WEBVTT - Betrayal Weekly: EP 2 – Stephanie, Part 2 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:04.720 At five am. My two sons who are on the 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:08.880 phone to me and said, get out, get out. We 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:11.360 are afraid he is going to kill you. This is 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:14.360 a huge secret. He is not going to want anyone 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:18.599 to know. You are in danger. Don't take anything, just 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:19.120 get out. 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:35.080 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:38.479 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:45.639 change everything. This is part two of Stephanie's story. If 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.000 you haven't heard part one, you should go back and 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:52.720 listen to that first. Stephanie had been living a suburban 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:55.560 dream life with her husband of twenty two years. 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:59.480 We're calling him Greg, but that's not his real name. 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:04.880 The couple successfully raised six children, they built a business together, 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:09.480 and were looking forward to their next chapter, retirement. But 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:12.720 everything changed the day he found photos of her own. 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.200 Nude body on his computer. 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:19.600 Disgusting, violating photos, photos that made her suspect her husband 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:24.720 had been secretly drugging her for years. In a flat, 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:29.880 unapologetic tone, he told her how he used the photos. 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:34.560 He explained, he puts the picture up in a chat room, 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:38.480 and twenty five people at a time can be in 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:41.759 the chatroom, but people come and go as they come 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:47.560 in and out. These other men are then explaining what 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:49.560 they would do to me, how they would rape me. 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:56.560 Remember the caption that was under the photo of Stephanie, Well, 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.320 that was one of many, and they were written by 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:03.520 other men in the chat room with Greg. He confessed 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:06.920 to all of it. He actually encouraged the strangers on 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:11.080 the Internet to make violent comments about Stephanie in order 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.160 to fulfill his own fantasies. 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:18.440 This is a man that whenever we would go somewhere 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:21.960 in public, he would pull me in close and whisper 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:27.440 in my ear, you're the most beautiful woman here. He 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:33.640 was just sweet and kind and gentle and a sick pervert. 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:38.320 When she found that very first nude picture of her 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:42.280 on her husband's phone back in twenty sixteen, he got 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:46.000 on his knees and wept. He begged for her forgiveness, 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:50.760 and back then she forgave him. She believed him when 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.800 he said it was just a few pictures, just that 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:54.520 one time. 0:02:56.639 --> 0:03:01.000 When I first found the pictures, it was August twenty sixteen, 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:07.200 and it was September when I forgave him. When I 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:12.720 found the Flicker account in twenty twenty one, it says 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:16.040 right across the top of it. He has been a 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:18.840 member since September of twenty sixteen. 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:24.560 All these years where she thought they were rebuilding trust, 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:28.520 he was living a double life. 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:31.480 So it was Sunday the eleventh when I found out 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:36.640 Monday morning, I've barricaded myself into the spare bedroom and 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:38.560 he knocks on the door and he's like, what time 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:43.640 are you coming into work? And I said, I'm not 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:46.520 coming into work today and I'm probably not ever coming again. 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:55.119 He just wanted to go on like everything was fine. 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:59.200 Part Way through that day, he contacts me and he 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:03.640 says he's gotten hold of this Christian counselor that he knows. 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:07.560 And I knew a little bit about this guy Gregan. 0:04:07.640 --> 0:04:12.920 His first wife had done marriage counseling with this same guy. 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:15.280 So he tells me they've gotten a hold of this 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:20.200 Christian counselor and that this guy is willing to drop 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:23.000 everything and come over to our house and counsel with 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:25.320 us that night. Would I agree to that? 