,

650
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: or you were busy with your family. Yeah, it's definitely

651
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: that um acting modeling kind of situation because that field

652
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 1: is so fickle. It would get to the point that,

653
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: of course, like our whole family would be called in

654
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: to do things and then they would say like, okay,

655
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 1: where everything's great? And then I'm like, why are you

656
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: buying not I'm like still emotional because I just had

657
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: a baby, Like why am I not in the picture?

658
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: They just have my hand like, so they were basically like,

659
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: come in, mom, so you can take care of these

660
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: four kids with their dad, because it was before Brio

661
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: was born with their dad and he's going to be

662
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,719
Speaker 1: a single dad at the kitchen table with the cereal

663
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 1: and the breakfast. Problem with that. I had a problem

664
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: with that because your hand could be well who then

665
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 1: how keeper's hand? Were they trying to push the narrative

666
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: of the single black dad trying to raise the kid girl?

667
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 1: Because I couldn't mind me in a shot. Every single

668
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: job that I have booked with the kids and Keith,

669
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: it has been like, okay, man, we're going to have

670
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: you pour this water right here into this pop and

671
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: the country, and then we get the pictures and the

672
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 1: like why am I in all? Why why did they

673
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 1: call me? And I'm like in some of the pictures,

674
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: and then like it would just be like my sock,

675
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: I'm like and then the lady was like, look because

676
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,479
Speaker 1: that's at the time when I was like, really, you know, together,

677
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 1: because I was working out right, like I got back

678
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: together to only show my hand what the hell and

679
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: was off risk have four kids. It just doesn't fit

680
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: show off that skinny ass risk. That's funny because I

681
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 1: used to go on casting sometimes too, and they'll be like,

682
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: you don't look like you could be a mom with

683
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: two or three kids, and I'm like, but these are

684
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: all my children, though I don't understand. There was one

685
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: point when Deval and I actually took our god children

686
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,239
Speaker 1: on casting with us because they needed us to have

687
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: older children, and they were just like, it just doesn't

688
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: make sense because you're like, you look too too like

689
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: fit and young to have three and four kids. But

690
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: why is there? And that's the and that's the thing too,

691
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: because why is that? Why are you putting us in

692
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: a box? Why do the moms have to be in

693
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 1: a box like we can be we can look like

694
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: all the things, every single thing what you need us

695
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: to look like, we can do it. That's a fact.

696
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: That's a fact. So how do you how do you

697
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 1: begin to then like regain yourself after a baby? Like,

698
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: where are some things that you do? So for me,

699
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: I'm very reliant on and and thankful for my village

700
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,359
Speaker 1: that helps, so that way I'm able to kind of

701
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: dive back into work. You know, Mimi's here with us

702
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: full time. So it's great because she's like, whatever did

703
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: you gotta do, go ahead and do it, and then

704
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:44,840
Speaker 1: we don't have to worry and think about the kids.

705
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: You don't have as much help on hand, So how

706
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:49,839
Speaker 1: are you able to kind of like regain yourself after

707
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: that and just kind of dive back in don't have

708
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: as much help. The only thing is Keith's mom does

709
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 1: live here in Georgia, so when we do need things

710
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: or do need to like take a break, go on vacation, whatever,

711
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 1: we're able to call her. My mom is all in

712
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: the way in Michigan and Loki, She's like, let me

713
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,359
Speaker 1: go to the casino. What watch grandkids are? Know? How

714
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 1: does any quay to the casino to a grandma? Thanks

715
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 1: grandma um. So with that, a lot of things have

716
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: been like Keith and I have had to we work together. First,

717
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: we work together, we lived together. We pretty much to

718
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: do everything together. So we've had to come like sit

719
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: down at the table and say, Okay, from this time

720
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: to this time, this is when I want to work

721
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 1: out or he'll train me. So my big thing was

722
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: like getting back to being active and working out. That

723
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: was the biggest thing because my mood. I noticed, like

724
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,839
Speaker 1: my mood is better when I work out each day,

725
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,919
Speaker 1: I have more energy than dorphins are running and and

726
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 1: when I don't, I feel like I'm still in postpartum like.

727
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: So working out has been the key for me. So

728
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: getting back on track that was one of the biggest things.

729
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: And then pulling in that help when you need it,

730
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: even if you have to hire somebody, but I don't.

