WEBVTT - What Is Addiction, Really? The Coping Mechanism That Becomes a Trap (With Dr. Chip Dodd) (Outweigh)

0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.480
<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out me outwait everything that

0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:07.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.

0:00:08.600 --> 0:00:12.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,

0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:17.760
<v Speaker 1>I feel free, I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.

0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:24.400
<v Speaker 1>And then he'll always out way if you feel it,

0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.960
<v Speaker 1>but you she'll some love to the food. By you

0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:32.800
<v Speaker 1>have there, say good day and did you and die out?

0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:37.680
<v Speaker 2>Hey hey leanne here and I hope you enjoyed this

0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:40.959
<v Speaker 2>series with doctor Chip Dodd. Here on outweigh and if

0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:42.879
<v Speaker 2>you want to learn more about how I teach my

0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.160
<v Speaker 2>own clients to turn off the part of their brain

0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:48.800
<v Speaker 2>that's obsessed with food, obsessed with their weight, and rewire

0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:51.760
<v Speaker 2>their own brain for peace and freedom, then head on

0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:55.040
<v Speaker 2>over to Stressless Eating dot com, where I've literally peeled

0:00:55.040 --> 0:00:58.120
<v Speaker 2>back the curtain and walked you through the exact strategy

0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.400
<v Speaker 2>I teach my clients to heal themselves from the all

0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:05.720
<v Speaker 2>or nothing diet mentality for good, but without restricting themselves,

0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:09.399
<v Speaker 2>punishing their bodies, and definitely without ever having to use

0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:13.280
<v Speaker 2>words like macros, low carb or calorie burn. It is

0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:15.880
<v Speaker 2>all over there for you to access over at stressless

0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:21.080
<v Speaker 2>seating dot com. Well Happy, Saturday outwigh. It is me

0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:24.360
<v Speaker 2>LeAnn here back for an episode where we're actually here

0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:26.280
<v Speaker 2>with our beautiful guest, Chip Dog, where we're going to

0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:29.160
<v Speaker 2>do a series. It's a four part mini series called

0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:34.279
<v Speaker 2>Why We Numb The Real Root of coping Mechanisms. So hello, Chip, Hey.

0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:38.160
<v Speaker 3>Good see you. I love you, brought your good energy again.

0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:40.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh, thank you so much, thank you so much.

0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:45.039
<v Speaker 3>Well. Sonia even commented, she said she's heard you, and

0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:47.960
<v Speaker 3>she said she just has great energy. I love her energy.

0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:50.600
<v Speaker 2>So thank you so speech. I appreciate that. Well, I

0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:52.360
<v Speaker 2>love yours, and I'm so grateful for you to be

0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.280
<v Speaker 2>here because this, you know, the topic of this series

0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.920
<v Speaker 2>is about why we Numb and coping mechanisms. But really,

0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:00.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, so many people identify as an addict or

0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:03.520
<v Speaker 2>they don't even know that their compulsive behaviors of weighing themselves,

0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:06.920
<v Speaker 2>the body IMOGIP session, the food obsession really takes over

0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.640
<v Speaker 2>their brain and there's so much shame with it. And

0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:10.720
<v Speaker 2>so there's no one better than you to be here

0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:12.960
<v Speaker 2>for this series. So just to brag on Chip for

0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.040
<v Speaker 2>just a second. He has been in the recovery world

0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:20.240
<v Speaker 2>for decades and he developed his own recovery system called

0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:23.320
<v Speaker 2>the Spiritual Roots System, and he took it into the

0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:26.520
<v Speaker 2>recovery world and then ran a treatment center for twenty

0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:29.560
<v Speaker 2>two years called the Center of Professional Excellence, and now

0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:32.320
<v Speaker 2>still in twenty twenty five, he's here spreading the love,

0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:36.480
<v Speaker 2>sharing his truth and the truth about what addiction is

0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.480
<v Speaker 2>and isn't and I mean so much more than that.

0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.639
<v Speaker 2>So you've probably know him best from his book The

0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:43.640
<v Speaker 2>Voice of the Heart, and we're going to share all

0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.320
<v Speaker 2>of the ways that you can find him. But he

0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:47.280
<v Speaker 2>was also on What's God Got to do with It?

