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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm walking with stuff.

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Speaker 2: I never told you a production of iHeartRadio and welcome

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Speaker 2: to another edition of Happy Hour. As always, if you

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Speaker 2: choose to drink, do so responsibly. Samantha, what are you

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Speaker 2: sipping on?

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Speaker 3: I'm sipping on bubble water like Jerry flavor.

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Speaker 1: Ooh nice? What about you?

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Speaker 2: I have? Uh. I don't want to say what it

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Speaker 2: is because I don't know if the company's any good.

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Speaker 2: But it's a Seltzer, a vodka Seltzer passion fruit. And

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Speaker 2: I'm sure you can guess what it is if you

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Speaker 2: are familiar.

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Speaker 1: It's good. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I was just telling Samantha, this is something that was

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Speaker 2: left over from friends of mine. We recently went on vacation.

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Speaker 2: We do an annual vacation to the beach, and I

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Speaker 2: got left with a lot of food and drinks, which

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Speaker 2: is sort of a stressor for me. But it's also nice.

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Speaker 2: Kind of your nightmare, it's kind of my nightmare. I'm

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Speaker 2: trying not to panic. We're speaking of content warning. This

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Speaker 2: isn't I wouldn't say this is an unhappy hour. Some

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Speaker 2: people might disagree with me. I think this is a

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Speaker 2: mixed bag hour, but I am going to be talking

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Speaker 2: about a panic attack that I had, So I'm not

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Speaker 2: going to go it's not gonna be explicit, but I

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Speaker 2: know for some people, even getting close to that can

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Speaker 2: can be something that gives you your own panic. So

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Speaker 2: just to put that out there. So, yeah, we go

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Speaker 2: on this trip every year. We go to a beach

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Speaker 2: house and I'm very, very lucky to have access to

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Speaker 2: that my grandparents built and it's getting sold and there

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Speaker 2: was a lot of tears and lot of tears because

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Speaker 2: we've had huge memories there. We've been going for over

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Speaker 2: a decade, so it was a kind of emotional trip

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Speaker 2: and I think I'm still coming down from I was

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Speaker 2: telling Samantha, I'm so tired. It impacted me more than

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Speaker 2: it normally is. But it could be h which we

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Speaker 2: did talk about. We did do the Olympics, and it

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Speaker 2: was wild because I know I talked about the last

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Speaker 2: time we went, and we did the Olympics, which is

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Speaker 2: just basically like water balloons we throw at each other.

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Speaker 1: It's like the stuff you did as a kid.

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Speaker 2: But there was a definite lowering a performance since the

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Speaker 2: last time.

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Speaker 1: We did it.

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Speaker 2: But also it was wild to think because that feels

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Speaker 2: like forever ago to me, but here we are another Olympics. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: what I wanted to talk about was we were discussing

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Speaker 2: we were just sort of catching up because some of

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Speaker 2: these friends I don't see that often. We're like the

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Speaker 2: kind of friends that you can see a couple times

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Speaker 2: a year and you can just go that's like you've

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Speaker 2: been seeing each other this whole time, Like it's like

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Speaker 2: no time has passed. It's just a very solid friendship.

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Speaker 2: But that means, you know, sometimes when you see them,

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Speaker 2: you're like, oh, wait, what's.

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Speaker 1: Happened in your life?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: So we were catching up, and two of my friends

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Speaker 2: work in the medical field, and one of them trained

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Speaker 2: in the medical field but didn't end up working in it,

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Speaker 2: so it's like a pretty medical heavy group. And I

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Speaker 2: was telling them I had this massive panic attack, probably

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Speaker 2: about a month ago now, and it was the beginning

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Speaker 2: of May. It was the beginning of May, and it

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Speaker 2: was I woke up and like it was pain in

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Speaker 2: my arm and I couldn't move it, and like my

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Speaker 2: face was twitching. I couldn't breathe my heart it was groof.

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Speaker 1: It was bad. And I.

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Speaker 2: Was sitting there and I put on clothes because I

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Speaker 2: woke and woke me up and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: might have to actually go to the hospital. And I

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Speaker 2: had nine one one on my phone and.

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Speaker 1: I just.