731
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: I mean I don't hire anybody because I don't trust

732
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 1: many people. But I don't trust anybody. That's why usually

733
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 1: all of our kids end up at either house, so

734
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm like either droppable here and then we'll have eight

735
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,879
Speaker 1: almost nine kids here, or literally the other day Cass

736
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: was like, I want to go down to Brianka's house,

737
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 1: and I was like, I want to go down to

738
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,279
Speaker 1: Banka's house. And I'm like, okay, he's so in love

739
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: with her. It's like the cutest thing. You'll have to

740
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: see it. So I'm actually glad that you're closed by

741
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 1: and we're close by, so you guys can have a

742
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 1: relationship and our kids can have a relationship, you know

743
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: what I mean, because it's a scary thing raising these

744
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: kids nowadays, not knowing who they're going to end up

745
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 1: being with. I low key, but hi, KEI want to

746
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 1: arrange all my children's marriages, so I'm gonna be vetting

747
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: daughters in law for anyone out there. I was just

748
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: saying to be I was like, I wish Gazel was

749
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 1: like a little bit younger Jackson was a little bit older,

750
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 1: because that had been perfect and that way, I know

751
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: that I jell with my in laws off the bat,

752
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have to worry about liking people because

753
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 1: I don't really like people like that. In case y'all

754
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: didn't know, I know, Devils tells you all sometimes, but

755
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: I really don't like people like that. That's that's crazy.

756
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: But guess what, girls of people, how are you going

757
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: to handle that, Like, do you ever look ahead and

758
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,280
Speaker 1: think to yourself, like how am I going to handle

759
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 1: that when my son's actually get engaged or get married

760
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 1: and what because it's kind of like the boys usually,

761
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:03,760
Speaker 1: like I don't know, it might just be in our family.

762
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 1: The girl our kids are like more close to the

763
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 1: mother's side of the family, just because I don't know

764
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 1: why that is what it just is. Yeah, it kind

765
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 1: of happens that way too for us to Yeah, though

766
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: both families are pretty involved. My family is like super

767
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 1: super involved, So the kids normally tend to gravitate more

768
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 1: that way. And I think it's because of me being

769
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 1: the woman and about being the man. So that does

770
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: kind of concern me because I'm just like, damn it,

771
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 1: my boy, they're gonna leave me, Like all of my

772
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: boys are eventually gonna leave me, and they're gonna like

773
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: cleave to their wife as the Bible says, and then

774
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: what happens to me? You know, So the valley is

775
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 1: just like you say that, like that's a bad thing.

776
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: Like once the boys are going, it's not gonna be

777
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 1: me and you rocking it out. And I'm like, you

778
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 1: know what that is true? That is true, because we

779
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 1: genuinely like our husbands. We do we do we like

780
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 1: for the most part, Yeah, for the most part. Pretty

781
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: cool dudes, you know. Um, but yeah, I think at

782
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: that point, then shoot, I mean, I guess we'll have

783
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 1: to just come to my house. I guess how come

784
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 1: to your house, do a couple of trip from to

785
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: the point that with the girls. Like that's the only

786
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 1: thing that he does say all the time. He's like, well,

787
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: girls don't ever go anywhere. Boys are gonna leave or whatever.

788
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: So you have your daughters all this time, and I'm

789
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: just like, that's true because when you think about it,

790
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 1: when your daughters have babies, if they choose to, then

791
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna be like the first one there for it.

792
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,520
Speaker 1: Because I know my mom is like the first one

793
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: there when I have my babies. So when my my

794
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: my said granddaughters are born, I'm not All I know

795
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 1: is that these holes better let me in the are

796
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 1: we coming? We can hospital, I'm coming to the house

797
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 1: kicking it in. I'm kicking it in. I don't care

798
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,359
Speaker 1: what you have to say. And hopefully my boys will

799
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 1: know to be like, listen, my mom is gonna be

800
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: She's gonna be maybe, so I say that I don't

801
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: want to be the overbaby. I don't want to be

802
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 1: the overbearing mother in law either though, because that can

803
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,839
Speaker 1: be that can suck to you know what I mean.

804
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,239
Speaker 1: I don't have an overbearing mother in law, so I

805
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: don't know what that's like. I've heard of people, Um,

806
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 1: I actually appreciate my my mother in law. I have

807
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:52,840
Speaker 1: and I have a great relationship where I lean on

808
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 1: her and she's there when I need her, and then

809
00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: you know, she'll offer I'll say yes to know or whatever,

810
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 1: but I usually appreciate the help. So yeah, I always

811
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 1: appreci shade the help. Like with my mother in law.

812
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:05,359
Speaker 1: When she comes, she pretty much she'll do everything like

813
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: it would be to the point that I'm like, no,

814
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: don't wash my clothes, No, don't do this, don't rearrange

815
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 1: my furniture, don't, don't don't don't break all my wine

816
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 1: glasses at the very least, and if you're gonna break them,

817
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: buy me some more. How about that is that? No,

818
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,839
Speaker 1: we have a great relationship as well, but it's just like,

819
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just different. It's it's different when

820
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: you have a mother in law versus your own mom,

821
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 1: because you and your mother have been with each other

822
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: the whole time, So your mom is not going to

823
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: take something personal that my mother knows. Sometimes like girl

824
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:39,959
Speaker 1: and not in the mood, don't start with me today,

825
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 1: just you know, kind of chill out, chill out. But

826
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:44,399
Speaker 1: your mother in law, you kind of feel like, can

827
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: I really like, I don't want her to take it