0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.399
<v Speaker 2>So we'll link that in the show notes, But specifically,

0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:51.440
<v Speaker 2>we are going to be here for the next few

0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.880
<v Speaker 2>weeks talking about why we numb the real root of

0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:57.959
<v Speaker 2>coping mechanisms, and this is part one of this series.

0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Today we're going to talk about what is addiction really

0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:05.440
<v Speaker 2>okay and the coping mechanisms that become a trap because

0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:07.240
<v Speaker 2>a lot of us, I know, I'm talking to women

0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:10.480
<v Speaker 2>all the time that they think they identify as an

0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.359
<v Speaker 2>addict or they feel like something has this addictive pull

0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:15.280
<v Speaker 2>over them, but they don't necessarily know what it is.

0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:16.920
<v Speaker 2>So we're going to break it down for you. What

0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:18.800
<v Speaker 2>it looks like on a logic and reason level, on

0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:22.440
<v Speaker 2>a behavioral level, on a neuroscientific level. But first let's

0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:25.600
<v Speaker 2>just dive on in. So addiction, obviously we're talking about

0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:28.520
<v Speaker 2>this before. It's not just about the substance the thing.

0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:31.040
<v Speaker 2>It's about how we cope or how we use the thing,

0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.079
<v Speaker 2>or who we're being in the face of the fin

0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:37.040
<v Speaker 2>whether it's food, you know, social media, weight obsession, whatever

0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:40.720
<v Speaker 2>it is, right, and so how behaviors like emotional eating

0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:44.400
<v Speaker 2>and over exercising and workaholism and even social media addiction

0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:47.520
<v Speaker 2>follow those same patterns. So can we talk about what

0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:48.240
<v Speaker 2>is addiction?

0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:53.280
<v Speaker 3>The simplest definition that I have for addiction is it

0:03:53.560 --> 0:04:00.640
<v Speaker 3>ends up being an intolerance for vulnerability, and intolerance vulnerability

0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:05.400
<v Speaker 3>and vulnerability means openness to being affected, to being wounded,

0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.840
<v Speaker 3>to being seen exposed, to being needy, all the things

0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:14.120
<v Speaker 3>that sort of like our mythology of society says, you've

0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.840
<v Speaker 3>got to be stronger than how you're made. And so

0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:21.120
<v Speaker 3>really and truly addiction is an attempt to escape how

0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:24.640
<v Speaker 3>we're actually created, to run away from how we're made.

0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:30.960
<v Speaker 3>There's a saying that the suppression of expression equals depression,

0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.000
<v Speaker 3>and I don't mean the clinical depression. I'm talking about

0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:38.159
<v Speaker 3>depressing how we're created. That we actually are told somewhere

0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:41.800
<v Speaker 3>along in our lives that what you're bringing to this

0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.200
<v Speaker 3>need for connection is not what we're looking for, So

0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:49.320
<v Speaker 3>we attempt to disconnect from ourselves. And so almost every

0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:53.760
<v Speaker 3>person who's addicted, whether they realize it or not, grew

0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:57.279
<v Speaker 3>up in an environment where they were the heart of

0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:01.479
<v Speaker 3>who they are, feedings, needs, desire, longing, and hope was

0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:07.080
<v Speaker 3>oppressed pushed away, and then that person becomes obsessed with

0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:10.320
<v Speaker 3>the need to belong and matter at the same time

0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:13.080
<v Speaker 3>without being who I'm really made to be as an

0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:17.279
<v Speaker 3>expressive person. So the need to belong and matter is

0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.200
<v Speaker 3>still there, but I can't do it like I'm created,

0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.560
<v Speaker 3>So I practiced not being myself. So that's what oppression

0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:28.920
<v Speaker 3>turns to obsession, obsession with control, and then that turns

0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:33.239
<v Speaker 3>into possession. And so as crazy it sounds at first,

0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:39.440
<v Speaker 3>the thinking takes over the frontal lobe, the executive functionings

0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:43.279
<v Speaker 3>takes over for the heart, so it becomes a mind

0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:48.720
<v Speaker 3>over heart problem rather than a heart actually overmind. So

0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:51.080
<v Speaker 3>recovery is about returning to how we're created.