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:30.640 Stephanie knew her beliefs didn't align with this particular counselors, 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:35.080 but she was lost, her marriage, her life. It was 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:39.760 all unraveling. Perhaps meeting with the counselor would provide direction, 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:42.200 so she reluctantly agreed. 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:48.960 This guy came over and explained to me that it 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:52.920 was really my duty as a wife to not only 0:04:52.960 --> 0:05:01.200 forgive him, but to help him overcome his problem. At 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:05.320 one point, he looked at him and said, you had 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:08.719 these same issues with your first wife, and you never 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:12.480 addressed him, and that's why you're here. Twenty five years later. 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:16.600 Greg wouldn't explain what happened with his first wife, but 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:20.720 Stephanie had heard enough to know that she wasn't the first. 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:24.039 Greg had done something like this in his last marriage, 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:26.520 and then he did it again with her. 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:31.960 I had not a clue, not a clue. I knew 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:37.520 I couldn't stay. This is not someone who's fixable. This 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:42.680 behavior has in some way been going on for thirty years. 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:46.320 The revelation that Greg had done this in his first 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:50.040 marriage showed Stephanie the depths of his deception. 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:56.080 It made me feel like he had been conning me 0:05:56.760 --> 0:06:02.799 from day one, that the love that was so real 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:07.200 for me was always just a game for him. 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.560 So she turned to her sons. 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:17.320 I found out on the eleventh, and on the thirteenth, 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:21.880 I emailed my children and told them all of them 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:28.560 as a group what he had done. At five o'clock 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:31.159 the next morning, my two sons, who were on the 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:36.120 phone to me and said, get out, get out. We 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.599 are afraid he is going to kill you. This is 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:41.599 a huge secret. He is not going to want anyone 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:47.880 to know. You are in danger. Get out, don't take anything, 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:55.760 just get out right now. Mom. I had three friends 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.760 that I had been texting with since I found out, 0:06:59.880 --> 0:07:04.520 and they also wanted me out and felt that I 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:08.800 was in danger of being killed. It definitely could have 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:14.120 been possible, and then nobody would know. You know, once 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:18.920 you've crossed the line to the point where you're drugging someone, 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:27.400 the line seems pretty pretty gray. So when I left, 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:33.040 I left with a double bag with a few clothing items, 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:41.120 my cat, and his laptop, and I ran for my life. 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.400 Her sons picked her up that day and she never 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:46.280 went back home. She ended up living with her kids 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:49.040 for the next few months as she reeled from the trauma. 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:52.240 I couldn't think. I couldn't function. I mean, the kids 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.320 had to like sit me down at the table and 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.040 force me to eat, and I just laid in bed 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:01.800 and cried on the I didn't just lose my husband. 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:06.559 I lost my job, I lost my home, I lost 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:13.480 my community, I lost trust, I lost safety. I really 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.800 had to start over from square one. 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:22.600 That process of starting over felt insurmountable. Stephanie was a 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:26.800 shell of herself. She had been violated by her own husband. 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:30.480 Could there be recourse? Legal recourse? 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:37.440 All the research that I've done says getting a conviction 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:41.040 against a husband for something he's done to a wife 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:45.680 probably not going to happen. And then there was this 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:50.040 we are in a really tiny town and Greg has 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:53.080 lived there since he was two years old. There's not 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:56.160 a soul in that town does not know him. He 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:58.560 is connected to every single person there. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:02.720 In the where Stephanie and her husband lived, there was 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:06.640 not a paid police commissioner, but instead a volunteer police 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:10.280 commission made up of three people who are responsible for 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:15.040 the hiring, firing, disciplining, and the promotion of every officer 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:19.760 on the police force. Her husband had been on the 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:25.480 commission for years. Every single officer on the force owed 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:30.319 their job to Greg. So Stephanie was fearful of going 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.120 to the police. 