828
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: the wrong way, So chill We have We have some

829
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 1: friends of ours that the husband and wife team of course,

830
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 1: and the wife pretty much put like a time constraint

831
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 1: on like how long the in laws can come over,

832
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,160
Speaker 1: so like her mother in law can only visit six

833
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: weeks out of the year, and they can't be like combined,

834
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 1: they have to be like spread out. And I was

835
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 1: just kind of like, well, if that works for y'all,

836
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 1: that would not work in my house. If that works

837
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: for y'all. And I was just kind of like, oh

838
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 1: and if I was like what, Kate could never tell

839
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 1: me that mama has a cap on the number of

840
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: times she comes or how long she can spend. Then

841
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, so when your mom comes, what are

842
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: you gonna do? Are you going to allow your husband like, Okay,

843
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 1: she's been here for eight hours. Apparently her and her

844
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 1: mom are a little bit strange, so she doesn't even

845
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 1: understand the relationship between like a mom wanting to come

846
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 1: and be involved. So it was it was a touchy

847
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: situation because we kind of got in the middle of

848
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: like a just like a debate they were having, and

849
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: what was kind of like, you know what it gets,

850
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: It gets kind of awkward when you're married, friends and

851
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 1: having conversations and you're just like, well, this is getting

852
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 1: weird real fast. Okay, well I'm gonna we're gonna, We're

853
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: gonna girl. Oh look at it. It's the kids calling

854
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 1: like one of those situations. So yeah, that can. That

855
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: can probably that's gonna be interesting to see as it girls.

856
00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: But of course with my boys, I want to be

857
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 1: to have a relationship where they would feel comfortable saying, hey,

858
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 1: my mom is here. She's she's always here when we

859
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 1: need her, you know, much like what my mom does,

860
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: like just just what where our investment is is in

861
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 1: our families, you know what I mean. And I'm like,

862
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: if I can't be there, I need my mom to

863
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: be there. She's like the next best thing to me,

864
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So rounding out our conversation.

865
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: Of course I have to touch on because this is

866
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 1: always like the thing we get asked the most, having

867
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 1: multiple children and of course having husbands, how do you

868
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 1: make time for your husband and and for the relationship

869
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: side of things, because you know, we talk about having

870
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 1: the baby, then getting yourself back in order, getting yourself

871
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: back in shape for yourself, getting your yourself back in

872
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: shape for your spouse, which I believe is a thing

873
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: because I'm like who he fell in love with and

874
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 1: the way we created these babies, and the person he

875
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 1: approached to have these babies with. I'd like to at

876
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: least give him that person back at some point. So

877
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 1: how do you and Keith work around, um, just maintaining

878
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 1: your relationship in the hysteria and craziness that is five kids?

879
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: So the great thing now that the kids are back

880
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 1: in school, we just have the one at home, which

881
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 1: is real and she's pretty go well, she's pretty good

882
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: with the flow at Keith. I'm not even gonna lie,

883
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: she's not going with the flow with me, but um,

884
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,960
Speaker 1: creating that time nap time, will have a little time

885
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 1: to go, or letting her go to one of my

886
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: friend's house or whatever like that to get the lunch

887
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 1: dates in dinner dates are cool because of course we

888
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,919
Speaker 1: have teenagers, so we're like Friday night, Wednesday night, whatever night,

889
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:31,719
Speaker 1: we're gonna be out, like about sending up time where

890
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 1: it's just us, even like traveling, like we'll take little

891
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 1: many vacations with just each other because that's that's a

892
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: part of it. I feel like you have to reconnect

893
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: because on that end, guys don't feel like after you

894
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 1: have kids are like, oh you look good, Like I

895
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: feel like they're just like, oh you look good, you

896
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: look great. You look at this, and you're like and

897
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: then so you're like, no, I don't you say we

898
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 1: can't even fit my clothes. Girl, if it pray to

899
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: devouts still chasing me down, I'm like, bro, there's already

900
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: a baby in there we were trying to do and

901
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: it's and it's true because there I feel like they

902
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: just don't have an off switch. It's just they do switch.

903
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 1: They just see asks and they're just like, let me

904
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: just I just gotta touch ask. And then you're just

905
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: like all that stuff and it's like, what's going on.

906
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,439
Speaker 1: That's that's literally what we do with all day, all wait,

907
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: all day, but loky, it's look, it's cute, it's cute,

908
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: it's real cute, especially in the kitchen, and then you

909
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 1: just get a little that's cute right, and it makes

910
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 1: you feel like, Okay, I still got it, even at

911
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: eight months pregnant, or even at four months postpardon when

912
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,439
Speaker 1: you still don't feel like yourself. But it's just also

913
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: as women, I get it, like it is internally we're

914
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 1: just like, man, I'm not at my best right now

915
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: creating time, creating time. That's creating time and scheduling it,

916
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: planning it and sticking to it. That's the thing. Like

917
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 1: if anything pops up, we're like, no, remember we have

918
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: non negotiable we're gonna do this, and not talking about

919
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: work when we are on We're like, nothing about work.