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Speaker 2: Sat there and waited and I wrote a note in

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Speaker 2: case I died, and I unlocked my door so people

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Speaker 2: could get in in case I died. But I never

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Speaker 2: contacted anybody. I didn't do anything about it. And it

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Speaker 2: messed me up because so many times in here we

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Speaker 2: talk about, you know, how the medical industry doesn't believe women,

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Speaker 2: and wow, that's been really internalized, and wow, I was shocked.

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Speaker 2: I was shocked that is essentially just waiting there to

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Speaker 2: die rather than do anything about it. And then I, honestly,

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Speaker 2: this is horrible, and it also goes to my point.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I can I can calm myself down.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to breathe through this. And I was like,

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Speaker 2: taking all these steps so I'm going to prove to

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Speaker 2: myself it's nothing worse than a panic attack, because I

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Speaker 2: don't want to go in if it's just a panic attack,

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Speaker 2: then I'll be embarrassed. So I'm telling my friends this

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Speaker 2: and they're looking at me and they're like, what are

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Speaker 2: you talking about? You should have you should have called me.

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Speaker 2: You should have called me, like you should have done this,

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Speaker 2: and they were all like outraged. They're like, we'll make

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Speaker 2: you an appointment right now.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 2: But then the truth came out, Samantha, none of them

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Speaker 2: have gone to get a checkout either within five years,

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Speaker 2: and so it became a big conversation about like why

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Speaker 2: we felt like we shouldn't go, or we're just bothering people,

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Speaker 2: or what if it's nothing, And then I look like

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Speaker 2: an idiot, like all of this stuff. And it was

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Speaker 2: just really telling to me because, like I said, three

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Speaker 2: of those people work gal and I've been trained in

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Speaker 2: the medical industry. And then they kind of all came

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Speaker 2: up to me separately and said this like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: I'm being a real big hypocrite because I also haven't

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Speaker 2: done this and I've had issues here. And then it

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Speaker 2: became a group conversation, but it.

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Speaker 3: Was just.

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Speaker 2: It was such a scary thing to feel, like the

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Speaker 2: the internalization of oh, I don't want to bother anybody,

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Speaker 2: I'll just ruck this note.

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Speaker 1: That's the.

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Speaker 3: Did you throw away this note? That's the question I have.

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Speaker 2: I did throw away the note because I had a

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Speaker 2: second panic attack later that night when I was like, wow,

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Speaker 2: you were just gonna wait there.

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Speaker 3: It was not brought another panic attack.

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Speaker 2: The panic attack brought another panic attack. But you know,

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Speaker 2: the thing is like I've never had a panic attack

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Speaker 2: like that. I've had panic attacks before, not infrequently, but

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Speaker 2: that was new. That's why I thought it was a

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Speaker 2: heart attack. I thought my heart was gonna stop. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because of the pain in my arm and like the twitching.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But they when I told my medical friends, they were like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean a panic attack can do that. And it

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Speaker 2: did go away, but yeah, I should definitely go check

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Speaker 2: it out. And I have.

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Speaker 3: You actually seen a professional and just in case that

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Speaker 3: you did damage something because there was a small something

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Speaker 3: that you don't know about.

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Speaker 1: But so no, I haven't, No, I have it.

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Speaker 2: I'm planning to and like I said, our group, we

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Speaker 2: may we jokingly, but I hope we can actually make

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Speaker 2: this happen. Said, We're all going to like go on

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Speaker 2: the same day, okay, God and get stuff.

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Speaker 3: I'm about to be like your secretary, like do you

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Speaker 3: want me to upset you up an appointment? Because I

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Speaker 3: think we have similar insurances and I can find it

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Speaker 3: a provider for you.

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Speaker 1: I would think we have similar inssurances.

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Speaker 3: We're in the same company yet, but you never know.

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Speaker 1: It's a mess.

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Speaker 3: You never know.

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Speaker 2: We have been talking about a lot of medical issues lately.

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Speaker 2: I know it's not fun, but it is something we

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Speaker 2: all have to deal with in various capacities because obviously

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Speaker 2: outside of the US it's different. And what I'm talking

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Speaker 2: about another thing I thought about this is getting grimmer

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Speaker 2: than I thought. I I I what I thought about

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Speaker 2: calling a lift to the hospital because the ambulance is

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Speaker 2: so expensive. But then I was worried I would die

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Speaker 2: in the lift and I would traumatize the lift driver forever.

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Speaker 2: So that's also why I didn't call my friends. I

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Speaker 2: didn't want to die in their car, but I didn't

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Speaker 2: call the ambulance because it's so expensive. Uh. And that's

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's if that's a thing you're considering though,

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Speaker 2: that's our medical system.