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.280 I knew I wasn't ready to go to the police 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:36.120 at that point. That I was just in too much 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:41.440 terror and shock, and not to mention up until twenty nineteen, 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:47.280 it was legal in my state to rape your wife. 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:51.320 Understandably, Stephanie didn't trust the courts to be able to 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.160 bring her justice. 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:54.120 She talked off the. 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.840 Record with the chief of police and the county attorney. 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:01.080 They were hesitant. They told her idding a conviction would 0:10:01.080 --> 0:10:05.360 be unlikely. Even if Stephanie wanted to pursue criminal charges, 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:07.680 she was in a financial bind. 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:16.880 This was financially devastating. We lived on a lovely six 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:22.120 figure income and had our house paid for. So I 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:26.840 have to weigh out if I prosecute him, He's probably 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:29.760 going to do little to no jail time. He's going 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:34.840 to lose his license, and then I lose my support, 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:42.720 and I'm not in a position to support myself at 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:47.920 fifty four years old. I had to completely start over. 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:52.000 I will never be financially able to own a home again. 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:56.880 That was another grieving process in and of itself. 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:02.560 And it was also another betray a financial one. Stephanie 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.760 had spent years working hard to turn Greg's business around, 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:10.240 making it profitable, and now she was left without a job. 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:17.320 Just like that. Her vision of the future vanished. 0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:24.080 So many unknowns, But what Stephanie did know is that 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:27.480 she needed her husband to be able to financially support 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:30.840 her through the crisis he had caused. 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:36.280 So for that reason, she decided to move forward with 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:39.720 a divorce, but not with criminal charges. 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.640 Instead, she decided to do an investigation of her own. 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.120 When she left Greg, she took his laptop with her 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:51.559 and she brought it straight to a computer forensic specialist. 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:56.160 I told the investigator, I know you're not going to 0:11:56.240 --> 0:12:00.600 find the photos on here. The photos were on the 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:02.720 Flicker account, so that's not what you're going to find. 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:05.400 But I want to know where he was, what he 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:08.959 was doing all of that, And the main thing I'm 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:13.960 looking for is any evidence that he drugged me because 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.960 I didn't agree to take those pictures and he went 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:22.440 to work. When I got the report back, they called 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:26.520 me to kind of go over it with me, and 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:35.319 they said, we found it. There's about two years worth 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:41.079 of every single click he made on that computer, and 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:48.120 the computer forensic specialist found evidence that he had searched 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:50.280 for state rape drugs. 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:57.400 When she started putting the pieces together, Deephanie remembered, can 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:01.400 kun all those difficult mons? Where she felt like she 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:03.440 was waking up at the bottom of a lake. 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:11.199 Waking up shouldn't feel like that. Waking up doesn't normally 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.080 feel like it's a struggle to get to the light, 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:16.360 like it's a struggle to try to wake up. 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:20.320 And Greg had even been there, explaining that she'd probably 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.480 just had too much wine, that she sat in the 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:27.600 sun for too long. Worst of all, she suspected that 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.960 those long romantic dinners left her vulnerable. 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:35.280 Throughout the course of this two and a half hour dinner, 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.040 I would need to get up and go to the 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:42.120 ladies room, giving him an opportunity to be there with 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:48.439 my drink and put something in it. So nothing really original. 