0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:54.919
<v Speaker 2>Wow, and so beautifully put that it's an escape from

0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:57.279
<v Speaker 2>who we are, or we never got we never felt

0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:59.640
<v Speaker 2>safe to be all of who we are. This is

0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:01.960
<v Speaker 2>somewhere along the line we picked up a storyline or

0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:03.920
<v Speaker 2>a belief that if I just could go control that

0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:06.520
<v Speaker 2>obsess over that, then that'll fill this need. And it

0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:09.360
<v Speaker 2>wasn't conscious, We didn't consciously know we were doing it, right,

0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:12.960
<v Speaker 2>But so powerful to hear that because so often addiction

0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:17.240
<v Speaker 2>and compulsion is categorize as just this physiological thing, and

0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:20.040
<v Speaker 2>that's the cause and effects, you know, cascade. But really,

0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:22.760
<v Speaker 2>what you're saying I so agree with and what I'm

0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:24.760
<v Speaker 2>finding with you know, all of the women that come

0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:29.400
<v Speaker 2>through my program, is that it starts at the mental, emotional,

0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:32.279
<v Speaker 2>spiritual side of it. And when you address that, then

0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:34.880
<v Speaker 2>you might also need to make some altercations.

0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:35.080
<v Speaker 3>In the physical realm.

0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:38.640
<v Speaker 2>Right absolutely, but that's when everything is possible so soon, and.

0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.640
<v Speaker 3>I would even say it even starts, if we wanted

0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.880
<v Speaker 3>to make a pinpoint start. It actually starts with this

0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.840
<v Speaker 3>idea that we can't accept ourselves emotionally. It's not our

0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:50.840
<v Speaker 3>faults of their problem, it's not even our actions out

0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:53.680
<v Speaker 3>of their problem. It's actually that somehow or another it's

0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.360
<v Speaker 3>not okay the way I actually feel. And that's where

0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:58.880
<v Speaker 3>the Voice of the Heart book is about our core feelings,

0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:04.680
<v Speaker 3>soting literally the core feelings of how we're created, which

0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:09.120
<v Speaker 3>actually open up the door to needs and desire and longings.

0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:13.440
<v Speaker 3>So guess what, Once we're growing up in an oppressive place,

0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:17.200
<v Speaker 3>oppressing the heart, we don't get to practice learning how

0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:20.080
<v Speaker 3>to live. We don't get the practice figuring things out.

0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.920
<v Speaker 3>We don't get the practice making mistakes. And almost every

0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:25.640
<v Speaker 3>bit of learning in life is about practice, which is

0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.080
<v Speaker 3>vulnerability being seen. So it's almost like we have to

0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:31.760
<v Speaker 3>have the answers before we arrive at the problem. We

0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:33.880
<v Speaker 3>have to have the answers before we get the questions.

0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:38.920
<v Speaker 3>And that becomes the external validation versus internal risking on

0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:40.720
<v Speaker 3>an external world, you know.

0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.880
<v Speaker 2>So we add ourselves and you just defined self rejection

0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:46.520
<v Speaker 2>at its core, that's where it starts. That's where you know,

0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:50.440
<v Speaker 2>it festers outward and then we go as humans. I've

0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:52.640
<v Speaker 2>done it too, and now I'm learning is that like

0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.080
<v Speaker 2>you can't solve an emotional problem with logic and reason?

0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:58.880
<v Speaker 3>Amen, you know, keep on keeping to say more.

0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:03.280
<v Speaker 2>That's it, Yes, it is, absolutely, and that's what we do.

0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.720
<v Speaker 2>So coming back to you know, I love how you

0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:07.760
<v Speaker 2>set the stage for this, where this starts, where the

0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:10.120
<v Speaker 2>problem is, where it starts, what the real problem is

0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.520
<v Speaker 2>and what it isn't So when we're talking about now

0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.640
<v Speaker 2>the difference between addiction and coping mechanisms, because a lot

0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:18.440
<v Speaker 2>of people might not say, well, yes, I'm realizing that

0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:20.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm coping with something, whether they don't know what it is,

0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:25.840
<v Speaker 2>with food, you know, numbing out on social media, Netflix, whatever, versus.

0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:27.280
<v Speaker 2>I talk to a lot of women who are on

0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:29.280
<v Speaker 2>the other camp where they're like, no, Leanne, I am

0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:31.600
<v Speaker 2>an addict, right, and they swear they're an addict to

0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:35.240
<v Speaker 2>sugar specifically. So you know, there's some coping mechanisms that

0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:39.080
<v Speaker 2>can actually help us heal and actually comfort right and

0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.920
<v Speaker 2>do good, versus others that keep us stuck and create

0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:44.160
<v Speaker 2>a toxic cycle. So can you share a bit about

0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:47.400
<v Speaker 2>the distinction between not just addiction and coping mechanisms, but

0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.560
<v Speaker 2>strategies that heal and some in those of them.