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Speaker 1: If you need another example.

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Speaker 2: Of why messed up, there's one right there. But it's

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Speaker 2: so strange. It doesn't it's not strange. It makes complete

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Speaker 2: sense to me. But it is interesting when I heard

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Speaker 2: from all of my friends kind of the same like

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Speaker 2: what and then they all kind of secretly came up

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Speaker 2: to me later, I was like, actually, I haven't done

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Speaker 2: it too so and we like you and I have

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Speaker 2: talked about on this show recently, which I think this

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Speaker 2: is part of why I had the panic attack. We

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Speaker 2: have had instances in our family at hospitalization that were

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Speaker 2: scary and that in my mom's case, really didn't go

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Speaker 2: well at all in terms of the care she received

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Speaker 2: and the answers she got out of it. And so

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Speaker 2: I think that both like helped cause it but also

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Speaker 2: kept me from.

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Speaker 1: Going it's not good. I know it's not good.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, oh gosh, but there was something about being

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Speaker 2: confronted with that truly it like I know, I'm laughing

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Speaker 2: at it, but I truly.

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Speaker 1: Believed I would die that day. Yeah, and just kind

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Speaker 1: of shrugging and be like, all right, well.

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Speaker 3: Let me write this notematiz.

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Speaker 2: That my bad.

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Speaker 3: I was just someting to call nine one one, so whoopsie.

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Speaker 2: And then like one of my friends was like, do

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Speaker 2: you think I wouldn't find it more traumatizing that you

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Speaker 2: didn't call me?

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Speaker 3: And I found your right, I mean, that's like I'm

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Speaker 3: holding back from telling you exactly what they probably told

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Speaker 3: you in being like what the hell first and foremost,

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Speaker 3: do you not realize that for the majority of people,

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Speaker 3: just like you would if one of us did, that

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Speaker 3: would have just as many thousand feelings and guilt on

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Speaker 3: that ab But I think, yeah, again, this is that

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Speaker 3: bigger conversation because I'm the same way as my Monday

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Speaker 3: Mini talked about with ofcologists and like trying not to

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Speaker 3: go and having to go because I'm afraid that this

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Speaker 3: expired IUD could get me in trouble. The fact that

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Speaker 3: you and I both in the last couple of years like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I know if I do this, they'll take off like

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Speaker 3: fifty dollars per paycheck for my insurance. But oh well,

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Speaker 3: we're just a significant amount of money. And part of

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Speaker 3: that is because I don't want to hear like I

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Speaker 3: all of my physicals are always perfect except for my weight.

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Speaker 3: Every single time, I have one of the best heart

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Speaker 3: rates I have, you know, like all these things except

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Speaker 3: for my weight, and then being like I haven't had

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Speaker 3: that as recently, like where people would tell me. And

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Speaker 3: I actually love the fact that they changed it to

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Speaker 3: kilograms because then us in the US who use the

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Speaker 3: pound system can't figure it out. So if we don't

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Speaker 3: want to know, right we don't have to know. Then

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Speaker 3: you've converted. You're like, well, damn, but they did that

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Speaker 3: on purpose. I'm sure there's a medical reason, but I

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Speaker 3: think partially because people were having such issues and seeing

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Speaker 3: their weight and having that conversation, and then also people

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Speaker 3: being able to opt out and not doing the weight,

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Speaker 3: which I think is wonderful as well. But with all

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Speaker 3: of those things, and again not being believed about certain

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Speaker 3: issues and certain pains, and because of that, we don't

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Speaker 3: complain a lot. And then if we complain, people are

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Speaker 3: like eh, and so you play it down in your

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Speaker 3: own head. So there's so many conversations about what the

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Speaker 3: healthcare system looks like and why is so unwelcoming to

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Speaker 3: so many. Again, some are wonderful, and from what I understand,

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Speaker 3: the wonderful people eventually move on to get more money

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Speaker 3: because they hate the system, the US insurance system, which

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Speaker 3: is fair enough, because we hate it too, as people

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Speaker 3: who can't get covered properly in the Randow bills. Later

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Speaker 3: that I'm like, well, yeah, but all of that says, yeah,

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Speaker 3: so A is too costly to its feels like it's

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Speaker 3: a whole shame factor and b C, ABC one, two three,

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Speaker 3: we don't trust the system.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because they.