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:50.439 I mean, I think that's how most guys do it. 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:09.440 Stephanie is finding out that the man she built a 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:12.960 life with drugged her to take nude photos of her, 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.679 all while she's coming to terms. 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.959 But the reality that he might never. 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:22.800 Face any legal consequences for these crimes. All of this 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:24.880 was taking a heavy toll on her. 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:27.560 You know, when you go to the doctor for your 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:31.560 physical and they give you this little quiz about your 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:35.880 mental health and depression and things like that. I had 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:39.800 a sworn statement from my doctor of many years, saying 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:45.000 that year after year, my score was zero. I was like, 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:50.640 I got no stress, nothing. I couldn't be happier after 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:55.120 this happened. Forty five is the most you can score. 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:02.280 I was forty three, super high risk. 0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:07.920 She started walking through the world differently emotionally and physically. 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:15.760 It have changed my appearance. I had longish hair and 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:25.840 I wore very feminine clothing. In the days following finding out, 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:30.960 I cut off all my hair and I continue to 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:37.320 wear my hair short and I wear very plain, baggy, 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:39.080 nondescript clothing. 0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:44.040 She found a therapist and she started seeing them twice 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:48.040 a week, but especially in the beginning, it wasn't enough. 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.520 She was desperate for more. 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:55.440 Support when I first left him. Within the first few weeks, 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:59.600 I reached out to a mental health. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:05.280 Suicide She relied on all the resources available. One day, 0:16:05.440 --> 0:16:09.040 about a year after she found the photos, it all 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:14.760 became too much for her to handle. And as a forewarning, 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:19.640 we're about to discuss suicide. 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:26.360 On that particular day, we had divorce mediation. We had 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:31.200 had a previous mediation where we divided out our assets. 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:35.040 Our twenty five years of marriage was put on a 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:40.040 balance sheet and you each get half. This was actually 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.440 now the third mediation and it was on Zoom, and 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:47.400 I was very frustrated with my attorney. I kept saying 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.920 to her, I need him to support me. I can't 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:54.720 even function. I can't get a job, I can't go 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.720 out in public. I can't function. He has to support me. 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:02.080 He did this. She just kept telling me things like, 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.119 you know what he did to you just doesn't matter 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:10.359 in divorce law. Well it does because I can't work. 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:17.199 So we had this mediation and the mediator was just 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:24.920 very dismissive with me. By the time that we had 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:29.480 done our four hours of mediation, I sobbed for a 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:34.680 while and realized, I'm done. There's no out of this situation. 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:41.720 There's no future, there's no hope. He wins. I'm done. 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:45.520 I had been prescribed at a van for panic attacks 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:48.000 because if I tried to go out in public, I 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:51.720 would have a panic attack. So I took a handful 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:56.000 of ada Van and washed it down with a bottle 0:17:56.000 --> 0:18:02.320 of wine, and I broke the wine glass, shattered it, 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:07.160 and then used the glass shards to cut my wrist open. 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.680 Thankfully, she survived. 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:15.120 Her sons found her and brought her to the hospital 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:17.200 where she recovered again. 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:18.880 She leaned on them for help. 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:24.080 After the suicide attempt. I got out of the hospital, 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:25.840 I had to go back and stay with my kids 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.080 again for a while. And my attorney just keep saying, 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:32.320 you don't have any rights here. What he did doesn't matter. 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:36.280 Her sons were fed up. 