0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:53.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you know interesting, a coping mechanism can be part

0:08:53.160 --> 0:09:01.000
<v Speaker 3>of an addiction. A coping mechanism that can be part

0:09:01.000 --> 0:09:04.560
<v Speaker 3>of an addiction, and an addiction is also a form

0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:09.319
<v Speaker 3>of coping if you're attempting to escape one thing, So

0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:13.840
<v Speaker 3>coping an addiction becomes synonyms if you're attempting to use

0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:17.679
<v Speaker 3>your actions to escape having to do one thing, you're

0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:23.200
<v Speaker 3>trying to get away from feeling because even of books

0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:27.439
<v Speaker 3>about stress management, coping strategies for stress, even those things

0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.360
<v Speaker 3>can be used to try to escape having to be human,

0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.880
<v Speaker 3>having to be in need, having to feel so recovery.

0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:38.360
<v Speaker 3>Whether it's the use of coping or addiction itself. See,

0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:42.600
<v Speaker 3>addiction is not a badness, it's not an evil. It's

0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:47.400
<v Speaker 3>an attempt to have normal needs met without having to

0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:50.760
<v Speaker 3>be in need. And coping strategies are a way to

0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:54.040
<v Speaker 3>make sure that we put ourselves in positions so that

0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:57.760
<v Speaker 3>we have a place to go where who we are

0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:00.880
<v Speaker 3>and how we live, who we really are is received.

0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.960
<v Speaker 3>So the coping strategies need to be actions we take

0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:07.800
<v Speaker 3>to stick around people and be with people who can

0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:11.120
<v Speaker 3>receive us as God made us as feeling creatures who

0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:14.720
<v Speaker 3>have needs, desire, longings, and hope. And we can find

0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:18.560
<v Speaker 3>the places to struggle with others who are doing the

0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:22.200
<v Speaker 3>same versus struggling and with those who judge us for

0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:22.800
<v Speaker 3>being human.

0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:23.240
<v Speaker 1>Wow.

0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:27.120
<v Speaker 3>So coping strategies need to be getting around people who

0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:30.160
<v Speaker 3>have the same strengths we have of being human so

0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.360
<v Speaker 3>we're able to tolerate an inhuman world.

0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:34.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and if you're how to be safe in who

0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:37.920
<v Speaker 2>we are and this being safe, it's one thing to

0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:41.200
<v Speaker 2>I identify that I'm not safe and like have an

0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:43.080
<v Speaker 2>idea of like, oh what would be safe, But to

0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.280
<v Speaker 2>be in practice living out being a human being all

0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:48.800
<v Speaker 2>of who you are around people where you're safe, that

0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:49.640
<v Speaker 2>is everything.

0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.160
<v Speaker 3>And the safety is actually a place where you can

0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.360
<v Speaker 3>practice being yourself and then go out into a world

0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:58.800
<v Speaker 3>that may not receive it, but you can still practice

0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:03.000
<v Speaker 3>being yourself in that world and then come back and resustain. See.

0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:06.280
<v Speaker 3>Because we're made for relationship. I mean even neuroscience, more

0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:10.480
<v Speaker 3>than ever before, finally has awakened to what we've known forever.

0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:12.560
<v Speaker 3>Do you come out of the womb looking for who's

0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:16.160
<v Speaker 3>looking for you? That we're created to find fulfillment relationship

0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:19.600
<v Speaker 3>and people who are addicted or coping to hide their

0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:23.679
<v Speaker 3>feelings all right, or trying to get relationship without having

0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.439
<v Speaker 3>to be in need. So we need to be in

0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.439
<v Speaker 3>the places where we can be ourselves so we can

0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.679
<v Speaker 3>cope with the world that isn't very interested in who

0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.120
<v Speaker 3>we are. It doesn't mean that you try to hide

0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.360
<v Speaker 3>from the world. You have the strength to go live it.

0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:38.880
<v Speaker 3>And how do we have the strength to go live

0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:42.040
<v Speaker 3>in the world. We do that through having relationships that

0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:44.200
<v Speaker 3>we're security and we belong in matter.