920
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. I don't want to

921
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: see it. I don't want to I don't I want

922
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,879
Speaker 1: to clock out like you're clocked out. So I don't

923
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: realize that about us too. We have that also similar

924
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 1: Let's which makes sense that why you were such a

925
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: perfect guest for today, not just for girl talk, but

926
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: because we have a lot of similarities. That and that

927
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,760
Speaker 1: working together with your spouse can be a whole another

928
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 1: can of worms. It can a whole another can of worms,

929
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 1: because it's like, who am I talking to? Am I

930
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 1: talking to a devout? The husband develop the father devlop,

931
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: my business partner, um developed, my mentor because he's trying

932
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: to help me, like do something. And then I have

933
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 1: to almost check myself sometimes with like how I'm talking

934
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: to each person because it could end up in an

935
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 1: argument or a fight. Or it's like he's the kind

936
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: of person that doesn't clock out like ever. He's always on,

937
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,280
Speaker 1: He's always going, and that's something we have to always

938
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 1: work at. When you talk about scheduling in time, that's

939
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: something that I have to kind of be on him

940
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: about and say, you know what, now is not work time?

941
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: You know. For him, it's just like, well, you know,

942
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: I can't turn off because I'm the provider and he

943
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: takes pride in being the provider and the family, and

944
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:51,759
Speaker 1: I think, which is fine about similarity as well, to

945
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 1: the point that I'll just like if we're at dinner

946
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, did you send DZ, I'm like,

947
00:44:56,280 --> 00:45:00,360
Speaker 1: uh no, no, not talking about that, talking about that,

948
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 1: and he's like but but, and I'm like, but, but, but,

949
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: but do you see where we're at? Do you see

950
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 1: is there a computer in front of my face? I

951
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:07,320
Speaker 1: know I got my phone and I can do it,

952
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 1: but we're not doing that right now. We're eating down,

953
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 1: We're gonna have this drink. Girl, that would be me.

954
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I just booked the ticket to go

955
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 1: on a trip for the weekend. He be like, that's it.

956
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: I'll just talk to our manager and look at the

957
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,800
Speaker 1: schedule like, oh, there's nothing going on in those days.

958
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 1: We're gonna clock out what we're going to go. But

959
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 1: that's what we need and that's what we need. And

960
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,399
Speaker 1: I feel like that's the balance too, because Keith has

961
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: said that he was like Okay, I feel like you're

962
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:33,800
Speaker 1: the one who's kind of like okay, cool, cool, collected

963
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 1: until something like blows up. Like Keith is like, if

964
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: it's not if it's not perfect, it's just not it's

965
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: not happening, it's not existent, And I'm like things are

966
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,040
Speaker 1: not going to be perfect all the time, so let's

967
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 1: just go and find a way to pivot. Yep. I

968
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 1: think it's a football life to coming from that. It's

969
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: like they have yeah that they just kind of like

970
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,720
Speaker 1: they can't maneuver from that. Sometimes so and in walks

971
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: us saving the day and just saying, you know, we

972
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: need some time. We put our capes on and we

973
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: make it happy for them, you know what I mean?

974
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 1: So what do you have to be? What do you

975
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: have to say to people who say, you know what,

976
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 1: you got too many damn kids? Have you ever gotten that?

977
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 1: Like someone just look at you and be like so

978
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: many kids? About that? Mind your business and your ovaries?

979
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: Why I stay over here in my mind that part exactly,

980
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 1: And as long as we're not making any more at

981
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: this point, because I think you're done, is it fair

982
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 1: to say I believe I am finished? Has Keith going

983
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 1: back in the middle of the question, did he go

984
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: back in to get his semen tested? That's what he wants.

985
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: Does he have any sem He has not, And he's

986
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 1: been like, oh, you've been working out. I'm like, back up, Oh,

987
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: so the body is back in order. So he's like yeah,

988
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 1: He's like, hey, look, oh you look good. Let me

989
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you on any birth control? No? But

990
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm not having any more kids. I'm not I'm not

991
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 1: like this. I'm like the Heisman, like when it comes to,

992
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, and then since he's like at the point

993
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: where you know, like our kids when they were younger,

994
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 1: they all slept in their own own, their own they

995
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 1: had their own schedule whatever. We never allowed them in

996
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: our bed with us. That was like our time. Make

997
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 1: sure they go to bed at eight o'clock. So we

998
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 1: have and she got my kids. Yea, yeah, you're going

999
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 1: to bed at eight. And still now I'll tell them

1000
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:14,399
Speaker 1: like they're teenager and I'm like, it's nine o'clock. Y'all

1001
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 1: got a wine, dawn or going to basement. So um.

1002
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 1: With that being said, it's like Keith kind of just whatever, yeah,

1003
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: I heard it. Whatever. He get checked out. She's over

1004
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: here running dirty, y'all. So I'm not having any more kids.