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:40.560 They're like, let's find a new attorney. I got a 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:45.840 fantastic guy who worked his ass off for me. The 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:49.240 new attorney was like, oh, hell yeah, it matters. He 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:53.880 damaged your mental health. Of course that matters, and we'll 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:54.959 make the judge see it. 0:18:55.880 --> 0:19:01.120 Finally, two years after Stephanie found the photo, her divorce 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:01.919 trial began. 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:07.320 I don't know anyone else who at a situation so 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:11.560 contentious that they had to go to trial for their divorce. 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:19.000 We had a two day trial. Him being held accountable 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:24.119 for what he did did more for my mental health 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:28.800 than all the therapy and support groups. And I mean, 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:31.160 all of those things have been great, and I don't 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:36.040 want to discount those in any way, but having him 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:41.840 held accountable gave me back my power. 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:47.720 She rose to the occasion. Stephanie wanted to be there 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:49.520 to testify herself. 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:54.720 I did the bulk of the testifying as to not 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:59.920 only what he did to me, but also to our finances, 0:20:00.119 --> 0:20:03.560 because he would not provide any financial information and just 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:07.960 kept saying that his computer crashed, didn't have any records, 0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:09.800 can't provide anything. 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:14.320 The judge didn't buy it. 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:19.760 The judge said, there's a legal thing called a negative inference. 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:23.760 If you failed to provide what they. 0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:26.600 Are asking for, or you choose not to answer the question, 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:31.119 you take the fifth, which he also did on his testimony. 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:33.320 He took the fifth about what he did to me. 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:38.080 It was all considered a negative inference because then the 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:42.920 judge says, clearly, you're keeping this information because it will 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:43.679 look bad for you. 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:48.840 There was some vindication, and that came from hearing expert 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:51.760 witnesses confirm what you already knew. 0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:58.960 The computer forensic specialist, his testimony was incredibly damning. He 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:06.280 testified that there is one hundred percent absolute certainty the 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:11.080 person who posted these pictures on the internet is my husband. 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:16.040 He couldn't, you know, back out of it and say, well, 0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:18.240 I didn't do that. She did making this up. 0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:23.040 After the trial ended, the judge took ninety days to 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.760 give his ruling. Waiting for that ruling was the longest 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:30.200 summer of Stephanie's life. 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:34.840 The judge's ruling says, he finds that it is a 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:40.840 fact that Greg drugged me, took pictures of me without 0:21:40.880 --> 0:21:45.479 my knowledge or consent, posted them on the internet, shared 0:21:45.520 --> 0:21:48.480 them with other people, and as a result of that, 0:21:49.760 --> 0:21:54.600 I was traumatized by those events. And because of the 0:21:54.680 --> 0:21:59.240 trauma and the distress and the difficulty of me being 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:03.960 in public, it's not possible for me to work in 0:22:04.000 --> 0:22:08.600 a full time way. And as such he has to 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:13.200 pay me x amount per month, which is a pittance 0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:17.760 compared to the amount that we lived on. However, it's 0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:21.160 more than double what he was ever willing to pay 0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:22.440 me in mediation. 0:22:23.840 --> 0:22:28.480 Stephanie felt victorious even just hearing the judge confirm that, yes, 0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:32.399 this really happened. It is a fact that this happened 0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:37.040 to her. Originally, Stephanie thought she had deleted all the photos, 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:42.360 but through her investigation, Stephanie found multiple accounts even more 0:22:42.440 --> 0:22:47.080 photos of her photos that were still live. Even though 0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:50.400 their case was settled, a divorce trial has limits. 0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:54.560 The judge couldn't order Greg to take down the photos. 0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:58.359 Asking him to do that would prove on the record 0:22:58.520 --> 0:23:03.719 that he owned the account and would incriminate him. 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:10.439 The photos are still there. One remaining photo that I 0:23:10.680 --> 0:23:15.600 know of is a picture of me in a bathtub. 