0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:46.559
<v Speaker 2>And it comes back to what you literally started with

0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:48.600
<v Speaker 2>with just this concept of vulnerability, where it's like, where

0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:51.520
<v Speaker 2>does that even fit into addiction? Might some people be thinking,

0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:54.160
<v Speaker 2>but you just said it. It's this idea of not

0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:56.880
<v Speaker 2>a feeling like we can't go be in need. It's

0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.400
<v Speaker 2>what's causing the addiction, and that's a vulnerable place to be,

0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.920
<v Speaker 2>to be like, no, I need connection and we yeah,

0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:06.360
<v Speaker 2>there's a world of true efficiency exactly. It's not a desire,

0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:09.640
<v Speaker 2>it's a require. And so obviously my you know, my

0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:10.040
<v Speaker 2>mind is.

0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.320
<v Speaker 3>Please repeat that, it's not a desire, it is it

0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:13.959
<v Speaker 3>is a required.

0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:15.800
<v Speaker 2>And I love that you brought up the geeky neuroscience

0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 2>stuff because one of the things I'm talking about all

0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:21.200
<v Speaker 2>the time is the anterior singular cortex. It's my favorite

0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.800
<v Speaker 2>part of the brain. It's the social brain, and it's

0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:26.000
<v Speaker 2>bigger in females and more active and that's where I

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.880
<v Speaker 2>to oversimplify it. What I teach my clients is that

0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.719
<v Speaker 2>that is where our addiction and compulsion lives, because it's

0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:36.120
<v Speaker 2>not what's happening is we're being over fed by dopamine. Right,

0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.160
<v Speaker 2>these hits of dopamine. That again, now we know what

0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:41.400
<v Speaker 2>that dopamine is a response to, of not of being needed,

0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:44.880
<v Speaker 2>but not feeling comfortable to go be air quotes needy, right,

0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.160
<v Speaker 2>or receive that support and that connection that we need,

0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.160
<v Speaker 2>not just desire, but require. But so what's happening is

0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:51.439
<v Speaker 2>we're going.

0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:53.880
<v Speaker 3>To describing even though that need to get hits of

0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:57.920
<v Speaker 3>dopamine to get relief hits a relieve ourselves for anxiety exactly.

0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:01.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but that what happens is that initial hunger what

0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:05.400
<v Speaker 2>we're really needing, which is oxytocin. By connection, we are

0:13:05.440 --> 0:13:09.400
<v Speaker 2>feeding dopamine. So therefore our brain is being overfed and undernourished.

0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:10.840
<v Speaker 2>And it's a cycle cycles level.

0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:14.000
<v Speaker 3>And I want your audience to hear that it's not

0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.480
<v Speaker 3>either or we're made to experience dopamine because we're made

0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.920
<v Speaker 3>to have relief from flight flight freeze and a piece Okay,

0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:25.120
<v Speaker 3>but the thing that dopamine won't answer that both and

0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:29.880
<v Speaker 3>and part. We're craving dopamine from a standpoint of relief,

0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:34.960
<v Speaker 3>but we're even more craving oxytocin for life giving experience.

0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:40.000
<v Speaker 3>So dopamine relieves, oxytocin grants us a full life. One's

0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:43.520
<v Speaker 3>a life giving chemical, one's a life relieving chemical. Yes so,

0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:47.640
<v Speaker 3>and oxytocin occurs. But we can bring how we're made

0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:49.360
<v Speaker 3>and who we're made to be to people who can

0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:52.360
<v Speaker 3>receive that. And also people can come get the same

0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:56.599
<v Speaker 3>thing from us. Absolutely, so recovery ultimately, no matter what

0:13:56.600 --> 0:14:01.520
<v Speaker 3>what you're recovering from, recovery ultimately is too. I admit

0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:04.480
<v Speaker 3>that I don't have control of life, and the more

0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:08.400
<v Speaker 3>I try to control it, my life becomes unmanageable. And

0:14:08.440 --> 0:14:12.520
<v Speaker 3>then number two, I become somebody others can come to

0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.960
<v Speaker 3>to receive oxytocin, and I have people to go to

0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:19.120
<v Speaker 3>to get oxytocin in no worries. Not only am I safe,

0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:22.440
<v Speaker 3>but I'm cared about and that strengthens me to go

0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:25.680
<v Speaker 3>risk being myself in a world that's not very interested

0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.680
<v Speaker 3>in me, or a world that is coping with sickness

0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:34.080
<v Speaker 3>or addicted and leanne. You and I both know that

0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.920
<v Speaker 3>and so many people talk what the pandemic really is.