1005
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 1: We talked about that even though it's riding dirty. I

1006
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 1: want to see your riding dirty. Want to see your

1007
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:43,439
Speaker 1: riding dirty, not writing. I mean, depends on what you am,

1008
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 1: but you know what I am. But it's not going well.

1009
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:48,759
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's well? I mean, I guess

1010
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: because the discussion now is like, Okaycautine, You've had three

1011
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 1: almost four children. I feel like I've done my fair share.

1012
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: I've done my share of birth control over the years.

1013
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: Now it's your turn, brow because the same I don't

1014
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 1: like any We talked about the I U. D last

1015
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,840
Speaker 1: season and how that just jacked up everything for me

1016
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 1: in general, with my mood, my libido, everything. So I'm

1017
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: like at this point, I'm like, it's on you, bro,

1018
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:13,440
Speaker 1: like snippitty snippity, I mean, and get get checked. If

1019
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 1: you do, please go be on them to the cup.

1020
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: Get I'm tested. Could there be one or two they

1021
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:22,839
Speaker 1: want to they want to be Maybe we'll send him

1022
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 1: and Keith together. Keith can go for his check up

1023
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: and then can go for his his procedure, and then

1024
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,320
Speaker 1: it could be a thing where they're just like bonding

1025
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 1: over it. They can have lunch after and it could

1026
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: be a whole day out. They act like they literally

1027
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 1: can't do nothing afterwards. So we had whole babies and

1028
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: be up walking doing doing stuff the next day and

1029
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:46,399
Speaker 1: they'd be like, oh my god, so funny. Alright, girl,

1030
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:50,479
Speaker 1: so listen at I did as podcast. So we do. Um.

1031
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: I forgot where we were for a second. I felt

1032
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 1: like a girl chat. It felt like it was just

1033
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 1: me and her here. I forgot there's a microphone. I've

1034
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 1: got you all we're listening. Oh my god. So we're

1035
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 1: gonna come back because we have a segment call listener letters,

1036
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: and people write into us and they want all the advice. Um,

1037
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 1: And though we don't claim to be experts, I say,

1038
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,440
Speaker 1: if I can get you on my little two sins

1039
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,919
Speaker 1: and it helps, then all the better. So that would

1040
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,439
Speaker 1: be very interested to see what they have to say.

1041
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 1: And if you don't mind sticking around, we can do

1042
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: some listener letters together. I'm leaving, no girl, you're saying

1043
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 1: you're definitely staying. So we're gonna take a quick breaky'all,

1044
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 1: and we're gonna move into listener letters after we get

1045
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: into some ads. All right, We're back for listener letters,

1046
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 1: which Devel always says is my favorite portion because I'd

1047
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: be nosy and I want to be in people's business.

1048
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 1: I can't be in y'all business if y'all don't write

1049
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: to me. Okay. So that's the way I see it. Okay,

1050
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 1: So today me and Bean, I'm gonna be all up

1051
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 1: in your business. So here's the first one. All right,

1052
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 1: So here's a little story for um. I first want

1053
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 1: to thank you guys for making this podcast. It's been

1054
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,359
Speaker 1: such a help, You're welcome. I'm a twenty six year

1055
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,320
Speaker 1: old woman, and I've noticed that one point at one point,

1056
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: you guys continually bring up finding your purpose and not

1057
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 1: relying on others to make you feel fulfilled. I've heard

1058
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: this from a number of people in my life as well.

1059
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: The question is how everyone seems to have some idea

1060
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: of what they want their future to look like or

1061
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: where they want their careers to go, and I'm just stuck.

1062
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 1: My friends and colleagues have these grandiose plans for their careers,

1063
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm just along for the ride.

1064
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 1: I've considered how I'd like to climb the corporate ladder

1065
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 1: and what I'd like people to say or think about

1066
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: me when I'm gone, but there is nothing that makes

1067
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: me happy. Wow. I don't feel the need to be

1068
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 1: the big boss or the change maker of my industry,

1069
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:44,799
Speaker 1: and that feels like the only form of passion that's

1070
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 1: out there. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the

1071
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: work that I do, but it doesn't spark a passion

1072
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:54,240
Speaker 1: in me. How do I find my passion? What advice

1073
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: do you have for this good? Since she's twenty six,

1074
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 1: she's still young. Um, still trying to figure things out.

1075
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: I mean, did you know you're passionate? Because I know,

1076
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 1: I sure as hell didn't mean I knew what I

1077
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:08,160
Speaker 1: was passionate about, which was many things. We see. I'm

1078
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 1: a Jim Nabby like okay, So I feel like UM,

1079
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 1: with that being said, she probably needs to go into

1080
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: self discovery and see what she really enjoys and what

1081
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 1: she really likes or what she's really familiar with. For me,

1082
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 1: it was like real estate. I come from a family

1083
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 1: that did real estate, had their own real estate business,

1084
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 1: did a lot of rehabs, did a lot of subdivisions,

1085
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:36,360
Speaker 1: so quite naturally, that was what I did and what

1086
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,359
Speaker 1: I still do. UM, So I think that that would

1087
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: be a good basis to start is self discovery. See

1088
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:44,400
Speaker 1: what you like and it doesn't. I feel like a

1089
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:46,399
Speaker 1: lot of people get caught up with thinking it might

1090
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:49,880
Speaker 1: just be one thing. It might not be just one thing.