0:23:17.440 --> 0:23:21.760 He printed out the picture at some point and masturbated 0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:25.480 on it, and then took a picture of that and 0:23:25.600 --> 0:23:30.000 reposted it. The link is live. I can go look 0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:30.680 at him right now. 0:23:31.280 --> 0:23:33.960 Even if Greg took down the photos that are still 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:38.520 live on his accounts, it wouldn't completely erase them. 0:23:38.760 --> 0:23:41.239 They're still out there because he gave them to other 0:23:41.320 --> 0:23:46.280 people and he posted them on other sites. They're eternal, 0:23:47.320 --> 0:23:48.000 they're forever. 0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:06.080 Since the divorce, there haven't been any charges brought against Greg, 0:24:06.680 --> 0:24:11.120 but he's had to face very real consequences with his family. 0:24:12.480 --> 0:24:15.920 My four boys have no relationship with him at all anymore. 0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:19.439 At one point, he sent letters to each one of 0:24:19.480 --> 0:24:24.760 them asking for forgiveness. Three of the four boys threw 0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:31.520 the letters away immediately, and one replied basically saying, there 0:24:31.600 --> 0:24:34.160 is no forgiveness for you. You're a monster. Don't ever 0:24:34.240 --> 0:24:35.159 contact me again. 0:24:35.960 --> 0:24:39.439 The news about what Greg did to Stephanie spread like 0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:42.520 wildfire in their small community. 0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:49.520 When a well known prominent couple in the community, all 0:24:49.560 --> 0:24:52.520 of a sudden, the wife disappears and now this is 0:24:52.560 --> 0:24:56.960 the second wife of his that's disappeared. Everybody knows. 0:24:57.640 --> 0:24:59.760 It's had a big impact on his reputation. 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:08.080 On the stand, he testified that since I left, his 0:25:08.359 --> 0:25:15.200 business has been hemorrhaging. People call every day and ask 0:25:15.280 --> 0:25:19.560 for their files to be sent to another doctor. I 0:25:19.640 --> 0:25:25.160 wonder why. 0:25:25.920 --> 0:25:29.760 And that divorce decree from the judge, the one where 0:25:29.800 --> 0:25:33.440 he finds Greg drug Stephanie took nude photos of her, 0:25:33.920 --> 0:25:37.480 posted them on the internet and caused her great emotional harm. 0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:41.639 That decree has been passed around the whole town. 0:25:43.000 --> 0:25:49.679 Divorce decrees our public information. Anyone can download a copy, 0:25:49.800 --> 0:25:53.320 so I heard a rumor that someone did just that 0:25:54.320 --> 0:25:58.800 and then mailed out the copies to Greg's few remaining friends. 0:26:00.240 --> 0:26:02.840 To be honest, I was surprised that he didn't move 0:26:02.880 --> 0:26:06.240 somewhere else. But Stephanie has a theory about why he stays. 0:26:08.680 --> 0:26:12.520 In his twisted mind. He's such a big fish in 0:26:12.560 --> 0:26:17.720 that tiny little pond that he can't imagine going anywhere else. 0:26:18.440 --> 0:26:20.760 They wouldn't know what a big deal he is. 0:26:22.600 --> 0:26:26.600 Part of Stephanie's healing process was trying to understand the why, 0:26:27.359 --> 0:26:30.520 why did this happen to her? And why do people 0:26:30.560 --> 0:26:32.680 like her ex husband do what they do. 0:26:33.480 --> 0:26:38.200 Are you familiar with doctor Omar Minwala? Have you heard 0:26:38.200 --> 0:26:38.560 of him? 0:26:39.000 --> 0:26:44.000 Doctor Minwala is a clinical sexologist and licensed psychologist. He's 0:26:44.040 --> 0:26:47.640 the founder of the Institute for Sexual Health. His work 0:26:47.680 --> 0:26:53.400 focuses on infidelity, compulsive sexual behavior, and sex addiction. Stephanie's 0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:56.280 been reading his work and it's helping her make sense 0:26:56.280 --> 0:26:57.440 of what happened. 0:27:00.240 --> 0:27:03.479 With guys that do this kind of stuff. You know, 0:27:03.520 --> 0:27:07.199 people say, oh, what happened to you when you were 0:27:07.200 --> 0:27:09.919 a child. You must have had trauma that made you 0:27:10.040 --> 0:27:15.560 do this. He had an ideal childhood, and many of 0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:18.240 my friends in the betrayal community would say the same 0:27:18.280 --> 0:27:25.160 thing about their cheating, lying spouses. So doctor Minoawa's premise 0:27:25.760 --> 0:27:31.080 is that this is an act of entitlement. These men 0:27:31.240 --> 0:27:37.800 do this because they believe that they deserve to have 0:27:37.880 --> 0:27:44.680 whatever they want in life, including sexually. He calls this 0:27:45.040 --> 0:27:51.600 secret life online a secret sexual basement. These men build 0:27:52.480 --> 0:27:58.520 this secret sexual basement underneath their family and their marriage 0:27:58.720 --> 0:28:03.560 and their home, and part of the high for them 0:28:04.640 --> 0:28:10.080 is the secret that they're getting by with it. 0:28:13.200 --> 0:28:17.240 She's found community with other people who've experienced traumatic deception 0:28:18.160 --> 0:28:20.680 but in most of the betrayal stories she's heard, there's 0:28:20.760 --> 0:28:25.640 physical cheating. As far as Stephanie knows, Greg was never 0:28:25.760 --> 0:28:27.240 cheating with another woman. 0:28:28.080 --> 0:28:33.159 He did all of this, blew up our life, our kids' lives, 0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:36.840 our friends' lives, our community. He did all of that 0:28:37.880 --> 0:28:39.520 to jack off into his own hand. 0:28:42.200 --> 0:28:45.960 Stephanie is trying to re enter a new world, a 0:28:46.000 --> 0:28:48.680 world where people are not who they appear to be, 0:28:49.360 --> 0:28:52.640 a world where anyone she meets could have been one 0:28:52.680 --> 0:28:56.200 of those anonymous users in a chat room with her husband. 0:28:57.240 --> 0:28:59.560 You know, every guy that looks at me. I think 0:29:00.160 --> 0:29:01.800 you see those pictures. 0:29:03.520 --> 0:29:07.920 Slowly but surely, she's putting her life back together. It's 0:29:07.960 --> 0:29:12.080 a never ending task figuring out how to rebuild a 0:29:12.120 --> 0:29:15.560 sense of safety after a portrayal of this magnitude. 0:29:17.120 --> 0:29:20.000 I'm doing okay. I move around in the world a 0:29:20.040 --> 0:29:24.760 little bit better. I am happy more often than not. 0:29:26.680 --> 0:29:30.920 I rarely cry. I mean, for almost two years there 0:29:31.080 --> 0:29:36.120 it was just man, I needed stock in the tissue 0:29:36.160 --> 0:29:41.760 company because it was just endless. I had no idea 0:29:41.880 --> 0:29:46.400 it was physically possible to cry that much. But I 0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:51.880 can finally see that I'm okay. I'm proud of myself 0:29:52.240 --> 0:29:53.960