0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:39.320
<v Speaker 3>We talk about the pandemic was COVID, and that became

0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.160
<v Speaker 3>a word that everybody knew suddenly. But the real pandemic

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.600
<v Speaker 3>in our society is addiction because there are over two

0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:52.160
<v Speaker 3>hundred million plus people who carry addiction. And addiction ultimately

0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:56.560
<v Speaker 3>is about running from feelings. So guess what if you

0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:00.960
<v Speaker 3>deal with feelings in a healthy way, you get recovery

0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 3>from that which would silence you, numb you, knock you out,

0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:10.320
<v Speaker 3>anesthetize you, or literally control your life to the standpoint

0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:13.520
<v Speaker 3>that even when you walk and outside your own home,

0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.280
<v Speaker 3>you're obsessed with the appearance of what people think about

0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.960
<v Speaker 3>what you look like. And the only power hits are,

0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:22.440
<v Speaker 3>the only sense of security you have is somebody affirming

0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:26.560
<v Speaker 3>your outsides, but nobody really being interested in your insides.

0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:29.560
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely and insights healss even just a stack on that,

0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:32.160
<v Speaker 2>because what you said is just so beautiful, I believe

0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:34.600
<v Speaker 2>are The first thing is like, we have to become

0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:36.920
<v Speaker 2>interested in our insights, Yes you know what I mean,

0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:40.000
<v Speaker 2>and they'd run away from yeah, absolutely, and learn how

0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:41.880
<v Speaker 2>to be emotionally available to ourselves. And a lot of

0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.880
<v Speaker 2>times that means going and getting support and being in need. Right,

0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.080
<v Speaker 2>But we have to learn to wake that ticker up

0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.680
<v Speaker 2>because a lot of women, specifically that I work with,

0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:52.440
<v Speaker 2>and I know it's men too, we're to sensitized. We

0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:54.680
<v Speaker 2>don't even know when those alarm bells are going off anymore.

0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.080
<v Speaker 3>That is so true. And there really is a thing

0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.760
<v Speaker 3>called denial. And denial does not mean you're life. Denial

0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:03.520
<v Speaker 3>means you really don't see, means you're blind. I was

0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:06.160
<v Speaker 3>talking to a woman this morning and she went to

0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:10.320
<v Speaker 3>her first adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, and she wasn't

0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.320
<v Speaker 3>raised in an alcoholic home, but it's for dysfunctional families. A

0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:16.200
<v Speaker 3>dysfunctional family is a feeling that doesn't deal with feelings

0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:19.400
<v Speaker 3>in a healthy way period. And she said that she

0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.480
<v Speaker 3>shared a little bit, and then she said that all

0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:26.080
<v Speaker 3>these other people shared, and she said, I just kept thinking,

0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:28.840
<v Speaker 3>me too, me too, And she said, I've never met

0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:32.400
<v Speaker 3>these people my whole life, and I felt like it

0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:37.000
<v Speaker 3>was okay. But and that's how you that's how you

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:38.800
<v Speaker 3>know you're getting into recovery when you go to a

0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:41.240
<v Speaker 3>meeting and you look around and you're not going, that's

0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:43.320
<v Speaker 3>not me, that's not me. You're actually going this is

0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:47.880
<v Speaker 3>me too, your home now very quickly. But all of

0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:51.680
<v Speaker 3>us are born to have a home, and then if

0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:55.440
<v Speaker 3>you don't have a home, you still look for one. Okay,

0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.360
<v Speaker 3>what is a home? A home is a sanctuary, and

0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.600
<v Speaker 3>it's a place where the front porch lights always on,

0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:06.040
<v Speaker 3>the door's always unlocked, and the table set ready for

0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:10.040
<v Speaker 3>your return, and there's someone there who says, oh, no, no, no,

0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:13.959
<v Speaker 3>I'm doing the cooking, the cleaning. I'm taking care of

0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:16.640
<v Speaker 3>you until you can take care of you. And so

0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:19.520
<v Speaker 3>we all need that place where we can bring our neediness.