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Speaker 3: Don't trust in us. They don't like give us the

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Speaker 3: faith to do that.

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Speaker 2: No, And we've shared story after story that both of

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Speaker 2: us of like instances where we haven't been believed or

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Speaker 2: have been dismissed. And I think this was just a

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Speaker 2: really powerful reminder for me of like, wow, that you

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Speaker 2: have taken this to heart. And also back when we

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Speaker 2: did our Trauma series, I know I talked about this,

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Speaker 2: but this is true for so many people, especially women.

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Speaker 2: I do have a huge fear of not being believed.

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Speaker 2: So when this was happening, I was trying to figure out, like,

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Speaker 2: what could it be, you know, doing the things I

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Speaker 2: know a lot of doctors hate where I'm online and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh lord, time this is happening, and this

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Speaker 2: is happening. So I was trying to figure it out

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Speaker 2: and it was confusing. Honestly, I couldn't figure it out.

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Speaker 2: There were like three things I arrived at and one

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Speaker 2: was heart attack, many stroke, panic attack, And I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm not if it's a panic attack, I would be ashamed,

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Speaker 2: which is I shouldn't have been, but that's what I thought.

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Speaker 1: So I was waiting it out.

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Speaker 2: Essentially because it had like the second stage of what happens.

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Speaker 2: And I don't have a primary care provider. I know,

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Speaker 2: I know, I go to urgent care, and you're not

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Speaker 2: supposed to go to urgent care if you're having a

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Speaker 2: heart attack.

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Speaker 1: Or a stroke.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure they would take me, but they would just

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Speaker 2: send me to the hospital, right, you need to go

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Speaker 2: to the hospital. Yes, exactly, So I was. I would

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Speaker 2: have gone to urgent care if I thought, I if

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Speaker 2: if something that I had figured out narrowed down made

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Speaker 2: me think, okay, they can treat it there.

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Speaker 1: But everything was like.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, even if you did have a primary care physition,

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Speaker 3: which I do, you will not see them for at

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Speaker 3: least two to three months. You will set up an

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Speaker 3: appointment and within their damn line, they say, if this

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Speaker 3: is an emergency, go to the urgent care or hospital.

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Speaker 3: So you don't have that option. Having a primary care

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Speaker 3: physician doesn't do it again us system, Oh god, And

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Speaker 3: it's exponentially more expensive to go to urgent care, like

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Speaker 3: ten times the amount versus going to your care physician,

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Speaker 3: and then probably a hundred times the amount for ers.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I wrote about this in our book. This horrible

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Speaker 2: but true realization of living in a capitalist society is

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Speaker 2: there's a certain rolling off the dice of like, well,

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Speaker 2: what is my life worth?

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Speaker 1: Here? Is it worth?

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Speaker 2: Like going in and potentially owing all this money if

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Speaker 2: it was just a panic attack, and then I decided

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Speaker 2: it wasn't so, And there's just a lot to unpack there.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot to unpack from that, But it is

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Speaker 2: true you think about that. I was thinking about it.

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Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, it's going to cost me this

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Speaker 2: much and it's not a nice feeling. I guess it's

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Speaker 2: just not a nice feeling.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I think for a lot of people.

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Speaker 3: I've thought about that too, Like if I had a

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Speaker 3: heart attack, as I've had some chest pains recently, I

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Speaker 3: was like, oh no, what is this? And it's like

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Speaker 3: it could be gas or you could be having a

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Speaker 3: heart attack. These are the two things. And I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I will not go to get a call an ambulance

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Speaker 3: because apparently I don't know if this is true. Someone

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Speaker 3: tell me who works in the emergency transport? Did they

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Speaker 3: cut it for clothes? I don't want to be naked.

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Speaker 2: That did happen to my mom, but I think she

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Speaker 2: specifically this was when she was a teenager. I think

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Speaker 2: it's specifically because she had a internal she was in

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Speaker 2: a car accident. Okay, maybe it's just with car accidents.

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Speaker 3: I did hear that, so I'm like, I don't know

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Speaker 3: what that's about, but that that's traumatizing. I don' won't

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Speaker 3: I don't want I don't want that. I know that

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Speaker 3: if I'm dying, then yes, it won't matter. But for

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Speaker 3: some reason with the person like not in that situation,

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Speaker 3: the thought of it is like, when to the amount

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Speaker 3: the bills that go into an er ambulance is so

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Speaker 3: so damn high and it's not really covered mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: Can you get a massive damn bill?