1091
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 1: You might have many interests. And I don't have a

1092
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 1: problem with um having multiple businesses as long as you

1093
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: are able to handle that, or working for someone. She

1094
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:03,680
Speaker 1: says she doesn't. She just wants to be incorporate American.

1095
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 1: Works for someone that's good. That's good too. I mean,

1096
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 1: she's twenty six. You're young. Why do people have to

1097
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: put so much pressure to think that you have to

1098
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 1: have all figured out at twenty six. You're not gonna

1099
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,320
Speaker 1: have it figured out. You're not gonna have it figured

1100
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 1: all out at thirty. Some people do and some people don't.

1101
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 1: But me, I personally like even at thirty five, I

1102
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:27,400
Speaker 1: was kind of like, um, thirty five, what do I

1103
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 1: want to do now? Right? Five? Like I was waking

1104
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 1: all out. You think about that, the age, You're just like,

1105
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 1: oh my god, the age, the number, this is where

1106
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 1: I am. I supposed to be here, You should be

1107
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 1: here doing this, this, this, this that, and um. More

1108
00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:44,200
Speaker 1: so focused on the things that you have already that

1109
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 1: you've already been able to accomplish, and focus more on

1110
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,799
Speaker 1: that versus what you don't have or what you want

1111
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 1: to be like. And who says what, because let's be real,

1112
00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:55,439
Speaker 1: people are gonna say what they want to say. They're

1113
00:52:55,440 --> 00:53:01,800
Speaker 1: talking about just literally just said that in our last episode.

1114
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:05,279
Speaker 1: He was just like Jesus said, haters, Jesus scrutinized him.

1115
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's really though. Yeah, And I think also

1116
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:13,800
Speaker 1: not comparing your successes to the others around exactly because

1117
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: they may have had things figured out by now. That

1118
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you have to per se And I

1119
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 1: might not have it figured out. You just don't know.

1120
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:22,880
Speaker 1: That's a fact. It could be smokes and merracists. It

1121
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:26,320
Speaker 1: could be a facif you never know. But yeah, I

1122
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,439
Speaker 1: mean at twenty six, I want to say that even

1123
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:31,160
Speaker 1: now at thirty something years old, I'm still kind of

1124
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:33,160
Speaker 1: re evaluating what it is I want to do because

1125
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 1: at different phases in your life, you're evolving and you're changing,

1126
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: and it may not be any one thing like you

1127
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 1: said that you're passionate about. So I say, give yourself

1128
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:43,840
Speaker 1: a little graces. You still have some time to figure

1129
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 1: things out. And then I'm not sure how much you're

1130
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 1: out there trying different things, but you may want to

1131
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 1: try different things to see, Okay, if your excitement is

1132
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 1: not going to be um in your career and that's

1133
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 1: not going to be your passionate because I don't think

1134
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,319
Speaker 1: passion is anonymous with career. Per se. It maybe your

1135
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 1: life's work. It maybe you volunteering, you're taking up some

1136
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:04,399
Speaker 1: kind of charity work, you're working with children. She didn't

1137
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:05,879
Speaker 1: want to be a world changer either. Oh, you don't

1138
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,320
Speaker 1: want to be all She doesn't want to be a

1139
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: world changer. So you just want to say, we don't

1140
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 1: know what you want to do. Girl, girl, girl, I

1141
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 1: don't know. We don't know what to tell you don't know,

1142
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 1: we don't know. We can't tell you what to do.

1143
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:16,320
Speaker 1: We can't tell you what we can just give you

1144
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 1: some advice. So she don't want to change the world.

1145
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 1: So if you just want to be out there kind

1146
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: of just existing, maybe it'll find you at some point.

1147
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: How about that, Maybe your passion will find you one

1148
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 1: of these days you never know, or it could be

1149
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 1: your passion that you don't know is maybe eventually when

1150
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:32,479
Speaker 1: you get married having children. So people are passionate about

1151
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: motherhood or parenthood passion. I'm still passionate about motherhood. I

1152
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:38,640
Speaker 1: think that's like my stas the number one job. It's

1153
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:41,439
Speaker 1: the best hood, to be best hood, the best hood.

1154
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 1: So good luck to you since as you figure that out.