0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:23.200
<v Speaker 3>And then once addiction kicks in, we don't believe a

0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:27.320
<v Speaker 3>place like that exists or not for me, because I'm

0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:31.640
<v Speaker 3>not worth it. And the thing is, you're born worth it.

0:17:32.400 --> 0:17:34.920
<v Speaker 3>And if you don't know you're worth it, then it's

0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 3>not that it went away, it's that it got buried

0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:41.000
<v Speaker 3>by the people who you needed to be home with.

0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:45.520
<v Speaker 3>So almost all addiction and all of our coping sicker

0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:49.440
<v Speaker 3>coping skills are all about front I hate to say

0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.040
<v Speaker 3>it this way, but what happened to the feelings in

0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:54.879
<v Speaker 3>your growing up experience? If you come from a place

0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:57.919
<v Speaker 3>of feeling, you're almost certainly not going to wind up

0:17:57.960 --> 0:17:59.800
<v Speaker 3>in a position of position called addiction.

0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.280
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. And I'll just finish by saying this because I

0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:04.560
<v Speaker 2>have to plug your Voice of the heartbook for just

0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:06.840
<v Speaker 2>a moment. But I think a lot of people think

0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:08.879
<v Speaker 2>they have to go dig up all of the skeletons.

0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:10.880
<v Speaker 2>It's the braveyard from the past. And what I talk

0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:12.880
<v Speaker 2>about is like you can get very yes you want

0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:15.560
<v Speaker 2>to become aware of it, but get out very right now,

0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:18.880
<v Speaker 2>solutions focused and almost start like adulting yourself through these

0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:21.160
<v Speaker 2>feelings that never got reconciled. And so if you're looking

0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:23.439
<v Speaker 2>for a tool to do that, the Voice of the

0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:26.600
<v Speaker 2>Heart is just it's literally a guide of how to

0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:30.000
<v Speaker 2>feel and to it'll you'll be able to recognize where

0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:32.000
<v Speaker 2>you fit in the spectrum of almost you know, the

0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:34.800
<v Speaker 2>suppressing of it versus you know how to health use

0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:38.320
<v Speaker 2>a healthy coping mechanism to experience your feels before we

0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:40.240
<v Speaker 2>dive off. Can how can people find you?

0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.760
<v Speaker 3>Stock? You find out all the chipdod dot com and

0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:50.600
<v Speaker 3>you'll you'll get into chip DoD resources, free resources recommendations,

0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:54.280
<v Speaker 3>and it takes you also to the Living with Heart

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:58.040
<v Speaker 3>podcast Living with Heart from Birth to Death and then

0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:01.719
<v Speaker 3>of course, it takes you to eight different books that

0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:04.000
<v Speaker 3>I've written. In fact, the Voice of the Heart is

0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:07.000
<v Speaker 3>a seminal work. It was written a long time ago.

0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:12.120
<v Speaker 3>It was the first emotions book actually written in terms

0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:14.240
<v Speaker 3>of if we look at in terms of bibliograhy, it's crazy.

0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:16.960
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know that was writing the first emotions book.

0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:20.000
<v Speaker 2>You know now like so widely and popularity used by

0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:23.160
<v Speaker 2>all therapists. Yes, that's how we found everywhere.

0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:25.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yes, and you know what it came out. It

0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:28.840
<v Speaker 3>came out to the sounds of crickets. And now it's

0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:31.840
<v Speaker 3>become like almost like it was a little far ahead. Yeah,

0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:37.000
<v Speaker 3>And actually all it did was named something ancient. We're

0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:40.560
<v Speaker 3>created as creatures who were made for relationship, and that

0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:45.959
<v Speaker 3>heart actually really is created to take precedence over our thinking.

0:19:46.640 --> 0:19:49.320
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, And we did a whole episode all about the

0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:50.679
<v Speaker 2>Voice of the Heart, so I will link that in

0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:53.760
<v Speaker 2>the show notes from the Godpod. But don't worry, we're

0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:55.680
<v Speaker 2>not done because we're going to be back next week

0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:58.040
<v Speaker 2>with episode two of this series where we're going to

0:19:58.080 --> 0:20:01.080
<v Speaker 2>talk about why we numb and the real reason we

0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:03.639
<v Speaker 2>avoid pain and seek comfort. So we got into it

0:20:03.680 --> 0:20:04.960
<v Speaker 2>a bit today, but we're going to get to go

0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:07.640
<v Speaker 2>narrow or deeper, so we will see you next time.