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: And that and alone is like I'll just wait.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 3: She's an absurd way to be.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, because like I feel like so often a lot

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Speaker 2: of companies, because in the US so most of us

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Speaker 2: get our insurance through our work, are so about preventive care.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, but if I go in, I've

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Speaker 2: had this happen to me before, where I thought something

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Speaker 2: was covered, I was worried about it. I went and

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Speaker 2: in it was nothing, it was fine, And then I

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Speaker 2: got it was it was a pretty big bill.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't like unmanageable, but I was.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't have gone in if I knew it was

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Speaker 2: going to cost me that, right, And so it's it's

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Speaker 2: de incentivizing, preventing right worse outcomes.

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Speaker 3: So it's yeah, and then that's not including different languages

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Speaker 3: that people have to use to not be overcharged, Like

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Speaker 3: there are languages that the insurance companies say. If they

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Speaker 3: don't say this specifically, we're not covering it.

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Speaker 1: A B.

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Speaker 3: We've had this small conversation about preexisting conditions, So if

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Speaker 3: you actually diagnose with it the following year, they don't

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Speaker 3: have to cover you. I guess a trick ory thing

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Speaker 3: that it's like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what I mean.

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Speaker 3: It's not supposed to be legal. That's not supposed to

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Speaker 3: be how it goes, but it kind of feels like

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Speaker 3: it's fishing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they'd still find their ways even though it's not

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Speaker 2: supposed to be legal.

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Speaker 3: Well, I am glad you're okay, somewhat disappointed that you

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Speaker 3: didn't reach out either. I need you to do better.

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Speaker 3: At least just call your people's at least call your

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Speaker 3: friend that's actually in the field. Just a quick call text,

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Speaker 3: I'm having the symptom. Should I worry? That's what you

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Speaker 3: really need to do. I'm sure she would be fine

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Speaker 3: with that text.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure.

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Speaker 2: It's strange looking back on it, I don't know. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 2: thank you for letting me have this space.

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Speaker 1: Everybody. I'm sorry if it got darker than I intended.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, unfortunately, I think a lot of people can

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Speaker 2: relate because again and my friend group, everybody everybody had

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Speaker 2: their own like.

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Speaker 1: Oh well yep, whoop.

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Speaker 3: See.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'll contact them and we'll see if we

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Speaker 2: can get this group appointment.

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Speaker 3: I need that to happen. Yes, it might not be

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Speaker 3: for three months, but an appointment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well all right.

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Speaker 2: I look forward to all the listeners writing it, like

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Speaker 2: what is up with you?

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Speaker 1: That's the question.

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Speaker 3: That's just kind of like that one person who reviewed

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Speaker 3: us and said, I don't know who this person is,

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Speaker 3: but she's got three jobs. Can y'all at least like

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Speaker 3: pay her enough so she doesn't have to do three jobs?

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Speaker 3: Like that was mid Like.

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Speaker 2: My mom, she recently hung out with a friend of hers,

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Speaker 2: very old friend she hadn't seen forever, and she's like,

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Speaker 2: I googled her daughter. I said, oh, no, oh no,

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Speaker 2: and it was all nice things. But I'm like, that's

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Speaker 2: much better than I believe. When you and I first

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Speaker 2: started working together, the top result for me was she's

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Speaker 2: so sad.

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Speaker 3: We're getting better. We're getting better.

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Speaker 1: We're getting better, and it's thanks to you listeners.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 2: Thank you stuck with us and we love hearing from you.

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Speaker 2: So if you would like to contact us, you can.

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Speaker 2: Our email is stuff Medium, mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.

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Speaker 2: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast,

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Speaker 2: or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I've Never Told You.

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Speaker 2: We're also on YouTube. We have a tea public store. Hey,

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Speaker 2: we have a book where I did talk about some

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Speaker 2: of this stuff. You can get that wherever you get

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Speaker 2: your books. Thanks as always to your super producer Christina,

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Speaker 2: executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.

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Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to.

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Speaker 2: You for listening Stuff I'll Never Told You This production

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Speaker 2: by Heart Radio. For more podcasts on my heart Radio,

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00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 2: you can check out the heart Radio app, Apple podcast

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Speaker 2: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.