1155
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,799
Speaker 1: But don't put yourself on any time restraints either, because

1156
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,960
Speaker 1: we always tend to have this mental checklist in our

1157
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,520
Speaker 1: head of like ages that we're supposed to be correlating

1158
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:54,239
Speaker 1: to having things particularly done or started. And I feel

1159
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 1: like sometimes you have checked that list and just ride

1160
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: the wave. Can you figure it out? Stress yourself out,

1161
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 1: give yourself anxiety all type and stuff we need that.

1162
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:05,279
Speaker 1: We don't need that, all right. Number two. I just

1163
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:07,359
Speaker 1: had my fiftieth birthday in May gem and I woo

1164
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 1: oh yeah girl, let's see. And I have a thing

1165
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:13,959
Speaker 1: for Geminis Bianca and another one of my best friends,

1166
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 1: Christina Geminis too. So um, I'm recently divorced after sixteen years.

1167
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 1: He cheated the entire time. Oh, I have four kids,

1168
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: thirty one, twenty twelve, and seven. No idea what I

1169
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 1: was thinking. The age gaps, all right, I mean it

1170
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: happened though. Um anyway, I feel like I'm ready to

1171
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 1: get back out in date. But my problem is I

1172
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,839
Speaker 1: don't like men my age. I'm only attracted to men

1173
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 1: between thirty to forty ish. You a cougar, real, right,

1174
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 1: real real? I do not look my age, so I'm

1175
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 1: often approached by younger men as well. This concerns me

1176
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:55,160
Speaker 1: because my ex husband was eleven years younger than me,

1177
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 1: and I wonder if this could be why we didn't

1178
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 1: make it. I've tried older men and think about them

1179
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 1: interests me. They could be fine. As hell and still nothing.

1180
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: What's wrong with me? I don't know, it's always It's

1181
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 1: always been this way, and I don't know why, but

1182
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:13,319
Speaker 1: I know I like it. Should I continue to try

1183
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:15,440
Speaker 1: and date older men or just be true to myself

1184
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 1: and stick with the young bucks girl? Girl? What do

1185
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 1: you well? She said? I mean, she said, she just

1186
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 1: celebrated her fiftieth birthday and she doesn't look fifty? What

1187
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 1: you look like? Because I mean, you know, I'm not

1188
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 1: going to to my own horn, but I'm want to say,

1189
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 1: as I'm approaching forty, I feel like, you know, what

1190
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,560
Speaker 1: exactly does that look like? Anymore? We think about like

1191
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,560
Speaker 1: what four year olds look like in our parents generation

1192
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 1: versus now they were looking and I'm still trying to

1193
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 1: I think I could still I could still pull me

1194
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:45,399
Speaker 1: a little like Crown. Yeah, a little early thirties, late

1195
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 1: twenties guy, if I needed to, you know what I mean.

1196
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:50,760
Speaker 1: So I think that I think that maybe you should

1197
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 1: start to look for connections with people personality wise too,

1198
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: Like you see, they look good. It's like, Okay, do

1199
00:56:56,280 --> 00:56:58,279
Speaker 1: we have anything in common or are we just looking

1200
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 1: at age? Because it's ounds like that you are just

1201
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 1: looking at age because you said they could be fine,

1202
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 1: and you're still like, I don't know about them, So

1203
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:08,800
Speaker 1: what is it? Is it the age that's intriguing you?

1204
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 1: It must be right, it seems like you have it,

1205
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: because then it does it feel weird to you that

1206
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 1: you have a thirty one year old child but you're

1207
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,680
Speaker 1: dating year old or a possible thirty something, so then

1208
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:21,040
Speaker 1: you're thirty one year old. Gotta be like, is my

1209
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 1: mom gonna date all my friends when I bring him

1210
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:26,000
Speaker 1: over here? Then is he gonna getting nervy or she

1211
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 1: getting nervous? Like wait a second, maybe I shouldn't take

1212
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: you all over to my mama. She might get she

1213
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 1: might just get you for sure. So yeah, I mean,

1214
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,400
Speaker 1: at this point, I feel like, having been married for

1215
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 1: sixteen years, you're now fifty. I feel like and he

1216
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: was cheating the entire time. I feel like, just do

1217
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 1: you what does that you are you into? I'm not

1218
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 1: saying you're Russian because you didn't say that. You you

1219
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:51,479
Speaker 1: said you wanted to get back dating. So dating is cool.

1220
00:57:51,720 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 1: Dating is cool. I feel like go ahead and just

1221
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: dating dabble, you know, just you know, test the appetizers

1222
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 1: out there, see the young bucks. And she's trying to

1223
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 1: see she's asking. She continued to stick with dating guys older.

1224
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 1: I mean, if you're not attracted to older men, then

1225
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 1: that's just an right there because maybe you just don't

1226
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 1: worry about their age at first, just don't even ask them.

1227
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:14,200
Speaker 1: Will make sure they're legal, and I would think to

1228
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: at fifty something. If you're dating somebody like thirty to forty,

1229
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:19,360
Speaker 1: you also have to make sure like does this person

1230
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 1: want children? Is they're like, like, what is the intentions?

1231
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 1: You should be deliberate with what you're putting out there.

1232
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 1: What's the intention for you? Guys? Is that that you're

1233
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 1: just dating to have a good time and have you

1234
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 1: know a companion or are you dating with a purpose

1235
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 1: for something else? Because you also don't want to be

1236
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 1: that older woman that eventually this thirty something your role

1237
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 1: is like I want kids and you're like, I'm pushing sixty.

1238
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:44,400
Speaker 1: My eggs are like depleted or fried? Yeah, they so

1239
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:49,480
Speaker 1: be purposeful with how you're approaching it. But I say,

1240
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 1: stick to what you what you like. If you like

1241
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 1: a guy that airs on the younger side, then go

1242
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 1: for it. Why not, especially if you can pay them, girl,

1243
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 1: go for you good creative, good for you. UM, I

1244
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 1: would say, yeah, stick with the young ones if you

1245
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 1: if you like that sort of thing, but then don't

1246
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 1: put too much emphasis on age, Like if you start

1247
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 1: to connect, look for the connection. Look for the connection.

1248
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,880
Speaker 1: You might learn that you start to like something a

1249
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 1: little bit older, a little bit more seasoned, a little

1250
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 1: bit you know, because that is true with the kids situation.

1251
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: What are you gonna do if they want to have

1252
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 1: kids and you're beyond kid point or you don't want anymore.

1253
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 1: That's a fact. There you go. I hope that helps

1254
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 1: you out today. And if you want to be featured

1255
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 1: is one of our listener letters. Be sure to email

1256
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 1: us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. Alright, Banca,

1257
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 1: So at the end of every episode, before we leave,

1258
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Speaker 1: we have something called the Moment of Truth where it

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Speaker 1: just pretty much like sums up the entire episode, Like,

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Speaker 1: what's the little takeaway that people can take from this episode? Um,

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Speaker 1: based off of everything we said, because we spoke about

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Speaker 1: all the things. We spoke about having multiple children, juggling

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00:59:56,120 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 1: that husband's style, stepping and parenting accordingly. So what's a

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01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: little tidbit that you can leave the listeners today? Little

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01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 1: tidbit guys. I don't know. Basically, just to you know,

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01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 1: try to do you, try to do you. That's it

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01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 1: because when you're a mother, you put a lot of

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01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: emphasis and time into your children. When you're married, your husband,

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01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 1: if you're with someone, your partner. So I would say

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01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:27,360
Speaker 1: for moms out there, to take that extra time and

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01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 1: if it's an hour, you can do it. You can

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01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 1: do anything for an hour. So I would just say

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01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:34,920
Speaker 1: take that extra time that you need, meditate, work out,

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01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: do something that you enjoy, go to home goods, got

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01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,360
Speaker 1: to target. That's it. I like that. I like that.

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01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,080
Speaker 1: Sometimes Bianca I will call together. We're just like, hey,

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01:00:42,120 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 1: let's go to Sam'. That's my moment of truth. If

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01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 1: you ever need a moment, get you a friend and

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01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 1: go to the store and get you that's your friend.

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01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:51,720
Speaker 1: Gets you a Bianca in your life who you can

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01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:53,919
Speaker 1: sit with, you can chat, you can have girl talk,

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01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 1: no judgment anytime. We're just down for each other. Board,

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01:00:58,520 --> 01:01:01,120
Speaker 1: make a charcuterie board. Why when I could drink wine.

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01:01:01,160 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 1: I can't wait, actually a mock tail tail. Yeah, I

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01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,200
Speaker 1: can't wait to just be back where I could just

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01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:12,840
Speaker 1: really enjoy and partake in the spirits. That's one more month. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's over here, over here, trying to kick his way

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01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 1: out in the meantime. And mine is get you a friend,

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01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 1: Get you a friend, especially if you have mad kids

1290
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:24,160
Speaker 1: that you can just say what you know, what you

1291
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:26,240
Speaker 1: got mad kids, I got mad kids. Let's get all

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01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: these kids together and we could just sit and make

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01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 1: an evening out of it. They'll entertain each other and

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01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:34,920
Speaker 1: take up stairs, take the downstairs, kick them out, kick

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01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 1: that kids out. That's the take. That's it. While you're

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01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 1: doing that, be sure to follow us on social media

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01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:43,440
Speaker 1: at dead Ass the podcast. I'm Cadeen, I am, And

1298
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 1: of course you can follow Heavy who's not here today.

1299
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:49,160
Speaker 1: He's probably keep somewhere doing something. Hopefully they're arranging that

1300
01:01:49,240 --> 01:01:52,840
Speaker 1: vasectomy appointment. Maybe I am developed follow him and see

1301
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 1: what he says. And if you're listening to Apple podcasts,

1302
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe. Dead Ass Did

1303
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 1: it as dead Ass is a production of I Heart

1304
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:06,600
Speaker 1: Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple

1305
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:09,400
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

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01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 1: Podcasts and never miss a Thing